Original subtitles

The IT Crowd - 04x04 - Italian for Beginners.

I'm sorry guys, I wish I could've come here with a better news.

But, according to these projections.

Reynholm Industries is in a critical position.

We took a major downturn last year.

Like the rest of the economy.

And as a result, we have estimated losses at well of a £400 million.

Before we go on, Linda. Do you need to go to the toilet?

No.

Then why are you doing a wee-wee walk?

It's incredibly odd and distracting.

- Maybe it's just me? - No, is not just you Douglas. I also find it very distracting.

Sorry Linda.

Don't worry about it, Jen.

It is not a wee-wee walk.

I'm actualy doing Around-the-world virtual-triathlon-for-charity, using...

...an iPhone application and Google Maps.

Look, I'm in Spain.

God, that's hugely impressive.

Haven't you just had a baby?

So they tell me.

Ah, for God's sake.

Sorry, did that sound like words?

Now, do go on. And congratulation on getting an iPhone.

I say, we get in Silvio Bernatellii.

Bernatelli ?

The most successfull businessman of the year.

Why a word from him can make or break a business.

Look, Reynholm Industries is in a tough spot.

But with Bernatelli as investor? I Think we can come out on top.

This is very convincing, Linda.

Damn good job. Damn good bloody good damn good job.

You're the best woman here.

You, are an excellent woman.

Linda! Bloody Linda.

I'm so good at business things... Reynholm Industries.

God, do you have any idea how annoying this woman is?

I haven't inkling.

I just had eureka moment.

Why do I keep my phone in my trousers pocket?

It's to far... but look at this...

Top pocket.

Yeah?

Not as far...

Yeah? look at that.

See how smooth that is... Oh, mama!

Do you see that?

You wish you saw that.

Sorry, did I interrupt...

- No - She had a baby like yesterday, and she already...

...invading Spain.

Linda just had a baby?

Wow, well you'll never know...

What?

To much information.

What? that she had a baby?

Come on.

Moss, It's a natural part of life.

It's not a natural part of my life...

And I aim to keep it that way.

You should be okay.

What's that jacket for?

It's not for anything, it was a present, Julia got it for me.

- How is Julia the orphan? - Don't call her that.

- Why? - That's the first thing you told us about her.

I totaly think of her as Julia the orphan.

Well, get out of the habbit of it. What if it slip out...

...when you meet her in person?

I'm hardly like to say Hallo, Judy the Orphan, am I not?

I totaly would say that to her.

- Yeah, I know you would. - But she still an orphan right?

Yes!

Her parents haven't come back to life.

Have you find out the story of what happened to them?

No, she doesn't really like talking about it.

Why not so be curious like I would be?

Yeah, you know what, it's none of my business.

Maybe they not really dead.

Maybe she doesn't know what the word orphan means. Maybe she thinks it just means...

House-proud.

I'm leaving now.

- Roy? - Yeah?

What's that jacket for?

It's not for anything.

Will you be wearing that all the time now?

Yeah, maybe.

Infact, Julia thinks I can pull it of.

- You don't like it? - It's the worst thing ever.

You look like a tall girl.

Maybe a little feminin.

I can understand why you wouldn't like it then.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh come on. These Linda business...

...we got these, six or seven times a week.

It's always the same, it's never about a man.

You're just one of those woman...

You're one of those woman, who don't like women.

Burn it.

You should burn the jacket.

And all these for Sport Relief.

We all have to do our bit.

First you made me want to go to the toilet..

And now you make me want to be a better person.

A bit of news on the Bernatelli front, by the way, Douglas.

His translator is sick. So we have to hire one.

I could translate if you want.

Can you speak Italian, Jen?

Very impressive.

Not before I flush the toilet. Thank you very much.

Beautiful and delicate young lady.

- With such a butch hand. - Oi...

I'm kiding, I'm kidding. You got a lovely hand.

And that's a lovely ring. I haven't notice that before.

That was my mom's.

Oh, I'm sorry Julia I didn't mean... I know you don't want to talk about all this.

- No, I'm sorry Roy. - Yeah.

I should just tell you the whole story, because you gonna have to know sooner or later.

If you dont mind, I'd like to get it all out now.

Just as long as we never talk about it again.

There was a fire.

A fire?

Oh, God. It's awful. Oh, I'm so sorry.

We were on holiday.

We went to a Sea Parks.

- You know, Sea Parks like the Sea World. - Yeah, sure Sea Parks.

It was... during the sea lion show.

A fire...

...during the sea lion show...

...at Sea Parks.

The flame surround us so quickly, and we couldn't...

We coulnd't...

- Oh, are you okay? - I'm okay. I'm okay.

Just promise me, we'll never talk about it again.

Sure, sure. of course...

- But, how the... - I don't want to talk about it!

You don't speak Italian?

No.

Why did you say you did?

No one is paying attention to me.

So what did you actualy say at the meeting?

I don't know.

Very impressive.

He wants me to do a conference call with him.

- What am I gonna do? - All these lies, Jen.

This is exactly what happened with the Iraq war.

It's not that much of a lie, Moss. Because I have always wanted to speaks Italian...

...and I can sound like I'm speaking Italian, so it's...

...more or less the same thing.

Yeah, except to Italian. Or people who can understand Italian.

Exactly.

Oh, God.

I'm just gonna blue-sky this.

Would it be of any help, what so everr...

If I were to install a voice activated translation program on your laptop?

No, Stupid idea! Stupid idea.

No, no, no, no. A voice activated?

Is that mean someone would speak and the translation would appear on the computer screen?

Actualy, now that you put it like that.

That could work.

Well done.

Good idea, Jen.

Thank you?

The Jacket!

He still wearing the jacket.

You alright, Roy?

Is it the jacket?

Because, it should be.

- No. It's um... - What?

Julia told me the story.

So, what happened?

Her parent died in a fire.

Oh, God. I'm sorry, that's horrible.

Yeah, yeah, it was a fire.

at Sea Parks.

- Sea Parks? - Yeah.

- With the... - With the whales and everything, yeah...

Well, okay.

- Sea Parks? - Yeah.

- A fire? - That's right.

At the sea lion show, apparently.

Aren't those shows usualy out in the open?

Well, yeah, I mean that's what I would've...

- Yeah. - Lots of water everywhere.

Yeah, I mean, I would imagine a whale need a lot of water.

I don't think you can have whale in a place where there isn't a huge amount of water.

It just seem like a weird place to go on fire.

It's a very weird place to go on fire.

A fire? At a Sea Parks?

It's the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

Well, maybe...

Maybe if there were plastic seats.

- Maybe they could go.. - They don't have plastic seats at Sea Park.

How do you know?

Roy, when I was on holiday...

...I live at Sea Park.

It's the Funnest, Wettest, most splish-splashy, place in the world.

Okay, did you go and see the sea lion show?

Three times a day, for two weeks.

- And do they have plastic... - No, it's all stone steps.

They won't went on fire.

I've check wikipedia, there is no mention of a fire at any Sea Parks.

Do you think maybe she's lying?

No, I mean, why would she lied?

And if she was going to lie, why would she used this one?

A fire at a Sea Parks.

It's wrecked in my head.

I mean, if she has said that her parent are drowned, I'd be the happiest man in the world.

But, a fire?

At a Sea Parks?

Well, it's just... It's just... oh...

..it open up a lot of question..

- Maybe, you could ask her? - No, no, no, no.

We can never talk about it again.

- Well, maybe you could just... - No, no, no, no, no.

We can never talk about it for the rest of our lifes.

Well, I suppose you just going to have to try stop thinking about it.

That's another great idea.

You're on fire.

If you pardon the expression.

I would be very happy to come and have a look.

Next week, is good for me.

We're certainly looking forward to your visit.

We can't wait to give you the full Reynholm Industries experience.

He says he's looking forward to meeting me.

Ciao.

Maybe, you're the best woman.

Twelve exits.

There are twelve exits.

What are you doing?

- What? - What are you doing on the computer?

Masturbating.

Isn't Bernatelli today? Shouldn't you be preparing?

No, I think I'm okay, Moss.

I've learn a few conversational basics...

...so when he gets going, I just fire up this baby.

I do wanna feel refreshed though, at the meeting, so I'm gonna to sleep...

...for a few hours.

Is that what you having for lunch?

A big pile of mashed potatoes.

I fancy it.

It's a Sea Parks, isn't it?

You're building a Sea Parks out of mashed potatoes.

There are twelve exits, Moss.

Twelve exits! For only 200 people.

You don't close encounters crazy, Roy.

- You need to let it go. - To have killed anyone...

...the fire has to start, here, here, and here.

And close in like this.

But, how is it spreaded?

There is no wood in a Sea Parks arena.

And why there is no wood?

Because it's rots.

And why does it's rots?

Because of all the water...

Damn, that mash look tasty.

Password?

It didn't asked for password before...

Moss?

Where's Moss?

It's payday, he's probably go to Namco.

Where's Namco?

It's an iPhone, there's flipping iPhone in the flipping machine.

I run out of coin.

Moss!

Moss.

What am I gonna do.

What are you..

How did you get in there?

Through the hole.

Why?

There's an iPhone, Jen. An actual iPhone.

I need your password, I need the password...

..for the translations program.

Help me get the iPhone first.

- I can't lift my arms. - No.

I need to get it through the shoots, someone else will take it if you don't.

I'm sure they're not giving it away, the enginer must've droped it.

No, no, no, It's the price. It's the price, you got to help me.

- I don't have time. - But, it's an IPhone, Jen.

I may able to get an iPhone without giving any money to Apple.

I'll be living the dreams.

What's the password?

Moss, the password.

Moss!

Moss!

Oh, I'm so excited about the sea lion show.

Ladies and gentleman, please welcome...

Luigi...

Joe...

..and, Slippery Pete.

Oh, no. Whats all these smoke?

What smoke?

Oh, yeah, smoke...

Where is it?

There must be blocking it.

I'll try to move to clear the passage.

Come on, Moss.

Come on, Moss. You can do it.

Push

Come on, Moss.

Keep breathing.

- Push! - Shut up!

You can do it, Moss.

- I hate you! - Why are saying that?

I don't know! Stop talking!

Come on, Moss.

Come on. That's it.

It's coming... I can see, I can see the start button

Come on, Moss, push.

One, two, three... Push!

Come on, Moss. Push!

Push!

It's beautiful.

Password!

Where the hell have you been?

Sorry, it's just...

Doesn't matter.

So far, he satisfied with Jen we laugh at.

Mr. Bernatelli, meet Jen.

Leave that laptop outside.

- No. What? - We have to think about security, Jen.

How do we know that laptop, isn't somehow able to connect to the internet?

- No, no. It is a... - Then get it out of here!

Look, look at this, look how long it takes to go on fire.

And these made of matches.

First of all, I like to extend the warmest welcome to Mr. Bernatelli.

And how today, is the begining of a long and fruitful partnership.

He said, It's a pleasure to be here.

I see, so...

If the fire start here,

and they were there,

and there's no way the could've escape.

So, they must've been there.

I should stop it.

Aw, my hands!

I have always wanted to visit England.

I'm looking forward to something. Some of your famous english food.

Well, I'm sure that can be arranged.

- So, what are you wanna talk about? - Alright, now you listen to me, Bernatelli.

I hope by the end of this meeting we could become friend friends

I like you, and I like what you've done with your company.

Hopely we can join forces,

and plow away through each uncertain times.

What do you say?

Bernatelli and Reynholm Industries.

Together will be bigger than ever.

Hey, I'm gonna stand up, and start talking slightly louder.

Do you like my suit or not?

The woman to my left, smell likes she's been for a run

This meeting is going better than you might think.

I love what you have done with this office.

Can I borrow some of your erotic arts?

For how long?

On second thoughts, I'm gonna go.

Never contact me again, because I'm mental.

Well, that's a waste of time.

Next time you have a bright idea, Linda. Keep it to yourself.

- But... - Oh, for God's sake, get a shower.

- Oh, my god, Roy. - Oh, ya...

Oh, my God, you poor thing.

Your hands...

How did they happen?

It's kind of hard to explain.

- But, what... - I don't want to talk about it.

Moss!

Hallo...

Hallo...

starting to get pretty lonely now.

These toys may smell of wee. count them all.