Original subtitles

[Announcer] Tonight on Simon & Simon...

Two guys with guns hiding in the cargo bay.

They grabbed the diamonds. They parachuted out of the plane.

If it was an inside job,

I suggest it was inside of your organization.

This is where I get off.

They don't have the diamonds. We don't have the men who took them.

You mind if we borrow this for a while?

Somebody call the police!

- What do we do now? - First we're gonna set up a meeting.

And then we're gonna kill 'em.

Oh, oh.

♪♪ [theme]

[Man] The Star of Durbin alone is worth 100,000.

And with the rest, the full value could be half a million.

I haven't had it appraised lately.

Oh, well.

You don't have to worry about a thing, Mr. Tashlin.

- Simon & Simon Couriers - [handcuff snaps]

has never lost a shipment.

That's very reassuring.

- Have a safe flight. - Thank you.

Don't worry about anything.

Morning.

[clearing throat]

- Very impressive. - I beg your pardon?

What you said to your client.

I couldn't help overhearing.

About never losing a shipment?

Highly commendable.

Actually, it's our first shipment.

We just started the courier service.

Oh.

Are you a courier also?

In a way.

I'm a grower.

- Ah. - Orchids.

Dozen of them.

Very rare.

I never let them go anywhere without me.

Where are they going, exactly?

Vegas! Convention.

Ah.

Stay in your seats if you want to keep breathing.

I knew this would happen!

You did?

Fontana Sod and Seed.

They've been after my orchids for years! Oh!

Okay.

Take us down to 3,000 feet,

or I start shooting!

[metal snaps]

You can get up now.

[door slams]

Whew.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay, turn it around. We're going back.

What they take?

Okay, I'll radio what happened.

The FBI will be there when we land.

- Orchids okay? - They're very nervous.

Yeah.

So am I.

Grover. FBI.

This is Mr. White of the FAA.

I'd like to ask you some questions.

- What the hell happened? - [sighs]

D.B. Cooper found a friend.

Two guys with guns, hiding in the cargo bay.

They grabbed the diamonds. They parachuted out of the plane.

Who's D.B. Cooper?

You know, the guy that hijacked the plane,

back in the '70s? Got $200,000?

Jumped out somewhere over Oregon? They never found him?

You seem awfully cheerful about this.

I mean, you could've gotten killed.

The first courier shipment we get

goes flying out over the desert somewhere.

I'm not cheerful. I'm just very, very glad to be alive.

Besides, the insurance will cover everything.

[A.J.] No, of course, Mr. Tashlin.

No, the FBI will be in contact with you very soon.

They're gonna do everything they can to recover your diamonds.

Hm? No. No, no, no.

Nothing like this has ever happened to us before, either.

Yeah.

Oh, I appreciate that.

Oka... okay!

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Well?

Well, he took it very well.

See there? He's a fair man. He knew it wasn't your fault.

Yeah...

It's funny. As of last night, those diamonds

were the most important things in the world to him.

Well, that was last night.

Today, he's gonna get a nice fat insurance check.

- Speaking of which... - [knock on door]

I'll bet that's Mr. Tumbridge right now.

Mr. Tumbridge. Come on in.

[wiping feet]

- Thank you. - Okay.

Just right on through there.

- Good morning. - Good morning to you.

[growling]

- Marlowe, shut up. - [whimpers]

Yeah, you can just park it right over here.

- Thank you. - Here you go.

We at Mutual General Fire and Casualty

- wish to express out... - [unlocks briefcase]

sincerest condolences

for your loss, and our sympathy for your position.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

Rather have a check. [chuckles]

- Check? - Yeah.

[all laughing]

That's very amusing.

Ah, let's see here.

Bodily injury. Property damage.

[rifling papers]

Medical payment... ah!

Here we are. Deductible.

[both] Deductible?

"Insurer will make good on verifiable claims

"to the insured, under the terms of this contract,

"less the amount of $10,000."

$10,000?

Yes. We cover all the rest.

$10,000 deductible?

Mm-hmm.

Did you know about this?

Our check will be to Tashlin Imports by noon today.

And of course, you'll receive written notice

of our intention to cancel your policy,

as permitted by the terms of the policy.

- Cancel? - Mm-hmm.

One little $450,000 claim, and you're gonna cancel.

Uh, $440,000.

And, yes, we have to cancel.

It's an obligation to our stockholders.

You are, as we refer in actuarial terms now,

a bad risk.

Now, then.

May we have your check for $10,000 today?

Tomorrow would be just fine.

[stammering] Or the next day.

I'll just say good morning.

- [muttering] - [door slams]

[motorcycle engine]

[engine stops]

Hey, maybe we can talk Mom

into taking a second mortgage on the house.

[footsteps approach]

[knock on door]

I'll get it. I'll get it.

- A.J. Simon? - Yes?

- Here you go. - Thank you.

- You've been served. - What?

It's a lawsuit. Randall Air Freight?

- [grunts] - [footsteps run away]

Ahh!

Let me handle this.

- Hey! - Huh?

Who's in charge here?

[Woman] I am. What do you want?

The boss. Some jerk named Bailey Randall.

That jerk is me.

Look. If this is about the lawsuit,

you talk to my lawyers about it.

We'd rather talk to you.

[sighs]

Look, I'm sorry. I was advised to do it, okay?

I've lost two big customers already.

- I can't afford to lose... - Well, lady.

In case you didn't know it, we stand to lose $10,000 here.

So our lawyers advised us to sue you.

- Sue me? What for? - Negligence.

- What are you talking about? - Well, you were in charge of security.

You let the guys get on the plane.

- Now, wait a minute... - Also, there's malfeasance.

There's, uh, false representation.

The criminal liability. Suspicion of conspiracy.

Conspiracy.

Yeah. Don't you think it was just a little bit neat

that the hijackers knew there were diamonds

aboard that flight?

I suppose now you're gonna tell me

that somebody just sneaked in

and took a peek at your manifest.

No, I was not gonna say that.

Well, good. 'Cause it's beginning to look like an inside job to me.

- I completely agree. - Now we're getting somewhere.

We didn't know there were diamonds on board!

You didn't.

No.

So. If it was an inside job,

I suggest it was inside of your organization.

No, no, no. Lady, you are looking

at our organization. This is it.

- Well? - Now, wait a second.

If we sue each other,

the only people who are gonna make out are the lawyers.

If, on the other hand, we cooperate with each other,

we stand a good chance of getting the diamonds back.

That'll save your reputation. Save our reputation.

All right.

What did you have in mind?

Well, obviously, there was a slip in your security.

Hey, come on! They got onboard the plane!

Now do you have any idea how they did it, or when?

It could have happened any number of ways.

I mean, we're not expecting this kind of trouble.

As for when,

they could have been in that cargo bay

for hours before takeoff.

And what about your personnel?

The FBI went all over this.

The ground crew checks out perfectly.

Nobody's missing. Nobody saw anything.

The co-pilot has been with us for five years.

Perfect record.

And Captain Rinzier was a fighter pilot

in the war with my father.

He helped him start this business.

[sighs] Oh...

Look, it wasn't your fault any more than it was mine.

Just... forget about the lawsuit.

To hell with the lawyers.

If there's anything more I can do to help...

- Let me know. - Thank you.

Thank you very much. Appreciate it.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Maybe we ought to try going at this from the other end.

What do you mean? The diamonds?

Yeah. Where are they?

They're bound to surface sooner or later.

Maybe one of your sleazy pals knows where they are.

Half a mil's a little steep for any of my sleazy pals.

Gonna have to see the Priest.

- Priest? - Top jewel fence on the coast.

Hey.

Does that car look familiar to you?

What car?

Never mind. [sighs]

[engine starts]

[other engine starts]

[rocks clatters to ground]

- Did you hear that? - Yeah.

[another rock clatters]

Good morning.

- Priest? - Please. No names.

I hear you're looking for some merchandise.

Uh, yeah. About half a million dollars' worth.

Please. No numbers.

I know about the items you lost.

They haven't come on the market.

Well, maybe the stuff went out of the country.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Lots of stuff does these days.

A serious situation.

Foreign competition is out of control.

Look at the automobile business.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh...

Or they could have taken it to another dealer.

What do you mean, another dealer?

- No offense. - Believe me.

When merchandise of that value comes on the market,

it comes to me.

Whoever pulled off this job is an amateur.

Or a fool.

The diamond market is not good.

They'll probably unload the stones for half-value.

They should have stolen silicone chips.

That's the future.

- Hi-tech. - Ah.

Yes. Ah, well, listen.

- Could you give us a call if... - Please.

No cards.

First fence I ever met with a foreign policy.

[A.J.] Come on, Janet.

Please. Look, all we need is a quick look at...

[phone rings]

at the FBI files to the case,

just to see what they've got.

No, I can't do that!

Oh, sure you can. And while you're at it,

don't forget the transcripts

to the interviews and the flight recorder.

This is a federal case.

- Ah. - Mm-hm. And I work for the County DA.

Oh.

The FBI doesn't ever tell us anything.

Did either of you ever take a civics course?

We will go back to night school.

Please, Janet. We need all the help we can get on this one.

- That's true. - So you'll get us the files.

No. I can't.

What do you mean that's true?

All I can tell you is whose names

are on the top of the suspects lists.

Whose?

Yours.

Did you know she was gonna say that?

I knew she was gonna say that.

I knew she was gonna say that, too.

Yes, you did.

[A.J.] No, I'm not interested in

the great battles of World War II.

My father told me about half of them.

No, I'm not interested in

the great gunfighters of the Old West, either.

Zane Grey did it for me. Goodbye.

What the...

Did you ever hear of sunbathers with shiny black shoes?

We got some guy out here going for the Guinness record.

We had the same skater all morning.

[clears throat]

- Priest called. - Ah.

We're all set for tonight.

I knew he'd come through.

Is he gonna bring the cash?

Oh, you bet.

I told him to meet us at our place at...

5 a.m.

- 5? - Yeah.

Good.

Surprise.

You know, next time you pull a black bag job,

you really shouldn't telegraph your arrival.

We've got a court order.

It's no substitute for brains.

Hey, look.

Why are we at the top of your list of suspects?

Well, you're a couple of clever guys. What's your guess?

Aw, come on, Grover. Cut the bull. What's going on here?

An FBI investigation. I thought you'd noticed that.

No, I figured you got them from Rent-A-Fool.

Hey, look. If we had stolen

half a million dollars worth of diamonds,

why would we be busting our buns trying to get 'em back?

Good cover. You let it lay for a couple of years,

then take a little vacation in Rio.

- Permanently. - Look.

Grover.

Two men hijacked the plane.

Took the briefcase.

And parachuted out over the desert.

The other witness agrees with this.

The two pilots agree with this.

Could be you know a couple of skydivers

who are in for a cut.

- Aw, you can't be serious. - Gentlemen.

You'll find we're generally a pretty serious bunch.

We thought you closed the case!

They don't have the diamonds. We don't have the men who took them.

Why should I close the case?

Well, you told the insurance companies to settle!

For the time being.

We thought it might break something loose

if people thought we were putting it on the back burner.

Oh, I see. So you put Frick and Frack there

on our tails, hoping we'd lead you to the diamonds.

You led us to the Priest. That's a start.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

Now we can help each other out here, if you just give us a chance.

- Ahh... - Hey!

We're on the hook for 10 grand

if we don't come up with that stuff.

- [phone rings] - I believe that's for me.

- After you. - [ring]

Help yourself. You already turned it into a party horn.

[ring]

Grover. Yeah!

Okay.

We're on our way.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to come with us.

No, you don't. Now, my brother had nothing to do with this.

But you take him, you take me.

They don't need you.

But we need him.

Sheriff's deputies found the briefcase

out in the desert.

I'd like for you to take a look at it.

We're leaving right now.

Oh, and don't you be driving out there on our tail.

Oh, no, sir.

Bailey. Rick Simon.

You said you wanted to help out on this hijacking thing.

You know, you're real good at this.

Had a good teacher... my daddy.

Listen, uh...

I'm sorry about the way I came on yesterday.

But, uh,

this case is real important to us,

and, uh...

well, sometimes I get a little carried away.

So do I.

Sometimes.

[police radio]

Did you order anybody from Aviation?

No. They're all in the shop.

Looks like we got company.

Is that the briefcase?

Yeah. That's it.

- Hi, guys. - Hi.

- What a surprise. - Hi.

Any sign of the chutes?

No. Nothing yet. They must have buried 'em,

or maybe packed them out.

Planning an aerial search?

If I think we need one.

Ah.

Wonder why the briefcase is so banged up.

The man wanted the diamonds, I think.

He probably wasn't planning to add this to his luggage.

- Ah. - Thanks for your help.

I see you've already got a lift back into town.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Does this mean we're not suspects anymore?

Not prime suspects.

Tell you what.

You want some friendly advice?

From the man who gave us Abscam? I can hardly wait.

[A.J. laughing]

[Grover] Get in that chopper,

and fly straight back to San Diego.

No side-stops, okay?

Gee, I don't know. Didn't this place get

a four-star rating from the Auto Club

for scenic beauty?

It sure did.

Lot of natural rock formations.

Yeah. We've been talking to two of them.

Maybe they did take the chutes with them!

We'd better find something soon,

or we're going to be out of gas.

Well, when we get back,

the night will still be young.

Just thinking maybe we could have a little dinner,

maybe get a little carried away.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

I know just the place...

A little French cuisine,

candlelight, gypsy violin...

I was thinking more Eddie Rabbit on the jukebox,

a little pizza to go.

You know those French restaurants...

There's more starch in the waiters than in the food.

Eddie Rabbit on a jukebox

gives me a case of terminal indigestion.

You give me terminal indigestion.

Wait a sec, what's that?

- What? - There.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, I can't make it out.

Want to go down for a look?

Yeah.

[whistling]

[A.J.] The other chute!

How far is this

from where they found the briefcase?

Oh, six, maybe seven miles.

Well, why would anyone walk all that distance

just to open a briefcase to get the diamonds out?

Beats me.

Hey, look at this.

What?

- The data card. - What's that?

It's FAA regulation.

The name of the fella that rigged the chute

and the date it was packed.

Well, that's great.

Why would they leave it here?

Maybe he landed on his head.

Hi.

Hi, can you tell us who packed this chute?

Sure, the, uh, guy in the checked shirt,

right over there.

- Ah, thank you. - Thank you.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Hey, what's your hurry?

No hurry, I'm just going to take a break.

Good. We'll take it with you.

Just wanted to ask you a few questions

about this chute you packed.

I can't tell you anything.

Sure, you can.

Look, I could get in an awful lot of trouble.

I've got a family.

We already know who you packed it for.

We just want you to take him a message.

Now you tell him that it's just a matter of time

before the FBI finds out about this, too.

He's also having trouble unloading the stuff,

so you tell him we might be able to make him an offer.

Tell him not to bother going to the Priest

because the Priest works for us.

[Rick] There you go.

Good man.

Why didn't you tell me what you were gonna do with those chutes?

Because you didn't have to know.

Now give me that phone number.

Give me it.

If I'd known there was a felony involved...

Listen, George, you're in this all the way now,

so just get control of yourself,

and try to help me figure out what we're gonna do here.

Now, what'd they look like?

[sighing]

A tall guy, a hat and moustache.

Good-looking blond guy with red shirt, gray slacks.

Blond guy?

Yeah.

That could be the guy on the plane.

They said they want to make a deal.

Yeah.

What do we do now?

Well, first, we're going to set up a meeting.

And then, we're going to kill them.

What if he doesn't call, huh?

It was your idea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know.

I'm beginning to reconsider.

I mean, what if this just scares him off?

What if our D.B. Cooper's out of the country by now?

He could be.

I want nothing to do with this, you understand me?

I went along up to a point, but we're way past that now.

Look, Tashlin got us into this mess,

let Tashlin get us out.

I already tried that.

He's going to let us twist in the wind.

Once we gave him those diamonds back,

we set ourselves up.

It is our word against his.

But why do you have to kill them?

What the hell is wrong with you?

They know too much, and they're too near.

You want to spend the next 20 years

in prison, for God's sake?

Idiot.

You know, I've always wanted to take flying lessons.

Well, after this is all over,

I'd be glad to teach you.

Would you really?

Yeah.

I'd like that.

Okay.

[phone rings]

[ring]

Hello?

I hear you want to talk to me.

I understand you've got

some merchandise you'd like to unload.

Could be.

Oh, come on.

We know you haven't been able to move this stuff.

The market's bad.

We're prepared to make you the best offer you're gonna get.

Yeah, go on.

How does $200,000 sound?

Not bad.

As the man says, "Let's make a deal."

What if I'm not interested?

That would be a shame

because then we would have to go to the authorities

and tell them everything we know.

Okay. Okay, I'm interested.

That's better.

Now this is where we're going to meet.

Okay, I'll pick the place, all right?

Uh, Interstate road 45.

Dirt road near the lake bed.

10 a.m. tomorrow.

Okay. You got it.

[sigh]

That's that.

That's that?

Mm-hmm.

$200,000.

Do you think it's enough?

[exhales deeply]

[Rick] This isn't going to work.

When did you ever hear

of a thing like this working, huh?

Don't worry about it.

It only has to look good for a minute or two.

[Rick] Our last 2,000 bucks.

Already on the hook for 10 grand.

What does he want to do?

He wants to blow the rest of it.

We're not going to blow it.

It is simply bait for a trap.

What's the range on these things?

About five miles.

I won't be far away.

Oh, that's a comfort.

I'll tell you what.

We'll take your car. It's air-conditioned.

No deal, we rent.

Why?

In case anyone tries to trace it.

What do you mean, that's expired?

I used that to buy dinner just last night.

Will you be returning the car here?

- Yes. - [giggling]

Gas is not included.

It's all right.

Will you be wanting for insurance coverage?

[Rick clearing throat]

Uh, yes, please.

[Rick sighing]

Flying lessons, huh?

What?

Certainly, a new approach.

What are you talking about?

That's not a good idea

to become emotionally involved with a client.

Okay, I'm set. Do you read me?

5 by 5.

Likewise.

When does the balloon go up?

This is beginning to sound like a John Garfield movie.

If they're on time, in about five minutes.

Roger.

[A.J.] Over and out.

That lady has,

I believe what they call in the trade,

the right stuff

Are you interested in her or something?

Or something.

Oh, wait a minute.

[Rick sighing]

[A.J.] Do you read me? Over.

Anything, yet?

Nothing.

Over.

Roger. I'll keep waiting.

Over and out.

I was wrong... It's not a Garfield movie,

it's a Hitchcock movie.

Eh, probably a crop duster.

Whoa!

Uh-oh.

Damn it!

Listen, they got out of the car,

and I'm out of grenades.

I want you to pick up the pieces back there.

Okay? We'll rendezvous at the mesa.

Right?

Well, now aren't you glad

we got the full insurance?

[grunting]

Why?

Would you pick up people who look like us?

Oh, no, not that.

Why blow up the car?

A.J.?

Rick?

Do you read me?

Do you read me?

They've got the diamonds

they blow up the car.

It just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, unless they don't have the diamonds.

Yeah.

Hey, maybe this guy will stop.

Did you get a good look at the guy in the plane?

I was a little busy.

[A.J.] I didn't see him clearly,

but there was something about the pilot...

[Rick] I think we got a little luck going here.

- Hey, okay. Hi. - Hi, guys.

All right, let's get in.

Uh-huh.

Oh, no.

[Man on radio] Highway Patrol

to Bailey Randall.

Have you verified that the car is on fire?

Roger.

Roger that, Highway Patrol.

The... There don't appear to be any survivors.

I'm going in for a closer look.

Stand by.

[Rick] You can just drop me off at the marina.

Where was it you wanted to go?

Will you shut up?

Nowhere.

You know, it's funny.

I figured this was an inside job,

I didn't figure it was this inside.

Just sit back there, and take it easy.

It'll all be over in a minute.

Will it be a happy ending?

[A.J.] I don't get it.

If you're going to hijack a plane,

why do you cut the pilot and the co-pilot in on the deal?

I don't know.

You guys are looking for hijackers

that don't exist.

Wait a second, fella. I saw them.

No, you saw Captain Rinzier and me.

- Oh. - I'll be darned.

They never parachuted out of the plane.

They just grabbed the diamonds,

threw the briefcase and the chutes out the door.

Pretty smart for a bunch of dumb guys.

- Will you shut up? - I'm just curious, though.

Why did you guys blow up 200,000 bucks back there?

They don't have the diamonds.

Say what?

You guys don't have the diamonds.

Tashlin set us up.

We're out in the cold. He's got them.

Tashlin's got the diamonds?

Tashlin? The guy that hired us?

For the insurance money, right?

Right.

You know, you talk too much.

What's the difference?

It doesn't matter if they know.

[Rick chuckling]

[chuckling] Hey, come on.

You guys don't look like the killer type to me.

No.

Now let's just talk this over, okay?

I mean, Rinzier is the real heavy here, right?

It was his plan, he set it all up.

He just sucked you guys in deeper and deeper.

I thought so.

Now come on. Let... Let's talk.

Let's not.

♪ Ta da-da-da da da da dee dah ♪

[whistling]

Will you shut up?

♪ Da dee da... ♪

Well, enough is enough.

I have just about had it. This is where I get off.

Watch where you're going.

[George] Damn it, I can't see!

I can't control the car.

Just stop the damn car.

[groans]

[Man] Do you know those guys?

[Second man] No, who are they?

Hey, come back here.

Uh, you mind if we borrow this for a while?

Yeah, somebody call the police!

[A.J.] Thank you!

All right, let's go, let's go.

Follow them!

Move, move! Now!

Hey, I didn't know you knew how to fly one of these things.

I don't.

Well, we already know

that if you pull this thing down,

then that heats up the air, and that makes us go up.

[A.J.] Okay.

[Rick] That's easy.

Now what else have we got here?

What is that?

All right, let's see what happens.

[A.J.] Aah!

[Rick] Pull that. That makes us go down.

So don't pull that no more.

What else we got here?

This thing... Let's see. That goes up.

I think this makes the top open.

Let's don't make the top open.

No, I think we'll save that.

That's a good idea.

So, now what do we do?

Float for help?

[laughing]

Well, we're not getting anywhere.

They're still down there.

There it is.

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

Hey, don't worry about it.

I read somewhere you can't bring one of these things down

by shooting at it.

Yeah? What about the people in it?

[gunshot]

[George] We got them.

They're coming down.

[both grunting]

Now!

What the hell?

[Men grunting]

There's our ride home.

Oh, yeah.

[grunting]

[Bailey] I found out Rinzier

failed his last physical.

He would've been grounded as soon as I got the word.

So he figured this little caper

would give him the stake for his retirement?

- Exactly. - Aha.

Okay, I give up.

How did they get

from the cockpit to the back of the plane?

Automatic pilot.

So?

Well, then, they slipped

into the landing compartment under the cabin,

made their way through a passageway

to the back of the plane...

Oh, that's brilliant.

Not brilliant enough.

Cheers.

Now, how about those flying lessons?

Whenever you're ready.

Anytime.

[Rick] Hello.

[sighing] Hmm.

Rick, Bailey and I are in the process...

Yes, having dinner, I can see that.

It looks good, too.

Bailey and I are in the process of having a very private...

Is this the chicken cordon bleu you fixed here?

That's one of my favorites.

By the way, I talked to Tumbridge about the insurance,

Yeah?

And he said that there is normally a $5,000 reward

- in a case like this. - Good.

So I picked the check up on the way over here.

May I borrow your glass? Thank you.

He also said that they would be happy

to reinstate the insurance with no bump in the premium.

Better and better.

No, I had to turn him down.

- You what? - Yeah, I cut him off cold.

You can't let these insurance guys push you around like that.

I told him we could get a better deal somewhere else.

- You're joking. - Mm-mm.

Oh, Rick, you didn't do that.

Oh, yeah.

[sighing]

You know, Bailey, this is getting a little flat,

and I have a bottle of Cognac over in my boat.