All language subtitles for Rescue Me (2004) - S05E05 - Sheila (1080p BluRay x265 Panda)

LOU:
Uh! All right, guys,
I’m telling you,

best veal in the city
right here.

Oh, you’re
shitting me.

Where the hell
did it go?

We came all the way
down here for this, Lou?

Where the hell--

Look, now we got Pedro’s
Spanish American restaurant.

What the hell's that?

Well, there’s one guy
in the crew who’s happy.

Why do you hate
my people?

| don’t hate your people.
We wanted veal.

What’s wrong with rice
and beans?

[ALL CHATTERING]

Excuse me. Hey, guys, can | get
a picture of you guys?

Yeah, sure.
My daughter loves firemen.

Sure. Yeah.
Sure.

On three, say "cheese."
Sure, sure.

Hey, on three, let’s say
"rice and beans."

[LAUGHTER]
One,

two, three.

[EXPLOSION]

[DISTORTED]
Shit.

[MUFFLED]
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Tom, you all right?

[GRUNTS]

Shit.

Ah!

Oh. Oh, shit.
Sean, are you all right?

Guys, it’s my back.
My back.

Tommy! Yo, what the hell
was that, man?

It sounded like a goddamn
atom bomb went off.

Shit. Where’s Mikey?

Stay there.

MAN [ON RADIO]:

Yeah, 62 truck responding.

First reports are terrorist
attacks,

possible suitcase bomb,
multiple locations.

Get your people organized
and start looking for injuries.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

[GRUNTS]

What the hell's that?

[SIRENS BLARING]

[COUGHS]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[GUNFIRE]

[EXPLOSION]

GIRL:
Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

Dad...

[BEEPING]

Daddy!

Daddy!

[TICKING]

Daddy!

[EXPLOSION]

Shit.

Hey, you all right?
You were screaming.

Uh-- Shit.

You woke me up. | thought maybe
one of the rats got you.

| don’t know.
God damn it.

What the hell
are you looking for?

Goddamn shit! My phone.

Why don’t you just ask me,
for Christ’s sake?

| told you, | Know where
everything is around here.

See? Look. Here.
Here.

You really could clean up
a little bit.

You're making a mess.

| had this nightmare that
Katy was being held hostage.

By who,
the Gavin family?

[SCOFFS]

Suitcase bomb--
Bombs

were going off.
There’s a bunch of them.

Looked like--
Looked like in here.

Oh, that’s real funny.
Yeah.

Hey, you want a muffin?
You made muffins?

No, | was thinking maybe you run
down to the corner and get some.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Oh, shit.
Oh, son of a bitch.

Uh!
Oh.

Now you’re never
going to find it.

Six, 10 times I’ve called her
in the last three days,

you know? And each time,
| leave--

| say | want to find out
what the story is with Katy.

Where is she going to school?
Blah, blah, blah.

And she doesn’t call me back.
You know what | think?

Katy hates me?
No. Janet hates you.

Katy’s what? She’s 12.
She’s just--

She’s just learning
how to hate her mother.

You know what I’m gonna do?

| Know what you'll do.
You're gonna drive over there,

spy on them, if no one’s home,
you'll break into the house

fish around, see if you can find
a piece of mail with some info

or the address of the school
Katy’s going to on it.

You're gonna drive down there,
stake out the school.

You're gonna wait until Katy
comes out or Janet shows up,

whichever comes first.

What can | say?
| Know you.

All right.
| got to go.

All right. Well, | guess
I'll get the muffins, then.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks, pal.

All right. Tell them
| said "hey."

All right.
l’Il see you later.

[DOOR CLOSES]

People think the Kennedys
are dysfunctional.

Oh.

Oh.

Phew.

[SIRENS BLARING ON TV]

MAN:
What about the command posts?

Command posts were moved
when Tower one went down.

Five blocks west.

[TAPE REWINDS]

Command posts were moved
when Tower one went down.

[REMOTE CLICKS]

[VON BONDIES’ "C’MON C’MON"
PLAYING]

On another day
C’mon, c’mon f

¢ With these ropes | tied
Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now is gone S

Things were good
When we were young f

~ With my teeth locked down
| can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men
Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now is gone S

Things were good
When we were young f

I Is it safe to say?
C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave?
C’mon, c’mon f

~ Will | ever learn?
C’mon, c’mon J

~ C’mon, c’mon
C’mon, c’mon J

~C’mon, c’mon Sf

So let me get this straight.

Now you want me
to be a firefighter?
Mm-hm.

Okay. This is some kind
of test, right?

No, silly, you are my son,
and | love you.

And | want
what’s best for you.

Honey, | want you to be happy.

Since when?
Since always.

Bullshit.
You bullshit.

And don’t talk to me
that way. I’m your mother.

| Know, which is why none
of this makes any sense.

Listen to me.

This is the new me, okay?
| took the old me,

and | crumpled her up in
a teeny little ball,

and | chucked her
in the trash, okay?

And the new me knows
that you need to be happy.

What’s with the face?
Mom,

| hate to say this
to the new you,

but, uh, here goes.

Um,
is the new you on drugs?

Uh, yeah, I--
Yes.

I’ve been on those drugs
for a very long time,

but my doctor
has changed them up,

and I’m on this new combo

that keeps me way more
balanced and upbeat

and able to deal
with the idea

of you doing this very
difficult and dangerous job.

Okay, great.
So did you call Uncle Tommy

and ask him if he
could help me out?

I’m high. I’m not that high.
| called Mike.

Mike the probie?
Mm-hm.

But he’s an idiot.
Plus, he’s gay.

Not anymore.
Gay or stupid?

Both.
Oh, so is he on drugs too?

You know, new kinds of drugs
that make you want to read books

and not blow other dudes
anymore?

You know what, Damien?

| am not going to have you
training under Uncle Tommy.

Okay? And you know what?
| have gone out of my way

to force myself into accepting

this stupid goddamn idea
of yours.

And you want
to know something else?

You could have graduated
from goddamn NYU,

and | spent $80,000
over there

just so that
you could figure out

that you want to do the same
goddamn thing as your father.

So you know what?

Why don’t you cut me
a little slack, okay?

Huh? How about that?
Cut me a little slack for once

in your privileged little life

and do one goddamn thing
that | ask you to.

Huh?

Guess there’s a little bit
of the old me stuck in there.

[GIGGLES]

Maybe the new you
should up her dosage.

| know.

DWIGHT:
| told you,
get off my ass about it.

That’s enough.
Stop asking me!

Hello?

Janet?

Janet left.

Hey.

Hey.

Talking
to somebody in here?

Um, uh, my Aunt Carly.
Oh.

Gets on my nuts.

So where is Janet?

Uh, she took
the little guy, uh, swimming.

You can see her car’s gone.

Yeah. Yeah. Um,

she just left you here?

Tommy, newsflash:
| live here now.

See my ramp?
Yeah. | just thought--

| thought maybe she had
some furniture delivered

or something.
Calling me furniture?

No. No, no, no. | just didn’t
know what-- | would-- No.

| would never say that.
| would--

You said it.
That’s not
what | meant, though.

| would never
call you a, you know--

What, a gimp?
No.

| would say cripple.
Is cripple cool?

No.
Paralyzed?

Yeah, well,
paralyzed is accurate,

but it isn’t cool.
Okay. Then | won’t-- | won’t--

What should | say?

I’m just busting your balls.

Come on. Look, | owe you
an apology

*cause | was out of line.

This is your turf,
it’s your family.

| respect that.
| just, you know--

Just the alpha male thing
coming out, you know?

Cool.

Why don’t you let me
buy you a drink?

I’ll take a rain check on that.

I'll tell you, one of
the reasons | came over--

| can’t get any information
from Janet about Katy.

I’m her father. | deserve
to know what the deal is.

I’m not going to jump in
the middle of this, Tom.

This is between you and Janet.
She’s not here.

She'll be back
in a couple of hours.

In the meantime, let me
take you and buy you a drink,

all right?
Have a little mano a mano.

Well, | don’t drink.

Hey, no,
| really can’t drink.

Well, all right. Be careful.

Hello, Sean.
Hey, Doc. How you doing?

Listen, I’m feeling so much
better in my back, really.

It’s like no stiffness,
no pain.

It’s like magic, honestly.
Sean.

I’m still
a little apprehensive

about the whole cock situation.
Sean, please--

Hey, maybe tonight’s
the night, you know?

Go home, put on some music,

light the candles,
maybe take a bubble bath,

break out the Jergens, and
give her the old college try.

[CHUCKLES]

Sean, something
turned up on your MRI,

so we ran
a few blood tests.

I’m sorry, blood tests
for my back?

We found a tumor on your kidney.

I’m fairly certain
it’s renal cancer, Sean.

It’s extremely rare
for a man your age.

We’re going to do a biopsy,
but in most cases,

a tumor of this mass
turns out to be malignant.

But hey, look
on the bright side.

Your penis is going to grow at
least an inch or two in length.

Which means you're probably
going to have

a very difficult time finding
a girlfriend who can handle

such a unique
specimen of manhood.

But that’s what we in the
medical profession call

a good problem.

Sean?

Did you hear me?

I’m sorry. Did you just say
something about my penis?

No, Sean.

You've got cancer.

Damn.

[HORNS HONKING]

Get yourself a goddamn
bicycle, asshole!

| used to drive
a little short track Indy,

you know, when | had stems.
Yeah.

| got a guy working
on a cart for me right now.

[TIRES SQUEALING
AND HORNS HONKING]

That reminds me.
Yeah?

Get me a beer, will you?
Huh?

Cold one from the back,
there’s a cooler.

Y-y-y-- You want a beer?

Yeah. Yeah. I'd like a cerveza.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Okay.

Andale, andale.

Here you go.

What are you doing?

| got-- You told me
to grab you a beer.

Did | ask you to crack it?
No, | just thought you wanted--

I'll crack my own goddamn beer.

What, you think I’m a cripple
or something? Grab this.

No. What? What--
You treat me like a victim.

We’re going awful fast.

Ahh.
You got it?

| got it. Yeah.

See, my-- My legs don’t work,
but my arms work,

my hands work,
my brain works.

My cock works, which I’m sure
you're wondering about.

| wasn’t wonder--
Wondering about--

All the exes wonder about it.
Not me.

At least,
if they got any balls.

| like to get that shit
right out on the table.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Get a goddamn chair, Grandpa.

Give me a beer, will you?

You want another one?
Do | have one in my hand?

Okay.

So here’s how it works.

| still get hard.
| mean, a lot.

But it’s all random times,
you know?

So | got to constantly be
checking to see if | got wood.

Which means that Janet and |,

we never plan on
when we're having sex.

Whatever happens,
when it happens, it happens.

So if we’re at the supermarket,

we’re in the park
or the car, you know,

it’s go time, baby.

And, uh,

you know, like,
chicks love spontaneity.

And my junk,
it lasts for an eternity.

| had Janet on my pole
for, like,

45 minutes to an hour just
riding and riding and riding.

She has four or five orgasms.

What’s the longest you ever
lasted with Janet?

| don’t really keep track
of stuff like--

Oh, come on,
none of that bullshit.

No boundaries, baby.
It’s not a boundary thing.

| just never kept track of that.

Tell me how long.
Twelve minutes.

Twelve minutes?
Yeah.

That’s not bad,
for a walker. Cheers.

Thanks.

WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
ON PA]

Garrity. Hey.

Sean.

Pat.

What's up, bro?
Oh, man. Hey!

Shit, | don’t think I’ve seen
you since probie school.

You looking good.
I’m okay, yeah.

How’s things?
Oh, you know, it’s--

It's been better.

[LAUGHS, SOBS]

Oh, shit.
It’s okay, buddy.

Hey, it’s okay, buddy.
You're okay.

[SOBBING]

Oh, shit.
You're going to be okay.

[SOBBING]

Dewars, three fingers,
same as always.

Francis.

Anything
for your girlfriend?

He don’t drink.

So,
what’s he doing here?

| don’t know.
What are you doing here?

I’m not sure.

Everybody in my place drinks.
Don’t think you’re special.

I’ll take a Jameson, neat.

So predictable.

Well, well, look who came out
to play.

| Knew that sobriety shit
was a front.

It’s not.
Um, sometimes | order a drink,

and then | don’t drink it.

It’s a thing,
a system | have.

My sponsor thought of it,
actually.

Who’s your sponsor,

Satan?

Satan would be a godsend.

So how do you keep them down,
Tommy?

I’m sorry?

The ghosts.

Janet told me about them.

Janet told me
just about everything.

Okay. First of all,

Janet doesn’t know everything.

Janet--
Everybody has ghosts, Tommy.

You're not the only one.

Who do you think
| was talking to

when you came over
to the house?

| got them. I--

| had them. Now, | got

this.

And these.

| don’t drink in front
of Janet and the kids.

They don’t know
anything about any of this.

| get too loaded,
| take a few of these.

And to crank up the sleep,

| take a few of these,
you know?

It’s a perfect system.

Yeah. That’s what
they said about communism.

Stalin didn’t have uppers and
downers. He just had vodka.

[CLEARS THROAT]

For the most part, uh,

they used to come out
when | drank.

You miss them?

Yeah, sometimes.

I’d love to have
your problem.

Eight years ago, I-- |...

was playing hockey late,
and, um,

| was driving home with
my brother and my-- My cousin.

The three of us were
sober as judges,

and we were laughing
our balls off.

This guy, | cleaned his clock,
and he swallowed his tooth.

And, uh,

bam!

Out of nowhere comes this--
This prick

in a piss-yellow Hummer.
Broadsides us.

Turned the lights out
on my brother, my cousin,

and the lower half of me,

except my cock, of course,
but you know,

we've covered that in detail.

So, uh,

l’ve been hell on wheels
ever since.

CROWD [CHANTING]:
No more deceit!

No more lies!

FRANCO:
Look, that’s my point
exactly, all right?

All great truths begin
as blasphemies, okay?

| mean, just take a look at our
history books, for example,

at least the ones that aren’t
completely falsified

or embellished. Look, don’t--
don’t get me wrong, okay?

I’m just a guy with
questions, that’s all.

And even if my beliefs
don’t make me

the most popular guy
in the firehouse,

the guys all say I’m full
of shit, you Know what?

At the end of the day,

last time | checked,
this was still America.

Totally.
Right.

So you're a firefighter?

Yeah. Yeah. I’m Franco Rivera,

Can we take a picture
with you?

Yeah, sure.

No more deceit!
No more lies!

Listen, Tom.

Your daughter Katy.

The reason you haven't been
seeing her around lately...

She’s in boarding school.

Did you say boarding school?

Yeah. Connecticut.

Been a couple of weeks now.
She’s-- It’s a real nice place.

That lying bitch.

Okay. Here’s what
we're going to do--

Hey, listen.

Ahh.
Nice and easy.

Ow.

Janet was going to tell you
herself, but | insisted,

‘cause you and me, we’re kind
of the same from the waist up.

| Know how you’re going to react
when you got the news,

the same way | knew you were
gonna come barreling

into our house back there.
Our house?

You mean, the house that I’m
paying the rent on, that house?

Is that what you’re
talking about? Ahh.

| hear Janet gets any shit
from you over this,

| will kick
your skinny ass.

You're going to kick my ass?
That’s funny.

You doubt | could?

[GRUNTS]

Listen. Before that drunk
son of a bitch

took my brother and my cousin

and my legs,

| base-jumped into
a 600-foot crevice in Brazil.

| surfed the big waves
on the north shore of Hawaii.

| climbed goddamned
Kilimanjaro.

You think you’re
an obstacle | can’t overcome?

Well, think again, Skippy.
But, hey.

[GRUNTS]

That’s no reason
we can’t be friends.

Oh, | got to change
my piss bag.

You going to drink that?
No.

That’s really good.

Shit.

[SIGHS]

[SNIFFS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[COUGHS]

[HUMMING]

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, you are, um,
Genevieve.

lam.
Hi.

Sheila.
Yes. Right.
Yes. That’s me.

I’m Tom--

[STAMMERS]

I’m Damien’s mom.

| know. | heard.

So how’s the book going?

Oh, very well.

| would like
to interview you.

Oh.

Um, Lou gave me this,
and Tommy saw it,

and it’s some old
news footage of that day.

Yeah?
It has your husband on it,

and it shows that apparently
he didn’t die

in the collapse
of the first tower.

Really?

Would you like to see it?
Ooh...

Um. | don’t-- I--

Where is that from?

The BBC gave me a lot
of, um, old footage.

There was just so much of it.

| thought you might want
to see it.

And they’re sure
that it’s him?

Yeah. Lou and, um, Tommy
recognized him,

and you see his face...

I’ll leave it here.

You know, I’ve been
on the job 10 years,

running into burning buildings

with floors collapsing and
ceilings dropping on my head,

breathing the most toxic,

disgusting, horrible,
acrid smoke there is.

Chemicals, asbestos, ash.

| mean,
the heat alone is--

Not to mention the four weeks
| volunteered

down at Ground Zero
cleaning up.

Plus a pack and a half
a day habit

’cause of the stress
of this bullshit,

and have | ever once,
in 10 years, been hurt?

Injured? Broken bones? No.

Asthma, emphysema?
None of that.

What do | got? | got

a goddamn tumor on my kidney.

[SCOFFS]

It’s ridiculous.

And ironic.
What?

[CHUCKLES]
What you just said

is practically
the definition of ironic.

Not to split hairs or nothing,
I’m just saying.

What happens now?

What now?
Yeah.

Is you keep this shit
to yourself.

| can’t keep it to myself.

| mean, | got to tell
the bosses.

It's obvious
it’s Ground Zero-related.

Of course
it’s from Ground Zero.

32-year-old men don’t get
kidney cancer, okay?

| mean,
mine’s in the lungs,

so it’s obvious
where it came from.

You know, | got no choice
but to retire.

It’s part of the job
| never anticipated,

but if | had
to do it all over again,

I’d be right back down there
digging our brothers out.

Only, maybe, I’d be wearing
a mask this time.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, you and me both.

So, what do | do?
How do | even--

You take some leave.

You scrounge up whatever cash
you can get your hands on.

You get that kidney cut out,
pray it hasn’t spread.

All right?

You try and use your insurance,

you're as good as off the job.

So let me get this straight.
| can’t use the FDNY insurance

that | get for the treatment
of the cancer that | got

volunteering and risking my life
cleaning up at Ground Zero

after the greatest tragedy
in the history of the FDNY.

That’s what you’re telling me?

Without ending up stuck behind
a desk or kicked off the job?

Yeah.

That’s ironic.

You're goddamn right.

Okay. Heh.

Yeah.

Thanks for the boat ride.
It was very romantic.

You know how | do.
| does it big, Ma.

[BOTH LAUGH]

| guess we should
head home

so | can bang
my head against the sink,

take a cold shower, and slip
into my chastity belt.

I’m sure you can find a better
way to ease your suffering.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We said we were going to wait.

Baby, I’m sorry.

[MUMBLES]

But you know, you see,

this right here
doesn't really help much.

You know, | could do
something else for you.

What are you talking about?

Like, a handjob.
Oh! No, no, no.

Believe me, | would love
a handjob right now,

but that’s just going to open up
the floodgates, right?

And-- And all the commitment
and everything that we worked

so hard for is just going to fly
right out of the window

into the river. So, no.

Have you ever considered
that maybe we’re not

giving ourselves enough credit
here?

| mean,
you love me, don’t you?

Of course | love you.

And | love you back,

so what could be so bad
about that?

Guess a handjob
wouldn't hurt.

[CHUCKLES]

[DOOR OPENS]

Hi, honey.

[SIGHS]

Jesus, Tommy.
You scared me.

What did you do to him?

Oh, he actually--
He did this to himself.

Where do you get
your balls big enough

to send our daughter to a
private boarding school upstate

without even
consulting with me?

Hm?

Dwight?

He’s very, very drunk.

And on pills.

[GROANS]

Yeah.

Yeah. That’s right.

Mr. Put-Everything-On-The-Table

is a goddamn lush.

Oh, yeah, and he sees ghosts,
which | think is kind of ironic.

What are you talking about?

You can question
a lot of things about me.

My convictions,

my faithfulness,

my drinking.

And the fact that | switched
his uppers with his downers,

which is why he’s currently
in the condition that he’s in.

But one thing you can’t
question about me, ever,

is my love for my kids.

Or my determination to see

to their happiness.

So you and |
are going to drive

to Katy’s school.

We’re going to sit down
with her and let her decide

if she wants to stay there
or come home.

And once she comes home,

whether she wants to
live with you or with me.

But one thing’s for certain.

She’s not living
under the same roof

as this junkie asshole.

COLLEEN:
You okay?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I’m--

I’m good. Hell yeah.

You’re freaked out.
No.

I’m good.

| Know we said we weren’t
going to go all the way,

but I’m glad we did.

You're a very good lover.

Thank you.

Uh--

Look. It’s just, you’re only 19.

So?

So like, where’d you learn
how to do all that stuff?

Old boyfriends, my mother.

So, um,

What about the ice and
peanut butter ass-play thing?

Where'd that come from?

That was Chuck.
Tattoo artists,

they always want you
to go around the back door.

Right.

[GIGGLES]

[LAUGHS]

And the biting thing.
Where did that come from?

Oh, that was my mother.

Wow.

Mom’s a full-on freak.

Round three?

[BOTH LAUGH]

[SIRENS BLARING ON TV]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MAN:
What about the command posts?

Command posts were moved
when Tower one went down.

Five blocks west.

Mm.

--when Tower one went down

Hey.

Hey.

What, are you not
talking to me?

What?

Why didn’t you tell me
about the video?

What video?

Of Jimmy.

| didn’t know what video
you were talking about--

Answer me.

l-- | thought
it would upset you.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay-- Okay. I--
It was a shock to me, okay?

| watched it a few times
over and over again.

| couldn’t believe--
You know,

he wasn’t where
we thought he was.

And he was-- You know,
he was in the second tower.

It was just--
It threw a monkey wrench into--

It upset me, you know?

It upset me. | thought it
was k-- Just-- What?

You weren't thinking
about how | would feel.

What did | just say?
That’s what--

You were only concerned
with how you would feel.

[MEN CHATTERING]

Okay. Can | talk to you
over here?

[GRUNTS]

Okay. I--

You idiot. | want to know
every goddamn detail.

| want to know when, how,
and where Jimmy shows up.

| didn’t bang your brains out
for two years--

Shh. Shh.

So that you could get
your rocks off.

| did it because
| thought that somehow,

somewhere,
very deep inside of you,

you'd open up
and let me in.

| Know, crazy, right?

The great Tommy Gavin!
He’s a closed shop!

Nobody gets in! You don’t even
give a shit about your godson.

|-- What are you talk--
Guess what?

Mikey’s gonna lead him
through the academy.

[SCOFFS]

Yeah. That’s why | dropped him
off.

And then, Damien’s going to
become the kind of firefighter

that his father always
wished he would be.
Really?

And no thanks to you.

Okay. ’Cause if we want to talk
about selfish and resenttful--

Okay, just think about it.

You're putting
your only son’s safety

in the hands of Mike? Of--

[SCOFFS]

Mike? Mike’s--
Mike’s an idiot.

Mike’s a moron, okay?

He may be a moron.

But he’s also one very big
thing that you are not.

Retarded?

Trustworthy.

[GRUNTS]

Shit.

What, are you on drugs?

Shitloads.

My husband
was a firefighter

when we met
in high school,

in his mind, heh.

His Uncle Mike,
Tommy’s dad,

had been a firefighter.

His Uncle Teddy.

He and Tommy,

that’s the only thing
they ever thought of being.

So when | saw that
new footage of Jimmy...

it made me happy.

| can’t explain it,

but | knew
that he didn’t--

That he wasn’t
in the first building.

But all the reports
were saying that--

Do you know that feeling
that you get

when you just, like, ever
so barely escape a car crash?

You know, someone
suddenly stops short

or races in front of you
at an intersection,

and you think to yourself
for a second, like,

right as you slam the brakes,
Like, "Oh, oh!

Okay. This might be it."

You know? And all the air
skips out of your lungs,

and your heart feels like
it’s gonna explode with fright,

and your skin sits up
real tight on your bones,

and there’s this huge
rush of breath and blood and...

That shiver

just shot, like,

right through me,

but not when
the first building fell.

It was during the second.

| knew that Jimmy was gone

during the second collapse.

| stopped breathing.
My eyes--

| couldn’t blink.

My hands froze up
like claws.

[INHALES]

And | thought to myself,

"Oh, we’re never going
to finish the kitchen."

You know, ‘cause we were
working on the kitchen,

putting in new counters
and cabinets and stuff.

And as those first floors
began to tumble down...

| mean, like,
| don’t know,

however long it took,

like, 11 seconds,

my whole life,

my love,

the way | wake up
in the morning every day,

the way | go to sleep
every night,

all of that just

changed forever.

Floor by floor,

I just

disappeared.

[CLEARS THROAT]

When you lose
that one person that you,

you know, were meant to be with
for the rest of your life

so unexpectedly
and so soon,

| don’t--

It’s like, you know,
who can walk into your...

Real love?

It’s just gone.

Talk.

Touch.

Sex.

And breakfast.

It’s funny, you know.

| totally thought
that | was going to just

go fetal and curl up
in a ball and-- And cry.

But | didn't.

[CLEARS THROAT]

| made arrangements.

| carried my husband’s helmet
to the funeral.

| listened to the mayor

and the chief and Tommy
talk about my husband.

| buried him.

| held my son

as he cried
against my shoulder,

and | tucked him
in that way

every night for months.

And then

| went fetal

for five years.

[CHUCKLES]

Among many other things, I--

| completely
zeroed in on Tommy

because he was the closest thing

that | could find
on this entire earth

to replace Jimmy.

| cursed Tommy.
| slept with Tommy.

| blamed Tommy.
| made Tommy breakfast.

Tommy finished my kitchen.

| Know that Tommy

is haunted by Jimmy’s death,

literally.

And |I-- I--

| think that sometimes Tommy

wishes that Jimmy had lived,

and that he had died
in Jimmy’s place.

And so do |.

[Pre]