Original subtitles

MAN: Previously on Rescue Me,

(Gunshot)

So, if | get a little older a little sick

| should just kill myself?

(Shouting)

What have you got? Eight years on the job?

-| was standing right next to him. -Shut up.

It was Jerry's life.

And he made a choice and obviously, it was a pretty severe choice.

But you wanna know something,

| give the guy all the respect | have for going out in his own terms.

But | think he is all, Gavin. Half Johnny, half you.

You know what, this is...

If he was half Johnny, he'd hate me.

And he is got the...

The blonde peach fuzz coming in.

But that doesn't mean anything.

In a couple of months, he could end up with a full head of jet black hair.

Oh, God damn it, Jimmy. | want that probie.

You guys had a solid basket ball team.

You won five of the last eight divison championships.

Six.

You dating the guy who saved your life?

Yeah!

You are so cute.

Yeah, he loves you. He talks about you...

Yeah, we don't need to. Okay.

-What do you wanna say? -Um...

To Troy, your buddy.

Tommy.

He is so cute.

So, you two seem to be getting along famously.

| Know, | have the baby magic.

-Oh, no, no. -Yeah, let...

-Um... -(Baby Crying)

Ah, he gets a little cranky at lunch.

It's done. The thing, the chemistry.

We don't have that thing anymore.

You don't have that thing for me any more.

| do. My thing is just having a...

You have never, not gotten hard for me.

It's just... It's not you.

Michael, your mom. She has passed.

Maybe | should come and hang out with you.

You know, lift your spirits a little.

That's really cool, Sean.

| forgot what a good friend you can be.

(Laughs)

Plus, I'm actually getting a divorce.

[BABY CRYING] It’s okay. Shh.

[ALARM BEEPS]

Yeah, | just finished shopping.

Hey, honey, come on, just a few seconds, okay?

JANET: Please.

Help Mommy get...

Sweetie, okay, okay. Do you hear that?

| need to know if you’re coming home tonight.

Yeah, I’m coming home. Honey, I’m in the middle of a tour.

The day is just started and he’s already making me insane.

Well, what do you want me to do about it?

He cried the whole time in the market.

People were staring at me.

Like | was poking him with a stick or something

when they weren’t looking.

JANET: | gotta go.

Say hello to Prince for me.

JANET: Hey. What’s up?

| haven’t heard from you in almost four days.

I’ve been busy.

Oh, my God!

What?

Jesus Christ. Shit!

Mom? Mom!

[HYPERVENTILATING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[CRYING]

Oh, my God... My baby.

My God.

[CRYING]

[CRASH]

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

[BABY GURGLES]

We can’t put him in the shitter.

It’s just not right.

| just said that. Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?

To preserve our sanity.

Can’t have him sitting here on the table.

It’s just, | don’t Know.

Eatin’ dinner, dead guy starin’ at you.

It’s disturbing. You know what?

What if it’s not really the chief in there?

The kid’s got a point. | mean, it’s ashes.

For all we know, it could be Anna Nicole Smith.

Well, does silicone burn?

Not in that quantity.

Seriously, | mean,

that really could not be him.

Funeral homes make mistakes all the time.

Right? Bury the wrong corpse.

Shut up Sean.

Most funeral homes are-- Are careful and honest.

You're right. Your mom, I’m sure, is planted

exactly where she’s supposed to be.

All right. I’m gonna look.

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

You grave-robbing ghoul. You know, c’mon.

Leave the chief alone!

Show a little respect for the dead.

How would you like someone poking through your ashes?

All right.

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh screw it, right?

It’s not like he’s gonna know.

Oh cool.

Wow, looks like the bottom of my DustBuster.

Hey, is that a tooth?

[GRUNTS]

Well, it’s definitely not Anna Nicole’s ashes.

Why’s that?

’Cause if they were, we’d all have a contact high by now.

Can’t believe the chief's actually in there.

It’s kinda creepy.

Yeah. Yeah.

It’s spooky.

[DOOR BANGS]

Whoa! Jesus Christ!

What the hell is wrong with you guys?

TOMMY: Nothing.

Anyway, Needles wants to see us all upstairs

in the locker room, pronto.

[GASPS]

Let’s go.

Looks like the chief’s putting on a little weight.

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

Listen, Jerry was a great guy, and a great firefighter,

so | got-- | got big shoes fo fill.

But, uh, I’m not gonna push.

I'll get used to you guys, you'll get used to me,

and before you know it, we'll find a groove.

And | can tell you from experience,

Chief Feinberg, he’s one of the good ones.

He'll treat you fair, he won’t break your balls,

man’s a prince.

You owe me $20.

Try to collect, you little shit.

Call me Chief Sid, Chief Sidney, Chief Whatever,

just don’t call me Chief Feinberg.

Chief Feinberg was my father, he’s been dead many years.

He was a mitzvah, believe me.

Read the bullshit.

Okay, we’re going to use young Garrity’s locker

for a little show and tell.

What?

Now, as of today, F.D.N.Y. says,

because of the Equal Opportunity Regulations--

[GROANING]

Settle down. Certain items

will no longer be allowed in our lockers.

Excuse me, in our personal lockers?

Which are open sometime when there are others in the room.

Yeah...

No displays of sexual, ethnic, religious

and/or racial themes in a derogatory mannev...

Sexual, racial, religious, ethnic. What’s left?

Nothing.

American flags and mass cards are acceptable.

Aw, great. Forget it.

So much for the separation of church and state.

What's that? Exactly.

Look, | don’t know about you guys,

but | need naked chick pictures in my locker. All right?

| mean, you know, | come back from a job,

I’m thinking of rubbing one out in the shower, an American flag

ain’t gonna grease the rails, you know what | mean?

Don’t get me wrong, | love the flag.

But I’m used to saluting it, not jerking off to it.

Whoa, wait, you’re jerking off in this shower, here?

Sometimes.

I’m buying flip-flops. Like, six pairs.

Okay, can we focus, please?

Garrity, for example,

you have to get rid of this, uh, centerfold,

the cartoon of the Arab hijacker,

this picture of your mother.

What the hell’s wrong with the picture of my mom?

She’s got a cock on her face.

[LAUGHING]

Goddamn it, which one of you drew a cock on my mother’s face?

It was you, wasn't it?

What's with the finger? What are you looking at me for?

Well, you do like to draw cocks.

Cocks and WWII air battles. True.

Now, if she had a cock and a WWII air battle on her face,

then | could see him eyeing me as suspect number one...

Come on, which one of you assholes did it? I’m serious.

Maybe it was your dad, you know,

trying to get your mom thinking in a certain direction.

This is the second time this has happened, boys.

And the last time, ‘cause if it happens again,

I’m gonna find out who did it, and I’m gonna go to your mom’s,

and I’m gonna draw a real cock on her real face.

Okay? Except for you Mike, of course,

‘cause your mom just, you know, she’s dead.

The rest of you, oh, yeah...

Well, my mom’s dead. You went to her funeral.

It was two years ago.

Yeah, my mom died 10 years ago, Sean.

I’m sorry to hear that.

My mom is very much alive,

though she actually has a cock tattoo,

right here, on her lower lip.

You can barely notice it, really.

Well, it’s faded.

Assholes. All of you. You know that?

Bye. Tell your mom we said "Hello."

Clear ’em out, guys. Clear ’em out.

Locker inspections are scheduled.

Could happen soon as tomorrow.

Listen, uh, as a way to getting to know each other,

I’d like to take you all out to dinner.

| know a great barbecue spot

underneath the Williamsburg Bridge.

You can bring your wives, your girlfriends, whatever. Huh?

Friday sound good?

Yeah. Yeah.

Friday’s great chief. Thanks a lot.

Fantastic. Great.

’ll make the reservations.

Break bread, have a few laughs, before you know it,

we're the ganza mishpucha.

See you later.

[THE VON BONDIES’ "C’MON, C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day C’mon, c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down | can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

Ils it safe to stay? J ~C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave? J ~C’mon, c’mon J

< Will | ever learn? I ~C’mon, c’mon f

~ C’mon, c’mon C’mon, c’mon J

[CLEARS THROAT]

[LINE RINGING]

NONA [OVER PHONE]: Hello.

Hey, Nona, hey.

Hey.

Yeah, how you doing?

Good, just bought a new Shop-Vac for my garage.

Motor on mine burned out last night. Oh yeah?

Well, that'll happen with the Shop-Vacs with the, uh, motors.

Hey, you know, um, uh, the, you know--

This whole time we've been kinda,

um, ahem, foolin’ around, and...

Oh, is that what we've been doing?

Well, no. | know-- | know I’ve-- I’ve acted like an--

Like an idiot, but, uh, here’s the thing. My wife--

Ahem. Oh, here we go...

No, no, no, no.

She’s been hinting this whole time about us

kind of getting back together again.

Oh, this is making me so hot, Tommy.

| just-- But hear me out. Hear me out.

So | mean-- This is good news, actually.

It’s great news, actually.

Well it’s shitty news for me and her, but, uh,

and the kids, but, a-and the baby,

but, uh, it’s over, it’s done.

So, uh, you know, | mean, | am free and clear.

No more marriage. How about that?

How about what? What?

What do you want me to Say, congratulations?

Uh, well, no, what I’m saying is-- Is that, you know, I’m--

I’m, um-- I’m ready.

I’m ready to rock and, uh-- And, uh, roll. You know?

I’m ready to have some, whew--

Some really great, hot, steamy,

you know, uh, s-sex a-and dinner too.

l-- | don’t know.

Nona, I-- I’m-- The reason I’m calling,

I’m back to the old me.

And you don’t even know that-- That me,

but, um, this is the one.

You're talking to him.

I’m here. I’m back.

Hello?

Okay.

Listen to me, no more bullshit, okay?

We eat, we drink, we screw.

And that’s it. You got it?

Got it.

Tomorrow night.

Okay.

I'll pick you up.

Great. Seven-thirty.

Yes, sir. What?

l-- | said, uh...

Yeah, yeah. | heard what you said.

Don’t say it again.

Okay, I’m sorry. Goodbye.

Shit, she makes me nervous.

Ah.

Ah.

Theodore.

Shit!

Son of a bitch sold me out.

For a song.

He was sick of it.

Sick of what?

The drinking.

The farting. The fighting.

The drinking.

I’m not the same man | was when you married me, Ellie.

I’ve changed. l’ve had some revelations.

| don’t wear pants,

and | don’t adhere to the rules of society.

I’m a rebel.

All right. Well, just put something on, okay?

I’m taking you to rehab, right now.

You need to make a decision, Theodore.

Right now.

It’s either me, or the booze.

You decide.

Right this very instant.

Theodore!

I’m thinking.

Hello?

Maggie?

You home?

Hello?

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Well, I-- | live here. | hope.

| mean, that’s what I-- About the other day,

what | said, | didn’t-- | didn't.

| was just frustrated, you know. And |I-I-- |

| love you and I’m committed to this relationship,

and | don’t want a divorce, okay?

So can we just-- Can we just pretend that didn’t happen?

Hey.

Who’s the dude?

That’s my ex.

I’m not your ex. Who the hell is this guy?

| met him in the bar last night.

It’s Don, right? Tom.

Tom, right, whatever.

You happy for embarrassing me in front of Tom?

Next time you drop by, you might wanna call first.

I’m not dropping by, Maggie. | live here.

All my stuff is here.

Hey, are you wearing my flip-flops?

That’s another thing. About your stuff,

think you could pack it up and get it out?

| need the extra space.

Oh, you could use the extra space.

For what, more bottles, Maggie? Is that what this is?

This is so-- | don’t-- | want a divorce.

You're already getting one.

Well, | want a real one this time. I’m not kidding.

| want a real divorce.

And some day you're gonna realize

what you’re losing right now, okay?

Someday. Not right now.

Someday, then. Now-- Not-- Not now.

You know what I’m talking about! Don’t you?

Forget it. Just forget it.

How long since you guys split?

I'd say about 36 hours ago.

Some people, uh, have trouble moving on.

You're not one of those people, are you Don?

Tom. | don’t think so.

Good. Then get out.

[VOMITING]

Baby, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, honey. Give me a second.

[VOMITING]

Jesus, are you sick?

I’m fine, really. It’s, uh-- It’s nothing.

Oh, God, you look awful.

You feel a little warm. Is it something you ate?

No, no, no. I’m good.

Maybe you shouldn’t go to the match.

Baby it’s hockey. All right? It’s not tennis.

I’m fine, really. It’s just, um...

There’s, uh-- There’s something | wanna say to you,

and uh, it’s a little major, | guess.

What is it?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, shit.

You're breakin’ up with me, is that it?

No, no, baby. Let me talk. Asshole.

You know, | knew you wouldn't commit.

You are such a goddamn child.

Could you please let me talk?

Listen, | love you, Nat.

| really do.

And I’ve given this a lot of thought,

and, you know, life is, uh-- It’s too short, you know.

It’s too valuable. And I--

[GASPS]

| was hoping that...

[GAGS]

Will you marry me?

[GASPS]

Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah. I’m serious.

Will you?

[LAUGHING]

Yes!

Yes! | will marry you, Franco. Yes.

Ah, that’s great, baby.

I’d seal it with a kiss

but | think | got chunks in my teeth.

Could you get me a clean shirt, please, sweetie?

Yeah, yeah.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey, come on in.

Yo, dude, you coming to the game?

We should probably get going.

Yeah, |’m not really in the mood.

You okay? Yeah, yeah. | just--

You know how | need to stay here for a couple of days?

| think it might be a little longer than that.

Yeah, it’s all good. Whatever you need, bro.

All right, cool. Thanks.

Hey, um, do | have to sleep in here?

Yeah, this is my old room.

Well, are these your dolls?

No, they’re my mom’s.

Except Gerard, here. He’s mine.

The rest my mom moved in after | moved out.

It’s a nice room, right?

Listen, can |, uh--

Can | sleep someplace else?

There really isn’t any other place, Sean.

What about your mom’s room?

You wanna sleep in my dead mom’s bed?

| mean, what are you, sick?

No, all right, fine. Jesus.

I'll stay here, in the valley of the dolls,

and just be watched.

Um...you can’t stay here.

You just said | could stay as long as | needed to.

Yeah, | Know. But | mean, | have the hockey game.

Okay. Well, I-I’m not going. | feel like shit.

My marriage is in shambles.

Yeah but, you can’t stay in the house alone without me.

Okay, well, I’m not going to the game, Mike,

so what do you want me to do?

Walk the streets until you come home?

Pretty much.

Okay.

Thanks, Kevin, for your story and your honesty.

Sounds like you’re in a good place.

Theodore.

Oh, c-call me Teddy.

Teddy. Good.

Tell us how you came to be with us,

and what you hope to achieve during your time here.

Well, to tell you the truth, | just got out of the joint.

| killed a child murderer.

Piece of shit drunk driver.

You may have read about it in the papers.

Kind of a folk hero.

Let me tell you, some of the letters | got offering me pussy,

you wouldn't believe.

Blow your freakin’ mind.

| carry a couple of ’em around with me.

Pull em out whenever | need a little pick-me-up.

Check out this one from Marcia.

Um, thank you for the offer Teddy,

but we wanna stay focused on addiction and recovery.

Oh. Kind of a downer, but hey, it’s your circle pal,

go ahead and jerk it.

You're here to break your addiction to alcohol.

Oh, you bet your ass.

I’m gonna take a break for 30 days.

I’m looking forward to it.

Well, Teddy, it’s about more than the next 30 days.

It’s about staying sober for the rest of your life.

Oh, no, no, no.

I’m just here for the cleansing.

You know, recharge my batteries?

Staying sober for the rest of your life--

Who the hell would wanna do that?

[LAUGHING]

Taxi! Wait!

Hey, pal, you checking in?

| don’t know if you read the brochure,

but one of the big things they expect of you

is to stop drinking for life.

It’s lunacy!

Think about this long and hard.

This could be the biggest mistake you ever make.

To the nearest bar, Jeeves.

Pronto.

Think about it.

MAN: All right, Deedee, let’s go!

Oh, there he is.

Tommy! Tommy!

Yeah!

Did you see that? He looked at me.

He totally remembers me.

Would you please calm down? Okay!

Whoo! Whoo!

[MOUTHS] Oh, my God.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

Here we go.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

Jeez!

[INDISTINCT CHEERING]

Come on.

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

You should’ve gotten an assist on that, Gavin.

His legs were wide open, for Christ’s sake.

Jesus. You're like a turnstile.

Do | gotta put a token in you?

| don’t really know hockey,

but Tommy doesn’t look like he’s playing all that well.

Well, he’s played better. Hey, what took you so long?

Oh, | had to hit the head.

Again? You’ve been going a lot. You okay?

Yeah. |, uh, | asked Natalie to marry me today.

What? [GIGGLING]

And | said yes.

Congratulations! Thank you.

Let me see. That is amazing you guys.

Congratulations.

Now, of course, it all becomes clear.

It’s gorgeous.

Let’s go boys!

Come on guys. Let’s go.

Come on Tommy!

C’mon, take it, take it.

Kick their ass.

Yeah.

[GROANS]

Nice play, Gavin.

Thanks, buddy.

You’re done.

What?

Oh, my God, you suck!

What? What are you talking about?

You're playin’ so stinkin’ terrible.

You look like you’re sucking your own dick out there.

You understand what that means? You look like a goddamn fag.

That’s their best player. He’s-- He’s-- You know.

Do | care if it’s his best player?

You're supposed to be our best player. You’re terrible!

Mikey, | want you to go out there.

Are you shittin’ me? No, I’m not shittin’ you.

I’ve been skating on this line for seven years.

You've been coaching for what? A week?

| don’t care! You understand?

Mikey, you get out there.

I’d rather not, Izzy.

What do you mean, "you'd rather not"?

It’s Tommy’s line.

| don’t care if it's Tommy’s line. Get out there, now.

| Know, just replacing Tommy, | feel uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable?

How about if | stick this stick up your ass.

That'll make you feel uncomfortable.

Now, get out there! Go on.

Sorry, man.

And you'll just sit there and shut up.

Oh... Bullshit. Bullshit.

Sit here and watch.

Maybe you'll learn something.

They’re taking Tommy out.

What the hell?

Come on, you guys, let’s go!

You do not pull Tommy Gavin, assholes!

Down. Whoa.

Hey!

What is going on with you and Tommy?

It’s seriously freaking me out.

What are you talking about?

You touched his jeans

and now you’re wearing the same pair.

You're wearing the same stupid pea coat he wears.

It’s like you’re turning into Tommy Gavin.

Um, for your information, | had my eye on these jeans

long before | ever met Tommy.

And as for the pea coat,

guys all around the world wear them.

It’s sort of an established look.

Has been for a number of years now.

Sailors wear them, blah, blah, blah.

Okay. Ha, ha, ha.

Don’t you dare say, "blah, blah, blah."

| swear to God, if you ever say "blah, blah, blah" again,

| will cut you.

Oh, Tommy invented "blah, blah, blah."

He owns the rights to "blah, blah, blah."

You know what | say to that?

Blah, blah, blah...

Ow!

Ooh!

Mikey!

COACH: Hey, how about that? Way to go Mikey.

[MEN CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[GROANS]

Way to go, kid.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Good game. Good game.

Good game, man.

What the hell was that?

What are you talking about? You see the scoreboard?

Are you kidding me? Are your knees shot?

What? Got cancer or something?

Yeah, | got cancer, asshole.

Why don’t you do yourself a favor?

First of all, put an orange jersey on,

because you played like a goddamn pylon today,

and secondly, put yourself in a nice over-40 league.

All right, old man? That’s where you belong.

Oh, yeah, tough guy?

Yeah. Let’s drop ‘em right now.

Come on, let’s go.

Come on.

I’m not fighting a third-line guy Tom.

[CHUCKLES]

Bonehead.

Shit.

He didn’t wanna fight.

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

How’s tricks?

Fine. You guys like the game the other night?

Oh, yeah, well, uh, that was his idea.

He’s kind of, like, your biggest fan.

Yeah.

Am |, uh, nuts or was he, uh,

kinda dressed like me the other night?

[LAUGHS]

What? No. With the pea coat? No?

No.

Okay, I’ll see you later. Okay, but wait. I-- Look--

W-w-w-wait. Wait, wait, wait. Just wait a minute.

| have something for you.

Tada!

What's this?

| got my insurance money.

Come here.

Ow! Get--

Four hundred grand?

Yeah, that’s an advance on your cut.

[GIGGLES] [SIGHS]

| can’t take this.

Oh. Oh, what? You don’t need it?

Wait w-- Just wait a minute. Just hear me out.

You can use this to start up your girls’ college education.

You can beef up your retirement fund.

You can, um, maybe take some pressure off you and Janet,

so you can, | don’t know, work things out for once.

| mean, look, this money,

it solves a lot of problems for all of us.

All of us?

Well, yeah. | mean, Damien’s in college.

You know, I’m padding around that big apartment all by myself

except for when Troy decides to come over and--

Look, |’m-- I’m pretty lonely.

And | got an enormous amount of love to give, and...

| want you to give me that baby.

Pfft. You’re crazy.

No, no, |, uh-- | hate when you call me crazy.

Just listen to me.

You and Janet, have you even bonded with this child, at all?

Yes, we’ve bonded with the child.

What, he’s like seven months old and he doesn’t have a name?

We have been making lists. She’s trying to decide.

| love this baby, and that baby loves me.

You saw how we connected.

You saw how he smiled at me, how he was so quiet with me.

| can give that baby the best of everything in life.

And-- And you really wanna be taking care

of a teenager in 15 years?

You give me that baby, and you get your life back.

And not for nothing, with this money,

it’s a life worth living.

You know I’m right.

| can’t do it.

A moratorium?

Well, it sounds so kinda formal when you say it out loud.

| mean...let’s just Call it a "break."

| love you Theresa, you're really important to me.

You know, but, | mean, the way things have been going,

| mean, anything we do with our clothes on,

it just-- It just feels like filler until we get into bed,

or into the shower, or on top of the kitchen table,

or in the alley behind the building, you know?

| just-- | think that we owe it to each other

to put the sex on hold.

And let’s see what we really have.

And to safeguard against the very real possibility

that without a breather,

my dick’s gonna snap off like a twig.

| love you too, honey.

Well, what do you think?

Okay.

To us.

Whew.

[BOTH SIGH]

That was fun.

Yeah, it was nice.

Yeah. Thank you...

You’re welcome. ...for dinner.

It’s good, right?

Yeah.

The pasta was a little mushy.

| don’t like it when it’s mushy, you know?

Garlic bread was good though.

Yeah, yeah. Where to?

Uh, | gotta get to the firehouse. I’m--

Yeah. | got a tour.

Right this second?

No, I’ve got, like, an hour.

Why?

Mm.

[SIGHS]

Okay, it’s not you.

It’s, uh, not--

Yeah, | just-- It’s been like--

Since around that time you pulled me out of that fire.

| was having the same problem

with this chick | was seeing then. Oh, good.

And it’s just become, like, this whole mental thing.

| just-- | mean, normally, I’m telling you,

a strong breeze could give me a hard--

Oh, good. Let’s open the window, then. Heh.

So confusing, | swear.

Why? | mean, it happens to-- Most guys go through...

Oh, please.

Night of the fire, | pulled you out,

and you had the biggest, most beautiful hard-on.

Really?

Yeah, really. Yeah. God.

| remember when | was pulling you out, it was--

It was poking through my bunker jacket.

It was-- | thought it was my flashlight at first.

Really?

Yeah, really.

| mean we’re all standing there thinking,

this guy’s unconscious, but he’s got a hard-on,

so | guess he really likes fire.

| don’t know.

"We all"?

Yes, yes.

We all, the whole crew.

It was that impressive.

Ugh.

Come here.

Come here.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Give me your hand.

Oh yeah. Mm!

Mm-hmm.

Ah, there’s the Tommy Gavin | was hopin’ for.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

[Pre]

What?

Get in the back.

Okay.

f Tell me what you need I

? Tell me what you want J

f You can get it from me f

~ Yeah, Ow! f

~ White shoes, black skirt And a black-rimmed hat f

She’s shaking her hips ’Cause she knows where I’m at f

< She shakes ’em to the left I

< And she shakes ’em To the right

~ My baby’s gone But where she’s gone I

? Tell me what you want J

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

[GRUNTS]

[BONES CRACK]

[SIGHS]

[QUIETLY] God.

[GROANS]

Mmm.

She knocked ya around pretty good tonight, huh?

Got some ass, that broad.

| Know you like ’em tall and thin, like me,

but every once in a while,

it’s kinda nice to drive the big bus.

By the way, | wanted to give you a little heads up.

When’s the last time you went to a meetin’?

What do you mean?

AA meeting? Yeah.

What’s it to you?

It don’t mean shit to me pal, but you?

[SCOFFS]

You're a whole different story.

Take a look at the book.

It might shed a little light on a few things.

[BABY CRYING]

All right, gather round gents, | bring news from the front,

one front in particular.

You know Feinberg?

Yeah. Who?

The new chief.

The "Jew" chief.

Oh, we should use that. It works.

Okay, word on the street from very reliable sources,

is the guy’s hung like Seabiscuit.

The horse?

No, the C.P.A. Jesus.

Where you getting this shit?

Oh, well, um, Barry Breeman, up in the Bronx.

Not to mention Tim Green over at 75 Truck.

What, you mean Tim "the Tripod" Green?

Yes. Now, Tim is packing a verified 10 inches,

I’ve seen pictures, and once he dropped it

into the, uh, punch bowl during their holiday party.

It was like a visit to Loch Ness.

Now, he claims that the Feinberg schlong

makes his look like a cocktail frank.

Wait. Is it like a length thing, or a girth thing?

Not that | want the mental picture.

Breeman worked at Feinberg’s old house, like, 10 years ago.

And he saw the thing in the shower once

and it was all he could do to not coil it up

and throw it on the back of the rig.

Jesus. You think it’s, you know, grown since then? Hi!

Good morning fellows. Hey.

| printed up some invitations for our party Friday night.

| hope we're still on.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great, cause all the information is right here.

And, uh, if you love BBQ,

you're gonna really dig this place.

| mean, nothing but huge chunks

of delicious, mouthwatering, succulent meat, huh?

Cooked to sweet perfection.

| tell you, you take one bite, you're gonna plotz.

Emes, my hand to God.

And | got a room of our own, sO we Can, uh, you know,

cut loose and have a ball, huh?

See ya later.

[EXHALES]

Anybody else hear a word he said,

cause all | could hear was

"cock, cock, blah, blah, cockity-cock cock, cock."

Yeah, same here. Except when he said the words,

"delicious, mouthwatering, savory meat."

At which point, all | could hear was myself, screaming.

When he reached to scratch his knee just then,

do you think he was actually scratching the tip of his joint?

| hope so. If he was taking a kink outta the middle...

What’s with all the, uh-- The Jewishisms there?

He’s definitely the "Jew chief."

What about Super-hung chief?

Oh, it’s just too much of a, uh, mouthful.

| hear screaming, again.

Hey, Tom, uh, it's Nona.

Oh, it’s Nona! Shh.

Did you close that deal yet, Ace?

| closed it last night.

Hey, Nona, what’s going on?

Hey, how are you doing?

I’m doing good. A little sore from last night,

but other than that--

Uh, are you alone?

Yeah, I’m alone.

What’s up?

Yeah, | don’t wanna see ya any more.

Right.

Let me-- Let me call you back on my cell.

Why?

A bunch of the guys just walked in.

I'll call you right back.

All right? Yeah.

Okay, bye.

| am gonna call her.

She wants to whisper sweet nothings.

What ya want? A little privacy?

All right. Give the guy his privacy.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Yeah.

Hey. What'’s-- What’s the problem?

Ugh. Look, it’s just not working, Tommy.

I’m tired of making the first move all the time,

taking the first step.

It’s hard enough being the woman.

| don’t wanna be the man too.

| need a real man. That’s the bottom line.

| am areal man. Okay?

| mean, if you’re talking about that time in the truck

and | couldn't get it up that was--

That never happened to me before, okay?

That was--

Hang on a second.

She has an awning, okay?

She has an awning that | couldn’t get up

outside her apartment building.

My shoulder was hurting. Okay?

Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

Listen, you gotta give me a second chance here, okay?

| need a man to handle me

the way | handled you last night, okay?

Okay, you know what,

| was planning on doing plenty of manhandling.

We got inside the truck

and you were like a crazed animal.

You grabbed me, ripped my shirt open, you know | mean,

| just Kinda got--

| was just following in your wake, you know?

You were throwing me around like | was a rag doll.

Like some kind of a sex toy.

At one point where you flung me from the back seat of the truck

into the front seat, | mean, my neck almost snapped in half.

| really--

Agh. Hang on a second, Nona.

[SIGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

Look, Tommy,

| don’t wanna hear about death,

and feelings and penis problems.

Look, | wanna be used, | wanna be ignored,

| wanna be taken for granted.

There are no more penis problems.

And I'm telling you something.

Using and ignoring, those are two of my best things.

A-and taking chicks for granted,

I’m the king of taking chicks for granted.

| mean, ask my wife.

Ask Sheila. Okay? She'll tell ya.

Ooh. Goodbye Tommy!

Nona, come on.

No-- Agh.

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

How’s it going there, princess?

Everything all right?

Sex toy. That’s nice.

Oh.

[GROANS]

So, uh, what do you think, kid?

Who you callin’ kid?

Oh, sorry, uh, Bart.

Look, we got a great house, lots of calls, lots of action.

Tons of pussy in the neighborhood,

great group of guys to hang with.

| still don’t see why | should come play for you.

| mean, you guys seem pretty cool,

but | got four other offers on the table.

Guys at 68 Truck offered to buy me six new pairs of Nikes.

Engine 335 offered me a Hyundai.

A Hyundai?

Acar.

One of the guys was gonna sell it,

but he said | could use it to get back and forth to work.

And to the games.

| guess my question is,

what are you prepared to do for me?

What would you like us to do for you?

Truth be told? | don’t need a car.

| ride the subway.

And | can drop 40 points on you guys

wearing penny loafers.

All | wanna do is fight fires, and play ball.

What do you say to that? We’re definitely interested.

| don’t mop nothing, shine nothing,

cook nothing, clean nothing.

| don’t run errands, make beds, and | don’t hump equipment.

So in other words, you don’t do probie work?

Right.

And another thing.

Nobody calls me "probie," or "kid," or "junior,"

Or "new guy,” that shit don’t fly with me.

Do not call me "probie."

You got it. Bart it is.

No, don’t call me "Bart," either.

| hate that name.

I’ve always hated it.

| wanna be called, "Shawn."

Shawn?

Yeah.

It’s gota nice little ring to it.

| was gonna go with D’Shawn,

but it felt a little like a black cliché.

Plus | don’t wanna write extra letters

when | sign my name.

We already have a Sean in the house though.

Not my problem.

All right.

Shawn it is. It sounds simple enough.

Yeah, | guess we can manage that.

There’s no guessing involved.

Either take the deal, or | go collect my Hyundai.

Welcome to 62 Truck, Shawn.

As-Salaam-Alaikum.

Ahem.

Hello?

Hey.

Hey.

He hates us.

He hates all of us.

Where’s your mother?

| don’t know.

What do you mean, you don’t know?

What’s going on?

He hates us for bringing him into this stupid, awful family.

Hey, hey.

Come over here. Come here.

What are you talking about?

Mommy hates him.

She says he’s killing her, and she cries all the time

when you're not here.

And | hate him too!

Hey.

| want Connor to come back and | want that baby to be dead!

Hey! You! Hey, come back here!

God.

[BABY CRYING]

Where the hell have you been?

| just went around the corner. | was gone 10 minutes.

Ten minutes you leave a baby

and another kid here by themselves?

What am | supposed to do, huh?

You've been gone for four days, I’m here all by myself.

You know, | have needs too, Tommy.

That’s-- That’s great.

[BABY CRYING]

[SIGHS]

Shit.

When were you planning on telling me about that?

Didn’t wanna spoil the surprise.

Jet black.

Yeah? Well a week ago it was peach fuzz.

You want some?

Well, I-- Just because his hair is black,

doesn’t necessarily mean,

that he’s definitely Johnny’s kid right?

Whose is he, then?

You tell me.

Just go to hell.

You know...

[DOOR SLAMS]

[QUIETLY] Great.

[HYPERVENTILATING]

[SIGHS]

[Pre]