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English Subtitles.
Two and a Half Men S03E02 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover - Web-DL [KoTuWa]
2
00:00:02,910 --> 00:00:05,913
Doc, how many more adjustments
do you think I'm gonna need?
3
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,374
Well, Mr. Malinkovich, let's see.
4
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:12,420
My son won't graduate college
till 2015...
5
00:00:12,586 --> 00:00:15,339
...so a lot.
6
00:00:17,007 --> 00:00:18,759
See you next time.
7
00:00:21,137 --> 00:00:22,638
Okay, Mr. Dunlop.
8
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:26,267
It's good to see you again, sir.
And how are we doing today?
9
00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:30,479
Not good. I was making love
to my wife last night...
10
00:00:30,646 --> 00:00:32,898
Oh, my God, is she okay?
11
00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:35,526
She's fine. She was on top.
12
00:00:35,693 --> 00:00:37,278
But my back went out, doc.
13
00:00:37,445 --> 00:00:40,406
Okay, well, let's get you on the table
and get to work.
14
00:00:42,324 --> 00:00:44,535
Whoa, steady there big fella.
15
00:00:45,369 --> 00:00:48,456
I took some pain pills my wife
had left over from her C-section.
16
00:00:48,622 --> 00:00:52,168
- I guess my legs are a little rubbery.
- Well, how many pills did you take?
17
00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:53,419
Well, let's see.
18
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:58,549
One when I went to bed,
one when I got up. Seven.
19
00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:01,677
Really? You know it's not usually
a good idea...
20
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,888
...to pop class A narcotics
like Skittles.
21
00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:08,225
- I gotta lie down.
- Okay, okay, but not here, not now.
22
00:01:08,392 --> 00:01:13,522
No, no, no. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
23
00:01:14,398 --> 00:01:16,150
Mr. Dunlop?
24
00:01:16,317 --> 00:01:18,569
Mr. Dunlop, you need to get up.
25
00:01:19,695 --> 00:01:21,989
Help.
26
00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:24,992
Fire.
27
00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:29,371
Big giant guy.
28
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,920
Oh, perfect.
29
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:46,597
Dr. Harper speaking.
30
00:01:49,725 --> 00:01:52,353
Judith, this is not a good time.
31
00:01:52,853 --> 00:01:54,939
I'm with a patient.
32
00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:57,858
Well, what about Jake?
33
00:01:58,025 --> 00:02:02,529
Well, no, I can't pick him up
at school now. Why can't you do it?
34
00:02:02,821 --> 00:02:06,700
You're not the only one
under pressure, Judith.
35
00:02:07,076 --> 00:02:10,204
All right, all right. I'll call Charlie
and have him pick him up.
36
00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:18,796
Hey, hey, stop that.
37
00:02:19,755 --> 00:02:22,257
Hey, stop that.
38
00:02:25,135 --> 00:02:26,679
Do you need to get it?
39
00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:28,555
No, the machine will pick up.
40
00:02:28,722 --> 00:02:32,434
Hey, it's Charlie.
Do your thing when you hear the beep.
41
00:02:32,977 --> 00:02:36,021
Charlie, I need your help.
42
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:38,399
Oh, pick up, pick up, pick up.
43
00:02:38,565 --> 00:02:40,567
Oh, for God's sake.
44
00:02:42,111 --> 00:02:43,654
See?
45
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,258
Hey, look who's here.
46
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,093
- Hi.
- How come you're not in school?
47
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,429
He got sent home for misbehaving.
48
00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:00,805
Well, it's about time.
49
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,560
When I was your age,
I had already been arrested twice.
50
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,437
Charlie, don't.
51
00:03:07,603 --> 00:03:09,605
No convictions.
52
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,358
I had a bad day.
I had to cancel all my patients...
53
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,653
- ...and close my office to pick him up.
- Wow, what a drag.
54
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,740
I got new video games.
You wanna play?
55
00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:20,992
- Sure.
- Did you forget you're punished?
56
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,870
No, why does Uncle Charlie
have to suffer?
57
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,747
Go to your room.
58
00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:28,499
In some countries you're innocent
until proven guilty.
59
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:29,876
You confessed.
60
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,170
Oh, yeah.
61
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:36,716
And that country you're thinking of
is this one, genius.
62
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,845
- What did he do?
- Something awful.
63
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:44,432
How awful?
These are all multi-player games.
64
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,811
Apparently, there is a little girl in
Jake's class named Barbara Schmidt...
65
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:52,940
...who is a little more physically
developed than the other girls.
66
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:57,653
And Jake decided to make a picture
of her and pass it around.
67
00:04:05,953 --> 00:04:08,080
I only passed it to one person.
68
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:12,126
What happened after that
was not my responsibility.
69
00:04:12,668 --> 00:04:15,963
Dude, why did you sign it?
70
00:04:16,797 --> 00:04:19,509
Okay, that part I regret.
71
00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:22,512
Go back to your room.
72
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,348
"Boobra Schmidt."
73
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,892
I'm putting this one
on the refrigerator.
74
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,313
- Charlie, this is serious.
- Lt really speaks to me.
75
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,274
The girl went home in tears.
Her mother is on the warpath.
76
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,693
- Jake could get expelled.
- For a silly drawing?
77
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:41,489
It's considered sexual harassment.
The school has a zero tolerance policy.
78
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,824
For the good old days
when you could wander...
79
00:04:43,991 --> 00:04:46,702
...into the girls' locker room
pretending you were blind.
80
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,039
You actually did that?
That's horrible.
81
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:54,043
No, the horrible part was
stealing the dog from the blind kid.
82
00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:58,005
Well, unfortunately,
times have changed...
83
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,841
...and we no longer live
in a Porky's movie.
84
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:03,678
What's a Porky's movie?
85
00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:07,390
Close the door.
I'll be in to talk with you in a minute.
86
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,851
Go easy on him. He doesn't
understand what he did wrong.
87
00:05:11,018 --> 00:05:13,813
He's right. I don't have a clue.
88
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,023
I thought I told you to close the door.
89
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,693
It is closed.
90
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:23,030
- Go in your room.
- Fine.
91
00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:25,408
You know what,
maybe I should talk to him.
92
00:05:25,574 --> 00:05:27,159
Oh, now you wanna help?
93
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:29,745
What's that supposed to mean?
94
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,998
It means why didn't you
pick up the phone...
95
00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:34,166
...when I needed you
this afternoon?
96
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:36,502
I didn't want to.
97
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,505
See, see? I can't depend on you.
98
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,383
I never have been able
to depend on you. I never will be.
99
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:45,344
- You know why?
- Because I'm undependable?
100
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,431
Yes, yes. Undependable and selfish.
101
00:05:48,597 --> 00:05:50,224
And frankly, I'm the idiot.
102
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,184
I've deluded myself into believing...
103
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:55,563
...that when I desperately needed
my brother to pick up my kid...
104
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:58,566
...he might actually bother to pick up
the freaking phone.
105
00:05:58,774 --> 00:06:03,904
Okay, okay, in my defense,
I really didn't want to.
106
00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:09,243
Okay, you're right. I'm sorry,
I should have picked up the phone.
107
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,246
Forget it. What's done is done.
No sense grinding on it.
108
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,914
Thank you.
109
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:17,418
I just have to accept the fact
that I can't count on anyone.
110
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,962
Least of all an emotionally immature
narcissist...
111
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:23,424
...who thinks the sun rises out
of his navel, sets in his scrotum...
112
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,719
...and only cares
about what lies between the two.
113
00:06:26,927 --> 00:06:30,222
Okay, I'm no expert,
but that sounds a lot like grinding.
114
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,933
I am done talking to you.
115
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,187
Oh, come on, Alan, I said I was sorry.
Give me another chance.
116
00:06:36,353 --> 00:06:37,772
For what? To let me down?
117
00:06:37,938 --> 00:06:40,858
Tell me what I can do.
Name something. Anything.
118
00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:46,322
Okay, I have to go to Jake's school
if I can keep him from being expelled.
119
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,741
You want me to go?
I am there. Count on me.
120
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,243
No, my receptionist is out sick
all week.
121
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:54,413
And I need somebody to handle
the phones while I'm gone.
122
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,457
- In your office?
- Yes.
123
00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:58,125
Way out in the valley?
124
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,294
Yes.
125
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,962
All day?
126
00:07:02,129 --> 00:07:03,380
Yes.
127
00:07:03,547 --> 00:07:05,758
Gee, tomorrow is not really good
for me.
128
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,888
All right. All right, what time?
129
00:07:11,555 --> 00:07:14,266
- The office opens at 8.
- O'clock?
130
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,103
No, degrees.
131
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,648
No reason to be snide,
I don't wanna be late.
132
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,317
Fine. We leave at 7.
133
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,071
O'clock?
134
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,494
Okay, Charlie, time to get up
and go to work.
135
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,204
Charlie?
136
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:38,415
Of course.
137
00:07:38,582 --> 00:07:41,710
Never even came home.
138
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,298
Why help your only brother...
139
00:07:46,465 --> 00:07:49,385
...when you can be out
boffing total strangers?
140
00:07:51,178 --> 00:07:54,223
"I'll be there for you.
You can count on me."
141
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:59,562
My own fault.
I'm just stupid and gullible...
142
00:07:59,728 --> 00:08:02,022
And annoying. Don't forget annoying.
143
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,150
- You're here?
- You said 7:00, right?
144
00:08:05,317 --> 00:08:07,111
- You got yourself up?
- Didn't have to.
145
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,363
- Why not.
- Didn't sleep.
146
00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:13,242
- You haven't been to bed?
- Not my bed.
147
00:08:14,451 --> 00:08:17,037
You want coffee? I made
some coffee. It's good coffee.
148
00:08:17,204 --> 00:08:18,998
No more coffee.
149
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,293
Why don't you make some more
coffee while I go take a squirt?
150
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:25,879
- Morning.
- Berta. Berta, Berta, Bert, Bert, Bert.
151
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:29,091
- He just getting home?
- Yeah.
152
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:33,220
You gotta wonder how long he'd
keep burning that penis at both ends.
153
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,099
I try not to think about it.
154
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:40,102
Listen, Charlie's coming with me
to work today.
155
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,604
- Why?
- He's gonna help me at the office.
156
00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:44,440
You wanna bet?
157
00:08:44,648 --> 00:08:47,067
- What's up with Uncle Charlie?
- What do you mean?
158
00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:48,736
He's peeing off the deck.
159
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,780
I thought we weren't allowed
to.
160
00:08:51,947 --> 00:08:54,575
- We're not.
- We're not?
161
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,494
No, we're not.
162
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:01,290
Okay. What's the Oompa Loompa
doing here on a weekday?
163
00:09:02,082 --> 00:09:05,419
- He got suspended from school.
- Why isn't he with his mother?
164
00:09:06,503 --> 00:09:09,882
Judith had a little liposuction
yesterday...
165
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,759
...and she needs to stay in bed...
166
00:09:11,925 --> 00:09:15,554
...until she stops leaking fat.
167
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:19,016
Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
168
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,228
So, what did the melon-head do?
169
00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:25,898
Oh, it's a long story.
170
00:09:27,232 --> 00:09:29,610
Worth a thousand words.
171
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:32,654
Come on, Charlie, let's go.
172
00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:34,782
Hang on. I'm not done yet.
173
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:38,368
Oh, will you leave the sea gulls alone
for crying out loud?
174
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,247
So...
175
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,543
...you like making fun of girls
with big boobs?
176
00:09:52,424 --> 00:09:54,510
Not anymore.
177
00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:21,495
Gridlock.
178
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:28,335
Stop.
179
00:10:30,045 --> 00:10:33,048
People do this every day?
Drive to work at eight miles an hour?
180
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,508
Pretty much.
181
00:10:34,716 --> 00:10:37,261
I'd have to kill myself.
182
00:10:37,719 --> 00:10:39,638
- Oh, click.
- What?
183
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,557
I just had a phenomenal
business idea.
184
00:10:41,723 --> 00:10:44,351
They haven't perfected
personal jetpacks yet.
185
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:47,855
Okay, I have another one.
186
00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:51,233
We buy a doughnut machine
and put it in your trunk.
187
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:53,819
Let's go back to the jet-packs.
188
00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:57,114
Hear me out. Next time you're stuck
in a traffic jam...
189
00:10:57,281 --> 00:11:00,993
...just pop your trunk and sell
doughnuts to all the other drivers.
190
00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:02,995
We'll call them...
191
00:11:03,161 --> 00:11:04,997
...Gridnuts.
192
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,583
Trunk Crullers.
193
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:12,087
Stop 'n' Go-Nuts.
194
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,463
- Charlie?
- Yeah?
195
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,465
- Please stop talking.
- Okay.
196
00:11:17,801 --> 00:11:21,388
I got it. Trunkin' Donuts.
197
00:11:31,189 --> 00:11:36,445
Here it is. The chiropractic offices
of Dr. Alan Harper.
198
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,906
This is where you come every day?
199
00:11:40,073 --> 00:11:42,034
Yep. For 11 years.
What do you think?
200
00:11:44,494 --> 00:11:47,623
I would have killed myself
10 and a half years ago.
201
00:11:49,082 --> 00:11:52,336
Okay. Now, all you have to do
is sit here.
202
00:11:52,502 --> 00:11:57,007
And when the phone rings, pick it up
and say, "Dr. Harper's office."
203
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,550
So right off the bat, I lie?
204
00:12:01,428 --> 00:12:02,763
I am a doctor, Charlie.
205
00:12:02,929 --> 00:12:05,182
Yeah, and I'm king
of the traffic doughnuts.
206
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:13,315
Moving on. I've canceled
all the morning appointments...
207
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,984
...the only thing you're gonna
deal with is walk-ins.
208
00:12:16,151 --> 00:12:18,445
Have them make an appointment
for another time.
209
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,989
So I don't get to crack
anybody's back?
210
00:12:21,156 --> 00:12:25,410
Charlie, listen to me very carefully.
211
00:12:25,577 --> 00:12:28,914
You must not touch the patients.
212
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:34,419
This is not me talking.
This is the State of California.
213
00:12:36,421 --> 00:12:39,049
- Okay.
- Let me be absolutely clear.
214
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,677
No touching the patients.
215
00:12:42,886 --> 00:12:44,513
Got it.
216
00:12:44,721 --> 00:12:47,307
What did I just say to you?
Repeat it back to me.
217
00:12:47,474 --> 00:12:50,268
Boy, you're really not
a morning person, are you?
218
00:12:50,477 --> 00:12:52,646
All right, I gotta go
get to Jake's school.
219
00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:55,315
Say a prayer that I can keep him
from being expelled.
220
00:12:55,482 --> 00:12:58,902
Don't worry about a thing. It's
under control. You can count on me.
221
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,072
Oh, if I could believe
even one of those things.
222
00:13:37,732 --> 00:13:40,735
Okay. Where can I hang myself?
223
00:13:46,783 --> 00:13:48,326
Hello.
224
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,662
Oh, hey, Alan.
225
00:13:51,204 --> 00:13:53,790
I said, "Dr. Harper's office."
226
00:13:53,957 --> 00:13:55,542
I did.
227
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,545
You know what, call back
and give me another chance.
228
00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:06,261
Hello. Damn, try it again.
229
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,770
- Are you waiting to see the principal?
- Yeah.
230
00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:18,690
- Oh, have a seat.
- Oh, thank you.
231
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,906
- Alan.
- Mindy.
232
00:14:27,073 --> 00:14:29,492
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
233
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:45,717
You must be Boobra's mom.
234
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:54,976
Barbara's mams.
235
00:14:59,314 --> 00:15:00,899
Hi.
236
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:08,573
Don't worry, Alan.
I'm not touching the patients.
237
00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:14,204
There are human lives
at stake here, man.
238
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,457
I need those spines delivered
immediately.
239
00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:22,337
Hello. Can I give you
a complimentary adjustment?
240
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:24,839
I'm here for the masseuse position.
241
00:15:25,048 --> 00:15:28,885
I see. Well, I'm really not authorized
to do any hiring...
242
00:15:29,052 --> 00:15:32,097
...but you're obviously qualified.
243
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:37,394
So the hell with protocol,
welcome aboard.
244
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,690
Let me tell you, puberty is
hard enough for a young girl...
245
00:15:42,857 --> 00:15:46,903
...without having to be leered at and
made fun of by obnoxious little boys.
246
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:49,322
I couldn't agree with you more.
I assure you...
247
00:15:49,489 --> 00:15:53,159
...I've had a talk with Jake about how
wrong it is to objectify women's...
248
00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:56,204
Up here. I'm up here.
249
00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:01,126
I know. I know. I see you.
And let me tell you something.
250
00:16:01,292 --> 00:16:03,419
There is no one more sympathetic
than l...
251
00:16:03,586 --> 00:16:05,880
...to the plight
of the large-breasted woman.
252
00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:09,843
Plight? It's not an affliction.
253
00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:13,638
Well, no, not the breasts themselves
but the attendant back problems...
254
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:17,016
...associated with carrying
the enormous load.
255
00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:20,895
So now my breasts are a load?
256
00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:23,982
From a strictly engineering standpoint,
yes.
257
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,442
See, see, I am a chiropractor.
258
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:29,237
And I deal with the heartache
of MMS all the time.
259
00:16:29,404 --> 00:16:31,990
- MMS?
- Massive Mammary Syndrome.
260
00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:35,618
A term I coined in an article
I submitted...
261
00:16:35,785 --> 00:16:38,705
...to the Journal of the American
Chiropractic Association.
262
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,665
It hasn't really caught on.
263
00:16:40,832 --> 00:16:43,918
Anyway, MMS is particularly acute
among strippers...
264
00:16:44,085 --> 00:16:47,964
...but they bring it on themselves
with those humongous implants.
265
00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:50,425
Yours, on the other hand,
appear quite natural.
266
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,677
God given, am I right?
267
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,015
What the hell is wrong with you?
268
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:00,727
I don't know.
269
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:04,606
I was a bottle baby.
270
00:17:14,198 --> 00:17:16,492
I'm sorry, Dr. Harper's
not in this morning.
271
00:17:16,659 --> 00:17:19,621
If your back's bothering you,
we do have a masseuse on duty.
272
00:17:19,787 --> 00:17:21,247
Fine. Anything.
273
00:17:21,414 --> 00:17:24,626
Let's see, she just went in with
a patient about five minutes ago.
274
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:28,588
- So if you don't mind waiting...
- Thank you, that was great.
275
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:30,924
Good. Come back soon.
276
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,718
Soon? I'll be back after lunch.
277
00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:38,056
- You next?
- Oh, please.
278
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:39,682
Let's go.
279
00:17:42,018 --> 00:17:43,937
- What's this?
- Your cut.
280
00:17:46,939 --> 00:17:48,816
Click!
281
00:17:51,152 --> 00:17:53,780
- I am really sorry.
- Just drop it.
282
00:17:55,865 --> 00:18:00,203
You know, in my defense...
Well, well, in the defense of all men...
283
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,747
...we do live in a mammo-centric
society.
284
00:18:02,955 --> 00:18:04,415
Mammo-centric?
285
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,251
Another coinage of mine.
286
00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:11,381
Hasn't really permeated
the cultural Zeitgeist.
287
00:18:11,547 --> 00:18:13,925
Hey, bottle baby, I'm up here.
288
00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:17,679
That perfectly illustrates my points.
Point.
289
00:18:20,264 --> 00:18:24,227
From the moment we are born, we are
basically bombarded by breasts.
290
00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:28,147
Breasts in advertising,
breasts in television, in movies.
291
00:18:28,314 --> 00:18:31,651
Here a breast, there a breast,
everywhere a breast-breast.
292
00:18:32,235 --> 00:18:34,445
Heck, you can understand
the fixation.
293
00:18:35,279 --> 00:18:37,448
You're a horrible little man.
294
00:18:38,324 --> 00:18:42,120
Okay, I had hoped that we could have
a spirited exchange of ideas here.
295
00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:45,123
But if we are gonna just degenerate
into name-calling...
296
00:18:45,289 --> 00:18:49,001
...we should wait for the principal to
decide what a reasonable punishment...
297
00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:52,171
- ...for my son would be.
- Fine. We'll let the principal decide.
298
00:18:52,338 --> 00:18:53,756
Okay.
299
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:58,970
I'm Principal Gallagher.
300
00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:02,515
Oh, God,
my boy's gonna get the chair.
301
00:19:07,937 --> 00:19:09,772
Time.
302
00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:15,862
Man, is this day ever gonna end?
303
00:19:21,409 --> 00:19:22,660
Hey, Alan.
304
00:19:26,539 --> 00:19:27,748
What's going on here?
305
00:19:27,915 --> 00:19:29,750
I had another business idea.
306
00:19:29,959 --> 00:19:32,044
- You what?
- Hear me out.
307
00:19:32,211 --> 00:19:34,797
What do men like better
than doughnuts?
308
00:19:38,217 --> 00:19:40,011
Hang on.
309
00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:43,306
Time.
310
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:55,067
Four thousand two hundred,
4300, 301, 302...
311
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:57,904
I hate singles.
Don't you hate singles?
312
00:19:58,070 --> 00:20:01,824
You turned my business
into a brothel.
313
00:20:01,991 --> 00:20:05,119
I thought you'd be proud of me.
I didn't touch a single patient.
314
00:20:05,328 --> 00:20:08,039
I left you alone
for a couple of hours...
315
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:10,917
...and you turned my business
into a brothel.
316
00:20:11,751 --> 00:20:14,253
You know what you need?
A nice, relaxing massage.
317
00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:17,006
Oh, shut up.
318
00:20:17,173 --> 00:20:18,633
There is a happy ending here.
319
00:20:18,799 --> 00:20:21,135
From what I saw,
there was like 40 of them.
320
00:20:22,511 --> 00:20:24,805
And that's just what's on the books.
321
00:20:24,972 --> 00:20:28,768
I don't want to know about it.
I never wanna know about it.
322
00:20:28,935 --> 00:20:31,270
- Okay, we'll change the subject.
- Thank you.
323
00:20:31,437 --> 00:20:34,523
- How did it go at Jake's school?
- I don't want to talk about it.
324
00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:36,484
I never wanna talk about it.
325
00:20:36,651 --> 00:20:40,279
- You screwed up, huh?
- Ln ways you can't imagine.
326
00:20:40,488 --> 00:20:41,864
So he's expelled?
327
00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:44,533
No, he's just suspended
for the week.
328
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,495
That's not so bad.
It's already Wednesday.
329
00:20:47,662 --> 00:20:49,580
I have been asked never to set foot...
330
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:52,541
...on the grounds of Woodward
Avenue Elementary School.
331
00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:54,460
- No kidding.
- And it was suggested...
332
00:20:54,627 --> 00:20:56,587
...that I resign from the PT A.
333
00:20:56,754 --> 00:20:58,839
And there's talk of a civil suit.
334
00:20:59,006 --> 00:21:00,925
Principal Gallagher's lesbian lover...
335
00:21:01,092 --> 00:21:03,678
...might just drop by tonight
to kick my ass.
336
00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:05,554
Remind me to charge the camcorder.
337
00:21:06,681 --> 00:21:08,808
Oh, click, another great business idea.
338
00:21:08,974 --> 00:21:10,768
- I don't wanna hear it.
- Just listen.
339
00:21:10,935 --> 00:21:13,229
We put a massage table
in the trunk of your car.
340
00:21:13,396 --> 00:21:15,606
- Forget it, Charlie.
- We'd probably need a van.
341
00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:17,441
- I'm not listening.
- Oh, come on.
342
00:21:17,608 --> 00:21:21,362
Who needs their tension relieved
more than guys stuck in traffic?
343
00:21:21,529 --> 00:21:25,241
We'll call it,
Bumper to Humper.
344
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,327
Speed Humps.
345
00:21:28,494 --> 00:21:30,913
I got it. Jiffy Lube.
346
00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:33,666
Oh, wait, somebody already has that.
347
00:21:57,022 --> 00:21:59,108
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
348
00:21:59,275 --> 00:22:01,360
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