Original subtitles

And that's that.

Coffee, Joy?

Love it, Beth.

Hello. Can I help you? I'm here to see Dr. Tracy.

Do you have an appointment?

Yeah, two.

My name is Paul Garvin.

Okay, the doctor will be right back. Have a seat, please.

Thank you.

Hello, Paul.

Well, how are you, Julie?

Great. How about some coffee?

No, thanks.

How's the film coming along?

Oh, just fine.

Good. The doctor will be back in a few minutes.

You can wait in his office if you like.

Oh, thanks.

Lucky you. Not bad.

You think so?

So do you. I'm not blind, honey.

I don't know what to do, Joyce.

I know I shouldn't, but I've been dating Paul.

I really like him.

Whatever you do, don't let the doctor find out.

Your two o 'clock appointment is waiting in your office, doctor.

Am I late?

He was early.

Thank you.

Any messages, Joyce?

Not yet, doctor.

Hello, Paul.

Well.

Here we are.

How's work coming along?

Okay.

In fact, I just started a new picture.

Well, that's progress.

Come on, Paul. What is it?

Spit it out.

Is it the nightmares again?

The mannequin?

Yes. Tell me about it.

Look, Paul, I'm your doctor, not your confessor.

The second you walk through that door, I want you to drop your guilt like it's a

load of garbage.

There's nothing you can't tell me. Believe me, I've probably heard it

Well, why can't I stop myself?

Just when I think it's getting better, it starts in again.

What's wrong with me? All of us, and I mean all of us, have deep, dark secrets

we lock up.

But they won't stay locked up.

They escape in unusual disguises.

And it's our business, yours and mine, to find them out, to find the keys that

unlock these terrible secrets.

They're there, but we've got to find them.

Okay?

Okay.

Now, let's get back to that party, the masquerade.

You say that was the first time you ever dressed completely as a woman.

Yes.

How did you feel?

I enjoyed it.

Well, not because of the dress, but, well, because I was... I felt as though

was looking at the world from some wonderful hiding place.

Well, it's difficult to explain.

Come on. Come on, Paul. Let it out.

By the craziest coincidence, I saw this woman at the party.

She was...

older, and dressed like a man.

She seemed to know exactly where I was at.

She came over to me and never said a word.

Just took my hand and led me away from that party.

We went to my apartment, and for the first time in my life, I felt alive.

My nerves seemed to energize to surge It was like some magic force had taken

over my body and was going to explode between my legs

I

Had always been intimidated by women

The terrible specter of sexual failure clung to me with dead fingers.

But Lisa's wonderful abandon, her natural, joyous appetite for love,

her ache to touch and be touched, her look, the way she moved,

her whole essence orchestrated for the act of love swept my passion beyond my

fear, beyond my consciousness.

And I responded.

God, how I responded.

Oh, Paul.

Oh, Paul.

Oh, yeah.

I was hers.

I was possessed.

And that was the first time you ever made love to a woman?

Yes. And she's the only woman that I've ever loved.

And when did you see her last?

Three years ago.

She died.

Automobile accident.

And since then?

No one, really.

Well, I've tried.

I've tried.

Okay, Paul.

We'll take it from here Friday.

Same time.

Same time.

Goodbye. Still okay for tonight?

Oh, of course.

I'll pick you up after work.

Remember the address.

How could I forget?

We'll see you later.

You are walking on eggshells, honey.

Good afternoon, Dr. Tracy's office.

Well, how about it, baby?

You mind after the performance tonight?

Not tonight. Sorry, Andy. I thought we were all set.

I can't talk now.

Call me tonight.

Is this the way you talk to a star?

Tonight.

I'll talk to you tonight.

Hey, Andy, come in here.

Hey, Andy, get your ass in here.

That was Julie, wasn't it?

She has you standing on your head.

Fuck off.

Don't get mad, honey.

I don't care who you fuck, as long as I get mine.

Hey, I thought this was going to be a foursome.

There's plenty to eat here.

Does your mind take me on yet, pussy?

I'd rather have it there than when your girlfriend Julia keeps hers.

Now, what's that supposed to mean?

It means that weirdo Paul Howard.

She's been seeing that creep for weeks.

Hasn't she, Jack?

That's the rumor.

Anyway, don't get me involved, huh?

You know, I think making those fuck films has softened your brain.

Oh.

I adored being with Paul.

He was such fun and so easy to be with.

We seemed always to be laughing at silly things or at nothing at all.

I loved his face, the gentle brown eyes that surrounded and warmed my heart.

The half -smile that teased was never unkind.

To me, he was the most beautiful man I had ever met.

And yet, there was something.

He was almost too gentle, too passive.

More than anything now, I wanted him to take me, to love me strongly,

forcefully. I wanted to drown in his passion.

But whenever I approached, he withdrew.

The pain was too much.

I prayed so hard tonight would be different.

Whenever I reach out to him, the door closes.

I don't understand.

I feel so hurt and angry.

Hello, Andy.

Where are you?

Okay. Come on over.

Listen, I'm going to make myself a drink.

Would you like one?

Well, it's about time.

And why the hell am I sitting here drinking as if I hadn't had enough?

I resent your coming in here with your fly open.

Well, so what? So I'm honest.

I mean, I can't help it if I'm obvious, you know. I let it all hang on.

You certainly do.

Come here, now. Come here.

I'd love to make you laugh.

Oh, Julie, baby, you know, I can't help it if you just don't like my style, but

you know.

There's just nobody, nobody in this world that turns me on like I do.

Julie, baby.

My baby.

Nobody in this world tells me how I like my Julie.

Let's go to the bedroom. Come on.

Oh, I love touching you.

Amen.

even though the theme had always fascinated them.

It seemed to me that the quality of their love was different, deeper, more

erotic.

The mystery of a woman's love for a woman, its depth, passion,

its fulfillment were facets of the human condition that I could barely imagine.

Still, the mystery of that private world stimulated me.

rarely had any sexual manifestation proven so exciting.

What's the matter, Stephanie?

At least you could have called.

I can understand a man playing games like this, but a woman shouldn't be so

devious.

Called? I don't understand.

Oh, you've cooked dinner. Stephanie, I'm sorry. Really, I am.

I forgot.

Please forgive me.

Why shouldn't? You're getting me that way.

You went out for dinner?

Yes, with Dee Dee and James Heath.

Care for a cocktail?

No, not now.

I'm tired.

I think I'll take a shower and go to bed.

I guess I had my expectations up.

James was very nice, and I wanted him to come up, but he declined.

Now I'm feeling a little frustrated.

So, I'll take a shower, and I'll go to bed.

I have a drink for you

Lynn, I love your breasts.

The way your nipples come alive when I touch them.

I can take the edge off for you.

I can make you relax.

Will you let me try?

Again, I was looking at that familiar stranger.

My mind burning with the images of the film by the fire of their flesh.

I wanted my body to burn in that fire.

I wanted those lips to part and tongues of fire to sear my flesh.

I wanted to be consumed in the oven of their secret sex.

Is Paul here yet?

Yeah, he's inside.

Damn.

That Andy, it's like having lunch with a centipede.

I think he's cute. Listen, whenever you're through with him... He's all

Please. If Paul's different... Different?

God, Paul's from another planet.

Gentle, considerate. Andy never gets his mind above his navel.

Don't knock it, baby.

Hey, I've got an idea. You busy Sunday?

Not particularly.

How about staying over Saturday night?

Why? What's up?

Never mind.

I've just got an idea.

Okay. Surprise me.

Go on, Paul.

And after that, I become so involved with the mannequin that I lose all

with the real world.

When I feel that hard, smooth face, I become

excited.

I want it to fondle me, hold me,

kiss me.

And yet I know it can't. Does the thought of being kissed or fondled by a

person, man or woman, ever excite you?

It frightens me. Does it repulse you?

It frightens me.

I feel my chest tighten and my hands sweat.

I try to fight it, but it's no use.

This young lady you were out with the other night, were you uncomfortable with

her? No, not at all.

Not until the very end.

And then I... I just said goodnight and left her standing there.

I wonder what she must think.

Do you intend seeing her again? I want to.

Very much.

She's the first girl I've been attracted to since... Since, uh...

Do you think I should see her again?

I think you should do what you want to do.

Now, getting back to that fantasy again, I don't know why or what does it,

but some word or look of Polly in that film triggered me.

And then it begins.

Reality, how can I explain it?

Reality fragments in slow motion and feeds energy into my... darkest dreams

and then my fantasy comes to life.

Thank you.

Mm -hmm.

audience.

And when I came out of it, I was sick.

Physically sick.

And frightened.

It was all so real.

And lately it's been getting worse.

Because we're coming close to the nerve.

Therapy is no rose garden, Paul. It's blood and sweat and damn hard work.

Just remember those keys.

We'll find them.

Okay, Paul.

We'll take it from here Friday.

Same time.

Same time.

Hi.

Hi. Would you be interested in my plans for this Sunday?

Fascinated. Spend the day with you. Can you make it?

You've just caught me available.

I'm glad.

I'll call you.

Hey, gorgeous.

There once was a man from St. Paul who claimed he only had one ball.

Those son -of -a -bitches pulled down his britches... And found he had none at

all. Shit.

And I thought I finally had you.

Uh, where's the princess?

Out.

What do you mean, out?

I'd like her to stay out.

We were supposed to go out. I mean, did she leave any kind of a message? I even

brought my camera.

Read this.

Dearest Joyce, have an early date with Paul.

Please wait, have a surprise for you, Julie.

What's the surprise?

You are, I think.

I don't get it.

I mean, it's not like her. If she wanted to break the date, all she'd have to do

is call me.

I know it's not like her, but she knows what she's doing.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah.

I'll have a drink.

Thank you, Jess.

You know, you're a very pretty girl.

If you got rid of that shrink of yours, maybe I'd get you a screen test.

Yeah, with Horny Harry at Pubic Productions.

No thanks. No, no, legit.

I've got my camera.

Sit down. Let me get a few pictures.

All they have to do is look beautiful.

Why did I do this?

I'm crazier than you are. Come on, right up on the ball.

I'm concentrating.

Is that what you call it?

My creative juices are coming to a head.

I feel it too.

All right.

That's it.

Come on, throw those arms up now. I want you to be free. Free to express

yourself. Throw them.

Wait a minute.

Oh, you're Aphrodite.

Hello, Troy.

You're crazy.

Oh, you're Venus.

Thank you.

often went to the park and I loved it. Daisy days I called them. Sweet and

happy. Paul always liked to end up with a carriage ride and always with the same

driver. Sandra was an old friend of Paul. A model he used to photograph.

She was lovely and Paul seemed more than a little attractive.

And why not?

She included sex with easy and natural grace.

More than once I felt Paul drawn to her and had to fight my jealousy.

But then we would settle back and Paul would laugh and I would laugh and the

world would turn into a daisy again.

I won't bite.

At least, not yet.

I really can't stay, Julie. Of course you can.

We're all alone and all's right with the world.

Oh, Paul, I do like you so much.

I could eat a whole apple pie.

What is it?

Is something wrong?

Yes, something is wrong.

God damn it!

I'm wrong, can't you see that?

Are you stupid?

I'm wrong.

Andy. Andy!

Andy!

Andy! What the hell are you doing here?

Oh, boy.

Where's Joyce?

Oh, she's gone.

Some water. Why are you still here?

We had a date, remember?

Didn't Joyce tell you I was out?

Oh, yeah.

With that weirdo, Paul.

Oh, you're sick. You're going to be dead in a minute. Why didn't you leave?

Because I was mad.

Because you stood me up.

And you're making a schmuck out of me, and I don't want this.

Fresh air will help.

Get out!

Oh, shut up. I mean... What's the rush? You expect me out creepo back?

Get out.

What's with you and that jerk anyway?

I mean, he's strange.

He's freaky.

I worked on two films with him, I know.

I caught him in the makeup room, putting mascara on, running down his face. He

was crying.

Do I have to call the doorman to get you out?

All right.

I'm going. All right.

You know this whole fucking world is crazy?

You.

And me.

Joyce.

Everybody.

But, baby, let me tell you one thing.

That Paul...

He stands out.

Even...

The image of Sandra wouldn't leave.

Her signals were loud and clear.

The look, the smile, the moves.

So deliberate, so knowing.

She had turned on a switch and she knew it.

I wanted her.

Beyond understanding, I wanted her.

I wanted to be drawn into the well of her lean thighs.

To have my sex drawn in the strong, sinewy body.

Now.

I wanted her now.

Sandra.

Oh. Oh, join us.

Oh, God.

Julie, baby, what is it?

Come on, tell Joycey.

Oh, Joyce, I don't know what to do.

I just don't know what to do. Is it Paul?

He doesn't feel the same way?

That's just it. He does.

I know he does. And I love him.

Nothing seems to happen.

The other night...

I threw myself at him and he turned from me like I was some kind of a monster.

He literally ran from me.

And Andy implied all kinds of dreadful things about Paul.

You mean he's gay?

No.

Freaky, weirdo things. Things I couldn't even understand.

Maybe Andy's lying. I don't know.

You knew the risk when you started to see him.

That's just it. I don't know.

I don't know what his problem is or what the risk is.

If I knew, maybe I could help him. That's the doctor's job, baby.

Give it time.

I guess you're right. Look, it's almost five o 'clock. Go home. I'll finish

typing. Oh, no, Joyce.

Thanks, but I'm almost finished.

I'm all right, really.

Well, call me if you get the bluesies or want to get bombed. I will.

Promise? I promise.

I've never had one of these inside me.

But what pleasure will you get?

The feel of your body.

Our breasts touching. Your hard nipples touching mine.

The satisfaction of giving you pleasure.

For some obscure reason, the film now depressed me.

I felt terribly lonely.

I tried walking it off, but I couldn't shake it.

My mind was on Julie.

I was overcome with a need to see her, to lose myself in the warmth and

tenderness of her love.

But I couldn't bring myself to call her, to hurt her again.

My need for Julie was tearing at me.

It seemed to come deep within my soul.

I could feel her pulsing life, warmth, even the smell of perfume.

Was I completely mad?

Look into my eyes, Paul.

See my love, my soul.

I can feel her breath.

Hold her softness.

Paul, darling Paul, know it's me.

Alive, loving.

Eating.

Oh, please be real.

Oh, God, please be real.

Oh.

Oh, darling.

Oh. Oh.

time I saw Paul and Julie was on one of my occasional walks in the park.

They were feeding nuts to the squirrels, and looking at them, I felt rather

pleased. Though to be honest, I was angry at the son of a bitch for taking

the best secretary I ever had.

As for me, well, as a good teacher learns from his students, so a good

learns from his patients.

And for what I learned from Paul, I'll be eternally grateful.