All language subtitles for W06E02 Maniac Cop 2_track3_[eng]

[Static hisses]

♪♪

-Yuki, later. Later.

Thank you.

[Laughter]

All right, you know
it's that time of year again.

It's the time when, normally,
we'd be getting the Winnebago

down off blocks
and driving 140 miles

out into the countryside

to the Medieval
Renaissance "Faire-y."

They always spell it
"F-A-I-R-E,"

which is where somebody
bulldozed a soybean field

so we can watch buxom girls
in flouncy dresses

call each other "bawdy wenches"
while playing the lute

while we munch on an authentic

weasel-on-a-stick
shish kebab treat.

-Mm-mm.
-You probably have
your favorite part

of the Renaissance Faire,
just like I do.

Maybe it's those fabulous
strolling minstrels in elf hats

playing the mandolin
with their elbows

and singing songs
never before heard

outside the public library.

We had a few of those
in "The Love Witch."

Remember, the whole movie
gets interrupted

so everybody can geek out
at the Renaissance Faire?

Or, maybe you like the guys
who dress up in wimp armor.

You know, it's not
the real stuff

that weighs 940 pounds,

it's this
Frederick's-of-Hollywood armor

that's made out of chicken wire
and papier-mâché.

And they run around
with cardboard swords

whacking each other
over the head

while people in Bermuda shorts

that drove in
from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin,

holding Fudgsicles in their hand
stand around yelling,

"Knock him on his rear end!"

You know, another thing --

Remember when you were
in elementary school,

and they forced you to learn
how to play the "recorder"?

That thing that's more
complicated than a kazoo,

but it's not quite a clarinet?

And remember how,
after you practiced on it

for about eight weeks,
you invited the parents

to the school
to hear you make the sound

of sixty terrified sewer rats
being run over by a steamroller?

And remember how, after you got
home that night, you said,

"Mom, how come the only place
anybody plays the recorder

is, um, third grade?"

And remember how your mom could
never answer that question?

Well, now we have the answer.

There's 17,000 people
playing the recorder

at the Renaissance Faire!

And not only that,
but they still sound like

sewer rats being run over
by a steamroller.

Darcy, you're a
Renaissance Faire devotee

from way back, right?

-I am, yeah.
-You do that.

Did any of your favorite
Renaissance Faires

go out of business
during the crisis?

-They did, yeah.

-Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Darcy the Mail Girl,
ladies and gentlemen,

here to help guide us
through the pop culture

political minefield.

Am I offending anybody
so far, Darcy?

-I think you're okay.
-I'm okay.

-As of now.
-[Stammers]

Am I offending
the Renaissance Faire people?

-Oh, God, you're right.
-[Laughs]

-Damage control. [Laughs]

-Darcy is here for your Tweets,
your direct messages,

your emails, your phone calls.

Darcy, have you ever taken a
phone call in your entire life?

Did you know that your phone
can be used for phone calls?

-I'm ignoring you.[Laughter]

-But seriously,
what's the demographic

on, um, people who go to the
Renaissance Fairs all the time?

Where do they come from?

Are you born this way,
or do you grow up saying,

"I can't wait till
I'm old enough

to put on a frilly shirt
and some pantaloons

and juggle bowling balls while
balancing on a beach ball"?

Or is it something
that happens later in life?

You know, you wake up
one morning.

Your brain has been scrambled
during the night,

and you're thinking,
"You know what?

I've always wanted to dress up
like a deaf-mute beggar

and go around pulling on the
pants legs of tourists and" --

You know what I'm talking about?

They hire these people
to be scenery.

So, if you were in
New York City,

you'd see these people,
and you'd say,

"Why can't they get these
crackheads off the streets?"

But you're out in the country
at the Renaissance Faire and --

what you say is,
"Isn't that cute?

A crackhead from
the 16th century!"

But, of course,
everyone's favorite part

of the Medieval
Renaissance Faire

comes at the end of the day,

when all the buxom girls

and the guys with the
cardboard swords link arms,

and they sing
the Simon & Garfunkel version

of "Scarborough Fair."

You know that song that's just
a list of herbs and spices?

"Parsley, sage,
strawberries, and wine"?

Something like that.
Or maybe --

"Celery, beige berries,
and lime."

Anyway, it's a song
about stuff you put on food,

and when they get
to the end of it,

they're all teary-eyed
from the food.

You know what'd be better?

They should have a few
of those guys dressed up

in spaghetti-strap,
fishnet armor,

take their wicked lances,
and plunge 'em right directly

into the stomachs
of everybody playing a recorder

while they're performing
"Scarborough Fair."

That would -- Turn it into
Renaissance Zombie Apocalypse!

I actually think that would be
more historically authentic.

'Cause the average lifespan
of people in medieval times

was, like, 28, you know?

It ma-- A-And it'd sure make
the singin' sound better.

Just a suggestion.

And speaking of people
that should be set on fire

and dropped off
a ten-story building,

we're moving on
to "Maniac Cop 2."

And I know this is
gonna be hard to believe,

but it's even better
than "Maniac Cop Uno."

And I think Bill Lustig,
the director,

will agree with me on that.

We're about to find out
when he joins me later on.

Uh, and, um -- But, anyway,
in case you thought

Matt Cordell was dead
at the bottom of the East River

with a giant steel girder
through his chest,

I should point out
that Larry Cohen's script

made it clear
that he was legally dead

but not reallydead.

He came up with a plot formula
that allows zombie-ism

without using actual zombies.

So, one way or another, the
Maniac Cop survived that injury,

and now, he's once again
roaming the streets of New York,

like Jason with a badge,

twistin' the necks
off innocent people,

making the cops look like
serial killers --

and this time, he has friends.

Officer Stir-Fry Face Cordell

moves in with the city's
most successful killer

of topless dancers --
a beardo geek

played by Leo Rossi.

And together, these guys
are like a couple

of goofy cannibals.

Cagney and Gacy, you know?

[Laughter]Of course, nobody believes

Cordell is really alive --

except for Laurene Landon,
better known as "Hundra" --

better known as
Christian Brando's girlfriend.

Anybody remember
Christian Brando?

One of Marlon Brando's
eleven children

and the one who went on trial
for murder with --

Laurene was sittin'
on the front row every day

giving him emotional support.

But, of course, we know Laurene
as Bruce Campbell's girlfriend.

So, I won't give away what
happens to Laurene

and Bruce this time, except it
involves shrinks and chainsaws.

The shrink is played
by Claudia Christian --

ble-- best remembered as the
stripper in, uh, "The Hidden."

Although, she keeps
all her clothes on

in this flick, un--
unfortunately.

Actually, she's probably
better known for "Babylon 5,"

but that was later.

And, um, she's teamed up with
the pock-faced Robert Davi,

the greatest bad guy ever.

I'm a huge Robert Davi fan.

He's playing a good cop
who acts like a bad cop,

which is actually
the same thing.

But Robert is very "film noir"
in this movie.

He even wears the fedora
and everything. [Laughs]

In other words, it's one
of those Larry Cohen scripts

that's got a whole lot of plot
gettin' in the way of the story,

but it's directed, once again,
by William "Maniac" Lustig,

who outdid himself in this
flick.

There is one high-speed
motor vehicle chase scene

that might be
the best one ever filmed.

So, let me gi--

Let me give you
just one statistic

that indicates where we're going
with this movie.

This movie employed 48 --

count 'em, 48 -- stunt players.

So, let's look at those drive-in
totals and kick this baby off.

We have 31 dead bodies,

eight breasts,
stiletto through the back,

shotgun to the face,

neck-snappin',
cop on a meathook,

two motor vehicle chases
with five crashes,

three guys set on fire,
Kung Fu, Chainsaw Fu,

Convenience Store Fu.

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for --

Laurene Landon
as the cop with a chainsaw

for saying
"Ya can't kill the dead!"

And, "I have no reason
to kill him -- I love him!"

Robert Davi as the tough cop
for saying,

"I shot him before he shot me."

The great Charles Napier,
as a TV host for saying,

"When it comes time
for your execution,

you can't con Con Edison!"

Uh, Leo Rossi as the sleazoid
serial killer for saying,

"You're the prettiest one
in my collection so far."

And, "You know, I feel like
I'm a crusader

against the whores
of the world."

Claudia Christian
as the cop shrink for saying,

"Shooting Cordell is only good
for gettin' his attention."

And William Lustig,
the director,

who did his usual excellent job.

Larry Cohen, the writer,
for lines like,

"There's a piece of Cordell
in every cop."

And, "There's only that much
difference between a cop

and a maniac cop."

And, of course, Robert Z'Dar,
who does it again

as the Maniac Cop his ownself.

Four stars.

Best movie of the year 1990,

one of the best
of the whole decade.

Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

♪♪

And the reason I remember
that Christian Brando trial

is, um, Marlon Brando
took the stand...

and he started speaking French
on the stand. [Laughs]

'Cause one of his other children
was raised in Tahiti,

and, uh, her family was there

because it was her boyfriend
that got killed by a gunshot

that may or may not
have been intentional

but was hel -- the gun was
in the hand of Christian Brando

at the time of the gunshot.

But anyway, the judge
was kind of confused

that Marlon Brando
started speaking French

in the courtroom,

but since he was
directly addressing

the French-speaking
family from Polynesia,

he kind of just let him go.

And I guess that's because --

You know, who goes
to work one day

and finds Marlon Brando
sitting in his witness stand

wanting to talk French?

So, you just kinda wanna
let him talk.

So, anyway, it was one
of those L.A. trials

where everybody s--

Everybody seems to be lyin',
like, all the time, you know?

And, um, actually,
what we should do --

We should have Laurene
explain it.

'Cause Laurene could
come on the show.

She's all over our Twitter.
Right, Darcy?

-She is, and she's so sweet.
-She --

Yeah, she talks to us
all the time.

Well, I -- You know,
I asked Bruce Campbell

how she was in bed.

We should ask her
how Bruce Campbell was in bed.

-We will not be doing that.

-We won't?
-We will not.

-Okay.[Laughter]

♪♪

[Tires screech]

♪♪

-Hold on a sec.
Let me call for back-up!

[Car door slams]This is Car 4604
requesting a backup.

Pier 14.

[Axe slamming]

[Slamming continues]

-Rgh! Gah!

Guh!

♪♪

[Gunshot]

-Let him go, Cordell!

-Ugh -- Oh!

-Ah!

-Teresa, get these cuffs off.

-The keys --
-[Grunts]

♪♪

[Gun cocks]-Hold it there!

♪♪

-[Grunts]

♪♪

Yagh!

Ack!

[Sirens wailing]

♪♪

[Engine turns over, revs]

♪♪

-Augh!

♪♪

♪♪

-Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

♪♪

-Whoa!

Whoaaaaaaa!

♪♪

♪♪

[Seagulls squawking]

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Brass button, blue coat ♪

♪ Cannot catch a nanny goat ♪

[Laughter]

[Laughter fades]

[Distant car horn honks]

♪♪

-[Singing indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

[Whips snapping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct singing continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Water lapping]

♪♪

[Knocks on metal]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine turns over, revs]

[Tires squeal]

♪♪

♪♪

[Car horn honks]

[Buzzer buzzes]

[Distant car horns honking]

[Passing engine rumbles]

[Page flutters]

[Page flutters]

-[Foreign accent]
And what can I do for you?

-[Sniffs]

[Gun cocks]

Figure it out.

-I got no money.

I-It all goes down
that slot into a safe!

I don't know the combination.
[Chuckles nervously]

Eh, th-- the boss
don't trust me.

-[Over radio]
In the 22 Precinct,
we got a 10-30 in progress.

Silent alarm at Julio's Bodega
at 725 14th Street.

-This one's for us.

-Shit.
-22-Adam responding.

[Tires squealing][Sirens wailing]

-I needthe money.

[Cash register ticks, dings]

-Look! No money!

Take merchandise!

Anything you want in the store!

Dios mío!
-And that's gonna be you

all over the walls in a minute!

[Chuckles]

So, when does your boss come in
to open up the safe, huh?

-Uh, s-s-s-six.

[Stammers] 6:30.

-I'll wait.
-Okay.

-But you don't have
to hang around.

Why don't you try running
for the door, huh?

-No.

-No it's o-- it's okay.

I-I stay.

-[Laughs]

Hey.

Hey, l-- let's open up
some lotto tickets, huh?

-Sure. Sure, si.

[Coins jingle]Okay.

-[Laughs]
Maybe I'll be a winner.

-Okay.
-I feel lucky!

-Nada. Mira.

Nothing.
-Well, keep going!

-Okay.

[Both breathing heavily]Nothing again.

We'll --We'll go through
the whole bunch, huh?

-Okay.

Nothing.

Nada.

-You know, I think you're lying!

-No!

I'm calling them the way
they're coming up!

-Que?
-Nothing. Nada.

-No I think I'm a winner.

-I'm telling you!

-Eh, n--

Holy shit.

Ay, Dios mío!

Mira.

5,000 bucks!

5,000 bucks.
-Huh?

-You won 5,000 bucks!

-[Laughing]

♪♪

-Thank God you got here!

[Laughing continuously]

♪♪

[Laughing hysterically]

♪♪

-Gagh!

-Can you believe it?
The fucker just won 5,000 bucks!

I mean, I guess he don't win it.

I guess I win it, eh?

[Laughing]

Like they say, eh?

Goodness is its own reward, eh?

[Laughing]

Augh!

[Body thuds][Object clatters]

♪♪

-[Groans] No!

[Whimpers]

♪♪

W-What for?

[Groaning]

[Sirens wailing]

♪♪

-Hey! Hold it right there!

-Drop it! Now!

-No!
-Put the gun down!

-It wasn't me, man!

[Gun cocks][Stammers]

-Put it down, man!
-It was one of you!

[Indistinct chatter]

-Hey, call an ambulance,
will ya?

-Get a broom. Look at this.

♪♪

-Hey, Frankie,
get on the horn on this.

Come on.

♪♪

He blew the clerk away, too.

-[Over radio]
419, your request
for backup is confirmed.

Over.

♪♪

[Bells playing
"Gloria In Excelsis Deo"]

[Car horns honking]

♪♪

[Muffled tune continues]

-Well, Officer Forrest...

Officer Mallory -- agh --

you've been cleared
of all wrongdoing.

In fact, you're gonna get
commendations for your actions.

-So, uh does that mean
we're back on active duty again?

-Not just yet.

-Commissioner, um...

what about Cordell?

-What about Cordell?

-You didn't find the body in the
river because it wasn't there.

-Current must have
swept it out to sea.

-No. He's still alive.

-You're starting with these
ghost stories again?

Cordell died in Sing Sing
more than two years ago.

I want you to see
this police psychologist.

-What?
-Her name is Susan Riley.

She's got an excellent rep
at helping officers readjust.

-Aw, come on, Commissioner.
We're not crazy.

-Of course not.

So you shouldn't have any
objections seeing Officer Riley.

She's a cop, too.

I set up a meeting
for tomorrow at 3:00.

Be there.

-Yeah, we've got
a 3:00 appointment.[Door opens]

Oh, um, Officers, uh,
Mallory and Forrest.

We're a little early, I guess.
-That's right.

Um, why don't we go
get a cup of coffee?

[Distant car horns honking]

-Are you gonna find us unfit
to go back on the job?

-Well, I hope not. [Laughs]

What do you think?

-Well I think we're both
just as sane as you are.

-Well, then you both realize

that this Matt Cordell
was killed in prison.

-Yeah, right, but you see,

we both just saw him
on the pier.

So, what?
Does that make us nuts?

-What you saw
was a very large man

with a horribly disfigured face.

Did he say he was Cordell?

-[Sighs]
No. He never spoke.

-Well, then, it could have been
anyone in a policeman's
uniform, right?

A homicidal maniac with a grudge
against the police force, maybe.

-Hey, look, you know, if this
is the official line

that the Department's
gonna use, great.

-No, that's a lie.

-Would you excuse us
for a second?

-Certainly.

[Indistinct chatter]

-Teresa, all I know about
is being a cop.

And I don't know about you,
but I need this job.

You know, when you think
about it, I mean...

what the hell difference
does it make who he was?

-Because you can't
kill the dead.

-Tere- Let her go.

[Door opens]

-[Sighs][Door slams]

-Doc, do me a favor, will ya?

Don't put that in your report.

-Jack, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to

give her
a negative evaluation.

-Come on. Let me at least
just talk to her, will ya?

She'll come around.

-I cannot let anyone out in the
street that's got a gun

with emotional problems.

-Auuuugh!

[Gunshot]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-McKinney!

You okay?

-Never better.

[Car honk honks]

-We were covering the front.

-That's why I came around back.

♪♪

-[Groans]

-Too bad you didn't kill him!

[Car horns honking]

-Yeah, too much
fucking paperwork.

[Brakes hiss]

[Engines rumbling][Car horns honking]

[Knocks on door]

-Come in.

Hi.
-Hi.

-Lieutenant McKinney?
-Yeah.

-Come on in. Have a seat.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Door closes]-Thought there'd be a couch.

-Just a chair.

-Yeah.

-So, how you doing?

-Not bad.

You know, I haven't been
to confession in over 20 years.

But if the priests
looked like you,

I probably would
have gone more often.

[Lighter snaps]

-You mind if I smoke?

-Actually, I do.

Thank you.

So, do you wanna tell me
about the shooting?

-Uh...

Well, what's there to say?

I mean, I shot him
before he shot me.

[Sighs] Look, Doctor,
let's make this easy.

I feel great about what I did.

If you wanna
psychoanalyze someone,

why don't you psychoanalyze
the lawyers and judges

who put that kind of scum
back on the streets?

-First of all, I'm not a doctor.

I'm a clinical psychologist.

And I realize you're here
under protest.

-Well, that's good.

So you can tell me how long
my ass has to warm this chair

before I satisfy
the mandatory requirements.

-Well, every officer
involved in a shooting

has to see one of us
for counseling at least once.

-Okay. I've been seen.

You counseled me.
Thank you.

-Excuse me, Lieutenant?

Did you have a partner?

Sergeant Joseph Minelli?

♪♪

-Yeah.

Joe and I were a team.

-He made an appointment with me
once about six months ago.

He phoned and requested help.

That's a little unusual,
isn't it?

One of you asking for help?

-[Sniffs, sighs]

Well, he was a...

♪♪

...sensitive guy.

-Well, I never found that out.

He stood me up -- never showed.
It was a Friday.

The following night
he committed suicide,

with his service revolver.

-I know all about that.
I found the body Monday morning.

-I didn't know that.

-Well, there's a lot of things
you people don't know.

-Well, someone talked him
out of showing up here.

Probably told him he'd be a wimp

if he admitted something
was bothering him.

-What are you getting at?

-You tell me.

-[Exhales sharply]

♪♪

-Please don't slam the d--

[Door slams]

[Inhales deeply]

[Garbage truck whirring]

[Bottles clinking]

[Metal clatters]

[Brakes squealing]

-Hey, Harry.
How you doing tonight?

-Oh, Officer Forrest
It's you.

-[Laughs]
-They tell me you got
your picture in the paper.

I guess congratulations
are in order.

♪♪

-That's not such a bad picture.

I'll tell you what, Harry.

I'll take a dozen of 'em.

-A dozen it is.

How often do I get
a celebrity around here?

[Laughs]

♪♪

-Okay, now, Harry,
give me your hand.

Okay, look,
this is a five, okay?

You trust me?
-I trust you.

-All right.
You keep the change.

-Thank you. Thank you.

All right.

-[Singing in foreign language]

♪♪

♪♪

-Okay, let's see
what they said about Teresa.

[Gasps, groans]

Ugghh! [Gasping]

-Jack! What is going on?

What's happened?

Jack. [Gasps]
Talk to me!

Talk to me!

Talk t--

Police! Police! Poli--

[Static crackling]

-Okay, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Y-You gotta get up th--

You gotta get up there.

Quick exit for Bruce Campbell
in "Maniac Cop 2."

People watching it
for the first time

are always a little
startled by that,

even though his replacement --
Robert Davi --

has already been introduced.

Robert Davi is a little more
New-York-cop-ish than Bruce,

if you know what I mean --
and I think you do.

He is actually going
against type in this movie,

'cause normally,
he's a supervillain.

He was the Colombian drug lord

in the James Bond movie
"License to Kill,"

and, uh that role
is amazingly brutal.

The blind newspaper salesman
in the kiosk

is a guy not seen
often in the movies

'cause he was mostly
a theater guy,

but that's Robert Earl Jones,
father of James Earl Jones.

And he was already 80 years old
when this movie came out.

He had been
a Mississippi sharecropper.

And then, he became a boxer
and he moved to New York,

where he became
the sparring partner

of heavyweight champion
Joe Louis.

And he was such an athlete

that he ran
the New York Marathon in 1996,

when he was 86 years old.

Of course, we know him here
at "The Last Drive-In"

as Ben in "Sleepaway Camp" --

the assistant cook
who takes over

after Artie gets scalded
with boiling water by Angela.

But you don't need to hear
from me the rest of the night.

Um...

[Static crackles]

Yuki!

Yeah, uh, Yuk--

You're preset for L.A., right?

- Yeah, got it. It's working.
-Okay.

We have with us the director of
all three "Maniac Cop" movies --

actually, just 2 1/2 of them --

the one and only Bill Lustig!

Bill, are you there?[Cheers and applause]

-Oh, Joe, it's so --
It's such a pleasure to be here.

-All right.

Pill -- Bill, when people
say to me,

"you must have seen more movies
than any person in the world,"

I always say,
"No, not even close."

There are three people
who, in my opinion,

have seen everything.

Frank Henenlotter
of "Basket Case" fame,

uh, Eli Roth, and I do believe
you have them both beat!

Bill Lustig!

You've been in every
repertory theater in America

97 times trying to make sure
you don't miss anything.

And I run into you everywhere.

In fact, you came
to a presentation of mine

at the Alamo Drafthouse
in Brooklyn

for a movie that had not
been seen in 47 years.

And I proved that night
that nobody wanted to see it

for another 47 years,
but you were in the audience!

"The Magic Garden
of Stanley Sweetheart."

You remember that!
-Oh! [Laughing]

What an -- [Laughing]

-In fact, I remember
doing a show

at Anthology Film Archives

on the Lower East Side
with Frank Henenlotter.

So I was wedged in between
you and Frank,

and I felt like the stupidest
person on the planet.

'Cause both of you guys
know the names

of character actors forgotten
by film history entirely,

but they live on in your brain!

Have always been that crazy
about film?

-Oh, yeah. I've b--
I was crazy about film for --

for as far back
as I can remember.

I remember, in junior
high school, banging my head

on a -- my forehead on a desk,
saying, "Why am I here?

I want to be out making movies."

I -- That's --
That's how I felt.

I-I've been -- I've been, uh,
in love with movies

since, pff, 15, 16 --
maybe even before.

Which city is better
for repertory cinema?

New York or L.A.?

You've lived in both.

-Well, I mean, New York was the
Mecca back in the day.

I mean, there was a repertory
theater in every neighborhood.

There was -- I-I sometimes, you
know, reminisce with friends --

The Thalia, the Ri-- Regency,

you know, the
Carnegie Hall Cinema,

the Bleecker Street Cinema.

I mean, you go on and on.

-Uh, the ones in Chinatown,

where the, uh,
kung fu movies played.

-Well, I'll tell you
something funny.

You probably have shown
Steve James' movies on --

on, uh, "Drive-In."

Uh, he was in, uh,
"The Exterminator."

He was the buddy of Bob Ginty.

He was in, uh, those, uh,
"American Ninja" films, uh,

where he was the sidekick, uh,
to Michael Dudikoff.

Well, I knew
Steve James back then,

and the times I would
go to Chinatown --

'Cause it was a little dodgy
down there.

-Oh, it was very dodgy
down there.

-Very dodgy!

I'd have St--
Steve James with me.

I never had a worry.

-[Laughs]
-I had him for protection.

-Okay, well, you and the late,
great Larry Cohen, uh,

you're both from the Bronx.

You both love the dark side
of New York City.

You collaborated how many times?

-We collaborated four --
four or five times.

-Uh, do you think "Maniac Cop 2"

is the best
of your collaborations?

-Yes. Without a doubt,
"Maniac Cop 2" is the best.

-Do you think "Maniac Cop 2"
is your greatest movie?

-Yes. Without -- That's --

Bar none. "Maniac Cop 2."

You know why?

I was firing on all cylinders,

and I had a group of people
I was working with --

We had done multiple
pictures together,

so it was all shorthand.

It w-- It's great.

It was -- It was the most fun.

And it was brutally col-- cold
when we shot in New York,

and, um --
and you mentioned, uh --

um -- uh, Robert Earl Jones --

I mean, for that guy to be,
you know, as old as he was --

That was the coldest place
in the world.

It was the lower tip
of Manhattan,

and it was brutally,
brutally cold.

And he these fa--
uh, false eyes in.

Um, but, yeah, "Maniac Cop 2,"
it was just like going to war,

and we -- and we got it done.

-Was Bruce Campbell okay
with showing up

just for that one kill scene?

-It was sensitive with Bruce,
I gotta say.

[Laughter]And to get him to do it,

he had to be paid,
you know, well to do it, um,

because, you know, he was
disappointed he didn't carry on.

But my thinking was --
and Larry's thinking --

was that we took
Laurene and Bruce

as far as we could take them
as charactuo-- characters.

It was time to bring
fresh people in.

-Well, Robert Davi has a much
more of a New York cop look

than Bruce Campbell.

He's from Queens.

-Now, I knew Robert Davi
just in passing.

And I was in, uh --

We were waiting
for some legal matter

to be sorted out
on "Maniac Cop 2."

We were in pre-production,
but we had to stop.

And so, I decided,
rather than sit home

and get phone calls
from my friends, who are going,

"When are we gonna
start up shooting, Bill?

When are we gonna
start up shooting?"

You know, they would start th--
you know, that kind of thing.

I ran off to Paris.

And while I was in Paris, I met
with the distributor of, uh,

"Maniac Cop 1," which was
hugely successful in France.

And as I was walking to their
office u-up the Champs-Elysées,

I noticed that "License to Kill"
had just opened.

And I see the poster
and I see Robert Davi,

and I go,
"Oh, that's very good."

You know, "Robert Davi
is in license to kill.

Congratu-- You know,
really nice, you know?

Anyway, so, um, I go to this
lunch, and I say, you know,

"We're in pre-production
on "Maniac Cop 2."

And what's the first thing
every distributor asks?

"Who's in the film?"

So, I said, um --

I-I'm thinking for a second,
and I go, "Robert Davi."

-And you haven't even
talked to him?

-No! I hadn't even
spoken to him!

And they go...

[French accent]
"Ooh! Robert Davi!

Robert Davi!

James Bond! 'Die Hard!'"

[Normal voice]
They were all, like, you know --

They were jumping up and down
because this was gonna be

much bigger than
the first movie!

They were, like, all excited.

I go, "Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, great."

So, I, um -- I get back
to the hotel.

I call the -- I call, uh,
my assistant in L.A.

I said, "Look, we gotta get
a script to Robert Davi."

I find out he's in Brazil
shooting some movie

with Rae Dawn Chong.

And, um, Larry did a little --

He beefed up the role
a little bit,

giving them a little more
backstory, and we sent it.

And, uh, I get
a call from Robert.

He goes, "I read the script."

He goes, "It's --
It's a good character.

I like it. It's interesting."

He goes, "But does the movie
have to be called

'Maniac Cop 2'?"

-Wow.

Uh, y-yes, it does, Robert.

-I said, "Ro-- That --
That's it, Robert."

I go, "I mean,
that's how we sold the movie.

It's 'Maniac Cop 2.'"

I said, "Robert, listen.

You're down there in Brazil
getting eaten alive by red ants.

I got a beautiful hotel room
waiting for you in New York

at the Mayflower Hotel.

And you can come up here,
we'll get you your wardrobe,

and you could st--
you could be in the movie

a-and relax in civilization."

I finally got him up there.

I said, "You know,
it's 'Frankenstein'

meets 'The French Connection,'
and you're 'Popeye' Doyle."

-[Laughs] And he had no idea how
much extra money

he could have gotten out of you.

[Chuckles]

All right, well, we have
a lot to talk about.

Thanks for guiding us
through the flick.

Um, these New York street scenes

are actually New York
this time, right?

-Most of them.

All the landmarks and the --
and the stuff we shot

in a town called West New York.

Um, and coming up,
it's gonna be, um,

this big chase.

We were shooting
right before Christmas,

and all the cops
in West New York

were looking for extra cash
for Christmas.

And we were doling out cash
to all the cops, and they said,

"Do whatever you want.

Shoot at 6:00 in the morning.

We don't care. Fire guns."

You know, "Run a car
on its rims with sparks."

They didn't care.
[Laughter]

-So, for the first time,
you successfully doubled

Los Angeles for New York.

That is pretty amazing.

-Well, both the cameraman --
Jimmy Lemmo -- and myself

are native New Yorkers.

We know every crack
in the sidewalk.

So we could look at a frame
even if it's in L.A.

and say, "Ah,
that's not New York."

But, Larry Cohen busted me
at the very end of the picture

in -- in -- w-when the truck
goes in the water.

In the very back it,
there are some palm trees.

-Oh, no!

Well, when the bus goes
in the water,

nobody is looking
at the palm trees, so --

-I know! That's what I tried
to explain to Larry!

Do you know that Bruce
did all his stunts in the movie

and wanted to do the stunt?

And, um -- And I said,
"No, Bruce, you can't do it.

It's very dangerous.
It's very dangerous."

So, he and I --
happy to be sitting together,

waiting for the stunt
to happen --

And he was very grateful
that I-I-I allowed him

to back out of it.
[Laughs]

-Okay, well, he did
mention that to us.

All right, back to the movie.

Um, you know, I had Robert Davi
on my show years ago

for a movie that -- that you
just mentioned, uh, called --

"Amazon" was the name of that
movie with Rae Dawn Chong.

And Robert Davi
is an opera singer,

and in -- in the course
of discussing the movie,

we got into an argument about
what the lyrics are for the song

"The Lion Sleeps Tonight."

And, um, I said that
it's endlessly repeating

the word "abimbaway."
You know...

♪ Abimbaway, abimbaway,
abimbaway, ab-- ♪

And Robert Davi said it was
endlessly repeating

the word "aweemawep."

♪ Aweemawep, aweemawep ♪

And so, this was before
you could look up lyrics

on the internet,
and I d-- I don't know --

So, y-- And I don't know
how official they are

or how they get
checked on there,

but if you do look up the lyrics
on the Internet,

it actually says "aweemaway"!

Which would be a cross between
"abimbaway" and "aweemawep."

Are you following this?

[Laughs] This --
This is important.

So, the original song
was in Zulu,

which is why we don't know

what the heck is going on
with the song.

But weknow it because of
the 1961 record by The Tokens.

And Robert Davi is also
an expert on doowop!

He directed and starred
in a theatrical show

called "The Dukes," which was
about a fictional doowop group.

So, you would think he would
know that it's "aweemaway,"

but he was claiming
that it's "aweemawep."

So, Robert, if you're out there,

you need to come back
on the show.

I won't rest
until this is resolved.

In fact, John Brennan!

-Yo!

-Abimbaway, aweemawep,
or aweemaway?

-Actually, in Zulu,
it's "abimbawep."

♪♪

-It is not!

-Swear to God.

Ask any Zululian.

[Laughter]

I will ask a Zululian, John.

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪♪

-Strangled like the rest.

All strippers.

Sure picks the pretty ones.

Lovejoy, you look sick.

-Oh, I hate being around stiffs
ever since they made me

kiss my grandmother
at the funeral.

-R-Remove the sheet.

-Could you do it, please?

-[Gasps]

-[Gags]

-[Weeping]

-Do you have any idea what the
family wants done with the body?

-I'll call his mother
in Florida.

[Sniffles]

-Teresa...
-[Sniffles, sighs]

-...can you think of anyone
with a motive to kill Jack?

You were at the lounge
in headquarters.

You had an argument.
You got angry.

You walked out.

Where did you go?

-[Sniffles] Home.

-You didn't wait
outside the building

and try to make up with him?

-I'd have no reason to kill him.

I loved him!

-Well, maybe you loved him
too much, huh?

Maybe, uh --

Maybe he thought you were
crackin' up, you know?

He didn't wanna marry you,
and you got angry, and --

-This is bullshit!

Why don't you ask
Commissioner Doyle

who killed Jack?

-Look, I'm just
following procedure, okay?

You know as well as I,
nine out of ten times,

the prime suspects are usually
family, relatives, or friends.

That's where you find
the killer.

-You bastards.

Why don't you ask
Commissioner Doyle

who killed Jack?[Door closes]

-I don't like what you're asking
me to do to Officer Mallory.

You know as well a--

-We're just doing it
for the good of the Department.

We don't even consider her
a suspect.

It's just our way of putting her
on the defensive for a while.

Keep her under control
so she doesn't go to the papers.

-My time would be better spent
finding out who killed Jack.

-Your time, Detective,

is to put more pressure on her!

That's a direct order.

[Door opens, closes]

-Damn it.

-I don't like it either.

-You should talk.

Your report described her
as mentally unsound
and unfit for duty.

-How am I supposed
to really judge her?

I mean, she's out there
on the streets being a cop.

I sit behind my desk
like a social worker.

-Well, I just don't like people
who try and get inside

other people's heads.

-Yeah, you made that very clear
to me in my office yesterday.

Is there any particular reason?

[Cup thuds]

-My wife was under the care of
a psychiatrist for over a year.

You know, standard problems --
cop's wife.

Now, I admit I'm not
the easiest guy to live with,

but she couldn't make a move
without him.

Stopped communicating with me.

Only him.

Now she's my ex-wife.

Is that reason enough for ya?

-I'm sure the doctor was just
doing what he thought was best.

-I don't buy into
this psychology stuff.

I think you're all full of shit.

So you can take your Carl Jung
and Sigmund Freud

and shove 'em up your ass.

-[Scoffs]

-And just to clear up matters...

I talked Joe Minelli
into canceling

that appointment with you,

and I don't feel
guilty about it.

-How could you feel guilty?

You're a cop.

-So are you.

[Door closes]

[Sirens wailing][Car horns honking]

[Chains clinking]

-Hey, stop!

-No, don't do it!

Oh, for God sakes,
you already did it!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Come on!

Can't we talk about this?

I'll move the car.

I was just coming back
to move the car.

[Foreign accent]
-I got here first.

-Yeah, but I'm here!
I'm right here!

You can't tow me away.

[Lift whirring]-Read the back of your summons.

-Hey, look, you're all alone.

Can't we work this out
just between you and me, huh?

-What? You offering me a bribe?
-Not at all.

But if you tow my car, I won't
be able to get to work tomorrow.

I'll lose a whole day.
-You can afford it.

-You enjoy this.

You son of a bitch!

You got a shitty, nothing,
civil service job --

Oh, careful of my fender
with that.

This is a new paint job!

I just had
the whole thing waxed!

You'll be towing fucking cars
the rest of your life.

You know that?
You'll never be anything!

You can't even do
this stupid job right!

I'd like to see
the piece of shit you drive!

-You better start thinking
about getting out to Brooklyn

early tomorrow
to reclaim this beauty.

A lot of car
get stripped in our lot.

The stereo. The tires.

The whole engine.

That's why I wouldn't
own a car in this town.

[Blade stabs, slices]

[Cloth rips][Lift whirring]

♪♪

[Engine turns over]

[Engine revs]

♪♪

♪♪

-Good night, Harry.
-Good night.

Happy holiday.

-Here you go Harry.
Good night.

-Excuse me. Hi.

I'd like to talk to you.

-Do I know you?

[Coins clink]-I'm from the police department.

-I talked to the cops
already enough.

-I'm not an investigator
like the others.

I'm a psychologist.

- I'm trying to do a profile
on this killer.

-I've got nothing to say.

I'm trying to make a living.

-Maybe you could tell
from his footsteps.

Is he a large man?

Or perhaps he said something?

-No footsteps.

I just heard Jack screaming,
and that's all.

-Did you touch him?

-Not the victim, the killer.

-Why did you ask me that?

-You did, didn't you?

Tell me.

♪♪

-I lost my sight
in combat in Sicily.

A German grenade went off
in my face.

Killed all the others
in the foxhole around me.

I lay there more than a day...

...surrounded by these
dead bodies.

Buried in them.

At night, they froze.

♪♪

Them being on top of me
kept me from freezing, too.

♪♪

I never thought I'd...

feel anything like that again.

Frozen, dead flesh.

Then...

I touched his hand.

Just for a second, mind you,
and I was back there again.

with the dead.

♪♪

[Sirens wailing]-Out!

You killed him,
you son of a bitch!

-Ow! Take it easy!

Look, if he wanted
to tow my car, so what?

You don't kill anybody
over bullshit like that!

-Well, if you didn't kill him,
who the fuck did?!

-You wouldn't believe me!

-Why don't you try me, punk?
-All right. All right!

It was a great big cop.

6'3", maybe more.
All scarred up.

And he never said a word!

-You know something?
-Hmm? Ow!

-I don't believe you!
-Ow!

-Get the fuck out of here!
-Ow!

-Take a look at these reports.

It's happening again.

[Distant phone ringing][Car horns honking]

-I got in on this job
two weeks ago.

Give me a break.

-I'm talking about a man
who killed your predecessor.

A man who may try to pull
the same number on you.

-Then the wrong guy died
in that truck in the river?

-When this leaks out,
people are not gonna want

to pick up the phone
and dial 911.

[Inhales deeply, sighs]

They're gonna want
to defend themselves.

We're looking at
a bloodbath here.

Citizens blowing each other away
like there isn't any law.

-Tell me the truth.

Do you think it's a cop?

Some officer that's gone
off the deep end?

-Doesn't fit the description
of any cop I know.

6'3", scars all over him.

-Except one.

-Don't say it.

Don't even think it.

-What are you talking about?

-Nothing. Nothing.

We've gotta get this killer.

Better assemble
a new task force.

Get some aid from the Governor.

-Well, I got a lead.

This policewoman,
Teresa Mallory.

-Mallory?

Oh, my God.

Not her again.

-Yeah, her.
Killed her boyfriend.

I figure he's gonna
go after her.

-I don't get it.

He's had a lot
of opportunities to kill her.

Why hasn't he killed her?

-Maybe he enjoys
making her afraid.

-I'm beginning to think
maybe you're not so crazy.

-Great. Then you'll be
out of a job, too.

-They've asked me
to certify you unfit.

but I can't do it.

I read all about Cordell
and what happened to him.

-Look, if you want
more information,

just tune in to
"Criminals at Large"

television show tonight.

-Why would you go on that show?

-Why not?

They alert the public
to wanted criminals.

A half-dozen or so
have been caught or turned in

as a direct result.

-And who's gonna believe you?
The lunatic fringe?

-Will you come with me?
-I can't!

What are you gonna say?

[Car horn honking]

There's my cab.

-[Sighs]

All right, I'll go with you.

I'll even pay for the cab.

[Distant car horns honking]

-Oh, where to, girls?

-Mayflower Hotel.

-Sounds good to me.

[Door closes]

[Engine turns over]

I just jumped out
to get a pack of smokes.

I hope you girls weren't waiting
in the cold too long.

-No, it's okay.

-You know, when I saw the bag,

I said "'This is a run
to the airport."

Heh, guess you can't
win 'em all.

-I don't see anyone
following us, Teresa.

-Some ex-boyfriend
giving you a hard time?

-Yeah, sort of.

[Passing car horn honking]-The shows are gonna be
lettin' out now.

Um, maybe I can beat
the crosstown traffic

if I cut down this way.

-No, no! Stay on
the busy streets!

-Hey, what's goin' on here?

-You ever seen one of these?

-Yeah, I seen plenty of them.

And it usually means
I ain't gettin a tip.

[Tire thumping]

Damn.

-What's the matter?

-I don't know.

I think one of my tires
is going flat.

-Driver, just stay in the car.

Don't get out.
-You kiddin'?

-Drive.
-On my rim?

-Teresa, take it easy.

Anybody can get a flat tire.

-Look, cop or no cop,
I own this cab.

I'm not gonna fuck it up
for anybody.

Holy shit.

-You're making it worse
than it has to be.

Nobody's following us.

-Just stay in the cab.

When you left your cab
to go for cigarettes...

[Tools clanking]...somebody must...

[Weakly] ...have messed
with your tires.

-Damn kids, I'll bet.

♪♪

Where the hell are you goin'?!

-Teresa, stop it!

What are you doing?!

-I knew it!

I never should have
let cops in my cab!

[Tires squealing]

♪♪

-What's he want?!
-I don't know!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I'll gun it! Keep down!

♪♪

Ack!

♪♪

-Ah!

♪♪

Ah!

♪♪

Teresa!

♪♪

Ah!

♪♪

-Shit!

♪♪

Oh!

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpers]

[Glass shattering]

♪♪

Goddamn it!

[Glass bottles shattering]

♪♪

-Jesus Christ!

♪♪

-Ugh!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Teresa!

♪♪

Ahhhhhhh!

♪♪

-No!

No, please!

No!

No! No!

[Whimpering][Door handle jiggling]

♪♪

No!

Ugh! Agh!

[Wails]

[Whimpering]

-[Grunts]

-Ugh! Augh!

[Groans]

No!

[Whimpering] No!

No!

Oh! Ah!

♪♪

Agh! Help!

[Chainsaw revving]

♪♪

Help!

♪♪

Rgh!

-Ahhh!
-Agh!

[Hollering, grunting]

♪♪

Ugh! [Neck cracks]

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Car horns honking][Screaming]

♪♪

Ugh! Rgh! [Grunting frantically]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Oh!

♪♪

[Screams][Tires squealing]

♪♪

[Car horn honking]

[Grunting frantically]

♪♪

[Car horn honks]

♪♪

Augh!

♪♪

[Truck horn blares]

♪♪

[Car horn honks]

♪♪

♪♪

Rgh!

[Car horn honks]

♪♪

Rgh!

[Car horn honking]Agh!

♪♪

Ahhh!

♪♪

[Metal shrieks]

♪♪

[Steam hissing][Engine ticking]

[Footsteps approaching]

-Ah! [Gasps]
-Are you all right in there?

[Indistinct chatter]

Hey, who handcuffed you, lady?

What the hell is going on?

-One first!
-All right, easy does it.

-Next one!
-We'll get you out of there.

Radio in for a hacksaw up here!

We gotta get these cuffs
off of her!

[Radio chatter][Indistinct chatter]

All right, just take it easy.
-People up here!

We're gonna get you
out of there.

Relax.

♪♪

-Bill, there just happens to be
a chainsaw handy?!

Who put that in?!
You or Larry?

-That was me.

That was h--
Yeah, because we were

actually using a hardware store.

-Well, would you agree with me

that a chainsaw
is a terrible weapon

in any situation?[Laughter]

-That's true, but I thought
it was so hilarious

that she gets up from being
thrown through the window

and there happened to be a st--
a -- a display there

with a guy holding a chainsaw.
[Laughs]

I just thought that was
the funniest thing to me.

-Ah, well, that's a Texas
weapon, not a New York weapon,

so don't mess around.

You're a fan of "Texas Chain Saw
Massacre," though, right?

-Ohh, and -- Yeah, I c-- I-I --

T-The first one
is a masterpiece.

All the rest stink.

-Oh! [Laughs]

-I'll go on record on that.

-Okay! And, um, by the way,

I know you and Larry disagree

about killing off
Laurene Landon.

-He wanted her hospitalized,
and she wasn't dead.

But we don't reveal that she's
not dead until the third movie.

And I thought it was ridiculous.

-All right, Bill, well, you beat
the holy crap out of that taxi.

You must have
rammed that thing thirty times

in the first of two great
chase scenes in this movie.

You were doing
an expanded version

of a Jackie Chan gag?

-Yes. Well, what it was is,
in "Police Story 1,"

there's this magnificent scene
that opens the movie,

where -- on a hillside
shanty town -- there's a raid

by the police
of these drug dealers.

And the cars are coming over
the mountain,

and, you know, they're crashing
through the shacks.

It's spec--
Absolutely spectacular.

And at one point, a woman is --

I think a policewoman;
I'm not sure --

she's handcuffed
to a steering wheel of a car.

And I thought for sure
another car was gonna ram it

and she was gonna go
down the hill

handcuffed to the
steering wheel of the car

going through all the mayhem,

and it didn't happen.

So, what I did is, I just took
the Jackie Chan scene,

and I said, "I'm gonna do
the scene I wanted to see!"

[Laughter]

-Well, did you really run
the car on the rims

to get those sparks?

-Mmmmmm --

The secret is, um --

What we did is,
we had the car on rims,

but there was rubber inside --
inside the wheel --

very thin rubber --
and we had sparklers.

You know, the kind of
stuff you would use on
4th of July, or something.

I had sparklers,
and the sparklers created

the illusion that the, uh, rims
were scraping on the --

on the -- on the road.

I must tell you,
when we tested this

before we shot,
we tested this at the c--

at the, uh, special effects
company's house,

which happened to be on 9W --
a major thoroughfare

in New Jersey, in New York.

And we ran the car,
and it didn't quite --

The rims did not go quite as
high as we thought,

and we put a big crease
down 9W for about a mile.

[Laughter]-Really?

Did you ever get a bill from the
Department of Transportation?

-Of course not!
We'd run like th--

Yeah, yeah, we're -- we're --

we're thieves in the night,
you know?

-[Laughs] The replacement
for Bruce Campbell

in this movie is Robert Davi

and the replacement
for Laurene Landon

is Claudia Christian,

and she doesn't seem
totally engaged.

-Yeah, um, she had some, um,
medical issues

that we didn't know about
before we started shooting,

and it was -- and it was
depleting her energy.

And, you know,
she was a little out of it.

-Yeah.
-And -- But I thought
she was adequate.

And, you know, it was --
it was disappointing

that she was, uh --

I wish she had told us,
that's all.

-Well, I know she was not
very happy on the set.

She didn't really want to be
doing the movie.

-One day -- This is --
This is ridiculous.

Filmmakers, I'm gonna
look in the camera.

This is ridiculous.

One day, I get an agent
coming on the set.

I'm the producer.

Comes to me and goes,

"Uh, Robert Davi's trailer is,
um -- uh, three feet longer

than Lauree-- than, uh,
C-Claudia Christian's trailer."

I go, "Yeah? So?"

Is -- [Laughs]

"Well, they're supposed to be
the same size."

It turned out,
Robert Davi paid the --

the trailer company more money

than I was paying
the trailer company

to get a bigger trailer,
'cause he would have a p--

You know, when he comes to the
set, he has all his friends

and family visit.

So, he actually paid out
of his own pocket

for a bigger trailer.

I didn't know this.

So, I had to f--
I-I had to investigate this.

And -- Because I had an unhappy
actress measuring trailers.

[Laughter]-So, did you get that fixed?

-I don't even remember
how I resolved it.

I-I-I just don't remember.

It was so ridiculous.

-But you did have
more money for this --

for this movie
than the first one, right?

-Four -- We had four times
the budget for this movie

than we did for the first
"Maniac Cop,"

and it's up on the screen.

-Were you famous, at this point?

You -- You had
"Maniac," "Maniac Cop,"

"Vigilante"
with Fred Williamson.

-Honestly, I don't know
about fame during my --

during my career because there
was no social media.

So, I had no way to gauge it.

Nobody knew who I was.

I didn't put -- I didn't put my
name all over the movies.

I didn't put a, you know --
big letters or anything.

I -- And there was
no social media.

I was probably more famous
in France and, uh --

than I was in -- in my own
neighborhood in New York.

[Laughter]

-And you did --
I wanted to ask you about this.

You did two porn films.

You never talk about
your porn films.

-I did -- Well, I worked
on many, but I --

but I produced
and directed two, yeah.

-Were they good porn films?

-Well, I will tell you, um,
if this is any gauge, um,

th-- my first one -- uh -- uh,
"Violation of Claudia" --

opened at what was considered
in New York to be

the Radio City Music Hall
of porn -- the World Theater.

So, I was in
the World Theater --

the same theater that premiered
"Deep Throat."

So, you tell me.

-Who was the star?

-Sharon Mitchell.

-Sharon?
She was in "Maniac," right?

-She was in "Maniac," yeah.

She was playing
one of the, uh, nurses

that comes out of the hospital.

She's great.
She's such a wonderful person.

-Well, lots more to talk about
as "Maniac Cop 2" continues.

Roll it.

I feel like you forgot the colon
on "Maniac Cop 2."

You know?
You know, it should be,

"Maniac Cop 2:
To Kill and Protect."

Or "Maniac Cop 2:
Support Your Local Psycho."

Or, "Maniac Cop 2: You Won't
Like the Response Time."

Or -- Help me out, Bill.

"Maniac Cop 2:
He Works Overtime."

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Monitor beeping]

-That's it!
Make the call!

-You'd better lie still.
Your wrist is broken.

-Better fix me up quickly.

-I gotta be on TV
in a few hours.

-I'm Detective McKinney.
I'm gonna ride inside.

-Yeah, this is Central.

-You okay?[Doors close]

I was on my way
to Teresa's apartment

when the report
came over the radio.

-I guess you don't have
to worry about her

doing any more talking.
-Move out!

-[Sighs] I'm not f-feeling
too great about all this.

-I doubted her
in the beginning, too.

[Sighs] But I saw him.

I saw what he did.

-419!
-What'd you see?

Big guy in a bulletproof
vest dressed up like a cop?

-[Sighs]

Sean, I saw Matt Cordell.

-Be on the lookout
for a male --

-Tonight, "Criminals at Large"
goes after a serial killer

who's claimed the lives
of beautiful young girls

working as exotic dancers
and strippers in New York City.

And you, the audience,
may help us to catch him.

- [Over mic]
Welcome to Club 69 here in
the heart of Times Square!

I'm your MC.

-Tonight, you'll meet
detectives assigned
to this case.

But first, I would
like you to meet

Deputy Commissioner
Edward Doyle of the NYPD.

Do you want another drink?
-Yeah.

-Uh, just what has your
department done about
this case so far?

-We've, uh, contacted
and alerted young women

who seem to be the killer's
prime target group.

-We have a special
late guest here.

Actually, she's one
of your lady cops.

She's also a police
psychologist,

and her name
is Officer Susan Riley.

Susan, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

Mr. Brady, the murders
of these exotic dancers

is a very tragic situation.

Now, my concern is another
series of killings going on

that's being covered up.

-Pardon me.

Mr. Brady,
this is utterly nonsense.

-The so-called "maniac cop"

did not drown in the river,
as reported.

-Well, Commissioner, what --

what do you have
to say about this?

-Well, the homicides

that Officer Riley
is talking about

were deliberately set up
to imitate the earlier killings.

-Then tell me something,
Commissioner.

Why is this being kept
from the public and the press?

Hmm?

-The killer craves publicity.

We're denying him that.

We hope that his behavior
will become foolhardy...

and he'll expose himself --
show himself.

Then we expect to nail him.

-Mr. Commissioner,
why don't you just admit

that Matt Cordell is responsible
for these killings?

-Cordell died in prison.

-He was brain-dead
but still breathing

when his body was released.

He recovered and came back
to avenge himself

upon the police department
and the city officials

who railroaded him into jail
in the first place.

You know how many people
have been murdered already?

And yet, their replacements
still insist upon
hiding the facts.

The Commissioner's trying to --
-All right, we're running
out of time here.

We're gonna have to
cut you off.

And, punk, if you happen
to be out there listening,

I just want you
to remember this.

When it comes time
for your execution,

you can't con Con Edison.

Good night.

[MC chattering indistinctly]

-Hey!

[Cash register dings]

-Roger, you wanna give me
a hand with these cables?

-Okay, Jake, let me get --

-Officer Riley.

-[Sighs]

[Indistinct chatter]

-That was a pretty stupid thing
you did up there, young lady.

I'm gonna see that
you're suspended.

-Teresa Mallory's dead
because she knew the truth.

Let me tell you something,
Commissioner.

Cordell's gonna pay you a visit,
and you'll see him.

Just like I did.

[Chains rattle]-Uh, here you go, AJ.

-Oh, boys, look at
this blondie here!

Isn't she beautiful?

Take 'em out, blondie.
Take em out.

Let 'em breathe.
Oh boy!

Aren't they lovely?
Ooh, baby!

And on the other side,
here's Red.

Take 'em out, Red.
Let 'em breathe, too.

And be generous, boys,
with that cash,

because these girls
are dancing here just for you.

Oh, let's have
a round of applause

for these two
lovely young ladies.

And don't forget --
they'll be back later, boys.

We're open 24 hours.

Don't go nowhere.

Hang around.

[Cheers and applause]

And now, for the first time
on any stage,

the lovely Cheryl!

-Ow-ow-ow!
-Let's have a big round
of applause, boys.

Come on!
Let's hear it for Cheryl.

Making her debut here
in the big city at Club 69.

Isn't she lovely?

No one has ever had this girl
on the stage before.

We always are the first ones

with the best talent
in New York,

so just keep your eyes
on Cheryl.

Oh, boys, tell me.
Isn't she lovely?

Just keep your eyes on her.

You'll definitely
get an eyeful.

Ohhh!

God, isn't she gorgeous boys?

Be generous.
Spread out that cash.

-♪ I heard my voice above it ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, tonight ♪

♪ I'm gonna be coming home ♪

♪ I'll be running with ♪

♪ The children
of the night tonight ♪

♪ The children of the night ♪

♪ Yeah, here we come ♪

♪ The children of the night ♪

♪ I hear them calling,
hear them calling ♪

♪ Shouting it to me ♪

-Ow!
-♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
-Yeah, baby!

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

-Come on!

-Go!

-♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I'm makin' some new friends ♪

-Yeah!
- ♪ You never know it ♪

♪ What the cards might mean ♪

♪ We're startin'
some new trends ♪

♪ So we're bumping
into me tonight ♪

[Whistling, applause]

[Cheers and applause]

♪ Oh-oh, tonight ♪

[Song fades]

♪♪

[Car horns honking]

-Yes, Mom, there's plenty
of room for advancement.

-Are you eating well?

-Yes, I'm getting plenty to eat.

They have an employee cafeteria.

-Do you like
the place you're living?

Where are you living?
-Well, um...

I'm sharing this lovely
apartment with, um,

a few of the girls
from the secretarial pool.

-Are they nice girls?

-Yeah, they're really sweet.

-Make sure you call us
next Saturday.

-Okay, well then,
as soon as I get my phone,

I'll give you a call
and give you the number.

-And your address
so we can write to you!

-All right. Okay.

But in the meantime, please,
just don't worry about me.

I'm fine.
-We love you, sweetheart.

Take care of yourself.

-Okay.

[Siren wailing]

Oh, and give my love to Dad.

-I will, sweetheart.
-All right.

-I love you.
-I love you, too.

Bye.
-Bye.

[Sirens wailing]

[Distant shouting][Receiver clunks]

[Muffled baby crying]

-[Sighs]

[Door closes]

Of course my typing's
getting better, Mom.

[Pounding on door]

-[Sighs] Who is it?

[Doorknob rattling]

Who is it?

[Screams, whimpers]

[Door rattling, shaking]

-Desk.
-This is 404.

Someone is trying
to break into my room.

I am telling you,
there is somebody out there.

-He'll go away.
-No!

Please, call the police.

Please, get me some help.

-We don't want any trouble.
-Call them!

Or give me a line out,
and I'll call them myself!

-Have it your way, but if I was
in your line of work --

[Receiver clunks]

♪♪

[Muffled crying continues]

-I called the cops!

They're coming, so you'd better
get out of here.

[Shrieking]

♪♪

-Whoo!

I feel like John fucking Wayne!

Whoo! Hah!

Now, you got to listen to me.

Listen to me!
-[Shrieks, sobbing]

-Now, I've been watching you,
and I say you're asking for it.

Right? Gah, tell me!

Come on!
-The police are coming!

-I don't care about no police.
This ain't gonna take long.

-What are you gonna do?
-Think about it.

What do you think I'm gon'
do to you, huh?

Come on!
What do you think?!

What do you think?!

-You killed those other girls.

-Nah.

Let's just say [Sniffs]
that I need another

8x10 glossy for my collection.
[Sniffs]

-[Gasps, screams]

-[Giggle maniacally] Aw!
-[Screaming]

-Trying to do some dirt
to me, huh, baby?

Well, I love the way you feel.
-[Shrieking]

-[Grunts] Ah, yeah!

Ah!
-No!

-Ah, you got to be proud,
because you're the prettiest one

in my collection so far.
You are.

And the best dancer clear out.

You could be in a Broadway show.

But, no. You've got to be
up there on that stage

dancing like some whore!

See, you never know what type

of person's gonna walk in,
now, do ya?

Do ya, honey?[Phone ringing]

-[Whimpers] That's them!
They're in the lobby!

They're comin' up to get you.

-It's a slow elevator.

This ain't gon' take a minute.

-[Gasping]

[Shrieks]

♪♪

-Huh?!
-Ah!

♪♪

[Shrieking]

No!

No! Augh!

Hold it! Police!

♪♪

-[Shrieking]
-Augh!

-Augh!
-Don't hurt me!

Don't hurt me!

♪♪

[Sirens wailing]

♪♪

[Car horns honking]

♪♪

[Sirens wailing]

-Oh, you ain't no cop, man.

I know who you are.

Damn, she was talkin'
about you on TV!

You was in the headlines
last month and everything.

See, you're front-page stuff.

But me, I'm back on page five.

You know why?
You know what did it for you?

That uniform.
See, that was a gimmick!

See, that's what got
their attention.

I got a real nice apartment.

I mean, it's quiet.

Nobody ever comes down there.

Private, you know?

Uh, you could come there.

I mean, I ain't queer,
or nothing.

See, but --
but you'd be safe there.

And I've got a collection
to show you.

[Giggles]

[Distant car horns honking][Wind whistling]

The city at night.

That's where and when
I do my work.

You know, I feel...

like I'm a crusader...

...against the whores
of the world.

[Chuckles]

That's me.

Turkell, crusader of the night!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

You don't talk much,
but that's okay.

Was it the accident?

The same one that
screwed your face up?

I didn't mean
to offend you, now.

I'm sorry if I did.

This -- This here's my place.

Home, sweet home.

[Water bubbling]

[Light switch clicks]

These are my girls.

They ain't gon' dance
in front of nobody no more.

[Tires thumping over metal]Now they're Turkell's girls.

Uh, my first name is Steven.

Why don't you go ahead
and sit down?

You know, most of the time,
I just talk to myself anyway.

So -- So this is okay.

I mean, I don't hear voices
or nothing.

I'm not like those guys
that hear angels and devils

tellin 'em what to do.

You see, I know what to do.

[Thumping continues]

Here, we'll have a drink.

You hate cops.

So, you made a fuckin' mockery
out of 'em.

I mean, for a while,
everybody was scared shit

to walk up to a cop
in this here town.

And that was 'cause of you.

You know I-I never thought,
really, that I'd meet you.

Or that -- Or that w-we'd
become friends.

♪♪

All right. All right.

Why should you trust me?

I got to earn it.

I got to make you respect me.

But I-I think maybe you see
the possibilities in me, huh?

Eh, can you write?

I mean, c-c-can you
write down your name?

See, that way, I'll know
what to call you.

I'll go get a pencil and paper.

♪♪

-[Hoarsely] Cordell.

♪♪

-Ah.

♪♪

Cordell.

That's the name
she said on TV!

[Giggling maniacally]

-Matt Cordell speaks!

A single word -- his name.

And Leo Rossi as Turkell

proceeds to steal
every scene in this movie.

Bill, Turkell is one of the
greatest characters in horror!

-Well, I gotta tell you, I've --
I absolutely love the role.

I love that -- Again,
it was one of those things

in Larry's script
that I love so much --

was that there were
surprises along the way.

There would be new intr--

Uh, [Stammers]
introductions of characters

that were colorful.

And what we --
What I said to Leo was,

the way I always envisioned
this is, he is Igor

in "Son of Frankenstein."

So, I made him watch
"Son of Frankenstein,"

and that's why he grew that
beard like Bela Lugosi had.

So, I had that wonderful sc--
shot where they're walking

across the Brooklyn Bridge.

I wanted it like
a shot out of "Manhattan."

You know, out of, uh --
uh, Woody Allen's "Manhattan."

So, I had them both walking
as though they were lovers --

walking across
this Brooklyn Bridge.

And there's Leo trying to,
you know, get the --

Y-you know, develop this
friendship with the monster.

[Laughs] And I just --
I just loved the whole --

I loved that whole thing.

-By the way, Leo Rossi, he --
he's been in a slew of movies,

but he's never looked quite
the way he looks as Turkell.

He actually l--
He actually looks

like Serpico, ironically.

And in the attempted
rape scene, um,

that actress who played
the stripper is Paula Trickey,

a former Miss Oklahoma USA.

And she would go on
to have a five-season run

as a police sergeant
on "Pacific Blue."

She now makes
movies-of-the-week

for Lifetime and Hallmark.

But, anyway, during the scene,
she was terrified,

because Rossi went off --
way off script,

and -- and he came up
with that line,

"I feel like
John fucking Wayne!"

While he's riding her, you know?

Which freaked her out

and apparently freaked out
everybody on the set

because it was just too real.

So, anyway, Leo Rossi,
he loves to go to dark places.

-Well, it wasn't
an explicit rape scene.

It was an attack.

There was no nudity or anything.

But the thing was, is, um,
I thought it would be --

You know, when you have actors

that are gonna be
in a scene like that,

you want to keep 'em apart.

You don't want them
to become familiar.

So, you find every way
to separate them.

You change their call times

so one comes in
before the other.

You don't want them t--

gossiping in -- in makeup
or anything.

So, when Leo --
W-When she met Leo,

what Leo did --
which is very interesting --

In the prior scene in the strip
club and Leo is looking at her,

he's looking at her eyes.

If you watch him carefully,
he's unnerving her.

Because when women are --

You know, they're stripping
up there, they're used to

the men looking at their breasts
and their body and all that.

But he stared into her eyes,
which kind of freaked her out.

-Oh, it kind of freaked me out.

But Leo got so far
into the role of Turkell

that he went down
to Times Square --

back when it was still
nasty down there --

and he went to
one of those strip clubs

where you put the quarters
or the dollar bills or whatever

and the barrier goes up and down
between you and the girl.

And he got into
Turkell character

and decided he would
stare the girl down.

And it upset her so much

that she had him thrown out
of the club!

And the bouncers yelled at him
and called him a pervert.

Told him,
"Never come back here!"

And so, Leo Rossi goes,
"Okay, outstanding.

Guess I've got this
character down."

[Laughter]-That's Leo!

-Yep.
-Yeah, he found a way to get --

to -- to get --
Yeah, to get under her skin.

-I heard somewhere
that the Turkell role

was originally written
for Joe Spinell.

-No, he was dead by then.

It was not written for Joe,
and Joe c--

Uh, Joe couldn't have done that.

[Stammers]
I-It needed a Leo to do it.

Leo just gave it this quality
to -- that, uh --

-You were one of, uh,
Joe Spinell's

closest friends, though, right?

-I was Joe's -- One of Joe's
closest friends, yeah.

-You love character actors,
as does Larry Cohen.

-I do.

-And you picked Michael Lerner

as the Irish police commissioner

even though he's Jewish!

He's very non-Irish.

-Who cares? [Laughs]

You know, the thing about
Michael -- he could do anything.

And it wasn't like I was
gonna have, like,

a '30s Irish police captain
talking in brogue

and all that, you know?

It wasn't meant to be played
by, you know -- what's his name?

John Mills, or somebody.

It was -- You know, anyway,

but Michael Lerner
is a brilliant actor.

You know, from all
the Coen brothers movies.

And the thing I love about
character actors --

First, I love them.

I'm truly in love.

I like character actors
more than I do stars.

I watch movies
to see Dan Duryea,

or to see Michael Lerner,
or to see William Smith.

The thing is, though,
these people -- usually,

when they do these big movies,
they get paid big.

And so, if you want to book 'em
ahead of time, you really can't.

It's hard to do that
unless you're willing

to pay their rate.

What I do is,
I wait till the week before

to call up Michael Lerner --
who I happen to have known.

I wasn't friends with him,
but I knew him.

And I call Michael.

I said, "Monday.
I got a role for you.

One week's work.

It's the role of a police
captain in "'Maniac Cop 2.'"

And he goes, "Ohhh.

'Maniac Cop 2.'

I just finished doing
'Barton Fink'!

I just finished
doing this and that!"

"But Michael, what are you gonna
do on Monday?

Do you want to clip coupons,

or do you want
to work on a movie?

And I'll pay you a fair rate,

and you come in,
and you work on the movie."

And that's the spiel
I would give to most actors

to get them to come in.

I'd kind of wait
till the last minute

when they knew they were
unemployed next week.

[Laughter]-That's great.

All right, well,
it's about to get frantic

as we pass the halfway point
of "Maniac Cop 2."

And this is where
your good friend

Spiro Razatos comes in.

You and Spiro were close, right?

-We would see films
in Chinatown in L.A.

We would go down together,
and we would watch

all the Jackie Chan films,
the John Woo movies,

the Tsui Hark films.

Yeah, we would go down
to Chinatown

when they used to show them.

They never showed them
anywhere else.

We would see things like
"Rumble in the Bronx"

two years before it got released
to the mainstream theaters.

-Probably one of the most famous
stunt coordinators today.

-Well, today, yeah.

No, well --
Back then, he wasn't.

Back then, he was nobody.

Do you know why I hired him?

This is good for people
going in to pitch themselves.

He didn't have
any film to show me.

Nothing. He had nothing
to show me.

He was a young guy -- early 20s.

He comes in, and he shows me
a home movie he made

where he was doing
all these stunts as a kid --

you know, with his friends
and stuff.

And he did it to the theme
from "Shaft," and at one point,

he runs off the roof
of his mother's home

and falls off the second story
of his mother's home into boxes.

And he's a kid!

But I can see he's
so passionate about stunts,

and I couldn't afford
an experienced stunt guy

on "Maniac Cop 1."

That's how I got Spiro
to do the picture.

-Wow, that's a great story.

Well, there's lots of
innovative ways to kill people,

and ways to rough people up,

so let's roll it.

You do police brutality
really well, Bill.

If you ever do a "Maniac Cop 4,"

there will be hundreds
of people on the streets

making cellphone videos
of everything you do.

It might be impossible
for the Maniac Cop

to get away with it
in "Maniac Cop 4" 'cause --

People would still get
their heads ripped off,

but the video would go viral.

[Static crackles]

[Door closes]

-So, how'd you like me on TV?

-I loved you.

The mayor loved you,

and the City Council
was nuts about you.

Here.

Check out your reviews.

The whole city's freaked
over this maniac cop.

-Guess I really started
something, huh?

Maybe I should just go home
and wait for the ax to fall.

-No chance.

-So you mean I can't do
any more guest shots?

-No.

-You think there's any reason
why Cordell would want

to come back and get me?

-I don't know.

But let me tell you --

if he doesn't shoot you,

the commissioner himself
might kill you.

-[Sighs]

-What?
-This, uh...

stupid rhyme keeps
going through my head.

We used to say it when
we were kids in Brooklyn.

I mean, it's just nonsense, but
I-I can't get it out of my mind.

It goes, uh...

"One bright day
in the middle of the night,

two dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back,
they faced each other.

With their knives,
they shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise

and came and killed
the two dead boys."

You know that?

-Yeah, I remember that
when I was a kid.

"Two Dead Boys."

What about it?

-[Laughs] I don't know.
I guess I'm just cracking up.

-[Chuckles] You oughta know.

That's your specialty.

-Yeah.

-Did you ever see
anything so nasty?

Ooh! You got a big one too.
[Laughs]

Boy, they really did a job
on you, Cordell.

I mean, an honest cop.

What'd you think
you'd get out of it?

You put the squeeze
on the important people,

you end up in the slammer,
not them.

What happened to you?

Why don't you tell me
what happened?

I mean, I've never seen
nobody cut...

that bad...

that deep...

and still be breathing.

♪♪

[Thudding]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door clicking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Scuffling]

[Groans]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-This young lady
was attacked last evening

by the man we believe
killed those strippers

in Brooklyn, Queens,
and Manhattan.

-What can I do to help?

-Tonight, we're hitting similar
clubs in Lower Manhattan,

bringing Cheryl here along,

hoping she can
identify her attacker.

If he frequents such clubs,
and we think he does,

he might show up.

-We're gonna be going in and out
of these places as couples,

so we need a policewoman
to make a foursome.

-I don't have any experience
on the streets.

[Scoffs] Why me?

-Her assailant
was rescued by a cop

who killed two policemen
in the process.

A huge, disfigured cop.

-We put out a story that Cheryl
died en route to Bellevue,

just to put
her attacker at ease.

-Did he do this to you?

-Yes.

-Could you tell me
what his hands felt like?

-Like ice.

-So you want to come along?

-Do I have any choice?

-No.

You're under my protection.

-Remember how to use a gun,
Officer Riley?

-What difference does it make?

Shooting Cordell is only good
for getting his attention.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, wait!
Don't leave me here.

It ain't safe out there!

Oh.

You're goin' someplace
I can't go, huh?

Got work to do?

Yeah, but you're
comin' back, right?

You know, I got things
to do myself.

But then I'll be back here
waitin' for you!

♪♪

[Upbeat dance music plays]

[Horn honks]

♪♪

-♪ All day long,
I've had this funny feeling ♪

♪ That tonight is the night ♪

[Whistling, catcalling]

-♪ Intuition keeps on telling me
that love is in sight ♪

♪ The stars are shining
extra bright tonight ♪

♪ That means something to me ♪

-How you doin'?

-Hey. Four.

-Four. $20.

Enjoy the show.

♪♪

-You girls work hard.

-Yeah, we do.

I can make $1,000 a week.

How much money do you make,
Lieutenant?

Maybe I oughta
take dancing lessons.

-You see anybody familiar here?

-Just a bunch of regulars from
the other clubs that I work,

but I don't see him.

-Why don't we get out of here
and try someplace else?

-Why don't we have a drink?

-What the hell? We paid for it.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Lieutenant, it's him!

♪♪

-Hey.
-Hey!

-Hey, watch it!
-Hey, man.

-Ahh!

-Hey, look out!

-Oh!
[Glass shatters]

-Ahh!

♪♪

-I gotta get me one of those.
-[Laughs]

♪♪

-Hey, you.

I want to see my lawyer.

-That's no problem.

What happened to your friend,
the big cop?

-He's my friend, alright.

And he ain't gonna
forget about me.

-How did you meet Cordell?

-How'd you know his name?

-Shit!
That girl that cold-cocked me.

She's the one from that TV show,
"Criminals at Large."

Hey, you.

It's gonna take more than
a TV show to catch my friend.

[Chuckles]

-Hmm.

This your address, Turkell?

-Wipe your feet on a mat!

-I think we got him.
-That's great.

You want some company?

-Haven't you seen enough
action for one night?

[Keys jingle]

Why don't you go get some rest?

-Oh, I couldn't sleep.

I think I'll go fire
a few practice rounds.

I've never been
much good with guns.

-Under the circumstances,
I'd try to improve.

[Gunshots]

-I've never seen you
in uniform before.

-Oh, I wanted to see
if it still fits.

-That's not a very good
shot pattern.

Maybe you're better at shootin'
your mouth off on TV.

[Casings clatter]

Did they assign you
to a beat yet?

Maybe Spanish Harlem,
or some nice place like that?

-Maybe.
-Well, listen, Susan.

Just, uh -- Just keep trying.

You'll get the knack of it
in about a year or two.

Just tell everybody that that
broken arm was your good one.

-Right.
-Come on in, fellas.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-We've got
ourselves a serial killer.

-[Singing off-key] ♪ Don't you
forget me, Cordell. ♪

♪ I'm waitin' for you
here, Cordell ♪

♪ We'll both probably
end up in hell ♪

-♪ You'll need -- ♪
-Motherfucker!

Will you hold it down? Shit.

Get more privacy when I get back

in the motherfuckin'
death house.

-Is that where you're goin',
man? Sing Sing?

-What the fuck are you,
Barbara Walters?

Shit, man. Yeah.

Motherfuckin' mornin'.

Shit.

I stalled them motherfuckers
for five years.

Yeah.

The Supreme Court, it fucked me.

And it wasn't even safe sex.

It's cruel and unusual
punishment.

No bullshit.

And listenin' to assholes
like you is worse.

-Hey, be nice.

When my friend comes to break me
out, I might take you with me.

-Yeah.

I will hold my breath...

and my dick.

-Oh, hi there, pretty lady.

Boy, don't you look great
in that uniform.

You want me to autograph
your cast?

-Look, I still want to talk
to you about Cordell.

♪♪

♪♪

-If you want to know about him,
stick around here tonight.

You might learn somethin'.

-What do you mean by that?

-[Laughs]

[Bullets clinking]

[Gunshot]
-Oh!

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct chatter]

[Gunshots, groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-No.

-It must be visiting hours,
'cause my friend is back!

[Laughs]

[Static crackles]

-Hey, Bill, by the way,

I think they ripped off
a lot of your moves

when they made "Joker."

Has anybody else mentioned that?

The whole world of "The Joker"
in that Oscar-winning movie

looks a lot like the world
of Frank Zito in "Maniac."

-I didn't immediately
think of it,

except that they did depict
'70s New York perfectly --

the look, the feel.

"Joker" is, to me,
a masterpiece.

That film is the best picture
of the year any year.

-Well, it was a good movie,

but it screamed "Bill Lustig
New York sleaze."

-And it also had

Abel Ferrara and
Frank Henenlotter.

All of us guys who were making
these low-budget 60mm movies

on the streets
on a wing and a prayer.

-Okay, sure.

Well, that shot
where the Maniac Cop

throws the police chief
through allof the walls --

you are pulling out
all the stops now.

-If you look at
the Jackie Chan films,

they have stunts like that
in the Jackie Chan films.

He's literally on a wire,
you know?

And we wired across the place
and we threw him on the wire.

-Isn't there a point
where the Maniac Cop

becomes too indestructible,
and then if he's a supervillain,

you know, then there's no point
in fighting him?

-Well, you know,
I got to tell you, I often --

I'm asked,
is the character a zombie

or is he a just a cop who's
out for revenge, and all this?

And I always thought of this
movie as a restless ghost story.

-Well, you know,
whatever Cordell is,

I think his Kryptonite
is that he's still a cop

and so somewhere
deep down inside,

he can't let guys like Turkell
get away with it.

I know you were trying
to make him

more sympathetic with this role,

and I guess
you partially succeeded,

but the very first kill
in the convenience store,

that kind of
makes him unredeemable.

Plus, he kills Bruce Campbell.

You can't kill Bruce Campbell
and expect us to like you.

-I would say that his idea was
that he was an honorable cop

in his time on Earth,
and he was a cop who maybe

went further in
his meting out of justice,

but he was still a cop,
and so I believe that

his getting the apology
that he so well-deserves

for having been screwed over
by the government,

by the mayor and
the police commissioner

all kind of saying,
making him a fall guy

for what was going on
in the city at the time.

You know, one thing
I haven't mentioned

is that some people don't know
that you're the owner

of Blue Underground,
the top cult/exploitation

DVD and Blu-Ray firm
in the business,

and you're especially strong
when it comes to Italian films.

You know allthe greats --
you've been over there in Italy

and done business with all the
great Italian filmmakers, right?

-I never met Luccio Fulci,
but Argento, I mean,

I have his home number,
we talk.

We're friendly.

I met Ruggero Deodato.
I never met Bava.

I met Lamberto Bava,
but I never met Mario Bava.

Yeah, so I was friendly
with those people --

Luigi Cozzi.

-Are they surprised at all that
all their movies are so popular

all these years later?

-I think at the time
when I first started

putting the Italian movies out,

they never really saw
the longevity of them.

The way I was treating their
movies, I was treating them

like Criterion would
treat a Fellini movie.

I was giving them
beautiful transfers

from the original negatives

and doing them in
the original aspect ratios.

We were interviewing them,
the talent,

and doing audio commentaries.

All the stuff to give
these films the respect

that they never got when
they were first released.

It's tragic.

-Well, you know,
I used to watch these films

and I didn't know
where they came from.

You'd see them at the drive-ins
in the '70s and the '80s

and they were disguised
with English names.

You had a feeling something
was kind of off about them,

because of the dubbing,

but you didn't really know
where the film came from.

-Well, the thing is,

your drive-in was
by 42nd Street.

I would go to 42nd Street

and that's where I was
introduced to these movies.

And I began to pick up on
tidbits of companies

and names of directors and
some of the supporting people

that made the films,
and I would seek out the films.

I would seek out "The Bird
with the Crystal Plumage,"

"The Cat o' Nine Tails,"
you know?

"Deep Red," all these movies
I would seek out.

I was in love with them.

I was in love with
the police movies

that Enzo Castellari
and Umberto Lenzi used to make.

All these wonderful,
wonderful movies

that were rip-offs, very often,
of American films,

but they were making these

brilliant, high-energy
movies in Italy.

-Alright.

Well, we're about to watch
one of the most exciting

action sequences
of the decade of the '90s.

It goes on for about 25 minutes

and it concludes
with fire stunts

that had never been
attempted before.

You need fire, though,

to make sure the Maniac Cop
is destroyed, right?

-Well, the idea of the fire was,

I wanted the ending
to be like --

remember "The Thing?"

You know, the Howard Hawks,
or whoever directed it?

The original "The Thing?"

I always loved that.

I always found it frightening
when the Thing gets electrocuted

and he goes on fire
and then he runs out the wall

into the snow, and all that.

I said, "Let's just do
'The Thing,' except longer."

-Have you ever been inside
the actual Sing Sing prison?

-I didn't shoot the shots
that are in "Maniac Cop."

We had a second unit do
those overhead shots.

I'll tell you,

when we did the overhead shots
on "Maniac Cop 1"

over Sing Sing Prison,

we had to ask permission
of the warden

and the warden
very casually told us

that if the helicopter
gets below --

that you could fly over
as much as you want,

get below 500 feet,
we're shooting you down.

-Wow.

My God.

-Yeah.

But I've never been
to Sing Sing.

I've been to Rahway.
I was at Rahway Prison.

In fact, the exterior
of the prison

when the bus pulls up
into that area there,

that's Rahway State Prison
in New Jersey.

-Well, they're taking
Clarence Williams

to the death house.

Linc Hayes in "Mod Squad."

Does anybody remember
"Mod Squad?"

-Yeah, he was the quintessential
'70s black man,

you know, with the afro
and the attitude.

-He was a great actor.

"Purple Rain." "Twin Peaks."

Anyhow, thanks, Bill,
for being with us,

I'll see you
at the next screening.

It doesn't matter
when or where it is,

I know you will be there
at every screening.

And now for the rollicking
conclusion to...

"Maniac Cop 2."

There's a guy named Ted Conover,
great journalist,

who was trying to write
a book about Sing Sing,

but they don't let anybody
in there, ever.

And so he knew that
when you apply to be

a New York State
correctional officer,

the first place
they assign you is Sing Sing,

because nobody
wants to work there.

It's the oldest prison
in America

with some of the worst inmates.

It's so bad that everyone knows
that the first thing you do

on your first day on the job,

is you apply for a transfer
to some other New York prison.

So Ted Conover, the journalist,

applies to be
a correctional officer,

gets accepted --

now, he's a reforming liberal,
right?

So he gets assigned
to Sing Sing,

he deals with the daily abuse
the inmates give to a "newjack,"

which is their name for a rookie
guard, and after a few weeks,

he's volunteering for the
six-man cell extraction squads

just so he can get some licks in

on the guys who have
thrown urine in his face.

Great book called "Newjack."

They don't ever do
the urine-in-the-face scene

in the movies.

I wonder why.

Bill, youwould do
the urine-in-the-face scene,

wouldn't you?

-I don't think so, Joe.
I can't go there.

-Then who will go there,
Bill, if you won't go there?

I bet Spiro Razatos would.

He'd take
that urine in the face,

no questions asked.

[Static buzzes]

-Get down there and make sure
that roadblock is set up.

-What's going on?

-He blew away half a dozen men
downstairs on the firing range.

I don't know how many
he killed upstairs.

We just got the hell
out of his way.

-That's a good strategy.

[Tires squeal]

-He's got Susan Riley
as a hostage on the cell block.

-Is she alright?
-I don't know.

-What are we doin' about this?

-I got the tactical squad on its
way and a couple of SWAT teams.

Doyle's been notified.

He's on his way over here
to take charge.

-Take charge? That's a joke.

-You got any ideas?

-If he comes out,
don't interfere with him.

Just follow him.

He had a reason for coming here.

He's got a reason
for everything he does.

-Ooh, what'd you do
to these cops?

Oh, I'd have loved to seen it.

See, Blum?
I told you, treat me nice.

-He's gonna get us killed.

[Sirens wailing]

-Come on!

[Car door closes]

-Hey lady, close your eyes.

You may see something you like.

-[Singing] Going home.

[Rattling]

-How come he don't talk?

It's weird.

Weird!

-He just handed me your
transfer papers to Sing Sing.

-I ain't goin' back there.

-Well, I think that's
what he's got in mind.

-Hey, man, they wanna kill me!

-Nah, he wouldn't
let that happen

to a pleasing personality
like yourself.

-You've been
in Sing Sing before.

What's back there for you?

-Come on.
You're a bright girl.

Haven't you got that
figured out yet?

We're goin' there...

to break out all them guys
on death row.

There's about 20 of 'em
up there on appeal.

Real lovable types.

Yes, that's-that's
what we're gonna do.

'Cause we're recruitin' an army.
Aren't we?

Sure.

See, 'cause it's like,
your thoughts are in my mind.

I got you figured out, man.

We ain't runnin' away.
No, we're gettin stronger.

-Yeah!

-'Cause we got
ourselves a leader.

-Oh, I don't want
no part of this.

I'm not goin' to no state pen--

Ow!

[Body thuds]
-[Chuckles]

Uh, say, listen.

We gonna bring her along?

Alright, sweetheart.

Here's a jacket.
You lead the way.

If there's any shootin', you'll
be the first to know about it.

[Laughing]

♪♪

[Indistinct shouting]

♪♪

-Terrific.

She puts on a uniform and
immediately gets taken hostage.

Some cop.

♪♪

-Why is he going back there?
-Shut up and get in!

[Engine starts]

♪♪

-Bumper cars!

[Engine revs]

♪♪

♪♪

[Sirens wailing]

♪♪

♪♪

-Let me give you
a ride, commissioner.

We gotta talk.

[Tires squeal]

-I have my limo.

-We need to talk.

-[Laughing]

[Horn honks]

♪♪

Alright, hold on, y'all!

Here goes!

Woo-hoo!

♪♪

♪♪

I'm bad! Woo!

♪♪

Woo-hoo!

That's right, eh, Blum?

Don't change your shorts, baby,

'cause this ride's
just startin'.

♪♪

Do-si-do!

♪♪

♪♪

Ha-ha!

♪♪

Yeah!

What do you think of that,
little lady?

Huh?

♪♪

-You're going
in the wrong direction.

That's the parkway up ahead.

-Same route Cordell took.

I think I know where he's going.

-How do you know that?

-One of the escapees
was scheduled for a transfer

to the death house at Sing Sing.

Cordell's making a delivery.

He's homesick.

-How come you didn't say
anything about that before?

-'Cause all the cops in
the world can't stop Cordell.

Only you can.

-Stop this car. I'm getting out.
That's an order.

-You lost the right
to make orders.

You're going with me.

-No. No, I'm not going anywhere.

-What's the matter,
Commissioner?

You finally believe in ghosts?

You oughta. You made him one.

-Turn this goddamn car around.

-[Chuckles]

That's a dumb
fuckin' thing to do.

-Well, what do you
want me to do, huh?

Shove the gun in my own mouth?
Pull the trigger?

-That's too easy.

I want you to reopen
the Cordell case.

Get some judge to set
aside his conviction

and then dig up
his empty coffin.

That's right,
it's gonna be empty.

-Come on! Come on!

-Then I want you to bury it
again with a police honor guard!

-You're fuckin' crazy,
you know that?

-Cordell got too close
to you people at City Hall

who were takin' payoffs.

So you framed him, put him in a
fuckin' rathole, and set him up.

You murdered him.

-You're pushin' me
too far, McKinney.

Pull over!

[Tires squeal]

You're right.

I'm responsible.

What am I supposed to do now?
-Sign a confession.

-I can't do that.
I'd be through.

-Well, you're through now.

You're not gonna see retirement.
He's gonna come after you.

♪♪

-[Laughing]

♪♪

-You sure is pretty for a cop.

Do you wanna integrate?

[Tapping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Woo-hoo-hoo!

♪♪

-This is McKinney.

Deputy Commissioner Doyle wants
to speak to His Honor the Mayor.

It concerns the massacre
at headquarters.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Bus approaching]

♪♪

♪♪

-Open the gate.

[Gate clicking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Gate thuds]

[Bus driving]

[Gate clicking]

-Uh, delivering the prisoner
Blum, Joseph T.

-We weren't expecting
this guy till morning.

-I got a tip
his friends might try

to create
a little detour, you know?

We're just playin' it safe.

-Open the gates!

[Gate clicking]

-Welcome home,Cordell.

-Put me through to the warden.

Warden, Blum's
just been delivered.

- I got word from the city that
he'd been broken out of jail.

-Well, he just arrived
under escort.

- Seal off that section
of the cell block.

Put all men on alert.
We're in trouble.

-Yes, sir.

- Attention. Attention.
This is the warden.

Deputy Commissioner Doyle

wishes to
speak to Matt Cordell.

-Cordell?
-He's alive.

I told you so.

-If he comes after me,
I'm ready for that bastard.

[Crack]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door clicking]

-Hey, death row people!

We're here to liberate you!

-Yeah!

-This is Deputy
Commissioner Doyle.

I'm here in
the prison courtyard.

I'm talking to Matt Cordell.

Cordell, Judge Arthur Claypool
has ordered your case reopened.

-Bullshit.

Like you need
a new trial, right?

-Listen, Cordell.
This is what you want.

-Hey, you shut up. You hear me?

-Listen!

-Keep going.

-In your first trial,
perjury was committed.

Even the presiding judge
was influenced.

I, myself, was involved.

We're the guilty ones.

Cordell, you were
a good man once.

A good cop.

-Fuck him. "Good cop."

You're every
good cop's nightmare.

-Yeah!

- Cordell, I repeat, your
conviction will be reversed

by the state Supreme Court.

-Open this door, now!
-Hey, come on!

Open the door!
Open the door!

[Indistinct shouting]

-Where you goin', man?

-Where the fuck's he going?

-I don't know, man!

Don't leave me!

Tell me what to do!

♪♪

-No!
-Hey!

-Oh, God!

No!

No!

[Whimpering] Don't leave me.

- I've signed a confession.

I'm the guilty one.

-Good.

He heard you.

I hope.

[Thud]

[Prisoners shouting]

♪♪

-Cordell!

♪♪

[Glass shatters]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-No!

No!

No!!

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

-You never cared for me.

You were never my friend!

Gah!

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

-We commend our brother
Matthew to you, Lord.

May he live on in your presence.

In your mercy and love,
forgive whatever sins

he may have committed
through human weakness.

We ask this through
Christ, our Lord.

Amen.

And so the final remains
of Matthew Cordell,

who died three years ago,
are brought to rest with honors.

His remains have been
brought here

so he may be placed
beside his fellow officers.

But I feel sorrow
for all of those

whose deceptions and lies
were responsible

for this tragic death.

That's something they'll
have to contend with

when they meet their maker.

-Detail. Attention.

[Boots click]

Present arms.

Order arms.

-I'll take that.

-Detail, dismissed.

[Gears rattle]

♪♪

[Ball bouncing]

-What is it?

-Hmm? Uh...

Oh, nothin'.

There's a piece of Cordell
in every cop.

Every time arresting
some mutt isn't enough,

because we know they'll be
back on the streets

before we even do the paperwork.

Every time we
pull a trigger and...

and it feels good,

because that's something
the lawyers can't reverse.

It all comes down to justice...

and pressure.

There's only that
much difference

between a cop
and a maniac cop.

♪♪

-[Children chanting]
One bright day

in the middle of the night,

two dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back,
they faced each other.

With their knives,
they shot each other.

A deaf policeman
heard the noise,

and came and killed
the two dead boys.

[Children laughing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Singsong] Yo, wait a minute.

What's that?

Something's sneaking
around a corner!

Here we go!

I think it's that maniac!

Hold up!

Ahhh!

Rrrah!

♪♪

[Rapping]
♪ You better watch out ♪

♪ When you hear that sound ♪

♪ It means that
the Maniac Cop's around ♪

♪ Once upon a time,
he was a supercop ♪

♪ But the bad guy framed him
to make him stop ♪

♪ They put him in prison
where they tried to kill him ♪

♪ But he broke out,
now he's the villain ♪

♪ Bullets won't hurt him,
I know it sounds like jive ♪

♪ But we're not sure
if he's dead or alive ♪

-♪ Set him on fire,
I shoot him with an Uzi ♪

♪ But he'll show up
in your Jacuzzi ♪

♪ You can run him over,
you can feed him poison ♪

♪ Push him out a window
and it only annoys him ♪

♪ You better believe me
if they think I'm lying ♪

♪ When he show up ♪
-Yeah.

-♪ People start dying ♪

♪ He's out for vengeance
and he can't be stopped ♪

♪ That's why they call him
the Maniac Cop ♪

-You have the right
to remain silent.

♪♪

-Huh!

♪♪

Rrahh!

♪♪

♪ When you hear that whistle
out in the street ♪

♪ You gonna think
it's a cop on the beat ♪

♪ But don't be thinking
about police protection ♪

♪ 'Cause this is one cop
with a bad connection ♪

♪ When he shows up, he's
supposed to protect ya ♪

♪ But Maniac Cop
is out to get ya ♪

♪ He is an anti-vigilante
and they can't convict him ♪

♪ So watch out, jack, 'cause
you're the next victim ♪

-♪ Don't hang around
if you see him coming ♪

♪ Just pick up your feet
and commence to running ♪

♪ And don't waste time
dialing 911 ♪

-♪ Forget karate ♪
-♪ And forget your gun ♪

♪ Don't play hero,
don't try to be brave ♪

♪ This dude's gonna send you
to an early grave ♪

♪ He's out for vengeance
and he can't be stopped ♪

♪ That's why they
call him the Maniac Cop ♪

-You have the right
to a mortician.

If you cannot afford one,
we'll take you as you are.

-Rrrah!

♪♪

[Laughing]

♪ The law is evil
and justice is blind ♪

♪ But this cop's justice
is one-of-a-kind ♪

♪ He's homicidal
and maladjusted ♪

♪ But when he busts in,
your ass is busted ♪

♪ You won't get a ticket
or pay a fine ♪

♪ You might as well be dealin'
with Frankenstein ♪

♪ He's big and ugly
with a busted jaw ♪

♪ You know he's
the wrong arm of the law ♪

-♪ You better stay away
from this man in blue ♪

♪ And don't call the cops,
'cause he'll snuff them too ♪

♪ They killed him once,
but he came back ♪

♪ He's the
Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Ma-Maniac ♪

-♪ When you're
out on the streets ♪

♪ And you hear that sound ♪

♪ It probably means
that Cordell's around ♪

♪ He's out for vengeance
and he can't be stopped ♪

♪ That's why they
call him the Maniac -- ♪

-♪ The Maniac Cop! ♪

Rrah!

-What's that?

-I don't know,
but I'm ready to kill him.

-No, wait, Josh, come back!

Ahhh!

-Aw, man, I gotta --
-Quit that, man.

Let's break.
Let's get out of here, man.

-Hey, man,
you said you seen him.

-I don't know. Let's
check out the movie again.

-I think we should.

Rrrah!

-You have the right to
remain silent...

forever.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static buzzing]

-Oh yeah, the "Maniac Cop Rap."

I forgot about that.

John Brennan, where are you?

-Yo.

-Don't you do
the "Maniac Cop Rap" in concert?

-No show is complete without it!

-[Chuckles]

Jay Chattaway,
the composer on the film,

was nothappy about
the "Maniac Cop Rap."

Bill Lustig wanted to
end with a rap song,

but the end credits is usually
where the composer is allowed

to reprise all
the best music from the film.

So Jay Chattaway reluctantly
did write a rap song

and he brought in
"rap guys from Compton"

to audition
for the end credits rap,

and he hates the song
to this day.

He especially hates the line

that rhymes
"Uzi" with "Jacuzzi."

He says there are all
these different versions

of the song on YouTube,

and they all have
his name on them

and he would love
if they did not exist.

Also, that cemetery where
they bury the Maniac Cop?

That's Calvary Cemetery
in Queens,

final resting place of
Lustig's friend and colleague,

Joe Spinell, from "Maniac."

One thing I didn't
immediately understand

is why Turkell turns
against the Maniac Cop

in the final scene,

but this time watching it,
I saw what it was.

Turkell thinks they're gonna
bust everyone out of prison,

but Cordell really
just wants to kill all the guys

that messed up his face.

And all that fire
in the final scene,

they set all kinds
of records with that.

Once they got to the prison set,

they still didn't know
the exact ending of the movie.

I mean, they knew who
lives and dies,

but not exactly how.

So Larry Cohen
comes down to the set

for the only time
during production,

and he sat there
with Spiro Razatos,

the stunt coordinator,

and together they brainstormed
ideas for the ending.

And Larry Cohen asked Spiro
if it was possible

to throw people
out of a building

while they were still on fire.

And Spiro thought about it
and he said,

"Well, that's never been
done before, ever."

And so, of course
they had to do it.

The stunt people who were
in the fire suits had to rely

on riggers to save them as
they fell the seven stories,

because normally,
a stunt person in a fire suit

can just call for a fire
extinguisher at any time,

but not when they're
dangling on wires

and they're beyond the reach
of the safety crew.

So if they breathe in
at that point,

their lungs get singed
and they die.

So they had to make sure they
had enough air in their lungs

as they were falling, and even
after they hit the bottom,

they had to hold their breath
until the fires were put out.

The inspiration for
the whole sequence

was Howard Hawks' "The Thing,"

the scene where James Arness
bursts into the storage room

and is suddenly set on fire.

It took three days to
shoot that fire stuff,

because they could only do
two to three burns per day,

due to the complexity
of the special effects.

Okay.

Darcy, come on over.

I got the "Maniac Cop"
and "Maniac Cop 2" videos --

Darcy, wow.

Or should I say, "Mrs. Dar?"

Or...

Or Maniac Cop Woman,
or Policewoman.

-Any of those work.
-You know, I'm like --

I'm not sure you hit
the makeup quite right.

-Oh, 'cause, okay, well...

I'm doing Part 1, not Part 2.

He's a little more
zombified in Part 2,

so I put the more basic on.

-Oh, "Maniac Cop 1" makeup.
-Yes.

-Oh, okay. It's got it on here.

Yeah, okay, good job.

I think that's one of
your better cosplays ever.

-Thank you.
-Alright.

So, what did you think
of the movie?

-It was really different
than the first one,

but, like, a lot more fun.

The only problem was
that I hated that

they killed off
Bruce and Laurene so fast.

-Really? Well, I think
Bill was going for

some kind of intentional
Janet Leigh effect,

you know, where you
didn't expect it.

-Well, at least Laurene
got to go out like a hero.

-Bruce's death was cheap-ass.

-Well, it's too bad that Part 3

ended up as an Alan Smithee,
you know?

Alan Smithee is
the credit you use

when you take your name
off a picture, you know?

So both Bill Lustig
and Larry Cohen

quit in the middle of Part 3.

-I really love that
they paid tribute

to Joe Spinell at the end.

And the freaking
rap song, it rules.

-You like the rap song?
-Oh, yeah.

-Are you kidding?
-I love it.

-Alright, hit it, John!

-♪ You better watch out
when you hear that sound ♪

♪ That means
the Maniac Cop is around ♪

♪ Once upon a time,
he was a supercop ♪

-Okay, that's enough, John.

Stop.

[Laughing]

Do you think "Maniac Cop"
is pro-police or anti-police?

-I don't know. Does it
have to have a statement?

-No, it doesn't have to.

-It's just fun.
-Okay.

Alright, time
for the Drive-in Mailbag.

What you got for me?

-You are gonna love this letter.

It is from
Lindsey Marie of Houston.

-Okay.

There we go.

"Joe Bob Briggs, Darcy,
and 'The Last Drive-In' team --

Thanks for the killer
content and entertainment.

Love all the movie marathons and
facts, but with this quarantine

I have especially been enjoying
these past few episodes.

I look forward to every Friday

and it's the best way
to end the week.

Horror Forever,
Lindsey Marie, Houston."

-Okay, nice letter

But why do I love it?

I mean, I like it,
but why do I love it?

-It's not what she said,
it's what's enclosed.

-Oh.

-Yep.
-Oh, my God.

Is this what I think it is?
-It is.

-You know, I don't think
you can show this on the air.

'cause this is the real deal,

and they sort of, like,
put a ban on this, but...

We talked about this
when we were showing-

what movie were we showing
when I talked about this?

-"Silent Night, Deadly Night 2."

-Okay, yeah, and the reason
you're not supposed to

sell or trade this card --
it's a playing card.

It's a sports card.

It's a bad taste reason,
because Mark Jackson

was a point guard
for the Knicks,

and this is the Mark Jackson
card, apparently,

and you can clearly see in this
photo -- did you look at it?

Okay, you can clearly
see in the photo

that the Menendez Brothers

are sitting on
the front row at the Forum,

and if you look at the dates of

when the Knicks were playing
at the Forum that year,

it means they were out
spending their parents' money

while their parents' dead bodies
were still back at the house.

And their father, by the way,

was the head
of Live Entertainment,

who's been responsible for
quite a few movies

that we've shown on this show,

which is how we started talking
about 'em in the first place.

So shame on you, Lindsey Marie,
for sending this to us.

And thank you.

Very rare card.

You never know what will show up
in the ol' Drive-In Mailbag.

-Oh, my God. Tell me about it.

-You get weird stuff
in the mail, don't you?

-I'll have to
tell you about it later.

-Okay, Darcy.

I'm Joe Bob Briggs,
reminding you

that good judgment
comes from experience,

and most experience
comes from bad judgment.

The drive-in will never die.

An Irishman's been drinking
at a pub all night --

You know this one.

-I do not.

-I wonder how many jokes
start out,

"Irishman's been drinking
at a pub all night?"

Alright, so --

Irishman's been drinking
at a pub all night,

and when he stands up to leave,
he falls flat on his face.

Tries to stand one more time.

Again, falls flat on his face.

So he figures he'll just crawl
outside and get some fresh air

and maybe that'll sober him up.

So he crawls to the door
of the bar, gets outside,

stands up,
falls flat on his face.

So the Irishman decides,

well, it's just
four blocks to my house.

I'll just crawl there.

So he crawls all the way
to his house,

he arrives at his front door,
stands up --

falls flat on his face.

So he crawls through the door.

He crawls all the way
to his bedroom.

When he reaches the bed,
he thinks,

"Okay, I can stand up now."

Pulls himself upright, quickly
falls right onto the bed.

Sound asleep as soon
as his head hits the pillow.

Next morning, he wakes up and
his wife is standing over him

yelling at him,

"So you've been out
drinking again!" she says.

And he tries to
act all innocent --

he says, "Why do you say that?"

The wife says, "The pub called.

You left your wheelchair
there again."

-Wow, dude. Wow.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪