All language subtitles for Jay.Kelly.2025.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.LT]

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- We're coming to the end.
- The end of what?

The end of the movie.
The end of the shoot.

- There's always the next one.
- Are you listening?

I started getting dry eyeballs.
From nowhere.

Like there was grit or something
constantly in them.

And there was an oculist here.
The one who does the lenses.

Hey, sorry.

Skip needs to do a check.
He thinks it might have slipped.

Silk shirt's causing problems.

I'm not going to let this be a thing.
I said, "What do I need to do?"

Could you say something, please, Jay?

- I love you.
- A little bit more, please.

Ten, nine, eight, seven.
Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.

- Jay, you're the best.
- There must be somebody better.

We're seeing the whole
wide world on this one, folks.

He gave me these drops,
and it totally went away.

Disappeared, the dryness.

You've gotta be ahead of the game.
Two steps ahead.

I just made a decision. I'm not gonna...

Right now, your anxiety's at a ten,
so of course you feel like quitting.

Because I'm your dad, that's how I know.

Your hair feels great.
Have you been using that conditioner?

- This is the worst part, the anticipation.
- Let me check your pant leg.

I'm sorry to interrupt, Hailey would
like to see you in the bloodier coat.

Did you have the peppers
or the ravioli? I should've had ravioli.

I just had my shake.

Who'd want to be young?

- Find a place to hide, people!
- Can we do it with the dog?

Jay wants the dog. Can we bring the dog?

That dog makes more money than any of us.

Can we see a light drizzle?

That's a drizzle? It's more like a deluge.

Believe me, that's the drizzle.

I have watched
you bloom throughout this tournament.

And you really found your second serve.

You think Coco doesn't get butterflies?
Doesn't dread? Doesn't call her dad?

- This is me in the bloodier coat.
- Bloodier is better.

- I got your espresso.
- Thanks.

Don't let me have
more than a sip after 4.

You wouldn't know.
I see coffee, I drink it.

...it'll be the last movie for all of us.

They'll turn out the lights,
and that'll be that.

Of course you should
have called me, puppy.

Don't beat yourself up about that.

You're just getting yourself
from all angles now.

I had a double in the 5K.

Guilt is a secondary emotion.

- Thanks, Clay.
- Always a pleasure, Jay.

I did not have any bread
today, no. That was your brother.

What are you thinking?
We got a couple good ones.

It should just be how it happens.
Let what happens happen.

- You want to do another?
- Let's see what happens.

Okay, quiet, please!
This will be for a take.

- Roll sound.
- Rolling.

Sound speed.

- Quiet, please.
- 138 Echo, take 11.

Hold on, sweetheart.
I'm just gonna watch this take.

And... action!

I don't want to be here anymore, Jerry.

I want to leave this party.

You know-- He's in too soon.
Can we go again?

- Delay Jerry just a beat.
- Cut!

- Don't cut. Keep rolling, please.
- Keep rolling.

More of the anchovy paste on my--

- Room quiet, please.
- Thanks.

- Okay. All right.
- Guys, I'm rolling.

Action.

I don't want to be here anymore, Jerry.

I want to leave the party.

In a way...

I already died.

I'm lucky.

My time passed while I was still alive.

I got to see it end before it ended.

That's a crazy thing. When you die...

everything you thought you were...

isn't true.

You're a good dog.

And... cut. Great!

- Can we go again?
- Really?

I'd like another one.
I mean, I think I can do it better.

Quiet, please!

Different. I don't know.

- But if you're happy--
- Very happy.

- Okay.
- If you have an idea...

I thought I had an idea.
But you're happy?

I'm ecstatic.
But of course you can have one more.

- You feel good?
- I really do.

- Okay.
- I liked a couple of the early ones too.

Cool.

Good?

Good.

And that is a picture wrap on Jay Kelly!

And a wrap on Eight Men From Now!

Well done, man. It's gonna be a good one.

It's a total honor.
Thank you for trusting me.

We made the tennis finals, Vivienne.
That's something to celebrate.

So get your rest, because
the Greenbergs are tough opponents.

But my money is on you and me, kiddo.

I love you, Vivi.

- José! Pops! You guys are awesome!
- Thank you so much. Thank you.

- Skip, you guys never get the credit.
- That means the world.

- Let me call you back, sweetheart.
- I appreciate the gift.

Okay, guys. Guys.

Everybody, thank you all so much.
You did a great job.

A couple of timely reminders.
We got the Omega event

tomorrow morning, 11 a.m. pick up.
Candy will--

Will be there at 9.

- Were you watching?
- Yes.

- You didn't say anything.
- You get annoyed if I give an opinion.

If you don't say anything,
then I assume you hated it.

It was brilliant,
I think take seven was the one.

Why seven?

- I'm not getting into this.
- Into what?

You always get this way
whenever we wrap a movie.

Emotional, and then you blame me.

Maybe it was seven.
I guess they could always cut to the dog.

That dog was great.

What's it like, Jay,
to experience your own death?

- I didn't really die.
- No, I know that.

But how do you perform
something you've never done?

- Pretend, Candy.
- I don't know if I'd want that ability.

Guys, thank you all for working so hard
and being so great.

- Couldn't do it without you.
- Thank you for having us, Jay.

- You're the best.
- I am the best.

Why is there always a slice of cheesecake
in every room I'm in?

It's in your rider, along with the fruit
and all the different kinds of water.

How is it in my rider
when I don't even like cheesecake?

You once said you liked it.

- I never did.
- You did. You just don't remember.

If anything, my rider should say
"no cheesecake." Never cheesecake.

And... dinner with Daisy tomorrow.

- Chef Mario is doing the special tamales.
- Oh, good.

Also, Antonio from
the Tuscan Arts Festival called again.

- They need an answer about the tribute.
- I said no.

And I told them no.

- But they're very persistent.
- And it's still no.

I just mention it
because they're quite reputable.

Not on your life.

- It was gonna be tight anyways.
- No tributes. Ever.

We start shooting
in a couple weeks. Okay.

That was the point when I realized
I was more intelligent than you.

What does that mean?

- I know more than you.
- Do you?

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

- About what?
- About everything.

What is the capital of Croatia?

I barely know
the fucking capital of California.

Who was Agamemnon's wife?

See, now, these are just facts.
Anybody can know facts.

I know more about emotional stuff.
You have to live a life for that.

I'm more emotionally intelligent.

Don't you want me to be
smarter than you?

- Isn't that the whole point of this?
- Yeah.

- Don't you think it's a bit early?
- I can't help the timing.

- It looks good.
- Oh, yeah?

You can't tell.

Yeah, she did a good job.
She left a little gray in.

- They usually make it too black.
- It's not...

No, no, it's just right.

You should go fully gray,
if you want my opinion.

Yeah, but not just yet.

All right, well, I'm going to go
meet Moses and Rio.

I love you.

Hey, aren't we having dinner tonight?
Mario's doing the tamales.

Did we say that?

All right.

Go on. Be with your friends.
There'll be other dinners.

I wrapped this last one.
I start the Louis Brothers movie

right here on the lots.
I'll be around for the summer.

I'm going to Europe with Rio and Moses
and some friends. I told you that.

- I thought that was in July.
- No, it was always June.

I'm leaving on Saturday for Paris,
and we're making our way to Tuscany.

Saturday? I mean... That's...

Saturday. That's-- It's too soon.

I got two weeks off.
We won't have had time to hang out.

- This is your last summer.
- That's why I want to see my friends.

It'll be so lonely here without you.

- No, it won't. You're never alone.
- Really? I think I'm always alone.

- Thanks, Silvano.
- You're welcome.

Eh. All right.

Mm.

How about if I joined?

Well, we're going to this really great
jazz festival in Paris

which has a lot of people,
so you can't do that.

And then we're taking a train
with no first class to Pienza,

which you also can't do.
And we're sleeping in tents.

Which... I mean, come on.

- I basically grew up in a tent.
- But not anymore.

Well, the muscle memory's still there.

Okay, well, that's good. I gotta go.

- Hey, Ronnie.
- Daisy.

Vivienne's been posting about the tennis.
You guys are adorable.

Oh. We made the finals.
We're so excited.

You got a friend now, Dad.

Want a tamale?

Peter Schneider died.

Fuck, I gotta call him.

No, I just found out and came here.

He died.

Really?

I'm sorry.

I know how much you loved him.

His message is still on my phone.

When was the last time you saw him?

I don't know. Maybe six months ago.

Sweetheart,
I'm going to make you a sandwich.

I'm glad to see you, Peter.
I've missed you.

Where do you keep the knives?

That magnet thing
over by the cutting board.

- Oh, yes.
- Barbara, I'm sorry.

- We made a mess after you already cleaned.
- That's okay, Jay.

You know, Pop...

Lately, I feel like
my life doesn't really...

feel real.

Maybe a better way of putting it is

that my life doesn't really...

feel real.

I heard about your breakup
with the hand model.

- Breakups are like deaths, aren't they?
- Mm.

- Mayonnaise?
- Refrigerator, on the shelf.

Oh, yes.

How are the girls?

Daisy graduates this spring,

and then she's at Johns Hopkins

for biochemistry, if you can believe it.

- She's a brilliant girl.
- Then...

Jess is in San Diego.

That's...

I don't know what to do there.

You'll figure it out.
Do you have olive oil?

Yep, over there.

I've been thinking a lot
about Cranberry Street.

We had such fun shooting that, didn't we?

We were always laughing.

D'you know it's the 35th anniversary
coming up?

Jess was born the next year.
That's how I know that.

All my memories are movies.

That's what movies are for us.

Pieces of time.

Pieces of time.

- Do you have pickles?
- In the pantry.

I think.

Oh, yes, here they are.

- Check the expiration.
- Pickles don't expire, my love.

They definitely do.

They're fine.

Thirty-five years. Is that possible?

It's all possible, son.

There was such magic on that one.

I was spoiled.
I thought they'd all be like that.

- They're not.
- So few are.

I'm glad you've been thinking about us.

I have a picture
I'd like for us to do together.

It's the prostitute picture
I told you about.

- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yes.

Well, I'm shooting a movie now,
and then I'm doing one right after.

Do you know those kids,
the Louis Brothers?

They're big fans of yours.

I didn't take to their picture.
Too much MTV cutting.

- I don't know how much I'd be available.
- I can wait for you, darling.

Peter, I told you it's just not for me.

I did a rewrite
with my assistant, Shelley.

I think you met her
at that idiot's premiere.

We made it more contemporary.
They have cell phones.

It's not a territory
that I want to explore.

I thought I'd ask Daphne to play the wife.

- She is retired.
- If you could just attach yourself.

My lawyer says we need a name.

I can't do that.

I'll be honest with you, son.

I need the money.

- I'll give you the money.
- But I need to make another picture.

I want to do two, right in a row.

Back-to-back.

You know what dear Truffaut said.

"Sometimes quantity is impressive."

Art is personal, Pop. You know that.

I understand.

But if you could just lend your name.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

It's delicious.

Pickles don't expire.

My dad was never there.

In the '70s and '80s,
he was always on movie sets.

And when he started to struggle,

after he made a couple of
what many of you in Hollywood would call

"bombs" or "turkeys,"

or, forgive me, I'm not in the business.
I don't know the language.

"Flops" that are now considered
cult classics by Gen Z.

After the industry turned its back on him
after his third bankruptcy,

after he was forced to sell
his beloved mansion,

Casa del Oro in Bel Air,

and move into the one-bedroom in Encino,

he was always trying to raise money,

dreaming of the next picture.

As he lay dying,
he turned to me, and he said,

"I know how the movie ends.

It's about love."

You don't remember me, do you?

- Of course I do.
- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.
- Where do you know me from?

I was in the only movie
he directed on horseback.

I love you both.
I think I have to go rescue Jay.

How long do you think--

- I got beach cleanup at 3.
- We'll get you there.

- If I'm late, it won't count.
- Just take the car.

Not surprisingly, it was his worst film.

- You have no idea who I am.
- I do. Yes.

I don't believe you.

Thanks for coming, Jay.

I'm so sorry, Nathan.

You know, Dad always said
how lucky he was to have found you.

He changed my life.

He thought the same about you.

He wanted you to have
one of his neckerchiefs.

I am glad we came.
It makes it all more real.

- None of this feels real.
- I know.

Death is always so surprising,
particularly in LA.

I like the neckerchief.

- You want it?
- Thank you.

Why didn't I just do
another movie for him?

You're feeling this way
because you're a good person.

Just lend my name.
'Cause he just wanted my name.

- Jay?
- Hey, man.

- Tim?
- Yeah.

Timothy. Hey.

Hey. Don't worry,
I'm-I'm not stalking you.

No, no, no, it's--

- Hey, we just did the--
- Yeah.

- We lost a great one there.
- Yeah, it's sad.

- He was really special.
- We're just busy all the time,

and then people are dying.

Ron, this is Timothy, my old roommate.

We were in acting class together.
My old budd-ay.

- Budd-ay.
- Yes, yes. Tim. Nice to see you.

Ron Sukenick, Jay's manager and friend.

- Yeah, I've told you about him.
- Heard a lot about you.

Really? Really, you have?

Oh, well, all good, I hope.

'Cause we were some
pretty bad boys back in the day.

Yeah.

- How have you been?
- I'm good, you know.

Living the life, you know.
How are you doing?

Well, that's a stupid question.
You're doing great.

I'm all right. I'm all right, you know.

It's good to see you.

- You too.
- Yeah.

Man.

Okay, well...

See you, man.

- All right.
- Nice to see you.

I'm not following you.
I'm parked over here.

Maybe we should
grab a coffee or something sometime.

Oh, man, that would be great, you know.
And how would I--

We-- Maybe I'll contact
your office or something?

- Just call me.
- I'll get the message if you--

- There you go.
- Oh. Yeah.

Okay. Great.

And if it's not cool,
don't feel obligated.

Actually, I have time now.

Oh, that's great. Hey.

Uh, do you remember Chez Jay
by the water?

Sure, yeah, okay. I'll meet you there.

Budd-ay!

- Do I follow you?
- It's all right, Silvano, you can go home.

We're okay with this guy?

He's an old friend.
I haven't seen him in years.

- There will be people there.
- It's all right.

I remember people. I'll see you tomorrow.

No, you won't. Remember?
I have the tennis finals with Vivi.

- That's right. Good luck.
- Take it easy on the drinks.

- Yeah, I will.
- 'Cause it's an emotional day.

Stick to beer.

Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo

My guru says that when someone is dying

and getting closer
to the spiritual world-- Thank you.

That they get less afraid of death.

You got a guru, man. That's great.

Death, it becomes less real.

And...

of course power and success
become completely unreal,

because they're no longer relevant.

But like Peter said, all that's left...

is love.

- That was beautiful.
- I know.

Okay, I'm doing it.

- Hi. Could I get a picture?
- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah, here we go.

- Got it?
- Yep.

Love to get your guru's number.

Oh, yeah, he's magic. He's best by text.

This place is so great.

I haven't been here since...

since we were in class.

- Do you see anyone from class?
- No.

- No. Do you?
- Oh, yeah. We have reunions.

I think that you're
the only one that still works.

Oh, Cindy does a lot of voiceovers.

But you were the one we all looked up to.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, yeah.

You were the best of all of us.
You were method.

I wasn't method.

- You were method.
- I was method light.

You could do anything.
I could watch you do anything.

I could watch you read this menu.

Do that thing. Do it.
Read the menu. Come on.

Okay, all right. All right.
This is no emotional choice.

Uh, truffle parmesan fries,

Brussels sprouts with balsamic
honey glaze and bacon, 12 dollars.

Wedge of iceberg lettuce, shrimp cocktail,

calamari with lemon aioli sauce,
15 dollars.

Hey...

- Now do it with an emotional choice.
- I don't know, man.

I don't do this anymore.
I'm a child therapist.

Do it.

Jay Kelly stare.

And action!

Okay. All right.

Let's see. What would Larry say?

Okay.

Okay, I'm remembering something
that's really important to me.

I can see him.

I can-- I can hear him.
I can talk through it.

Truffle parmesan fries.

Brussels sprouts
with balsamic honey glaze and bacon.

Twelve dollars.

A wedge of iceberg lettuce
and shrimp cocktail.

Calamari with lemon aioli sauce
is 15 dollars.

That's what method acting is.

That's amazing. Oh, my God.

No, my problem was I was not ambitious.

It's such a hard business.
I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I keep thinking I might just stop.

No, come on.
You've done all right, Jay Kelly.

I made two bad decisions.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

You know I passed on the original 90210?
I was doing Hamlet in Louisville.

Ah, that's cool.
I haven't done a play in...

oh, since high school.
What was the other one?

I let you come to that audition.

But my boys got to see me waiting
outside the school gates every day.

I gotta think that counts for something.

For sure it does.
It counts for everything. Everything.

Hey, I'm sorry.
I read about your divorces,

and your girls, they must be
full-grown people by now.

Daisy starts school in the fall.

Thankfully, she doesn't
give a shit about acting.

But... I'm freaking out, I...

Thinking about her leaving.

I feel like I missed it.

Hey...

Tragedy of parenting.

We are only successful
once we've made ourselves irrelevant.

- That's so sad.
- Come on.

You've made the right choices for you.

You make movies, man.
That's what the world wants from you.

My world is much smaller.

I take the dogs to the park.
Being with my family and my patients.

Nice to see you, Tim.

And it's nice to talk about those times.

Nice to be in touch with you and with...

also that guy.

Guy I was.

Is it?

Uh, yeah.

I don't think you want
to meet that guy again.

What?

I'm gonna be honest with you.
I can't stand you.

You kind of stole my life.

I didn't steal anything from you.

Really? You stole my job.
And you stole my girlfriend.

At 23, I didn't have much more than that.

And now, every time I pick up a magazine,
I'm forced to read about Jay Kelly

and his amazing origin story.

How he accompanied his friend
to an audition for Peter Schneider,

only he got the part. Imagine that.

But they never wonder about the friend.
The guy he took it from.

I got Peter to cast you.

I was a glorified extra.

- I had one line.
- I gotta go.

- If people knew what I do about you...
- I gotta get up early.

- I'll get the bill.
- I got it already.

- Hey, can you sign this for me?
- Oh, yeah, sorry.

Hey, don't worry.
I'm not gonna tell people.

I'm not that kind of guy.

You know, I don't actually know
what kind of a guy you are.

You're not that important to me.

You're important to other people
en masse maybe, but not to me.

Sorry you feel that way.
I always had fond thoughts of you.

I'm not the only one who feels this.
Your daughter agrees with me.

Daisy?

Jessica.

We're Facebook friends.

I recommended the therapist
for her in San Diego.

That guy's a charl--
Don't talk to Jessica.

You're gonna tell me
who to be friends with?

I'm not gonna tell you
who to be friends with.

She calls you an empty vessel.

Maybe she's right.

Is there a person in there?

Maybe you...

don't actually exist.

My car's here. Let's just leave it.

I've always had this fantasy
of hitting you.

I should have done this years ago.

Oh!

Come on.

Come on.

You were never gonna get that part.

Never.

You got this, puppy.

I know. I'm just getting
that feeling I feel.

That's fine. Now say goodbye to that.

I'm trying.

Sorry, Liz, can Ron call you back?
Vivienne's serving for the match.

- Out.
- I know.

- I'm just saying it's out.
- But Michelle, it's the way you said it.

- He can call you after the match.
- Sorry, Dad.

- I heard Mom and I got distracted.
- I did too. I understand.

Sweetheart, you can't talk
while we're playing.

I know. I'm sorry. Liz says it's urgent.

Dad, do you know about ghosts?

Hold on, Vivienne gets a do-over
because she was distracted.

- Dad, I don't want a do-over.
- Ron.

What rules are you playing by?

Gordon, this isn't the French Open.
Give the girl another serve.

I give Vivienne another serve,
then why not give Michelle another serve?

Hell, I'd like another serve too,
while we're at it. Let chaos reign.

- Ron.
- I don't want another serve.

It's not another because
that one shouldn't have happened.

Uh... Right.

- Yes?
- You don't pick up your phone?

- We're serving for the match.
- We need you now, Ron.

- Dad.
- I can't come now.

- We're in the middle of a game.
- It's Jay.

- Dad.
- Jay knows I have this tournament.

Jay's dropping out of the movie
that he starts in a week.

The Louis Brothers movie?

- Dad.
- David, don't put your mouth on the fence.

I like the taste of it.

He's not dropping out. This is Jay when
he wraps a movie. He always does this.

Believe me, Ron. It's bad.

It's really, really bad.

Ron.

- Today.
- He got a work call.

Dad.

Dad.

Dad.

Fine, I'm coming.

- Do you know about ghosts, Dad?
- I do, David.

Ghosts are the spirits of dead people
who come back to Earth

- if they have unfinished business.
- Ad out. It's our serve.

So change in plans.
We got to suspend the game.

- Suspend the game?
- No. No way, Ron.

Something's come up. I have to go.

- Where?
- To Jay's.

You suspend, you forfeit.

- Says who, Gordon?
- The tournament rules.

- What if it was raining?
- It's not raining, Ron.

- It's not raining, Dad.
- Ron.

I feel good. We can win.

I know. I have to go.

They're waiting for you.

Thank God.

- What happened yesterday?
- Nothing.

We went to Peter's memorial.
He bumped into an old friend.

- They went out for drinks.
- Something happened.

If he pulls out, he'll be in breach.

You're not making
quesadillas by any chance?

I... I can.

- Where's Jay?
- In his bedroom.

- He is packing.
- Packing for what?

I don't know.

Quitting would be financially devastating.

Devastating on a reputation level.

His box office is not what it was.

- Nobody's is.
- He's not 25 anymore.

- He's not 55 anymore.
- Okay, now the studio's calling.

You done? Everybody done?

No one's in breach. Jay's doing the movie.

- That's not what he's saying.
- Well, now I'm here.

Well, then find out
why he has a black eye.

He has a black eye?

Jay?

- Hey, brother.
- Hey, puppy.

- What's the packing?
- You just come from the game?

How'd you and Vivienne do?

- Well, we were up 5-4 and serving...
- I do too many movies.

- ...but it's fine. What's the packing?
- You think I do too many movies?

I think you do just the right amount.

- You think I do too many movies?
- You do work a lot.

See? Barbara tells me the truth.

- What happened last night?
- You can't have too much underwear. Hup!

- How'd you get the black eye?
- I'll tell you on the plane.

What plane?

The plane that I booked.
We're leaving in 1.

- Where are we going?
- Meg, where are we going?

- France.
- France.

France?

I spoke
to Daisy's friend Rio's mom, Claire,

Rio uses her mom's credit card
so Claire can see the charges online.

Of course she can.

Daisy and her friends
are currently in Paris

and due to leave for Italy
after the jazz festival on Tuesday.

Right. You kids and your computers.
France.

- We have a fitting on Monday.
- Not if we're in Paris, we don't.

Both Louis brothers are gonna be there.
Marvin and Yusuf.

If you need a couple days
to clear your head, I'll tell the studio--

Tell them that I'm joining Daisy
and her friends

at a jazz festival in Paris,
and then we are catching a train to Italy.

And you're tracking her
through her friend's mother's credit card.

It's my last chance to spend time with her
before she's gone forever.

I'm fairly certain Daisy doesn't want you

following her around Europe
with your entourage.

I am the Dior ambassador,
so there's every reason to be in Paris.

And then I'm receiving that tribute
in Tuscany.

I said no to the tribute. You said no.

- I told them never.
- Call and tell them yes.

Listen, take a few days,

drive up the coast,

order that pinot
you liked at the Post Ranch.

Remember the towels?

What did that even mean?

I do--

- How about I push the fitting to Tuesday?
- Listen.

If you don't want to come, I'll go alone.

You, on your own, wandering through Europe

is like a little gazelle
alone in the Serengeti.

But not a gazelle. A cocker spaniel.

Well, this cocker spaniel
will take his chances.

Today, Daisy and her friends
were at the Louvre, Café de Flore,

a flea market, and they're staying
at a youth hostel in the 11th.

Now we're cooking.

After we land,
we can surprise her at the jazz festival.

Perfect.

What do you mean, they're giving
the tribute to someone else?

Some history.
When Jay passed on the tribute,

I got them to offer it to Ben Alcock.

You gave Jay's tribute
to another one of your clients?

Somebody had to take it, and it's a good
piece of architecture for Ben.

Fuck a duck. Does Jay know about this?

I spoke to Antonio.
They're gonna do two tributes.

But currently, there's only one trophy.

I'm missing, like, three junkets,
a Vanity Fair cover shoot

and Justin's little league whatever

- for this cluster fuck.
- I know. But it's Jay.

- Why does he have a black eye, Ron?
- We're getting to that.

Uh-huh.
This is why I could never marry you.

Why, because I'm loyal?

No. Because you enable.

We're on the road to Paris

Oh, man, now we have
to listen to him play the piano.

We're going to Paris by plane

Sing it, Ronnie!

An adventure to the place

Where...

- I don't know the words.
- Come on, Ronnie.

Justin's on the B team. It's so sad.

You guys, he doesn't know where to run.
It's so sad.

Look.

He's really bad at baseball.

- Should I take a half or a whole?
- What's the dosage?

- You forget your glasses?
- I left in a hurry.

Can't say goodbye to David
or he has a meltdown.

The therapist said
I should say goodbye anyway

so he knows I'm leaving.

- He'll be okay. He's five.
- They block it.

He's five, but I probably
should have said goodbye.

Take a whole. Otherwise, you'll stress out
and end up waking me up.

So, what this man
on the podcast was saying

is that we're always, always every age.

- Like, literally?
- Well, I don't know literally.

Yeah, I'll take a whole.

So when I'm 10, I'm also 30, and also 80.

And vice versa.

Why do you have a black eye, puppy?

I'll tell you when we get to France.

But it's nothing
I need to know now, right?

Are you running
to something or from something?

- Yes.
- When I remember kindergarten,

I'm my age now, right?

How would I know
how you remember yourself?

What does it feel like to be famous?

It doesn't feel like anything,
as far as I know.

You talk about fame and success,
and this sunlit life and happiness.

You talk about me
as if I'm some kind of a king.

But your words are just...
sweetness that disappears in your mouth--

Okay, Jay, can you stop there?

What did you feel just then?

I felt conceited. Successful.

- A star.
- You want to be a star?

I mean...

Yeah, sure.

Go on. What else?

Enjoying patronizing a young girl.

Thinking I'm a king.

Did that seem powerful, kingly, to you?

Looked like a lot of posturing.

How old are you, Jay?

Twenty-three.

I'm not interested in seeing you
try to be a famous writer

in pre-revolutionary Russia.

I want to see the hungover kid
who just got off the bus from Kentucky...

who's trying to impress
all the cute girls in the class.

Basically, just be myself?

Do you know how hard it is to be yourself?

Uh-huh.

If you're lucky enough
to act professionally

you'll be lying for a living.

The better you lie,
the more truthful you'll seem,

and the more successful you'll be.

That's confusing shit for a young man
who doesn't tend towards introspection.

You say you want to be a star.

Well, I've known a few of those.

That's a whole other layer of headfuck.

Now you gotta act twice.

Once when you play the part,
and then again when you play yourself.

You have to really want that.

- I do.
- I do.

- Hey, Tim.
- Yeah?

Wanna have a go?

Sure.

Show 'em how to do it.

What does it feel like to be famous?

I don't feel like anything,
as far as I know.

You talk about fame and success,
and this sunlit life and happiness.

You talk about me
as if I'm some kind of a king.

But your words are like a sweetness

that disappears
in your mouth in an instant.

I see nothing especially lovely about it.

I must go at once and begin writing again.

- Tim's having a panic attack.
- Why?

I have a huge audition
for Peter Schneider.

- Dude, that's amazing.
- Tim hates auditions.

- I am the worst auditioner.
- I've barely ever gotten an audition.

- It's so not a test of talent.
- It's a test of something.

Your talent will shine through.
It always does.

Go with him, Jay.

You're a calming influence.

Come by the bar after. Free drinks.

We will.

"I used to want to die.
I'd imagine my funeral."

I think he's from the sticks.

"All the pretty girls crying."

Then he goes on about the sky
and the stars.

He's too poetic for a hick kid.
He'd be more like...

"There are too many girls I ain't laid.

Dede Duffy, for one."

I don't know, um...

Shit like, "I might even grow more."

"There's so many things
I ain't done yet, I don't--

I don't have the vocabulary to list them."

- That's better. You should say that.
- I can't mess with their script.

You're gonna do great in there.

I just get so fucking nervous
at these things.

Well, look at this.

It's a sign. You're gonna
get this, buddy, I can feel it.

Thanks, buddy.

Eat it, for good luck.

- What?
- Come on. Just a corner.

- Harness his powers.
- Stop it, man. You're freaking me out.

- Tim Galligan.
- Uh, yeah.

Will you read with me?

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

- Hi.
- Thank you.

Thanks.

- Uh, who are you here to read?
- To read with my friend.

If that's okay.

Yeah.

Thanks.

- I'll get you some sides.
- Oh, thanks.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

What's your beef, Tilly?

- I ain't got no beef.
- Yeah? But you got that look.

That line in your forehead
that goes from here to here.

I used to want to die.

I'd imagine my funeral.

All the pretty girls crying.

But I don't want to die, now.

I haven't seen enough.

I never really looked at these trees.
And the sky.

- But now that--
- Thank you very much.

- There's more. I didn't finish.
- It's fine. Thank you.

Thank you, Timothy.
Thank you so much. Very nicely done.

Would it be cool if I read too?

No, I'm sorry.

- If you're not on the appointment sheet--
- Yes, sweetheart, that would be fine.

I mean, if that's okay.

Uh, yeah.

What's your beef, Tilly?

- I ain't got no beef.
- Yeah? You got that look.

That line in your forehead
that goes from here to here.

I used to want to die.

I'd imagine my funeral.

All the pretty girls crying.

But I don't want to die now.

I haven't seen enough.

There's too many girls I ain't laid.
Dede Duffy, for one.

Hell, I might even grow more.

There's so many things I ain't done.

I don't have the vocabulary to list them.

And I've only been as far as Archer City.
But I... I don't need to see Paris,

or Rome, or one of them places
they got kings.

I'm the king here.

I'm the king of this dust cloud.

I'm-I'm the king of my Coca-Cola.

I'm the king of Cranberry Street.

Thank you.

Would it trouble you
to read another scene?

I'd love to.

I'm sorry about changing the lines,
by the way--

No, dear, we liked it very much.

Thank you.

Yeah, okay.

No, let's just...

Does that hurt?

No, it's okay.

It's fine.

You'd never know.

My father used to say,

"The first person you meet
when you get off a plane is you."

- Well, it should be the greeter.
- Remember the last time we were in Paris?

The Chanel show? It was in silence
out of respect for the war.

I remember Gucci, but that was very loud.

Maybe it was for peace.

Thank you so much, Antonio.

- They're blowing a second trophy for Jay.
- Great.

We arrived in Paris,
and we'll be heading your way tomorrow.

Just getting all my texts.

According to Rio's mom, Daisy bought
tickets for a 10 o'clock train to Italy.

- They're not doing the jazz thing?
- Apparently not.

All right, better head
straight to the train.

Flag on the play!
We're catching a train to Italy.

- A train?
- Hold on.

We're literally standing next to a plane.

- Why did we fly to Paris then?
- We're coming, but by train.

Oh, no.

I booked a job for this afternoon.
I'm giving Emmanuel Macron a haircut.

- Can you cancel?
- He's my first president.

- Oh, my God. So, yeah...
- 10 o'clock.

We'll be on the 10 o'clock.

Are you fucking kidding me?
I can't put Jay Kelly on a train.

You're right, Antonio.
It's the most romantic way to travel.

There should be some sort
of official car or something maybe.

With a seal, or-- I think there's--

I'm an atheist
who supports the established church.

I approve of everything about it but God.

But if there were no God,
life would be absurd.

Well, exactly.

Fuck. Is that Jay Kelly?

Thank you.
All right, garçons, that's great.

If he signs one, it'll be a thousand.

- Just get him on the train.
- You're going to have a trophy.

- So you needn't worry.
- Was there ever not going to be a trophy?

That's what I do. I fix things
so you don't have to know about them.

If I don't have to know,
why are you telling me?

Because we were late with the acceptance,
and they gave Ben Alcock the award.

- There was only--
- You gave Ben my tribute?

- You said no, puppy!
- Then I said yes.

I would never say this to Ben.

This stays in the cone,
but you're the first choice.

You're the headliner.
You know that, puppy.

I'm so confused talking to you right now.

I can't believe
I'm catching shit for this.

Daisy! Hey!

No.

No, no, no. Ce n'est pas Jay Kelly.

Excusez-moi.

Seat 48.
That doesn't sound like first class.

It isn't.

We're putting Jay Kelly in seat 48?

You tell me.
There were no first class tickets.

Maybe no first class at all.
I don't know. They all speak French here.

We have Jay Kelly
the movie actor here with us.

Do you have a private area?

But...

Fifty days after Easter.
Very busy holiday for the French.

I don't know who to be mad at, but
I'm finding myself being mad at you, Ron.

Be mad at me, Liz.
The train was my idea.

That's the problem.
I'm not allowed to be mad at you.

According to Claire,
Rio got a chai latte

at the Starbucks
at Gare de Lyon 45 minutes ago.

You don't go
to a train station for coffee.

I mean, it would be weird.

Jay Kelly.

Do you think he's fallen on hard times?

It's research for a part.

Sorry, speak louder. I'm on a French train
on a French holiday...

I'll have him there Monday morning.

I don't know, the Fête fucking Nationale.

Well, then move the fitting
to the first day of the shoot.

Wait, what? Say that last part again?

Can you hear me?
It's 50 days from Easter here, I'm sorry.

One more time. I want to get this right.

We're playing three-dimensional--
four-dimensional chess here.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- I know that's not what Jay says.

It's what I say. I'll get him back.

It's bad.

- Hold on. Let me get somewhere...
- Let me call you back.

Just put him through.

I can't believe
he's actually on this train with us.

- Are you real?
- I believe so. Yes.

And will you be using
the same bathroom as us?

I'll try to remember to put the seat down.

Nice, regular guy.

- He's a good egg.
- A real double-yolker.

I read that that he's never
the seducer in his films.

I'm sorry. There's so many people here.

I haven't been on a train in 20 years.

- Thirty, maybe.
- A subway.

I can't tell you the last time
I was on a subway.

- Oh, the Kozak picture.
- Right, the chase scene.

It was on a stage,
but the dimensions were very accurate.

We saw you're being honored
at a prestigious Tuscan Arts Festival.

Aren't you too young
to be having a tribute?

You're very kind, but I don't know
how many more movies I have in me.

- At least one more.
- I'd like to have a tribute in Italy.

Clive, they don't give tributes
to computer programmers

in Italy or anywhere.

I expect you'll get all dressed up
and invite all your friends and family.

That's what I'd do, anyway, so...

Clive's right. It's your career.
Let's do it up.

Invite your kids. Invite your dad.

- My dad?
- Well, I know, but why not?

My kids. I don't know about my dad.

He's your dad.
He's not gonna be here forever.

Okay.

All right, but you call him.

We can send him a plane if he wants.

- Done.
- All right.

Oh, my--

When I look at you, I see my whole life.

I talked to Rich at the studio.

- They'll push the fitting.
- Alan called.

Jay was in a bar fight.

He broke a child therapist's nose.

- He broke a child what?
- Did you know this?

Did he say anything about this?

- I wanted it very badly.
- No.

Do you like being famous?

You must have such
a wonderful sunlit life. You're so happy.

I think it'd be terrible being famous.

Everyone looking at you,
talking about you.

- It's like being crazy, isn't it?
- Yes.

Clearly doesn't help with travel.
Packed in with us plebs.

So what do you all do?
Where are you all going?

Milan.

- Farm equipment.
- My father was in farm equipment.

I go to Pisa. I'm a fireman.

- I played a fireman.
- Florence!

We work in the Vatican.

Explain what is happening.

My thoughts are formulating
in real time here, Liz.

- We're just on a girls' trip.
- We're going to get shagged!

Computers. Wedding.

Life coach. Also wedding.

- Remember the last time we were in Paris?
- I don't want to talk about it.

'Cause we never did...

talk about it.

Twenty years ago,
I left you up the Eiffel Tower.

Nineteen years ago.
I don't want to talk about it.

I looked you up. You're 60.

- Yes.
- You can't get old.

- If you're getting old, that means I am.
- I'll stop if you will.

Deal!

- Do you want some peanuts?
- Sure, sure!

What do you say to people
who say you only play yourself?

Do you know
how difficult it is to be yourself?

You try it.

You know, I'm having a tribute
in Tuscany on Saturday.

And you all should come.
All of you. Yeah!

Yes, just talk
to my publicist Liz right there.

- What time, Jay?
- Sorry.

Do you have any regrets?

- What's your name?
- Phoebe.

You're a tough one, Phoebe.

I'll see you all in Tuscany!

Arrivederci!

Everyone is so nice.
People are so nice.

By the way, these are the best peanuts
I've ever had. Try one.

It's a good peanut. A European peanut.

I didn't offer you one
because I know about your allergy.

That's right.
My throat will close, and I will die.

How can I play people
when I don't see people?

Don't touch people?

Don't touch people.

So, puppy,
you know those times you say,

"Don't tell me
unless I really need to know"?

This isn't one of those times...

Why didn't you tell us you punched
a child therapist in a bar fight?

- I didn't think he'd--
- Sue? He's suing.

I know it's difficult to be honest...

You have to tell us everything,
or we can't do our jobs.

...who love you no matter what.
More difficult.

- Why are you saying that?
- We do. We love him.

You love him. I work for him.

You know I adore you.

But when the press gets ahold of this,
we need a counter-narrative.

He hit you first?
Is that how you got the black eye?

'Cause "Jay Kelly defends himself from
crazed stalker" sounds a whole lot better

than "Jay Kelly beats up
defenseless child therapist."

- That's not what happened.
- Well, how would we know that?

If I've made my last movie,
I'm all right with that.

- I had a good run.
- You don't mean that.

You broke his nose.
They're claiming this, from Alan.

"Multiple fractures needing surgery, plus
permanent reduction in sense of smell..."

He says I stole his life.

"...and potential deformity, can result
in compensation up to $100,000,000."

Jay Kelly.

Jay Kelly. Jay.

Jay Kelly.

Jay.

Kelly.

Come on! Quickly! We're going to miss it!

- Hurry up!
- Daisy, I'm coming.

Jay Kelly.

Jay Kelly.

Gary Cooper.

Cary Grant.

Jay Kelly.

Clark Gable.

Jay Kelly.

Robert De Niro.

Jay Kelly.

Jay Kelly.

Bye, honey. Bye, Mommy,
see you. Have a good weekend.

I can't believe you drove here
from LA by yourself.

I wanted to see you in your life.

I've been in San Diego for almost a year.

Well, my last movie went long.

And then I had this vodka ad in Greece,

- so I'm lucky to have a weekend.
- I know you're busy.

I jumped in the truck
and I drove all the way down here.

So, can you, like--

At this point, can you just
go into a gas station alone?

Yeah, I do self-serve, and then
I just put a baseball cap over my eyes.

What about having to pee?

Side of the road.

God, Dad.

I love seeing you with those kids.

They adore you.

Well, I finally found
what I really want to do.

It took a minute, God knows.
You know, acting really fucked me up.

It's really insecure-making.
I don't know how you do it.

I'm insecure.

No, but you always had it.

Even when you were little,
and those shows you would do

in the backyard with your sister.

"It's... Kelly and Kelly."

No, it was "Kelly and Kel-ly."

I'm just so happy for you.

Listen, if I could help out with the rent

- or support you--
- No, that's okay, Dad.

I'm glad you're here, though.

You wanna go for a drive?

It's Theo's birthday next week,
by the way.

No, I know.

You don't have to remind me.

Right, you have people
who do that for you.

No, I know it's the 24th.

I got him a pony
that's the actual size of a pony,

but it's stuffed.

Oh, he'll love that.

Where are we going?

- I've been seeing a therapist, and...
- Hm.

he's become a very important
part of my life.

I made an appointment
for both of us with Carter.

Carter's the--

I'm hungry. Why don't we stop, get a bite
and just talk, just the two of us?

This is why I didn't tell you.

Because I knew
you wouldn't want to do it.

This is very important to me.

I'm sorry about the shades.

I have a retinal disorder.

So I'm very sensitive to bright light.

I tell him it makes him mysterious.

You should be the one
with the dark glasses.

When it's sunny, yeah.

Do you surf?

A little bit. I'm not very good.

I'm guessing that you do.

Mm. Every day, until I broke my femur.

- Then I got my psychology degree.
- I'm sorry.

But... I guess good?

Yeah, a door and a window, right?

- Yeah.
- Well, thank you for coming.

It's very brave.

Okay.

Jessie and I have been doing
a lot of work these past weeks.

And Jessie wrote you a letter.

It's from her ten-year-old self.

She'd like me to read it.

Why don't you read it?

Because I can't get
through it without sobbing,

so we decided that Carter should read it.

Oh.

Okay, it's-- If you--

"Dear Jay,

- When you abandoned me--"
- Hold on, I didn't abandon you.

- That's your mother talking.
- Try not to comment until I finish.

I left her. I didn't leave you.

- I was with her.
- Just because I wasn't there

doesn't mean I stopped being your father.

Jessie's told me a bit about
your relationship with your own father.

I'm not like my father.

My father's a rageful, bitter egomaniac.

Perhaps your determination
not to be like him

took precedence
over being a father yourself.

Keep reading.

"You say you always want to be with me.

But your actions
aren't speaking the way your words are.

My worst day
was when my babysitter rented

that movie you did with Daphne Spender.

She couldn't believe I had never seen it.

And in it...

you were this great father...

and you were so sweet
with the little boy...

and with Daphne.

I cried and cried.

It was like you had a happy family."

Can't do it. Can't do it.

- I'm not finished.
- You're not gonna hear the whole letter?

Not if Carter reads it, no.

I knew that you would
find a way to make this about you.

- Carter said you would.
- Carter is crying in there.

I find it interesting
that you're not crying.

Tell him the best way
to make an audience cry is to not cry.

Do you know how I know that
you didn't want to spend time with me?

Because you didn't spend time with me.

She's in the cafe car.

Explain to me, Ron.
If he doesn't care, why should we?

Liz, of course he cares. This is just
how he's managing his feelings.

"They're so nice."
Of course they're nice.

You've walked off a movie screen.
You think they're like this with everyone?

They do seem like a nice group.

We're in second class
on a French train to nowhere,

taking care of an infant.

Worse, an infant who hit a guy.

We've known him for 30 years.

We clearly don't know Jay.

And who knows what else is out there?

Whatever hillbilly shit
he did in Kentucky.

It can spiral.

It was different when we were young.
It was fun. Jay was our baby.

- We're gonna handle this.
- Acting out at 60 is a bad look.

We're gonna get him to the tribute.
He's going to feel the love.

He's behaving like he's the first person
to ever have a nervous breakdown.

- Remember--
- We're all having nervous breakdowns, Ron.

- We've got grapes.
- Want some?

Banana?

Every single fucking second.

That was actually quite rude.

Why, Ron?

Why should we be
chasing around an infant

when we have actual living kids at home
who are aging by the minute?

Because we are supporting a great artist
who shares with other human beings

what it is to be a human being.

We're human too, Ron.

- More so, maybe.
- It's not about us.

Our love isn't conditional. It's--
We're like parents or imaginary friends.

We vanish under cloak of night,
with no trace.

Maybe an elegant
business card that floats--

What the fuck are you talking about?

He's not our family or our friend.

He was just at Vivienne's sweet 16.

Were you at Daisy's graduation?

I think-- I think it was small.

You weren't invited,
because it only goes one way.

No one wants to say it, but it does.

We're not to him what he is to us.

I disagree.

What's wrong?

Okay. My father is Jay Kelly.

Like the actor?

Yes, like the actor,
and also is the actor.

The reason I'm telling you is because
he's standing right in front of us.

Hey!

Hey.

I guess we're on the same train.

Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it?

- It's weird, Dad.
- Well, I had to be in Paris

for a Dior campaign
and other bits and bobs,

and then I made this train...

for my tribute in Tuscany.
Hey, Rio.

So...

How was the jazz festival?

Well... we didn't go.
Guillaume says it's all fusion now.

Bonjour. Guillaume.

- Guigui.
- Guigui. I'm Jay. Hi.

Guillaume was our waiter at Café de Flore.
He's a singer and a filmmaker.

No, I'm not. That's--

It's embarrassing to say filmmaker to you.

- No, it isn't.
- No, it's not.

Daisy, how does it feel to have the hero
of so many brilliant films of our time

to be your father?

Yes, Daisy, how does that feel?

I think I know him too well to tell.

Jay Kelly is a hero of cinema.

I like this guy.

Wow.

What was I gonna tell you?

Anyway, listen, I don't want to intrude.

I just wanted to invite you all

to my tribute on Saturday.

I can totally get tickets
for all five of you.

Since when did you care
so much about a tribute?

I don't know. I think I care.

I'm inviting Dad.

- I think I'd make it a family thing.
- You invited Grandpa?

- Do you really want him there?
- I'd like him to come.

And I'm inviting Jessica too.

- Jessie?
- Yeah.

It's a little more complicated with her,
'cause you and I are in the same country.

On the same train.

Let me get back to you about it, okay?
We're on kind of a tight schedule.

We're going to this ancient horse race.

It's gonna be fun.

Uh...

So, um...

Paris was great?

- It was amazing.
- All right, so tell me everything.

We jumped off rocks
into pools in the woods.

We went to this crazy bar
that David Lynch designed,

and I ate a brain.

We went to Delacroix's house.

Do you know his paintings?
They're really, really amazing.

Dad, are you listening to me?

I'm listening to you.
This is the look of me listening.

- You asked me about Paris.
- Start again, just two sentences back.

You're so ADD.
I'm gonna go get some snacks.

No, don't get snacks. No, stay, come on.

I'm sorry. It's strange.

It's great, but it's--

It's strange hearing
about your experiences

and seeing you so independent.

I'm sorry. Okay, so tell me...

- Uh, you ate a brain.
- I ate a brain.

And we danced with these tango kids
outside of the opera house.

And I think I want to act.

Wow.

All right.

After college, if it's still something
that you feel you want to do, then...

I think I might not want
to go to college right now.

Guigui's making a film in Sicily,
and he's asked me to be in it.

It's just a little thing
about memories and dreams.

You're going to college.

You worked incredibly hard,
and this is an amazing opportunity.

- One that I never had.
- I never even allowed myself

to think of being an actor because of you,
but I am good.

I know you always thought
Jessie was the talented one.

You're one of the most
brilliant people I've ever met.

- I just don't think you want that life.
- That is so hypocritical.

- Acting has been your whole life.
- I know how difficult it is,

and how much you miss,
and how crazy it makes you,

and how lonely it makes you.

You're never alone.

- Thanks, Silvano.
- You're welcome.

Just think about the tribute.

'Cause I can make it work
from the horse race or wherever you are.

I can send a car or a helicopter.

There's a jet picking up your grandpa.
Whatever you need.

How did you end up on this train, Dad?

Well--

I knew. I...

I...

I knew, because, uh,

Rio is using her mom's credit card.

Oh, my God. That is so fucked up.

Rio, your mother's tracking you
on your Amex.

Fuck.

- I wanted to surprise you.
- You stalked me to Europe.

I'm here because you can't just leave

and stop being a kid.

- I haven't spent enough time with you.
- It's you and all your people.

- Come on. I'm not that guy.
- No, you're totally that guy.

You can't say "helicopter"
and not be that guy.

I'm just trying to make it easy for you...

I don't want a helicopter or a jet.
I just want to be on a rickety train

and in a youth hostel and in a tent.

I want to have this holiday
without you, Dad.

I fucking hate you, Mom.
You're worse than Russia.

- Forgive me.
- I will never forgive you.

No!

- Do not cancel the card.
- Nice to meet you.

Don't go.

He needs you.

- I need you.
- Tell Jay I'm sorry.

My dog ate a screw.
I wrote him an apology.

It's like we always say.

If it feels good, don't do it.

And here are the outfits for each event.
They're color coded.

I'm doing it.

You did just bolt that night.

Back then on the Eiffel Tower.

We just sat down to dinner.
I wanted to turn our phones off.

But you said, "Keep them on just in case."

And of course we got the call.

Jay had been photographed with
that daughter of the French ambassador.

One of us had to go.

I stayed to keep the table.

I was so nervous...

because I had
a ring planted in the ganache.

I never knew that part.

Yeah, it was like a very romantic movie.

But one that is not romantic at all,
in fact, because...

you never came back.

Well, I was with Jay.

And you were calling.

Jay is always gonna come first.

We were never going to have
a moment that was just ours.

I'm sorry about the Eiffel Tower.

It's okay. I'm happy.

I know.

And, uh, me too.

And also, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Save yourself.

What did they say?

The bloody air conditioning is no more.

Oh, swell.

- Hi.
- Vivienne's feet are swollen

- like I have never seen swollen.
- Wait, wait. Swollen how?

Like after the cello recital?

- So much worse, Ron.
- I can't get into my Jordans, Dad.

I had to wear Crocs.

- Her feet look like big blimps.
- We're on our way to Dr. Fenner's.

I'm doing everything I can
to keep it together.

It's disgusting, Dad.
Michael Bronfman said it looks deformed.

Michael Bronfman is an asshole.

Dad.

- When did the swelling start this time?
- Right after the tennis debacle.

- Oh, God.
- Almost immediately.

I get it. So it's my fault?

- I didn't say it was your fault, Ron.
- Did the cream not work?

- The cream did nothing.
- Because you really gotta slather it.

Ron, we slathered it,
and we did the Advil.

Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

Mom, you just totally ran a red light.

Oh, fuck. Sorry.

You're gonna get a ticket.

Vivi, you're going to be okay,
you hear me?

- You think?
- I know.

Dad, am I gonna be okay?

You are. You're gonna be great.

- You too, Lois. You're my hero.
- We're turning in now, Ron.

- We'll call you from the doctor's.
- Dad, I think I might love Mom more.

I love you all so much.

- Can you hear me, Lois?
- Yes, I can hear you, you're on speaker.

It kills me that I'm not there with you.

- You're breaking up, Ron. Hell...
- You're all my babies.

- I love-- Baby?
- Mom, I told you to valet.

- Dear Jay.
- Dear Jay.

- You say...
- You say you always want to be with me.

But your actions aren't speaking
the way your words are.

My worst day was
when my babysitter rented

that movie you did with Daphne Spender.

And cut.

Check...

Yeah, check the switches.

Sorry, I feel we should've
got to know each other a bit

before we did this.

Sometimes it's better to have sex
with someone before you know them.

Or pretend sex. In this case.

Have you had pretend sex
with a lot of people before you knew them?

A few. It's the least sexy thing ever.

It's so embarrassing.

- That hush that descends.
- Oh, yeah.

It's like we doing something
incredibly serious and important.

Well, it's more like a funeral
than a love scene.

I know.

Okay.

- We're rolling.
- Forty six, take eight.

And I'll just talk you through it.

So, Jay, can you kiss her?

And kiss the neck.

Then the shoulder.

Daphne, run your hands through his hair.

I'm sorry.

- Did you just fart?
- Yes!

- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay. It's fine.

So... sorry.

Okay, still rolling.

Okay.

Neck...

Hair...

Shoulder...

Okay. Cue Eli.

- Are you asking to be tickled?
- No.

- He is. Get him!
- Asking to be tickly!

- And cut. Good.
- Okay, Eli.

- Time to go back to school.
- Can we go again?

Really?

- Maybe I had an idea.
- I thought we were great.

You did?

Jay wants to go again.

- Can we beg the tutor?
- Yeah.

Ooh.

- Yeah?
- Very good.

I'm not gonna let you win.
I'm very competitive.

I wonder if you remember this
the way I do.

I'm cutting high here. There you go.

I was still married, just had Jessica.

We stayed on the set that day,
played cards with the kid.

- Daphne, you're cheating.
- I'm not.

If you hold your cards splayed out
like that, how can I not look?

He was our decoy.

It was okay to be together
as long as he was there.

Hanging out like a...

pretend family.

We didn't even kiss for real
until the very end of the shoot.

Later, you told me that--
that you wouldn't fall in love with me.

Maybe you were telling the truth,
maybe you never did.

A month later...

Jessica's mom moved her to Seattle.
I saw less and less of her.

You quit movies and said that

you loved acting,
but you didn't want to be famous.

Man, life is so weird.

I wonder if you think about it like I do.

Anyway...

There were a million reasons
why we didn't stay together and...

We're going again.

And... action.

I'm so in love with you.

Italy. What is its fatal charm?

I believe it is a certain permission
to be human.

Which other places lost too long ago.

I had a dream about you.

I loved you in the dream
just as much as I do in real life--

Really? All right?

I had a dream I had
a window in my chest, right?

But the view was the view
from our bathroom...

I'm suddenly remembering things
I haven't thought about in a long time.

- My family's losing it at home.
- Like a movie where I'm playing myself.

- Watching myself...
- I'm sorry, go again.

- I didn't hear a word you said.
- I said I'm suddenly remembering things.

Now, what is that?

- Memory?
- Well, yes.

Maybe your memory's trying
to tell you something about your present.

- Like what?
- I don't know. I'm tired.

- I just had a fight with Daisy.
- I wish I was there to help them.

- What?
- What? Nothing.

- Ah.
- I'm just... tired...

I just wish I would have spent more time
with her, I was always at work.

Well, I always negotiated flights
on the weekends for you

- to go home and see the kids.
- It was very difficult to...

- What are you getting at?
- I'm just saying, Ben, for instance,

flies home every weekend
from the show to see his family.

- Ben? Ben Alcock?
- I'm not comparing.

- It's hard not to feel like you are.
- These are the decisions we make

- like I made to come on this trip.
- These aren't just decisions.

Or not kiss Liz back.
My family would rather...

Kiss Liz back?

- ...I'm home right now.
- Did you kiss Liz?

- No, she kissed me.
- Where is Liz?

Liz left. Krista, too.
Her dog ate a screw.

Krista's dog, not Liz's.

Liz was just pissed.

She left you this note.

Krista, not Liz.

Liz leave leave, like forever?

What is forever? I don't...

Does Ben Alcock really fly home
on the weekends?

Ben's no saint.
This was his second marriage.

- She was the nanny.
- You don't have to put him down.

Were you ever gonna let me know
what happened with Timothy?

- I told you I would.
- Yeah, but you didn't.

Think maybe you can get me a water?

Can't you get it?

Stop! Thief!

He's got my handbag.

No. No... no.

Whoa!

Oh! Fuck!

Whoa! Whoa! Silvano! I'm-I'm going.

Oh. Oh.

He really is a hero.

- I wanna go out there.
- God, I love your attitude.

I've got five.

- Go!
- That is so not fair.

This is unbelievable.

- Oh!
- Oof.

- I got you, you son of a bitch!
- You should've gone ahead, Clive.

Jay captured the thief!

- Hey, bravo!
- Shit was real.

- There we go.
- Thanks, love!

- And he gave him a black eye, the bastard.
- A real shiner.

Oh.

Bravo, bravo!

- Okay, all right.
- Mwah!

- Bravo.
- Such a gentleman.

Stop looking at me
and talking about me all the time.

Please be kind,
he just needs his medication.

He's a nice guy, a real family man.

He has three wonderful kids.
This is not who he is.

You're a hero, puppy.

Okay?

- Come on.
- Will you just...

get him to a doctor.

I'll get you that water.

I'll be there in a minute.

"And the little tiny, tiny fur animal

ran down a hole into the ground." You see?

A little cute bear putting on its coat.

Mm-hmm.

"Then sun went down beyond the river..."

I'll take care of your bike, okay?

Daisy, can you please tell them?

Daisy.

Daisy?

Can you tell her that it's true?

What is true?

Like the horse can win without...

Have fun.

See you, Dad. Love you.

Love you, too.

It's right to let her go.

So, I spoke to Alan,
he's got a legal letter ready.

I signed off on it. We also have to have
a statement prepared

in case T-Timothy goes to the press.

I got a draft here, I need you to read it,
be okay with it.

These are yours.

I know you know what to say.
Whatever happens, happens.

Daisy's my friend, too,
and I betrayed her.

You were just doing your job.

That's a Nazi excuse.
I feel like such a bad person.

It's my fault, Meg. Listen...

take a break, go on a holiday in Italy.

I'll be fine. Is it...? Uh...

Ron, do you have any...? Um...

Thank you, Jay.

For the record, I'd love it
if my father chased me across Europe.

Oh, and Emmanuel Macron
is taking Candy to Geneva,

so you need another hair person.

I love you and congratulations.

Mr. Kelly! Sorry.

Mr. Caterpillar. Hi.

Hi, I'm Alba, your driver.

Your daddy is waiting for you

at the restaurant with Antonio
and host committee.

- My "daddy"?
- Yeah.

Your daddy. I called him
and sent a plane. He's very excited.

Shit. I didn't think he'd actually come.

I will bring you to your daddy.

Is this everyone?

- Mmm.
- Yeah? Okay.

Can you take maybe one bag?

- You take it.
- What?

Take it.

Jesus Christ.

Ah, I forgot to give you, Mr. Kelly.

Mr. Caterpillar, your cheesecake.

- Wonderful. Thank you.
- My rider. You eat it.

Here in Italy, we like to work hard.

But also, when we finish our work,
we relax and we like to eat.

We cry sometimes, but also,
if you are funny, we might laugh.

Sometimes we get married...

Don't get mad at Candy.
We'll find you a new hair person.

I have too many people around me anyway.

You need some people, right?

We argue sometimes. But also...

- Maybe an accountant.
- A lawyer. You need Alan.

Who else? Publicity, chef.

Or me. You need me.

Yeah, Ron. I need you.

Fuck. I think I just hit a rabbit.

Alba, is there someplace we can get a gift
or something for my dad?

Yeah, yeah.

Can you drop me
at Ristorante da Rosa, please?

Where you goin'?

Uh, I have a 5 p.m.
Just a quick drink in town.

I'll be back for your dinner.
Save me a tiramisu.

Who do you have a 5 p.m. with?

Uh, Ben Alcock. I just--
I gotta put a little time in with him.

'Cause he's also getting a tribute?

The second tribute, yes.

So you're gonna just leave me alone
with my "daddy."

I'm here for you. I'm always here.

And I'll be with you from 7
for the rest of the trip.

I don't care. Meet Ben Alcock.
What's in his rider?

Actually, Ben's rider is quite minimal.

Fuck off.

- Ciao, Signore Ron.
- Thank you, Alba.

Try to have some fun.
Say hi to your dad for me.

You might meet a ghost
while you sleep here.

The ghosts are usually little monks
who expose themselves.

I would have thought
they would love to meet Jay Kelly.

So, I stopped pumping iron,
and I took up yoga.

And now I'm in the best shape of my life!

Still slender, but taut.

Also keep the mental game tough.
Do a little sudoku.

- Ah.
- Hey.

- My son, the movie star.
- Hey, Studly.

Oh.

- Studly made it.
- Ah.

Uh, meet Captain Jenny and Lourdes.

They flew me in on that tiny plane
you got me.

Lady pilot.

Your father entertained us all the way
from Maine to Florence

with his wonderful,
often offensive stories.

What a personality.

Jay, the apple doesn't fall
very far from the tree.

Well--

Now, where is this famous Ron?
We expected the whole team.

Yes. We thought Mr. Caterpillar
would have rolled very deep.

No, the famous Ron had a 5 p.m.

Ron is very protective of you.

He was so worried about
the size and the shape of your trophy.

I'm sure I'll love it.

A local artisan, Giovanni,

did what I think you Americans call
an all-nighter, and blew it himself.

Giovanni regrets the mask.
He suffers from infinite COVID.

Jay Kelly. Your cheesecake is waiting.

Jesus Christ.

Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you.

I'm the best friend anybody has,
but you don't want me as an enemy.

I promise you that.
Because what you're saying--

Would-- I-- Let me talk!

Because what you're saying sounds
remarkably like a shakedown.

I'm happy to be wrong,

but if that's what we're doing,
I'm hanging up the telephone right now.

You do that.
Speak to Timothy, then call me back.

Alan, are you there? That motherfucker
was trying to shake us down.

It's dead.
Did we hear from the detective?

Like the neckerchief.

All right. Hold your fire.
I got a drink now with Benny boy.

Yeah. Yeah. Let me know.
I'll call you after.

Yeah. Ciao.

It's hot as hell. Jesus.

- What happened? What'd you say?
- Uh, I-I like the neckerchief.

Yeah? Yeah. Right. Ahh.

You look handsome, Ben Alcock
with the dreamy blue eyes.

- Flight good?
- It was a two-class plane, small first.

But lie-down beds, so...

- Happy ending.
- Yeah.

- Did you order a drink?
- Uh, I'm just having seltzer.

- Aww. Well...
- You just fly in?

Train. It was a whole--
But, um, it's fine. We're all good.

I just sent Jay to a dinner
with the festival people.

- Jay got a dinner?
- You got a dinner too.

- My schedule said "drinks."
- You don't wanna be at that dinner.

You brought your family.
You're a proper human.

Jay is single and weird
and needs to be entertained.

You don't have to put Jay down
to make me feel better.

- You do that, Ron. You know that?
- I love Jay. Been like a father to Jay.

But much less complicated
because I'm like a brother.

I could use a drink!

So, I-I've been thinking,
and, uh, talking to Melanie.

And... And I feel like I'm not
really getting enough of you.

Really? I'm here now, puppy.
What haven't I been there for?

I know you're in the Jay Kelly business,
and I can't compete with him.

I'm okay with that.

I mean, I know the only reason
I'm getting this tribute

- is because he passed on it.
- And then took it back.

I'm sorry that got all farkakte.

But don't worry.
You're both getting trophies.

But I need to get some of you.

Okay. Jay is one of my clients,
but he's not my only client.

How can I improve?

I'm gonna go without a manager
for a while.

- Hold on.
- Just an attorney and an agent.

- And a publicist.
- All right.

Uh, and a business manager.

You're my second oldest client ever.

We've been together
since the Disney shows.

- I... I know.
- I'm having problems at home.

- Vivienne has anxiety and swollen feet.
- I'm sorry to hear that.

You're just coming off
a successful television show.

- That correction takes a minute.
- It's been a minute already.

You're in-between ages, but I really feel
like you're entering a sweet spot.

I-I just need to try this.

I was at your wedding. I gave you a toast!

- I know! I know!
- We're family. I love you!

Stop. Stop! Stop.

I knew it would be hard to do this.

I was gonna send an email
after the tribute,

but Melanie said I should do it in person.

I didn't have to.

There are things I do all day long
that you don't know about.

No, don't--
don't try to talk me out of it.

No, don't cry.

- You're crying, puppy.
- No, I know.

But it doesn't mean you have to cry.

Okay, you cry, puppy.
You were crying first.

I'm sorry. I'm just...

I'm just jet-lagged and I'm tired
and I'm old.

She's okay.

Fenner says that she's picking up on
your stress, and it's affecting her feet.

How the fuck is my stress
affecting Vivienne's feet?

Relax, Ronnie.
It makes sense if you think about it.

You're gonna let a foot doctor
analyze our child? What is wrong with you?

Don't speak to me like that.
I am single-parenting it here.

- And we all have David's cold.
- I'm sorry. I love you.

It's just... I'm havin' a bad day.

- Are you okay?
- No.

I was just fired, and I'm cryin'.
I'm alone in Italy, and I'm cryin'.

I know you're mad at me.
Can I just hear "I love you" back?

- Jay fired you?
- No. Ben.

- Jay fired Dad?
- No, Ben. Go back inside.

That motherfucker.

And you got him this tribute
and everything.

I know.

You still have Jay, right?

Yes, yes, I still have Jay.

If I ever get him back to do this movie.

- Can you just say it, please?
- What is that sound?

The bells. It's all death and...

firing here!

Ron, I just saw the thing
on Page Six about Jay.

Wait. What-- What thing?

What thing about Jay?

Lois?

So why am I here, Studly?
Who dropped out?

Nobody. I invited you.

- Oh?
- Yes.

First time in years Studly's
brought me to a ratfuck.

He got threatened when I showed up
at the Globes in the '90s.

That's not true.

Jay's dad was his most handsome back then.

Susan Sarandon had a little crush on me.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

She even sent me a video of a baby
elephant reuniting with his parents.

- And were they happy to see him?
- That was the point.

Very cute. Very tender.

What's this for?

For nothin'. It's a present.

- Well--
- It's a sweater!

Nice.

Nice.

It is a sweater. Cashmere, no less.

You have it.

- Too high a thread count for your dad.
- No, I got it for you.

Take the sweater.

Where's my granddaughter?

Ron said she'd be here.

She's doin' her own thing.
She's at that age.

You remember bein' 18.

I remember Brylcreem.
"A little dab'll do ya." Huh?

Mr. Kelly padre?

- Hmm?
- Are you also an artist, like your son?

Artist? No.

Working stiff.

Worked for the John Deere corporation
for the past 35 years.

Retired, and all those assholes gave me
was a shitty pension and a fountain pen.

No trophy or cheesecake for your dad.

You toiled so your son
could have his dreams.

I like that. I like how you put that.

Yeah, when he was a boy,

I thought he'd grow up to be somebody
that I'd like to have a beer with.

Not, uh, Beaujolais.

Yeah, I played tough guys
so I didn't have to be one.

Action movies are bullshit. It's all fake.

Ah.

Did you always know
Jay was going to be a star?

Well, he barely said a word
till he was about five.

Then one morning, he gets up,
and he comes down to breakfast,

and he starts talking
in this funny southern way.

And he's acting very clumsy.

His mom thought he'd lost his mind,
but I said,

"Celia, no, no. Don't worry.
He's just playing a character."

I was impersonating my Uncle Mark.

Right. He kept saying, "Seriously."

Which was Uncle Mark to a fuckin' tee.

"You're a good kid. Seriously."

- As if he didn't mean it otherwise.
- Oh, God. I broke up.

I've never seen you laugh so hard.
Mom either.

She was always so sad when she drank.

- Where is Uncle Mark?
- In jail for mail fraud.

- "Seriously?"
- Seriously.

That's a...

We are sorry to gawp, but
you are all over the internet right now.

There is a video.

- On your phone?
- On all of our phones.

- A dramatic altercation.
- With another man.

"Actor Jay Kelly becomes real life hero

as he apprehends criminal

in dramatic fashion,
worthy of the cinema."

Look at you, running
in your fancy moccasins. Run, Jay! Run!

"There was no 'action' or 'cut'
as Jay Kelly leaped from the train."

I deplore violence. Haven't
we evolved beyond hitting and kicking?

But he had to defend himself.

It says here the man was
a crazed thief, a lunatic in Spandex.

He wasn't a lunatic. He was--

- It was perhaps a sexual threat.
- No!

No. No. It wasn't.

You finally manage
to get your trousers dirty, Studly?

It is now time to take our real, live hero

to the real, live party.

You know what this countryside
reminds me of?

Bakersfield, California. Beautiful place.

But everybody's out of work there. So sad.

I used to do a lot of business
in Bakersfield.

Fuck me.

There he is.

He's here.

Jay Kelly, so handsome!

With the square-cut Superman jaw.

- Where were you?
- We said we'd meet at the party.

No, we said we'd meet at the dinner
and go to the party.

You said you'd go to the dinner,
and I'll go to the party.

You said, "Save me a tiramisu."

- How was the tiramisu?
- It was cheesecake.

- Did you see the video?
- Oh. Our friends on the train filmed it.

- Great result. Congratulations.
- Calling me a hero. So embarrassing.

You are a hero, puppy.

If it was the other story,
I'd be the villain, not the hero.

Listen, listen. Come here.
I want you to hear this.

- Where are you goin'?
- Come here.

Hello.

Alan, you got Ron and Jay.
Sorry for the tribute noise.

- Tell Jay the news.
- It's been taken care of, Jay.

- What has?
- Timothy, the lawsuit, the nose.

Everything.

It's all done.

We discovered a pending drug charge
from the '90s

that would destroy his business.

- It's done?
- It's gone away. You're free, Jay.

You are too young to be his daddy.

Why, thank you.

And you're too young to be young.

- I want to apologize.
- To who, Timothy?

That can't happen, Jay.

- He's my friend.
- Not anymore.

My counsel is to let it go.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

It's settled.
You won't hear from him again.

Enjoy your tribute, Jay. You've earned it.

I want whiskey
and spaghetti bolognese!

Then we will eat spaghetti alla bolognese.

- Thanks, Alan.
- Don't thank me. It was all Ron.

He really went to war for you.

Thanks, Alan.

You all can make up stories,
but you and I know who I am.

You know who I am, Ron?

- Who am I?
- Look at you. You're the American dream.

You're the last of the old movie stars--

- I'm down here.
- You're up there, you're down here.

You're in here. It's amazing.
We've accomplished so much together.

Everything you say makes it worse.

You can stop running now, puppy.
It's time to go back to work.

I'm going dancing.

Oh! The famous Ron. Later? Later.

You start shooting on Monday,

and I gave them my word
you would be there.

Give my part to Ben Alcock.

Hey. Come here. Come here.

Do you know what I had to go through
to get you that job?

I mean, you're you.

But I was the one who went
to the Louis Brothers' tequila bar

in Bushwick and smoked crack.

It wasn't crack.

I don't know what it was, but I smoked it,

and for three hours, I was afraid
I was going to swallow my tongue.

- Anyways, it got you the job.
- They offered me the job.

The part was written
for a 35-year-old man.

It took some convincing.

And I'd do it again,
because I think what you do is magic.

I'm just an actor, Ron.
An actor that got famous.

Does none of this mean anything to you?
'Cause it means something to me.

Give my tribute to Ben. I'm goin' dancing.

I don't understand.

I think I've been a good partner,
a good friend. I loved you.

- I love you too, Ronnie.
- But are we friends?

- Of course we are.
- Then be a friend to me.

And let's go back to work.

I mean, you're Jay Kelly.
But I'm Jay Kelly too.

We did this together.
You actually said that to me one time.

You forgot.

I'm dancing.

When you fuck yourself,
you're fucking me, you understand?

I'm dancing.

You don't know how to be a friend!

You're my friend
who takes 15% of my income.

If you're not on that plane tomorrow...

I'm dancing.

I wish... I wish you were the man
I thought you were.

I'm a cocker spaniel
dancing in the Serengeti.

Whoo!

Jay!

Jay!

Jay!

- Alba, you're an angel.
- Jay.

- Dance with me.
- Come. Your daddy is sick.

He is in the restaurant. Come on.

I think he drunk too much.

He was eating spaghetti and doing yoga,
and he lost his balance.

- Where is he?
- In the kitchen with the doctor.

Dad?

Hey.

You doing okay there, Studly?

Heh. I lost my balance.

- Is that blood?
- No. That's the bolognese.

He's fine.

- And too much wine.
- Uh-huh.

He needs to rest.

Hey.

It's so bright in here.

Can I do anything?

I... I wish I'd seen Daisy.

Yeah.

You remember being 18.

You asked me that already.
I said I remember Brylcreem.

Right. Sorry.

- I want to go home now.
- Just get some sleep.

No, I want to leave now.

- Stay. See Italy.
- I've seen it.

Audrey booked me
on the 8 a.m. flight from Pisa.

Are you pissed at me?

No.

I really want you to have a good time.
I want you to stay till tomorrow.

We never get a chance
to spend time together.

- The taxi is here.
- Y--

Stay for my tribute.

Come on, Dad. Please stay.

Where's my bag?

It's in the taxi.

It was nice to meet you.

Hey.

- Bye, Alba.
- Ciao.

Hey.

- Thanks for the party, Studly.
- Dad. Come on.

Hey. Wait.

Hey, Dad. Dad!

Dad!

Come on!

Is that Jay Kelly?

Hey.

- You okay, man?
- Yeah. Hey. Hi.

Ah. Proud to be
sharing a tribute with you, amigo.

- Thanks, Ben.
- Hey.

- You know my wife, Melanie.
- Yeah.

My daughters, Seraphina, Lily and Bridget,
my sons, Cassian and Cole...

You got Arlo over there,
the newest addition to the clan.

We got Nana and Nono, Terry and Ernie,
brother-in-law, Spike.

Big fan.

My assistant, Pam.
Sorry about the clown cars.

Sorry I don't have anybody
to introduce you to.

Hey, only in Italy would they give
two middle-aged white men an award.

I mean, seriously, at this moment?

I guess we got Ron to thank for that, huh?

Yeah, this is awkward,
but I parted ways with Ron.

- When?
- A few hours ago.

I feel terrible. I mean, I love the guy,

but I just felt like
I was being looked after

by someone who needs looking after.

I mean, every time
it's his kids and inflamed feet

or Lois and whatever that is.

God bless him, but I need
someone younger, someone hungrier.

- Or older and more powerful.
- Right.

You were also getting into all that
psychodynamic stuff with him.

Yeah, yeah.
He's too much like my father.

- Or he wants to be.
- Yeah.

I have to keep saying to myself.
They are not our family.

- Or your friend.
- No!

We give these guys 15% of everything,

then they want to be treated
like our friend.

- Friends do not take 15%.
- No.

Huh.

- Oh. We heard about your act of bravery.
- Yeah! Nicely done, amigo.

- Ah, yeah.
- Jay Kelly for President!

No, I mean, seriously.
Would you ever run?

No, it's just...

I, uh...

Can you excuse me for a minute?

Uh, actually, we need a few extra tickets
for the fam, if you have any to spare.

I can spare all of 'em, Ben.

Thanks, brother. I owe you.

Maybe just leave me one.

Yeah, sure.

Saddle up! Let's go!

- Hello?
- Hey, Jess, it's Dad.

- Hi.
- Hey, uh, is this a good time to talk?

- What's up?
- Well, I'm in Italy.

- I read about your real-life heroics.
- Ah, it's a news story. It's not true.

- Yeah, well, you fooled them again.
- Yeah.

- So why are you calling?
- Well, listen.

I'm feelin' bad about
the last time we were together.

Sorry about that.

I just couldn't take that guy.
Are you still seeing him?

Yes.

Well, I wanna hear you out, so...

- if that's what you need to happen, and--
- Uh-huh.

Listen, I have this tribute here
in Tuscany. I'd love for you to come.

- Since when do you care about a tribute?
- Well...

Good question. I...

I did make those movies.

So you think that if I go
and I celebrate your career,

that your brilliance
is gonna make me forgive you?

- No. No.
- Maybe yes, Jay.

Well... Maybe yes.

It's 35 years of my life.

- I'm 34.
- I just want you to come with me.

To see what I did.
To be there to celebrate.

It's got to have meant something.

What if it didn't?

I could've been a very good dad
to you, Jess.

I wanted to, you know.

It's just things with your mother
and distance,

and I didn't execute it
the way I planned it.

- That's just--
- Just be honest with me, Jay.

Stop rationalizing
and trying to defend yourself.

Just stop.

I was young.
And I wanted something very badly,

and I was afraid that if I took
my eye off of it, I couldn't have it.

And I was right.

There was no other way to do it.

And it meant choosing...

it over you.

But it was supposed to be temporary.

Just...

until I had what I wanted. And--

But then I had to keep it.

My ten-year-old self
is giving you the finger.

What about you now?

You don't have to worry about me, Dad.

I'm okay. I love what I do.
I have friends.

I'm gonna have a good life,
just not with you.

And you're okay too, you know?

You're--
You're a good movie star, you know?

You make a lot of people happy.

I think I'm gonna quit acting.

I need you to sign a photo
for Theo's teacher. She's a big fan.

What? Oh.

Okay. Jess, it'd mean so much to me...

- For Helen.
- What?

- That's her name. Helen.
- Okay. Helen.

- I'm sorry, Dad.
- Please, Jess--

Theo's calling,
and I hope you have a good tribute.

Good-bye, Jay.

Jess!

Oh! The famous Ron!
Have you seen Jay Kelly?

Not since last night.

- See you later.
- The tribute is at 5. Precise!

Grazie.

Ron! Hey! Ron.

Hey.

- Pull over. Stop, stop, stop.
- Okay.

Are you okay?

Take a second.

It's okay.

Look, I'm sorry about...

I'm sorry.

Um...

I appreciate it.

But you got me thinking.

I was up all last night, talkin' to Lois.

And I think you have it right.

There comes a point
when you have to reassess.

I love you. I really do.

And I appreciate the apology.

But I...

I can't work with you anymore.

It's not good for me.

The Italians are lookin' for you.

You have a tribute starting
in a couple of hours.

I gotta make a plane,
but try and go, okay?

I mean, you came all this way.

Hey, Ron?

Come to the tribute with me.
As my friend.

I mean...

we did this together.

You're the one I want there most of all.

I'm the only one who is here.

Look at this here.

They came.

That's great.

WINNER OF THE STRAWBERRY TREE AWARD
JAY KELLY

Well, hello.

Who the hell is this?

Here we go.

I prefer to think of myself
as a family man,

and that's what we all are here,
whether we like it or not.

We are a family.

That doesn't matter now, 'cause
you got about two fuckin' seconds to live!

Now you really didn't think
I was gonna sit this one out, did ya?

The way this works is, you do
the thing you're scared shitless of,

and you get the courage after you do it.

I won't let you down, sir.

So what's it gonna be?

Yes or no answer.

That's what I call a fucking show!

I stand before you...

naked.

Dad, it's not over yet.
It's The...

Kelly and Kelly Show!

- Starring Kelly!
- And Kelly!

And now it's time for
Daisy Genevieve Kelly's famous front roll!

- Dad! It's not over!
- And Jessica...

Hilary Kelly will do
her more famous cartwheel.

And now for some magic.
Dad! It's not over.

- What do we do now?
- Kelly!

And now... Wait, Dad! You're missing it!

For Daisy's--
Dad, you're gonna miss it!

Now, for Daisy's
Hollywood-renowned Charleston.

Okay, there we are.

And Jessica's California-renowned tap.

Kelly!

Sorry.

- Kelly and Kelly!
- No, it's Kelly and Kelly.

- No, it's Kelly and Kelly.
- No, it's Kelly and Kelly.

- No, it's Kelly and Kel-ly.
- It's Kelly and Kelly.

Watch the telly, smelly Kelly.

Can I go again?

I'd like another one.