Original subtitles

MAN: Previously on Rescue Me...

Why is he here? Why is he here?

(Talks Indistinctly) No, no. He is not an alcoholic.

Who votes that Sean does not get to come to these meetings any more?

Whoa. Hold on. Well, you know what, who votes that | get to stay?

Feinberg's been making a lot of noises about you lately.

LOU: Like, transfer noises.

The guy thinks you're a nut, he thinks you're unstable.

But what he's really pissed at is the whole daughter not getting touched thing.

TOMMY: The daughter is completely...

LOU: | know she's completely insane. TOMMY: Yes.

But, Tommy, it's a problem we can easily fix. TOMMY: How?

You take her out one more time, okay?

You pour, like, two or three drinks in her and you cop a feel.

Is Nat all right? Whatever it is, you can tell me.

She has a new boyfriend.

We just broke up four goddamn days ago, Richie. Don't...

Oh, this is bullshit, man.

Next time they have a date | can show you where.

Busy tonight? (STUTTERS) I'm...

I'm working at the fire house. Why?

Literally? | only need you for about three minutes.

Yeah, well, | know... (Chuckles)

(Chuckles)

I'm gonna go get her number.

Latrina. Latrina.

Lovely. Ah, Ken.

You take it black. No.

He's kind of banging this waitress now,

and | think it might be, like, you know, a regular thing.

What? Revenge sex.

No. You're thinking of having revenge sex.

No. Oh, you're going to lie to me about that now?

If I'm thinking about having revenge sex, may God strike me down now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Guess what? What you pushing me for?

Tell me where Mom is and, um...

‘Cause | need to talk to her. And you let me have the baby, eh, a couple days a week.

For what? Well, I'll give you a brand new car.

Now we're talking.

(Man Screaming) Mother of God.

Pray for us sinners...

...now, and in the hour of our death.

(Speaks Indistinctly)

You ready? MAN: Yeah.

You got it? MAN: (Grunts) Yeah.

That's it. That's it.

(Grunts)

(Speaks Indistinctly) (Man Shudders)

Whoa. All right. Thank you.

(Both Panting)

MAN: Get him in before the rig goes, Tommy, come on.

[WOMAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]

WOMAN [OVER TV]: ... Started by a lit cigarette,

and it quickly spread all over this overcrowded

apartment building.

The three-alarm blaze was Called in about 7:15

this morning and firefighters have been here on scene

trying to contain it ever since.

Right now we are being told that the number

of confirmed fatalities has risen to six.

That is six confirmed dead.

MAN [ON TV]: This is in addition to the three firefighters

we reported on earlier.

I’m standing at what must be--

[PHONES RINGING]

WOMAN: That’s six firefighters now that have lost their lives

fighting this horrific blaze.

You can see...

MAN [ON TV]: It’s been burning well over an hour now

and shows no signs of letting up.

The blaze was started by a lit cigarette left on a windowsill,

and quickly spread throughout the building.

We’re receiving reports

the list of casualties has now risen to nine...

And six New York City firefighters whose names

have yet to be released.

[SIRENS WAILING, PEOPLE YELLING]

Let’s go, let’s go.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa. What do you think you’re doing?

Get the hell out of the way, asshole.

MAN: Hey, Tommy.

[MEN TALKING OVER RADIO, CHATTER]

Lou!

Lou.

Garrity.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Tommy.

Tommy. Tommy.

That’s it, take it out.

Get it out!

It’s not gonna change it.

Look at me, look at me!

You stay with me. [GRUNTING]

Stay with me.

Get in there. Get in.

Sit down!

[GRUNTING]

Don’t.

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING OVERHEAD]

Stay right here.

Stay right here and look at me!

You're not gonna remember ’em that way!

[PANTING]

You want a drink?

Yeah.

[GASPS]

[SCOFFS]

Hey.

[WHIMPERING]

[DIALING PHONE]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello, 62 Truck.

Garrity.

Hey. What’s going on?

Hey, uh, you all right?

Yeah, why?

Just checking. Ahem.

Okay, actually, it’s funny that you mention it,

I’m-- I’m-- I’m actually hurting.

| drank like a fish last night.

Yeah, it’s really bad, bro.

Seriously.

Hello?

Tommy?

[THE VON BONDIES’ "C’MON, C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day C’mon, c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down | can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

Ils it safe to stay? J ~C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave? J ~C’mon, c’mon J

< Will | ever learn? I ~C’mon, c’mon f

~ C’mon, c’mon C’mon, c’mon J

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

WOMAN: Good morning.

[SCOFFS]

Who’s this?

It’s me.

You know, | still don’t know your name.

Well, come over and I'll tell ya.

You know what?

| really, really, really do wanna come over but

you gotta promise me two things.

Shoot.

Okay. Number one:

| wanna, um-- Blow job.

No. Well, | mean, yeah, eventually but I-- No--

l-- | wanna take our time this time, okay?

All right...

I'll make ya dinner.

What’s the second thing?

|, uh-- The second thing is, l-- I’ve...

| wanna find out what your name is.

Let’s just see how the first thing goes, all right?

Come on.

Come on, pal.

[GROANS]

Hey, | need a six-egg omelet,

double bacon, double cheese.

And, uh, some spinach.

Uh, no dogs allowed.

Not a dog, it’s a wolf.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Yeah?

Yeah, is this, uh, Gavin, Thomas, right?

You’re the clown with the Escalade?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I’m calling from the city tow pound,

and, uh, you got about 12 hours

till this baby’s declared abandoned.

All right.

After that it goes up for auction.

Cool, thanks.

Maybe you didn’t catch my drift, pal.

No, you’re the city tow-pound guy,

you're gonna auction the truck off, blah, blah, blah.

W-wait, hang on. Hang on.

Talk fast, asshole.

Listen, the city’s gonna auction this thing off.

You're gonna get nothing. They’re gonna get, like,

| don’t know, 8, 10 grand for this thing.

I’m offering you a little bit of a deal.

Which is?

Il give you five grand cash, no questions asked.

No.

Eight grand, final offer.

You got any Jettas down there? Uh...

yeah. I’m looking at one right here.

I'll trade you even up for the Escalade, all right?

For the Escalade? Yeah.

No cash.

You know, you could get

two brand-new Jettas for the blue book tag

on this Escalade, you know?

Yeah. What time you work till?

| get off at 5.

All right, I'll be down.

This it?

Yeah, that’s it. Uh, the papers are gone.

As far as the city’s concerned,

this thing was never even here.

Uh-huh.

You got any keys?

Yep.

[SCOFFS] You're kidding me.

Oh, look on the bright side,

if you lose it, there are 200 just like it at True Value.

You sure it doesn’t bite?

Ow.

Hey, Sugar. Hi, uh, sorry.

[SIGHS]

Do | smell chocolate?

Uh-huh.

And marshmallow?

Yup, it’s chocolate pizza.

Chocolate pizza with...

With melted marshmallows on top.

Now, that is true talent.

It’s an old family recipe.

It’s got chocolate, marshmallow,

and pizza.

It’s three of your cousin’s favorite things.

They were my favorite things first.

Oh.

[SIGHS]

Baby like?

I’ve seen the face of God.

Oh, yeah.

There he is again.

[EXHALES]

WOMAN: This is it?

"This is it."

This is the safest vehicle on the road.

It’s a Jetta. It’s a Volkswagen Jetta.

You know what "Jetta" means in German?

"Safe." "Safe." That’s what it means, okay?

| got you the most modern car seat.

It’s the best car seat in the world.

Safest thing, you know?

[CRYING]

He’s getting all struggly again.

He had me up all night last night, and I--

Couldn’t find a babysitter so | had to miss Tony’s gig.

Yeah, well, welcome to Baby Land.

This is what it’s like.

You're finally learning. You’re not ready. Okay?

My own kid will be completely different.

Oh, really? How’s that?

Because | would actually be in love with my own baby.

Oh, right. Right, love.

| forgot you’re an expert in love.

Like you know. | do know.

Like you’re an expert.

| am an expert on love.

| know enough to tell you this, you know what?

The two of youse. You and-- What’s-his-name?

Tony. Tony.

You think you’re in love,

but one of these days, the two of you

are gonna wake up,

and one of you, maybe both of you,

is gonna look at the other one

and realize, "You know what? I’m outta here."

And then-- He’s-- You know?

You're 18 years old. Your first boyfriend.

Okay, well you met Mom in high school,

and she was 16.

Okay, but, you know what?

We didn’t start having, uh...

sex until, you know, later.

She was pregnant with me before she even graduated.

Right.

We fell in love, and-- And then we had sex.

That’s how it happened.

It wasn’t-- It was real love.

It wasn’t this, you know,

Fake Baby Head l-lead singer... Dad.

...fock and roll love.

What?

Listen to me.

| know what I’m talking about.

| wasn’t a lead singer in a band.

Okay?

| had a real job.

Colleen, listen to me.

[BABY CRYING]

Shit. Baby’s crying.

Okay, SO, um...

how do you go from sleeping with Mom one second

and then Aunt Sheila the next?

Okay, it was a lot more complicated than that.

No, it’s not.

Okay, tell me.

Explain that part of love to me.

First of all, | was not sleeping with Aun--

Mom one second and then Aunt Sheila the next second.

Of course not.

Listen to me, Colleen...

| wanna make it up to you. You know that. I-- |--

I’m clean and I’m sober now.

’m--

[SIGHS]

Hang on, kid.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[BABY CRYING]

Hi. You’re here!

You’re here.

Oh... Whoo.

| missed you so much.

| know.

| know.

Oh... All right.

Okay?

Now, did you call the window-guard guy?

Yeah, | did. He didn’t call me back yet.

Okay, what about the terrace guy? Is that the same guy?

Yes, it’s the same guy.

Okay. Just, you know.

Eric Clapton’s kids. | know, | Know.

Cause this is, you know--

This is pretty high for a kid.

You know, it’s not--

It’s danger-- [CRYING]

What are you--? Get inside.

Jesus Christ.

What if-- Okay.

What are you, nuts?

What if you slipped out there for chrissake?

rll tell ya, that’s some...show of faith.

I'll tell ya.

What?

What was | just talking about?

| don’t know.

Eric Clapton’s kid, huh?

Four-and-a-half years old.

He’s just being a kid, running around,

maid leaves the window open, she’s cleaning,

he’s playing, blah, blah, blah.

And bang, out the window he goes.

Thirty-something stories to his death,

his father’s 20 blocks away, he gets the cell phone call,

runs, picks up the broken little body of his little boy.

And he writes that great song, "Tears in Heaven."

You wanna talk about faith, that’s--

Faith with a capital "F."

Wow. Phew.

| will get the goddamn window guards, all right?

[CLAPS] You know what?

Ooh, | forgot, | had this great idea.

There is a jeweler down the block-- No.

No, wait. There’s this 2-for-1 sale--

No. No. You don’t know what I’m gonna say.

| Know exactly what-- No, you don't.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]

You wanna get him an earring, don’t you? Am | wrong?

You wanna get him an earring, and let me guess.

An earring with a little-- A little, uh, T.C.B. in it.

Yeah, "taking care of business," huh?

No earrings, no piercings, no tattoos,

no nose rings, nothing for the baby.

Oh, my God, come on, who’s gonna notice?

It’s this little stud.

What, do you wanna blow this now?

Janet's like two weeks away, got a new boyfriend,

she’s working for that guy, he got her an apartment.

She'll forget about this kid in the next two weeks.

Guarantee it. Colleen’s already over him.

All right, all right, no piercings.

Nothing. Okay?

The baby as is.

Don’t even draw on him with a crayon,

okay?

[SLOW ROCK THEME PLAYING]

"Valerie". It’s--

Is that...Greek?

Mm-mm.

[SUCKS IN AIR]

So do you like to be called "Valerie" or...

"Val"?

It’s okay.

It’s fu-- |, uh, this is weird.

"Val" makes me think of Val Kilmer, is that weird?

Mm.

You know, he makes me think of that movie, Tombstone.

He was in it. | don’t know if you ever saw it,

Goldie Hawn’s husband played Wyatt Earp.

Yeah, but, | mean...

if you really wanna talk about Wyatt Earp,

the only one to really talk about is Kevin Costner.

Yeah-- Ah.

You know, this is like a--

My wife named our baby "Wyatt."

Sexy.

Okay, w-what constitutes a sexy Kevin Costner movie?

Mm...

Silverado.

Where he plays the retard?

He was slow.

Hm, wait, mm-hm.

Okay, well-- Mm--

What about Open Range?

| don’t know Open Range.

No chick knows Open Range.

This is one of the greatest Costner movies of all-time.

Him, Robert Duvall,

protecting Annette Bening’s farm--

A little bit too acty for me.

Yeah? Too many words.

[SIGHS]

I’m bored.

Yeah?

Take off your pants.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[SIGHS]

So how’s your Tourette’s thing going, Rich. | haven’t hearda--

Nigger!

There it is.

FRANCO: Whoa, is this the guy?

Son of a bitch.

He’s a good-looking bastard.

Oh, here she comes.

FRANCO: This is the guy?

Oh, my God, you gotta be shittin’ me. This is a joke.

You're not laughing.

| mean, you kidding me? With the trucker hat?

I’m pretty sure that that fad went out already, okay?

Or what, did he drive his 18-wheeler here?

He’s a artist.

Yeah, he’s an idiot.

She says he’s “emotionally available."

Yeah, well, Rich, most homos are.

And he’s very passionate.

Passionate?

She said he was passionate?

They go at it all the time.

Yeah, like | wasn’t passionate, okay?

| mean, | know from passion, all right?

I’m Puerto Rican, it's what made us famous.

She wants to see passion, how about | walk over there

and pound Ashton Kutcher’s face in?

Oh, | wouldn't do that.

Mm, she hates when people hit.

It’ll only push her further away.

Yeah, you're probably right.

All right, I'll go the other direction.

"Il just walk over there, fall on my knees,

tell her | love her more than ever before,

a-and I'll beg her to marry me again.

And then she’ll see that I’m the guy.

And not this hipster artist shit-bag.

And she'll say "yes."

Or, maybe she won’t say "yes,"

and then at least I'll Know for sure that it’s over.

[SIGHS]

All right, give me the ring.

Okay.

You do have the ring, right, Rich?

Oh, please tell me you didn’t leave it at home.

I’m getting married.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, that was amazing.

Yeah.

Oh.

Felt like it was almost a, uh-- A minute.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS] New record.

[CHUCKLES]

So let me guess. You, uh--

You want a Fresca?

Mm-hm...

that'd be nice. Yeah.

There’s this great place down--

Yeah, | know.

Down the end of the block, take a right.

Vinnie’s, | got it.

[SIGHS] Hey, listen.

What?

We just gotta, you know,

take it slow.

You know what | mean, like--

l-- | just gotta get used to you a little bit more.

You know, sexually.

After we’ve done it about...

| don’t know, 10, 12 times.

You know, after that initial--

You know?

I-I’ll get a little bored, so--

I'll be able to hold on for a little bit longer. Like--

| don’t know, six, seven minutes.

| mean, the last guy | went out with...

| mean, oh, my God, by the end of that,

we'd go for about 15 minutes.

And-- And it-- And it-- What, it was good?

Oh, well... [SCOFFS]

Actually, it got a little boring.

| mean, it just took so long.

Plus, the guy was an idiot.

Right. [SIGHS]

So...

you're basically saying that this is--

This relationship is kinda...

doomed.

[LAUGHS]

Well, aren’t they all?

[CHUCKLES UNSURELY]

Can | have my Fresca--?

Yeah, I’m going.

| really like you, though.

Yeah?

| like you too.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

[GIGGLES] Hey.

Ugh!

| love your ass.

Yeah.

Me too.

[GIGGLES]

Yeah. You missed breakfast.

Favorite Kevin Costner movie of all-time.

Field of Dreams doesn’t count. Go.

Open Range. Thank you, all | wanted to know.

Someone’s awful charged up this morning.

| got eight Frescas in me, Lou,

I’m on a massive NutraSweet high. Don’t get me started.

Speaking of high, your new girlfriend came looking for you.

Feinberg’s daughter?

Uh, | don’t know what she’s on,

but | think her purse may contain the contents of

what used to be in Liza Minnelli’s medicine cabinet.

Isn't that enough to kill a man?

Didn’t make a dent in David Gest.

Hm. [CLEARS THROAT]

Tom?

Uh-- Lou-- Tom...

Uh-uh-- Tommy...

Uh-uh-- Thomas Gavin.

You take her out again.

I’m not doing it.

You see these? You see these?

Look, this is not a request. This is an order, okay?

It’s the right thing to do for the crew,

for you, and the right thing for your relationship with Feinberg.

| mean, it’s a genius political move.

You take her out, you give her a little kiss, a little feel,

make her think that you’re interested.

What if she gets interested?

Well, then you give her the whole, you know:

"I’m a mess and you're so great,

"and | can’t give you what you need, so I’m gonna have to do

"the horrible thing and walk away

"and think about you for the rest of my life,

“especially when I’m masturbating."

The famous Lou end- of-the-relationship line.

SEAN: Hey, guys.

Whew. I’m dying.

| can barely keep my eyes opened.

| got hammered last night.

Those Long Island Iced Teas really do a number on you.

You know? Brutal.

Yeah.

Hey, you wanna know how many | had?

Two...

and a half.

It was, you know, hardcore.

You know where | woke up this morning?

My couch. [EXHALES]

It’s pretty goddamn embarrassing, you know?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Think | might have a problem.

[SNIFFS]

Hi. Hi.

| have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time.

What's that?

Little thing | like to call the "20 Questions."

It’s from Alcoholics Anonymous.

Kind of a little booze exam, if you’d like to take it?

Okay.

"Is drinking making your home life unhappy?"

It’s mostly her drinking, so no.

"Do you drink because you’re shy with other people?"

No. "Is drinking affecting your reputation?"

No, no. No...

Why, are you supposed to, um, have "yeses" for this?

Cause, if it’s "noes," I’m gonna ace this thing.

Lou?

One night in the not-too-distant future,

my cousin Mike and | are gonna take you out drinking.

And if we notice that you like to drink and get drunk,

and drink to excess,

and if you pass the, Shea cousins drinking exam,

then you will be called an alcoholic.

Why is that?

Because we’re all alcoholics.

Functioning, yes, but blazing alkies all the same.

Wow, okay, you're on.

Hey, so "excess" is, like, how many Long Island Iced Teas,

exactly?

MAN [ON TV]: Probably got the worst of it on the other end...

TOMMY: This is good, man. | remember this.

This is when Neely fights Brashear

in Brashear’s rookie season.

They had, like, three or four great battles--

This is where this hockey shit confuses me, it gets me--

Wait, okay, you’re not allowed to fight,

but then you can fight.

And after you're tired and all worn out

from the fight you’re not allowed to have,

they give you a 5-minute vitamin water break.

It just makes no sense, right?

Yeah, well, hey man, that shit would be fun around here.

Beat the shit outta some guy, go spend 5 minutes in the rig

drinking vitamin water.

You know, it’s not such a crazy idea.

You know, you think about it.

Take a swing at somebody, get it out of your system,

go sit in the rig, take a little break,

time out, 5 minutes later you come back, clean slate.

Seriously Frankie, if you could take a swing at somebody

in the house, who would it be?

If it had to be somebody in this house,

I'd invite that piece of shit over

who’s banging my possibly former fiancée,

and I’d pound him in the goddamn face repeatedly.

That sounds like fun, but it has to be somebody on the crew.

Come on. Who would you pick?

Silletti.

Garrity, who would you take a swing at?

Okay, no-- No retribution?

None.

No lingering animosity... Uh-uh.

...or future sucker punches in any way?

Nothing. Nope.

Okay, you.

[LAUGHS]

Why would you take a swing at me?

You said you wanted a name.

Yeah. Yeah.

What about you, Tom? Who would you hit?

| was gonna hit Black Shawn, but now I’m gonna hit Garrity.

You said there’s no retribution.

It’s not. That’s self-defense.

You hit me first. | didn’t hit you.

Whoa, yo, Ace.

Why would you wanna hit me?

Why would-- Okay--

Let’s just not waste anybody’s time.

I'll make a list of why | wouldn’t wanna hit you.

That’s the problem with you hockey players.

You're all animals.

All you wanna do is fight.

You got all this hostility and anger

and madness all pent up inside you.

Okay. You know, you're such a hotshot,

why don’t you put your balls where your mouth is?

Wh--? Okay, that came out wrong.

What I’m trying to say is,

you're always complaining about hockey. You ever play?

Doesn't matter, | got balls, though.

You got balls? Yeah.

Yeah, you got balls? Yeah.

Let’s see. Come play some street hockey with us.

Tomorrow morning.

Captain Hoops, huh?

Well, | don’t skate, so--

There’s no skating, we do it on foot.

Just like basketball, except we don’t wear those

little pussy underwear uniforms. We play like men--

All right, all right. Enough said.

I’m down, I’m in. Yeah?

Bring your big black balls

to street hockey tomorrow morning at 9.

Okay? Alll right?

I'll do that. ’'m in.

| played a little--

Little floor hockey in grammar school--

Oh, yeah, it’s just like floor hockey.

Yeah, 1’ll be there.

Bring your floor hockey balls tomorrow.

You just make sure your pink balls are down there.

Hey, my balls are not pink, asshole.

Okay? Alll right?

My balls are tan!

Tan balls!

[QUIETLY] Jerk.

What?

You got tan balls?

Yeah, | got t-- What color are your balls?

Well, Il-- Since | married your sister?

Pretty much blue.

[LAUGHS]

All right, guys.

Take some of these, pass them around.

Make sure everybody’s got paper and some pencils.

We gotta do this with a real sponsor someday.

God help whoever that is.

We’re gonna talk about making amends.

Is this homework?

Aw, that’s perfect.

Try to stay positive, Mags, will ya? Super.

What | want you all to do, all right,

is | want you to make a list

of people you’ve harmed with your drinking.

All right? People you verbally or physically abused.

People you forced away because of your disease.

You can take a few minutes, think about it.

Then start your list, all right?

[SIGHS]

What?

Shit, this is hard.

You're shittin’ me, right?

What?

My name’s not in your top three?

Shh, guys.

Guys, just keep--

Excuse me.

How have | hurt you with my drinking?

Give me one for instance.

Bottle of Midori.

[SIGHS]

| had to leave the firehouse.

Come and get you outside a club downtown.

You puked all over the inside of my Cordoba.

You know what, | was 14 years old,

and that was the first time | ever drank.

All the more reason why | should be number one.

Am | on your list?

For what?

Christmas.

Eighty-six?

You grabbed my left tit, Teddy.

First of all, it was a slight graze.

Second of all, | drank half a bowl of eggnog that night

through a straw.

And third of all, most importantly,

| would never, ever, ever do such a thing.

[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

Guys, please.

Stick to it, will ya?

| was wondering if we could go back to talking about

the higher power thing that we were talking about last week?

You know? Jesus.

You got a problem?

What, the goddamn God stuff again?

Yeah, the God stuff again, yeah.

We got, like, nine more steps to go here.

This is turning into goddamn summer school.

Okay, you know, I--

You know what, Tom?

Say what you gotta say.

| wanna hear it.

Thank you, Mags. Okay?

At least one person here--

| do. Yes.

Being polite.

Mm-hm. And care.

Yes, caring.

Thank you.

Go ahead. [SIGHS]

God...

God, thank you.

Uh...

| prayed this week.

| know.

| said a prayer.

And | think it actually made a difference. I--

| think it helped me--

It saved this guy who was

hanging off the side of a building.

We read all about it in the papers.

Yeah. The window washer.

Yes.

You used a diamond-studded saw

to cut a hole through the window.

Did God invent this saw? No.

That’s not-- What--? This wasn’t God.

This was technology. And balls.

Don’t-- Don’t sell yourself short, Tom.

[SIGHS]

| prayed this week.

Yeah.

Yeah, I--

| prayed this guy that | was, uh, defending--

This-- This douche bag | was defending,

who | know for a fact killed his wife--

| prayed that this son of a bitch wouldn't get off.

| prayed that | would lose, you know?

And you know what happened?

| won.

| won. The piece of shit is out there

walking the streets.

So a shit-load of good that praying to God did for me.

So | ask you: Who should | be praying to, huh? Satan?

Ugh. Every time | hear Satan’s name,

| think of David Lee Roth.

Oh, get outta here!

He’s number four on my list!

Theodore, look. Oh, my God.

Judge Reinhold?

Hey.

How you doing?

How do you think I’m doing?

I’m drinking club soda.

Just asking.

How’d the meeting go?

It was all right, you know?

Talked about amends. Mm.

Apologizing to people that you did

or said shitty things to, you know.

Making, uh, what do they call it? Reparations.

| apologize to the five Nazi pricks | killed in the war.

Five? | thought it was a lot more than that.

I’m talking about the ones | killed hand-to-hand.

There’s more of a connection.

Right.

| apologize to Patton, for calling him an asshole.

You said he was an asshole.

He was.

No, | take that one back.

I’m sorry about your sister.

My darling Rosemary.

For sending her off to that school.

Mm-hm.

And I’m sorry, maybe, about you a little.

Dad, listen to me.

Y-you have nothing to apologize to me about, okay?

No, | do.

Some of the shit | did.

| was never home.

Always off fighting goddamn fires.

| get it.

And when | was home,

| did a lot of things faster than | should’ve.

| thrust you in a pool down at the Boys’ Club,

see if you'd sink or swim.

You swam, by the way.

| wanted to toughen you up.

You were so goddamn timid.

You were never-- A-afraid of anything?

Shit, yeah.

In the war, the whole goddamn time.

After the war, not so much.

There’s nothing--

On the-- On this planet that scares you?

Not a thing?

Yeah.

There is one thing.

What?

Some people think that-- That when you die,

you-- You see, uh, the people.

You got like your wife,

and, uh, Elvis,

and Ted Kennedy.

And you and me both know that’s bullshit.

I’m not seeing your mother, or Johnny, or Connor

ever again.

| know that.

You die,

they stick your body in the ground,

and you’re worm food.

Simple as that.

Death is a goddamn scary thing, Tom.

The closer you get to it, the scarier it gets.

Screw it.

I’m gonna order a drink.

I’m kidding.

[CHUCKLES]

Ah.

[MEN SHOUTING]

TOMMY: All right, guys, let’s go!

Everybody up!

[Pre]

Hey!

SEAN: Hey, Shawn?

You play the man, not the ball.

Take the body. Don’t let him do that shit.

Right.

~ Sandman roams On 6th and Ho f

SEAN: Come on, shake it off. Let’s go.

2 Swinging from his Leather robe I

J Well, there’s a gaudy hand Going to his grills f

~ Wags his tail... f

Aw, come on.

Sean, play the man, not the ball.

Take the body.

Hey, what are you telling him what to do for, all right?

Just worry about us.

Yeah!

[UNDER BREATH] Aw, man.

Damn, Tommy, man.

Yeah, he’s good.

Yeah. Real good.

[SIGHS]

Feels like he’s treating me like his bitch out there, you know?

It'd be nice to treat him like my bitch out there.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, all good players have a weakness.

| just need to find out what...

Tommy’s weaknesses are.

Give me one of those, will ya?

Look at that.

Black Shawn talking to Mike.

Me and you, we’re-- We’re a lot alike, you know?

Probies.

Uh, I-- ’m-- I’m not a probie.

You know what | mean.

They always wanna give us shit, you know?

You'd say we were like bros?

We like brothers.

That’s cool, man.

You know...

| Know what up, you know?

| got-- When | first started playing with Tommy,

he used to make me feel like that, man.

Makes you feel like shit.

Exactly.

But, | learned his, like, weak points.

And you can use that to, like, even things out, you know?

SHAWN: Yeah.

[WHISPERING] He’s old, man.

You know, and you’re fast. Tire him out,

and then do your thing, you know.

He’s gonna tire quicker than you, you know.

[Pre]

[INDISTINCT YELLING]

Here!

~ He looks in your window With his yellowy eyes I

J Spits on your dog Feeds on your flies... f

[GRUNTS]

[CHEERING]

~ Sandman Jf

~ Sandman Jf

~ Sandman Jf

~ Sandman Jf

[CHEERING]

~ Yeah I

Damn, she’s fine.

Yeah!

[CHEERING]

Yeah!

Hey, Tommy?

Little advice: next time play on the black kid’s team.

Funny. Real funny.

What’d you say to Black Shawn before?

| didn’t say anything.

Really?

’Cause | saw you whispering to him.

What were you saying?

Uh, he was just asking for some pointers. I--

| saw Sean-- Sean gave him pointers before, so | just--

Oh, really. Yeah?

Hey, you know | wouldn’t say anything bad, Tommy.

He was talking shit.

You know the saying: "Keep your enemies close--"

And...

"Keep your enemies close."

| jumped off a roof for you, asshole.

[SIGHS]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

It’s, um...

So | didn’t know you drank bourbon.

Last time we were drinking--

Sorry. You want a nut?

Um, they call him the Miami-- Miami Advice, right?

Just thought I’d had bourbon.

| don’t know.

How’s it going with the, uh-- With the...

ghetto, uh, kids. How’s that going?

What do you mean?

Uh, you said that you were working with the kids uptown--

| don’t have a job. | don’t work.

Okay, | can’t work.

Oh. I--

Okay, | can’t-- | can’t--

[CLEARS THROAT] | can’t have a job.

So, there are no "ghetto kids."

[KNUCKLES CRACK] You okay?

I’m fine. You seem--

I’m fine. Okay--

On the first date, you were a little--

You know, just a little more up.

And, uh, you were funny,

you were really making me laugh.

Funny?

You were really funny, | thought--

What, like, Joe Pesci funny?

No-- Buddy Hackett funny?

No. No, no--

What do you mean, "funny?"

You-- Do | look funny to you?

No. No, no--

Should we all be laughing right now?

I’m funny, | don’t-- | don’t-- Whatever.

It-- |-- | was--

Well, ahem, sometimes, you know...

You know, | don’t drink.

So when | come to a place like this it’s--

[CLEARS THROAT]

l-- Look at, like, the...vodka bottles and...

| used to drink vodka, so it’s always--

That’s what | look at, but, uh, all the crazy bottles they have.

Like, some of these...

Like, designer-- Like that Trump, uh, vodka.

You-- That’s, like, gold-plated. That--

That bottle that’s up there.

Oh, yeah. So...

Course, it always makes me think--

You know, |’m-- I’m on medication right now.

I’m, um-- I’m what you Call bipolar.

And sometimes | have to take, mood stabilizers or, like,

brain drainers for it.

| mean, | go off it sometimes,

but then my parents always want me to go back on it,

‘cause they just, you know, are afraid that if | go off it,

that I’m just gonna snap and try to, you know,

run into the room where they’re sleeping

and stab their eyeballs out with an ice pick,

or rip their chest out and then bury it in the backyard

next to my ovaries, you know?

Uh.

Why’d you take your hand away?

What?

Why is your hand under my underpants?

No, no, I’m-- I’m outside the dress.

|-- | was just--

Was it the ice-pick thing?

No.

Stop yelling. Don’t yell about this.

Why’d you take your hand away?

The ice-pick thing?

No, | just--

l’d stab you with a fork.

| could do that.

I’m just saying I’m capable of doing those things.

Okay. It’s crazy.

| was just trying-- Don't try.

Just be-- You’re making me nervous.

Bouncing all over the place.

I’m...SOrry.

| didn’t-- It’s not--

It’s not me, it’s you.

I’m sorry, it’s just-- | should go.

This wasn’t a very good idea.

No, no. You don’t have to go.

| have surgery tomorrow. | should go.

You have surgery? Yeah. Bye.

Thank you, really.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah, no, I’m fine.

And I'll call you--

So, we-- We’re good?

We'’re fine. Just fine, all right?

Okay. See you at home.

LOU: You heading out?

You?

Yeah, | got another tour.

What's with these guys?

Cunningham just turned 35 and, uh, wife’s leaving him.

Think the boys are trying to cheer him up.

They showed up for the shift like that.

Think the party’s been going on for, like, three days.

[ALARM SOUNDS]

[ALL CHATTER]

FEMALE VOICE [OVER PA]: Engine.

Ladder.

Engine.

Dave, Dave. No way. L-let me drive.

All right. Take it.

TOMMY: Hey. Hey.

You know what? I’ll take over.

All right?

Fine with me, pal.

Haven't driven in a while. Need to get some practice in.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[SIREN WAILING]

MAN [OVER CB]: Uh, this is unit 14,

we’re gonna go ahead and...

Tom, do you, uh...

You got the parking brake on?

You know that little pedal over there

next to the, uh, brake?

Yeah, that-- That’s the gas pedal.

All right, Grandpa?

Tommy, this old woman over here with the walker?

She’s zooming past us.

All right.

Hang on.

[HORN WAILING, TIRES SCREECHING]

[YELLS]

Remind me to leave a note for the mayor about that one.

All right, Tom, there’s another, uh, pedal over there

by the gas. It’s called a brake.

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

That was a blast, huh?

Yeah, | need new underwears.

"New underwears."

All right, know what? Do me a favor.

Just, uh, keep them busy, all right?

What am | gonna do with them, play cards?

Take ’em around back or something.

What are you gonna do?

I’m gonna take care of things. Go, go.

LOU: All right guys, follow me.

How you doing, Cunningham? You all right? [THROWS UP]

Yeah, | feel better.

You okay? Uh-huh.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, Lou, | don’t see any fire back here.

What are we doing?

Don’t worry, bro, we'll find it.

You’re a moron. It’s here.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON FIRE RADIOS]

[PERSON COUGHING]

Hey.

[CRYING]

Come here. Come here.

Come up. Come on. [GRUNTS]

Okay.

All right.

[GRUNTING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

You all right?

MAN: Possible smoke inhalation...

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

WOMAN [OVER CB]: Rescue 42 and 48 are on the way...

Hey.

Do me a favor. Give Cunningham his coat back.

Where’s Cunningham?

All right?

Listen, as far as you're concerned,

| was never here. All right?

All right.

[Pre]