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1
00:00:05,786 --> 00:00:07,706
How does it work?
2
00:00:07,706 --> 00:00:10,906
Friendface works along the same
principle as a cold or a plague,
3
00:00:10,906 --> 00:00:14,586
but it's not disgusting germs that
Friendface spreads, it's friendship.
4
00:00:14,586 --> 00:00:18,866
Each Friendface page is like a petri
dish filled with friendship germs.
5
00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:21,906
When you stick your face into the
dish, you may come away with millions
6
00:00:21,906 --> 00:00:24,066
of people attached to your face!
7
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:27,546
That's right, it's basically
a diseased face of friendship!
8
00:00:27,546 --> 00:00:30,786
Just sign up with Friendface,
by giving us all of your personal
9
00:00:30,786 --> 00:00:33,946
information, and we'll provide a
web page where you can meet new
10
00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:38,906
friends, catch up with old ones,
and maybe find that special someone.
11
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,146
Don't think about germs now,
that analogy's over.
12
00:00:41,146 --> 00:00:45,386
Now it's just love and companionship,
and everything's fine.
13
00:00:45,386 --> 00:00:47,866
We own everything
you put on Friendface,
14
00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:49,906
it says so in the terms
and agreements, but don't worry,
15
00:00:49,906 --> 00:00:52,346
we won't use it to do anything bad,
we promise.
16
00:00:52,346 --> 00:00:56,026
Just think about love and
companionship and everything's fine.
17
00:00:56,026 --> 00:00:57,906
Friendface. Friendface.
18
00:00:57,906 --> 00:01:00,066
FriendFace.
19
00:01:30,386 --> 00:01:33,786
Can you two not use my email address
any more please, I've got a new one.
20
00:01:33,786 --> 00:01:34,786
Right.
21
00:01:34,786 --> 00:01:37,586
Jennywenny@Friendface?
22
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:38,986
Oh, no, you've not signed
up with Friendface have you?
23
00:01:38,986 --> 00:01:41,266
Yes, I have, actually.
Why not, it's great.
24
00:01:41,266 --> 00:01:44,146
I joined last night, and
I've already got 30 friends.
25
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:47,466
Baaaaaaa!
Yes, let's all join Friendface
26
00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:50,506
and become part of the herd. Ha!
I don't think so.
27
00:01:50,506 --> 00:01:52,826
Why not?
They're terrific!
28
00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:56,146
You can catch up on old friends,
you can flirt with people.
29
00:01:56,146 --> 00:01:58,626
I think I've got better things
to do than to talk to friends
30
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:01,386
and flirt with people, thank you.
31
00:02:01,386 --> 00:02:04,226
You can play Scrabble online with it.
32
00:02:04,226 --> 00:02:06,026
It's just another way of shoving
33
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,546
advertising in your face, Jen.
Don't do it, you'll regret it.
34
00:02:08,546 --> 00:02:12,426
It might be a great way to meet
women. All the girls on 7 are on it.
35
00:02:12,426 --> 00:02:13,106
I'm in.
36
00:02:13,106 --> 00:02:14,346
What?
37
00:02:14,346 --> 00:02:15,506
I've joined.
38
00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:16,666
That was quick!
39
00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:20,066
It was what you said about Scrabble.
I'm in a game now.
40
00:02:20,066 --> 00:02:20,746
I'm in!
41
00:02:20,746 --> 00:02:21,466
What?
42
00:02:21,466 --> 00:02:21,946
I've joined!
43
00:02:21,946 --> 00:02:23,266
What about the advertising?
44
00:02:23,266 --> 00:02:26,426
Oh, advertising doesn't have any
effect on me, Jen.
45
00:02:26,426 --> 00:02:28,826
I tune it out. So, er, the girls on
7, Kimberley, she's on this?
46
00:02:28,826 --> 00:02:29,866
Uh huh.
47
00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:34,026
Ah, cool, look! They've got this
great game on their home page.
48
00:02:34,026 --> 00:02:36,666
You have to throw a little
can of cola into a giant mouth.
49
00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:38,306
That's brilliant.
50
00:02:38,306 --> 00:02:40,226
God, I'm so thirsty.
51
00:02:59,786 --> 00:03:02,906
Listen, I've got to have a
word with you, oh, hang on.
52
00:03:02,906 --> 00:03:05,066
Jen, you can change your
setting on Friendface
53
00:03:05,066 --> 00:03:06,826
so you don't have to have that
annoying bleep
54
00:03:06,826 --> 00:03:08,066
every time you get a message.
55
00:03:08,066 --> 00:03:10,026
Incoming message!
56
00:03:11,746 --> 00:03:13,426
Sorry, that's me.
57
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,866
Yeah, I just have to tell
you about, oh, hang on.
58
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:19,706
Yep, Jen, just open a chat window
and then we can all talk in it.
59
00:03:19,706 --> 00:03:20,626
How do I do that?
60
00:03:20,626 --> 00:03:22,826
You just press the speech
bubble in the left hand corner.
61
00:03:22,826 --> 00:03:25,146
Oh, yeah.
62
00:03:27,386 --> 00:03:29,746
Yes.
63
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,146
Oh, yeah, but don't forget if...
64
00:03:39,746 --> 00:03:41,666
What are you like?
65
00:03:41,666 --> 00:03:42,826
If I might interject.
66
00:03:47,466 --> 00:03:48,346
Oh, Moss.
67
00:03:48,346 --> 00:03:50,066
That's hilarious.
68
00:03:50,066 --> 00:03:52,106
That was a classic Moss line.
69
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:57,626
Yeah.
70
00:04:01,706 --> 00:04:04,346
I love this.
71
00:04:04,346 --> 00:04:06,306
I feel so social.
72
00:04:09,986 --> 00:04:12,226
All right Jen I'm going to go
home now, it's nearly half seven.
73
00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:15,706
I'm just answering all my Friendface
messages, they sort of piled up.
74
00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:19,226
So many people I don't care about
getting in touch, it's brilliant.
75
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,666
Oh, there's another one,
76
00:04:20,666 --> 00:04:24,226
and I'm getting into online games,
you know, real brain teasers.
77
00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:28,066
And I'm filling out a form on how
much I love Cuke, have you tried it?
78
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:31,986
Cuke, yeah,
I love Cuke, it's heaven in a can.
79
00:04:34,986 --> 00:04:39,226
Anyway I'm going to head, all right.
Jen, don't get too obsessed by that.
80
00:04:39,226 --> 00:04:41,266
No, I won't.
Bye, Moss.
81
00:04:46,426 --> 00:04:49,746
Oh,
someone's added me as their friend,
82
00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:52,546
I went to school with her,
I wonder how she's doing?
83
00:04:52,546 --> 00:04:54,906
Oh, not very well. That's good.
84
00:05:11,546 --> 00:05:13,866
Incoming message.
85
00:05:13,866 --> 00:05:15,426
Jesus Christ!
86
00:05:15,946 --> 00:05:18,186
I mean, Jesus Christ.
87
00:05:18,186 --> 00:05:22,226
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
88
00:05:22,226 --> 00:05:24,546
Excuse me, some of us are
trying to sleep round here.
89
00:05:24,546 --> 00:05:28,466
This woman that I went out with
once wants to meet up again.
90
00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:31,986
Oh, I thought I got rid of her, but
oh, no, she found me on Friendface.
91
00:05:31,986 --> 00:05:34,746
Now I'm going to have to
spend all afternoon
92
00:05:34,746 --> 00:05:36,666
trying to make up lies of how
to get rid of her again.
93
00:05:36,666 --> 00:05:39,066
Oh, I think that is very mean,
94
00:05:39,066 --> 00:05:41,106
if it were me I would
like to know the truth.
95
00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:42,626
That you wear
way too much makeup.
96
00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:44,626
I do not!
97
00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:48,586
That's a horrible
thing to say, how dare you.
98
00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:50,386
Not you Jen, this girl.
99
00:05:50,386 --> 00:05:52,186
Oh, does she?
100
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,266
Big time.
101
00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:54,986
Did you sleep with her?
102
00:05:54,986 --> 00:05:57,146
No.
103
00:05:57,146 --> 00:06:00,026
It wasn't my fault,
I got really drunk to try and
104
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,866
make the evening pass quicker,
and then by the end of it
105
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:04,986
the makeup thing was actually
starting to work for me a bit.
106
00:06:04,986 --> 00:06:06,346
Oh, please.
107
00:06:06,346 --> 00:06:08,586
I'm not proud of it Jen,
it's not going on my CV,
108
00:06:08,586 --> 00:06:10,866
but every man has a story like this.
109
00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,666
This is not the first story
you've told me like this.
110
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:15,026
Every man has a few stories
like this.
111
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,866
Oh, no!
112
00:06:16,866 --> 00:06:19,146
She used to
slap it on with a trowel.
113
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:23,626
God, why don't women have the
confidence to know that less is more.
114
00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:25,946
Then, when she started crying
115
00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:30,106
it all ran down her face, it
was like breaking up with The Joker.
116
00:06:30,106 --> 00:06:34,546
Hang on, she was,
she was that upset, she was crying?
117
00:06:34,546 --> 00:06:37,586
It sounds like you really
hurt this girl's feelings.
118
00:06:37,586 --> 00:06:41,346
The least you can do is tell the
truth, be a man for God's sake.
119
00:06:41,346 --> 00:06:43,466
Whoa, don't, hey, I am a man.
120
00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:46,026
I will tell her, I will email her.
121
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:47,626
No, you have to tell
her face to face.
122
00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:49,066
The hell I do.
123
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:51,946
This is a fragile young woman,
what if she reacts badly?
124
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:54,066
That's exactly why
I'm doing it on email.
125
00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:57,066
No, you have to tell her the truth
and you have to do it face to face.
126
00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:58,786
Do I?
127
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,426
My mum's on Friendface, my mum!
128
00:07:01,426 --> 00:07:04,546
It's opened up another channel
of communication with my mum.
129
00:07:04,546 --> 00:07:05,706
Isn't that good?
130
00:07:05,706 --> 00:07:10,186
No, it is not good. She's put
down her current mood as sensual.
131
00:07:10,186 --> 00:07:11,746
Ooh.
132
00:07:14,026 --> 00:07:15,746
Why didn't you just not
accept her as a friend?
133
00:07:15,746 --> 00:07:17,506
Are you an animal?
134
00:07:17,506 --> 00:07:19,786
I can't turn down a
friend request from my mum.
135
00:07:19,786 --> 00:07:21,466
Message for me.
136
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:22,906
Oh.
137
00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:28,106
I am eating my apple, mum.
138
00:07:30,506 --> 00:07:33,506
She packed me an apple this morning
and it's the issue of the day.
139
00:07:33,506 --> 00:07:36,346
I have to go, I'm meeting an
old school friend for lunch.
140
00:07:36,346 --> 00:07:40,306
Isn't it great the way Friendface
brings people together?
141
00:07:47,106 --> 00:07:49,906
Nanny's chasing the dog around,
all the kids are screaming,
142
00:07:49,906 --> 00:07:52,346
absolute bedlam, and here's me
143
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,706
going to a meeting with the major
shareholders.
144
00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:56,746
My life is an absolute nightmare.
145
00:07:56,746 --> 00:08:00,346
Yes, yes, mine too.
146
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,786
So what about the other
girls, what are they doing?
147
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,346
Elaine is head of marketing
at Dennis Publishing.
148
00:08:04,346 --> 00:08:05,866
OK.
149
00:08:05,866 --> 00:08:07,266
She's married to the
editor of Esquire.
150
00:08:07,266 --> 00:08:08,266
Is she?
151
00:08:08,266 --> 00:08:10,386
Veronica is in A&R with Arista,
152
00:08:10,386 --> 00:08:14,626
her big embarrassing story is she
passed on Arctic Monkeys.
153
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,506
Idiot.
154
00:08:16,506 --> 00:08:19,826
Jilly is an architect,
designing a new wing on The Tate.
155
00:08:19,826 --> 00:08:22,506
Jilly, Jilly Spencer?
156
00:08:22,506 --> 00:08:25,626
She used to eat the wood on her desk.
I always thought she was slow.
157
00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:27,106
She's a genius.
158
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:29,546
Wow, everybody's doing great.
159
00:08:29,546 --> 00:08:30,786
Yeah.
160
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:33,226
So what about you, Jen?
161
00:08:33,226 --> 00:08:34,506
What are you up to?
162
00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:36,746
What am I up to?
163
00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:38,746
Yeah. Oh, god, I hope
that's not a rude question.
164
00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:39,826
No, no, no, no.
165
00:08:39,826 --> 00:08:44,066
It would be awful if I just listed
all our successful friends
166
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,946
and you were stuck in some terrible,
dead end job you hated.
167
00:08:46,946 --> 00:08:49,906
Oh, god,
that would be an absolute fucker.
168
00:08:49,906 --> 00:08:54,946
No, no, I'm Head of IT
at Reynholm Industries.
169
00:08:54,946 --> 00:08:57,706
Oh, I didn't know you were
interested in computers.
170
00:08:57,706 --> 00:09:01,386
Interested is not the word.
171
00:09:02,386 --> 00:09:04,346
Sorry.
172
00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:06,506
Hi, babe.
173
00:09:08,906 --> 00:09:14,186
You didn't have to call
just to tell me that,
174
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,746
no I can't,
175
00:09:16,746 --> 00:09:19,666
I'm in public. Stop it.
176
00:09:19,666 --> 00:09:21,426
Yeah, of course I'm wearing it.
177
00:09:25,626 --> 00:09:27,626
Can I have another one, please?
178
00:09:37,626 --> 00:09:39,386
Hi, Roy.
179
00:09:39,386 --> 00:09:40,826
Hi.
180
00:09:42,466 --> 00:09:45,706
Roy, do you have any
181
00:09:45,706 --> 00:09:49,426
attractive,
successful-looking friends?
182
00:09:49,426 --> 00:09:52,066
No.
183
00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:53,986
What, none at all?
184
00:09:53,986 --> 00:09:55,026
No.
185
00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,786
Oh, god, well maybe
you could help me then.
186
00:10:00,786 --> 00:10:03,946
Wow, that's flattering.
Are you pissed?
187
00:10:03,946 --> 00:10:07,506
A little bit. Could you come
to a school reunion with me
188
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:09,026
and pretend you're my husband?
189
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,986
Do you really think that you can
quiz me for a better option
190
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,546
and think I'll still say yes?
191
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,266
I'll give you £50.
192
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,746
When is it?
193
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,186
Tomorrow night.
194
00:10:18,186 --> 00:10:22,266
I sort of bigged myself up
to this girl, she never had much
195
00:10:22,266 --> 00:10:25,626
time for me at school and I wanted
to impress her so, I need a husband.
196
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,506
Yeah, I can't because tomorrow
night I'm spending the evening
197
00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:33,066
with The Joker. Yeah,
I'm going to do what you said,
198
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,106
I'm gonna tell her the truth, tell
her I'm just not interested in her.
199
00:10:35,106 --> 00:10:38,386
Ooh, you're not actually
going to do that face to face?
200
00:10:40,626 --> 00:10:42,186
You told me to.
201
00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:44,666
Well,
aren't you worried she'll go mad?
202
00:10:44,666 --> 00:10:48,346
I'm very worried about that.
203
00:10:48,346 --> 00:10:52,266
Oh, you are a...oh!
I'm going to cancel.
204
00:10:52,266 --> 00:10:54,226
No, no you can't cancel, not now.
205
00:10:57,026 --> 00:10:59,346
Who am I going to ask then?
206
00:10:59,346 --> 00:11:02,266
Who are you going to ask what?
207
00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:03,986
Nothing.
208
00:11:03,986 --> 00:11:06,666
The queen of honesty here needs
someone to pretend to be her husband
209
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,146
at her school reunion.
210
00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:12,386
When is it?
211
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,226
So, you remember what to do.
212
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:24,626
Big you up to the max.
213
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:25,266
By?
214
00:11:25,266 --> 00:11:27,106
Listing your fictional achievements.
215
00:11:27,106 --> 00:11:28,226
Uh huh, and?
216
00:11:28,226 --> 00:11:30,746
Saying how lucky I am
to have met you
217
00:11:30,746 --> 00:11:33,386
and talking about
our sweet sex life.
218
00:11:33,386 --> 00:11:36,426
Maybe not the last one, we
don't want to sound too smug.
219
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:38,986
If I'm pretending
to be married,
220
00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:41,906
I'm pretending to be
sexually active.
221
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:46,146
Don't worry Jen,
I plan on earning this £10.
222
00:11:46,146 --> 00:11:48,026
Five now, five later.
223
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,348
Thank you.
224
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:07,148
So...how are you?
225
00:12:07,148 --> 00:12:12,748
I'm fine. It was great seeing your
profile pop up on Friendface.
226
00:12:12,748 --> 00:12:15,508
Gave me a great excuse
to get back in touch.
227
00:12:15,508 --> 00:12:20,348
Yeah, that's the brilliant thing
about that bloody website.
228
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:22,108
And how are you?
229
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,668
I'm great, I am great, yeah.
230
00:12:24,668 --> 00:12:27,668
I'm glad that we got
together, Alison, because...
231
00:12:27,668 --> 00:12:31,708
it's only fair that I be completely
honest with you. The truth is...
232
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,428
Do you mind if
I say something first?
233
00:12:33,428 --> 00:12:35,228
Er...OK.
234
00:12:35,228 --> 00:12:37,668
I've never been very
good with words, so...
235
00:12:37,668 --> 00:12:40,188
I wrote it down and
it turned into a poem.
236
00:12:40,188 --> 00:12:44,548
I'm sorry...
Are you going to read a poem now?
237
00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:46,748
Is that what's
actually going to happen?
238
00:12:46,748 --> 00:12:48,268
Yeah, is that all right?
239
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,508
Wouldn't you prefer to text it to me?
240
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,068
It's a bit long for that.
241
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:54,748
Okey dokey.
242
00:12:54,748 --> 00:12:57,188
"Oh, gentle Irish eyes..."
243
00:12:57,188 --> 00:12:58,788
Oh!
244
00:12:58,788 --> 00:13:01,668
"tussled brown hair,
245
00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:05,148
"smile as big as
my favourite teddy bear."
246
00:13:05,148 --> 00:13:09,388
That's a bit corny, I might take
it out or I might leave it in.
247
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,988
"Without you, I am just a husk."
248
00:13:12,988 --> 00:13:14,868
I, er... A husk?
249
00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:15,988
Yeah.
250
00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:17,868
Uh-huh!
251
00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:23,548
"Without you, I am just a husk,
a dead thing,
252
00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:30,508
"my new best friend is a razor,
a rope, a noose to swing...in." Oh!
253
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:33,188
"Without you,
the sweet release of death
254
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:36,148
"would be all that
could give me hope!
255
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:42,748
"When I see your face
on my computer,
256
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:45,788
"I don't just see you.
257
00:13:45,788 --> 00:13:48,268
"I see our future."
258
00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:55,268
Oh, it's...
259
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,708
Oh-oh!
260
00:13:58,788 --> 00:14:01,228
Oh...mmm!
261
00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:06,668
Which is how my sexy wife
became the first ginger woman
262
00:14:06,668 --> 00:14:09,188
on the cover of Newsweek.
263
00:14:09,188 --> 00:14:10,548
That is wow.
264
00:14:10,548 --> 00:14:15,668
Just when I think I've heard every
story that puts Jen in a good light,
you come up with another one.
265
00:14:15,668 --> 00:14:19,308
Yes, and they're beginning to
sound a little bit unbelievable.
266
00:14:19,308 --> 00:14:20,908
Oh, I can't help it!
267
00:14:20,908 --> 00:14:24,788
I love this well-travelled high
earner. A woman in the living room,
268
00:14:24,788 --> 00:14:28,348
a chef in the kitchen,
a prostitute in the bedroom.
269
00:14:28,348 --> 00:14:30,108
Ow!
270
00:14:32,108 --> 00:14:36,148
Jen, why don't you tell them
all about your bionic arm?
271
00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:43,588
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could do. Or, or
we could talk about something else.
272
00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:45,348
Yeah, we've heard
enough stories about Jen.
273
00:14:45,348 --> 00:14:46,628
< Yeah!
274
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:48,748
We want to hear about
the guy that tamed her heart.
275
00:14:48,748 --> 00:14:50,868
Yeah, what do you do, Moss?
276
00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:52,988
I'm a professional tennis player.
277
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,028
Yeah, he doesn't like
talking about it, though, so...
278
00:15:00,028 --> 00:15:01,068
I do.
279
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,068
Where do you play?
280
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,388
Where don't I play.
281
00:15:04,388 --> 00:15:05,148
Wimbledon?
282
00:15:05,148 --> 00:15:07,308
I don't play there.
283
00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:08,828
Are you seeded, Moss?
284
00:15:08,828 --> 00:15:10,988
Bit of a personal question, Terry.
285
00:15:10,988 --> 00:15:12,948
But...
286
00:15:12,948 --> 00:15:17,588
yes, I'm highly seeded, we have two
lovely children, Zenith and Quasar.
287
00:15:17,588 --> 00:15:20,708
I, I love, I love this song.
288
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:24,428
Let's all stop talking
and dance to this song!
289
00:15:24,428 --> 00:15:26,788
POP MUSIC PLAYS
290
00:15:31,188 --> 00:15:34,588
Come on, let's dance.
291
00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:44,868
Her name is Jen,
er, she's a work colleague.
292
00:15:44,868 --> 00:15:48,788
We've been seeing each other
for some time.
293
00:15:48,788 --> 00:15:51,108
I love her, I love that woman.
294
00:15:51,108 --> 00:15:52,748
Do you have a picture of her?
295
00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:55,548
A picture of her? No.
296
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,868
What, not even on your phone?
297
00:15:57,868 --> 00:16:00,948
No, it never occurred to me
to take a picture of her,
298
00:16:00,948 --> 00:16:02,588
because I see her all the time.
299
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:05,108
You just don't want me!
300
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:09,188
Oh, I do, I do, it's, it's...
Why wouldn't I want you?
301
00:16:09,188 --> 00:16:10,868
No, it's just, it's this girl.
302
00:16:10,868 --> 00:16:12,348
There is no girl.
303
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:16,388
There is! It's a real girl.
304
00:16:16,388 --> 00:16:18,548
Look, could you...?
Could you just stop crying?
305
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:21,188
No, I'm never gonna stop crying!
306
00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,108
Do you want to meet her?
We can meet her.
307
00:16:25,108 --> 00:16:26,108
What, really?
308
00:16:26,108 --> 00:16:29,188
Yeah, let's go and meet Jen.
309
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:32,108
Will that make you
a little less mad?
310
00:16:37,268 --> 00:16:40,028
Tough, though,
the whole marriage thing.
311
00:16:40,028 --> 00:16:43,148
Terry, it's as tough
as a cow's back.
312
00:16:43,148 --> 00:16:45,228
You know what takes
the edge off for me?
313
00:16:45,228 --> 00:16:46,228
What?
314
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:47,788
Regular, uninhibited,
315
00:16:47,788 --> 00:16:51,908
exploratory sex with a partner
who's even wilder than I am.
316
00:16:51,908 --> 00:16:55,148
That's Jen. She may look like
a ginger angel, but get her
317
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:59,068
behind closed doors and she turns
into Peter Stringfellow.
318
00:16:59,068 --> 00:17:01,148
God, I envy you.
319
00:17:01,148 --> 00:17:04,788
These days, Delina hardly
ever lets me, you know, do it.
320
00:17:04,788 --> 00:17:08,028
Ah, I'm on Jen at least
four times a day.
321
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,668
As I've already said,
I am fully seeded.
322
00:17:13,148 --> 00:17:15,388
You've got it really
sorted, haven't you?
323
00:17:15,388 --> 00:17:17,988
Yeah, it's very surprising,
isn't it?
324
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:21,268
No offence, Jen, but I've got
to admit I always thought
325
00:17:21,268 --> 00:17:25,508
you'd be the one whose life just
went completely off the rails.
326
00:17:25,508 --> 00:17:29,308
You always seemed to attract such
chaos at school, but look at you now.
327
00:17:29,308 --> 00:17:31,868
Delina, can we be best friends?
328
00:17:33,028 --> 00:17:37,548
Tell you the truth, I think Delina
might be sleeping with someone else.
329
00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:40,228
No, she's just over there.
330
00:17:40,228 --> 00:17:41,548
I mean, this is just
between ourselves.
331
00:17:41,548 --> 00:17:43,108
Of course.
332
00:17:43,108 --> 00:17:48,068
Little clues here and there,
things only a husband would pick up.
333
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,748
Like, someone wrote a message
on her Friendface wall read,
334
00:17:51,748 --> 00:17:55,148
"Can't wait to shag
your arse off again soon."
335
00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:59,268
I don't know, maybe
I'm reading too much into it.
336
00:17:59,268 --> 00:18:05,108
Still, if I ever found out who
that person was, "Ooh...god."
337
00:18:05,108 --> 00:18:07,508
Agh, it's a pickle, Terry.
338
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:09,708
Women! Oh...
339
00:18:09,708 --> 00:18:13,588
If I had a pound for every
bloody woman...
340
00:18:13,588 --> 00:18:15,428
Argh...oh!
341
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,948
I hear ya.
342
00:18:20,388 --> 00:18:21,708
Hi there, Jen!
343
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:24,108
What are you doing here?
344
00:18:24,108 --> 00:18:27,708
I saw on your profile that
you were having a party.
345
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,908
That's the great thing about
Friendface, I get to see
346
00:18:30,908 --> 00:18:33,868
what all my employees
are doing, all the time.
347
00:18:39,388 --> 00:18:41,228
Come on, be game.
348
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:50,588
Ah, there she is!
There's Jen!
349
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:54,188
OK, Jen, I am gonna help you out,
but need you to play along!
350
00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:54,668
This is Alison!
351
00:18:57,188 --> 00:19:00,628
She's the friend I told you
about, remember? And this...
352
00:19:00,628 --> 00:19:03,188
This is Jen,
the woman I love!
353
00:19:04,508 --> 00:19:05,668
What's going on here?
354
00:19:05,668 --> 00:19:07,428
What are you doing?
355
00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:09,828
I'm enjoying an evening
out with my woman.
356
00:19:10,988 --> 00:19:13,388
What?!
357
00:19:13,388 --> 00:19:16,028
Jen, who is this joker?!
358
00:19:16,028 --> 00:19:18,188
No offence!
359
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,788
OK...what the hell is
going on here?
360
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:26,908
Moss is my husband, Roy.
361
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:30,028
But you said you wanted me.
..She really did!
362
00:19:31,748 --> 00:19:35,228
It's true, I did want you,
at one point.
363
00:19:35,228 --> 00:19:40,308
You were the one that I wanted,
but then you left, you left, Roy,
364
00:19:40,308 --> 00:19:44,348
and so I turned to Moss,
and Moss was there for me, Roy.
365
00:19:44,348 --> 00:19:48,668
Moss was there for me in a way
that you were not,
366
00:19:48,668 --> 00:19:52,428
and now we're together,
and that's all that matters.
367
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:56,468
I don't know.
368
00:19:56,468 --> 00:19:58,188
What?
369
00:19:58,188 --> 00:19:59,628
I don't know, Jen.
370
00:20:01,188 --> 00:20:03,908
I love you, God knows I do.
371
00:20:03,908 --> 00:20:07,508
Your sweet abandon in bed,
your humanitarian work,
372
00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:11,268
you've given me two wonderful
children in Zenith and Quasar.
373
00:20:11,268 --> 00:20:15,148
But it sounds to me like you still
have feelings for this young man,
374
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:18,228
and I'm not sure I can
handle that. I'm not sure at all!
375
00:20:18,228 --> 00:20:21,028
I don't. I don't.
I don't have feelings for this man.
376
00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:23,908
Yes, you do.
377
00:20:23,908 --> 00:20:25,828
Admit it, Jen!
378
00:20:25,828 --> 00:20:30,828
Admit that you have feelings for me,
loudly, here, in front of Alison.
379
00:20:30,828 --> 00:20:35,188
No, I don't.
He means nothing to me, Delina.
380
00:20:36,628 --> 00:20:40,388
Well, you moved on quickly,
you bitch!
381
00:20:47,268 --> 00:20:51,428
How dare you call
my sexy wife a bitch!
382
00:20:54,148 --> 00:20:55,948
Do you want to take this outside?
383
00:20:55,948 --> 00:20:57,628
With pleasure, sir.
384
00:20:57,628 --> 00:21:00,388
I will just get some of my coats.
385
00:21:01,988 --> 00:21:04,028
Excuse me, Alison.
386
00:21:06,868 --> 00:21:08,068
What now?
387
00:21:08,068 --> 00:21:10,068
Hadn't really thought this far.
388
00:21:24,788 --> 00:21:27,748
I'll just go and see how they are.
389
00:21:34,308 --> 00:21:37,068
Oh, those bloody bastards!
390
00:21:45,228 --> 00:21:48,068
Oh, lovely to see Jen!
391
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:52,708
See her?
I'm shagging her.
392
00:21:52,708 --> 00:21:55,068
Grr!
393
00:22:01,948 --> 00:22:04,388
Well, hello there, beautiful.
394
00:22:15,628 --> 00:22:18,268
transcript:choholate
sync:innuit
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