All language subtitles for Rescue Me (2004) - S05E03 - Wine (1080p BluRay x265 Panda)

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:
41st and 2nd avenue.

10-4. 62 truck responding.

We got a pregnant broad
about to bust on 41st street.

[SIREN WAILING]

All right, give us
some room here, people.

Look out, folks.

Hey, what do you say
we flip a coin,

3 out of 5, gets to cut
the cord.

Right. Oh, my god.
Holy shit.

[SOBBING]
My water broke

and | can feel
the baby coming out.

| got it under control.
Don't worry about it.

Get off the blanket.

Okay, sweetheart,
you're dilated, okay?

What's going on?
Holy shit. Is that the head?

Yeah, that's the head.
Hey! Hey! What a pussy.

Hey!
Sorry, sorry.

Yeah, push. Good.

Push, honey.
Okay.

Oh...Oh, my God. Oh, God.

It's a boy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, man. Wow.
Jesus. Yeah.

Wait. Look, look.
What?

Oh, honey, there's
a second one coming.

You're gonna have
to give me a push again.
What?

[GRUNTING]
Come on, honey. Come on.

What, Garrity fainted?
Yeah.

What a wuss.
Tell me about it.

[WOMAN GROANING]

Whoa! Goddamn it.

What's wrong? They can't take
the miracle of childbirth?

Apparently not.
Okay, honey, one more.

[SCREAMS]
Breathe.

Yeah, that's it.
Good job.

Good girl. Good girl.
Good girl.

It's another boy.

There you go.
Look at that.

Jeez. Twins, huh, Grandpa?
Yeah.

Let's hope they don't turn out
like these two mooks.

Oh, I'm gonna name them
after you, Daddy. | love you.

You did a great job.

Maybe you'll name
the third one after me?

Look.
Oh, my God. Honey,

there's another one coming.
You're gonna have to push again.

Okay. Okay.
Okay.

How's she doing?
All right. She's doing fine.

And the first two we
know are definitely yours,

but no word yet
on the color of number three.

Here, I'll take this one.
Don't give him a baby.

What if he passes out
like the other two?

| ain't gonna
pass out, Tom.

This one's for you.

I'm just happy that I'm here
to support my beautiful wife

that | adore and love.
| love you.

What'd you say? Wife?
Did you say wife?

Yeah, we were gonna tell
y'all tomorrow after dinner.

You guys--? You got married?

Yeah, we went down
to City Hall

and had a private ceremony last
weekend.

So it's legal?

It's official, pop.

[GASPS]

Hey, Tom. Bad dream?

Yeah.

Whew. Ooh.

[THE VON BONDIES'
"C'MON, C'MON" PLAYING]

On another day
C'mon, c'mon J

¢ With these ropes | tied
Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now is gone J

Things were good
When we were young f

~ With my teeth locked down
| can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men
Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve
‘Cause now is gone J

Things were good
When we were young f

I Is it safe to say?
C'mon, c'mon J

? Was it right to leave?
C'mon, c'mon J

~ Will | ever learn?
C'mon, c'mon f

~ C'mon, c'mon
C'mon, c'mon f

Derek. It's a little early
in the morning

to be thinking about booze,
isn't it?

I'm not thinking about booze,
pally. I'm dreaming about it.

Yeah. Hang on a second.

| got another call.
I'll call you back.

| can hold, pally.

You know what?
Just hang on a sec.

Hello.
Hey. What's going on?

Just talking to my sponsee for
the millionth time this week.

This guy's unbelievable.
| mean, I'm gonna have

to change my goddamn plan
on my phone, you know?

Do they have like an
unlimited number of minutes

for self-absorption
and whining?

You don't have
that one already?

Oh, you're so funny. You know,
he keeps calling me "pally."

How about that?

Hey, listen, you, uh, talk
to Teddy recently?

No. Why?

Ellie says he didn't
come home last night,

and she can't get him
on his cell phone.

If he calls you, tell him
to call her, will you?

Yeah, hang on a second.
| got another call, all right?

Hang on.
Get this: It's him.

I've got him on hold,
and he's still calling me back.

It's like he cloned himself
so he can call me more. Jesus.

All right, I'll talk
to you later, pally.

Very funny, asshole.

Hey, | thought
you were gonna hold.

Yeah, but | was worried
about this martini thing.

What martini thing?
The dream | had.

What should | do?
You know what, Derek?

| don't know
what to tell you.

Either stay awake or grab onto
the olive. | gotta go, okay?

Okay, pally.

You know, can you--?
Oh, you son of a...

So, uh, | was told
you beat the section 8.

You know, | did.

The guy, ends up that
he was a friend of yours.

A lot of luck
you have, huh?

You better hope
your luck holds up,

‘cause the next time
you step out of line--

And since it's you,
it could happen at any time.

--I'm gonna make it stick
at headquarters

and make sure they boot your
bony ass the hell out of here.

Okay, chief, chief, chief--
Yeah, yeah.

| thought we could start,
you know, like a new leaf.

Save it, asshole.

Okay, so | admit | messed up

with the whole lumberjack theme
for a bar.

Let's put it this way:
You're a dipshit.

Frank, | got
a new idea for a theme

that | guarantee you nobody
has ever thought of.

There's not another bar like it
anywhere. You ready?

This should be good.

The whole entire place
and everything in it

is black.

The bar, the-- The floor, the
walls, the ceiling, the table,

the chairs, the glasses,
everything.

And like that's not brilliant
enough, right?

The name of the place--

White.

Who told you that?

Lucky guess.

You like?

Um, | don't know, Mike. You
know, you name the bar White,

you run the risk
of sending the wrong message

Like it's for whites only
or something.

| didn't think of that.

But, | mean, you'll be hanging
out there all the time, right?

So maybe you could,
like, kind of hang out

in front of the window
so people of color

know it's cool to come in.

You telling me my new job is to
be a goddamn cigar store Indian?

Um, well, | don't think you
can smoke in bars now, Frank.

But, | mean, look, I'm gonna
paint the whole place

and buy all the glasses
and everything.

| just need to know
you're on board, dude.

What does Garrity say?

SHAWN:
Love it!

Yo, man,
what are you doing?

Oh, my back is killing me.

Yeah, that looks
real comfortable.

Yeah. It's the only position
that gives me any relief.

You don't happen to know
a good back doctor, do you?

You know what? As a matter of
fact, | got your back, bro.

Heh, heh, heh!

Ow!
Sorry.

There's a great back doctor
right next door

to Alicia's
apartment building.

| could give a call
and set you up today.

You want to go after shift,
or what?

Sean-o?

Huh? What happened?
The blood rushed to my head.

| might have fainted a little
bit. Did you say something?

Would you like to see
the doctor today?

Yes.

[LAUGHS]

Wow.

Why can't you just
help me with Damien?

Tommy, my son needs
a strong male role model,

and | can't be that,
you know?

So if he drops out of college,
guess what?

It's gonna be your fault,
not mine.

He ain't my kid.

You deal with it

and stop relegating
your responsibilities to me.

| wasn't. Il-- Ahem.

| mean, at least
| don't think | w--

But even if | was, I-- Ooh.

He doesn't talk that way.

Excuse me?

Tommy. He doesn't use words
like "relegating."

That's why | said
he ain't my kid,

because | thought the "ain't"
would balance it out.

It's not good.

You know, | was a professional
actor for a while.

| did a bus-and-truck tour
of Sugar Babies,

and, uh, | attended AMDA
before that.

AMDA? Isn't that men
who like little boys?

That's NAMBLA: North American
Man-Boy Love Association.

Somebody came up with that
pretty quick.

AMDA stands for American
Musical and Dramatic Academy.

Oh, musicals. So they are
kind of the same.

Hey, do you want
to get help,

or do you want to be another
goddamn critic in my life?

That's a little better.

Yeah.

Huh.

Hey, what do you
think of Genevieve?

TOMMY: The French chick?
No, no, the monkey.

| think she's kinda hot.

Yeah, very kinda.
Yeah?

Hey, guys.
Hey.

Grab my irons,
will you?

You need a hand?
Uh, no, I'm all right.

Good? Fine?
Hey, Tommy, you know what?

| gotta tell you,
I'm proud of you, man.

Yeah,
I'm a good lifter.

No, | mean, about Colleen and
Shawn finding out about that.

| think you handled it
like a champ.

And I'm proud of you.
All right, you know what?

Put the chair down.

In the two-plus decades
that you've known me,

have | ever given you even
an inkling of the idea

that | would be against one of
my daughters dating a black guy?

No. | just like to hear you
say "inkling." Say it again.

Inkling.
Say it again.

Inkling.
One more time.

No. Lookit, Shawn and |
had our problems up front.

Yeah, we butted heads a
little bit, but the kid's great.

He's disciplined, he doesn't
smoke, he doesn't drink.

| got nothing bad
to say about the kid.

Is he my first choice
to date Colleen?

No. But you know what?
Pick it up.

You know, | think you're real
lucky too, about the whole,

you know, deciding
not to have sex thing.

Yeah. What?

What, you didn't
know that?

What? They're not having sex?

What? Why would they
not be having sex?

| don't know.

Put the chair down.

[CHUCKLES]

Why are they not having sex?

| don't know.
Lou.

No reason.

They're waiting.

Waiting for what?

Let's get this chair
out of here.

Lou.

Until they get married.
And...lift. Come on.

[GRUNTS]

Oh--

[GROANS]
Hey.

Are you sure you're
all right with that--?

Yeah, we're all set.
We're good. Thanks.

That sneaky little
black son of a bitch.

Say “inkling,” say "inkling."

Uh-uh. She's not
getting married,

I'm telling you right now, okay?
How did we go wrong?

| mean, we purposely
raised her the wrong way,

as a lapsed Catholic.
So now she should be, you know,

enjoying herself, on birth
control, banging her brains out.

But, you know, she wants
to reclaim her virginity

and not have sex
till she gets married.

My daughter turned Amish on me.
How is that possible? Okay?

She's not getting married.

She's not gonna end up like
her mom, I'm telling you.

What do you mean, what?
Gorgeous, 40 and angry?

She's Irish.
She's gonna end up angry.

She can't get married.
I'm telling you right now, okay?

Too young.
Look, you keep that tact up,

they're gonna
get married even sooner.

I'm gonna talk to her,

I'm gonna have
a conversation with her,

and she's gonna end up
having sex with him, okay?

She's gonna have lots
of sex with him,

so much sex
that sex is gonna turn

into what it's
supposed to be:

a boring, monotonous chore, just
like it is with everybody else

who's in a long-term
intimate relationship,

and then he's gonna get bored.
He's gonna leave and then

we're all set
‘cause the marriage is off.

Problem solved.
Right.

So you're gonna have a
conversation with your daughter

telling her to have sex
with her boyfriend.

Yes, | am.

Could | sit in
on that conversation,

‘cause
it's gonna be so creepy

it's gonna reset the high end
of my creep-meter

for the rest of my life.

Now, let's go.

Jesus Christ.

Look, forget what the media
machine put out, okay?

| know what | saw.

| saw buildings exploding
and imploding, not falling down.

When buildings fall

they don't blow out windows
across the street.

And they damn sure don't
collapse at free-fall soeed

while following the path
of greatest resistance.

Something funny,
Mike?

No, nothing.
Yeah? Well,

keep stepping,
because I'm talking here.

Look, I'll cut
to the chase.

Fire Engine magazine,

on every coffee table in every
firehouse across the country,

said the official
investigation was,

and | quote--
Frankie.

Tommy. --was
a half-baked farce.

And that Giuliani may have
committed a federal offense

in corrupting the crime scene--
Excuse me.

Mr. Gavin,
may | speak to you?

Sure, yeah.

Can we continue this
another time?

Yeah, I'm around.

Ahem.

Hey.

Um, wrote some things down,
you know, from the other day,

when, uh-- And | just wanted you
to check it for accuracy.

| Knew you were writing
stuff down. | didn't really...

| was just sort of...

Did | really, uh--?
Did | call you a...

sexy piece of foreign ass?

Well, no, actually, you called
me a hot foreign piece of ass,

but, um, sexy
is just more poetic.

You're right.

Well, everything else
is fine.

Thank you.
Uh, by the way,

tomorrow night,
I'm invited to a gallery.

A friend of mine
is the artist.

And, um,
do you want to come?

Are you--? Are you...
asking me out on a date?

Well, | was thinking if | got
you out of the firehouse,

um...you'd relax.

| need to relax?

You're very tense.

It's the guys | work with,
really, not, uh...

I'll give it a shot.

All right.
Tomorrow night.

All right.
All right.

Bye.
Bye.

Hey, Mikey. | heard about
the all-black bar.

How's the painting going?
Oh, good. I'll be done tomorrow.

| got all the glass in.
You gotta come check it out.

That's what's up. I'm down.
| was thinking

that we gotta have a rule,
you know?

None of that conspiracy theory
bullshit in the bar.

You gotta leave that shit
at the door, right?

Oh, boy.

| assume that was
directed at me?

Uh, pretty much.

You got a problem
with me, Mike?

Yeah, | guess | do
in that particular area.

Hmm. And the problem
would be what?

| think it's weird
and disrespectful

to all the guys we lost.

Everybody who died that day,
but mostly our guys,

‘cause what you're saying
is they weren't heroes,

they were dupes.

Well, maybe | get to say
whatever the hell | want, Mike,

because | was there
on the day. Unlike you.

It's disrespectful
to the memories.

No, dumbass.
What's disrespectful

is swallowing
that spoon-fed Kool-Aid

that's parading
as the official account

of 9-11 hook, line and sinker

like 99.9 percent of the people
in this goddamn country.

| am honoring the memories
of those who were lost, okay?

I'm honoring my brothers, my
brothers, by asking questions,

by picking at threads,
by not being some

gullible dumbass chump

who believes everything
he reads in the goddamn paper.

Not another word
of that shit in this house.

You don't tell me when to shut
the hell up, you filthy--

Shut up, man!
Shawn!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Come on, enough!
What, man, what?!

Damn, think about it!
You goddamn square-rooter!

Whatever, Frank.
Think about it.

Yeah, yeah.

Shawn.

What? I'm not getting
involved in that shit.

My back's killing me.
You're fine.

Come on, take a load off.
Let him cool off.

Wow. It's sort--

It's sort of like a...
crowbar, hmm?

Yeah, I-- | just
said that. Anyway--

Uh, why don't you show
him the bunker gear?

Okay, um...
bunker gear.

It's-- Well,
that's the bunker gear.

And, uh, you know,
we...get into it

when we get ready to jump
in the rig and go to a fire,

and it protects us,
um...

in the fire.
What's your name, again?

Uh, Kirk. Kirk Johnson.

Kirk. And how do you guys
know each other?

From cooking class.
Yep.

Um, we are, uh, doing
Vietnamese this week.

That's right.
Oh.

Wow.
What'd you do last week?

Um... Oh, | forget. Uh...

It was Thai. Remember? You
totally choked on that peanut.

Yes, Thai, of course.
It was delicious.

You gotta watch those peanuts.

Can | talk to you for a second?

We have to talk about
certain family stuff.

I-| don't know
what to say.

Okay?
What?

You were taking a cooking class
with this guy? Yeah, okay.

Yeah. | only talk about
my cooking class

like a million times
a week.

You do, really?
I've never heard it before.

Uh, maybe you
don't listen to me?

Okay. All right,
benefit of the doubt.

You know
what | think, though?

| think this is your--
What do you call that guy?

That psycho-weirdo acting
teacher-slash-shrink,

whatever the hell
you Call him.

You are so retarded.
It is psychodramaturgy, okay?

And no, that's not him. That is
my cooking class friend.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

| Know he's your Dr. Finko-
weirdo-psycho whatever.

Zip. Psycho...drama...turge.

Okay? Say it with me.
Psychodramaturge.

Turd.

Cooking class friend Kirk.
Okay, if he's Kirk,

I'm Spock.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]

He took
a picture of me.

What?
| didn't see that.

| was just taking a picture
of the fire truck.

Oh, yeah, no, no,
go ahead. Feel free.

Yeah, yeah. Take pictures of
whatever you...feel like.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, you know what?
Wow.

What?

| feel really sorry
for you, Tommy.

You feel sorry for me?

| do. Honey,

your self-obsession
is climbing and scrabbling

to such new heights

that | can't bring my cooking
class friend Kirk here

to see the house,
meet the boys,

without you just
thinking it's all about you.

If you were taking a cooking
class, it would be okay. Yeah.

Thank you so much.
You have now spoiled

this whole little trip
for me and Kirk.

We will be
running along now.

Kirk.

Kirk!

Kirk.

You know what | think happened?
| think he forgot his fake name.

Bye.

Hey.
[DOOR OPENS]

Hi, Aunt Sheila.

Colleen.

Oh, you're so pretty
and grown-up,

you're making me feel old.

Hey, hon.
Hi, Dad.

Hi.

I'm just dropping off
Shawn's iPod.

Oh, cool.
Oh, Colleen,

this is, um, one
of my great friends

from my cooking class
that | take.
Oh.

Uh, this is Colleen,
Tommy's daughter.

Hi, Colleen. I'm Kirk.
Hi.

Well...

Hey, would you mind if | got
a picture of you over there

with that crowbar thingy?
Uh, no. No.

Come on, honey. Sorry.
Nice to meet you.

You see
what | mean now, right?

It's gonna be a tougher
case than | thought.

Honey, come here. | want
to talk to you for a second.

Well, | really
don't have time now.

It's okay.
Come here. Okay.

So how you doing?

I'm good.

Good. Good. You look...

great.
Thanks.

Is this new? It's nice.

Um, yeah. Kinda.

What did you want
to talk to me about?

Um, | just wanted
to say that,

uh, your mother and | are--
We're very proud of you,

and, you know, we think
that Shawn's great.

He is.
Yes. And you know what?

Being black thing
doesn't bother us at all.

| mean, we've-- | think
we've raised you kids

with that,
you know, color, creed,

relig-- You know, none of that
stuff is-- You know--

It doesn't matter to us.
And, you know,

love is-- Is a thing that's, you
know, it's a big...

Uh, you know, it-- It takes--
It takes-- It just happens.

Right.
And when that happens,

| think it's kind of
important to,

you know, uh...what?

What's the problem?
There's no problem, honey.

There's no-- That's why--
| just want to--

Okay.

lf you were gonna buy a Car,

you would test-drive it,
you know?

That's what
I'm trying to say.

Oh, my God.
There's more.

Listen to me.

If you're
gonna test-drive a car,

you drive it around, maybe take
it on the highway and you--

Hey, Coll,
how you doing?

Hi.
You gonna buy a car?

Is that what | heard?
Good to see you.

You know, my friend Mark,

he's got this old Jetta
he's thinking of getting rid of.

You know what? She's all set.
She's got a car.

Yeah. Yeah,
I'm all set.

45,000 miles. Runs like
brand-new. New paint job.

No, we're all set.
All right.

Thanks. Okay.
If you change your mind...

Okay.

Could you do that
later?

It's in my locker.
Okay.

Listen. | just think
it's important that,

you know, you make sure
that the parts fit.

What parts?

You know the parts.

And don't make me
say the parts--

His penis and my vagina?

Shh!

You guys aren't
talking about cars, are you?

Get out of here.
I'm sorry.

Okay.

Are you actually telling me
to have sex with Shawn?

No.

Kinda. I'm saying
that | don't think

it's such a bad idea
for you to do it, okay?

You don't even have...um,
the whole thing,

just-- You know,
do the Clinton thing, you know?

You don't have to go
all the way. Just--

Oh, my God!
Honey, what?

| thought
that would be easier.

I'm talking-- What?
Are you telling me to--?

No, I'm not
telling you anything.

Oh, my God. Dad--
It's a suggestion.

I'm suggesting
some substi--

To help you
with your belated--

I'm telling Mom. Okay?

Tell Mom. This is so important
that Mom's gonna...

Don't-- Don't tell Mom.

Colleen, do not tell
your mother that--

Give this to Shawn.
Yeah, sure, sure.

Bye, honey.

Mr. Garrity?
Hi.

I'm Dr. Weisser.

Yeah, hi.
Hi there. Ahem.

You're having
back pain.

Yes, | am.
Upper or lower?

Uh...lower.

The whole lower general back
of the...back of me area.

Uh, new to the office?
| am, yes,

but a friend recommended you
very highly.

Excellent.

| don't know how much
your friend has told you.

My methods are unorthodox
to some people.

Oh, I'm not Jewish.
Is that okay?

But | do get results.

Lie on the table facedown,
please.

Uh, okay.

Are you ready?

Uh, yeah, | think so. Ahem.

Oh, hello-- I-- Whoa--

Do you want freedom
from your pain?

Um...yes, | do.

You must trust me.

Okay.

Am | in
the correct position?

Yeah. | mean,
that's where my--

Are you feeling pressure and
warmth in the troubled area?

Uh...yeah,
| am, actually.

It's not bad, really. | mean,
it's warm, that's for sure.

Just relax.
Okay.

Relaxing. And...

[TABLE BANGING]

That's a little--
Yeah, that's--

Ooh....
Oh, my God.

Uh, excuse me.
Could you--? Listen, I, uh...

I'm feeling a little,
you know, uncomfortable...

Ooh.
Uh...

Ooh.
...with your methods here.

Mmm.
| mean, I-- I--

Ooh!
Jesus Christ!

Ohh!

[MOANING]
Oh, my God.

Excuse me--
Okay, yeah--

Ohh! Ohh!
I'm feeling a lot better.

| think it's-- Okay--

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

Hey.
Seen Franco?

Hey there.

Yo, dude, | finished
painting the bar.

We're going to check it out
after the shift.

You in?
Where's Franco?

| think he's up in
the bunk room. How's your back?

Shut up.

Hey, brother.
How was the doctor?

Ha-ha! That's actually what |
wanted to talk to you about.

How many times you been
to see this broad?

Me? Never.

So what you're telling me
is that you recommended

a medical professional that
you actually know nothing about?

Is that what you're saying?

| guess. How was she?

How...?

It was great.

Yeah?

It was fantastic.
Actually, you know what?

Come to think of it,
you should go, bro. Seriously.

Yeah?
Yeah.

| have been having a little
trouble with my back.

| don't know if you heard,

| got into a little
tussle with Mike yesterday.

| did hear that.

| was sitting right there
at the table.

But, you know, you should get it
checked out. Seriously.

I'm going to make a call
and set it up for later today.

You know what?
I'm running low on cabbage,

so | probably shouldn't--
Hey, hey, hey.

Don't sweat it.
It's on me, man. Seriously.

It's the least | can do.

It's just a little thank you
for your advice.

Just a great big thank you.
I'm there for you.

You're a good guy.
Okay, pal.

Genevieve. Bonjour.

[BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH]

Deadlines, you know.
Annoying people.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry
to hear that.

Um, listen, | have, uh,
uh, | had something that

| thought you might be
interested in for your book.

Um, after 9/11,
|-- | did some writing.

Oh, you write.

No, not really.
But |, um, | wrote--

| wrote some-- Some poetry.

And the guys didn't
really understand it,

and | took
a lot of shit for it.

I'd rather not give you
the stuff here.

| was thinking maybe | could
drop it by at your place

at some point.
Okay.

| just--
| need the address.

Oh, yeah, um--
Oh, stylo.

Ah, yes, stylo.
Papier?

I'm-- I'm-- I'm fresh
out of papier.

Why don't you, uh,
just use my hand?

Oh.

This way | won't lose it.

Well, | hope not.

And | could just, you know,
uh, drop it off whenever.

Pick a time
and it'll be great.

There. Genial.
Genial.

Yeah?
Yes. Oui.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

[SIREN WAILING]

Fire department! Hello!

Come on, Shawn, pop that door.
Let's see you do it.

Nice job, man.

Hey, Tommy.
Yeah.

Did you tell Colleen
to go down on me?

What?

She said you said something
about Bill Clinton.

Hey. You guys all right?

Great, chief.
All right.

| just--

| just find this shit
very, very disturbing.

| didn't say it like that.
No. Now, here's the thing.

I'm a good brother
trying to keep it real,

I'm trying to give
the sex some meaning,

and here you are telling her
to go down on me

and service me
in an oral fashion?

What? See, this is
the reason

you can't tell anybody
anything.

Because it gets blown
out of proportion.

Now, "blown" isn't--
| didn't mean to say--

You see?
You see what I'm saying?

Hey, what are we
doing over here?

You drinking coffee?

Come on!
Okay.

Shawn,
get a can on this!

All I'm saying is
| want to be strong.

| wanna stay focused.
Stay focused?

Let's go and see
if there's anybody in there.

I'm gonna wait and give her good
loving on our wedding night.

You know what? All right.
But you know what?

You wouldn't buy a car
without test-driving it.

| was a kid, maybe 16, and had
an argument with my father.

Marched right out of the house

and went downtown
and joined the army.

Two days after that
| was in Fort Dix.

Three months after that,
I'm in Vietnam.

Anyway, there was, um...

There was a guy in our outfit.
Big guy. Built like a house.

| said to him one day,
"You seen the sergeant?"

He says, uh,

"Get lost.
| don't talk to kikes."

And he turns and walks away.

The way he said that,

his eyes, the hate in his eyes
was like...

like | was some disease
he could catch.

About a week after that,
we're out on a patrol,

when suddenly we hear this...
whistling sound,

a very piercing sound.

And this mortar comes in
and-- Bam!

Hits him right in there
and blows him to bits.

| mean, he showered all over us,
bits of hair, bits of bone.

One guy found an eye.

This hateful eye staring up
from the ground.

That night after mess,

| was outside the tent and...
having a smoke,

and | look up at the Vietnamese
sky and | said...

quietly, but out loud,

"Thank you, God.
One less asshole, right?"

Heh.

Maybe a month after that we got
a letter from his family.

His parents sent us a letter.
Very nice.

On the bottom it was signed,

"Dr. and Mrs. Asher Shapiro."

[CHUCKLES]

| got nothing against God.

It's religion.

Religion that makes one guy
hate himself

and call another guy a kike,

and makes another guy praise God
that they killed his enemy.

And this has been going on
for thousands of years.

So, what's another
couple of towers?

Next question.

| gotta be honest. I--
| thought it kind of sucked.

| mean, the paintings
were interesting,

but it just looked like
old leaves and desert sand

just blowing or something,
to me. | don't know.

Well, you know, it's like
a Renoir painting.

The light is what
inspires you.

Yeah.

But my friend
says that

she was inspired
by her vagina.

Really?
Yeah.

Well, | don't think
"desert sands" and "vagina"

are words you want to hear
in the same sentence.

Yeah, | don't--
| don't get it.

So...are you gonna
make your move?

| thought you were gonna
do it in the cab, but, um...

| was-- | was...
thinking about it.

| have never
really made--

Ahem. --a move
on a French girl before.

Actually, most of my moves
have been confined

to the continental
United States.

| see. Okay.

There was a French-Canadian girl
in high school, but...

| don't think that's
necessarily the same thing.

Well, you know, if the
attraction is not there--

No, no, no, no. No, no.

No, the attraction's there.

Oh. Okay.

Well, um... got
some wine upstairs.

| have a slight problem
with the wine,

just ‘cause | have a--

| have a mild alcohol...

uh, allergy.

Actually,
mild to raging.

Oh, well...

Yeah. Uh, but | can do
the upstairs thing.

Oh? Okay.

Are you...

asking me upstairs ‘cause you
just want to secretly pump me

for information
about your book?

Absolutely.

All right.
Okay?

Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, good.

| think | might have
a couple of chapters in me.

Oh, good, good.

Mr. Rivera?
Yeah.

Uh...

Are you Dr. Weisser?

I'm one of them. My mother
and | practice together.

Is this your first time
in the office?

Yeah.
Okay.

| see from your chart here

that you have some
soreness in your lower back?

Yeah, yeah.

| got in a little tussle
at the firehouse. Ahem.

I'm a-- I'm a firefighter.

You should see
the other guy.

Okay. I'm gonna ask you
to remove your sweatshirt

and lie on the table
facedown.

Okay.

Now, before we begin,

| want to tell you
that some people

have found our methods
to be a little unorthodox.

Okay.

Okay. | just want to stop
for one second. Ahem.

| just want
to say something.

Totally honest
and upfront.

I'm with somebody.
I'm living with somebody.

Long story short,
it's not going great.

Wanted to tell you,
get it out of the way.

Oh, it's okay.
| have someone as well.

You probably have
a boyfriend, right?

No, no. My husband.

You're married?

Yeah, yeah.

No, but it's all right ‘cause
my husband has a mistress.

Oh, my God.
Yeah.

How'd you find out?
Well, he told me.

You French people,
you crack me up.

It's probably why
you never go to war.

You're too busy
banging each other, huh?

Mm. Mm.
Mm-hmm.

[LAUGHING]

Can | say
one other thing?

Yeah.

Go ahead.

That alcohol problem
| mentioned earlier?

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

It's actually more raging
than it is mild.

| haven't had a drink
in like a year.

But wait, wait, wait.

Mm, mm.

Okay.

Last thing. Last thing.

[CLEARS THROAT]

| can't believe
I'm saying this.

| don't think we should sleep
together tonight.

Let me explain.

| just think--
I'm really attracted to you--

l've done it the wrong way
a million times,

and | just feel like maybe

we should do it
the right way this time,

which is to just let it
happen sort of in stages.

[INHALES]

What do you think?

You know, | wouldn't want
to compromise your morality.

No. No, no, I--

Where's your coat?
It's right there.

Oh, you're upset now.

No, no,
not at all. No.

Listen, we could still do
the kissing thing.

That's not
what I'm talking about.

No, but, you know,

I'm just looking out
for your morality.

You're pissed.
No.

Okay.
Not at all.

All right, so | should--
| can still call you.

Yes.
All right.

Yes.
All right.

Hey. All right.

So, guys.
What do you think?

Well, it's--
It's certainly black.

It's very black.

Yeah. It's black
like the inside of a...

a really black thing.

This is "tie you up
in a dark cellar,

kill you with a chainsaw,
cops can't find you" black.

Yeah. Hey,
turn up the lights.

Well, we're having a little
issue with the wiring,

but the electrician's
downstairs fixing it now.

Why don't you guys
take a look around?

At what?

Oh. Well, there's a flashlight
under the bar, | think.

Well, where
the hell's the bar?

It's over there, dude.

Over where, bro?

It's right there.

All right.
I'm going in.

If | don't come back, call
my mother, tell her | love her.

[CRASH]
Argh! Son of a bitch!

You okay?

Yeah. Man down.

All right, listen,
I'm coming in.

Stay where you are.

All right,
not a problem.

Don't leave me.

Garrity?
Where are you?

Shawn?

[CRASH]

SHAWN: Ow! Shit!
You okay?

Damn it!

Guys?

Aah!
Oh, Jesus, you all right?

That was scary.

This floor's so black,
| didn't know how far | fell.

Wait,
where's black Shawn?

Out there.
What?

Black Shawn?

If you can hear me,

can you get some ice
from behind the bar for Garrity?

[FURNITURE SCRAPING]

What the hell was that?

SHAWN:
Ungh. A table, | think.

Well, watch
where you're going, dude.

SHAWN:
| can't. You painted
everything black, dumbass.

[DISHES BREAKING,
SHAWN GRUNTS]

Better go
get the broom.

| hope you didn't paint
that shit black. Jesus.

Hey, guys.
Hey. Franco.

FRANCO:
Holy shit.
This place is black, Mikey.

Blacker than
an asshole's asshole.

[CRASH]
Aah!

Ooh.
Goddamn it!

You all right?

Yeah. This is definitely
not working, though, man,

if | gotta wear a cup to come
into my own goddamn bar.

[ELECTRICAL HUMMING]

There we go.
Heh-heh!

The ice is over here,
dude, behind the bar.

Yeah. Well, the broom's
in the back, dumbass.

Come on!
Ah, shit!

So, yeah.
What's up?

| went to
that back doctor.

Oh, you did?
Hey, look, I--

You know, | just thought | had
to punish you a little bit.

That was not cool, Frankie.
It was fantastic.

Are you talking
about Dr. Weisser?

Yeah.
Dr. Weisser,

like this tall, climbed up
on your back,

kind of rode you
like a goddamn pony?

[CRASH]
Shit!

Yeah, Daddy. Yeah.
When she was done on my back,

| turned around
and let her ride my front,

if you know what | mean.
It was hot.

You're a sick bastard.

You know that, Frank?
You're sick.

[CLATTERING]
Ah, shit! This bar sucks.

You know, Frank, | got
this uncle out on Staten Island,

and he, uh, he owns
this company.

They transport
hazardous waste, and...

| was gonna work for him,
and a couple days before...

9/11 happened.
And, uh...

You know,
| watched the news

and | saw the people
posting fliers around town

looking for
their loved ones,

and | just really felt
like I'm sure everybody did,

that | had to do something,
you know?

So...| decided
to become a firefighter.

You know--? You know
how a lot of kids

want to be firemen
when they get older?

| wanted to be
a superhero.

Even after | knew that
they didn't really exist,

| still wanted to be one,

because | wanted to fight
the bad guys. You know?

Frank...

What I'm trying to say is
that | became a firefighter

because of what the bad guys
did on 9/11,

and if you’ re telling me that
there are other bad guys,

and they're our leaders,
our people,

the people who are
supposed to be

watching out
for everybody,

it's just
too scary for me.

| can't even
think about that.

| mean, | understand that
there's evil in this world,

but | just feel a lot better

when it comes from someplace
that | don't call home.

Yeah.

You say you were gonna
take a job

transporting
hazardous waste?

Yeah, | was gonna
be a driver.

Jesus. Never thought
I'd say this,

but thank God for 9/11.

[LAUGHS]

Hey.

Hey.

What's going on?

Asleep, huh?

Yeah,
| was just-- Well,

| was trying to wait up
for you in case you called

to tell me
where the hell you were.

Where the hell were you?

| was at the thing.

[CLEARS THROAT]
What thing?

The, uh, thing | told you
| was going to, you know?

| don't remember
you telling me--

The thing that | told you | was
going to, the art gallery thing.

You were at
an art gallery thing?

| told you that | was going
to this art gallery thing

like two days ago--

You're always
forgetting stuff, honey.

Okay, you know what?
l-- I'm exhausted.

|-- |-- It's too late
to fight.

Could we fight in the morning?
Where are you going?

I'm going to get, uh--

Just give me
a hug good night.

Okay.

You smell like wine.

Do | smell like wine?

You were drinking.

No-- I--
Honey-- Come on.

You were
totally drinking.

No. No, no, no.
No. Come on.

| was at this
art gallery thing.

People were
drinking wine. So maybe--

| might have got some
spilled on me or something.

[SNIFFS]
You know?

Okay.

Remember | told you
this chick

that was writing
the thing about 9/11,

that's doing the book
about 9/11--

She's been around
the firehouse--

Why are your eyes closed?

Why are you talking
with your eyes closed?

I'm not talking
with my eyes closed.

This chick is writing
a book about 9/11.

She's been around the firehouse
talking to everybody.

| didn't want to talk
about that stuff,

and she talked to everybody
about 9/11

except me, and she said,

hey, will you finally come
and talk to me, uh,

maybe about 9/11

at this art gallery thing
outside the firehouse,

‘cause you won't feel so
embarrassed, which is true,

so | went with her

and she-- | didn't talk
to her about 9/11,

just--
So she was drinking.

And, you know, French people
kiss you like threetimes,

and so that's what,
you know...

[SNIFFS]
That's what that is.

No, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

You got
the total wrong idea.

The French accent thing has
nothing to do with this--

No, no, no, no--
The French accent thing

is like
an old fantasy of mine

which | thought was
gonna be really cool--

It was really hot
the first time we did it--

But after that it was like,
you know, it was--

It just was weird.

But that has nothing
to do with the--

The French chick
that I'm talking about.

I'll get my...

I'll get my stuff.

[WOMAN SINGING IN FRENCH]