Original subtitles

Hey, hey, hey, hey! The baseball playoffs!

This-this year, pop, I'm watchin' every single game.

- Alright. - Mr. Emerson.

Did you take your sons to a lot of baseball games

when they were little?

Oh, yeah, all the time.

Uh, night games, double-headers.

I tell you, those were the happiest moments of my life.

What?

Pop, you know you only took us to one game.

And then all you did was drive us up to the stadium

and drop us off at the gate.

You didn't even make a complete stop.

Son, this little girl was raised on television

and Hollywood movies, now, I'm going to lose her halfway

through the story if I don't give it an upbeat ending.

Well, pop, you don't know that for sure.

Sheila, what would you rather hear, the truth

or the phony Hollywood version?

Is the truth gonna make me feel good?

No, but you'll be a better person for it.

- Every home game? - MM-hmm!

Oh, there you are, Roc! You better get movin'.

It's time to get to the hospital.

Aha! Da, da, da. Wait a minute.

Hold, okay, okay. Help!

Help! Help! Help!

Relax! Relax!

I mean, it's time for us to go to our prepared

childbirth classes, remember?

- Eleanor... - Hm?

E-El-Eleanor, do me a favor.

Until it's actually time to go to the hospital

would you please not use the words

"It's time to go to the hospital?"

I promise. Now let's get goin'.

Alright, baby. Alright, alright, listen, listen, oh, oh...

E-Eleanor, I mean, do-do we have to go?

You know, t-tonight's the baseball playoffs.

Well, Roc, you told me you were excited about going

to the childbirth classes with me.

Well, you know, I am, baby, I am.

You know, I'm-I'm, you know

I'm-I'm really looking forward to it.

Then come on, let's go.

You told her you were excited about going to those classes?

And you criticize me for making up stories?

♪ Baby ♪

♪ There's a man ♪

♪ With no future so it seems ♪

♪ Can't live out his dreams ♪

♪ Now he's tricked into thinkin' he won't succeed ♪

♪ And he can't believe ♪

♪ Live your life today ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪ Not for tomorrow ♪

♪ Not for tomorrow oh oh oh ♪ Ah ♪

♪ Live your life today ♪

So are you taking the long course or the short one?

- There's a short course? - Yeah, yeah.

Wives don't tell the husbands about that 'cause, uh

they wanna prolong the misery.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, right.

To them it's sharing, you know?

Yeah, but I'm-I'm-I'm gonna tell my wife, you know

I-I wanna take the short course.

Me, too.

- Uh, El-El-Eleanor? - Yeah, baby?

Do we have to take the long course?

Well, Roc, by the time I'm done

I will have carried our child for nine months.

- A-a-- - Nine months.

Of morning sickness.

Nine months

of back pain and sleepless nights.

So after I've put in my nine months...

...it would be nice if you could handle

a lousy six weeks of classes.

Nine months.

I got the feeling I'm going to be listening to this

for a lot longer than nine months.

Okay, let's get started.

Class, I'm Angela Burke and I'm going to be teaching you mothers

all about childbirth.

And you fathers will learn everything

from how to pack your wife's overnight bag

to how to cut the umbilical cord.

Alright, I'm gettin' the hell out of here.

Roc.

Sit down.

Now, let's begin tonight's lesson with an exa--

'And there's a high fly ball--'

Oh! Oh!

I apologize for my husband.

- He's a big baseball fan. - Oh, yeah...

Hey, w-what's the score? What's the score?

Roc, you know, I can't wait to tell our child

how his father put his birth

ahead of everything else in the world.

Oh, you know, if it's a boy

he'll understand about the playoffs.

Let's get down to business, okay?

First I'd like to find out what everyone knows

about labor and delivery.

Now, at what point during labor should you go to the hospital?

W-when she's hollering and screaming and carryin' on.

- And everything like that? - Uh, Jerald?

When the contractions have been coming

five minutes apart for at least an hour.

That's right, okay.

Now, who can tell me how long a typical labor takes?

Uh, six to forty-eight hours. Uh...

There are exceptions, of course, but you did say "typical."

Ooh-ooh. Roc, see?

Some husbands take this class very seriously.

Yeah, well, some other husbands

are going to have to talk to him in the parking lot.

Let's give somebody else a chance. Uh, Roc?

Say, your wife's water broke at home

what is the first thing that you would do?

I'd call him.

Roc, this class is not a joke.

Now, tonight while I'm at work, I want you to read

these pamphlets on childbirth and think about

how important this class is, and in the meantime

please try and pay attention.

Alright, alright.

Ripkin just hit a double off the wall.

Look, I-I-I can't get into that right now. I'm sharing.

Sure.

Alright, I'm telling you, Joey, you know

Eleanor's really taking this childbirth class seriously

you know? I don't know why I have to learn all that stuff.

Yeah, you know, I think pop's generation

had the right idea, just knock the woman out

and let the man hang out in the waiting room and pass out cigars

but I guess today they consider that insensitive.

Yeah, face it, Roc, your sperm picked the wrong decade

to start working.

Thank you. Thank ya. Thank ya.

Thank you.

You know, the next time I tell you I can bounce a quarter

on the toothpick, maybe you'll believe me.

Now I divorce you from your cash

but you still have visitation rights.

Visit. Bye!

Al Fontaine!

What brings you to town?

I had to come back and get a-a few things that belonged to me.

Your fives, your tens, your twenties.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Elliot, give my man Al another shot

of whatever he's drinking, yeah.

- Joey Emerson buying a drink? - Mm-hmm.

Where'd you get the cash?

Your older brother increasing your allowance?

Hey, hey, man, I saw you rakin' in all that cash

on your little bar bets, eh? Yeah, you a high-roller now.

You must be drivin', what, a Pinto?

You ain't still upset about that little $500

I took from you last poker?

It was $493. Damn, you exaggerate everything.

As I recall, you were awfully close.

You had a pretty good hand goin' and I just got lucky.

I see what you doin', alright?

You trying to suck me into your little bar bet.

I ain't havin' it.

So you sayin' there's no room

in that dust-ridden pocket of yours

for a crisp, fresh-off-the-mint $100 bill?

You name your game. Come on, let's go.

- High call. - Come on, you got it.

- You got it. Let's play. - Right here.

Oh, hell no, we ain't usin' your deck.

Aye, aye, aye, Elliot

get-get my deck out here.

- Okay? - Alright.

Yeah, you had come all this way

to lose your money. Bam!

Seven.

Bam! Ten.

Where are my manners, man? Let's use your deck. That's okay.

Here, here, we'll, we'll...

Regular exercise can strengthen the muscles

and help relieve discomfort during pregnancy.

Remember also that your baby needs lots of oxygen

during pregnancy, so proper breathing is very important.

'Let's practice..'

- Where have you been? - 'Breathe in..'

Uh, well, I'm-I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, baby

but something came up at work.

What, you had to rush the garbage to the landfill

before it spoiled?

No, no, no, well, no, I r-really had to stay late, babe

so, you know, we were, um, uh, uh, you know, we had a lot of

lot of, uh, p-paper-paperwork to fill out, you know

and, um, we, uh, uh, you know, so we had to, you know, you know

discuss that and, uh, you know, um, uh, you know...

Okay, baby, you got me, I-I don't wanna be here.

We just better buy a whole lotta books

for you to read to the baby, 'cause you sure are bad

at making things up on your own.

You see, in this exercise, the husband helps his wife

to relax each muscle, through his touch and his words

he communicates his love and support.

Oh.

Get on away from me, Roc.

I don't want you touching me right now.

- Uh, m-miss? - 'Yeah?'

She won't let me communicate my love and support.

- Hi! - Oh!

Look at this, we have a special guest tonight.

Everybody, meet Jerald and Suzy's

brand-new baby girl, Maya.

Oh!

Well, hey, I mean, hey, but you said you wife was only

in her eighth month. I mean, can't that be kinda tricky?

Tricky isn't the word for it.

There was a moment during delivery

when everything was out of control.

The baby's heart rate went down to almost nothing.

- Oh, man. - Oh, my God.

'Yeah, it was touch and go for a while.'

The doctor was looking worried

the nurses started dragging out all this equipment.

- I thought we gonna lose her. - Oh, damn, damn!

I mean, w-w-what did you do?

Well, Roc, Angela covered that in class.

What they do is give the mother oxygen

to bring the baby's heart rate up.

I-I must've missed that part, you know?

Once they gave me oxygen, everything turned out fine.

Thank God we took this class or we would have been

even more scared than we were.

Yeah, the more you know going into that delivery room

the better off you and the baby are gonna be.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

Yeah, well, the baby's okay now, right?

Oh, yeah, Maya made it through

because bottom-line she was a healthy baby.

And I really think that's because we took this class

and did everything right.

Suzy, can I hold her, please?

Yes, of course.

Oh...

Look, Roc...

...she's so precious.

Yeah, look at that big-haired little baby.

Hey there, little baby.

Just think, Roc.

We gonna be having one of these pretty soon.

Yeah, I know.

And right after that we're gonna have

two, three, four, five, six more.

Okay, everybody, back to work, we got a lot of ground to cover.

Okay, let's go. Let's go!

- Yes! - Uh, Jim, Jim? You...

You, you don't want me to come over there, do you?

- No. - 'Okay, come on.'

Good.

And three and four

and rest.

And five and six and rest.

And seven and eight and rest.

- Okay, break time. - N-no.

E-E-Eleanor, no, you've-you've gotta do more exercise and now...

Roc, I'm havin' a baby, I'm not trying out for the Redskins.

Alright, look, well, if-if you're not gonna exercise...

- Then drink some water. - No, Roc, no more water.

I'm wrinkling from the inside out.

Uh, but the baby needs, now, according to this pamphlet

a pregnant woman should drink at least eight glasses of water

a day. But that's for the average baby.

Since it's my baby, I say 12.

Roc, I said no more water.

I've got high and low tides in my ankles.

Well, come on, now, this is important now.

T-the pamphlet said it's important!

Oh, really? Show me where.

- It says right there... - Hm!

Funny, I don't see it anywhere.

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

Roc, please tell me that this odorless

colorless lump isn't our dinner.

This dinner is low-fat and full of complex carbohydrates

just what a pregnant woman needs.

How about that, I didn't know you could get all that nutrition

from ball and a poop.

That ain't no poop, baby, that's a bird.

Well, I'm sorry, given my age and my sophisticated palate

I'm craving a more exotic cuisine.

I think I'll break open those, uh, cheese and crackers

I keep in my nightstand.

- Hey, Joey! - Hey, pop.

What you got there?

I got some cheese and crackers I found in your nightstand.

Ah, Joey, I can understand you not wanting to eat

that mess in the kitchen, but why couldn't you

take yourself out for a dinner?

Well, I kinda lost all my money

on a stupid bar bet with Al Fontaine.

- Al Fontaine? - Yeah.

I forbade you to see him when you were nine years old

and I forbid you to see him now.

Pop, I'm over 30, you can't tell me who to play with anymore.

Joey, didn't you once lose $500 to that man?

It was $493.

Man, why does everybody just-just

blow it out of proportion?

Well, you just stay away from him.

Now, you can't beat Al. You gamble for fun.

- He gambles for a living. - Hey, pop, I can beat him.

I can gamble for a living if I wanted to, too.

If I won some more.

Oh, Joey, these dumb bar bets are beneath you.

Why can't you just walk away?

Pop, it's not the money, it's the thrill

of putting yourself on the line, pop.

It-it's-it's t-that excitement of-of taking chances.

Well, since you love taking chances

uh, that cheese expired three years ago.

Bam! Six for six!

Pay up, my man.

Alright, who the next victim up in here?

Alright, Al, I'm ready for a rematch.

Yo, Ems, my personal ATM machine.

I think I'll make a withdrawal this evening.

Put your money where you mouth--

Joey, can I see you a minute?

Son, now don't take this the wrong way

but I've been sitting here for an hour

and I've watched Al clean out six people.

When you walked in, I swear

I saw a big seven on your forehead.

Pop, pop, listen, listen, you don't understand, I'm working

a angle. I got him, I'm gonna take him. Watch.

Uh, son, I'm sure you've got a good game plan

but maybe you should go home now.

You know, I, I really like you in that shirt.

Pop, please, check this out, check this out, alright?

Alright, Al, here's the game.

I got a $100 that says I can recite the alphabet

backwards, clean, no mistakes, faster than you.

Man, what in the hell kind of bet is that, man?

That's the kind of bet you make in a bar on "Sesame Street."

Well, if you watched "Sesame Street," Al, then you know

that the alphabet is the one with the letters

and not the numbers.

- Ooh. - Alright, alright.

- Start the clock. - Go.

Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q, P

O, N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A.

Time to pay me, bam!

Alright, alright, alright, alright, enjoy yourself.

- But the game ain't over. - Uh, Joey.

- What? - Fake an injury, take a dive.

Pop, please.

- Start me off, Al. - Go.

Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, O, Q, P, N, M, L, K...

N, M, L, K... N, M, L, K...

J, I, I...

I owe you a $100.

- Hey, drinks on Al, yes! - Hey!

Mrs. Emerson, the movie's starting.

Oh, good. "Sister Act." I just love this movie.

Just what I need after a hard day at work.

A good laugh.

Oh, I'm glad you're home, Eleanor.

Hey, look, I found something new for the baby.

Mm-hmm, music.

Roc, the baby's not in the mood for music.

The baby just wants to kick back, do a little swimmin'

watch Whoopie Goldberg.

Come on, baby, this is important, you know?

I read, in the third trimester

that the baby can pretty much hear everything.

And they find music very soothing.

So I'm playing him classic jazz.

You don't have any choice now

but when you get out, I'll play you some SWV.

Yes, I will.

Y-yeah.

Roc, I was about to watch a movie.

Okay, okay, if you don't, if you don't want to listen

to music, then, then do something for the baby

like, um, like, take a nap.

- I'm not sleepy right now, Roc. - Well, then, get sleepy.

You can get sleepy if you wanna get sleepy.

No, Roc, I can't get sleepy right now

'cause I'mallworked up.

Someone's got meallworked up.

And do you know who that person is that's got me

allworked up, Roc? Do you know who that person is?

Eleanor, a simple no will suffice.

No, no, no!

There, I gave you three, that should suffice.

Roc, I hate it when you boss me around like this.

You know, you can be a very controlling person.

Come on, Eleanor, you're pregnant and you're just acting

a little crazy, but that's okay, baby.

Look, I don't get you, you know what I mean?

You get mad at me at the class for not

paying attention, so I start paying attention

and you get mad at me for paying too much attention.

I mean, how can I be controlling

when I'm too busy being confused?

Roc, I didn't tell you to go overboard!

Look, I just, I just wanna make sure, you know

we have a healthy baby, look, a lot of people don't realize

that the infant mortality rate among inner city blacks

is as high as in some third-world countries, you know?

I just wanna make sure, sweetheart, that we do

all the right things to assure us a healthy baby.

Roc, honey, slow down for a minute. Look, now sit down. I...

I work in a hospital, so I know how awful the healthcare system

in our country is, even if you can afford a clinic

as much as they want to, they can't always provide

adequate service, and for some sisters

the first time they see a hospital

is when they are in labor, and by then sometimes it's too late.

But, honey, you and I can afford good pre-natal care

and I've taken all the test, and there are no problems.

Oh, you know, I'm just thinking about Jerald and Suzy, you know

t-their baby's perfect, you know, and I want

I want our baby to be perfect.

I do, too, sweetheart, but, you know

I can eat healthy food, listen to soothing music

and nap myself right into a coma

and we still can't be sure what's gonna happen.

It's not entirely in our hands.

You gotta have a little faith.

Yeah, I know, I know. I hate that.

And you know, Roc, once the baby gets here

there's still gonna be things you just can't control.

I mean, what you gonna do, follow him around everywhere?

- Until he grows up? - No!

D-da-damn right if it's a girl.

Oh, Roc, honey, sweetheart.

It's gonna be alright. Trust me.

Alright, alright, okay, okay, okay.

- You gonna calm down? - Yeah, yeah, I'mma calm down.

Good. You wanna watch this movie with me?

Okay, that should be fun, yeah.

Good, good, 'cause I just

love me some Whoopi.

She had a ugly wig on in that movie.

Stop it.

Mm! Popcorn, good.

Yeah, little too much salt, baby. You might get dehydrated.

I'mma get you some water, okay? No.

I like, I like getting water. I like getting water.

Roc, I said no. My no should be sufficing.

Yeah, thank you very much, Al.

It's been a pleasure cleaning you out.

Hey, Joey, give me a chance, man. Man...

I always give you a chance to win your money back.

Alright, I'll take pity on you, I'll tell you what

I got $300 right here that says that the next person

walking through that door is a woman.

- You on. - Let's do it.

What? I left my lights on? Thanks for telling me.

Well, don't mention it.