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1
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:06,907
Jake?
2
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,076
Yeah?
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,677
Are you praying?
4
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,680
It's okay, I'm not in school.
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,615
No, no, it's fine.
6
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,683
What are you
praying for?
7
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,285
I have a math test on Monday.
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,721
Oh, so you're praying
for a good grade?
9
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,190
No, that never works.
10
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,459
I'm praying for the teacher
to get sick.
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:29,029
Have you considered
just studying for the test?
12
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,832
How would that help?
13
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,667
Okay, listen to me.
14
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,069
Even if we were to assume
15
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,837
a God who would be willing
16
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,639
to give your teacher
a cold...
17
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,574
Anthrax.
18
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,144
All right, that's it,
no more praying.
19
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,313
What are you, the Supreme Court?
20
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,516
How do you know about
the Supreme Court and prayer?
21
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,685
This guy on TV, Reverend Don,
he talks to God.
22
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,823
And he said you should pray
to strike down your teacher?
23
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,226
No, activist judges.
24
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,863
But I figured why can't it work
on Miss Stanley?
25
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,298
And you know what else?
26
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:08,836
If I send Reverend Don money,
God will make me rich.
27
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,871
And did you send him money?
28
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,340
Wouldn't you?
29
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,209
No...
God doesn't make people rich.
30
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,778
And even if He did,
it wouldn't make you happy.
31
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,780
Well, I disagree.
32
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,349
Jake.
33
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,685
Reward without effort
is meaningless.
34
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,788
Money alone will not
give you fulfillment.
35
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:28,889
What about Uncle Charlie?
36
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,759
He seems pretty fulfilled
and he doesn't do anything.
37
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,927
Hey, let me tell you
about your Uncle Charlie.
38
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,396
He puts on a happy face,
39
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,999
but on the inside he
is a sad, lonely man.
40
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,502
( woman giggling )
41
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:53,481
You see?
42
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,450
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
43
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,620
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
44
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,556
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
45
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,725
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *
46
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,561
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
47
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,664
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
48
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:15,636
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
49
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:23,477
I'm about to do
a load of laundry.
50
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,847
Last chance
to change your underwear.
51
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,449
I'm good.
52
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,983
Oh, uh, but you might
want to hold off
53
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:30,884
on the washing machine.
54
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:34,021
I think Charlie and his friend
are still in the shower.
55
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,924
I'll check.
56
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,232
( toilet flushing )
57
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,935
( Charlie and woman screaming )
58
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,437
You were right.
59
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,172
( doorbell rings )
60
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,775
I wouldn't wait for me
to get that.
61
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:01,949
Hello.
62
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,585
Hello.
63
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,356
Uh, we haven't met.
64
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,358
I'm Norma Seabury
from next door.
65
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,025
Oh, it's nice
to finally meet you.
66
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,427
I'm Alan Harper.
67
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,362
Harper?
68
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,097
Are you related
to that dreadful Charlie?
69
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,433
My mother says I am,
but frankly,
70
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,502
I have my doubts
I'm related to her.
71
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:22,770
I see.
72
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:27,675
Well, Alan, there's a little red
sports car blocking my driveway.
73
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:32,646
I assume it belongs to one
of your brother's hooers.
74
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,616
One of his what?
75
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,251
Hooers.
76
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,455
Ever since he moved in here,
77
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,592
it's been one endless parade
of hooers.
78
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,295
Oh, whores.
79
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,729
Well, in all fairness,
80
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:52,933
most of them don't have the
math skills to be whores.
81
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,703
Be that as it may, I'm late
for my hair appointment,
82
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,838
and I want that car
moved immediately.
83
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,106
Oh, absolutely.
84
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,308
I am so sorry.
85
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:05,045
Let me track down
the... hooer in question
86
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,214
and ask her to move it.
87
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:10,484
Thank you.
88
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:12,886
( sneezes )
89
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,221
God bless you.
90
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,990
He'd better,
I sent in five bucks.
91
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,662
Charlie, we have a situation.
92
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:22,763
( Charlie and woman giggling )
93
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,866
CHARLIE:
Okay, that looks pretty clean.
94
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,934
Now do me.
95
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,339
This is so unfair.
96
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:34,375
( water running )
97
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,676
Excuse me?
98
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,546
CHARLIE:
Not now, Alan,
I'm making bubbles.
99
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,815
I don't care what her name is,
100
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,918
her car is blocking
our neighbor's driveway.
101
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,820
Oh, sorry, I'll move it.
102
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,856
CHARLIE:
You can't go now.
You're busy.
103
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,991
Oh, yeah. I'm busy.
104
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:54,027
All right, just-just tell me
where the keys are,
105
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,796
and I'll move it.
106
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:56,697
Oh, gosh, no.
107
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,932
I don't let strange men
touch my car.
108
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:03,003
Oh, good. At least you have
respect for your car.
109
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:08,008
Alan, do we need to have another
boundaries talk?
110
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,210
No, I'm leaving.
111
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:14,515
CHARLIE:
Uh-oh, look what's dirty again.
112
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,049
WOMAN:
Uh-oh!
113
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,552
( mimics giggling )
114
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,488
( toilet flushing )
115
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,356
( screaming )
116
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:27,060
Okay, I have located the
owner of the sports car.
117
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,530
Is she going to pull it out?
118
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,869
Not for a while.
119
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,839
Well, how am I supposed
to get to my hair appointment?
120
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,974
Gee, I'd say you
really don't need one.
121
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,944
I think your hair
looks lovely as it is.
122
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,779
Well, aren't you sweet.
123
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,116
Are you homosexual?
124
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,684
No, just sweet.
125
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,120
Listen, you don't have to
miss your appointment.
126
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,287
I'll drive you.
127
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,123
You would do that for me?
128
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,625
It would be my pleasure.
129
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,028
Sure you're
not homosexual?
130
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,229
Positive.
131
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:06,534
You would've made a good one.
132
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,303
* Men...
133
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,172
CHARLIE:
You going home already?
134
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,174
Nah, I'm going
to the opera.
135
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,343
They can't end it until I sing.
136
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,046
There's no call for sarcasm.
137
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,818
( laughter )
138
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,789
Oh, no.
139
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,462
What's up?
140
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,964
What is that old witch
doing here?
141
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:37,498
Old witch?
142
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:38,966
She's a charming woman.
143
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,834
Of course she's charming.
They're all charming.
144
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,736
That's how they lure you
into their houses
145
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,104
made out of candy
and gingerbread.
146
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,339
What exactly is the
deal between you two?
147
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,908
Why do you hate her so much?
148
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,643
Why don't you ask her
why she hates me?
149
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,679
I did. She told me
you're a horrible neighbor
150
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,981
who doesn't care about anyone
but himself.
151
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,015
Well, there you go.
152
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,918
How can I like somebody
who talks about me like that?
153
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,456
Hello, Mr. Harper.
154
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,625
Hey, Norma.
155
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,461
Eat any little kids lately?
156
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,797
I could ask you the same thing.
157
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,132
And by the way,
158
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,969
will she be moving her car out
of my driveway any time soon?
159
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,271
Well, maybe people wouldn't
park in front of your driveway
160
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,141
if you didn't put your trash
cans in my guest parking spot.
161
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,076
You don't have
a guest parking spot.
162
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,178
There's no such thing
as a guest parking spot.
163
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:30,684
It's called a curb and it
belongs to the City of Malibu.
164
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:34,087
Hey, if I can pass out on it,
I figure it's mine.
165
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:39,192
Well, with that logic, I... I
guess you own my doghouse too.
166
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,896
That only happened once
and Bruno was fine with it.
167
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,833
Alan,
168
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,736
thank you so much
for a wonderful day.
169
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,072
I'm looking forward
to next Saturday.
170
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:52,873
Oh, me, too.
171
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:56,610
And as for you,
Mr. Harper,
172
00:07:56,677 --> 00:08:00,948
Bruno never had fleas
before that night.
173
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,721
You passed out in her doghouse?
174
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,690
Hey, I've passed out
in wheelbarrows,
175
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:10,858
but this isn't about me.
176
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,093
Oh, really? Who is it about?
177
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:13,694
You.
178
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,362
Why are you dating a woman
179
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,732
who most likely lost her
virginity during World War II?
180
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,735
And knowing her,
probably not to one of our guys.
181
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,771
Okay, first of all,
we aren't dating.
182
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,006
I am escorting her
to a charity event.
183
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,175
And second of all,
her age is irrelevant.
184
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,711
The only thing that matters
is what's inside a person.
185
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,746
Yeah, well, the only thing
inside her
186
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,182
is dust
and undigested mastodon meat.
187
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,817
She isn't that old, Charlie.
188
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,886
Oh, come on, I'll bet
she was an eyewitness
189
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,287
to the birth of agriculture.
190
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,321
Stop it.
191
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,356
Her high school
graduation picture's
192
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,492
probably on a cave wall
in France.
193
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,127
Are you done?
194
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,762
Mm...
195
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,164
Her prom theme was "Fire."
196
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,670
Charlie, I can't figure out
how to turn off the shower.
197
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,640
There's so many knobs.
198
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,008
That's okay, honey.
199
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,877
You just dry off,
and I'll take care of it.
200
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,012
Thanks.
201
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,880
How does it feel to
be dating a woman
202
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,749
whose IQ is the
same as her age?
203
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,685
I can ask you the same thing.
204
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,789
Oh, here's something else
we have in common.
205
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,691
Both our girls are pruney,
206
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,994
but mine's gonna plump back up
in a little while.
207
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,732
* Men...
208
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,670
Well, thank you
for a lovely evening.
209
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,839
Oh, no, thank you
for taking me.
210
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:35,542
I so loathe going to
these things by myself.
211
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:36,910
And dancing.
212
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,179
I can't remember the
last time I danced.
213
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,981
That was fun.
214
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,049
One more spin?
215
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,384
Okay, sure.
216
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:50,724
( Norma humming )
217
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,125
( laughing )
218
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,927
Oh, thank you
219
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,864
for being so kind
to a lonely old gal.
220
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,131
Stop saying that.
You are not old.
221
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,900
You're a vibrant,
fascinating woman,
222
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,169
and I had a great time
with you tonight.
223
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,403
Oh, likewise.
224
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:08,175
Alan, I want you to give some
serious thought to my offer.
225
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,476
I will. I will.
226
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,579
Okay, so, uh, so good night.
227
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,182
Good night.
228
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,725
Oh, all right.
229
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,269
Morning.
230
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,504
Morning.
231
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,206
Who sent the flowers?
232
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,875
I'll give you a hint.
233
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,392
Wait 'til you see the card.
234
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,560
You read the card?
235
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,596
I couldn't. It's in Aramaic.
236
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,299
Okay, I get it. She's old.
237
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,336
It was delivered
by a Roman centurion.
238
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,375
Oh, geez.
I've got a problem.
239
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:16,609
Hey, if you
got her pregnant,
240
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,645
we can get a full page
in Ripley's.
241
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,481
Give it a rest, Charlie.
242
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:25,118
Oh, come on, I've been
working on these all morning.
243
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,486
Listen to this.
244
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:30,223
Her first car was a chariot.
245
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:36,029
She called her first husband
"hun" 'cause he was one.
246
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,667
Her first Christmas
247
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,003
was the first Christmas.
248
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,508
Likes to take long
walks on the beach
249
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:52,279
after crawling out of
the ocean and growing legs.
250
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,015
Her birthstone is lava.
251
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,052
And finally, the Big Bang.
252
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,955
I don't have
a joke for that yet,
253
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,523
but I know
there's something there.
254
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,592
I'm leaving.
255
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,394
Oh, come on, I'm your brother.
256
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,595
You can talk to me.
257
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,698
Okay, I promise,
no more jokes.
258
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,633
Tell me what the problem is.
259
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,868
Okay.
260
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,270
You know she's rich, right?
261
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,772
Richer than God.
262
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,473
Who she's known
263
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,410
since he was yay high.
264
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,845
You promised.
265
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,313
Sorry. Yeah, yeah.
266
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:30,483
Well, last night, Norma made me
a business proposition.
267
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,419
A business proposition?
I bet it involved...
268
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,286
No! No! No!
269
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,822
No telegraphs,
no flying machines,
270
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,724
no Nina, no Pinta,
no Santa Maria!
271
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,960
You don't have
to bite my head off.
272
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:43,130
I was talking about
what I do for a living,
273
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,767
and she said she wanted
to invest... in me.
274
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,736
Invest in you? How?
275
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,104
She wants to buy a building
276
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,673
and create
the Alan Harper Healing Center.
277
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,342
Uh, chiropractic, acupuncture,
278
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,511
uh, holistic pharmacy,
aroma therapy...
279
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:02,549
Why don't you just call it
the Alan Harper House o' Crap?
280
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,720
Norma chose the name.
281
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,256
I see.
282
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:14,027
And in exchange for all this,
she expects you to...
283
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:19,366
Well, nothing has been said
explicitly, but... yeah.
284
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:24,004
And you're considering it?
285
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:26,439
No. No, of course not.
286
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:27,640
Not really.
287
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:28,508
Not really?
288
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,377
Well, the building would be
in Beverly Hills
289
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:34,181
and it would have
my name on the top.
290
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,917
Big letters, but, you know,
with a real classy font.
291
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,151
I'm thinking Helvetica.
292
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:41,021
Okay, I see your dilemma.
293
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,923
We gotta think this through.
294
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,925
Thanks, thanks.
I really need to.
295
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,793
You'd do her for free
296
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,828
if she was young
and beautiful, right?
297
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,331
Well, sure, I suppose.
298
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:54,467
And you'd stick your dingus
in a beehive for, say,
299
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,437
a hundred million,
wouldn't you?
300
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,212
A hundred million dollars?
301
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,147
Probably.
302
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,983
But where are we
going with this?
303
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,385
Well, we've established
that you're a man whore,
304
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,155
and now we're just trying
to zero in on your price.
305
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,125
Charlie, you're not
helping at all.
306
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:22,329
Alan, did you really
think I would?
307
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,434
* Men.
308
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,004
Good to see you again,
Ms. Seabury.
309
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,039
Thank you, Bobby.
310
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,306
My pleasure.
311
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,407
Thank you.
312
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,276
Good luck.
313
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:39,412
Go away, Bobby.
314
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,049
So, Alan...
315
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,117
have you given
any more thought
316
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,385
to my little
business proposal?
317
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:49,923
Well, actually,
I have and, uh...
318
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,224
Oh, wait, I forgot.
319
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,161
I brought you a little gifty.
320
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,097
Oh, no, Norma, please,
you've been too kind already.
321
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,099
Oh, my God, a Rolex.
322
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,001
It's a platinum Rolex.
323
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,202
A platinum Rolex.
324
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,137
I have always wanted
a platinum Rolex.
325
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,206
I almost bought one for
myself, but silly me,
326
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,176
I got health insurance
for my family instead.
327
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,810
Let me put it on you.
328
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,045
Okay. Ooh.
329
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:16,049
It's a lot heavier than
my calculator Swatch.
330
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,451
I'm glad
you like it.
331
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:24,457
Champagne for madame
and her... special friend.
332
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,527
Hey, Bobby, look.
333
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,429
Very nice, sir.
334
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,999
Oh...
335
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,266
This is too much.
336
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,035
I-I-I-I can't accept this.
337
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,271
Oh, I think you can.
338
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,574
Yeah, I probably can.
339
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,775
A toast.
340
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,945
To the Alan Harper
Healing Center.
341
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,580
Okay.
342
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,616
And to us.
343
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,284
Uh...
344
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:55,255
to us as business partners
and friends, right?
345
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,257
Wrong.
346
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:01,594
Oh.
347
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,496
Alan?
348
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,764
What?
349
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,866
I've proposed a toast.
350
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,168
Oh, yes. I'm sorry.
351
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,537
It's just, this is all
happening so fast.
352
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:17,744
Yes, well, the heart wants
what the heart wants.
353
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,746
The question is, Alan...
354
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:24,017
what do you want?
355
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,057
( loud ticking )
356
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:40,867
Hurry up, sugar-buns.
357
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,170
I'm not getting any younger.
358
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,274
* Men.
359
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,488
Charlie... wake up.
360
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,755
What?
361
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,824
What's wrong?
362
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:08,261
I had sex with Norma.
363
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,031
What?
364
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,867
I gave in. I folded.
365
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,704
I let her have her way with me.
366
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,806
How was it?
367
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,276
Actually, it was great.
368
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:30,717
She... knew stuff.
369
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,621
Is that a Rolex?
370
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,857
Yeah. Platinum.
371
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,359
Nice.
372
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,229
And you're gonna get
a building in Beverly Hills.
373
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,097
Not bad
for a night's work.
374
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,234
Well, actually, I don't think
375
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,769
I'm gonna be
getting the building.
376
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,004
She reneged?
377
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,374
She... died.
378
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,748
You're kidding.
379
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:07,086
After we were done,
she looked at me,
380
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,021
mumbled a couple of words,
381
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,691
closed her eyes
and then... poof.
382
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,993
Dead.
383
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,995
That's it.
384
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,298
I knew there was
a Big Bang joke.
385
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,137
I mean, I'm sorry.
386
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:26,873
I just can't
believe it.
387
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,508
Me neither.
388
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,110
After all those years
of making me miserable,
389
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:33,380
she's actually gone.
390
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,149
It's weird,
I feel a little sad.
391
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,950
Imagine how I feel.
392
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,686
Yeah, you killed her.
393
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:48,295
So what did she mumble
before she, you know...?
394
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,362
Well, I'm not sure,
395
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,265
but I think she said...
396
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,567
"I want my watch back."
397
00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:00,273
Hey, I tried my best
to keep up with her.
398
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,476
Anyway, I've been up
half the night
399
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:04,911
with the police
and the coroners.
400
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,681
You have no idea how
judgmental those people are.
401
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,319
You can't worry about what
anyone else thinks, Alan.
402
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,920
The thing you got to remember
403
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,055
and keep close
to your heart is...
404
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:21,060
I get an extra parking space
and you get to keep the watch.
405
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,063
Enjoy it, buddy.
406
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,798
How can I enjoy it?
407
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,702
Same way I enjoy that
grand piano downstairs.
408
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,071
What does the piano
have any...?
409
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,240
Wait a minute.
410
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,443
Are you saying that you
slept with Norma?
411
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:40,280
Hey, I needed a piano.
412
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,587
So... so if you slept
with Norma,
413
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,556
why did she hate you
so much?
414
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:54,361
Probably because
I only needed one piano.
415
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:59,131
You're right, though.
416
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,601
She did know stuff.
417
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,939
* Men.
418
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,943
Hey, can you put on
channel 84?
419
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,479
I want to watch
Reverend Don.
420
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,447
Well, I want
to watch football.
421
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,883
It's the Lord's day.
422
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,653
Yeah, but it's my TV.
423
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,688
Who'd you bet on?
424
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,089
Packers, minus one
and a half.
425
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,424
If the Vikings
don't score
426
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,793
in the next two minutes,
I'm up a grand.
427
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,328
Okay.
428
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,531
What are you doing?
429
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,232
Praying for the Vikings
to score.
430
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,102
Don't do that.
Are you crazy?
431
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,170
Change the channel
to Reverend Don.
432
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,071
No!
433
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,207
Then you leave me no choice.
434
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,477
Okay, you want to play
that way? Fine.
435
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:46,946
It won't work.
436
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,816
God answers kids' prayers first.
437
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:50,950
Who told you that?
438
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,785
Nobody. It just makes sense.
439
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:56,088
ANNOUNCER:
That last drive put the Vikings
in field goal range.
440
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,524
Oh, God, oh, God...
441
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,493
Too little, too late.
442
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,829
Here comes the Vikings kicking
unit out onto the field.
443
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,297
Okay, tell you what.
444
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:07,534
Pray for my side, I'll give
you a piece of my winnings.
445
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,568
How much?
Five percent.
446
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:09,502
No deal.
447
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:12,539
Edinger has yet to miss
from this distance.
448
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,873
Okay, ten.
Twenty.
449
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,207
Twenty?
450
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,610
And there's the snap...
Deal.
451
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:19,912
The kick is up. It's good!
452
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,482
Oh, no!
453
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,553
Don't blame me.
You're a sinner.
30814
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