Original subtitles

7 -0 -0

Somebody said you got a new friend.

Does she love you better than I can?

Big black eye over my eye.

Good morning, my kitten.

My baby.

You mean to start it without me? I've got to hold up.

I haven't started it without you.

I mean to start the interview.

Are you watching me?

Yeah, it was what I expected.

You're a reckless idiot.

Next time, hero, let the grandma fall down the stairs.

Get dressed.

He's gone his way, Gemma.

Use the siren.

It's not an emergency.

It is an emergency.

I don't see you anymore.

That's an exaggeration.

I don't want a lodger.

There's barely enough room for us.

Well, we need the money, so... Can we just declare bankruptcy?

Make our debts, move to Bali?

I'll miss you.

How close are you?

How close are you?

I could get there.

Don't hang up.

Seriously, dude, Maria.

Excuse me?

I'm ready.

Ray, yes. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

The girl's coming to view the room, so we're going to have to be quick.

And that's Gemma.

Ray.

Yeah. Coffee?

Tea?

Tea. Tea. Great.

One tea for Ray.

Sorry.

She's just getting dressed and screaming into a pillow.

Sorry, I'm always early.

No, actually,

probably a good icebreaker for the right person.

Senior perspective, landlord's vagina.

I wasn't referring to Gemma's.

I'm not falling at an icebreaker.

So, do you work nearby, or...? I'm retired.

Oh, OK. Really?

Yeah. And you are...? I'm sorry.

I'm trapped right now, so... You have every right to be untroubled in your own

flat. If you take the room, I promise you'll never have to see that again.

Yeah, we'll make it part of the tenancy agreement.

Is that enough? We should interview you first. You can't interview someone who's

just seen your vagina. Stop. Gem, the best you can ask for is an informal

right? Can we all just forget about my vagina? Yes. No.

Seriously, what do we need to ask?

Uh, you want me to interview myself?

He's just come off a night shift and I'm flustered for no reason. Yeah, plus

everyone else we've met has been clinically insane. Are you clinically

Ray? Um, those by Romania count.

That's a joke.

Uh -huh.

We're clicking. It's going well.

So, um, I can make the rent. I can give a deposit. I don't smoke.

I'm tidy, I'm respectful, I'm quiet. I try to be a good person.

I'm 30 years old and I still live with my parents, so desperate.

Yeah, and you promised not to mention anything about Germans for China.

I promised nothing.

Fuck both of you guys.

Do you have any questions for us?

No.

I already know too much.

Yeah.

she mean she's retired?

I see her bruises.

She might have a bad boyfriend.

Or girlfriend.

I'm just saying she might have.

We had phone sex.

I had phone sex.

Oh, for fuck's sake, here and again.

You should see the other guy.

It was an old lady, Jim, and she's fine now, all right?

Saviour of the fucking lady.

Now, was that a bad thing, though? Of course you want to give this battered

woman the room. Fucking damsel in distress, just your type.

Oh, there's the woman with her knickers up, hoping our new lodge is a lesbian.

Oh, yeah, you're right. I can't keep living this lie.

This six -year hetero blip is over, and I'm back on the muff.

I'm late for work. I'll argue when we get back.

Yeah, sure.

What else will we do?

You're too injured and I'm too gay, apparently.

What the hell is this?

Oh, this is Astro Chef. This is my cousin.

Can you hang out here? I'll end up training more people than I'm serving.

Are you smoking weed?

No, no.

Oh, it's 8am.

I haven't been asleep yet.

Thank you, Tom.

See you on Tuesday. Bye.

All right, Ashton, take off your jacket, film me with the chairs.

All right, grab the last two.

OK,

Gemma, this is all mad.

You've had this before?

No, I was born in 2002.

What? No, you weren't.

I'm out.

Oh my god, I'm out.

This is to remind you that you're mortal next time you feel like being a

reckless wap.

Oh, dear.

We won't be able to argue when the lodger moves in.

Try and make the most of it, then.

Another night shift.

We can't make time to argue, then. What even are we?

I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but I have to go.

Don't be too brave.

Good morning.

Goodnight.

Oh my God.

Pull yourself together, Nick.

Okay. Okay.

Well...

Moira does have a plan for the dramatic.

It's a big change for Moira and the team.

It's a big change for everyone.

It's too fussy. It needs to be simple. The point is the food and the people,

this isn't...

Yet another overpriced tips to gentrification nightmare.

Not that I don't want those customers. I just don't want to price out the locals

or be part of the problem.

Sure someone's here for an interview?

Victor, can you get the phone properly like I taught you?

Hey. Hiya. You're a student? Yeah, postgrad, goldsmith.

Design, though, but I've worked in cafes before. What do you think of this?

Too fussy, right?

I'm here for a waitress in job.

You're overqualified.

How is that a problem?

Right, so we'll go simple.

Paint the walls, new lighting.

It's that front you need to thought, because I just thought right past the

place. Exactly. People still think we're a lawyer.

OK, then. Start at the front. You could. Yeah, OK, Nick. Can you just let me?

Can you work a coffee machine?

Yeah.

OK.

Tell me.

How much are we talking?

Just don't understand. How can this cost 500 pounds to paint a

sign?

You must know I can't afford that, Caroline.

Whoa. What the hell is happening?

Perfect. Gemma, if you don't want me to die at work, I need to sleep between

shifts. Gem, she's not trying to screw you. Why does everything cost...

Here, let me.

For

what

you're paying, you can have a place to yourself and all to shot.

I don't need reminders that have wasted my life.

You're an Olympian.

You met the Queen.

You've achieved more in your 30 years than some have achieved in their entire

lives. You should have stopped me.

If you're looking for ways to blame your problems on supportive parents, then

you should see a therapist.

And we'll send you the check, as we always do.

Jesus, Mathilde.

What? What did I say?

What is this stuff?

Very niche sex toys.

It was very nice meeting you both.

We'll take good care of her.

Bye.

Bye.

Oui. What are you doing?

Maman, tu vas où?

Station!

Qu 'est -ce qui se passe?

Nick wants you to have the car.

Use it more, my dear.

Dad, I won't need a car in London.

Je lui dis ça, mais ça change rien.

Cross it, maman.

Thank you.

You're a silly soft man. Come on.

You know about the board man? Well, but it's too slow for pornography.

Password, you perfect.

Hi. Hey.

Hi. Hi, welcome home.

Thank you.

Are there any more boxes outside?

No, I'm going to go and prep for lunch.

Do you want help with that box?

I'm OK.

I will kill you.

Again? I gotta take an omission.

Hi, is everything okay for you guys?

Yeah, they're all really good, thank you.

I think we should be working here now, but we haven't talked for hours. Long

hours, no pages. Give me one second.

We're going to address the way you just looked at her.

Should we address the way you just looked at her?

I don't expect you not to notice that she's obviously...

objectively... aesthetically...

I've noticed that it's not going to be a problem for me. Is it going to be a

problem for you?

Answer quicker.

Are you... unhappy?

It just shouldn't be this hard.

We're working every waking minute and can't afford to put up a sign or pay our

mortgage without taking in a stranger. I feel like we're at breaking point.

What? No, everything.

I need to go out for a bit. Don't.

Please, don't.

houseboat if you wanted somewhere cramped and cluttered. Not that cramped.

Look.

Hey, that's my lamp.

I thought you gave it to me.

Careful, you lose the deposit in your cupboard.

Not a cupboard.

Do you have all the details about the job tomorrow?

Why? Ray.

Ray. Moira.

Are you there?

Wi -Fi is cramped.

If you can hear me, I'll meet you there at ten.

Sorry, I didn't know how to mute you and someone just came in. Kind of intense

to be thrusted into your belly button.

How's everybody?

The same.

Everybody is always the same.

Forget them.

Forget us all. You've escaped.

You're in London having adventures.

You're an adventurous.

I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Don't be late. Love you. Shave your legs.

right now come on you three three yes you kitchen duty

now wash your hands i'll show you something useful

Hey.

Hey.

You sure you don't mind?

Nan gave it to you. Yeah, so Mum couldn't pawn it.

Nan would fully endorse this decision.

Don't you want to... If a man wants to take on me and Danny, he can damn well

buy me a new one.

There you go.

We used to play weddings. Do you remember?

Yeah. Pillowcase on my head.

Didn't I marry Ricky P in the first place? Ricky P, yeah, I officiate.

I hope she does, yeah.

You're an arsehole. I hope she can overlook your many, many flaws.

OK.

Enough of that.

No, I put loads of flour and it's still not working. No, listen to me. Are you

wanting to do it properly? Yes. OK.

Yes, chef. Yes, chef. Pass that to me.

Yeah. Do you want to have a go at this? I should chop that up.

Do you want to have a go at this?

Yeah. Okay, there.

Don't pull it up.

Seconds.

You can put the spoon.

Oh, and then just tuck it out. Through the back.

Tuck it underneath.

Perfect. But you need to throw this away. Guys, please, concentrate.

We're going to chuck this away, like I said. Okay. You don't need to use this

anymore because you've ruined it. Right, chuck this out.

Ash is going to get your apprenticeship, Victor.

Pay attention, yeah?

Hi. Thanks for today, sir.

You're so welcome, Asha.

Where have you been?

No, wait, I smell like fish, Scott.

When did you finish?

I'm done.

Can we go out? What, now?

Aren't you exhausted?

Yeah, I'm practically dead, but I miss you.

I'm with you.

Oh, wow, yeah, fish spots.

Hey, we've got a date.

I'm taking you out.

Hey.

Hey.

How are you settling in?

Great. I'm watching a White Light documentary.

It's quite traumatic.

We love this show.

We call it Nature's Bastard.

We'll go for a drink.

That sounds amazing.

I'm so bored.

Do I have time to shower?

Um, yeah.

Cool.

Yo, we need a night... We need a night off. We need to talk.

I know.

This is the situation that we find ourselves in.

Oh, are we...

No? Yes.

Quickly. And quietly.

Okay, I need some more put on for you.

Where are we going?

This place Gem used to work at.

It's nice.

It's really quiet.

Should we... Should we go and get a drink? Do you want to go too? Do you

go somewhere else?

Are you sure?

I don't know.

It's so naughty.

Oh, shit.

Oh, are you okay, hon? What did you lose?

A ring.

Nobody move. Nobody move.

Lose jewelry.

What's happening?

They were going to close and they let me do a drag night on a Friday and we

smashed it. Now it's the whole weekend.

I used to work here with Jason.

Ray, hi.

I like to meet you.

So did you and Kieran, finally.

She's our lodger, you twat.

Excuse me. Sorry, could you... I'm sorry.

Check under my shirt.

Is it? No.

I do.

Thank you. You're amazing. You make him surprised.

Congratulations.

I want to

talk to you about something.

Can we go somewhere wild?

My God, she's a dork.

Just like us.

Speak for yourself, dork.

I have never been to a drug night before, and it's really funny. It never

to be like this. We haven't been here in ages.

I haven't been anywhere in ages.

Oh, my God.

I have crushed your date.

I am so sorry.

Ray, you have an issue.

I'm an idiot. I am so sorry. Don't be silly, Ray. Come on. I'm going back to

flat. What?

Friends and lovers.

You're all very welcome.

Even this adorable trio of interlopers.

Tell me, which one of you is the unicorn?

Only kidding, only kidding. I don't really care.

Now, I wouldn't be here.

And none of you glorious queens would be here, were it not for the legendary,

the pioneering, Miss Nina...

a huge debt.

Come say a few words, Mitch.

Hello, all.

Some of you may know that Nina Fahrenheit was known to

her family as Graham Buchanan.

I am Graham's sister.

Two days ago, we scattered some of Graham's ashes on the heath.

But we've yet to say goodbye.

You're not making fun of me.

Why would we?

People think it's calm and stupid.

Have you seriously not Googled me?

That's kind of irresponsible.

It's none of our business.

I couldn't find it.

You googled Ray, not Ramona.

You're a spy.

Let's get this over with.

I am going to get whatever cocktails take the longest to make.

What if we just don't look?

Yeah, we could just not look at it.

You've got any lash glue, Jason?

You've sweated these right off.

Must be going through the chains.

I'm sorry about your friend.

I told her skydiving's for the young.

So you live with them?

I moved in today.

The whole team of her.

They... That's awesome.

A unicorn is... You

know how the odd one out's a lemon?

You mean a gooseberry?

A unicorn is the opposite.

I don't understand.

It's the third party who makes it.

You know.

party.

Oh.

Oh.

What's that one accident?

What happened?

God.

Those are on me.

It's rare to meet a unicorn.

That's because they are mythical.

The way they're looking at you, you're definitely not a lemon.

Do you believe in science?

Well, like from the universe.

Do you?

Yeah.

I should have quit after the Olympics.

I could have gone to college, retrained, had a life.

You have a life.

Not like you two.

You've been places, done stuff, had adventures.

And I've been in a pool the whole time.

I ignored every sign saying stop.

Not anymore.

Next instruction I get from the universe, I am going to listen.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Wait.

Don't rub it.

I know this.

So this for hair and coconut oil for the skin.

I can't believe this knowledge has a real world application.

What am I doing with that?

Yeah, then what?

And then with water.

You've got to put oil on first.

I shouldn't have got to the pool that day.

I knew it.

I've been pushing too hard for too long.

Couldn't keep up.

Doesn't hurt?

No, it's okay.

It's like yours.

Angry drunks.

Fooling grannies.

It's kind of a hero.

Mine is less heroic.

Bigger, though.

How about you?

Oh, is she perfect?

Sorry. Cheers.

She is perfect.

I'm better.

Yeah, we'll let you get to it.

Good night. Good night. Thanks for the chat. Good night, Rhi.

Yeah.

It rains love when I'm with you.

It rains love when I'm with you.

You're my sun when clouds roll through.

It rains love when I'm with you.

I may not be the richest man.