Original subtitles

Talk about a gal with a sun -kissed smile.

She's the cutest thing by a country mile.

The pig -keeper's daughter, the pig -keeper's daughter, the pig -keeper's

daughter, the pig -keeper's daughter. Talk about a gal with a down -home

We're talking about the pig -keeper's daughter.

When the sweet gal shakes her low -down thing, she'd make a one -legged man

dance a buck and wing.

The pig keeper's daughter, the pig keeper's daughter. Pig keeper's

keeper's daughter.

Talk about a gal with a down -home charm.

We're talking about the pig keeper's daughter.

She's a queen, she's peachy queen.

And she's the original love machine.

The pig keeper's daughter, the pig keeper's daughter.

The pig keeper's daughter, the pig keeper's daughter.

Talk about a gal with a down -home charm.

We're talking about the big keeper's daughter.

Talk about a gal with a wide -open fist.

She's got the kind of lovin' you don't want to miss.

Big keeper's daughter.

Big keeper's daughter.

Big keeper's daughter. Big keeper's daughter.

Talk about a gal with a down -home curse.

We're talking about the big keeper's daughter.

She's a wild and wooly gal with a spot on her face.

When she makes love, she shakes all over the place.

The pig keeper's daughter, pig keeper's daughter. The pig keeper's daughter, pig

keeper's daughter. Talk about a gal with a down -home charm.

We're talking about the pig keeper's daughter.

Lord Hamilton, you are the hamphemest fella in the world.

Seems to me you could run for president or something, seeing as how bright you

are.

If and you was a little taller, we could go to dances and picture shows and all

such. How would you like that, Lord Hamilton?

When you come right down to it, there's a whole lot more people that likes pigs

than them that don't.

I heard Jasper saying the other day that the girl he was out with was a pig. It

just makes sense.

He wouldn't call a girl a pig and still go out with her if he didn't like her.

You're a pig just like the pigs you raise.

Don't you say nothing about my pigs. They ain't here to defend themselves.

Your daughter's going to end up the same as you.

All you ever care about is your pigs.

Pigs. Make a lot better friends than some people I know.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, nothing.

Only a pig wouldn't do nothing to hurt a person on purpose.

Well, you better forget about them pigs and start thinking about how you're

going to marry your daughter off. Because ain't no guy around who's going

up with her and those pigs.

Now, Molly, when it's right, it'll be right.

The guy what's right for my little gal will just walk right up and then say,

Howdy, I'm here to ask for Moonbeam's hand.

Well, it'll have to be soon, or he'll have to be good at pushing a wheelchair,

because she's already 19.

Oh, hi.

Where's Patty? She don't want to see you no how.

How would you know, Wingate?

I know.

Hey, now, Wingate, don't get yourself so heated up, boy.

You're just going to buy yourself a peck of trouble.

Someday you'll get yours, Jaffer.

He loves me. He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me. He loves me not.

Jasper, you better leave me be.

Why? Who are you saving it for?

Sure, sonny. I'd be your fellow.

You just let me test how cold the water was before I jumped in.

Ain't no testing going on with me, Jasper.

Oh, come on, Patty.

Come on.

Please don't. I can't.

Sure can't, honey. It's all right. I'll be careful.

Why'd you do that?

I had to. Do you know we almost did?

Do I know we almost did?

Do I know we almost did?

You're damn right I know we almost did. What do you think I am, a ten -year -old

idiot?

Shit. Well, we can't do that. I'm a virgin.

What the hell do you think that thing was made for?

To put in one of your mall's cannon jars and to pickle it so you can keep it

forever?

No, of course not.

But it just ain't right to give it to anybody what happens to pass by.

I'll tell you what, pretty Patty.

You can keep that damn thing till it rots off.

But I'm going over the hill to Moonbeams.

Because she knows what it's for and how to use it to boot.

What'd you find down there to eat, Lord Hamilton?

I swear, you're worse than some of the fellas I know.

Always getting your nose into everything.

Lord Hamilton, did I ever tell you a story about the fairy princess who was

walking along?

Well, she found a little pig just like you.

As she picked him up, he kissed him, and he turned into a handsome young prince.

You plum crazy or something talking to that pig?

What's wrong with talking to a pig? He's about the only truly friend I have.

I want to tell you, Moonbeam, that little pig can't give you what I got for

no matter how much he tries.

Now, you know what I mean, Moonbeam?

I sure do.

Can I look at it and watch it get hard, Jasper?

It's a little late for that. It's done plum hard when I got here.

Shucks. That's the most fun of all, watching it growl.

I'll tell you what we'll do, Moonbeam.

We'll do it once, then we'll finish, and I'll let you watch it get hard.

And then we'll do it again.

Are you going to play with me all over, Jasper?

Sure, sure, honey.

Anything you want.

Okay, it's a deal.

Take a little moonbeam with me.

and sing.

I was plumb thinking about to clear over that hill.

Well... That's a nice to sit I've ever done late eyes on moonbeams Do

you like to kiss them Jasper sure

sure thing honey I Really am glad you

came over Jasper.

I really do like to do this

Let's take your clothes off too, Jasper. So I can see you standing on your own.

Nice.

Thank you.

Ugh.

Here in the backwoods, the people ain't too bright, but along comes a salesman

and sets things right.

He sells his perfume in pretty panties blue to the local yokels and their

daughters too.

When the stars are right and the old man's not at home, he takes his thing

does it all right. The life of a salesman's a happy delight when he gets

nookie on a cold winter's night.

I'm not too particular about the women I choose.

If they're too bad, I'll hide it with booze.

Well, looky here.

stranger hi you're just out for a stroll are you in trouble man you won't

believe my troubles can't you get loose no how'd you get there in the first

place i started out this morning early and had gone 10 miles before i had a

tire and after i fixed i had gone out of 10 miles before i run out of gas i

hiked clear into the tonic i guess and hiked back Got going again, and then I

picked up a hitchhiker.

I felt sorry for him.

I did.

Anyway, when I get out in the country a bit, he pulled out this gun that tells

me to pull up hard.

Made me take off all my clothes and tie me up here, just like you see me.

Boy, I'd say you had your share of troubles, mister.

You can say that again.

Well, I guess this is your unlucky day.

How far are you going?

Oh, down the road.

Uh, you looking for a girl?

Why, sure.

Well, where do you want to go?

Anywhere you want.

Hmm.

Excuse me, I want to get a little more comfortable.

Let's see.

Sure is hot today.

Yeah. How bad you looking for a girl? Well, a guy can always use a pretty girl

like you.

Got any bread, man?

I don't understand.

You know cash.

Yeah, a little. But I don't ever pay for it.

You don't mind if I take off my T -shirt, do you? Not at all.

Drop me off about here.

Now, wait a minute.

I might be able to work out a deal somehow.

Twenty -five bucks.

Twenty -five bucks?

I only got ten. I was figuring on a motel room.

Well, fine. Drop me off at the next little town.

Take it easy.

You're still pointing down.

No! No!

No!

Oh.

Ahhhh!

Well, that'll be 50 bucks.

50 bucks?

Our doctor said 25.

Well, I'm only 15. You wouldn't want to have it known that you raped a 15 -year

-old child.

I don't see why you don't sell them pigs and raise chickens.

Or something that doesn't smell.

Now, you be careful what you say about my pigs. Well, they're sensitive, and

they might hear you.

I'll tell you one thing for sure. If you don't do something about Moonbeam soon,

I'm gonna leave you.

Well, if that's true, and you gotta go, well, you take the old Dodge, because I

need the truck for them pigs.

Now, don't go get all bent out of shape.

Any day now, someone's going to come along.

Well, that just might be him now.

Well, now looky here.

We've been waiting for you.

Come on in.

Mr. Swiner, and this is the missus, what can we do for you?

I work for Ladies Beautiful Corporation.

That is, I, or we, travel from town to town, leaving behind beautiful women.

That is, women that are strong enough to face the world as an altogether

different and more beautiful woman.

But I don't know about Mrs. Swiner.

A woman with that much beauty is pretty difficult to come by.

And very difficult to improve.

Well, I'm going out and pick up after the pigs.

You spread it around in here.

My, don't that smell scrumptious.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

You just sit yourself right down there.

Now, I got a little item here that when you spray it on the most beautiful part

of your body, it makes it smell like lemon lime.

Who'd ever want that on their face?

It's not for your face, ma 'am. It's for the other beautiful part of your body.

Why, I declare... Moon rain!

I'll be back in a couple of days, Mindy.

Watch it hard again.

Molly.

I may call you Molly.

Sure you can.

Doesn't that feel good?

I'd let you massage a little higher if you gave me a bottle of that stuff.

Sure, Molly.

I could massage your shoulder, too, if you could remove your blouse.

That'd be nice.

But it'd be nicer if you gave me a bottle of that stuff for removing my

Why, sure.

It's okay.

I'll do it.

Now you said my shoulders.

After all, it's only one bottle.

Would you like another one?

Sure I would.

Would you consider removing your bra?

Why, sure, if I could have a couple of those.

Maybe a person shouldn't take something for doing something like this.

Somehow it just don't seem right.

That's okay.

I was planning on giving you some presents anyway.

Then would you throw a pair of those stockings in?

Why, sure, Miss Molly.

Wow.

Wow.

You know, I have some lotion that would be considerably good for your legs.

Would you like to try some?

Depends. On what?

If an eye put it on, fine.

If you put it on, then I think we ought to give me a few samples.

Yeah. Well, that's fine.

Well, that's just fine.

Here, let me do that.

Wait a minute.

But you haven't done the other leg yet.

There, that's done.

Can we take off your skirt?

I might consider it if you give me a month's supply of that sweet smelling

salt.

You got the best looking thighs I've ever seen in my whole life.

We might make a deal for my panties if you give me the rest of the stuff on the

table. It's all yours.

All of it.

Every single one. All of them.

Oh, baby.

That's the best looking pussy I've ever seen.

Oh, I could eat you out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Now wait a minute. You have to take off your clothing.

Fuck you, baby.

Oh, come on. Baby.

Baby, come on. I want you, baby.

I didn't think you'd do it for me.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Just like I knew.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Oh come on.

Thank you.

Hi, Wingate. Where's Patty?

What's the matter, little boy?

Cat got your tongue or something?

I seen you putting your dirty hands all over my sister this morning.

If you weren't such a worthless bum, I'd hit you.

Go ahead.

Anyway, boy, I sure don't need the exercise.

Now Wingate boy, I do believe you've just overloaded your ass.

You didn't have to go through that beating, did you, boy?

Just to tell me that.

What am I going to do now that I gave you my whole stock?

Don't you worry none.

Wasn't it worth it?

I thought so then, but now I don't know.

Well, don't worry. I've got a plan for you.

I might give you back some of the stuff if you do me a little favor.

Anything. Anything at all. Now, you come over here and sit down and we'll talk

about it.

My daughter, Moonee, has never seen any of this pretty stuff you sell.

And I figure if she'd gotten to keeping herself pretty, then it'd be easier for

her to catch a man.

Now.

looking for, Jasper?

Well, yeah, I was kind of looking for your brother.

I thought he might want to go fishing.

Well, he might be along just any minute now.

Why don't you come in and talk to me while I do my chores?

Well, yeah, I kind of did want to go fishing, but, well, I guess the same

will be there tomorrow.

Well, see, Jasper, while I go in and freshen up a little bit, I know I must

a mess.

Well, I figured you were plowing and that old mule kind of plumb drug you

Just about right.

But it weren't such a bad ride after all.

Hey, what you doing in there, Patty?

Doesn't take you that long to wash your face.

I'm coming, Jasper. I just want you to see me pretty, that's all.

Turn me on just the way you were.

Kind of like rough -looking girls.

Wow.

Oh, boy. You sure do look like you just walked out of one of their Hollywood

movies.

I've seen you making love to moonbeams.

Did you like it yourself?

I sure did.

In fact, I imagined it was me.

I told you I imagined. I did not say I wanted to be me. Dad, you know I'm a

virgin. Oh, Lord, here we go again.

Well, if that's all the imagination you've got, I guess you better leave.

What are you talking about?

Well, I talked to Mary Lou, who's a virgin too, and she told me that Roger

carefully went around her maidenhood without breaking it.

He did?

Oh, yeah, he did. He sure did.

In fact, I was talking to him just this morning, and he told me how he did it.

In that case, I might let you peck me, but you gotta be real careful.

Well, I promise I'll go around it, honey.

Just like Roger did with Mary Lou's maidenhood.

My, that feels terribly big.

Sure is.

Maybe if it's so big, maybe you can't go around my thing.

Oh, no.

It's the same size as Roger's, and he did it.

Can I put my hand inside and touch it?

You sure can.

You want me to kiss it too?

Why,

of course!

You be careful, Jasper.

It hurts too much, honey. I'll only put it in a little way.

Thank you.

Oh.

I'm in love with you, Lord Hamilton.

There will never be anyone to take your place.

Now, I started to tell you this here story about the fairy princess and the

prince.

She kissed the pig.

And he turned into a handsome young prince.

That feels good.

Young lady, I'm from Ladies Beautiful Corporation, and I spread loveliness and

beauty throughout the nation.

Just what is it you're trying to say, mister?

Step right over here, young lady, and I'll introduce you to a whole new world.

world where there is only beauty.

It's plum pretty around here already.

Just climb up here right there on the fence, and I'll show you some more

things.

Oh, boy, store -bought stockings. Ah, but first, you must apply some lotions

your body that Nefertiti used to use in the days of old Rome.

Who used it? It's not important.

But don't you think you ought to take a bath first, maybe up in the house?

I guess I am a little dirty.

Couldn't I just take a bath in that horse trough over there?

Why, sure, and I'll even put some sweet -smelling things in the water for you.

Would you scrub my back, too? I can never find anybody to do that for me.

Will I ever.

Are you all right? You look mighty peaked.

I'm just fine.

Jasper likes to do that, too. I reckon we could do that other thing after a

I'm dreaming. Don't wake me up.

Maybe I should take a bath with my clothes on because they're just as dirty

am. That way I wouldn't have to wash them later. Oh, no, no, no, no. You

shouldn't do that. You see, if you take your clothes off, I can rub lotion all

over your body and make you feel a lot better.

Okay.

Dude, that smells good.

Yeah, it'll get you good and clean all over.

Would you like to get in and take a bath with me? I sure would.

Take your clothes off, silly.

I now pronounce you man and wife.