Original subtitles

Leo's up early this morning.

What's he eating?

Don't they feed him at night?

Yeah.

(SCREAMING)

(WHISTLES)

Come here. What are you doing?

Get in here.

Coffee.

Oh, no, not again.

Yeah, again. Now what happens is it answers the phone,

beeps, and then shuts off before you can leave a message.

Pound cake?

I was talking about the pound cake.

That's the third time in two weeks.

Did I ask for a show of hands for the breakfast menu, huh?

Well, at least it's improving. This is better than Mom's.

Yeah, well, it is Mom's. Oh.

She stopped by. She wants us to come to dinner tonight.

Is this Sunday? No.

Oh, that means she's dating again.

Yeah.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Thank you for calling Simon and Simon Investigations.

Our staff is not in the office at the moment,

but you can leave a message for us when you hear the beep.

Please leave your name and telephone number, and we will get back to you

just as soon as we can. Thank you.

Beep.

Morning A.J. How'd you know it was me?

'Cause your recording's sexier.

Oh, yeah?

Besides, I know your machine's broken.

I took a message for you yesterday.

I was watering your plants. Somebody from the zoo.

No, well, we already gave at the office. Thank you.

No. They want a talk to you about a job.

You're supposed to meet a Mr. Frye

in the administrative offices at 11:00 this morning.

Can you make it?

Oh, gee, well, we'll have to shift a lot of stuff around here,

but, yeah, I'll squeeze it in.

I mean, after all, it is the zoo.

Hey, thank you. You know, you ought to water our plants more often.

No, you should. I'll talk to you later, okay?

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

MYRON: What was that about? Nothing.

Derek Frye at the zoo? About a job?

Not for us.

For them?

Now, Daddy.

Derek Frye is a lodge brother of mine.

You mean, he called them and not me,

and you gave them the message?

Now, Daddy, look, you're getting all upset about nothing.

There's absolutely... Well, wait a minute.

What's happening here?

My friends hire the competition,

my own daughter takes bread out of the mouths of her children?

Daddy, I don't have any children.

In fact, I'm not married. Remember?

Well, you keep hanging around with them and you never will be.

You know, there is room in San Diego

for two detective agencies.

No, there isn't.

RICK: A.J. A.J.: Yo.

Bet you can't remember the last time we went to the zoo.

Hey, come on. You still stole me five bucks

for Hoveland's horse last week.

Yeah, but that was a trick question.

Now, when was the last time we went to the zoo?

Are you kidding?

Cub Scout, den 48. I had my Bobcat,

you were going for your Wolf badge.

Den mother.

Mrs. Schneider. You little twerp.

All right. Now, five bucks says you can't come up

with the kid who had to leave early

because he was pitching pennies at kangaroos.

Oh... Uh...

Come on. Delay of game, delay of game.

Hold on, hold on. I can see his saddle shoes.

Yeah, Jimmy Dunbar! Wrong. Toby Short.

Okay. So, who's the big kid

who got busted for climbing onto Monkey Island?

Double or nothing.

SANDY: Well, as you can see,

a zoo isn't all popcorn and chattering monkeys.

Who was he?

David Howell.

An employee in charge of feeding the big cats.

Man did his job right to the very end.

Now, just so we have an understanding.

Several other members of the board

wanted this investigation. I did not. I was overruled.

But so you know,

if you do anything to harm the reputation of this zoo,

you'll find it extremely difficult to get work again.

Always nice to kick things off with a little vote of confidence.

I'm sure you have no need to worry, Mr. Frye.

When did this happen?

Two days ago.

Now, so far, we've managed to keep it out of the papers.

The police have had an investigation.

So have the insurance carriers.

Accidental death?

Of course it was accidental.

We just have to find a way to explain it.

You see, David Howell was an experienced keeper,

and the lion was a model citizen for five years.

I think that we might look into

David Howell's private life.

Perhaps there was a personal problem.

Drugs, drinking, anything that can explain how it happened,

if you understand my meaning.

Yeah, yeah. I think so.

Can I just ask you, though, do you have any preference here?

Drug abuse, alcoholism,

animal husbandry?

If you gentlemen don't feel that you can handle this case,

why, I'm sure there are other agencies that can.

I want the right kind of results.

Just out of curiosity, Mr. Frye,

what happens if he didn't have any personal problems?

I'm sure you'll find something.

Well, was there anything in the autopsy

to indicate, say, intoxication?

There wasn't enough left of the body to perform an autopsy.

Now, if you gentlemen are ready to start earning your fees...

Do we have an understanding, Mr. Simon?

Oh, yes. What you want is a little discreet character assassination.

Let me put it this way.

My family has been supporting this institution

for two generations with very extensive contributions.

I will do anything necessary to protect it.

Anything.

SANDY: I just wanted to tell you

that I don't agree with Mr. Frye.

When you work with animals,

some of their instincts rub off.

There's just something wrong about this.

I mean, it just never should have happened.

David knew the lion was ill.

The lion was sick?

Yeah, we were just about ready to send him off to a research clinic.

I was treating him for meningitis.

I don't know, he probably would have died anyway, but...

Well, when an animal injures someone we have him destroyed.

It was like losing a friend in Leo's case.

Funny thing is these people will never know the difference.

They'll just wait for us to acquire another lion.

Well, I've got rounds.

Let me know if I can be of any help, okay?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Alan Grey.

Alan Grey? What?

The kid on Monkey Island. Alan Grey.

Wrong. What wrong? It was Alan Grey.

It was not. He wasn't even along that day.

He had chicken pox, remember?

Five bucks it was the mumps.

You're really asking for it, aren't you?

Five bucks. Five bucks.

RICK: I'll spot you a minute or two and then I'll make the call.

What did you say the guy's name was? A.J.: Leon Mendoza.

Well, that means I better bring

our favorite bureaucrat out of retirement.

Art Sanchez? Mmm-hmm.

Oh, come on. Old Art nearly got me busted

the last time we went fishing.

Don't worry. This time he'll give you good cover.

I hear he's got a fancy new position

with the building inspector's office.

Great.

Hi. You're the manager?

Yeah, that's right

I understand you got an apartment for rent.

Well, the guy's stuff is still in there,

and they haven't come to get it yet.

And I'm really not supposed to...

Would it be all right if I just take a quick look around?

Yeah. I guess it'll be all right.

Great. What happened, he get transferred or something?

Something like that.

This guy was really into animals wasn't he?

His stuff ought to be out of here in a few days.

How come he's moving?

Business, I guess. He was a nice guy. Quiet. No trouble.

(PHONE RINGING) Listen, that's for me.

Hold on. I'll be right back.

Sure, hey, no problem. Take your time.

MENDOZA: Hello?

Hello, is this Leon Mendoza,

manager of the Del Capri Apartments on Cabrillo Avenue?

Yes.

PACK“. Hi, this is Art Sanchez

with the Municipal Building Code office.

Yeah, we're preparing for some on-site inspections,

and I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions.

Okay, now let's move on to air con...

Are we talking about central refrigeration here?

Okay, now the code states that you gotta have one parking space

for each unit.

We already have two.

Well, yeah, two is better.

This won't take much longer, Mr. Mendoza, and from the way it looks,

I'm not even gonna have to send a man

out there to poke around your place at all.

Nah.

Listen, can you hold on for just a second? My other line's ringing.

Okay, now let me just go down my list here

and see if I missed anything, okay?

Oh, yes. Let's talk termites.

Could I have the date of your last inspection, please?

LEON: We're gonna get that fixed.

What?

The water pressure. We're gonna get it juiced up for you.

Oh, great. Okay.

Well, plumbing looks terrific to me.

Sure. We do everything by the code around here.

In fact, we just got a stamp of approval from the building inspector.

Really?

Thanks again. You bet.

Surprise, surprise. Uh-oh.

Yeah, looks like Mr. Howell did have a little problem with drugs.

You're kidding. No.

What is this, PCP?

You ever hear of anybody shooting PCP?

Yeah, well, we'll get it analyzed. Find out.

You know, it was awfully nice of Mr. Howell

to make it all so easy for us.

Wasn't it?

Now, if you were a cop... Yeah.

And you were searching a man's apartment,

wouldn't you look under the bottoms of the drawers?

Yeah. Uh-huh. And if you found a bottle

with some funny little pink pills in it, wouldn't you take it?

Of course I would.

All right.

So? It's phony.

Yeah. Obviously we're being set up.

I mean, somebody put the pills and the syringes there for us to find.

(GROANS)

Foul!

What foul? That was clean.

Now, obviously we're discussing

Mr. Frye from the zoo here. Am I correct?

What does he think we are, stupid or something?

No, he thinks we're greedy.

Checks around town, finds out that we need the business.

He figures we'll take a quick buck and keep our mouth shut, right?

Open and shut situation.

Question is, what is it that he's trying to cover up?

(GRUNTING)

Well, we're not being paid to find out what he's trying to cover up.

Yeah, I know. We're being paid

to do his dirty work for him.

CECILIA: Dinner's ready!

Dick, could you pass the buns, please?

And the butter please, Andy?

Thank you.

Mom, do you know a guy named Derek Frye?

Wasn't he married to one of the Lennox twins?

No, no, no, no. That was Ed Randall.

You're thinking about Evie Parker.

But she only dated Frye.

You're right. She had just divorced Bob Gordon

and hadn't met Lyle Hughes yet.

Well, was that before or after Lyle's nervous breakdown?

Oh, it had to be before. She caused it, remember?

Could we get back to Derek Frye for just a second?

Who?

Derek Frye. You remember, the guy who only dated Evie Parker.

Oh, sorry. I only know him by reputation.

Well, what's his reputation?

Rich.

Old money.

Inherited.

Spends all his time spending it.

You know, things like charities, civic projects. Why are you fellows asking?

Oh, we're doing some work for him. For the zoo, really.

Oh, that's right. The zoo is his pet project.

Yeah, he serves on the board, free of charge.

Donates a million dollars a year to it.

What are you doing for the zoo?

It's confidential, Mom.

Results already?

Actually, I'm afraid not, Mr. Frye.

We searched Howell's apartment yesterday, and...

Well?

Come up dry.

Well...

We just thought we ought to let you know.

Yeah, you know, in case you had any other suggestions.

Am I supposed to do your jobs for you? I'm paying you for results.

Oh well, we'll get the results.

It's just, you know... (SIGHING)

When a man has personal problems,

it's usually the people at work that know something about it.

We were just thinking that maybe you could tell the personnel here at the zoo

that we're from the poor side of your family and get us a couple of jobs here.

I think we can do that. What kind of job did you have in mind?

(GROWLING)

Relax, Detroit. Just room service.

Go on out there and take a look at all those wild humans

we got for you today.

Big cats are nothing, once they get to know you.

Yeah, great.

How well they know the guy who got killed the other day?

Howell? Yeah.

The question is how well did he get to know them?

Wouldn't catch me in the same room with a sick lion.

That cat was running a fever.

Was being treated by the vet for convulsions.

Didn't Howell know that?

Yeah. But he went in two hours after his shift.

Some people around here are wilder than the animals.

Isn't that good.

(SIGHING) That tastes so good.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Okay, kids, now if you're all very quiet,

you can move in a little closer and get a better look.

This is Dr. Sawyer, our veterinarian.

Dr. Sawyer, would you like to tell us a little bit about your patient there?

Yes, I'd love to.

This is Ronnie. And Ronnie is about 10 months old.

And we had to bring him in here because his mother couldn't feed him.

But if he keeps drinking his milk and taking his vitamins,

he'll grow up to be a big, strong chimpanzee.

Okay, if we go back down the hall now,

you can all see what happens when a leopard breaks its leg. Okay?

(SIGHING)

I need a favor. If you could tell me what was in there,

and if you could tell me what these are.

I think I can do that. Where'd you get them?

David Howell's apartment. And I need another favor.

For the time being, let's just keep it between us, okay?

Sure.

Thank you. Better get back to my little monkeys.

(LAUGHING)

Kids.

KRAMER: Did you want to see me, Mr. Frye?

Come in, Kramer.

I thought I told you to plant those pills in Howell's apartment.

I did. Did you?

Well I went ahead and hired detectives

who went to the apartment and found nothing.

That's impossible. I made it so easy, you couldn't have missed it.

All they had to do was find the PCP and trace it back to the vet's office

where Howell stole it in the first place.

I want you to find a way to get rid of those two.

Manufacture an incident. Give me an excuse to fire them and shut that board up!

If this backfires on me one more time...

Don't worry.

(SNARLING)

(TIGER SNARLING)

AJ; We're now approaching the Great Flight Cage,

home to over 1,500 different species of birds from around the globe,

including...

Including 100 races of the parrot family,

a world of waterfowl, and many more of our exotic feathered friends.

On our left a grouping of African and Asiatic elephants

and if you look closely, you will see a white-bearded gnu

and the fringe-eared oryx.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

Up ahead, you can see one of our skilled attendants, preparing their lunch.

(WHISTLES)

Okay, we'll stop here for a few minutes.

For those of you who want to take some pictures...

Ladies, please, let's save some for the Reptile House.

Hi.

(GRUNTING)

You look like you're having a real nice time.

Oh, come on. I offered to flip you for it.

Yeah, well, you knew I couldn't remember all that garbage.

Well, I figure I have to memorize all that garbage so it makes us just about even.

Yeah, we're gonna get even more even when we split the check for this job.

Okay. Well, just keep track of your hours, that's all.

Yeah, I'm already doing that, bwana.

Hey, gonna load those feed bags today?

I was thinking about it.

Good. Because when you're finished here,

there's a couple of gorillas over there who wouldn't mind seeing you.

There's a new attraction for you.

North American Jerk.

(HORN HONKING)

(CHUCKLING)

It's a real jungle out here.

Come up with anything?

Yeah. I got a little steak joint I want you to see tonight.

(SIGHING)

Well, I love the atmosphere. Are you sure we don't need a reservation?

The paperwork says that all the cats consumed

the normal amount of meat last week.

That's just about 10 pounds per day, per cat.

Now, those records are kept by whoever does the feeding, right?

For every five pounds of meat they consume, they get one of these.

This is a processed food supplement.

Contains all the nutritional requirements to keep a big cat healthy.

You know vitamins, minerals, like that.

That's swell, Mr. Wizard.

Yeah, but there are ten more of those packages in there

than there ought to be. That's five days' worth.

So what? The cat was sick. He probably wasn't eating right.

Yeah. Well, according to the records from the meat locker,

he was eating right.

According to what's in there, he wasn't.

Now, nobody in his right mind is gonna walk into a cage with a hungry lion.

Especially not one that's been starved for five days.

So either Howell wasn't in his right mind and was high on PCP...

Yeah, or he checked these records,

figured the lion was eating all right, walked in there and got one big surprise.

In which case, he was murdered.

Yeah.

Hey, you don't look like a bear.

(MOCKING) You don't look like a bear.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

It says, "Don't feed the animals."

Then don't feed the animals. Just beat it.

Mister, there's a bear behind you.

Listen, kid, you better get out of here before I take those peanuts and shove...

(BEAR GRUNTING) Told you.

Hey, kid go get help.

What's it worth to you?

Five bucks.

Nope. $10.

Okay, $10. Just go!

(GROWLING)

AJ; We're now approaching Bear Country,

which is currently being remodeled.

When it is finished, it will be one of the most fascinating outdoor environments

ever created for these creatures

collected from all over the world.

Now, before we go on, are there any questions?

Okay. Well, on your next visit,

you will be able to see the North American Grizzly...

(GROWLING)

What the...

Little help here.

Stay there. I'll be right back

I'm not moving.

Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

Hey, here you go, here you go, here you go, boy.

Come on, good bear. Come on, go.

A.J., unwrap them first.

Oh, yeah.

Here you go. Come on.

(WHISTLING) Come on, come on, go away, beat it, scram.

Come on, Huey. Get out of there! Come on. Get up here.

Come on, Huey.

What the hell are you doing in here with him?

What the hell was he doing in here with me?

(RICK GROANING)

JANET: What did you do to yourself? Would you hold still?

Rick, let me see the other one.

What happened? Easy.

Oh, he was shinning up and down trees.

You know, I think I finally got this thing fixed. We got a message.

WOMAN: This is Mr. Frye's office at the zoo calling,

He's asked me to give you the following message:

I did not hire you to turn our institution into a circus.

On recommendation of legal counsel, I am terminating your employment

without pay

since you have demonstrated no ability to deliver results.

You'll be getting a letter to this effect.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Ouch.

A.J., I'm gonna go fishing. You want to come?

No.

Janet?

MYRON: Janet!

Just got a call from Derek Frye.

We've got the zoo assignment.

That's wonderful, Daddy.

(CHUCKLES)

You know, you two really stepped in it this time,

Frye's got a lot of contacts in San Diego.

You two just might be out of business.

(LAUGHING)

On second thought, I will go fishing. Let me get my stuff.

You? No. I have got to get back to work.

AJ; Please leave your name and telephone number

and we'll get back to you just as soon as we can.

SANDY: This is Dr. Sawyer at the zoo,

I've finished the analysis for you.

I think you better come to my lab as soon as possible.

SANDY: It was PCP. Animal tranquilizer.

And it was used on an animal, Leo.

There was lion tissue embedded in the needles.

But a dose that large would've made Leo sick.

Now why would Howell wanna do that?

What kind of sick?

High fever, convulsions,

reduced appetite, weight loss.

Oh, my God.

That's textbook meningitis.

I just lost a panther to it six months ago.

And Leo was developing the same symptoms.

A lion and a panther with the same disease. Isn't that unusual?

Who was in charge of feeding the panther? Was that Howell?

Yes.

I think I'm starting to get the picture.

Yeah. Me, too.

They've been with her for over an hour.

Then bring them out here.

Suppose they don't want to come?

Then do what you have to do. I need a private talk.

Make sure Sawyer doesn't know.

Now look, she could be trouble.

I've already covered that.

The zoo's about to get a new veterinarian.

You bet.

A.J.: See, Frye planted the pills for us to find,

but he didn't plant the syringes.

Howell was injecting Leo with enough PCP to duplicate the symptoms of meningitis.

But there was only one problem. That PCP was stolen seven months ago

and in a liquid form it has a very short shelf life.

So it went bad.

Well, that means that Howell wasn't murdered, it was just an accident.

I mean, he went in thinking that Leo was too tranquil to attack him.

Yeah. He got exactly what he deserved.

Here it is.

Look at these.

The two autopsy reports from the Kenner Foundation are identical.

But no mention of PCP in either the panther or the lion.

What is the Kenner Foundation?

It's a research clinic. It's non profit and loosely associated with the zoo.

It must be pretty loose, 'cause whatever the hell's going on here,

these guys are part of it.

Oh. I can't believe that.

The Foundation was set up by the Frye family years ago.

Frye? Derek Frye?

Well, it was created by his father

but I'm sure he's in charge of it now.

I'm getting very frightened by all of this.

Well, I think you have very good reason to be.

And I think it's time you and I had a little talk with Mr. Frye.

Yep.

(YELLS)

(LAUGHING) A.J.

A.J., listen to me. You're gonna have to be quiet here.

AJ“ new “stem to me. Listen to me.

You've been shot with a tranquilizer dart.

(LAUGHING)

You've been drugged. Now, you're gonna have to be quiet, you understand me?

Shut up!

Are you gonna be quiet? Huh?

(LAUGHING LOUDLY)

Quiet.

A.J.: Hey, Rick.

(SHUSHING)

Why'd you hit that guy at the dance?

(WHISPERING) Shut up.

He was only dancing with her.

Huh?

Boy, Dad's gonna be mad at us when we get home.

(LAUGHING)

Would you shut up?

Did you see the face on the guy

when we dropped the water balloon in his convertible?

If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell Dad

what you did in old man Edwards' rose bed.

All right.

(GROWLING)

(LAUGHING)

(METAL CLATTERING)

I wanna go home, Rick. I gotta get up for my paper route.

Climb it.

Huh?

Come on, climb it.

(GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLING)

Monkey bars!

Get up.

Come here.

Oh, boy.

A.J.: Oh, nice doggy.

(GROANING)

A.J.: See, doggy?

A.J., shut up!

Say what?

Shut up! That is not a dog. Now, if we're both real quiet,

maybe he'll only eat one of us.

Now, get up there, get up there.

He's hungry.

(SHUSHING) RICK: I know he's hungry.

Come here, come on.

Good boy. Good boy.

Get out.

Sweet doggy.

Hungry doggy.

I want to go on Monkey Island, Mrs. Schneider.

Rick got to go on Monkey Island.

Well, didn't we have a bet? That was you, you little creep!

(CLANKING) You finked on me.

What's going on? Can you walk?

I think so.

Look, we gotta make a run for that tram.

I feel like I'm playing at 33 1/3.

You better speed it up to 78.

A.J.: Hey, Rick, drop me off at Barbie Herman's on the way home.

RICK: Barbie Herman's married and has four kids.

But she's only a freshman.

Oh wonderful! We're attracting attention.

Try explaining this to the cops. Grand theft zoo tram.

Now, just get a grip. Where is that lousy microphone?

Ladies and gentlemen.

Support your local 100.

Yes, it's our annual fund drive and we're taking to the streets

to pass the word on to kids of all ages.

The zoo needs you.

Hi, folks, come on into the zoo

and see the North American grizzly bear,

Like the song says, it's all happening at the zoo,

Looking for a cheap date? Try the zoo,

You don't have to wait in line for romance and adventure,

(DOOR OPENING)

Hi, Mom.

Yeah, okay. We'll be there in half an hour.

Yeah. Bye.

How long was I out of it last night?

About 16 years. Here you go.

Get your act together. We got a date with Dr. Sawyer.

Mom? We're gonna pay a little visit to the Kenner Foundation.

Hey, Mom, can we borrow the car?

Let's go.

Yeah. Bye, Mom.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Ma'am, there's a stolen zoo vehicle parked in front of your house...

There is?

There certainly is.

How do suppose it got there, Officer?

I was about to ask you the same question.

Well, I didn't leave it there.

I've been here a few times before.

The clinic is in the back of the building.

Okay.

Listen, there's something going into that truck

I think you ought to take a look at. Come on.

SANDY: It's Leo. I kind of thought it was.

Yeah, but he's supposed to be dead. You saw the autopsy report.

I got a weird feeling if we don't do something pretty fast, he's gonna be dead.

What?

Look. You're gonna have to follow that truck.

Whenever it gets to where it's going, you call the cops.

Yeah, but where are you gonna be?

With him. Come on.

(LEO GROWLING) Okay, he's all yours. You can take him away.

Is that thing drugged?

Nope.

Better be careful.

Psst. Psst.

What's the plan?

Oh, no.

(GROWLS)

Can I help you, ma'am?

Excuse me, I was just curious, who lives here?

This is the Frye estate.

(BRAKES SQUEALING)

(LEO GROWLING)

Nice day for a hunt, isn't it?

Don't do it, Mr. Kramer.

No, you might get one shot off before this cat goes all over your boss,

but there's nothing madder than a wounded lion, now is there?

Why don't you just lock that thing up again?

Why don't you tell your friend Kramer to put his gun down?

Do as he says.

What? I got a clear shot, here.

Do it.

RICK: Now, then,

everybody except Mr. Frye here, just back off nice and easy.

Come on, back up.

Okay.

Now, this is not bad.

A fenced-in estate.

No way for the animal to get out.

Just a matter of time before the great, white hunter makes his kill. Right, Frye?

How much is it gonna cost me to keep you two quiet?

Oh...

Oh, I wish you'd made an offer sooner.

It looks like it's a little late now.

Try this one.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Are these from the zoo?

(CRYING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

They should've kept you at the zoo where you belong.

We just came over to take care of your share of the fee.

Well, how much?

Daddy, we can't accept anything.

We didn't even assign anyone to the case.

I was handling it personally.

I sort of figured you were.

You were our subcontractor, you might say, right?

You realize you have to report this on your income tax?

Okay. Well, now, what we did was

we designed a formula based on the maximum amount of time

that you had since Frye hired you

and divided it by the time it took us

to successfully conclude the investigation.

It came to $7 and change.

But why quibble over car fare.

Let's make it an even $8.

Real pleasure having you aboard, Myron.

We'd like to have you work for us again sometime real soon.

There you go. Thanks again.

Oh, can you hold on to that for about 10 days?

Thank you.