Original subtitles

Hawkeye: All of them. Every last one.

Inconsiderate, gamma-faced glutton-head...

(woman screams)

(woman screams on tv)

Next time, knock. What do you want?

What do I want?

I wanted pickles!

Now? I just want some answers.

(woman screams on tv)

Can only deal with one girly scream at a time.

(in high pitched voice) girly?

(clears throat)

You overgrown garbage disposal!

How do you know it was me?

Aw, come on!

(burps) (sniffs)

There it is.

Pickle juice. I can smell it.

(scoffs) big mouth for a small head.

Fine, yeah, I ate your stupid pickles.

(groans) cry about it outside.

Hey, I remember these.

What are you doing?

Gotta say, there really is nothing like a little glass unicorn

To show off your soft side, hulkie.

(woman screams)

Get away from that!

Get away from what... Ah!

(grunts)

Whoa!

(beeping)

I said back away!

That is it! I've had enough of your...

Huh?

(rumbling)

(glass shatters) (groans)

(echoing) scabby!

(whimpers)

(growls)

(chuckles nervously) you know what? Just forget the pickles.

(screams)

(roaring)

(hulk roaring)

(screams)

(roaring)

Ugh. Again?

Your turn, captain hall monitor.

(panting)

(grunts)

(shrieks)

Come on, give me a break!

Stop moving, and I will!

(growls)

All right, look, you jade temper tantrum,

This was totally your fault.

Your arrow. Your bad.

Hulk, hawkeye... Do you know what time it is?

Time to smash!

He's bent out of shape over one of his stupid glass animals that fell.

You... You didn't...

Hawkeye, did you mess with the zoo?

No. The zoo?

You got a death wish, hawkeye?

Me? What about the pickles?

(annunciating) pickles!

Alien 1: Are you recording this? Alien 2: Indeed.

He's every bit as savage

As mojo said he would be.

Have we found my star attraction?

Alien 1: He is occupied.

Engaged in a... What is the word?

"stand-off"?

Oh, of course. A classic.

Like an american cowboy.

Now, be good underlings

And bring me the hulk.

Accidents happen, hulk. I'm sure hawkeye feels bad about it.

I like watching him shake.

Take a step. I dare you.

I wouldn't do that. He didn't mean it, hulk.

Dare me?

Hulk: You dare me?

Stand down, hulk.

(growls)

Hawkeye: Whoa! Hulk: Bet you're sorry now!

Now? Now I'm glad your glass doll is broken.

Doll?

Enough's enough, guys.

This is embarrassing.

Alien 1: I can't get a clear shot.

Take 'em both.

(whirring)

No, let him sweat, tin...

Oh, that's just great.

Now what?

(hulk grunts)

(hawkeye straining)

Get off me, you rage-filled, crystal-collecting...

Uh, hulk?

I don't think we landed in a new york street.

Alien 2: This isn't right.

Ah, I see.

We have received a parasitic life-form in error.

A bonus indeed.

Mojo: Ladies, gentlemen, others.

Look what I've brought you.

Wait... "special guest"?

(grunts)

(cameras clicking)

(yelling) whoa!

(grunts)

A gladiatorial arena?

Can't I ever be transported to some island paradise?

Or a ski slope? Or...

(monster roars)

(audience cheering)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Down, boy! Down, boy!

Whoa! Hey!

A little help here, hulk? (monster screeches)

Mojo: From arena 6c,

Aboard the mojo ensign class warp-ship,

It's mojo-pocalypse!

Tonight's combatants...

Earth's emerald giant,

The incredible, the insatiable hulk!

And a human hitch-hiking parasite that shoots sharp sticks!

This guy!

And finally,

Reigning mojo-pocalypse champion,

Torgo!

What are you waiting for, hulk?

An apology.

Apologize? To you?

You threw me out a window!

Huh.

Happy? (panting)

Hulk?

Mojo: The mighty... Nay,

The indestructible hulk

Felled by a single punch?

Now that's good cookin'.

Let's hear it for him.

Torgo!

(cheering)

(chanting) torgo! Torgo!

Now let's see how this, uh,

Hand-picked human place holder

Fares against your 10-time tournament champion

And all-around crusher.

Me?

Mojo: Who gives you the best in cosmic entertainment?

Audience: (chanting) mojo! Mojo!

I can't hear you!

(audience cheering) torgo make quick.

Not the kind of pickle I wanted.

Torgo make bang-bang!

Not on hawkeye, he doesn't.

(groans)

Who's in charge here?

Mojo: I sent you to earth,

The most unruly planet in the galaxy,

And this is what I get?

Torgo needs a worthy challenger!

Who's this yellow-haired flesh bag?

He's messing with my show.

Teleport green meanie

Back in there before I fall asleep

Watching this yawn-fest.

And bring me seven buckets of krill.

Mojo hungers. Go!

(groans)

And look who's back wanting more!

The inescapable hulk.

(powering up)

We're on the verge of a nasty comeback,

And I can only get 5.2 billion to watch?

It's the sports event of a lifetime.

The whole universe should be tuned in!

(grunts)

Here's metal in your eye!

(grunts)

Torgo bless you with one...

Two!

Torgo smash!

Hulk: That's my line!

(grunts)

Huh?

(whistles) nice double, hulk.

Home run.

Mojo: Total knock-out?

(cackles)

Mojo: Hulk is the new champion!

(bell dings)

Hate paparazzi.

You may be the champion of the arena,

But I'm the undefeated master of public opinion.

(squeals)

What does an audience adore even more than a champion or an underdog?

A rematch!

(coughs)

(hulk grunts)

Torgo say night-night, green-green.

Come on, green-green. Up and at 'em.

(groans)

What happened?

Torgo made bang-bang.

(growls)

(groaning)

I thought you were mojo's bff warrior lapdog.

What is this? A trick?

No. Torgo prisoner, like you.

Mojo biggest galactic fight promoter.

Go from galaxy to galaxy big-talking next bout.

With each fight, mojo grow powerful.

Torgo learn bouts are fake.

Winner picked before each fight.

Torgo winner, all time.

Torgo make bang-bang,

Mojo no cancel torgo home.

Cancel home?

What do you mean, destroy your planet?

Yeah. Great boom-boom.

This torgo's story.

This torgo's apology.

You're apologizing? To us?

Well, there's something I don't hear every day.

Haven't forgotten about you.

We're not through.

Oh, so we're back to our regularly-scheduled program?

Don't worry, pickle puss. You'll be back to your old doll collection shortly.

Not doll! Don't call it doll.

Humans. (sighs)

Doomed.

Audience: (chanting) mojo! Mojo!

Thank you! Thank...

Silence!

Can we get on with it? I'm hungry...

(moans)

(gulps)

...Uh, to give you tonight's fight.

(burps)

Mojo: Hailing from planet earth,

The green machine...

Hulk! (audience cheering)

And friend. (crickets chirping)

Are those space crickets?

They're not here for you.

(audience cheers)

What? I got charisma.

(cheering)

(cameras clicking)

(roars)

(roars)

Mojo: Derby of demise!

Round two.

No, no, no. Hold up, hulk!

Torgo's not the bad guy here.

Wait it out and try... (both groaning)

(all groan)

That's right, sports fans!

We've got ourselves a good old

"derby of demise."

The rules are simple.

There are none!

The last alien standing lives.

What are we dealing with, torgo?

Fight. Fight all.

Win for home.

Torgo sorry.

Can I fight him now?

Uh, okay.

Anything you wanna say to me before whatever happens here?

No. You?

You are really stubborn, you know that?

(monster shrieking) uh...

And angry!

I like when you're angry.

Let's get this over with.

(warrior roars)

(grunts)

(hulk roars)

(grunts)

(snarls)

(grunts) (growls)

(hulk growls)

(grunts)

Whoa!

(cackles)

Mojo: Yes! Rocket punch!

(cheering)

(torgo grunts)

(cheering wildly)

Good fight.

(yelling)

(cackles)

Now torgo bless...

Huh?

Huh?

(groans)

(all gasp and groan)

Hawkeye: Sorry, torgo. Hulk's a pal.

I'll be okay.

Stop mojo. Win.

Mojo: Uh-uh!

There are still two combatants standing.

Us? Versus each other?

Forget it, mojo.

We only fight over pickles.

They want to flex their muscle.

I'll flex mine.

You forfeit?

Sick of all your games

And all your chins.

Good one.

I've decided not to renew your contract, gentlemen.

You've been canceled.

Ta-ta for now.

Wait!

(hawkeye screams)

Wait, before you... (groans)

And where did you two go, exactly?

Hawkeye: Wherever it was,

It just came here.

(aliens screeching)

What is this?

Oh, an intergalactic fight promoter

Who wants to destroy the planet.

You know, the usual.

(creatures shrieking)

Now this is my kind of sport!

Have at thee, monsters!

(grunts)

We all know mine's good, but hey, hulk,

How's your aim?

Actually, on second thought,

This may be a really bad idea.

Nah. Best idea you've had all day.

Hey, I'm sorry for eating your pickles.

Thank you! I'm sorry too...

Wait, why are you saying this now?

Just in case.

(hawkeye yells)

(grunts) hulk!

See you inside!

Mojo: Tonight! Torgo the tenacious

Takes on not one,

But six of the nastiest brawlers

That planet earth has to offer!

Including the rematch you've all been waiting for...

The hulk!

Clash of the brash!

Available now on pay-for-view. Only 70 billion fractin.

I am awesome!

But can you do something about that fourth chin?

(hulk roars)

Never let it be said you don't know how to make an entrance.

(screeching) underlings! How dare you run?

I swear, people have no work ethic these days.

But why beat on me when you can get beaten on?

Torgo, make bang-bang!

(mojo squeals)

Torgo had enough.

(mojo screams)

(torgo groans)

So many cancellations today.

(hulk groans)

Guess I'll have to find a new fall lineup.

(hawkeye grunts)

I'm sorry!

You're just not popular enough to star in your own vehicle, uh...

What's your name? (arrow whizzes)

(crashing)

The name's hawkeye.

This is the part where you come quietly, wire-for-brains.

Or what? More violence?

You earthers love to fight.

Over every trivial thing!

"hulk ate my green crunchies!"

"stick-shooter broke my crystal animal!"

Everything is a fight!

And I'm the bad guy?

(hawkeye yells)

(hawkeye grunts)

Thanks for having my back.

Enough talk. More smash.

You gotta be kidding.

Talk about a design flaw.

Who puts an exposed control panel

On the bottom of their hover chair?

(screams)

Hulk?

(chuckles nervously)

Well, that's our show.

Good fight

And good night, everybody.

Man, I really hate teleporters.

Torgo: Torgo take ship and return fighters home.

Then have bounty placed on mojo.

Time that mojo go big-boom.

Uh, I like that plan.

Let us know if you need a hand when you find him.

We avengers love to avenge.

Look, hulk. Mojo said a lot of dumb stuff,

But one thing made sense.

You and me make mountains out of molehills, and,

You know, the whole thing with the crystal in your room.

All of that?

I'm sorry.

(grunts) already apologized.

I know. Just...

Wanted it to be sincere.

We're good.

(hawkeye grunts)

(groans)

(yawns) huh? What the...

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Ah, that big green galoot!

I didn't know he had it in him.

Perfect, I'm starving.

Empty? (grunts)

Empty. Empty?

(hawkeye growls)

What?

"I.O.U. 15 boxes of pickles.

"got hungry."

Hawkeye: (screams) hulk!

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