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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:33,213 “这么着还是那么着” 2 00:01:33,713 --> 00:01:36,463 这是莎士比亚的问题呀 3 00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:41,880 等我们离开北京，到了上海 4 00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:43,921 “这么着还是那么着” 5 00:01:44,546 --> 00:01:47,546 又变成了大家伙儿的问题了 6 00:01:48,255 --> 00:01:50,505 冒险家的乐园嘛 7 00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:54,755 您像我这么个好人 8 00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:58,255 可以这么着，也可以那么着 9 00:01:58,338 --> 00:02:00,588 这“这么着还是那么着” 10 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,755 什么时候 11 00:02:02,838 --> 00:02:06,463 它又变成了我自个儿的问题了呢？ 12 00:02:08,338 --> 00:02:14,338 咱们这故事 得从武大帅的公子武七讲起 13 00:02:14,421 --> 00:02:18,630 他遇见了个顶大的麻烦，找我帮忙 14 00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:21,588 我还真给他帮成了 15 00:02:22,505 --> 00:02:24,130 那么我是谁呀？ 16 00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:27,380 马走日便是在下 17 00:02:30,296 --> 00:02:31,338 我热爱上海 18 00:02:32,046 --> 00:02:33,713 上海让我成了我 19 00:02:33,796 --> 00:02:35,213 我爸成了我爸 20 00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:36,630 我家成了我家 21 00:02:36,713 --> 00:02:39,838 但是这一次，我却让上海丢了脸 22 00:02:39,921 --> 00:02:43,505 十天前，我心爱的葛施里妮小姐 从义大利飞来 23 00:02:43,588 --> 00:02:45,421 她刚下飞机就跟我说 24 00:02:45,505 --> 00:02:48,880 她要吃全上海最有名的王婆刀鱼面 25 00:02:48,963 --> 00:02:49,963 我说：“吃” 26 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,880 我清空了街道，包下餐厅 27 00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:55,546 我亲手把面端到她的面前 28 00:02:56,796 --> 00:02:57,796 她并没有吃 29 00:02:58,296 --> 00:02:59,296 她问我 30 00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:00,630 “王婆呢？” 31 00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:02,130 我说：“走了” 32 00:03:03,088 --> 00:03:04,755 她起身就走到街上 33 00:03:05,255 --> 00:03:06,255 她问我 34 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,463 “这街上的人呢？” 35 00:03:08,546 --> 00:03:09,963 我说：“全轰走啦” 36 00:03:11,296 --> 00:03:12,755 她很生气 37 00:03:13,713 --> 00:03:16,880 她用手指着我的鼻子恶狠狠地说 38 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:18,838 “无赖” 39 00:03:22,296 --> 00:03:23,505 我 40 00:03:23,588 --> 00:03:24,921 武七 41 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:28,921 我让一个义大利娘们骂我是无赖 42 00:03:44,630 --> 00:03:45,671 第二天 43 00:03:46,713 --> 00:03:47,880 我冲到机场 44 00:03:47,963 --> 00:03:50,296 拦下葛施里妮小姐的私人飞机 45 00:03:50,838 --> 00:03:52,213 我拔出手枪 46 00:03:52,296 --> 00:03:53,171 面对她的保镖 47 00:03:53,255 --> 00:03:55,255 我说：“你给我滚开，滚！” 48 00:03:56,630 --> 00:03:57,630 冲上飞机 49 00:03:58,171 --> 00:03:59,171 我说 50 00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:00,255 “小姐 51 00:04:00,713 --> 00:04:02,963 面来了 52 00:04:03,046 --> 00:04:05,505 王婆也来了” 53 00:04:06,838 --> 00:04:07,921 她没有理我 54 00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:10,213 她走到王婆面前 55 00:04:10,296 --> 00:04:12,046 捧起王婆的脸 56 00:04:16,838 --> 00:04:18,338 她端起面问我 57 00:04:20,213 --> 00:04:21,213 “锅气呢？” 58 00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:23,130 我说：“什么？” 59 00:04:24,005 --> 00:04:25,505 “锅的气” 60 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,713 我根本不懂她说什么 61 00:04:28,796 --> 00:04:29,838 什么叫锅气？ 62 00:04:31,421 --> 00:04:32,755 她转脸问王婆 63 00:04:34,046 --> 00:04:35,130 “这么好的面 64 00:04:35,713 --> 00:04:37,213 是不是应该有锅气？” 65 00:04:37,296 --> 00:04:38,380 王婆点点头 66 00:04:39,005 --> 00:04:40,171 她接着对我说 67 00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:42,630 “我的飞机前面是厨房 68 00:04:43,130 --> 00:04:44,463 这里是餐桌 69 00:04:44,546 --> 00:04:47,046 从厨房到餐桌正好五公尺 70 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,546 面端上来 71 00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:51,671 在这五公尺里头才有锅气 72 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,421 武七少爷 73 00:04:55,088 --> 00:04:56,088 你是中国人 74 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,296 还是大帅的儿子 75 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,546 居然不知道什么叫锅气 76 00:05:01,421 --> 00:05:02,421 永别了 77 00:05:03,338 --> 00:05:05,046 忘掉罗马假日 78 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,421 忘掉葛施里妮 79 00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:10,005 因为我已经把你忘记了 80 00:05:10,505 --> 00:05:14,421 你是一个暴发户” 81 00:05:17,046 --> 00:05:18,463 说完她就飞走了 82 00:05:19,046 --> 00:05:20,380 她飞去了东京 83 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,463 她再也不会回来了 84 00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:26,046 我就像一个傻子一样站在那儿 85 00:05:26,713 --> 00:05:27,755 我一回头 86 00:05:28,255 --> 00:05:30,880 王婆居然在冲我笑 87 00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:35,130 事后 88 00:05:36,671 --> 00:05:39,005 我寻遍了文人雅士 89 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,088 我问他们 90 00:05:40,171 --> 00:05:42,213 我怎么才能把我的面子 91 00:05:42,296 --> 00:05:44,546 和上海的面子全部找回来？ 92 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:48,463 我怎么才能把钱从新的变成旧的？ 93 00:05:49,255 --> 00:05:51,005 所有人的答案出奇地一致 94 00:05:51,755 --> 00:05:53,088 就是来找你 95 00:05:53,796 --> 00:05:54,796 马走日 96 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,880 为什么先带姑娘去吃面？ 97 00:06:02,421 --> 00:06:04,338 为什么不先带她来找我？ 98 00:06:04,838 --> 00:06:06,130 从现在开始 99 00:06:06,213 --> 00:06:08,380 唯你马走日马首是瞻 100 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,171 你得帮我这个忙 101 00:06:10,921 --> 00:06:12,213 怎么帮法？ 102 00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:36,505 不成 103 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,046 这我不答应 104 00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:39,796 王婆不该死 105 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,463 你说，你…你自己说 106 00:06:42,546 --> 00:06:45,171 多少钱？你能说一个，行 107 00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:48,255 你亲姐武六的亲妈 108 00:06:49,088 --> 00:06:51,838 是我这辈子唯一的老师 109 00:06:52,421 --> 00:06:54,005 一日为师，终生为父 110 00:06:54,088 --> 00:06:56,171 我把我这唯一的老师 111 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,255 当成了我的亲妈 112 00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:00,963 我把自己当成她的亲儿子 113 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,671 可是你不尊重我 114 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,088 你求我办事 115 00:07:04,171 --> 00:07:05,963 你连个“您”字都不说 116 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:12,380 你刚才说了15个“你”字 117 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,046 马先生 118 00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:15,338 实不相瞒，那件事之后 119 00:07:15,421 --> 00:07:17,755 我是落下病根了，我不太敢花钱了 120 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,046 这些钱全砸在手里，我得花呀 121 00:07:20,130 --> 00:07:21,838 - 多少钱呀？ - 够买半个上海 122 00:07:21,921 --> 00:07:25,546 马先生，这些钱您得帮我花出去 123 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:27,296 但就一条，得花得体面 124 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,963 让我看着像一个有钱贵族 125 00:07:29,046 --> 00:07:30,838 让葛施里妮小姐佩服我 126 00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:33,505 让她回到上海亲自跟我道歉 127 00:07:33,588 --> 00:07:34,588 到那个时候 128 00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:36,463 您想要多少钱 129 00:07:36,546 --> 00:07:38,088 您自个儿拿 130 00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:43,296 武七少爷啊武七少爷 131 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,088 我什么时候得罪过你？ 132 00:07:46,171 --> 00:07:48,921 你非得剜我心里这疮疤 133 00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:51,546 我但凡上点心 134 00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:53,588 它也不至于亡在我的手里 135 00:07:53,671 --> 00:07:56,838 - 谁？谁亡了？ - 别瞒他 136 00:07:56,921 --> 00:07:58,713 - 到该说出来的时候了 - 小马 137 00:07:58,796 --> 00:08:01,380 - 大清亡国不全怪你 - 就怪我 138 00:08:01,463 --> 00:08:02,588 就下雪那天 139 00:08:02,671 --> 00:08:05,130 老佛爷给我叫去 140 00:08:05,213 --> 00:08:07,046 一进门就给我按在炕头上说 141 00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:09,338 “小马，都说你有主意 142 00:08:09,421 --> 00:08:10,421 你给我出出主意 143 00:08:10,463 --> 00:08:11,713 现在咱们该怎么办？” 144 00:08:11,796 --> 00:08:14,380 我说：“人头咱们留着 145 00:08:14,463 --> 00:08:16,713 人头后面这辫子铰了” 146 00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,463 老佛爷说 “你给我说清楚，什么意思？” 147 00:08:18,546 --> 00:08:20,380 我说：“很简单啊 148 00:08:20,463 --> 00:08:23,296 从明天开始全国男的… 149 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:25,921 辫子全铰了” 150 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,421 老佛爷看了我半天 151 00:08:28,505 --> 00:08:29,380 “你接着说” 152 00:08:29,463 --> 00:08:31,546 我说：“这不就是为了警示世界吗？ 153 00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:32,713 让他们知道 154 00:08:32,796 --> 00:08:35,421 咱们有一颗往前走的心啊 155 00:08:35,505 --> 00:08:36,338 小道理啊” 156 00:08:36,421 --> 00:08:38,796 老佛爷一听，指着我说 157 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,421 “小子，都说咱娘儿俩对脾气 158 00:08:41,505 --> 00:08:42,505 还真是 159 00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:44,755 你赶紧现在给我出去 160 00:08:44,838 --> 00:08:46,921 马上把这事给我办了 161 00:08:47,005 --> 00:08:49,963 我随后颁旨，朝廷支持你” 162 00:08:50,546 --> 00:08:51,546 我高兴啊 163 00:08:52,463 --> 00:08:54,755 我这一溜小跑，我就出了紫禁城 164 00:08:56,255 --> 00:08:58,088 这大雪下得 165 00:08:58,921 --> 00:09:00,546 可是我浑身冒汗 166 00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:01,671 喝点酒 167 00:09:01,755 --> 00:09:03,338 两坛子酒喝进去了 168 00:09:09,838 --> 00:09:11,005 等我醒过来 169 00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:14,296 民国了 170 00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:19,380 那辫子不也都铰了吗？ 171 00:09:19,463 --> 00:09:21,213 人逼着铰的 172 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,296 跟自个儿主动铰的 173 00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:27,046 那是一回事儿吗？ 174 00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:28,130 所以说 175 00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:30,213 咱俩互为因果 176 00:09:30,921 --> 00:09:31,963 怎么说呢？ 177 00:09:32,463 --> 00:09:34,130 我但凡不喝这点儿酒 178 00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:36,213 辫子铰了 179 00:09:36,296 --> 00:09:37,505 辫子铰了 180 00:09:37,588 --> 00:09:40,421 大清也不会这么快就亡 181 00:09:40,505 --> 00:09:42,255 大清不这么快亡 182 00:09:42,338 --> 00:09:45,171 你爸爸也不至于这么快就当上大帅 183 00:09:46,213 --> 00:09:47,630 也算是 184 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,296 一段尘缘吧 185 00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:52,630 您是打算要帮我？ 186 00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:58,671 小的给正白乌哈拉萨虎爵赏都统 世袭佐领兼云骑尉 187 00:09:58,755 --> 00:10:01,588 嘎图辉达拉哈多罗贝勒请安了 188 00:10:01,671 --> 00:10:04,213 你得请我喝酒啊 189 00:10:04,296 --> 00:10:05,755 喝多少都算我的 190 00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,130 起来吧 191 00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:09,088 叫你起来 192 00:10:09,171 --> 00:10:10,171 起来吧 193 00:10:13,088 --> 00:10:14,463 有朝一日 194 00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:17,088 我或许碰着麻烦得求到您 195 00:10:17,171 --> 00:10:19,380 但是我希望我永远碰不到这麻烦 196 00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:21,505 在我求到您之前 197 00:10:22,296 --> 00:10:24,796 我和项警官把您这点儿银子 198 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,671 从新的变成旧的 199 00:10:26,755 --> 00:10:30,380 - 这事儿像是洗钱呢，我怎么觉着？ - 是洗钱啊 200 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,671 我没说明白吗？ 201 00:10:31,755 --> 00:10:32,921 说明白了 202 00:10:33,005 --> 00:10:35,005 我用糟蹋我爸军费 203 00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:37,046 来维护太平，反对战争 204 00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:39,380 - 这事儿不好吗？ - 若是这等情操 205 00:10:39,463 --> 00:10:40,588 咱们是同一境界 206 00:10:40,671 --> 00:10:42,671 钱花完了，境界会更高 207 00:10:43,255 --> 00:10:45,338 - 受累 - 好，不客气 208 00:10:45,421 --> 00:10:46,671 慢走，回头我找你 209 00:10:48,005 --> 00:10:51,005 这么多钱，怎么花呀？ 210 00:10:58,796 --> 00:11:00,130 一个字 211 00:11:00,213 --> 00:11:01,213 花 212 00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:05,338 上海，是的，还是上海 213 00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,671 她是摩登之都、时尚之都 更是冒险之都 214 00:11:07,755 --> 00:11:11,213 环球花域总统之决选 215 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:14,421 将在此拉开大战幕 216 00:11:14,505 --> 00:11:16,171 什么是美的真谛？ 217 00:11:16,255 --> 00:11:18,171 什么是善的意义？ 218 00:11:18,255 --> 00:11:19,713 本届花域大选 219 00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:23,171 首次面向全世界招募选手 220 00:11:23,255 --> 00:11:24,796 仅仅一天 221 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,421 就有来自英、法、美、俄等 222 00:11:27,505 --> 00:11:29,796 各国上万名选手报名 223 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,921 大区赛、大国赛、大洲赛 224 00:11:33,005 --> 00:11:35,671 花域大选 225 00:11:35,755 --> 00:11:39,463 迎来上海之总决选 226 00:11:39,546 --> 00:11:42,421 上海各租界全部加入举办地的争夺 227 00:11:42,505 --> 00:11:44,130 最终法警署警官项飞田 228 00:11:44,213 --> 00:11:45,463 为法租界之大世界 229 00:11:45,546 --> 00:11:46,880 争到最高主办权 230 00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:49,296 不是我们选择了花域大选 231 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,630 而是花域大选选择了我们 232 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:54,296 我想告诉大家 大世界不仅是霞飞路的 233 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,421 也是南市区的，更是全上海的 234 00:12:00,505 --> 00:12:02,255 来自湖牙小镇的苏珊娜 235 00:12:02,338 --> 00:12:04,171 因为等待威格兰女王的签字盖章 错过报名时间 236 00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:06,380 伤心欲绝，跳楼自杀 237 00:12:07,088 --> 00:12:09,588 客居上海之欧侨为其发起请愿活动 238 00:12:09,671 --> 00:12:11,505 并得到广大上海市民的支援 239 00:12:11,588 --> 00:12:14,130 组委会主席马走日 240 00:12:14,213 --> 00:12:15,671 不得不发表公开声明 241 00:12:15,755 --> 00:12:18,171 花域大选改成了公开赛 242 00:12:18,255 --> 00:12:20,130 这是花选改变的一小步 243 00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:22,421 也将是美人进化史上的一大步 244 00:12:22,505 --> 00:12:24,088 在追寻、追求美的道路上 245 00:12:24,171 --> 00:12:27,255 全世界会不会有一个统一的标准 246 00:12:27,338 --> 00:12:29,380 现在兄弟我并不敢妄言 247 00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:31,130 但是我相信探寻答案的过程 248 00:12:31,213 --> 00:12:33,421 需要我们大家 每一个人的一颗包容的心 249 00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:36,046 同时我也相信未来的人类 250 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,963 和聪明的男女一定会站在我们这一边 251 00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,713 让我们祝福上官青卢 252 00:12:45,796 --> 00:12:47,713 白狐福斯特、完颜英 253 00:12:47,796 --> 00:12:51,213 她们将面对全世界回到追美的起点 254 00:12:51,296 --> 00:12:54,671 证明自己无愧于我们的选择 无愧于永恒的时光 255 00:16:06,921 --> 00:16:10,130 女士们、先生们 256 00:16:10,213 --> 00:16:16,213 - 今天我们铸就奇迹 - 今天我们铸就奇迹… 257 00:16:16,296 --> 00:16:22,838 - 今天我们见证奇迹 - 今天我们见证奇迹… 258 00:16:22,921 --> 00:16:27,380 今天我们就是奇迹本人 259 00:16:27,463 --> 00:16:31,505 - 今天我们就是奇迹本人 - 今天我们就是奇迹本人 260 00:16:32,171 --> 00:16:38,046 环球第三度花国总统总决选 261 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,255 开选啦！ 262 00:16:42,213 --> 00:16:45,338 - 卑职 - “能攻心则反侧自消” 263 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,838 道德良心测量者 264 00:16:46,921 --> 00:16:48,630 项警官，飞田 265 00:16:51,213 --> 00:16:53,921 - 鄙人 - “善审势故宽严有度” 266 00:16:54,005 --> 00:16:56,296 公众姿势确定人 267 00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,213 马先生，走日 268 00:16:59,796 --> 00:17:02,796 今天历史被我们选择 269 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,255 花国一小步，地球一大步 270 00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:11,963 今天我们也被历史选择着 271 00:17:12,046 --> 00:17:15,796 壮哉，洋哉，不亦幸哉 272 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,588 人类终于可以主宰自己的命运 273 00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:23,755 一个人的声音全球的人类听 274 00:17:23,838 --> 00:17:26,171 俗称直播 275 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,546 这只幸运的麦克风啊 276 00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:36,088 它将吮吸着谁人声带所发出的声音 277 00:17:36,171 --> 00:17:40,380 并将其送达全世界人类之耳鼓 278 00:17:40,463 --> 00:17:44,588 进而直抵他们的心田啊？ 279 00:17:44,671 --> 00:17:48,005 他就是人类的宠儿，上海的骄傲 280 00:17:48,088 --> 00:17:49,546 鄙人的发小 281 00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:51,380 项飞田 282 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:03,880 喂？ 283 00:18:06,213 --> 00:18:10,963 亮起来啦，全球的旗帜都亮起来啦 284 00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:13,755 人类首次直播 285 00:18:13,838 --> 00:18:15,421 播直啦 286 00:18:16,046 --> 00:18:19,005 那么为了听咱们的直播 287 00:18:19,088 --> 00:18:21,088 全世界的人都得醒着吧？ 288 00:18:21,171 --> 00:18:22,255 都醒着 289 00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:23,880 那可够懂事的 290 00:18:23,963 --> 00:18:26,088 那咱们也得办点懂事的事吧？ 291 00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:30,171 - 咱们俩还能怎么懂事呢？ - 直播需简洁明了啊 292 00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:32,546 谁将是最高的三甲呢？ 293 00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:34,880 上官青卢 294 00:18:34,963 --> 00:18:38,213 白狐福斯特 295 00:18:38,296 --> 00:18:39,921 一个青卢、一个白狐 296 00:18:40,005 --> 00:18:41,505 天上的星象 297 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:45,005 左青卢、右白狐，前朱雀、后玄武嘛 298 00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:48,005 这明明是三甲，怎么四个名出来了？ 299 00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:51,880 - 谁当了总统，谁是玄武 - 那前朱雀呢？ 300 00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:52,963 - 前总统 - 是谁呀？ 301 00:18:53,005 --> 00:18:56,005 - 那就是完颜英 - 完颜英 302 00:18:57,171 --> 00:19:00,463 听啊，太平洋的季风 303 00:19:00,546 --> 00:19:04,630 已撩拨起黄浦江的热浪 304 00:19:04,713 --> 00:19:07,505 看啊，全人类涌动的春潮 305 00:19:07,588 --> 00:19:11,255 正翻滚着大上海的自豪 306 00:19:11,338 --> 00:19:12,880 让我们共享 307 00:19:12,963 --> 00:19:15,088 白狐福斯特 308 00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:18,546 意乱情迷的《夏日时光》 309 00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:22,130 现在有请白狐福斯特为我们献上 310 00:19:22,213 --> 00:19:27,255 意乱情迷的《夏日时光》 311 00:20:27,046 --> 00:20:29,921 这位是武六，武七的姐姐 312 00:20:30,421 --> 00:20:34,130 她梦想着变成中国的卢米埃尔 313 00:20:34,630 --> 00:20:35,463 这不嘛 314 00:20:35,546 --> 00:20:39,463 她弄了好几十台摄影机在拍这次竞选 315 00:20:40,463 --> 00:20:42,380 可是她拍的这个电影 316 00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:45,755 后来起名叫《枪毙马走日》 317 00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:04,588 白狐福斯特小姐 318 00:22:04,671 --> 00:22:07,005 把母爱表演得淋漓尽致 319 00:22:07,088 --> 00:22:09,213 让人几欲潸然泪下 320 00:22:09,296 --> 00:22:12,088 此等巅峰，实难逾越 321 00:22:13,171 --> 00:22:16,380 表演有什么难以逾越的呢？ 322 00:22:16,463 --> 00:22:21,546 要说难以逾越也应当是母爱呀 323 00:22:21,630 --> 00:22:24,713 母爱也不能凭空而来吧？ 324 00:22:24,796 --> 00:22:27,630 但是只有一个好妈怕是不够的 325 00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:31,255 还得给她找一个爱她的、疼她的 326 00:22:31,338 --> 00:22:32,588 愿意听她倾诉的 327 00:22:32,671 --> 00:22:34,796 - 《亲爱的爸爸》 - 《亲爱的爸爸》 328 00:23:25,755 --> 00:23:28,380 这是鸵鸟的羽毛 329 00:23:28,463 --> 00:23:30,046 一只鸵鸟 330 00:23:30,130 --> 00:23:34,213 只有胳肢窝底下那几根毛才配上台 331 00:23:34,296 --> 00:23:37,463 您瞅瞅这满世界的白羽 332 00:23:37,546 --> 00:23:40,171 得多少只鸵鸟啊 333 00:23:40,255 --> 00:23:43,171 可是我们一分钱都没花 334 00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:46,713 因为选手们的吃住行用 335 00:23:46,796 --> 00:23:49,380 全归所在国置办 336 00:23:49,463 --> 00:23:55,171 除此，她们还得 给我们交上不菲的报名费 337 00:23:55,255 --> 00:23:59,630 武七少爷这些钱还没洗就白了一片 338 00:23:59,713 --> 00:24:03,755 关键是您得组织一个大的比赛 339 00:24:03,838 --> 00:24:06,088 最好是环球的 340 00:25:01,046 --> 00:25:02,671 咱不能给观众默哀呀 341 00:25:02,755 --> 00:25:04,005 不，不是 342 00:25:04,088 --> 00:25:06,213 我就说这爹太狠了 343 00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:08,380 - 把自己家闺女逼成这样 - 是 344 00:25:08,463 --> 00:25:10,838 从桥上跳下去了 345 00:25:10,921 --> 00:25:13,921 项警官，你可不能这样对待你的闺女 346 00:25:14,005 --> 00:25:15,505 卑职尚未婚娶 347 00:25:15,588 --> 00:25:16,630 尚未婚娶 348 00:25:16,713 --> 00:25:17,838 为什么呀？ 349 00:25:17,921 --> 00:25:19,380 那都是麻烦 350 00:25:19,463 --> 00:25:21,005 您倒是不麻烦了 351 00:25:21,088 --> 00:25:23,046 我麻烦了，直播麻烦了 352 00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:24,130 什么麻烦？ 353 00:25:24,171 --> 00:25:26,130 前总统完颜不见了 354 00:25:26,796 --> 00:25:28,296 该她上台出演了 355 00:25:28,380 --> 00:25:29,546 - 这怎么直播呀？ - 就是 356 00:25:29,630 --> 00:25:31,838 前座后台都寻她不见 357 00:25:31,921 --> 00:25:34,005 - 只找到这么张纸条 - 怎么说的？ 358 00:25:35,005 --> 00:25:38,213 “亲爱的朋友，我爱着这花域的桂冠 359 00:25:38,296 --> 00:25:40,255 更爱这后生的蓬勃 360 00:25:40,838 --> 00:25:43,213 为了美丽的新总统的出现 361 00:25:43,296 --> 00:25:46,296 我愿意放弃这次决选 362 00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:48,213 假如你们不答应我 363 00:25:48,296 --> 00:25:49,963 我就要从这威客桥上 364 00:25:50,046 --> 00:25:55,380 - 跳入那滔滔的黄浦江里” - 你们俩真能胡扯呀 365 00:25:55,463 --> 00:25:57,296 老总统来了 366 00:25:57,380 --> 00:25:59,880 我就说我弃权，我可没说我跳河啊 367 00:25:59,963 --> 00:26:01,796 我不是跟你们说过了吗？ 368 00:26:02,296 --> 00:26:03,130 我不上台 369 00:26:03,213 --> 00:26:06,255 本来这蛋里边儿走出的应该是您 370 00:26:06,338 --> 00:26:07,963 现在我们哥儿俩款款而来 371 00:26:08,046 --> 00:26:09,755 - 这不像话呀 - 完颜总统 372 00:26:09,838 --> 00:26:12,755 你还是跟全球的观众解释一下吧 373 00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:15,005 这有什么好解释的 今年不是公开赛吗？ 374 00:26:15,088 --> 00:26:16,171 公开 375 00:26:16,255 --> 00:26:18,588 公开就是想参赛就能参赛 376 00:26:18,671 --> 00:26:21,380 您要是不想参赛，您就能不参赛 377 00:26:22,088 --> 00:26:23,671 今儿晚上我看白狐就挺好 378 00:26:23,755 --> 00:26:26,005 既然环球评选可以有一个白人总统 379 00:26:26,588 --> 00:26:27,921 另外青卢也成 380 00:26:28,005 --> 00:26:29,338 总统还是新人当的好 381 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,921 再说，我已然不年轻了 382 00:26:32,005 --> 00:26:34,296 - 您年轻 - 你闭嘴 383 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,796 我都当了两届总统了 真不想再连任了 384 00:26:38,380 --> 00:26:39,713 要嘛白人，要嘛新人 385 00:26:39,796 --> 00:26:41,130 反正别选我 386 00:26:41,213 --> 00:26:43,505 钦佩，雅量 387 00:26:43,588 --> 00:26:46,213 既然您不想当了，干嘛还来呀？ 388 00:26:46,296 --> 00:26:47,546 - 对啊 - 总统我是不想当了 389 00:26:47,630 --> 00:26:49,630 花域的事我总得关心吧？ 390 00:26:49,713 --> 00:26:52,255 既然章程规定我这个总统必须到场 391 00:26:52,338 --> 00:26:53,171 那我就来 392 00:26:53,255 --> 00:26:55,838 就算章程没这个规定，我也一定会来 393 00:26:56,421 --> 00:26:57,546 我要告诉大家伙儿 394 00:26:57,630 --> 00:26:59,046 刚才那些跳舞的女士们 395 00:26:59,130 --> 00:27:01,963 人家不远万里，不收一分钱来到上海 396 00:27:02,046 --> 00:27:03,213 为我们增光添彩 397 00:27:03,796 --> 00:27:05,046 人家是多么地了不起 398 00:27:05,130 --> 00:27:06,546 多么地无私啊 399 00:27:08,005 --> 00:27:09,338 您说我这个前总统 400 00:27:09,421 --> 00:27:11,755 有什么理由不出现在现场？ 401 00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:14,213 人家话说得多好，是吧？ 402 00:27:14,296 --> 00:27:15,755 老总统刚才老说这章程 403 00:27:15,838 --> 00:27:17,213 它是个什么章程 404 00:27:17,296 --> 00:27:18,463 您能给解释解释吗？ 405 00:27:18,546 --> 00:27:22,755 评选章程第78条第4款规定 406 00:27:22,838 --> 00:27:26,005 “凡是入选总决赛的选手 407 00:27:26,088 --> 00:27:31,046 有且仅有放弃至多两轮比赛的权利” 408 00:27:31,130 --> 00:27:32,046 那要这么着的话 409 00:27:32,130 --> 00:27:34,171 那咱就别再耽误工夫啦 410 00:27:34,255 --> 00:27:35,588 有请白狐福斯特 411 00:27:35,671 --> 00:27:37,630 - 《南太平洋》 - 《南太平洋》 412 00:28:00,921 --> 00:28:03,130 完颜英始终相信 413 00:28:03,213 --> 00:28:06,005 她是完颜阿骨打的孙女 414 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:10,171 我说我还是阿骨打本人呢 415 00:28:10,671 --> 00:28:14,755 就这么着，完颜爱上了我 416 00:28:14,838 --> 00:28:16,671 我的回答是 417 00:28:17,296 --> 00:28:18,713 我也是 418 00:28:18,796 --> 00:28:23,588 我们俩可算是青梅，不可说是竹马 419 00:28:23,671 --> 00:28:28,505 我们俩的关系要多近有多近 420 00:28:28,588 --> 00:28:31,671 要多远有多远 421 00:28:39,213 --> 00:28:44,380 完颜英做过两届花域前总统 422 00:28:44,921 --> 00:28:47,671 可惜那个时候花域的版图 423 00:28:47,755 --> 00:28:51,005 仅限于上海的地界 424 00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:54,963 此次又碰上她的卫冕之战 425 00:28:55,630 --> 00:28:58,713 对手全变成国际的了 426 00:28:58,796 --> 00:29:00,755 美利坚的白狐 427 00:29:00,838 --> 00:29:03,046 欧罗巴的青卢 428 00:29:03,130 --> 00:29:07,713 我和项飞田就打算让她再进一步 429 00:29:07,796 --> 00:29:09,838 百尺竿头嘛 430 00:29:31,713 --> 00:29:34,921 - 女士们、先生们 - 女士们、先生们 431 00:29:35,713 --> 00:29:36,838 寰宇直播 432 00:29:37,421 --> 00:29:39,046 环球沸腾了 433 00:29:39,130 --> 00:29:41,130 我们现在已经收到全世界 434 00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:43,130 两千三百多封电报 435 00:29:43,213 --> 00:29:46,713 分别来自 英、法、澳、日、俄、比、德 436 00:29:46,796 --> 00:29:48,463 那这么多国家，念哪个呢？ 437 00:29:48,546 --> 00:29:50,630 念哪个，不念哪个都得罪人 438 00:29:50,713 --> 00:29:52,005 那咱们念个地区的 439 00:29:52,088 --> 00:29:53,088 有比地区还小的吗？ 440 00:29:53,130 --> 00:29:55,005 - 那就是家庭了 - 比家庭还小 441 00:29:55,088 --> 00:29:56,213 那就是个人了 442 00:29:56,296 --> 00:29:57,630 个人太多了吧？ 443 00:29:57,713 --> 00:29:58,921 念惨的呀 444 00:29:59,005 --> 00:29:59,921 这个惨 445 00:30:00,005 --> 00:30:01,921 “库尔尼西亚二等兵 446 00:30:02,005 --> 00:30:04,546 卡布丹诺维奇忧伤绝笔” 447 00:30:04,630 --> 00:30:08,838 “敌我双方响应号召停战至今 448 00:30:08,921 --> 00:30:10,671 一等再等却不见完颜 449 00:30:10,755 --> 00:30:14,838 完颜若战，我等继续停战 450 00:30:14,921 --> 00:30:18,671 完颜不战，我等将立即开战” 451 00:30:18,755 --> 00:30:19,796 这是什么意思啊？ 452 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,296 他的意思是说完颜总统再不上台 453 00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:26,421 他们将立即开打 454 00:30:27,921 --> 00:30:29,088 老总统 455 00:30:29,171 --> 00:30:30,338 别打了… 456 00:30:30,421 --> 00:30:32,588 - 我上来了，你们听见了吗？ - 您听不见 457 00:30:32,671 --> 00:30:33,963 这不是寰宇直播吗？ 458 00:30:34,046 --> 00:30:36,255 是直播，但不是电话 459 00:30:36,338 --> 00:30:38,755 急吗，老总统？要不然发个电报？ 460 00:30:38,838 --> 00:30:41,046 不着急？那儿都快打起来了 461 00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:42,921 你们男人怎么那么爱打仗啊？ 462 00:30:43,005 --> 00:30:45,380 - 您这… - 我看就是欠打 463 00:30:45,963 --> 00:30:48,005 孩子都应该回到妈妈的怀抱 464 00:30:48,088 --> 00:30:50,046 男人都应该回到女人的怀抱 465 00:30:50,130 --> 00:30:51,755 都来女人的怀抱吧 466 00:30:51,838 --> 00:30:54,546 被拥抱的男人是不会出去打仗的 467 00:30:56,630 --> 00:30:58,338 女人多好啊 468 00:30:58,421 --> 00:31:00,546 干嘛非要在这儿评比分出个高下呢？ 469 00:31:00,630 --> 00:31:01,630 - 对吧？ - 是… 470 00:31:01,713 --> 00:31:03,046 青卢这样 471 00:31:05,713 --> 00:31:08,338 - 白狐这样 - 好… 472 00:31:09,921 --> 00:31:12,380 不都挺漂亮，挺美的吗？ 473 00:31:12,463 --> 00:31:15,255 我之所以不上台 就是不想争、不想比 474 00:31:15,338 --> 00:31:17,671 - 好 - 您瞧瞧，我又说多了 475 00:31:17,755 --> 00:31:19,213 - 不多… - 没有…安静 476 00:31:19,296 --> 00:31:21,546 - 说得好，按照您的意思 - 安静… 477 00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:23,046 咱们应该怎么办呢？ 478 00:31:23,130 --> 00:31:25,421 少往里争，多往外拿 479 00:31:25,505 --> 00:31:27,838 您不高兴了，请人家吃顿饭 480 00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:29,630 他高兴，您也高兴 481 00:31:29,713 --> 00:31:31,296 每个人都往外给 482 00:31:31,380 --> 00:31:34,130 - 这世界不就和平了吗？ - 那你就先给点吧 483 00:31:34,713 --> 00:31:37,463 给点儿哪成啊？要给就全给 484 00:31:37,546 --> 00:31:39,588 我打算把我的家产全部捐出 485 00:31:39,671 --> 00:31:41,755 每一件首饰、每一套衣裳 486 00:31:41,838 --> 00:31:43,838 每一辆车、每一处房 487 00:31:43,921 --> 00:31:47,380 所有的、一切的、澈底地全部捐出去 488 00:31:48,338 --> 00:31:49,671 - 捐给谁呀？ - 就是啊 489 00:31:49,755 --> 00:31:51,505 那些喝不上奶的孩子 490 00:31:51,588 --> 00:31:53,671 那些身无分文、无家可归 491 00:31:53,755 --> 00:31:55,921 又胸怀大志的青年 492 00:31:56,005 --> 00:31:58,171 那些需要女人又没有慰藉的老人 493 00:31:58,255 --> 00:32:00,088 谁需要捐给谁 494 00:32:00,171 --> 00:32:01,505 没有任何中间环节 495 00:32:01,588 --> 00:32:03,546 直接地捐，裸捐 496 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,713 别鼓掌… 497 00:32:09,130 --> 00:32:10,463 一不做，二不休 498 00:32:10,546 --> 00:32:11,463 我现在决定 499 00:32:11,546 --> 00:32:14,546 家产我捐了，自个儿我也捐 500 00:32:14,630 --> 00:32:17,796 捐我的过去，捐我的现在 501 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,088 捐我的未来 502 00:32:19,588 --> 00:32:22,671 啊…你们都张着嘴别闭啊 503 00:32:22,755 --> 00:32:23,796 你们俩也是啊 504 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,171 你们是不是想问 过去、现在还可以理解 505 00:32:27,255 --> 00:32:28,171 未来怎么捐呀？ 506 00:32:28,255 --> 00:32:30,255 我打算拍卖我的初嫁权 507 00:32:30,338 --> 00:32:32,130 30天，价高者得 508 00:32:32,213 --> 00:32:33,963 一会儿就拍，就在这儿拍 509 00:32:34,046 --> 00:32:36,171 请大家踊跃出价，不吝爱心 510 00:32:36,255 --> 00:32:38,130 所有善款完颜一毛不留 511 00:32:38,213 --> 00:32:39,671 全部捐出去 512 00:32:41,546 --> 00:32:44,838 你刚才说捐什么来着？ 513 00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:45,921 初嫁权 514 00:32:47,296 --> 00:32:48,838 你们觉得很可笑，是吧？ 515 00:32:49,421 --> 00:32:52,130 想说身为花域一员的我何谈初嫁呀？ 516 00:32:52,213 --> 00:32:53,296 老话说 517 00:32:53,380 --> 00:32:55,963 “苟日新，日日新，又日新 518 00:32:56,046 --> 00:32:57,213 从前种种，譬如昨日死 519 00:32:57,296 --> 00:32:59,213 从后种种，譬如今日生” 520 00:32:59,296 --> 00:33:01,880 每天的太阳是新的，像婴儿初生的脸 521 00:33:01,963 --> 00:33:04,546 每天阳光照耀的露珠是新的 522 00:33:04,630 --> 00:33:06,463 催开的花朵是新的 523 00:33:06,546 --> 00:33:10,171 每天早晨醒来的你我难道不是新的？ 524 00:33:10,255 --> 00:33:13,088 - 好 - 华灯初上的每个夜晚 525 00:33:13,171 --> 00:33:15,963 难道每一嫁不是初嫁？ 526 00:33:17,130 --> 00:33:19,130 你会发现爱的秘诀 527 00:33:19,213 --> 00:33:21,963 就是永远把每一次当作… 528 00:33:22,505 --> 00:33:24,046 - 第一回 - 好 529 00:33:24,130 --> 00:33:25,421 - 好 - 好 530 00:33:25,505 --> 00:33:28,463 - 完颜… - 完颜… 531 00:33:28,546 --> 00:33:31,171 诸位…我必须告诉大家 532 00:33:31,255 --> 00:33:34,588 决选的章程有规定，新总统花落谁家 533 00:33:34,671 --> 00:33:37,546 是靠我们的吼声高低来决定 534 00:33:37,630 --> 00:33:39,296 我们最后一个环节 535 00:33:39,380 --> 00:33:41,171 青卢、白狐 536 00:33:41,255 --> 00:33:42,880 - 再次登场 - 再次登场 537 00:33:43,546 --> 00:33:46,421 现场有没有支持白狐的？ 538 00:33:48,421 --> 00:33:49,963 - 完颜… - 完颜… 539 00:33:50,046 --> 00:33:51,921 - 那青卢呢？ - 完颜… 540 00:33:52,005 --> 00:33:55,880 - 完颜… - 完颜… 541 00:33:55,963 --> 00:34:00,213 - 完颜… - 完颜… 542 00:34:00,296 --> 00:34:03,588 - 完颜英在我和项飞田的安排下 - 完颜… 543 00:34:03,671 --> 00:34:07,171 - 就这么当上了花域的大总统 - 完颜… 544 00:34:07,255 --> 00:34:09,671 - 这原本是故事的结束 - 完颜… 545 00:34:09,755 --> 00:34:13,213 - 可是却变成了各种意外的开始 - 完颜… 546 00:34:13,296 --> 00:34:14,546 好消息 547 00:34:14,630 --> 00:34:17,713 强尼回电，完颜登台 548 00:34:17,796 --> 00:34:21,796 全线停火，永远停战 549 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,421 停战！ 550 00:34:24,171 --> 00:34:27,380 - 完颜… - 完颜… 551 00:34:27,463 --> 00:34:33,380 - 完颜… - 完颜… 552 00:34:33,463 --> 00:34:34,796 寰宇的听众 553 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,463 现场的来宾 554 00:34:36,546 --> 00:34:38,421 今晚的总决选 555 00:34:38,505 --> 00:34:40,713 还剩下最后、最大的 556 00:34:40,796 --> 00:34:41,921 惊喜 557 00:34:42,005 --> 00:34:42,921 那就是 558 00:34:43,005 --> 00:34:48,296 谁将为新当选的花域大总统加冕 559 00:34:48,963 --> 00:34:53,213 她冲破云霄，照亮天际 560 00:34:53,296 --> 00:34:56,630 穿越人间，来到这里 561 00:34:56,713 --> 00:34:57,963 她便是 562 00:34:58,046 --> 00:34:59,046 赛 563 00:34:59,130 --> 00:35:00,588 - 二 - 爷 564 00:35:05,380 --> 00:35:09,213 她来自遥远星辰 565 00:35:09,296 --> 00:35:10,963 光芒四射 566 00:35:11,671 --> 00:35:15,171 她是上天最完美的恩赐 567 00:35:15,255 --> 00:35:19,255 她是人类最杰出的作品 568 00:35:26,046 --> 00:35:31,046 她是赛二爷，赛二爷是她 569 00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:34,421 一个“女也”的她 570 00:35:35,838 --> 00:35:37,796 现场的朋友们 571 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:42,505 整个世界都在关注你们，在羡慕你们 572 00:35:43,255 --> 00:35:47,921 请用你们的行动支持完颜总统的义卖 573 00:35:48,005 --> 00:35:52,505 赛二爷给完颜总统戴上桂冠的一刻 574 00:35:52,588 --> 00:35:57,296 即是落锤定音之时 575 00:36:09,755 --> 00:36:11,213 （完颜） 576 00:36:13,213 --> 00:36:16,463 大功就这么告成了 577 00:36:16,546 --> 00:36:19,838 武七少爷的钱洗白了 578 00:36:19,921 --> 00:36:22,546 可是也都白洗了 579 00:36:22,630 --> 00:36:26,130 因为该花的钱花出去了 580 00:36:26,213 --> 00:36:29,880 该挣的钱也都花出去了 581 00:36:35,338 --> 00:36:37,796 姑娘…你慢慢走 582 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,671 - 姑娘，我还要跟你说一句 - 您说 583 00:36:40,755 --> 00:36:43,880 - 你来我这儿，饭也不吃，水也不喝 - 快 584 00:36:43,963 --> 00:36:46,130 - 动作快点 - 连家俱都是自己带 585 00:36:46,213 --> 00:36:47,713 这金币再不拿走 586 00:36:47,796 --> 00:36:50,296 - 箱子放底下，往上放 - 你这让我心里怎么过意得去呀？ 587 00:36:50,380 --> 00:36:52,255 - 大爷，咱不是都说好了吗？ - 该洗的洗 588 00:36:52,338 --> 00:36:54,546 - 该消毒的消毒，都给我看清楚了 - 说到就得做到 589 00:36:55,546 --> 00:36:57,380 这枕头套子是咱们家的吗？ 590 00:36:57,463 --> 00:36:59,046 - 放回去 - 姑娘… 591 00:36:59,130 --> 00:37:01,380 这是我妈妈留给我的戒指 592 00:37:01,463 --> 00:37:04,796 我终身未娶，现在留给你了 593 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,130 大爷，您这儿的一丝一缕我都不能沾 594 00:37:08,213 --> 00:37:12,005 我这一生有两件事儿是板上钉钉子 595 00:37:12,088 --> 00:37:15,005 一，我是阅尽了人间春色 596 00:37:15,088 --> 00:37:18,255 第二，我是丧失了生活的信心 597 00:37:18,338 --> 00:37:20,005 今天你一来呀 598 00:37:20,088 --> 00:37:21,755 我这两件都成笑话了 599 00:37:21,838 --> 00:37:24,921 是你点燃了我心中的火焰 600 00:37:25,005 --> 00:37:27,005 这就是我来这儿的目的呀 601 00:37:27,088 --> 00:37:29,963 就是要点着您心里头的火焰 602 00:37:30,046 --> 00:37:31,046 那你给我个电话 603 00:37:31,130 --> 00:37:33,463 - 钩姐，给大爷张名片 - 来了 604 00:37:33,546 --> 00:37:36,463 牛大爷，这是我名片，给我打电话 605 00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:39,838 大爷，咱来日方长，您硬硬朗朗的啊 606 00:37:39,921 --> 00:37:40,755 着车 607 00:37:40,838 --> 00:37:43,505 我一定硬硬朗朗地等你 608 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,046 你一定要回来呀 609 00:37:56,630 --> 00:37:57,755 下一站 610 00:37:57,838 --> 00:38:00,796 约瑟夫家，拉法耶特B1389号 611 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,255 钩姐，我记得是个刘先生啊 612 00:38:03,338 --> 00:38:04,880 在艾当路59号 613 00:38:04,963 --> 00:38:06,838 当初就是刘先生拍来的 614 00:38:06,921 --> 00:38:08,921 当作一个大礼就送给了约瑟夫 615 00:38:10,046 --> 00:38:12,921 把咱们完颜姐当大礼送出去 616 00:38:13,005 --> 00:38:13,838 这行吗，这个？ 617 00:38:13,921 --> 00:38:15,880 咱可不能挑肥拣瘦的 618 00:38:16,421 --> 00:38:18,921 越是成功人士越得谨慎 619 00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,671 全世界都看着咱们 620 00:38:20,755 --> 00:38:22,713 去哪？什…什么路？ 621 00:38:22,796 --> 00:38:25,296 拉法耶特B1389号 622 00:38:25,380 --> 00:38:27,130 早说呀，在这边 623 00:38:27,713 --> 00:38:30,963 曹雪芹曹先生说过呀 624 00:38:31,046 --> 00:38:33,671 “假作真时真亦假 625 00:38:33,755 --> 00:38:36,296 真作假时假亦真” 626 00:38:36,380 --> 00:38:40,838 这完颜英还真把自己当成大总统了 627 00:38:40,921 --> 00:38:43,505 真把我当成她的司机了 628 00:38:43,588 --> 00:38:46,838 到处去捐钱行善 629 00:38:46,921 --> 00:38:51,255 “谈笑有鸿儒，往来不亵玩” 630 00:38:52,630 --> 00:38:55,630 我就跟她提醒了无数回 631 00:38:55,713 --> 00:38:58,963 可她就从这梦里醒不过来 632 00:38:59,046 --> 00:39:02,171 您说这算怎么个事情呢这是？ 633 00:39:02,713 --> 00:39:05,505 所以好些个麻烦 634 00:39:05,588 --> 00:39:08,671 也就从这当中慢慢引出来了 635 00:39:08,755 --> 00:39:09,755 钩姐 636 00:39:10,171 --> 00:39:13,588 咱们不是去找约瑟夫吗？ 637 00:39:13,671 --> 00:39:15,421 这儿怎么写的是钟三啊？ 638 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,296 约瑟夫就是钟三的意思 639 00:39:20,630 --> 00:39:22,671 约瑟夫就是钟三的意思？ 640 00:39:22,755 --> 00:39:23,755 对 641 00:39:25,963 --> 00:39:27,505 我可认识一个人 642 00:39:27,588 --> 00:39:29,630 我最讨厌的人他也叫钟三 643 00:39:29,713 --> 00:39:30,713 不会是他吧？ 644 00:39:31,171 --> 00:39:33,421 就是你讨厌的那个人，就是他 645 00:39:34,630 --> 00:39:36,921 钩姐，这你就不对了 646 00:39:37,546 --> 00:39:38,546 你应该告诉我 647 00:39:38,630 --> 00:39:40,088 我不会把车开到这儿来 648 00:39:41,005 --> 00:39:42,796 完颜姐告诉过我们 649 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,338 不要挑肥拣瘦 650 00:39:44,921 --> 00:39:47,921 全世界的人都在看着我们 651 00:39:48,005 --> 00:39:50,046 这才是花域精英 652 00:39:50,130 --> 00:39:51,338 总统的气度 653 00:39:51,963 --> 00:39:53,588 什么钟三钟四的 654 00:39:53,671 --> 00:39:54,671 一碗水端平 655 00:39:55,255 --> 00:39:56,630 这叫境界 656 00:39:56,713 --> 00:39:58,421 连我都做不到 657 00:40:15,171 --> 00:40:18,130 马走日… 658 00:40:18,213 --> 00:40:19,630 这可不行啊 659 00:40:19,713 --> 00:40:21,213 不行，马走日 660 00:40:21,296 --> 00:40:26,130 我们是朋友嘛！ 661 00:40:28,255 --> 00:40:29,671 北京 662 00:40:30,171 --> 00:40:31,421 上海 663 00:40:32,005 --> 00:40:33,421 巴黎 664 00:40:33,505 --> 00:40:34,963 最好的餐厅 665 00:40:35,046 --> 00:40:36,671 您就挨个数吧 666 00:40:36,755 --> 00:40:38,005 我都去过 667 00:40:38,630 --> 00:40:41,130 他们说找你吃饭 668 00:40:41,963 --> 00:40:43,088 结果一去 669 00:40:44,838 --> 00:40:46,213 就一张桌子 670 00:40:46,963 --> 00:40:48,463 整个餐厅包了 671 00:40:48,963 --> 00:40:50,421 就请我一人儿 672 00:40:52,088 --> 00:40:54,463 你们男的是不是都挺喜欢这套的？ 673 00:40:58,338 --> 00:40:59,338 来 674 00:41:02,463 --> 00:41:05,796 这儿是全上海最高的建筑 675 00:41:07,505 --> 00:41:08,796 今儿刚开业 676 00:41:11,421 --> 00:41:12,463 我包了 677 00:41:14,171 --> 00:41:16,713 请了个最好的义大利厨子 678 00:41:18,338 --> 00:41:19,963 就款待你一人 679 00:41:20,046 --> 00:41:21,046 谢谢 680 00:41:21,463 --> 00:41:24,046 我八岁那年过生日吃长寿面 681 00:41:24,130 --> 00:41:25,546 我就悄悄地许了个愿 682 00:41:26,130 --> 00:41:28,380 要是哪天有个男的 为了我和别人打起来 683 00:41:28,463 --> 00:41:29,505 我就嫁给他 684 00:41:29,588 --> 00:41:30,963 才八岁呀 685 00:41:31,671 --> 00:41:34,213 我18岁那年，这男的没出现 686 00:41:34,296 --> 00:41:36,421 28岁那年，这男的还没出现 687 00:41:37,005 --> 00:41:38,421 我都觉得没指望了 688 00:41:38,505 --> 00:41:40,546 我可不想等到我38岁的时候 689 00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:41,796 这人还不出现 690 00:41:42,796 --> 00:41:43,796 你猜怎么着？ 691 00:41:44,380 --> 00:41:47,921 还真有这么个人，还真就出现了 692 00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,421 还真为了我把别人给打了 693 00:41:51,046 --> 00:41:52,463 这个人就是你 694 00:41:54,046 --> 00:41:55,046 不会吧？ 695 00:41:57,130 --> 00:41:58,963 你为了我打了钟三 696 00:41:59,671 --> 00:42:01,088 因为你妒忌了 697 00:42:01,171 --> 00:42:02,463 我妒忌他呀？ 698 00:42:02,546 --> 00:42:03,713 你妒忌了 699 00:42:04,505 --> 00:42:05,338 因为你爱我 700 00:42:05,421 --> 00:42:08,005 完颜，咱俩都认识20、30年了 701 00:42:08,088 --> 00:42:10,338 - 这么熟了 - 熟成哪样啊？ 702 00:42:10,421 --> 00:42:13,921 - 熟得睡… - 你睡了，你嫉妒了 703 00:42:14,005 --> 00:42:15,505 嫉妒了，你还打了人 704 00:42:16,255 --> 00:42:17,671 你嫉妒了，你打了人 705 00:42:17,755 --> 00:42:18,630 你还打了个熟人 706 00:42:18,713 --> 00:42:20,130 那个人还是你的朋友 707 00:42:20,713 --> 00:42:22,088 这就是爱 708 00:42:22,171 --> 00:42:24,546 我是打了钟三，但是钟三特别讨厌 709 00:42:24,630 --> 00:42:26,005 你干什么，他跟你学什么 710 00:42:26,088 --> 00:42:28,630 你喜欢什么姑娘，他也喜欢什么姑娘 711 00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:31,255 男的嘛，都喜欢肉多点的女孩 712 00:42:31,338 --> 00:42:32,546 他就敢找一胖子 713 00:42:32,630 --> 00:42:36,213 - 最讨厌的是，还学你唱歌 - 你还会唱歌？ 714 00:42:36,296 --> 00:42:37,213 我是说吹口哨 715 00:42:37,296 --> 00:42:39,338 吹口哨也行呀，吹一个我听听 716 00:42:39,421 --> 00:42:40,630 拉提琴呢 717 00:42:40,713 --> 00:42:41,713 请暂停一下 718 00:42:43,088 --> 00:42:45,005 - 谢谢 - 真吹啊？ 719 00:43:00,213 --> 00:43:02,046 《贵妃醉鬼》呀 720 00:43:02,630 --> 00:43:04,505 您还能吹得再难听点吗？ 721 00:43:05,838 --> 00:43:08,046 人家胡适之说得真对 722 00:43:08,130 --> 00:43:09,630 纯粹是猫叫 723 00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,796 你这辈子有没有 跟谁说过“我爱你”？ 724 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:13,796 说过呀 725 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:15,838 很多回，不同的人 726 00:43:15,921 --> 00:43:17,088 我没听过 727 00:43:17,171 --> 00:43:18,588 宝贝，我爱你 728 00:43:18,671 --> 00:43:21,296 我的太阳 729 00:43:21,380 --> 00:43:22,296 说母语 730 00:43:22,380 --> 00:43:23,421 爱你 731 00:43:23,505 --> 00:43:24,421 - 谁爱？ - 我 732 00:43:24,505 --> 00:43:25,630 - 你爱谁？ - 你 733 00:43:25,713 --> 00:43:27,005 仨字连起来说 734 00:43:27,088 --> 00:43:28,088 我爱您 735 00:43:28,171 --> 00:43:31,713 - 干嘛“您”呢？ - “你…”的特别不尊重人 736 00:43:31,796 --> 00:43:33,630 我不要你尊重我 737 00:43:33,713 --> 00:43:35,296 我要你爱我 738 00:43:36,296 --> 00:43:40,880 （计程车） 739 00:43:40,963 --> 00:43:45,130 （计程车） 740 00:43:53,921 --> 00:43:55,671 一字肩中尾 741 00:43:57,046 --> 00:43:59,171 单肩大拖尾 742 00:43:59,255 --> 00:44:00,255 好嘛 743 00:44:01,171 --> 00:44:03,296 抹胸高腰百褶 744 00:44:03,380 --> 00:44:04,505 您看看 745 00:44:04,588 --> 00:44:05,921 您瞅瞅 746 00:44:06,505 --> 00:44:09,463 绕颈坠珠紧身 747 00:44:11,005 --> 00:44:13,338 还有这件，俩腿的 748 00:44:14,213 --> 00:44:15,338 这不就是裤子吗？ 749 00:44:16,588 --> 00:44:18,088 这么多婚纱 750 00:44:18,171 --> 00:44:19,380 您得嫁多少回呀？ 751 00:44:19,463 --> 00:44:23,838 我见到喜欢的就悄悄买下来 752 00:44:23,921 --> 00:44:27,546 我见到喜欢的就悄悄买下来 753 00:44:27,630 --> 00:44:29,755 坚持了很多年 754 00:44:32,755 --> 00:44:33,630 好看吗？ 755 00:44:33,713 --> 00:44:35,380 多好看的衣服 756 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:37,171 也不如你本身好看 757 00:44:37,255 --> 00:44:38,255 什么意思？ 758 00:44:38,338 --> 00:44:39,880 - 不如不穿 - 呸 759 00:44:40,588 --> 00:44:43,046 结婚也不能不穿吧？ 760 00:44:43,130 --> 00:44:44,505 你要跟谁结婚？ 761 00:44:45,088 --> 00:44:46,421 跟你 762 00:44:49,713 --> 00:44:53,171 钩姐… 763 00:44:53,255 --> 00:44:54,255 我… 764 00:44:54,796 --> 00:44:56,130 你叫钩姐干嘛？ 765 00:44:56,213 --> 00:44:58,255 我叫钩姐救救我行吗？ 766 00:44:58,338 --> 00:44:59,671 钩姐能救你吗？ 767 00:44:59,755 --> 00:45:00,880 要救也是救我呀 768 00:45:01,671 --> 00:45:02,963 钩姐，没事了 769 00:45:03,046 --> 00:45:06,213 完颜，你今天有点反常 770 00:45:06,296 --> 00:45:07,338 吃着吃着饭 771 00:45:07,421 --> 00:45:08,796 非说我妒忌 772 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,171 妒忌完了又让我说爱你 773 00:45:11,255 --> 00:45:12,421 爱您都不行 774 00:45:12,505 --> 00:45:14,171 好不容易爱完你了 775 00:45:14,255 --> 00:45:15,463 又弄了个结婚来 776 00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:17,713 哪有一个晚上上仨台阶的？ 777 00:45:17,796 --> 00:45:18,630 还这么陡 778 00:45:18,713 --> 00:45:20,171 来，歇会 779 00:45:21,213 --> 00:45:23,880 - 歇会？刚不歇过了吗？ - 没歇够 780 00:45:23,963 --> 00:45:25,171 我妈后天过来 781 00:45:25,255 --> 00:45:27,713 你看咱是下礼拜办还是过几天就办？ 782 00:45:28,963 --> 00:45:31,005 婚礼简简单单的就行了 783 00:45:31,088 --> 00:45:33,255 - 我要西式的啊 - 干嘛西式的呀？ 784 00:45:33,338 --> 00:45:35,713 我就喜欢两个人站在那儿 785 00:45:35,796 --> 00:45:37,671 仰着头，然后说 786 00:45:37,755 --> 00:45:39,130 “I do” 787 00:45:39,213 --> 00:45:40,921 你知道“I do”是什么意思吗？ 788 00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:42,921 我愿意 789 00:45:43,796 --> 00:45:45,046 错啦 790 00:45:45,130 --> 00:45:46,963 不是这个意思 791 00:45:47,046 --> 00:45:48,213 话说英国人 792 00:45:48,296 --> 00:45:50,421 有句词叫做“How do you do” 793 00:45:50,505 --> 00:45:51,713 这里边好几个“do” 794 00:45:51,796 --> 00:45:52,880 “do”是什么意思？ 795 00:45:52,963 --> 00:45:55,880 汉语译作“嘁、哧、咔、嚓” 796 00:45:55,963 --> 00:45:57,755 英国绅士每天起床 797 00:45:58,755 --> 00:45:59,755 一溜小跑 798 00:45:59,838 --> 00:46:01,630 奔一胡同口的小屋子去了 799 00:46:01,713 --> 00:46:02,880 在小屋子里一待 800 00:46:02,963 --> 00:46:03,963 嘁哧咔嚓 801 00:46:04,046 --> 00:46:06,213 就活生生变成一个真绅士 802 00:46:06,838 --> 00:46:08,296 街对面也过来一位 803 00:46:08,380 --> 00:46:09,880 俩人溜溜达达看着说 804 00:46:09,963 --> 00:46:10,796 “How do you do？” 805 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,796 这个How do you do什么意思啊？ 806 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,796 就是您do得怎么样啊？ 807 00:46:15,380 --> 00:46:17,421 - 你拉屎拉得怎么样？ - 对呀 808 00:46:18,130 --> 00:46:19,921 就是指的上厕所 809 00:46:20,005 --> 00:46:21,171 这不值得乐这事 810 00:46:21,255 --> 00:46:22,296 Do不好 811 00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:23,546 脑溢血 812 00:46:23,630 --> 00:46:24,796 我不是吓唬你啊 813 00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,713 凯撒大帝、尼禄 814 00:46:26,796 --> 00:46:28,838 还有乔治二世全是那么死的 815 00:46:29,338 --> 00:46:31,463 所以说完颜 816 00:46:32,005 --> 00:46:34,546 婚礼上怎么能说do呢？ 817 00:46:34,630 --> 00:46:36,630 来好多朋友，一do 818 00:46:37,171 --> 00:46:39,171 死一片，您这是何必呢？ 819 00:46:41,380 --> 00:46:42,671 我明白了 820 00:46:43,921 --> 00:46:46,088 可是婚礼就得办西式的 821 00:46:46,713 --> 00:46:48,921 就得说：“我愿意” 822 00:46:49,463 --> 00:46:51,838 - 必须说“我愿意” - 你这是在掐我 823 00:46:52,338 --> 00:46:54,505 - 一定得说 - 不说 824 00:46:58,338 --> 00:46:59,713 我也会掐大腿 825 00:46:59,796 --> 00:47:01,630 - 说疼 - 就说“我愿意” 826 00:47:01,713 --> 00:47:03,921 - 我使劲了儿啊 - 就说“我愿意” 827 00:47:04,005 --> 00:47:06,421 - 这是你腿吗？ - 说“我愿意” 828 00:47:07,505 --> 00:47:10,546 你怎么不喊疼啊？你看，都紫了 829 00:47:10,630 --> 00:47:12,838 要嘛你掐死我 830 00:47:12,921 --> 00:47:14,380 要嘛你娶我 831 00:47:14,463 --> 00:47:16,171 我两样都舍不得 832 00:47:16,255 --> 00:47:18,546 娶我有什么舍不得的呀？ 833 00:47:18,630 --> 00:47:22,213 完颜，我警告你，不能随便嫁人 834 00:47:22,296 --> 00:47:24,380 要嫁也不能嫁我这样的 835 00:47:24,463 --> 00:47:25,880 你哪样的？ 836 00:47:25,963 --> 00:47:28,588 我还是个孩子 837 00:47:29,421 --> 00:47:32,255 有你这么老的孩子吗？ 有你这尺寸的孩子吗？ 838 00:47:32,338 --> 00:47:34,338 孩子不分老少 839 00:47:34,421 --> 00:47:35,755 什么尺寸的都有 840 00:47:35,838 --> 00:47:37,296 你就是不想负责任吧？ 841 00:47:37,380 --> 00:47:39,880 没事，责任我负 842 00:47:39,963 --> 00:47:43,046 婚我都向你求了，不用你求 843 00:47:43,130 --> 00:47:45,671 一切我都安排好了 844 00:47:45,755 --> 00:47:48,713 我就是要你站在那儿说个“我愿意” 845 00:47:48,796 --> 00:47:51,463 好，谁让咱俩这么多年的交情呢？ 846 00:47:51,546 --> 00:47:52,755 我帮你个忙怎么了？ 847 00:47:52,838 --> 00:47:56,505 - 咱也不是没干过坑蒙拐骗的事 - 你跟我结婚是坑蒙拐骗？ 848 00:47:56,588 --> 00:47:58,921 - 不是说要骗你妈吗？ - 谁说骗我妈啦？ 849 00:47:59,005 --> 00:48:00,546 那到底骗谁妈啊这是？ 850 00:48:00,630 --> 00:48:04,088 骗你妈，我让你坑蒙拐骗 851 00:48:31,713 --> 00:48:34,296 好像是一把枪啊 852 00:48:35,296 --> 00:48:36,671 怎么玩着玩着 853 00:48:37,171 --> 00:48:38,630 把枪拿出来了？ 854 00:48:38,713 --> 00:48:40,130 会用吗？ 855 00:48:43,505 --> 00:48:45,338 你要是把我打死了 856 00:48:45,421 --> 00:48:46,796 你自己也活不成了 857 00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:48,755 我打死你，我干嘛还活呀？ 858 00:48:48,838 --> 00:48:49,921 都死了 859 00:48:50,588 --> 00:48:51,796 那不成了殉情了吗？ 860 00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:53,713 我一枪把你给崩了 861 00:48:53,796 --> 00:48:55,880 再把我自个儿给崩了 862 00:48:55,963 --> 00:48:58,088 咱俩下了阴间还是这一出 863 00:48:58,171 --> 00:49:01,088 你怎么还是这种完颜的脾气？ 864 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:04,880 - 这都到了民国了 - 到哪国我也这脾气 865 00:49:06,213 --> 00:49:07,630 我低三下四过吗？ 866 00:49:07,713 --> 00:49:09,796 - 没有 - 我曲意逢迎过吗？ 867 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,421 - 更没有 - 我自食其力当上了总统 868 00:49:12,505 --> 00:49:15,213 - 我给完颜家丢过人吗？ - 不曾丢人 869 00:49:15,296 --> 00:49:16,505 还长了脸 870 00:49:16,588 --> 00:49:18,213 我就是想要一个我喜欢的人 871 00:49:18,296 --> 00:49:20,671 真心待我，把我给娶了 872 00:49:20,755 --> 00:49:22,463 你这算是拒绝我了？ 873 00:49:23,046 --> 00:49:24,463 不是拒绝你 874 00:49:25,505 --> 00:49:28,005 我是心疼你 875 00:49:28,921 --> 00:49:30,380 我真心的 876 00:49:31,005 --> 00:49:32,880 觉得你不是普通的人 877 00:49:33,588 --> 00:49:36,755 我也真心觉得你不用让我娶你 878 00:49:37,921 --> 00:49:39,338 你已经有了我 879 00:49:39,838 --> 00:49:40,963 就不用再嫁给我 880 00:49:47,130 --> 00:49:48,755 你真心不想娶我 881 00:49:49,421 --> 00:49:51,796 我也真心不想活了 882 00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,296 咱俩就真心对真心 883 00:49:55,338 --> 00:49:57,338 但是真心不在那儿 884 00:49:59,546 --> 00:50:01,546 真心在这儿 885 00:50:03,963 --> 00:50:06,671 你打死我得了 886 00:50:16,838 --> 00:50:18,505 万一有子弹呢？ 887 00:50:19,755 --> 00:50:21,463 那你就死了 888 00:50:25,463 --> 00:50:26,463 走 889 00:50:33,088 --> 00:50:36,838 以后不许再用假枪来吓唬我 890 00:50:41,505 --> 00:50:42,963 真有子弹呢 891 00:50:47,088 --> 00:50:49,088 上辈子 892 00:50:50,921 --> 00:50:54,213 我肯定是欠你的 893 00:50:56,796 --> 00:50:59,171 要不然为什么 894 00:50:59,713 --> 00:51:01,796 你对我这么坏 895 00:51:03,213 --> 00:51:07,546 我还那么喜欢你？ 896 00:51:07,630 --> 00:51:09,088 上辈子 897 00:51:09,588 --> 00:51:11,005 咱们俩… 898 00:51:11,838 --> 00:51:14,588 咱们俩是俩眼珠子 899 00:51:15,088 --> 00:51:17,255 长在一个人的脸上 900 00:51:17,838 --> 00:51:20,171 那就是天生的一对 901 00:51:21,921 --> 00:51:25,380 可是谁也没看见过谁 902 00:51:28,588 --> 00:51:31,880 那你是左眼 903 00:51:31,963 --> 00:51:34,546 还是我是左眼？ 904 00:51:34,630 --> 00:51:35,755 您挑 905 00:51:36,296 --> 00:51:38,880 您是左眼，我就当右眼 906 00:51:40,338 --> 00:51:42,713 那我是右眼 907 00:51:42,796 --> 00:51:44,463 我就当左眼 908 00:51:47,588 --> 00:51:48,921 可是 909 00:51:49,463 --> 00:51:52,046 一辈子谁也没见过谁 910 00:51:52,130 --> 00:51:53,588 怪可怜的 911 00:51:57,088 --> 00:51:58,921 那对眼呢？ 912 00:52:04,421 --> 00:52:07,380 那您得长一多矮的鼻梁子 913 00:52:07,463 --> 00:52:10,630 才能让您的左眼看见您的右眼？ 914 00:52:15,463 --> 00:52:16,463 不行 915 00:52:16,963 --> 00:52:18,880 一辈子就当一对眼睛 916 00:52:18,963 --> 00:52:20,838 谁也看不着谁 917 00:52:20,921 --> 00:52:22,588 太可怜了 918 00:52:23,130 --> 00:52:25,088 我有一个好办法 919 00:52:25,838 --> 00:52:28,671 你可以把我眼珠子抠出来 920 00:52:30,671 --> 00:52:31,880 看见你的眼睛 921 00:52:33,630 --> 00:52:35,588 - 不行 - 那当什么呢？ 922 00:52:35,671 --> 00:52:37,213 蜗牛 923 00:52:37,713 --> 00:52:39,546 - 蜗牛？ - 蜗牛的眼睛 924 00:52:39,630 --> 00:52:41,630 蜗牛的眼睛这么高 925 00:52:41,713 --> 00:52:43,713 - 能伸得特别远 - 这么高吗？ 926 00:52:46,755 --> 00:52:48,046 能看见你的大腿 927 00:52:49,421 --> 00:52:51,088 能看见我后背 928 00:52:51,171 --> 00:52:53,671 也能看见你后脑勺 929 00:52:53,755 --> 00:52:55,755 要不然咱俩当俩海浪？ 930 00:52:55,838 --> 00:52:57,046 海浪？ 931 00:52:57,130 --> 00:52:59,963 你在前边走，我在后边追 932 00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,255 我就不信追不上，开船 933 00:53:04,338 --> 00:53:05,338 是 934 00:53:05,421 --> 00:53:07,046 咱现在去哪啊？ 935 00:53:07,130 --> 00:53:08,755 您说去哪咱就去哪 936 00:53:08,838 --> 00:53:10,171 咱哪都不去 937 00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:11,380 是 938 00:53:11,463 --> 00:53:13,296 咱们哪都不去 939 00:53:13,380 --> 00:53:15,713 哪都不去怎么还开那么快呀？ 940 00:53:15,796 --> 00:53:17,838 只有快才能哪都不去呀 941 00:53:17,921 --> 00:53:19,255 那我要回家 942 00:53:19,338 --> 00:53:20,421 是 943 00:53:21,338 --> 00:53:23,421 家到了 944 00:53:23,505 --> 00:53:26,338 - 哪儿是家啊？ - 这儿就是家 945 00:53:26,421 --> 00:53:28,546 您在哪儿，哪儿就是家 946 00:53:28,630 --> 00:53:30,630 您就是家 947 00:53:30,713 --> 00:53:32,421 - 开灯 - 是，亮 948 00:53:32,505 --> 00:53:34,380 亮… 949 00:53:36,255 --> 00:53:38,005 太亮了 950 00:53:38,088 --> 00:53:39,296 我给您关上几个 951 00:53:39,380 --> 00:53:41,088 瞄准，走 952 00:53:43,713 --> 00:53:44,838 您看这边儿 953 00:53:50,630 --> 00:53:52,338 您好像是在唱歌 954 00:53:53,671 --> 00:53:56,421 我把那个最亮的灯给你打下来 955 00:53:58,713 --> 00:53:59,963 别… 956 00:54:00,046 --> 00:54:02,171 别打，你该吓着我朋友了 957 00:54:02,255 --> 00:54:03,505 这儿有你的朋友吗？ 958 00:54:03,588 --> 00:54:06,213 兔子啊，不是跟那儿捣药的吗？ 959 00:54:06,296 --> 00:54:09,255 我看见了耳朵，没看见兔子 960 00:54:09,338 --> 00:54:12,130 看见耳朵了，那兔子就不远了 961 00:54:12,213 --> 00:54:14,546 可是您这兔子太大了 962 00:54:14,630 --> 00:54:16,630 难怪把这月亮都挡得这么黑 963 00:54:16,713 --> 00:54:18,338 那都是药啊 964 00:54:18,421 --> 00:54:20,921 - 咱们上去把它吃了 - 把兔子吃了？ 965 00:54:21,005 --> 00:54:22,171 把药吃干净 966 00:54:22,255 --> 00:54:25,838 让你的月亮白天也能这么亮 967 00:54:26,463 --> 00:54:28,213 我们走 968 00:54:29,546 --> 00:54:30,921 那兔子捣的什么药？ 969 00:54:31,005 --> 00:54:32,338 长生不老药 970 00:54:33,838 --> 00:54:35,463 太好了，走 971 00:54:36,088 --> 00:54:38,296 解放兔子 972 00:54:39,421 --> 00:54:42,963 - 咱们月亮上的家还有什么人？ - 还有吴刚 973 00:54:43,046 --> 00:54:44,380 吴刚是姐夫吧？ 974 00:54:44,921 --> 00:54:46,546 不是姐夫… 975 00:54:46,630 --> 00:54:47,838 - 那就让他回家 - 好 976 00:54:47,921 --> 00:54:49,505 月亮上就剩咱们四个 977 00:54:49,588 --> 00:54:51,171 嫦娥、兔姐、你、我 978 00:54:51,963 --> 00:54:53,005 那你娶我 979 00:54:53,088 --> 00:54:55,213 - 都娶 - 不行，只娶我一个 980 00:54:55,296 --> 00:54:56,296 是 981 00:55:47,130 --> 00:55:49,921 千万不能抽鸦片 982 00:55:50,005 --> 00:55:52,630 千万不能抽大烟 983 00:55:53,213 --> 00:55:57,838 好好的一个完颜就这么死了 984 00:55:58,671 --> 00:56:03,255 要是能说句爱你，你就不死了 985 00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:06,546 我为什么不早说呢？ 986 00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:10,838 我可怎么办呢？ 987 00:56:14,838 --> 00:56:17,088 我还是先跑了吧 988 00:56:17,171 --> 00:56:21,046 我实在是说不清楚眼前这个事情啊 989 00:56:21,130 --> 00:56:23,380 我得找朋友给我帮忙 990 00:56:23,463 --> 00:56:25,338 可是我找谁呢？ 991 00:56:25,421 --> 00:56:27,255 我找武六去吧 992 00:56:27,338 --> 00:56:29,796 武六她爸是大帅呀 993 00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:33,463 武六她妈毕竟是我的老师啊 994 00:56:35,505 --> 00:56:36,963 - 谁呀？ - 马走日 995 00:56:37,046 --> 00:56:39,130 - 干什么的？ - 我… 996 00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:41,755 - 我…我找人 - 找谁？ 997 00:56:41,838 --> 00:56:42,838 武六、武七 998 00:56:42,921 --> 00:56:43,963 六还是七？ 999 00:56:44,046 --> 00:56:46,005 - 立正，敬礼 - 当然是六 1000 00:56:46,088 --> 00:56:48,338 你找武六，武六认得你吗？ 1001 00:56:48,421 --> 00:56:49,588 认识我 1002 00:56:49,671 --> 00:56:52,046 看他妈你这个打扮 我还以为是告状的呢 1003 00:56:52,130 --> 00:56:53,130 这边儿请 1004 00:56:58,380 --> 00:56:59,463 - 坐 - 好 1005 00:57:03,921 --> 00:57:04,921 看报纸 1006 00:57:12,130 --> 00:57:16,255 马走日先生，武六小姐有请 1007 00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:36,130 在海边拍日落，去泰山拍日出 1008 00:57:36,213 --> 00:57:38,255 那正好啊，我能帮上你的忙啊 1009 00:57:38,338 --> 00:57:41,046 我在法国留学的时候弄了不少的电影 1010 00:57:41,130 --> 00:57:43,421 什么《火车进站》啦 1011 00:57:43,505 --> 00:57:44,505 《水浇园丁》啊 1012 00:57:44,546 --> 00:57:45,713 说几句法语听听 1013 00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:48,421 好，很好，乳酪 1014 00:57:49,088 --> 00:57:52,130 小时候在香山四锐营高小读书的时候 1015 00:57:52,213 --> 00:57:54,088 老师逼着我们得说六门儿外语 1016 00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:55,546 我妈在那教过书 1017 00:57:55,630 --> 00:57:57,880 - 敢问伯母贵姓啊？ - 姓覃 1018 00:57:57,963 --> 00:58:00,546 不是我覃赛男覃老师吧？ 1019 00:58:01,213 --> 00:58:03,671 你妈年轻时候可太漂亮了 1020 00:58:04,421 --> 00:58:07,921 你妈可是我们所有男生的梦中情人 1021 00:58:08,005 --> 00:58:12,213 在很多方面 给了我启蒙的老师就是你妈 1022 00:58:12,296 --> 00:58:14,630 说说你去法国都干什么了 1023 00:58:15,755 --> 00:58:17,505 我喜欢上一个姑娘 1024 00:58:17,588 --> 00:58:20,463 就一直跟着她去了她的家乡 1025 00:58:21,546 --> 00:58:23,713 她家乡有一个湖 1026 00:58:24,380 --> 00:58:25,463 叫罗梦湖 1027 00:58:25,546 --> 00:58:29,380 夏天我总是跟着她在湖边散步 1028 00:58:30,588 --> 00:58:34,005 - 看日落，看日出 - 后来呢？ 1029 00:58:35,130 --> 00:58:37,380 打仗了，我就上了战场 1030 00:58:37,463 --> 00:58:38,838 我跟她说 1031 00:58:38,921 --> 00:58:40,421 “你在湖边儿上等我 1032 00:58:40,505 --> 00:58:42,213 就算我万一回不来 1033 00:58:42,713 --> 00:58:44,505 我的灵魂也会穿过大山 1034 00:58:45,213 --> 00:58:48,046 穿过森林，穿过大海 1035 00:58:48,130 --> 00:58:49,755 到湖边儿去找你” 1036 00:58:49,838 --> 00:58:52,421 这不是人家苏格兰传说吗？ 1037 00:58:53,255 --> 00:58:55,213 这么巧？他们也有这个传说？ 1038 00:58:55,296 --> 00:58:59,005 而且传说里的你已经死了 1039 00:58:59,671 --> 00:59:01,005 我是差点儿死了 1040 00:59:01,588 --> 00:59:02,671 一颗炮弹过来 1041 00:59:03,255 --> 00:59:04,255 就炸了 1042 00:59:05,338 --> 00:59:08,296 捡了条命，可是腿没了 1043 00:59:08,796 --> 00:59:09,796 腿没了吗？ 1044 00:59:10,213 --> 00:59:12,046 大夫好啊，给我接了条假腿 1045 00:59:12,130 --> 00:59:14,088 你看，我要不说 1046 00:59:14,171 --> 00:59:15,505 你都看不出来哪个是假的 1047 00:59:16,130 --> 00:59:17,130 确实看不出来 1048 00:59:18,963 --> 00:59:20,796 你踢我那条好腿了 1049 00:59:24,838 --> 00:59:26,630 这条腿更疼 1050 00:59:27,296 --> 00:59:30,796 腿被武六踢断了 1051 00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,255 两条腿都被她踢断了 1052 00:59:34,338 --> 00:59:39,171 武六就是容不得 别人在她面前吹牛撒谎 1053 00:59:39,255 --> 00:59:42,213 我也只能眼巴巴地看着他们 1054 00:59:42,296 --> 00:59:44,796 上泰山拍电影去了 1055 00:59:45,630 --> 00:59:49,171 要是那回我的腿不被踢断 1056 00:59:49,255 --> 00:59:51,630 那该多好啊 1057 01:00:04,130 --> 01:00:05,338 我以为谁呢 1058 01:00:05,421 --> 01:00:06,671 好久不见 1059 01:00:06,755 --> 01:00:08,838 马先生看着有点儿老啊 1060 01:00:08,921 --> 01:00:09,796 老吗？ 1061 01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:10,963 老 1062 01:00:13,046 --> 01:00:14,505 还戴着眼镜 1063 01:00:14,588 --> 01:00:15,755 像个教书先生 1064 01:00:15,838 --> 01:00:17,046 眼镜是借来的 1065 01:00:17,130 --> 01:00:18,130 为了掩人耳目 1066 01:00:18,213 --> 01:00:19,505 你犯什么罪啦？ 1067 01:00:20,005 --> 01:00:22,130 今天来找我帮什么忙？ 1068 01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:26,463 我还真有点事想麻烦… 1069 01:00:27,005 --> 01:00:28,088 麻烦我？ 1070 01:00:28,630 --> 01:00:30,171 还是麻烦你覃老师呀？ 1071 01:00:30,713 --> 01:00:32,130 我覃老师在吗？ 1072 01:00:32,213 --> 01:00:33,588 - 小强 - 有 1073 01:00:34,088 --> 01:00:36,838 把马先生带去见他覃老师 1074 01:00:36,921 --> 01:00:37,921 是 1075 01:00:38,463 --> 01:00:40,380 你这好像是个机器人吧？ 1076 01:00:41,171 --> 01:00:43,171 咱们这时代就有机器人了？ 1077 01:00:43,255 --> 01:00:44,255 还没调好呢 1078 01:00:46,296 --> 01:00:50,671 “喔命运，像月亮般变幻无常” 1079 01:00:50,755 --> 01:00:52,713 真是我敬爱的覃老师吗？ 1080 01:00:52,796 --> 01:00:55,796 - 四锐营三旗高小的吧？ - 您认出我来了 1081 01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:59,088 四锐营三旗高小叫我覃老师 1082 01:00:59,171 --> 01:01:02,130 仪静女中叫我覃先生 1083 01:01:02,213 --> 01:01:04,880 京北师就叫我覃校长 1084 01:01:05,505 --> 01:01:08,796 听这称呼，我就知道你是哪个学校的 1085 01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:12,171 但是你这人我可真没认出来 1086 01:01:12,255 --> 01:01:14,880 - 马走日啊 - 四锐营有姓马的吗？ 1087 01:01:14,963 --> 01:01:16,713 老姓儿，默尔济吉特 1088 01:01:16,796 --> 01:01:20,380 - 我就坐在最后一排 - 最后一排是一个胖黑丫头 1089 01:01:20,463 --> 01:01:23,046 - 胖黑丫头旁边那个 - 旁边是个校工 1090 01:01:23,130 --> 01:01:25,255 我是蹲过几年班，覃老师 1091 01:01:25,338 --> 01:01:27,046 您必是把我当校工了 1092 01:01:27,130 --> 01:01:29,671 不对，那校工是个独眼儿龙 1093 01:01:29,755 --> 01:01:32,588 没关系，我能为你做些什么？ 1094 01:01:32,671 --> 01:01:34,213 我敬爱的覃老师 1095 01:01:34,838 --> 01:01:38,296 - 您的学生马走日，给您… - 怎么还我敬爱的敬爱的啊？ 1096 01:01:38,796 --> 01:01:40,380 你到底跟我妈说没说呀？ 1097 01:01:40,463 --> 01:01:41,380 我这不正要说了吗？ 1098 01:01:41,463 --> 01:01:44,255 妈，他说您是他的情人 1099 01:01:44,338 --> 01:01:45,546 梦中的 1100 01:01:45,630 --> 01:01:47,505 他说您是他的启蒙老师 1101 01:01:47,588 --> 01:01:48,755 那方面的 1102 01:01:48,838 --> 01:01:50,088 我…我什么时候儿跟你 1103 01:01:50,171 --> 01:01:52,546 - 这么样说过话呀？ - 火车上，你忘了？ 1104 01:01:53,046 --> 01:01:54,963 你真的这么说的？ 1105 01:01:55,046 --> 01:01:56,588 覃老师，我对不起您 1106 01:01:57,338 --> 01:01:59,588 不用这么不好意思 1107 01:01:59,671 --> 01:02:03,880 我学生当中说真话的人不多 1108 01:02:04,380 --> 01:02:06,421 你是头一个 1109 01:02:06,505 --> 01:02:08,088 你看，小脸儿都红了 1110 01:02:10,130 --> 01:02:12,421 - 大事不好了 - 你好好说话 1111 01:02:12,505 --> 01:02:14,296 老狗和小狗咬起来了 1112 01:02:14,380 --> 01:02:15,963 要出人命啦 1113 01:02:16,046 --> 01:02:17,713 狗打架怎么出人命啊？ 1114 01:02:17,796 --> 01:02:20,213 她管她丈夫叫老狗 1115 01:02:20,296 --> 01:02:22,338 管她儿子叫小狗 1116 01:02:22,421 --> 01:02:24,546 - 女婿？ - 不曾… 1117 01:02:24,630 --> 01:02:25,630 怎么拉着手儿呢？ 1118 01:02:25,713 --> 01:02:26,713 我学生 1119 01:02:26,796 --> 01:02:28,088 你赶紧弄饭去吧 1120 01:02:28,171 --> 01:02:29,546 把那胡子摘了 1121 01:02:29,630 --> 01:02:32,963 我怎么老觉得你的嘴 就长着耳朵底下似的？ 1122 01:02:33,046 --> 01:02:34,171 遵命 1123 01:02:34,255 --> 01:02:37,088 你跟厨房讲一声 今天晚上有客人来的 1124 01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:38,671 好的，太太，那么军歌还唱吗？ 1125 01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:40,171 唱啊，为什么不唱啊？ 1126 01:02:41,796 --> 01:02:42,880 想方便一下？ 1127 01:02:43,671 --> 01:02:45,546 这边有… 1128 01:02:45,630 --> 01:02:47,505 这边还有，后头也有 1129 01:02:48,255 --> 01:02:50,755 条条大路都能通茅房 1130 01:02:52,171 --> 01:02:53,213 我陪你去好不好？ 1131 01:02:53,296 --> 01:02:54,713 你说什么呢？ 1132 01:02:54,796 --> 01:02:55,838 - 我自己能去 - 男人上厕所 1133 01:02:55,921 --> 01:02:57,046 - 女人不能看的 - 能找着吗？ 1134 01:02:57,130 --> 01:02:59,505 - 能 - 你小时候就是这个毛病 1135 01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:18,838 马走日… 1136 01:03:18,921 --> 01:03:21,213 现在是你求人救命的时候 1137 01:03:21,296 --> 01:03:23,088 你怎么张不开口啊？ 1138 01:03:23,171 --> 01:03:24,796 你跟我说，马走日 1139 01:03:25,463 --> 01:03:26,588 你怕丢人吗？ 1140 01:03:26,671 --> 01:03:28,588 不丢人… 1141 01:03:30,088 --> 01:03:32,463 - 谁？ - 飞田，我呀 1142 01:03:33,130 --> 01:03:35,421 - 走日，救我 - 你真的在这儿啊？ 1143 01:03:35,505 --> 01:03:38,130 - 这是怎么回事？ - 别拉…这是马嚼子 1144 01:03:38,213 --> 01:03:39,046 嚼子？ 1145 01:03:39,130 --> 01:03:40,755 背上还有马鞍子呢 1146 01:03:40,838 --> 01:03:41,880 谁干的这是？ 1147 01:03:41,963 --> 01:03:43,046 武大帅 1148 01:03:43,130 --> 01:03:43,963 为什么呀？ 1149 01:03:44,046 --> 01:03:47,088 他说我不配做人，让我逆向进化 1150 01:03:47,171 --> 01:03:49,380 让我重新变回猴儿去 1151 01:03:49,463 --> 01:03:52,046 变猴儿？关马棚里干什么呀？ 1152 01:03:52,130 --> 01:03:54,588 说是先从马这儿过渡一下 1153 01:03:55,171 --> 01:03:57,546 你这是把人家给得罪狠啦 1154 01:03:57,630 --> 01:03:59,130 你到底干什么了你啊？ 1155 01:03:59,213 --> 01:04:02,255 武七带我耍去，让他爸逮着了 1156 01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:03,338 嫖去了吧？ 1157 01:04:03,421 --> 01:04:04,963 还能干嘛呀？ 1158 01:04:05,046 --> 01:04:06,921 按说嫖不至于这么整你呀 1159 01:04:07,005 --> 01:04:08,671 他爸的人，他爸的地 1160 01:04:08,755 --> 01:04:09,838 就怕是这个 1161 01:04:09,921 --> 01:04:11,296 你看见那闹钟了吗？ 1162 01:04:11,380 --> 01:04:14,005 12点，你要不把我救出去 1163 01:04:14,088 --> 01:04:16,755 他说就把那俩野马放进来 1164 01:04:17,296 --> 01:04:18,588 野马那什么您… 1165 01:04:19,338 --> 01:04:21,213 那你会很受委屈的 1166 01:04:21,296 --> 01:04:24,505 我就是不愿意受这委屈 1167 01:04:25,338 --> 01:04:26,838 我给你解开扣，把你放跑了吧 1168 01:04:26,921 --> 01:04:27,755 千万别 1169 01:04:27,838 --> 01:04:30,005 放了我也跑不了，他非把我毙了 1170 01:04:30,088 --> 01:04:32,463 你呀，你找武六说说情 1171 01:04:32,546 --> 01:04:34,296 让武六跟他爸说说情 1172 01:04:34,380 --> 01:04:35,421 救救老哥 1173 01:04:35,505 --> 01:04:36,796 用用美男计 1174 01:04:37,755 --> 01:04:39,213 你帮我看看几点了 1175 01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:40,963 11点37 1176 01:04:41,046 --> 01:04:42,088 还有23分钟 1177 01:04:42,171 --> 01:04:43,838 我还来得及救你吗？ 1178 01:04:43,921 --> 01:04:46,088 来得及来不及就看你啦 1179 01:04:46,171 --> 01:04:48,046 起立，唱 1180 01:04:48,130 --> 01:04:52,213 - 我们知道就是知道，绝对不能装 - 我们知道就是知道，绝对不能装 1181 01:04:52,296 --> 01:04:55,380 - 不能装… - 不能装… 1182 01:04:55,463 --> 01:04:59,463 - 我们不知道就不知道，也不能装 - 我们不知道就不知道，也不能装 1183 01:04:59,546 --> 01:05:02,588 - 不能装… - 不能装… 1184 01:05:02,671 --> 01:05:06,421 - 我们知道就是知道，绝对不能装 - 我们知道就是知道，绝对不能装 1185 01:05:06,505 --> 01:05:09,755 - 不能装… - 不能装… 1186 01:05:09,838 --> 01:05:13,755 - 我们不知道就不知道，也不能装 - 我们不知道就不知道，也不能装 1187 01:05:13,838 --> 01:05:17,213 - 不能装，绝对不能装 - 不能装，绝对不能装 1188 01:05:17,296 --> 01:05:19,505 绝对不能装 1189 01:05:19,588 --> 01:05:23,005 什么不能装？统统不能装 1190 01:05:23,088 --> 01:05:25,755 - 坐下 - 坐 1191 01:05:25,838 --> 01:05:27,546 这是谁？ 1192 01:05:27,630 --> 01:05:28,671 这是我 1193 01:05:28,755 --> 01:05:30,546 你是我儿？哪个是你娘？ 1194 01:05:30,630 --> 01:05:31,505 我覃老师 1195 01:05:31,588 --> 01:05:33,171 不是女婿吗？ 1196 01:05:33,255 --> 01:05:35,130 这是我原来一个学生 1197 01:05:35,213 --> 01:05:38,713 信奉什么一日为师，终生为母 1198 01:05:40,213 --> 01:05:42,838 来人，把那两个混蛋带上来 1199 01:05:58,421 --> 01:05:59,588 别哭了 1200 01:06:01,296 --> 01:06:02,546 哭也别出声 1201 01:06:02,630 --> 01:06:05,463 你们知道老七是什么问题吗？ 1202 01:06:05,546 --> 01:06:07,130 见着钱就想花 1203 01:06:07,713 --> 01:06:08,921 见着女人就想嫖 1204 01:06:09,505 --> 01:06:12,005 - 说，军费呢？ - 嫖了 1205 01:06:16,213 --> 01:06:20,088 - 武七… - 妈，别哭啦，我没死 1206 01:06:20,171 --> 01:06:22,546 那是我要开军校的钱 1207 01:06:23,088 --> 01:06:24,880 美国有个西点 1208 01:06:25,463 --> 01:06:28,005 我就是要在中国办个东点 1209 01:06:28,088 --> 01:06:30,380 你是想娶全世界的小老婆 1210 01:06:30,463 --> 01:06:32,088 那也得身体好 1211 01:06:32,671 --> 01:06:37,130 我就是要让中国的军人结实、有劲 1212 01:06:37,213 --> 01:06:39,296 可是这两个混蛋… 1213 01:06:39,380 --> 01:06:40,463 结果这两个混蛋 1214 01:06:41,213 --> 01:06:43,630 把该花在男人身上的钱 1215 01:06:43,713 --> 01:06:45,671 都花在了女人身上 1216 01:06:45,755 --> 01:06:49,005 - 对，你说得对呀 - 大帅 1217 01:06:49,505 --> 01:06:51,880 您高瞻远瞩 1218 01:06:53,213 --> 01:06:55,755 马某人我要是年轻几岁 1219 01:06:55,838 --> 01:06:58,880 一定会跟着您征战南北 1220 01:06:58,963 --> 01:07:02,880 别的大帅都把钱花在了飞机、坦克上 1221 01:07:02,963 --> 01:07:06,046 可是您却一下子抓住了人 1222 01:07:06,130 --> 01:07:08,630 大帅，您应该生气 1223 01:07:08,713 --> 01:07:11,755 他们两个应该被枪毙 1224 01:07:12,421 --> 01:07:13,546 把马给我牵上来 1225 01:07:15,296 --> 01:07:16,296 先马办 1226 01:07:16,755 --> 01:07:19,546 - 后法办 - 且慢，大帅 1227 01:07:19,630 --> 01:07:22,713 要想培养中国的军人个个有劲儿 1228 01:07:22,796 --> 01:07:25,171 不一定都靠钱 1229 01:07:25,255 --> 01:07:27,546 钱都花光了，还能怎么办？ 1230 01:07:27,630 --> 01:07:28,546 赛先生 1231 01:07:28,630 --> 01:07:32,005 科学？科学是造大炮的又不是造人的 1232 01:07:32,088 --> 01:07:34,505 科学能够造大炮 1233 01:07:34,588 --> 01:07:36,046 也能够造人的身体 1234 01:07:36,130 --> 01:07:38,546 您要是不信，我现在就给您证明 1235 01:07:39,130 --> 01:07:40,921 您的手能摸着地吗？ 1236 01:07:41,005 --> 01:07:43,255 我闲得没事摸什么地？不摸 1237 01:07:43,338 --> 01:07:44,588 我知道，够不着 1238 01:07:44,671 --> 01:07:46,338 只要您跟着我学 1239 01:07:46,421 --> 01:07:49,421 马上就能立竿见影 1240 01:07:49,505 --> 01:07:50,796 你要是耍我 1241 01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:52,963 你的下场就像他们一样 1242 01:07:53,046 --> 01:07:56,130 - 马办、法办、枪毙 - 要不你想个别的办法？ 1243 01:07:56,213 --> 01:07:57,546 - 别，就这个 - 不必 1244 01:07:57,630 --> 01:07:59,796 - 就这个办法，好 - 起立，来 1245 01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:01,255 - 快，起立… - 我要看看 1246 01:08:01,338 --> 01:08:02,671 - 都站起来吗？ - 都来 1247 01:08:02,755 --> 01:08:04,130 - 都想摸着地？ - 当然 1248 01:08:04,213 --> 01:08:06,755 好，您能把手举到这儿吗？ 1249 01:08:06,838 --> 01:08:08,796 俩腿站直 1250 01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:11,505 然后手慢慢放下 1251 01:08:12,046 --> 01:08:14,213 - 您能摸到地吗？ - 摸不着 1252 01:08:14,296 --> 01:08:15,880 大家都摸不着吗？ 1253 01:08:15,963 --> 01:08:17,921 - 不可能的 - 那就对了 1254 01:08:18,005 --> 01:08:20,046 现在跟着我学 1255 01:08:20,130 --> 01:08:22,505 - 一 - 这有什么？ 1256 01:08:22,588 --> 01:08:25,213 您用不着踢着腿 1257 01:08:25,296 --> 01:08:27,838 只需要这样和这样 1258 01:08:27,921 --> 01:08:29,005 - 20次 - 开始 1259 01:08:29,088 --> 01:08:32,505 - 一、二、三、四 - 一、二、三、四 1260 01:08:32,588 --> 01:08:36,838 - 七、八、九、十 - 七、八、九、十 1261 01:08:36,921 --> 01:08:38,046 - 13、14 - 13、14 1262 01:08:38,130 --> 01:08:42,088 - 17、18、19、20 - 17、18、19、20 1263 01:08:42,171 --> 01:08:43,421 关键的时候来啦 1264 01:08:43,505 --> 01:08:44,421 举高 1265 01:08:44,505 --> 01:08:47,838 您摸到了太阳，摸到了月亮 1266 01:08:47,921 --> 01:08:51,338 摸到了星辰，摸到了大海 1267 01:08:51,421 --> 01:08:53,380 摸进大海 1268 01:08:53,463 --> 01:08:55,005 这怎么回事？ 1269 01:08:55,088 --> 01:08:57,463 筋长一寸，多活十年 1270 01:08:57,546 --> 01:08:58,963 听我说，从今以后 1271 01:08:59,046 --> 01:09:02,130 饭前唱军歌，饭后就摸脚 1272 01:09:02,213 --> 01:09:04,671 - 大帅，您不必再摸脚了 - 为什么？ 1273 01:09:04,755 --> 01:09:06,296 您摸摸您的脸 1274 01:09:06,380 --> 01:09:07,921 - 摸脸 - 您摸到了什么？ 1275 01:09:08,005 --> 01:09:10,380 - 胡子 - 不对，您摸到了笑 1276 01:09:10,463 --> 01:09:13,255 摸到了像孩子一样的笑容 1277 01:09:13,338 --> 01:09:14,796 您有40多年 1278 01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:17,421 没有这么从心底上笑过啦 1279 01:09:17,505 --> 01:09:18,505 你这狗日的 1280 01:09:18,546 --> 01:09:20,338 40年从来没跟我笑过 1281 01:09:23,171 --> 01:09:26,005 - 我笑了… - 笑了… 1282 01:09:26,088 --> 01:09:27,713 我必须好好报答你呀 1283 01:09:27,796 --> 01:09:29,296 - 不用 - 快说 1284 01:09:29,380 --> 01:09:30,755 我从不欠人情 1285 01:09:30,838 --> 01:09:32,671 - 一定要说吗？ - 说呀 1286 01:09:32,755 --> 01:09:33,755 放了他们两个 1287 01:09:33,796 --> 01:09:35,380 你闭上嘴 1288 01:09:35,463 --> 01:09:36,796 你… 1289 01:09:38,296 --> 01:09:39,380 大帅 1290 01:09:40,671 --> 01:09:43,380 请您放了他们两个 1291 01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:44,963 你… 1292 01:09:45,963 --> 01:09:49,921 这可真是奇耻大辱啊，噩梦啊 1293 01:09:50,005 --> 01:09:51,046 - 项警官 - 噩梦 1294 01:09:51,130 --> 01:09:53,505 你就不应该跟我弟这种人混这么熟 1295 01:09:53,588 --> 01:09:56,296 是不该太熟，太熟了就容易出危险 1296 01:09:57,046 --> 01:09:59,338 七八成的谋杀案都是熟人干的 1297 01:09:59,421 --> 01:10:01,171 马走日可跟你很熟 1298 01:10:01,255 --> 01:10:03,713 人家没害你，刚才还把你给救了 1299 01:10:04,671 --> 01:10:05,796 我呀？ 1300 01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,088 我看你爸也没真想怎么着他们 1301 01:10:08,171 --> 01:10:09,630 也就是想就坡儿下驴 1302 01:10:10,296 --> 01:10:12,713 可没您搭这坡儿，驴也下不去 1303 01:10:12,796 --> 01:10:15,046 别看小马平时胡说八道的 1304 01:10:15,130 --> 01:10:17,255 关键时刻真够仗义的 1305 01:10:17,338 --> 01:10:18,921 武六小姐作证 1306 01:10:19,005 --> 01:10:21,588 日后走日若是需要帮忙 1307 01:10:21,671 --> 01:10:23,880 项某定是万死不辞 1308 01:10:23,963 --> 01:10:25,130 谢了，我去 1309 01:10:33,171 --> 01:10:34,255 多谢相送 1310 01:10:34,338 --> 01:10:35,505 多谢救命 1311 01:10:36,005 --> 01:10:37,005 帽子 1312 01:10:37,838 --> 01:10:38,838 帽子 1313 01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:42,005 拜托二位一定替兄弟我保密 1314 01:10:42,588 --> 01:10:43,921 第一，不能让外人知道 1315 01:10:44,005 --> 01:10:45,713 第二，不能让法国人知道 1316 01:10:45,796 --> 01:10:47,546 没事的，你精神点 1317 01:10:47,630 --> 01:10:49,005 - 再见 - 再见 1318 01:10:59,296 --> 01:11:01,671 马走日… 1319 01:11:01,755 --> 01:11:03,838 你成杀人犯啦！ 1320 01:11:04,755 --> 01:11:08,046 马走日，我怎么觉得你有点奇怪呢？ 1321 01:11:10,421 --> 01:11:11,588 我奇怪吗？ 1322 01:11:12,255 --> 01:11:15,005 说不上来，反正有点不对 1323 01:11:17,338 --> 01:11:19,630 我挺对的，没什么事 1324 01:11:20,130 --> 01:11:21,296 真没事？ 1325 01:11:21,380 --> 01:11:23,213 没事，我能有什么事啊？ 1326 01:11:23,296 --> 01:11:25,296 有事你告诉我，我可以帮你呀 1327 01:11:25,880 --> 01:11:28,921 我可不敢找你，你爸再把我毙了 1328 01:11:30,130 --> 01:11:33,421 武六小姐那天对我还真好 1329 01:11:33,505 --> 01:11:34,796 一再地问我 1330 01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:37,713 “你有什么事情我可以帮忙” 1331 01:11:37,796 --> 01:11:39,088 您再瞧瞧我 1332 01:11:39,171 --> 01:11:41,130 装模作样地一再说 1333 01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:42,421 “我没事” 1334 01:11:42,505 --> 01:11:45,296 我怎么能没事呢？ 1335 01:11:45,380 --> 01:11:48,671 我都快成了杀人犯了我 1336 01:11:49,796 --> 01:11:51,088 我就不明白 1337 01:11:51,171 --> 01:11:53,755 为什么一见着完颜 1338 01:11:53,838 --> 01:11:56,880 我就不三不四地装不正经 1339 01:11:56,963 --> 01:12:00,630 可是一见着武六，我就七上八下 1340 01:12:00,713 --> 01:12:04,671 想说的话一个字都说不出口 1341 01:12:05,921 --> 01:12:07,713 楼上有很多北京来的朋友 1342 01:12:07,796 --> 01:12:08,921 不上去坐坐？ 1343 01:12:09,005 --> 01:12:10,088 我先把车停下 1344 01:12:10,588 --> 01:12:12,088 - 五楼见 - 好 1345 01:12:32,171 --> 01:12:33,171 可以帮到您吗，先生？ 1346 01:12:33,213 --> 01:12:35,546 - 把车钥匙给刚刚那位小姐 - 好的，先生 1347 01:12:35,630 --> 01:12:37,046 - 这个给你 - 谢谢 1348 01:12:37,130 --> 01:12:38,505 - 谢谢 - 谢谢 1349 01:12:39,505 --> 01:12:41,255 先生，请上车 1350 01:12:42,130 --> 01:12:43,255 您想去哪里啊？ 1351 01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:45,005 这么多啊？ 1352 01:12:45,588 --> 01:12:46,755 你坐上头 1353 01:12:47,338 --> 01:12:49,505 不可以，这个不可以啊 1354 01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:57,463 我这算作是舍己救人吗？ 1355 01:12:58,296 --> 01:13:01,796 我本该找大帅来救我的命 1356 01:13:01,880 --> 01:13:06,796 可是却阴错阳差地救了项飞田的命 1357 01:13:06,880 --> 01:13:10,255 他倒是从猴儿又变回了人 1358 01:13:10,338 --> 01:13:16,546 可是我却成了项飞田追捕的杀人犯 1359 01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:22,630 那么这项飞田算是恩将仇报吗？ 1360 01:13:23,505 --> 01:13:25,880 我倒也不完全怨他 1361 01:13:26,421 --> 01:13:30,463 您想啊，谁落了难都希望被营救 1362 01:13:31,171 --> 01:13:34,463 可是谁又乐意他落难的那惨相 1363 01:13:34,546 --> 01:13:37,630 被人家瞧见，被人家记住了呢？ 1364 01:13:48,505 --> 01:13:54,046 我的确是忘不了 这项飞田差点被马办了 1365 01:13:54,130 --> 01:13:59,255 这也就不怪人家项飞田 非要把我给法办了 1366 01:14:00,213 --> 01:14:03,963 项飞田倒是没马上抓着我 1367 01:14:04,046 --> 01:14:06,880 他抓了一大堆的嫖客 1368 01:14:07,463 --> 01:14:10,380 他把这个所有没破了的命案 1369 01:14:10,463 --> 01:14:15,005 全算成了是嫖客杀舞女了 1370 01:14:15,713 --> 01:14:21,005 这倒好，他就这么一路地立功受奖 1371 01:14:21,088 --> 01:14:25,713 最终成了这个上海滩法租界里头 1372 01:14:25,796 --> 01:14:29,171 鼎鼎大名的华人警官 1373 01:14:30,005 --> 01:14:33,755 而我亡命天涯 1374 01:14:34,296 --> 01:14:36,130 久而久之的 1375 01:14:36,213 --> 01:14:41,171 连我自个儿都不知道我自个儿是谁了 1376 01:15:22,880 --> 01:15:26,046 朋友，我在哪里能找到唱京剧的？ 1377 01:15:26,130 --> 01:15:28,046 没有北京剧，只有上海剧 1378 01:15:28,130 --> 01:15:30,713 上海？不…京剧 1379 01:15:30,796 --> 01:15:31,630 马走日 1380 01:15:31,713 --> 01:15:32,796 不认得马走日 1381 01:15:33,296 --> 01:15:34,213 马走日 1382 01:15:34,296 --> 01:15:35,338 只有上海剧 1383 01:15:35,421 --> 01:15:37,046 《刺杀马走日》 1384 01:15:38,588 --> 01:15:40,505 完颜英啊完颜英 1385 01:15:40,588 --> 01:15:43,671 你这是薄情寡义 1386 01:15:43,755 --> 01:15:45,921 咎由自取 1387 01:15:46,005 --> 01:15:48,213 她是完颜小英 1388 01:15:48,296 --> 01:15:50,546 我是马家走日 1389 01:15:50,630 --> 01:15:53,630 我们俩本是一对狗男女 1390 01:15:54,463 --> 01:15:56,005 她当上了总统 1391 01:15:56,088 --> 01:15:58,171 赚了钱不给我花 1392 01:15:58,255 --> 01:15:59,880 关了灯不让我睡 1393 01:15:59,963 --> 01:16:02,921 我马家走日留着她还有什么用呢？ 1394 01:16:03,005 --> 01:16:06,796 莫怪我马走日心狠手黑 1395 01:16:06,880 --> 01:16:10,880 替天行道 1396 01:16:11,380 --> 01:16:14,046 - 好… - 好… 1397 01:16:14,130 --> 01:16:16,921 - 坑挖小了 - 挖小了 1398 01:16:17,005 --> 01:16:18,505 铁铲没有 1399 01:16:18,588 --> 01:16:20,755 不能改坑了 1400 01:16:22,171 --> 01:16:23,630 只能改我啊 1401 01:16:23,713 --> 01:16:26,130 - 好… - 好… 1402 01:16:26,921 --> 01:16:28,005 - 好… - 好… 1403 01:16:28,088 --> 01:16:29,255 哪一把啊？ 1404 01:16:29,338 --> 01:16:32,005 - 大的… - 大的… 1405 01:16:39,713 --> 01:16:43,921 完颜呀 1406 01:16:44,005 --> 01:16:47,588 总统 1407 01:16:47,671 --> 01:16:49,838 变呀 1408 01:16:49,921 --> 01:16:55,338 变了心 1409 01:16:55,421 --> 01:17:02,213 - 小妹妹挣钞票… - 小妹妹挣钞票，郎花不着 1410 01:17:02,296 --> 01:17:09,296 英呀，我只能把你一刀分 1411 01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:12,130 你是什么人啊？ 1412 01:17:12,213 --> 01:17:15,171 听说你等了我一晚上？ 1413 01:17:15,255 --> 01:17:17,255 能跟您老见上面 1414 01:17:17,338 --> 01:17:19,588 就是等上一年也值 1415 01:17:20,171 --> 01:17:21,005 想演戏？ 1416 01:17:21,088 --> 01:17:24,838 不是，我受人之托给您老带点东西 1417 01:17:25,630 --> 01:17:26,921 谁呀？ 1418 01:17:27,005 --> 01:17:29,630 马走日的表哥 1419 01:17:36,088 --> 01:17:37,130 是吧？ 1420 01:17:45,296 --> 01:17:46,380 太客气了 1421 01:17:47,421 --> 01:17:49,588 来，上茶 1422 01:17:49,671 --> 01:17:54,963 - 他表哥除了让你捎了这点儿金子 - 先生，请喝茶 1423 01:17:55,046 --> 01:17:56,338 谢了您 1424 01:17:56,421 --> 01:17:58,796 还有没有其他的… 1425 01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:02,713 - 表哥还让我给您老带来三句话 - 请讲 1426 01:18:02,796 --> 01:18:04,588 这头一句 1427 01:18:04,671 --> 01:18:05,921 是希望您 1428 01:18:06,505 --> 01:18:10,213 老老实实做人，认认真真演戏 1429 01:18:10,296 --> 01:18:12,380 这个不用说，来，第二句 1430 01:18:12,463 --> 01:18:13,880 第二句是 1431 01:18:15,338 --> 01:18:16,630 他希望您 1432 01:18:17,421 --> 01:18:18,630 以后能不能 1433 01:18:19,255 --> 01:18:22,588 不要再演《枪毙马走日》了？ 1434 01:18:22,671 --> 01:18:23,671 为什么？ 1435 01:18:23,713 --> 01:18:28,130 因为这么下去对马走日不利 1436 01:18:28,213 --> 01:18:30,713 对您老自个儿更不利 1437 01:18:31,755 --> 01:18:33,421 - 第三句 - 第三句是 1438 01:18:33,505 --> 01:18:37,880 - 您老都记住了吗？ - 我是问他让你捎的第三句话 1439 01:18:37,963 --> 01:18:39,921 - 是什么？ - 表哥捎的第三句话 1440 01:18:40,005 --> 01:18:42,088 就是问您老都记住了吗？ 1441 01:18:42,171 --> 01:18:43,296 他妈的 1442 01:18:43,380 --> 01:18:45,338 他表哥他… 1443 01:18:47,463 --> 01:18:49,671 我就是想了解一下 1444 01:18:49,755 --> 01:18:52,671 他表哥到底是干什么的？ 1445 01:18:54,380 --> 01:18:55,713 表哥 1446 01:18:56,296 --> 01:18:57,588 他是什么都不干 1447 01:18:57,671 --> 01:19:00,005 又是什么都干 1448 01:19:00,088 --> 01:19:02,671 拿人钱财替人消灾啊 1449 01:19:02,755 --> 01:19:03,755 他就是干这个的 1450 01:19:03,838 --> 01:19:07,630 这一次他是头一回给别人送钱 1451 01:19:07,713 --> 01:19:11,130 昨天有人威胁我 1452 01:19:11,213 --> 01:19:14,255 企图收买我，让我不演这出戏了 1453 01:19:14,338 --> 01:19:16,046 我现在听听大家的意见 1454 01:19:16,130 --> 01:19:18,046 - 我是演还是不演？ - 演… 1455 01:19:18,130 --> 01:19:20,171 - 演 - 那这个人，是砍还是不砍呀？ 1456 01:19:20,255 --> 01:19:21,505 - 砍… - 砍… 1457 01:19:21,588 --> 01:19:22,796 - 砍… - 用哪把刀砍？ 1458 01:19:22,880 --> 01:19:25,338 - 大刀… - 大刀… 1459 01:19:25,421 --> 01:19:26,588 都不用啦 1460 01:19:34,380 --> 01:19:35,463 砍完怎么办？ 1461 01:19:35,963 --> 01:19:38,421 - 继续… - 继续… 1462 01:19:38,505 --> 01:19:41,880 - 今天我是只杀不用 - 继续… 1463 01:19:43,046 --> 01:19:46,005 明天我是只用不杀 1464 01:19:46,630 --> 01:19:50,338 后天我是又用又杀 1465 01:19:51,255 --> 01:19:53,171 若想看全我的戏 1466 01:19:53,255 --> 01:19:55,296 要连看三天 1467 01:19:58,630 --> 01:20:03,005 完颜呀 1468 01:20:03,088 --> 01:20:06,713 - 总统 - 总统 1469 01:20:06,796 --> 01:20:12,921 - 变呀变了心… - 变呀变了心… 1470 01:20:13,005 --> 01:20:14,005 干嘛呢？ 1471 01:24:11,130 --> 01:24:13,505 花域大总统刚选出来就死了 1472 01:24:13,588 --> 01:24:15,505 杀她的人居然是她的姘头 1473 01:24:15,588 --> 01:24:17,213 杀完他就跑了 1474 01:24:17,296 --> 01:24:19,963 跑了两年，还是让我给抓回来了 1475 01:24:20,046 --> 01:24:23,671 最了不起的是整个过程 1476 01:24:23,755 --> 01:24:27,213 都被武六小姐的摄影机拍下来了 1477 01:24:27,880 --> 01:24:30,046 拍的都是真人真事 1478 01:24:30,130 --> 01:24:32,546 你们创造了历史的一根柱子 1479 01:24:32,630 --> 01:24:34,130 这真是前所未有的 1480 01:24:34,213 --> 01:24:36,296 连在巴黎都没见过 1481 01:24:36,380 --> 01:24:38,505 这是前所未有的事 1482 01:24:38,588 --> 01:24:40,838 若非项某人亲力亲为 1483 01:24:40,921 --> 01:24:44,213 断然不敢相信这千载难逢的奇迹 1484 01:24:44,296 --> 01:24:46,963 你说这好事全让你们给捞着了 1485 01:24:47,796 --> 01:24:50,838 机遇总是垂青那些有准备的人 1486 01:24:50,921 --> 01:24:53,838 我问你们，这个电影讲什么故事？ 1487 01:24:53,921 --> 01:24:55,130 项警官枪毙马走日 1488 01:24:55,213 --> 01:24:56,880 - 为什么枪毙？ - 他杀了完颜英 1489 01:24:56,963 --> 01:24:58,005 他什么时候杀的？ 1490 01:24:58,088 --> 01:24:59,838 为什么杀？他又怎么杀的？ 1491 01:24:59,921 --> 01:25:01,380 谁又看见他杀了？ 1492 01:25:02,505 --> 01:25:03,505 这些都没有 1493 01:25:04,046 --> 01:25:06,380 说明这个电影根本就没拍完 1494 01:25:08,463 --> 01:25:10,046 人都死了，事都过去了 1495 01:25:10,130 --> 01:25:11,255 你怎么拍呀？ 1496 01:25:11,963 --> 01:25:14,088 咱随便找一人演不就完了吗？ 1497 01:25:14,171 --> 01:25:17,338 你妈不是演老生的吗？可以演马走日 1498 01:25:17,421 --> 01:25:18,755 你妈可以演 1499 01:25:18,838 --> 01:25:21,213 我妈要演也只能演完颜 1500 01:25:21,296 --> 01:25:22,588 她演不了男的 1501 01:25:22,671 --> 01:25:25,005 - 你妈是男的，可以演马走日 - 你妈才是男的 1502 01:25:25,088 --> 01:25:27,713 只聊电影不聊妈，妈都是女的 1503 01:25:27,796 --> 01:25:29,880 那当然了，这是全世界都一样 1504 01:25:29,963 --> 01:25:32,213 那当然… 1505 01:25:32,296 --> 01:25:34,088 我很喜欢你们的生活方式 1506 01:25:34,171 --> 01:25:36,296 一个男的，几个老婆 1507 01:25:36,380 --> 01:25:39,380 很多孩子到处跑，多好啊 1508 01:25:39,463 --> 01:25:41,630 就为这个，我也想当个中国人 1509 01:25:42,630 --> 01:25:44,130 我问你，你爸 1510 01:25:45,130 --> 01:25:48,338 - 有没有计划娶一个新的老婆？ - 问你爸呢 1511 01:25:48,421 --> 01:25:49,421 没准 1512 01:25:51,713 --> 01:25:53,588 要找一个好演员这是关键的 1513 01:25:53,671 --> 01:25:54,921 要找一流的演员 1514 01:25:55,005 --> 01:25:57,296 非王天王莫属 1515 01:25:57,380 --> 01:25:58,921 他那个看家戏 1516 01:25:59,005 --> 01:26:01,255 《枪毙马走日》已经演了一千多场 1517 01:26:01,338 --> 01:26:03,463 法国戏剧节都求他去 1518 01:26:03,546 --> 01:26:04,713 马走日 1519 01:26:05,796 --> 01:26:07,380 马走日演马走日 1520 01:26:10,296 --> 01:26:12,296 厉害… 1521 01:26:12,380 --> 01:26:14,296 男主角是杀人犯 1522 01:26:14,380 --> 01:26:16,796 杀人犯是男主角，厉害 1523 01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:20,130 - 厉害 - 电影的关键就是真人演真事 1524 01:26:20,213 --> 01:26:22,505 关键是真人杀了他的朋友 1525 01:26:22,588 --> 01:26:23,505 关键的关键是 1526 01:26:23,588 --> 01:26:25,255 他的朋友最后把他枪毙了 1527 01:26:25,338 --> 01:26:27,755 等会儿，六姐，哪儿是关键呀？ 1528 01:26:27,838 --> 01:26:29,171 关键是枪毙马走日啊 1529 01:26:29,255 --> 01:26:31,713 - 真毙假毙？ - 他真杀了人，真枪毙 1530 01:26:31,796 --> 01:26:33,213 那可是你的旧相识啊 1531 01:26:33,296 --> 01:26:35,005 论旧也旧不过项警官呀 1532 01:26:35,088 --> 01:26:36,671 法律面前不论新旧 1533 01:26:36,755 --> 01:26:37,838 对女人下手 1534 01:26:37,921 --> 01:26:40,171 搁全世界来讲都该枪毙 1535 01:26:40,255 --> 01:26:41,255 拍完就毙 1536 01:26:41,296 --> 01:26:42,421 毙，必须毙 1537 01:26:43,005 --> 01:26:44,005 我替你毙 1538 01:26:44,088 --> 01:26:46,213 我拿着枪在他脑袋后头，我就… 1539 01:26:46,755 --> 01:26:50,421 - 冷静… - 这电影可真是啊 1540 01:26:50,505 --> 01:26:53,088 前不见古人，后不见来者啊 1541 01:26:53,171 --> 01:26:54,463 两头见不着人 1542 01:26:54,546 --> 01:26:56,713 改写历史又多一根柱子 1543 01:26:56,796 --> 01:26:58,463 我必须把这部电影带到巴黎博览会去 1544 01:26:58,546 --> 01:27:00,671 不用巴黎，上海就行，在上海办 1545 01:27:00,755 --> 01:27:03,296 跟花域大选一个规模，也选总统 1546 01:27:03,380 --> 01:27:04,380 得用一个新词 1547 01:27:04,421 --> 01:27:07,421 - 影帝、影后 - 这下我钱可有地儿花了 1548 01:27:07,505 --> 01:27:09,630 咱也设立一大奖，金葱花奖 1549 01:27:09,713 --> 01:27:11,671 男的给金葱，女的给金花 1550 01:27:11,755 --> 01:27:13,588 好，敬金葱花 1551 01:27:13,671 --> 01:27:15,296 - 厉害 - 厉害 1552 01:27:15,380 --> 01:27:18,046 我迫不及待地想看这部电影了 1553 01:27:18,130 --> 01:27:20,213 马走日一到位，电影就开拍 1554 01:27:20,296 --> 01:27:23,505 - 他要是不愿意演呢？ - 那就看项警官的本事了 1555 01:27:23,588 --> 01:27:25,296 我只有五成的把握 1556 01:27:25,380 --> 01:27:26,880 我给你讲个故事 1557 01:27:26,963 --> 01:27:29,713 你讲给他听，保证加五成 1558 01:27:29,796 --> 01:27:32,421 长吗故事？我记不住啊 1559 01:27:32,505 --> 01:27:33,338 背 1560 01:27:33,421 --> 01:27:35,046 敬礼 1561 01:27:35,130 --> 01:27:36,130 稍息 1562 01:27:36,505 --> 01:27:38,505 敬礼 1563 01:27:38,588 --> 01:27:39,421 稍息 1564 01:27:39,505 --> 01:27:41,380 敬礼 1565 01:27:42,213 --> 01:27:43,213 稍息 1566 01:27:47,338 --> 01:27:50,630 杀了完颜，潜逃两年 1567 01:27:50,713 --> 01:27:52,755 本可就此逍遥法外 1568 01:27:52,838 --> 01:27:56,630 却见不得一个名角辱没自己 1569 01:27:56,713 --> 01:27:58,338 愤然出手 1570 01:27:58,421 --> 01:28:01,005 打了王天王，进了牢房 1571 01:28:01,088 --> 01:28:02,838 面对死亡 1572 01:28:03,421 --> 01:28:05,963 不错，正是如此 1573 01:28:06,046 --> 01:28:07,588 不可理喻 1574 01:28:11,921 --> 01:28:12,755 我问你 1575 01:28:12,838 --> 01:28:14,963 你要是再见到这个名角王天王 1576 01:28:15,046 --> 01:28:16,046 你还打他吗？ 1577 01:28:18,213 --> 01:28:19,213 打 1578 01:28:20,296 --> 01:28:22,213 可杀不可辱是吗？ 1579 01:28:22,296 --> 01:28:25,255 人什么都不怕，就怕不理智 1580 01:28:26,213 --> 01:28:27,921 我面对着死 1581 01:28:28,005 --> 01:28:31,380 理智不理智有什么不一样？ 1582 01:28:32,463 --> 01:28:35,921 小马，我现在就给你讲一个 1583 01:28:36,005 --> 01:28:38,921 面对死亡理智的故事 1584 01:28:39,005 --> 01:28:40,588 日本有个时代叫江户 1585 01:28:40,671 --> 01:28:42,421 江户时代有个武士 1586 01:28:42,505 --> 01:28:45,255 武士的名字叫日夏步 1587 01:28:45,338 --> 01:28:47,213 日夏步七岁那年 1588 01:28:47,296 --> 01:28:49,130 他爸爸闯了大祸 1589 01:28:49,213 --> 01:28:51,338 全国通缉追杀 1590 01:28:51,421 --> 01:28:53,338 一个夜晚，没有月亮 1591 01:28:53,421 --> 01:28:56,755 官兵来到家里 提着一颗人头问日夏步 1592 01:28:57,380 --> 01:28:58,838 “这是你父亲吗？” 1593 01:28:58,921 --> 01:29:00,588 日夏步摇头说 1594 01:29:00,671 --> 01:29:01,880 “这不是我爸” 1595 01:29:01,963 --> 01:29:04,921 又是一个夜晚，又是没有月亮 1596 01:29:05,005 --> 01:29:08,671 又是官兵来到家里 提着一颗人头问日夏步 1597 01:29:08,755 --> 01:29:10,046 “这是你父亲吗？” 1598 01:29:10,130 --> 01:29:12,046 日夏步依然摇头说 1599 01:29:12,130 --> 01:29:13,213 “这不是我爸” 1600 01:29:13,296 --> 01:29:16,171 还是一个夜晚，还是没有月亮 1601 01:29:16,255 --> 01:29:18,171 还是官兵来到家里 1602 01:29:18,255 --> 01:29:19,921 还是提着一颗人头 1603 01:29:20,005 --> 01:29:21,963 还是朝日夏步大喊 1604 01:29:22,046 --> 01:29:23,421 “这是你父亲吗？” 1605 01:29:24,255 --> 01:29:28,880 小日夏步盯着人头凝视良久 1606 01:29:28,963 --> 01:29:31,796 脸色一变，倒头便拜 1607 01:29:31,880 --> 01:29:34,963 抽出短刀，剖腹自尽，口中高喊 1608 01:29:35,046 --> 01:29:38,171 “爸爸，儿子随你而去” 1609 01:29:45,213 --> 01:29:46,213 莫非 1610 01:29:46,921 --> 01:29:48,630 你要随我而去？ 1611 01:29:50,255 --> 01:29:51,171 马走日 1612 01:29:51,255 --> 01:29:53,796 项飞田，我不需要你 1613 01:29:53,880 --> 01:29:55,005 我自己能走 1614 01:29:59,171 --> 01:30:03,671 走日，这可是日本最经典的武士故事 1615 01:30:03,755 --> 01:30:04,755 可笑 1616 01:30:05,421 --> 01:30:08,296 不过是一个普通孝子的故事 1617 01:30:08,380 --> 01:30:12,671 错，这不是儿子随爸爸而去的故事 1618 01:30:13,255 --> 01:30:15,630 是儿子救爸爸的故事 1619 01:30:15,713 --> 01:30:19,171 那几个人头里有他爸爸吗？ 1620 01:30:22,671 --> 01:30:23,755 没有 1621 01:30:32,005 --> 01:30:34,046 儿子随父而去的义举 1622 01:30:34,130 --> 01:30:36,421 使官兵深信他的爸爸已经死了 1623 01:30:36,963 --> 01:30:39,255 从而解除通缉追杀 1624 01:30:40,046 --> 01:30:43,296 可是两年多了 1625 01:30:43,380 --> 01:30:47,880 各方戏院已经把我枪毙了 若干回若干回了 1626 01:30:48,463 --> 01:30:50,588 我怎么还没得救呢？ 1627 01:30:50,671 --> 01:30:54,130 - 知道为什么吗？ - 我没有那个小日夏步啊 1628 01:30:54,213 --> 01:30:55,213 有 1629 01:30:56,671 --> 01:30:58,838 你就是那个小日夏步 1630 01:30:58,921 --> 01:31:02,130 你也是他的父亲，那个老日夏步 1631 01:31:02,213 --> 01:31:04,088 你能不能从容逃生 1632 01:31:04,171 --> 01:31:06,213 就看你能不能切腹自尽 1633 01:31:07,630 --> 01:31:10,130 那你是让我活还是让我死啊？ 1634 01:31:10,213 --> 01:31:11,296 又冲动 1635 01:31:11,380 --> 01:31:12,671 我的谋略是 1636 01:31:12,755 --> 01:31:16,505 你把杀死完颜英的电影演了 1637 01:31:16,588 --> 01:31:19,505 把马走日的丑恶、卑劣、无耻 1638 01:31:19,588 --> 01:31:21,588 淋漓尽致地表现出来 1639 01:31:21,671 --> 01:31:23,796 进而被我枪决 1640 01:31:23,880 --> 01:31:28,088 而真正的你却变成了信封里的安南人 1641 01:31:29,755 --> 01:31:31,296 阮青山 1642 01:31:35,588 --> 01:31:38,338 那什么…那您枪毙那位… 1643 01:31:38,421 --> 01:31:40,130 自然不是你本人 1644 01:31:45,171 --> 01:31:46,088 是这么着 1645 01:31:46,171 --> 01:31:49,046 囚犯很多，戴上头套，押上刑场 1646 01:31:49,130 --> 01:31:50,213 一枪爆头 1647 01:31:50,296 --> 01:31:52,213 谁能说他不是你马走日？ 1648 01:31:52,296 --> 01:31:54,671 兄弟手足，肝胆相照 1649 01:31:54,755 --> 01:31:57,005 我为你甘愿铤而走险 1650 01:31:57,088 --> 01:31:59,796 小马，好好想想 1651 01:32:02,546 --> 01:32:06,130 你要是愿意，就把这个信封给撕开 1652 01:32:14,171 --> 01:32:15,880 叫武六来见我 1653 01:32:17,088 --> 01:32:18,963 有名角陪你 1654 01:32:24,546 --> 01:32:26,505 （警察） 1655 01:32:26,588 --> 01:32:32,088 - 马走日… - 马走日… 1656 01:32:32,171 --> 01:32:34,796 “老老实实做人，认认真真演戏” 1657 01:32:34,880 --> 01:32:36,588 - 说 - 为什么啊？ 1658 01:32:37,880 --> 01:32:40,088 你教我的，你会 1659 01:32:40,171 --> 01:32:41,171 说 1660 01:32:42,671 --> 01:32:45,505 老老实实做人，认认真真演戏 1661 01:32:46,213 --> 01:32:47,755 用上海话说 1662 01:32:47,838 --> 01:32:48,880 不会说上海话 1663 01:32:48,963 --> 01:32:51,088 老老实实做人 1664 01:32:51,171 --> 01:32:53,463 “老老实实做人” 1665 01:32:53,546 --> 01:32:56,838 认认真真演戏 1666 01:32:56,921 --> 01:32:59,296 “认认真真做人” 1667 01:32:59,380 --> 01:33:00,505 演戏 1668 01:33:00,588 --> 01:33:01,671 “演戏” 1669 01:33:01,755 --> 01:33:02,880 连起来说一遍 1670 01:33:02,963 --> 01:33:05,588 老老实实做人，认认真真演戏 1671 01:33:05,671 --> 01:33:06,838 你看 1672 01:33:06,921 --> 01:33:09,296 你的杀人现场 我现在给你布置得怎么样？ 1673 01:33:09,380 --> 01:33:12,505 浪漫吧？大气吧？有腔调吧？ 1674 01:33:12,588 --> 01:33:13,505 换衣裳去 1675 01:33:13,588 --> 01:33:16,171 - 马走日… - 马走日… 1676 01:33:16,255 --> 01:33:17,630 - 马走日… - 安静点儿… 1677 01:33:17,713 --> 01:33:20,046 谁再说话就给我滚出去 1678 01:33:22,171 --> 01:33:23,546 客气点呀 1679 01:33:24,380 --> 01:33:26,921 这些都是我朋友呀 1680 01:33:27,005 --> 01:33:29,005 龙虾三吃晓得吗？ 1681 01:33:29,088 --> 01:33:30,088 晓得… 1682 01:33:30,630 --> 01:33:35,421 电影拍了，顺便观众票子也卖了 1683 01:33:35,505 --> 01:33:36,505 卖了… 1684 01:33:38,380 --> 01:33:42,963 - 马走日… - 马走日… 1685 01:33:46,421 --> 01:33:48,713 为什么让你穿成这样？你… 1686 01:33:49,380 --> 01:33:51,463 世界语言嘛 1687 01:33:52,755 --> 01:33:55,588 你这个垃圾啊，真是让我羡慕 1688 01:33:55,671 --> 01:33:57,255 能演电影 1689 01:33:58,255 --> 01:34:00,213 观众朋友们，电影是什么？ 1690 01:34:00,296 --> 01:34:04,838 电影就是全世界的观众 都能看得懂的艺术 1691 01:34:04,921 --> 01:34:06,838 有一句话是这么说的 1692 01:34:06,921 --> 01:34:09,880 “越是本地的就越是世界的” 1693 01:34:09,963 --> 01:34:11,380 这话我很不同意 1694 01:34:11,463 --> 01:34:13,796 越是长春就越是上海的？ 1695 01:34:14,588 --> 01:34:17,255 长春就是长春，上海就是上海嘛 1696 01:34:17,338 --> 01:34:22,171 所以说是越是世界的才越是世界的 1697 01:34:22,255 --> 01:34:24,963 你看你这身这么一穿，观众一目了然 1698 01:34:25,046 --> 01:34:27,588 马走日是个丧心病狂的 1699 01:34:27,671 --> 01:34:28,713 垃圾 1700 01:34:30,755 --> 01:34:31,880 我们开始拍电影啦 1701 01:34:31,963 --> 01:34:32,963 布机位啊 1702 01:34:34,505 --> 01:34:36,046 赶紧上车啊，躺好啊 1703 01:34:36,546 --> 01:34:39,213 你现在要闭上眼睛，你已经死了 1704 01:34:39,296 --> 01:34:41,088 - 我害怕嘛 - 怕什么？ 1705 01:34:42,338 --> 01:34:43,671 你怕他？ 1706 01:34:44,546 --> 01:34:46,546 那么多的法国警察都在这儿 1707 01:34:46,630 --> 01:34:49,130 他但凡要对你有不轨的行为 1708 01:34:49,213 --> 01:34:50,046 立即枪毙 1709 01:34:50,130 --> 01:34:51,963 我们拍的就是《枪毙马走日》嘛 1710 01:34:52,046 --> 01:34:53,838 不行的话 我们今天两场戏就一块拍了 1711 01:34:53,921 --> 01:34:56,088 - 打板 - 《枪毙马走日》 1712 01:34:56,171 --> 01:34:58,046 第一场、第一镜、第一次，A机 1713 01:34:58,755 --> 01:34:59,755 B机 1714 01:34:59,838 --> 01:35:01,130 C机、D机 1715 01:35:01,213 --> 01:35:02,255 开拍 1716 01:35:11,005 --> 01:35:12,171 快点啊 1717 01:35:14,713 --> 01:35:17,046 你这个节奏完全不对嘛 1718 01:35:17,130 --> 01:35:19,713 你自己做过的事情你全忘啦？ 1719 01:35:19,796 --> 01:35:21,130 我现在教你 1720 01:35:21,213 --> 01:35:23,630 我教你怎么演，你就怎么演 1721 01:35:23,713 --> 01:35:25,046 来，把车门打开 1722 01:35:27,171 --> 01:35:28,838 把完颜抱下来 1723 01:35:28,921 --> 01:35:30,046 拖到后面去 1724 01:35:32,421 --> 01:35:35,296 很好…快，快拖 1725 01:35:35,921 --> 01:35:36,921 往后拖 1726 01:35:37,838 --> 01:35:39,130 躺下，让她躺下 1727 01:35:40,755 --> 01:35:43,005 好，马走日，接住 1728 01:35:44,088 --> 01:35:45,130 宰人 1729 01:35:46,380 --> 01:35:47,588 用点力气啊 1730 01:35:47,671 --> 01:35:50,921 一、二、三，宰 1731 01:35:53,046 --> 01:35:54,463 你快呀 1732 01:35:55,213 --> 01:35:58,005 - 完颜呀 - 不要砍啦 1733 01:35:58,088 --> 01:36:01,630 - 总统 - 要断了… 1734 01:36:01,713 --> 01:36:05,296 - 变呀变了… - 变呀变了心 1735 01:36:05,380 --> 01:36:06,963 好极啦，来… 1736 01:36:07,046 --> 01:36:08,505 继续… 1737 01:36:10,171 --> 01:36:11,713 继续啊 1738 01:36:12,421 --> 01:36:13,421 来 1739 01:36:14,213 --> 01:36:16,421 开始啊，把刀先放下 1740 01:36:16,505 --> 01:36:17,921 动起… 1741 01:36:21,005 --> 01:36:23,838 他还学会造反了，马走日 1742 01:36:23,921 --> 01:36:26,796 警察，法国警察 1743 01:36:26,880 --> 01:36:28,338 警察 1744 01:36:41,755 --> 01:36:44,921 请让我跟他 说几句话好吗，警官先生？ 1745 01:36:45,005 --> 01:36:47,046 好，只给你两分钟 1746 01:36:47,713 --> 01:36:48,713 马走日 1747 01:36:49,630 --> 01:36:51,338 我看你是不想活了 1748 01:36:51,421 --> 01:36:53,088 枪毙了我吧 1749 01:36:53,171 --> 01:36:54,546 别装硬汉 1750 01:36:54,630 --> 01:36:58,088 那天项警官没跟你说清楚吗？ 1751 01:36:58,171 --> 01:37:01,630 拍完电影就把你放了 1752 01:37:01,713 --> 01:37:03,588 说得很清楚 1753 01:37:04,838 --> 01:37:06,713 可是我演不了 1754 01:37:07,255 --> 01:37:09,713 你是害怕面对自己的丑恶？ 1755 01:37:09,796 --> 01:37:13,463 不丑恶，我没有杀完颜 1756 01:37:13,963 --> 01:37:17,088 完颜是因我而死 1757 01:37:17,171 --> 01:37:20,296 枪毙我，我不冤枉 1758 01:37:20,838 --> 01:37:24,671 可是完颜不应该受辱骂 1759 01:37:25,255 --> 01:37:27,088 她是个体面的人 1760 01:37:27,630 --> 01:37:29,796 她是个要强的人 1761 01:37:30,296 --> 01:37:33,963 那么那天你做了什么致她而死？ 1762 01:37:34,046 --> 01:37:35,505 我不能告诉你 1763 01:37:35,588 --> 01:37:37,713 - 为什么？ - 因为我不记得！ 1764 01:37:43,171 --> 01:37:46,380 那天她突然很高兴 1765 01:37:47,171 --> 01:37:48,588 想听我说爱她 1766 01:37:49,255 --> 01:37:50,463 我没说 1767 01:37:51,088 --> 01:37:52,463 她还想让我娶她 1768 01:37:53,671 --> 01:37:55,130 可是我没娶 1769 01:37:56,046 --> 01:37:57,838 我给她抽了大烟 1770 01:37:59,088 --> 01:38:01,130 开车带她出去兜风 1771 01:38:02,088 --> 01:38:03,880 那天的月亮 1772 01:38:05,130 --> 01:38:06,380 特别大 1773 01:38:07,755 --> 01:38:09,005 特别大 1774 01:38:10,171 --> 01:38:11,463 她跟我说 1775 01:38:13,088 --> 01:38:14,505 “咱们上月亮吧” 1776 01:38:15,463 --> 01:38:17,838 我就开车带她上了月亮 1777 01:38:18,963 --> 01:38:20,171 等我醒过来 1778 01:38:20,671 --> 01:38:21,796 车翻了 1779 01:38:22,671 --> 01:38:24,380 她就死在那儿 1780 01:38:25,421 --> 01:38:27,255 跟睡着了一样 1781 01:38:30,005 --> 01:38:31,088 把面具摘了 1782 01:38:31,171 --> 01:38:32,380 不摘 1783 01:38:32,463 --> 01:38:34,005 - 摘了 - 不摘 1784 01:38:34,088 --> 01:38:35,463 - 摘了 - 不摘 1785 01:38:40,880 --> 01:38:42,421 马走日 1786 01:38:43,921 --> 01:38:45,505 我能相信你吗？ 1787 01:39:09,671 --> 01:39:11,005 开灯…开… 1788 01:39:14,505 --> 01:39:16,546 改写历史得两根柱子 1789 01:39:16,630 --> 01:39:19,588 马走日他不演杀人，断了一根 1790 01:39:19,671 --> 01:39:20,505 还有一根 1791 01:39:20,588 --> 01:39:22,296 就是枪毙真人马走日 1792 01:39:22,380 --> 01:39:25,838 - 一根只能改写历史的一半啊 - 改写一半 1793 01:39:25,921 --> 01:39:27,380 那他妈叫改写历史吗？ 1794 01:39:27,463 --> 01:39:29,505 显然改变不了 1795 01:39:29,588 --> 01:39:30,796 鄙人有一句话 1796 01:39:30,880 --> 01:39:33,213 - 不知道当讲不当讲？ - 快说 1797 01:39:34,588 --> 01:39:36,880 一个男人的一张脸 1798 01:39:36,963 --> 01:39:39,880 一个婴儿的一张脸，接在一起，慈祥 1799 01:39:39,963 --> 01:39:41,463 一个男人的一张脸 1800 01:39:41,546 --> 01:39:44,921 接一个光屁股的女人，流氓 1801 01:39:45,005 --> 01:39:47,505 所以马走日那张狰狞的脸 1802 01:39:47,588 --> 01:39:49,421 接上一个断头女人 1803 01:39:49,505 --> 01:39:51,505 他就是在杀完颜英 1804 01:39:52,380 --> 01:39:54,296 办大事还得需要搞艺术的 1805 01:39:55,046 --> 01:39:58,296 如此这般，杀完颜在观众看来 1806 01:39:58,380 --> 01:39:59,546 他是有的 1807 01:39:59,630 --> 01:40:02,005 所以枪毙马走日 1808 01:40:02,088 --> 01:40:03,338 要嘛你来，要嘛我来 1809 01:40:03,421 --> 01:40:07,255 两根柱子都有了，历史依然可以改变 1810 01:40:07,796 --> 01:40:09,630 - 那就敬武六小姐 - 敬我姐 1811 01:40:09,713 --> 01:40:11,296 - 死去吧 - 谁死去？ 1812 01:40:11,380 --> 01:40:12,838 - 你们 - 我们？ 1813 01:40:12,921 --> 01:40:14,463 - 你们仨 - 我们仨？ 1814 01:40:14,546 --> 01:40:15,921 你们仨都死去吧 1815 01:40:17,005 --> 01:40:19,921 您这是发的哪门子火儿，武小姐？ 1816 01:40:20,005 --> 01:40:22,046 马走日刚说自己没杀人 1817 01:40:22,130 --> 01:40:24,921 你们就在这里商量怎么把他枪毙了 1818 01:40:25,005 --> 01:40:28,796 我记得前两天问您 是真枪毙还是假枪毙 1819 01:40:28,880 --> 01:40:30,588 您可说的是真毙 1820 01:40:30,671 --> 01:40:32,296 这话是我说的没假 1821 01:40:32,380 --> 01:40:35,130 可是我还说了，真杀人才能真枪毙 1822 01:40:35,213 --> 01:40:37,880 - 枪毙他也是观众的呼声 - 你说什么？ 1823 01:40:37,963 --> 01:40:40,505 你总不能让观众也闭嘴吧？ 1824 01:40:41,921 --> 01:40:42,838 你跟谁说话呢？ 1825 01:40:42,921 --> 01:40:46,796 - 不是，我是跟… - 跟谁说话呢？站起来… 1826 01:40:52,963 --> 01:40:54,630 站直了 1827 01:40:54,713 --> 01:40:55,755 姐 1828 01:40:55,838 --> 01:40:58,338 为了一个马走日不值当的呀 1829 01:40:58,421 --> 01:40:59,921 要不是马走日 1830 01:41:00,671 --> 01:41:05,296 项警官那天早就在马厩里变成猴了 1831 01:41:10,755 --> 01:41:15,630 滚…都给我滚！ 1832 01:41:15,713 --> 01:41:18,088 看，说胡话了吧？ 1833 01:41:19,005 --> 01:41:22,171 我是怕他们偷听咱们说人话 1834 01:41:22,255 --> 01:41:25,088 像您这身分，一般都喜欢逛逛戏园子 1835 01:41:25,171 --> 01:41:26,588 捧个老生、小生的 1836 01:41:26,671 --> 01:41:29,505 您可倒好，喜欢逛个巡捕房 1837 01:41:29,588 --> 01:41:30,921 这也没什么问题 1838 01:41:31,005 --> 01:41:33,088 可您不能捧男犯人吧？ 1839 01:41:33,171 --> 01:41:36,213 项飞田，官升得太快了 1840 01:41:36,296 --> 01:41:37,713 说话都敢带刺了 1841 01:41:37,796 --> 01:41:39,046 咱都不慢啊 1842 01:41:39,130 --> 01:41:40,921 感谢大清亡了国嘛 1843 01:41:41,005 --> 01:41:42,713 咱都是暴发户 1844 01:41:42,796 --> 01:41:45,546 你一满人还感谢大清亡了国？ 1845 01:41:46,088 --> 01:41:48,005 我现在是法国人 1846 01:41:48,088 --> 01:41:49,005 布鲁诺项 1847 01:41:49,088 --> 01:41:50,963 让皮埃尔不在的时候 1848 01:41:51,046 --> 01:41:53,546 法租界这地儿我说了算 1849 01:41:54,046 --> 01:41:55,630 马走日说毙就毙 1850 01:41:57,546 --> 01:42:00,421 谁不在你也做不了主 1851 01:42:00,505 --> 01:42:02,588 刚才你说我是暴发户？ 1852 01:42:02,671 --> 01:42:06,088 那我今天就干点 暴发户该干的事让你瞧瞧 1853 01:42:06,171 --> 01:42:09,005 胶片我带走，马走日我也带走 1854 01:42:09,088 --> 01:42:10,255 谁也别想枪毙他 1855 01:42:10,338 --> 01:42:11,588 引渡到沪军署去 1856 01:42:11,671 --> 01:42:13,380 你爸爸的事你也做主？ 1857 01:42:15,213 --> 01:42:17,921 我还就做主了 1858 01:42:20,796 --> 01:42:22,838 那也得依靠法律吧 1859 01:42:22,921 --> 01:42:24,671 依靠律师吧，开开庭吧 1860 01:42:24,755 --> 01:42:26,338 砸了，玩砸了 1861 01:42:26,421 --> 01:42:28,880 电影没拍成，马走日也毙不了 1862 01:42:28,963 --> 01:42:31,213 毙不毙马走日就看你想不想 1863 01:42:32,630 --> 01:42:34,380 我哪有那么大本事啊？ 1864 01:42:34,463 --> 01:42:38,796 有啊，妇人之仁对你姐姐来说正常 1865 01:42:38,880 --> 01:42:40,088 - 出去 - 好，哥 1866 01:42:40,171 --> 01:42:42,421 大义灭亲对我来说正常 1867 01:42:42,505 --> 01:42:45,380 时势造英雄对你来说正好 1868 01:42:45,921 --> 01:42:47,713 看你想不想当这英雄了 1869 01:42:48,380 --> 01:42:49,380 当啊 1870 01:42:49,463 --> 01:42:52,088 当英雄就必须得毙了马走日？ 1871 01:42:52,171 --> 01:42:54,546 枪毙马走日不是个人恩怨 1872 01:42:55,088 --> 01:42:57,380 是时势要毙他，民心要毙他 1873 01:42:57,463 --> 01:42:58,963 而且已经毙了两年了 1874 01:42:59,046 --> 01:43:01,463 现在就看你是不是顺势而为 1875 01:43:01,546 --> 01:43:02,838 替大家毙了他 1876 01:43:02,921 --> 01:43:05,213 你枪毙的不是马走日 1877 01:43:05,296 --> 01:43:06,171 是民愤 1878 01:43:06,255 --> 01:43:07,671 我懂了，懂了 1879 01:43:07,755 --> 01:43:10,755 武家一门要出俩大帅了 1880 01:43:13,713 --> 01:43:15,630 马走日？ 1881 01:43:16,213 --> 01:43:19,005 这两年外面嚷嚷要枪毙那个人 1882 01:43:19,671 --> 01:43:21,588 叫马走日，是一个人吗？ 1883 01:43:21,671 --> 01:43:22,963 对，就是他 1884 01:43:23,546 --> 01:43:24,588 他是冤枉的 1885 01:43:25,130 --> 01:43:27,796 我想请你把他引渡过来重新审审 1886 01:43:27,880 --> 01:43:29,546 这是两个国家的问题 1887 01:43:29,630 --> 01:43:30,880 爸爸一个人说了不算 1888 01:43:30,963 --> 01:43:32,588 你必须得说了算 1889 01:43:32,671 --> 01:43:34,088 你不是大帅吗？ 1890 01:43:34,838 --> 01:43:36,130 真正的大帅 1891 01:43:36,213 --> 01:43:38,338 不仅能随便冤枉一个人 1892 01:43:38,421 --> 01:43:41,088 更能随便不冤枉一个人 1893 01:43:43,713 --> 01:43:44,880 - 来人 - 有 1894 01:43:45,463 --> 01:43:47,338 你记一下，到法国警署 1895 01:43:47,421 --> 01:43:49,296 - 把那个… - 马走日 1896 01:43:49,380 --> 01:43:51,588 马走日，给我弄过来 1897 01:43:51,671 --> 01:43:53,130 - 留着活的啊 - 是 1898 01:43:54,630 --> 01:43:57,630 还有你能不娶小老婆了吗？ 1899 01:43:57,713 --> 01:43:59,505 - 怎么啦？ - 丢人 1900 01:43:59,588 --> 01:44:02,713 那些法国人就拿这种事 来奚落我们，笑话我们 1901 01:44:02,796 --> 01:44:04,380 他们那是妒忌 1902 01:44:04,463 --> 01:44:06,338 一嘴的科学民主 1903 01:44:06,421 --> 01:44:07,963 一肚子的男盗女娼 1904 01:44:08,046 --> 01:44:10,546 人家面儿上总是过得去的吧 1905 01:44:10,630 --> 01:44:12,880 什么是面儿？没有里子哪有面儿？ 1906 01:44:12,963 --> 01:44:14,380 里子就是本事 1907 01:44:14,463 --> 01:44:16,963 你的本事就是拍好电影 1908 01:44:17,046 --> 01:44:18,588 当个电影艺术家 1909 01:44:18,671 --> 01:44:21,046 我在外边儿喝酒很有面子 1910 01:44:21,130 --> 01:44:23,088 好让你多娶几个小老婆 1911 01:44:23,171 --> 01:44:24,421 你怎么又说这事儿了？ 1912 01:44:25,338 --> 01:44:28,421 今天你说，我答应你一件事 1913 01:44:28,505 --> 01:44:31,630 是马走日还是小老婆？你选 1914 01:44:33,255 --> 01:44:35,255 - 马走日 - 好，我同意 1915 01:44:35,921 --> 01:44:37,171 你坐下 1916 01:44:38,588 --> 01:44:39,796 小六子 1917 01:44:41,088 --> 01:44:44,380 我老了，你也长大了 1918 01:44:47,296 --> 01:44:52,088 我有几句心里话也该跟你说说啦 1919 01:44:52,880 --> 01:44:56,380 你爸爸的心永远在你妈妈的肚子里 1920 01:44:57,213 --> 01:44:59,630 你以为我喜欢小老婆？ 1921 01:44:59,713 --> 01:45:00,713 不对 1922 01:45:00,755 --> 01:45:01,838 我不是色鬼 1923 01:45:03,171 --> 01:45:04,255 你说… 1924 01:45:04,338 --> 01:45:06,755 小老婆你不娶来 1925 01:45:06,838 --> 01:45:08,088 别人就娶走了 1926 01:45:08,171 --> 01:45:09,463 别的大帅娶走了 1927 01:45:09,546 --> 01:45:12,171 就会对他们形成新的力量 1928 01:45:12,255 --> 01:45:14,380 对我们形成新的威胁 1929 01:45:14,921 --> 01:45:17,880 爸爸九死一生就是为了这个家 1930 01:45:18,546 --> 01:45:19,463 为了你们 1931 01:45:19,546 --> 01:45:21,421 娶多少小老婆 1932 01:45:22,421 --> 01:45:23,796 我都不后悔 1933 01:45:23,880 --> 01:45:25,630 这是我的战略 1934 01:45:25,713 --> 01:45:27,171 你听明白了没有？ 1935 01:45:30,046 --> 01:45:32,671 马走日，别忘了 1936 01:45:33,921 --> 01:45:34,796 姓名 1937 01:45:34,880 --> 01:45:37,338 姓竖弯，名钩 1938 01:45:37,421 --> 01:45:38,588 Swan Girl 1939 01:45:38,671 --> 01:45:40,755 美国老师给我起的名字 1940 01:45:40,838 --> 01:45:42,088 天鹅姑娘 1941 01:45:42,171 --> 01:45:44,421 中国人一叫就变成了竖弯钩 1942 01:45:44,505 --> 01:45:46,713 于是他们叫我钩姐 1943 01:45:46,796 --> 01:45:49,046 - 年龄 - 22 1944 01:45:50,713 --> 01:45:53,296 - 学历 - 复旦外文系学士 1945 01:45:53,380 --> 01:45:54,546 怎么干上这个了？ 1946 01:45:54,630 --> 01:45:55,505 学以致用 1947 01:45:55,588 --> 01:45:57,005 这你都问过 1948 01:45:57,088 --> 01:45:59,255 例行公事，签个字儿 1949 01:46:01,880 --> 01:46:04,796 马走日已经被缉拿归案 1950 01:46:04,880 --> 01:46:08,046 但是这个案情依然疑点重重 1951 01:46:08,130 --> 01:46:11,630 - 马走日和完颜的关系… - 好 1952 01:46:11,713 --> 01:46:13,880 连坐马桶都手牵手 1953 01:46:13,963 --> 01:46:14,963 好成这样 1954 01:46:15,421 --> 01:46:17,088 他能对完颜下得去手吗？ 1955 01:46:17,171 --> 01:46:19,005 图财而且害命 1956 01:46:19,088 --> 01:46:22,421 死者身上伤痕累累，惨不忍睹 1957 01:46:22,505 --> 01:46:24,463 他会不会有暴力史呢？ 1958 01:46:24,546 --> 01:46:25,463 那我不知道 1959 01:46:25,546 --> 01:46:26,713 反正每次来 1960 01:46:26,796 --> 01:46:28,130 暖瓶都掉下来 1961 01:46:29,421 --> 01:46:30,796 暖瓶？ 1962 01:46:32,713 --> 01:46:34,421 就是这种暖壶 1963 01:46:34,505 --> 01:46:38,046 砰…啪，碎了 1964 01:46:38,963 --> 01:46:40,546 马走日一去隔壁 1965 01:46:40,630 --> 01:46:42,046 这暖壶就碎五个 1966 01:46:45,171 --> 01:46:46,338 都发生什么了？ 1967 01:46:46,838 --> 01:46:48,046 各种响动 1968 01:46:49,213 --> 01:46:50,505 还有叫声 1969 01:46:51,171 --> 01:46:52,588 叫声？ 1970 01:46:53,963 --> 01:46:54,838 惨吗？ 1971 01:46:54,921 --> 01:46:56,421 不是一般地惨 1972 01:46:57,171 --> 01:46:58,380 就在隔壁？ 1973 01:46:58,463 --> 01:47:00,046 就在隔壁 1974 01:47:02,796 --> 01:47:05,671 墙的那边，就是暖壶 1975 01:47:05,755 --> 01:47:08,421 - 那边就是暖壶？ - 对 1976 01:47:10,421 --> 01:47:12,630 - 有这么大动静吗？ - 有 1977 01:47:12,713 --> 01:47:14,630 - 有这么大动静吗？ - 有 1978 01:47:14,713 --> 01:47:16,463 - 有这么大动静吗？ - 有… 1979 01:47:16,546 --> 01:47:18,296 - 有这么大动静吗？ - 有 1980 01:47:18,380 --> 01:47:22,255 我怎么觉得没有这么大动静啊？ 1981 01:47:24,713 --> 01:47:30,213 项飞田，这不算完！ 1982 01:47:30,838 --> 01:47:32,921 又是马走日？ 1983 01:47:33,005 --> 01:47:34,255 引渡马走日 1984 01:47:34,338 --> 01:47:37,380 是咱们远东布局重要的一步 1985 01:47:38,505 --> 01:47:42,046 您最近要娶白俄女公爵 卡捷琳娜对吧？ 1986 01:47:42,130 --> 01:47:43,130 其实我知道 1987 01:47:43,171 --> 01:47:47,421 您看重的是她欧洲皇室远亲背景 1988 01:47:47,505 --> 01:47:51,463 联姻之后，您就不只是上海王了 1989 01:47:51,546 --> 01:47:54,963 我们把马走日从法国人手里弄回来 1990 01:47:55,046 --> 01:47:57,713 在白俄面前我们有了颜面 1991 01:47:57,796 --> 01:47:59,088 娶了卡捷琳娜 1992 01:47:59,171 --> 01:48:01,671 在法国人面前我们也有了颜面 1993 01:48:01,755 --> 01:48:02,963 最重要的是 1994 01:48:03,046 --> 01:48:05,963 马走日一案民愤极大 1995 01:48:06,046 --> 01:48:07,921 我们把他弄回来毙了 1996 01:48:08,838 --> 01:48:11,463 您赢得了人心 1997 01:48:11,546 --> 01:48:13,296 一箭三雕 1998 01:48:16,088 --> 01:48:21,130 你们都查清楚马走日真杀了人？ 1999 01:48:21,963 --> 01:48:25,671 爸，他杀没杀人这件事很重要吗？ 2000 01:48:27,963 --> 01:48:30,755 我就一个担心 2001 01:48:32,713 --> 01:48:33,713 我姐 2002 01:48:33,755 --> 01:48:39,046 她跟马走日确确实实是有事儿 2003 01:48:39,130 --> 01:48:40,255 老七 2004 01:48:41,005 --> 01:48:42,213 做大事 2005 01:48:42,755 --> 01:48:44,171 不要顾虑女人 2006 01:48:47,880 --> 01:48:49,088 喂？你好 2007 01:48:49,171 --> 01:48:50,505 “崩”什么“如”啊？我 2008 01:48:51,171 --> 01:48:52,380 武七少帅 2009 01:48:53,296 --> 01:48:55,588 人证、物证都办瓷实了 2010 01:48:55,671 --> 01:48:57,338 我爹、我姐也瓷实了 2011 01:48:57,421 --> 01:48:58,463 引渡怎么样啊？ 2012 01:48:58,546 --> 01:49:01,713 上海的中外报馆本人都亲自邀请 2013 01:49:03,005 --> 01:49:04,546 我只有一个担心啊 2014 01:49:05,171 --> 01:49:06,588 太过张扬 2015 01:49:06,671 --> 01:49:09,505 人多嘴杂，容易把你姐也捎上 2016 01:49:09,588 --> 01:49:12,005 招不来风那叫什么大树啊？ 2017 01:49:12,088 --> 01:49:14,255 既然场面搞那么大 2018 01:49:14,338 --> 01:49:15,755 咱就把它拍下来 2019 01:49:15,838 --> 01:49:19,380 到时候马走日被毙也能真拍 2020 01:49:19,463 --> 01:49:22,380 引渡、枪毙、电影 2021 01:49:22,463 --> 01:49:24,921 这仨鸟一块打死？ 2022 01:49:25,005 --> 01:49:27,130 论谋略，你胜过大帅 2023 01:49:27,713 --> 01:49:29,755 拍电影，你超过你姐 2024 01:49:29,838 --> 01:49:31,713 论坏，我远不及你 2025 01:49:32,671 --> 01:49:34,213 - 我坏吗？ - 坏呀 2026 01:49:34,296 --> 01:49:37,463 我这张脸谁能相信我是坏人办坏事？ 2027 01:49:38,046 --> 01:49:39,130 那不像马走日 2028 01:49:39,213 --> 01:49:41,630 天生一副坏人样，命中该死 2029 01:49:42,130 --> 01:49:46,505 这些日子没人理我 他们都干嘛去了？ 2030 01:49:47,921 --> 01:49:51,046 有些个事情不知道也好 2031 01:49:51,130 --> 01:49:54,088 因为你想知道它也知道不了 2032 01:49:55,005 --> 01:49:57,838 砸了电影的场子，让路易生气了 2033 01:49:57,921 --> 01:49:59,296 他要毙了你 2034 01:49:59,380 --> 01:50:01,255 好在引渡到大帅那儿 2035 01:50:01,338 --> 01:50:04,255 明天引渡，你千万别这德行 2036 01:50:04,338 --> 01:50:06,755 到了那边，别的我不敢保证 2037 01:50:07,296 --> 01:50:09,046 至少不会让你冤死 2038 01:50:09,130 --> 01:50:11,296 但是你明天千万不能喊冤啊 2039 01:50:11,380 --> 01:50:12,588 记者都在 2040 01:50:12,671 --> 01:50:14,588 我们家老爷子好热闹 2041 01:50:14,671 --> 01:50:17,880 你得说点开心的话 但是也不能太开心 2042 01:50:19,130 --> 01:50:20,588 我也得提醒你啊 2043 01:50:21,088 --> 01:50:23,880 引渡是国与国之间的大事 2044 01:50:23,963 --> 01:50:26,713 法国人喜欢浪漫，但你也不能太浪 2045 01:50:26,796 --> 01:50:29,171 马走日，说话记得用脑袋说 2046 01:50:29,255 --> 01:50:30,463 不要用嘴说 2047 01:50:38,755 --> 01:50:41,255 你这条好腿，疼吗？ 2048 01:50:41,963 --> 01:50:42,796 疼啊 2049 01:50:42,880 --> 01:50:45,463 疼你就记得该说什么，不该说什么 2050 01:50:45,546 --> 01:50:46,546 别吹牛 2051 01:51:04,796 --> 01:51:06,005 敬礼！ 2052 01:51:15,796 --> 01:51:17,546 中国人的事中国人办 2053 01:51:17,630 --> 01:51:19,421 - 中国人的事中国人办 - 中国人的事中国人办 2054 01:51:19,505 --> 01:51:21,505 中国人的罪犯中国判 2055 01:51:21,588 --> 01:51:23,338 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 2056 01:51:27,380 --> 01:51:29,588 - 中国人的事中国人办 - 中国人的事中国人办 2057 01:51:29,671 --> 01:51:31,838 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 2058 01:51:35,755 --> 01:51:37,588 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 2059 01:51:38,380 --> 01:51:40,713 - 中国人的事中国人办 - 中国人的事中国人办 2060 01:51:57,963 --> 01:52:00,046 中国人的罪犯中国判 2061 01:52:00,130 --> 01:52:02,046 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 2062 01:52:02,130 --> 01:52:04,296 中国人的事中国人办 2063 01:52:04,380 --> 01:52:06,463 - 中国人的事中国人办 - 中国人的事中国人办 2064 01:52:06,546 --> 01:52:08,546 中国人的罪犯中国判 2065 01:52:08,630 --> 01:52:11,171 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 2066 01:52:11,255 --> 01:52:13,213 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 - 中国人的罪犯中国判 2067 01:52:13,713 --> 01:52:15,838 女士们、先生们 2068 01:52:16,713 --> 01:52:18,171 今天 2069 01:52:18,255 --> 01:52:22,713 今天我们铸就奇迹 2070 01:52:22,796 --> 01:52:27,713 今天我们见证奇迹 2071 01:52:27,796 --> 01:52:34,671 今天我们就是奇迹本人 2072 01:52:34,755 --> 01:52:37,755 “引渡是假，偷情是真 2073 01:52:37,838 --> 01:52:41,088 大帅女情陷奸杀犯 2074 01:52:41,171 --> 01:52:44,380 武大帅徇私救爱婿” 2075 01:52:45,005 --> 01:52:47,130 我是全上海最后一个 知道这事儿的吧？ 2076 01:52:47,213 --> 01:52:49,296 我才是上海最后知道这事儿的 2077 01:52:49,380 --> 01:52:51,588 你就是一个长着胡子的娘们儿 2078 01:52:51,671 --> 01:52:53,338 - 你… - 你坐下 2079 01:52:54,046 --> 01:52:55,421 我又不是你儿子 2080 01:52:55,505 --> 01:52:56,421 你就是我儿子 2081 01:52:56,505 --> 01:52:57,505 那他是你孙子 2082 01:52:57,546 --> 01:52:58,880 我是什么重要吗？ 2083 01:52:58,963 --> 01:53:01,755 咱们引渡不就是为了 显示咱们的实力吗？ 2084 01:53:01,838 --> 01:53:04,713 现在好，全世界人都在看咱们的笑话 2085 01:53:04,796 --> 01:53:06,005 你那婚礼我不去了 2086 01:53:06,088 --> 01:53:07,755 早知道是这样的话 2087 01:53:07,838 --> 01:53:09,171 我一个小老婆都不会让你娶的 2088 01:53:09,255 --> 01:53:10,880 覃老师 2089 01:53:13,838 --> 01:53:16,421 没有新娘，不能没有你 2090 01:53:16,963 --> 01:53:20,713 明天我让上海的报纸统一辟谣 2091 01:53:20,796 --> 01:53:22,255 你脑筋有毛病啊你？ 2092 01:53:22,338 --> 01:53:23,546 这就等于造谣 2093 01:53:23,630 --> 01:53:25,921 - 你说怎么办？ - 你回去坐下 2094 01:53:26,005 --> 01:53:27,505 - 我… - 坐回去 2095 01:53:28,130 --> 01:53:29,755 - 去… - 将计就计 2096 01:53:29,838 --> 01:53:32,296 他们不是说你要救这个马走日吗？ 2097 01:53:32,380 --> 01:53:34,588 咱们就把他给毙了 2098 01:53:35,713 --> 01:53:36,713 怎么回事？ 2099 01:53:37,463 --> 01:53:40,421 怎么会把马走日跟马关在一起呢？ 2100 01:53:40,505 --> 01:53:43,005 好歹法国人还把他关在人待的地方 2101 01:53:44,296 --> 01:53:45,296 你看看 2102 01:53:49,130 --> 01:53:50,880 这些下三滥的报纸你们也信啊？ 2103 01:53:50,963 --> 01:53:53,630 我们不信，有人会信呀 2104 01:53:53,713 --> 01:53:54,713 信就信吧 2105 01:53:54,755 --> 01:53:57,796 不就是救个人吗？ 有什么大惊小怪的？ 2106 01:53:58,296 --> 01:54:00,755 爸，你不是要结婚吗？ 2107 01:54:00,838 --> 01:54:02,588 大赦天下，把所有人都放了 2108 01:54:02,671 --> 01:54:04,005 你这倒是提醒了我 2109 01:54:04,088 --> 01:54:06,338 你去那些小报馆跟他们宣布 2110 01:54:06,421 --> 01:54:08,671 大帅结婚，大赦天下 2111 01:54:08,755 --> 01:54:10,380 唯有马走日罪不容恕 2112 01:54:10,463 --> 01:54:12,880 - 为什么？ - 婚礼以后马上枪毙 2113 01:54:12,963 --> 01:54:15,796 - 什么意思？ - 要以大局为重 2114 01:54:15,880 --> 01:54:19,463 - 再说了，你也不会真心喜欢他 - 闭嘴 2115 01:54:20,130 --> 01:54:22,088 你懂什么真喜欢假喜欢的？ 2116 01:54:22,171 --> 01:54:24,588 妈，这个家就不能为我做点事吗？ 2117 01:54:24,671 --> 01:54:27,713 爸，那天在这儿 你可答应我放了马走日的 2118 01:54:27,796 --> 01:54:32,463 天有不测风云，云还有瞬息万变呀 2119 01:54:32,546 --> 01:54:34,463 滚，你们俩给我出去 2120 01:54:34,546 --> 01:54:36,255 - 覃老师 - 出去 2121 01:54:36,838 --> 01:54:39,588 好，听你娘的，她有学问 2122 01:54:40,588 --> 01:54:42,130 心肝女儿 2123 01:54:42,213 --> 01:54:43,963 过来，妈同你讲 2124 01:54:44,046 --> 01:54:45,421 过来呀 2125 01:54:46,046 --> 01:54:49,463 过来，坐下来，妈跟你有话讲 2126 01:54:51,505 --> 01:54:53,546 你是妈唯一的闺女 2127 01:54:54,088 --> 01:54:56,421 这世上谁都可以害你 2128 01:54:56,505 --> 01:54:59,463 只有娘不会害你 2129 01:55:01,255 --> 01:55:04,630 娘年轻的时候也如花似玉 2130 01:55:04,713 --> 01:55:07,755 小腰比你的还细，一掐就断 2131 01:55:08,796 --> 01:55:11,171 多少翩翩君子求我不得 2132 01:55:11,255 --> 01:55:16,463 可我那时候就喜欢那倒霉的忧郁少年 2133 01:55:16,546 --> 01:55:17,796 老想挽救他们 2134 01:55:17,880 --> 01:55:19,880 我爸是忧郁少年吗？ 2135 01:55:19,963 --> 01:55:21,005 我可没说你爸 2136 01:55:21,088 --> 01:55:23,213 你爸就是一个粗鲁的武夫 2137 01:55:23,296 --> 01:55:25,296 可是我怎么落到他手里呢？ 2138 01:55:25,380 --> 01:55:26,713 那是我选的 2139 01:55:26,796 --> 01:55:30,213 他有前途，有钞票 2140 01:55:30,296 --> 01:55:31,171 有势力 2141 01:55:31,255 --> 01:55:33,380 我不是在挑男人 2142 01:55:33,463 --> 01:55:35,796 我是在给你挑个爹 2143 01:55:35,880 --> 01:55:38,630 妈，您是想让我感谢您吗？ 2144 01:55:38,713 --> 01:55:40,671 我可没让您把我生出来 2145 01:55:40,755 --> 01:55:42,005 再说了 2146 01:55:42,088 --> 01:55:45,130 我觉得您这么做根本不值得炫耀 2147 01:55:45,213 --> 01:55:46,671 倒觉得有点恶心 2148 01:55:47,755 --> 01:55:50,088 说难听点，就是图慕虚荣而已 2149 01:55:50,171 --> 01:55:52,546 不是图慕虚荣，这是自然法则 2150 01:55:52,630 --> 01:55:54,088 《天演论》你看过吗？ 2151 01:55:54,171 --> 01:55:57,338 - 赫胥黎你知道是谁吗？ - 那时候大清亡国了吗？ 2152 01:55:57,421 --> 01:55:59,796 你怎么知道你老公 以后能当上大帅呢？ 2153 01:55:59,880 --> 01:56:01,588 那是知识给我的眼界呀 2154 01:56:01,671 --> 01:56:04,213 那你怎么知道马走日 以后就不能当上大帅呢？ 2155 01:56:04,296 --> 01:56:06,213 马走日？呸 2156 01:56:06,296 --> 01:56:08,463 我认识他比你早，三岁看到老 2157 01:56:08,546 --> 01:56:10,963 他根本就是一个没出息的胚子 2158 01:56:11,046 --> 01:56:15,963 妈，您这辈子真心喜欢过谁吗？ 2159 01:56:17,338 --> 01:56:19,088 真心喜欢？ 2160 01:56:19,171 --> 01:56:21,630 那不就是荷尔蒙一分钟的荡漾吗？ 2161 01:56:23,130 --> 01:56:24,671 我就喜欢这么荡着 2162 01:56:25,338 --> 01:56:28,296 我这一分钟顶你一辈子 2163 01:56:28,380 --> 01:56:29,838 你别刺激我 2164 01:56:30,380 --> 01:56:32,630 你这话我都跟我妈说过 2165 01:56:32,713 --> 01:56:33,796 我告诉你 2166 01:56:33,880 --> 01:56:36,671 女人大不了就是选两种男人 2167 01:56:36,755 --> 01:56:38,963 要不然就是官大有钱 2168 01:56:39,046 --> 01:56:41,755 要不然就是欲罢不能的 2169 01:56:41,838 --> 01:56:44,630 这马走日是沾着哪头了？ 2170 01:56:44,713 --> 01:56:46,463 官大有钱？ 2171 01:56:46,546 --> 01:56:47,630 不会吧？ 2172 01:56:47,713 --> 01:56:48,755 欲罢不能吗？ 2173 01:56:48,838 --> 01:56:51,046 我就喜欢他，我就想帮他 2174 01:56:51,130 --> 01:56:52,588 就看不得他受委屈 2175 01:56:52,671 --> 01:56:54,546 你懂什么叫喜欢吗？ 2176 01:56:54,630 --> 01:56:56,463 你连男人你都不懂 2177 01:56:56,546 --> 01:56:58,463 没有过40个男人 2178 01:56:58,546 --> 01:57:00,880 你怎么有资格谈喜欢？ 2179 01:57:00,963 --> 01:57:02,005 我告诉你 2180 01:57:02,088 --> 01:57:04,921 对男人的了解是靠量的积累 2181 01:57:05,005 --> 01:57:07,213 就您还有过40个男人呀？ 2182 01:57:07,296 --> 01:57:08,338 这就是一种比喻 2183 01:57:08,421 --> 01:57:10,171 4个、40个有什么区别？ 2184 01:57:10,255 --> 01:57:11,588 你跟马走日到什么地步了？ 2185 01:57:11,671 --> 01:57:14,796 睡过他啊？亲过脸啊？拉过手啊？ 2186 01:57:16,921 --> 01:57:20,005 妈，那天也是在这儿 2187 01:57:20,088 --> 01:57:22,546 我爸跟我说讨小老婆的战略 2188 01:57:23,213 --> 01:57:25,963 今天你又在这儿跟我说找男人的战术 2189 01:57:26,796 --> 01:57:30,421 你们俩真是一丘之貉 2190 01:57:32,046 --> 01:57:34,005 你想好了再来找我 2191 01:57:36,296 --> 01:57:38,046 杀个人，头版 2192 01:57:38,130 --> 01:57:39,796 抓回来，头版 2193 01:57:39,880 --> 01:57:41,838 引渡，还是头版 2194 01:57:41,921 --> 01:57:43,296 明儿才毙您 2195 01:57:43,380 --> 01:57:45,838 今天就把头版给您留出来了 2196 01:57:45,921 --> 01:57:48,880 还有那么多姑娘总真心惦记着您 2197 01:57:48,963 --> 01:57:51,921 我姐，我姐就五迷三道的 2198 01:57:52,005 --> 01:57:55,046 我也真心盼着您当我姐夫 2199 01:57:55,130 --> 01:57:56,630 可是没机会了 2200 01:57:56,713 --> 01:57:59,130 您非要奔死了去 2201 01:57:59,213 --> 01:58:00,421 您看看您 2202 01:58:01,255 --> 01:58:03,171 一张杀人犯的脸 2203 01:58:03,713 --> 01:58:06,588 您但凡长成项警官那路数 2204 01:58:06,671 --> 01:58:08,213 谁看着都喜欢 2205 01:58:08,296 --> 01:58:10,255 说您是杀人犯 2206 01:58:10,338 --> 01:58:11,963 谁信啊？ 2207 01:58:13,296 --> 01:58:17,213 默尔济吉特改汉姓非姓马 2208 01:58:17,296 --> 01:58:19,880 还走日？别住腿儿了吧？ 2209 01:58:19,963 --> 01:58:24,421 看人家舒穆禄改姓项，叫飞田 2210 01:58:24,505 --> 01:58:28,088 人家走一步顶您两步，俩日 2211 01:58:28,588 --> 01:58:29,588 四个 2212 01:58:31,005 --> 01:58:32,005 四个吗？ 2213 01:58:32,755 --> 01:58:33,755 四个 2214 01:58:33,796 --> 01:58:36,380 讨厌，您纠正我干什么呀？ 2215 01:58:36,463 --> 01:58:38,296 您讨厌就讨厌在这儿 2216 01:58:38,380 --> 01:58:40,421 这个时候您纠正我干什么呀？ 2217 01:58:43,921 --> 01:58:47,380 我怎么看着您死，我那么开心呢？ 2218 01:58:47,463 --> 01:58:48,755 有进步啊 2219 01:58:49,421 --> 01:58:50,796 会说“您”了 2220 01:58:50,880 --> 01:58:53,755 诸位好，今天我们在这里 2221 01:58:53,838 --> 01:58:57,796 出席这位男士和这位女士的神圣婚礼 2222 01:58:57,880 --> 01:59:02,588 你们俩有什么理由要后悔吗？ 2223 01:59:02,671 --> 01:59:03,671 诸位好 2224 01:59:03,755 --> 01:59:05,213 今天我们在这里 2225 01:59:05,296 --> 01:59:09,005 出席这位男士和这位女士的神圣婚礼 2226 01:59:09,088 --> 01:59:11,255 你们俩，牧师问你们 2227 01:59:11,338 --> 01:59:13,546 有什么理由要后悔吗？ 2228 01:59:13,630 --> 01:59:15,755 你不后悔，我就不后悔 2229 01:59:15,838 --> 01:59:19,755 武大年，你愿意娶卡捷琳娜 2230 01:59:19,838 --> 01:59:21,838 作为你合法的妻子吗？ 2231 01:59:21,921 --> 01:59:25,130 武大年，你愿意娶卡捷琳娜 2232 01:59:25,213 --> 01:59:27,088 作为你合法的妻子吗？ 2233 01:59:27,171 --> 01:59:28,255 我愿意 2234 01:59:28,338 --> 01:59:29,463 我愿意 2235 01:59:29,546 --> 01:59:31,380 - 我愿意 - 我愿意 2236 01:59:31,463 --> 01:59:35,296 卡捷琳娜，您愿意嫁武大年 2237 01:59:35,380 --> 01:59:37,505 作为你的合法丈夫吗？ 2238 01:59:37,588 --> 01:59:39,505 - 我愿意 - 把戒指给她 2239 01:59:39,588 --> 01:59:40,588 把戒指给她 2240 01:59:41,171 --> 01:59:43,713 以法律赋予我的权力 2241 01:59:43,796 --> 01:59:46,338 我宣布你们已经成为合法的夫妻了 2242 01:59:46,921 --> 01:59:48,588 以法律赋予我的权力 2243 01:59:48,671 --> 01:59:51,630 我宣布你们已经成为合法的夫妻了 2244 01:59:51,713 --> 01:59:52,921 - 亲她 - 亲她 2245 01:59:54,338 --> 01:59:55,505 亲嘴 2246 02:00:08,296 --> 02:00:09,463 闺女 2247 02:00:23,463 --> 02:00:26,171 大伙儿听着，这是我们家老六 2248 02:00:26,255 --> 02:00:27,838 我们给大家唱个歌 2249 02:03:56,921 --> 02:03:57,921 敬礼 2250 02:03:59,546 --> 02:04:01,255 去，给他换上 2251 02:04:12,671 --> 02:04:15,171 - 我要把他带走 - 可以 2252 02:04:15,255 --> 02:04:16,588 你不会有麻烦吗？ 2253 02:04:17,255 --> 02:04:18,255 没麻烦 2254 02:04:27,671 --> 02:04:29,130 这样才不会有麻烦 2255 02:04:30,005 --> 02:04:31,005 快走 2256 02:04:36,005 --> 02:04:36,838 武六小姐 2257 02:04:36,921 --> 02:04:38,588 你不是要把我骗到哪儿去枪毙吧？ 2258 02:04:38,671 --> 02:04:40,463 马走日，你真是马狗日 2259 02:04:40,546 --> 02:04:41,755 我想毙你早就毙了 2260 02:04:41,838 --> 02:04:42,838 快开 2261 02:04:52,046 --> 02:04:55,671 武六，你把车停下来 2262 02:04:55,755 --> 02:04:58,213 一切都好商量 2263 02:04:58,296 --> 02:05:00,213 没什么好商量的 2264 02:05:00,296 --> 02:05:03,546 你没有一句实话，我是被你骗大的 2265 02:05:03,630 --> 02:05:05,921 今天这事就是被你逼的 2266 02:05:06,005 --> 02:05:06,921 你说什么呢？ 2267 02:05:07,005 --> 02:05:11,255 你妈我一辈子为人师表，桃李满天下 2268 02:05:11,338 --> 02:05:13,880 我就是骗人，我也不会骗你呀 2269 02:05:13,963 --> 02:05:15,630 你偷看我日记 2270 02:05:15,713 --> 02:05:18,630 把喜欢我的男同学全都开除了 2271 02:05:19,213 --> 02:05:21,796 居然还告诉我是他们自己转走的 2272 02:05:22,421 --> 02:05:26,505 我告诉你吧 那些日记我是写给你看的 2273 02:05:26,588 --> 02:05:29,005 我讨厌谁，我就写谁 2274 02:05:29,088 --> 02:05:31,213 就是希望你把他们全都弄走 2275 02:05:31,296 --> 02:05:33,630 那你还说我是骗子？ 2276 02:05:33,713 --> 02:05:35,755 这些都是跟你学的 2277 02:05:35,838 --> 02:05:37,671 你这个没良心的 2278 02:05:37,755 --> 02:05:39,796 我白跟你掏心窝子啦 2279 02:05:39,880 --> 02:05:42,505 妈，您的心没白掏 2280 02:05:42,588 --> 02:05:44,380 您那男人全都白找啦 2281 02:05:44,463 --> 02:05:45,713 您那40个男人啊 2282 02:05:45,796 --> 02:05:47,130 全都白找啦 2283 02:05:47,213 --> 02:05:51,380 - 你的老婆有过40个男的？ - 你老婆才有过40个男人 2284 02:05:51,463 --> 02:05:53,463 你怎么不跟我学点好？ 2285 02:05:53,546 --> 02:05:57,880 昨天晚上是不是去找马走日了？ 那儿的宪兵都告诉我啦 2286 02:05:57,963 --> 02:06:01,088 我是去找他了，可是我没睡他 2287 02:06:01,171 --> 02:06:03,088 因为我爱他 2288 02:06:04,130 --> 02:06:05,671 人家都没搭理你 2289 02:06:06,255 --> 02:06:09,421 我告诉你，想找找不成 2290 02:06:09,505 --> 02:06:11,296 这才叫丢脸啊 2291 02:06:11,380 --> 02:06:13,171 我给你最后一次机会 2292 02:06:13,255 --> 02:06:16,588 你把车停下来，我什么都答应你 2293 02:06:16,671 --> 02:06:20,130 那马走日是什么下三滥？ 2294 02:06:20,213 --> 02:06:21,713 他找了个舞女 2295 02:06:21,796 --> 02:06:23,255 还把舞女给杀了 2296 02:06:24,338 --> 02:06:28,463 你跟他好 早晚有一天他也把你给杀掉 2297 02:06:28,546 --> 02:06:31,880 - 我能让她们不说话吗？ - 武六，你怎么什么 2298 02:06:31,963 --> 02:06:33,130 - 都跟他说？ - 你想打死你妈？ 2299 02:06:33,213 --> 02:06:34,630 - 我想打喇叭让他们闭嘴 - 我跟你说… 2300 02:06:34,713 --> 02:06:36,380 - 打得准吗？ - 不准 2301 02:06:36,463 --> 02:06:38,463 - 瞄准你妈 - 那万一打着她怎么办？ 2302 02:06:38,546 --> 02:06:41,838 - 越瞄准你妈，你妈越安全 - 武六，我给你最后一次机会 2303 02:06:41,921 --> 02:06:43,755 不行，后面有一辆车拦着 2304 02:06:43,838 --> 02:06:45,463 - 我们母女两个人… - 正好可以试试 2305 02:06:46,046 --> 02:06:47,255 瞄准司机，开枪 2306 02:06:48,588 --> 02:06:49,421 - 车没了 - 我看见了 2307 02:06:49,505 --> 02:06:51,463 - 我打中了 - 没打中司机 2308 02:06:51,546 --> 02:06:53,338 你打中机器盖子了，瞄准你妈 2309 02:06:53,421 --> 02:06:54,671 二、三 2310 02:06:55,588 --> 02:06:56,505 …我命令你 2311 02:06:56,588 --> 02:06:58,713 - 你妈还在吗？ - 我妈还在，喇叭打没啦 2312 02:06:59,338 --> 02:07:01,713 - 妈跟你说过，回头是岸 - 接着打… 2313 02:07:02,630 --> 02:07:04,463 我现在告诉你 2314 02:07:05,046 --> 02:07:07,463 - 那岸没了 - 你妈没发现，继续打 2315 02:07:07,546 --> 02:07:11,338 妈，你别乱动，我瞄不准 2316 02:07:11,421 --> 02:07:14,463 - 武六，你竟敢向你妈开枪？ - 快 2317 02:07:14,546 --> 02:07:15,963 你妈还说着话呢，快 2318 02:07:16,046 --> 02:07:17,046 我告诉你 2319 02:07:17,130 --> 02:07:21,921 我们两个人母女的情分就一刀两断啦 2320 02:07:27,213 --> 02:07:29,713 妈，您打死我吧 2321 02:07:29,796 --> 02:07:32,130 我们武家是巾帼不让须眉啊 2322 02:07:32,213 --> 02:07:33,421 什么意思？ 2323 02:07:33,505 --> 02:07:35,171 就是女的厉害 2324 02:07:59,463 --> 02:08:01,421 趁你妈没跟上，你让我自己跑吧 2325 02:08:01,505 --> 02:08:03,380 你回去找你妈赔个不是，行吗？ 2326 02:08:03,463 --> 02:08:06,005 - 你找死 - 没听说过娘儿俩真开枪的 2327 02:08:06,088 --> 02:08:07,546 我不值得你对我这么好 2328 02:08:07,630 --> 02:08:08,838 你死去吧 2329 02:08:08,921 --> 02:08:10,963 你跟你妈都疯了，我跑了 2330 02:08:11,046 --> 02:08:12,546 - 回来 - 我不管你们 2331 02:08:12,630 --> 02:08:13,463 回来，你给我回来 2332 02:08:13,546 --> 02:08:16,130 - 我走，你们玩吧 - 你再不回来，我就开枪啦 2333 02:08:16,213 --> 02:08:17,796 我开枪打你啦 2334 02:08:34,088 --> 02:08:36,838 马走日，醒醒… 2335 02:08:36,921 --> 02:08:37,921 让你别跑 2336 02:08:39,796 --> 02:08:44,463 我上一回逃跑是因为完颜死了 2337 02:08:45,005 --> 02:08:46,921 我这一回逃跑 2338 02:08:47,005 --> 02:08:50,171 是怕武六再因为我死了 2339 02:08:51,755 --> 02:08:53,338 你为什么开枪打我？ 2340 02:08:53,421 --> 02:08:54,838 我没开枪打你 2341 02:08:54,921 --> 02:08:55,921 你不能死 2342 02:08:56,338 --> 02:08:58,630 你死了，还真是以为我把你打死的 2343 02:08:58,713 --> 02:09:00,088 醒醒… 2344 02:09:00,171 --> 02:09:01,255 你没打我 2345 02:09:01,838 --> 02:09:04,380 我知道你是在帮我 2346 02:09:04,463 --> 02:09:05,755 我要喝水 2347 02:09:05,838 --> 02:09:08,671 如果你死了，我就自杀 2348 02:09:08,755 --> 02:09:10,296 我就开枪把自己打死 2349 02:09:10,380 --> 02:09:13,546 不要这样做，你不是这样的人 2350 02:09:14,088 --> 02:09:15,130 完颜 2351 02:09:15,213 --> 02:09:16,796 我不是完颜 2352 02:09:16,880 --> 02:09:17,963 你不是 2353 02:09:18,796 --> 02:09:21,255 我知道你是武六 2354 02:09:22,338 --> 02:09:23,380 马走日，醒醒 2355 02:09:23,463 --> 02:09:25,838 - 没油了… - 我知道没油了，快跑 2356 02:09:25,921 --> 02:09:27,963 - 跑？ - 跑，快跑 2357 02:09:38,755 --> 02:09:40,380 - 怎么停了？ - 没油啦 2358 02:09:40,463 --> 02:09:41,796 - 那怎么办？ - 我去追 2359 02:09:41,880 --> 02:09:45,338 都听着，我只要一个人撒一泡尿 2360 02:09:45,421 --> 02:09:48,713 水比油重，油比水轻，这是科学 2361 02:10:03,338 --> 02:10:04,838 报告队长，没人 2362 02:10:07,796 --> 02:10:09,255 报告帅母，没人 2363 02:10:11,421 --> 02:10:15,171 武六，咱俩不会都死了吧？ 2364 02:10:17,088 --> 02:10:18,171 你害怕了？ 2365 02:10:18,255 --> 02:10:21,005 我早就该死了 2366 02:10:21,088 --> 02:10:24,088 马走日，我愿意跟你一起死 2367 02:10:24,630 --> 02:10:26,005 你愿意跟我一起死吗？ 2368 02:10:26,088 --> 02:10:27,338 我不愿意 2369 02:10:27,421 --> 02:10:28,630 你还不愿意？ 2370 02:10:29,171 --> 02:10:30,171 为什么？ 2371 02:10:32,255 --> 02:10:35,088 武六，找个男的 2372 02:10:35,171 --> 02:10:37,755 不是为了跟他一块死 2373 02:10:37,838 --> 02:10:42,755 找个男人是要跟他一块儿好好活 2374 02:10:42,838 --> 02:10:45,921 马走日，不要一个人走，带我一起走 2375 02:10:47,421 --> 02:10:49,963 你醒过来干什么呀？ 2376 02:10:51,296 --> 02:10:54,505 不然你也不会再挨这么一下子不是？ 2377 02:10:55,005 --> 02:10:56,921 我真是对不起你 2378 02:10:57,005 --> 02:10:59,005 但是我有什么办法呢？ 2379 02:10:59,088 --> 02:11:00,713 别再醒过来了啊 2380 02:11:05,338 --> 02:11:06,838 武六，再见 2381 02:11:07,963 --> 02:11:10,796 诸位，马走日在此 2382 02:11:10,880 --> 02:11:13,838 枪毙我可以啊，别上来抓我 2383 02:11:14,338 --> 02:11:15,921 谁也别上来抓我 2384 02:11:16,005 --> 02:11:18,963 武六是被我绑架了 2385 02:11:19,046 --> 02:11:21,838 我就把她放在风车里头了 2386 02:11:21,921 --> 02:11:23,963 我为什么绑她呀？ 2387 02:11:24,046 --> 02:11:25,838 我不是想逃吗？ 2388 02:11:25,921 --> 02:11:28,796 我逃哪儿去呀？我就逃到这儿 2389 02:11:28,880 --> 02:11:31,421 不都想枪毙马走日吗？ 2390 02:11:32,005 --> 02:11:33,755 这儿最好 2391 02:11:33,838 --> 02:11:34,880 那位说了 2392 02:11:34,963 --> 02:11:37,921 “你有枪，怎么不自杀呀？” 2393 02:11:38,713 --> 02:11:40,546 那多不讲究啊？ 2394 02:11:40,630 --> 02:11:43,588 我马走日要嘛他杀 2395 02:11:43,671 --> 02:11:45,338 我要嘛杀他 2396 02:11:45,421 --> 02:11:47,255 我怎么能自杀呢？ 2397 02:11:49,005 --> 02:11:50,713 什么枪法这是？ 2398 02:11:50,796 --> 02:11:53,088 有点凉风儿进来了倒是 2399 02:11:53,755 --> 02:11:56,005 我不但对不起武六 2400 02:11:56,088 --> 02:11:58,588 我连武七都对不起 2401 02:11:58,671 --> 02:12:01,630 武七把他爸的钱偷出来 2402 02:12:01,713 --> 02:12:04,005 说让我给洗白了 2403 02:12:04,088 --> 02:12:06,255 我说：“行啊，都给它花了” 2404 02:12:06,338 --> 02:12:10,421 说办一个全世界的舞女大赛 2405 02:12:10,505 --> 02:12:12,671 我哪儿找那么多舞女去呀？ 2406 02:12:12,755 --> 02:12:15,630 那都是我自己瞎安排的 2407 02:12:15,713 --> 02:12:16,880 那位说了 2408 02:12:16,963 --> 02:12:17,963 “那赛金花呢？” 2409 02:12:18,921 --> 02:12:21,255 赛金…嘿，好 2410 02:12:21,338 --> 02:12:24,005 这是不想听我说了吧 2411 02:12:24,088 --> 02:12:27,921 您倒是打准点儿，我就闭嘴啦 2412 02:12:28,838 --> 02:12:32,296 按说挨了枪子儿，不能说这么多话呀 2413 02:12:32,380 --> 02:12:34,963 可是我没有要死的意思呢 2414 02:12:35,046 --> 02:12:40,005 您想知道这个赛二爷 到底是真是假，是吧？ 2415 02:12:40,588 --> 02:12:41,630 这么说吧 2416 02:12:41,713 --> 02:12:45,421 有没有真的赛二爷我都弄不清楚 2417 02:12:45,505 --> 02:12:49,838 不过这位大姐来倒真是好人 2418 02:12:49,921 --> 02:12:51,046 人家跟我说 2419 02:12:51,130 --> 02:12:53,963 “小马，我帮你忙，行 2420 02:12:54,046 --> 02:12:56,713 一分钱我都不能要你的” 2421 02:12:57,671 --> 02:12:59,046 看看人家 2422 02:12:59,755 --> 02:13:04,380 头发虽是白的，心却是红的 2423 02:13:04,463 --> 02:13:07,505 说：“为什么非得枪毙马走日？” 2424 02:13:07,588 --> 02:13:10,088 我也不知道为什么呀 2425 02:13:10,171 --> 02:13:12,963 这不都说完颜是我杀的吗？ 2426 02:13:13,046 --> 02:13:15,505 完颜还就是我杀的 2427 02:13:15,588 --> 02:13:16,421 怎么说呢？ 2428 02:13:16,505 --> 02:13:20,421 人家当了总统，想嫁个人，找我 2429 02:13:20,505 --> 02:13:22,755 我就是不想娶她 2430 02:13:22,838 --> 02:13:27,880 可是我也没想明白 她因为这事就死了 2431 02:13:27,963 --> 02:13:30,380 我早知道她想不开能死了 2432 02:13:30,463 --> 02:13:32,171 我就把她娶了不是？ 2433 02:13:32,255 --> 02:13:36,588 诸位，有人要是想嫁你们的时候 2434 02:13:36,671 --> 02:13:39,421 千万别犹豫，娶她 2435 02:13:39,505 --> 02:13:43,005 要不然就得搭两条人命 2436 02:13:43,088 --> 02:13:45,546 就算活着也活不好 2437 02:13:45,630 --> 02:13:47,255 那又问啦 2438 02:13:47,796 --> 02:13:50,296 “你把完颜给带出去那天 2439 02:13:50,380 --> 02:13:53,463 到底出什么事了她就算死了呢？” 2440 02:13:54,171 --> 02:13:55,463 我跟你说吧 2441 02:13:56,005 --> 02:13:57,171 那天晚上… 2442 02:13:59,713 --> 02:14:01,213 那天晚上… 2443 02:14:02,588 --> 02:14:04,713 下着大雪呀 2444 02:14:05,338 --> 02:14:08,671 老佛爷把我叫到她那儿去 2445 02:14:08,755 --> 02:14:11,130 一把给我按到炕头上说 2446 02:14:11,213 --> 02:14:14,171 “小马，你给我出点儿主意” 2447 02:14:14,255 --> 02:14:17,296 我说：“老佛爷 怎么又让我出主意呀？” 2448 02:14:35,296 --> 02:14:36,296 回来 2449 02:14:38,338 --> 02:14:42,046 就这么着，我让人家给枪毙啦 2450 02:14:42,588 --> 02:14:43,588 据说 2451 02:14:45,963 --> 02:14:50,088 也倒没觉着跟活着有什么不一样 2452 02:14:50,755 --> 02:14:55,713 就是不知道后来这武六是怎么着了 2453 02:14:55,796 --> 02:14:57,338 拜托诸位 2454 02:14:57,421 --> 02:15:00,130 得空帮我打听打听 165953

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