All language subtitles for Crossing Jordan S05E14 Death Toll 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-DEEP_track3_[eng]

So, are we gonna talk,

or you're just gonna
keep playing with my, um,

balls?

This is a waste
of time, Howard.

After a mass fatality,
the state mandates

that you and your colleagues
come talk to me.

So I should feel
flattered to go first?

Well, you are
my most difficult nut.

[chuckles]

So, tell me what happened
two days ago.

You know what happened.

I know you found
it a little difficult
to do your job.

Well, it's never easy
dealing with
that many casualties.

Is that why you
lashed out at Lily?

She had no right
to undermine my authority.

Do you feel badly about
the way you handled things?

I shouldn't have
let it happen.

Guilt.

Now, that's a very
complicated emotion.

No, it's not.
It's not that.

Then what is it?

The blast.

I can still hear it.

People screaming, crying.

And yet, you still
managed to stay calm

in the middle
of all that chaos.

I had a job to do.

All of those grieving families
were looking to me for comfort.

Looking back,
I might have been
a tad insensitive.

Regret. That's a very
interesting emotion.

It wasn't that big a deal.

Oh?

So, it was just
an ordinary day, is that it?

Nothing about
that day was ordinary.

-[indistinct conversations]
-[inaudible radio chatter]

Bomb was planted
on the tracks.

The station was closed
for construction,

so no one
was on the platform,

but the 9:30 train to Salem

was passing through
when the bomb went off.

[Jordan] The first couple cars
took the brunt of it.

How many casualties?

We got at least 20 dead,
a lot more injured.

Most of them have already
been taken to the hospital.

Oh, my God.

Jewish day school.
Fifth grade field trip.

Jordan, I need you to get back
to the morgue right now.

These kids' parents
are gonna start showing up
any minute.

-Yeah, and they're
gonna want answers.
-Exactly.

I'll get the first wave
of bodies back to the morgue.

-Start the IDs.
-Go.

Dr. Macy, you remember
Special Agent Greene.

[Macy] You worked
the plane crash with us
last year.

So, you're the go-to gal
in explosive situations, huh?

I hear you and your team have
worked bomb sites before.

We know what we're doing.

[Molly] Good. Then you know
any materials you find

related to the bomb
must be turned over to us
immediately.

Anyone
claiming responsibility?

Could be any number
of extremist groups.

We haven't determined
whether or not

the Jewish day school
was the target.

And Homeland Security
had no warning
this was gonna happen?

Unfortunately, we were
completely blindsided.

[people clamoring, shouting]

[theme music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Bomb went off
further down the tracks.

We don't know the extent
of the damage yet.

How long before
another one goes off?

Bomb squad did
a search in the area,

100 yards in each direction.

They say it's safe
to continue recovery.

[Nigel] Well,
let's get to it.

[Woody]
We shut down the airport

and stepped up all police
presence at all landmarks,

federal buildings,
temples and mosques.

[Molly] This is going
to create widespread panic,

but people have
a right to be scared.

For all we know,
there could be bombs
planted all over this city.

[Macy] A repeat of what
happened in London.

[Molly] That's what
I'm afraid of.

But we'll have a better idea
of what we're dealing with

once we get a closer look
at the bomb.

[melancholy music playing]

[gasping]

Where's my son?

Ma'am, I'm sorry,
you cannot be back here.

My son was on that train.

Is that him?
In that body bag?

Please, I need to see him.

Yeah, I'm not sure
that's a good idea.

Please.
[whimpering] Please...

It's not Charlie.

Where's my son?

Hey...
Hey, look at me, okay?

Look at me,
what's your name?

Allison. Allison Cohen.

I'm Jordan.

Okay. Listen,
some of the kids
survived today.

They were taken
to Boston General,

maybe you should look
for Charlie there.

Boston General?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Thank you.

I can't even imagine
what she was going through.

Not knowing if your son
is alive or dead.

Must have been very hard
to focus on your work.

Oh.

I did what needed
to be done.

That sounded
a little defensive.

I just resent
people telling me
how to do my job.

I know how to make
people feel better.

Can't be easy
on a day like that.

It's the little things.

Make coffee, tea,
put out donuts.

[chuckles]
Everybody likes donuts.

I used to, 'til I started
working in a morgue.

Bug, those are
for the families.

Oh. "Sorry your kid is dead.
Here, have a donut."

Excuse me.

My wife,
she was on the train.

I'm Lily Lebowski.
I'm the grief counselor here.

Jason Hartzman.

Carrie was their teacher.

Please, sit down.

Thank you.

I'm gonna need you
to fill out this form.

Just give us as much
information as you can.

I told her not to go.

She didn't listen.

[sighs] Her whole class...

I know how difficult
this must be for you.

She was supposed to
stop working a week ago.

And get ready for the baby.

She was pregnant?

[sighs]

Due Wednesday.

Looks like sugar.

[Molly]
It's silver flash powder.

Packed into
a galvanized steel pipe,

it makes one hell
of a bomb.

Al-Qaeda uses pipe bombs.

Yes, but this looks like
a cheap digital timer.

Not very accurate.

Most likely domestic.

Americans attacking Americans.

I think I found something
that might be of interest
to you people.

End caps. Must have
used more than one pipe
to create the bomb.

Based on their diameter,

I'd say each pipe was
at least two inches wide.

You know your stuff.

Well, I'd be happy to
help out today, if...

We've set up command
on the platform.

We have enough
to recreate the bomb?

Computer'll fill in
the blanks.

[objects clattering]

Nigel, you want
to give me a hand?

Ugh!

She looks full term.

Just when you thought
it couldn't get any worse.

She's the last one.
Help me get her
into a body bag.

[Howard sighs]

If that doesn't
make you want to
down a bottle of Scotch,

I don't know what will.

-I didn't take a drink.
-Mmm.

Are you saying I wanted to?

Don't tell me
you weren't tempted.

Even if I was,
I didn't take a drink.

Let's get this one
into autopsy.

-[women whimpering]
-They don't need
to see this.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[woman crying]

[Jordan] Allison?

Charlie wasn't at the hospital.

He hates getting
his picture taken.

Every year for school photos,
getting dressed up.

Mmm. [sniffles]
But he did it anyway.

Because he knew
it meant a lot to me.

Well, we'll do our best
to make a photo ID,

but if we can't,
we'll need a sample
of Charlie's DNA.

Oh, uh...

The hospital should still
have a sample of his blood.

He's been battling cancer
for about a year and a half,

and just went into
remission last month.
[chuckles]

I wasn't gonna let him
go on this field trip.

But he really wanted to.

And, you know,
I figured he'd...
[sniffles]

Well, he'd missed
so much school, and...

He didn't have
that many friends.

Hey, you shouldn't be
alone right now.

Is there anybody
I can call for you?

Charlie's father?

[laughs] No. No, he left us
when Charlie was a baby.

When Charlie was
diagnosed with cancer,

[voice breaking]
I promised him

that we were gonna
get through it together.

I'm so sorry.

[sighs]

He beat cancer. He beat it.
[whimpers]

I mean, why would
God give him back to me

only just to take him
away like this?

Boy, I'd sure like to hear
your answer to that one.

I didn't have one.
[chuckles]

Bad things happen.

I stopped asking why
a long time ago.

So how's your love life
these days?

Are you seeing anyone?

Are you
asking me out, Howard?

I'll take that as a no.

And what about your father?
How's he doing?

Um... I'm sorry,
what does any of this
have to do with the bombing?

I'm just making
conversation.

You don't just
make conversation.

[chainsaw buzzing]

[Woody] We took statements
from the transit workers
on shift today.

No one saw any
suspicious activity.

Did you get anything off
the surveillance footage?

Their system's more archaic
than my grandmother's
eight millimeter.

It only captures one frame
every ten seconds.

That's plenty of time
for someone to slip
under the tracks unnoticed.

Homeland Security
is sending over

their domestic terrorism
watch list.

Hey, when I was
reconstructing the bomb,

I made
an interesting discovery.

The timer was faulty.

Did we get anything
out of BATS?

-No, it's still running.
-BATS?

The Bomb and Arson
Tracking System.

It's the most comprehensive
bomb database known to man.

Every time we find
a new explosive device

we run it though the database
to try to find a match.

So, if our guy
is a repeat offender...

He'll be in the system.

Looks like we have
a virgin on our hands.

First timer.

Homeland Security
just sent this over.

An anonymous letter
claiming responsibility
for today's bombing.

How do we know
it's legitimate?

Trace amounts
of silver flash powder on it.

Anything else on it?

No prints, no DNA,
but according to this note,

there's a third bomb
out there.

"Look how easy
it was for me

to detonate
three bombs today.

Homeland Security must do
better to protect the people

of this country
from terrorists.

Even four years after 9/11,
we're still not safe."

He blows up a train full
of kids to make a point?

He's no better
than al-Qaeda.

And no clue where
the third bomb is,

or even when it's
gonna go off.

Considering the first two bombs
were in the transit system,

it's likely the third one
is as well,

but at this point,
I'm not ruling anything out.

We'll check and see
if any other stations
are under construction.

Maybe that's how
he's gaining access.

With any luck, we'll be
able to find that third bomb
before it goes off.

You're just gonna wait
for me to say something,
aren't you?

I'm just not as interesting
as you are, am I?

All I can say is that there is
no excuse for what happened.

Well, you don't
actually think

you could have
prevented it, do you?

I should have tried harder.

From all accounts,
on that day,

you went above and beyond.

It wasn't enough.

Finally.

That's the root
of the problem.

[Jason whimpering]

[sniffling, breathing heavily]

Yeah, that's her.

That's Carrie.

Mr. Hartzman, is there
anyone we can call for you?

No.

Um, our families
live in Seattle. They were
gonna come in next week.

For the baby.

Did you have a name
picked out for your son?

Not yet. Why?

I'm sorry to bring this up
now, but...

We need a name for
the fetal death certificate.

Carrie wanted to wait.

'Til we saw him.

I think he should see his son.

What are you talking about?

You have to remove
the baby anyway.

Why not let
Mr. Hartzman see him?

It's a bad idea.

The baby is full term, Garret.

That's not the point.

He needs to see
his son to name him.

It'll make the baby
real for him.

It'll help him
deal with the loss.

His son is dead, Lily.

He's never gonna
get to know him.

Seeing that baby will
only make him feel worse.

You don't know that.

[exhales]

Parents of stillborn children
are encouraged to
hold their babies.

It's proven to
help them grieve.

She is the grief counselor.

I wasn't trying to tell her
how to do her job.

Then why the strong objection?

The man had just ID'ed
his dead pregnant wife.

He didn't need
to see that baby

to understand
what he'd lost.

You see this?
You see this flat
surface right here?

That only happens if
the train skids to a stop.

Someone pulled
the emergency break.

They must've seen
something on the tracks
and tried to stop the train.

[Woody] Whoever pulled
this cord is the closest thing
we've got to an eyewitness.

Assuming they didn't
die in the crash.

[Nigel] Well,
I've got a partial.

Good. Let's get it
to the morgue.

[Woody] Some survivors
are still being held at triage
until we get their statements.

We'll talk to them,
see if anybody can
tell us who pulled this cord.

Lu?

I can't do this.

What are you talking about?

I'm taking myself
off the case.

-What?
-I'm sorry.

One shrink to another,

I'd say we're dealing
with a classic case
of avoidance.

I'm not trying
to avoid anything.

Avoidance and denial.
This is worse than
I thought. [chuckles]

Now, it says here
you took yourself
off the case?

That's right.

Well, you've worked
mass fatalities before.

Was it the kids
that got to you?

They got to everybody.

Yes, but you were
the only one who ran away.

Well, I read in your file
that you moved here

from Virginia.

That's a beautiful state.
Beautiful beaches.

Why did you leave?

Boston PD
made me a great offer.

Really? They just
recruited you
out of the blue?

I applied for the job.

Hmm.

I understand you were
on the fast track in Virginia.

One of the youngest detectives
in your department.

Why would you want
to leave all that?

Personal reasons.

Mr. Hewitt, are you sure
you didn't see anything
on the tracks?

Why did you pull
the emergency cord?

All those kids. Dead...

Some of the other
passengers on the train

identified you as the one
who pulled the brake.

Do you remember doing it?

The bomb went off.

[voice breaking]
The pregnant lady
was screaming.

What happened to her?

She didn't make it.

I'm sorry.

[crying]

-Neil?
-Yes, sir.

Let's get him
to a hospital.

So much for that.

One of the transit workers
back there said he saw
a suspicious-looking guy

hanging around
the station last night.

Let's get a sketch artist
down here.

Hey, Jordan, that kid
you were looking for,

Charlie Cohen,
he's not here.

What do you mean?

I ran his DNA against
all the kids in the morgue

and double-checked
at the hospital, too,

and there's no sign of him.

He couldn't have
just disappeared.

Well, how do we
know he even got

on the train
in the first place?

We need to go through
those personal belongings.

Charlie's jacket.

So he was on the train.

He must've run off before
the rescue teams arrived.

There's some blood on it.

Charlie's out there somewhere
and he's injured.

We gotta find him.

You should go home in case
Charlie shows up there.

-I'll call you as soon
as I know anything.
-[Allison] [softly] Okay.

Thank you so much.

I promise you.
We're gonna find your son.

Thanks.

Jordan, what the hell
are you doing?

It is not our job
to find Charlie Cohen.

Just leave it to the police.

The police are busy
looking for terrorists.

A missing 11-year-old boy

is not gonna be
their top priority.

And it is not ours, either.

We have a crypt full of kids
that need to be autopsied.

And we will get to them.

We don't have time
to go running off
looking for some kid

who probably doesn't
even need our help.

It was a difficult day.
I was under a lot of stress.

Stress.

[scoffs]
There's that word again.

I'm not normally one
to crack under pressure.

I guess I've changed.
[chuckles]

Why do you suppose that is?

Evolution.

Nothing can stay
the same forever.

The Danaus plexippus.

The Monarch Butterfly.

Its name literally means
"sleepy transformation."

It spends half of its life
as a caterpillar

with a limited view
of the world.

But then, it turns into
a beautiful butterfly.

And with the gift of flight,

a whole new world
opens up to it.

It sees things.

Feels things it never knew
existed before.

But not all of it is good.

Can't change back
into a caterpillar.

But I wonder if
there are moments

when it wishes
that it could.

Nigel, we've checked out
miles of track.

Still no sign
of that third bomb.

[Nigel] Any luck
with that witness?

[Molly] The guy
she saw on the tracks

turned out to be
a construction worker.

We've ruled him out
as a suspect.

You get anything
from those bomb fragments?

No DNA or prints.

I did, however,
find trace elements

of lubricant
on the blast caps.

Lubricant?

Yeah. See, the blast caps
have to be screwed

very, very delicately
onto the ends of the pipe.

Any kind of heat
or friction and boom!

It could go off in your hands.

-Don't want that to happen.
-Hence, the lubricant.

In this case,
our bomber used petroleum.

Very specific kind of petroleum

only used in hydraulic
microscopes.

Find out who has access
to the microscopes,

we make a list of suspects.

Once again,
lubricant saves the day.
[chuckles]

She looked at me like
I was an insensitive clod.

Hmm. Federal agents
tend to take their jobs
very seriously.

Well, so do I.
A lot of people
died that day.

I wasn't taking that lightly.

And yet, you felt
the need to make jokes.

Do you remember that episode
of Mary Tyler Moore?

The one where
Chuckles the Clown died?

During a parade,
he was dressed as a peanut,

and he got trampled
by elephants.

-Is that the one?
-Exactly.

The funeral was
a somber affair.
It was very serious.

And right in the middle of it,
Mary starts to laugh.

And she tries
to stop, but...

She can't help herself.

So what you're trying
to say is you're
Mary Tyler Moore.

When things get tense,

I feel the need to try to...
To lighten the mood.

There's nothing
wrong with that.

Humor is a perfectly
healthy way to relieve stress.

Why, I've been known to
crack a joke or two myself
on a rough day.

-Yeah?
-Did you hear the one

about the two psychiatrists
who passed each other
in the hall?

One guy says hello.

The other thinks, "I wonder
what he meant by that?"

[laughs]

You might want to
work on your timing.

[snipping]

-Wow.
-Yep.

He's perfect.

Have you changed your mind
about letting Mr. Hartzman
see him?

No.

Garret, he needs
to see his son.

Has he asked to see him?

-No, but--
-Then leave it alone.

You're wrong about this.

-[door opens]
-[footsteps receding]

Say, how's your daughter
doing these days?

She's fine.

She still in rehab?

Where you going
with this, Howard?

Well, you know,
you once told me

that after Abby was born

she spent several days
in the NICU.

-What are you, an elephant?
-[chuckles]

And I was just wondering,
I mean, at that time,

did you hold her?

Did you bond with her?

What does this have to do
with the Hartzman baby?

If you keep answering
a question with a question,

we're gonna be
here all day--

What do you want
from me, Howard?

Well, A,
that's another question.

B, why didn't you
hold your daughter?

I couldn't.

Why not?

I don't know. I think...
[sighs]

I think I was afraid.

-Afraid? Of what?
-Like I said, I don't know.

Oh, yes, you do.
What were you afraid of?

Being a father?
Getting too attached?

I was afraid she'd die, too.

What do you mean "too"?
Who else died?

Abby's twin brother.

You had a son?

Yeah. He was a lot
smaller than Abby.

Weighed less than
two pounds and...

Died in about six hours.

Maggie and I
never told anyone,
not even Abby.

Hey, Lu. Lu!
What's going on?

I left you like,
three messages.
You okay?

I'm fine.

You seemed a little
freaked out this morning.

I'm fine now.

All right, well, listen.

If you ever want to
talk about anything,

I'm a pretty good listener.

Thanks. Thanks.

So you were still tracking down
the bomber at that point.

Yeah.

And yet you took time
in the middle of all that

to check on Detective Simmons?

It was a tough day.
I was worried about her.

Are you two seeing
one another?

Me and Lu? No.

Are you seeing anyone?

[sighs] I don't know
if you'd call it
"seeing each other."

Oh-ho! What would you call it?

What's right in between
frustrating and weird?

Sounds complicated.

Anyone I know?

I tested the blood we
found on Charlie's jacket.

DNA's a match.

I found this in
Charlie's pocket.

What is it?

Well, it's pretty
water-damaged,

but you can still make out
most of the words.

-Looks like a poem.
-Yeah.

"Gloom
Angel of death

How fiercely you pursue me

From a proud tower
in the town

Death looks
gigantically down"

Sounds familiar.

I can't really make out
the rest of it.

Could you run this through
the electrostatic machine?

Try to restore
the rest of the poem?

-Sure.
-Thanks.

I mean, on a day
when so many innocent
people were murdered,

the Jordan Cavanaugh
I know would have channeled

all her energy into finding
the person responsible.

But it wasn't my job
to find the bomber.

Well, it wasn't your job

to look for
Charlie Cohen either,

and yet you...
You made it your
personal mission to do that.

Now, why?

Well, he was hurt.

He needed my help.

You think that was
the only reason?

[pneumatic drill whirring]

Greene! There are five
hydraulic microscopes
in Boston.

Four at prominent
universities,

one at the Bayview
Research Center.

How many people have access?

Over 3,000, but Nigel is
cross-referencing those names

with the list
Homeland Security sent over.

Lucky for us,
they keep tabs on certain
bomb-making websites.

People who visit those sites
are automatically flagged.

We've got some
possibilities.

Greg Hewitt.
He's the one who pulled
the emergency break.

Are you sure
you're up for this?

I'm sure.

[Jason sighs]

[chuckles, sniffles]

He's beautiful.

Yes. He is.

Isaac.

His name is Isaac.

The son of Abraham.
Do you know that story?

From the Bible? Sure.

God asked Abraham to sacrifice
his only son, Isaac.

So Abraham marches him up
to the top of the mountain,

he lays him down
on the altar,

and he's just about
to slit his throat,

when God says,
"Don't do it!"

I never understood that story.

It just seems like God
has a cruel sense of humor.

It was a test of faith.

Abraham was gonna
kill his only son.

What kind of heartless person
would do that?

It's not about
being heartless.

It's about putting
your feelings aside

to do what needs to be done.

I didn't cry that day.

Not once.

People were depending on you.

You had to be strong.

When I first started
this job,

I cried all the time.

Seeing people in so much pain,
my heart would break for them.

That day, over 20 people died.

Kids. That baby.

I watched Mr. Hartzman
hold his dead son,

and I couldn't
muster up a few tears.

What's wrong with me?

Greg Hewitt's
a grad student at Harvard.

Squeaky clean.
Not even a parking ticket.

No wonder he never
showed up on our radar.

Keep digging. I want to know
everything there is to know
about this guy.

Oh, damn it. Hewitt's gone.

He checked himself out
of the hospital an hour ago.

City's in lockdown.
He won't get far.

I'll put out an APB
and get a warrant
for his place.

Hey, guys, you might want
to take a look at this.

Hewitt's wife was killed in
the London bombings last year.

They were on their honeymoon.

His note said
he didn't feel safe.

Now we know why.

Yeah, Charlie Cohen.
He was reported missing
a couple hours ago.

Yes, I know there was
a bombing this morning.

This kid was actually
injured in it.

Yeah, well,
thanks for nothing.

Hey, Bug, any luck
with that poem?

Yeah. That line that
sounded familiar.

"From a proud tower
in the town

Death looks
gigantically down"

It's a quote from
Edgar Allan Poe.

Somebody was paying
attention in English Lit.

I looked it up on the Internet.

But I found something else
on the paper.

Chlorine with traces of copper.

Like pipes?

Yeah, but I also found
traces of lead and nickel.

Like coins in a fountain?

That's what I was thinking.

Maybe that's where Charlie
goes to write his poetry.

Are there any public fountains
near his home or school?

[sighs] On a day like today,
that would be a good place

to go and find some solace.

[Jordan] And inspiration.
Look, Cambridge Court.

There's a fountain
right by the building

where Edgar Allan Poe was born.

Hewitt hasn't been back here.

We need to set up roadblocks
within a 100-mile radius.

We can't let this guy
get out of the city.

I got something. Blueprints
of the entire transit system.

The third bomb's near
Stockton Station. Let's go.

[Officer] Come on, guys,
let's move!

[Officer] Hey,
there's someone down there!

[Woody] Hewitt!

Stay back!

Step away from
the bomb now!

Don't shoot.

Enough people have
died today, Hewitt.

-Just step away.
-[bomb timer ticking]

It's gonna go off in less
than two minutes.

-I gotta disarm it.
-Disarm it?

Clear the tunnel, now!

Stay back!

Okay. We're just
gonna talk. All right?

I'm putting my gun down.

[Molly] Hoyt!

I know why you're doing this.

I know what happened
to your wife and...

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

Just the tracks. Not the train.

The timer didn't work.

The bomb went off
when it wasn't supposed to.

I panicked.
I tried to stop it.

That's why you pulled
the emergency brake.

Too late.

The train hit the bomb.
All those kids...

We gotta get out of here.

It's okay, it's okay.

Just come with us.

You got 45 seconds. Just go!

-[bomb timer ticking]
-It's too late.

I'm not leaving you down here.

-Hoyt!
-It's too late.

-[yells] Go!
-[Molly] Come on!

-[alarm blaring]
-[timer trilling]

I should've been
able to save him.

The man was responsible
for the deaths of over
20 human beings.

Most people would probably say
he got what he deserved.

Yeah, I guess.

Did you feel sorry for him?

-How could I?
He was a bad guy, right?
-[Harold scoffs]

You feel guilty because
you couldn't save him?

I feel guilty about
a lot of things.

Hannah, um...

She was ten when my sister

had another baby.

And Hannah was feeling
kind of neglected.

So, I decided that I was
gonna take her to the mall.

You know, just the two of us.
Girls' day out.

Mmm... [chuckles]

We bought new clothes,

and we went to the movies,
and we ate junk food.

We were about five blocks
from the house

when the car hit us.

And she, um,

died...

Right in front of me.

I'm so sorry.

[voice breaking]
My sister never blamed me.

[sighs heavily]

I'm sorry, but...

Every time I saw her...

[sniffles]
So that's why I moved here.

When I saw that little girl,
she just, the braids,

they were just like Hannah's.
I'm really sorry.

It's okay. Come here.

It's okay.

Charlie? Charlie, you okay?

Hey... Hey, I'm Jordan.

Mind if I look at your cut?

I'm a doctor.

Okay.

Hey, it's not too bad.

Are you hurt anywhere else?
Well, good.

Does my mom know I'm here?

Yeah, she's on her way.

Why'd you tell her?

She's not mad at you, Charlie.

She just wants you
to come home.

I should have died
on that train.

Don't say that.

It would have been
better that way.

Your mom loves you
more than anything.

Do you know
how lucky you are

to have someone
like that in your life?

When I was sick,

my mom
would cry every day.

She'd try
to hide it from me,

but I could tell.

Charlie,
that's all in the past.

I've been feeling sick.

Like before.

I couldn't tell Mom.

My cancer's back.
I know it.

You don't have cancer, Charlie.

How do you know?

Because we found
your jacket on the train.

It had some blood on it
from your cut.

We tested it.
Your T-cell count is fine.

Are you sure?

Positive. You're gonna be okay.

[Allison] Charlie!

Charlie. Charlie.

A happy ending
in the middle
of all that tragedy.

Must have felt good.

Yeah, it did.

Wow. You're so convincing.
[chuckles]

You know, there's still
one thing I don't understand.

Why you found it so necessary

to find that boy.

Oh...

He and his mom had already
been through so much.

And all they had
was each other.

That's a very special bond.

To love someone
so unconditionally

and to know
that they love you back.

Must have made you think
about your own life.

So, is this the part
where I admit to you

how I go home
to an empty apartment
every night?

No family. No pets.
I don't have a plant.

Well, life's
an awful lot simpler

if you only have yourself
to worry about.

Maybe life's not supposed
to be that simple.

Do you regret the choices
that you made?

We didn't even name him.

After he died, we just
pretended he'd never existed.

Don't you think
you're being too hard
on yourself?

It shouldn't be that easy
to just check my feelings
at the door.

What are you really afraid of?

What if I'm getting too good
at this job?

Being good at your job,

that's nothing
to feel guilty about.

It's not just the kiss.

Ever since it happened,

I can't stop
thinking about her.

I felt safe talking to him.

I haven't felt that way
in a long time.

Once you've opened that door,
there's no going back.

You can't pick
and choose which emotions
you're gonna feel.

And without the bad ones,

you can't appreciate
the good.

-Is that trite?
-I hope not.

He said, "Yeah,
but what I really wanted

"was a 12-inch pianist."
[laughs]

I'm glad to see you took
something positive

away from that day.

There's a plaque
on the wall of the morgue

as you walk in.

It's in Latin.

"Hic locus est ubi

mors gaudet succurrere vitae."

"This is a place

where death is happy
to help the living."

And here I thought it meant,

"Employees must
wash their hands."

[chuckles]

Being surrounded by death

must remind you
how valuable life is.

Every day, Howard. Every day.

[Jordan sniffles]

[clacking]

[theme music playing]