Original subtitles

- Did he ever go away and not come back for a few days? - Never.

[Announcer] Tonight on Simon & Simon...

- Are you two all right? - Oh, yeah. We're doing fine.

- No! - You're not going to take a four-year-old kid to jail.

She said if he ever hit her again, she'd kill him.

I'm placing you under arrest for

investigation of the murder of your husband.

She'll be taken to juvenile hall.

He'll arrange for a foster home.

Private talent makes me very nervous.

Aw, jeez.

There's a place up here, honey.

Let's, uh... Let's stop for some coffee.

Thank you.

- [dishes clatter] - [Man chuckles]

Here you go, baby.

[Woman sighs]

Why don't you, uh, order me a brandy?

I got to go.

You said coffee, Paul.

[Man] Just a minute.

Can I have it now?

Sure, honey, if they have it.

One chocolate mousse for the little lady?

Please. And coffee for me. And a brandy.

Yes.

Would you just tell her that I'm not feeling well?

I'll wait for her in the car.

No problem.

The gentleman asked me to tell you that he was not feeling well

and he went out to the car to lie down.

I'm sure he'll be all right. A little sleep.

There you go. You can sit in the front seat, okay?

I want to ride in the back with Paul.

Paul?

Paul!

[whispers] There you go.

Paul?

Are you up here?

Paul!

Paul!

Paul!

Paul!

If this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny!

[tires screech]

- Hi, sweetie. - Oh... Oh, Rick.

[crying] Thank you for coming.

- I'm so scared. - I know, I know.

I know.

He just vanished into thin air.

[crying continues]

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know whether to call the police or to wait.

No, you did the right thing. You called me.

Now, where's Karen?

Day school till 2:00.

Okay, now, you come on with me. We'll find A.J.

You tell us exactly what happened last night, okay?

- [stammers] - Hey, hey, hey. Don't worry about it.

Wherever he is, we're going to find him, okay?

I can't go out. Look at me. I'm a wreck.

Hey. You look great.

Come on. Go fix your face. You'll be fine.

Go on. Go on.

- Thanks. - Why?

You always said I looked good in the morning.

Still do.

That truck wasn't there last night.

I'll get the license number.

Okay, let's go.

It was past midnight when we got in.

Paul slept all the way home.

Then he went right inside. I thought he was sick.

He just left Karen in the backseat asleep.

I took her in, put her to bed.

Then he was gone.

Out the kitchen door.

He left the car?

I think somebody met him. I heard a car drive off.

That's weird.

Very.

Well, what about work? Anybody there know anything?

He quit his job three months ago.

He's been looking for another.

Look, I'm sorry to ask you this,

but is it possible he had a girlfriend who came to pick him up?

Or, you know, maybe just somebody he went to go drinking with.

If he had a girlfriend, I don't know about it.

And there was liquor in the house,

so he didn't have to go out to drink.

- Did he ever go away and not come back for a few days? - Never.

Oh, he'll turn up.

In fact, he'll probably be at home by the time you get there.

But if he isn't, we'll find him.

We have them know. Advise.

Okay.

Tell us everything you can about Paul.

Friends, business associates,

hobbies, anything that might tie in to where he went.

Do you want us to move on her now?

You'd rather they handle it.

Fine.

We'll let you know as soon as she leaves.

[Woman] And they were always fighting.

Oh, my God!

[police radio chatter]

- Mrs. Leona Holbrook? - Yes?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Holbrook.

We think we may have found your husband's body.

"Body"?

Yes, ma'am.

Dead?

If you could come with us.

We need to make a positive identification.

Yes, of course.

Is it okay if she comes with me?

No problem. Follow us.

What is the matter with you?

Everything is going down just right.

Private talent makes me very nervous.

Easy.

[chatter]

Steady.

Watch your step.

Careful.

Careful.

Put it down.

When did it happen?

- Probably early this morning. - Natural causes?

If you call multiple stab wounds, massive internal hemorrhage

and crushed vertebrae natural causes.

[Officer] Mrs. Holbrook, is that your husband?

[cries] Yes.

[crying]

Oh, Paul.

[A.J.] Plus, I need the preliminary findings to the autopsy,

and I need the complete coroner's report when available.

- That won't be until tomorrow. - Okay, well, in the meantime,

would you run a background check on Paul Holbrook for me?

Did you ever think of being a cop?

You sound just like one.

This is an old friend of Rick's, and a good one.

It was her second marriage. She didn't know the guy that long.

Maybe there was something in his past he never told her about.

Please.

If I can, I will.

- Okay? - Okay.

Um, what is his name again?

Holbrook. Paul Holbrook.

Okay, we've got some time.

Let's go.

[doorbell rings]

- How are you? - Hi.

Detective Sig, police department.

- Ah, yeah. - Mrs. Holbrook?

- Right in there. Go on in. - Thank you.

Hi.

- Mrs. Holbrook? - Yes?

I'm placing you under arrest for investigation

of the murder of your husband, Paul Holbrook.

Now I'm going to inform you of your rights.

[sighs]

"You have the right to remain silent.

If you give up the right to remain silent"...

I don't get it. Did you know this was going to happen?

But why her? Why do they think she had anything to do with it?

I don't know.

Mommy! Mommy! Police cars! Can I go for a ride?

I'm going to make a call.

Come here, honey. Everything is all right.

What are these?

Never you mind, baby.

Everything is going to be all right.

- Hi, Uncle Rick. - Hi, sweetie.

[A.J.] Lieutenant Fowler, please.

The child will have to come with us.

What are you talking about? I can take care of her.

You the next of kin?

- No, I'm not next of kin... - She'll be taken to juvenile hall.

- He'll arrange for a foster home. - No! She's just a baby!

Mrs. Holbrook, believe me, she'll be fine. She'll be fine.

- Now, please, calm down. - I don't want her there!

Please, they're used to this kind of thing at juvenile hall, believe me.

- Please calm down. - No!

You're not going to take a four-year-old kid to jail.

Would you mind getting out of the way, please?

- You're not taking her. - Now, look, if you don't move, you'll be under arrest.

Oh, yeah? What are you going to arrest me for?

Interfering with the performance of an officer on duty.

Or would you prefer resisting arrest?

Oh, I think I like the sound of that one.

How is it that I'm resisting arrest when you're arresting her?

- Just watch me turn this into a parlay. - Love to.

- Murphy. - Come on. Slap them on, Murphy.

- You'll spend the rest of your career indoors! - Rick, be quiet!

Excuse me. I don't mean to interfere, but I think you ought to know

the young lady driving up right now is the assistant district attorney.

Now, I have reason to believe that she's got

information that pertains to this situation.

Excuse me. I'm Janet Fowler from the district attorney's office.

- I love you. - I have a custody order here for Karen Holbrook.

She's going to be very well taken care of by a close personal friend of the family.

She's an older woman named Cecilia Simon.

All right. That'll be fine.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Oh, baby.

Move.

How would you like to go and spend the night with Uncle Rick?

I want to be with you.

But you can't, honey.

You go with Rick.

You be a good girl.

Promise?

Karen's always a good girl, aren't you?

Come on, sweetie.

Hey, everything is going to be okay.

Hey. Where's my hug?

Oh, there's my hug!

- You used Mom's name? - What was I going to tell the judge?

That I was going to leave a four-year-old with him?

Or with you? Here. Hold this.

Karen, hi there. I'm Janet.

- Hi. - How you doing?

Why don't you come with me, okay?

You can show me where your room is and where you keep all your clothes,

and we'll gather up some of your things, okay?

Hey, check out the old biddy next door.

- [A.J.] Right. - Hmph!

[clicks]

You're in my yard.

Yes, ma'am.

Won't be long.

You policemen! What are you doing?

Looking for clues, ma'am.

Has one of the officers interviewed you yet?

- Yes, this morning. - Ah.

Well, I didn't have a chance to read the report.

Maybe you'd be kind enough to tell me, in your own words,

what exactly happened last night.

Again?

Maybe you forgot something the first time.

[dog barking]

What the hell is this guy doing?

She came home late.

He was drunk as usual.

It was 2:00 a.m., ma'am. How come you weren't asleep?

I don't sleep well since my husband died.

I'm sorry.

- I heard her yelling at him again. - "Again"?

They fought all the time, like cats and dogs.

And with a little girl in the house to hear every word.

Terrible.

He'd hit her.

She said if he ever hit her again, she'd kill him.

- Ah. - It's obvious.

He hit her, and she hit him back and killed him.

After that, she called that lover of hers.

"Lover"?

She was having an affair.

He probably found out about it.

Maybe that's what they fought about.

After she killed him, she called the lover.

He drove over. They put the body in the car.

Then he drove the body out to the desert.

Uh...

Uh, how much of this did you actually see, ma'am?

Well, actually, none of it,

except her with that flashlight,

trying to make me think she didn't know what happened to her husband.

Ah.

Cunning.

[Rick] You mean they arrested her on the basis of that?

Apparently.

Karen, would wait here for just a second?

I'll be right back. There you go.

That is just ridiculous.

I mean, that old woman is obviously crazy. Isn't that ridiculous?

Unless they had something to corroborate her story.

- Maybe they found the man. - No, I don't believe she was having an affair.

She told us

that the marriage was in trouble.

Now, if the police found the lover,

and the lover didn't have an alibi for late last night...

[Officer] Next.

Give me a right profile, honey.

Center. Give me center.

Come on. Lighten up your day.

- Where do you think you're going? - Charlie, how's it going?

- Come back here! - Leona.

Rick!

Please, please. This is real quick.

My partner will handle the questions.

He can do that while we get a cup of coffee. How does that sound?

[Officer] Come on now. Give me a right profile there.

That way.

How do you take your coffee? Black?

[Officer] Next. Come on. Hurry it up.

Extra sugar, extra cream.

It's not true.

What about the lover? Were you having an affair?

Isn't that my business?

If you were and the cops find him, do you know what he's going to say?

Oh, Rick, what are you asking me?

Yes, I had an affair.

It was over a couple of months ago.

No, I didn't love him.

He was just a nice guy.

I needed him, okay?

- [A.J.] Okay. - Yeah. Yeah.

Extra white and extra sugar.

Okay, here we go. It'll just be a second.

Well, I guess I forgot to press "cup."

Get him out of here, now!

- Get him out! - Okay.

- [Officer] Front and center. - Okay.

Come on. Chin up.

Left profile.

Next.

Leona, did you kill Paul?

Did you have a fight when you came home?

No.

How can you believe that?

Rick, we have to go.

Yeah. Yeah.

Rick!

I didn't kill Paul, Rick!

I told you everything that happened last night.

I hope so, honey,

'cause one way or the other, A.J. and I are going to find out what happened.

Even if the cops don't, we will.

If you killed him, we're going to wind up proving it.

I didn't...

[sighs]

[knocking softly]

What do you think you're doing?

I'm going to getcha! I gotcha!

Thank you very much, Janet. We're going to take her with us this time.

Okay. Don't forget your sweater, sweetheart. Here you go.

By the way, where are we taking her?

Disneyland!

- Your place. - [Janet chuckles]

- I like your teddy bear, A.J. - [sighs]

I'm hungry.

Yeah. Me, too.

How about Clown Burgers?

Goody!

Don't like Clown Burgers. Okay, uh...

- Taco City. - Yeah!

- How about I cook? - Ew.

I don't know. What do you got?

- Meatloaf? - Yuck.

- Yuck. - [A.J.] Spaghetti.

- [Karen] Yuck. - Yuck.

[A.J. sighs]

- Pizza. - Goody! Pizza!

- Please! - Please!

[sighs] Okay, okay.

Got any money?

- Don't you? - No.

How about spinach?

[grunts]

Okay, what about Mr. Tie?

- What does he eat? - Meatloaf.

[drawer opens]

[papers rustling]

One, two, three.

- Paper. - Scissors. Scissors cuts paper.

- No, they don't. - Yes, they do.

Son of a...

Uh, sweetheart, you wait right here for a second, okay?

Where'd he go?

Damn!

I got to quit smoking. [panting]

Why were we chasing him?

[door opens]

Oh, you're going to have to get a different housecleaner.

They're back, and they didn't get him.

Can't anybody keep that guy on a leash till this is over?

Suppose that's the same knife that killed Paul Holbrook?

No, that guy wouldn't be that stupid,

if it's the same guy.

Besides, there got to be more where that came from.

Well, first thing in the morning,

I'll give it to Janet.

See if she can talk your friend, the lieutenant,

into running it through the lab.

I'd rather he ran it through his ribs.

Sure messy.

My mom wouldn't like this.

[laughing]

Neither would mine.

Mmm. Good, huh?

Yeah.

Superb.

Can I have a mouse?

Well, we didn't order it with mouse, princess.

[Karen] But I want a mouse.

Well, in that case, you'll have to go out

to your Uncle Rick's boat and catch one.

Cute.

Not that kind, chocolate.

I had one last night.

With your mom and Paul?

At the restaurant.

When do I have to go to bed?

Early. You were up late last night.

But I slept in the car with the man.

With the man?

Don't you mean

with your stepfather, with Paul?

Paul didn't come home with us last night.

Well, honey,

who was the man who did go home with you?

I don't know. He was sick.

Mom, hi, Rick.

Listen, how'd you like to do me a favor tonight?

How would you like to baby-sit

an adorable little four-year-old girl.

She's really cute.

Her name is Karen, and her mom's in a lot of trouble.

Mmm, you got a date.

Uh, bring him over.

A.J.'s got a better stereo than you do.

Okay.

Bye.

- Come on. - [Women giggling]

Come on, girl. Come on, come on.

[Women murmuring]

[Woman] Hey, girlfriend, cheer up.

[Women yelling at once]

[Woman] I want to get out of here!

[yelling continues]

Is everything okay with Karen?

Fine. Absolutely fine. She's with Mom.

Leona, Karen says that Paul

didn't go home with you last night.

But that's ridiculous. Of course he did.

Karen rode home in the backseat with him.

No, no, with a man, not Paul.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Are you sure you understood her?

Karen is four-years-old.

[A.J.] I know.

She says that she and Paul used to play a game.

She would say, "Do you like me?"

And he would say, "No, I love you."

That's right. They played it all the time.

All right, now, according to her,

last night she said to the man,

"Do you like me?"

And he said, "Yes, I like you very much."

Paul would've never said that.

Okay. You stopped somewhere last night.

Karen had a chocolate mousse.

Where was that?

Out in the desert at a restaurant.

[Rick] But where, honey?

About halfway to Palm Springs.

Can you remember the name of the place?

[exhales deeply]

- The Saddle Peak Lodge. - Okay, good.

Now, you got there, what happened?

My God.

Paul went to the men's room in that restaurant.

[A.J.] Yes? And?

I ordered him a drink, and then...

He never came back to the table.

He sent the waiter over

to tell me he wasn't feeling well.

He went right out to the car and got in the backseat.

I never saw him clearly after that.

The waiter, would you describe him, please?

He was black, very big, uh, tall.

He walked with a limp.

Steak tartar.

Rock Cornish hen.

[A.J.] Thank you.

What's wrong?

Well, now I know

why they didn't ask me how I wanted it done.

I've seen things hurt worse than that get well.

[A.J. laughing]

Want to trade?

Sure.

You're kidding.

Excuse me.

Is there something wrong, sir?

No, everything is excellent, just fine.

Perhaps I can bring you something else.

[A.J.] Actually, Jules, I was wondering

if I might speak with you privately.

Uh, speak about what, sir?

What if we told you right here and now?

Wouldn't be very private, now, would it?

How about after work?

Well, I work late, and I'm usually tired.

But perhaps we could, uh, meet in the morning,

before we open, say, 8:00 A.M.?

Mmm. After work,

I really like the sound of that better.

Well, it wouldn't be possible after work.

It wouldn't be private.

[Jules laughing]

May I bring you a wine list?

Yes, please.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you, very much.

That was delicious.

Goodnight, gentlemen.

It was.

They said they wanted to talk in private.

I said I'd be here in the morning at 8:00.

I'm telling you, Sam. They're getting too close.

Both of them have seen me.

If you think that I'm going to take a fall

for something you told me to do, uh-uh.

I didn't ask you to kill anybody, did I?

Eh, don't worry about it.

You just stay out of trouble.

I'll see you're taken care of.

We'll get a little welcoming committee ready in the morning,

and we'll have

private detectives for breakfast.

[A.J.] Mom?

[Mom] Just a moment.

Oh! What a pleasant surprise.

- Hi, Mom. - Hi, Mom.

Mwah.

Hi, there.

Burt Holloway, here.

Hi, how do you do?

This is my son A.J.,

and the rude one was Rick.

Burt's in ladies' lingerie.

Oh, that... that's nice. That's nice.

I'm sorry we barged in on you like this.

We'll get our of your way here in just a second, okay?

- Rick. - Yeah?

This is Burt Holloway.

Hi. How are you?

Mom, is Karen okay?

Oh, she's fine.

Good, good.

Are you two all right?

[both] Oh, yeah.

- We're doing fine. - Just great.

- [Rick] Okay, you all set? - [A.J.] Yeah.

[Rick] Okay.

Lock.

Okay, Mom.

We'll see you later.

It was nice to meet you.

[Burt] Yeah.

Mom, have fun.

Very nice to meet you, sir.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, it's 5:54.

Sun'll be up in a few minutes.

Well. Let's go.

Wanna get in there before it turns light.

Yep.

[whispers] All right, Leona said the last time

she saw Paul alive, he was going to the men's room.

Okay. Let's go check it out.

Yeah.

[door closes]

[muffled dialogue]

[whispers] Men's room looks perfectly normal.

Hey.

Looks like somebody's living here.

Yeah.

Let's assume that that door wasn't locked

the other night when Paul was here.

He came in here, he saw something he wasn't supposed to see.

- Or somebody. - Or somebody.

So they killed him.

But then they got a problem.

His wife and his little girl out there in the restaurant.

Put Paul's clothes on somebody else.

Then just send word to the table

he's not feeling well, he's gonna go to the car.

Leona drives all the way home

assuming that that's Paul in the backseat.

All along, it's somebody else.

Somebody who then got in the car

which followed Leona, brought him back here.

Neat as a pin.

Except for one problem.

A nosy neighbor with an overactive imagination.

Now instead of having an unsolved mystery,

you got an innocent woman accused of murder.

[Man] Come on, Sam. Let me buy you a drink.

[door closing]

[muffled dialogue]

[glass clinking, liquid pouring]

[both] All right, hold it!

Who the hell are those guys?

All of you now, up real slow.

Hands in the air. Turn around, face the wall.

Ahh. I don't think they're gonna do it.

Neither do I.

You two put away those guns

and maybe you won't get hurt.

[laughs] I don't think that's a good idea.

- No. - I tell you what.

We'll make you a deal, though.

You give us that tall skinny guy,

the one that likes to play with knives,

and we'll just take him and go away

and you all can forget that we were ever here.

How does that soun...

You know, if we're ever going to get out of here,

one of us is going to have to make a run for the truck.

I'll flip you for it. Loser runs.

No, uh, rock, paper, scissors.

- Ready? - Okay.

1, 2, 3.

Paper covers rocks...

and you damn well better cover me.

[tires squealing]

Aww, jeez.

Oh, no.

Aah!

You okay?

- Yeah. You're not. - Port side.

[gunshots]

Is that your idea of cover?

Is that your idea of driving?

- Who the hell are those guys? - I don't know.

Little brother, I'm sorry I got you into this one.

Never mind that. When we get out of here...

- Yeah? - There's just one thing I want.

Yeah, what?

I want you to get your damn boat

out of my yard. Okay?

- Yeah, okay. - Okay. Are you ready?

- Yeah. - On three.

- Right. - [both] 1, 2...

[Man on speaker] This is the FBI.

Hold onto three. I think we may be out of this.

Throw down your guns and come into the open.

- Think they mean us? - I don't know.

This is your last warning. Throw the guns out, away from the truck.

Then stand with your hands up.

They do mean us!

Hey! You guys! You got it all wrong!

We're the good guys!

We know who you are.

Throw out your guns.

- Uh-uh. - No!

Let's see some ID!

You throw a badge in here!

Good thinking.

[clears throat]

Uh, guys?

Coming out now!

No shooting, right?

Aah, aah, okay, guys.

Uh, you don't understand.

Uh, we can explain all of this.

- Really, we can. - We really can.

A.J., explain this.

Uh. Aah!

[Man] Okay, out.

Ahh-haa.

You got us out.

No. The detective got you out.

Uh, uh, hey.

You know, you guys managed to wander into

the middle of a very secret deal

- between the FBI... - [Men whistling, yelling]

and an east coast gambler named Sallie Caruso.

He was ready to turn state's evidence

against some of his own boys.

Lieutenant, did you know about that?

Uh, you know, the FBI had you two under surveillance

from the very beginning.

Hi, Karen.

- [phone ringing] - Nice to see you.

Thanks for comin' down. How you doin'?

What do they got you in for, Lefty?

Sweetheart, your mommy will be out real soon.

- Goody! - There we go.

Take her over there.

Oh, just nicked myself shaving, that's all.

It's a nice, happy ending.

Does anybody care that an innocent man

got killed over all this?

Well, that was one thing the FBI hadn't figured on.

Yeah, but I'm sure since they wanted to get

Caruso into federal court,

they were willing to grant him amnesty.

They'll probably just look the other way over this.

I'll make sure they don't.

Yeah.

You're gonna go up against the FBI?

He has all their hoods in custody,

including Caruso.

Wait a minute. How...

How's that possible since the Feds already had him in their custody?

Well, since they gave him amnesty,

he couldn't be arrested.

Since he couldn't be arrested,

he wasn't in their custody.

Therefore, they couldn't stop me

from arresting him.

Oh, that is absolutely inspired.

And they can thank that young lady over there.

It was her idea.

Oh, now I'm impressed.

[laughs] Oh, really? Thank you.

Oh, Karen!

Oh, I missed you so much!

Oh, baby. [crying]

Oh, my baby.

Oh, honey, I love you.