Original subtitles

Yeah,

now you gotta worry about West Nile, Snuffleupagus, Zika, Malaria.

Next you're gonna be saying fucking mosquitoes carry AIDS.

Uh,

no. The T -bones?

I didn't bring them.

I brought a porterhouse.

No, the sticks for the... Oh!

I'm hungry.

They're in the supply box.

It ain't too windy anyways, man. We got canopy cover. This thing ain't going

nowhere.

Looks good.

Tenth year in a row we're out here, man.

You've missed every one prior.

Yeah, well...

It's a little hard to get off work, you know.

The kids and everything.

Yeah, but I don't know how you let your daughter come out here and you don't

come with her.

That's what I have you for.

Where are they at?

Does she know how to get here? Of course, man.

Like I said, she's been here ten years in a row. You've never been once.

She's got it, bro.

And she's with my daughter, too, so they got it.

Boy. Man.

What?

Taking a break on me already?

Yeah, man, everything looks good already. I'm waiting for them to bring

stuff. You sparking the grill or what?

I'm on it.

Let me take a little break, man. It's getting hot out here.

Mosquitoes are killing me.

You sleeping in that one?

No, that's yours.

No, it's not.

That's the rookie's tent, bro.

So how'd you do on the chemistry test?

It was good. I think I did well.

Tired as hell.

Thank you.

It's nice to be here camping.

Yeah, it is.

It's super pretty out here. I know. It's so beautiful today.

I'm so excited.

I just love how green it is.

I've been camping so long.

It'd be nice. Yeah.

We've been out here so many times, but every single time we managed to get

Hey, Dad?

Dad?

Oh, hey.

Oh, you guys got the pens set up.

Oh, hey.

Hey, the fire started. Hey, come on, man.

You're calling me a rookie. I got a lighter right there. You're trying to

fire with two stakes.

It doesn't make it look so easy.

We got the stakes and stuff.

Where do you want me to put this? I know, I'm close. It's getting warm.

Why don't you spread that out right over here?

Oh, shit,

I just sweat on it.

I got the lighter right there, man. I was trying to do it the authentic way.

That's how we do it every year here.

Well, you got to show me how it's done. We usually use a bow staff.

On my day, we used to use a magnifying glass.

That'd be great if we didn't have so much canopy cover.

It is so hot out.

I know.

A little Florida heat.

So you guys got to show me the ropes. What do you guys do out here? This is

Yeah, for the most part, cook some food. We can go fishing. We have a fishing

pole.

This is really relaxing.

Yeah, it's nice.

Lounge around.

Yep.

It's wonderful.

Very nice out here.

So what are you wearing for prom?

I don't know if I'm going.

I don't have a date.

You better not have a date.

And you better not have your cell phone either.

I didn't bring it.

You know what we talked about. No technology on this trip.

Yeah, I know. I know.

You guys are such a dick. You won't let me bring my phone out here. Hey, I heard

that.

I don't see the big deal.

I could just take the phone.

It's not like I'm going to be on it all the time.

Well, like, you need to check everything for, like, school or, like, just

hanging out with other people. Yeah, like homework or something.

Like, what if my teacher emails me, you know? And then, like, you have a report

due on Monday.

Dad, when do you get to bring your phone?

I paid for this trip.

Paying for this trip now, paying for your school and your car and your cell

phone. I just don't do a big deal.

It's just a phone.

I mean, you're on yours.

I'm taking care of business.

Okay. Hey, don't talk back.

All right? Mind your elders.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Hey.

Can you show some respect? We'll go home right now.

I like his style.

I am showing respect, Dad.

So why don't you girls just, like, get your bags and put the food and all that

stuff away in your tent.

The food in the tent?

Yeah. Just put it away. It doesn't need to be sitting out here.

Florida brown bear has a sense of smell a hundred times greater than that of a

human. Do you want to put that next to your daughter in a tent?

I didn't really think of it like that, but yeah. Keep it off the campsite in a

sealed cooler. Come on, man.

I know it's your first time, but common sense.

You watch too much TV.

No, I've done this too many times and I've had too many close encounters.

I know we want to be close to nature and all that, but not too close.

I get it. Well, put it away. It doesn't need to be sitting out over there. Yeah,

I don't want it to get hot. The flies are going to get on it.

How far do you want it to put it away?

You've been with us many times.

It's 100 yards outside the campground.

Thank you.

You gotta be on them. You gotta be on them. I mean, I don't know what's up

these girls, man.

They boss us around so much. I know.

They just want to come out here and chill, and they're always telling us

do. Yeah.

It's not even like a bear is around in this area, but... No, I have never seen

bear. I know.

Heard of a bear being around here.

I don't even think they live here.

Next time we're going to build a lean -to. We're going to get rid of these

tents. A lean -to?

That's how the natives did it.

That's how we should do it. Get in touch with our roots.

It's a real simple philosophy.

Smaller than an A -frame, but it sheds water better.

Will you show me?

Like so.

Looks so nice.

So let's say you got yourself a nice sturdy oak right here.

Okay. With a low -lying cross branch.

So what you do is you line your branches up against here.

Find me another stick like that.

And you grab palm fronds and lay them on top and you thatch it like this.

And you sleep under here.

It's a lean tube.

And we're going to build one?

Next year. I don't think we can fit in that. Next year.

We brought tents and shit. You're like a real bush craftsman, huh?

If you can't make fire with it, you might as well do something.

I'll do stick diagrams, I guess.

You're supposed to show me how it's done.

Next year.

All right.

I mean, I've got to introduce you slowly.

Or we could just use the lighter.

I'm not trying to build a fire anymore. I'm showing you what we're going to

sleep in next year.

Oh, well.

In that case, next year I'll bring my tent.

Mr. Wallace, you've taught me so much.

That's good. Teach your dad now.

I don't know if he'll understand. He's a noob out here. Yeah, I know.

There's a certain way you've got to lay the leaves, too, so that they shed water

better. If you go upside down, then it's going to get dry.

You don't want that, especially out here.

Not for 14 days, you know.

It'll be a wet fortnight, that's for sure.

Did your dad always like that?

Fucking Mr. Twigs over there?

Not always, but a lot of the time.

He likes camping. He's a real outdoorsy man.

I can tell. He's become a real ranger Joe.

You've got to come out with you guys more often. There's no bathroom or

anything? No, you just go pee behind a tree or something.

What do you wipe with?

I mean, you can bring toilet paper.

It's not that hard to bring with you. I didn't think that far. You can use a

leaf if you want.

Don't pick a poison ivy. Hey, guys, can you show them where the restroom is? It

needs to wash up a bit.

Come on, Jimbo.

You serious now?

Well, I mean, I was just kind of actually curious about how you're going

your daughter wipe with one of these leaves.

There's a banana tree not 20 yards south of the camp. Come on. So what's with

the banana tree? You could wipe with banana leaves? Banana leaves are useful

a lot of things, actually. Very gentle.

Almost like double pie.

Better than two pie.

You're going to have to try that out.

Oh, yeah. You got the rumbles and the jumbles?

A little bit. I don't know. I'm a little nervous about this. I hear all these

little noises in this jungle.

You're not the only one here.

No? I mean... You know, Jim, you're vastly different from your daughter.

Your daughter gets it.

She's been coming out here for 10 years now.

She can rough it.

You need to take after her as opposed to her taking after you.

She's always been more of a nature girl, you know?

She likes trees and nature.

That's her thing.

I'd rather be on my couch right now with a beer.

A beer would be nice right now.

You can't drink.

I know.

You better not be drinking at those parties you go to. I'm not.

It goes for you, too.

I don't know. We keep an eye on you. I don't drink.

I'm so glad you're out here. It's usually just the three of us.

You should come all the way up.

Maybe I will. Yeah.

I got this on the little tent, by the way.

On the little tent? It's cozy in there.

Yeah, do you want to go in there? Yeah, let's go check it out. There's a lot

going on.

This here tree is the Florida Point Sienna.

This is a nice little sleeping bag. Indigenous to these areas.

You can tell by the red flowers.

You can flower all year round, actually.

You're full of shit.

How the fuck do you even know that?

Well, a lot of people confuse the name Poinsettia and Poinsettia, like the

Christmas flower. Yeah. So, easy to remember on that train of thought. The

Poinsettia, not the Poinsettia. And red flowers, much like the Christmas.

I'm fucking with you, man. Come on, bro. Lighten up. Oh, man. Are you fucking

kidding me? Speaking of that beer, man, where's the cooler at? You bring the

cooler? Yeah, let me go grab that.

I'm with you, too. Let these girls talk.

It felt amazing. Everything about it was perfect.

My dad doesn't know it all. It's fucking annoying.

He pisses me off sometimes.

Well, he does know it all.

Yeah, but he's like the way he talks about it.

Well, he's really, really smart.

I like your dad. He's so nice.

He can be pretty annoying, though. He talks like he just doesn't want to be

here.

Well, I mean, it's his first time camping, so he'll get used to it. Well,

wish he was, like, more supportive of, like, me being out here with, like, you

guys. But this is, like, his first time out, I guess. He's just experiencing new

things. Yeah, my dad makes me go camping all the time. I mean, like, sometimes

it's fun, but sometimes it's, like... Yeah, like, you just want to stay home

sometimes. And, like, because you can't work on anything out here.

Hey, this is really nice out here.

Hey, you think I could talk to you for a second?

Yeah. I just want you to know that I really appreciate you, you know, taking

daughter out here and, you know, the past couple of years. I know I can't

be here all the time, but I appreciate it. I really do. No, hey, no problem.

Glad you finally made it out here with us, man.

She looks good, doesn't she?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah. She's a good girl.

No, I mean, she looks good, though. She's a hottie, right?

I'll meet you at camp.

Go on. I mean, hey, put that down. I don't want to talk. Listen, seriously.

I kind of didn't want to tell you this, but I found her journal.

She's kind of grown quite fond of you, you know, the past couple of times

taken her out.

She wants you, Sean. I can't make that up.

I mean, it's like she's known you for years.

Like, I've known your daughter.

I mean, it was in her journal. Like, she's thought about you sexually.

Are you kidding me?

She's young, you know. You know how young girls, they kind of, they get

hormones and... What are you getting at, man?

Well, I kind of think that, you know, they're a little comfortable right now.

And, you know, they're... You might actually have a chance if you just...

your daughter?

I mean, she's thought about you sexually.

I think all we got to do is make a move.

I mean, they're pretty comfortable right now.

On each other's daughters?

Well, I mean, you don't really got to look if you don't want to.

But I think they're into it.

And I mean, I know she's into you.

Let's do it.

I mean, you're cool with it too?

Like with me?

Are we going to do it or no?

Are we doing it or no?

I'm ready.

About time.

Let's do this.

Can I have a beer?

Oh, hey, in a few more years you can.

But,

um, I want to show you how to start a fire.

Really?

Do some fishing and then build a lean -to like I was showing you.

Okay.

So what are you ladies talking about?

Nothing, just school and stuff.

Yeah? You know, just being a good girl.

That's good.

Oh, my God.

Are you having fun camping?

I like it. It's pretty cool. I just kind of wish there was a bathroom.

You'll get used to it.

What? It's cool.

I know you're cool. And your dad doesn't care. Trust me. You sure? You're not

like, he didn't tell you to do this? No, no.

I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that.

No, you look really beautiful.

What? Oh.

Thank you.

You know you look pretty sexy smoking that cigarette.

What?

He can't hear.

I really think you're beautiful.

Thank you, but I don't think you're supposed to say that.

Well, it's good to get compliments every once in a while.

Yeah, I guess.

I kind of seen you looking at me before when we were sitting on the blanket.

No, I wasn't.

You know the little journal that she keeps around?

Yeah. What about it? Well, I kind of found out that she's kind of got a crush

your dad.

You guys read her journal?

I didn't want to, but then, you know, when I started seeing how, you know, her

sexual fantasies about the father, I kind of got a little bit curious.

And I know that can be kind of normal sometimes for teens, and I kind of know

that, you know, you...

You feel some kind of way towards me.

She wrote about that?

No, she didn't, but you just confessed.

I mean, it's cool, though. It's cool. Listen, me and your dad, we worked

something out.

We made a little deal with each other, and we're all going to have fun.

It's going to be a good trip. What kind of deal?

Well, let's just say we're going to have fun.

It might get a little wet during dry season.

Are you serious?

Yeah. I mean, you get what I'm trying to say, right?

I shouldn't be doing this. You're my best friend's dad.

Listen, we made a deal. It's okay.

Yeah, there you go. Nice big one.

We don't want the fire to last 10 minutes.

Now throw them.

Throw them?

Yeah.

There you go. Perfect. That's right where they belong.

What? Yeah.

But my dad.

Your dad what?

He's right over there. That's all right.

So I read your diary.

No, seriously, I mean, after I read it, I find it quite appealing.

Did you? Yeah.

What'd you like about it?

Everything.

Everything? Yeah.

Like what?

About the part how you've been looking at me in that way for quite some time.

Um... How come you didn't say anything?

Because you're my best friend's dad.

Well, that's all right. She seems to be doing just fine on her own. What do you

mean?

Me and your dad worked on a deal. Come here.

What are you doing?

I told you me and your dad worked on a deal. I read your diary. Come on.

Let's get on it.

Ever been with an older man?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

Fuck my dick.

Whoa, what the fuck's going on here?

No, I'm kidding. Come on. Come on. Come on. I thought we had a deal. Yeah, we

did. We did.

Oh, my God. I just fell on my desk.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck you.

Turn around, don't move.

Thank you.

Ha ha.

Yeah.

You're a fucking pussy.

Yeah, right back there.

Oh, my

God. Oh, yes.

Yeah,

right back there. Oh, my God.

Right back there.

Oh, my God.

that deck.

Yeah, look at me with those beautiful eyes while you suck my dick.

Oh, yes.

Honey, get your foot out of my face.

Fucking pussy.

Fuck, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

I'm going to water my face. Oh, fuck.

Are you going to come?

Yeah, you want me to come? Yeah.

Oh, fuck, I'm going to come.

Come on, water my face. Yeah, you're going to have to come.

Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm gonna come right now.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck, yes.

Oh.

is wild.

That's the best camping trip ever. Jesus Christ.