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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,840
Dad, I'm curious.
Do you plan to forget again?
2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,400
Ah, a riddle!
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:15,480
I love a riddle. Let's see...
The answer is...I don't know what
you're talking about, so go away.
4
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:20,440
..Mum's birthday.
Oh, my God! Not again!
5
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,000
Hi, darling!
6
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,360
Oh! Mmm! What is that delicious...
7
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,160
smell? Tuna Wellington.
8
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,760
I ran out of beef.
9
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:38,560
It's lovely. It's very nice.
Do you want any help, then?
10
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,120
OK. What's going on?
11
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:48,040
Nothing! I just came to give the
birthday girl a kiss. You thought
I'd forgotten, didn't you? Ben...
12
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:53,320
My birthday is not for three days.
I knew that. I was just warming up.
13
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,360
Well, I'm not.
I feel like I'm over the hill.
14
00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,080
Susan, eh, eh, eh, you are not...
15
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,520
I can see it, Ben, in the distance,
beckoning, "Susan,
16
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:10,040
"come over the hill! It's fun!"
But it's not fun, Ben!
17
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,880
It's a bunch of old people dressed
in white. And they're playing harps?
18
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,760
Worse. They're playing bowls!
19
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:28,560
Janey, your mother's birthday
isn't for another three days.
20
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:33,560
Yes, but I thought you'd need a
running start. You're only 40 once.
21
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,360
In Mum's case, two or three times.
22
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,400
The first few times were practice.
23
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,080
Maybe this time she'll commit.
24
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,400
So you should give her
something thoughtful. Yes!
25
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,840
A cheque! Dad!
26
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:53,120
I know - a foot spa. ..A foot spa?
27
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:59,880
It relaxes and soothes away
the tensions of the day,
leaving your toes supple.
28
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:05,360
Dad, you need a unique personal
touch, something that says "Amore!"
29
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:11,320
Something that says, "Amore!" more
than a foot spa?! A satellite dish!
30
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:15,720
OK, so why would your mother
want a satellite dish?
31
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,040
It's got a load of cooking channels.
32
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:23,080
And it's got the Playboy Channel.
I hardly think Mum would want that!
33
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:28,120
She wants what all mothers want -
she wants to make her children happy.
34
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,920
A satellite dish'd make me ecstatic!
35
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:37,480
Dad! Mum's already told me exactly
what she wants - a romantic weekend,
just the two of you.
36
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:45,080
No, no! Your mother knows I hate
travelling. It's about what SHE
wants. So she wants me to suffer?
37
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:52,200
No. She just wants to know
you care enough to suffer.
I live here. Isn't that enough?
38
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,240
So... 40.
39
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:02,080
Again. Just because I admit it
doesn't mean you can rub it in.
40
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:09,080
I thought we might do something
special to celebrate. I don't want
a fuss. I'll just do something quiet.
41
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:13,120
Sit here in the dark...
with my memories.
42
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,680
OK, then.
43
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:20,240
Um, I thought we might go away
for the weekend, just the two of us.
44
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:25,000
That sounds wonderful. I'll start
making arrangements tomorrow. Great!
45
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:31,160
I thought I might make the plans.
Oh, you don't have to. I do.
46
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,880
..Apparently!
So where would you like to go?
47
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:40,720
Surprise me. Hey! Hey! How about
a golfing weekend at St Andrews?
48
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,440
Surprise me with something else.
49
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:50,080
Gleneagles? How about
that little B&B we stayed in
just before we were married? What?
50
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:57,040
What do you want go back there for?
It was good enough for us 22 years
ago. But we had no money then.
51
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:01,840
I thought you wanted me to make
the decision. I do. The RIGHT one.
52
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,320
I'll try to keep my mobile with me,
53
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:12,360
but the number for the B&B
is on the fridge on a pink note-card.
Right. Uh-huh. Gotcha.
54
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,600
Dr Peterson's number is on
a blue note-card. Mm-hmm. OK. Check.
55
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:24,840
If you run out of food,
draw straws and just eat
whoever draws the short one.
56
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,840
OK, bye. Have fun. Miss you.
57
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,480
SHRILL WHISTLE
58
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,000
What are you doing back?
59
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,880
Nick, can you PRETEND to listen?
60
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,560
Sorry, Mum. ..Go for it.
61
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,680
Our number - PINK note-card.
Dr Peterson's - BLUE note-card.
62
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,760
Got it.
What did I say?
63
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:51,800
I dunno.
..You said PRETEND to listen.
64
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,240
It's only a weekend. We'll be fine.
65
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,720
Nick, could you help your father?
66
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,160
Let me give you a hand.
67
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:12,040
You said, "Turn left." It looked
like the right road on the map. It
might have been were it not a river!
68
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:18,440
You could have stopped
and asked for directions.
I asked YOU, and look what happened!
69
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,840
PING!
Hello! Pleasant journey?
70
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:30,200
It might have been had we not taken
the wrong turning and ended up in...
What was that place?
71
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,960
Ah, yes - Hell.
72
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:38,880
It was lovely. We took the scenic
route. And what scenery we saw...
in the dark! We're the Harpers.
73
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,040
Just sign here. You're in number 10.
74
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:49,120
Oh, I don't suppose it's possible to
get number 7? We were here years ago,
and that was the room we stayed in.
75
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:54,200
You're in luck. We've got another
late arrival. I'll switch the rooms.
76
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,960
Thank you.
< I love you!
77
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:01,680
I love you more!
No, I love YOU more!
78
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:06,880
Gut-wrenching! I think romantic.
They have their whole lives ahead.
79
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:11,920
Let's hope it isn't the scenic
route! Some people enjoy the
journey.
80
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:17,000
It's hard with you shouting, "You're
going to hit that cow!" all the
time.
81
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:22,760
There you go - number 7. Any chance
of a sandwich? We're really hungry.
82
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,520
I'm afraid the cook's gone home.
He locks the kitchen.
83
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,480
Mint Imperial?
84
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:34,000
PerfectWhen we die of hunger,
we'll have fresh, minty breath!
85
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,240
Where do you think you're going,
young lady?
86
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:43,160
Out. Not like that! March upstairs
and put on something respectable!
87
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,080
..Sod off!
88
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,440
They grow up so fast!
89
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:54,120
Janey,
I think it's time we had a talk.
90
00:06:54,120 --> 00:07:01,200
You know, about boys and girls.
You're not serious! We can do this
the hard way or the easy way.
91
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:06,240
OohWhat's the hard way? I could
come with you. You've got one minute.
92
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,520
..OK.
93
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,160
Janey...
guys are only ever after one thing.
94
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,560
Fortunately,
girls are after the same thing!
95
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,000
Time's up.
Liam's waiting at the cinema.
96
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,400
You can't leave - this is important.
97
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:32,040
I've got to go down the pub.
Who's going to look after him?
..I've had this planned for ages!
98
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:38,720
That's why I wanted Mum and Dad
gone. It wasn't for Mum's happiness,
but your sordid love triste!
99
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:42,840
So what does this "Liam" do?
Nick, he's 16!
100
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,960
What about his parents?
They're dead. How convenient!
101
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,960
What are you talking about?
102
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,120
I dunno. I'm trying to act parental.
103
00:07:54,120 --> 00:08:00,960
I can't believe they left you in
charge! I'm much more responsible!
Are not! Am! Not! Am! Great!
104
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,720
You stay with Michael! Nick!
105
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:08,040
I always knew he couldn't be
as stupid as he looked.
106
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:13,560
..Michael. ..You can look after
yourself for a bit tonight, right?
107
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:18,720
Me? Your sweet, naive,
12-year-old little brother?
108
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,280
How much is it going to cost me?
Ten quid.
109
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,680
..An hour.
110
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:36,040
God! I don't remember the room being
this small! I think it's charming.
111
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,640
Perhaps it's shrunk in the damp.
112
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,800
No, it's just as I remembered.
113
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,840
Same lamps, same wallpaper...
114
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,760
same...chest of...drawers.
115
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:54,480
Any vague memories
of where we might have slept?
116
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,040
As I remember, we didn't!
117
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,600
Come here!
118
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,640
What are you thinking?
119
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,840
..I'm thinking we should have had
the Mint Imperials.
120
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:17,000
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I can't stop thinking about food!
121
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,520
Well, imagine I'm covered
in creme fraiche.
122
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,240
No, I need
something more substantial.
123
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,680
Fine! Imagine
I'm a deep-fried haddock!
124
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,240
We had haddock LAST night.
125
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:36,280
We didn't let things like this
bother us 22 years ago! Oh, come on!
126
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:43,120
We were a mass of raging hormones.
We'd have slept on a bed of broken
glass to have had sex! Yes.
127
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,680
Where has the romance gone?
128
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:49,240
FRANTIC CREAKING AND GROANS
129
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,840
Obviously next door!
130
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,640
You don't think they could be moving
their luggage in, do you?
131
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,200
Oo-ooh, YES!
132
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,120
Well, he certainly has!
133
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,000
Hey, hang on.
134
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:12,440
I think he's just found
the complimentary shower cap!
135
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,000
I've just remembered something...
136
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,520
that might cheer you up.
What could be more fun than this?
137
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,240
Chocolate! Oh, I LOVE you!
138
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,840
Mmm-mmm! Mmm-mmm!
139
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,400
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, my God!
140
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,440
Oh, yeah - that's good!
Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
141
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,000
CREAKING ACCELERATES
142
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,640
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
143
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,240
They must have the biscuit centre.
144
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,640
CAR DRIVES OFF
145
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,640
Do you have any idea what time it is?
146
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,680
Yeah. Goodnight. Hey, come on!
147
00:10:54,680 --> 00:11:00,560
I couldn't sleep. It's not easy being
a single parent. You're not a parent.
148
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,960
But I'm single.
Try brushing your teeth!
149
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,560
I'm sorry your date went so badly.
150
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:13,080
And how would you know
about my date? A mother knows
these things. Nick! Let it go!
151
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,680
Actually, I do have a question.
152
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,520
Are you talking to me? Yes.
153
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:29,040
I was really looking forward to my
date this evening with Liam, but...
154
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:33,080
he just played table football
with his mates!
155
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:37,600
You want the man's perspective?
No, the immature git's perspective!
156
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,200
Well, I can help with that too.
157
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:45,240
What you see as table football is
a very important male bonding ritual.
158
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:51,080
It's the only time in a young man's
life where you really learn... Hmm?
159
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,400
..how to play football on a table!
160
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:58,360
Nick! Well, you wanted
the immature git's perspective!
161
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:04,880
We have a saying round 'ere -
if you can't see the headland,
it's raining.
162
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:09,200
If you CAN see the headland,
it's ABOUT to rain.
163
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,120
So, did you sleep well?
164
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:17,320
Well...actually, I was wondering
if we could switch back to number 10.
165
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:24,560
The couple in number 6 were rather,
um...loud. Loud? Oh, dear.
I'm afraid we're full up.
166
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:29,600
Oh, that's all right. ..So, see
anything interesting? Oh, yes!
167
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:36,280
The Ninefields Butterfly Farm
is a bit of a treat. The Appledaw
Shoe Museum is not to be missed.
168
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:43,200
And Bexhill World of Enchantment!
I don't know how we'll pack it in!
You could go to the dolphinarium.
169
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,200
That sounds interesting. It was.
170
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,520
..Sorry? Was?
171
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,360
Before the dolphin died.
172
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:56,200
..So, why would we want to go there,
then?
173
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,280
Well, they've still got the tank!
174
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:05,000
Oh, they've still GOT the tank?
..I forgot to pack my camera!
175
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:11,720
When we were here before, you kept
a guest book where you could fill in
your thoughts on your stay.
176
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:19,120
Ooh! I haven't seen the guest book
for some time. Should make good
reading - "Today I saw a footprint."
177
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,280
Tell me - is John still the waiter?
178
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:28,320
Oh, you're going back a few years!
John passed away. Oh, I'm sorry.
179
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:33,360
What about the nice lady who tended
the gardens? Ah, Betty! Yes, Betty.
180
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:38,200
She's still here. We spread her
ashes over her beloved hydrangeas.
181
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:42,800
What about the owners, George
and Margaret? Such a cheery couple!
182
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,760
Margaret is dead, but George
is still alive. Good.
183
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,080
He's in prison
for strangling Margaret.
184
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,680
Well, you must give him our regards!
185
00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:03,120
Who are you waving at? The couple in
number 6. You don't know them. After
last night, we know them intimately!
186
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:10,000
..Why are these tables
so close together? I like it.
Makes everything relaxed and chummy.
187
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:16,880
I don't want relaxed and chummy.
I want tense and left alone. Good
morning! Joan and Peter Pickering.
188
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,520
Susan and Ben Harper.
First time here?
189
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:25,960
Actually, we were here once before we
were married. Really? Yes, 20 long...
190
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:32,240
wonderful years!
Newlyweds! Joan and I have been
coming here for 30 years now.
191
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:38,840
We usually travel with another
couple. They couldn't come this
year. We decided to come anyway.
192
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:46,000
You're never too old to make new
friends. We couldn't agree more,
could we? No. We're in number 7.
193
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,520
Oh, wonderful! We're neighbours!
194
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,000
We're the couple in number 6!
195
00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:02,960
Now I remember what it was I liked
about this place. The intimacy
of being cut off from the world?
196
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,400
No - the breakfasts.
197
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:10,040
I mean, sorry, the intimacy of being
cut off from the world is fine,
198
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,440
but it's better on a full stomach.
199
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,960
Good save! Really?
200
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,480
I'm in a generous mood.
201
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,280
Well, I'm in the mood to receive!
202
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,880
Don't go anywhere. OK.
203
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,440
Not even the dolphinarium?
204
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,240
Yes!
205
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,800
Listen and learn!
206
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:47,680
..I see you've slipped into
something more or less the same.
207
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,360
I've been thinking.
208
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,880
Oh, dear.
209
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,200
It's not easy turning 40.
210
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,040
So, why do you keep doing it, then?
211
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,680
DO try and understand me.
212
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:11,520
I feel like my whole life
I've been travelling on the B417
when I could have been on the M6.
213
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,960
What do you want to go
to Birmingham for?
214
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,600
The point is, it's about choices.
215
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,120
Who knows
what my life might have been...
216
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,720
if I'd chosen differently.
217
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,840
I could have been anything.
218
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,240
Well, certainly not
an Olympic hurdler!
219
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:39,440
The point is, I was young,
I had my whole life ahead of me,
and then I met you.
220
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,680
You met me,
and your life turned to crap.
221
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:47,720
No. This isn't about you. You're
irrelevant. Oh, THAT's reassuring
222
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,280
Oh, what's the point?!
223
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:58,120
Susan, we've come here
to rekindle happy memories
224
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,800
and ended up wallowing
in despair and depression.
225
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,360
It's like being at home.
226
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:10,240
CREAKING
Oh, YES! Oh, no! Oh, no!
227
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,800
That jigsaw's harder
than it looks, you know.
228
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,000
You intrigue me. How?
229
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,640
Half the pieces are missing.
230
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,400
Hello! Oh, hello! Had a nice day?
231
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,960
Hmm, yeah. I bet YOU did!
232
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:43,480
We always do. Life's too short not
to be happy! Well, stop being happy.
You'd make life go on forever.
233
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,400
So, your wife up in her room?
234
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:51,520
I expect so, unless she's popped out
for a job interview with the SAS.
235
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:55,960
Sorry? She's going through
a funny patch - mid-life crisis.
236
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,080
Don't talk to us about that! I...
237
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:03,800
All right, I won't, then.
Don't worry, she'll get over it.
238
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,520
You don't get over a mid-life
crisis. I started mine at 17!
239
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:16,120
Life's a bit like this jigsaw.
Mm-hmm? Even though there are pieces
missing, you still enjoy the puzzle.
240
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,960
No, I'm just enjoying the boredom
until the misery sets in again.
241
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,640
Next you'll be telling me
this glass is half-full!
242
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:30,840
No, it's half-empty. Let me get you
another! ..Bernard! Aww...thank you.
243
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,280
Mm-hmm.
244
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,720
Mm-hmm.
245
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:40,480
Oh, yes. Don't talk to me about
kids today. It's just... Mm-hmm.
246
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,920
Mmm.
247
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,640
Oh, no, Nick, it never ends!
248
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:51,920
KNOCK AT DOOR
I've got to go - there's someone
at the door. ..Come in! ..Goodbye.
249
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,920
Yes, darling - I love you very much.
250
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,440
..And so does Daddy.
251
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,040
Yes, he does!
252
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,720
Please don't cry, Nick.
253
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,600
I've really got to go. Goodbye.
254
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,600
I'm sorry. I just wondered if you
had some make-up remover. Of course.
255
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,600
Are you OK? ..Do you want to talk?
256
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:25,200
I trained as a guidance counsellor...
almost.
257
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:31,800
Do you and your husband ever,
you know, have arguments?
Oh, yes! Well, HE does.
258
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,520
I have an open exchange of ideas.
259
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:40,280
Stuart and I seem to be at each
other's throats. Yes, we saw
260
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:47,000
This weekend was supposed to be
a chance to get away from all that.
We've been having an 'orrible time!
261
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,520
Can I really tell you this? Yes.
262
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:55,600
First, he said he was never going to
leave his wife,
then he told me I was fired!
263
00:19:55,600 --> 00:20:00,360
Don't you think you might be
better off talking to someone else?
264
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:06,560
Oh, no, you've got
such an understanding face.
Must be the wisdom of all the years.
265
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:13,640
..If you want the wisdom of the
years, why don't you talk to the
couple next door? They're disgusting!
266
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,440
It's just an older couple having fun.
267
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:23,560
You wouldn't say that if they
approached you two. Stuart thinks
it might be fun! I don't understand.
268
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,680
Those old people are swingers!
269
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,840
Swingers? ..As in Glenn Miller?
270
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:36,440
Or as in Glenn Miller,
his wife and the rest of his band?
271
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:44,560
What are you laughing at? It's true!
No-one believes it, but it's true.
272
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,960
Oh, Susan! Hello! Come and join us.
273
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:56,120
Hello. Ben, there's something
I need to tell you. Hello. What?
In private. Trouble at home?
274
00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:02,960
No, a bit closer by. Don't tell me!
There's been a breakout
at the Butterfield Ninnery Park!
275
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,600
The Ninnery Botterfly Park.
276
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:11,080
Your husband's so funny!
Yes, he's a scream
277
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,880
Come. Join us. In what order?
278
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:21,040
Eh? Come on! Come on!
Come and join us!
279
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,760
All right. You asked for it!
280
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:31,160
Ben's been telling us how delightful
your children are. How many has
he had? Stop it! Don't be so cynical!
281
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,600
Chill out! Enjoy yourself!
Don't worry - I intend to!
282
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,160
Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!
283
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:42,200
You don't meet
many people like Peter and Joan.
284
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,560
I don't think we've met ANY people
like Peter and Joan!
285
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:53,360
We all ought to get together
and DO something! Yes! All four
of us! Why not? It's a date!
286
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:57,040
Our first date!
PETER AND JOAN CHUCKLE KNOWINGLY
287
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,520
SUSAN CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
288
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:05,840
So, um... What do we fancy doing?
Oh, that's a little lacking
in spontaneity, isn't it?
289
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:11,160
We ought to make a plan,
or we're all gonna end up
at the Appledaw Shoe Museum!
290
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,760
You're so funny!
291
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,400
And I'm just warming up!
292
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,520
..Oh, hello!
293
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,200
So are you!
294
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,320
Oh, I know, OK. ..Sorry,
we're just...getting a bit tired.
295
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,600
Oh, yes, look at the time!
I could do with a nap.
296
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,680
Good idea! I'll go on ahead,
297
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,560
let you all finish making your plans.
298
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,600
You KNEW, didn't you?
299
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,120
Of course I knew!
300
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,600
Why didn't you tell me?
301
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,040
I tried, Ben! But then I started
having too much fun!
302
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:17,960
At my age, you have to get your kicks
where you can! ..Like Joan and Peter!
303
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:24,640
Very funnyI almost ended up
as an octogenarian's sex puppy!
304
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:32,760
You can't blame them, Ben. Their
usual partners couldn't make it this
year. Mr Birch had a hip replacement
305
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,560
and that affected his swing!
306
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,120
KNOCK AT DOOR
307
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:48,040
How did you leave it with the
Pickerings? They know the score.
308
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,320
You did say, "No," didn't you?
309
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,760
I said, um...
310
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,320
I said we'd let them know.
311
00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:00,720
You idiot! I'm sorry -
I couldn't hurt their feelings!
312
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:06,880
MORE KNOCKS
I'M not getting it! YOU get it!
You do it! You! Say something!
313
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:14,560
I'm sorry! I'm sorry, we're not
interested in sexual relations with
either you or your wife, all right?
314
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,760
Well,
she's good enough for me.
315
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,600
I'm so sorry. I am terribly sorry!
316
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,000
I thought you were somebody else.
317
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,560
Ah, the Pickerings!
318
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,360
I just wanted to drop this by.
319
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:40,080
What is this? It's the guest book
your wife was looking for.
320
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:47,120
I found it in the games cupboard
when I was putting your jigsaw away.
I have a Scrabble set, if you like.
321
00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,680
But there are no Ss, Ts or Ns.
322
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,080
We won't bother, then, Bernard.
323
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,760
It's still raining. Really?
324
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,960
It's Bernard. He's brought
the guest book you wanted.
325
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:05,920
Really? Yeah. Oh, look - April 1978!
326
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:12,840
Oh, God! 1978! "Thank you
for a glorious weekend. I came here
unsure of so many things.
327
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:19,760
"But as I leave I know I am taking
the first step on a wonderful
adventure called 'married life.'"
328
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,680
Puke!
329
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,880
And yours? I didn't write anything.
You did. We both did.
330
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:34,720
Oh, you're right. I did.
Ben Harper - "Bed, breakfast,
and the girl of my dreams.
331
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:39,560
"I have found my true north -
the solar flare I call Susan.
332
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,160
"She's the only girl for me."
333
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,640
Let me see that. No, I... Come on.
Let me see!
334
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,280
Ah, here we are. Ben Harper -
335
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,880
"The toilet didn't flush."
336
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:04,440
That's what you wrote?
That's all you could say
about our wonderful weekend?
337
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,560
That's SO lovely.
338
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,760
Is it? That you cared enough to lie.
339
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,920
And so BADLY, too!
340
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,480
You know what?
341
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:21,920
What? There's plenty more
where that came from. Good.
342
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:27,280
Because I plan turning 41 next year,
and I hear that one's a REAL bitch!
343
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:38,360
RAPID CREAKING
Susan! Oh, God! That's good!
344
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:45,640
Oh, that's REALLY good!
That's fantastic! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
345
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,680
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
346
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:56,480
I SAID, "Turn left!"
I asked and you said, "Right!"
347
00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:01,520
When I said, "Right, right,"
I meant "right" as in "correct"!
348
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,320
My God! This place is spotless!
349
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,840
Something's wrong!
350
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,400
Hello, Mum. Hello, Father.
351
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,960
Welcome home.
352
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:41,480
Oh, my God! They're going to start
singing Edelweiss!
353
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,880
..How was your weekend?
354
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,360
Fine. Perfect.
355
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:50,040
It wasn't my fault! Steady!
356
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,920
OK.
357
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,960
Which one of you
is going to crack first?
358
00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:10,920
My money's on this one.
359
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,960
NICK WHINES
360
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:22,160
They wouldn't do what I said! He went
to the pub! She went out with a boy
with dead parents! They left me!
361
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,200
So, you remember the way?
Yes, I remember.
362
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,400
I'd like to go to Spain.
Left at the bottom of the road.
32063
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