All language subtitles for As7FacesDoDrLao1964Dvd5.cc5

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.

WHOA.

[DOG BARKING]

AH, PIPE DOWN,
THUNDER.

[WHINING]

AAH!

HA HA HA!

DID YOU EVER
SEE A CATFISH

RIDING ON A YELLOW
JACKASS BEFORE?

NOT THAT I
CAN REMEMBER.

[EXAGGERATED CHINESE ACCENT]
NO. NO TOUCH.

HIM GOLDEN ASS OF APOLLONIUS.
HIM VERY MEAN.

NO TOUCH.

EXCUSE, PLEASE.

EXCUSE, PLEASE.
HELLO?

HEY, WHO'S THAT, ANYWAY?

I DON'T KNOW. LOOKED
LIKE A JAP TO ME.

NAH.
HE'S CHINESE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE I AIN'T STUPID.

WELL, WHOEVER HE IS,
HE SURE COME TO THE WRONG TOWN.

HELLO?

[MACHINE SPUTTERS TO STOP]

YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF JUNK!

I OUGHT TO--

EXCUSE, PLEASE.
EXCUSE!

EXCUSE?

WHO ARE YOU?

NAME LAO. DR. LAO.

WELL, THERE AIN'T NOBODY
SICK AROUND HERE,

UNLESS YOU KNOW HOW
TO REMEDY THIS MACHINE.

DO PRINTING HERE?

NO. WE SELL
LADIES UNDERWEAR.

WHAT'S A MATTER YOU?
BIG WISE GUY!

SHH!

ALL THE TIME
MAKE JOKE!

MAKE FUN OF
OLD CHINESE FELLOW.

TAKE IT EASY NOW.
IT'S TOO LATE

IN THE AFTERNOON
FOR ANY TANTRUMS.

WHO YOU? WHO YOU?
YOU BOSS?

NO. BOSS,
HE OVER THERE.

[TYPING]

BUSY?

WELL, YOU MIGHT SAY.

OK. I WAIT.

[CAR BACKFIRING]

HIYA, TIM, ED.

WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, MR. STARK?

NOTHING, NOTHING. NOT A
THING. JUST PASSING BY.

THOUGHT I'D DROP IN
AND SAY HELLO.

OF COURSE, IF YOU HAVE
SOME BUSINESS TO DO...

THAT'S OK.
I WAIT. I WAIT.

READ YOUR EDITORIAL
THIS MORNING.

BOY, THAT WAS A FINE PIECE
OF WRITING. REAL FINE.

YOU CERTAINLY KNOW HOW
TO PUT WORDS TOGETHER.

I'LL JUST BET
YOU LIKED IT.

OF COURSE I LIKED IT.
I ALWAYS LIKE IT

WHEN A MAN
SPEAKS HIS MIND.

THAT PART WHERE
YOU TOLD ALL THE PEOPLE

NOT TO SELL OUT THE WAY
THEY'VE BEEN DOING--

BOY, THAT WAS BRAVE.

AND WHEN YOU
TALKED ABOUT FEAR.

NOW WHAT WAS THAT AGAIN?

HERE. YOU READ IT.

"THE PRICES PAID
BY MR. CLINT STARK

"FOR REAL ESTATES AND LABOR
ARE SO PATENTLY UNFAIR

AS TO BE LUDICROSS."

LUDICROUS.

DOWN ABOUT
3 PARAGRAPHS.

3 WHAT?

HERE. UM...

"ALL DICTATORS
PAST AND PRESENT

"HAVE THRIVED
IN A CLIMATE OF FEAR.

"WITHOUT FEAR,
THEY PERISH.

"PEOPLE ARE
AFRAID OF CLINT STARK,

"AND SO LONG AS THIS
SITUATION EXISTS,

HE WILL CONTINUE
TO RULE ABALONE."

THAT'S GREAT STUFF.

I TAKE IT YOU
AGREE WITH ME.

OF COURSE I AGREE WITH YOU.

BUT THE THING IS,
THE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF ME

BECAUSE I OWN THEM,
LOCK, STOCK, AND BARREL.

THEY SOLD OUT A LONG TIME AGO.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU
SO WORRIED ABOUT?

YOU. I'M WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.

SEE, YOU'RE A SMART BOY,

AND I JUST HATE TO SEE YOU
WASTING YOUR TIME.

NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I APPRECIATE A FIGHTER.

I ESPECIALLY APPRECIATE
A FIGHTER

WHO HAS THE ODDS AGAINST HIM.

BUT THERE AREN'T ANY ODDS HERE,
AND THERE ISN'T ANY FIGHT.

MAYBE I CAN
STIR ONE UP.

NOT A CHANCE.

YOU'LL JUST MAKE THE PEOPLE
FEEL BAD.

BELIEVE ME, THIS TOWN
ISN'T WORTH THE TROUBLE.

THEN WHY ARE YOU SO
INTERESTED IN BUYING

EVERY SQUARE INCH
OF IT?

BECAUSE I'M
A PHILANTHROPIST, BOY.

I LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE.

[SPITS]

LET ME ASK YOU ONE.

WHAT'S YOUR STAKE
IN ALL THIS?

HOW COME YOU'RE SO CONCERNED
ABOUT ABALONE?

ABALONE IS MY HOME.

AH, BULLWASH. A YEAR AGO, YOU
NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THE PLACE.

YOU'RE A CITY BOY, ED.

YOU HAVE
SOME OTHER REASON.

WELL,
NOW, MR. STARK,

I GUESS I JUST CAN'T

KEEP ANY SECRETS
FROM YOU, CAN I?

THE REAL REASON IS I'M
A PHILANTHROPIST, BOY.

YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

I THINK YOU ARE.

I REALLY THINK YOU ARE.
GOOD LUCK, ED.

YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE,
BUT I LIKE YOUR STYLE.

Ed: I WISH I COULD
RETURN THE COMPLIMENT.

LET'S GO.

WHAT CAN WE DO
FOR YOU, MISTER?

OH. VERY SMALL
MATTER.

WRITE LONG
ADVERTISEMENT--

OH HO HO! EXCUSE--
IN NEWSPAPER.

SOMETHING WRONG?
YOU SICK, MAYBE?

OH. OH, NO. NO.

IT'S JUST, UH...
IT'S KIND OF A SHOCK.

YOU KNOW, WE DON'T GET
MUCH NEW BUSINESS HERE.

HOW MUCH?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS.

DO YOU WANT A FULL
COLUMN, OR...

NO, NO, NO. BIG,
BIG, BIG. FULL PAGE.

RUN TWO DAYS.

START RIGHT AWAY.
CHOP-CHOP.

A FULL PAGE
FOR TWO DAYS?

UH...

HOW ABOUT,
UM, UH, $50?

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

[COINS FALLING TO FLOOR]

AMERICAN MONEY?

UH, YES. WE'D PREFER IT,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

NO, NO. DON'T MIND.

$50.

YOU FIX?

I FIX.
UH, MR., UH...

LAO. DR. LAO.

WHAT PART OF CHINA
ARE YOU FROM, DOCTOR?

LAST RESIDENCE
PANO HI.

P-AH-OHN-OH H-H-I.

PANO HI.

HELLO. GOOD-BYE.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

HEY! WHAT IN TOM THUMB?

WE GONNA PRINT
THAT STUFF?

WHY NOT? HE PAID
FOR IT, DIDN'T HE?

BESIDES,
I SMELL A STORY.

[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE
SPUTTERING]

HOWDY. HAVE YOU GOT
ANYTHING TO READ ABOUT--

SHH, SHH, SHH!

[QUIETLY] OH! OH,
I'M SORRY, MRS. BENEDICT.

I SAID, HAVE YOU
GOT ANYTHING--

I HEARD YOU.
WELL?

THE SECTION ON COURTESY
AND GOOD MANNERS

IS RIGHT OVER THERE.

I'VE READ THOSE.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR
IS SOMETHING ON CHINA.

AHH. WHEN DO YOU LEAVE?

AS SOON AS YOU
MARRY ME.

I THOUGHT IT'D BE A NICE PLACE
FOR OUR HONEYMOON.

EDWARD CUNNINGHAM!

SHH!

SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO CHECK
ON A CITY CALLED PANO HI.

SECTION ON ASIA,

THIRD SHELF
FROM THE TOP.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO HELP ME, WOULD YOU?

YOU CAN FIND IT
ALL RIGHT.

IT'S CALLED
THE HISTORY OF CHINA

BY D. BOULGER.

I DON'T SUPPOSE

YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE
DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT?

I SHOULD THINK IT
WOULD BE CLEAR BY NOW

THAT I DO NOT WISH
TO GO OUT WITH YOU,

MR. CUNNINGHAM...
EVER.

WHY NOT?

ALL THOSE STORIES ABOUT ME,
THEY'RE LIES.

I'M NOT A BANK ROBBER
OR A CATTLE RUSTLER,

AND I'VE NEVER KICKED A WOMAN
IN THE STOMACH EVEN ONCE.

REALLY.

IT'S QUITE
IMPOSSIBLE.

FOR ONE THING,
I HAVE A LITTLE BOY

AND A MOTHER-IN-LAW
TO TAKE CARE OF.

AND THEN FOR ANOTHER,
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN

IN TOWN A SHORT WHILE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

SO PLEASE, STOP ASKING.

NEVER. IT ISN'T MIKE, AND IT
ISN'T YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.

IT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE AFRAID.

OF YOU?

OF FALLING IN LOVE.
OF BEING A WOMAN.

THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, ANGELA,

UNDERNEATH ALL THOSE
WIDOW'S WEEDS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT,
LUTHER?

HUH. YEP. HA HA HA!

UH...

YOU GOT ANY MORE
OF THAT PIE, GRAMS?

CERTAINLY.

YOU SIT RIGHT THERE.
HE CAN GET IT HIMSELF.

ALL RIGHT.

OH. THANK YOU.

ED LIKES APPLE PIE, TOO.

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO
INVITE HIM OVER?

DON'T BE DISRESPECTFUL.
HIS NAME IS MR. CUNNINGHAM.

AW, COME ON, MOM.

HE SAID I COULD
CALL HIM ED.

AND I SAY
YOU CAN'T.

NOW YOU GET THE PIE
AND GO FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK.

[SIGHS]
ALL RIGHT.

DON'T BOTHER WITH
THE DISHES, MOTHER.

I'LL DO THEM
WHEN I GET BACK.

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, MOM.

GOOD NIGHT, MICHAEL.

GOOD NIGHT, GRANDMA.

GOOD NIGHT, MIKE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

YOU ARE BEING A LITTLE
HARD ON HIM, AREN'T YOU?

IT'S NOT EASY
FOR A BOY

TO GROW UP
WITHOUT HIS FATHER.

I KNOW.

YOU COULD CHANGE
THAT, ANGELA.

DID YOU HEAR ME?

YES.

HE IS SUCH
A FINE MAN.

WHO IS?

ED CUNNINGHAM.

OH, SARAH,
I DO WISH YOU'D STOP

GOING ON
ABOUT THAT DRIFTER.

HE IS NOT A DRIFTER!

HE'S BEEN HERE
ALMOST A YEAR.

AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU
MAY THINK OF HIM,

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
THAT HE IS

THE ONLY MAN IN TOWN
WITH SPIRIT ENOUGH

TO STAND UP
TO THAT DEVIL STARK.

WELL, IT TAKES MORE THAN SPIRIT
TO MAKE A FINE MAN.

I LOVED YOUR SON,

AND NO OTHER MAN WILL
EVER TAKE HIS PLACE.

NO, SARAH.

WE'LL MANAGE,
JUST YOU AND I.

AFTER ALL,
MIKE HAS TWO MOTHERS,

AND THAT MAKES UP
FOR QUITE A LOT.

I WON'T BE LATE.

GOOD NIGHT, DEAR.

[TALKING AND LAUGHTER]

I DON'T THINK CUNNINGHAM'S
GOING TO SHOW UP.

WHY NOT?

HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE.
WHO DOES?

I DO.

MAYOR SARGENT,

EVERY TIME I BET
ON WEAKNESS,

CORRUPTION,
AND FALLIBILITY,

I WANT TO LOSE...
BUT I ALWAYS WIN.

HEY, BOSS.

THE MEETING
WILL COME TO ORDER.

FOLKS, MAY I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION?

NOW A FEW WORDS FROM SOMEONE
WHO DON'T NEED ANY INTRODUCTION,

THE MAN WHO HAS DONE MORE
FOR ABALONE THAN ANY OTHER MAN--

MR. CLINTON STARK.

GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

FELLOW CITIZENS OF ABALONE.

I KNOW YOU'RE ALL
TIRED OF WAITING,

SO I'LL CUT THE FANCY TALK
AND COME RIGHT TO THE POINT.

ABALONE IS DYING OF THIRST.

[MURMURING]

NOW, YOU ALL KNOW
WE GET OUR WATER

FROM A POINT 16 MILES FROM HERE

THROUGH AN UNDERGROUND PIPE.

THAT PIPE IS WORN OUT.
IT'S CRUMBLING.

ACCORDING TO THE TOP ENGINEERS
OF THIS STATE,

IT HAS, UH, MAYBE
ANOTHER 6 MONTHS LEFT.

THEN IT'S FINISHED.

SO, LOOKING AT IT REALISTICALLY,

IT SEEMS YOU ALL HAVE
TWO CHOICES--

EITHER YOU REPAIR THE PIPE,
OR YOU LET IT ROT.

[TALKING]

NOW, IF YOU REPAIR THE PIPE,
IT'LL COST YOU $237,000.

[EXCLAIMING
AND TALKING]

AND WHAT DO YOU GET
FOR YOUR MONEY?

I'LL TELL YOU THAT, TOO.

NOTHING.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT
ABALONE IS--NOTHING.

ZERO. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

TO SPEND THE REST
OF YOUR LIVES HERE,

AS BORED AS YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN?

OF COURSE NOT. BUT YOU DON'T
WANT TO DIE OF THIRST, EITHER.

NOW, YOU CAN'T AFFORD
TO LEAVE YOUR HOMES,

LOSE YOUR POSSESSIONS.

FOLKS, I HAVE AN ALTERNATE
CHOICE FOR YOU.

[CHAIR SCRAPING]

SELL.

SELL WHAT YOU'VE GOT
AND MOVE AWAY.

LEAVE ABALONE TO THE BUZZARDS.

FOLKS, I'LL BUY
THIS TOWN FROM YOU--

EVERY HOUSE, EVERY BUILDING,
EVERY SINGLE NAIL--

AND PAY YOU A FAIR PRICE
TO BOOT.

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
HEAD-OVER-HEELS INTO DEBT

TO RAISE $237,000,

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOSE
EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT, EITHER.

THAT MAKES
SENSE.

WELL, I, UH, THINK WE ALL AGREE

THAT MR. STARK HAS BEEN
MORE THAN GENEROUS WITH US.

I SUGGEST THEREFORE
THAT WE TAKE A VOTE TO SEE--

JUST A MINUTE.

[PEOPLE MUTTERING]

I'D, UH, LIKE
TO SAY A FEW WORDS,

IF MR. STARK
DOESN'T MIND.

NOT IN THE LEAST,
MR. CUNNINGHAM.

AFTER ALL, THIS IS
A FREE COUNTRY, EH?

IT'S GOOD SOMEONE
REMEMBERS THAT.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE LONG,

BUT IT'S HOME TO ME,
AND I BELIEVE

IN FIGHTING FOR YOUR HOME
WHEN IT'S THREATENED.

NOW, MR. STARK WANTS US
TO SELL OUR HOME

BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE
AN EFFORT TO KEEP IT.

AND EVEN IF WE DO
MAKE THE EFFORT,

HE SAYS THAT ABALONE IS NOTHING.
IT'S ZERO.

WELL, I SAY HE'S WRONG.

I SAY ANY PLACE WHERE
PEOPLE LIVE AND WORK TOGETHER

IS SOMETHING--
SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.

NOW, ONE MORE THING...

JUST OUTSIDE OF OUR TOWN,
THERE'S ANOTHER

WITH EVEN LESS OF MR. STARK'S
KIND OF FUTURE.

THERE'S ONE OF ITS CITIZENS.

WOULD YOU STAND UP,
PLEASE, GEORGE?

THIS IS GEORGE G. GEORGE.

HE'S A NAVAJO INDIAN.
MOST OF YOU KNOW HIM.

HIS FOREFATHERS WERE HERE

BEFORE THE WHITE MAN
EVEN HEARD OF AMERICA.

NOW, WHAT WILL HAPPEN
TO HIS FAMILY, HIS FRIENDS,

WITHOUT OUR TOWN TO HELP HIM?

I'D LIKE TO SAY
SOMETHING.

[PEOPLE TALKING]

ALL RIGHT,
MRS. BENEDICT.

IF ABALONE
IS AS WORTHLESS

AS MR. STARK SAYS,

WHY IS HE SO
ANXIOUS TO BUY IT?

THAT'S A FAIR QUESTION.

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED IT.

MRS. BENEDICT, YOU'RE A TEACHER,
A LIBRARIAN, AND AS SUCH,

YOU CAN TAKE A DULL BOY
AND MAKE HIM INTO A SMART BOY.

IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING,

YOU CAN TURN A PROFIT.
WELL, IT'S THE SAME WITH ME.

I'M A BUSINESSMAN, AND AS SUCH,

I FEEL I CAN DO THIS--
WELL, WITHOUT TAKING A LOSS.

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

YES, BUT JUST
EXACTLY--

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF

FOR DOUBTING MR. STARK'S
INTEGRITY, ANGELA.

MR. STARK, WHEN DO WE
HAVE TO GIVE OUR ANSWER?

WELL...FRANKLY, UH...

I HOPED TO SETTLE THIS MATTER
THIS EVENING.

BUT, UH, IF YOU WANT SOME TIME
TO THINK IT OVER,

WELL, UH, LET'S SAY
WITHIN A COUPLE OF DAYS?

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. STARK.

WE OWE YOU A VOTE OF GRATITUDE
FOR BEING SO FAIR WITH US.

DON'T YOU AGREE, FOLKS?

[BANGS GAVEL]

MEETING ADJOURNED UNTIL 9:30
FRIDAY NIGHT.

OH, GEORGE?

WE DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH
VERY MUCH,

BUT THANKS
FOR COMING DOWN, GEORGE.

NOT A CHANCE, ED.
ALL VERY SENTIMENTAL,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE HIM
ANY STRONGER.

THAT'S WHAT YOU
WANT TO THINK.

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO
FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE,

BUT I WAS LIKE YOU ONCE
A LONG TIME AGO.

I BELIEVED
IN THE DIGNITY OF MAN.

DECENCY, HUMANITY.
BUT I WAS LUCKY.

I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH
EARLY, BOY.

AND WHAT IS
THE TRUTH, STARK?

IT'S ALL VERY SIMPLE.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS THE DIGNITY OF MAN.

MAN IS A BASE, PATHETIC,
VULGAR ANIMAL.

GOOD NIGHT, ED.

HALT, YOU
MISERABLE REDSKIN!

KEEPING THE WRONG
KIND OF COMPANY, BOY.

AIN'T GOOD TO BE SEEN
WITH A MAN LIKE CUNNINGHAM.

BAD MEDICINE.

SAVVY?

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE?

PROBABLY THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED.
CAT GOT HIS TONGUE.

HA HA HA!

WHO TOLD YOU
YOU COULD GO?

HE'S A SASSY ONE,
AIN'T HE?

YOU KNOW WHAT MY OLD
MAN USED TO SAY?

HE SAID "THE ONLY GOOD INJUN
IS A DEAD INJUN."

[SNICKERING]

NOW, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT, BOY?

TALK, YOU
MISERABLE REDSKIN!

TALK!

TALK!

EXCUSE, PLEASE.

[WESTERN ACCENT]
THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH

FOR YOU AND ME, PARTNER.

SMILE WHEN YOU SAY THAT,

YOU MISERABLE,
HORNY TOAD HOMBRE.

OW.

WHAT HAPPENED?

READ ALL ABOUT IT!

CIRCUS COMING TO TOWN!

[WOOF]

READ ALL ABOUT IT!
READ ALL ABOUT IT!

CIRCUS COMING TO TOWN!

OW!

Mike: GOOD MORNING,
MR. RAMSEY!

WHY DON'T YOU AIM, BOY?

I DO,
MR. RAMSEY. I DO!

HEY, BUNNY,
LOOKIT HERE.

OOH! I CAN'T
COME OUT LIKE THIS.

LOOK. SAYS HERE A CIRCUS
IS COMING TO TOWN.

TO ABALONE?

YEAH!

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THERE'S NEVER

BEEN A CIRCUS HERE.

READ ALL ABOUT IT!
READ ALL ABOUT IT!

CIRCUS COMING TO TOWN.

[GRUMBLING]

YOO-HOO!

MR. FRISCO.
OW!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. CASSAN.

OOH!

OH. AND HOW IS OUR
ESTEEMED MAYOR THIS MORNING?

OH, FINE, THANK YOU.
JUST FINE.

[THUMP]

Mike: READ ALL ABOUT IT!
CIRCUS COMING TO TOWN!

THAT YOUNG
HOODLUM!

IT'S JUST
THE DAILY STAR, DEAR.

OH, DON'T
MESS ME UP, STUPID.

GO GET THE PAPER.

YES, DEAR.

SOMEBODY
OUGHT TO ARREST

THAT RAPSCALLION.
HE'S JUST LIKE THAT

NO-GOOD CUNNINGHAM--
A TROUBLEMAKER.

GIVE IT HERE.
AND SIT DOWN.

YOU GIVE ME
THE JITTERS.

I'M SORRY, DEAR.

I DON'T MEAN TO
GIVE YOU THE YITTERS.

SAY "JITTERS."

UH, J-J-JIT...

WHAT IN THE WORLD
IS A MEDUSA?

WELL, A MEDUSA,
DEARHEART, IS A--

WELL, IT'S
A MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE

WITH SNAKES ON HER HEAD

INSTEAD OF HAIR,
AND, UH...

AND--AND IF YOU
LOOK AT HER FACE,

YOU TURN TO STONE,
AND--

SHUT UP, LUTHER,

AND DON'T BE
RIDICULOUS!

YES, DEAR.

[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]

ARR!

HEY! WAIT!
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

Man: EDWARD
CUNNINGHAM, ESQUIRE,

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF
THE ABALONE DAILY STAR.

HOW DO YOU DO?

WHO'S TALKING?
WHERE ARE YOU?

HERE, THERE,
EVERYWHERE.

ARE YOU GOING TO
WRITE ABOUT ME

IN YOUR NEWSPAPER?

IF YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING
WORTH WRITING ABOUT.

AS A RULE, DR. LAO
DOES NOT APPROVE

OF OUR SPEAKING
FOR PUBLICATION.

BUT I SEE NO HARM
IN TELLING YOU

THAT I WAS BORN
IN THE YEAR 1204.

OR IS IT 412?

I--I CAN'T SEEM
TO REMEMBER.

BUT AT ANY RATE,

I AM THE GREATEST
MAGICIAN

THE WORLD
HAS EVER KNOWN.

IT'S, UH, FUNNY.

I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF YOU.

OH, BUT YOU HAVE
HEARD OF ME, INDEED.

THE NAME IS MERLIN.

MERLIN?

MERLIN, THE MAGICIAN

FROM HIS MAJESTY
KING ARTHUR'S COURT.

OF COURSE!

AND THAT BIG APE I SAW
HAMMERING THE STAKES,

HE WAS FROM
THE HIMALAYAS?

PRECISELY.
ABOMINABLE, ISN'T HE?

ABOUT THIS DR. LAO.
WHERE'S HE FROM?

CHINA, BUT YOU NEEDN'T
BOTHER ABOUT HIM.

NO TALENT THERE.
STRICTLY AN EXECUTIVE TYPE.

PRAY, DO NOT QUOTE ME.

OH, I WOULDN'T
DREAM OF IT.

BUT TELL ME,
WHAT DOES HE DO?

OH, DEAR. OH,
I'M FRIGHTFULLY SORRY.

I'M AFRAID I'VE
SAID MUCH TOO MUCH.

OH, NO. PLEASE.

OH, BUT DO LET ME
SHOW YOU

SOME SMALL
SAMPLE OF MY CRAFT.

NO, NOT NOW.

MAY I HAVE
THE NOTEBOOK

WHICH
IS IN YOUR POCKET?

NOW TELL ME,
MR. EDWARD CUNNINGHAM,

WHAT YOU
MOST DESIRE.

OH, NO. THAT'S
TERRIBLY STUPID OF ME.

MORTALS HAVE BUT ONE
BASIC DESIRE.

NOW HOLD THIS
IN YOUR HAND.

NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND SAY
THE MAGIC WORD.

WHAT IS
THE MAGIC WORD?

MONEY, OF COURSE.
SAY IT.

MONEY.

OPEN YOUR EYES.

IT WORKED!
IT WORKED!

A SMALL SUM,
OF COURSE,

BUT THEN,
I TIRE EASILY.

MAGIC IS EXTREMELY
EXHAUSTING, YOU KNOW.

NO, THANK YOU.

I BEG
YOUR PARDON?

I SAID NO, THANKS.

I CAME HERE FOR A STORY,
NOT FOR A BRIBE.

Dr. Lao:
MERLIN! MERLIN!

OH, DEAR. OH, DEAR.
NOW I REALLY AM IN TROUBLE.

Dr. Lao:
MR. CUNNINGHAM.

WELCOME TO THE CIRCUS
OF DR. LAO.

HOW MAY WE SERVE YOU?

YOU CAN SERVE ME

BY GIVING THIS MONEY
BACK TO THE OLD BOY.

WHAT MONEY,
MR. CUNNINGHAM?

NOW COME ON, DOC.

WHAT KIND OF
ORIENTAL HOCUS-POCUS

IS GOING ON
AROUND HERE?

A CIRCUS
WITH NO WAGONS,

NO ANIMALS,

NO CAGES, A CRAZY
OLD MAGICIAN.

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?

I ADMIT OUR CIRCUS
IS DIFFERENT.

THAT'S WHAT I PROMISED
IN OUR ADVERTISEMENT.

I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN PROMISES.

I'M INTERESTED
IN THE REAL STORY.

AND DON'T TELL ME
ABOUT PANO HI

BECAUSE I
LOOKED IT UP.

PANO HI WENT
OUT OF EXISTENCE

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO.

FORGIVE ME, MR. CUNNINGHAM,
BUT YOU WORRY TOO MUCH.

YOU WORRY ABOUT HOW
I BROUGHT

MY CIRCUS TO ABALONE
WITHOUT WAGONS.

YOU WORRY ABOUT
THE FUTURE OF YOUR TOWN

OR IF THE SUN WILL RISE
A YEAR FROM TODAY.

THE ANSWERS TO SUCH MATTERS
REMAIN CLOSED BEHIND A CURTAIN.

THEN TIME SAYS "PRESTO,"
AND OUT THEY COME.

TOMORROW NIGHT,
I PROMISE YOU--

PRESTO--THE STRANGEST STORY
YOU'VE EVER KNOWN.

NOW, MR. CUNNINGHAM,

DO YOU SUPPOSE
THIS GARRULOUS INTRUDER

MAY BE A SWINDLER,
PERHAPS AN ASSASSIN,

A CHARLATAN PLOTTING
SOME CURIOUS DISASTER

FOR YOUR TOWN?

SUCH CHARACTERS EXIST,

BUT THEY ARE SECRETIVE
RATHER THAN MYSTERIOUS.

I, SIR, AM A MAJOR MYSTERY.

YOU'RE A CONVINCING
TALKER

ABOUT VERY
UNCONVINCING THINGS.

WHATEVER MEN
DO NOT UNDERSTAND,

THEY FIND UNCONVINCING.

BUT PLEASE DON'T
SUPPOSE I'M DANGEROUS

BECAUSE I'M UNFAMILIAR.

I ASK...
THAT YOU BELIEVE IN ME.

AS WHAT?

AS A FRIEND OF YOURS,
OF YOUR TOWN,

OF ALL HUMAN BEINGS.

THAT'S QUITE A SPIEL,
DOC.

THANK YOU.

WELL, I'M LEAVING IN
A CLOUD OF BEFUDDLEMENT.

AND WITH NOTHING TO GO
ON EXCEPT A HUNCH...

THAT YOU'RE A NICE GUY.

GOOD AFTERNOON,
MR. CUNNINGHAM.

HEY!

HOW COME YOU SPEAK PERFECT
ENGLISH ALL OF A SUDDEN?

OH, IT COMES AND GOES,

WHATEVER DIALECT
THE MOOD REQUIRES.

OH, IT JUST
COMES AND GOES.

[CHINESE ACCENT]
WHAT'S THE MATTER YOU?

ALL TIME ASKING SILLY
QUESTIONS. WISE GUY!

GET ON YOUR MOCYCO.

[CUNNINGHAM RIDES AWAY]

[WHISTLING]

HEY, MISTER,
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

SO SORRY.
DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

AW, YOU DO TOO!
ED SAID SO.

AND I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
YOU'RE DR. LAO.

OOH!

ASTUTE OBSERVATION.

HUH?

GOOD-BYE.

I'LL CARRY
YOUR POSTERS.

EVEN HELP YOU
PUT THEM UP,

IF YOU'LL
SHOW ME HOW.

GOT NAME?

MIKE BENEDICT, SIR.

OK, MIKE, YOU COME.

ARE YOU AN ACROBAT?

ONLY PHILOSOPHICALLY.

WHAT?

[EXAGGERATED CHINESE ACCENT]
ONRY PHIROSOPHICARRY.

REALLY? CAN YOU WALK
A TIGHTROPE?

IF REQUIRED. MY SPECIALTY,
HOWEVER, IS WISDOM.

YOU KNOW
WHAT WISDOM IS?

NO, SIR.

WISE ANSWER.

BUT I CAN WALK
ON MY HANDS.

WANT TO SEE ME?

NOT NOW, PRREASE.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

YOU COME CIRCUS.
BRING MAMA AND PAPA, ALSO.

ALL MY GUESTS.

YOU MEAN FREE?

YES.

GOSH, THANKS.
BUT I CAN'T

BRING MY FATHER
BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

OHH.

OH, THAT'S VERY SAD,
MIKE.

UH-HUH.

BUT I NEVER
KNEW HIM.

HE GOT KILLED

WHEN I WAS REAL
LITTLE.

I'M THE MAN
OF THE HOUSE.

YOU'RE A VERY FINE
YOUNG MAN.

OH, I'M NOT SO YOUNG.
I'M 8, GOING ON 9!

8, GOING ON 9 IS YOUNG.
BELIEVE ME.

8, GOING ON 9
IS REMARKABLY YOUNG.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

I BELIEVE
I SHALL TELL YOU.

I AM 7,322 YEARS OLD
THIS OCTOBER!

[WHISTLES]

THAT IS OLD.

IT IS RATHER.

[LAUGHTER AND CHATTER]

[GROWLING]

[GROWL]

[GONG]

[HORSE WHINNIES]

[GONG]

[COW MOOS]

[GONG]

[PIG SQUEALS]

HA HA HA!

[GONG]

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

MY GOODNESS,

THAT'S QUITE
A STUNT!

I THINK HE'S GOT

A GRAMOPHONE HID
SOMEWHERES.

THAT'S IT.
IT MUST BE.

♪ THIS IS THE CIRCUS
OF DR. LAO ♪

♪ WE SHOW YOU THINGS
THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ OH, WE'VE SPARED NO PAINS,
AND WE'VE SPARED NO DOUGH ♪

♪ FOR WE WANTED TO GIVE YOU
ONE HELL OF A SHOW ♪

AND YOUTH MAY COME,
AND AGE MAY GO,

BUT NO MORE CIRCUSES
LIKE THIS SHOW.

15 CENTS.

YOU FREE.

STEP UP! STEP UP!
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY!

THANK YOU, SIR.

ISN'T IT
EXCITING?

I HAVEN'T BEEN
TO A CIRCUS IN--

WELL,
IN A LONG TIME!

I DO HOPE THAT
THEY HAVE

A GOOD
FORTUNE TELLER,

NOT THAT I
BELIEVE IN THEM,

OF COURSE, BUT THEY
ARE FASCINATING.

GO IN THERE

AND WAIT ABOUT
45 MINUTES.

THANK YOU, BOSS.

Dr. Lao: SEE APOLLONIUS!
SEE THE SNOWMAN!

HURRY, HURRY, HURRY,
HURRY, HURRY!

SEE THE MEDUSA,
TURNS MEN OF GRANITE TO STONE.

SEE THE GREAT SERPENT.

SEE HIM WRITHE,
SEE HIM COIL, HEAR HIM HISS!

SEE WONDERS NEVER BEFORE BEHELD
BY THE EYES OF MORTAL MAN.

SEE THE GREAT PAN,
THE INCARNATION OF THE CARNAL,

AND SEE APOLLONIUS OF TYANA.

HE SEES ALL, TELLS ALL--
NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

IT'S THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THE DARK MYSTERIES UNFOLDED.
STEP RIGHT UP.

ONLY 15 CENTS.
PLEASE KEEP IN LINE.

STEP RIGHT UP. 15 CENTS.
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY!

OH! YOU
FRIGHTENED ME.

YOU WISH
YOUR FUTURE TOLD?

YOU--YOU LOOK
LIKE HOWARD,

MY POOR, DEAR,
DEPARTED HUSBAND.

YOU KNOW
HE DID NOT DIE.

HE SIMPLY WALKED
OUT OF YOUR LIFE

YEARS AGO.

YES, WELL, YOU KNOW
EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?

IF YOU KNOW MY PAST
SO WELL,

LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN
REALLY TELL MY FUTURE.

BE SEATED.

YES.

5 CENTS, PLEASE.

OH, I FORGOT.

SHALL I ASK QUESTIONS?

IF YOU WISH.

OH, THIS IS
SO EXCITING!

LET ME SEE NOW.
I KNOW.

HOW SOON WILL I STRIKE OIL
ON THAT 20 ACRES OF MINE?

NEVER.

BUT I PAID A FORTUNE
FOR THAT LAND.

YOU WASTED
YOUR MONEY.

NEXT QUESTION.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

YOU MUST LISTEN.

WELL, YOU NEEDN'T BE
SO BRUSQUE.

IT'S JUST A GAME,
AFTER ALL.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU NAUGHTY MAN.

YOU SEE, WHAT I REALLY
WANT TO KNOW IS,

WHEN SHALL I BE
MARRIED AGAIN?

NEVER.

WELL, WHAT SORT OF MAN
WILL COME INTO MY LIFE?

LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY.

THERE WILL BE NO MORE
MEN IN YOUR LIFE.

WELL, REALLY! REALLY!
WHAT'S THE USE OF MY LIVING

IF I'M NOT GOING
TO BE RICH,

NOT GOING
TO BE MARRIED AGAIN,

NO MORE MEN,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE?

I ONLY READ FUTURES.
I DON'T EVALUATE THEM.

THAT'S UTTER NONSENSE!

THE FUTURE IS ALWAYS
NONSENSE...

UNTIL IT BECOMES
THE PAST.

GO ON, DO YOUR JOB.
I PAID YOU.

READ MY FUTURE!

TOMORROW WILL BE
LIKE TODAY...

AND THE DAY AFTER
TOMORROW

WILL BE LIKE THE DAY
BEFORE YESTERDAY.

I SEE YOUR
REMAINING DAYS

AS A TEDIOUS
COLLECTION OF HOURS

FULL OF USELESS
VANITIES.

YOU WILL THINK
NO NEW THOUGHTS,

AND YOU WILL FORGET

WHAT LITTLE
YOU HAVE KNOWN.

OLDER YOU
WILL BECOME...

BUT NOT WISER.

STIFFER, BUT NOT
MORE DIGNIFIED.

CHILDLESS YOU ARE...

AND CHILDLESS
YOU WILL REMAIN.

OF THAT SUPPLENESS

YOU ONCE COMMANDED
IN YOUR YOUTH,

OF THAT STRANGE
SIMPLICITY

WHICH ONCE
ATTRACTED MEN TO YOU,

NEITHER ENDURES,

NOR SHALL YOU
RECAPTURE THEM.

YOU'RE A MEAN, UGLY MAN.

MIRRORS ARE OFTEN
UGLY AND MEAN.

WHEN YOU DIE,

YOU WILL BE BURIED
AND FORGOTTEN.

AND THAT IS ALL.

AND FOR ALL THE GOOD
OR EVIL,

CREATION
OR DESTRUCTION

YOUR LIVING MIGHT
HAVE ACCOMPLISHED,

YOU MIGHT
JUST AS WELL

NEVER
HAVE LIVED AT ALL.

I'M SORRY, BUT YOU SEE,

IT IS MY CURSE TO TELL
THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

[SOBBING]

OH, MRS. CASSAN.

OH...ANGELA.

WHATEVER YOU DO,
STAY OUT OF THERE!

WHY? ISN'T HE
ANY GOOD?

OH, NO, HE'S WONDERFUL,

ABSOLUTELY THE MOST MAGNETIC
MAN I'VE EVER MET

IN MY WHOLE LIFE,
NEXT TO HOWARD,

GOD REST HIS SOUL.
YOU KNOW WHAT HE TOLD ME?

WHAT?

THAT I'M GOING TO BE RICH,

STRIKE OIL, AND--PROMISE
YOU WON'T TELL?

I'M GOING TO
BE MARRIED AGAIN,

AND CLINTON STARK
IS THE LUCKY ONE.

THAT'S ALL VERY NICE,

BUT WHY SHOULDN'T
I GO IN THERE?

WELL, HE'S NOT
VERY POLITE.

HE, UH, PINCHED ME
3 TIMES.

BUT THEN,
I DON'T SUPPOSE

YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT,

COME TO THINK OF IT.
TOODLE-OO.

ESTIMABLE EDUCATOR,

MOTHER OF
FATHERLESS MIKE,

GOOD FRIEND,
LOSE SOMETHING?

YES. MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

OH. SHE OVER THERE,
I THINK.

HAVE PLENTY FUN.
YOU, TOO?

WHY, IT'S VERY NICE.
THANK YOU.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

EXHIBIT AROUND CORNER.
YES, YES?

[PAN PLAYING FLUTE]

Dr. Lao: AH, STEP IN, STEP IN.
STEP THIS WAY, IF YOU WILL.

OH!

THE MOST CHARMING FIGURE
IN THE OLD GREEK

POLYTHEISTIC MYTHOLOGY
IS PAN, THE GOD OF JOY,

COMBINING THE FORMS
OF MAN AND GOAT.

IT'S A FAKE.

OH!

OH!

[BLEATS]

IT'S GOT TO BE.

[BLEATING]

OH!

[HISSING]

HI THERE.

WHY, DON'T BE
FRIGHTENED, KIDDO.

I'M HARMLESS.

DR. LAO SAW TO THAT.
HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

COME HERE.

DO I LOOK
FAMILIAR TO YOU?

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,
YOU DO.

THIS CIRCUS
IS LIKE A MIRROR.

YOU SEE YOURSELF
IN IT SOMETIMES,

SOMETIMES
SOMEONE ELSE.

DIDN'T DR. LAO
TELL YOU ABOUT IT?

NO.

HE WILL, MR. STARK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

OH, I KNOW A LOT OF

UNIMPORTANT STUFF
LIKE THAT.

WELL, WHOEVER YOU ARE
AND HOWEVER YOU WORK,

YOU INTEREST ME.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE WE LOOK
ALIKE AND HAVE

MUCH IN COMMON--
FOR ONE THING...

OUR SUSPICION.

[HISSING
AND RATTLING]

WHY DO YOU BUZZ
YOUR TAIL LIKE THAT?

WHY NOT?

IT'S THE MOST TREASURED
GIFT OF MY ANCESTORS.

I WOULDN'T CARE
TO TRADE WITH YOU.

MAYBE NOT, BUT THE POINT IS,
MY SCALY FRIEND,

THAT YOU'RE IN A CAGE,
WHILE I'M FREE TO WALK ABOUT.

OH, YOU HAVE
YOUR CAGE, TOO.

YOU TEST YOUR BARS
JUST AS OFTEN

AS I TEST MINE,
KIDDO.

WHY DO YOU WEAR
THOSE THINGS

OVER YOUR EYES?

SO I CAN SEE.

I HAVE AN ASTIGMATISM.

BIG GLASSES.

HMM. THE CREATOR
WHO MADE YOU CUNNING

MADE MY EYES EFFICIENT
ENOUGH

TO PERCEIVE
OBJECTS WITHOUT AID.

IN FACT, THE LORD
OF ALL LIVING

DEALT WITH ME
QUITE GENEROUSLY.

STRENGTH HE GAVE ME,

AND SYMMETRY
AND ENDURANCE

AND PATIENCE...

BUT LOOK AT YOU.

YOU EVEN HAVE TO HANG
RAGS ON YOURSELF

TO PROTECT
YOUR WEAK SKIN.

YOU HAVE TO HANG THINGS
IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES

IN ORDER TO SEE.

LOOK AT YOURSELF!
HA HA HA!

I'LL ADMIT I'M NOT
PERFECT, BUT--

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN,
KIDDO! HA HA HA!

YOU'RE JUST ABOUT

THE MOST IMPERFECT
CREATURE

I'VE EVER SEEN,

AND I'VE SEEN
SOME LULUS! HA HA HA!

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

EVEN THE THOUGHT
THAT I RESEMBLE YOU

MAKES ME ILL. BLEH!

WELL, IT DOESN'T MAKE ME
TOO HAPPY, EITHER. NAH!

HEY, BOSS, WE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT

NO NEWSPAPER NO MORE.

WHO WAS YOU
TALKING TO, BOSS?

NO ONE.

WELL, I THOUGHT
I HEARD--

WOW! THAT'S
AN UGLY DEVIL.

LET'S GET.
LET'S GET!

YOU WOULDN'T
SAY THAT

IF I WERE ON
THE OTHER SIDE

OF THESE BARS.

LET'S GET OUT!

MR. STARK!

HA HA HA!

MESSIEURS ET MESDAMES,

IT GIVE ME GREAT PLEASURE
TO PRESENT TO YOU

DIRECT FROM A LONG
AND SUCCESSFUL RUN

AT THE COURT OF KING ARTHUR,
THAT INIMITABLE THAUMATURGE,

THAT MASTER OF MAGIC,
SORCERY, WIZARDRY,

AND PRESTIDIGITATION,

THE CROWN PRINCE OF THE BLACK
ARTS, MERLIN THE MAGICIAN!

Drunkard: GO ON!
ON WITH THE SHOW!

OH, DEAR, IT IS EARLY.

WELL...

UH, WHAT SORT OF MAGIC
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

WHAT KIND DO YOU GOT?

OH, ALL SORTS, REALLY,

THOUGH I AM A BIT
OUT OF PRACTICE.

LET'S SEE NOW,
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

OH, WE HAVE A BALL,
HAVEN'T WE?

JUST AN ORDINARY ONE,
ISN'T IT?

I SUPPOSE SO, EH?

OH, DEAR.
NOW WE HAVE TWO.

MAKE A RABBIT
COME OUT OF THE BAG.

OH, VERY WELL,
I'LL TRY.

HOCUS...POCUS.

LET'S SEE WHAT
WE HAVE HERE.

LOOK!

[SQUEAKING]

I WANTED A RABBIT!

WHY, I'M SORRY.

I DID MY VERY BEST.

DISAPPEAR.

CAN YOU DO MAGIC
WITH CARDS, MR. MERLIN?

FOR YOU, SIR, I WILL.

ONE...TWO...THREE.

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

FAKER!

Woman: PHONY!

Man: BOO!

Drunkard: HEY!

WHY DON'T YOU CHANGE
THE WATER INTO BOOZE?

HA HA HA!

VERY WELL.

HOCUS...POCUS...
DOMIN...OCUS.

WOULD YOU CARE
FOR SOME, YOUNG LADY?

I NEVER DRINK!

NEITHER DOES HE.

[LAUGHTER]

LET ME TRY
SOME OF THAT STUFF.

TASTES JUST LIKE
GINGER ALE.

I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR.

THIS IS THE FINEST
VINTAGE CHAMPAGNE

EVER SERVED IN AMERICA.

AHH!

OH, COME ON.
DO SOMETHING.

DON'T JUST
STAND THERE!

SHOW US
SOME REAL MAGIC!

Girl: MOTHER, HAVE HIM
DO SOMETHING I LIKE.

DO YOU LIKE FLOWERS,
LITTLE LADY?

A LITTLE.

AND THE LAST ONE
IS FOR YOU, MY DEAR.

[APPLAUSE]

WONDERFUL.

Man: AW, COME ON.
SHOW US SOMETHING REALLY BIG.

YEAH. MAKE A WOMAN
FLOAT IN THE AIR

LIKE I SEEN ONCE
IN TUCSON.

SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH!
HA HA HA!

MOTHER,
I'M TIRED OF THIS.

BE STILL.
THE GENTLEMAN

IS TRYING TO DO
HIS TRICKS.

TRICKS?

GADZOOKS, MADAM,
THESE ARE NOT TRICKS.

I DO MAGIC.
I CREATE. I TRANSPOSE.

I TRANSUBSTANTIATE.

I BREAK UP, I RECOMBINE,
BUT I NEVER TRICK.

AH, YOU STINK.

Man: AW, IT'S JUST
DONE WITH MIRRORS.

FAKE.

PHONY.

NO. YOU'RE WRONG.
I AM A GREAT MAGICIAN.

I HAVE JUST CREATED SOMETHING
FROM NOTHING.

ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

ANYBODY CAN MAKE
A BUNCH OF FLOWERS.

VERY WELL.
FLOWERS AREN'T ENOUGH.

PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE
A FEW MAN-EATING TIGERS.

FAT CHANCE.

HEY! HOW ABOUT
A PINK ELEPHANT?

HA HA HA!

GREAT WILLOW WICK!

BOGGS, LET'S GO.

YOU REALLY CAN'T FLOAT
A LADY IN THE AIR?

OH, COME ON!

W-W-WET WIGGLE!

BEWARE!

OH.

W-W-WILL--HOW DOES THAT GO?

I'VE FORGOTTEN.

I'VE FORGOTTEN...

SO MANY THINGS.

[DROPS WAND]

SO LONG AGO.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MR. MERLIN.

THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND,
BUT I DO.

I THINK YOU'RE
THE GREATEST MAGICIAN EVER.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

REALLY.

YOU DO?

THANK YOU, MY BOY.

THANK YOU.

SAY, DOC.

WHAT'S THIS
SUPPOSED TO BE?

OH, HIM MY PET.

HIM PET.

HAVE THIS
FOR A PET?

MY MAN,
YOU ARE GAZING UPON

THE LEGENDARY
TERROR OF THE 7 SEAS.

A GENUINE,
BONA FIDE SEA SERPENT.

HA HA HA!
SEA SERPENT?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU CRAZY PEOPLE.

ALL THE TIME HA HA.

PREASE, PREASE, YOU MAKE
SEA SERPENT VERY MAD.

IF I WAS TO CATCH
AN ITTY BITTY THING

LIKE THAT,
I'D THROW IT BACK.

HA HA HA!

[SCOTTISH ACCENT] I FEAR YA
DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, LADDIE.

THERE ARE CERTAIN LAKES
IN SWITZERLAND,

CERTAIN LOCHS IN SCOTLAND

WHICH ARE CALLED
THE EYES OF THE SEA.

THEY ARE SO CALLED

BECAUSE THESE LAKES
AND LOCHS ARE BOTTOMLESS.

People: OH!

AYE. THEY EXTEND
FAR BENEATH

THE SURFACE OF THE LAND
AND LEAD TO THE GREAT

AND MYSTERIOUS OCEANS
OF WHICH THEY ARE A PART.

NOT UNLIKE SALMON, SEA MONSTERS,
AS THEY'RE REFERRED TO,

COME TO THE LOCHS
TO BREED.

I CAUGHT THIS ONE
AS A WEE BABY MYSELF.

'TWAS A WEE, SLEEKIT,
COWERING, TIMOROUS BEASTIE.

THAT'S
A LOT OF HOGWASH.

JUST WHAT DO YOU
TAKE US FOR?

NOW, THOSE LADS
WHO ARE FISHERMEN

ARE DOUBTLESS FAMILIAR

WITH THE SPECIES
MACULATUS SPHAEROIDES,

OTHERWISE KNOWN
AS THE BLOWFISH.

THE BLOWFISH
IS A SMALL CREATURE

INHABITING
THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA.

TAKE HIM UP FROM THOSE
DEPTHS,

WHERE THE PRESSURE
IS EXTREME, OR INTO THE AIR,

WHERE THERE IS VERY
LITTLE PRESSURE,

AND WHAT HAPPENS?
HIS EYES BULGE,

THEN--POOF--
HE PUFFS HIMSELF UP

MANY TIMES HIS NATURAL SIZE,
HENCE THE NAME BLOWFISH.

SO IT IS
WITH THE SEA SERPENT.

IN THE WATER,

HE IS SMALL,
INSIGNIFICANT, PETITE,

BUT OUT OF THE WATER
AND EXPOSED TO THE AIR,

AND HE DOUBLES HIS SIZE
EVERY 10 SECONDS

UNTIL HE REACHES
HIS FULL GROWTH.

AND NO MAN KNOWS
HOW BIG THAT IS.

OHH.

SO YOU SEE WHAT
HAS HAPPENED?

HE HAS PUT HIS HEAD
OUT OF THE WATER,

IT HAS GROWN HUGE,
AND MEN ON PASSING SHIPS

HAVE SWORN THEY HAVE SEEN
A GIGANTIC MONSTER,

WHICH EXPLAINS THE LEGENDS
OF LURKING SEA SERPENTS.

THERE AIN'T NO PRESSURE
IN THAT BOWL,

JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF WATER.

SHOW US
A DEMONSTRATION.

[EXAGGERATED CHINESE ACCENT]
OOH! SO SORRY. NO CAN DO.

LOCH NESS MONSTER
FONDEST AMBITION EAT UP DR. LAO.

CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY.
VERY BAD THING.

HONORABLE SERVANT PROBRABRY
TASTE LIKE LEFTOVER TURKEY.

[LAUGHTER]

OH HO HO HO!

NO, NO, NO.
NO TOUCHY.

WE JUST WANT
TO TAKE A LOOK.

NO.

YOU WATCH WHO YOU'RE
PUSHING, LITTLE MAN.

CAREY!

[PBBFFT]

HMM!

COME ON.

STEP UP. STEP UP.
STEP UP.

GOOD CITIZENS
OF ABALONE,

YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE
THE MEDUSA.

THE MEDUSA IS
A THIRD COUSIN

OF THE ORIGINAL
GORGON SISTERS

WHO DISTURBED
THE LAND OF GREECE

IN THE TIME
BEFORE ULYSSES,

AGAMEMNON, ACHILLES,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA,

AND OF COURSE,
ET CETERA.

AND LIKE
HER GORGON SISTERS,

SHE HAS THE POWER
TO TURN THOSE

WHO DARE TO LOOK
STRAIGHT INTO HER EYES

INTO STONE.

TO SPARE YOU GOOD PEOPLE
FROM BEING CONVERTED

INTO MONUMENTS, OBELISKS,
AND SO FORTH,

I HAVE--RATHER INGENIOUSLY,
I THINK--

MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU
TO SEE THE MEDUSA

ONLY IN A MIRROR.

THUS SEEN,
SHE IS HARMLESS.

I ENTREAT YOU--
PLEASE BE CONTENT

WITH THE REFLECTED
IMAGE.

DO NOT GO PEEKING
AROUND THE EDGES OF THE CANVAS.

IT IS A MOVE WHICH MIGHT PRODUCE
MOST UNPLEASANT RESULTS.

SHE IS A GENUINE MEDUSA
OVER 3,000 YEARS OLD.

SHE DON'T LOOK A DAY
OVER 500 TO ME, DOC!

HA HA HA!

[LAUGHTER]

[SNAKES HISSING]

IT'S A DISGRACE!

NOW, KATE, PLEASE.

I JUST WANT TO SAY
ONE THING--

WHERE IS HE?

WHERE IS
THAT OLD FAKIR?

YES, MADAM?

I JUST WANT TO SAY
ONE THING--

THAT I'VE NEVER
LISTENED TO

SUCH A PACK OF LIES
IN ALL MY BORN DAYS.

SNAKES TURNING
PEOPLE TO STONE!

HUH! THE IDEA!

PLEASE, KATE,

DON'T START
MAKING TROUBLE

IN FRONT OF ALL
THESE PEOPLE.

OH, SHUT UP!

I'LL SAY WHAT I DARN
GOOD AND WELL PLEASE.

MY DEAR LADY, THE ROLE
OF SKEPTIC BECOMES YOU NOT.

THERE ARE THINGS IN THE WORLD
NOT EVEN THE EXPERIENCE

OF A LIFETIME SPENT IN ABALONE
COULD CONCEIVE OF.

IS THAT SO?

WELL, I'M GOING TO
MAKE A LIAR OUT OF YOU

IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY!
GET OUT OF MY WAY!

Kate: I'LL SHOW HER!

ALL RIGHT, CHEAP LITTLE HUSSY,
YOU DON'T--

HA HA HA!

[HICCUP]

[MEDUSA CONTINUES
LAUGHING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

PETE, HELP ME.

ARTHRITIS ATTACK.
SHE'S HAD THEM BEFORE.

HA HA HA!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

HEY, LUTHER, DID YOU
BUY YOURSELF A STATUE?

THIS AIN'T NO STATUE.
IT'S MY KATE!

STONED AGAIN.
HA HA HA!

HA HA! SHE LOOKS
BETTER THAT WAY.

Luther: THIS IS
THE WORST ATTACK

SHE'S HAD YET.

Merlin: HOCUS POCUS
DOMIN...OCUS...

CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE!

[PEOPLE GASPING]

LUTHER.

LET'S GO HOME.

HA HA HA! GIDDY-UP!
COME ON! GIDDY-UP!

Merlin: YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU.

I TOLD YOU
I WAS A GOOD MAGICIAN.

DID YOU SEE?
DID YOU SEE?

Dr. Lao, Chinese accent:
EVERYBODY GO HOME!

CIRCUS OVER!

OH, DEAR.

OH.

COME BACK TOMORROW!
BIG FINALE!

GOOD-BYE! GOOD-BYE!
COME BACK TOMORROW!

BIG SHOW! SCLAM!
GOOD-BYE! GOOD-BYE!

WHEW!

NOW, EAT YOUR FOOD,
MR. CRICKET. EAT IT.

[CRICKET CHIRPING]

YOU'RE MAKING ME
VERY ANGRY AT YOU.

YOU'RE A VERY BAD
CRICKET.

DON'T SPEAK BACK TO ME.
I'M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[EXAGGERATED CHINESE ACCENT]
WHAT'S THE MATTER YOU?

YOU CRAZY BOY?

YOU WANT MOTHER
AND GRANDMOTHER TO WORRY?

THEY'RE ASLEEP.
I SNUCK BACK OUT.

DR. LAO,
I WANT TO HAVE

A TALK
WITH YOU SERIOUSLY.

NO. NO TIME. VERY UPSET.

ON ACCOUNT
OF MRS. LINDQUIST

TURNING TO STONE?

NO, ON ACCOUNT
OF CRICKET...

BUT OK.

YOU HAVE PROBLEM?

I--WELL, I NEED
A FULL-TIME JOB,

AND I WAS
JUST WONDERING

IF MAYBE
YOU COULD USE ME

WITH THE CIRCUS.

NO.

BUT I LIKE YOUR
CIRCUS, AND BESIDES,

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE IN THE CIRCUS,

AND I'D WORK HARD,

AND I WOULDN'T BE
ANY TROUBLE,

AND I CAN DO A LOT
OF TRICKS. LOOK.

OOH!

HOW YOU DO THAT?

OH, THAT'S VERY GOOD.
VERY GOOD.

BUT, MIKE...

WE HAVE A MAGICIAN.

CONFIDENTIALLY,
YOU MUCH BETTER...

BUT THAT MAKE
THE GREAT MERLIN VERY SAD.

UNDERSTAND?

I UNDERSTAND.
YOU CAN'T USE ME.

[NORMAL VOICE]
MIKE...

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING.

THE WHOLE WORLD
IS A CIRCUS

IF YOU KNOW
HOW TO LOOK AT IT.

THE WAY THE SUN GOES DOWN
WHEN YOU'RE TIRED,

COMES UP WHEN YOU WANT
TO BE ON THE MOVE--

THAT'S REAL MAGIC.

THE WAY A LEAF GROWS,
THE SONG OF THE BIRDS,

THE WAY THE DESERT
LOOKS AT NIGHT

WITH THE MOON
EMBRACING IT--

OH, MY BOY...

THAT'S--THAT'S
CIRCUS ENOUGH FOR ANYONE.

EVERY TIME YOU WATCH
A RAINBOW

AND FEEL WONDER
IN YOUR HEART;

EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP
A HANDFUL OF DUST

AND SEE NOT THE DUST,
BUT A MYSTERY,

A MARVEL THERE
IN YOUR HAND;

EVERY TIME
YOU STOP AND THINK,

"I'M ALIVE, AND BEING
ALIVE IS FANTASTIC"--

EVERY TIME
SUCH A THING HAPPENS,

YOU'RE A PART OF
THE CIRCUS OF DR. LAO.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

NEITHER DO I!

[GLASS SHATTERING]

WELL...

I ALWAYS SAY IF
YOU'RE GOING TO

DO SOMETHING,
DO IT RIGHT.

YOU LOOK SURPRISED.

I AM.

I DIDN'T THINK STARK WAS
THIS WORRIED ABOUT US.

WELL, HE AIN'T
WORRIED NO MORE.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

WHAT ARE YOU
AIMING TO DO?

GET DRUNK!

[FLUTE PLAYING]

Sarah: ANGELA,
IS THAT YOU?

YES, MOTHER.

WHAT IS THE MATTER?

NOTHING, NOTHING.

IT'S JUST
THAT INFERNAL MUSIC.

IT MAKES ONE NERVOUS.

WHAT MUSIC?

NEVER MIND, MOTHER.

YOU'RE PERSPIRING.

AM I?

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S
NOTHING WRONG?

YES, MOTHER, V-VERY SURE.
GO BACK TO BED.

I THINK I'LL GET
A GLASS OF COLD WATER.

ALL RIGHT.

[SINGING DRUNKENLY]

[DOG HOWLING]

[BOTH STOP SINGING]

DO YOU SUPPOSE

THAT CRAZY LITTLE
CHINAMAN

HAD SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THIS?

WHO ELSE?

[CHIMES]

[DOG BARKING]

HOW...

WE'LL FIGURE THAT OUT
LATER.

RIGHT NOW
LET'S GET TO WORK!

[HORSE WHINNYING]

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM,
COUSIN?

WHERE'S STARK?

HOW ARE YOU, ED?

COULDN'T BE
BETTER.

GLAD TO HEAR IT.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, BOY?

NOT A THING.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU
MIGHT BE WONDERING

ABOUT YOUR
MORNING PAPER.

WELL, I DID MISS IT.
NO PROBLEMS, I HOPE.

JUST ONE--

THE PRESSES
BROKE DOWN.

OH, WELL, I'M SORRY
TO HEAR THAT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THEY'RE FIXED NOW.

JUST A SHORT ISSUE
THIS TIME,

BUT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND,
WON'T YOU, MR. STARK?

LET'S SEE. YOU'RE NOT
A SUBSCRIBER, ARE YOU?

HUH?

OH, NO, NO.

WELL, YOU OUGHT TO
THINK ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE AFTER ALL,

HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO KNOW

WHAT'S HAPPENING
IN YOUR TOWN

WITHOUT THE STAR?

HERE'S A COMPLIMENTARY
ISSUE--

FOR YOU, TOO!

SO LONG.

Stark: ED.
HUH?

YOU REALLY THINK YOU
HAVE A CHANCE, DON'T YOU?

WELL, FRANKLY,
MR. STARK,

I WAS BEGINNING
TO WONDER.

THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED
LAST NIGHT

THAT CHEERED ME
RIGHT UP.

YOU READ ABOUT IT
ON PAGE ONE.

[HORSE WHINNYING]

WELL, HONEST, BOSS,
IT COULDN'T BE.

WE TRASHED THE PLACE.

I MEAN, WE RUINED IT.
DIDN'T WE?

WE CAN'T HAVE!

IT AIN'T POSSIBLE...
IS IT?

I HATE TO TELL YOU
THIS, DOCTOR,

BUT THERE AREN'T
ANY FISH IN THAT RIVER.

IN FACT, THERE ISN'T
ANY RIVER.

[EXAGGERATED CHINESE
ACCENT] THAT'S OK.

ME NO USE BAIT.
HA HA HA!

OH, I SEE.

I, UH...

WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR WHAT YOU DID.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D CARE
TO TELL ME WHY OR HOW.

WHAT'S THE MATTER YOU?

ALL THE TIME TALK!
SCARE AWAY FISHIE!

WISE GUY.

HEY, ED!
ED, COME HERE!

BOY!

LISTEN, RAMSEY AND SOME
OF THEM OTHER FELLAS HAD

A SORT OF GET-TOGETHER
IN THE CAFE.

WELL?

THEY'RE GOING TO
SELL OUT TO STARK!

YOU SURE?

THE VOTE AIN'T
TILL TONIGHT,

BUT IT DON'T
LOOK GOOD.

THEY'RE SCARED.

STARK WAS RIGHT.

I WAS CRAZY FIGHTING
FOR THAT BUNCH.

Dr. Lao: MR. CUNNINGHAM,
PLEASE!

YOU COME
CIRCUS TONIGHT,

MAYBE BIG SURPRISE!

[REEL SPINNING]

[LAUGHING
AND SQUEALING]

OOH, I CATCH!
I CATCH!

[SQUEALING]

OOH, FISHIE!

OH, LOOK!
A TROUT! TROUT!

ED, DID YOU SEE THAT?

YEAH. COME ON.
COME ON.

ED...

IS A TROUT!
OH! HA HA!

IT BE TROUT!
IT BE TROUT!

[PLAYING CALLIOPE]

[SOUTHERN ACCENT]
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME ONCE AGAIN
TO THE FINAL SHOWING

OF THE CIRCUS
OF DR. LAO.

TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO
PRESENT TO YOU WHAT THEY CALL--

IF I MAY REVERT
TO THE LANGUAGE OF FRANCE--

AS THE PIECE
DE RESISTANCE.

IN THE WORDS
OF THE PHILOSOPHER MENCIUS,

YOU AIN'T SEEN
NOTHIN' YET!

HA HA! YOU CAN
SAY THAT AGAIN, DOC!

[LAUGHTER]

[GASP]

I'M SORRY.

HELLO.

YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND ME
OF SOMEONE.

OH?

MM-HMM.

A WOMAN I KNOW.

HER NAME'S
ANGELA BENEDICT.

SAME HEIGHT, SAME WEIGHT,
SAME GENERAL FEATURES.

EVER MEET HER?

NO, NO, BUT I'VE
HEARD OF HER.

SHE'S...
SUPPOSED TO BE

A MOST UNPLEASANT
PERSON.

UH, NO!

UH, NOW...

WHOEVER TOLD YOU THAT?
IT'S A LIE.

ANGELA'S, UH...

[SIGH]

WELL, YOU SEE, ANGELA
HAS GOT A PROBLEM.

WHAT KIND OF
A PROBLEM?

THE WORST KIND--
SAME AS MINE--

LONELINESS.

OH...

MM-HMM. IT'S JUST ABOUT
THE WORST THING

THAT CAN HAPPEN
TO A PERSON.

YOU SEE, PEOPLE THINK
THAT ANGELA'S HARD.

PEOPLE THINK SHE'S COLD,
BUT LET ME TELL YOU--

SHE ISN'T HARD,
AND SHE ISN'T COLD.

SHE'S SOFT...

AND WARM.

ONLY SHE'S AFRAID
TO LET ANYONE KNOW.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS
VERY ODD TO ME.

NO, IT ISN'T ODD
AT ALL.

THAT'S WHAT I'M
TRYING TO TELL YOU.

LONELINESS
CAN DO THAT.

THEN...

OF COURSE, IT ISN'T
ANY OF MY BUSINESS, BUT...

WHY DON'T YOU AND THIS
PERSON BECOME FRIENDS?

I MEAN, IF YOU--
YOU'RE BOTH LONELY AND--

SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME.
AND BESIDES,

IT DOESN'T MAKE
ANY DIFFERENCE NOW.

THE TOWN WE LIVE IN

WILL BE DESERTED
IN A FEW WEEKS.

ED?

WELL, THEY HAVEN'T
DECIDED YET, HAVE THEY?

LET'S PRETEND
THEY HAVEN'T.

I'M VERY PLEASED
TO MEET YOU,

MISS, UH--

CALL ME ANGELA.

ANGELA.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL
NAME.

Apollonius: YOU WERE
BORN WITH A GREAT LOVE

FOR HUMANITY,
CLINTON STARK,

BUT THIS LOVE SOON
TURNED TO BITTERNESS

AND CONTEMPT. WHY?

IT'S BECAUSE
IN ALL YOUR YEARS,

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
ABLE TO UNDERSTAND

THAT PERFECTION EXISTS
ONLY AS AN IDEAL.

WHO'S INTERESTED
IN IDEALS?

GET THE MONEY.
THAT'S WHAT COUNTS.

HOLD IT OUT
TO THE PEOPLE.

THEY'LL GRAB AT IT.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.

THERE'S NOTHING
IN BETWEEN.

OH, BUT THERE IS.
LIFE IS SHARING.

YOU BEGAN WITH AN EXTREME
NOTION OF MAN'S GOOD,

HIS STRENGTH,
AND HIS NOBILITY.

YOU ENDED WITH ANOTHER
EXTREME EQUALLY FALSE--

THE NOTION OF MAN'S EVIL,

HIS WEAKNESS
AND HIS IGNOBILITY.

NOW YOU'RE INVOLVED
IN PROVING THAT POINT.

AND PROVING IT
PRETTY WELL, I'D SAY.

IF YOU BELIEVED THAT,

YOU WOULDN'T NEED
TO REASSURE YOURSELF EVERY DAY.

LOOK AT YOU NOW,

GLOATING OVER A VICTORY
WHICH IS A DEFEAT--

A DEFEAT FOR ALL THE IDEALS
YOU ONCE HELD SACRED.

THEY'LL VOTE
TO SELL.

AND THEN WHAT
HAVE YOU SHOWN

BUT YOUR OWN GREED

AND YOUR OWN SICK HUNGER
FOR SELF-DESTRUCTION?

IF THE PEOPLE SELL
THEIR TOWN TO YOU,

YOU WILL REALIZE
AN EXTENSIVE PROFIT

BECAUSE YOU ALONE KNOW
THAT A RAILROAD

IS PLANNED FOR THIS AREA
WITHIN THE YEAR.

HOW DID YOU FIND OUT
ABOUT THAT?

I AM APOLLONIUS
OF TYANA.

DID YOU TELL ANYONE?

THAT WOULD HAVE
THE EFFECT

OF ALTERING
THE FUTURE, MR. STARK.

5 CENTS, PLEASE.

AM I GOING TO WIN?

YES.

WHAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT

IS HOW HE MANAGED TO GET
SO MUCH INTO THIS TENT.

SEEMS TO BE BIGGER
ON THE INSIDE

THAN IT IS
ON THE OUTSIDE.

DR. LAO IS
A REMARKABLE MAN.

Dr. Lao: PEANUTS! PEANUTS!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

HEY! HEY!

HOW SOON'S THE SHOW
GOING TO START?

ALMOST INSTANTER.

HOW MUCH
ARE PEANUTS?

ONE PENNY.

I'LL TAKE A BAG.

OUT OF A NICKEL.

PASS THAT UP, PLEASE.
PEANUTS! POPCORN!

Man: HOW MUCH IS
THE POPCORN?

WHAT'S THAT?

HOW MUCH IS
THE POPCORN?

POPCORN'S FREE.

[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]

Dr. Lao: AND NOW
ON WITH THE SHOW!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHTER]

[GRUNTING]

[SNAKE HISSING]

AAH!

AAH!

[SNORING]

[PLAYING FLUTE]

[APPLAUSE]

RIDE 'EM, SONNY!
RIDE 'EM!

HA HA!
RIDE 'EM, SONNY!

[LAUGHTER]

OH!

OH! HA HA!

FOR ME? OH! HA HA!

OH, THANK YOU.
WHAT A NICE MAN.

A REAL GENTLEMAN.

HA HA HA!

[AUDIENCE GASPING
AND WHISPERING]

Man: HE'S BLIND.

HE CAN'T SEE.

HA HA HA!

OH.

NOW, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,

THE SPECTACLE
YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR--

THE FALL OF THE CITY.

[EXAGGERATED CHINESE ACCENT]
OOH, I ALMOST FORGOT!

EXCUSE VERY MUCH!
EXCUSE!

OOH, I ALMOST FORGOT...

MY PET!

[LAUGHTER]

LOCH NESS MONSTER,
EXCUSE!

[RASPBERRY]

EXCUSE VERY MUCH.
EXCUSE PLEASE.

[LAUGHTER]

[NORMAL VOICE]
THE FALL OF THE CITY.

THE CITY'S NAME
WAS WALDERKAN.

IT EXISTED BEYOND THE EDGE
OF THE WORLD

SOME YEARS BEFORE
THE BEGINNING OF HISTORY.

THERE ARE NO RECORDS
OF WALDERKAN,

NO ARTIFACTS,
NO DESCENDANTS OF ITS PEOPLE.

IN FACT,
THERE IS NO REAL PROOF

THAT THERE EVER WAS
SUCH A PLACE.

YET IT WAS
AS REAL AS PAIN.

CITIZENS OF ABALONE,
I GIVE YOU...

WALDERKAN!

IT WAS A SMALL CITY,
A HUMBLE CITY.

ITS PEOPLE HAD LITTLE
IN THE WAY OF WORLDLY GOODS,

AND THIS LITTLE MADE
FOR THEMSELVES BY THEMSELVES

OR EUCHRED
FROM THE STUBBORN SOIL

OR PLUCKED FROM THE COLD
AND CAPRICIOUS HEART OF THE SEA.

YET THE WALDERKANESE
WERE CONTENT,

FOR IN THE GOODS OF THE SPIRIT
THEY WERE RICH.

FOR THEM IT WAS ENOUGH
TO PARTAKE OF CREATION

AND TO GIVE THANKS
UNTO THEIR GOD--

ENOUGH AND MORE.

THEN ONE DAY A STRANGER APPEARED
IN WALDERKAN,

AND HE SAID
TO THE PEOPLE...

Stark's voice:
NOT ENOUGH!

YOU ARE POOR
WHEN YOU COULD BE RICH.

YOU EAT OF HUMBLE FARE
WHEN YOU COULD FEAST!

YOU SCRATCH AT THE GROUND,
AND THE GROUND MOCKS YOU!

YOU PRAY TO YOUR GOD,
AND HE LAUGHS AT YOU!

FOOLS!

BEGONE FROM
THIS BLIGHTED PLACE!

FOOLS!

[WALDERKANESE
ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

FOOLS! FOOLS!

Dr. Lao: AND SUDDENLY
PEOPLE WERE NOT CONTENT.

THEY LISTENED
TO THE STRANGER

AND SOLD THEIR SOULS
FOR PIECES OF SILVER.

THEN A FEARFUL THING
HAPPENED.

THE GOD OF ALL LIFE LOOKED DOWN
UPON THE PEOPLE OF WALDERKAN

AND WAS DISPLEASED,
AND HE SAID,

"TREASURES I HAVE GIVEN THEE
BEYOND COMPARE,

"YET THOU DIDST
SPURN THEM

AND FOR A HANDFUL OF SILVER
SOLD THY SOUL."

AND BECAUSE
HE HAD BEEN ANGERED,

GOD POINTED HIS FINGER

AND VISITED UPON THE CITY
OF WALDERKAN

THE GREATEST PLAGUE
OF ALL--

OBLIVION.

[THUNDER]

[AUDIENCE GASPING
AND SCREAMING]

[RUMBLING AND EXPLODING]

[WALDERKANESE SCREAMING]

HA HA HA!

[WHIMPERS]

TIME HAS COME...

WHEN WE MUST DECIDE WHETHER
TO ACCEPT MR. STARK'S TERMS,

BUT BEFORE THE FINAL VOTE
IS TAKEN,

I'D LIKE TO SAY...

WELL, I'D SIMPLY LIKE
TO SAY...

LET YOUR CONSCIENCE
BE YOUR GUIDE.

WOULD A SHOW OF HANDS
BE SATISFACTORY, MR. STARK?

MMM.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF ACCEPTING
MR. STARK'S PROPOSAL,

RAISE YOUR HANDS.

I--I SAID
THOSE IN FAVOR

OF ACCEPTING
MR. STARK'S PROPOSAL.

THOSE--THOSE AGAINST?

CITIZENS OF ABALONE,

I'VE LOST.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IT'S THE KIND OF LOSS...

I'VE WISHED FOR
A LONG TIME.

SO I GUESS
I'VE REALLY WON.

I THINK
YOU OUGHT TO KNOW

THE RAILROAD'S
COMING THROUGH ABALONE...

[PEOPLE TALKING]

WHICH MEANS MONEY
FOR YOU.

BUT YOU'VE GAINED SOMETHING
MORE THAN MONEY, MY FRIENDS.

SO HAVE I.

HOW IT HAPPENED...

I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW.

SOMEHOW I THINK WE ALL OWE
A DEBT OF GRATITUDE

TO AN OLD CHINESE FAKER
NAMED LAO.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHIMES]

DUST STORM!

WELL, GOOD NIGHT!

GOOD NIGHT, TIM!
GOOD NIGHT!

ISN'T IT A BEAUTIFUL
NIGHT, ANGELA?

OH, YES,
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

[ANGELA COUGHING]

IT'S GETTING WORSE!

OH, YOU'D BETTER
STAY AWHILE, ED.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OH, WONDERFUL.
I WOKE UP,

AND I FOUND OUT
SOMETHING.

CARE TO TELL ME,
ANGELA?

OH, JUST THAT THERE'S
MUSIC IN THE AIR

AND THAT I'M A LIAR
AND WORSE.

I'M IN LOVE.

[HORSES WHINNYING]

[DRUNKENLY] DIDN'T
I SAY HE'S A HYPNOTIST?

WHO?

THAT OLD CHINESE FAKER.

THE WAY I FIGURE IT,
HE'S GOT EVERYBODY HYPNOTIZED.

DIRTY FOREIGNER.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

I NEED MORE REDEYE
AND FAST!

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HAPPENED TO THE BOSS?

HE TURNED YELLOW,
THAT'S WHAT...

AND I'M THROUGH
WITH HIM!

YOU HEAR ME? THROUGH!

HEY, CAREY,
YOU KNOW...

YOU KNOW,
I--I THINK WE OUGHT

TO PAY THAT LITTLE
BALDY A VISIT.

YEAH. SHAKE HIM UP
A LITTLE.

YOU'LL SEE HOW FAST
THEM PEOPLE

COME TO THEIR SENSES.

WE'LL SHOW THEM
WHO'S BOSS!

WHAT ABOUT
THE STORM?

WHO'S AFRAID OF
AN ITTY-BITTY STORM?

[DOOR CLOSES]

[HORSES WHINNY]

CAREY, HOW COME THE TENT
DON'T BLOW DOWN?

HE'S GOT IT
HYPNOTIZED, TOO!

HE'S GOT EVERYTHING
HYPNOTIZED

EXCEPT US!

HA HA HA!

LET'S GO!

HA HA HA!

HEY, BALDY,
WHERE ARE YOU? HA HA!

COME ON OUT,
YOU OLD CHINESE FAKER!

[LAUGHING]

HEY, CAREY,
HAVE A LOOK.

LUCAS! LUCAS!

Lucas: HEY, CAREY!

LOOKEE,
HERE'S OUR FRIEND!

COME HERE!

HA HA HA!

[BUBBLING]

[LAUGHING]

CAREY,
FINISH HIM OFF!

[GUNSHOT]

DR. LAO, OPEN UP!
DR. LAO, HURRY!

DR. LAO,
PLEASE OPEN UP!

DR. LAO,
PLEASE HURRY!

DR. LAO, IT'S
MR. STARK'S MEN!

THEY'RE WRECKING
YOUR CIRCUS!

THEY JUST LET
YOUR PET OUT!

LOCH NESS MONSTER
OUT OF TANK?

[GUNSHOTS]

OOH! HELP! HELP!
WAIT! WAIT!

OOH! OOH!

OOH!

OK, MIKE! OOH!

MY PIPE. MY PIPE!

LET'S GO!

OVER THERE!

[MONSTER ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

BE CAREFUL!

DR. LAO!

PLEASE! PLEASE!

All heads: GET OUT!
GET OUT!

GET OUT OF TOWN!
GO! GO! GO!

GET OUT! HA HA!
GET OUT!

AAH!

[MONSTER ROARING]

DR. LAO!

DR. LAO, DUCK! HE'S
GOING TO EAT YOU!

OOH!

OH, MY PIPE!
MY PIPE!

[FIREWORKS WHISTLING]

[THUNDER]

DR. LAO! DR. LAO!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I GUESS SO.

MY GLASSES.

MY GLASSES.

MY GLASSES.

HERE ARE
MY GLASSES.

[MONSTER WHIMPERING]

MY PET!

MY PET!
HA HA! OOH!

OH, I GOT HIM!
OH, I GOT HIM!

OH! HA HA HA!

I GOT HIM!
I GOT HIM! OK!

THAT'S SHOW BIZ!

HA HA!
COME ON, MIKE.

HUH! THE CIRCUS
IS GONE.

MIKE, I WANT YOU
TO TELL THE TRUTH.

HONEST, MOM, I SAW IT
WITH MY OWN EYES.

IT WAS BIGGER
THAN A BUILDING.

IT CHASED THEM
OUT OF TOWN,

AND IT WAS GOING TO
EAT UP DR. LAO,

BUT I LIT THE MACHINE,
AND IT EXPLODED,

AND THEN IT BEGAN
TO RAIN--

THIS BELONGS
TO LUCAS.

I RECOGNIZE IT.

YOU SEE? NOW YOU
BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?

I BELIEVE SOMETHING
MIGHTY FISHY'S BEEN GOING ON

THE PAST COUPLE DAYS.
I BELIEVE THAT.

THERE THEY ARE.

MICHAEL! MIKE,
COME BACK HERE!

MIKE,
COME BACK HERE!

DR. LAO! DR. LAO!
WAIT FOR ME!

MIKE! MICHAEL!

COME BACK!

WAIT FOR ME, DR. LAO!
WAIT FOR ME!

COME BACK, MIKE!

WAIT FOR ME,
DR. LAO!

[FLUTE PLAYING]

I WONDER WHERE
HE CAME FROM.

OR WHERE HE'S GOING.

OR IF HE WAS EVER HERE
AT ALL.

[DOG BARKING]

I CAN DO IT!

YOU SEE, DR. LAO?
I CAN DO IT!

LOOK, DR. LAO!
WATCH ME!

[EMOTIONALLY]
I CAN DO IT!

Dr. Lao: MIKE,
THE WHOLE WORLD IS A CIRCUS

IF YOU LOOK AT IT
THE RIGHT WAY.

EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP
A HANDFUL OF DUST

AND SEE NOT THE DUST,
BUT A MYSTERY,

A MARVEL THERE
IN YOUR HAND;

EVERY TIME YOU STOP
AND THINK, "I'M ALIVE,

AND BEING ALIVE
IS FANTASTIC"--

EVERY TIME SUCH A THING
HAPPENS, MIKE,

YOU ARE PART
OF THE CIRCUS OF DR. LAO.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--