All language subtitles for All in the Family - S02E08 - The Blockbuster

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ those were the days ♪

♪ and you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ girls were girls
and men were men ♪

♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

♪ gee, our old
lasalle ran great ♪

♪ those were the days ♪♪

Ooh, I've never been
so cold in my life.

Ma, what's taking daddy
so long? I'm freezing.

Archie, did you fix
the furnace yet?

Long ago, Edith.

But I'm staying down here
because I love the cellar.

Oh, I see. Dingbat.

Gloria, pass the toast. Here.

Have some more coffee. It'll
take the chill off your bones.

Thanks, ma. Why does the furnace
only break down on sundays?

Your father made
up a joke about that.

He said, "we got a
religious oil burner.

It never works on Sunday."

When your father told me, I
thought I'd never stop laughing.

Well, I think I got
the damn thing fixed.

We should have some heat up
here in a few minutes. Oh, good.

Yeah, but a funny thing hit
me when I was down there.

We got a religious oil burner.

It don't work sundays.

I just told them
that joke, Archie.

Oh, thank you.

I'll get it.

Wait a minute. Hold your
horses there, meathead.

Don't be grabbin' seconds
till other people get firsts.

- Who was that?
- Someone delivering these leaflets.

Oh. What does it say?

It says, "would you
like to sell your house?

"The Chester byrd real estate
agency is prepared to offer you...

"A substantial profit on your
original purchase price if you'll act now.

If interested, call
Mr. Byrd at 877..."

Let me see that there
leaflet. "Chester byrd..."

"Substantial profit." They got
them words underlined here.

Hey, who would want to pay
a lot of money for this house?

Are you kiddin'? They don't
build homes like this nowadays.

This house is constructed way better
than the new ones you see around today.

So are the pyramids, but
who'd want to live there?

You would if they'd
let you in for nothin'.

Daddy, you still haven't
answered Michael's question:

Who would want
to buy this house?

Lots of people, little
girl. Oh, I don't know, Archie.

Oh, all right, Edith. I
ain't sayin' everybody.

After all, one man's goose
is another man's gander.

All I'm saying is...

That somewhere there's a man
for who this house is perfect.

What if he lives in Japan?

Then he loses out, Edith.

But, daddy, why would you want to
sell? Your mortgage is almost paid up.

Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.

Certainly it makes sense.

I bought this house 20
years ago for $14,000.

The way prices are goin' up, maybe I could
turn it over today for 21,000, maybe 22.

Yeah, but, Archie, wherever you move
in New York is gonna cost you that much.

So who says we gotta
live in New York? Maybe

we could live someplace
cheaper, cost less.

Like where? Oh, use
your imagination, will ya?

There's plenty of places.
Out west, for example.

You got a little
elbow room out there.

A man can move along the mountaintops
without people pushin' and shovin'.

Where you don't seldom
hear no discouraging word.

He means California.

That's right, California. Hey,
Edith, just for the fun of it,

run upstairs and get that box.

Oh, yeah. What box is that?

Their travel folders. Every
winter when daddy gets cold,

they sit and dream about moving out
west, but they never get out the box.

Out of the box. Well, listen, someday
I might just surprise you, little girl.

"Chester byrd real estate."

This looks like a legitimate
reality company here... Chester byrd.

You know, I think I'm just gonna
call this guy up, see what's goin' on.

You're wasting your time. Boy,
talk about acting out your fantasies.

Aw, button up, youse two. What's
the harm in callin' the guy, huh?

Just to see what he
says. There we are.

Here's the box, Archie.

All right, Edith.
I'm on the line here.

Hello. Uh, Chester
byrd? Oh, this is Mr. Byrd.

This is Archie bunker
of 704 hauser street,

my residence from
which I'm calling you here.

And I just found a
leaflet at my door,

and the words "substantial
profit" caught my eye.

I was wondering what that
would come to in dollars and cents.

Not on the phone? Ah.

Oh, you could come
over? Oh, sure. Sure.

You can come on over. Why not?

Yeah, fine. Okay. Bye.

Ah. Never make a move, huh?

Well, Mr. Chester byrd, whose
office is just up here on the boulevard,

will be around in three minutes.

Edith, what are you
sticking in my spine?

You wanted the box.

Can't you just leave
it over there? Sure.

Archie, you'd really
leave New York?

I might. After all, why not, huh?
What's the big attraction here?

The weather out there,
which is always "louzay."

Edith, read some of
them pamphlets there.

"Come to the land
of milk and honey."

Yeah, California. No,
Archie. That's Israel.

Oh, here it is.

"California... the
land of sunshine."

Yeah, sunshine and clean air.

Archie's cousin
Rudy lives out there.

Bertha's boy. In El monte.

El monte. Oh, don't
that sound pretty?

Just imagine... he
says in the morning...

You can reach your hand
out the bedroom window...

And pick an orange off the tree.

You done that in New York,
you get your hand mugged.

Come on, Archie. California's
just as bad as New York.

Oh, listen to our world
traveler over here.

Never been west of
the Chicago stockyards,

but now he's a
regular Marco Polish.

Funny, arch. That's funny.

I suppose it wouldn't be nice to live in a
neighborhood where you go for a walk...

Without fearing to take
your life in your hands.

Oh, come on, arch. What
are you talkin' about?

You can't run away.
There's no hiding place.

Oh, yes there is...
Safe city. Safe city?

That's right. Safe city,
California. Right here.

Where the minorities don't
outnumber the majorities.

Look what they got here.
TV monitors in all the lobbies.

They got... they got
special locks all over.

They got armed guards around the clock
and a 12-foot wall around the whole place.

It's beautiful. He's gonna
move to San Quentin.

No. Santa Monica.

Right on the ocean.

"Just off the centinela exit
of the Santa Monica freeway."

Oh, my, don't that
sound romantic?

The centinela exit of
the Santa Monica freeway.

Sounds a whole lot
better than flushing.

Or the gawanus canal.

Which if you threw a stick into
it, it wouldn't splash, it bends.

Daddy, what would
you do about a job?

Yeah, that's right, arch. I hear they're
laying off lots of men in California.

- Things are pretty bad there.
- They ain't bad for everybody.

Come on, arch. I've heard
you say it a hundred times.

You'd never move out
of this neighborhood.

You never even go anywhere
when you have a vacation.

Oh, we did once. Archie
took me to Atlantic city.

Sure. I'm willing to travel.

We had to come home,
though, after only two days.

Because you said you couldn't
use a strange bathroom.

Will you stifle yourself?

We came home early because
you went crazy in the ocean.

Your mother, instead of staying with me
there in the water, holdin' onto the rope,

she turns over on her back
and goes floatin' out to sea.

Like mopey dick.

The great white dingbat.

I'm a good floater.
Stifle yourself!

There he is. There he is.
There's Chester byrd now.

Don't do anything,
Edith. Youse two sit there

like you don't care
about nothin', right?

Edith, don't open the door
yet. Let me get into the kitchen...

'Cause I don't want him to think i'm
too anxious about anything, see?

When I'm in here, you open
the door. Go ahead now.

Oh. Mrs. Bunker? Chester
byrd, Chester byrd real estate.

How do you do? Won't
you come in? Thank you.

Let me take your coat. My
husband is in the kitchen.

Archie, Mr. Byrd is here.

Oh, is he? Say, would you
like a nice soft drink, Mr. Byrd?

Or would you prefer
somethin' hard? Soft will be fine.

Pour yourself a hard one, arch.

Won't you sit down, Mr. Byrd?

You know, I get a real homey
feeling here. A real welcome feeling.

Oh, I'm very glad you do.

Here we are. A little light refreshments
in order before we start to talk...

Thank you, Mr. Bunker.
You're colored.

Gee, arch, we didn't
think you'd notice.

You didn't sound
colored on the phone.

I used a white telephone.

Well, shall we get down
to business? Well, uh...

Wait a minute. Hold it.
Hold everything here.

The telephone.

Hello.

Oh, it's you, mcnab.
What do you want?

You saw who comin' in?

Listen, mcnab, don't give me... hey,
mcnab, keep your shirt on, will ya?

No, I ain't... I...

I ain't gonna "ell-say" the
"ouse-hay" to no "Ade-spay."

Just calm down, will ya? I'll talk
to you about it later. Good-bye.

Well, uh, Mr. Byrd,

all I got to say to you
is... thanks for droppin' by.

Wait a minute, Mr. Bunker. I
came to talk about your house.

Well, uh, I just made up my
mind that I-I ain't gonna sell it.

Oh? Has something happened
to color your decision?

Now, wait a minute. Color
ain't got nothin' to do with it.

See, I just don't want
to sell you my house,

and that's all there is
to it, Mr. Blackbird... byrd.

My decision is, uh...
My decision is final,

and you ain't got enough
money to change my mind...

So there's no sense in
you wastin' your time.

Well, it's my time. Yeah, well,
after all, I can throw figures at you,

but then you ain't
got the money to pay.

Try me. What do
you have to lose?

Well, if that's the only way you'll take
a no, all right. I'll throw figures at you.

I could say... I could
say, what, uh, $35,000.

"Old-say." huh?

Sold.

I don't believe it!
$35,000 for this house?

Uh, Mr. Byrd, what my son-in-law
means is that for all we know...

This house could maybe
be worth a lot more.

Would you sit down
there, Michael, please?

Don't get me wrong, Mr. Byrd. $35,000
is pretty good as a startin' figure.

Oh, come on, Mr. Bunker. Let's
be up front with each other.

Your house is only worth
$35,000 to me. I'll tell you why.

You see, it's just that black people
can't get into neighborhoods like this.

Now, there are a lot of houses
just like yours on the block.

So if you don't want to sell, i'm
sure one of your neighbors will.

After that, when a few
more black families move in,

your house is gonna be
worth less... a lot less.

Blockbuster! What?

Archie, this guy's a
blockbuster! Oh, will you sit down!

He buys one or two houses at a top
price and gets the rest at rock bottom.

It's free enterprise,
boy, and I'm a business man.

Yeah! It's a rotten business!
Archie, don't you see?

He buys homes from whites and then
takes advantage of his own people...

By selling to them for two or
three times what a house is worth.

You know, Mr. Bunker, your
son-in-law reminds me of my kid brother.

Head in the clouds. No idea what
it takes to get along in the world.

Meathead, huh? Exactly.

Archie, don't you see what
he's doing? Will you sit down!

But, Archie... well, what
do you say, Mr. Bunker?

Do we have a deal at 35? I've
got the papers right here.

Yes. Right there. Good.

That'll be just fine.
Edith, get away from me.

Here's a pen. Archie.

Owww!

What are you doing to my
arm? I gotta speak to you, Archie.

Mr. Byrd, I'd like to talk
to my husband for a minute.

Is that all right?
Go right ahead.

What is the matter with you? Archie, I
don't think we should sell the house.

What? For $35,000?

But I'm not sure I want
to move to California.

$35,000. $35,000!
Archie, I don't...

We may never get a
chance like this again, Edith.

And listen, it ain't just the
money. You'll love it out there.

Just imagine yourself
all year long...

Runnin' around with just a
blouse and a pair of pants.

But you don't like
me in pants, Archie.

Out there I'll
like you in pants.

But we're rushing
into it, Archie.

Can't we sit down and talk it
over? No! I wanna make this deal!

No! Mr. Byrd, Edith!

We would like to sit down
and talk this over as a family.

Is that all right?
Sure. I understand.

I'll sit in my car until
you're ready. Oh, thank you.

Wait a minute there,
Mr. Byrd. Uh, listen.

Don't worry about this here. You
and me is gonna do business. Good. Good.

Oh, and by the way, when you come back,
this door ain't such a good idea comin' in.

If you could... sure. Sure.

I understand. I'll go around
to the... to the back door?

Yeah. Because, you know,
these nosy neighbors,

watchin' everything
on the street, see?

Sure. I understand. All
right. I'll see you, Mr. Bunker.

Yeah. When you sit in your
car, keep your head down, huh?

Archie... don't argue with me,
nobody! I'm gonna make this deal, $35,000.

Call Rudy in California.
On the phone?

No, Edith. Open up the window
and holler. Get him on the phone.

Archie, how can you
sell to a blockbuster?

Daddy, think of what you're
doing to those poor black families.

What is the matter with you
two bleedin' heart liberals?

See what I'm doin'? I'm givin' a family of
deservin' coloreds a chance to move...

Into a decent neighborhood,
away from their own kind.

And youse two
here are fightin' me.

Yeah, that's right. 'Cause it's
your pocketbook that's talkin'.

You couldn't care less
about helpin' blacks.

- Archie, it's ringin'.
- The two of youse,
just butt out of this thing.

And, Edith, no more arguments out of you.
Give me the phone. All of youse, dummy up.

Hello. Rudy? Hey, this is
cousin Archie in New York.

Yeah. How are you? Hey,
how's the weather out there?

Oh, 85 degrees? Oh, beautiful!

Hey, Rudy, the reason I called is, I
got a chance today to sell the house.

Yeah, sure. Maybe I'll
make 20,000 profit or more.

Pretty good, huh? Hey, listen.

If I close the deal, sell
the house and get the cash,

and if I can come out there
to California, could you...

Huh? You what? You could?

Oh, geez! Oh, boy, that's great!

Hey, Rudy, you're a
peach. Wait till I tell Edith.

Hey, listen. I'll call you back. I'm
gonna close the deal any minute.

You hang around by the
phone, huh? Okay, Rudy. Bye.

Now that clinches it. Not only has
Rudy got a job waitin' for me out there,

but he's gonna let
us all stay in his

beautiful home till we
find a place of our own.

But, Archie, I thought we
were gonna talk it over.

What else is there
to talk over, Edith?

What kind of job
are you gonna get?

It ain't a job, it's a position.
Rudy owns a factory out there.

- Practically offered me
a partnership just now.
- Daddy, why should he do that?

Cousin Rudy's almost a stranger.
He's never even been to the house.

'Cause he's been out in
California makin' a fortune.

He's a smart young guy. Edith, tell
'em about Rudy. Where the hell are ya?

What are you doin' over here?
We're talkin' about California there.

I'm just lookin' where we
used to measure Gloria.

Here she is at eleven, and
here she is at two. Remember?

Will you stop swingin'
down memory Lane!

These things don't mean nothin'.
We got a new future waitin' for us.

Get away from the closet
here. Where you goin' now?

I'm gonna miss these stairs.

Remember how
beautiful Gloria looked...

The day of her wedding,
coming down those steps?

And how do you feel goin' up and
down them steps all day long, Edith?

In California, you ain't
gonna have to do that.

Everything's on one level. They
ain't got a flight of stairs in the state.

What about all our
things? What about it, Edith?

Look at it. It's all crummy. We're
gonna sell the whole lot here.

All except my own chair here,
which is kind of a one-of-a-kind chair.

Edith, don't start bawling now.

I can't help it, Archie.
I'm used to this house.

And now I'll have to go
to someplace strange...

And get used to everything new.

And wear pants!

Will you explain your mother
to me? There she goes bawlin'.

Five minutes ago, she's reachin'
out the window for oranges.

You'd never understand it.
Oh, hi, Lionel. Hey. How's it goin'?

Hiya, Lionel. Come on in. I
got some big news for you.

You're gonna have some new
friends. Some coloreds are movin' in.

No! Where? Right
here in this house.

They're gonna move in with you?

Oh, not that, Lionel. I mean they're
gonna move here after I leave.

I'm gonna sell
'em the house. Oh.

You wouldn't happen to be
selling to a Mr. Byrd, would you?

You know the guy?
Yeah, I know him.

He's what we call
an oreo cookie.

An oreo cookie?

Yeah. You know, black on the
outside, white on the inside.

Oh. Yeah.

I'm glad you like him. I thought
he was a decent guy too.

Yeah, I figured you would.

Excuse me, Lionel. There
he is. I'm off to California.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
You goin' to California? Yeah.

Oh, you ain't gonna be
happy there. Why not?

Well, California's right
next door to watts.

Archie, Mr. Byrd is here.

Oh, here we are. Welcome back,
Mr. Byrd. Are you ready to sign?

I certainly am. Good, good. I
have the papers right here.

Let's close this deal. Archie,
before you sign, can I say something?

Aw, make it fast,
will you, Edith?

Archie, I'm your wife, and I've
always done what you wanted...

Even when you were
wrong, like now.

Whatever you do,
I'll go along with you.

You're gonna love it, Edith.

But I'm not leavin' my
five-quart casserole...

No matter what you say!

Give me the contract and
the pen. Where do I sign?

- Right here.
- Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?

Is that Bertha over there?
Hiya, Bertha! Come on in! Archie!

Come on over there and sit down.
Hey, Edith, come and see who's here.

Hey, did you get the news
from Rudy in California?

I just got off the phone with
him, and I ran all the way over here.

Cousin Bertha, how are you?

Oh, Edith. I know he never would've
done it without your support.

Thank you. Is Rudy happy
I'm comin' out to California?

Happy? He's delirious.

Oh, I tell you, he
just said last week,

if he could only get ahold of $20,000,
he could get his head above water.

I tell you, Archie, he's been
sinkin', goin' down for the third time.

Well, you remember my boy
Rudy... nothin' worked for him here.

Well, the same thing out there.
Every time he opens a business,

his first customer
is the sheriff.

Bankruptcy. And his own brother
wouldn't even loan him a dime.

His uncle George, worth a fortune,
wouldn't even come to the phone.

Oh, Archie,

you're givin' him another
chance with your $20,000.

Oh, Archie, I can just see
it... the two of you together.

You'll be the father
he's always needed.

I've gotta go, Archie.

Honest, Rudy is so excited, he
can't wait till you get out there.

He's getting the garage
all fixed up for you to live in.

Well, Mr. Bunker,
shall we get on with it?

Well, Mr. Byrd, I think before
we get any deeper in this,

I'd better consider my
wife's feelings a little more.

But I just heard her say she
was willing to go along with you.

Yeah, but then we
got... my son-in-law here.

He don't adjust too
easy. He can't be moved.

Mr. Bunker, you're wasting
my time. Is it yes or no? No.

Well, I'll just have to talk
with some of your neighbors.

I don't think that's gonna do you any good,
Mr. Byrd. They ain't gonna sell to you.

I think you'll find that all of my
neighbors is just about like me.

They're all just like you, huh?

That's what i'm
countin' on. Bye.

Oh, I don't like the sound of
that. Archie, where are you goin'?

Oh, the meathead was right.
That guy is a "blackbuster."

I want you to call all the
neighbors. Tell them I'm comin' over.

I'm startin' with Jimmy mcnab.
That money-hungry Mick.

He'd sell his own
mother for $35,000.

So would most of the
people on this here block.

There's not a one of them with
enough strength of character...

To stand up to
that guy like I done.

I've never been
this hot in my life.

Oh, boy, Archie, what's
with that furnace?

Aw, nuts to you. Can't you see me
workin' on the thermostat here?

Well, hurry it up. I'm
sweatin' my brains out here.

You done that when
you was in diapers.

Aw, geez!

Well, there it goes!

It's your fault for complainin'
about the heat around here.

Now I'm gonna have to get
a service man in tomorrow.

It's gonna cost
me an arm and a leg.

Here we are.
This'll cool us off.

Ice-cold lemonade. There.

Ain't this nice?
Just like California.

Will you please stifle yourself?

All in the family was recorded
on tape before a live audience.