Original subtitles

- You know what, Joe? - Huh?

I'm in the mood for a good love story tonight.

Baby, I'm way ahead of you, I'm about to pop in

the greatest love story ever told.

- "Old Yeller." - Oh, no.

I will not sit here and watch you go through

three boxes of tissues again.

Tonight, we are watching "Mahogany."

But, baby, there is no greater love

than between a boy and his dog.

Joe, if we watch "Mahogany"

I will show you a greater love.

Sorry, boy, I got to put you down.

Hey, so what are we doing tonight, happy family?

Me and your mother about to sit down

and enjoy a nice romantic movie.

Romantic, with me in the house?

Oh. That's disgusting.

You know, it's three of us here.

Mama, let's get this party started right.

Go get the wine coolers. Pops, I'm about to set the mood.

[music on stereo]

Mama, remember this. This one.

Mm. Mm. Come on, mama.

Come on, smack a little, baby. Come on.

- Here, here. - Go , boy.

- Go, mama. Hit it, mama. - Here, boy.

Take this 20 and go set it off somewhere else. Come on.

Fine.

Works every time.

[chuckles] Works every time.

? They say the apple don't fall too far from the tree ?

? Whoever came up with that one must have not heard about me ?

? Papa used to say he couldn't understand ?

? Mama must have been spending time with the milkman ?

? But in one.. ?

? They've rubbed off the other ?

? I just step my step day by day ?

? They can't stop a brother ??

[hip-hop music]

Oh, oh, sorry. My bad, my bad.

Oh, hey, check out the guy at 6:30.

Definitely above average.

Oh, yeah, he's got a big one.

A big one?

What's this girl talk?

Uh, no, med-school talk.

We're trying to guess the size of men's livers.

By the way he's drinking I gotta say size of a pumpkin.

You know, girl talk would have been

way more interesting than that.

You know, what, you ladies need to leave

medical school more often.

Let's go shake our tail feather, baby.

Come on. Come on.

Can you believe he actually thought

we were talking about livers.

Wait, we were?

Watch them.. Aah.

Watch them make a clap. Make a clap.

Come on smack it, baby.

Alright, alright. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

Go and get them drinks for me, okay.

I'll be right here, baby.

Anthony, can we please leave now?

Oh, hell no. Baby, I'm just getting warmed up.

But this guy over here

keeps dancing with me, even though I'm sitting down.

Oh, look, that's my boy Marcus Thornhill.

We grew up together.

- Hey, Marcus! Marcus! - Anthony.

- Oh, ho! Anthony Anderson! - What's up, man?

Oh, hey, I see you rocking them same moves I thought you.

Oh, man, you was right.

Cabbage Patch, never goes out of style.

Ahh, ha, ah, ah!

Look at you, superstar actor.

- Oh. - You must have gotten big time.

You went out and got yourself a J-Lo.

She ain't J-Lo, man. She, hell no.

[laughs] This ain't my girl.

- Really? Then you're available? - Mm-hmm.

Not really, for you, I'm terminally ill.

We'll that's cool, baby, we keep it short and sweet.

[laughs]

- I'll be in the car. - Okay.

Oh, Marcus Thornhill.

Still don't know when you're being dissed.

Oh, I know, man. I just don't care.

[laughs]

Hey, man, so what have you been up to?

Last time I saw you, uh

we crashed that Color Me Bad after-party

[laughs]

You know, I end up managing them for two years.

That explains it.

So how's everything in New York,

I heard you were doing some plays

Oh, no, no, yeah, man, I did some things.

- You know off-Broadway. - Great.

It's a good way to get your career started.

- Yeah. - How far off Broadway were you?

Baltimore.

- Well, that's hot, man. - Mm-hmm.

That's hot. You know, Tupac was from Baltimore.

- Yeah. - You're about to blow up.

See man, that's why I always hung around you

man, because you stayed so positive.

Plus, you're the only one that had a car.

[laughs]

How can I not be positive hanging out with a movie star.

So what you doing back in town?

Oh, well, you know, I just moved back home.

I got a son now.

I wanted him to be raised with my family, man.

So, you know, I moved back in with my folks.

Oh, that's smart. Lay low save your money.

You don't want to end up broke like Hammer.

- So what you've been up to? - Everything is great, Anthony.

I got my own landscaping business.

- What? - Oh, yeah, check that out.

Uh. "Marcus Thornhill, landscaper"

Baby got backyard.

[laughs]

That's not all I do, I'm an entrepreneur.

- Check this one out. - What?

Wait a minute, man, this one says

you're a boudoir photographer.

Real classy how you made the O's look like boobs.

[laughs] That's what I thought.

Yeah, I was inspired by all those "Playboy Magazines"

we used to swipe as kids.

Yeah, man, you know what

your pops had quite the stash.

Well, ahem, turns out it wasn't my pop stash. It was my mom's.

[upbeat music]

- Oh. - That was close.

Here, here, try it again, Tug.

(all) Oh!

[all exclaiming]

- What is going on here? - Uh.

We just giving Anthony a little lunch.

- You want to try, grandma? - Uh, no, baby.

Joe, what if one of those things get caught

in my baby's throat and he chokes?

Him choke on a peanut?

I've seen him swallow pies, whole.

Tuga, sweetie, go in the back and get some juice.

- But I'm not thirsty. - Well.

Go back there and stay till you are.

What is your problem?

Disrespecting that boy's father right in front of his face.

It's Anthony's fault for falling asleep during working hours.

Well, you could have waken him up in a more mature way.

- Get up! - Hmm.

That's how you do it. Now, clean up the mess.

While I go back in and deprogram my grandson.

Boy, what's wrong with you?

You spit peanuts all over my clean floor.

Whoo. I must have really been tired.

I don't even remember eating them.

Hey, where were you last night?

You didn't get home till the sun came up.

Well, you know I went to the club last night.

I ended up hooking up with Marcus Thornhill.

- Marcus Thornhill? - Yeah.

When did that fool get out of jail?

Pops, he never went to jail.

How could the justice system fail us so badly?

I can't believe you're still holding a grudge against Marcus.

You know, you've never liked him since the third grade.

No, he was alright up until the fourth grade, Anthony

when he stole my afro pick.

Pops, he was nine years old.

Anthony I am a good judge of character.

That boy's been bad news since you were kids.

Now, you're just getting established here in LA

I don't want him dragging you down into his life of crime.

What crimes are you talking about, pops?

We did some silly pranks when we were in school.

You dropped M-80s in the toilet.

Everybody does that, pops.

In church on Easter Sunday?

[laughs]

Yeah, that was kind of cool, wasn't it?

Man, I never heard such language come out of a preacher's mouth.

Don't get me started about that goat you stole.

Hey, that was the school mascot

somebody steals him every year. It's a senior prank.

Yeah, but you and Marcus put the goat in a dress

and gave him a Jerry-curl.

Hey, look, man, that goat had fun.

I don't want to know what happened after that.

- Look, let's just say, that- - I don't want to know.

Let's just say, that that goat had the best day of his life.

You know something, Anthony, every time you hung out

with that Marcus character, you got in trouble.

Now, if it hadn't been for him, you'd gotten

better grades, going to a better college

and I could have had a son who was an engineer.

Look, you can't hang all that on Marcus, pops.

Besides, man, I would have never been an engineer.

Huh?

You know, I'm afraid of trains.

[upbeat music]

[knock on door]

- Hey. What's up, man. - Oh, hey, Marcus, what's up?

What's up? Hey, check this out.

I had the best idea on over here.

Do you remember those old mood rings?

- Yeah. - Okay. What about a mood bra?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That way, you know what mood your girl is in.

Um, I get down to the bra, I know what mood my girl is in.

[laughter]

- Okay, okay, okay. - Alright.

See, this is why I bring things to you.

You know what you are now my vice president

in charge of quality control.

- Oh. cool, man. - I'll get you business cards.

Because you know, I also have a business card business.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Oh, Anthony, you got all the luck.

I wish I had a boarder look like her.

Hey, gorgeous, I'm the Sandman

here to make all your dreams come true.

Oh, okay, well, then my dream is for you to get

hit by a truck. Go on, get to work, Sandman.

- Damn, she feisty. I like that. - Shh!

- What? - Watch that language, man.

- This is my son, Tuga. - Oh. Hey, Tuga!

You swore, you owe me a dollar.

Oh, man, you know what? Here's five, start a tab.

- Well, you did this? - Yep.

Fine, and then he talks and everything.

It's very impressive. Very impressive.

Now, does he do any tricks?

Hey, hey, hey.

That's my son, man. Not a pet.

Hey, go get us some drinks.

Good boy.

[laughter]

Oh, Anthony, you got a made.

You got a nice place, great kid.

How your folks doing?

Did your dad ever mellow out?

Well, well, well, goat boy.

Flo, lock the barn door

- Mr. Anderson, it's me Marcus. - Hmm.

- Marcus Thornhill. Hi, baby. - Oh.

Mrs. Anderson, you still

the finest mother in the neighborhood.

And you still got the best eyesight on the block.

What block? D block?

Come on, pops, I told you Marcus never went to prison

cut him some slack. Look, let bygones be bygones.

You know what, son, you're right.

Marcus, bye. Be gone.

For your information, Marcus is a respectable businessman.

Show him one of your business cards, Marcus.

Hey, hey, hey. Not the one with the boobies.

Right.

So, Marcus, what have you been doing

since Color Me Bad went down?

- Oh, I went into the military. - When'd you get out?

Oh, let's see the hearings were over in '94..

- You got court-martialled? - Oh, no, no.

Mr. Anderson, it wasn't my fault. See..

I thought the base command and his wife was separated.

Oh, that's it. Out. Get out. I don't want you in my house.

- Get out. - Oh, you're kicking me out.

- Just like old times. - No, no, no, Marcus.

It's not like old times.

Now, if we run, mm-mm, he can't catch us

Run, boy. Run.

[upbeat music]

So, what are you doing today, sweetie?

Actually, I've got a big date.

He's '6"1, blonde hair, blue eyes, gray skin.

Oh, that's like the cadavers again.

Oh, but, I like the strong silent type.

[laughter]

- Flo, have you seen my watch? - No, honey.

- You look in the freezer? - The freezer?

Yeah, that's where I found my reading glasses last week.

- We getting old, baby. - Yeah.

I know I had it last night, 'cause I remember

taking it off when I was watching TV.

But now, I can't find it anywhere.

You know, now, that you bring it up,

I saw it on the coffee table last night.

And you know who was in the living room

last night, don't you, huh?

Yeah, Marcus.

- Anthony. - Yo.

What game we playing?

Your little friend the legitimate businessman

he needs a new card made

that says thief on it, 'cause he stole my watch.

What?

Hey, pops, Marcus is not a thief.

He pulled a couple of pranks in high school

and you label him for the rest of his life.

I ate one cheesecake, once

and you called me Sara Lee for a year.

It had nothing to do with the cheesecake

I called you Sara Lee, 'cause you ran like a girl.

[laughs]

You know what I think, pops.

I think you don't like Marcus

because he's always had my back.

Look, he thinks I'm gonna make it as an actor.

He thinks I'm doing great raising my kid.

He thinks I'm going places.

Yeah, like to jail, if you keep hanging out with him.

Pops, Marcus didn't steal your watch.

- And I'm gonna prove it to you. - Where you going?

Oh, I'm going over to Marcus' place and I'm gonna ask him.

That's, that's brilliant, Anthony

'cause everybody knows thieves don't lie.

What's up, man?

- Ooh. - Oh, man.

- Nice place. - Thanks.

- When they tearing it down? - Next month.

[laughs]

Hey, man, these my roomies.

- Roommates, this is my boy. - What's up, fellas?

Y'all better get his autograph now before he blows up.

Hey, look, man. We need to talk.

Okay, it sounds serious. Hold on.

Hey, guys, can you give us a little privacy?

Man, I know this is gonna sound crazy

but I gotta ask you a question.

Yo, man, what the hell is this?

Oh, that's vintage jewelry.

I'm selling at the swap meet, man, this week. Check this out.

Marcus Thornhill's family Jewels.

Look, I don't want to hear it, Marcus.

This is my daddy's watch, man, and it mysteriously disappeared

from my living room once you left last night.

What you trying to say, Anthony?

I'm saying you took his watch.

After I Jerry curled a goat for you.

You gonna steal from my family.

Man, how could you accuse me of something like that.

You've known me since I was a kid.

I'd never take anything from you or your family.

What about the fourth grade? You stole my daddy's afro pick.

Anthony, he threw it at me and it's stuck in my leg.

And you still ran away with it.

- Like you did with his watch. - This is crazy, man

I can't even believe you coming at me like this.

I ain't gonna be coming at you at all, man.

We ain't even gonna hang no more.

Stay away from me, and my family.

[upbeat music]

Look, pops, I'm only gonna say this once.

You were right about Marcus.

- There's your watch. - I knew it, I knew it.

Maybe now you listen to your old man, huh?

Anthony, I told you that boy was no good.

Now, you stay away from him, son

and you stay on the right track.

Look, pops, I don't need to hear your gloating.

Well, then you better leave the room

'cause I'm not about to stop.

Anthony, I told you, I am

a real good judge of character.

So good at it, I should get a job

down at the airport identifying terrorists.

[laughs]

Tuga, what are you doing?

[exhales]

I was timing myself to see how long I could hold my breath.

Timing yourself? With what?

Your watch.

- Where, where did you get this? - I took it last night.

You know, I'm getting better, I'm up to 20 seconds.

Come here, boy.

You know something?

You are one very strange child.

Now, I hope that means, that you're gonna

grow up to be a genius.

But in the meantime, don't you take any more

of grandpas things without asking first, hear?

- Okay. - Alright.

Here is your tie clip.

My? A very strange child.

Well, listen.

Let's not tell you daddy about this just yet. Okay.

That's cool. Daddy has me keep secrets from you too.

Yeah, like what?

Depends.

What kinda ice cream you got?

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

I can't believe this guy.

We were having such a good time together

then he's gonna go and do something like this.

- What's wrong with him? - Oh, forget about Marcus.

Why don't you hang out with some of your other friends

like, uh, that, uh, Jimmy.

- I always liked him. - He's agoraphobic, pops.

A what?

He's afraid to leave the house.

Well, at least you know, he'd be at home.

I'll make my own play dates. Thank you very much.

Although I should run a background check

since I clearly am not a good judge of character.

Now, Anthony, that is not true. You've got good friends.

What about Leon? He was always such a sweet boy.

His name is Leona now and he's a sweet girl.

Marcus...what the hell you doing here, man?

I thought I told you to stay away from me and my family.

Look, just give me a minute. Okay.

Mr. Anderson, I know how you feel about me.

I don't expect this to change your mind

But I wanted to come down here and tell you face to face.

I didn't take your watch

And, Anthony, I'm sorry, if it's gonna cost me our friendship

but if a damn watch is so important to you

then here you go.

Take everything I got.

See, that's the worst thing about that guy right there.

He sounded so sincere.

He was sincere.

Marcus didn't take my watch, Tuga did.

What did you say?

I said, "Marcus didn't take my watch, Tuga did."

What?

Joseph Anderson, how dare you?

You had to make me say it twice, didn't you?

Huh? Now, I got her on back too.

You put our son through all this drama

and you knew all along Marcus wasn't guilty.

Flo, I didn't find out till last night, that Tuga borrowed it.

Then, why didn't you say something, man?

You made me throw one of my oldest friends out of here.

Because I thought I was doing you a favor.

I was worried that if you started hanging out with him

that he'd distract you with all

his foolishness and drag you down with him

I didn't want him to ruin your chance of success.

You know what? I can't believe you, man.

Every time I come up with something..

- Wait a minute, pops. - Huh?

You believe I can be successful?

You believe in me?

I didn't say all that.

I think you did.

And I'm a good judge of character.

You believe in me, pops.

- I think that calls for a hug. - I'm holding scissors here.

And if you don't turn everything

positive I say, into a big parade

I'm just gonna have to stop all this nurturing.

Joe, that sounds like a definition of a idle threat.

You know what, I gotta go apologize to Marcus.

Maybe he'll understand when I explain it to him.

Oh, he'll understand, Anthony.

- Your father is going with you. - What?

It's either that, or you hug your son.

I'll drive.

I'm really sorry. I should have never doubted you.

When it comes to choosing between family and friends

And that's the family. I'm choosing friends.

- We cool, Marcus? - Yeah, we cool, Anthony.

- We'll always be boys. - Alright, man.

Oh, and now for the main event. Ha-ha.

Something that I've never heard.

Something my mama has never heard.

Something that nobody living or dead has ever heard.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Joseph Anderson saying, I'm sorry.

Boy, you really loving this, aren't you?

Ooh, more than my mama's sweet potato pie.

Uh.

Marcus, listen, I, um..

Uh.. I, uh, listen-

Oh, that's cool, Mr. Anderson.

You know you coming down here, that says it all.

No, no, it doesn't, man, he hasn't said the words.

Anthony, the boy is satisfied.

- And I'm leaving. - Oh, no, no, no.

You can't leave, until either you say, I'm sorry

or you give me a hug

I hope y'all got cable, 'cause I'm gonna be here for a while.

[upbeat music]

[theme music]

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