Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:13,840
Janey, what have I told you about
painting your nails at the table?
I wasn't listening.
2
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:19,040
My football boots! Where were they
when you last had them? On my feet.
3
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:24,120
So wise so young, they say, do not
live long. What? I'm not your slave.
4
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,840
NICK! BREAKFAST!
5
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:32,040
Congratulations. You've woken up
every Nick in the world. Except one.
6
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,360
Purple!
7
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:38,440
Nice. Gives you that fingers
slammed in the car door look.
8
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,320
Mazda or BMW? Off!
9
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,360
Hi, Nick. Uh...hi, Janey.
10
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:52,120
Dad. No. What? I'm anticipating
your next question.
It begins with "Can I have...?"
11
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:57,200
Wrong. It begins with "Can you
lend...?" They both end with NO!
12
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:03,360
I want to borrow your new laptop.
You got my old one. Doesn't work.
You're compatible, then!
13
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:10,120
Why do you give me broken things?
Cos YOU break them. I didn't break
it. It just got a little damp.
14
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:14,520
Portable does not mean submergible.
It didn't say that!
15
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,600
You didn't read the instructions.
Didn't wanna get them wet!
16
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:25,640
I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.
Shall I book the restaurant
for after the film? We've got plans?
17
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:31,120
I left a note on the fridge and I
wrote it in lipstick on the mirror.
18
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:36,200
I need more than hints. Hope my next
husband has your sense of humour!
19
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:43,280
Mr Unsworth broke a tooth.
He's coming in after work. Why don't
we go out tomorrow night? All right.
20
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,960
Excuse me?
21
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,040
All right.
22
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:54,080
Stop laying the guilt trip on me!
If I let Unsworth down again,
he'll go somewhere else.
23
00:01:54,080 --> 00:02:00,840
All I said was "all right." There
you go again. You can't stop it.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
24
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,920
You must be really upset.
I am NOT upset.
25
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,480
Football boots!
Take some responsibility!
26
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:15,360
Why are you angry with him
and not me? Because with HIM,
there's still a point. Oh, right!
27
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,720
Good. Good luck, Michael!
28
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,320
Mum, you're too good for him.
29
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,840
I know.
..You STILL can't borrow the laptop.
30
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:31,600
Et tu, Mum!
Why don't you borrow Michael's?
Cos it's sort of personal.
31
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,680
Not chatting up girls on the internet
again?! You've done this before?
32
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,480
Yeah!
33
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:45,960
Talia, her name was.
A 19-year-old cellist from Prague.
We had a deep e-relationship going.
34
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,960
Talia turned out to be a 48-year-old
gasfitter called Stewart
from Sunderland.
35
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,960
All right, so he was a man.
36
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,640
It meant a lot to me while it lasted.
37
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:04,680
You know when parents say
they'll love you no matter what?
They're lying.
38
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:09,240
It's not a good idea.
You might end up with a stalker.
39
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,720
I'm getting one
just thinking about it.
40
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:20,760
Say I DID meet the right girl.
We might get married, her dad might
offer me a job in the family firm...
41
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:25,280
I'd have to move out.
The laptop's in the desk!
42
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:29,680
No school today?
No. I've got the dentist.
43
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,520
What? What do you mean?
44
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:37,840
Hang on! I'M the dentist.
I can't remember booking you in.
45
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:45,160
I booked her into another dentist.
WHAT? You keep fobbing her off.
I do NOT keep fobbing her off!
46
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:53,160
I fobbed her forward. If we wait on
you, she'll be able to take her teeth
out and post them to you!
47
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,880
Susan, PAYING patients come first.
48
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,000
Right.
Your family always comes second.
49
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:05,120
Against TV, golf and football,
that's not bad!
Where did you find this dentist?
50
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:10,320
Yellow Pages. I see! They don't
take anyone in Yellow Pages
51
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,520
Calm down. One dentist is much
the same as another. THEY ARE NOT!
52
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,880
You're right.
53
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:25,200
Some don't think an effective
painkiller is shouting "Shut up!" It
IS effective. Makes me feel better!
54
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:32,200
Another dentist. Have you
ever heard anything so disloyal?
55
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:39,280
I think it's a disgrace. Thank you.
No. It's a disgrace that you can't
make any time for your children.
56
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:46,200
It's like the story of the cobbler's
children who had no food.
They had no SHOES.
57
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,320
That makes no sense.
Their dad was a cobbler.
58
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:56,560
Let me tell you the story of
the dental assistant who had no job.
How does it go?
59
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:06,720
The problem with chatting to a girl
on the internet is that they miss
the full Nick Harper Experience.
60
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,320
The piercing blue eyes, easy smile...
The smell.
61
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,960
Yeah. All the intangibles.
It's tricky.
62
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:19,520
It impresses a girl when a boy takes
an interest in her clothes. Thanks!
63
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:25,840
Why not ask her
what colour her knickers are?
..I think my teeth look wonderful.
64
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:31,000
They're yellow. They're not!
No. Isabelle's knickers.
65
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,760
She told you?! What a slag.
66
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,280
Yeah!
67
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:39,840
Are you sure it's not just Stewart
from Sunderland? No.
68
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:46,680
Isabelle's French,
she's a swimwear model and her father
owns a major electronics business.
69
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,920
Know the phrase,
"Pull the other one"?
70
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,680
You think she's got a sister?!
71
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,520
Hello.
72
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,520
Hello.
73
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,600
What is that?
74
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,520
It's a rabbit. I can see that.
75
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:30,920
But WHAT is it? Well, I wanted
a rabbit, so I bought a rabbit.
But you didn't ask our permission.
76
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,720
Well, I'm rebelling.
77
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,600
A rebel with a rabbit!
78
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:44,280
You said, "take responsibility."
I said your father
looked good in a tank top!
79
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,360
This is a symbol of my independence.
Good.
80
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:53,320
Take it back to the shop. I'll never
believe anything you say again.
81
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:59,080
I'll become aimless and my school
work will suffer. Another Nick!
82
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,880
Welcome to your new home!
83
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,520
Just keep it away from the food.
84
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,920
Yeah. We don't want to kill it
on its first day!
85
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:20,040
Stop admiring your teeth!
Mel says you've got to love yourself
before others can love you.
86
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,680
Well, keep trying!
87
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:27,600
What IS this? Toad-in-the-hole.
But we don't have sausages.
88
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,680
So it's just hole?
89
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,040
It's not JUST hole. It's French.
90
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,480
It's "toad en vacance"!
91
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,080
Hello.
92
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,840
Nice to meet you.
My name is Susan Harper
93
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:54,040
and these are your children.
All right, I'm late! But it's the
only time some people can come in.
94
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:59,120
Don't ask me what sort of day
I've had..OK. I'll tell you.
95
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:03,200
In a word, bloody awful.
That's TWO words.
96
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,280
Well, I've got another two words
for you.
97
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,040
Do I get dinner? That's four words.
98
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:16,040
It's in the kitchen. In the kitchen!
Any specific location
On the counter.
99
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,400
I think it needs to go in
for a bit longer.
100
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:32,480
Janey, what are you doing? Mel says
water should be savoured like wine.
101
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:36,520
Who is this Mel?
How come she's the font of wisdom?
102
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:40,360
Mel is a HE. Oh, a he! A HE!
103
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:47,680
Bring your new friend for tea.
If he's anything like the last one,
he can bring his probation officer!
104
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:51,840
It's not like that!
It's Mel Frazer, my dentist.
105
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,840
Oh, yes. Mr Dial-A-Dentist.
106
00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,880
Mr Fillings-In-A-Jiffy-And-A-Free
Travel-Clock-On-Your-Third-Visit!
107
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:08,040
Dad, he's cool. He's got an earring.
Marvellous qualifications
108
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:11,680
In dentistry, that's like an OBE
109
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:18,840
And he's from Australia. Australian!
That completely revises my opinion!
How could I have been so blinkered?
110
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,240
You're just jealous. Jealous? Why?!
111
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,280
Because you see dentistry
as a dark wasteland,
112
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:30,600
whereas Mel sees dentistry
as a calling, filled with hope.
113
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,440
He's obviously doing it wrong!
114
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,520
Let it go!
115
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,040
I can't.
116
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:48,160
What exactly is it that's
bothering you? She's MY little girl.
Wasn't it yesterday...
117
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,400
she was that airheaded
shopping machine from hell?
118
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,040
I can't help being multilayered!
119
00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:01,120
You're overreacting. She's had
crushes before. This is a dentist!
120
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,720
It's still a schoolgirl crush. Yes.
121
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:11,760
But who knows where it could lead?
Oh, Ben! She's brushing so hard, she
could damage her epithelial cuff.
122
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,880
Are you sure?
I'm a professional!
123
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:21,680
Why don't you talk to her?
Sit her down, father to daughter,
124
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,440
and explain how you feel.
125
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,200
You're right. I'm overreacting.
126
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,400
Things will look different
in the morning. Usually worse!
127
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,040
Goodnight.
128
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:41,040
You know, I read somewhere
that the older you get,
the less sleep you need.
129
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:47,520
Really? What are you supposed to do
with all that extra time?
130
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,280
I've got a few ideas.
131
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:55,360
Well, I'm always open to ideas.
That's not true. But I won't argue.
132
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:15,360
Oh, my God! What's wrong?
That molar. Upper right 5.
133
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,440
What about it?
You've had it repaired.
134
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,880
Have I?!
135
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,280
The tongue never lies, Susan.
136
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,880
Let me have a look.
137
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:42,040
Give me a look. No! Open up!
What do you think I am? A horse?
138
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,760
I don't believe it!
139
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,040
That is NOT my handiwork!
140
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:53,480
Oh, my God! Oh, my GOD!
Anything but that!
141
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,040
You've been seeing another dentist!
142
00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:02,320
Of course I have!
You wouldn't do anything about it!
143
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,120
I was busy! I have needs, Ben!
144
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:13,680
I turn my back for one moment...
and you sneak off
to see someone else!
145
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,680
Oh, come on, Ben.
146
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,200
It was ONE time. Yeah, yeah.
147
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,040
This is where it starts, isn't it?
148
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,960
It didn't mean anything.
149
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,680
It didn't mean anything?
150
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,680
What was he like?
151
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,040
Excuse me? Was he good?
152
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,600
He was all right.
153
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,360
Better than me?
154
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,040
Different.
155
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,040
Different? Was it his technique?
156
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,680
Or his equipment?
157
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,520
Well...
158
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,840
..he did take a lot more time.
159
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,440
We ARE still talking dentistry?
160
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,600
Of course we are!
Oh, Susan! How could you?!
161
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,880
My own wife and Surfing Mel!
Where are you going?
162
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,960
I can't look at you at the moment.
163
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,600
You can see why I'm so hurt,
can't you?
164
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:38,680
Sure, I'm a husband and a father,
but, above all, I'm a dentist.
165
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,360
A family dentist.
166
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,040
That's what I do.
167
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,600
That's what I am.
168
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:51,440
And if my family can't respect me
as a husband or a father,
169
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:57,800
then surely they can respect me
as a family dentist,
otherwise what's the point of me?
170
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,280
Mmm?
171
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,160
No point!
172
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,240
Hey!
173
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,760
Fancy another?
174
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,040
Come on! Let your fur down.
175
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,520
Yeah?
176
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,640
You know...
we're quite alike, me and you.
177
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,040
Yeah.
178
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,040
I mean...
179
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,760
we're different backgrounds...
180
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:30,480
but me, a professional man with
a family, and you, a bunny rabbit
181
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,200
with long, floppy ears...
182
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,040
..but we're quite alike.
183
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,680
You know why?
184
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,040
Because we both live in cages.
185
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,520
That's right.
186
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,600
Except you can't see the bars
in mine.
187
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,680
Oh, yes. I think I've had enough.
188
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,360
It's funny, Hannibal's looking
really tired this morning.
189
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,040
Like someone kept him up all night.
190
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,680
Really? How strange.
191
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,040
Has that rabbit
been in its cage all morning?
192
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,680
They're just raisins. Oh, yeah?
193
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,200
I think.
194
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,800
Morning, Mike. Morning, Dad.
195
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:30,680
Just been chatting to Isabelle.
We've got so much in common.
196
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,200
You both stand up to pee!
197
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,760
Look, Dad, she is NOT a man. Mm-hm.
198
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,920
Look. She e-mailed me this photo.
199
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,960
Morning!
200
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,840
Who's that? Isabelle.
Looks nothing like a gasfitter.
201
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,240
No, Dad. Isabelle. French.
Fabulous. Female.
202
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,040
Fraud.
203
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,680
Last month's copy of Vogue...
204
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:07,760
your picture of Isabelle...
Notice any resemblance? So?
205
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,080
She's a model who appears in Vogue.
206
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,160
The word "trust"
doesn't appear in their vocabulary.
207
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:20,080
Michael, put that rabbit away.
You look like a Bond villain.
208
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,360
Notice anything strange
about that rabbit?
209
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:33,440
Yes. It's been here for two days
and hasn't asked me for money yet.
210
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,280
No. He looks at me funny.
211
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,040
You should be used to that by now.
212
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:47,040
I think he's evil.
Your father's not evil.
Bit pig-headed, perhaps...
213
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,120
Janey,
you're seeing Mel tomorrow? Yep.
214
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:56,600
I never thought I'd enjoy
going to the dentist!
Mel makes my gums feel so alive!
215
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,440
Janey's turning into Julie Andrews!
216
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:05,520
Nick, you wouldn't be so disloyal
as to see another dentist?
Absolutely not.
217
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:10,280
I'd never visit a dentist. Course.
What about you, Michael?
218
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,040
Mel DOES have a website. I see
219
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:19,440
Surfing Mel, dentist for
the techno-age with his surfboard
220
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:25,240
Oh, God! They're only raisins.
No. My filling's fallen out.
221
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,680
Oh?
222
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,680
Which one? The new one.
223
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,320
Oh!
224
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:39,360
Could you have a look? I COULD,
but I'm not your dentist any more.
225
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:46,440
This is no time to behave like...
well, like you always do.
Surfing Mel can fix it!
226
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,360
I don't believe this! Where
are you going? To Surfing Mel!
227
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:59,200
Shouldn't you be making
an appointment? Don't worry.
Mel's always got time for ME! Oh!
228
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,360
Is that defecating rodent
still here?
229
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:05,600
All right! I was going anyway!
230
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,440
You knew. Was it a secret?
231
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,520
My wife is seeing another dentist
behind my back!
232
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:19,080
How did you find out? I heard it
through the hygienists' grapevine.
233
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:26,600
They've got a grapevine?
I don't just clean teeth! Must be
embarrassing to be the last to know!
234
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,960
Tell me one thing he's got
that I haven't.
235
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,760
Charm, good looks, politeness...
ONE thing!
236
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,240
Hey, shouldn't you be in bed?
237
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:51,280
Shouldn't you be
in gainful employment? Get out!
You want to borrow the laptop.
238
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:56,360
YOU'RE borrowing the laptop.
It's MY laptop. Just a sec...
239
00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:02,640
I'm chatting to Isabelle. Don't you
think this will end in humiliation?
I don't know.
240
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:08,400
You haven't told me what you're up
to. Not me! YOUR doomed relationship
with Isa...bloke!
241
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:14,480
Bet you 50 quid
she's the girl from the magazine.
Nick, you haven't GOT 50 quid.
242
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:21,760
I will when I win the bet. How can
you prove it? Cos she's coming over.
What? Just telling her where I live.
243
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:29,040
Are you insane?! You do not put
my address on the internet! I like
to live dangerously. Out the way!
244
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:36,120
I'd better get back to bed before
your mother misses me. Plenty of
time, then! Shift your cyber-arse!
245
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:43,200
Let me get on-line. You're already
on. Yeah? What are you looking for?
I do NOT need your help, OK?
246
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,760
BLEEP!
..Think I might need your help.
247
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,520
So...how...eh...?
248
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,600
I'm looking for
Surfing Mel's website.
249
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:57,680
That's a really good idea.
..What for? Professional reasons.
250
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:04,760
How do you find a website? Click on
the search button and type in
a key word. What's a key word?
251
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:09,840
It's a word to do with the subject
you're searching for. OK. "Oral."
252
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:17,040
That might list him... Eh...
I don't think... Oh, look at this!
253
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,600
33,000 matches!
254
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,840
Let's try "oral contacts" -
that might list him.
255
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:31,040
I think...it's not... Shut up!
I'm getting the hang of this!
256
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,040
Good Lord!
257
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,760
Good going!
258
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:57,960
That can't be Surfing Mel.
You'd better hope it's not!
259
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,200
Someone you know?
260
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,160
Is this how you spend your time?
261
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,640
It's... It's...
It's what? Father and son bonding.
262
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,520
Oh, no!
Those definitely weren't two men.
263
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:21,600
It's not what you think.
Pathetic! But Nick has the excuse
of being emotionally retarded.
264
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,040
Cheers, Mum!
265
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,680
Yeah, well...
I expect you two want to be alone.
266
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,960
It's all HIS fault! It's a mistake.
267
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:37,560
I was looking for Mel's website
to see what I was up against.
268
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,600
I thought the point of explaining
a mistake was to make it look better!
269
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,120
Explain one or two things to ME!
Like what?
270
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:52,360
Like how you forgot to tell me
about your dentist!
I'm not having an affair with him!
271
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,160
He's Australian!
They'll have anything in a dress!
272
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,840
"Anything in a dress."
273
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:06,240
Perhaps if you came in again...
I'm "anything in a dress."
You'll forget I said that.
274
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,720
"Anything in a dress."
Didn't think so!
275
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:16,120
I don't know which is more
insulting, that you think
I'm "anything in a dress"
276
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:21,200
or that I'd be stupid enough to fall
for another dentist! I'm THE dentist!
277
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:29,360
If you'd come to me, none of this
would have happened! That's you all
over! It is never, EVER your fault!
278
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:36,680
You know whose fault it is? Whose?
That bloody rabbit! Since it came,
there's been nothing but trouble!
279
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,200
You can see why I'm hurt, can't you?
280
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,280
I'm a high-powered career woman...
AND a gourmet cook.
281
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,040
And above all, I'm a realist.
282
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:07,800
And realistically speaking,
he's a pig-headed...pig.
I know what you'll say.
283
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,560
"That sounds judgemental."
284
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,800
But God gave me good judgement!
285
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,680
Mum? Oh, hello, Michael.
286
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,440
Are you and Dad getting divorced?
287
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,200
What on earth gave you THAT idea?
288
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:27,040
I heard you arguing last night...
and the night before.
289
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,720
All parents argue! Why?
290
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:35,040
Well, it's a way of finding out
how your father and I both feel.
291
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,600
It makes things easier.
292
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:42,800
Easier? Well, easier for me
to prove your father wrong.
293
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,160
So it's not serious? No.
294
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,040
But you WERE talking to a rabbit.
295
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:56,680
It can help to talk things over
with a disinterested party. Like when
Neil's parents went to a counsellor?
296
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,200
Yes. Exactly.
Neil's parents got divorced.
297
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:06,360
We're not getting a divorce. His mum
got the children. We're DEFINITELY
not getting divorced.
298
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:13,480
Neil says it's great.
Every time he sees his dad,
he gets taken to Alton Towers. BEN!
299
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:21,760
Your father's going to explain
what's been happening.
You'll only interrupt.
300
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:29,320
I only interrupt when you digress.
YOU digress. I build a framework.
Framework? It's a bloody scaffold!
301
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,040
Call me when you're ready. Sit down.
302
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,520
Ben.
303
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,200
All right, Michael,
304
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:40,880
the thing is,
your mother has been very silly.
305
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:47,480
She's been seeing another dentist.
Your father isn't seeing
anyone else's point of view.
306
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:53,200
Your mother thinks she's always
right, but she's always wrong.
307
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:59,760
How would HE know? He spends
all his time with his patients
and lets us go to pot!
308
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:04,040
Your mother thinks that money
grows on trees.
309
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:08,280
New handbags sprout little legs
and walk to your house!
310
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:15,880
Your father, although a dentist,
believes that children's teeth
are repaired by the tooth fairy!
311
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,400
Your mother knows she'll never find
a bigger sucker!
312
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:28,000
And your father knows he'll never
find anyone else who'll have him.
So we're not getting divorced!
313
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:33,080
Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Dad.
I'll sleep easy tonight.
314
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:40,280
Janey's back early from the dentist.
He's probably got a drive-thru.
315
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:46,440
"One crown... French fries
with that?" Hello, Janey.
How was your McCheck-up?
316
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,080
McShite.
317
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,280
What happened? The man's a git!
318
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:57,000
Don't talk about your mother's
boyfriend like that! What happened?
319
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,840
I was sitting in the chair and he...
320
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:05,120
We were just talking. He seemed so
nice... I can't even think about it.
321
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:06,840
Janey...?
322
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,520
You can tell us.
323
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:14,320
He started telling me a story.
What KIND of story?
324
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:19,320
The story about the kitten
who didn't floss!
325
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:25,320
The kitten who didn't floss? Yeah.
It ended up with lots of cavities.
It's a good story.
326
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:30,560
It's a children's story! Mel thinks
I'm a child. He's just like YOU!
327
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,440
What do you mean, he's like me?
328
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:40,520
Janey, these things happen.
But remember, we'll always be here
for you. Won't we, Ben? Eh...yeah.
329
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:45,600
It's a bit inconvenient, but I can
fit you in 3 o'clock, Monday.
330
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,280
You see? He DOES care. Lucky me!
331
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,520
DOORBELL
332
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,040
Hello. Yes? Nicky...
333
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,840
Nicky? Yes. Nicky...?
334
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,640
NICK. Hang on. Come in. ..NICK!
335
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,440
Someone to see you.
336
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,040
Are you Isabelle? Yes.
337
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,920
Nicky has talked about me?
Endlessly! Mum!
338
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,680
Dad! Look, this is Isabelle.
339
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,680
Nice to meet you.
..Ben, close your mouth.
340
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,440
Hello. Enchante.
341
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:31,000
Sunderland's on the up and up!
Pleased to meet you.
342
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,760
Hello.
343
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,520
Hello.
344
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,040
We meet at last.
345
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,960
Eh...I have come to see Nicky.
346
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,200
Yep. I'm Nicky.
347
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,680
You...?
I don't look exactly
like my picture...
348
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,680
SHE RANTS IN FRENCH
349
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,160
So that was...?
350
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:02,080
..my internet girlfriend. Gorgeous!
351
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:06,080
You pretended to be
a really fit guy!
352
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:12,000
Well, not exactly. You didn't! ..You
DID! You pretended to be a woman!
353
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:17,520
And it nearly worked! It didn't!
There was no way it was gonna work!
354
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:22,520
It was worth the risk. You loser!
Me? YOU owe ME 50 quid!
355
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,360
Cash, mate. No cheques.
356
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:29,840
Our son has come out - as a lesbian!
357
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:36,320
But that won't change
the way we feel about him.
Nothing could ever change THAT!
31320
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof