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1
00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:03,432
[ominous music]
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,920
Lana: Ugh, I'm tired
of being out here.
3
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:08,555
I wanna go home.
4
00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:11,170
Eww, Earth?
In space we can do whatever
5
00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:13,930
the hell we want with
basically no responsibilities.
6
00:00:14,018 --> 00:00:16,058
Kind of my point.
Maybe I'm ready to start
7
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:19,225
having a real life instead
of being stuck here with your ass.
8
00:00:19,313 --> 00:00:22,141
Shh, my ass might hear you,
and it's very sensitive.
9
00:00:22,234 --> 00:00:24,813
- Of course, you know that.
- Not engaging.
10
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:27,181
I'm just saying, maybe
it's time to hang this all up and...
11
00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:30,389
Ugh, is this about
your aching uterus again?
12
00:00:30,477 --> 00:00:32,123
Okay, who said anything
about...
13
00:00:32,211 --> 00:00:34,373
Well, we haven't talked
about settling down but...
14
00:00:34,461 --> 00:00:36,039
- Nope.
- Key word "settling."
15
00:00:36,127 --> 00:00:37,295
I'm down with going to Earth.
16
00:00:37,383 --> 00:00:39,354
I could use some fresh faces
to bang.
17
00:00:39,442 --> 00:00:43,895
And our bar stock is so low,
I may have to resort to beer.
18
00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:45,340
Has everyone gone crazy?
19
00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:48,261
We're on the final frontier
and you want to go back
20
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:51,174
to doing day jobs
and gravity-laden sex?
21
00:00:51,262 --> 00:00:53,362
- Not my first preference.
- I vote with Archer.
22
00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:56,044
- Robots don't get a vote.
- I prefer "synthetic human."
23
00:00:56,132 --> 00:00:57,177
[overlapping chatter]
24
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,721
No one gets to vote.
I'm the captain.
25
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,799
Co-captain.
And as the other co-captain,
26
00:01:02,887 --> 00:01:04,823
I am setting a course
for Earth.
27
00:01:04,911 --> 00:01:09,059
No, Lana, I will not let you
hyperspace us to Boring-town.
28
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:10,872
[grunting]
29
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,732
Lana: [grunts]
Archer: What the... ow!
30
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,010
Pam: Holy spacesnacks!
31
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,708
Lana: It's a Dri'n
battle cruiser.
32
00:01:19,809 --> 00:01:21,792
And somehow
it hasn't noticed us.
33
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,344
No, we're too close
34
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,128
for its long-range scanners
to pick us up.
35
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,088
Great, let's just loop
around this bad boy
36
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,292
and hyperspace somewhere
that is not Earth.
37
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,729
If we can destroy it,
we will
38
00:01:30,817 --> 00:01:32,794
cripple pirate activity
in this sector.
39
00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:33,971
Who cares?
40
00:01:34,059 --> 00:01:36,571
And collect a
30 million credit bounty
41
00:01:36,659 --> 00:01:39,081
- for taking it out.
- As I was saying,
42
00:01:39,169 --> 00:01:43,367
who cares about combatting
space piracy more than me?
43
00:01:43,455 --> 00:01:44,619
Exactly.
44
00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:48,330
The very reasonable reward
is just icing on the cake.
45
00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:50,477
Guys, as captain
of this ship...
46
00:01:50,565 --> 00:01:51,430
Co-captain.
47
00:01:51,518 --> 00:01:53,438
I am making
an executive decision.
48
00:01:53,526 --> 00:01:55,516
We're taking out
that Dri'n bastard.
49
00:01:55,604 --> 00:01:57,133
Like I already
executively decided.
50
00:01:57,221 --> 00:01:59,821
Hands in.
"Space cowboys" on three.
51
00:01:59,909 --> 00:02:01,682
One, two...
52
00:02:04,605 --> 00:02:06,694
What the hell are you doing?
53
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,843
[main title theme]
54
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:16,120
[♪♪]
55
00:02:38,727 --> 00:02:40,674
*ARCHER (2009)*
Season 10 Episode 07
56
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,399
*ARCHER (2009)*
Episode Title :"1999: Space Pirates"
57
00:02:50,195 --> 00:02:51,499
Archer:
Okay, here's the plan:
58
00:02:51,587 --> 00:02:53,669
After we board the ship,
knock out a couple
59
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,976
of Dri'n guards, and then...
You'll love this...
60
00:02:56,064 --> 00:02:58,538
- Put on their clothes...
- Not to be a buzzkill,
61
00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:01,186
but you think there'll reallybe
a plus-sized pirate on board?
62
00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:04,226
- Ugh, this is a horrible plan.
- I'm not finished.
63
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:06,591
Pam, you'll be our "prisoner."
64
00:03:06,679 --> 00:03:08,435
- Sweet!
- Lucky.
65
00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:10,958
- Still a horrible plan.
- Let me finish!
66
00:03:11,046 --> 00:03:14,585
We'll infiltrate the ship
disguised as Dri'n guards.
67
00:03:15,874 --> 00:03:17,427
That's it.
That's the whole plan.
68
00:03:17,515 --> 00:03:18,609
This is not a plan.
69
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,038
This is the plot
of several famous films.
70
00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:22,834
Well, why do you think
they're famous, Lana?
71
00:03:22,921 --> 00:03:24,786
We'll need Ray
to get us some explosives.
72
00:03:24,874 --> 00:03:26,655
He's taking a sick day.
73
00:03:26,742 --> 00:03:27,836
- Of course he is.
- We get those?
74
00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:30,146
It's a miracle we don't
crash into the sun
75
00:03:30,234 --> 00:03:34,288
with all you Sick Day Cyrils
and Personal Day Pams.
76
00:03:34,376 --> 00:03:37,296
It is a pretty generous
package if you use it right.
77
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,399
- Space phrasing.
- Well,
78
00:03:38,547 --> 00:03:40,005
where am I supposed
to get explosives?
79
00:03:40,093 --> 00:03:42,820
"Thermite" be something
I can do to help.
80
00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,543
Referencing
thermite explosives.
81
00:03:45,631 --> 00:03:47,825
[all groan]
I did not enjoy that.
82
00:03:47,913 --> 00:03:49,317
Does this thing havean
off switch?
83
00:03:49,383 --> 00:03:50,940
Aww, I have feelings.
84
00:03:51,027 --> 00:03:53,114
Volume control?
Anything?
85
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:55,216
Then we'll plant the thermite
all over the ship
86
00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:57,528
and hola explosivo.
87
00:03:57,616 --> 00:03:59,957
- I'm confused.
- It's Spanish, Pam.
88
00:04:00,045 --> 00:04:02,090
No, how will we get the
"Seamus" out of here
89
00:04:02,178 --> 00:04:03,520
without us pinging
their scanners?
90
00:04:03,608 --> 00:04:05,184
That's where Cyril
and Carol come in.
91
00:04:05,272 --> 00:04:07,942
You two will disable
the radar system on board.
92
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,981
- Whoo-hoo!
- Please don't.
93
00:04:10,069 --> 00:04:11,895
I can disable
the radar system!
94
00:04:11,983 --> 00:04:14,207
Can you disable yourself?
95
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,090
Beep, bop, boop.
Ya burnt.
96
00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:17,285
Why not Krieger?
97
00:04:17,373 --> 00:04:19,309
I mean, he's qualified
even if he is a replicant.
98
00:04:19,397 --> 00:04:20,965
Thank you, Lana,
but I like to think
99
00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:22,848
I'm more of a Repli-can.
100
00:04:22,936 --> 00:04:24,668
[all groan]
No bots.
101
00:04:24,756 --> 00:04:26,483
Mother, you stay
and run comms.
102
00:04:26,571 --> 00:04:27,647
Stay here?
103
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,645
With the liquor?
Well, if you insist.
104
00:04:30,733 --> 00:04:33,530
Space cowboys, let's ride!
[triumphant music]
105
00:04:33,618 --> 00:04:36,598
Lana: Would you stop trying
to make "space cowboys" stick?
106
00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:38,192
It isn't.
Fine, Lana.
107
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,082
You stay here and
be the world-weary
108
00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:42,512
space saloon/brothel madam.
109
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,856
I wanna be
a brothel madam!
110
00:04:43,944 --> 00:04:45,270
Ooh, I...
I could be the banker
111
00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:46,285
and wear one of those
green visors.
112
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,928
Everybody stop
making this stick!
113
00:04:49,092 --> 00:04:51,270
And if anything,
I would be co-sheriff.
114
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,309
That's not a thing.
115
00:04:52,397 --> 00:04:53,568
The whole thing's
not a thing!
116
00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:55,426
Whoa, space cowboys.
117
00:04:55,514 --> 00:04:57,809
- What is it now, Krieger?
- I've got helpful gadgets!
118
00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:59,434
Like these voice changers!
119
00:04:59,522 --> 00:05:01,382
The Dri'n tongue is a beast,
you know.
120
00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:04,350
Fine, but honestly, Krieger,
this is all a little thirsty.
121
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,059
- Like Lana's ovaries.
- Not engaging.
122
00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:09,783
Doesn't someone need
to be proposing
123
00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:11,670
before you're engaging?
124
00:05:11,872 --> 00:05:13,215
- Not en...
- [laughs]
125
00:05:13,303 --> 00:05:15,484
She totally
disarmed your phrase.
126
00:05:15,571 --> 00:05:17,051
So what's our plan
when these shitty
127
00:05:17,139 --> 00:05:18,182
voice changers
don't work?
128
00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:19,833
- Krieger: I can hear you.
- Well, I picked up
129
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,746
some phrases
banging a pirate or two.
130
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:23,756
Here's how to say,
"Faster, harder."
131
00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:25,192
Because that'll come
in handy.
132
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,322
[ugly guttural sounds]
133
00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:30,586
Now you try it.
[all grunting]
134
00:05:30,858 --> 00:05:34,145
No, it's more like...
You know the sound you make
135
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,754
after letting out a fart
you've been holding in all day?
136
00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:38,637
Oh, please.
You've never held in a fart
137
00:05:38,725 --> 00:05:40,959
- in your life.
- Tough but fair.
138
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,043
Lana: Like now, Pam.
Now would have been
139
00:05:44,131 --> 00:05:45,161
a great time to hold it in.
140
00:05:45,248 --> 00:05:48,631
Pam: [grunting in Dri'n]
141
00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:51,699
Archer: [laughs]
I have... I have no idea
142
00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:53,935
what she said,
but it just sounds funny.
143
00:05:54,023 --> 00:05:55,035
[metal crashing]
144
00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:56,777
Lana: Jesus, Cyril,
watch the landing.
145
00:05:56,865 --> 00:05:58,284
You gotta slide it
in there gently.
146
00:05:58,372 --> 00:05:59,902
Pam: [grunting]
147
00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:01,254
[muffled bang]
148
00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:02,957
You are a terrible pilot.
149
00:06:03,045 --> 00:06:05,387
You put me on a job
that's not my specialty.
150
00:06:05,475 --> 00:06:07,780
- That's bad captaining.
- Cocaptaining.
151
00:06:07,873 --> 00:06:10,043
- Oh, now you share the credit?
- Fine.
152
00:06:10,131 --> 00:06:13,012
I should have assigned Cyril
to his specialty of, uh...
153
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,621
What is your specialty again?
Space accounting?
154
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,122
You're putting "space"
in front of it
155
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:18,714
to make it extra silly,
but it's actually
156
00:06:18,802 --> 00:06:20,941
really an important part
of running a ship.
157
00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:24,576
[pirates grunting]
158
00:06:25,232 --> 00:06:26,625
That was quick.
159
00:06:34,837 --> 00:06:38,449
[speaking Dri'n]
160
00:06:38,537 --> 00:06:41,997
- He's asking...
- [gunfire]
161
00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:43,489
[bodies thud]
162
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:47,685
[sighs]
He was just asking
163
00:06:47,773 --> 00:06:49,856
where we got these
human costumes, but...
164
00:06:50,091 --> 00:06:51,904
Oh, thank God
you're here, Cyril.
165
00:06:51,992 --> 00:06:53,505
You're so quick on the draw.
166
00:06:53,593 --> 00:06:55,356
My blaster got stuck
in its holster.
167
00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:57,055
- I can help with that.
- Stop it!
168
00:06:57,143 --> 00:06:59,247
Unwanted advance
in the workplace.
169
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,778
Take it up with
the Dri'n pirate HR.
170
00:07:02,286 --> 00:07:04,950
Get those uniforms on and
put in your voice changers.
171
00:07:05,038 --> 00:07:06,333
More pirates will be coming.
172
00:07:06,421 --> 00:07:07,763
On my tits.
What?
173
00:07:07,851 --> 00:07:09,244
Do you even have tits?
174
00:07:09,427 --> 00:07:10,864
They're retractable.
175
00:07:12,184 --> 00:07:15,106
[sighs]
Now, where is that mainframe?
176
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,177
This ship has zero Feng Shui.
177
00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:18,276
[door hisses]
178
00:07:18,364 --> 00:07:19,646
Whoa.
179
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,474
There's gotta be a switch
to get a laser bridge
180
00:07:22,562 --> 00:07:23,731
or something.
181
00:07:23,935 --> 00:07:26,427
Why people build
dangerous ravines
182
00:07:26,515 --> 00:07:28,091
in spaceships is beyond me.
183
00:07:28,288 --> 00:07:30,669
[hollering]
184
00:07:31,085 --> 00:07:34,091
[gasping]
You gotta warn me next time!
185
00:07:34,179 --> 00:07:36,919
We almost... and that hook
is not secure!
186
00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:39,130
How do you even know
the mainframe is on this side?
187
00:07:39,218 --> 00:07:40,271
Oh, I don't.
188
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,201
I just find terror
kind of hot, you know?
189
00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:43,507
I do not know.
190
00:07:43,595 --> 00:07:45,646
Not to mention the woman
swinging the man across
191
00:07:45,734 --> 00:07:47,950
- is totally...
- [yelling] emasculating!
192
00:07:48,038 --> 00:07:49,518
Shit balls!
193
00:07:51,462 --> 00:07:52,981
Guys, remember, place them
194
00:07:53,069 --> 00:07:55,544
on the structural beams
for maximum impact.
195
00:07:55,632 --> 00:07:58,021
I need more.
I'm missing a testicle.
196
00:07:58,109 --> 00:08:00,388
- What the hell are you doing?
- What's the big deal?
197
00:08:00,476 --> 00:08:02,200
It's thermite;
throw it anywhere,
198
00:08:02,288 --> 00:08:03,373
it's gonna blow up the ship.
199
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,070
I'm not letting you
waste thermite.
200
00:08:05,158 --> 00:08:06,911
Give me the thermite.
201
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,614
- God damn it, Archer.
- [laughing] Uh-oh.
202
00:08:09,729 --> 00:08:12,958
It was an accident.
Yeah, it was flirty horseplay.
203
00:08:13,046 --> 00:08:15,372
- These aren't toys.
- Your boobs?
204
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,560
- Because I beg to differ.
- It's stuck.
205
00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:19,958
Krieger, how do you peel off
these thermite charges?
206
00:08:20,074 --> 00:08:21,732
- Krieger: Oh, no worries there.
- Oh, good.
207
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,577
Krieger: It's a super polymer.
Can't be removed or disarmed.
208
00:08:24,665 --> 00:08:27,798
I thought they would peel
off like air fresheners.
209
00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:30,766
They look like air fresheners.
Just take your shirt off, then.
210
00:08:30,854 --> 00:08:33,334
I'm not wearing a shirt
or bra under this.
211
00:08:33,422 --> 00:08:35,356
- Oh, I noticed.
- We all noticed.
212
00:08:35,444 --> 00:08:36,544
Is it for the pirates?
213
00:08:36,632 --> 00:08:39,388
Because they do not make
good husbands, Lana.
214
00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:42,099
I am not trying
to get a pirate husband.
215
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,880
This ship has no AC
and pirate garb isn't exactly...
216
00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:46,060
Oh, shit.
217
00:08:46,148 --> 00:08:48,622
[all speaking Dri'n]
218
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:56,489
Hey!
[both laughing]
219
00:08:58,421 --> 00:09:00,403
Huh, it actually worked.
220
00:09:00,629 --> 00:09:02,851
Almost like Krieger knows
what he was doing.
221
00:09:02,939 --> 00:09:05,771
I'm sorry, Lana.
He'll never be a space cowboy.
222
00:09:05,859 --> 00:09:08,753
Now, let's blow up this ship...
Without blowing my tits off.
223
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,756
Give me one more.
I need to finish my testicle.
224
00:09:10,844 --> 00:09:12,935
- Here.
- Seriously?
225
00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:15,114
Guys, even for me
this is getting childish.
226
00:09:15,202 --> 00:09:16,552
Malory:
Don't mention children.
227
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,599
Lana will smear her mascara.
228
00:09:18,687 --> 00:09:21,951
Eavesdropping and lobbing
insults is not running comms.
229
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,443
I knew I should have
done the assigning,
230
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,068
because everyone you picked
is spectacularly wrong
231
00:09:26,156 --> 00:09:27,286
for the job.
232
00:09:27,374 --> 00:09:28,936
Cyril: See, this is what
I'm talking about.
233
00:09:29,023 --> 00:09:30,456
Why would they put
the mainframe
234
00:09:30,544 --> 00:09:31,940
right next door
to the mess?
235
00:09:32,028 --> 00:09:33,724
The heat would be
hellon the data core.
236
00:09:33,812 --> 00:09:34,959
What, did you read that
in your
237
00:09:35,046 --> 00:09:36,613
spaceship architecture
magazine?
238
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,466
You mean
"Starchitectural Digest"?
239
00:09:38,554 --> 00:09:40,497
Yes. Shall we get to work?
240
00:09:40,943 --> 00:09:42,640
[panels beeping]
241
00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:44,251
Um...
242
00:09:44,357 --> 00:09:46,614
do you know
how to disable a radar system?
243
00:09:46,702 --> 00:09:47,703
[scoffs]
No.
244
00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:49,341
Is this another
"fear is hot" thing,
245
00:09:49,429 --> 00:09:50,343
or do you really not know?
246
00:09:50,431 --> 00:09:51,653
Because I sure don't.
247
00:09:51,747 --> 00:09:54,208
- Ugh, bad captaining!
- Archer: [laughs]
248
00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:55,880
Mission accomplished.
249
00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:58,317
How long should we set
the timers for?
250
00:09:58,405 --> 00:10:00,006
All right, let's see.
Uh, Cyril and Cheryl
251
00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,703
have to disarm the radar;
we all have to get
252
00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:03,706
to the hatch; and I haveto
strip this pirate suit off
253
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:05,145
so the bomb
won't blowmy tits off.
254
00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:06,253
And Archer's baby-maker!
255
00:10:06,341 --> 00:10:07,667
Don't... don't say
"baby," Pam,
256
00:10:07,755 --> 00:10:09,460
because you know...
[grunts]
257
00:10:09,547 --> 00:10:11,378
- [groans]
- Shit!
258
00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:13,060
You set them off!
How much time we got?
259
00:10:13,148 --> 00:10:14,995
- Shit, 11 minutes.
- Jesus!
260
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:16,424
Couldn't you have kicked
a higher number?
261
00:10:16,512 --> 00:10:18,815
[coughs]
Or, you know, not at all?
262
00:10:18,903 --> 00:10:21,599
- We gotta run.
- Yeah, not much of a runner.
263
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,472
Okay, guys, listen up.
We have 11 minutes
264
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,565
to get our asses off this
ship before it explodes.
265
00:10:25,653 --> 00:10:28,206
Oh, God.
If you find terror hot,
266
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,989
I must be gorgeous
to you right now.
267
00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:31,873
- Yeah.
- No, stop!
268
00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:34,061
- I shouldn't even be here!
- I should have been the one
269
00:10:34,148 --> 00:10:36,097
kicking back on the "Seamus"
running comms!
270
00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:39,020
For your information,
I've got my hands full.
271
00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:40,357
Cyril: Full of what,
gin and tonics?
272
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:42,058
I don't know
what you're talking about.
273
00:10:42,145 --> 00:10:43,480
Cyril: We can hear
the ice clinking.
274
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:45,505
No, that's space static.
275
00:10:45,647 --> 00:10:47,370
Must be sun spots.
276
00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,487
We need you
to connect us with Ray.
277
00:10:49,575 --> 00:10:51,807
- He's on a sick day!
- Cyril: We're going to blow up
278
00:10:51,894 --> 00:10:53,044
in 11 minutes.
279
00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:54,597
Archer: Closer to ten.
- [sighs]
280
00:10:54,685 --> 00:10:57,589
Hold, please.
Ray?
281
00:10:57,677 --> 00:10:58,724
[peaceful music]
282
00:10:58,812 --> 00:11:00,350
Cyril: Ray, thank God.
We need your help.
283
00:11:00,437 --> 00:11:02,044
Yeah, kind of in the middle
of something.
284
00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:04,888
Malory: Ray our surgery pod
is not designed
285
00:11:04,976 --> 00:11:06,427
for recreational use.
286
00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:09,432
- This is a medical procedure.
- Malory: Scented candles?
287
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,583
Is it a crime to want
to brighten up my colonoscopy?
288
00:11:12,746 --> 00:11:14,417
- I think not.
- Malory: You said
289
00:11:14,505 --> 00:11:15,614
it wasn't recreational!
290
00:11:15,702 --> 00:11:17,919
Colorectal cancer's
serious business.
291
00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:20,323
You should be checked
every 10 years after 50.
292
00:11:20,411 --> 00:11:21,878
Ugh, how old are you?
293
00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:24,018
Ray: Or if you have
atypical symptoms,
294
00:11:24,106 --> 00:11:25,745
like a change
in bowel habits.
295
00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:27,456
Speaking of which,
we're in the bowels
296
00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:29,495
- of an enemy battle cruiser!
- I'll be wearing
297
00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:32,893
my colorectal blue ribbon
that says, "I got tested."
298
00:11:32,981 --> 00:11:35,511
Tomorrow, after my sick day.
Which you're interrupting.
299
00:11:35,599 --> 00:11:37,847
Cheryl: Ugh, we need you
to walk us through disabling
300
00:11:37,935 --> 00:11:40,334
a giant spaceship
radar system thingy.
301
00:11:40,421 --> 00:11:42,895
But my crisis vest
is on Deck 2.
302
00:11:44,919 --> 00:11:46,216
- Cyril: Ray!
- Fine.
303
00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:48,370
Let old Ray just interrupt
his prescribed
304
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,386
lifesaving medical test
to call up
305
00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:53,738
alien battle cruiser
schematicson his sick day.
306
00:11:54,153 --> 00:11:56,245
Don't suppose you have
a ship model number?
307
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:57,927
Cyril: We're inside the ship,
so no.
308
00:11:58,015 --> 00:11:59,054
And kind of in a hurry!
309
00:11:59,142 --> 00:12:00,657
Do you see
a blinking green light?
310
00:12:00,745 --> 00:12:03,052
[overlapping beeps]
311
00:12:03,313 --> 00:12:04,932
- We're dead.
- [sighs]
312
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,417
Don't you just crave
its sweet release?
313
00:12:07,505 --> 00:12:11,573
Okay, sending you
the disarming protocols... now.
314
00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:13,214
Thanks, Ray,
you're a lifesaver.
315
00:12:13,302 --> 00:12:15,526
You're...
God damn it, Ray.
316
00:12:15,614 --> 00:12:16,979
Is this a picture
of your colon?
317
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,354
- Aww.
- Sorry.
318
00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:20,919
This wine might be mixing
with my propofol.
319
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:22,557
I do see why this is addictive.
320
00:12:22,645 --> 00:12:24,167
Cyril: We only have
eight minutes!
321
00:12:24,255 --> 00:12:26,284
Don't get your panties
in a bunch.
322
00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:27,800
[keys tapping]
323
00:12:27,888 --> 00:12:29,778
Also, do you see any polyps?
324
00:12:29,907 --> 00:12:31,604
Lana, how is it possible
325
00:12:31,692 --> 00:12:33,581
you wanna give
all this up for diapers?
326
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,354
I don't know,
maybe because I don't need
327
00:12:35,442 --> 00:12:36,682
to play two-bit space cowboy
328
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,497
just because I'm scared
of commitment.
329
00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:41,020
How dare you speak precisely
the truth at me.
330
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,847
Hey, guys!
Wait up!
331
00:12:42,935 --> 00:12:44,097
You used to be fun.
332
00:12:44,185 --> 00:12:45,573
Now you want
to do not-fun stuff
333
00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:46,979
like settling down.
334
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,901
Well, I got news
for you, sister.
335
00:12:48,989 --> 00:12:50,737
Don't say that, ever.
336
00:12:50,825 --> 00:12:54,182
- Settling is for potato chips.
- Oh, God, Archer.
337
00:12:54,270 --> 00:12:56,753
Will you stop treating me
like some baby-crazy cliché
338
00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:58,331
of maternal desire?
[gasps]
339
00:12:58,419 --> 00:13:00,903
[cats mewing]
340
00:13:01,935 --> 00:13:03,800
Aww, look at them!
341
00:13:03,888 --> 00:13:05,432
Oh, come on, Lana.
342
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,878
[gasps]
Space ocelots.
343
00:13:07,966 --> 00:13:09,761
Actually,
they're called "grimalkians."
344
00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:11,284
Shut your mouth, Pam.
345
00:13:11,372 --> 00:13:14,167
That is a goddamn
space ocelot.
346
00:13:15,536 --> 00:13:17,487
- Ah, son of a bitch.
- [laughs]
347
00:13:17,575 --> 00:13:20,073
- You're a real natural.
- I've seen these before.
348
00:13:20,161 --> 00:13:22,276
A shithead ex of
minehad one as a pet.
349
00:13:22,364 --> 00:13:24,528
- I think they're endangered.
- No doubt the Dri'n
350
00:13:24,616 --> 00:13:26,513
stole them to sell their fur
to illegal traders.
351
00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:29,589
Yeah, this ex was an
illegal trader, so that all tracks.
352
00:13:29,677 --> 00:13:31,815
Shit, we've only got
seven minutes
353
00:13:31,903 --> 00:13:35,284
to get off this death star...
Lowercase "D," lowercase "S"...
354
00:13:35,372 --> 00:13:38,776
And back to the "Seamus" beforewe
explode in a million pieces.
355
00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:40,932
No, we can't blow up
the ship with them on board.
356
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,807
- They'll go extinct.
- I'll watch anything
357
00:13:42,895 --> 00:13:44,268
that asshole loved burn.
358
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:46,864
[baby talk] Just look
how adorable they are.
359
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,807
Ow!
[laughs]
360
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,753
Guys, look at this! They love me!
361
00:13:51,841 --> 00:13:53,425
It's like I'm their king!
362
00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:56,833
[siren blaring,
pirates grunting]
363
00:13:57,005 --> 00:13:59,286
Uh, Cyril, Cheryl?
Did you guys...
364
00:13:59,374 --> 00:14:02,112
Fail spectacularly at the
one task you were given?
365
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,886
Cyril: You said turn off
the radar.
366
00:14:03,974 --> 00:14:05,823
You didn't say anything
about an alarm!
367
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,815
It was clearly implied.
368
00:14:07,903 --> 00:14:09,597
[baby voice] Yes, it was. Wasn't it?
369
00:14:09,692 --> 00:14:10,833
Yes, it was.
370
00:14:10,921 --> 00:14:12,063
[alarm blaring]
371
00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:18,387
[alarm blaring]
372
00:14:18,475 --> 00:14:20,477
[speaking Dri'n]
373
00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:22,721
All clear.
No intruders in here.
374
00:14:22,809 --> 00:14:24,055
Oh, shit, is that English?
375
00:14:24,143 --> 00:14:25,914
He's the intruder
you're looking for!
376
00:14:26,024 --> 00:14:27,608
Aww, balls.
Mine's broken too.
377
00:14:27,704 --> 00:14:29,445
[pirates grunting]
378
00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:31,345
Hey, screw you for that.
379
00:14:31,441 --> 00:14:33,530
Girl's gotta
self-preserve, dude.
380
00:14:33,618 --> 00:14:34,507
[gunshots]
381
00:14:34,595 --> 00:14:37,569
Okay, so now we need
to rescue Cyril and Cheryl...
382
00:14:37,672 --> 00:14:40,177
Yeah, that's great,
but we have another rescue first.
383
00:14:40,265 --> 00:14:42,053
- What?
- The space ocelots, Pam.
384
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,991
We've got six minutes,
385
00:14:44,079 --> 00:14:45,280
so let's start with the...
386
00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:47,674
[baby talk]
widdle baby furballs.
387
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:48,968
Oh, mother...
388
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,850
Is not what you should be,
389
00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:53,463
because these things
do not like you.
390
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:55,944
It is a hilarious twist
of fate.
391
00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:57,552
[grimalkians meowing]
392
00:14:57,678 --> 00:14:59,905
Holy hell, those little
twerps are quick.
393
00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:01,725
Oh, well.
Let's get out of here.
394
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,757
- What the...
- [meows]
395
00:15:03,845 --> 00:15:06,587
- Aww, he likes you.
- Um, no, Lana.
396
00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:08,280
He loves me.
397
00:15:08,368 --> 00:15:09,848
This guy is so cool.
398
00:15:09,936 --> 00:15:11,663
Here, Lana, get a picture.
399
00:15:11,751 --> 00:15:14,058
Just kick the little
shit offand let's roll!
400
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,257
We're buds!
401
00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:18,437
I'm a bad ass space cowboy,
and he's my deputy!
402
00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:20,460
[baby talk] Don't you wanna
jump on my shoulder
403
00:15:20,548 --> 00:15:22,054
and be my widdle deputy?
404
00:15:22,142 --> 00:15:24,296
I'm a co-space cowboy.
405
00:15:24,384 --> 00:15:27,850
Wow, jealousy isan
ugly color on you, Lana.
406
00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:30,460
Something's wrong
with this blaster!
407
00:15:30,814 --> 00:15:31,850
[grunts]
408
00:15:31,938 --> 00:15:33,811
Have you tried
opening your eyes?
409
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,236
- [grunts]
- Yes!
410
00:15:35,324 --> 00:15:37,749
They actually are open!
For real!
411
00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:40,666
[grunts]
412
00:15:40,769 --> 00:15:43,132
Guess that's not a factor
anyway.
413
00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:45,468
[speaking Dri'n]
414
00:15:45,556 --> 00:15:47,171
Where's the fire, brother?
415
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:50,444
Oh, shit, was that English?
[grunts]
416
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,778
Why'd you even open
your big mouth, Archer?
417
00:15:52,866 --> 00:15:54,280
He was running right
by us.
418
00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:56,605
I think the better question
is, why do we even have
419
00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:59,083
a ship robot
if he can't even make
420
00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:01,616
his stupid robot
gadgets work?
421
00:16:02,486 --> 00:16:04,903
- We're cut off!
- My circulation is cut off.
422
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,704
The grip on this thingis unreal.
423
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:09,202
Look at this!
He's eating this shit up.
424
00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:11,132
[both grunt]
425
00:16:11,229 --> 00:16:12,983
Come on, little buddy.
426
00:16:13,071 --> 00:16:15,595
Let's go in the fun tunnel.
427
00:16:16,096 --> 00:16:17,460
- Pam?
- Nah.
428
00:16:17,548 --> 00:16:19,796
I don't do tight spaces
I'm not familiar with.
429
00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:21,255
Just go.
I'll hold them off
430
00:16:21,343 --> 00:16:22,515
and meet you at the dock.
431
00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:25,475
Come and get it,
space dicks!
432
00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:29,074
Well, at least it's downhill.-
A little too downhill.
433
00:16:29,161 --> 00:16:30,388
Are you surethis is an air vent?
434
00:16:30,475 --> 00:16:32,077
Of course it's an air vent.
435
00:16:32,164 --> 00:16:34,862
[both screaming]
436
00:16:34,949 --> 00:16:36,981
[pipe rattling]
437
00:16:37,114 --> 00:16:38,550
[bodies thud]
438
00:16:38,778 --> 00:16:41,402
Ugh, you've gotta be
shitting me.
439
00:16:43,450 --> 00:16:46,178
Oops, I guess it wasn't
an air vent.
440
00:16:46,265 --> 00:16:47,583
[grimalkian meows]
441
00:16:47,679 --> 00:16:49,114
[lasers firing]
442
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:50,965
Ah, my blaster jammed!
443
00:16:51,262 --> 00:16:53,510
Blasters don't jam,
you lying fleshbag!
444
00:16:53,598 --> 00:16:55,198
You're pathetic!
Cover me!
445
00:16:55,286 --> 00:16:57,058
[pirate grunting]
446
00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:59,060
[dramatic music]
447
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,252
- I thought you had a plan!
- I do!
448
00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:02,354
I'm making a necklace.
449
00:17:02,442 --> 00:17:03,840
I will give you
one of my teeth.
450
00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:06,409
- Just get me off this ship.
- Nope, it's not the same.
451
00:17:06,497 --> 00:17:08,190
It has to be from a kill.
[gasps]
452
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,588
Unless that's something
you might be interested in.
453
00:17:10,676 --> 00:17:13,042
Ew, no.
Hey, any chance
454
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,323
of getting a rescue here?
455
00:17:14,411 --> 00:17:16,635
- Lana: Yeah, uh, about that.
- Oh, Lana.
456
00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:18,104
Thank God.
Archer had us escape
457
00:17:18,192 --> 00:17:20,331
in a stupid air vent that...
Air vent, copy that.
458
00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:23,377
[pipe rattling]
[bodies thud]
459
00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:26,630
- Cyril, let her finish.
- Oh, God, this is a dead end.
460
00:17:26,718 --> 00:17:28,299
We have two minutes!
What do we do?
461
00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:29,877
Ugh, you're not gonna
wet your uniform
462
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,151
like last time?
Not the time or place.
463
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,079
Actually, this is
a pretty good time and place.
464
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,703
New plan: we form
a human-ocelot ladder...
465
00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:39,874
- Ugh, I'd rather just die.
- To get back to the air vent.
466
00:17:39,962 --> 00:17:41,734
Stop calling it an air vent.
467
00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:42,837
- Fine!
- [gunfire]
468
00:17:42,925 --> 00:17:44,454
- [yelling]
- Cyril: Pam!
469
00:17:44,542 --> 00:17:46,900
- Thank God.
- You're running the wrong way.
470
00:17:46,988 --> 00:17:48,032
Cannonball!
471
00:17:48,236 --> 00:17:49,705
[all groan]
472
00:17:49,793 --> 00:17:51,376
It's in my mouth.
473
00:17:51,486 --> 00:17:52,915
[all grunting]
474
00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:56,901
[gunfire]
475
00:17:58,298 --> 00:18:00,673
- This is not good.
- [grimalkian meows]
476
00:18:03,025 --> 00:18:05,265
Even my little ocelotbud bailed.
477
00:18:05,353 --> 00:18:06,710
I'm calling Krieger
for backup.
478
00:18:06,798 --> 00:18:09,890
No, Lana.
Space cowboys do or die.
479
00:18:09,978 --> 00:18:11,351
He's our only option.
480
00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:15,782
Malory, Krieger, come in!
Come in!
481
00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:17,844
Yes! It's Krieger.
What do you need? I can do it!
482
00:18:17,932 --> 00:18:18,891
Lana: Get down here, stat.
483
00:18:18,979 --> 00:18:20,157
We need backup immediately.
484
00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:21,649
- Trash compactor.
- I'm on it!
485
00:18:21,737 --> 00:18:24,487
Yes!
Needed by real humans.
486
00:18:25,307 --> 00:18:27,407
[all grunting,
gunfire]
487
00:18:27,495 --> 00:18:29,047
[pants]
[sighs, thuds]
488
00:18:29,135 --> 00:18:30,860
My God, why did we
even bring him?
489
00:18:30,948 --> 00:18:32,321
This is it, people!
490
00:18:32,409 --> 00:18:33,851
This is the end!
491
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:37,430
Brace yourselves
for obliteration!
492
00:18:37,518 --> 00:18:39,769
[screaming]
493
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,266
I really like her this way.
494
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,956
- I'm kind of into it myself.
- Wait! Look!
495
00:18:46,061 --> 00:18:48,893
[grimalkians growling]
496
00:18:48,981 --> 00:18:50,135
[meows]
497
00:18:50,223 --> 00:18:53,039
- [grunting in Dri'n]
- [grimalkians hissing]
498
00:18:53,127 --> 00:18:56,003
Jesus!
They're demons in disguise.
499
00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:58,049
I've been fooled.
500
00:18:58,223 --> 00:19:01,095
[blasting, groaning]
501
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,610
- Pam: Ugh.
- Cyril: Oh, my God.
502
00:19:02,698 --> 00:19:04,799
Why does it have to be
so gross?
503
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,456
[liquid splattering]
504
00:19:07,432 --> 00:19:08,727
Stand back, folks.
505
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,305
I've "bot" this.
506
00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:12,766
- [all groan]
- Archer: And once again, you and
507
00:19:12,854 --> 00:19:15,596
your iron heart are
completely useless.
508
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,632
[grunts]
509
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,858
- [grimalkian meows]
- There's my pal!
510
00:19:19,962 --> 00:19:22,913
Back to normal.
You can't quit me, can you?
511
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:24,444
[grimalkian purrs]
How much time?
512
00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:25,655
30 seconds.
513
00:19:25,743 --> 00:19:26,938
This is gonna be tight.
514
00:19:27,026 --> 00:19:28,696
Lana: It wouldn't be tight
if you hadn't
515
00:19:28,784 --> 00:19:29,673
screwed up
the assignments!
516
00:19:29,761 --> 00:19:30,884
Whatever, Lana.
517
00:19:30,972 --> 00:19:33,251
Maybe I screwed up the
assignments on purpose
518
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,524
so you'd feel needed
and want to stay.
519
00:19:35,612 --> 00:19:37,470
Oh, please.
Maybe you're just saying that
520
00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:39,392
as a cool way to cover
screwingup the assignments.
521
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:42,204
Oh, go have an Earth baby,
why don't you?
522
00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:44,889
Oh, we can't just leave these
space ocelots here.
523
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,694
- Grimalkians.
- And, yes, we can.
524
00:19:46,782 --> 00:19:48,155
Pam, I'm not gonna do this
with you.
525
00:19:48,242 --> 00:19:49,462
I'm already too upset.
526
00:19:49,904 --> 00:19:51,515
Lana: Oh, God, their eyes.
527
00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:53,553
- Even though they hate you?
- Yep, even though.
528
00:19:53,641 --> 00:19:55,859
- 15 seconds!
- I think these furry banshees
529
00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,425
are just gonna have
to stay on board.
530
00:19:57,512 --> 00:20:00,298
[grimalkians whining]
531
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,652
[explosions]
532
00:20:11,048 --> 00:20:12,614
[grimalkians meowing]
533
00:20:12,792 --> 00:20:15,652
I meant on board
the other ship.
534
00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:17,370
Oh, God damn it to shit!
535
00:20:17,461 --> 00:20:19,314
Can't these bastards
stayin the cargo hold?
536
00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:21,972
[gasps]
Mommy's just joking.
537
00:20:22,664 --> 00:20:25,452
[whispering] I think we all
know who the fun parent is.
538
00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:27,030
[grimalkian purrs]
539
00:20:27,522 --> 00:20:29,554
Corrected & synced by srjanapala
540
00:20:47,317 --> 00:20:50,565
Made in Georgia.
39879
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