Original subtitles

-Is it just me or has the art of lying through your teeth

become increasingly popular in the past few years?

I know this sounds impossible.

I know that lying should be like

all the other great sins -- adultery, murder, gluttony,

watching too much TV.

And if it is, then it's universal.

And if it's universal, then everybody does it

all the time in all ages, under all circumstances,

even when they're not in divorce court.

In other words, we always have liars, right?

So how could we have more liars?

I'm lost.

I forgot to say I'm Joe Bob Briggs

and this is Part 2 of "The Last Drive-In"

celebration of the horror subgenre called

People You Don't Want to Meet in the Boonies,

and the movie is a neglected classic called

"Dead & Buried" that many people think was written by

Dan O'Bannon, of "Alien" fame,

and "Return to the Living Dead" fame,

and "Lifeforce" fame, but was actually written by Ron Shusett.

And it's one of the best movies of the '80s.

See, I'm lying.

I just -- I just lied, just right there.

It's actually a pretty decent movie

that came out in 1981,

but it wouldn't make anybody's top 10 '80s list.

Despite its originality,

it's almost impossible to describe the plot

without spoiling the plot, so I won't.

But anyway, I have evidence that we're reaching critical mass

on lying through your teeth.

Like, my late dad was an IRS agent.

He could always tell who was lying.

He could tell just by talkin' to em.

He could tell more by talkin' to em,

in fact, than he could tell by

spending 30 hours with their CPA.

Now today I have friends at the IRS

who tell me impossible.

They can't pick out the liars at all.

There's way too many of 'em, and they talk just like us.

But example numero two-o, for about 40 years

there was this sheriff in East Texas

who arrested people by phone.

He would call up a guy and say,

"Willie, I know you took them hubcaps.

Come on down to the jail."

And they would all come down to the jail.

Every time he did this.

And he thought it was a great law-enforcement technique,

because if you said to a guy, "We know you did it,"

and then he came down to the jail

by himself, then by-God he did it.

The trial is just gonna take about 10 minutes.

But then the DEA came to work on a case

in this particular county,

and they were about to make a drug arrest,

and the sheriff said, "Lemme just call that ole boy up

and have him come in and bring the drugs with him."

And the DEA guys freaked out.

They insisted that they stake out the house

and make the arrest, and try to seize the drugs.

And then they stirred up a lot of trouble for the sheriff,

called him a lunatic for wanting to arrest people that way

because they were sure that criminals would lie to him.

And, of course, they would lie to him,

'cause in 2020, even in the deep

piney woods of East Texas,

there are a lot more liars than there used to be.

People lie about being unemployed.

People lie about their family history.

People lie about their college degree.

People lie about their income, their age,

their dog's pedigree, the novel that they're writing

or not writing, and that's not so strange, I guess,

because that's the same ole stuff

people have always lied about.

But I guess the difference is that, later on, they just come

right out and say, "Well, I had to lie,

you know For business reasons."

Or, "Well, I had to lie about that

to protect her feelings."

Or, "Well, I had to lie about that

because I was going through a lot of personal problems

at the time so it helped to lie."

And nobody ever says, "Well, you dirty scumdog.

You told a giant whopper, didn't you?"

Everybody just goes, "Yeah, o-okay, yeah, okay,

of course you did.

Well, it don't mean nothin."

He had to. He had no choice.

Which is kind of leading into the theme of tonight's movie,

where you have a whole town of liars.

This is one of those "town with a terrible secret" movies,

and the terrible secret just keeps getting

more and more terrible.

Fortunately, we have Darcy the Mail Girl with us

to answer all the lies that you're gonna send us

through social media, and we'll answer them

with lies of our own.

She's available on Twitter,

available by email, available on Instagram.

Dar-- Darcy's just generally available.

And by the way, Darcy, I was lying.

I know I told you we would soon be moving out

of this cramped cabin and back to our

spacious studio in Dallas,

but that was only to give you false hope

so that you wouldn't despair.

-I so appreciate that.

-Well, it was a white lie. [Laughter]

Or kind of a polka-dot lie, you know?

I know you hate it that they don't have

fitness centers out here.

-Oh, my God. I'm suffering.

You know, but later we'll go out and cut down some huge trees

with chainsaws, and that'll be great exercise.

-Really? -No, I'm lying again.

-Maybe you should introduce the movie?

-Alright, excellent idea.

"Dead & Buried," it's the old story

of unsuspecting tourists

who pull into a seaside town in Maine

and get sliced and diced by the local welcoming committee,

only to turn up later in a form

that makes you think the title should actually be

"Dead & Unburied" or "Undead & Buried"

or "Alive & Buried" or "Dead and Walking Around,"

which is a peculiar problem for the sheriff,

played by James Farentino,

and his rather gloomy school-teacher wife,

played by Melody Anderson, since it's his job to find out

who's murdering the visitors and why the killings

are so lovingly preserved on Kodak Instamatics.

Sure we've seen it before, but have we seen it

with Jack Albertson as the big-band-loving coroner

who thinks embalming is an art form?

I think not.

Let's look at those drive-in totals

and a one, and a two, and a...

13 dead bodies.

3 mob beatdowns, with shovel bashing.

1 upside-down head incineration.

1 picturesque-as-fuck town, with rocky beach.

2 motor vehicle crashes.

Throat slicing.

Hitchhiker head bashing.

Face carving. Harpoon to the chest.

Aardvarkus interruptus, with knife-plunging.

Involuntary acid embalming.

Grave robbing. Syringe to the eyeball.

Face flaking. Heads roll.

Arm rolls. Heart rolls.

"Drive-In" Academy Award nominations

for Christopher Allport

as the beret-adorned Playboy photographer;

Lisa Blount, as the aggressive beach babe;

James Farentino as the college-boy sheriff;

Melody Anderson as the voodoo-loving wife;

Jack Albertson as the deranged mortician

who says "Look at them, Daniel,

look at my children, they had to be disfigured";

and Gary Sherman, the director,

for doing things the drive-in way.

Three stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.

♪♪

The girl on the beach in this very first scene,

that's Lisa Blount, Arkansas girl from Fayetteville.

Supposedly, the whole crew fell in love with her

[laughing] while they were filming the movie.

And you can see why.

I was in a movie with her a few years later after this,

and even though she was sort of turning

into a scream queen by then,

she had a big following.

She was still living right there in Arkansas,

and I thought that was cool because she was like,

"Okay. You want to hire me?

You want to fly me out from Little Rock?

Fine. Otherwise, I have stuff to do."

[Laughter]

She had that great scene in "An Officer and a Gentleman."

Um, her boyfriend flunks out of fighter-jet training

and she says "Well, I can't marry you now.

I don't want some Okie from Muskogee."

And so David Keith has to kill himself.

That's how hot Lisa Blount was.

[Laughter]

[Static]

♪♪

[Static]

[Thunder crashing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Waves crashing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Wind gusting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-That's a really good camera, isn't it?

♪♪

♪♪

You gotta be a professional photographer

to have that camera like that.

-Uh-huh.

-Are you really?

Oh, that's exciting.

-Yeah, sometimes.

Pays well anyway.

-Are you here on, uh, assignment?

♪♪

-No.

♪♪

Just a vacation.

-Are you famous?

♪♪

-I'm from St. Louis.

Photographers don't get famous in St. Louis.

-[Chuckles]

-Successful maybe, but not famous.

♪♪

-What's your name?

-My name is -- -No, no, wait.

Let me guess.

You look like a...

Fred. [Giggles] -Oh.

-No, no, let's see.

Freddie. -Okay.

-Yeah. Yeah, I think you look like a Freddie.

-Alright. Okay, okay.

I'll be Freddie, and you can be...

Lisa.

I've always wanted to meet a Lisa.

♪♪

-That's a really pretty name.

Lisa, you're a very pretty lady.

♪♪

-[Chuckles]

Pretty enough to...

be a model?

-Absolutely.

♪♪

Now I want you to give me a nice smile, Lisa, okay?

Alright, here we go.

Come on, look at Freddie.

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

[Camera shutter] That's beautiful.

That's great. That's great.

You're so pretty.

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks] Oh, you're wasting

your time here, Lisa.

Mm, you are so pretty.

Come on, come on, smile at Freddie.

[Waves crashing, camera shutter clicks]

-You like that? -Great, that's wonderful!

I'm gonna put this in "Playboy". [Camera shutter clicking]

Yes. Oh, that is nice, Lisa.

Beautiful.

Right in the camera. Look right in the camera.

Oh, very nice. Very nice. Have fun.

Have fun.

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

-How's this, Freddie?

♪♪

-That's great.

-Do I look good to you, Freddie?

-You look wonderful to me.

♪♪

-Do you want me, Freddie?

♪♪

-Right here?

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey! What's happening? -Smile, Freddie.

[Camera shutter clicks]

-[Grunts]

[Groans]

What are you doing to me?!

Ah!

[Groaning]

[Screams]

♪♪

[Groans]

[Shovel clanks]

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasping]

[Camera shutters clicking]

♪♪

Welcome to Potters Bluff.

♪♪

-[Whimpering]

♪♪

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Match strikes]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Screaming continues]

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

[Fire crackling]

[Indistinct conversations]

-He's deader than hell.

[Water hose roaring]

-Hey, ho, whoa! -I got it, I got it!

-Hello, Betty?

Come in, Betty!

-Go ahead, Unit 1.

-Betty, we're still waiting for Dobbs

to show with the meat wagon.

You did call the funeral home, didn't you?

-Ten-four, Unit 1.

I reached the funeral home half an hour ago.

Mr. Dobbs said he'd come out just as soon as he could.

-You better try him again. Tell him to hurry it up.

-Unit 1 clear?

-Yes, Betty, Unit 1 clear.

Betty and her toys.

Nobody else to talk to on that damn police channel,

and she can't call me by my name.

-It's TV cop shows, Harry. That's what does it.

You think the County'd let me have this rig for salvage?

-Anyhow, she said he's on his way.

-Well, no hurry.

Fella's definitely a goner.

Did you get a gander at that face, Danny?

-Yes, Harry. I did.

-Pretty, huh?

[Car radio blaring]

♪♪

Here comes Dobbs.

♪♪

-Talk about an entrance.

♪♪

♪♪

Dobbs, where the h--

-Shh.

"And The Angels Sing". 1938.

-A little before my time, Dobbs.

-Well, Dan, William G. Dobbs is now at your service.

Let me get to work.

Here.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Car door creaks]

-About 30 minutes, I'd imagine.

-[Coughs]

-Well, Mr. Dobbs, as our official coroner/mortician,

what'd you say the cause of death was?

-[Screaming]

[Bell tolling]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Door opens, closes]

-Daniel. -Morning, boys.

Midge, cup of coffee, please.

-Sure, Dan. -I was telling these boys

about that accident last night.

Find out who that guy is yet?

-No, not a thing.

No I.D., no license plates, nothing.

-Well, old buddy, with the fancy salary

the city of Potters Bluff pays you

and the amount of money the State spent getting you

educated, you ought to be able to find clues.

-If you can't solve an accident,

what'll you do if a crime happens?

-Very funny.

-Now, boys, don't be riding Danny here too hard.

He's apt to leave us.

We're lucky to have him.

He's got, what is it, a master's degree

in criminology.

Big cities fighting over him,

and he comes back to his old hometown

to help the poor folks out.

-That's right. You people are very lucky.

Hey, Midge! How about that coffee?

-Coming right up, Dan. -Hospital find out

about this fella yet?

Give you any idea when he might come to?

-They're not sure he will.

-My God! It's just awful!

Just terrible.

You got enough cream there, Dan?

♪♪

[Waves crashing, man singing]

♪♪

[Buoy Bell dinging]

♪♪

[Singing continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Man singing indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Coughing]

[Buoy bell dinging]

[Slurring] Alright, Alright, then.

Alright, then.

Stayin' outta your teeth.

Don't tell me.

Don't tell me anything about boats, my friend

because I've spent my entire life on boats.

Big boats! All boats!

All I've got is a boat. [Laughs]

Too damn many boats.

That's enough of that. [Groans]

-Just remember who you're talking to around here.

[Laughs]

Whoo! [Grunts]

You know, dry on dry land [Growls]

You're alright.

♪♪

[Gasping]

[Laughs]

Oh.

Goodbye, old friend!

[Laughs]

And keep away from boats! [Laughs]

You know, me, my friend, I know about boats.

I've been about boats all of my life.

[Laughs]

[Panting]

♪♪

I decide the discussion is terminated,

as far as I'm -- I'm concerned.

Boats.

[Wood smashes]

[Screaming]

-Smile. [Camera shutter clicks]

[Straining]

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

[Screaming]

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

[Record player playing]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Humming] [Door opens, closes]

[Record playing]

-♪ To renew old memories ♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Mr. Dobbs?

-What is it, Jimmy? I'm busy.

-Yes, sir, I know.

Only it's Sheriff Gillis,

and he says he needs to talk to you.

Ahh, he says he needs to talk to me.

The truth is, he's in pursuit

of an immodest amount of that curious weed,

which you and your school chums seem to find so fascinating

and of which, it is rumored, you are the town's leading merchant.

Now send him in, and fear not, Jimmy,

I'll never tell him you keep it in the reposing room

under a stiff.

-[Chuckles]

-Yes, sir.

♪♪

-Now, good afternoon, Sheriff.

-Dobbs.

-I hope you don't object to my using you

for light-hearted banter with my assistant.

-Don't think it was so light-hearted.

I did catch him with couple joints once.

-Never let it be said I denied employment to an ex-convict.

-No big deal. He wasn't dealing. Just a couple of joints.

He's a good kid, Dobbs.

♪♪

-♪ Gonna set my heart at ease ♪

♪ Gonna take.. ♪

Dobbs?

Dobbs?

♪♪

[Music stops]

-Forgive my preoccupation.

Mrs. Collins proved to be a little more difficult

than I anticipated.

-Why should she be any trouble? She died in her sleep.

-Poor Mrs. Collins.

She looked as though she'd been in a fist fight.

-So you put on a lot of makeup.

-A lot of makeup?

A lot of makeup would be appropriate

for the final viewing of a streetwalker.

The deceased was, I believe, a retired music teacher.

-Congratulations. -Oh, Officer.

This is child's play.

I've replaced missing eyeballs with sawdust

and glued the lids together.

I've used bent aluminum combs for dentures.

I've used the back part of the scalp

when there was no front part.

And I folded one hand over wadded-up newspapers

when the other hand had no fingers.

You find all this obscene, Sheriff?

Do you know what's really obscene?

Look at this.

Look at the work I've done.

This is an art, and I am the artist!

What can you remember about a sealed box?

A sealed casket, that is obscene.

That is the death of memory.

The cosmetologist gives birth.

I make souvenirs.

Alright, Jimmy! Move it!

And now, Sheriff, precisely what can I do for you?

-Dobbs, I just wanted your professional opinion

about a hunch I got.

-A hunch?

-Something just keeps going around in my head.

From what you saw at the crash site, is it possible

the guy we fished out of the wreck...

could've been burned somewhere else and placed

in the car to make it seem like an accident?

-Frankly, I have no real basis for --

[Telephone rings]

Thank you.

Dobbs Mortuary.

-Dobbs, is Sheriff Gillis still there?

-Just a moment, please. It's for you, Sheriff.

-Thank you.

Yeah. -Dan? Betty here.

They found a dead body at the boatyard.

-What? -You better get down there.

-Betty, I'll be right over.

Dobbs, meet me at the boatyard as soon as possible.

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

-Well, Dan, this is certainly not an accident.

-That's right, Dobbs. It's a murder.

And I bet you I'm right about the guy

in the hospital, too.

♪♪

[Static]

-Okay, well, most people wouldn't

recognize him in a role so small

and playing a cop, but Harry, the guy who's in the diner

with Sheriff Dan Gillis, is played by Robert Englund,

who was still three years away from becoming Freddy Krueger.

There wasn't much for him to do in this movie,

but director Gary Sherman wanted to use him

because he'd made a TV movie with him

and thought he was a great actor.

I also wanna mention Jimmy, the kid who works at the morgue

and apparently deals drugs on the side,

that actor is Glenn Morshower,

who made his film debut five years earlier

as the star of "Drive-In."

"Drive-in" not a great movie

but, come on, he starred in "Drive-In,"

we have to mention that, so this was his second film.

But he would go on to 250 more roles.

He's still working today.

He's been on every TV show known to man.

And, of course, Lisa Blount as the femme fatale.

She would go on to several horror roles --

Catherine Danforth in "Prince of Darkness,"

Angela in the "Starman" TV series,

Miranda in the "Deadly Nightmares" series,

Miranda in "What Waits Below,"

but this was pretty much her film debut.

She had been in a hometown movie

directed by James Bridges called "September 30, 1955,"

which was the day of James Dean's death,

and she played a goth fangirl in that.

So technically she'd done one movie earlier,

but this was the first one of any size or stature.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you something

that burns my bacon about film criticism.

This is one of those movies that they call atmospheric,

it's moody, and so they talk about the art direction

and the fog and the oppressive claustrophobic feel of it.

Ambience is the French word for it,

and they're not talking about the story.

They're talking about --

they're talking about movies like "Daughters of Darkness,"

which we had on our original marathon,

or the John Carpenter movie "The Fog,"

or "The Witch Who Came from the Sea,"

and Curtis Harrington's "Night Tide."

And they'll compliment the director

and they'll compliment the cinematographer

and they'll compliment the writer, and they will not even

mention the creative person responsible for ambience --

the production designer!

I mean, we live in this world where they'll write entire books

about the special effects guy

with no love whatsoever for production design.

So I'm gonna tell you the name of the guy who was mentioned

in absolutely zero of the reviews of this film,

and that would be William Sandell.

He had worked as an assistant art director

on a couple of exploitation flicks --

"Invasion of the Bee Girls" and "Zombie Prom,"

and then his first credit where he ran the production design

was two years before this movie in "The Promise,"

which was a Kathleen Quinlan love story,

directed by -- actually directed Gil Cates,

who's mostly known for producing the Academy Awards,

although his day job was dean of the film school at UCLA.

So, anyway, Bill Sandell did the production design

on this movie, and he would go on to be

the main production designer for Wolfgang Petersen.

He did "Air Force One"

and "The Perfect Storm," and created the town of Bedrock

for the "Flintstones" movie.

He was working for Paul Verhoeven

on "Total Recall" and "Robocop."

He won an Oscar for

"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World."

So he went to the very top of his profession,

but all these guys who talk about

what a creepy eerie atmosphere this movie has,

and what a spooky little town it is, don't bother to say,

"Future superstar Bill Sandell did the production design."

I'm just saying, you don't have to mention anybody,

but it kind of pisses me off.

Okay, that's enough grumpy remarks.

Back to the movie.

Critics love to praise the cinematographer, you know?

They say, "Oh, the cinematography."

[Laughter]

He may not be making any decisions, that guy.

For example, this movie has a blue tint

and the director of photography, Steven Poster,

who would go on to shoot many great movies.

He shot "Donnie Darko," "Rocky V,"

and "Amityville: The Awakening,"

so he was instructed to get rid of all reds.

Red was to be used for blood only

so that it would pop out at any moments of violence,

but that was a Gary Sherman decision, that wasn't him.

But with production design,

you have a general idea of what the director wants,

but you're pretty much the Michelangelo of that process.

Right? Even if you can be overruled at some point.

Alright, I'll stop bitching. [Laughter]

Nobody ever listens to my rant

on production design.

I've tried it once before.

That topic -- you mention production design,

people don't want to hear what you're talking about, so...

Like the 1954 film "A Star Is Born."

George Cukor, right?

But it was the first Cinemascope picture

that George Cukor had ever directed,

and [rambling]

You know what they said about Cinemascope

when it first came out?

It's only good for snakes and parades, you know?

Long skinny screen,

and this was a tragic love story musical.

So, who figures out how to do it?

The production designer Gene Allen,

legendary Hollywood production designer.

He finds Chinese triptychs,

you know, those three-screen paintings.

H studies the painting styles of the guys who designed

all those three-panel screens, and he says,

"Look, here's what we do.

We divide the Cinemascope screen into triptychs,

and see how these artists -- they took a single action

but they looked at it as three different visions

of the same event, and they populated

the side screens with these secondary images."

And if you look at the film, that's exactly how they did it.

Watch the flick, divide the screen into three,

you'll see that Judy Garland is in the middle

but there's a trombone angling up on the right

and there's a piano that's in weird perspective on the left.

And there are always perfectly balanced compositions because

production designers, that's what they do.

Okay, I really will shut up now.

[Laughter]

[Static]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-Morning, Ben. -Dan! How you doin'?

-Alright. -Ben, have you recently had

anybody check out without paying

or...just disappear?

-No.

Now, wait a minute.

There was a guy checked in here yesterday.

Said he'd be here a couple of days.

Now he hasn't checked out,

and I haven't seen him nor his car since.

But I noticed this morning his suitcase is still here.

-What's his name? -[Chuckles]

I don't bother much with registrations anymore.

-Well, we better check his things.

-Oh, God.

I hope nothing happened to him while he was checked in here.

It's a jinx.

This sort of thing scares off your business.

Just kills the tourist trade.

-I didn't know we had a tourist trade.

-Don't rub it in.

I'm telling you, it's tough makin' it these days.

♪♪

[Keys jingle]

♪♪

-He's a photographer. Lot of camera books.

Not a damn thing with his name on it.

-For Christ's sakes!

-What?

Ask your wife.

-My wife?

-She knows him.

-My wife? What are you talking about?

-Well, I just remembered.

-Remembered what?

-The maid, Edna Jo.

She says...

-What did she say, Ben?

-She says... [Horn honks]

that your wife dropped over yesterday to see him.

That's right.

-[Chuckles] Of course, of course.

Thanks, Ben.

I'll talk to Janet about it tonight.

This is not important.

[Vehicle approaching]

[Wind blowing, birds chirping]

-[Humming]

-Hi, honey! I want my kiss.

Uh-oh.

-What's "uh-oh"? [Chuckles]

Something's wrong. -Nothing's wrong, Janet.

-You can talk to your wife.

-I'm just tired, that's all.

-Come on. You know what you're like

when you keep it inside of you.

-Who's the guy you went to see at the hotel?

-[Laughs]

"Who's the guy you went to see at the hotel?"

I was warned. I was warned against marrying a cop.

You can't keep anything a secret.

-What secret? -[Chuckles]

I was joking, you crazy cop.

There's no secret. He's George what's-his-name.

He sells photographic equipment to the school.

-Oh. -What?

Did -- did Ben tell you that I'd been seen

in a man's hotel room?

-Oh, Ben didn't mean anything by it.

-And why did he say it, then?

-I think it's the guy we found at the car wreck.

-Oh.

The one who was all burnt. Ehh.

-Is he a friend of yours, Janet?

-Not really. It's... [Groans]

It's just that it's the kind of thing you think

happens to other people.

Not to somebody you know.

-Yeah.

-George. George Le Moyne was his name.

-Excellent, at least we know his name.

Do you know where he's from? -No, honey, I don't.

I just -- I just saw him at school.

I feel a little shaky.

Can I get a hug, Danny?

-It's alright. It's alright.

Are you alright? -I'm okay.

-You know what's funny, though?

-What?

-You were jealous.

A little bit.

-Well, I guess I was.

-I love you, Dan.

-I love you, Janet.

[Bell dings]

-Mr. Haskell? Mr. Haskell?

-Why, hello, Dan.

-How are you, sir? -Fine.

-Maybe you could give me information

about the guy who's in the hospital, George Le Moyne.

-Yes. -He sold photographic equipment

to the school I understand, but Janet couldn't --

-What? What are you talking about?

-You did buy photographic equipment

from George Le Moyne -- -No.

We not only didn't buy it from him,

we didn't buy it at all.

-Is it possible this is a transaction

you didn't know about, sir?

-I know everything that's done at the school.

I am the principal.

-Yes, of course. Thank you.

-Alright, Dan.

[Machine beeping]

-Mr. Le Moyne's signs are much more stable today, doctor.

-Good. Let me see the chart.

It's time for his medication now, isn't it?

-Mm-hmm, it is.

-Hmm.

Well, I think I'll cut it down. Mm-hmm.

Just give him 50 cc's now.

I'll be back within an hour.

-Yes, doctor.

-Doc? -It's okay, Dan. Come on in.

They told me downstairs he pulled out of coma.

How's he doing? -[Sighs]

It's touch and go.

We might pull him through, but...

even if we do, there's not much the best plastic surgeon can do.

You saw him.

His entire face is one charred mass.

And the right eye, I'm afraid that's lost.

-Doc, is there any chance I could talk to him?

-Even -- -Briefly.

Just for a moment.

-Let's go outside.

Come on, let's sit down.

-Well, when'll I be able to talk to him, Doc?

Look, Doc, I've got to find out what the hell really happened!

-Sit down, Danny. Sit down.

-I'm sorry, Doc. This...

[Sighs]

This thing got me spooked.

Look, has he said anything at all?

-No. Not a thing.

And I'll tell you, Dan,

I'm afraid he's gonna be difficult to understand.

-Understand?

-Well, you see...

he has no lips.

[Machines beeping]

♪♪

-[Whispering] Hello, Freddie.

-[Panting]

♪♪

Hi.

I'm so glad to see that you're feeling better.

You had a very close call,

but you're gonna be alright.

Now just lie still.

-[Shuddering]

-I'm gonna give you something.

It's gonna make you feel even better.

♪♪

[Machine beeps rapidly] -[Gasps]

[Bell ringing]

♪♪

-Oh, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.

You're a great disappointment to me.

A whole week and you're still unable to establish

that poor man's true identity.

-What's it to you, Dobbs?

-What's it to me? A sealed casket.

That's what you have me burying there.

A sealed casket.

Now if you had been able to find that poor boy's family,

they might've asked me to perform some of my magic.

-You know, Dobbs, sometimes you make me sick.

-Sick? You bring me a body that smells like burnt steak,

you force me to keep it till it begins to rot,

and then you have the nerve to tell me

that I make you sick?!

-Two murders, Dobbs! Both strangers.

Two murders in a town no bigger than a postage stamp.

Now you leave me the hell alone.

[Wind blowing]

♪♪

[Brakes squeak]

♪♪

[Engine shuts off]

♪♪

♪♪

[Car door opens]

♪♪

[Car door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Keys jingle]

♪♪

[Door creaks]

-Dan? Honey, I'm home!

♪♪

-Where have you been?

-Oh, honey, I'm sorry I'm late.

I had a million errands.

Paul Haskell had another staff meeting,

and tonight is PTA.

Wanna come?

Oh, I know how much you'll enjoy it.

I mean, darling, think how much fun you'll have with me.

-I'd rather not.

-Okay, but if you want dinner,

you have a choice of fish sticks or beef stroganoff,

and both come out of the package,

but, darling, I'll pre-heat the oven for you anyway.

Honey?

Dan? What happened? You look so down.

-It's nothing.

Janet, I...

It's nothing. It's just those murders, you know?

-Oh, my God, yeah, the murders. That's horrible.

Listen, honey, I've gotta go.

Oh, shoot. Look what I forgot.

Would you please drop this off at Ernie's for me?

-Why? What is it?

-It's some film my students shot.

It's their new class project.

I'd figured would be a good way to teach them

about narrative.

Hey.

You don't mind, do you?

-No, no, no, it's alright.

Honey.

You'll catch the murderer. I know you will.

Okay. Listen, I'll be back early.

-Okay. -Okay?

[Door opens, closes]

[Car door closes, engine starts]

[Brakes squeak]

-Engine shuts off]

-I'll go inside and ask for directions.

-Okay.

-Be right back. -Alright.

Ron?

-What?

-Don't forget to ask about the gas.

-Right.

-[Imitating airplane]

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Door creaks]

[Clears throat] Excuse me.

-Good evening. Can we help you?

-[Laughing] I hope so. I'm lost.

-Well, you're in Potters Bluff.

Where did you wanna be?

-The Sea view Lodge.

-No, you're not lost.

Just take that highway, uh, Highway 12 over there.

-Oh, thanks.

-My, what a cute little boy.

-Oh, Jamie has to go to the bathroom.

-Well, come on, honey. I'll show you where it is.

You want your Mommy and Daddy to take you, right?

Well, what is it that you want?

-Ice cream.

-[Chuckles]

I'm sorry, we just don't happen to have any.

-That's alright. We'll get you some ice cream later, okay, pal?

Let's go.

-Oh, Ron, gas.

-Is there a gas station nearby?

-Hey, Freddie.

Can you sell these folks some gas?

-Sure thing.

It's just down the street.

-I'm sorry. Didn't mean to disturb your dinner.

-No problem. Happy to help you out.

♪♪

-And thank you.

-You folks must be from the city.

Not used to all this small town hospitality, right?

-Yeah, that's right.

[Laughter]

Come on.

♪♪

[Door closes]

[Knife clinks]

♪♪

[Hatch creaks]

[Car door closes]

[Engine starts]

♪♪

♪♪

I can't see a thing in this stuff.

-Neither can I.

♪♪

You want some gum, honey?

-Jesus! [Tires squeal]

-[Screams]

[Car crashes]

Why did you swerve car like that, Ron?

-Somebody ran in front of the car, that's why.

-Jamie, are you alright? -[Sobbing]

-Here, son. Come on up with Mommy and Daddy.

That's a boy. [Horn honks]

There you are. -Honey, are you all right?

-[Indistinct talking]

-Let me see Let me see that.

-Honey, he hurt his head.

-Ah, let me see, son.

-Look, there's a light.

-Where? Honey, I don't see any light.

-I saw a light, Ronny! I just --

-Honey, there's no light up there.

-I saw a light! -You're being silly.

There's no light there. I don't see any light.

-Alright, well, I didn't see anybody run across the road.

-Oh, okay, honey.

We'll have a look.

-Don't cry, you'll be fine.

-Come on, fella. There we go.

-Maybe they have some ice or something

that can keep the swelling down,

you know, make a cold compress or something.

-Alright. -Or we can use the telephone.

-Sure. -Jamie, are you alright, honey?

-Boys bump their heads all the time. Right, son?

♪♪

His head hurts.

-Honey, maybe you're right. This place looks abandoned.

You're the one who saw the light.

-Go ahead, knock.

-Let's go back to the car. -I'll knock.

[Knock on door]

[Door creaks]

-Uh, h-hello?

Listen, uh, we -- we just had an accident

out in the street, and if we could get some help...

[Door creaks open]

-Anyone in there?

-No.

-The lights don't work. There's no one here.

-Maybe they're upstairs. -There's no light, honey.

-We -- we need some help. Hello?

-There's nobody here. -Is anybody here?!

Ron, I saw a light!

Try in there, then, for Christ's sake.

-[Sobbing]

-Is there anyone here? Hello?

Hello?

Uh, listen, we have a son who's injured,

and if you could help us or something...

-No! I saw a light in this house.

Let's get ice or a compress.

-Baby, come on, look at this place.

It's been abandoned for years.

Let's go! -I saw a light!

I know I did!

-You thought you saw it.

-I didn't imagine it, Ron. I saw it!

-Well, I wanna get out. -I'm telling you I saw --

[Piano lid crashes, tone plays]

-[Sobbing] -Jamie, you okay?

-Didn't mean to scare you. It's alright.

Now let's get outta here, alright?

No buts. [Clanking in distance]

-[Sighs] -It's the house.

-There is somebody here. No.

-It's the house, let's go! -No, there is somebody here.

-There's nobody here. Now, let's get outta here!

I don't like it. The place is not safe!

-They're fixing the fuses in the basement!

-Fine, okay, fine.

Go with your mom, alright?

I'll find the basement, wherever that is.

I'll show you there's nobody here.

You stay here -Okay, okay.

-Christ!

-Listen, hurry up, okay?

-Alright!

♪♪

[Footsteps departing]

♪♪

[Door creaks]

Anybody here?

[Low whirring]

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

-Ron?

-[Whimpering]

♪♪

-Ronnie?

♪♪

♪♪

Ronnie?

God!

♪♪

Okay, come on, let's -- let's look inside the refrigerator.

Let's see what's in here.

Here we go.

-Where's Dad? -Okay, come on, sweetie.

There's not any ice in here for your head.

♪♪

[Screams]

-[Laughing] What's the matter?

-You scared me, honey.

-There's nobody in the basement. -Oh, God.

-Come on, let's get outta here. Alright?

[Glass shatters]

What?! -[Screams]

-Welcome to Potters Bluff. [Camera shutter clicking]

-What's going on here? -Give me the boy! Run!

-Ronnie!

-Come on, run!

Get in! -Where?!

[Screaming]

♪♪

-Mommy! Mommy!

-[Screams]

[Slams door]

-Jesus Christ, how many are there in here?!

God! Take Jamie! Hurry up!

In here!

[Banging]

Leave us alone!

-Honey, no, I can't!

-There's a balcony here, let's go!

You can make it! Get out there!

Get out there! Here! -Oh, no, no, no!

[Items crash]

-I'll carry Jamie. Honey, get going!

♪♪

-Where are we going? [Screams]

-Come on!

Hold on!

Hurry up, honey!

Honey, hurry up! -[Screams]

[Sobbing] Help me, help me! -Come on!

Come on!

Hang on! -[Screams] No!

-Come on! -Where?!

♪♪

[Screams] -Get in the car!

Come on! The door!

-Give me Jamie!

♪♪

[Whirring]

♪♪

[Engine sputtering]

-They're coming! They're coming!

Start the car!

They're coming! They're coming!

-Come on. -Start the car!

[Sputtering continues]

-[Screams]

-Where you going?! -[Screams]

♪♪

-Get out of here! -[Screams]

-Get out! -Lock the door, lock the door!

-Here, take him! [Car door closes]

-Alright, get up there! Here we go!

-My God, honey!

Start the car! [Engine sputtering]

Start the car. -Come on.

I got it, I got it!

[Engine revs, tire squeal]

-They were trying to kill us, Ronnie!

[Tires squeal]

[Banging on glass] -Get off!

Get off! [Tires screeching]

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine revving]

[Tires screech, car thuds]

♪♪

-Oh, my God.

♪♪

[Car bangs]

♪♪

[Groans]

[Footsteps departing]

♪♪

Stop!

♪♪

[Static]

-Okay, first of all, Stan Winston,

who did the practical effects

for the movie, he was really, really proud

of that hypodermic to the eyeball.

If you asked him any question about "Dead & Buried,"

he would tell you exactly how he did that.

And, of course, he would go on to do the "Terminator" movies,

the first three "Jurassic Parks,"

the first two "Predators," "Inspector Gadget,"

"Iron Man," "Edward Scissorhands."

He went about as high as you can go in the effects world,

but he always remembered that Lisa Blount needle

to the eye of...

There's anybody who the needle to -- who had the eye?

Has anybody noticed who plays Freddy,

the guy who turns out to be George La Moyne,

who turns out to be Freddy again

when the stranded family gets to the diner?

-I don't know.

-It's Christopher Allport!

Star of "Jack Frost,"

one of Darcy's favorite Christmas movies.

You guys were less enthusiastic about it,

but it was kind of a love/hate flick when we showed it

at the "Joe Bob's Red Christmas" special in 2019.

Anyhow, the scene-stealer in this movie

is obviously Jack Albertson as the whimsical mortician

who wants to make every dead body beautiful.

Sadly, this was Jack's last movie,

but he gave it his all.

He was best known as the grandpa

in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"

and in more recent years, who as the Man

in "Chico and the Man."

Jack Albertson, he had movie credits

going back to the '30s.

He worked in six decades.

He started in vaudeville,

he worked in burlesque, he did radio drama,

did live television in New York,

and he is one of the few people in history to win the Oscar,

the Tony and the Emmy all in the same year.

He got the Oscar and the Tony for "The Subject Was Roses,"

and he got the Emmy for "Chico and the Man."

Chico, of course, was Freddie Prinze.

Jack was suffering all through the filming of this movie.

He was dying of cancer, and he would pass away

about a month after this movie was released.

I should also mention Melody Anderson,

who plays the wife of James Farentino

who seems to spend too much time

visiting strangers at the local hotel.

She came up through the modeling world.

She was the poster girl for Ridgid Tools,

and I'm not sure if you don't live in Texas

and work in the oil industry,

I'm that you know what Ridgid Tools is,

but Ridgid Tools was this company,

they made regular power drills and saws and stuff,

but they also made sophisticated oil field drilling equipment.

And so since most of the buyers of that stuff were male,

the Ridgid Tools models were famous

at conventions and trade shows.

Melody was also a model for the very first

Victoria's Secret catalog in 1977,

and she was probably best known as Gale Arden

in the "Flash Gordon" movie.

She did several TV movies, lots of guest spots on TV,

she later became a regular on "All My Children,"

and then around 1995 she just quit the business.

She was one of those who just walked away

and never looked back.

Last seen as a substance abuse counselor

and social worker in New York City.

Alright.

People are dying, and yet they're not dying.

I think you can see where this is going,

or maybe not, so back to the flick.

♪♪

We have this show in Houston,

it's called the Offshore Technology Conference.

I think it's the biggest convention in the world,

I used to go every year.

It was originally in the Astrodome,

and the girls from the Ridgid Tool calendar,

they were always mobbed like movie stars.

Bikinis and high heels, 12 girls, 40,000 men.

do the math.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

[Static]

[Indistinct chirping]

♪♪

[Bang in distance]

♪♪

[Bang in distance]

[Door creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Bang in distance]

♪♪

[Floor creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Wind gusting, bang]

-[Grunts]

[Wood creaking]

[Screeches]

[Glass shatters]

[Chicken clucking]

[Bang in distance]

[Insects chirping]

[Wood creaking]

♪♪

[Wood creaks]

[Sighs]

Janet? -Yeah, honey?

-Janet, I had some shells in the drawer.

Have you seen them?

-Shells? When were you at the beach?

Bullets, Janet, bullets.

♪♪

♪♪

"An ancient folklore has they can only be made

from persons dying...

violent deaths."

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Janet!

♪♪

What the hell are you doing with these?

-It's for my class.

I'm gonna give a lecture on witchcraft.

-Witchcraft?

And why in God's name would you wanna teach them that?

-Kids love creepy things.

Keeps them from being bored in my class.

-So, you picked witchcraft.

-[Sighs] I just thought of it.

[Scoffs] I don't know why I'm defending myself to you.

You're grilling me like a suspect.

-[Sighs] Sorry, Janet.

I've just been under a lot of pressure, you know?

-Speaking of the kids, Dan,

did you drop the film off at Ernie's?

-I forgot. -Oh, Dan.

Those kids worked hard on that film.

I'll take care of it, Janet.

-By the way, I found your bullets.

They were in the cabinet...

where you left them.

Have a good day, ladies.

-Morning, Ernie. -Dan.

-Ernie, I want this film developed as soon as possible.

-Police business.

When's the earliest I can have it?

-On Wednesday.

It oughta be back by then, I hope.

-Okay. Ernie...

nobody picks this up but me, you understand?

-Okay.

-Nobody.

[Door opens, bell dings]

Yeah, yeah, the fisherman's on the County too, Dobbs.

Poor bastard was just passing through town.

-Say, Dan, you think you could get the County to pay me

to reconstruct his mutilated face?

-Don't get greedy, Dobbs.

Just seal him in a box and bury him!

Now, what about that hunch I had on George Le Moyne?

-After careful consideration,

I've come to the conclusion you may be right.

It's very possible he was disfigured somewhere else

and then placed in the wrecked car

to make it look like an accident.

-Then why wouldn't he make the fisherman

look like an accident?

-How should I know? I'm not the detective.

You are.

And keep up the good work.

Bye, bye.

[Telephone clicks]

-[Chuckles]

"Good work."

[Wind blowing, birds crying, metal clinking]

-Danny? Harry here.

-Yeah, Harry?

-Listen, I just pulled a late model Ford

out of the water down by South Beach.

-Yeah.

-Appears she come off the bluff.

-Off the... Oh, no.

Is there anybody in it?

-No. Just a kid's toy airplane.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I have to find out if any of these particles

contain traces of human skin.

I scraped it off a car that might've been involved

in a hit-and-run.

-Hit-and-run?

Sure, Dan, I'll give the full workup.

Uh, can you get it over to me fairly soon?

-Dan?! Dan!

-Come on in, Ben. -Okay.

See you later, then. -Yeah, Doc.

I'll drop it off some time this afternoon. Thank you.

[Telephone clanks]

Sit down, Ben. What's wrong?

-That guy.

The one you came to see me about last week...

the one that died after the car wreck.

-Yeah? -I just saw him.

-[Chuckles] Ben, what are you talking about?

-He's over at the station, pumping gas!

-Ben, he's dead!

-You go over there and take a look!

-I never got a look at his face, Ben.

Obviously it's a guy who looks just like him.

-It's the same guy!

-Ben, would you just --

-Dan, I was standing next to that man.

-Calm down.

-You ask your wife!

-So, voodoo [chuckles] is basically religion.

Belief and conversion are absolutely necessary

for its practices to work.

-Hi, Sheriff Gillis. -Good afternoon, girls.

[Girls giggling] -But, despite what you might

have seen on the late show

when you were watching what your parents told you not to,

they do not walk around like this.

[Screams] [Girl screams]

[Laughter]

-Yes. -You sure?

-You scared us.

Now --

You okay? [Laughs]

Now, although they are conventionally dead,

they're capable of very closely imitating the living.

There are even reports,

not substantiated but not discredited

of a tribe in central Peru

whose residents included a great number

of these walking dead

who were completely at the will of their master,

and they roamed around the mountains killing strangers

and bringing them back to their master.

Now, you wanna hear the really creepy part?

-Yeah. -Okay.

In order for the master to retain control

over the souls of his undead,

he had to cut out their heart...

[Children groaning]

and keep it...hidden.

[Children groaning]

♪♪

[Bell rings]

-Janet, honey, how come Paul Haskell didn't know

about George Le Moyne and the camera equipment?

-Oh, so you're the big mouth!

Dan, The PTA was buying that equipment as a surprise.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-Well, you didn't know.

Hey, we don't need gas. I just filled it up this morning.

-[Laughs] Janet, I realize that.

If I told you once...

Look, this is a piece of machinery.

It takes a lot more than just gas to run it.

[Knock on window] Once in a while, you gotta check

the oil, you gotta check the water --

-I'm not a mechanic, dear. I'm a teacher.

-What can I do you for, Sheriff?

-Yeah, Freddie, would you check the hood, please?

-Sure thing.

-[Humming]

Listen, I'll check the oil, I'll check the water,

just give me a kiss.

[Hood pops]

♪♪

-Hey! You sure you wanna ride with me?

How do you know I'm not a dirty old man?

[Laughs]

-They call me Chance. How far are you goin'?

-Oh, I'm goin' up here to Potters Bluff,

but I have to stop at my place up the road here.

Hey, you wanna come on up with me to Potters Bluff?

It's a real nice little town. You ever been up there?

-Never heard of it before. -Oh, well, come on in

outta the rain, honey.

There we go.

♪♪

Alright!

Ho, ho, ho, lip, ding, dong

♪ We won't get home until the dawn ♪

[Both laugh]

Hey now, where are you heading?

-Oh, no place in particular.

-Well, then I'd think about staying a spell up there

in Potters Bluff.

You know, I'd damn sure rather live

in a nice little town like that

than in some big city full of killers and muggers, you know?

-Yeah.

-Well, there's my boat right there.

-You live on a boat? -Oh, hell, all my life.

Okay now, I'll just be a second, honey.

I'm gonna pick somethin' up.

Excuse me, I wanna get something

right out of this glove box here.

♪♪

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

-Smile.

[Camera shutter clicks]

-[Screams]

What are you doing?!

-Smile. [Camera shutter clicking]

-No! No, please! No!

[Screams]

No, please! No!

No! No!

[Screams]

[Rock smashes]

[Birds chirping]

-Ah, so lovely.

So frail.

So young.

How could anyone mar such loveliness?

My dear...

I will make you beautiful again.

♪♪

Even more beautiful than before.

♪♪

[Air hissing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Chord strikes]

♪♪

♪♪

[Squelches]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Another masterpiece, complete and beautiful.

♪♪

♪♪

Now you can sleep peacefully.

[Record playing]

♪♪

[Record player stops]

[Air hissing, whirring]

[Switch clicks, whirring stops]

[Door creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-So, one day they were shooting a long scene in the funeral home

between James Farentino and Jack Albertson,

and since you have to turn the camera around to do closeups,

and since one actor is not seen

when you're doing the other actor's closeup,

Jack Albertson would sometimes fall asleep

dur-- during because he was so sick with cancer.

James Farentino had just lost his own father

to cancer a few weeks before,

and he had sat in the hospital with him

and seen him repeatedly fall asleep

in the middle of a conversation,

and so Jack Albertson's decline created

all these memories and eventually Farentino

couldn't take it anymore and he ran off the set

and sat in his trailer just sobbing,

and Gary Sherman had to go to his trailer

and talk to him for a while about his father

before he finally came back out and finished the scene.

And on that note, let's return to the sequence

where I think a light bulb

is about to go on in Farentino's head,

so roll the flick.

Just as a practical matter,

if your wife turned zombie on you,

wouldn't you know that every time you made

the Sign of the Burrowing Bunny Bumper in the marital bed?

Wouldn't it make things a little difficult for you?

You know, I'm just wondering.

I guess the sheriff just has no time

for conjugal Mad Monkey Kung Fu,

if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

[Laughter]

[Static]

♪♪

[Static]

-You couldn't have mixed that with another

piece of evidence, could you?

-No way. -Well, I checked it

three times, and it keeps coming out the same.

-That's impossible.

-Look, if you don't believe me,

send it upstate somewhere, but I'm telling you

that these bits of flesh have been dead at least three

or four months!

Why? When did you think this hit-and-run happen?

Huh? It wasn't recent.

-You're absolutely sure?

-Of course I'm sure.

-Oh, you're wrong, Doc,

I know you're wrong.

[Machine whirring]

♪♪

♪♪

[Switch clicks]

[Liquid pours]

[Switch clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

[Whirring]

♪♪

[Acid hissing]

♪♪

♪♪

-It can't be.

♪♪

It can't be.

♪♪

[Telephone clicking]

♪♪

-Potters Bluff Sheriff's Office.

-Betty? -Oh, Hi, Doc! How are you?

-Yeah, yeah. Is Dan there?

-No, it's too early for him. -Well -- well, where is he?

I gotta -- I gotta speak to him.

-I don't know, but I can try and find him for you.

I just know -- -No, no, no, never mind.

I'll go find him myself. I'll --

-[Gasps]

[Grunting]

Harry, what're you doing? What's going on?

Jill, what are you doing? That's acid!

No, Don't -- don't do that!

What are you doing?! You're insane!

Stop that! No! No, no, let go!

Don't do it! [Grunting]

[Screaming]

[Acid hissing]

[Gasping]

[Camera shutters clicking]

♪♪

[Rambling]

♪♪

[Grunts]

-What are you doing here, Dobbs?

Dobbs, what are you doing here?

-Morning, Daniel.

-Dobbs, I don't have time --

-Let's not get all pushy and policeman-like, Dan.

This is very embarrassing for me.

-What is?

-Well...

I'm here to report a theft.

-What, somebody steal a body? -Yes.

-What?

-That pretty young waif you found brutalized.

-You mean somebody dug up her grave?

-Well, this morning I would've laid her to rest,

but she was gone.

-What the hell is going on in this town?!

What kind of a maniac is loose out there?

First murderers, now body snatching!

My God, I can't believe it!

-Okay, come on, we'll go to your office.

-No!

We can't do that.

-Why can't we?

-We can't let anybody know.

My reputation.

Now, who would entrust a deceased loved one

to a mortician known to have lost a body?

Would you, Dan?

-This is ridiculous.

-Well, maybe I am panicking.

Maybe -- maybe my young protegé slipped her into a drawer

and forgot to tell me.

I'll go check. I'll talk to you later.

-Yeah, I hope you find her.

With three murders and my wife,

I've got enough problems of my own.

-Yeah. Janet has been acting strange.

-You hardly know her.

-She comes to visit me all the time.

Didn't you know that?

-Dobbs, you wouldn't have anything to do

with her sudden interest

in witchcraft and voodooism, would you?

-Certainly not.

And you can tell her I was more than mildly insulted.

Just because I'm a mortician,

she had the audacity to insinuate

that I might have knowledge of the black arts.

-Ah.

Dobbs, you don't believe the dead can come back, do you?

-Back to life?

Well, in my profession,

that's a rather unpleasant thing to think about.

Come on, Dan.

You're not gonna tell me you believe that missing corpse

just got up and walked away.

-I don't know what to believe anymore.

[Telephone ringing]

Just a minute.

Hello. -Hi, Dan. I'm late.

-Yes, Betty. I did notice you were late again.

-My car wouldn't start, and I waiting for help.

-Okay, okay, okay.

-I have to leave, Dan. I'll talk to you later.

-Betty, just -- as soon as you can,

and on your way over, stop off at Ernie's

and see if that film is ready that I brought in.

-Dan, did you look at that telex?

-What telex? -From St. Louis.

-From St. Louis? -It's about George Le Moyne.

-Why didn't you tell me, Betty?

-It's on your desk, Dan.

-It's on my desk.

[Telephone clanks]

"Close to positive ID on your so-called George Le Moyne.

Facilities here better equipped. Request body be transported."

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Dobbs?

[Door bangs open]

Jimmy, what the hell are you doing?

-Nothing.

I gotta go now.

[Door opens, closes]

♪♪

♪♪

-Dobbs!

♪♪

[Wheelbarrow squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Sam?

♪♪

Sam!

Where's Dobbs?

♪♪

-I ain't seen him yet today.

♪♪

Get your shovel, Sam, we're gonna have to dig him up.

-Dig up? I don't dig them up. I just bury them.

-This is one you're gonna dig up.

-Mnh-mnh. Not without Mr. Dobbs' permission.

-Now, Sam, you don't need Dobb's permission.

I'll take responsibility.

Now get started!

♪♪

♪♪

Dobbs?!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

[Rope creaking]

Come on, Sam. I'll help you with that.

-I don't need no help.

-Come on, I'll help you with it!

♪♪

I gotta get this damn box open!

Alright, now open it!

-Are you crazy?

I don't wanna see no rotting corpse.

-Sam, This box doesn't weigh enough to have a corpse in it.

Now open it!

-No. No, Mr. Dobbs sealed it.

♪♪

[Wood cracking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Chord strikes]

♪♪

[Camera shutter clicking]

[Tires squeal, bell dings]

[Static]

-So, it gets kind of murky in here

as James Farentino races around town

trying to connect the dots,

but one thing he knows, whoever's robbing

the graves doesn't need the heart!

A lot of the reviewers in 1981 thought the scene

where they pump the acid into the doctor's veins

was a little over the top and in bad taste.

Especially incensed was Gene Siskel

of the Chicago Tribune,

who said the film was, "disgusting"

and "a complete waste of anyone's time and money."

You know, we always talk about how Roger Ebert

didn't really appreciate horror,

but Gene Siskel was equally benighted.

Those guys just hated the whole genre.

They certainly weren't doing tributes

to the effects work of Stan Winston

in the embalming-needle acid scene.

By the way, another guy that Siskel and Ebert

didn't much care for, Dan O'Bannon.

Said publicly that he had

absolutely nothing to do with "Dead & Buried,"

even though it's frequently mentioned

him in the early '80s in the ads and things.

It's true that his name is on it,

but apparently that was just a ploy.

They got notes from him for a script rewrite,

and they paid him $10,000 for the notes,

but they just ignored the notes

so that they could put his name on the picture.

He regretted taking the money,

and said he would never do anything like that again.

The actual writer was Ron Shusett,

who got story credit on "Alien" but he never got --

he didn't get writing credit on "Alien."

O'Bannon got the writing credit.

Shusett was a producer turned writer whereas

O'Bannon was a pure writer.

Shusett got the writing job on "Total Recall,"

but that was only because he had optioned

the story by Phillip K. Dick.

Another guy who doesn't get mentioned very much

when people talk about horror is Gary Sherman,

the director of "Dead & Buried."

He had made a pretty decent horror flick nine years

before this in London,

with Donald Pleasence, originally called "Death Line,"

but most people know it as "Raw Meat."

It's about a serial killer on the subways,

and even though "Dead & Buried"

has a lot of admirers, Gary Sherman's reputation

gets canceled out by "Poltergeist III,"

which Sherman made in 1988

and which is considered so lame that it killed the franchise.

He made the great crime thriller "Vice Squad" though

with Wings Hauser, and the action pic

with Rutger Hauer, "Wanted: Dead or Alive."

He made a stalker movie

called "Lisa" in 1989 that's pretty good.

He's done a lot of TV directing including several TV movies.

He's been active in building up the film industry in Chicago,

and you know that A&E series "The First 48,"

one of my favorite true crime shows?

And believe me, I know my true crime.

Gary Sherman did a spin-off of that show, same format,

called "The First 48: Missing Persons,"

which was damn good.

I hope they keep that thing going.

Alright, James Farentino is about to figure out

what's going on in Potter's Bluff,

and he's not gonna like what that means for his marriage.

So roll the film.

I think I'm the only person who watches "The First 48"

and constantly yells at the screen going,

"Get a lawyer!

Lawyer up!

Do not talk to that police detective!

Do not put yourself at the scene!" You know?

It's not that I don't think the guys who confess

in those little rooms are guilty,

it's just that I'm thinking, "A lawyer could have got

your sentence down to 20 years, you know,

giving you a chance to do something with your life,

but now you got life without parole

because you sat there in your dirty sweatshirt trying

to explain it was the other guy who pulled the trigger."

You know, a lot of these 17, 18, 19-year-old criminals,

they would do better by their families

if they would just watch a few episodes of "The First 48"

And then they would know, ask for a lawyer.

It all shuts down if you ask for a lawyer.

Is that so hard?

They go, "Sure, I'll talk to you.

You seem nice enough."

No! They're cops,

They're not paid to be nice.

[Laughter]

[Static]

♪♪

[Static]

-Betty. -Hi.

-Betty, get on the telex.

Come on, come on!

-Okay, Dan.

-Records Division, Police Department,

Providence, Rhode Island.

"Request immediate check on arrest records...

and/or convictions of one G. William Dobbs,

male, approximately 70 years of age,

six feet, weight, 140 pounds.

Present occupation: funeral home owner.

Resident here since approximately spring 1970.

Uh, Betty. [Typewriting things]

Betty?

When you finish that, I want you to send this photograph

to the police in St. Louis.

I wanna know if he's their missing person.

-Anything else, boss?

-Yeah. Send the telex.

-Okay, okay. [Typewriter things]

Wait a minute!

Ernie said your film was ready.

-Thank you, Betty.

[Door closes]

[Door creaks opens]

Ernie, have you got that roll of film?

-Yeah. I got it right here. [Door closes]

That'll be $5.40.

[Cash register dings]

-My, things keep goin' up.

-Sorry it took so long.

♪♪

[Hand crinkles]

♪♪

[Door slams]

-Doc, Sorry.

-Not another hit-and-run, I hope.

-You okay? -But are you?

-To tell you the truth, I'm not so sure.

-And you police work's a high-stress occupation.

You gotta watch yourself. -Doc, can I talk

to you a minute, please?

-Why? I can't talk long.

-Just a minute. It's important.

-Alright, Dan. What is it?

♪♪

In your professional opinion,

is there any way whatsoever to reanimate people

after they have died?

And to...

to get them to walk around?

-[Chuckles] You have been working too hard.

-I'm not joking.

-My God, you're serious.

♪♪

-You remember what you said after examining

that particle of human skin

from the supposed hit-and-run?

-Sure. I said it'd been dead months.

-Well, it wasn't months.

It was my car, it was my accident.

It happened the night before.

-Couldn't be. -I'm telling you it was.

-Listen, maybe Norman was giving you

a tune-up three months ago,

and he scraped his arm on your grill!

-Corp--

Doc, corpses have been disappearing from their graves.

-Well, if that's true, that's very distasteful,

but they have not -- they're not being restored to life.

That's for sure.

♪♪

-Dan!

Dan, the telex from Rhode Island!

-Where is it?

-Hold your horses. We're standing by.

[Item clatters]

[Telex clicks]

[Telex whirring]

"Subject: G. William Dobbs.

Dismissed 10 October '69

as Chief Pathologist, Providence City of.

Evidence indicated subject made

unauthorized use...

of dead bodies...

in County Morgue.

Note billed by Grand Jury.

Censured and ejected by Rhode Island Medical Society...

30 November '69.

[Whirring continues]

Subject left RI shortly thereafter."

[Whirring stops]

Oh, my goodness.

Our Mr. Dobbs? Where are you going?

-Janet?

Janet!

Janet, you home?

Janet!

♪♪

[Chord strikes, film projector clicking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Oh!

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

Dobbs!

[Door slams] What did you do to her, Dobbs?

Goddamit, what did you do to my wife?!

-Good evening, Constable.

-What did you do to my wife?

-Janet, my crown jewel.

My very first, my seedling.

-Where is she?!

[Film projector clicking]

-Look at them, Daniel.

Look at my children!

-Oh, my God.

-They had to be disfigured. Don't you see?

I have to make them look like they used to look.

That's my art.

-[Softly] Where is my wife?

-Janet, I found her in Harris Creek in her car.

She had drowned.

-You're crazy.

You're totally insane!

-Not even her injuries

or her bloated condition could hide her beauty.

-My God, she can't be dead.

-Yes, she was. She is.

Like all the others, like that man you ran over in your car.

He was dead long before you hit him.

-How did you do it?

-Call it black magic.

Call it a medical breakthrough.

I'll take my secret to the grave.

-Oh, my God.

[Screaming]

It's a nightmare! No!

-I've always liked you, Daniel, so I gave her to you as a gift.

-No, no.

-Most of the others, I gave back

a little of their lives,

but for Janet, I gave her fear and sex and love.

The others would fall apart in a week

if I didn't touch them up, but Janet --

Janet could go three weeks, a month!

The others, drawings.

Janet, ooh, Janet was a painting.

My masterpiece.

-Why are you doing all this?

Because when people are dead

they don't get sick, they don't age,

and after I work on them, they look so good, so healthy,

I can't bear to bury them!

They're even more beautiful than the living!

-You evil son of a bitch!

-You will try to kill me, Dan, but you can't.

You can only make me dead.

[Gun cocks]

Go on, pull the trigger.

Help me become one of my own children.

Oh, Daniel.

I enjoy these little chess games with you.

Perhaps you need a little more motivation.

[Door opens, closes]

-Hello, baby. How was your day?

You wouldn't believe mine.

Paul Haskell had another locker check 10 minutes before lunch.

-Janet! -Had everybody go

and stand out in the hall next to their lockers.

-Janet. -It was enough

to drive me crazy.

Baby, what what would you like for dinner tonight?

-I'll get you for the things you've done.

-The dead have no memory except what I give them.

She only appears alive.

♪♪

-You are alive.

-She's dead, Dan.

♪♪

She's dead. -Oh, no.

♪♪

-You can have anything you want for dinner,

if you don't mind fixing it yourself.

But I'll fix it for you. -She's dead.

You have a choice between minute steak...

-Baby, please.

Die. -She's dead.

[Gunshot] -Also, you have pork chops...

-Die! -...or beef stroganoff,

the last of which I must warn you...

-Please!

-...it's out of the package.

[Gunshots]

♪♪

♪♪

Dan, I'm dead.

♪♪

Please bury me.

♪♪

Please.

♪♪

Dan, bury me!

♪♪

[Gunshots]

-[Gasps]

♪♪

[Body thuds]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Grunts]

[Items crash]

[Wind blowing]

[Panting]

♪♪

Janet!

Janet!

[Film projector clicking]

-Groans]

[Groans]

Janet!

-[Sobbing]

♪♪

♪♪

Oh, bury me.

♪♪

Please.

♪♪

Please, Dan.

[Casket creaks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Record plays peaceful music]

♪♪

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

-I love you, Dan.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Air hissing]

♪♪

[Flesh tears] -[Groans]

♪♪

[Film projector clicking, record spinning]

♪♪

-May she rest in peace, Dan.

-Ernie?

[Voice echoing]

-Betty.

♪♪

Ben.

-[Indistinct talking]

♪♪

-Dan, old buddy.

-Oh, no.

-[Indistinct talking]

-Phil.

-If you can't solve an accident, what'll you do

if a crime happens?

-Harry, Harry.

♪♪

Freddie.

-[Echoing] What can I do you for, Sheriff?

-[Indistinct talking]

♪♪

-Midge!

♪♪

-[Indistinct talking]

Midge?

♪♪

-Jimmy.

-[Echoing] I gotta go.

♪♪

-[Echoing] You know police work's a high-stress occupation.

♪♪

No, not Doc.

-[Echoing] They're not being restored to life.

-[Gasps] -[Echoing] That's for sure.

-Be happy for her, Dan.

-Smile. [Camera shutter clicks]

-[Screams]

No!

Don't touch me! [Voice echoing]

Oh, dear God!

Get back! Keep away from me!

God, no, please!

No! Don't touch me!

No! Not me!

Not me!

-Don't let him get away!

♪♪

[Film projector clicking, air hissing]

♪♪

-There's one more thing you should know, Dan.

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Come, Dan. Let me fix those for you.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-"You can try to kill me, Dan, but you can't.

You can only make me dead."

Jack Albertson's best line in the whole movie.

Not sure what it means, but yeah.

Censured by the Rhode Island Medical Society

and ejected from his job at the Providence county morgue.

Some people love the final twist,

some people hate it, the one about Dan has been

a zombie throughout the movie.

Don't think about that one too much either

because if you go back over the storyline

you'll find some plot holes as big as Freddie's open grave.

Unfortunately, the original director's

cut of "Dead & Buried" does not exist.

The film was cut and recut so many times

that we can't see Gary Sherman's original intention.

What we know is they got the financing

from the Guinness beer company,

but halfway through filming, Guinness sold the movie

to another company.

The first screening was a huge success,

but the film had been sold a third time

to Producers Sales Organization, headed by Mark Damon.

You've heard me talk about Mark Damon before.

And so after the initial screening,

that had people screaming in delight,

Damon pulls Gary Sherman aside

in a corner of the screening room and says,

"If I wanted Ingmar Bergman to make a horror film for me,

I would hire Ingmar Bergman.

Now let's get rid of all this bullshit

and make it into a horror film."

So he demanded all kinds of changes that Avco Embassy,

the domestic distributor,

did not agree with, that was Bob Rehme,

who would later be head of New World Pictures

after Roger Corman sold New World Pictures.

And Bob Rehme wanted to help

Gary Sherman restore the picture to its original form,

but then Mark Damon threatened to sue both of them

and so the final version was kind of a hybrid

of what four different companies

thought the movie should look like.

And that original director's cut by then was gone.

If you read stuff on the Internet about the film,

a lot of people say it got no theatrical release,

it went straight to video.

Well, that's definitely not true,

because I saw it at the drive-in at least twice.

They released it, and then they released it again.

In 1983, England put it on the Video Nasty

list of censored films, which just kind

of blows my mind,

and then apparently somebody pointed out to them

that it wasn't that bad and it was not exactly

"Cannibal Holocaust,"

and so it was dropped from the list in 1985.

Jack Albertson came to the world premiere of it in a wheelchair

with an oxygen tank, and died shortly thereafter.

Lisa Blount, the girl on the beach,

she went on to a fairly successful career,

and then developed a rare disease,

and I had to -- I can't say it.

It was called idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura,

and she died in Little Rock in 2010.

She was just 53 years old.

There are people in Mendocino, California,

who still remember the film.

They remember that film, and they remember

James Dean in "East of Eden."

It was also shot in Mendocino.

And Robert Englund is very fond of the flick,

even though he doesn't have much to do in the flick.

So, Darcy, come on up.

Oh, my God, Darcy. [Cheering, whistling]

Or should I say Lisa Blount.

-[Laughs] -The girl on the beach

and the evil hypodermic nurse.

That's a great effort.

It's kind of -- it's kind of a gloomy

picture though, don't you think?

Partly because of the way they shot it.

-I love that atmosphere though.

I love the gore in this, and I love Lisa Blount.

That's why I had to dress like this.

-Okay. Sounds like we pretty much agree.

I remember thinking it was slow the first time

I watch-- I watched it, but it kind of grew on me.

-I can see that.

Jack Albertson is super-creepy.

I feel like it's kind of an Italian horror

made by Americans.

-Okay, yeah.

I never thought of that, but yeah,

I could see how that would be

because of the quirkiness.

So, what you got for me?

-It's time for the Silver Bolo Award

for excellence in horror media, and this week's winner is...

"Knight Light," a horror movie podcast.

It's San Francisco-based, weekly,

and hosted by Prince Jackson,

a.k.a, David Celarie and Freddy Nuti.

-And what's their take on the genre?

-They are dedicated to discussing

the ultimate question: Why horror?

-Wow, so they're philosophers.

That's a big topic.

And how do they do that?

-They pick subgenres and devote a whole month to that theme,

like family horror, black horror, female horror,

creature features, home-invasion horror.

But what's interesting is that the podcast sort of emerged

from Black Lives Matter.

-Oh, then I know this story, but go ahead.

-So, Bloody Disgusting sent out a tweet

saying they wanted to boost underrepresented voices

in the podcast network,

and the "knights" of this podcast,

the three founders call themselves knights,

threw their names into the pot,

and they say the whole experience

has been life-changing because they're bringing

all these black voices into the horror community.

-Which is great, yeah. -Totally.

They break down each film scene by scene.

Great discussions, great chemistry.

Big fans of "Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island,"

so clearly they are men of culture.

[Laughter] -Okay, sounds like it.

Okay, well, Yuki, please take this silver bolo,

verify that the silver is pure, please?

And send it -- [Can rattling]

send it to Prince Jackson in Chicago

and his colleagues David Celarie

and Freddy Nuti at "Knight Light."

That's K-N-I-G-H-T, right?

K-N-I-G-H-T Light.

They're bringing a whole new group of people

into the Mutant family, and that's about it.

What was scarier tonight?

The zombies in "Dead & Buried"

or the hippie religious cult in "Mandy"?

-I've to go with the cult. -Yeah. Me, too.

Because of the horrendous level of the violence in that movie.

I'm surprised that video nasty censor in England

didn't rise up out of his grave just to put "Mandy" on the list.

-Oh, he would.

-And I'm Joe Bob Briggs, speaking for

Darcy the Mail Girl and the remote "Last Drive-In" crew,

reminding you that sometimes the best answer

is silence.

The drive-in will never die.

Man walks into a bar with his pet octopus.

-You've heard this one? -No.

-Okay.

The guy says, "I bet 50 bucks that nobody here

has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

So people in the bar look around,

they talk among themselves, somebody finds an old guitar.

Octopus takes a look at it,

picks it up, tunes up the strings,

starts playing a folk song on the guitar.

Owner of the octopus pockets 50 bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet.

Octopus takes the trumpet, loosens up the keys,

licks his lips, starts playing

a jazz solo in the trumpet.

Owner of the trumpet forks over another 50 bucks.

So the bar owner's watching all this.

So he disappears out the back of the bar,

comes back a few minutes later with a set of bagpipes.

And he puts the bagpipes on the bar and says,

"Now, if your octopus can play this,

I'll give you $100."

So, the octopus takes a look at the bagpipes,

lifts 'em up, turns 'em over,

has another look from another angle,

turns them back this way, looks at them this way.

The owner of the octopus is getting impatient.

He says, "Stop messing around.

Hurry up and play the damn thing."

Octopus says, "Play it?

If I can figure out how to get its pajamas off,

I'm gonna fuck it."

[Laughter]

♪♪

-♪ We are drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like other people ♪

-♪ Other people ♪

-♪ We are sick ♪ -♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting ♪ -♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

-♪ Vomit meter ♪

-♪ We'd be off the scale ♪

-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪