Original subtitles

Oh, you're going down.

I'm gonna make you beg from mercy.

Beg! Beg! Haha!

I don't hear you beggin'. I don't hear you beggin'.

Dad, you're gonna make Shelly cry again.

I didn't cry. Shut up.

You shut up.

I think I like her.

Oh, right, right! Hey, Shelley, uh, I'm sorry.

It's just that this is my biggest thrill of the day

Come on, guys. Let's ride our bikes over to Sammy's house.

His dad likes to win.

Tuga, you can run after us.

Dad, I really need a bike.

Bike? Why do you need a bike for, man, when you got me?

Look, hop on.

[grunts] Alright.

Ooh! Hey, hey, hey, grab the horn.

[horn tooting]

You know, when Shelly and I start dating

this isn't gonna work.

? They say the apple don't fall too far from the tree ?

? Whoever came up with that one must have not heard about me ?

? Papa used to say he couldn't understand ?

? Mama must have been spending time with the milkman ?

? But in one sec they've rubbed off the other ?

? Just step by step, day by day they can't stop the brother ??

[instrumental music]

Hey, listen, Mrs. A, I'm gonna have to cut out a little early

Is it for school or man?

Oh, actually, I'm tutoring a guy from my school.

Ooh, a dumb man even better.

No, actually, it's the opposite.

Andrew got into med school at 15.

He's one of those kid geniuses.

Joe, did you hear that? We're gonna have a real live genius

in our living room this afternoon.

Well, I know it's not one of them.

- Dad, you can move me down now. - Oh, sure, son.

Hey, why don't you go in the back and finish your homework.

And once you're done, I'll take you over to Tommy's house.

That's okay. I could walk there

since I don't have a bike.

Look, son, I know you wanna ride bikes with the other kids

but we just can't afford one right now.

I'll save up my allowance.

I don't give you an allowance.

Yeah, that's another thing we need to talk about.

Go on over there.

Well, at least the little ones thinking.

What?

Tell you what, Anthony

since Tuga wants a bike I'll buy it for him.

No, no, pops. I don't want you spoiling him, alright.

I will get him a bike when I get the money.

Great.

By the time you can afford that

we'll all be flying over

Bubble City in our spaceships.

Of course you'll still be riding the space bus.

[instrumental music]

Okay. Now, Andrew, name me the enzyme deficiency

that would be an indicator of Lesch-Nyhan syndrome.

I don't know. Can you give me a hint?

Oh, okay, it's part of the hypoxanthine family so we know-

You kids want some homemade cookies?

No, no, not until he answers this question.

Hypoxanthine-guanine phosphoribosyltransferase.

Let's eat.

Hypo antion guanine, what?

Phosphoribosal transferase.

See what a great tutor you are?

- You just taught me that. - Lucky guess.

Just being around you inspires me.

We probably should get together again tomorrow...night.

- Hey, mama. - Hey, baby.

- Hey, Lydia! - Hey.

And you must be that kid nerd doctor

I've heard so much about.

I prefer the term boy genius.

Before you say anything. I've heard every Doogie Howser joke.

- Yeah, what about if- - Every Doogie Howser joke.

My bad.

Lydia, I'll see you tomorrow

and might I say, that lipstick you're wearing

is the same shade as an exposed liver.

Beautiful.

Thank you?

Bye, Lydia.

[clattering]

Bye bye, Andrew.

Uh-huh.

So, when's the wedding?

What are you talking about?

Lydia, I only met the kid for two seconds

and even I know he wants to do it with you. ..doogie style.

What is this? You bought Tuga a bike?

You're welcome.

I asked you not to spoil him. He's my kid.

Well, he's my grandson. If I can't spoil him

what the hell did I have you for?

Then why didn't your parents spoil me?

Because I wouldn't let 'em.

No way!

You've got me a bike?

Thanks, dad!

Oh! Hey, son, you know what?

Go hug your grandpa. He's one who got it for you.

- Thanks, Papa - Oh, you're welcome, Tuga.

Fact of it is, your dad and I both got it for you.

Who cares who got it? I got a bike!

I got a bike! I got a bike!

Will you teach me how to ride, dad?

- Uh, later. Okay, son? - When?

Later. Some time.

You know grandpa and I just put the bike together man

and, ooh, I'm tired.

Well, rest up 'cause we're gonna be riding together all weekend.

I can't wait to tell Shelly

that her man's finally got some wheels

[instrumental music]

Excuse me, lady. Did I just walk into a trailer park?

I am dressed like this

because I'm getting ready to tutor Andrew, okay.

And if he has a crush on me and I'm not saying that he does

well, this will definitely cure it.

Well, that's a good plan

But I think you might want to put some makeup on.

You just want to scare the kid, not scar.

Oh, hey, Tuga. Hi, Mr. A.

Hi, Lydia.

You feeling alright?

You look kind of bad.

- I'm fine. - Not today. You're not

Hey, what's up, little man?

I was outside polishing my bike.

Oh, look, Tuga. I know I promised to teach you to ride

this afternoon and I promised to teach you yesterday

and the day before that. But you know dad's been real busy.

Dad, that's okay. Grandpa just taught me.

- He did? - Yeah.

Now you and I can ride bikes

with my friends at the park Saturday.

Isn't that great, dad?

Oh, Saturday, huh?

Isn't that the day that I'll take you to the mall

and use you as bait to meet women?

Dad, I hate to break it to you, but that's not working.

Well, if you learn to cry on cue like I taught you, man

I'd have somebody by now.

I want us to ride bikes, dad.

I'm gonna go call Shelly about Saturday.

Okay, you you do that son

you call Shelly and-and you tell her

you're gonna ride it off into the sunset.

Lydia, look you're in med school, can't you do

something to my leg that will sprain it but not break it?

What's going on, Anthony?

I thought you'd jump at the chance to go

bike-riding with Tuga and all his friends.

I would love nothing more to do that, but..

...I don't know how to ride a bike.

What?

Hey, if you laugh I'll take a picture of you

and put it on the internet right now.

But, did your dad not teach you when you were a kid?

Oh, he tried but in his own special way.

? This is a man's world ?

Come on, Anthony. Get over here.

You movin' like you got leg in your drawers.

Move it!

Turn the bike around.

Now listen to me.

We're gonna try this one more ti-

Give me the Twinkie.

Now you've already hit a parked car

a tree and the slow kid from down the street

who by the way happens to know how to ride a bike.

So this time, try to stop before you hit something.

- But, pops- - Don't "but pops" me, boy.

Just ride the bike!

Come on, "Starsky and Hutch" is about to start

you're not gonna make me miss Huggy Bear again. Get going.

Come on, move.

Ooh! That's it, Anthony. W-watch out for the cat!

[cat snarling]

Oh, damn it!

There goes Huggy Bear.

[instrumental music]

I know your first bike lesson with your dad

was a horrible experience, okay, but you need

to redirect your psyche into more proactive behavior.

- In English. - Stop being such a wuss.

Keep that up, I'm gonna give that kid nerd doctor

one of your bras to play with.

Anthony, you can do this.

Lydia, look I know this sounds crazy,

but...every time I think about getting on a bike, I..

...I just bring back all those fears. I can't do it.

But you're not that scared little kid anymore, Anthony.

Yes, I am.

Look, now the best way to conquer your fear of bikes

is to just hop on one

and you just ride it for all its worth.

Damn! I cannot be afraid of Janet Jackson.

Here, Anthony, practice on my bike.

Uh..

Anthony, don't you wanna be able to

ride a bike with your son?

- Of course, I do. - Okay. Well, then get on.

Uh-uh. I got way too much ass for that seat.

You know, Anthony, you're always talking about

how your dad never did things with you as a kid.

Well, do you want Tuga to remember you like that?

- Bring it on. - Okay.

You can do this. Alright? Good luck.

So we meet again.

Don't start none, won't be none.

Get it together. You can.

You can do this.

That's not so bad.

Ah.

So far so good

Alright.

Balance. Just..

Just balance.

So far so good.

[whispers] Here I go.

[gasps]

This is it. Oops! Yes!

Yes, okay. Okay. Alright, where's the break?

[crash]

[chuckles] 'Found the break!'

[instrumental music]

Lydia, you look different.

Pretty gross, huh?

Gross like a fox.

[clears throat] Um. So, let's see last time

we were about to go over DNA replications-

Please. Tell me everything you know.

I'm your surgical sponge. Let me absorb you.

Okay.

Uh, Andrew, no one will be absorbing anyone.

What's going on? Because you don't need a tutor.

Well not for any class I'm taking.

I sort of wanted you ...to be my first.

Your first what?

Because if it's the first that I'm thinking it is

let me be the first to tell you, you're out of your mind.

Why?

Because, Andrew

I'm way older than you.

Well, if that's my only obstacle

I'm feeling much more confident.

Y-y-you can't be serious.

Look, Lydia, I'm proud of my intellect

but the truth is it's made me kind of a freak.

All my life have always been the youngest kid in the class.

Most girls aren't interested in a guy

a few years younger than them.

Especially if they're nerds.

- You're not a nerd. - Don't.

Even my grandma calls me that.

Look, I don't expect you to fall in love with me.

Just use me and throw me away.

- But why me? - Because you're so hot.

I mean, if I knew what to do

I'd be on you like mucus on a membrane.

Well, you've got the pillow talk down.

Look, don't give me your answer now

because I know it would be a no.

Just think about how much this would mean to me

and how much money my incredible brain

will make me in the future.

- But, Andrew- - Don't speak.

I've got to go throw up now. Goodbye, my love.

[instrumental music]

It's nice not having Tommy and Timmy around.

[whispers] I like it when it's just us.

You know, he got this smooth talk from my side of the family.

Hey, baby, what happened to your leg?

Oh, nothing, mama, you know, uh

just working on my strut for the ladies.

Hey, lady.

Hey, Mr. Anderson, I heard you're coming

on our bike trip on Saturday.

Uh, well-

I bet my daddy could beat you in a race.

He works out.

Well, as much as I would like to beat your daddy

in the race and I could.

I read in the paper that you're three times

as likely to be struck by lightning

while on the bicycle and for your information

It's supposed to rain on Saturday.

Rain? We live in LA. It hadn't rained here in a year.

(Anthony) 'Which means we're due.'

So Shelley, be careful

because you can be fried at any time.

Stop dad, you're scaring my lady.

- Shut up. - You shut up.

See that's the smooth talk from your side of the family.

Okay, babies. Why don't you take your food

and go in the living room for a minute?

I will be right out. Hold on. I got it.

Now, Anthony.

What is going on with you and this bike thing?

I haven't heard this many excuses since I caught

your father talking to that blonde waitress at the IHOP.

For the last time, I just needed some Sweet'N Low.

Joe, you really don't want to get into this now, do you?

- I didn't bring it up. - And you better not.

- Boy, you see what you started? - I didn't say nothing.

What's the problem, Anthony?

The problem is Tuga wants me to ride his bike

with him and his friends.

Okay.

But I don't know how to ride a bike.

What do you mean, you don't know how to ride a bike?

He never taught me how.

What? I thought you said if I had the sex talk with him

you would take care of the rest.

I did teach him.

You actually walked away from that day

thinking that I could ride a bike?

Yeah.

I pushed you down that hill

for what over a hundred times

as I recall, you stayed upright for a couple of 'em.

I couldn't coddle you forever.

Well, maybe I might have learned something

had you been nurturing and-and supportive

instead of being, what's the word?

You.

You're crazy. I've always been nurturing and supportive.

["What A Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong]

That's it, son. Way to go!

Now bring it back to dad and we'll try her again.

Golly! I'm a lucky guy.

Okay.

Now, that's darn good, son.

I knew you could do it.

Gosh, I'm-I'm so proud of you.

- Really, pops? - Sure. I am.

Hey, how about another Twinkie for my favorite boy, huh?

Thanks. You're the best daddy in the whole world.

Yeah, I know but

you don't have to keep telling me every five minutes.

Now let's try her again

and be careful of the boy down the street.

He's special.

That's my boy, here we go. There you go, son.

Alright. I knew you could do it.

Chuck You can do anything. That's my boy

[crashing]

Lord, please, don't let my little guy be hurt.

Don't worry son. Dad's coming.

Are you high?

It did not happen like that.

You had to be the worst teacher ever.

- You never taught me anything. - Oh, now you exaggerating.

Anthony, I taught you a lot of things like how to swim.

You threw me in the deep end of the pool at the wide

and said you'll meet me in the car.

That's how we did it back then.

Maybe I should have thrown you in the pool with your bike.

Okay, that's it. I have had it with you two fighting.

This is about Tuga

and you two better figure out a way to work this out

or that beating you took over that waitress.

It's gonna seem like a party.

- Mama beat you? - It was verbal.

Mostly.

What's your problem, Anthony?

I was able to teach Tuga how to ride his bike just fine.

Well, maybe you should have been my grandfather

because you sure were lousy as a father.

Well, that's it. Outside! Come on outside.

I'm gonna teach you how to ride a bike.

- What? - You heard me, boy.

It's bike riding time.

Yay?

Come in, Andrew.

Here, Lydia. I brought these for you.

Look, you just deflowered me.

[laughing]

Andrew, this isn't going to happen.

Why not? I even took a shower.

This is so not fair.

I know you've been thrown into this adult world, okay

but you still have to take your time growing up.

I just want to get it over with.

You don't sleep with someone just to get it over with.

You should wait and share it with someone you love

and who loves you back and that way it'll be special.

Yeah, I kind of thought that the having sex part

is what would make it special.

No.

Someday you'll meet some..

Someday you will meet someone who appreciates you for you.

No, that's never gonna happen.

I'm such a loser.

Are you affected at all by guilt?

No, goodbye.

Fine, but I'm gonna tell people we did it anyway.

And your friend gave me the bra to prove it.

? Na nana na na ?

Oh my God, I am a child!

Anthony!

Go, go! You gotta keep pedaling.

The faster you go the easier it is.

[screaming]

[groans] Ouch!

Yeah, for most people.

Uh, that's alright, it's not your fault.

The tree must have jumped in your way.

That's it, pops. I feel like a fool.

Tuga's just gonna have to ride me around on his handlebars.

- I quit! - No, we're not quitting.

We're gonna do this!

Get on over here.

So when did you become so concerned?

Since I got tired of being blamed for all your screw-ups.

Now get on the bike. We're gonna try it again.

And you think me being able to ride a bike

is just gonna fix all that?

No, but at least I'll be able to sleep

next to your mama tonight.

Now, come on. Let's try it again.

Now remember..

In order to keep your balance

you've got to keep pedaling. You hear me?

- Yeah. - Alright, then.

On three. One, two three, let's go.

Oh, shucks! You ran over my foot, Anthony.

Right over my toes!

Boy, if I get my hands on you!

Hey, you're doing it. That's it, son.

Pedal like the wind!

Attaboy!

Wait up, dad!

? Another walk ?

? Another dance with him ?

? I'd play a song that would never ever end ?

? How I'd love love love ?

? To dance with my father again ??

[theme music]

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