Original subtitles

hi guys so today I've got a mystery box

I know what's in it

but it's still a mystery to you guys um

I don't know what this is gonna look like though

but I'm very excited to open it so it's a very fun toy

I've been wanting a new one of these for a while

so I decided to bite the bullet and buy one

it was a kind of expensive but it came really quickly

this is it's really heavy

so I assume it's quite heavy duty

um oh gosh it's gonna take me ages to open

for some reason I

I prefer ripping parcels open

rather than like opening them with Scissors

but I can never do it oh

there's like another box inside of it

there's like there's like a mini box

why does it come in such a big box

so we got one thing here

and then another thing here

and then it's like a Russian doll

there's like another box inside of this box

I don't think that was quite necessary to be honest

I don't need to be that big

just want bloody cardboard to get rid of this

where I'm drowning cardboard constantly

everything comes in like cardboard packaging alright

so I'm gonna open this one first

and I'll see what's in here

I actually don't have too good idea of what's in here

so I'm gonna have to find out

this is gonna be a pain for when I

move down to London trying to get this down

cause I tell you it is freaking heavy alright

I'm just gonna use the Scissors

so obviously this is like a 6 toy

and I'm practically big

and I'm practically heavy as fuck 6 toy

okay oh

oh my oh it comes in like a little case well

that makes a little bit easier

it's still heavy as hell

but that makes it a bit easier

this is the good shit

this was this is expensive so it's high quality

and I'm sure you can probably guess by now what it is

I'm opening it is

oh it is

a phone machine ta da

oh my God

so now that you guys know it's fuck machine

I've been wanting a new one for a while

cause the other one that I have was so shit

I'm a good fuck machine

the dildo was really crap it was really crap dildo

and it just wouldn't fuck me well enough you know

I want to something a bit more sturdy

we just got heaps of little boxes here um

but anyway

here's what the machine itself looks like ooh

as you can see it's purple ooh yeah

it's a lovely purple colour

instead of that nasty hot pink no

I'm joking I did like the colour of the last one

it just wasn't very high quality holy fuck hmm

there's something else in here oh

oh God

it's gonna be oh God I'm not a freaking engineer

how do I set this up

oh so it's got like these 4 like super heavy um

metal poles

oh bro I didn't realise it would be this much to set up

oh God so this is from Highsmith

that's the brand that I ordered this from um

which is apparently a really good fuck machine brand

so I can't wait to see

also I actually have just realized what these are

it came with like four or five different dildos

so that's what those will be

but you can see how nice the colour is

oh my God and it's fucking

it's like all shimmery and metallic

and like when I tell you it's heavy

this is heavy this is heavy freaking duty

oh

are there instructions

oh yeah there are I hate reading instructions

hi Smith

ooh oh okay

I didn't realize I have to like build this

hi Smith

it's like a pre oh Jesus Christ

it's like a premium fuck machine

alright I'll open these

so I can give you guys a little sneak peek

on what these dildos are

oh this is a plug

that's not a dildo that's a plug

2 plugs in fact

awesome

please be a dildo please be a dildo

that's a dildo

yeah we have

a lovely new coloured dildo

very good quality it feels like very good quality

which is nice I love the texture of this actually

and then I believe this is also another dildo

fuck yes this is the one that was in the photo

which I was dead excited for

fuck yes

this is what I was excited for

it is a pink like

I don't know if I can say the word like

um dildo

you can see it's all sparkly

holy shit that looks freaking cool as hell

that's gonna be so fun it's also quite girthy as well

so that's gonna that's gonna fit nice and snug

yeah oh my God

I'm so excited for that and it's purple as well

so it matches the fuck machine

not that it really matters to anyone else besides me

but I love a bit of um colour coordination oh

alright so we've got two dildos so far

I think it came with four or three

but this one looks quite short

and then um I'll open this

and then I'll have to try build the bloody thing

oh it's not a dildo it only came with two oh

this is the power thingy and it comes with a remote

okay that's a lot too

I think that's everything

so we got two dildos and then this

OK so we've got two leg bases

these and then two leg rods wait

what's the thrusting rod oh

that's the frosting that's the thrusting rod

these leg rods okay

oh there's like screws and shit oh

where's the Allen key you know what

I actually did see a screw fall out at some point

maybe I've just got like a screw loose I can't see it

oh brother this guy stinks just ignore me

um

oh here

you know it doesn't look too complicated

but you see Alan Key I'm so comfortable with Alan Key

you know I do have one

so it's okay but this is an alligator thing

why does this feel like loop

oh it's a spring

what the freak

you know it's okay

I do have an Allen key

but they should really give you one

alright maybe I need to go get an Allen key

probably

this is my box of tools

um

I'm looking for something like this

but

you are

okay

we are not getting anywhere still

that is not the right size

oh I found it

I found it I found it

here it is it was like hidden in the phone

alright now we can get started properly

I like to think of myself as a furniture building pro

I'm not a freaking engineer

um as us Kiwis say DIY is now DNA

I don't yeah

I think that was just like a Mitre 10 ad

which is like a home improvement store

and that was just like an advert of theirs

I don't know

it's just something like apparently Kiwis love like DIY

it's just something we say it's quite strange

righty tidy lefty loosey

oh oh

that one's not proper ah

I know what's happened there was a

there was a screw earlier

maybe I've just got like a screw loose

and I can't see it this thing

and I must have fallen off the back of that

because it's got nothing to screw into

so I wonder like nothing was happening

this is working now

okay so this is how it's supposed to be

and then I just need to do the other one

yeah boy

okay so now we've got these two metal pole stand

freaking things

oh yeah

and we take these things off and slide

slide that down to there

seemingly maybe

oh yep

and then I think

yeah sure

haha

there we go righty tidy lefty loosey

okay so then we need to put the thrusting rod in

which is this thing

insert this into here

we've got the power cord here

wait what

what's this spring for

I thought it was finished

where's the freaking one here it is

oh yeah look it lit up

um

push the butterfly screw to the desired position

tighten the butterfly screw clockwise clockwise

and then

there's heaps of other options you can go for as well

but let me just see if I can turn it on first

god last time I was using my like fuck machine I um

I was playing with the dial

cause it wasn't plugged in properly

and then I pushed it in

and it just started thrusting at me full speed

cause I turned the dial up to like 100

so it just started

like thrusting at my vagina at like full speed

ah

oh my God

okay

so I feel like something's not right there

because I feel like that should be moving shouldn't it

I've been doing this for 34 minutes

what the fuck

what a contraption bloody hell

so I'm gonna chuck this dildo on it

and then we're gonna try it out

let's see how this fits in

oh oh

it just clips in like that that's pretty solid

fuck yeah

oh I am ready my pussy is ready

yeah boy

okay I don't know how fast I'm gonna use it but uh yeah

and if I wanna adjust it so it goes down a bit more

you can kind of just do it like that

and then that's all it is

so I think I'm ready to use it now so let's get into it

okay so

I finally have on the fuck machine

set up and ready to go

I'm not gonna use the purple dildo yet

I'll use it next time

I thought it'd be better to start off with like

a smaller small one for now

cause I don't know how hard this thing's gonna go

so let's get into it I'm so excited for this

so excited

this is a really good size dildo

it's not like crazy big

like the other one is very girthy

um but I'll buy a matching set

and do that one at a later point

so you guys can be excited for that

oh oh

oh my God

holy shit

whoa

that's dead good I think it confused me a little bit

cause my last one didn't like go out very far

but this one like probably fucks you

oh shit

you know I can just feel like how smooth

how smooth it feels

like the movements aren't very jerky like the last one

it just goes in so smoothly

that's much more enjoyable okay

definitely worth the price tag

ah ah ah

hmm I love how deep that goes

I'm definitely more of a deep girl than a

like for hot and fast

I just like it deep

oh

oh oh fuck

okay

I've turned it off momentarily because

I'm a little bit hot now

okay so let's turn this back up

oh

you guys wouldn't believe how deep this goes

oh oh

you can turn it up a little bit though

oh oh

oh

oh oh

hmm

oh yeah

oh

hmm

oh

hmm

oh

oh

oh fuck

oh

oh this is a proper fuck machine to be honest

hmm

oh

oh

this is everything that I wanted

oh

ah ah

ah ah

um

ah

ah

ah so it's 1:13 at the moment

ah

oh

oh

oh God

oh

hmm oh hmm

oh

hmm

oh

hmm

how the hell did they make it go so quietly

hmm

oh

oh God

oh okay

oh I think that's enough

oh

fraught is right today

oh

thank you guys

for watching this unboxing and viewing um

I really hope you enjoyed watching it

and if you're considering getting one of these

yourselves take this as your sign to

I'll see you all in the next video

MUA

hey guys welcome to today's video

so I've decided to make a hysterical literature video

finally um

so today I'm gonna be reading you guys

The Social Art of not giving a fuck um

by Mark Manson and besides what this video is for

which is for you guys to essentially come to me

this is a really good book

and you guys should actually read it

I've read it once and it's really good book um

I'm not gonna start off the first chapter

because it's a bit depressing

and it's talking about a guy who's like an alcoholic

a gambler and a deadbeat and I was like hmm

that doesn't feel very

sexy to read out while you guys are trying to come

so I thought I would start at a different chapter

oh god

that's about World War 2 here we go

I think I found a good chapter guys

so I'm just going to be holding

I'm just going to be holding my vibrator to my pussy

and you guys can see it

because I've set up a different cam

like a behind cam uh

cause I know you guys love that so yeah

let's get into it I really hope you guys enjoy

okay 500 years ago

cartographers believed that California was an island

doctors believed that slicing a person's arm open

could cure disease

scientists believed that fire was made out of something

called phlogiston phlogiston

I don't know what that word is

women

believed that rubbing dog urine on their face had anti

aging benefits

that might turn on some of you

astronomers

believe that the sun revolved around the earth

when I was a little boy

I used to think mediocre was a kind of vegetable

vegetable was a kind of veg

vegetable that I didn't want to eat

I thought my brother had found a secret

passageway in my grandmother's house

because he could get outside

without having to leave the bathroom

spoiler alert there was a window

I also thought that

when my friend and his family visited

Washington BC they had somehow travel back in time

to when the dinosaurs lived

because after all BC was a long time ago

same same

ugh

ugh this is a new sensation

as a teenager

I told everybody that I didn't care about anything

when the truth was I cared about way too much

other people ruled my world without even knowing

I thought happiness was a destiny and not a choice

I thought love was something that just happened

not something that you worked for

I thought being cool had to be practiced

and Learned from others

rather than invented for oneself

same when I was with my first girlfriend

I thought we'd be together forever

and then when that relationship ended

I thought

I'd never feel the same way about a woman again

and then I felt the same way about a woman again

I thought that love sometimes just wasn't enough

ah okay guys

so I'm going to I'm just gonna take off my bottoms

every step of the way I was wrong about everything

throughout my life

I've been flat out wrong about myself

others society

culture the world

the universe everything

ugh

and I hope that will

continue to be the case for the rest of my life

just as present Mark can look back on past marks

every flaw and mistake one day

future Mark

will look back on present Mark's assumptions

including the contents of this book

and notice similar flaws

and that will be a good thing

because that means I will have grown

there's a famous Michael Jordan quote

about him failing over and over again

and that's why he succeeded

well

I'm always wrong about everything over and over again

and that's why my life improves

hey guys so sorry

my vibrator died

so I've just switched it out to the dummy 2 by Lovens

um and I'm just gonna pick up where we left off

growth is an endlessly iterative process

when we learn something new

we don't go from wrong to right

rather we go from wrong to slightly less wrong

and when we learn something additional

we go from slightly less wrong

to slightly less wrong than that

and then to even less wrong than that and so on

ugh we're always in the process of approaching

truth and perfection

without ever actually reaching truth or perfection

we shouldn't seek to find the

the ultimate right answer for ourselves

but rather we should seek to chip away at the ways

that we're wrong today

so we can be a little bit less wrong tomorrow

when viewed from this perspective

personal growth can actually be quite scientific

our values are hypothetical hypothesis

this behaviour is good and important

that other behaviour is not

ugh

our actions are the experiments

the resulting

emotions and thought patterns are our data

there is no correction dogma or perfect ideology

there is only what your experience has shown you to be

right for you

and even then

that experience is probably somewhat wrong too

ugh

fuck and because you and I and everybody else

oh oh oh oh

fuck

I could not oh

that was it that was hard

and because you and I

and everybody else all have different

differing needs

and personal histories and life circumstances

we will all inevitably come to differing

correct answers about what our lives mean

and how they should be lived

my correct answer involves

travelling alone for years on end

living in obscure places and laughing at my own farts

or at least that was correct answer up until recently

that answer will change and evolve because I change

and evolve

and as I grow older and more experienced

I chip away at how wrong I am

becoming less and less wrong every day

many people become so obsessed

with being right about their life

that they never end up actually living it

a certain woman is single and lonely

and wants a partner but she never gets out of the house

and does anything about it

a certain man works his ass off

and believes he deserves a promotion

but he never explicitly says it to his boss

ugh

they told that they're afraid of failure

of rejection of someone saying no

but that's not it I'm gonna go

oh

oh

oh

oh

oh

how's it close

sure rejection hurt

sure rejection hurts failure sucks

but there are particular certainties that we hold on to

certainties that we're afraid to question of

or to question or let go of

values that have been given our lives

meaning over the years

sure rejection hurts

failure sucks

but there are particular certainties that we hold on to

certainties that we're afraid to question or let go of

values that have given our lives meaning over the years

that woman doesn't get out there and date

because she would be forced to confront her beliefs

about her own desirability

that man doesn't ask for the promotion

because he would have to confront his beliefs

about what his skills are actually worth

ugh it's easier to sit in a painful certainty

that nobody will find you attractive

that nobody appreciates your talents

than to actually test those beliefs

and find out for sure

beliefs of this sort that I'm not attractive enough

so why bother or that my boss is an asshole

so why bother

are designed to give us moderate comfort now

by mortgaging greater happiness and success later on

they're terrible long term strategies

yet we cling to them because we assume they're right

because we assume

we already know what's supposed to happen

in other words we assume we know how the story ends

certainty is enemy of growth

nothing is for certain until it has already happened

and even then it's still debatable

this way accepting the inevitable

perfections of our values

is necessary for any growth to take place

instead of striving for certainty

we should be in constant search of doubt

doubt about our own beliefs

doubt about our own feelings

doubt about what the future may hold for us

unless we get out there and create for ourselves

oh oh

oh

oh oh

oh oh

okay guys

so I think I need to end in that reading there

um I did come like quite a few times

it was very like reading reading out loud while like

holding a vibrator to my clit was like

a different feeling hey

it was like I was trying to focus on that

but it was so hard to not focus on the feeling of like

vibrations on my vagina

so that was fun I I really enjoyed that

so hopefully I will make some more hysterical

literature videos like this

but I really hope you guys enjoyed it

please let me know what you think

and please let me know if you guys have any book

ideas of what you'd like me to read out next time

but yeah

let me know what you guys thought of this video

and I'll see you soon

oh sorry I didn't see you there

welcome back to another cheeky and zed

hysterical literature reading

today I have a very fun a match trade out to you guys

can you take a guess as to what one of the teams are

okay fine I'll tell you guys

we are going to be reading

the Liverpool versus Arsenal

match of the Football League

First Division 1989

now if you know your football knowledge

you may have noticed

that this shirt that I'm wearing is

in fact

the shirt that Liverpool played in during this match

it is the 1989 91 home shared

so let's get into today's match

I hope you guys are very excited

and I also hope that you really enjoy watching

so fellas for today's match

I'm going to be using this big vibrating unicorn wand

um because why the fuck not

so let's turn it on

ugh

it's a continuous vibration good good good okay

okay guys let's get into it

Arsenal's youngsters last night came of age and

were crowned as champions of champions

in the most astonishingly dramatic fashion

in the closing seconds of a season

which had lasted for nine months

and amid almost unbearable tension

Michael Thomas changed the destiny of the title

with a deceptively simple prod

his majestic goal worthy of the occasion

defied belief logic and all expectation

so did Arsenal's performance as a whole

the result leaves both teams on 76 points

with the same goal difference

but Arsenal became champions

because they have scored more goals

Liverpool were heavily favored

ah ah

ah ah ah

that was so quick

Liverpool were heavily favoured to extend to 25

their prolonged unbeaten sequence

stretching back to New Year's Day

and to create a notable piece of history

no other club had won the double twice

at the close at the close

the Liverpool players sank to their knees

unable to comprehend the defeat

and its dispiriting consequences

they and their followers though equally stunned

picked themselves up

and magnanimously offered their congratulations

before leaving the stage to the side

which had earned its unforeseen glory

let's turn it up a little bit guys

oh my God

a silky red banner proclaimed

you name it we've won it

Liverpool have indeed won the FA Cup

the Professional Footballers Association

Fair play award

and Nicoll was voted the player of the year

but the principal honour belongs to George Graham

the strongest candidate for the manager of the year

and his side

Graham controversially disrupted

an apparently successful formation

at the beginning of last month

and introduced a sweeper system

with hindsight the move

might have been designed to complete the script

which unfolded in front of the television cameras

last night the ploy worked to perfection

and confirming that the tactic should not be regarded

necessarily as negative

Arsenal turned predictions upside down

their most experienced individual

O'leary had admitted

that Anfield is the hardest place in the world

to win by one goal let alone by two

the possibility became genuine in the 53rd minute

before the kick off delayed by 10 minutes

to allow the capacity crowd to take their places

Arsenal threw banquets of red roses to the spectators

their charming gesture of generosity ended abruptly

and they subjected their host to undisguised ferocity

no one was more committed than Adams

nor more influential than Thomas

two comparative youths

whose England international careers

have been suspended

the contribution of Winterburn suggested again

that this that his should soon begin

ah

Arsenal restricted Liverpool to two long range attempts

in the first half rush struck the first with such force

that he pulled a groin muscle and had to be withdrawn

and had threatened themselves twice

Nicholl cleared Ball's header off the line

and Smith glanced a free kick curled in by Winterburn

narrowly wide

the two combined more precisely after the interval

after Smith had stooped to nod in his 23rd league goal

ah the outcome of the game and potentially

of the championship hung in the balance

the referee

surrounded by Liverpool league and complaints

asked for a second opinion

and the linesman supported his original verdict

oh

oh my gosh

oh my gosh there's so many functions on this guys

thereafter the legs

and the concentration of Liverpool began to buckle

sensing that they were losing control of their own fate

their touches became uncharacteristically edgy

and their followers grew increasingly anxious

never more so

seemingly than a quarter of an hour from the end

then Thomas

released by Richardson had Liverpool at his mercy

but he snatched at the possibility and grub

grub grub

LA

who had never finished on the losing side

in 28 previous appearances this season

collected the half hit shot

after Halton and Aldridge had squandered opportunities

the ball was swept from one end of the pitch

to the other

where Thomas brought the season to a thrilling climax

after the unseemingly

unseemingly behavior of the spectators at Wimbledon

at the unseemingly

behaviour of the spectators at Wembley

last Saturday it was heartening to witness the conduct

of the crowd of 41,718 inside the arena

which shuddered with noise

throughout the extraordinary evening

in elation and in despair

everybody restrained themselves

ah ah

ah

ah

I'm gonna come

I'm coming

so I really hope that you guys enjoyed that match

um I kind of struggled a little bit to focus

and come at the same time

so I kind of like came at the end

after when I could like

focus on it a little bit more'cause like

sometimes

I feel like you have to really focus on your orgasm

to orgasm and that's really hard to do um

while you're reading so this year

sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't

my tea's all cold now but yeah

I really hope that you guys did enjoy that match

the end result was Arsenal Liverpool 2 nil

so Boo

I really wanted to choose one

where Liverpool did win the match

and there are plenty

but none that I had the shirts for

but I did have the shirt for this one

so so yeah

I really hope that you guys are enjoying the series

so far I do love making it

I was away the last week in a bit

so um

that's why we had no new

hysterical literature last week

but I do hope that you guys would like me to

continue on with this series

if you guys have any teams or countries

you would like me to find a football match for

and wear a shirt that relates to that match

then please comment down below and I will try my best

thank you all so much for watching

and I will see you all in the next video

mwah

oh I didn't see you there

welcome back to another episode of cheeky m Z

hysterical reading

so today I have a very fun match to read out

to you guys

we are going to be reading a match between Arsenal

and Man United

that took place in 1958 and today

I'm going to be using my rabbit vibrator

that sits on my clit

and I can also insert into my pussy as well

um so

I'm just going to leave this sitting

while I try and read out this

a summary of this match to you guys

I hope you guys like my little teapot and

teacup that I bought

specifically for historical literature

so let's get into the video

and I really hope that you guys enjoy watching

huh okay guys

it is a little hot in here

because it's still technically summer in New Zealand

so I have just taken off just unzipped

unbuttoned my little Care Bear pajamas

um hope that you like them

and yeah this is the toy

so I'm just going to insert it

and then we will get started with some reading

oh

oh

this toy slides in so well

oh that's the one

oh okay it is on

oh

and then every now and then I will crank it up an notch

but let's get into it

in the winter of 1957 to 58

Manchester United were trailing Wolverhampton Wanderers

in pursuit of a third successive league championship

but having defied the Football League to take part

they were through to the last eight of the European Cup

oh

after winning the home league 2

1 they were due to

travel to Belgrade to face Red Star

in the second leg of the quarter final

but first Busby Babes faced a league game at Arsenal

there was a whiff of the old days at Highbury

on Saturday

there must have been some premonition about it too

the crowds fairly poured in

a 64,000 gathering filling to the rim of the stadium

far up where it cut a grey sky

and they were fairly repaid with a feast

as the giants of yesterday and today

fought a chivalrous chivalrous

yeah wavering struggle

ugh

there were two heroic phases

it will take a month of Sundays to forget them

the first came shortly after half time

when in the bat of an eyelid

precisely two minutes and 30 seconds on the top

stopwatch heard

and Bloomfield twice put the ball in Greg's net

three times to wipe out United's 3

nil lead at the interval

let's turn it up a little bit guys

oh

that set a spark to the gunpowder

it stirred some of the Arsenal atmosphere

if not the skill of a quarter of a century ago

when Holm Jack Lambert

James and bastard was sweeping all before them

oh fuck

it was Admiral

but perhaps even more Admiral was the Manchester reply

lesser sides

would have wilted in the face of such a cruel blast

the wall of noise

that thundered over the stadium

fed Arsenal's sudden ecstasy

and added to the assault but put to the touch United

showed their metal as if they were nonchalant

as if they were nonchalantly

dismissing a troublesome fly

they suddenly spun two more intricate

precision moves to leap ahead again

to 5 three

ugh

here was their true pedigree

through Arsenal came once more to 4

5 leaving the

the end on a razor's edge

oh

stumbling out of Highbury at the close

one took away to clear impressions

struggling out of Highbury at the close

stumbling out of Hyberry fuck

I can't read this

stumbling out of Hyberry at the one at the

stumbling out of Highbury at the close

one took away

two clear impressions

that the old Arsenal spirit still remains

for something fresh to be kindled

under the new leadership of Bowen

who had an inspiring match at left half

and that Manchester United

now appear to have committed themselves to an all out

attack in the effort to overtake Wolves

at the head of the championship

oh oh

it matches the Hungarian outlook of four years ago

and seems to say in so many words

alright if you score 3 4

5 we will score 4

5 6

Arsenal too caught much of the same buoyancy

although three goals down at interval

they yet shared much of the pattern

as Bowen and the bustling Groves

wandering inwards from the right wing

drove them on where they failed over those early stages

was a lack of penetration and ideas

once the penalty area came in sight

oh

oh

oh

oh

oh

where they failed over those early stages

was a lack of penetration and ideas

once the penalty area came in sight

there heard Bloomfield taps

and nut turned along the lines of latitude

in a vain quest to search out the areas between Jones

Burn and other Manchester defenders

gaps there were in the Manchester portcullis

but until that extraordinary upheaval later

Arsenal failed to nose their way through

ugh

how different was the Manchester attacking conception

with Taylor a mobile hub and Coleman the Link

Scanlon Violet

Charlton and Morgan's flew down the lines of longitude

switching the ball with a swift flowing precision

ah Scanlan

for one

showed a clear pair of heels to everyone in sight

while young Charlton underlined his growing poise at

while young Charlton

underlined his growing poise and stamina

with a mature powerful display

as a foil to the nomadic Taylor and Violet

his sharp shooting from any angle alone

is worth a trick or two to this new

young Manchester line

that is rapidly finding the winged feet of Mercury

the combined their combined speed

left Arsenal's timid

finishing in a state of bankruptcy by the interval

ugh first

Edwards cruised up to the edge of the penalty area

to shoot home a square pass from Morgan's

under Kelsey's late dive that was after 10 minutes

by the half hour Arsenal had raised a counter attack

and it was now that there came a typical Manchester

reposte at one end Greg

with the speed of light

made a superb diving save to Grove's header

oh fuck

from his clearance

Scammell sprinted 70 yards down the left

chased all the way by the Tapscott

full tilt overflashed the centre

and Charlton crash the ball home bang

instead of one all

it was two nil to United and before the half time

three nil when Taylor swept in Morgan's pass

by then too Charlton had had two certain goals

diverted by the remarkable interceptions of Arsenal's

full backs covering a helpless goalkeeper

so Manchester United settled down to coast home

gently of the last half

and the rest of us to some peaceful academic browsing

I'm gonna go

oh God

oh this is getting hard guys

by then too

Charlton had two certain goals

diverted by the remarkable interceptions

of Arsenal's fullbacks covering a hapless goalkeeper

sorry I read that already

so Manchester United

settled down to coast home gently over the last half

and the rest of us to some peaceful academic browsing

suddenly the peace was shattered

with half an hour left

there came a huge explosion heard volleyed

heard volley volleyed

heard volleyed in a lob from the tireless Bowen

Bloomfield held out Groves's clever header

and almost at once

proceeded to glance a deep centre from nut

off his eyebrows past Greig's eye

all these at close range it was no hallucination

here was reality Arsenal were level at 3 all

and Manchester had been taken by the ears

the crowd thundered like a turbulent sea

ah

now the now the champions changed gear

Charlton's fed the swift scambling

and little Violet appeared like a Jack in the box

to hit them into the lead again

next Coleman sent Morgan's away

and Taylor taking the last pass

cotton to beat Kelsey from an acute angle

oh fuck it was 5 3 to the United

who would open their eyes again but Bowen and Groves

now a Power a inside right still has something to say

ah they opened the way for her

and away went Tapscott

to steer his shot inside the far post

ah ah

this is the moment he was doing a war dance

but mercifully that was the finish

there was no breath left in anyone ah

oh you come

ah ah ah ah

oh how they knew

they had

finally fashioned something of which to be so proud

that's it guys

that's a match fuck

how do I turn this fucking thing off

oh fuck that was crazy

that feels so good

oh my God I want more

so guys thank you so much for watching this video

I really hope you enjoyed it

that was really intense using

like this toy instead of like just holding a vibrator

I think um

compared to the last video

I much prefer this

because like this slides into my pussy

and it feels so fucking good

with this going on my clit

at the same time

like this is a good toy for hysterectomy literature

as you can see it is a little bit wet

and if you are lucky

enough to see the pussy cam version

then you will see me pulling it out of me

and it looks so lovely um

so yeah I can't hear super well right now

sometimes when I get like a really

really intense orgasm

like my ears are just like ringing

and I can't think properly so give me a second

if you if you guys enjoyed this video

please leave a like

and let me know what you thought of it

but other than that

I will see you guys in the next video

Mwah

um

why can I get this straight

it doesn't look like it's straight

well that doesn't look like I'm Australian

Focus please

alright let's go set some dildos up in my shower

I've got 8 dildos to stick to the wall

so let's see how it's gonna go

hey everyone so

this is gonna be a little bit of an interesting video

I've decided to start taking fan mail requests

because I had a really

interesting one come in from a user on fansly

the other day let me read the message out to you guys

dear Cheeky m Z

I would love for you to stick multiple dildos

up on the wall in your shower

as many dildos as you have and spit roast yourself

kind regards a big fan

this idea stood out to me so much

because I thought it would be absolutely hilarious

to have just shit

tons of dildos stuck up on the wall in my shower

I feel like they need a little bit of water

I don't know I just clean them all

so let's uh give it a go

some of them always stick to the wall real good

and then others don't

OK I think that's a good height

alright that's a good height

and then I think this one's a good one for

oh yeah

that's a little bit

oh yeah that's okay

that's alright

um cameraman

can you please pass me some toilet paper

so I did it and now

I'm gonna recount to you guys

how the filming of it went

I just need to dry it before I check them on

but I can already tell when I turn the shower on

they might start falling off in droves

life is full of hope

while feeling for the soul

that one's just too heavy

that one's too heavy I'll try stick it up here

big ass heavy dong

to be fair that was not very suctiony let me move on

I knew

the setup for it would be a little bit of a challenge

but good thing I'm always up for a challenge

perfect this one's also really big

balls on top or balls on the bottom

I think balls on the bottom works better to be honest

I guess you just gotta give it a good whack on

I went up to my secret sex toy cupboard

and tried to find as many dildos as I could

ranging from my tentacle dildos

fuck yeah to my favourite BBC's

excuse me camera

it took me a few tries to get them all

suction to the wall

but after giving them a good thwack

they were like ready for my pussy and my mouth

ready for my pussy

um

it's nice and sturdy no

I think I am gonna have trouble with these ones

then we need to go up on that side oh

to be fair this one could actually go on the floor

there were two massive ones that were just like

too big to stick up on the wall um

they were just like too heavy

and they kept falling down

big ass heavy dumb

so I decided to suction those ones to the floor

so that I could ride them

I'm gonna put this one on the floor

because that seems like a suitable place to put it

cool

so we got 7 dildos stuck on now the house of dildos

hmm I probably just keep sucking this one to the floor

and not to the ones

I think sex on the walls are pretty good effort

maybe I need more such a dildo

here is my house of dildos now

and now I'm gonna spit roast myself and yeah

have some fun

now as I said before

I knew this was gonna be a bit of a challenge

so I enlisted my trusty flatmate to be my flopper

sink

some of these dildos were like massive

so I honestly just wanted to make sure my pussy

was all warmed up before I started using them oh

ah wait can you see the glish

I bent over my office chair

and my fluffers started playing with my clit

and inserting their fingers inside me

and holy shit I was so wet

ah ah

hmm

ah ah ah

getting finger fucked really

really hard is one of my kinks

so it turned me on so much

the witness on my pussy was making these really hot

like squelching sounds and I could feel my pussy

like clenching around their fingers

and it was so hot

my pussy was just getting like tighter and tighter

as I was like getting ready to come

oh oh oh

they played with me for so long

until my pussy just couldn't take it anymore

and I ended up squirting all over the floor

in my office

oh oh

I'm gonna squirt hmm hmm hmm

not only did I squirt all over the floor

but I also came super super hard

I do mind actually thinking while I play with myself

but that is just for my pioneer subscribers to enjoy

I was so ready to take on

like this shower full of dildos after my flopper

had finished with me hi there

I'm cheeky m Z and welcome to my shower of dildos

today I'm going to be spit roasting myself

because I've always wanted to

today the lube that I'm gonna use is libido

cause it's a really good lube and I really like it

oops

now I'm putting this lube on my vagina

so that it can take the dildo really really well

OK ha ha ha

OK

the shelf is so dirty it's giving me the egg

do you mind move

get off my leg

when I hopped in the shower

and slid the first dildo into my pussy

it felt amazing oh

mmm

oh oh

oh hmm hmm hmm hmm

oh

watch this I'm gonna spit roast myself

I grabbed another one of the dildos on the wall

adjacent to me

and just started sucking the shit out of it as well

I was just imagining myself getting

spit roasted by two real cocks

and I literally just sucked

and fucked my way across the wall

um just wanted to make sure each dildo got their turn

using my holes

hmm hmm hmm

hmm hmm hmm

ah ah

hmm

ah hmm

mmm

yeah yeah

baby come all over me mmm oh yeah mmm mmm

after I'd given the ones on the wall a good go

I got down onto my knees and started riding

the two gigantic ones

that were just too big to be stuck up

oh and one

of them was this purple

monster cock that I ordered off Amazon

like months ago and just hadn't gotten around to using

oh

the second one was a BBC

and I honestly don't know where this dildo came from

I just had it in my collection

and I was like oh

that'll definitely do the job

hmm

ah ah

ah

hmm

ah ah ah

hmm

and it certainly did

because that cock literally felt so good

being that deep up inside me

once I'd had my fun in the shower

I dried off and went upstairs to my bedroom

and I took the two biggest dildos with me

to finish myself off hey

the zapadrone have the people

rather that done wrong

and the baby that do saber

do the day do bomb the Buddha days

the bones the Bob Bob baby

the cheeky little thing

hm

ah ah

hm

ah

mmm

ah

it's all fun using these dildos in the shower

but if I really wanna make myself come

I've kind of gotta use it in bed

so that I don't have to worry about like

slipping and sliding all over the place

ah ah

hmm hmm hmm

hmm

ah it's so deep

hmm hmm

ah ah oh

this is definitely bigger

ugh

as you can see

I fucked the shit out of myself with that final BBC

ugh oh oh

hmm hmm

hmm hmm

oh oh

hmm oh fuck

that's even deeper inside me

hmm hmm

ah very creamy ah so creamy

so there we have it

that is how I filmed one of my first fan requests

I really hope that everyone has

enjoyed watching this video

and I can't wait to hear what you think about it

please do send me some feedback

and hopefully I'll speak to you all soon

lots of love Maggie

Mwah

hey guys so today I'm going to be playing a quiz

but with a fun little twist

so basically

I bought this hot pink inflatable dildo chair

and it's also vibrating

so you can change the settings so that it goes to like

I don't know if you can hear it but it's it's going

it's going so basically

I will just be playing a countries of the world quiz

which is um naming every single country of the world

while getting fucked by this vibrating dildo chair

I'm really excited to see how many I can get

I think I'm gonna do quite well still

um but yeah

let's uh get into the video

hmm haha

huh

this is a really big dildo

I didn't expect it to be this big

okay so it is in me right now

it is it is on and it is vibrating

we are ready to go um

yeah let's haha let's begin

okay so let's get started

okay so I'll start off with South America

cause that's pretty easy

that is a French territory

French Guiana um

we got Ecuador Peru

Bolivia by the way

I have a 10 minute time or 15 minute timer

and I'm gonna turn this up a little bit

oh that's intense that's intense

oh I got power boy

sorry about my spelling for some of them

I'm really not good at typing fast and then Chile

South America

and then I always get so confused with the Caribbean

and Central America

Nicaragua um Guatemala

Panama Costa Rica

um and Jurassic and El Salvador

Elas El Salvador

that is so hard to focus right now Dominica

Dominican

I don't know how I'm gonna get through this whole thing

um

and then we've got all these little islands Bahamas

Barbados Antigua and Jamaica

and it's also so hot right now I'm like sweating

I'm sweating balls right now um

Saint Kitts

Saint Nevis sorry Saint Vincent and Saint Lucia uh

Grenada and what else have we got

little Islands

Bahamas no

I've done the Bahamas if I scroll down

then I can see what I have and haven't done

so what I will have left a B

but Bahamas Barbados

Belize or it could be C oh

is it q no

I've done Cuba hmm okay

I do get stuck sometimes

and then I just move on and then try

come back to it at the end um and then USA we've got

Iceland I Greenland is a territory of Denmark

so that counts as that um

but I will move on to Europe so we've got oh

this is so hard

and I'm gonna turn it up a little bit now

oh my God

Germany Belgium

oh ah ah

rich ah rich

inside always really hard to spell and Dora

we've got all these little microstates

San Marino Monaco and the Vatican

oh okay and then we've got like Austria Switzerland

Bosnia Croatia

it is very hard to concentrate right now

but I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it for you guys Latvia

Lithuania uh Russia Norway

and then Denmark ah ah

hmm

really mold over

mold over

huh um Albania Bulgaria Serbia

Slovakia Slovenia

hmm ha

um I think that's Hungary and then Kosovo

Montenegro Mass Macedonia

um Greece

hmm Turkey

hmm

ah

I've got 10 minutes left guys

10 minutes we'll move on to the Middle East uh Kazakh

Kazakhstan Turkmenistan

hmm

Pakistan

ah

ah ah

hmm

ah

Lebanon oh my God

ah ah

I forgot about Cyprus and Malta and we got the UAE

Bahrain

Kuwait

oh

um

oh my God okay focus is

zbekistan um

what's one life it'll be Kyrgyzstan Kyrgyz

can never spell it right

but I got it right then somehow Oman and Yemen

I'm not sure what that one is

it's Qatar Bahrain the UAE and

something else I'll come back to it though

then we got China

uh North Korea

ah

OK I'm gonna turn it up a little bit now

oh

oh

oh my God okay Japan

India

Bangladesh Nepal

Bhutan

Myanmar Thailand

ah

ah

Cambodia um

Sri Lanka the Maldives

hmm

fuck this is crazy the Philippines

hmm

Malaysia um ah

East East Timor

Brunei hmm

Singapore

oh my God

oh New Guinea

ah and the Pacific Australia

New Zealand and then we've got all the islands

so the Marshall Islands Solomon Islands

I don't know if I'm gonna finish this

I don't know if I'm gonna finish this um

pull out

eh Noru Tuvalu

Tonga Samoa

ah Micronesia

um ah

what's this one over here

I think it's Vanuatu Vanuatu

actually we're picking pretty good time

Africa's quite takes a while though

cause there's so many countries

but let's start Algeria Olivia

Tunisia

Morocco

Mauritania and then we go

oh my God what am I doing

ah

um

ah

ah

no what is that

Sierra Leone no

ah ah

Cape Verde and the Ivory Coast

and then I got Chad Sudan

South Sudan

oh my God

oh

um

Ethiopia djibouti uh Somalia

Eritrea

and then we'll move down here and we got this central

Central African

I think I might be able to do it guys add Congo

Gabon Equatorial Guinea

Solomon

oh

oh my God

hey Ganda

Burundi and uh Rwanda

uh

oh

hmm South Africa

these two is Swatini Madagascar

the sea I always forget what ah

actually I think it's Angola and go like um

a Comoros

Mauritius Mauritius

OK

so I've got two left I can see that one is Taiwan hmm

uh what's the other missing one

oh this one okay

so let me just have a look and figure out what the

what letter it starts with oh

it is Kuwait

okay Kuwait and I did it

I did it

oh it's still in me right now

okay so

the dildo

chair is looking a little bit creamy right now

as expected

so I'm pretty pleased with myself actually

because

I did not think I'd be able to get the whole thing done

um but I did

and I did it in about 10 minutes and 33 seconds

so that's pretty good for me

um I think

I think I would have been a little bit quicker

if I didn't have a big

fat pink dildo stuck in me um

but yeah I'm pleased with the result

but I really hope you guys enjoyed watching this video

I had so much fun making it

because it's my favourite quiz

and I love playing this quiz

um so yeah

I will see you guys in the next video

as always please make sure to check out my onlyfans

if you want to see any um

uncensored content of me

and I'm super responsive on there as well to everyone

so if you want to chat to me about anything

then please flick me a message on there

it is only $5 until the end of the year

but yeah I will see you guys in the next video Mwah

hey guys

so today I'm gonna be filming another geoguessr video

um but this one will be

a little different from the last one

so instead of taking a piece of clothing off

every time I get an answer wrong

uh this one I will play a whole round

which is 5 matches and then at the end of the round

whatever country I get the closest distance in

I will watch a porn from that country and react to it

um

I had a lot of positive response from my last geoguess

the video and I love playing it

so I thought I would try do a little mini series

and incorporate more things that I enjoy doing

because then it's fun for everyone um

another ongoing mini series that I have an

idea for is to do a little travel show

so um

it will be presented as a vlog

and I will present certain facts

and highlight the good things about the country

but instead of physically travelling to that country

I will be watching a porn from that country

so I bought a green screen um

so I'm all set up to do some really cool effects

but let me know

if that's something you guys would like to see

because I do like geography

and I just wanna make it entertaining

and fun for you guys so yeah

anyway let's get into the video

I really hope that you guys enjoy watching this

okay so

I'm just gonna be playing the single player

Classic World Round the same as I did last

time but I've given myself a time limit of

I'm gonna give myself a time limit of one minute

so let's begin

so it looks lovely I think is that an Arabic

I can't really read and I want to get closer

but I feel like there's an Arabic

but it still looks very green

hmm

it looks very nice um

there are a lot of palm trees

and the buildings over there

I think it is probably the UAE

so let's go we'll go Dubai

could be Dubai or Abu Dhabi so it was 19 km

um from the correct location

so that's gonna be a pretty close contender hmm

I may have to find another one

it may have to be the second closest but here we go

I think um America but it looks a bit cold

so could be Canada or Northern America

eras tire shop I mean the yellow traffic lights

I think those are a really American thing Hudson

um maybe close to the Hudson River which I thinks oh

I apologize for the lag on my computer

but lets go

I'm not sure where the Hudson River is

I'm gonna go somewhere around here

okay it was Oklahoma Oklahoma oops

Oklahoma so that was 1,767 km from the correct location

uh

the valley D'lanzo

I have no idea what language that is I don't

um

it's definitely European oh Italy OK

Italy is Italy

um northern or so I'm pretty sure southern Italy looks

not like that so I'm gonna try northern Italy um

just around here maybe like around near Milan

so that was 169 km so oh it was Turin okay

so we're on the fourth round now ah

and I'm pretty sure we're in America again

because it's usually very obvious

American flags everywhere whenever I get America

I always play how many American flags can I spot

and it's usually a lot

but I'm not sure what part of America it looks

obviously it just looks like the suburbs

so I'm gonna guess

uh

hm

maybe somewhere around here

it looks like quite a nice area

but I'm not sure maybe around here hmm

it was I oh no it was Philadelphia

ugh excuse me

it was near New York so we're okay

we're going on to the final round now oh okay

I know this straight away

this is Thailand

100% because I just got back from there

okay no

it's not Thailand

they have the similar road signs

I'm pretty sure that is Sri Lanka

I think

cause just cause of the writing

but it also looks like Burmese

but I'm pretty sure it's not

but there are a lot of tuk tuks round um

me I don't think it's Myanmar

I mean

these type of rows are very Southeast Asian style

they either have black and white um

either have black and white sidewalks like that

or red and white

okay

I'm gonna guess Sri Lanka I don't have that much time

okay so it was Sri Lanka um

I didn't go in close enough to be able to click

but I list 373 km from the last loop

from the correct location

so the summary

okay so the closest answer I did get was Dubai

but I'm not gonna do that one um

so I'm gonna pick the second closest which was

round 3 and

that was Italy okay

so I'm gonna be watching Italian porn

so if you'd like to see the next part of the video

stay tuned while I get set up

um so today I'm going to be using this toy um

and I'll be wearing this bikini and

and I found an Italian porn called intimate

Hot Sex with Bubble Butt Italian Cherry um

so it sounds promising but yeah

I hope you guys enjoyed watching me play geoguessr

and I hope you guys enjoy the next part of the video

ah ah

ah ah ah

oh shit

ah shit

oh my God

ay no

ay

no ah

es una niña mala ujum eh

sí es una niña Mala no ay sí ah espectacular

huh huh

huh huh

huh huh

huh huh huh

huh

huh

hmm ah

hmm

ah

hmm

ah hmm

ah

hmm

ah ah

ah ah ah ah ah

ah ah ah

ah ah

ah ah ah

ah ah

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ah ah ah

hmm hmm hmm hmm

ah ah ah ah

ah ah ah

ah ah ah

oh oh oh oh oh

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oh

ah oh ah oh

oh uh uh

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oh ah

oh ah

oh ah

oh ah

oh

oh

huh

huh huh huh huh

huh

huh huh huh

ah oh

ah oh ah

oh ah

oh ah oh

I'm bored

ah ah

ah ah ah

um

ah

oh

ah ah ah ah

ah

ah ah

ah ah

ah ah

ah ah

ah ah

huh huh

huh huh

huh huh

huh huh huh

huh huh huh

oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh

oh ah

oh ah oh

ah

ah ah ah

ah ah

ah ah

ah ah ah

ugh ugh ugh

hey I hope you're enjoying watching me orgasm right now

I know I am but whilst you're here

why not subscribe to my onlyfans

you can see plenty more of this kind of thing

uncensored and you can help

keep supporting me to make more content for you anyways

I'll leave you to it

okay so I'm sweating right now I

that was that was really good

I I love seeing like a lot of ass slapping

that's something that I really enjoy during sex

and while watching porn um

and I find Italian guys really attractive

so I thought he was like really sexy um

but yeah this is it for this video

I really hope that you guys enjoyed

watching and I will start getting to your requests for

um video reactions soon

but uh

just leave me a comment if you wanna say hi

um and please make sure to check out my onlyfans page

if you have some spare time

but yeah I'll see you guys in the next video