Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:04,757
The following programme contains
very strong language, adult humour
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,760
and scenes that some viewers
may find distressing.
3
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,997
ERIN: Let's give
the best goodbye
4
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,037
to the beautiful man
that was Dylan Golding.
5
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,757
DAVEY: Go and give your
friend a fantastic send off.
6
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,720
The funeral he
would have wanted.
7
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,317
Come on let's have it. Scream
if you want to go faster.
8
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,037
(CHEERING)
9
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,440
(PANICKED CRIES, SCREAMS)
10
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,720
Oh fuck. (SCREAMS)
11
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,000
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC)
12
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,597
Woah. Woah. Woah. Cardi,
stop wriggling dude.
13
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,757
I've got a dead leg.
14
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,040
(COACH GROANS)
15
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,837
Fuck.
16
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,677
I'm too young to die,
I've never truly loved!
17
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,077
Yeah, or learned to drive.
18
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,437
There was a blowout!
19
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,680
Sonny's gonna be parent less, he's
gonna have to live with Sugar's mum!
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,877
That is bad actually.
21
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,357
What with her drinking
and her bad taste in men.
22
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,797
(COACH GROANS)
23
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,280
(PANICKED CRIES)
24
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,917
Shush. Can we just-can
we just stop talking
25
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,677
and concentrate on
not dying, please.
26
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,080
Where the ever loving
fuck are Jim and Shirley?
27
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,760
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)
28
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,757
Siri - take me to Calvert Dale.
29
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,797
Directions to Calvary
Sailing Club, Stoke on Trent.
30
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:42,837
Calvert Dale, Calvert Dale,
you cunting, cunting cunt.
31
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,477
Playing Country Music
songs from Spotify.
32
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,200
Oh for fuck's sake.
33
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:52,277
They're here! They're here.
Guys, it's Jim and Shirley.
34
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,960
(GRUNTS AND SHOUTS)
35
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,840
(COACH GROANS)
36
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,080
Oh fuck!
37
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,480
Hurry up.
38
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,157
Don't know why you
bothered turning up.
39
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,517
I could probably do this with
my tractor; my tractor's an ox.
40
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,437
My tractors stronger than your
tractor, any day of the week.
41
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,357
Your tractors a lady tractor.
42
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,837
Your tractors a cunt.
43
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,677
Your tractors a cunt!
44
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,837
Oyi. Wallace and fucking
Vomit, get a move on!
45
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,560
Alright, keep your
fucking hair on. Come on.
46
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,760
Can you hurry up.
47
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,477
OK.
48
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,397
We need to both start
pulling at the same time.
49
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,717
I'll count us, we'll
go on three, ready.
50
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,360
One, two...
51
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,597
I never said three.
52
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,080
(CABLE PINGS)
53
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,720
(ALL CRY OUT)
54
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,320
(CRYING OUT)
55
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,517
(ROCK CRUMBLES)
56
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:03,757
(METALLIC GROAN)
57
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,557
(PANICKED CRIES)
58
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,400
(ROCKS GRINDING)
59
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,397
(YELPS) It's going to
drag us over the edge.
60
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,440
Fucking hell. I'm bailing.
61
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,520
(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC)
62
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,520
(SCREAMING)
63
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,317
Oh God.
64
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,920
(CRASH) Fuck's sake.
65
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,837
Oh fu...
66
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,437
Fucking hell, we slowed its
fall, they might still be alive.
67
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,040
Get some help.
68
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,560
(SHOUTS) We're getting
some help, hold on!
69
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,357
Siri - call mountain rescue.
70
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,200
SIRI: Calling Martin Risque.
71
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,517
♪ Barrett Strong - Money ♪
Fuck's sake.
72
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,957
♪ The best things
in life are free
73
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,637
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees
74
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,040
♪ I need money
(that's what I want) ♪
75
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,160
(MEDITATIVE HUMMING)
76
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,677
Hey Vinnie.
77
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,997
Hmm.
78
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,437
Fucking 'ell..
79
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,197
What the fuck are you doing!
80
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,397
I'm om-ing.
81
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,477
Coming?
82
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,037
No, I'm not fucking coming.
83
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,117
I'm om-ing, and you've ruined
it. It's a Hindu tradition.
84
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,677
Supposed to help you.
85
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,957
I don't know chakra or somert.
86
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:29,197
So it's true then, what they're
all saying - you've gone weird.
87
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,117
I haven't gone
weird, I'm just...
88
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,957
just trying, to reflect
a bit that's all.
89
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,840
We all nearly died
that day, Vin.
90
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:40,157
But there's still pigs to feed
and shit to be shovel led.
91
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,317
Come on, taking you for a pint-
92
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,197
Hey. I'm not going drinking.
93
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,757
I've read about it.
94
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,320
It just contributes to it all
don't it, depression and...
95
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,037
...fucking anxiety and that.
96
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,640
Fuck me, this is more
serious than I thought.
97
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,877
Look, I'm no counsellor, Vin,
98
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,997
but as that cunt out
of Mork and Mindy said
99
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,237
when he got those little privileged
little twats to stand on desks
100
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,440
in that poetry
film - carpe diem.
101
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,160
You'll be right. I'm just...
102
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,717
(SOFTLY) Fuck me man...
103
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,160
My head, I don't know
why it does it. Just...
104
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,720
I get really sick of myself.
105
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,920
And there's time I just
think fuck it, you know...
106
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,040
I've wished for
this sweet oblivion.
107
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,320
And then I get to
it, and I just...
108
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:40,957
You want to live.
109
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,040
Yeah.
110
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:44,480
Me too.
111
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,517
And this is the year of bukkake.
112
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,517
♪ The Specials: A
Message to You, Rudy ♪
113
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,080
Dude. The fuck.
114
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,157
We're in a good spot
guys, we're doing well,
115
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,157
you know, there's no bloody
McCann: he's dead, bloody Manolito:
116
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,397
he's fucked it as well.
117
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,397
No-one's trying to cut
anyone's todger off.
118
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,877
I say, we just go
back to ways of old.
119
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,037
Do you know what I mean?
120
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,397
We grow the weed, sell the weed,
the odd fucking job on the side,
121
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,320
take each day as
it comes. Lovely.
122
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,717
Why'd you put your
hand up, dude?
123
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,837
I've been talking, with my wife
and Carol, we were thinking that,
124
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,157
maybe it's t-time to
quit while we're ahead...
125
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,997
What the fuck, what do you mean?
126
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,157
I mean, that we're
in a better place,
127
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,837
me and her, and we're not
getting any younger, Vin!
128
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:38,757
And I want to get old with her,
without being... not alive.
129
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,797
He's got a point, Vin,
and that coach, right,
130
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,437
it's the not first time we've been
nearly been killed. Give over.
131
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,557
I mean alright, give
me another example,
132
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,957
of when we've nearly
been killed, come on.
133
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,437
There where that
time down sewers.
134
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,400
Won't there, when big old fatberg
and that, you know blocking us in.
135
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,160
(WET SPLAT) (PANICKED CRIES)
136
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,237
Alright the sewers and the
bloody coach. What else?
137
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,797
The lion. The lion
was dangerous. Jesus!
138
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,677
No he was a
fucking-He was caged.
139
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,877
Sixty-ish percent of
the time he was caged.
140
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,397
Alright, what about the time
Tillerton's head came off?
141
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,557
That fucking gang shooting us.
142
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,237
Fuck you! Shit.
143
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,517
(YELLING) (SPLAT)
144
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,957
(SCREAMING)
145
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,037
Thinking about it, you
know, we have been shot at
146
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,637
on multitudinous occasions.
147
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,677
(GUNFIRE)
148
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:24,960
(SCREAMS)
149
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,317
It's gonna fucking sound bad, when
you list it like this. Alright.
150
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,757
I'm not risking prison again.
151
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,237
Yeah. We've got a Sonny now. We
can't take them risks anymore.
152
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,957
And I've been developing a
YouTube personality actually;
153
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,197
I've been getting actually
quite a lot of followers.
154
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,797
What about you? Me?
155
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,717
Oh you know me, Vincent,
156
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,957
fingers in so many pies
they call me Fray Bentos.
157
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,477
Fucking fine. Get jobs then.
158
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,397
Get jobs, and pay
taxes like dickheads.
159
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,237
Chatting to fucking
Daryl from accounts.
160
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,277
I'm still available...
Doh you and your face..
161
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,197
Settle petal. Simmer down. Just
fucking cross with you all.
162
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,277
While I've been working out,
how to keep us all together,
163
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,920
you fuckers have been
trying to move on.
164
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,360
(LIGHT MUSIC)
165
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,077
Fucking unbelievable.
That's the-that's it.
166
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,040
That is the start of the
fucking end, right there.
167
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,320
Nothing lasts forever.
168
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,197
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
169
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,157
Oh fuck... It's Mrs Bishop.
170
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,237
Daphne. Hello boys...
171
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,397
Now then. Oyi, whatever it is,
we're closed for fucking business.
172
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,917
What do you want? Want? Me?
173
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,320
I'm just here to see
a few friends of mine.
174
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,280
Toodle-oo.
175
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,317
Friends. She hasn't got friends.
176
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,717
She hasn't got fucking- She's
up to some shit, is what she-
177
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,037
The only time she ever comes here
is because she wants something
178
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,160
nasty doing to one
of her shag pieces.
179
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,597
Come on. Fucking up to somert,
telling you now dude...
180
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,680
Oh God. Alright.
181
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,917
Oh for fuck's sake. Who the
fuck are these tight-skinned
182
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,077
fucking whippersnappers.
She's giving them money!
183
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,277
Fuck me, it's a new
gang. I fuckin' told you.
184
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,077
We have left the vacuum
and these, they've come,
185
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,677
and they've shagged the vacuum.
I'm fucked. Check this out now!
186
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,637
Oh stomp. Stomp, stomp Hagrid.
187
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,677
What the fuck is
all this shit, eh?
188
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,597
Friendship my fucking cock hole,
189
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:29,477
what's she fucking paying you
to do this bastard here, eh?
190
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,920
Who the fuck are you,
you tattoo'd old twat.
191
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,717
Oh... That was really
fucking rude madam.
192
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,997
Rude, very rude. Rudas
a scarriott. Yeah.
193
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,557
Although to be fair you are very
heavily tattooed and you know,
194
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,237
nobody likes this
chin one. I regret it.
195
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:46,997
I'm getting married, Vincent
and these lovely young people
196
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,677
to help make my day
utterly perfect.
197
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:50,877
Right. Quick question.
198
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,437
Who the mucky fuck
will want to marry you?
199
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:58,520
Wouldn't you like to know, Tommo,
but it's real love this time, and...
200
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,317
...after all the
years that I've wasted
201
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:08,160
on that bastard, I think
I've finally deserve...
202
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,637
Here we go! ..some...
203
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,200
(CRIES)
204
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,157
I mean look at this shit.
Do you know what I mean.
205
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,197
This is what you'll be working
with, it's a fucking nightmare.
206
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,280
(LOUD CRYING)
207
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,117
Listen to me, hey,
give over now.
208
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,877
When these fuckers,
mess this job up,
209
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,197
please don't come crying to
me, I'm out like hocus pocus.
210
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,320
Poof! Poof. (CHUCKLES)
211
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:35,960
Bastards!
212
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,037
Did I flounce out? You
flounce a bit, you flounced...
213
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,557
The fuck was... Oh does
my fucking head in...
214
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,040
Oh hello. Oyi. Vincent O'Neil.
215
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,480
You alright?
216
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,240
You don't remember me, do you?
217
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,797
No...
218
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,037
Do you wanna enlighten me?
219
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,080
Say hello to my dad,
will yer, if you see him.
220
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,397
Who the fuck is her dad...
I don't fucking know!
221
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,440
Her and her dad can
kiss my bum hole.
222
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,757
Oh my fucking God,
do you know that...
223
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,117
What? That's Jim's daughter...
224
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,557
Alison?
225
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,077
Yes. Back here?
226
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,237
Yes.
227
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,200
I haven't seen her since her
mum poisoned her against me.
228
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,637
How's she looking?
She's fucking bonnie.
229
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:24,117
I mean, she looks nothing like you,
you know what I mean, thank Christ.
230
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,077
That's the thanks you get,
for wiping their arse,
231
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,197
for-for cradling them
through sleepless nights...
232
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,437
No. That's a lie.
233
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,117
I don't think you ever
did anything like that.
234
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,757
Well it's not the
fucking point, is it?
235
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,117
I was there - providing! Yeah.
236
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,637
Working my hands to the
bone to put fucking rusks
237
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,517
in her slobbery little gob.
238
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,957
And just because I had a
sexually adventurous love affair
239
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,677
behind her mother's back,
240
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,077
and she got the wrong end of
the stick when she caught me
241
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,077
in the back of that Mini Metro
with her best mate's mam,
242
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,517
she ditches me.
243
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,797
Selfish... Her own father.
244
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,960
Unreal. Not a call,
not a fucking text...
245
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,037
I mean, she's not my favourite
daughter, but I'm fond of her.
246
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,317
What a beautiful story, by
a wonderfully beautiful man.
247
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,557
You're a dick dude.
248
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,237
Do you want my advice,
fucking bell her up,
249
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,077
life's too short to be
holding grudges Jimbo.
250
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,640
Yeah right...
251
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,597
Maybe...
252
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:23,637
Fucking maybe, oyi, you can ask
her what she's bloody up to an all,
253
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,917
she's a rum fucker. I wanna
know what she's doing...
254
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,917
Eh. It'll be somert good.
255
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,197
She was very bright, Ally,
took after her old man...
256
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,877
(SCOFFS) Wow.
257
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,917
Hey, hey fucking 'ell, fucking
brain the size of a planet me.
258
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,757
Is the planet made of
gas and white dog shit?
259
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,677
Oh... (PHONE RINGING)
260
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,077
Oh fucking 'ell. Oh
madam, the plot thickens,
261
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,357
check that out.
262
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,237
My bitch ex-wife is
getting married again.
263
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,437
Hmm. Right...
264
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,680
Minute the divorce came through,
bang, ring on her finger.
265
00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,117
The guy's loaded, of course,
owns his own PR firm,
266
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,357
and I'm telling you now,
she only wants his money.
267
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,557
Aye. So what's it to you?
268
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,557
Well she takes me
for half of my cash
269
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,957
and now she's gonna get her
hands on somebody else's money,
270
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,837
oh no, no, no, not on my watch.
271
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,760
Here is this ornamental.
272
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:16,677
No.
273
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,157
It looks ornamental.
274
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,360
Well it's not.
275
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,157
Don't fucking hurt
yourself, will yer.
276
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,277
It's great big sword love.
You know what I mean.
277
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,000
So erm... what've you
done to your finger then?
278
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,360
It's just an accident.
279
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,357
An accident with a fish.
280
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,440
A fish.
281
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,197
I am not fingering fish.
282
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,120
We didn't say that. You said
that. No one mentioned it. Just...
283
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,237
So come on then, what
do you want us to do?
284
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,760
Fuck the wedding up.
285
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,360
Get the whole
thing called off...
286
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:56,120
This now and then the same again
when she's crying into her tiara.
287
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,077
You can't ruin a woman's wedding,
it's the happiest day of her life.
288
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,597
Have you met my ex?
289
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,117
No.
290
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,317
No. Well these'll tell
you, she's a piece of work.
291
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,437
I mean she's what you'd
call a common end garden
292
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,917
run of the mill, bell end.
293
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,880
Listen. Listen, I'm grateful
you brought us the job.
294
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,757
But we're thieves aren't
we, professional thieves.
295
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,197
Our skills aren't
tailored to breaking up
296
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,717
fucking relationships man.
297
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,237
So you can't do the job them?
298
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:26,680
No. We can't no.
299
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,277
Right, OK. It's just that I've-
300
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,197
I've heard about another
crew rolling around,
301
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,797
that might not pass
up my money, so...
302
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:33,957
Really? Hey. Young I hear.
303
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,997
Fuck off. For fuck sake.
Well then alright then.
304
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,397
He's got us there...
He's a bind.
305
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,357
Oh and this time I wanna
see your mastery at work.
306
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,240
I know where he lives.
307
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,957
I'm in!
308
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,597
(SWOOSH) Argh! Argh!
My fucking toe.
309
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,560
Oh hell... Not ornamental.
310
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,917
MEENA: What are we doing here,
311
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,197
I can't believe you're
dragging me into this.
312
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,557
No. No, I'm not. Don't you fucking
dare, because right a hearse
313
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:04,837
is the perfect cover in't it,
314
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,877
besides what the fuck
else were you doing today.
315
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,237
Actually nothing,
it's very quiet.
316
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,600
Dead, is it?
317
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,997
Dead. There he is,
318
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,997
Kenton Baldwin - director
of KenWin Public Relations,
319
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,520
biggest client
COME FLY airlines.
320
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,477
Yes. Exactly, and a smugger
twat you could not hope to meet.
321
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,237
We should go through his
bins. Dig up some dirt...
322
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,637
He keeps his bins down
the side of his house.
323
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,797
We'd have to gain access through
this fucking front gates.
324
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,757
Yeah. No problem. Just buzz
in and say we're the bin men.
325
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:39,917
(SCOFFS)
326
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,197
It's OK, alright I'm sorry
to break it to you love,
327
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,677
but it isn't that simple.
328
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,600
(BUZZER TRILLS) (PLAYFUL MUSIC)
329
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,160
WOMAN: Hello? Bin men.
330
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,480
(DOOR BUZZES) Oh.
331
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,000
Fair do's... fair do's... yeah.
332
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,157
His cars there, he might
be in. Hurry the fuck up!
333
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,717
This wasn't what I had in mind.
334
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,877
So listen, we'll do the
paper, you do the general.
335
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,917
You know, for a traveller,
you're surprisingly au fait
336
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,637
with suburban bin
divisions aren't yer?!
337
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,157
I take my recycling
very seriously.
338
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,760
Good for you. Now
look at this...
339
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,317
This breaks my heart,
340
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,837
some idiot has emptied
their bathroom bin in here.
341
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,437
Is that paper? No.
342
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,037
Is that paper? No.
343
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,357
I swear to God,
344
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,957
if I was prime minister, I'd make
it a fucking hanging offence.
345
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,277
Right, well I don't think
they do hanging anymore, love.
346
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,877
Well I'd bring it
fucking back. Right.
347
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,360
(RETCHES) What is it?
348
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,837
Used condom, very used condom
wrapped inside a tissue.
349
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,077
What's that? A used condom?
350
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,280
Right, let's have a
look. Out the way.
351
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,720
(GROANS)
352
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,360
(SNIFFS) (RETCHES)
353
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,917
That is not old
spunk. That is fresh.
354
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,080
How deep were it?
355
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,917
How's she supposed to
know how deep it went?
356
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,717
In the bin, you clown,
not the fucking vagina.
357
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,197
Like... here...
358
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,477
That's two or three days
tops, then that in't it...
359
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,277
Right so, here's the thing,
if Daphne has not been over
360
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,757
in his house in the last two or
three days then this my friends,
361
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,317
could be our smoking gun.
362
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,237
Hey! You aren't bin men!
363
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,397
Fuck! Leg it. Leg it.
364
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,320
(CHAOTIC POP MUSIC)
365
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,200
(GROANS)
366
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,160
(ARGUING) (ENGINE STARTS)
367
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:40,837
Right we have found his bank
statements. Here, here and here...
368
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,837
Last June: we have this OBPAY.
369
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,917
OBPAY? What the fucks OBPAY?
370
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,637
Well quite, yes, meaningless
and benign to the untrained eye,
371
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,317
but with a trained eye, i.e.
372
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,317
this guy, OBPAY is very much
the method of payment employed
373
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,597
in your adult establishment.
Oh that's fantastic,
374
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:58,997
that is good news.
375
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,037
Right, alright so he's fucked then,
got a bit of dirt on him there.
376
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,280
We've got the used johnny,
we've got the wank codes.
377
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,920
You want dirt - look in bins.
378
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,600
A very cocky energy coming off you Michael. WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000, MPEGTS:0
379
00:18:13,528 --> 00:18:16,037
Well that's him fucked in it.
We've got dirt on him already.
380
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,877
Oh yes, he's definitely giving
the 'grab 'em by the pussy' vibes.
381
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,917
Vinnie... Vin!
382
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,757
Well, do come in
won't you. What?
383
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,197
I've been thinking,
384
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,757
like him with his long lost son,
385
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,717
I want to try and be part
of Ally's life again.
386
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,837
Err bababa. Asabababa.
387
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,277
Hang on a moment, right,
because Hans never knew me.
388
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,557
I never knew Hans.
389
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,957
Whereas, your Alison might
have got the measure of you,
390
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,877
you mankie old scrote in
her pre-pubescent years.
391
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:47,437
Oi fucking Tom Thumb, I'm
a fucking changed man.
392
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,640
I've fucking mellowed!
393
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,517
And I want you to
broker a truce.
394
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,277
Why-why do I have
to fucking do it?
395
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,000
Well it were your idea.
396
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:00,957
Please Vinnie..
397
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,917
Alright then, where-where
can I find her?
398
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,397
Here.
399
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,157
I told her mother that I wanted
to put her in my inheritance,
400
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,440
and I needed her number to
fill out the forms. Hey.
401
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,200
Not a daft cunt.
402
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,000
I've only got a few minutes,
OK. I know, it won't take long.
403
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,680
Christ...
404
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,880
Alison.
405
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,800
Dad.
406
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,080
My little girl...
407
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,960
You're a woman.
408
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,320
Bloody good looking
woman as well...
409
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:46,720
...mind you, your
mother was hot...
410
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,637
...in her day.
411
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,517
Not now, now she looks like
she's been left out in the sun
412
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,517
too long and no amount
of Botox is gonna-
413
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,080
Pa pa pa pa... Yes... yeah.
414
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:08,037
I just want to say that I
know I wasn't a great husband,
415
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,277
and I definitely could
have been a better father.
416
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,997
Yeah, you can say that again.
417
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,757
Well let me fucking
finish. Oh come on,
418
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,517
you were either farming or
drinking or tryna get your leg over
419
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,677
anything that moved... Well,
420
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,520
back then it was fucking work
hard play hard, wasn't it...
421
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,397
Fucking pre-me too, you could
slap a woman on the arse...
422
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,917
No ..and it was considered
423
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,437
a sign of- Da da
da da da, just...
424
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:32,720
Fine!! Fine.
425
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,480
I'm sorry.
426
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,157
I was a bad father
427
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,040
and I want a second chance
to be a part of your life.
428
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,440
Yeah alright...
429
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,677
I mean, well seen as we're
clearing the air, I erm...
430
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,040
I would like you to
admit one thing to me.
431
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,560
Andrea was always
your favourite.
432
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,237
(LAUGHS)
433
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,157
Favourite?
434
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,357
Parents don't have
favourites... Lying bastard.
435
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,720
Dad, come on, I'm a grown
woman, I can take it.
436
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,757
I know you loved me, I just,
437
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,120
always felt you loved
Andrea that little bit more.
438
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,360
All I'm asking is,
for you to finally...
439
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,840
...admit it.
440
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,280
(MOUTHS)
441
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,997
It was no more than sixty forty.
442
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,560
Wow.
443
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,280
Arsehole.
444
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,237
I hope you die old and lonely,
445
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,717
you've got all dressed up and
you still reek of fucking pigs.
446
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,280
Alison... Ally.
447
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,440
How do you think
that went, then?
448
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,920
Now then.
449
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,680
Do you live in this thing?
450
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:21,997
Yeah. Me and Fay, no
fixed abode and all that.
451
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,517
I think it's fucking cool.
452
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,920
So are you erm...
453
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,997
...are you back for
your dad or what?
454
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,757
No. Fay just seems to think
we'll get more work round here.
455
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,120
That's all. Hmm.
456
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,357
I hear you grow the
best weed in Hawley.
457
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,157
I do. I grow the best weed
this side of Amsterdam,
458
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,280
tell your shagging
mates that an all.
459
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,957
Just take your time,
it's a bit strong.
460
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,117
That is good. It's
alright, in it?
461
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,000
So, how's it going
with Mrs Bishop?
462
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,357
Good, good, yeah, yeah,
yeah, erm fantastic.
463
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,797
The 'fantastic' bit.
464
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,637
That's a fib that. I'm getting
definite fucked it vibes here.
465
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,237
No, I've not! Yes you've...
466
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,720
No, I've not! Give me that back.
467
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,797
Your vibes are all wrong mate.
468
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,557
Take your fucking old man
vibes and vibe-o-metre
469
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,197
and go and buy some fisherman's
friends or whatever.
470
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,237
Well fucking fine,
I will then. Fine.
471
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,917
Fine. But I'm telling you
now, I've got a real feeling
472
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,680
that you might've fucked
this thing right on up there.
473
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,197
Well there was a slight hiccup.
474
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,917
Fucking sick...
475
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,080
Explain yourself. Cheers.
476
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,957
She said, her first
wedding, was awful
477
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,717
and the minute she stepped in
the venue, she knew it was...
478
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,000
Cursed.
479
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:44,557
But I can sense that the marriage
wasn't going to be a happy one.
480
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,117
And that man, he stole
the best years of my life.
481
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,997
But this time, I've got my
heart set on Ardley Hall.
482
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,637
With it's Crittall windows
and Georgian buttressing...
483
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,637
The problem is, it's
a very popular venue
484
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,837
and it's booked up
for years in advance.
485
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,757
They only do weddings
on a Saturday.
486
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,157
So they've popped me on the waiting
list but no fuckers cancelling,
487
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,797
so I'm having to matters
into my own hands.
488
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,440
She a lunatic. Honestly..
489
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,677
I've acquired a list of
all the brides that are due
490
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,237
to get married in
the next six weeks,
491
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:22,397
and if, by some
terrible misfortune,
492
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,917
one of these couples should
happen to change their mind,
493
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,957
it means that I get the
wedding of my dreams.
494
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,117
Yay.
495
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:34,317
She selfish, spiteful and
fucking mean spirited.
496
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,277
Anyway we decided we
weren't gonna hurt anyone.
497
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:38,717
Right, so what have you done?
498
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,117
So, you know my girlfriend
Fay, the one that called you-
499
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,837
Tattoo'd old twat. Yes. Yes.
500
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,557
So, we chose the first
people off the Bishop's list,
501
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,557
Martyn Dale and Jennifer Frost.
502
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,120
Love you, Marty pops.
Love you, Jen Jen.
503
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,637
I looked 'em up online,
they're like super square,
504
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:01,077
super conservative, so Fay decided
the best course of action was...
505
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,560
Animal porn.
506
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,557
Fucking animal porn?
507
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,237
I know. That's what I said.
508
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,197
But listen, you
guys are old school,
509
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,197
our generation we know about
tech and all that stuff.
510
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,037
It's best way to
screw people over.
511
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,717
We'll plant it on
his computer...
512
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,277
Then we'll bell her
up, anonymously,
513
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,040
and tell her where to find it.
514
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,237
(ANIMAL NOISES)
515
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,520
(GASPS)
516
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,840
And within a day or
two... I can't do it.
517
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,320
Oh fuck.
518
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,200
The wedding's off.
519
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,240
Jen?
520
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,917
So what have you done then? Well,
it was all going swimmingly.
521
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,437
We'd followed him to this cafe,
found his laptop password,
522
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,757
so all we needed to do
was break into the house,
523
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,277
find the laptop and
plant the porn. Right.
524
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,277
Now our guy Baxter, he
is the top at break-ins.
525
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,877
Trouble is, he's not
the brightest spark.
526
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,557
The stupid thick bastard gets
inside the house, finds the laptop,
527
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,080
and all he has to do is transfer
the contents onto the laptop.
528
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,077
(GRUNTS) Knocked out cold.
529
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,917
Now Martyn arrives home.
530
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,317
Finds him. Police get called.
531
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,957
Oh. Hmm.
532
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,597
And now his brother Darren's saying
he hasn't the stomach for it.
533
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,200
So it's just me and Fay.
534
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,520
Oh.
535
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,397
Oh alright, you smug twat.
536
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,597
I know what you're thinking.
What am I thinking?
537
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,557
Young idiots not up to the task.
538
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,560
That is exactly
what I'm thinking.
539
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,157
You know, I always admired you,
540
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,840
when I was a kid and you
used to come to the farm.
541
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,317
Thought you were a
bit like Robin Hood.
542
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,440
Fuck it, really? No,
I'm being serious, I am.
543
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,077
You know, you always
used to say like,
544
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,317
'we're the forgotten generation,
us lot, so we make our own rules'.
545
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,317
I mean, that's how we feel now,
546
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,637
we just need a bit of
guidance, bit of time to learn.
547
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,077
Someone to learn from.
548
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,877
No. You can't seriously be
suggesting that I work with you
549
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:03,957
and fucking Peter
Pan. Oh come on.
550
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,797
We're young, we're energetic
551
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,037
and from what I'm hearing your guys
aren't so enthusiastic anymore.
552
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,360
My guys, are just...
553
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,317
...you know, busy with
a lot of different...
554
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,477
They'll be back, they're
all gonna fucking listen,
555
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,200
don't you worry about my guys.
556
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,077
New blood, what new blood.
557
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,757
And they've got a tough one too, and
Jim's daughter's a computer whizz.
558
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:29,840
What, really?
559
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,040
J- Jim's daughter?
560
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,717
Have they got a vehicle guy?
561
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,240
They've got a vehicle guy.
562
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,560
They've got Bishops jobs
too, it's like the old days.
563
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,560
I'm thinking one more job
wouldn't hurt. Would it?
564
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,360
Yeah, one more job... Yeah..
565
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,237
One job, like the old
days. What are you saying?
566
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,037
No. No. I'm going back to
Blackpool in a couple of days.
567
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,477
Sugar? Tommo,
568
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,517
I'm not helping you ruin the
happiest day of a woman's life.
569
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,797
Alright, alright, alright,
OK, much as I am sympathetic
570
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,757
to your romantic inclinations,
571
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,197
let me tell you this
sweetheart, this list, right,
572
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:14,317
it's exclusively made up of,
how do I say this... posh cunts.
573
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,837
It's a fucking double barrel led
bonanza over here, you've got err...
574
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,517
Hayley Taylor-Clarke,
Miranda Morgan-Fry,
575
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,597
Sarah Cheeseman...
Actually that's just-
576
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,680
Sarah Cheeseman?
Let's have a look.
577
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,597
(OMINOUS TONE)
578
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,680
I'm in.
579
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,957
Right, come on now,
concentrate, let's get started.
580
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,797
What about Cardi? Has
he said he was coming?
581
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,197
Not in so many words... no.
582
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,997
Well he fucking knows where we are,
doesn't he, if he changes his mind.
583
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,197
We're fucking up two weddings today,
we need to do it in specific order.
584
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,277
First, were gonna fuck
up Cheeseman's wedding.
585
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,157
Alright. Mrs Bishop pays us.
Then we fuck up her wedding.
586
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,677
And Mr Bishop pays us for that.
587
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:54,877
Alright.
588
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,437
First up... Sarah Cheeseman.
589
00:28:58,520 --> 00:28:59,837
Yes! Cheese off.
590
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:01,557
We have a few options
open to us. Yes.
591
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,477
Number One: We cut
off all her hair.
592
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,117
Including her
eyebrows. I like that.
593
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:11,517
Number Two: We mangle her hands
so they can't get ring on.
594
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,677
That's a bit much that, in't it?
595
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,117
And C...
596
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:16,557
No. No.
597
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,797
It's not one, two, C is
it, it's not one, two, C...
598
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,037
It's one, two, three. Right,
whatever, C, whatever...
599
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,277
We go for the teeth.
600
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,877
Teeth. No.
601
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,037
Teeth, hang on a minute, am
I hearing this correctly?
602
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,637
Who is gonna mess up her teeth?
603
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:29,437
Can we not just shave
her shagging hair off.
604
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,797
What if she wears a wig? Well
then fucking do her eyebrows,
605
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,677
Ashley. Lord fire.
606
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,517
I mean she's not gonna wanna get
married looking like fucking Beaker.
607
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,117
Bald cunt with the glasses from
the Muppets, is it that same one?
608
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,197
Dr Bunsen. That's the
bastard. Well in dude.
609
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,397
Wait Muppets?
610
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,277
That the ones with the frog
that's wanting to fuck the pig,
611
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,197
but the pig's all like cunty
612
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,597
and like whacks him with a
karate chop, but he still...
613
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:50,877
he still fucking wants her.
614
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,317
Also that's such a fucking weird
take, but yes, that is the Muppets.
615
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,677
That is-That is the Muppets
in't it. Yeah she's got it.
616
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,997
Fucking shut up, I think we
should split into two groups,
617
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,677
alright we've got a Cheeseman
group. And Mrs Bishop group.
618
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,957
Find out how we can shave
Cheeseman's hair off.
619
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,077
OK. Here we've got
her personal calendar.
620
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,117
How did you get
into that so quick?
621
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,157
Easy peasy. Let's have
a look, we've got...
622
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,397
Nail appointment
tomorrow, dress pick up,
623
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:16,197
fiance's suit from dry cleaners,
cake and favours delivery,
624
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,597
God getting married's
stressful. Tell me about it.
625
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,317
What's O-W-L?
626
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,957
It's a night time bird.
627
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,560
It's an acronym.
628
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:25,760
Google it JJ.
629
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,757
Overwhelmingly large;
Olympic weight lifting;
630
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,917
older woman's league;
online weekend learning.
631
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,477
Well it's none of them is
it. Ongoing weight loss.
632
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,917
Bingo. That's the
one! Well done.
633
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,517
Right, yeah but that's not
what we're looking for, is it?
634
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,677
I know there's literally everything
here except her hair appointment.
635
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,237
How we gonna fuck it up if we
don't even know when it is?
636
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,197
Won't she have it
done on the day?
637
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,597
Have it done on the day, there'll
be pre-treatments, trims,
638
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,277
root tints, conditioning masks.
639
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,757
For me this is personal, so
I'm going to that nail bar,
640
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,080
I'm gonna get reacquainted
with my old friend.
641
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,997
Right, I need to ask
you a serious question,
642
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:02,600
why do you hate her so much?
643
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,077
(WISTFUL STING)
644
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,000
(PARTY CHATTER)
645
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,320
(CLATTER)
646
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,760
(DRILL WHIRRS) (SINISTER STING)
647
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,957
(MUSIC ENDS) It's a long story.
648
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:27,277
Right, let's just say we're getting
our nails done for a weekend away,
649
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,677
alright, we're mates.
Aw nice, where we going?
650
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,557
I don't know, do I.
651
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,277
Well that's not much of
a cover story, is it.
652
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,397
Here what about - The Lake District,
I've always wanted to go there.
653
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,437
No, it just pisses
down all the time.
654
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,277
Well what if were going
for a spa weekend.
655
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,637
Why we getting our nails
done for a spa weekend,
656
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,837
where we could just get them
done there? That's true.
657
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,797
Because we've been before
and the woman who does them
658
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,957
has the worst halitosis
you've ever smelt.
659
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,317
Oh God, the disgusting bitch.
660
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,080
OK, alright, we're good on
our story? Alright, let's go.
661
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,840
(BELL DINGS)
662
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,557
Oh my God. (LAUGHS)
663
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,037
Sarah!
664
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,237
Erin, hi.
665
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:11,437
Hi.
666
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,040
How long's it been?
667
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,317
Years. Years.
668
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,557
Erm girls, this is erm Sarah,
we used to work together,
669
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:19,597
back in the day.
670
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,957
Well, she used to work for
me, I was assistant manager,
671
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,797
she was store supervisor.
672
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,440
But it's so nice to
see you again. Yeah.
673
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,197
How old's that little
boy of yours now.
674
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,237
Err twelve. Gosh, big.
675
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:34,277
Big.
676
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,917
You did so well,
having him on your own.
677
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,400
I suppose you had no choice,
baby with a one night stand.
678
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,117
Oh that's a lovely ring,
when's the big day?
679
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,797
Weddings on the
twelfth, Ardley Hall,
680
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,277
and you won't believe the
ceremony I've got planned,
681
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,437
oh I was just telling
Benita here about it.
682
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,117
Honestly, I am so excited,
683
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,477
my Ged is a huge
Harry Potter fan.
684
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,877
Is he... A grown
man. He loves it.
685
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,277
He's read all the books,
he's watched all the films,
686
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:05,797
he even refers to his
you-know-what, as his magic wand...
687
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,317
(ALL CHUCKLE)
688
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,797
Anyway, err as a surprise
I'm decorating the chapel
689
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,117
at Ardley in a Hogwarts theme.
690
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,717
It's a great idea isn't it?
691
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,317
And the crowning glory and I can
hardly believe I've managed this,
692
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:24,917
I've hired the North's
only fully trained owl
693
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,837
to swoop down, on cue,
over the guests heads,
694
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,557
and deliver our
rings for the vows.
695
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,677
Wow, that's... quite something.
696
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,840
Thank you.
697
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,477
It'll be a hoot, Harry Potter.
698
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,677
You what?
699
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,880
You know Dobby...
the elf, thingy.
700
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,197
'Slam my ears in the
oven door, to punish me'.
701
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,637
'Dobby only meant
to mutilate Master'.
702
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,917
The master... OK,
enough Dobby...
703
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,200
That owl's gonna be the centre
piece of the whole wedding.
704
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,237
It's gonna be the
most perfect day.
705
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,117
What happens if the
owl doesn't perform?
706
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,240
Well it will perform, or
it gets 'disciplined'.
707
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,237
And I've got a rehearsal
with the handler, so...
708
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,677
Yeah. Right. Well err.
709
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,677
Sounds like it's gonna be
the most wonderful day.
710
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,477
Erm yeah nice to see yer.
We'll leave you to it.
711
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,480
Bye. Bye.
712
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,117
You didn't get to the hair.
713
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:28,400
Fuck the hair, she won't get married without that owl.
WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000, MPEGTS:0
714
00:34:31,165 --> 00:34:32,760
(PLAYFUL TENSE MUSIC)
715
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,160
Here we go. Right
that's him there.
716
00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:40,997
That's the poor twat who's marrying
Mrs Bishop. Christ Almighty...
717
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,157
Flashy cunt.
718
00:34:43,240 --> 00:34:45,637
Exactly that, yes, and we
have reason to suspect,
719
00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:47,517
that he frequents
massage parlours
720
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,517
and occasionally uses
yer casual sex worker.
721
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:51,837
Oh yeah. How do you know that?
722
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,077
Because we're professionals.
So how do we know that?
723
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:55,877
We through his bins.
Went through his bins.
724
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,357
Now listen, we can't just go
assuming, we need a bit of proof.
725
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,917
We're gonna send our mate in,
Rory Finnegan, to entrap him.
726
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,277
Alright. Who is Rory Finnegan?
727
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:06,637
That's the website done.
728
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,517
Now you need to make a date
with Mrs Bishop's fiance.
729
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,917
My name is err Jeremy Chandler.
730
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,237
I'm the senior assistant
of Rory Finnegan
731
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:15,597
of Finnegan Enterprises Dubai,
732
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,157
my company is looking to set
up a very large leisure centre
733
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,117
over there and would like to
raise it's profile here in the UK.
734
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:22,397
WOMAN: Dubai, you say?
735
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,677
You're very welcome to check
out our website of course,
736
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,197
but we would prefer to
meet Mr Baldwin in person
737
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,117
to discuss the potential
of his involvement
738
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,640
in this exciting new venture.
739
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,077
Right here, we've got a
High Def: WiFi IP camera.
740
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:38,760
Cystal-clear sound.
741
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,000
And the final piece
of the puzzle.
742
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:43,720
...the room key.
743
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,440
(SOFT HIP-HOP MUSIC)
744
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,600
(SOFT CONVERSATION)
745
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,200
♪ Kneecap: Better Way to Live ♪
746
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,600
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
747
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:51,520
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
748
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,557
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
749
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,637
Oh Mr Baldwin, I presume.
750
00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:08,677
Rory Finnegan MBE,
751
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,480
but I don't like to
talk about my titles.
752
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,317
It's a delight to meet you.
753
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,960
Come in. (CHUCKLES)
754
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,160
Shall we? Yes.
755
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,240
(BIRD CALLS) (SOFT
SECRETIVE MUSIC)
756
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,557
Right, now are you gonna
be OK as getaway driver?
757
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,557
Only, statistically, women
are safer drivers than men.
758
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:46,120
Oh really? Are they?
Well, statistically...
759
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,717
♪ Motorhead: Ace of Spades ♪
(ENGINE ROARS)
760
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,357
♪ If you like to gamble...
761
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,997
(TYRES SQUEAL)
762
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,280
♪ You win some, lose some,
it's all the same to me
763
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,080
(MUSIC ENDS)
764
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,880
Well you asked for that.
765
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,080
♪ The White Stripes:
Seven Nation Army ♪
766
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:30,840
♪ I'm gonna fight 'em off
767
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,840
♪ A seven nation army
couldn't hold me back
768
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,680
♪ They're gonna rip it off
769
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,877
♪ Takin' their time
right behind my back
770
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:44,717
(AIR HISSING)
771
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,277
♪ And I'm talkin' to myself
at night Because I...
772
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,197
Now you leave the owl to me,
because I watched a YouTube video
773
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,837
last night and I know
what I'm doing, OK.
774
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,997
You ready. One, two...
775
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,120
Fuck sake...
776
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,117
Sarah Cheeseman.
777
00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:59,717
Yes? Good afternoon.
778
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,717
(SPRAY HISSES) (SCREAMS)
779
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:03,800
Shit.
780
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,077
(CRYING OUT) (FIGHTING)
781
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:09,560
(CRIES OUT)
782
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,440
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
783
00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:20,437
JJ. JJ. JJ give me a hand here!
784
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:21,637
(YELPS)
785
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:23,800
Ow, my fucking eyes.
786
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,957
What the fuck JJ.
(OWL SCREECHES)
787
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,797
No no no no no, down...
788
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:32,400
Get it you fucking idiot.
789
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:35,877
(WHACK) (SPLAT)
790
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:36,917
MAN: Oh, my eyes.
791
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,557
Fuck. (SCREAMING)
792
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:40,957
What happened?
793
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,800
Nothing. Err it's
still breathing.
794
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,397
Right let's go! I can't see.
795
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,000
Fuck sake. Hold my jacket.
796
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,637
Fucking hell...
797
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:52,560
('Seven Nation Army' CONTINUES)
798
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,117
Thought you lot were professionals.
What have you done to it?
799
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:57,677
It's resting. Get in.
800
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,160
Get in!
801
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,917
(ENGINE STARTS, ROARS)
802
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,640
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
803
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:10,360
...there would be trips to and from,
for yourself and your colleagues...
804
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:15,757
...but essentially what we're
looking for old chap is a UK based
805
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,317
promotional agency to help us...
806
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,277
Oh I am starving.
What did you bring?
807
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,397
Right, well listen I don't
know your tastes do I,
808
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,677
so I just got a selection.
I got ham, cheese
809
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,037
and the old reliable
tuna sweetcorn.
810
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,277
Oh I fucking hate tuna.
You can't take that...
811
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,517
Shit, shit, shit...
Fuck, where is he going?
812
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,117
He's going in the fucking room.
813
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,317
Distract him. Fuck's
sake. I'll handle it
814
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:39,640
Don't go.
815
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,397
Oh mate, mate, sorry, there's
just been a little bit of
816
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,840
a misunderstanding
about the room, erm...
817
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,600
(CRACK)
818
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,520
Oh. Oh... Now we're
talking! (LAUGHS)
819
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,800
Bit over-zealous, but
err... very effective.
820
00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:01,800
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
821
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:05,677
SARAH: Hello, who is this?
822
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,437
(DISTORTED) We've got your...
823
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,077
I can't hear a word
that you're saying.
824
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,317
I said: we have your owl.
825
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,437
Towel?
826
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,597
No, fucking forget it.
Postpone the wedding!
827
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,200
Or the owl gets it!
828
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:22,560
Just to be clear, we're not
actually killing the owl.
829
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,480
I'll kill you before
I'll kill the owl.
830
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,037
Argh. Oh sorry.
831
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:30,757
Excuse you.
832
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,477
You look like a man who
knows how to enjoy himself.
833
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,037
Ahah. You've got that right.
834
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,237
We're men of means,
men of the world,
835
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:42,397
what say we find ourselves
a couple of companions
836
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,277
for the rest of evening.
837
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,677
Unfortunately, Rory... Yeah
838
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,957
...those days are behind me. Oh.
839
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,957
I've met a wonderful woman
and I'm getting hitched.
840
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:56,320
Yeah, well, what the
eye doesn't see...
841
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,280
...the heart can't mourn.
842
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,957
(LAUGHS) No. No?
843
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:03,477
No, no, no.
844
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,957
What happens in Hawley
stays in Hawley.
845
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,197
Daphne's a fucking
catch. Is she?
846
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,597
Oh yeah, let me tell you.
847
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:12,757
Amazing in the bedroom.
848
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,037
What she can do with her tongue.
849
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,717
Yes... must be laws against it.
850
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,197
(LAUGHS) (BURPS, GRIMACES)
851
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,677
So apart from the
occasional condom wank.
852
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,117
(SNIFFS) (RETCHES)
853
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:25,960
I'm a one woman man.
854
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,877
Have fun. (LAUGHS)
855
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,680
See yer.
856
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,437
Sorry lads. I tried everything,
857
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,277
but there's no chance
he's cheating on Mrs B.
858
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,717
He is smitten, this lad. We saw.
859
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,637
What is yo use all smiling
for? Look at his face.
860
00:42:44,720 --> 00:42:46,757
Look at his little face.
You don't know, do you?
861
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,240
No. (LAUGHS)
862
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,677
Excellent work fella.
863
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:53,557
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
864
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:54,880
Yeah. Go Ashley.
865
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,320
(CHAMPAGNE POPS)
866
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,680
You got me my venue!
867
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,320
I hope you have the
most wonderful day.
868
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:08,477
♪ Black Rebel Motorcycle
Club: Spread Your Love ♪
869
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,120
Release the hounds.
870
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:14,640
(GLASSES CLINK)
871
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,680
(TAPE WHIRRS)
872
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:21,520
Fabulous money making caper but
have you ever flown, COME FLY?
873
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,877
The people on that airline...
874
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,637
...it's like a Rochdale
nightclub at throwing out time,
875
00:43:27,720 --> 00:43:31,677
hideously ugly people going
on hen do's and lads weekends.
876
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:37,157
Mick the builder, with his tats
and his big tit girlfriend.
877
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,637
They haven't got three
brain cells between them.
878
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:43,957
COME FLY: taking hideously
dumb chavs abroad since 1982.
879
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,477
(LAUGHING)
880
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,117
Stop! Stop!
881
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,077
♪ Fly. Fly, fly, fly...
882
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,837
A prominent PR mogul has resigned
today after making a series
883
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,797
of disparaging remarks about
the customers of one of
884
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,517
his biggest clients.
885
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,037
Earlier today, a private
conversation was published in
886
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,357
which Kenton Baldwin made a
series of shocking comments
887
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:05,597
about customers...
888
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,840
('Spread Your Love' CONTINUES)
889
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,040
(FLAPPING)
890
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,800
(EXCITED CHATTER) (LAUGHTER)
891
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,680
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
892
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,877
Hey up me duck, err
here I am, guess where?
893
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:35,797
Ireland. With me wife Carol,
894
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,197
she wants to show me where
she grew up, and err...
895
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,557
She says we might even meet a
leprechaun if we're lucky...
896
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:42,437
Oh yes, we'll probably
see some leprechauns.
897
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,357
But they'll probably be
cobbling their shoes.
898
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,157
Cobbling their little
boots. Or is it a joke.
899
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:50,920
Anyway I love you man and
err, don't die or anything.
900
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,920
Oh he's a fucking heart breaker.
901
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:58,040
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
902
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:02,437
What do you think then?
903
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,160
I think you've done a good job.
904
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,997
I am concerned your dad might not
approve with your career choices.
905
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,957
Oh fuck him. My dad's a cunt.
906
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,520
You have a lot more in common
with him, than you know.
907
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,160
God.
908
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:21,720
What the fuck...
909
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:28,320
Urg... Just I'm sorry,
hang on a minute. Be back.
910
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:36,957
Davey.
911
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,917
Not me Guvnor.
912
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,320
Davey, what the fuck
are you doing, man?
913
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,840
Now the name is
Alfred. Alfred Barnard.
914
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,520
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC)
915
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,357
How are you gonna afford this?
916
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,157
Therein lies a
very cunning plan.
917
00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:56,997
Which involves me going
for a four days...
918
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,797
(CHEERING) ..to Dusseldorf.
919
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,477
You are here for the bukkake.
920
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,957
Yeah right. Yeah. What's
the worst that can happen.
921
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,640
No no no no no.
922
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,317
You didn't take
the insurance? No.
923
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,237
(SCREAMING) (GAS HISSING)
924
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,400
You mention bukkake
one more fucking time.
925
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:20,800
Fingering fish again?
926
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,120
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
70123
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof