All language subtitles for Uranus.Attacks.2024.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.LT]

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[rooster crows]

[banjo music]

[dog panting]

MAN: I need you to
stop doing that.

BOY: OK.

[music playing]

[children clamoring]

[snores]

More spanking?

A little spanking there?

[snores]

[children scream]

Ah.

[glass shatters]

Oh!

Not a-- mm.

Oh.

Ah.

Damn it!

Earl!

Hey, mom.

Oh, hey.
Morning, honey.

You want some coffee?

No, thanks.

Earl broke the-- sorry, can
you just-- can you cover

up just a little bit, please?

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.
You know what?

Never mind.

I got it.

What about Earl?

LUKE: Doesn't matter.

Hey, don't go over to Earl's.

Honey?

[music playing]

Hey, Earl.

Earl.

Hey, Earl.

Can I talk to you for a second?

You are talking to me.

Earl, I'd really like it if
we could just talk man to man.

I would like it if Marisa
Tomei talked to me woman to man,

but that ain't going to happen.
So what are you going to do?

Your golf ball
broke my window.

I didn't do it.

Well, then what's this?

It's a golf ball.

It ain't mine.

Oh, yeah.

No, it was some other jerk
hitting golf balls next door.

You say something to me?

Yeah, you're responsible.

And you broke my window, my
mom's window, our window.

Well, which is it, your
window, mommy's window?

Whose--
- It's my mom's house.

So you broke her window.

You're standing up
for your mommy now?

Yeah.
Yeah, I am.

I didn't have a problem with
your mom until you moved back.

And now it's always, Earl,
don't urinate in our yard.

Earl, don't bring rescue
eagles to the house.

Earl, you can't
sunbathe on the roof.

Earl, you can't
run a dispensary.

Earl, you ran over my dog.

You did run over
my dog when I was 14.

That was you, you lying piece--
- Hey, Earl.

Hey, I was wondering if
I could ask you a favor.

Could you help me replace
my window, please?

I'm sure it was an accident.

Yeah, anything, Miss Patty.

While I'm at it,
I'll teach your boy

how to do stuff around the
house, you know, be a man.

That would be lovely, Earl.

Mm.

Come on.

Your breath is full of murder.

Look, it's just a window, OK?

Also, you need to get going.

I packed this for you.

And you need to go
and impress the mayor,

get that big promotion.
So you don't want to be late.

Mom, please, it's
not that big of a deal.

Well, if it makes you
happy, it's a big deal to me.

OK, you go ahead and
think about yourself.

I'll be fine.

I can handle Earl.

I don't like that you can't.

I'll see you later.

Don't go to the trailer.

Shut your goddamn mouth.

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Roy.

You will not believe what
Earl did this morning.

Forget Earl.

Where are you?

Tiffany is pissed.

I'm on Route 66.

What happened?

Someone forgot to
close Uranus last night.

Well, Cletus was
supposed to close Uranus.

Cletus just said you were
supposed to close your Uranus.

LUKE [ON PHONE]: What?
No, he closed.

Not me.

Tiffany is pissed.

She's about to open Uranus.

Hey, when you say "Uranus,"
do you mean "Uranus"

or "your anus"?

Both.

Come to Uranus as
fast as you can.

The mayor has some big surprise.

LUKE [ON PHONE]: What is it?

If I knew what it was, it
wouldn't be a big surprise.

Well, listen, I'll be
there as soon as I can.

Don't let him start without me.

Excuse me.

I can't get the cards.

Can you move?

The cards are underneath your--

I bet it's probably about
that assistant manager position.

Just cover for me.

As your best friend--

Not my best friend.

Your best friend
will cover your anus.

Thanks, not my best friend.

And I will fabricate
a lie so ingenious

that tabloids will use it
for future generations to--

[phone disconnects]
Hello?

Yeah.

Yes, I'll see you very
soon, best friend.

Yes, you're clearly
on the phone with me.

All right, love you.

Bye.

Is this your card?

[whistling]

Is it one of these four?

[hacking]

You cheated.

[ominous music]

[slug screeches]

[ominous music]

Ah.

[slug screeches]

[grunts] There it is, yep.

[ominous music]

What the-- Oh, man.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

Oh.

Oh!

[groans] Oh.

Oh, no.

Ow!

[jarring music]

[music stops]

[pop music] Watch me,
watch me, watch me

Did you never think about it
- Hey.

[horn honks]

[pop music]

Are you serious?

Hello?

[SINGING] Pushing this boy
Can you handle, handle me?

See that booty in the back

Think you're going
to get a snack

Move!

[SINGING] Now watch me
strut with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Strut--

Hey!

[SINGING] --with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Booty in the back

Booty in the front

Booty for breakfast

Booty for lunch

See me on the tick TikTok

[siren wailing]

Fudge!

[siren wailing]

[music playing distantly]

[radio chatter]

[knock on window]

Going a little
fast, weren't you?

Sorry, there was a lady jogging
right in the middle of the road.

I didn't see no lady.

Did you, Sheriff?

No, I didn't.

I work at Uranus
Fudge Factory,

and they have this big
announcement there today.

And I'm feeling--

What is that,
some kind of joke?

Yeah, is that
some kind of joke?

Maybe a poop joke?

Ernie, how is "Big
announcement" a poop joke?

Could be a big poop.

License and registration.

Are you serious?

Dead serious.

He's going for a weapon!

He's going to try and
give us a paper cut!

[radio chatter]

I hate that man.

[ominous music]

[knock on door]

[ominous music]

Hey, Earl.

You're a little
early for the window.

I still need to go to the
hardware store and pick it up,

so.

[grunts]

You OK?

[ominous music]

OK.

Well, I will let you know
when I have the window.

And have a good day, Earl.

Hey, honey.

Honey, you are drunk, OK?

You need to go home.

You need to sleep it off.

Earl, no!

Earl, no!

Get out of my house!

No, Earl!

Get out!

Get out!

[screams]

[radio chatter]

I ran your registration.

This is Patty McCormick's car.

Did you steal it from her?

She's my mom.

You know this, Ernie.

We went to high school together.

That's Deputy Ernie to you.

Easy.

Sorry, Sheriff.

I just get really upset
when people break the law.

It makes me mad, mad.

Mad, I tell you!

Mad!

You got my deputy
all riled up.

You were 15 over.

And in this county,
that's a criminal offense.

So you're going to have
to go down to court.

- Court?
- Don't you worry.

I set you one up already.

I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed, a
young man with a future

full of promise.

I don't know if I'm
comfortable with you

using that familiar tone.

Well, get comfortable with it!

You know, I talked to your
mom at length when we dated.

And I know it would just
break her heart to see

her little boy as a criminal.

Yeah, a dirty, rotten,
no good, stinking,

lousy, horrible criminal!

I'll tell you what,
I won't tell your mom

if you clean up your act.

You dated my mom for a week.

Slow down.

[radio chatter]

[music playing]

[horn honks]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You crazy cat!

Are you OK?

Ah!

What the heck?

Why?

Freaking fish!

Watch how you drive in Uranus!

[groans]

Man, it took you long enough.

Dude, the sheriff
gave me a stupid ticket.

- Really?
- Yes.

Man, you think he would
have let you off since he

and your mom hooked up.

Don't say "hook up," Roy.

Sorry, made love.

That's even worse.

They dated for a week
and nothing happened.

Dude, your mom is a
beautiful woman with needs.

And I want you to let
me know that if she

ever has needs that
need fulfilled,

I can be there for her--

- Roy, that's--
- --so fast.

- That's enough.
- I'll be there for her.

Roy, that's enough.

- Just like I'm here for you--
- Roy--

- --I can be there for your mom.
- --that is enough.

I'm just saying.

Thank you.

I told everyone that
the two-headed turtle

got out of its terrarium again.

They're all going to
be looking for it.

So no one will notice
that you came in late.

- OK, great.
- All right.

Thanks, I owe you.

Yeah, you do.

Man, people are driving
crazy in Uranus.

What-- go back to the shop!

All right.

Now remember, stick to
the story and no one

will know that you were gone.

[music playing]

Oh, f--

BOTH: Fudge.

It looks like they
found the turtle, Roy.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Miss Tiffany.

Hi, y'all.

I heard that the two-headed
turtle had escaped.

And Roy was telling
me about that.

And I went looking for it.

Did you guys find it?

The turtle's in its cage.

Oh.

[laughs sarcastically]

Wow, it must have climbed
down and then climbed back in.

Imagine that.

Two-headed turtles are very
nomadic from what I hear,

twice as nomadic as
a one-headed turtle.

Push and Pull had a good
old time, didn't they?

Yep, I bet they did.

So much fun.

They were so fast.

It's turtles.

You didn't even take
it out of the cage?

I tried.

Mr. Mayor, would you like
to give your big announcement?

All right, everybody quiet down.

Settle in.

The mayor is going to make
his big announcement, which is

probably about his retirement.

Thank you, Cletus.

That was the news.

I was going to tell everybody.

All right.

Well, everybody already knows.

I'm considering retiring.

Damn it.

I was going to be the one--
you took away my thunder!

Wait, wait, wait.

Does this mean you're
closing Uranus?

No, no.

I'm keeping Uranus wide open.

I mean, we have all these
amazing fudge packers.

And someone needs to be
grabbing people's Redneck Nutz.

What's most important, though,
is we need a new leader.

Someone who can carry
these stars and stripes.

Someone as handsome and as smart
and as extremely humble as yours

truly.

And I want it to
be one of you guys.

So for the next few
months, I'm going

to be observing very closely
each and every one of you.

And hopefully, one of you
deserve to wear my suit.

No, no, your own suit.

All right, let's
all go back to work.

All right, you
heard Miss Tiffany.

Let's get back to being the
best fudge packers we can be.

Grab those nuts, Redneck Nutz.

Pack that fudge.

And let's help everyone in
Uranus that we possibly can.

Not you, Luke.

You stay.

Do you need me to stay, too?

Is your name Luke?

No, it's Roy.

OK, then get back to
the sideshow museum.

Yes, Miss Tiff--

LUKE: Later, dude.

I'm sorry.

What's up, Miss Tiffany?

Uh.

Look, is this about
me closing last night?

Because Cletus was the one that
was scheduled to do that, so.

Are you calling me a liar?

Uh, no.

I'm just saying that if
your name is associated

with the closing shift, that
usually means that you're

going to close the store.

Look, I read it as
"close," not "close."

Like, be close to the
store, not close the store.

Yeah, and I thought giving
you the keys and saying lock it

up was pretty self-explanatory.

Listen, this pee-pee
measuring contest ends today.

Shake hands.

Nope.

Come on, shake hands.

Now hug.

I'm not going to do that.

MISS TIFFANY: Hug.

LUKE: No.

MISS TIFFANY: We
don't have all day.

Hug it out.

Come on.

I'm on top.

MISS TIFFANY: Now kiss.

- No.
- Not a cha--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Thank you, Miss Tiffany.

I'm going to take Luke
here, and we're going

to go have a few words, OK?

Hey, Luke.

I'm watching you.

Get back to your station.

Go.

[music playing]

Have a seat, Luke.

Nice shot.

[banjo note plays]

So how's Miss Patty doing?

She's fine.

Yeah, she is.

Yeah.

It's not what I meant, yeah.

Did you want to talk
to me about something?

Oh, yeah.

Right, right.

I don't know if you've heard,
but I'm thinking about retiring.

Yeah, yeah.

We all heard that,
like, five minutes ago

when we were down there.
- Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm thinking about
making you my replacement.

What?

Really, why?

Why?

Oh, come on, Luke.

You're smart.

You're funny.

You're educated.

You know the business
side of this.

I think this would really
be good for Uranus.

Good for your
heinous-- you get it?

[laughs] Oh, man.

I don't know what to say.

It's not a done
deal, but I personally

think that you have the
qualities it takes to really

be a great leader, Luke.

Can I ask you, why me?

I mean, there's
plenty of other people

that have been here for
a lot longer than I have.

Well, it's obvious.

I mean, you've got ambition.

And you've got real
world experience.

And definitely, you've worn
suits that are a lot more

boring than this one.

I know for a fact you would
be a great ass-et, asset.

[chuckles] You get it?

No offense, I don't know if
I want to stay here in Uranus.

I still have goals and dreams.

Like what?

Have a family, you know,
be the head of a company.

Just be important.

Well, that's exactly
what I'm offering you here,

I mean, except for
the family part.

You're going to have to
do that one yourself.

Yeah, but in Uranus?

What?

You're-- you're too proud?

Is this beneath you to
make people laugh and--

No.

--put smiles on
people's faces?

LUKE: No.

I mean, even as
the mayor of Uranus?

It's not like that, sir.

Then what's it like?

I don't know what I want.

Well, I'll tell you
what, you take some time.

You think about this.

But you get back to me, OK?

OK.

Oh, wait, wait.

Can you do me one more
favor before you leave?

Yeah.

When you get back down there,
would you tell Cletus to stop

grabbing every customer's nuts?

Let's let the fudge packers
have a little fun for a change.

Yeah.

Thank you, buddy.

You're welcome, pal.

[music playing]

Check around back.

[music playing]

Miss McCormick?

[ominous music]

[slug screeches]

Welcome to Uranus.

So, what's the tea?

The tea?

The tea, the hot goss,
the 401, the down low.

Oh, my gosh.

Tell me what the mayor told you.

How do you know that?

A magician never
reveals his secrets.

You're not a
real magician, Roy.

A magician in training
never reveals his secrets.

Roy.

All right, a sideshow
museum employee

never reveals her secrets.

Tell me what he said.

He wanted me to be the mayor.

BOTH: Welcome to Uranus.

Shut up.

You're going to be the--
- Shh!

Shut up!
Shut up!

I told him I'd think about it.

You're going to be
the mayor of Uranus?

- [whispering]
- Sorry, sorry.

Dude, I said I'd
think about it.

I'd think about it.

Think about it?

What is there to think about?
Say yes!

No.

And then-- oh, then you can
make me your deputy mayor.

And you'd be like,
he's my number two.

Look, can--
that's pretty good.

Yeah.

Can we not talk
about this right now?

Don't you have
anything better to do?

No, because I'm
your best friend.

Dude, you're not
my best friend.

And it falls under
my best friend duties--

You're not my best friend.

BOTH: Welcome to Uranus.

--my best friend duties--

Not my best friend.

Duties, so.

Duties.

[both chuckle]

To celebrate with you.

Come on, let's celebrate.

Well, where are we going
to go, Walmart or Lowe's?

Judy's Place.

Dude, we go
there all the time.

That's not really a
celebrating place.

It is if I buy you drinks.

But, like, one drink because
I get paid next week.

Listen, it may
not even happen.

I know I should be
happy, but I'm not.

Don't touch that.
- Ow!

Come on, man, this
is a big deal.

You should be happy.

Don't be a grumpy goose.

Be a happy duck.

Come on.

Say, I'm a happy duck.
- Dude, no.

- Say, I'm a happy duck.
- No.

- Who's a happy duck?
- Stop it.

- Who's a happy duck?
- I'm done.

Who's a happy duck?

I'm a happy duck.

I'm a happy duck.

He's a happy duck, everyone.

He's a happy duck.

Hey, happy duck.

Ha.

Ha.

Diana.

Hey.

Hi.

How can I pack your fudge?

Oh, that's a bit
forward, isn't it?

Sorry.
No, no, no, sorry.

That's just part of--
- No, no, relax.

I know.
It's part of the shtick.

Um, I need a pound of peanut
butter fudge for my mom.

It's her favorite.

It's her birthday.
- Oh, cool.

I wanted to surprise her.

Well, Luke can pack your
mom's fudge really good.

[laughs] OK, you're funny.

Happy birthday to mom,
even though she's not my mom.

Because we'd have to be married
in order for her to be my mom.

And that's-- we-- that isn't--

that--

Dude.

There you go.

Thanks.

Hey, Luke and I are
celebrating tonight.

Really?

What for?

Some top secret Uranus stuff.

But we would love it if you
came and had drinks with us

at Judy's Place.

You know what, Roy--

sorry, he loves to plan a lot
of stuff, you know, last minute.

I'm sure she's got
a lot of other--

MAN: Welcome to Uranus.

Welcome to Uranus.

I'm already going there
tonight with some friends.

- Really?
- Yeah.

We're friends.

We are, and so
are Janice and Beau.

Janice sounds nice.

She can be.

Beau's going to be there?

Sup, fudge packers?

BOTH: Beau.

So nice to smell you.

Luke, buddy, when did
you get back to town?

Um, like, a year ago.

Crazy.

I haven't seen you
in here at all.

Yeah, you come in here,
like, every other week.

- Yeah.
- I can smell it.

Yeah, I've been pretty
busy running my dad's

tractor rental business.

That's what I smell.

Yeah, it's the manure.

Business is going pretty
good, as you can probably tell.

That's really cool.

What was the genius's name?

It's me.

I'm the genius.

But I thought
your name was Beau.

Ooh!

Let me get you some aloe
vera for that sick burn.

So, Luke, will
I see you tonight?

At Judy's Place?

You guys sure you
can afford that?

Yeah, we have coupons.

You know--
WOMAN: Welcome to Uranus.

BOTH: Welcome to Uranus.

You know what?

I actually-- I'm really,
really busy tonight.

Yeah, yeah.

No, for sure, for sure.

It looks like it.

Yeah, there's actually a lot
that goes into making Uranus

Fudge Factory run smoothly.

Yeah.

Stuff that maybe
geniuses like you

may not be able to comprehend.

Cool, cool.

Babe, are you ready to go?

Yeah.

Um, You should
come tonight, Luke.

It would be fun to catch up.

Hey, babe.

You ready to go?

I just took a bath
in Axe body spray.

God, I hate that guy!

Dude, why is
she even with him?

Probably because you
haven't asked her out.

Dude, I can't
just ask her out.

Yes, you can.

It's real easy.

She was, like, right there.

You've been in love with
her since high school.

Why can't you just call her up?

Dude, because she's somebody.

She deserves to
be with somebody.

And you think Beau's somebody?

Beau?

Listen, as your
best friend it's--

Why do you keep saying
that you're my best friend?

Because you're my best friend.

I am?

Dude, why do you
hurt me like that?

Dude, dude.

I'm kidding.

Whatever.

Do you want to go get lunch?

WOMAN: Welcome to Uranus.

Welcome to Uranus.

Yeah, that's good.

I'll take that.

[beeping]

Hm.

[beep]

Hm.

What?

Mama said I need
to go on a diet.

Ah.

Hey, Sheriff.

Hmm.

Have you ever had
to fire your gun?

Seven times.

[coughs] Seven times?

You've shot seven people?

No, I have discharged
my sidearm seven times.

Oh.

I never hit anything.

Do you think I'll ever
get to discharge my sidearm?

Hmm, let's hope it
never comes down to that.

Oh.

Hey, Sheriff.

Hmm.

DEPUTY: Have you ever
wanted to, you know,

move someplace with a
little bit more action?

Action?

Yeah, like drug
dealers peddling heroin,

or a serial killer that's
leaving behind breadcrumbs,

or chasing a bad guy on a
train while it's raining.

No, I do not.

Oh.

Because if that's
happening in my town,

that means I failed to
scare the criminals away.

And you've done a fantastic
job of that, Sheriff.

The only violators we have
around here are speeders.

You just be thankful we
live in a quiet, peaceful town

with hardworking Americans.

Why's that?

[inhales deeply]
[exhales sharply]

'Cause I've seen
some things, things

that'll give you nightmares.

DEPUTY: Like what?

I wouldn't want to burden
you with that knowledge.

Oh.

[ominous music]

Whoa!

Oh.

Ah!

Our father who art in
heaven, hallowed be thy name!

Whoa, Deputy!

Whoa.

I think it's a fighter jet
from the military base.

What?

A fighter jet.

What?

It was just a flyover.

Relax.

Oh.

Well, at least I got
to fire my sidearm.

Yeah.

Yeah, you did.

I guess I got my wish.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Just get in the car.

False alarm.

Huh?

Oh, OK.

[music playing]

Oh, welcome to Uranus.

Can I grab you a nuts?

I beg your pardon?

Redneck Nutz.

Maybe I can pack your fudge.

[growls]

Or maybe I can show
you around Uranus.

I'm looking for
Luke McCormick.

Where is he?

He's not here.

He went to lunch.

Where?

I don't know.

He'll be back soon.

Has Luke shown any
abnormal behavior?

I'll be quite honest.

I've never seen Luke's abs to
know whether they're normal

or not.

But Roy on the other hand,
he ain't got any abs.

Has he been acting strange?

Roy's kind of an off brand
Jack Black, so I'd say yes.

Not Roy, Luke.

Has Luke been exhibiting
anything irregular?

Oh, that

Well, ma'am, I understand
that this is Uranus and all,

but you don't want
to see whether Luke

is irregular or regular,
if you catch my drift.

Oh, that's my ear.

Oh, that hurts.

I don't have time
for your games.

I'm with the utility company.

Give me a call the second
you see Luke McCormick.

He must have run
up quite the bill.

He has.

Thanks for coming in Uranus.

Goodbye, Luke.

Hello, Mr. Mayor Cletus.

[laughs] Hey!

What the fudge, Tiffany?

That is not what we're doing!

There's nothing like a
little tickle in your anus.

Get off me!

LUKE: Roy, do you
have any dreams?

Huh?

Do you have dreams and goals?

I've always wanted to solve a
Sudoku puzzle in under an hour.

I mean, like, is it
your dream to stay here

and do this forever?

Wouldn't that be
awesome, staying

here with my best friend,
making poop jokes all day.

Zero drama.

Did you ever want to go out
and see what else is out there?

Like you did?

Yeah.

Would you come with me?

Why?

It's a scary world out there.

[both shriek]

And what if there's
more people like this?

Bad kitty!

That's a bad kitty!

Go home!

Go back to the shop!

How do you pay her?

I pay her in kibble.

It's not even cat kibble.

It's dog kibble.

But for real.

Hypothetically, you could
do anything in the world

that you wanted that
would make you happy.

What would you do?

I'm too stupid
to do what I want.

Not as dumb as the guy who
moved back in with his mom

after his business failed.

Who's that?

Maybe not.

Dude, I'm talking about me, Roy.

Oh, yeah.

Because you-- you left
and you moved back.

And now you live with your mom.
- That's enough.

ROY: And--

What would make you happy?

Mm.

Dog farm.

What?

- Dog farm.
- Yeah.

No, I heard you the first time.

What is a dog farm?

You know when parents
tell their kids when

their dog's getting old,
OK, kids, we're going

to take the dog to the farm?

Yeah.

I want to be that farm.

So you want to kill dogs?

No!

I don't want to kill dogs.

I want to take care of
them, you know, help them

be happy through their their
last day, take care of the dogs

that people don't want.

Maybe there's, like, a
puppy farm for people.

OK.

So you want to board dogs?

If I got enough dogs,
they wouldn't be bored.

Oh, and a wife.

What does she look like?

I have no idea.

But she has the same quality
that I look for in every woman.

No sense of smell?

No, no.

She's gotta like me.

Hmm.

Because even if she
likes me just a little bit,

I can take that little
like and turn it into love.

That's cute and sad all
at the same time, Roy.

You work with what you got.

Yeah.

What about you?

What would you do if you
could do anything you wanted?

I don't know.

I don't know if I'd want to
stay in this town or not,

but I want to be somewhere
where I feel like I belong

and I feel like I'm
important, you know.

Like, maybe have a big business
or invent something, you know?

Just do something people
remember me for, you know?

Something big that
Uranus will never forget.

Yeah.

I know I didn't want to come
back here, that's for sure.

Not even for Diana?

I don't know, man.

Speaking of which, are we
going out tonight or what?

Dude, I don't want
to bump into Diana.

Can I bump into her?

Hey!

Kidding.

But seriously, why not?

Why don't you want to go out?

Dude, you know why--

Beau.

She did not look
excited to see Beau.

She did look excited
to spend time with you.

Well, she did say that.

And, hey, if it
all falls through,

you can at least wingman
for your best friend.

You're not my best friend.

I'm going to ignore that
you said that because we

just had a really nice moment.

[scoffs]

Break's up.

We should probably
get back to Uranus.

[blows raspberry]

[music playing]

Hey, why don't you
holster that thing?

Yes, sir.

Donut crust everywhere.

Here, you want one?

No, thank you.

You sure?

These are really good.

I had one.

Well, I know.

I don't need another one.

A good one always
deserves a second one.

No, no, no.

I'm good.

OFFICER [ON RADIO]:
Transport is on the way.

All units respond.

I'm here.

That's a 10-25.

I wish you'd let me-- oop.

[growling]

Do you hear that?

Yeah, it sounded like a bear.

Or a cougar.

We should check that out.

OK.

[growling]

Ah!

Sheriff, they got me!

[growling]

Earl?

It's going down south!

What the heck is that?

- You feeling all right?
- No!

We'll get you
down to the station,

get you sobered up, all right?

Oh, man, you don't look so good.

Oh, what's happening?

[slug screeches]

[dramatic music]

[growling]

[dramatic music]

[phone rings]

The rocket has landed.

What?

The cock has hollered and
is now roosting at the roost.

Excuse me?

The knuckle's been buckled.

Are you speaking in a
code implying that Luke

McCormick has returned?

Yes.

[sighs] All right.

Keep him there.

We will be there shortly.

Johnson, it's time to go.

Stop playing Candy Crush.

[phone chimes]

[chuckles malevolently]
I know what you're up to.

Oh!

Cletus, you-- nice shorts.

Man, I hope you
don't catch a cold.

It's so breezy.

Don't you patronize me.

I know you're up to something.

You know what, Cletus?

If you can tell me what
the word "patronize"

means, I'll gladly tell
you exactly what I'm up to.

You think you can
just abandon your town

and then waltz right back in,
be a mediocre fudge packer,

nut grabber, and wear
long pants and just

charm your way to the top?

Look, I didn't leave
and abandon the town.

I just went to college
and I got a real job.

You think you're
better than me?

Yeah, just a little bit.

Why don't you tell me what's
bothering you, Daisy Duke?

I know the mayor's looking
at you to replace him.

That's not true.

When he retires, there's going
to be a huge hole in Uranus,

and nobody can fill it!

[crying]

Cletus.

Cletus.

He's the father
I always wanted!

Handsome, smart, and humble.

You know, he's a dilf too.

Suited to loving fudge.

Stop it.

You're scaring the customers.

Welcome to Uranus.

Welcome to Uranus.

Keep it together.

Keep it together.

Look, walk with me.

I don't care about
being the mayor.

You're just saying
that because you

want to be humble like him.

No, no, no, no.

I actually-- I don't care.

You know who I think would
do a great job at it is you.

You do?

Yeah, you'd be great at it.

I might just walk
upstairs and tell him

you're the man for the job.

I see what you're
trying to do.

You're trying to
get me off my guard.

That way, bam, you
can sneak up and take

me down with your master plan.

Why is this the craziest day?

You know what, Cletus?

Guess what?

I don't care.

I don't care about Uranus.

I don't care about
packing fudge.

I don't care about
picking your anus.

I don't care about Redneck Nutz.

I don't care about talking
about the big black cock.

[cock crows]

You know what, Cletus?

I don't care about anything!

You want to be the mayor?

You can do it, all right?

I'm out, dude!

Get some pants!

Huzzah!

No.

No, Luke, come back.

Oh, fudge!

Hey, Luke.

Not now, dude!

You stupid cat!

Hey, what's wrong?

You want to know what's up?

Yeah, yeah.
What's wrong?

It's Cletus.

It's this stupid town.

It's that stupid cat.

That's why I was excited
to get out of here, man.

It's going to
be OK, all right?

Everything's fine.

Everything's chill.

I'm out, dude.

Wait, you're out?

What does out mean?

Like, leaving?

Luke, are you leaving?

Wait, just-- so you're leaving?

Luke, are you leaving?

Luke, are you leaving?

I see you getting in your--

don't leave.

Luke, don't you start that car.

Luke, don't leave.

Luke, are you leaving?

Luke, come back.

Luke!

Oh, this is bad.

I gotta smooth this over.

I'm going to go check on--

go back to the shop!

[crying softly]

Why are we here?

Oh, thank you for meeting me
by the big black cock, Tiffany.

I want to make a
formal complaint.

Luke berated me in front
of the customers and--

and all the other staff members
just so he could make himself

look like he fits the
mayor role even better.

He took away my power.

Oh, I see it in your eyes.

He made you think
that I'm crazy.

Oh, he's good.

He's playing chess, and I'm--

I'm stuck here playing boggle.

Checkers?

What?

Checkers.

The term is "checkers."

It's not "boggle."

I don't like checkers.

I like boggle.

No, that's not the point.

Oh, hey, Sheriff.

Earl, you don't look so good.

What's he doing?

What are you doing?

No!

[both scream]

Welcome to Uranus.

Hello.

Welcome to Uranus, indeed.

I'm looking for
Luke McCormick.

Do you know where he is?

I don't know.

He and Cletus had a big,
big fight, and he left.

Not as big as you,
though, big boy.

Hello.

It is imperative
that I find him.

Who would know where he is?

Oh, you just look like a
tree I could scurry up all day.

[mimics squirrel] Oh,
squirrel wants her candy.

OK, excuse me, Luke McCormick?

Excuse me.

I heard you the first time,
and my answer is still the same.

I don't know.

What say we ditch
this frigid lady

and you sling me over
your big, broad shoulders

like a sack of apples?

Hey, can you
have someone watch

the sideshow museum for me?

Not now, Roy.

Mama's working.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

Try the number two.

It's amazing.

Luke might be going through
something right now.

And so I just want to
go check on and make

sure he's OK, all right?

Luke McCormick?

Yeah.

No.

Wait, who are you?

Tourists.

We heard Luke packs
the best fudge.

You just give me five minutes
and you'll forget all about Luke

packing anything.

Luke does pack a mean fudge.

[romantic music]

Uh, yeah.

I'm going to leave
you in good hands.

Not her hands.

But you're beautiful.

I mean, Uranus is beautiful.

It's a beautiful day in Uranus.

Shh.

Bye.

OK.

We need to split up.

You stay here in
case he circles back.

I'll follow this lead
and bring in Luke.

Don't mingle with the locals.

Things are about to
get messy in Uranus.

Call me!

I'll pack your fudge.

[horn honks]

[growling]

What the heck?

Hey, Mom, did you leave
the door unlocked?

Mom?

[growling]

Mom?

[growling]

[ominous music]

[growling]

Mom?

Mom?

Mom?

Mom, are you in my room?

Hey.

Oh, my--

[gibberish]

What are you doing here?

Did I scare you?

No, I just like to scream
and I like to fudge my pants!

- Did you fudge your pants?
- No.

It's just a figure
of speech, Roy.

'Cause it's cool if
you fudged your pants.

It's-- I mean, fudge happens.

What are you doing here?

Well, you were really
upset at the fudge factory.

And I was nervous that you
were going to run away,

so I wanted to come here
and make sure you were OK.

Dude, I wasn't running away.

I just needed some space.

[growling]

What's your mom
up to in there?

We're coming in!

Whoa, don't talk to
your mom like that.

She's a nice lady.

Dude, I don't
even know who it is.

That's not my mom in there.

Oh.

Oh.

We're coming in.

We're-- no, no, no, no.

You come in.

I don't want to.

You said you
wanted to help me?

This is help.

[stutters]

Ready?

OK, fine.

I'll help you with this.

It's probably just a
raccoon or a possum.

But then everything
goes back to normal, OK?

And you put on a smiley face and
we go back to the fudge factory

and have a great time.
- Fine!

- Fine.
- Fine.

- Fine.
- Fine.

Fine.

1, 2, 3.

[alien growls]

[dramatic music]

[alien screeches]

[both scream]

[alien screeches]

[both scream]

[alien screeches]

[both scream]

[alien screeches]

Oh!

Oh!

Dude!

Dude!

Roy!

No!

Oh, Roy!

Roy!

[music playing]

Luke?

Yeah.

You're still there?

Yeah.

This is crazy, man.

I thought I was going to die.

Roy, what's going on, man?

This is Orcinian.

[groans]

Oh, my bad.

This is an Orcinian.

And his name doesn't really
translate to English, but it

kind of sounds like "Julie."

It's on a mission
to hunt down Zamik?

How do you know that, Roy?

This is how they communicate.

They don't use speech.

They communicate by
sharing their thoughts

and feelings through, um,
mouth to mouth contact.

So you're making
out with that thing?

A little.

Cool.

Yeah.

Can you ask Julie if, um,
it knows where my mom is or--?

Yeah, just a second.

[speaking alien language]

This is wild.

I'm getting, like, a thousand
years of alien culture

uploaded into my brain.

Roy, my mom?

Julie doesn't know
where Patty is,

but it's likely she's
been enslaved by Zamik.

Well, can you just
ask her if she just--

They.

- What?
- They.

I don't know what that means.

They!

She isn't really accurate.

They read all my thoughts
about Earth culture

and want you to know that they
don't really have genders.

They're more like plants.

OK.

Accuracy is very
important to them.

How about if I
just call them Julie?

[speaking alien language]

Julie's OK with that.

Now ask Julie if she knows why
my mom was enslaved by a Zamik.

Zamik, just Zamik.

It's a proper noun.

So Zamik is the name of--

Screw syntax and grammar, Roy!

Who is Zamik, and why
does he have my mom?

Zamik is a hive
mind alien slug

who takes over his
host to survive

and multiplies inside them
to take over more people.

His goal is always
world domination.

The Orcinians banished
him to the methane planet

in our solar system
we call Uranus.

The Orcinians sent
Julie to capture Zamik

before he destroys our world.

Well, how does he take
people or enslave them?

He takes over his host by--

What?

What?

Ew!

Zamik ass-similates people.

Yeah.

No, I get it, assimilates.

That's what cults and
hive mind aliens do

and rich essential oil moms.

No, Zamik assimilates
people in the butt.

Assimilating people
into his slug army

means going into people's
butts and ass-similating them

in the butt.

Oh, my god.

Zamik is a butt slug.

So Zamik has
ass-similated my mom.

Probably not her first time.

[speaking alien language]

Dude.

Sorry.

I need to sit down.

Oh.

ROY: Zamik landed on
the Orcinians homeworld

and offered a symbiotic peace.

It was a trap, though.

Zamik enslaved
millions of Orcinians,

taking over their minds,
linking them to his.

Julie is the last
of the rebel force

who knows how to stop Zamik.

She wants to know if we
remember seeing a white shell.

Earl.

[ominous music]

This is my fault.

Freeze!

[gunshots]

You shot Julie!

It attacked me first!

That's how they
greet each other!

They talk that way.

They were saying hi!

That's unfortunate.

Keep your hands
where I can see them!

Who are you?

I'm Agent Vickers with NAPA.

NAPA?

Like, auto parts?

It's the National
Alien Protection Agency.

And, by the way, we
had the name first.

You're doing a bang up
job protecting aliens.

I'll say.

It's not protection
for aliens.

It's protection from aliens.

Roy, did Julie say anything
about how to get my mom?

She's with us.

Oh.

- Oh.
- Good.

Oh, good.

Is she safe?

Mm, relatively speaking.

What does that mean?

It means she's
as safe as she can

be with extraterrestrial
life forms on the loose.

Look, I--

AGENT VICKERS:
Keep your hands up!

LUKE: Look, I need to see her.

Yeah, he loves his mom.

I can take you to her,
but I need to know if you've

been infected by the alien.

Ass-similated No,
he's not ass-similated.

Ass-similated?

It's a lot to explain.

If you want, I could--

You just take me
to my mom, please?

OK, OK.

I am choosing to trust
the two of you right now.

Do you want me--
both of them down?

AGENT VICKERS: Put
your hands down.

Let's go.

Don't play with her.

Let's go.

Wait.

What about Julie?

Who's Julie?

Alien.

Ooh.

This is ridiculous.

There is an impending
alien invasion.

Well, you shouldn't
have shot Julie.

Bow your heads.

We are wasting time!

Bow your head, GI Jane.

I will slap the shit--

Shit!

The sooner we get
this done with,

the sooner we can
get out of here.

What can be said of
Julie, the rebel alien

from another planet who gave
their life to save ours?

We connected on
such a deep level.

We shared everything-- my hopes,
my dreams, fears, desires.

Your death will not be in vain.

Julie.

Julie.

Um.

Julie gave us conclusive
evidence that we

are not alone in the universe.

And while that is a
terrifying thought,

it's comforting to know that
they were looking out for us.

That was beautiful, Luke.

Thank you, Roy.

[somber music]

[music stops]

What?

[sighs]

[somber music]

I'm sorry I shot you.

[clears throat]

[sighs] And thank
you for the intel.

Before Julie's
untimely death, they

passed on the knowledge
of how to defeat

Zamik and save the Earth.

And they also
passed on this poem,

which I will now share in
the original orcadian tongue.

Roy?

Oh, ah.

Oh, oh.
AGENT VICKERS: Wait.

- Roy?
- Wait.

Oh, oh.

Wait.

- Roy, stop, stop, stop.
- Wait.

Roy.
Roy!

Roy, stop.
- Guys, I'm in the middle of it.

Just wait.
It's really beautiful.

- Wait, they said what?
- Let me--

--how to do--

Roy, stop!
Stop!

What?

That is kind of an
important detail, Roy.

I was going to tell you.

I'm mourning a dear
friend right now.

OK, but you've only
known her for 15 minutes.

But our minds
shared centuries.

Then she'll
understand-- or excuse me,

they, they will understand
why we have to go right now.

You show me where my
mom is, and Roy will

tell you how to defeat Zamik.

We have to go.
- Who is Zamik?

Well, I'll fill you in.

But we got to make a stop first.

15 minutes?

Are you kidding me?

It was mouth to mouth contact!

Who cares?

[ominous music]

[slug screeches]

Oh, what--

I'm scared, Luke.

Your mom is in there.

But I want to remind you
that your mother is safe.

I don't like
where this is going.

LUKE: OK.

She is fine, but--

Great, another "but."

Roy.

She was brought
here for observation.

Why is she being observed?

Your mother was
assimilated by Zamik.

[clears throat] Ass-similated.

Ass-similated.

Accuracy is important.

We needed to keep her
in a secure location

until we knew what
we were dealing with.

Oh, great.

The government's just
kidnapping people

now just for their own safety.

Listen, you naive manchild!

I am trying to save the planet.

And I'm sorry I shot
your alien friend.

Against my better judgment,
I tried to make amends

by helping you bury
them, despite the fact

that a parasitic butt slug
has invaded your hometown

and is threatening
to enslave the world!

Now, if the next words out of
your little tiny bird mouth

are anything but
helpful, I will shove

my Italian leather boot
so far up your ass,

you will gain a new nationality.

Do you understand me?

I said, do you understand me?

How can I talk?

You said not to talk
unless it was about Zamik.

Oh, my god.

What is happening to me?

LUKE: Roy, just show
us how to stop Zamik.

OK.

Mom?

It's like Guantanamo
Bay in here.

It's nice.

It's nice in here.

It was necessary.

Mom?

I can promise you, that
is not your mom in there.

All right, step back.

[music playing]

[growls]

[music playing]

Hurry.

Hurry up.

I'm-- I'm sorry, Miss Patty.

[music playing]

[music stops]

[music playing]

That's it?

I think so.

[growls]

I thought you said
this was going to work.

It is.

Julie specifically
put salt in my mind.

There's gotta be
another way to it.

What do you think
it could be, then?

They didn't have to eat it?

[screams] [grunts]

[music playing]

Mom?

[growls]

OK, OK.

Well, plug her nose.

Plug her nose.

Got it.

Got it.

Come on.

Open it.

Open your mouth.

Ah!

This isn't working, Roy.

Give it a minute!
Give it a minute!

Did you use the
right kind of salt?

I don't know.

Maybe I should have
got the pink Himalayan.

Argh!

Oh.

Oh.

Mom?

[stomach rumbling]

[screams]

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

AGENT VICKERS: Oh, no.

I'm going to be sick.

Miss Patty.

Miss Patty.

LUKE: Mom.

Are you OK?

- Mom?
- Miss Patty?

Mom.

You're somewhere safe.

What's happening?

You're safe.

Here.

Roy.
Roy, I got it.

I got it.

OK.

OK, you help your mom.

Yeah, don't look that way.

Oh.

No, no, no.

We got to get out of here.
He's on his way.

He's coming.
- Who?

Who?
- He's coming.

Zamik, Earl!

They are on their
way here right now.

They have Tiffany, and--

and the deputy, and the
Sheriff, and your partner.

This facility is compromised.

We have to go.
- Wait, how do you know that?

I thought this was a safe place.

BOTH: Their minds are linked.

That's why you had
the bag on their head.

They could see everything
that was going on.

We suspected that they
may operate as a hive mind.

We did that as a precaution
to ensure that she

didn't give away our position.

I thought I was trapped
in a nightmare when

you had that bag over my head.

Oh, Zamik could see
and hear everything.

He knows.

He knows that you
know his weakness.

It's time for plan B.

What happened to plan A?

Plan A was a quiet, tactical
removal of the threat.

Zamik outnumbers us, and there
is no clear path to success.

Plan B is slash and burn.

When you say slash and
burn, what do you mean?

A military force fire
bombs the entire city

and leaves no traces
of its existence.

You can't just
erase an entire city.

They can, and they have.

Taured, Villa Epicun, Angikuni,
Ashley, Hoer Verde, Centralia.

I haven't heard of
any of these places.

Exactly.

You kill innocent people.

To save the world?

Yes.

So what happens to us?

The government
will relocate you

and cover your expenses for life
in exchange for your silence.

New place, new life--

it's a win-win scenario.

How is that a
win-win scenario?

Isn't there something
else we can do?

Zamik has already
taken over the law

enforcement in this town, and
he knows my covert tactics.

Luckily, he doesn't
know about plan B

because my partner
never knew about it.

It's over.

Leave and survive,
or stay and die.

That's not much of a choice.

Sometimes all we
have is one bad choice.

Luke?

No.

No, I'm not leaving
this town again.

This is my town.

I'm going to save it.

Let's go, Roy.

Yeah, let's kick
some slug ass.

You can't face off against
an alien force like this

without a plan.

No, I have a plan.

And it's-- in this
case, it's salt.

Yeah, salt. Wait,
what's the plan?

You don't have any
tactics, and you don't

know how to draw them out.

No, no.

So basically, this is a
war of attrition scenario.

And this tiny town
will be destroyed

before it even gets that far.

Hold up.

Roy has ancient alien knowledge
uploaded into his brain

from Julie.

My mom can tell us everything
that she knows about Zamik.

That's what we've got.

Yeah.

I'd really rather not.

It's very uncomfortable.

Is it your butt?

Oh, don't-- yeah, it is.

I'm sorry you were
ass-similated Miss Patty.

We really need to
double up on underwear.

Yeah.

We'll get underwear
from the fudge factory.

That'll keep us from
getting ass-similated.

That's right.

Could you stop calling
attention to the fact

that the alien enters
through your anus?

It's "Uranus."

That's not how you
pronounce the planet.

Wait, wait.

I'm not talking
about the planet.

I'm talking about the
Uranus Fudge Factory.

Exactly.

Listen, we need to get to
the fudge factory, right now.

They have salt!

Exactly.

Agent Vickers, we need your
help saving our town, please.

Please.

Please.

We can't do it without you.

[sighs] Let's go.

Yeah, we got it.

I'm--

All right.

[ominous music]

Where are humans?

Judy's Place.

[ominous music]

[siren wailing]

[music playing]

All right, let's go.

No, wait.

There's one more thing
that I have to tell you.

If anyone posts about this
alien invasion online,

the immediate destruction
of the town will be imminent

and there will be nothing
I can do about it.

Wait, just like that?

What about you and your partner?
- Yeah.

We knew the risks.

You have any heart to
go with the ice you're

carrying around in your chest?

Also, if NAPA HQ does not
hear from me by midnight,

they will assume the worst,
and the town's destruction

will still happen anyway.

Do you have anything positive
to add to this dilemma?

For real!

You're just, like, dog piling
everything on right now.

I don't think I do.

But how do we find Zamik?

Julie said after
he ass-similates

a handful of people, he's going
to focus on mass production.

So--

Where do a bunch of people
gather on a Friday night?

Judy's place.

Mom, I'm going to need you
to go into Uranus kitchen

and start making this.

You'll find all the ingredients
right there in the factory.

- Where are you going?
- Excuse me.

I need to borrow this car.
- I'm coming with you.

You go to the kitchen
and help Miss Patty.

Do you want to run
that by me again?

Or you can choose
whatever you want to do.

Because strong, independent
women can choose where--

This car doesn't go
anywhere without me.

Well, I don't really
mind going to the kitchen.

Luke, you be careful, OK?

Roy, watch his back.

OK.

I love you.

I love you, too.

She wasn't talking to you.

She was talking to me.
- She was looking at both of us.

Dude-- I love you, too.

She looked at both of us.

She--

- She said "I love you" to me--
- She never would have said so.

- --and you.
- Dude, whatever.

She loves both of us.

OK, OK.

Where is Judy's Place?

[upbeat music]

Luke.
Luke.

Luke, what are we doing here?

I've got to save Diana
before Zamik shows up.

How?

Are you going to casually
ask her to leave town?

You think that would work?

No!

Think about it!

You can't tell her the truth.

Because if you
tell her the truth,

then she's going to
tell someone else,

and then they're going
to tell someone else,

and then everyone's
going to find out,

then everybody's going to die!

Dude, dude, I have
to try something.

I got to go.
I got to try.

No.

Hey!

Five minutes.

Midnight.

Midnight, man!

Where is he going?

He's thirsty.

Did we really come
here for a girl?

Hey, this might be
her last night on Earth.

He's seizing the moment.

This is a waste of time.

Love is never a waste of time.

Then why aren't you
running off declaring

your love to some girl?

I'm still looking for her.

OK.

Well, then hurry and find
her so that we can do this

and start saving the world.

Sorry.

When I say I'm still
looking for her,

I mean I am literally
still looking for her

because I haven't found--

I'm-- I'm alone in life.

This makes this easy then.

Wait, what?

What are you waiting for?

Right now?

I'm waiting.

[romantic music]

Oh, no.

No.
God, no.

- Oh.
- Not that.

- Oh.
- Luke.

Oh, god.

- Go get Luke.
- Luke.

Now!

Not this.

I thought-- I--

I misread that.

I'm sorry.

[chatter]

Hey, Diana.

Hey.

Hey, you made it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, wouldn't miss it.

Hey, Luke.

Hi, G-- ah--

Janice.

Janice.

Janice, I knew it.

Yeah, nice to meet you, Janice,
to see you again, Janice.

You look great.
- Thank you.

Have you been
here for a while?

No, we actually just got here.

Oh.

But where is Roy?

Janice is so
excited to meet him.

Yeah, mama's tired of
nursing this drink here.

That's-- that's
really great, Janice.

He seems like he might
still be good to drive.

I was just wondering,
do you, um--

do you, like, maybe
want to get out of here

and, like, I don't know,
go drive up to, like,

St. Louis or something tonight?

You want to drive two
hours to St. Louis tonight?

I think it'd be fun.

So a cute guy at the bar wants
girl to drive away with him

in the middle of the night?

Yeah.

No, that is the beginning
of a true crime podcast.

Yeah, OK, except
I'm not a creep, OK?

JANICE: [chuckles]

No, no, no.

I was thinking maybe
you could just drive up

there by yourself
without me, and I

can meet you up there later.

JANICE: Aw.

And I can buy
you a nice dinner--

JANICE: Yeah.

--or something tonight.

That's-- no, that's weird.

It's weird.

Not going.

Yeah, I'm not going
to St. Louis tonight.

Sorry.

Oh, OK.

Oh.

Woo!

Hey, Luke, we gotta
get out of here.

[arguing]

I'm trying, dude.

I'm trying.

Hey, Roy.

Hey.

Wow, you look great.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Wow, you look more great.

That's Roy?

Yeah.

I'm gonna need another drink.

- We gotta get out of here.
- I know.

I know.
- Right now.

Yeah.

No, I get it.

I, um, kind of just maybe want
to, like, get out of here.

This place is kind of
lame, don't you think?

Hey, I'm revoking
your loyalty privileges.

Gosh dang it!

Luke, you've lost our
loyalty privileges!

We may not have
loyalty privileges Roy.

Why is it not a good
place to be here tonight?

Um.

Are you going to
order something?

You're taking up real estate.

No.
No, no.

I'm good.

Good, thank you.

You can't stay here if you're
not going to order something.

OK.

Um.

OK, how about this?

My friend here will have a
rum and a Coke with a cherry.

Hold the rum, all right?

Yeah.

What's the matter?

You can't handle
your alcohol, shorty?

I'm fun-sized.

And what's with the cherry?

It's equally as fun.

Well, well, well, well.

Not now, Beau.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Luke made it after all.

Is that a cherry?

Oh, yeah.

He got a cherry in his drink.

Have you talked to Earl today?

Don't talk about my dad.

I think he's on something.

I don't know what.

I'm just a little scared that
he's going to come in here

and start one of
his classic fights.

And I think it would
be good for all of us

to just leave and
avoid it altogether.

And I don't want
anybody to get hurt.

He couldn't hurt
me if he tried.

We've all dealt
with one of Earl's

drunken fights or advances.

Everyone will be fine.

Yeah, it's not everyone
I'm worried about.

If you're so worried about
Earl, why don't you get lost?

Since that's what
you're good at.

Why don't I just
stay here and I'll show

you what else I'm good at?

[chuckles nervously]
Hey, Luke, we need to go.

No, no, no.

I think I'm gonna
stay right here, Roy.

No.

No.

No!

Carbonation--
carbonation kills.

Luke, let's go!

Wait, how about you go?

I'm sorry, you have to be this
tall to ride the man ride.

Am I right?

What is happening.

I mean, really, Diana?

This guy?

Will you stop it?

No, I have an idea.

I'll take Lukey boy.

You take Beau.

And let's get out of here.

DIANA: How many
drinks have you had?

JANICE: Not enough,
I'll tell you that.

ROY: Does she know
we can hear her?

LUKE: I don't know
that she knows that.

ROY: I don't understand
what's happening.

JANICE: Oh, jeez.

Are you ugly and stupid?

LUKE: Whoa.

Cute top.

Remember that cow
that attacked you?

Like, what?
Good one.

Roy.

It's funny.

You left me all alone.

I was getting so scared without
my strong, cuddly gummy bear.

Uh, I-- who?

[shushes] I just wanted
to make sure that no skank

nabbed my bearded
teddy, but I see

I have nothing to worry about.

[giggles softly]

What is this?

I love cherries.

Oh, you're so thoughtful, babe.

What is this?

This is, uh--

Valerie.

I'm this stud's date tonight.

Oh, and you are?

Janice.

Anice?

Janice.

J-a-nice.

Mm, I don't see it.

I just came into town tonight.

And I just saw this
sexy stump of a man.

And I just begged him to
show me around my anus--

oh, [giggles] Uranus
tonight, right

after he gives me a foot massage
with those wide, blocky hands.

[romantic music]

Valerie's new.

Hey.

Oh.

I'm Beau.

Ew, your nails are dirty.

Roy, please show
me around Uranus.

I really want to see it.

But-- but--

Luke.

I'm sure that Luke understands
what's at stake here.

And he can send you a
text if anything happens.

OK?

We really gotta go.

Hmm?

Right, we gotta-- we gotta go.

We gotta go.

[giggles] Yay!

We gotta go.

Bye, Anice.

Your hair is so brave.

It's Janice!

AGENT VICKERS: Oh, sorry.

I didn't hear you.

Bye!

Oh, now I know what
that stands for-- burned.

Let's find a table.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Well, you can thank
me later if we survive

and avoid ass-similation.

No, really, thank you.

I mean, not a lot of people
say nice things about me.

Roy, I barely know you.

Just because I said a
few nice things about you

doesn't mean this
is a love story.

I know it was pretend, but--

Uh, uh, uh.

No buts.

That girl needed an ego
check, and we gave her one.

Yeah, but square palms is an
odd characteristic to point out.

We need to go.

I'm just saying, I
think you look good too.

Don't stare at me while
I walk away, please.

Try not to walk
in front of me then.

Think you two can behave?

I can if he can, babe.

Anything for you.

So, why did you leave town?

Sorry.

Yeah, I went to college, and
then I got a job at a marketing

firm making commercials.

That must have
been really cool.

Yeah.

It's not tractor
rentals, but whatever.

OK.

So-- but then you
came back here?

I decided to go into
business for myself.

So I took out a loan
and I went to work.

Amazing.

So you became your own boss.

LUKE: Yeah.

That is hot.

Cheers.

I feel like there's
a "but" coming.

I got sued by my
old job for apparently

violating a non-compete clause.

I went bankrupt
because they sued me.

And I went deep into legal
fees and got choked out.

Oh.

I've been choked, too.

Just a little.

It could be fun.

[chatter]

Oh.

Hey, Roy.

Hey, Mr. Mayor.

Who's your friend?

Oh.

Uh, this is Valerie.

Roy told me that he
works at the coolest place.

And he wanted to show me around.

Roy says that
Uranus is pretty fun.

Hey, have you guys
seen Miss Tiffany?

I, um-- I don't know if
she called me earlier

and said something about some
sort of special packaging.

Special packaging?

It's some sort of
moisture-sealing technology.

It's supposed to keep the fudge
from Uranus from going dry.

Uranus fudge never dries out.

It's always soft and moist.

I know.

I thought it was odd.

But I did get her a
thousand boxes to test.

Zamik is using fudge boxes to
ship himself across the country.

Mr. Mayor.

Yes?

Would it be OK if Roy
showed me around Uranus?

[chuckles] A little late
night exploring of Uranus?

Yeah.

That's OK with me.

Oh, there's Miss Tiffany.

You guys go have some
fun exploring Uranus.

I got to talk to Miss
Tiffany before I head home.

Thank you.
MR. MAYOR: Yeah.

Mr. Mayor.

We've got to go.

But what if he
gets ass-similated

We need to focus
and stick to the plan.

[groans] OK.

That really sucks.

Yeah, it did a lot.

You look like the
type of guy that that

would happen to, though.

Thank you, Beau.

And you look like
the type of guy

that I would never, ever hire.

Oh, yeah.

I see it.

You can't hire the guy
who's already at the top.

Cheers to nobody but Beau.

[laughs]

He's just so funny.

Miss Tiffany, where are you?

I've got your boxes.

Where are ya?

Oh.

Oh, there you are.

Tiffany, what are
you doing back here?

[ominous music]

What the--

[slug screeches]

Oh, my god!

Miss Patty, what
have you been doing?

You're supposed to be
making the salty balls.

I'm sorry.

It just took me a little
while to find everything.

So-- many hands make light work.

So let's-- help me.

Yeah.

OK, let's go.

MISS PATTY: How do
we do this again?

Oh, it's really easy.

You just take some flour,
throw some brown sugar in.

And then get the eggs.

And boom, salty balls.

[chuckles softly]

Can we please call
it something else?

No, just call it what it
is, salty caramel balls.

Oh.
No, no, no, no, no.

If Zamik smells or
hears anything salty,

he's not going to eat it.

That's a good point.

We should think of different
names for it, then.

What about Uranus caviar?

Ew!

Uranus caviar?

There is a line in Uranus,
and you just crossed it.

Sorry.

No, I'm just kidding.

I love it.

What else you got?

Savory sacks.

Dingleberries.

MISS PATTY: Ooh!

Oh, buttery balls.

They go down so smooth.

Butter balls.

Are you OK?

You look nervous.

I haven't really told
anybody else that story

except for my mom and Roy.

It's probably why
I'm a little on edge.

You need a drink.

I--

Just take it.

You're stressing me out.

Oh, that is straight up vodka.

Let me try that.

Oh!

Ah!

[burps] That's vodka.

You know, I
started a business.

Wait, you did?

Yeah.

So I totally understand
that financial pressure.

You know, like,
starting out small

and then building up from
there, it can be really scary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, how much
money are you making?

Um.

It's 10 a month.

No.

Oh, $10 a month.

That's so sweet.

It's $10,000 a
month, Beau. $10,000!

If you're making
$10,000 a month,

how come I'm always buying
the chips and the drinks?

Because you offer.

What are you selling?

Wait, let me guess.

It's pictures of
your feet, isn't it?

Come on.

I'm sure Diana doesn't
sell pictures of her feet.

I mean, yeah.

That's part of it.

I knew it.

I knew it.

No, no, no.

But like, it's-- I sell socks.

So it's pictures of my feet,
but they're inside of the socks.

So it's not weird.

There's no toes.

Like, not even one.

I'm so proud of you.

It's really cool.

Cheers to that, babe.

I've always wondered
why you steal my truck

to go ship all those boxes.

Yeah, shipping is a pain.

[ominous music]

Speaking of pain, Earl's here.

[ominous music]

Meow.

Oh, good.

Earl and the sheriff
and the deputy are here.

That's really good
because they're here,

and there's no need
to worry, and they

don't have any evil plans.

I've got to use the bathroom.

When you got to
go, you gotta go.

[chatter]

Usual tonight, Earl?

Whiskey.

[ominous music]

More.

[ominous music]

Another.

[ominous music]

More.

Now, Earl, listen.

Take it slow tonight, OK?

How about you finish
the one right there,

and then I'll pour
you another one?

Pour.

[ominous music]

Hey, Earl.

Maybe you go home early tonight.

You don't look too good.

And did something happen
between you and Luke?

You've got him
scared like you're

about to do something stupid.

I'm not scared of you.

You will be.

[dramatic music]

[phone ringing]

Oh, hold on.

[phone ringing]

Whoa, it's Luke.

Hey, Luke.

Is that my Lukey?

Roy.
Roy.

Roy, he's here.

Hey, Lukey.

Shh.

Zamik's here.

Yeah, we're almost ready.

Hurry.

He's not going to
wait here all night.

I'm hurrying.

Jeez!

I-- Hi, Sheriff.

[ominous music]

Hey, really quick question.

You don't happen to
have an alien slug

in you named Zamik, do you?

We are Zamik.

I was afraid you'd say that.

[slug screeches]

[grunting, groaning]

[grunting, groaning]

Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Sheriff, I'm sorry.

Oh, god!

Oh, god!

Oh!

Oh!

[squirt]

Sheriff?

Sheriff?
Sheriff?

- Ah!
- Sheriff.

Oh.

I just-- I just had
the weirdest dream.

Oh, man.

Oh.

Oh, my god.
Oh.

Oh.
Oh.

Oh.

Oh, it's sticky.

Oh.

[struggling] You dumb slug.

[struggling]

[stomping]

You dumb slug!

Slug!

[struggling]

Oh.

Ah.

Thank you.

No problem.

Good day.

No, no, no.

Don't go out that door.

Those folks are using
alcohol to rapidly reproduce.

Everybody in that
room is a goner.

[jarring music]

Fudge!

Roy, we're going to
need more salty balls.

How many more?

Like, a lot more.

Like, a whole bar's worth.

We don't have enough
for an entire bar's worth.

I don't know what to do.

We tried.

It's time to move to plan B.

Just wait.

It can still work.

If Zamik feels
threatened, he's

going to retreat from the host
and he's going to crystallize.

And he's indestructible
at that state.

Well, then what do we do?

There's another way.

We don't have to
stop all of 'em.

We just have to stop Earl.

When the Orcinians
were fighting him,

they realized that they didn't
have to fight all the spawn.

They just had to stop Zamik.

And when Zamik got
launched out of his host,

then everyone else followed.

You're waiting until
now to tell us this?

I have, like, a thousand years
of alien culture and anatomy

bouncing around in my brain, OK?

It's hard to recall
every helpful detail!

Just bring all
of it that you can,

because I can't fight Zamik
and get close enough to him

with just a salt shaker.

You were supposed to be
watching out for each other.

I'm sorry, Miss
Patty, but you're

going to have to stay here.

The hell I am.

No, Roy's right.

If you're captured,
Zamik can use you

to emotionally manipulate Luke.

The best thing you
can do is just wait.

Or get out of town
before things get--

No, before nothing.

This plan will work.

Uranus will not be
destroyed tonight.

Let's do this then.

[clattering]

What was that?

It came from the
sideshow museum.

[clattering]

Come on.

Come on.

No, Miss Patty.

AGENT VICKERS: Roy!

You stay.

[romantic music]

I'm not ready to be Luke's dad.

What is this place?

It's the magical, freaky
side of Uranus, literally.

[shudders]

[ominous music]

Oh, fudge.

[neck cracks]
Welcome to Uranus.

What are we going to do?

You know what?

I got this.

Hold my salty balls.

[music playing]

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry, Johnson.

Good ball handling.

Thanks.

Nice throw.

We gotta help Luke.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh.

Oh, man, we're
sitting ducks in here.

All right, all right, all right.

Let's make a dash for the door.

We can do it.
We can escape.

No.

We can go to someplace like
Mexico before those critters

take over the world.

Sheriff, we're going to
wait here till Roy comes,

and then we're going
to fight Zamik.

What?

We're going to rely on Roy?

- Yeah.
- Magic Roy?

Yeah.

Like, the cow that
chased him and he

pissed his pants, that Roy?

Sheriff, that was
back in junior high.

And we both know
that cow was insane.

Listen, You think some
sort of parasitic alien

is going to go easy on
him instead of a cow

that beat him with its udders?

Hey, it didn't beat
him with his udders.

It just looked like that because
he was in the fetal position.

I'm getting out of here.

No, Sheriff.
No.

- I'm getting out of here.
- No, you're not.

I can't do this!

I can't do this!

Yes, you can.

Listen to me.

They probe your every thought,
strip your every desire.

You don't know who you are.

I didn't know who I was.

Man, it was so hazy.

I know it was horrible--

You-- no.

It didn't happen to you.

You're helpless when
they get a hold of you.

It's like you're in some sort
of hellish nightmare where

you can't distinguish
between what's-- what's fake

and what's real.

[screams]

OK, they're right there.

Let's get 'em, OK?

All right, we got this.

Oh.

Oh, no!

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I need to get out of here.

- No, no, no.
- I--

No, no, no.

Listen, if you go
out there, Zamik

is going to assimilate
you and read your thoughts

and know that Roy is coming.

And that will be
the end of Earth.

We will be dead.

Is that what you want?

Screw them!
I'm out of here!

LUKE: Sheriff!

[shouting, clamoring]

Hey, Deputy.

Hey, big boy.

[chuckles nervously] I'm--

I want to-- oh.

Listen to me, man.

That's an order!

Let go of me.

Let go of me!

Oh!

Oh, god!

No!

Sheriff-- Joe, seriously.

Come on, guys.
Come on.

No.

No!

No!

Sheriff!

No!

I'm going to tell my
mom on you, Sheriff!

Oh, she's disappointed!

No!

Ah!

Argh.

[ominous music]

You're a curious species.

You're not going to get
away with this, Zamik.

Roy is going to stop you.

This Roy?

F!

Fu--

What happened to the plan?

It can still work.

Roy, an irritating
noise fittingly assigned

to an insignificant smear.

Don't listen to him, Roy.

Oh, my gosh.

That was dark.

[shrieks]

No!

No!

Ah, fuck!

It's up to you now!

Stop him!

Luke, before Zamik
tries to break our minds,

remember that I am
your best friend.

I'm your best friend!

Roy!

ROY: I'm your best friend!

[dramatic music]

You know they're just going
to bomb the city, right?

It's almost midnight.

The threat has
been eliminated.

Returning to base
with assets in hand.

You failed again.

You really thought salty
balls would get me.

[chortles]

What's so funny?

[laughs] Salty balls.

[chuckles] Salty balls.

Salty balls?

[laughs] You can hear it, right?

Get your salty balls in Uranus.

[laughs] Welcome, and thank
you for picking Uranus.

How can I help you pack
your fudge, tighten the box,

or loosen a bag?

[laughs] Oh, my god.

[laughs] Welcome to
Uranus, motherfudger.

[stomach churning]

[screaming, shouting]

[music playing]

Roy?

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

[mumbles]

Hey, hey, hey.

It's OK.

It's OK.

Did-- did we win?

Dude, we won.

We won?

- Yeah, we won, dude.
- We won?

Yeah!

We won!

- [chuckles]
- Wait.

- We wo--
- Wait.

No.

No, we didn't win.

We still have a big problem.

When everyone else
wakes up, they're

going to remember that they
were ass-similated by Zamik.

The town's still doomed!

I have an idea.

You better hope this works.

It'll work.

It'll work.

OK.

Uh, people of Uranus.

Wake up.

LUKE: Hey!

AGENT VICKERS: Wake up.

ROY: Whoa, whoa.

LUKE: Ho!

Ho!

Ho!

AGENT VICKERS: Wake up!

ROY: Yeah.

AGENT VICKERS: Yes.

ROY: Hope everyone's OK in here.

LUKE: You all right?

That was crazy what happened.

Yikes.

Wow.

Why does my butt hurt?

Ah.

Mine feels fine.

Hm.

I'm sure that you all are
feeling a little bit confused.

MAN: Yeah.

But, uh, there has been
a gas leak that caused

everyone here to pass out.

Did I poop myself?

If it weren't for the very
heroic actions of Luke and Roy

here and them calling
the utility company,

this would have been
a terrible tragedy.

Bad.

Yeah, real bad.

However, the gas
leak has been fixed.

And you are all free to
go on and live your life

without any further
consideration

of any of the events that
transpired this evening.

Yeah, don't think
about it at all.

Just forget everything.

Yes.

Wait, wait, wait.

Slugs.

Alien slugs.

Earl!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where is he?

Where's Zamik?

It's OK, Sheriff.

What you are
currently experiencing

is called folie á groupe.

WOMAN: What?

It is a
psychosomatic condition

that causes one strong
personality's delusion to be

shared by others around them.

When the gas leak
happened, Luke and Roy

overheard Earl talking about
an alien slug named Zamik

that was living inside him.

That's crazy, right?

Aliens don't live inside people.

Right.

And so the gas leak simply
caused you all to share

Earl's delusion as your own.

- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

Yep.

- Yeah.
- That was it.

I need a mo-- all that power,
we were going to rule the world.

Sheriff.
EARL: The world!

He's crazy.

Would you and your deputy mind
helping Earl out to my vehicle?

It's just outside.
- Yeah.

We're going to get
you some help, Earl.

It's OK.
It's OK.

He's crazy.

I mean, he's just crazy.

DEPUTY: I just--

Something's not right here.

You know what?

You're absolutely
right, Sheriff.

A gas leak is a very
serious health violation.

There should be
an investigation.

Agreed.

[arguing]

DEPUTY: Come on, Earl!

EARL: The car is running!

Jump in!

I'm still here, man!

DEPUTY: Go on.

EARL: Where are you?

Somebody stop them.

Um.

Oh, no.

To apologize for this
oversight in public safety,

you will all be
receiving a check

in the mail to alleviate any
distress that this event may

have caused you.

Money.

Money, yeah.

That solves everything, right?

Yeah.

However, we do need all
of you to vacate Judy's

Place as soon as possible.

And to receive your
check in the mail,

you must not share any
of this on social media.

Not at all.

All right, everyone, let's go.

Let's get out of here.

You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.

Tonight was weird.

Yeah.

Probably something to
do with that gas leak.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was a-- that
was a crazy hallucination.

It was all a hallucination.

Yeah.

Hey, Luke, I'm--

I'm sorry for being
such a butt slug.

Oh, that was so weird.

And I don't know if it's
the gas talking or the fudge

in my pants, but I hope
we can move past this

and you forgive me.

Yeah, man.

Sure.

Yeah, all is forgiven.

That's good.

That's good.

Uh, and I just need you to
forget what you're about to see.

There's so much in there.

Soldier on, dude.

Um.

I should probably get home, too.

But, uh, call me soon.

I just need to shower this
night off a few times.

Yeah, totally understandable.

And, uh, definitely will.
- OK.

All right.

Yeah, cool.

Roy, you saved everyone.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I saved everyone.

You hunk of a man.

You saved me.

Well, no.

It was everyone.

I sa-- I saved
everyone, everyone.

Oh.

Well.

Meow.

You know what?

I think-- I think this
night has gotten to you.

And you should go home and--
and think about yourself--

Yes.

--a little bit.

OK, OK.

Reevaluate your life.

I will go home and think
about you all night long.

Don't do that.

I-- that's not what I said.

I don't like this.

Cleanup crew is on their way.

What?

What?

Don't worry.

It's not the slash
and burn crew.

[exhales sharply]

Oh.

I cannot believe that
lie actually worked.

Yeah.

I feel like we're
forgetting something, though.

The mayor!

[gasps]

Fudge!

I guess we're going.

You won't believe this
crazy dream we just had.

[music playing]

Hey, everybody.

I know it's been a crazy,
crazy week in Uranus.

But I want to congratulate and
thank all of you for helping

me make Uranus great again!

Yeah!

Yeah!

[cheering]

I do have a little
bit of sad news.

We're going to have to be saying
goodbye to our beloved Luke.

Oh.

He's on to his next big
adventure, selling pictures

of his girlfriend's feet.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're selling socks.

Socks.

We're selling socks.

And sales in Uranus are up--

[cheering]

--thanks to Miss Tiffany's
great new packaging

idea that keeps the
fudge in Uranus fresh,

and more importantly--

[shouting]

ALL: Welcome to Uranus!

--moist.

Give it up for Miss Tiffany!

[cheering]

Woo, woo, woo, woo!

It came to me in a dream.

Lastly, as your handsome
and very humble mayor,

I cannot in good faith deprive
any of our citizens or any

of you that one thing
that you all hold

so deep and dear in your heart.

So I'm going to
stay on as mayor.

And I'm going to be
in Uranus forever!

[cheering]

Welcome to Uranus.

ALL: Welcome to Uranus.

[phone chimes]

I'll be right back.

OK.

Just one second.

Ooh, hey.

Hey.

Dude, look at this.

Nice suit.

Is this the new you?

Turns out having
a brain filled

with alien knowledge
of weaponry and tactics

is really valuable
to the government.

Sorry, just one second.

Get away from the car!

Bad kitty!

That's a bad kitty!

What about Zamik?

We couldn't destroy his shell.

So we put it in a
case and boxed it

up and sent it to some warehouse
in Area 51 and-- oh, my gosh.

I was not supposed
to tell you that.

- Dude, it's OK.
- Don't-- shh.

Don't tell anyone.

I promise, I won't.

I won't say anything.

That-- no.

- It's OK.
- Seriously.

It's OK.

Remember the fire
squad that was going to--

I know.
I remember it.

It's the same thing.

I get it, dude.
I get it.

- OK.
- I get it.

We're good.
We're good.

I'm not doing great
on my first day.

You're like the
new man in black.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Uh.

Yeah, I thought black
was a little strong.

Because when I think of
black, I think of funerals.

And when I think of
funerals, I think of death.

And when I think
about death, I think

of the death of our friendship.
And--

Hey.

--I feel like I'm
losing my best friend.

Hey, Roy.

Roy, Roy, Roy.

It's OK.

You don't want to see Agent
Vickers seeing you cry, do you?

No, no, no.

Yeah.

Good.

No, no.

Woo.

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah.

I'm good.

Yeah.

OK.

I'm going to miss you, Roy.

Really?

Yeah.

You were always there
for me when I came back.

And I never told you how
much that meant to me.

Even when I was
whining and complaining

about literally
everything, and you helped

me see the positive things.

I mean, you helped me see
good things about this place.

Yeah, you complained a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

Like, a lot, a lot.

Yeah.

Like, way more
than a grown man

should complain about anything.

Roy, Roy, I get it.

Sorry, yeah.

I get it.

When am I going to
see my best friend?

I'm your best friend?

Roy, you've always
been my best friend.

Whoa, OK.

OK.

Well, I, uh--

I better, uh-- I
better get going now.

Yep.

I'll save up
some vacation days.

And make sure to
play in your anus.

Thanks for picking your anus.

Be sure to send me
some fudge from Uranus.

Woo!

I'll be sure to personally
pack some fudge from Uranus.

Hey, Agent Vickers, let's go!

We got stuff to
do, people to save!

Cat!

[inaudible]

No.

Bad kitty!

Bad kitty!

So, are you going
to miss working here?

You know what?

I am.

But I'm really excited
for the next adventure.

[ominous music]

[growling]

["uranus attacks theme" playing]

[SINGING] Uranus attacks

Uranus attacks your crack

Uranus attacks

Slug attack

It came from space

Now it's in your private place

The salty balls make you ahhh

Uranus attacks

Uranus attacks

[dixxie man, "front butt"] Bet
you never seen a body like this

Put them boys in a stupor
with my super duper fupa

Frumpa

Two sets of ass cheeks

Fellas want to get
with my jigga jiggly

Pushing this boy
Can you handle, handle me?

See that booty in the back

Think you're going
to get a snack?

Want to chomp down on
this double ass crack

Didn't know this was
a two-for-one deal

See the front?

Now you got a whole meal

Now watch me strut
with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Strut with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a
runway, runway, runway, runway

[ominous music]