Original subtitles

Oh, my God, it's her!

Can I have your autograph?

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

WOMAN: Thank you. MATSON: Mr. Hallard.

Mr. Hallard. Mr. Hallard, I'm here to pick you up.

You're new, aren't you?

Yes, sir, I'm new. Say,

can I take your suitcase and put it in the trunk for you?

No, no. I'll keep it with me.

Yes, sir.

We're going to the Bay Arena, right?

We're not going anywhere till you give me that suitcase.

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

Come on, give.

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

(GUN FIRING)

What happened?

He wouldn't give me the suitcase.

I think I killed him.

Oh, that's just great!

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

There's that new kid in homeroom.

Look at her. Miss Outward Bound, 1982.

You guys are laughing, but at least she's gonna get a ticket.

We'll have to listen from the parking lot.

He's right. I don't think this line has an end.

DEBBIE: Yeah.

Maybe you could do something about that.

Go on up to her and flash those big, blue surfboard eyes.

Come on. Go.

Hi.

Oh. I'm Bobby Wyler.

Remember? Algebra Two?

Yeah, sure. Hi, I'm Diane Pierce.

I guess you've been in line a while.

Yeah. All night.

BOBBY: Must have been pretty cold.

Cold? I'm from Wisconsin. Anything above 20 is top-down weather.

So, you like it here in San Diego?

Yeah.

Listen, if you want me to buy you tickets when it's my turn, just ask.

Who thought up this little game? Heckle and Jeckle?

Hey, don't do me any favors, okay?

I'm just trying to be friendly.

Yeah. Give me the money.

For them, too.

Thanks. Maybe I could see you tonight and pick them up?

I'll see you in Algebra.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE CLAMORING) WOMAN: Hey! Hey! Hey!

Everybody, move back!

Move back, everybody.

Move back!

Everybody. Everybody out!

Everybody go back!

CECILIA: I don't know what you're worried about, honey.

Your Uncle Rick and your Uncle A.J. can get you tickets.

Mom. What?

That's okay. I don't care about Rick Brewster anyway.

I can tell. You don't care about Rick Brewster the same way

AJ. mm came about the Surf Boys.

Beach Boys, Mom. Beach Boys.

You should see the pile of albums I gave to Goodwill last week.

Oh, no! Not Surfin' Safari, Mom. Please, not Surfin' Safari,

Well, I don't know. Well, I remember one record

with a picture of a black man in a cowboy outfit on the cover.

Oh, Mom! Bo Diddley is a Gunslinger. Mom, you didn't do that!

Well, I'm sure going to this concert isn't that important to Diane.

All right, Mom, you made your point.

She promised three of the kids at her new school she'd get them tickets, too.

We will do what we can, but we can't promise anything.

Of course they can.

AJ; How we“ do you know Mm Bob Raymond' anyway?

RICK: Jim Bob? Never met him.

Well, then would you mind telling me what we're doing here?

We need tickets. He's promoting a concert. That's easy.

Twisted logic is never easy. I'll see you.

Easy, son, the Roller Derby don't start till April.

Better let me handle this.

Mr. Raymond, I am Rick Simon. That's my brother, A.J.

We've been admiring your shows for years.

That's nice. Now, if you boys will just excuse me.

Just wanted to let you know

that I grew up on your wrestling matches.

Taught me the meaning of fair play.

Look, buddy, don't stroke a shaker.

Either tell me what you want, or get out of my way.

That's fair enough, that's fair enough.

Now, we're here to talk to you about a little trade.

A little trade?

What are you talking about?

Tickets for the Rick Brewster concert.

Get out!

No, now look, see, this is really a sweet deal. Here.

You do this for us, and then any time you want it,

we return the favor.

And I got quite a few connections around town.

You know what I mean?

How would you like to connect with this?

Call security.

No, now look, see, I'm not talking about freebies, here,

I'm talking about an opportunity!

That was elegant.

Oh, I like your style.

At least he took the card. Maybe he'll change his mind.

(PHONE RINGING)

RECEPTIONIST: Jim Bob Productions. Thank you.

Jerks.

Cute jerks, though.

Where are Nelson and Muir?

They called and they're on their way in.

And they sounded pretty upset.

Said you ought to read page three of the morning paper.

I don't think I can deal with Gordy on an empty stomach.

Oh, come on.

You know it'll be worth it. He always comes through for us.

Geez.

Saddle up for Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Terrific shirt.

Hey, Rick-o and A.J.!

Who's Norm?

How should I know?

But did you see the crossed wrenches on the back?

Hey, feel me, go ahead, touch me, I'm authentic polyester.

Yeah, oh, that is really first cabin, Gordo. Listen, man,

we're interested in scoring some tickets.

Tickets? The man wants tickets? Tickets, tickets...

Tickets.

You fill in the airlines and the destination. No, no...

Now, they're not hot, just a little warm... Gordy, we don't want airline tickets.

Chargers tickets. Amtrak tickets, raffle tickets...

No. No, what we want is ticket... Fifty-yard line?

What we want is tickets to the Rick Brewster concert.

Heavy. You know, it's strange.

Normal channels, they got nothing. Dried up. It's weird.

I've never seen anything like it.

Hey, Tuesday we launch the Forrestal. Oh, boy.

Anchors aweigh, my boys

That is beautiful. Anchors aweigh...

Can you help us, Gordy?

I christened it myself with one of those champagne miniatures.

You know the little bottles you get on the airlines? I was crying.

Tickets?

And then I went out to cop some decals for my new P-38.

You remember the Lightning, with the twin tails? Oh, yeah.

This stuff is wonderful. Rick!

Tickets.

Okay, okay. I heard about some tickets.

See? I just think you shouldn't book passage

on this particular guy's steamer.

Why's that? I don't know the guy.

He's a friend of a friend, but from the way he is talking,

something very weird is going down.

I mean, this guy is moving hundreds at fifty bucks a hit.

Much too big an apple for this little worm.

Well, Gordy, could you maybe just let us know how to get in touch with him?

We'll take it from there.

Here's a name and an address.

You didn't get it from me. Oh, Gordy, you're a champ.

Thank you. What it is!

All right! Hey, will you look at this stuff?

Come on, can you believe this screaming eagle?

Look at that. Oh, that's gorgeous!

It's got bombs clutched in its talons!

Uh, see you later, Gordy.

Take it easy, now, all right?

Genius.

You read it.

You're damn well right I read it!

We've been at the hospital and Hallard's still in a coma.

Now, the only thing the cops know is he's a printer from Vegas.

But they don't know who shot him. MUIR: No.

And they didn't find the suitcase.

Simple. Whoever it was, they got our tickets.

They got my tickets!

A quarter of a million dollars of my money.

MUIR: They've got to start surfacing in quantity.

I mean, 8000 seats.

Well, maybe the police'll turn them up.

Oh. Well, wouldn't that be nice?

8000 tickets that are not supposed to exist.

You want to try explaining that to the cops if they find them?

Stupid!

I want you guys to start rattling every cage in town.

There's gotta be somebody with an awful lot of Brewster tickets to unload.

Somebody with...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What did I do with that card?

Now I know what that jerk was talking about!

What jerk? This jerk!

Rick... Richard Simon. He came in here this morning,

talking about sweet deals and opportunities.

Hell, I thought he wanted tickets!

He must have been trying to sell them back to you.

JIM BOB: You got the address.

Now, you go find him. And then you find those tickets.

And when you do, you buy him a ticket

to the same hospital that Hallard's in.

Hi. Anything for Simon & Simon?

Occupant. Wonderful.

Well, at least we didn't have any bills.

Nelson, those are the two guys we're looking for.

RINTNER: Twenty thousand, man. And that's a righteous price for 200 tickets.

Okay, okay, $15,000, and that's the bottom line.

Ten, and you're killing me!

I'll be right over.

This is crazy. I'm staring murder one in the face,

and you're getting rid of these one at a time.

Jim Bob's gonna be looking under every rock in town.

Let's get out of here while we can still walk.

Calm down, will you? You're hyperventilating.

Look, we'll unload all of them. Just be cool.

The guy's not even dead.

Great, great. "Stay cool."

These tickets can only send me away for life,

and you're calling everybody and his mother.

Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?

Hey, I didn't tell you to shoot the guy.

(SIGHING)

Look, I'll be back in half an hour.

Relax.

We're gonna be rich.

Hey, AI.

Maybe we should go to Mexico then.

That's what we should do.

Yeah. Sure.

(DOOR CLOSES)

RICK: Whoa, whoa, there it is, right there.

No, no, no. You better let me do the talking.

Guys like this don't respect you unless you come on real hard.

(CLEARS THROAT)

We want to talk to you about some tickets.

Hey, you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Boy, Gordy really called it. Something weird is going on here.

Look at this, they're all for Rick Brewster.

Yeah, I know.

No, Rick! No!

God put these here for us.

Rick, they do not belong to us.

Hey, do you think they belong to the little weasel who left them here?

Now, look, we are gonna do the right thing.

We're gonna return these to their rightful owner, Rick Brewster.

We get Diane's tickets for her, we make a nice little settlement,

we get a reward for ourselves from him, right?

We're gonna do the right thing. I promise. Right? Right.

What's wrong?

Last time I saw that look in your eye, I got twenty stitches

and you were in jail for a week.

Yeah, well, this time it's gonna be different.

You'll get the stitches, I'll be in jail.

You're paranoid, you know that?

I am not paranoid.

When it comes to my life, I am occasionally cautious.

Cautious, paranoid, same difference.

I think your dictionary has a few pages missing.

Paranoid.

Hold it, Nelson. We know where to find them.

Let's check that house out first.

Well.

Tickets, tickets.

Yeah. Jim Bob was right.

MUIR: Yeah, they had them, all right.

And it won't take us long to catch up with them.

Believe me,

we're gonna get the tickets and take care of those two guys for you.

Hi, there. They should be back any minute.

Oh, hi. Thanks. I know. They told me to meet them here after school.

You must be Dee. You must be Janet.

I have heard a lot about you.

I've heard about you, too.

What're you reading? Conrad. That's got to be for English, right?

No. It's just for fun.

You know, I don't think Francis Coppola really understood it.

Uh-oh, they're smiling, and that's always dangerous.

Look at this. Hey.

Now, I would be willing to treat the entire student body,

but A.J. there wants to play it right down the middle.

You wait right here and we may have an even bigger surprise for you.

Don't ask me.

No, you don't understand, I'm not a Rick Brewster fan.

I just... I need to talk to him personally,

or to his manager, the hotel manager...

Well, then put me through to his room. I'll talk to anyone.

I do not sound like a high school junior.

Hello?

(BUSY TONE OVER PHONE)

Hello?

Try the arena.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) If you've ever wondered what I feel inside

The secrets I keep to myself

It's all very simple I've nothing to hide

It's you that I want No one else I want you

Nobody else, I want you

All to myself, I want you

And nobody else, I want you

I wanted to tell you and God knows We tried

My feelings are hard to conceal

But you never notice 'cause, girl, I get shy

I act tough to hide how I feel I want you

And nobody else, I want you

All to myself, I want you

Nobody else, I want you

I want you

And nobody else, I want you

All to myself, I want you

Tickets! Thousands of them!

He wants to know seat numbers.

(SIGHING)

BB, one to 100,

AB, one to 100.

BB, one... B!

Double C, one to 100.

"Baby, baby", one to 100!

I want you

Take five.

Hey, Healy, man, we need to crank up the sound.

Sure. You got it.

Okay. Ricky, something weird's going down, man.

A guy just called and said

he's got a few thousand tickets he wants to give to you.

Personally.

A few thousand?

Yeah. So I asked him the seat numbers.

There's only one problem.

The seats don't exist.

Hi.

Can I help you?

Oh, if you're looking for Rick and A.J., they're inside.

They're inside?

Sure. Shouldn't they be?

Do you have an appointment with them?

Oh, yeah. Sure do.

Hey, wait a minute, let go of me!

Hi.

Oh, look, I think there's some sort of misunderstanding here.

Quiet.

Uh, yeah, but I think you probably...

Be quiet!

(CHUCKLES)

Lock it. Locking it.

Bring it out here.

I'm bringing it out.

Set it down.

Putting it down right here.

Just out of curiosity,

what's the deal with the tickets? Just curious.

What tickets?

Let's go.

Hey.

I don't know what's going on, but she's got nothing to do with it.

Leave her alone.

(GRUNTS)

Compliments of Jim Bob Raymond.

(GASPING) Thanks. I got the message.

No, you didn't.

Now you got the message.

(MOANING)

Hey. Hmm?

Come on. Time to get up.

Come on.

Up you go.

Come up. Up, up, up.

You okay? Huh? Huh?

Hey! You're okay.

Where's Dee?

(RATTLING)

Is that in my head?

It's in my head.

(MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY)

That's easy for you to say.

Did they hurt you? You all right? No.

(GROANING) Get that away from me.

It'll stop the swelling.

I'm not worried about swelling, I'm worried about seeing.

Eight fingers is normal, right?

For you, yes.

(GROANS)

Sorry. Do you guys always get beat up like this?

Isn't your mother calling you?

The phone hasn't rung since I got here.

Well, how many real clients do you guys have?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

No more surprises.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Surprise.

You two want to talk to Rick Brewster about some tickets?

Well, come on in, officers.

Well, I see you brought some friends.

Well, we got enough here to play bridge, don't we?

Yeah. Whoever decided to call Rick Brewster can be the dummy.

Hey, which one of you called us?

Well, I did.

But...

You don't understand. We didn't steal any tickets.

We were just trying to return some tickets to Mr. Brewster.

(PHONE RINGING)

Peerless Detectives.

WILLIE: They want to give us back tickets that don't even exist.

Hello?

Hey, what're you talking about, pal, "don't exist"? We saw them.

Yeah? Well, if we see any of them at the concert, you two are gonna

spend a good long time in jail!

Jail. For what?

You heard the man. You're under arrest.

Under arrest for what?

Suspicion.

RICK: Suspicion of what? OFFICER: Suspicion of conspiracy,

Conspiracy to do what?

Suspicion of conspiracy to commit a felony.

What felony?

OFFICER: Fraud. Extortion. Forgery.

Oh, man, this is ridiculous. We can explain all of that.

Okay. Go ahead.

You do it.

AJ; Can we take this from the top once more?

First, it was our cousin who wanted to go to a rock concert...

I need this in two copies.

Leave it on my desk. File these permits, sweetheart.

I'm going, honey.

Bye, Daddy.

AJ; The problem started when the concert was sold out.

DIANA: But, Officer, he really is telling the truth!

Would you just listen to him?

Wait, wait. Let me try one more time, all right?

Now, this is our cousin, Diane. And she just moved into town, right?

Now, because she's new in school,

she wants to make a good impression on her classmates,

so she stayed in line all night long trying to get tickets

to the Rick Brewster concert.

But when she got to the window, they were sold out.

Of course they were all sold out.

Rick Brewster's the hottest act in rock 'n' roll.

Right, so... Come on.

Her aunt, that's our mother, right? Her mother's sister said

that we could get her tickets...

Come on, let's go, Ricky.

Rick Brewster?

Then it is you!

Yeah, it's me, kid. Could you keep it down, please?

Oh, Mr. Brewster, I have to tell you it really is a thrill to meet you

in person like this. It's a thrill for me, too.

Look, I really do have to go.

But could I at least have your autograph?

Could you write to my fan club?

I got twelve people on salary that do nothing but sign my autograph for me.

Look, I really do have to rehearse.

Help! Wait! Wait! My car! Stop!

Police! Help, police!

My car! Somebody's stealing my car, right over there!

There's a man, it's my father's car and...

Where? Please!

That's another big one we owe Janet.

It certainly is.

You, mister! Freeze!

Daddy?

Oh.

I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed,

I could just die. This is my father.

RICK: Are you sure that you want to do this right out here in the open like this?

Hey, I sell handcuffs.

Anybody asks, I'll just say you two got a defective pair.

Well, are they all there?

Two hundred missing.

All right. Get on the phone. Make sure our orders are still firm.

Tell everybody we'll be delivering tonight.

Tell me something.

Have you ever heard of somebody scalping tickets

for a concert for seats that didn't exist?

I knew a guy once who was selling tickets for a concert that didn't exist.

You know, if you just wanted to get through the gate,

you could print up a few counterfeits.

Yeah, but I'm not talking about a few. I'm talking about a few thousand.

Gee.

Then you're gonna be stuck with a few thousand people wandering around,

expecting to have seats. I mean, people pay for seats,

they're not gonna settle for sitting on the floor, you know.

It'd be a riot. Yeah, and then some.

What if the seats are there?

Hey, now that would be really heavy.

I mean, first the seats aren't there,

then they are there, then they aren't there...

No, the seats have got to be there.

I mean, it's 8000 tickets.

Four performances, that's 2000 extra seats per...

How many seats does the Bay Arena hold?

Fifteen thou.

So who's gonna know the difference between 15,000 and 17,000?

Well, not a space cadet like Rick Brewster, that's for sure.

Well, what if those tickets are already on the street?

We'll have to leave the country. Yeah.

But before we go, there's someone I want to have a talk with.

Jim Bob. You got it.

Oh, the Great Gordini strikes again.

What can I say?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

MAN: I can't see anything!

Smokey windows.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

(SIGHING)

(CHUCKLING)

(MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS TUNING)

I don't think this is a good time to talk to him.

Maybe we ought to wait in his office and surprise him.

Yeah.

DRUMMER: One, two, three.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) If you've ever wondered what I feel inside

The secrets I keep to myself

It's all very simple I've nothing to hide

It's you that I want No one else I want you

And nobody else, I want you

All to myself, I want you

And nobody else, I want you

I want to talk to you.

Sure. Come on, Willie. Let's get out of here.

My feelings are hard to conceal

You never notice 'cause, girl, I get shy

I act tough to hide how I feel I want you

And nobody else, I want you

Willie!

I want you

Nobody else, I want you I just asked you.

Like you could spit nails through a steel door.

Is that all you can get out of this system?

You want to send people home deaf?

I want it loud but I want me louder.

Tonight's are already gone.

That's right, 350 seats.

Look, if you don't want them, Eddie, there's other guys that will...

Okay, tonight.

Outside the arena in about an hour.

I want you (MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPS)

Okay, everybody, man, it's sounding great.

Let's get ready for a full rehearsal and do it, man.

Hey, I want to know what's going on, man.

The contract says 15,000 paid admissions.

Now, how in the hell are there supposed to be thousands of tickets on sale

for seats that don't exist?

(LAUGHING)

Well, Willie, I don't really think it's that difficult to figure out.

Maybe I'm a little slow. Why don't you spell it out for me?

I'd be happy to.

Rick Brewster stands up on that stage and makes an ass out of himself

in front of 15,000 kids that don't know any better.

But people like you and me, we make this possible,

and I don't think we get our fair share.

Now, your rock singer's not gonna know the difference

if there's a few extra seats in the hall, is he?

A few?

Two thousand per show.

Now, Willie, the reason I'm telling you this

is because I like you, and I'm gonna split with you.

But that jerk Brewster don't need to know.

Hey, that jerk is a friend of mine, man.

And we've worked a long time to get where we are now,

and if you think a greedy...

Did I say you had any choice?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

How was that?

It's not bad for a sucker punch.

(CRACKING)

He's gonna need that. I'd put it back if I was you.

Shut the suitcase.

I've had it with this guy!

Hold it! First things first.

Our friend Willie here is very concerned about the overhead lights.

He's gonna have to get up on the catwalk and check them out.

I told him to be very careful.

Yeah, it's real dangerous up there.

A man could have an accident for sure.

Do it as quick as possible.

We open the doors in an hour.

Keep them here until the show starts.

Then take them out through the basement.

(SINGING) All the wasted motion

[put into loving you

The promises are broken

And all the dreams that won't come true

So close the door on paradise

This is our last goodbye

Can't stop the rain

Can't stop the world from turning

Can't make you change

I thought I could but I'm learning

You swear to me you're changing, girl

But I'm all out of trying

Hey, where do you think you're going?

Now, come on, put that down. Sit down.

Hey, hey, hey, don't get nervous.

You got the gun, remember?

Well, sit down.

What're you gonna do? You gonna shoot me

and get blood all over Jim Bob's carpet, huh?

Yeah. Now, sit down!

Catch.

(CHUCKLING)

Thought he was gonna fool me on that one, didn't you?

You can't fool the old fox.

(GROANING)

You know, it's only rock 'n' roll,

but really I think we ought to make an effort to save Mr. Hoag.

Okay. You go down and get all those people off of the stage.

I'll go up top and take care of that, okay?

Can't make you change

I thought I could but I'm learning

You swear to me you're changing, girl

This is our last goodbye

Hold it!

Hold it right there!

ASA.!

Hey!

(WHISTLING)

Can't stop the rain

Can't stop the sun from rising

You'll never change

You can't blame a fool for trying

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

(ALL CHEERING)

You all right? Yeah.

It's only rock 'n' roll, but I love it.

How do you do? Wonderful.

(GROANING) That hurts!

RICK: Hi.

Hi. Oh, hi.

You want a malt or anything?

No, thanks.

I figured, since you guys worked so hard to do me a favor, I could do you one.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Bo, my man! This is terrific!

Thank you.

There's Bobby. Just a second.

RICK: Bobby? A.J.: Bobby.

Heads, you win, tails, I lose.

Bobby, this is my cousin, A.J. Hey. How are you?

And my cousin Rick. Hi. Nice to meet you

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Hi, fellas.

Could I speak to you for a second?

Sure.

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

I was really rotten to you yesterday, and I'd like to apologize.

Oh, that's okay. You had a lot on your mind.

I did, but that's still no excuse,

so I'm sorry.

Best seats in the house. Front row.

And there's the autograph that you asked for.

Does that mean you forgive me?

What?

I'll see you tonight after the show.

Yeah, sure.

Bye.

Wow! I guess we got tickets after all.

These three are for you.

Thanks.

Hey, since you went to so much trouble,

maybe we ought to go together.

Then we could, you know, talk to each other in between songs.

Okay.

Listen, you want me to walk you home?

Yeah.

Listen. Yeah.

Do you think you could do something about the Rolling Stones concert?

Come on, let's go.