Original subtitles

That's a shocking start.

Stop!

Ah!

Whoo!

Mmm. Yep, that's it.

Where's Tom?

Ah.

Ah. Ah.

Ah. No.

I hate you.

Let me out of here!

Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.

It's another week, and yet again,

they have succeeded in shaving my body down,

lathering it in oil and slipping me into my Tom Gleeson skin suit.

I am, of course, Kyle Sandilands, and welcome to Taskmaster.

And competing for this trophy of my golden noggin,

five people who are definitely not Kyle Sandilands.

They are Dave Hughes.

...Emma Holland...

...Lisa McCune...

...Takashi Wakasugi...

...and Tommy Little.

Hello.

And sitting next to me, a man who, when he uses a urinal,

he has the trousers and undies down around his ankles,

it's Tom Cashman.

Alright, slap a surprise task on the grill, please, Lesser Tom.

Of course, our first task is a prize task.

Each of our contestants have brought in a prize,

and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.

Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in

what they consider to be the most disappointing purchase.

Ooh. OK. Uh, disappoint me, Waka.

I bought the grinder pepper.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

So because you never finish the pepper inside.

You always grind up... It's broken.

Waka, no, a question on technique, though.

Some people grind from here,

but some people like to get a bit of height and grind from here.

Why he's so horny all the time?

I'm talking about pepper.

Isn't it good to see the comedy of Tommy Little back again?

Alright, Emma, what did you bring in?

Well, it's probably easier if I just show you.

OK.

So this is a taxidermied rat with a vacuum cleaner.

I thought it was going to be alive.

So you were disappointed because you thought it was

actually going to just start to clean your house?

Yeah.

The vacuum is so small, it would have to empty it so often.

Well, that's not my problem, and that's not what I'm paying him for.

Alright, Dave, what do you bring in?

I brought in a purchase, uh, that my wife purchased.

It wasn't my purchase.

It is anti-dandruff shampoo.

I don't use it often enough.

And she's really disappointed by that.

I'm happy with this shirt tonight,

because the other night, I was wearing a dark shirt.

And, yeah, our wardrobe really had to work extra hard

in the ad breaks to...

Yeah, you would've needed

a little rat with a vacuum cleaner to clean it all up.

Uh, Lisa, what has disappointed you?

I purchased a churros maker.

Um, and look, I did use it once,

and they just came out a little soggy

and a bit kind of flaccid, so they...

...they... they... they... Just calm down, Tommy.

Sorry, sorry. Just...

You can let some through to the keeper, mate.

That was such a good one.

Um... They look tasty.

I think it's a good... Well, they are.

You have to put a lot more oil in

and really get the fat going on them to make them nice and stiff.

Nobody wants a floppy one.

Penis.

Sorry, I've just been calmly waiting for an edit point.

Tommy, what did you bring in?

When I was learning to fly planes, you had to buy the study stuff,

and it was all quite expensive.

And one of the items in it was an EB-6 flight computer

that calculates wind.

And I'm like, "This is going to be unbelievable.

"I can't wait to get this new computer."

This is what it is.

It's just a spinny wheel, Tom.

It looks pretty cool to me. It probably works.

But it was 1,500 bucks with the books.

Really?

I thought the computer was the big-ticket item...

Yeah. ...of the 1,500 bucks.

And it's just a spinny wheel.

But that is an actual computer. What do you mean?

A computer is just something that computes.

I know you think you're being smart now, but...

No, no, no. I don't think it I, I know it.

No, if you were... There's one person clapping.

Oh!

Being smart is not popular and I don't give a shit.

I'd rather be smart. But, I...

I'd rather be unpopular and not thick like you, Tommy?

Are you...? I know how to fly a plane, Tom.

Alright, well, I gotta score - this. - Yeah.

The least disappointing for me was Tommy,

because he was disappointed by a computer,

which was clearly a computer.

So, one point to Tommy.

Two points to Dave. OK.

You yourself said it's more disappointing for your wife.

I'm going to say Emma's taxidermy rat,

you must have been so excited.

Then, unfortunately, it was dead,

so it didn't actually vacuum anything.

Then I'll give Lisa four points for the electric churros maker

because it's...

Yeah, it does sound like it created some very disappointing churros

that look like cocks.

I didn't say that, but thank you.

But I'm going to give five points to Waka

because of his disappointing pepper shaker.

because he can never get all the peppercorns out.

OK, another disappointment,

I now give you the appointment of doling up a proper task, Lesser Tom.

Very well.

We're back to the warehouse for a photoshoot with hundreds of people.

Hey, Tom-Tom.

God, this is spectacular, isn't it?

Magnificent location.

This is a cool place, I like it.

It's a weird spot to have a hat.

"Take up to 100 photos of yourself

"somewhere in this warehouse and wear this red hat in one of them."

"You must take all your photos from the same spot."

"Your photos will be edited together into one photo."

"Photo that makes the Taskmaster take longest

"to find red-hatted you wins."

"You have 20 minutes."

"Your time starts now."

How can I hide red-hatted me?

It's rather bright.

The best bet would probably be to have other red stuff in it.

Essentially I find whichever of them has a red hat on in the photo.

That's it? That's right.

So it's like Where's Wally?

Well, generic red-stripey hidey-glasses man.

Why are you not saying it? Because of... laws.

What are you frightened of? Red tape?

Red tape, then white tape. Then red tape, then white tape.

Alright. Well, I'm going to need to see the screen for this one.

So through the magic of television and your puny muscles, Lesser Tom,

move me into position.

OK, Dave Hughes is up first. I've got my timer ready.

Are you ready? Happy to play.

Alright. Ready. Go!

Alright. It's very menacing, by the way. I should say straight up.

OK. Can you just zoom? Zoom into the centre.

Keep going. Oh, yeah. Zooming.

You didn't say stop zooming. That's enough. Stop.

Stop zooming. Thanks. I think we need to go to the right.

Maybe zoom out first.

Stop zooming. To the right.

It is confronting.

Alright, stop.

Zoom in. I think I can see him.

Found it! Right there in the centre. Little head poking out.

Yeah. That's correct. Ah!

Respectable time.

One minute and 12 seconds to find the Dave Hughes wearing the red hat.

Yeah. Is this a bad time to say I'm colour-blind?

Alright, let's keep playing. Alright, Emma Holland is up next.

Are you ready? OK, yep.

Oh, God.

Oh, there's red everywhere. OK, I got to see, have a look here.

If I was Emma, where would I put it? I'd put it far away from the camera.

So I'm going to go... Can you just zoom in to the top-left corner?

Because I'm thinking that's what you do, and keep going...

Zoom in further there, top left.

Oh, stop. Oh, it looks like it's... Just go up a bit.

OK. What am I looking at now?

Oh, yeah, I can see it. Oh. Where is it?

At the bottom of that ladder, just right...

That is correct.

It's not on her head. Does that matter? Did you specify it had to be?

You have to be wearing the hat.

It's up to you whether that counts as wearing, I guess.

I guess... It's not a traditional wear.

You've just got to wear it somewhere on your person.

Do you? You could disqualify her straightaway.

You found red-hatted Emma in one minute and nine seconds.

Not bad.

Can I just say you have no idea what it feels like playing this game

with a room full of nerds behind you,

who are so desperate to yell out the answer.

You know what it's like? Like I'm sitting in front of Reddit.

You know what I mean? And I don't like it.

Alright, time for some advertisements.

We'll see you soon, and I'll be looking for more red hats.

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

where someone in our crew

has taken 100 photos of our contestants

and then put them all together in a collage.

What a sicko.

That's right, our contestants have taken up to 100 photos.

We've put them all together,

and only one of them is wearing a red hat.

You've gotta find the red hat as quickly as possible.

Next up, you have Lisa McCune.

OK. Ready, set, go.

OK. Oh, God.

Oh, there are hats everywhere. I can see all of them.

Found it. In the foreground, she's wearing it there.

The front, to the right. That's wearing it, isn't it?

She's holding it on her head. Yep.

Found it. OK.

Is that it?

Are you wearing it? I can't remember.

I did it so many times.

So Lisa's approach here was that she, in her view,

wasn't technically wearing them, except in one.

Um, but I think the precedent that we set with Emma

has made the Taskmaster be, I suppose, more liberal

with what constitutes a wear.

Oh, no.

Well, if Emma was wearing it on her front,

then Lisa was wearing it several times in this particular picture.

I found it as soon as the photo came up.

Oh, my God. Come on.

Up next, we have Tommy Little's photo. Ready, set, go!

Ah. Alright, where is he?

Where's that little hat? He's hiding it.

Go to the back of the picture, please.

Right in the centre. Zoom in.

Zoom in.

He'll be right at the back there somewhere, I reckon.

Oh, there! Shut up, Hughes.

Ooh.

Alright, zoom back out again, please.

Stop. OK, just to the right.

This is like a very low-stakes version of CSI, isn't it?

I reckon there's a lot of middle-aged women

who have had this dream.

I feel like it's not that different

to what prison would look like, to be honest.

I was gonna say, "It looks like prison."

OK, let's just zoom out a bit, please. Zoom out.

OK. Go left.

Because I'm also thinking there's a big blank space to the left.

There it is. Found it.

Oh!

It's on top of that red box. Yes. That's correct.

It was an effective method. Yes.

There's a whole wall of Tommys.

I should have noticed the absence of Tommys on the left.

Yes. So the distraction worked.

You took one minute and 56 - seconds. - OK.

Well done, Tommy.

Alright, Waka is our final contestant. Ready, set, go!

Alright. Oh, lots of red there. Lots of red there.

- I'm looking around. - Waka has instituted the bin method.

As a distraction. It's very good.

Found him. Wow.

Third bin from the left at the - back. - Wow. That is correct.

Good technique, though.

OK. So, what time did Waka get?

You found it really quickly. It only took you 15 seconds.

Ooh.

Waka, did you have to get out of the bin,

then they moved the bin and then you get in?

Or could they wheel it with you inside?

I wheeled him around 100 times. Did you?

Oh!

That was so stinky. Yeah.

That was very stinky.

Just to recap the times, we had Lisa with 10 seconds.

Waka, only 15 seconds.

Emma, you found in one minute and nine seconds.

Dave, one minute and 12 seconds.

And, Tommy, it took you one minute and 56 seconds,

which means Lisa gets one point, Waka gets two,

Emma gets three, Dave gets four.

But Tommy wins the task with five points.

OK. Another task, please, Lesser Tom.

OK, some tasks, they feature half a punch.

Sometimes they have three-quarters of a punch.

This one has a hole punch.

Hi, Tom. Hi, Tom-Tom.

Hello, Thomas.

Does anyone call you Thomas? Not really.

Hello, Thomas.

Let's have a look.

I'll stay here if that's OK.

What is this?

It's a hole punch. Oh.

Careful of that sphere.

I think it's magnifying light in such a way

that it's potentially going to burn one of the pages.

Oi, it's real hot.

Yeah, don't do that, yeah.

"Punch the most holes in this document."

"From the furthest distance."

"Your attempt is complete

"when at least one hole has been punched."

"Most holes punched.

"plus metres from the document when punched, wins."

"You have 15 minutes."

"Your time starts now."

So, Tommy, when someone tells you

you shouldn't touch something 'cause it's hot,

maybe just don't touch it.

Well, but what is it?

What if no-one else has touched it before and I'm the first?

Then I get to tell everybody how good touching it was.

So, straightforward stuff, pretty much.

You've just got to punch a hole through as many pages as possible.

That's right. From as far away as possible.

Yeah, metres plus holes punched. That's the final score.

Who's punching away first?

Let's hope there are holes in their documents,

but not in their plans, it's Emma and Tommy.

Oi, grab that!

What the Tom?

I went to Cubs, I never went to Scouts.

And I was the only person to not get one badge. Not one.

You didn't do Scouts or - anything? - No, I did horse riding.

Every girl I know got kicked by a horse at some point.

I never got kicked by a horse.

And they all deserved it.

Can you come and stand on it? OK.

Each time I pull, can you go, "Uh."

Uh!

Oh, sorry, I focused on the 'uh', not the standing.

Oh.

Only other thing I can think is to tip the tyre down the hill.

OK. And that would be miraculous.

Is there a hole in it?

No. No.

90 seconds left.

Quick, quick, give me the document down here. hell!

This isn't drilling!

Hole? No hole.

No hole. OK.

Come on, come on.

40 seconds.

Can you hold this? OK.

Tom!

You didn't warn me.

25 seconds.

OK. One, two, three.

Oh, my gosh, like lawn bowlers do when they walk it in!

When they walk it in!

When they walk it in!

Whoa!

There's a hole? There's a hole.

Awesome.

Thanks for checking out my hole.

Tommy, it would've been great if it worked.

I know! It was thrilling to - watch. - Mate, it was...

What a ride. That was you. We were all on board there.

Even me. I wanted you to be successful.

I don't know what's worse. When you lie to yourself or you lie to me?

OK, so, Emma, wool to hold down the hole punch?

I spent so long trying to find tape, and I couldn't find it anywhere.

And so wool was my next best. But even tape?

I mean, that's up the craft end of the spectrum,

not the DIY end of the spectrum, I feel.

Yeah. Have you met me? Yeah, I have.

Tom, I'm a crafty lady.

OK, and you also said, "Thanks for checking out my hole."

Are you dabbling in the comedy of Tommy Little?

I don't get it. Oh, it's a... Hole has a...

Can you explain it to me, please?

'Hole' can refer to your vagina.

What's a hole punch, then?

Wow.

Hang on. Sorry!

I'm just asking. Hey, everyone. No, it's OK.

Tommy's picked up the ball and he's running with it.

Stop it.

Are we riffing at the moment? Are we riffing?

I thought, if there's other people in the shallow end of the pool,

we may as well play!

Well, what result did Emma get?

Um, well, Tommy dared to get zero, as we know.

Thank you.

Emma chose to put one piece of paper in the hole punch.

Emma put two holes, plus she was 22.2m away, so her score is 24.2.

Ooh. OK.

I should've just pressed it.

OK, I want to see more holes punched at a distance.

Next up, using stationery to keep their scores moving,

it's Lisa and Dave.

So if I just throw this there and it hits there

and it goes down and punches a hole,

the task is over.

Maybe that can go in there somehow.

It's gotta be a reasonable amount that it's gonna actually do the job.

Alright, here we go.

Um, to stop that going in... Wait a second, I've just got...

You got stuff in your pockets? I like to carry a few...

You just never, ever know if you might need that something.

That can clip over like that.

I'm just going to see whether or not I can get that to come down.

No, I think it's... Alright, I'm gonna go closer.

I just don't know whether or not it's going to...

No. That's not... I just need another lever.

There's a hole. It's worked.

Am I out of time?

There's a hole in the document. Is there?

How many holes have I done? I can only see one.

No, there's another one. I've done at least two.

I think I'm proud of myself,

but I'm not completely sure I am proud of myself.

But I think I am.

I'm going to go and rethink that.

So, Lisa, you had a premature hole punch.

Yeah, I mean, I was working towards something bigger,

and I accidentally punched a hole.

Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that.

I am sorry. I thought it was a good effort.

You don't have to apologise to us. You still did better than me.

I know, I...I really thought I was on to...

If I apologise for every time I was a bit shit,

all I'd do would be apologising.

Well, I won't apologise. And also we've talked about it.

Sometimes you're a bit too polite, Lisa.

On this show I want you to cut - sick. - OK.

This is your time. This is, this.... No-one cares around here.

Alright, well, he didn't let me have a good go.

Oh! Yes, Lisa!

Come on.

Oh, my God. Thanks, guys.

God, that felt good!

Oh, my God, you've unleashed the dragon. That was incredible.

I've gotta say, I've been working away at that for seven episodes

and it paid off!

OK, so, Hughesy. Yes.

Did you ever stop and think

there could be other things on the property?

Or you're just, like, "Grab, throw?"

I'm just saying, you didn't...

It did...

It didn't feel like a complicated strategy.

No, it wasn't. It was exactly how you described it.

But also, you know, TV's tough.

You know, it's not an easy gig these days.

And we all want to get the show done on time and on budget.

And I think that helped. Uh...

Both Lisa and Dave managed two holes punched.

Lisa was 1.7m away, Dave was 3.1m away,

so Lisa gets a score of 3.7, Dave gets 5.1.

Thank you. Oh, well done.

Pretty good.

Alright, go on, then. Punch the card for one more.

They call him Waka, but can he whack from afar? It's Takashi Wakasugi.

Oh, great idea. Dominoes. Dominoes.

I put tyres here, and the last one's going to be...

Alright.

Oh! Did you see that?

Alright, more tyres.

Good. Two more.

Still walking, still walking. Nice work.

Great idea. OK.

Alright. This is far. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I forgot, I'm gonna put paper. Alright.

Alright, alright. Three, two, one...

Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.

One minute and 27 seconds.

I still have time. Don't worry, it's OK.

Argh!

One minute, one minute, one minute.

One minute and two seconds left.

Yeah, yeah. We have still time. No rush, no rush.

Damn tyres.

30 seconds. 30 seconds.

Can you count every seconds now?

17... Alright, alright.

...16, 15... Three.

...13, 12, 11... Ah!

...ten, nine, eight...

...seven, six, five, four...

...three, two...

Tyres, it's very difficult.

I'm very tired.

Waka, you also dared to dream. Yes.

I was so disappointed, you know, I couldn't sleep that night.

Yeah, I mean, whenever you weren't there, it worked really well.

But whenever you got involved, didn't work anymore.

That's life.

Every task I use a tyre, never did well.

I know. I hate tyres.

I know.

Waka's the only person, I guess, who maybe accidentally clued on

to the number of holes being kind of quite relevant.

Yes. Could have we just used our hands and just gone down?

Arguably.

So Waka may have been close, only 1.7m away, but he punched 68 holes.

What?

That means Tommy gets zero points, Lisa gets two, Dave gets three,

Emma gets four, but Waka wins the task with five points.

And in terms of episode scores,

Tommy is in last place at the moment with six points,

but Waka's in the lead with 12 points.

OK, you want another task? Sure.

I'll give you another task right after these ads.

That's right. I'm a dirty little task tease.

But you know you love it. Back soon!

Hello.

Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five desperate comedians

are doing absolutely everything in their power to win a dead rat.

That's right. Love is in the air.

But will it make its way into anyone's bodies?

Let's find out with the team task.

Come in. Did you knock?

After you, sir. Alright, thank you.

Hi, Tom-Tom. Hi, Waka.

Hello. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Lisa. Hi, Tommy. Hey, Tom.

Is he your favourite? I don't have favourites.

Bullshit.

Oh, there's a lot of words - there. - I can do this.

I'm happy to share if you wanna read a bit and I can read a bit.

Oh. Can you read?

That's too long.

"Make these singles have chemistry on their first date."

"On their second date."

"They are both wearing earpieces."

"They will only say or do whatever you tell them to do."

"At least one person from your team must be in the study."

"And one must be outside."

"If you are in the study, you'll be in control of her."

"If you are outside, you will be in control of him."

"Best chemistry wins. Your singles will arrive in 10 minutes."

"For their 20-minute date."

"Your time starts now."

Is there something to be said about me feeding the man the lines

and you guys feeding the woman?

Because you...

Because we'll know what we want to receive.

I really think that you should go with the girl.

And I should go with the boy. Alright.

That's sexy dress. That's fine. She can wear that.

The guy gonna wear... This is - yours? - That's my pants.

Why are you put your...?!

OK, so we're back with the team - task. - Yeah. That's right.

I got the sense that the boys are just a bit excited

to be using walkie talkies.

It's all they really cared about.

Alright, we better rip off the bandaid

for these two unlucky-in-love birds.

Cashman, let's go.

Call them cheese, 'cause they're about to craft some singles,

it's Waka, Tommy and Emma.

Oh, my God.

He looks good.

She looks great.

Can you ask her what is important to her in a relationship?

What do you think is important in a relationship?

Uh, knowing each other's names.

Knowing each other's names. What's yours?

Say Genghis.

Genghis.

Ask her what her goal is for the date.

What's your sort of goal from this date?

And if there's a silence, just start filling it with facts about catfish.

Um...

...there's been a lot going on in the news about catfish recently.

Catfish.

Have you ever caught one? Put your hand in a catfish?

That's good. Keep doing that hand action.

Imagine that's your mouth...

Well, it's not your mouth, but catfish mouths.

In, grasp, and, like, yank it out.

So are you just gonna sit with that guitar

or are you gonna strum something, maybe?

OK, just start playing some chords.

And now wink five times, please.

Just sing a song with the guitar.

♪ I love you so. ♪

♪ I want... ♪

OK, just keep playing while she's singing.

♪ So

♪ I want you so... ♪

Ask her if she wants to marry you.

Do you want to marry me?

Can I wear hat first?

Um, can I wear hat first?

Put the hat on her.

Let's marry. Let's marry.

The Taskmaster restaurant has closed.

♪ I love you so. ♪

♪ I love you so. ♪

Sing along as you leave.

♪ I need you so. ♪ ♪ I need you so. ♪

# I need you so. ♪

♪ ..with you. ♪

The task is over, guys. Can you please let her...

Tell him he has to kiss the hat and then you'll leave.

Thank you.

You have to kiss the hat and then I'll leave.

The task is over, guys. I don't have to do anything.

Kiss the hat. OK.

Alright.

♪ I love you so! ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

Um... what were you thinking?

I think we started quite well, and I'm glad you did this, bro.

But Waka just started singing, and it was wonderful.

But then there was no turning - back. - Yeah.

I did a singing task before, and I got confident.

Yeah, cool. And I did it again.

Well, we all remember that task.

I'm not sure if you should have been confident.

Emma, I really think you made his

grotty moustache hipster personality shine through.

Yeah, look, I've come across a few of them in my lifetime.

I...I know what I would have liked them to say on dates.

Oh, so that's what you would like in a date?

Yep.

Well, and I mean, to be fair as well, the task had ended,

but they still seemed to be in love.

It was difficult to get them to leave.

Alright, let's see the others then, eh?

They seem like they've been married 20 years.

So matters of the heart should come easy, it's Lisa and Dave.

When he turns up, say, "Better late than never, I suppose, Gareth."

When you go in, tell her how beautiful she looks.

Oh. You look beautiful.

Better late than never, I suppose.

Reach out and put your hand there, see if she holds it.

Can I just say I hadn't noticed... Just how beautiful your eyes are.

I noticed yours. I noticed yours.

I'd also never noticed... Do you like anchovies?

...how thick your moustache was. Do you like anchovies?

I also just never noticed how thick your moustache was.

What made you grow a moustache? Are you hiding something?

Just say you've got a scar from...

A water skiing accident on my top lip.

Right. God, I love lakes.

So do you. I too love lakes.

Uh, uh... Uh, uh...

We should start travelling. We should start travelling.

Where would you like to go?

I would like to go... Into your heart.

You already have my heart.

So take my hand.

OK, you can hold my hand.

You can hold my hand.

Go down on your knee and propose to Chloe.

Oh, my God. God.

Say, "For the time I have..."

...left on this earth, I want you to be mine.

Is the moustache gonna be for the wedding or not?

Is the money gonna be spent on the wedding?

What about the moustache? My stash.

No, the moustache.

It's the moustache. I don't like it.

Right. I was just wondering if you could help me up.

Tell her you've got a dicky disk in your back

and you're struggling to get up.

I've got a bit of a dicky disk in my back so just...

We need Tom back to witness our wedding.

Get Tom back in. Get Tom back in.

There we go.

Tom, Tom, marry us. Marry us...

...in the power that you've got.

Put the hand back on the table.

With the power that you've got.

With the power that isn't vested in me,

as a waiter at the Taskmaster restaurant...

Sorry.

Oh, my God. I love you, Gareth.

I love you, Gareth.

Thank you, Gareth. Thank you, Gareth.

So the actors, were they single?

I should clarify, they weren't actors.

They were real single people.

Oh, OK.

I do feel that the Aged Team,

I feel like there might have been more chemistry happening

throughout that date.

I mean, Lisa, you came in pretty strong there.

Like, you really wanted to speed things up.

Well, yeah. The lag is hard.

Like dealing with the lag is hard, you know? Didn't you find?

A lot of my stuff got lost in translation. Um...

So just another task for you, Dave?

But also, you made her say. "Thanks, Gareth."

And then you said "Thanks, Gareth," to yourself.

Well, I was saying thank you to him for being in the task.

Thank you for going through - that. - Then he said, "Thanks, Gareth,"

to himself.

OK. So I'm going to say there was more chemistry for the Aged Team.

OK. So I'm going to go 5,5,3,3,3.

Alright. Oh, good. OK. Well done, Dave.

OK, time for a break. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to go to my dressing room and get nude and meditate.

So to the fans who wanna know the real Tom, there you go.

Bye!

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

These task teats are full of tasty milk.

Squeeze me out another task, Lesser Tom.

I truly can't wait for the honour.

But first, a quick update on our episode scores.

The winner at the moment is Waka with 15 points.

OK, Tom 'The Body' Cashman,

serve one up.

Sure thing. Welcome to the Terrordome.

Tom?

Hmm.

Alright. No Tom.

I don't like it when he's not here. It's unsettling.

"Avoid getting wet by Tom. You must remain within the bunker."

This is the bunker?

"Tom is outside the bunker, but can't step inside."

"Longest to avoid getting wet, wins."

"You have 20 minutes."

"Your time starts after Tom gives you an example

"of what he is capable of."

Oh, my God!

Ha-ha-ha! I laugh at you.

Is that it? What do you mean?

One water bomb and one Super Soaker?

Oh, there's more where that came from, buddy boy.

Lesser Tom, I've never seen you so excited about a task.

This one was a lot of fun.

Alright, so tell me, Fritzl, who do we see first?

I had to get into character for this one.

Like a spy movie villain, but with water.

So first up, Tommy, Dave and Lisa will meet Pond, James Pond.

Ah!

Mate, you're nowhere near it. What have you got, man?

You have to do a lot better than that.

It doesn't say that I'm not allowed to use this.

Ha!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Oh, come on!

Alright, I need... Whoa!

Ah!

Alright, he's over there. He's over there.

Oh, this is so super creepy.

Oh, there you are.

Has anyone told you you play, like, a creepy psychopath, like, quite well?

I'm not playing a character.

Where is he? Where is he?

Wah!

Oh, whoa!

I got you, Lisa. OK.

Ah! Got me.

Oh.

Thanks, Dave. Thank you.

Thanks, Tom.

Uh! Thanks, Tom.

Thanks, Tommy.

Did you get some revenge there, Tommy?

Yeah. Yeah.

But that wasn't part of the task. That was just extra fun?

No, but it was like my dessert.

OK, so it seems like the best thing to do is just to run around?

Yeah, I think keeping moving was a good strategy.

OK, well, when you got Hughesy,

I feel like you were aiming for him, even though you couldn't see him.

Were you listening to him? Yeah. Dave Hughes was quite vocal.

Yeah, I like to express myself and also give him a chance.

You know, he works hard and he deserves...

You worked really hard, man. So good on you.

I feel like all of you actually were being quite honest,

because, Lisa, it barely just got your ankle.

Yeah, I didn't feel like I got that wet.

Yeah, I know, but then you screamed in disgust, so you gave yourself up.

Well, 'cause I was having a lot of fun.

Should we look at some results?

Yes. So Hughesy got wet in two minutes and 14 seconds.

OK.

Lisa took three minutes and 24 seconds,

but Tommy eluded me for nine minutes and 39 seconds.

Ooh. OK.

Time for an ad break.

And if you've got a bunker,

this is your cue to go down and check the restraints around their ankles

and just make sure they're still tight.

Have fun. See you soon!

Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.

What's going on, Cashman?

At the moment, our contestants are in the Terrordome

trying to avoid being water bombed or water gunned.

I can't get anyone else to call it the Terrordome.

Next up, facing 00.7, it's Waka and Emma.

I saw it. I saw it, I saw it.

Yes, yes.

Tom, Tom, Tom.

You should think more.

You should think more.

Good try. Good try.

You can't throw that.

You're too good. Thank you.

What does 20 minutes means? It's already 20 minutes?

10 seconds left.

Put gun. Put gun down.

Yes! You're not wet?

No, I'm just sweat, but... That doesn't count, unfortunately.

It's finished?

That was the easy one.

Oh!

I got you.

I really thought I'd done something then.

Uh, so, Waka... Yes.

I kind of want to say, "Well done,"

but I'd prefer to say,

"Lesser Tom, you suck."

No, no. He did well, he did - well. - He did well.

Finally, I could show you something like a Ninja, Ninja path.

Yeah! Finally, finally.

You must've known that you were onto a good thing

when he got so desperate he threw his bloody toys into the cot.

That feel good. That feel so good.

Yeah, well, what were you thinking, throwing your empty gun?

I had to try something different.

That's an extraordinary effort, Waka.

I honestly, I'm so impressed by what you just did there.

That was incredible.

Do... do you believe him? I think...

I don't think we're giving Waka enough credit here.

It was an incredible effort. He's trying. You won't shut up.

So, Emma, you must have thought you found a brilliant hack.

No. At no point did I think I'd nailed it.

I think my fight or flight kicked in, and it turns out I cower.

I think maybe I thought that, like, I was covered by enough of it,

that he'd have to get it on my head,

and then he did that.

What scores are we looking at?

Well, Waka, obviously, I failed to get in the allocated 20 minutes,

Emma I got in 57 seconds.

So that means one point to Emma, two to Dave, three to Lisa,

four to Tommy, but Waka wins the task with five points.

Alright, then, get your tushies up on stage

for the final task of the show.

OK, people, things, stage.

Who's going to explain what's going on, Lesser Tom?

I'm gonna ask the team of two to read it out.

OK. "In teams,

"feed your stick thingy

"through your helmet thingy.

"Your stick thing may not touch the sides of your helmet thingy.

"The team mate wearing the helmet

"must be facing the audience throughout.

"The team mate holding the stick thingy

"may not move off their mat

"and must be wearing their blindfolds.

"Fastest team wins.

"Most rounds won wins."

Right, yep.

Alright, blindfolds on, guys.

Are we ready? Go!

OK, Dave, lower your stick. Stop! Stop!

Lower. Lower your stick.

Lower, lower, lower. Lower, lower.

Lower your stick. Lower your stick.

Come on, come on.

Lisa and Dave have won round one.

Subsequent rounds will have different stick thingies.

Oh. Different sticks?

Stop looking at yourself.

I think I've aged well.

Do you know Hughes actually has no greys? That's just dandruff.

It's a pretty good joke.

Alright, we ready? Set...

Alright, Emma. Alright.

Keep coming, keep coming, keep coming, keep coming.

Straighten it up a bit. Keep coming.

Emma, come on.

Was that us? Yeah, we got it.

The team of three win round two.

Yeah! Ah! What happened, Dave?

I forgot I could walk backwards.

I was too busy looking at myself.

Alright, round three. Go.

OK. That's it, Dave. Straighten him up.

Tommy, come up. Twist to the right.

Twist to the right. Twist to the right.

Go! Stay there.

Oh, we've got a touch. Team two touch.

Oh!

Both teams have touched. That's zero all for round three.

Sorry, gang.

OK, we need to go to an ad break. If it's onesies, go now.

If it's twosies, you might have to hang on. See you soon!

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

where our contestants have been up on stage

sticking things into other things.

Take it away, Lesser Tom.

We're in the middle of a live team task.

One person has got a helmet on with a wire thingy on it,

and the others have a stick thingy

they're trying to put through the wire thingy.

We've got two rounds left, and it's one point to one point.

Everything to play for. Are we ready for the fourth round?

Ready, set, go!

Stay there. I'm coming.

I'm coming home to Papa.

We've got a touch, team of two.

We've got a touch, team of three.

Zero all in round four.

What just happened? What are you doing?

I nearly broke my racquet.

Are we ready for round five? Ready, set, go!

OK, Dave, come up a bit and... twist to the left.

Emma, coming. Twist to the left.

No rush.

Twist to the left, the left. What do you mean 'twist'?

The pole. Hold it up more.

Straighten it up. Twist it up.

No, left. Twist to the left.

What do you mean? Twist it to the left!

Are you coming, Emma? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You coming? - I'm coming. Twist it to the left.

What do you mean? Lift it up for ...!

Up! Emma, no rush.

Up!

Team of two touched.

Team of three have been successful.

My God!

I can't work with you.

I said twist to the left.

I was! I said, "Twist to the left!"

Alright. Good, good, good. Can you stop...

Are we still going? No.

Can you tell me? Alright, alright.

I kept saying, "Twist to the left."What does "Twist to the left" mean?

Hughes. Oh!

OK, all sticks and helmets away.

Come on down and let's score that bad boy.

Alright, remind me of the scores, please.

The A Team won the first round, as we remember.

The B Team tied in the second round.

But in the final round, the B Team took the win.

Tommy, Waka, and Emma win the task.

OK, so the Better Team, five, five, five.

The Aged Team, three, three. OK.

That means it's a tight scoreboard.

But winning the episode with 25 points, it's Takashi Wakasugi.

Congratulations, Waka!

Go up there and claim your most disappointing purchases.

But what have we learnt?

We learnt that if a fight is brewing,

call up Waka and throw some hole punches.

Dave Hughes confirmed the obvious rumour that he doesn't wash his hair.

And we learnt that Lisa McCune is finally unhinged.

Hats off again to Waka

and hats off to you, the viewer, for joining us.

Goodnight!

The children and horny dads are crying out for more, Lesser Tom.

Whoo!

But that would dirty up my image.

God has forsaken me!

Ooh!

Oh, I'd just like to say to my kids, you can have tomorrow off school.

Captions by Red Bee Media