Original subtitles

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

No problem. Blanding's with a customer.

Rick? Rick, good morning.

Where's my suitcase? In the trunk?

What suitcase?

The one I called you about this morning.

About an hour ago. The one you borrowed from me.

That was you on the phone?

At 8:00 in the morning?

That was me on the phone.

Rick, I've got a paid vacation and I would like to take some of my clothes with me.

I thought that was Mom on the phone.

No, it was me on the phone.

You said you'd bring my... Hey, hey, hey!

JANET: Would you leave him in the car?

Marlowe, get back in there.

Go on. Get. Get up there.

I meant you.

Stay.

(WHINING)

Cute. "I meant you."

(MOCKING)

BLANDING: Before we go nationwide,

Mr. Blanding's Dream Boats, in every major marina.

'Course, what you see here is just the start.

How come Myron didn't wanna take this job?

Daddy doesn't know about it.

Mister Blanding didn't want to pay his rate.

Long Island Sound, Lake Havasu.

If you guys do right by me, it could mean $100,000 a year to you.

BLANDING: 'Course, now that's the future.

This here's the present.

Everyone's gotta start somewhere,

so you can start by repo-ing this deadbeat for me.

Name's Johnson.

Three months behind in the payments on a deluxe cabin cruiser.

A repo? Now, here's the keys.

Slip number's on it.

I figure this job's worth, say...

Oh, $100,000.

250 bucks for the money or the dreamboat.

No wonder Myron didn't wanna take this job.

We'll take it.

Good. Sic them.

(CHUCKLING)

(SIGHING)

(GROANS)

RICK: Is that a face or a fist with eyes?

Rick, I need the suitcase. I'm going on vacation.

I'm going with you. A.J. can handle the repo.

Oh, you're not going with me. You'd cramp my style.

I'm gonna go up the coast, alone with my suitcase.

You say it's black and it's got a funny-looking trim on it, right?

No, no, it is brown, and it is very expensive,

and I just loaned it to you last month.

It's gotta be on my boat somewhere.

Don't worry about it.

We'll swing by and pick it up on the way back.

On the way back from where?

Repo.

Bye-bye.

(STAMMERING) Oh, listen,

can you please just stay here and watch the store for us until we get back?

Pretty please?

I am on vacation, A.J. Remember?

I know that, but we've got a secretary coming.

We called an agency and everything, but she can't be here till 11:00, okay?

Look, if we're not back by then,

just show her how to water the plants. All right?

Please.

All right.

Oh, thank you.

"Dear Arthur..." Do we know an Arthur?

Art Schamsky, seventh grade.

(EXCLAIMS)

Listen, do me a favor and forward that to the post office. They made a mistake.

Thank you very much.

HAAS: That's him all right.

'Course, he ain't been around for a few weeks.

Just upped anchor and left in the middle of the night.

Still owes me two... Three months rent on the slip.

Naturally.

Mr. Johnson didn't, by any chance, happen to leave a forwarding address, did he?

(LAUGHING) You got some sense of humor, you have.

Yeah, that's right. Sure thing.

Then we check with the Coast Guard,

we find out if the guy had any floating violations and where.

I think you...

No, that won't work, 'cause the Coast Guard won't talk to us anymore, remember?

Not since that smuggling case. They say we lied to them.

That's probably 'cause we lied to them. Any calls?

No, but I think...

What happened to the secretary. Didn't she show up?

I phoned the agency, and Muffin is lost.

Muffin? Muffin?

Muffin Goldstein. Listen...

RICK: Hey, I got an idea. What?

What we can do, we call Cal National Bank, right?

We find out where Johnson's checks have been coming in from,

'cause they're probably bouncing.

The bank isn't gonna cooperate with us.

Our checks have been bouncing.

Hey!

Thank you.

I really think you should read this letter.

"Dear Arthur."

"Please do not open the enclosed envelope

"unless something happens to me. Conrad...

"Vi..."

Viorst.

AJ; “out? Mmm-hmm.

Wow.

You'd better get this to Arthur right away.

That's the point. I can't. He's dead.

Arthur Hayjak used to have this office.

He died about three years ago...

Wow. No kidding.

Well, we ought to get it to this Conrad fellow, Viorst.

Can't get it to him, either. He's dead, too.

I called the County Hall of Records,

and they said he died in an automobile accident

about 23 years ago.

What!

Janet, that's impossible.

The letter was only written...

When?

July 21st, 1959.

Yup. One day before Viorst died.

(WHISTLING) Weird.

Well, it gets weirder.

I opened the envelope.

"Dear Arthur."

"I was right all along.

"Ben Dodge is a murderer."

The Ben Dodge? The Taco King?

"I got the evidence and put it where we agreed,

"behind the sixth brick from the bottom

"on the right-hand side of the fireplace. Conrad."

Oh, this is terrific.

We got a 23-year-old murder case here,

with a suspect you could read about in People magazine.

You know, if we solve this thing, we could be in People magazine.

Well, too bad, we've got a repo to do.

Hey, we're never gonna have to do another repo again.

Now, we already know the murderer.

All we need to find is the murderee.

All we need to find is the fireplace.

Right.

All we need to find is where Conrad Viorst lived in 1959.

Right.

You don't even have to do that.

I already did.

Janet. Yes.

You are indispensable.

I know. Stay by the phone, will you? We'll be in touch.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.

I'm on vacation, remember?

And besides, I didn't hear anybody saying anything

about me being in People magazine.

And where is my suitcase?

Oh, you can't leave yet, 'cause I don't have your suitcase yet, right?

And, besides that, what's-her-name could show up any minute.

Uh, Cupcake. Muffin.

Muffin. We'll call you. Right.

Remember. Suitcase.

RICK: Okay, now, it's 11:20.

A.J.: What number do we want?

1140.

There's 28.

There's 30, 32.

What's this?

Stop. Stop the car.

RICK: You see the number three lane on the freeway down there?

Yeah.

That's where Conrad Viorst's fireplace is supposed to be.

Terrific.

(GRUMBLES)

DODGE ON MICROPHONE: Tacos, as everybody knows, are an all-American food.

And that's why, in just 25 years,

our firm has grown

from one tiny, eensy-beensy, itty-bitty little stand

in downtown San Diego

into a nationwide chain that, as of today, numbers 2,000,

You ever see him eat a taco?

Nope. Not in 25 years.

The bottle, my dear.

How are things looking for tonight?

Perfect. He thinks he's going out to dinner,

and then home for a nice, quiet evening

with the auditor's report.

He'll never even start those reports.

I told the boys from Detroit

to call you the minute they get in town.

They'll be using the name of Smith.

Good.

I hereby Christen this

Taco City number 2,000,

On the other hand, why should we waste this good champagne on a wall,

while we can just as easily be pouring it down the parched throats

of over-worked reporters. The bar's open, Scarf it up, kids.

(ALL CHEERING)

Mr. Dodge, is it true you gave an engagement ring to Princess Rima of Bukart?

HARRISON: Mr. Dodge has no comment.

What about the rumor that you use no meat in your tacos, Mr. Dodge?

Hi, Mr. Dodge. I'd like to ask you a few questions for a minute.

We told reporters no more questions.

Yeah, I know, I'm not a reporter, I'm a private detective.

Yeah, well, why don't you give us a call, friend?

Mr. Dodge, does the name Conrad Viorst mean anything to you?

Conrad Viorst, Mr. Dodge. Maybe you could tell us a little

about how he died in 1959.

Maybe we should call a doctor.

No, no, I'll be all right. Just give me some water.

What do you make of that? It's been 23 years.

Ben, don't get excited.

Don't get excited?

That's what they said to Marie Antoinette, for God's sake.

Get the door for me, would you?

Okay.

Be careful with it.

A.J.: All right, watch yourself.

What is that?

That's your suitcase, isn't it?

It's brown.

Couldn't you take it anyway?

Sure. I'll just put some wheels on it

and I'll drive it. It's bigger than my car.

Oh.

Well, did you find the fireplace and get the evidence?

No, Conrad Viorst's house was torn down for a freeway. No fireplace.

Oh, no People magazine.

No Muffin? Didn't she show?

She called. She'll be here after lunch.

After what?

She hasn't started working yet.

12:00 to 1:30, agency rule.

You know, we're gonna have to go straight to the Taco King, himself.

Too bad he won't talk to us.

That's what you get for being disreputable.

Hey, hey, don't go throwing around wild accusations like that.

My brother is not disreputable.

Thank you. I am.

You know, he did give us his business card.

RICK: Yes, he did.

Maybe,

if he were to have a nice secretary...

Hmm? Oh.

Then I want you to call the factory.

I want you to tell them the word is out we're using soybeans,

and I wanna find out where that leak came from,

and I want it plugged up and I mean fast.

Yes, sir. All right.

What's the schedule for tonight?

Dinner at 8:00, sir, then nothing the rest of the evening,

as you requested.

All right. That's good. I wanna get to those audit reports right away.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes?

Ben Dodge, please. Andrew Simon calling.

THORNBURY: Just a moment, please.

Sir, are you waiting for an Andrew Simon?

Never heard of him.

I'm sorry, Mr. Dodge is tied up. Can I help you?

When will he be free?

Well, he has a very busy schedule, Today is his birthday.

Perhaps Mr. Simon could write a letter.

Have a nice day.

(HANGS UP)

He is tied up, it's his birthday,

and he said you should write a letter.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes?

Hi, is Ben in for Jerry Brown?

Just a moment, please.

It's the governor, sir.

The governor?

Son of a gun. He must be calling to wish me a happy birthday.

Hey, Jerry, how the hell are you?

This isn't Jerry.

Oh, all right, HI wait while you get him,

That might be quite a wait. He's in Sacramento, I'm in San Diego,

Who the hell is this?

This is Rick Simon. We spoke earlier today about Conrad Viorst.

You told my secretary you were Governor Brown.

I could have you arrested for impersonating a state official.

No, I only asked if you were in for Governor Brown.

Happy Birthday.

DODGE: There's only one explanation for this. Blackmail.

After 23 years?

Someone has a long memory.

But everybody's dead.

Conrad Viorst had a daughter.

She isn't dead.

JANET: If I were you, I would find out if

Conrad Viorst had any surviving next of kin.

RICK: That's a great idea. Can you do that for us?

I already did.

I called a friend at the IRS.

Viorst had a daughter named Andrea.

She lives at 14708 Chula Vista Drive.

I already tried calling her and I couldn't get through.

The telephone company said her phone's off the hook.

You know, you are amazing, Janet.

Why don't you come work for us?

Because I like getting paid when I work.

Look, we will stop by the boat,

we will get the right suitcase this time.

I promise it, okay?

What are you doing here with these two sneak-thieves?

Nice to see you, too, Myron.

Hi, Daddy.

You know, every time I turn my back, you're stealing one of my clients.

I just heard how Blanding went with you.

He's not one of our clients.

He's my golf partner.

That's even closer than a client.

And these two weasels somehow found out that he needed some services,

and you stole him away from me.

Maybe your rates are too high. We promise never to play golf with him.

Just how the hell did you get to meet him, anyway?

BOTH: Uh...

Boat show. Boat show. Yeah, yeah. Boat show.

Hey, look, Myron, there's no point in getting your blood pressure up,

'cause we're at a dead end.

And we were gonna blow the first case he ever gave us.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, what a shame, that.

Listen, what is it? A repo?

Oh, listen, Myron. No, there's no point.

Even you couldn't crack this one.

I can crack anything.

Try me. I'm an old hand at this.

Well...

We went to try and repossess a cabin cruiser.

Let me guess.

The deadbeat slipped out of the marina,

and left no forwarding address, right?

How did you know that?

Genius is genius.

Why, I could crack this without even leaving the office.

Janet.

Call Perkins at the Coast Guard.

Now, first we find out if the missing cruiser's

picked up any violations and where.

Now, tell me, do you know where this guy Johnson banks?

Cal National.

Okay. After Perkins, call Schwartz at the bank.

Then we find out where this guy Johnson's checks have been coming in from

and that'll lead us to the right marina.

(EXCLAIMS)

Genius is genius.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Phone's off the hook. Door's open.

Hello? Anybody home?

That's a funny place to keep ketchup.

(RUSTLING)

(MEOWS)

(DOOR OPENING)

Anybody here?

My God.

I got a gun! Put up your hands!

Who are you?

Nobody. Don't shoot.

What the hell are you doing in my house?

The phone was off the hook.

ANDREA: Keep them up!

Yeah. Right. Look, you're Andrea Viorst, right?

How do you know?

Look, we're private detectives, okay?

Oh, right. Right.

Detectives from the phone company.

Very convincing.

No, really.

I can prove it. Here.

Uh-uh.

I'll give you my card.

Very slowly.

Slowly.

So, what are you doing here? What do you want?

We're investigating...

(SIGHING)

That might now sound very convincing.

Hey, look, we knocked, okay?

The door was open, your phone was off the hook,

we were worried about you, so we came inside

to make sure you were all right, okay?

Why were you worried about me?

Well, because, crazy as this sounds,

we just got a letter from your father.

That's it, I'm calling the cops.

A.J.: No, wait! Look, I know your father died 23 years ago.

But he wrote this letter the day before he died.

I've got it.

Please. I can prove it.

Oh, here's the house we used to live in.

They tore it down for a freeway.

AJ; Yeah, we know.

God, I know it's in here somewhere.

(EXCLAIMS)

That's my father on the left,

and Arthur Hayjak in the middle.

A.J.: Who's that on the right? RICK: Could be the victim.

That's Jarvis Martin.

The deejay?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, at least he's still alive.

Too bad.

Do you think it's possible

that Ben Dodge killed my father, too?

Looks that way.

I mean, if what he wrote in the letter were true,

and Ben Dodge found out that he knew.

Who's paying your fee on this case?

Actually, nobody.

I'll pay you to find out if my father was murdered.

You don't have to do that.

But I wanna know.

I have to know.

Well, why don't you wait and see if we turn anything up,

and then we'll talk about a fee, okay?

Okay.

I think we ought to go see Jarvis Martin.

Don't you?

Oh, yes. May we keep this?

Sure.

Thank you.

By the way, did this house have a fireplace in it?

No, I wish there were.

When I was about six, I tried to roast marshmallows over the electric stove

and got goo all over the burners. (LAUGHING)

Bye-bye. See you later.

Bye.

MARTIN ON RADIO: That, of course, is the Benny Goodman theme song,

Let's Dance.

You're in tune with Swing Time.

This is Jarvis Martin, here 4:00-7:00,

seven days a week since 1949.

Just never gonna stop our swinging.

Remember this one?

(SWING MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

A.J.: We would love to have a tour of the station,

but we're really here for is to speak to Mr. Martin.

No, I'm afraid it's going to be impossible.

Ma'am, it is very important. We have to see Mr. Martin.

Oh. Well,

I would hope that this doesn't have to become public knowledge,

but you are seeing Jarvis Martin.

MARTIN ON RADIO: The classic Artie Shaw version of Moonglow.

This is Jarvis Martin and you're in tune with Swing Time.

Now this.

Jarvis made these tapes from 1974 to 1977.

They're automated, they never play twice in the same order,

and we have an infinite supply.

80, Swing Time can play on forever.

It was his last gift to me.

His last gift?

Well, Jarvis had a bad heart and he died in 1977.

But I'm a very lucky woman.

My husband's with me every day

during the afternoon drive time.

Ma'am, do you happen to recognize either of the two people in that photograph

with your husband?

That's Arthur and Conrad.

They're all gone now.

You know, this is sort of a strange question,

but did they ever talk to you about a murder?

Oh, well, there was the Don Landers murder

back in 1959.

Everyone talked about that.

You see, Conrad worked for Big Don.

Big Don? Big Don's Bigger Burgers.

Just one more question, and then we won't bother you anymore.

Did the house in which you lived in 1959

have a fireplace in it?

No.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(RATTLING)

Hey, you guys back?

Rick?

A.J.?

Hey, come on, you guys. This isn't very funny.

Stupid cat.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

MARTIN ON RADIO: , .vocalist Anita O'Day, it's Murder, He Says.

(MURDER, HE SAYS PLAYING ON RADIO)

Double chili cheeseburgers.

I used to spend my entire week's allowance at Big Don's.

That was my allowance you spent. You played poker with me for it.

You were a lousy poker player.

Big Don sure did make a great burger, though.

Why would the Taco King want to murder Big Don?

Well, why don't we ask him?

The Detroit contingent has arrived at the airport.

They know what to do tonight.

How to get into the house, where to hide.

It's all set. Good.

The old man doesn't suspect a thing.

Not a thing. And I'll make sure the kitchen door is unlocked.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes?

Oh, certainly, I'll hold.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Yes, may I...

We have a singing telegram for Ben Dodge.

Birthday boy.

Oh, yes, I'll get him.

RICK: Thank you.

Yes, fine.

That's 8:00, Le Chien Andalou.

All right. Mr. Dodge will meet you there.

Excellent.

Thank you.

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, Ben Dodge

Happy birthday to you

And tacos too

(CHUCKLING)

Thank you, gentlemen.

No, you really don't...

Now, to whom do I owe this very great honor?

Well, to us.

Simon & Simon Investigations.

All right, that does it.

I'm calling the police.

No, I...

No, I think I can spare these two gentlemen a few moments of my time.

This way.

Thank you.

DODGE: Conrad Viorst.

A very confused young man.

Well, I felt sorry for him.

I thought maybe I could do something about that drinking of his.

Yes, yes, dear. Go on.

Yeah, I thought maybe I could do something

about that terrible drinking problem he had.

Well, I gave him a job.

And he kept right on drinking.

And one day, he rammed that car of his right straight into a tree.

Thank God, he didn't take anybody else with him.

Dead on arrival.

That's what they told me at the hospital.

Well, that wasn't long after Big Don Landers died, was it?

You remember Big Don Landers? Wow.

Well, actually, we remember Big Don's Bigger Burgers.

That was... That was kind of our favorite hangout, you know?

Guys never could figure out why that place shut down.

They tried to start a national chain like I did,

but they didn't have my business expertise, that's all.

They went out of business.

BOTH: Hmm.

Before or after Big Don died?

Well, it was after.

But poor Don's demise didn't have anything to do with it.

I mean, the seeds of failure were already planted.

Just out of curiosity, exactly how did Big Don die?

Surely you know.

Made banner headlines for a week.

I was in grade school.

Yes.

Well, apparently poor Don came home one night,

surprised a burglar, the man shot and killed him.

That was in early 1959.

Mmm.

Bad year for people in your line of work.

Mmm.

RICK: It's a nice house you have here.

How long have you lived here?

Since 1960.

So, then you weren't living here

when either Big Don or Conrad Viorst died.

Oh, no. No, no. I still lived over on Rutledge.

I was raised there.

A lot of wonderful childhood memories in that old house.

In the early '605, I had it demolished,

built a high-rise on the site.

(EXCLAIMS)

Well, who needs memories, right?

Well, thank you for the drink.

You're quite welcome.

Happy birthday.

Yes, happy birthday.

Mmm-hmm.

I think I satisfied them.

Hey, Janet.

Muffin?

JANET: In here.

Where the hell have you been?

I've been waiting for you guys for hours.

Somebody tried to kill me.

Somebody did what? What?

How...

Well, did you get a good look at him?

How could I?

He was wearing this.

Well, apparently he took it off.

No, I took it off.

He turned to hide his face and she ran like hell.

Can you trace it? Check for fingerprints?

Do something?

Well, you can't get fingerprints off of polyester.

Listen to me. I was just fine until you guys walked into my life.

You know, you tell me that my father might have been murdered.

I hire you to find out.

And then, somebody breaks into my house

and tells me to unhire you if I want to stay alive.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

The guy in the mask knew that you had hired us?

Yes. And I wish I'd never met you.

How would he know that?

ANDREA: So, what am I gonna do?

A.J.: Hide.

Yeah, until this thing dies down a little bit,

we're gonna have to find a safe place for you.

Sure. Like where?

My place. My place.

My place.

Hi, Mom.

Mother...

Andrea Viorst, this is our mother, Cecilia Simon.

Hello, Andrea. Hi.

Don't you worry. You come with me. You'll be safe.

Thank you.

Oh, I got the repo info for you.

Oh, good, where is it?

Daddy took it. I think he really wants that Blanding account.

No, wait, Myron is gonna go repo the gorilla?

JANET: Yep.

That's one we owe you.

One? One? Well... What is that?

This? Nice, huh?

Yeah, well, it's... This is my suitcase.

It is not exactly brown suede,

but, then again, it... Oh, by the way,

Muffin is getting her stomach pumped.

She... Why, why? Something she ate for lunch.

And I will see you guys in about a week.

Oh, yeah... Haste luego.

Have fun. Have a good time.

You know what makes me mad?

Big Don really did make a great burger.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, he did.

Come on, Mom, you remember. When I was a kid,

I used to eat so many of those things, we should own stock in the place.

CECILIA: We did. We did?

Your father bought it.

It was looking very promising.

They were marketing a newline of products. What were they?

Big Don's fiesta food.

Tacos, burritos...

That's the motive.

Now, look, we know the killer, we know the victim, all we need is that fireplace.

Well, the only fireplace we got is Ben Dodge's.

Yeah, but I can't picture Andrea's father

digging around in an antique fireplace

for a brick in a 100-year-old mansion. Can you?

That house isn't old.

Mr. Dodge just built it to look old. I remember my father talking about it.

He used to watch them working on it.

Then it could have been under construction in '59.

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Well, maybe your father didn't have time to get the evidence out of there.

1959.

I remember seeing pictures of it in the home section of the newspaper.

Where are you going?

You haven't finished dinner yet.

Mom, dinner was delicious, but we've...

We've gotta get back inside that house tonight.

Look, see, Ben Dodge is going out to dinner

to Le Chien Andalou. He's not gonna be at home.

Mom, we gotta go.

Be careful.

Back door.

(LOCK CLICKING)

A.J.: Will you hurry up?

It wasn't locked.

(RICK EXCLAIMS)

(CLINKING)

Which way? Down here.

It was the other way this afternoon.

Then why did you ask?

Okay, it wasn't.

Hey, careful.

I'm being careful.

(CLATTERING)

Shh!

There's the door.

Shh.

What?

Somebody else is in here with us.

What?

I think there's somebody in here with us.

Don't be ridiculous.

ALL: Surprise!

Happy Birthday to you Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, Ben Dodge Hap...

(EXCLAIMS) What?

Breaking and entering. Trespassing.

No, the door was open.

And we had an invitation, right? Right.

You got it right there. No, it was in my... I got it, right.

BOTH: Surprise!

ALL: Surprise!

Happy birthday to you

Hey, what's going on here?

We caught these guys breaking in.

What guys?

Let's go!

Happy birthday to you Murray!

Bernie! How are you?

Imagine! And what a surprise,

coming all the way down from Detroit.

Come on. This way.

There they are.

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Water.

Two for dinner? Two for water.

I'm afraid we are... Two for dinner.

Two for dinner, sir. This way, please.

(PANTING)

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, good. Yeah.

Your waiter will be right over.

Oh, no, not waiter, water. Just...

Where's the telephone?

Over there.

(COIN CLINKING IN PAYPHONE)

A.J.: Much too slow. Much too slow.

Enjoy your dinner.

AJ; Come on.

How are we gonna get out of here?

Hi.

Good evening.

Good evening.

(CHUCKLING) Steal a car. Hello.

(EXCLAIMING SILENTLY)

Good evening.

How are you?

Watch your step now. Thank you.

Wait a minute.

(COUGHS)

You will probably be gone when we come out, so...

Oh. That's for you.

Great, thank you.

Thank you.

You folks have a nice evening, now.

(PHONE RINGING)

Mr. Dodge. Thanks for coming to the phone for a change.

I hope we didn't spoil your party.

Wish him a happy birthday.

We'd like to talk to you.

Oh, about the evidence that Conrad Viorst had

that proves that you killed Big Don Landers.

Yes, sir, it is silly, but it is evidence.

No. No, I'm sorry. I won't tell you what it is.

Not till we talk in person.

Why don't you come to the phone booth at the corner of 5th and B.

Come alone.

Alone with your chauffeur.

1:00 a.m.?

Fine.

See you then. Bye-bye.

Now, just be real gentle with her, okay?

RICK: How alone was he?

Alone with Thornbury and Harrison.

Perfect.

RICK: Three, four, five, six.

It's loose.

Nothing.

That's the sixth brick from the bottom.

Well, there's gotta be another fireplace.

Bedroom.

DODGE: What time you got?

It's 1:10.

1:08.

Okay. We'll give them ten more minutes.

Nothing.

(SIGHING)

(CAR APPROACHING)

DODGE: All right. I've had it.

Call the cops.

Yes, sir.

There's number three.

Which one?

Okay.

(DOOR OPENING)

Don't worry, Mr. Dodge.

My brother and I don't wait in people's houses to murder them.

What happened to Big Don Landers is not gonna happen to you.

I was just doing a little violence to your fireplace.

I'm having you arrested.

I've sent for the police. They're on their way.

You have no right to do this!

Well, if we're wrong,

we get arrested for vandalism.

But if we're right,

you get arrested for murder.

Oh, officer, good.

These men have broken into my house. Twice.

I'm filing charges against them.

OFFICER: All right, you two.

A.J. What are you doing here?

Matt.

It's a long story.

Oh, we play racquetball together.

Matt, listen.

Could you do me a favor? Just read the letter.

Just read this letter, it'll explain everything.

Well, that doesn't mean anything.

It was written by a drunk and a crackpot.

Well, are you just going to stand there and watch them destroy my property,

or am I going to have to call the police commissioner?

I demand you put a stop to this.

Just one more minute here, okay?

I hope this is the last fireplace.

A.J., I'm gonna have to read you your rights.

You have the right to remain silent.

(EXCLAIMS)

How's that for a piece of evidence, huh?

Here you go.

Here you go, fellows.

(SNORTING)

Hey.

Cut it out. Quit molesting my turtles, will you?

I can't figure out whether he's in love or just hungry.

Either way, he's in for a big surprise.

Hi. Hi.

RICK: Oh, hi.

I just thought I'd drop by to say thank you.

Oh, well, that's our pleasure.

Oh, here.

Thank you.

Here, I owe you this.

No, no, no.

What you do is you

buy the lady a new body,

and you can buy us dinner.

Yes, at Le Chien Andalou.

Okay. You got it.

Okay.

Bye.

BOTH: Bye.

What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on vacation.

No, my car is on vacation.

Four days in the shop to fix the head gasket.

Oh, that's a shame. Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, I knew you'd understand why I need to borrow a car or a pickup.

Well, see, my truck has a lot of work...

My car...

Nice. Nice. After I trick Daddy into handling that repo for you. I...

Daddy, you're... Myron?

You guys didn't tell me that Johnson was 6'3",

250 pounds, and used to be fullback with the Steelers.

We didn't know it. No, that was lineback.

Sure.

For a Canadian league.

Hi. I'm Muffin Goldstein.

Did I miss anything?