Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Previously on Rescue Me...

Do you wanna have sex with me or not?

You're saying that you want to have sex with me,

with no strings attached.

| want you to promise... Mmm-hmm.

...that you are never gonna make love to me and her on the same day.

Okay.

Candy. Who's your friend, Lou?

Oh, just a lovely young lady

that blew into my life a couple years ago

and took about $26,000 of my money.

Bottom line, Tommy, we're just both a couple of drunks.

Yeah, but I'm a higher ranking drunk than you, so,

AA was like an army, I'd be five star General and you're just a grunt.

You're freaked out.

So, like, where'd you learn how to do all that stuff?

Hey, Ma, listen. The doctors think that they can

stop the cancer from spreading,

if they cut out my kidney.

I'm gonna need you to come to New York, Ma, and be with me.

| think we should just get down and dirty.

Do all that nasty, filthy,

slutty, whore-y, skanky, animalistic...

You think I'm a whore?

Mmm?

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Hey. Hey!

Hi. Hey. Hi.

How the hell are you, pal?

Great. He’s drinking again?

Like a Kennedy on election day.

That’s great. Wow, look at that sky.

Let me look at you, kid. Oh, God, you look great.

[SNIFFS]

What is that, Aqua Velva?

No. | don’t wear Aqua Velva.

Oh, it’s me. Goddamn it, | smell great.

Yeah.

Mike, Shawn, how you doing, kiddo?

Come here, you guys.

We're late. We got to get going.

Whatever. He’s happy, and the Bushmills didn’t hurt.

That’s right. Mwah!

| love you.

I’m at the V.A. Hospital.

I’m looking after this old vet on his deathbed,

and he’s still got some stuff he wants to get off his chest,

so | bring in his estranged son.

The man needed closure before he died,

and | helped facilitate it for him.

Heh. I-| don’t know what’s more bizarre,

the fact that he’s drinking again

or the fact that you used the word "facilitate"

and used it correctly.

Oh, I’m using lots of words, Tom.

"Facilitate," "revelation."

The point is, this got me thinking about your dad again,

and how | never got right with him before he passed,

so | asked Mickey for the DVD, the old home movies, you know,

the ones we watched together. Right.

Well, | put it in the machine, and | poured two big Bushmills,

and then | drank real slow-like,

and get ready for the next surprise.

Voila!

You learned a French word.

No, no, no.

| started bawling my eyes out,

and I’m not talking about a few whimpers or sniffles.

I’m talking about a personal goddamn Katrina,

and then it happened.

Instead of crying over how much | missed him,

| started laughing my ass off for all the great times

me and your father had together!

[LAUGHING]

And then, from that point on,

| was gonna tell everyone how much | loved him, including you.

Yeah? | love you.

Yeah. No, Tom. | really love you.

| mean it. | love you the shit out of you.

| do, and I’m glad as hell. God, | love you.

| love you. | love you. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

We got to go see Eddie.

| gotta tell him how much | love him.

We better stop and get another bottle.

Let’s go, baby. Okay.

ELLIE: Jump in.

S| love everybody She loves everybody J

f | love everybody Oh, we love somebody Jf

Hold on, baby. See you later.

Let’s go, Ellie. Hit it.

Was that-- Oh! Jesus Christ.

Teddy had a revelation.

Revelation, huh? Yeah.

| used to drink those. Ooh!

You ever have an epiphany?

Oh, no, too much absinthe, endless hangover.

Yeah. Do me a favor.

Do | have any spit on me?

Okay. See the spot right here?

That’s the only spot you don’t have spit on you.

Right. Put it that way.

Yeah. Well, anyways,

| don’t see your, uh, hooker friend

Yeah. | know, right? hanging around anymore.

| could’ve told you she wouldn't be here.

She said she wasn't leaving.

Of course, being the lying bitch that she is.

Yeah. Well, good riddance, right?

Yeah. Tell me about it.

Because, you know, it’s just a better thing for you.

What do you mean by that?

Let’s face the facts, okay?

Inside the bitter, old, crusty outer shell of you...

inside is a soft, creamy, little

chocolate ice cream center. Oh, yeah. The goo speech.

And | know and you know if she starts leaning on you,

you're gonna fold, and | want to remind you of one thing.

It’s not gonna happen, Tom. We live in a one-bedroom.

Those days are gone and buried, my friend, dead and buried,

so why don’t you put your finger down and go inside, okay?

Okay. Finger is down.

Yes. Go inside. Going inside.

Card table.

[THE VON BONDIES’ "C’MON C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day C’mon c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now is gone S

Things were good When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down | can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now is gone S

Things were good When we were young f

Ils it safe to say? J ~C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave? J ~C’mon, c’mon J

< Will | ever learn? I ~C’mon, c’mon f

~ C’mon, c’mon, C’mon, c’mon f

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Eh. Yeah?

Hi. It’s me. What are you doing?

I’m flying a kite out of my ass.

What do you think I’m doing?

Ugh, don’t say that.

Now every time | look at your ass,

I’m gonna think about Ben Franklin coming out.

Yeah, yeah. What’s up? | got to go.

I’m sorry. My house, 6:30, sex.

We had sex yesterday. So? We don’t have, like,

a set schedule for sex. Oh, really?

We have sex when we feel like having sex

Right, right, when you feel like it, right?

Looks like it, buddy.

Now, be here at 6:30 ’cause | got the cable guy coming at 6

to do the satellite dish,

then | got my book thing at 7,

which means | gotta leave here at 6:45,

and make sure that you eat something before you come,

or after you leave because | ain’t cooking for you.

So I’m not even getting a sandwich out of it,

and | got, what, like 15 minutes to do the deed?

For you, that’s more than enough time.

Ha! That’s funny. | got to go. Got another call.

Hello?

COLLEEN: | need to talk to you.

Hey, Coll, what’s up? Where are you?

What’s the deal?

You can’t come into the firehouse now?

He’s there. If | saw him again, | can’t say what I’d do.

I'd probably cut off his penis and shove it down his throat.

You know, it just seems like it was just yesterday

your mother and | were at the first communion taking pictures,

in your little white dress, and we’re talking

about stuffing penises down people’s throats.

Where does the time go?

Has he said anything about me?

Okay. You know what?

You gotta-- Just let go of that stuff.

He called me a whore.

He-- He called you a whore?

Wh-- Why did he-- Where does he get off calling you a whore?

You know what? Nobody calls my daughter a whore.

I’m gonna take care of this right now.

Daddy, don't. Why?

I’m just kidding. Go ahead. Oh, okay.

SHAWN: Baby, baby, wash my back I'll wash your front f

~ Touch me right here Il give you what you want I

Shawn, could you shut up, please?

Baby, baby, wash my-- I

Shawn! What? What?

Chill out with the singing. I’m trying to shave.

You're making my ears bleed. | Keep thinking | cut myself.

Baby, baby, wash my back I'll wash your front f

You're just jealous. Yeah.

I Give it right here Il give you what you want I

~ Touch my back, ooh, ah I

Ooh, ah, ooh

I lll give you--

Oh! Oh! Oh, shit!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Tommy, what are you doing? Are you crazy?

You don’t turn a goddamn hose on a black man.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

Did you see the footage from Birmingham?

See the footage? | was there, okay?

Okay, okay. Oh-- Aah!

No, no, no. Tom, stop! Stop!

Now What are you doing?

Did you call my daughter a whore?

No. | didn’t call her a whore.

So my daughter is a liar. No, no.

| said she did some whorish things.

Oh, oh, oh. Of course. Thanks.

No! Stop! Stop, okay?

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Listen.

Now, come on. You know | love her.

Y-- Yeah. | do.

It’s just that she did all this stuff, man.

Like what stuff?

This thing with her fingernails where she would drag them

across my parts.

What are you-- What are you, new?

Nice girls, all kinds of nice girls, use their fingernails.

It’s regular action.

But the biting, Tommy, the biting.

So? She said she learned it

from her mother, so--

So now you’re calling my wife a whore.

No, no, no, no, Tommy! | would never, Tommy.

God, Tommy, no. I’m not calling your wife a whore.

Are you kidding me? No. It’s just that she said

she learned different things from different people,

okay, like her mother, the musician,

a-and this tattoo artist.

Scumbag. Yeah?

Like the ass stuff.

I’m sorry. Wh-- What?

The ass stuff. Come on. Don’t make me go through

some long, drawn out explanation about the ass stuff.

She did stuff to--

My ass. Peanut butter and all.

What? Chunky.

MAN: Holy shit.

It’s a private conversation.

| don’t let anybody touch my ass.

Anymore.

Freaking unbelievable.

What is wrong with Tommy?

| don’t know, man.

Are you all right?

No, man. I’m not okay.

| think you got a little peanut butter on your ass.

Hey-- Aw, shit, Franco. Stop it, Franco.

You're all wrong for that shit.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Jesus Christ. You're kidding.

No. | wish.

But you’re a young guy. Is there any history of it?

No. | mean, | just found out my mother had breast cancer,

but | don’t think that had anything to do with it.

So no idea?

No. I’m sure it’s Ground Zero-related.

That’s what my doctors think.

Oh, you poor son of a bitch.

Yeah.

| can’t even eat my doughnut now.

| was-- I’m actually on the way to the hospital.

They took a chest X-ray yesterday, checked my heart.

And it looks good, so | may go under the knife tonight.

Tonight? Yeah.

Oh, Sean, I’m so sorry. Yeah. No. It’s good.

I’m trying to be positive, you know, be upbeat about it.

| mean, you can function on one kidney. Doctors say.

So it’s really not that much to worry about, | don’t think.

Yeah.

It’s cancer. Yeah. It’s--

Cancer.

I’ve had so many relatives, you know,

the doctor said they’d be fine, you know, after surgery, chemo,

gone,

overnight some of them.

Really? Yeah.

That’s too bad.

Well, | hadn’t really had a chance to talk to the guys yet--

| didn’t want them to worry, you know?

And you don’t want them to think that, you know,

you can't do the job. Yeah.

You know, in the event that you survive.

Yeah. It’s--

Anyway, looks like I’m gonna be about two weeks in the hospital.

And then probably another two weeks at home in recovery.

So | was kind of hoping you could cover for me,

in terms of the department, make something up.

You don’t worry about a thing. You broke your hand.

I'll get you a month, six weeks, whatever you need.

Thank you. It’s important they don’t know what's going on here.

| wouldn’t even be able to get a desk job if they found out.

I’d be out of the department.

Look at me. You worry about nothing, all right?

I’m gonna call the brass as soon as we get back to the house.

Put this out of your mind. Great. Thanks.

[MUNCHING]

Nice day.

It’s a little cool.

Hmm. Not so cool indoors.

Firehouse nice and warm.

You hungry? Yeah.

Not me. You know why?

Because |’m eating this big sandwich.

It’s got everything in here.

| Know what you’re doing.

What am | doing?

I’m eating. I’m drinking.

I’m enjoying this beautiful unseasonably cool weather,

Temperatures that are supposed to drop to mid-50s tonight.

Look. | Know you, Ken.

You won’t turn me away, not when | need you.

You're a good person.

No. No. | was a good person

until certain bad people,

present company included,

convinced me that good people are dupes.

Good people are chickens waiting to be plucked.

They’re low to the ground,

that much easier to be stepped on

and stolen from and broken, so, no, you don’t know me.

And you don’t know me.

I’m changed, Ken. | Keep my word.

And when | say I’m not leaving, | mean it.

And no matter what you say or how you act,

you still care about me.

All right. Enough of this goddamn bullshit.

I’ve got a goddamn firehouse full of men over there,

my chief included, who keep on asking me what the hell is up

with that crazy bitch across the street who wants to talk to me,

and | don’t have an answer, so you want to talk to me,

leave me a goddamn number,

but don’t get me kicked off the job on top of everything else.

Please use it.

It’s important.

Take a goddamn walk.

Please?

Never. | mean, the fingernail rake, the tongue flick,

the biting. Check, check, check.

But | never mentioned anything about the ass.

You?

No. I'd never say--

Only thing | know about asses is, you know, | like yours.

That’s nice.

Honey, I’m telling you, this is not funny.

This kid was traumatized. You should’ve seen him.

What, by Colleen? Well, by Coll--

The fire hose from the shower had a little bit to do with it,

yeah, but mostly by--

What, you turned a hose on a black man?

Honey, it’s-- Pfft, a black man.

He’s not, like, a black man from the ’60s.

This kid’s 26 years old. | mean, as far as he’s concerned--

Only thing he knows about civil rights--

He probably thinks the guy’s real name

is Martin Luther King-Day, you know?

Mm.

What are you-- What?

Ah, you look sexy in those bunker pants.

| know, honey, you-- Let’s get you out of them.

We’re not gonna have sex in the--

Seriously, what do you want, your purse?

What are you reaching--

Well, a hand job is okay.

| guess it’s not like we live here.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Where you going?

Honey, where you going? Honey?

Uh!

What-- Oh, boy. Okay.

JANET: Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Do you hear something?

Nope. Oh, heh, heh.

Mm!

TOMMY: Oh, baby, that’s just--

JANET: Oh, God, | needed this.

TOMMY: | guess so.

JANET: Yeah. Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, yeah. Oh--

Think | definitely-- | think--

| am so sorry to interrupt.

Just a little department business.

Yes? Hi, Janet.

Wait here, honey.

Tom, would you be available for one of our fire thingies?

We need all the help we can get.

Yeah.

Excellent. Bye, Jan.

ll call you later, honey.

Look. She came by

because she wanted to talk about our daughter.

Shh, shh, shh.

| mean, you know-- Franco, back me up.

She comes to talk to me. lf wasn’t like | planned--

Ah, ah, ah. No, no.

We're talking about Colleen, next thing | know, she’s paw--

Gavin, please, please.

I’m basking in this moment, this glorious moment.

For all | know, for the next 10 years,

I’ve got you by the balls.

Mint?

No, thank you.

Franco?

Ah, don’t mind if | do.

Life is good. Huh!

All right, Lennox.

Catch you later.

Somebody is tearing that bag to shit, huh?

Wouldn't want to be in the ring with that monster.

[WOMAN YELLING]

Madre mia.

What do you want the DVD for?

The kids miss their grandpa, you know, especially Katy.

She was asking about it.

Oh, uh-huh.

You know what? I'll just swing by and pick it up.

It’s no big thing. | mean, you know--

Sure, pick it up. I'll be at the meeting tonight, 10:00.

| don’t have time to come to the meeting.

Well, no meeting, no DVD.

Mick, come on.

Hey, them’s the rules, coz.

Take it or leave it.

Taking it, always taking it.

Asshole.

MAN: Hello?

SHEILA: Hi.

Hey, oh, wow.

Hey, | like the place.

| know, right? I'll be right out.

Yeah. | know you’re pressed for time, so--

This is nice. | like it. It's more intimate.

Where’s the-- Oh.

Anyways, | know this neighborhood.

It’s a great neighborhood.

Come on. Let’s get rolling.

| tell you something right now.

You get your little brown ass out here.

| am gonna take it to town,

my dear little, sweet, hot minx.

Mm, | tell you something. | am so horny--

Hi. ’m Don.

I’m putting the satellite dish in.

[CLEARS THROAT]

| had a cat once named Minx

Oh, yeah? When | was a kid.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, so you guys have met.

Yeah. Yeah.

| gotta check the roof for the exterior cables.

Nice meeting you.

[COUGH]

How long, ballpark, you think that’s gonna take you?

The roof? Yeah.

Maybe 20 minutes.

I'll knock before | come back in.

Okay.

All right. Come on. Let’s get--

No. We are not doing it with that pervy in the house.

He said we had 20 minutes. No. Anyway, | have my book club.

What book club? My book club,

I’m not missing it. We’re doing Eat, Pray, Love,

which is my favorite book of all time,

because this woman goes on a journey after she’s been--

What?

Eat, Pray, Love. Wasn't written by an Irish chick.

Otherwise, it’d be called Drink, Puke, Drink.

That’s not funny.

No, it’s not. It’s pretty funny.

It’s a little bit funny.

Come on. Come on. We got time.

No. What about the pervy? | want to talk about something.

What?

| heard about what happened with Mike and what you did.

Splinter lips. What is that? What?

l-It happens to everybody. Room fills up with smoke.

Guy gets panicky because his tank’s empty,

| was feeding him off my tank, and in between gulps he was

full of fear, | had to press his face below the smoke level,

and splinter lips. Come on. Mm! Promise me--

You got to promise me Damien is gonna get into your house,

and that you’re gonna keep watch over him.

Yeah. Listen.

When he graduates, okay, he’s stuck by my side.

Stuck to me like glue. Teach him every trick in the book.

He’s gonna be fine, but he’s got to do his part now.

He’s got to graduate first, and that | can’t fix.

Come on. Mm! What about pervy?

Come on. Come on. We had a pact.

Oh, all right. Mm!

Flip down. Mm. Mm.

Mm. There you go.

Hi. Whoa!

Sorry. Just need to grab a splitter.

Okay.

Is it possible that it would be easier

if you just took the whole tool bag thing

up there into the area where you’re--

Yeah. That’s a good idea, in theory,

but most of my actual work

is actually done right here, and--

You don’t want to hear this right now, do you?

Uh-uh. Okay.

Okay. He’s gone. [GRUNTS]

Oh, you want to play rough? What?

You stink.

No, | don’t.

| took a shower before | left the firehouse. What are you--

Opium. You smell like opium.

Okay. That is insane.

You've known me how long?

Weed, hash. | wouldn't know where to even get any--

Janet, you donkey. Janet.

| got Janet stank all over me because you got Janet stank.

And you want to know why | know?

Because that’s her perfume. That’s her "scent."

She’s been wearing it since the ’80s, since high school.

She stopped by the fire-- Shows how out of touch she is,

because the homos who made it don’t wear it anymore.

Okay. But that’s besides the point.

The point is that | asked you to do one single thing,

and that was to not have sex with your wife on the same day

that you’re having sex with me, and you can’t even manage that.

| didn’t have sex.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, God. Sorry. I--

Just take the stupid thing,

and go up on the--

No. You stay. You go.

You know what?

| got another job down the block that | could do right now.

No, no. No. | Know you guys.

You're not leaving my sight until you hook up my cable.

Beat it.

But I--

Could you give us a little privacy for just a second?

[SIGHS]

She ambushed me.

What? Anybody who ambushes you.

There--

[WHISPERING] There was no penetration.

What? What did you say? There was no penetration.

Ooh! Ugh! Agh! | think I’m gonna puke.

What? I’m just explaining.

| had the same kind of thing happen with my ex for a while,

and you’re not supposed to have sex,

but one thing happens after the next,

and then-- I’m gonna go hook up the dish.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay. I-- Mm-mm.

Mm.

You leave my grapes.

| thought you were gonna fix the thing.

Sorry.

The ECG is great.

Your heart’s in really good shape,

and all the blood tests came back very good,

so | think we’re on for later today.

Are you doing a radical nephrectomy?

That’s right.

Are you taking the adrenal gland, as well?

Yeah. Any lymph nodes?

Don’t talk to him about my lymph nodes.

Sorry. He’s not a doctor. He’s just my brother.

"Just"? Yeah, just.

| won’t say another word. Fine.

| was just going over the game plan with your surgeon

in case he forgot what you were in for

and decided to hack off one of you balls,

which happens, by the way.

It does. What?

Oh, I’m kidding.

Oh, yeah. That’s--

Um, is there anything | should be doing to, you know, prepare?

Just relax. Take it easy.

We’re gonna get an IV started, then shave you for surgery.

Oh, can | do that?

Shut up, Terrence. Jesus. | want to put a design

on his back, maybe my initials.

You can put an A.H. For "asshole."

Hey, cancer or not, I'll take you down.

Oh, come on. Bring it, you douche.

Come on. Jesus Christ,

not in the goddamn hospital. Sean, leave your brother alone.

He started it.

Sean, Sean, you got to take it easy.

You can’t exert yourself before major surgery like this.

Yeah. What if something happened, you didn’t wake up?

Is this how you want it to end, with fighting and anger?

What if | don’t wake up? Mal! It happens.

It does. What?

I’m kidding again.

Oh, my God.

Shake your brother’s hand. We'll go, let you get rest.

No. I’m not shaking is hand, ma. Shake his hand.

[GROANS]

I’m sorry, Terrence.

Oh! You’re such an asshole.

SEAN: Come on, squirt. Knock it off.

Got a brother, doctor?

No.

Then you understand.

So this isn’t some over-the-top workout regimen thing?

You actually box people?

Yeah. | came in second in the Golden Gloves last year.

Really? All chicks?

Yeah. | mean, | wouldn’t mind taking on a guy.

It’s just, you know, the whole macho thing.

It’s good for a joke or busting my balls,

but talk about getting in the ring, and they suddenly vamoose.

Yeah? | wouldn’t mind going a couple rounds with you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Wouldn’t mind boxing, either.

Sorry.

Ha! You know, | wouldn’t fight you, anyway, dude.

You're too pretty. Oh.

Id mess you up for the rest of the girls. Please.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You and me get together, baby,

there wouldn't be any other girls, okay?

Sorry. Sorry.

l-ls that a reflex?

You only talk in pickup lines?

It's more of an affliction, actually.

Well, maybe | ought to buy you a drink, see how that goes.

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds good.

Okay. Well, let me just shower, okay? I'll be right back.

Sure.

Don’t go anywhere. No, no.

lll be waiting right here. All right.

Ow.

[CHATTER]

Hey, what’s up?

Hey, how you doing?

Good. Got the DVD?

Oh, yeah. | got it.

Can | grab it? Home movies,

Gavin family, all the glory.

Yeah. Plus Bootsy.

Plus Bootsy. Come on. | got it.

Hey, what do you mean?

Stick around for the meeting, I'll give you that.

Still wearing the sunglasses, huh?

Sorry? You don’t remember?

He doesn’t remember.

Couple years ago, meeting uptown,

| politely ask you to take the sunglasses off

while you’re in the meeting, respect the meeting.

Yeah? And you come over,

and shove me over a cookie table?

| remember that.

It’s not funny. | always meant to apologize.

What name you going by tonight?

Bobby, Ricky, John, Ed?

Okay. You wanna bust my balls? You know what? Never mind.

| don’t give a shit.

Then why did you bring it up?

I’m trying to apologize to you for your, you know--

Have a nice meeting, asshole.

Okay. Some people can’t let things go.

| don’t want that. Wow.

Believe this guy?

Pathetic. Psycho.

Yeah. Come on. | gotta go.

No, no, no. What are you talking--?

Where are you going? You're in such a rush.

| am in a rush. You going home?

I’m going home eventually.

You're going home eventually? Yeah.

You know what | think? When you get home,

you're gonna pop this thing in.

| might. Right in the old DVD player.

You're gonna sit back, pour a nice, big tumbler of whiskey,

then sit down and have yourself a nice, beautiful, long,

cleansing cry.

That’s the funny thing about drunks, Tom.

They think alcohol is the key.

You know, it makes them free, makes them feel, opens them up,

lets everything go. But it ain’t the key. It’s the lock.

Who told you?

You did just now.

Look. You want to know the truth?

Yeah. I’m drinking again. You know why?

The truth. Just listen to me.

| can control it. You want a little headline?

I’ve been drinking for a while now, and | haven’t gotten drunk.

Yeah. Have a couple of drinks at a time, and | enjoy myself.

Is that right? | relax. | unwind, okay?

So, | made my choice. You make yours.

Now give me the DVD. No. No meeting, no DVD.

I’m sorry, brother.

Give me the DVD. Don’t you touch that. Don't.

Want to get started? Yeah. | do.

You're not getting this.

Everybody, my speaker didn’t show up tonight.

Would anybody like to come up and speak?

Yeah. We got a speaker right here.

Great. Gentleman in the black shirt.

Now you tell them what you just told me.

I’m not doing it.

You don’t tell them, I’m not giving it to you.

Go ahead. There he is.

All right. Come on up.

[APPLAUSE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, some of you probably know me as Al.

ALL: Hi, Al.

And some of you probably know me as Bobby.

Hi, Bobby.

Don’t forget about Frank.

My real name is Tommy

Hi, Tommy.

And, uh, | am not

an alcoholic, okay?

l-| actually received my, uh, one-year chip

about a month ago, and, um--

[APPLAUSE]

About a week after, | left it in the bottom of a shot glass,

in a bar across the street from Ground Zero.

I’m a fireman, and | was there that day.

I’ve seen some shit in my job, but that day, | saw some shit

that, um, | never expected to see,

so | drank more than | usually did.

| drank maybe a little too much, and my marriage went south,

and, anyways, my cousin...

told me about this. | came, started going to these meetings,

and | got to be honest with you,

|, um, | expected it to help me.

| had heard about the higher power,

and-- | don’t know--

| guess | expected the sky to open up,

and, uh...

to get some revelations,

and it didn’t come right away, and | stuck with it,

and, you know, my life was very difficult.

l-- Like | said, trying to get around all the shit in my head--

Kept coming here waiting for, uh,

an epiphany, | guess,

and that didn’t come, either.

Instead, what | got was a bunch...

of whining assholes.

That’s what | got.

| got my shitty life plus yours, for instance.

| know your story. I’ve seen you at enough meetings.

You're the Wall Street guy, right?

You started out as-- You wanted to be a painter,

and your father pushed you into the family business.

You're chasing money around, and that’s why you drank

and, "Oh, | wanted to be a painter. Oh, blah, blah, blah,"

right, and | know you, because you're the chick that--

You drank because you couldn't meet a guy that would commit.

Finally you met some guy that committed.

You got a ring, then he left you,

so you quit drinking because you thought you were too boozed up,

now you can’t meet a guy, you can’t go to bars,

and drink and meet a guy and whatever.

I’ve heard you often enough, sweetheart.

You're a bitch on wheels, okay?

Be honest, as honest as | can be, all right?

You people want to bitch about something?

Try jumping off a rig, okay,

with 65 pounds of air on your back,

and a couple tools in your hand staring at a burning building.

And running in when everybody else is running out, okay?

Don’t give me that look. Let me tell you something else, okay?

You better pray that if your Wall Street office

or your luxury, lonely loft that you're always talking about,

i-if it’s full of smoke, there’s a guy with balls as big as mine,

who jumps off a rig and runs in and carries you out,

and I'll tell you what. lf | do,

if | happen to save your ass or your ass,

you know what I’m gonna do afterwards when | get home?

I’m gonna have a nice, big, tall,

cold glass of vodka.

Or a nice warm tumbler full of whiskey.

That’s what I’m gonna have.

You guys got nothing for me? That’s what | got for you.

That’s my little message.

I’m gonna spend the rest of my time on this particular planet,

drinking and liking it.

My suggestion to you?

Try doing the same.

Bottoms up, folks.

[TOMMY CLEARS THROAT]

Happy now?

Thank you.

Good night, everybody.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Yeah. Hey, Lou, | need someone to talk to.

Chief? Yeah. Look.

| have some information about one of the guys,

and | can’t keep it to myself.

Is it about Tommy? What about Tommy?

Oh, nothing, no, | mean, unless you heard something,

in which case, | can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt

that it ain’t true.

Of course. Nah.

It’s about Garrity.

Hey, a Sam Adams okay? Yeah.

Excuse me. Sam Adams.

You got it.

Thanks. So a firefighter, huh?

That’s pretty cool.

Yeah. It’s a job, you know?

What do you do for a living?

Mechanic.

No shit.

My father owned a garage. | have four older brothers.

One is a doctor, gay.

One is in sales, straight.

One’s a landscape designer, gay,

and one’s a choreographer, straight.

A straight choreographer?

Mm-hmm, it might be a quota thing.

None of them liked cars, so my old man,

he taught me everything he knew.

| run a garage cooperative in Queens.

| fix cars for low-income families.

Hey, that’s, uh, that’s really great.

Yeah, and really grimy.

Oh.

| gotta tinkle. Oh.

Don’t go anywhere.

No, no, no. I’m all yours.

All right.

Whoa. Hey. Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha! Ow. Ow.

Wow.

MAN [OVER PA]: Dr. Miller to radiology.

So how long before it starts working?

Oh, it won’t take long at all.

Okay, and am | gonna feel anything, you know, during?

Somebody will be monitoring you during the entire procedure.

Okay. Great.

J Free yourself From all concern f

Whoa.

J Free yourself from care f

I’m sorry. Are you singing?

J Let your burdens drift away I

On the evening air f

Oh, this shit’s good.

ALL: J Give yourself To simple slumber J

f All your dreaming Unencumbered 2

J Leave every burden f

f Sleep and rest Your weakened body I

J Weary mind And weary heart I

Close your eyes Allow the darkness come Jf

~ Time now to sleep, sleep J

f Sleep, sleep J

f Sleep, sleep J

? There is only now and then f

f Everything else Is who knows? I

~ And someday when | don’t want to die I

- Not my time to go f

Too much left to try I

£ Too much left to know I

~ Oh, oh, oh, oh f

What are you singing for? You sound gay.

J Never gave my heart Completely J

What a sissy.

Wonder if my mother knows about this.

Wonder if the guys at the firehouse know about this.

~ Never found the one Who could complete me I

~ Never-- f Goddamn it, Terrence!

| can’t even have a dream without you showing up?

Get the hell out of here. I’m just saying.

You know what? Get out of here.

Ha, ha!

Gentlemen, I’m sorry.

Mr. Garrity is being prepped for surgery.

So that means we can’t see him?

Probably not till late tomorrow, if then.

Sorry.

Thank you.

[CHUCKLES]

It’s funny. | mean, | got no--

| got no connection to Garrity.

Yeah. He’s one of the guys, but that’s about it,

Kind of a dumbass too, right?

Something like this happens, you know-- | don’t know--

| just-- | wanna protect the guy.

| want to take care of him.

I-| don’t want him to be alone.

Jesus Christ, | mean, with cancer, without it,

you're just so alone.

You know what | mean?

Yeah. Yeah. | do.

[Pre]

f You can call the police

~ Send in convicted thieves I

~ Let the bloodhounds roll f

~ It won't bother me I

~ They can rummage and search f

~ Shovels down in the dirt

Ahh.

~ Surround me with fire f

f And a driving smoke I

J Let the high winds blow f

~ Police and thieves f

~ Police and thieves f

MAN [OVER TV]: Well, uh, let me think a little bit.

| would like to say to the kids out there to take a good--

You talk about a role model.

This is a role model.

Don’t be like me, you know?

| mean, God gave me a body, ability to play baseball,

and that’s what | wanted to do, give me everything.

| just--

Well, | wanna start giving something back.

Seems to me like all I’ve done is just take,

have fun and take,

and | want to start trying to work with Baylor Hospital

and the donor program, stuff like that.

It's unbelievable.

| just-- I-- Like | said,

| want to spend the rest of my life trying to make up.

~ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah f

~ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah f

~ Come on and capture me J

~ Come to capture me J

~ Don’t you capture me f

[Pre]