Original subtitles

Ma, look, I know I have a TV show

but I can't afford you no million dollar house.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, hi, I'm Charles S. Dutton.

Sorry, we missed you last week but they ran the Emmy Awards

in our time slot.

You know, a lot of people have been asking me

if I was angry that I wasn't nominated for an Emmy?

Truth is, it doesn't bother me at all.

I was nominated for Tony.

Two Tonnies.

You see, I'm from the theater where good work is rewarded.

You do your job well, you get nominated for Tony.

Now don't get me wrong.

This is not to take anything away from last week's nominees.

Especially, all the ones

who were never nominated for Tony.

Like I was...

...twice.

They're all fine performers who work very hard

doing take after take after take to get it right.

Unlike this cast, who has to get it right the first time.

Because we're doing our show live.

The way it's done in a theater.

Where I was nominated for Tony.

Two of 'em.

Anyways, congratulations to all the nominees.

So sit back and enjoy our live theater-like show.

And get well soon, Mrs. Peach.

'In five, four, three, two..'

No, I'm telling you, Charlaine, women are drawn to me, see?

It's like, it's like bee is to honey.

Uh-huh.

More like flies to an outhouse.

Okay, you don't believe me, huh? Alright.

I got $20 that says I can charm any woman in this room

into kissin' me within a minute.

You are on.

Bump.

What about her?

Oh, woman, give me a challenge please.

How about her, right there by that payphone?

Um, I don't know, Joey.

She don't seem nearly drunk enough.

- Go for it. - Alright, watch and learn.

Um, excuse me, hi, remember me?

Joey Emerson.

Roc's younger brother.

Oh, my God! Little Joey.

How's Roc? I haven't spoken to him since we broke up.

Oh, Roc's fine.

He's not as fine as me

but he does the best he can.

- Same old Joey. - Hey, listen, I gotta get back.

It's good to see you, okay?

- You take care. Okay. - Take care of yourself.

What did you say to her?

Oh, I'd tell you but you'd probably wanna kiss me too.

Hey, Charlaine.

Oh, Roc, now come on, you know you really enjoyed that move.

Yeah, those love scenes were pretty hot.

You know, I think those two were really doin' it.

And there are some things you just can't fake.

I don't know about that one, Roc.

- Hey, uh, hey, sis. - 'Hey.'

Ah, Roc, um, Janet's here.

Janet Shaw. Your girlfriend.

Oh, man, I don't want Eleanor to met Janet.

- Thanks for the warnin', Joey. - What was that about, Roc?

Joey says, we oughta get outta here and go somewhere else

because of, uh, you know, bec-bec-because of the thing.

- The what? - Hey, Roc?

Roc, who's that woman?

Ah, Eleanor that's Janet Shaw.

I used to date her before I met you.

I-I didn't want you two to meet because, you know

I thought you'd be jealous.

Oh, Roc, not this again.

I know you had a life before I came along, I had a life too.

Neither one of us were virgins when we met.

I don't think everyone needs to know that, Eleanor.

Oh, Roc, watch how good I am.

Roc, oh, it's been such a long time!

Yeah, it sure has.

Oh, Janet, this is my wife Eleanor.

Eleanor, this is Janet.

It's nice to met you, Janet.

Oh, the pleasure is mine.

You know what I can't get over?

Every time I come back to visit Baltimore

more and more of my friends have moved away.

So it is so nice to see a familiar face.

Aww. Well, you know what?

In that case, I got a crazy idea.

Why don't you come over tomorrow if you're not too busy

Roc and I would love to have you over for dinner.

- Oh, I'd love to. Yeah. - 'Okay.'

Okay, so come over tomorrow night around 7:00

864 and a half Essex Street.

Great. See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

Eleanor, was that really necessary?

Oh, Roc, I'm just trying to show you I'm not a jealous person

besides she seemed very nice.

You got a good taste in women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like 'em one at a time.

Oh, come on!

♪ Them that's got shall have ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ So the Bible says ♪

♪ And it still is news ♪

♪ Mama may have ♪

♪ Papa may have ♪

♪ But God bless the child ♪

♪ That's got his own ♪

♪ That's got his own ♪ Them that's got shall get ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ Them that's got shall get ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ Whoa woah wo-woah ♪

Oh, this is just awful.

All those people down in Florida.

Sufferin' because of that hurricane.

Yeah, and as usual

the government is doing next to nothing.

No, no, no, that was last week.

This week Bush is all over the TV.

Makin' like he's Daddy Warbucks.

You know, 'cause he has pouring money into that.

Well, like I always said, if you have to have a natural disaster

be sure to schedule it during an election year.

- What the... - What the hell was that?

- 'Roc, son.' - Hey, you get outta there!

Get off, get off!

Watch it, son, they have a gun.

Tryin' to rip off my radio.

You better have a explanation for this.

Chill out, man, it's just junk.

Look, I was gonna fix it up and sell it flea-market.

I'm a businessman. See, I can get $15 for that.

What's your name, son?

My name is Troy Babbit. I live in neighborhood.

So, um, can I have that radio?

Alright, I'll let you take it.

But if you sell it, I want half.

Alright, fine, like I got a choice.

Man, never seen someone fight so hard over a piece of garbage.

Oh!

Joey, if we gonna make to that movie, we'd better move on.

Oh, Pop, do we have to see "Unforgiven?" I hate Westerns.

Oh, come on, we owe it to Morgan Freeman.

Oh, pop, it's not like he is the star of the show.

I mean, it's a Clint Eastwood's movie.

- Clint Eastwood's in it? - Yeah.

Alright, let's ride.

Eleanor, I'm gonna ask you one last time.

Can we please put this dinner off?

Roc, no.

Oh, baby, you've got nothing to prove

you're not a jealous person, I see that.

Right, I'm not. And I mean, I know why you like Janet.

She's beautiful. Charming, right?

Sexy.

Why the hell did I invite her?

You were trying to prove a point.

I know, but I didn't expect her to say yes.

Well, you know, Eleanor, if we don't answer the door

eventually she has to, you know, just go away.

Oh, Roc! Roc, I'll be fine, really.

Besides, you may have dated her but you married me.

- Janet, come on in. - Hi, Janet.

Oh, red wine, that's perfect 'cause we're havin' roast beef--

- And baked potatoes. - Mm-hmm. Same old Roc.

Yeah, meal just isn't a meal

unless the meat is smothered in gravy.

And there's stack of wonder bread to sop it up.

Sounds like he hasn't changed much.

No he was pretty much how he is now.

Except not as shiny on top.

You mean when he had hair?

Oh, girlfriend

when I first met Roc, he had an Afro

out till here.

I guess this is a low-maintenance head, eh, Roc?

Don't do that.

Oh, you know what's really cute about this guy?

When he used to fall asleep in front of the TV

with the remote control on his stomach and it go up and down

and up and down...

I got somethin' even cuter, how about that little

kick thing he does when he's real happy?

Ooh, tell me about it.

He was just kickin' up a storm the night he proposed to me.

The night he did what?

Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed you knew.

I-I figured you told her, Roc.

Roc?

Excuse me, I missed what you said.

I think I'm having an out-of-body experience.

♪ Whoa woah wo-woah ♪

Alright, Janet, thanks for comin' over

and you take good care of yourself down here.

Yeah, have a good flight.

I could kill you.

Oh, come on, baby, let me explain.

What's to explain?

You dated the woman for five years

you proposed to her

she dumps you three months later, you marry me.

How I'm suppose to feel?

What difference does that make now?

We've had seven good years together.

Roc, you kept the truth from me.

You never told me I got you on a rebound.

What are you talking about?

I fell in love with you because you're beautiful

you're funny, you're smart.

Yeah, yeah. Just like Janet, huh?

You lose one in Column A, so pick one in Column B.

Oh, come on, Eleanor, that's ridiculous.

Roc, you wanted to get married

you were looking to get married.

I just fit the bill.

Come on, alright, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, okay?

But I was afraid that if I did you wouldn't have married me!

I don't know what you had to be afraid of, Roc.

All you had to do is go down to the annual beautiful, smart

funny, black woman convention, and pick yourself a bride!

Eleanor! Eleanor, get back down! I haven't finished talkin'.

Eleanor, how do you how I was feeling when I proposed to you?

So what if the thing ended after-after Janet?

If I say I was over Janet, I was over Janet.

Who am I kidding, huh?

I wasn't over Janet.

But I know I loved Eleanor.

Oh, when did I stopped loving Janet...

...and start loving Eleanor?

Well, I'm glad I'm single.

- Hey, pop. - How are you doin', son?

I got good news for you.

You know that $30 I borrowed from you yesterday?

- Uh-huh. - I'll be able to return it you.

See, I put the money on the 49ers today,

and they mugged the Giants 31 to 40.

Well, what about the $30 I loaned you last week?

Well, give me break, pop, the season just started.

So what are you doin' here?

Well, me and Roc decided to make a relief package

for those hurricane victims in Florida.

Oh, that's great, pop, you got some beans, and carrots

and bandages, you got tequila.

Why do you got tequila, pop?

Well, those poor folks down there in Florida

just went through a hurricane, so they need a good shot.

Son, could you get that?

- Sure, pop. - Thanks.

Your wife get mad and put you on the couch?

Don't-don't. Joey, don't-don't play with me this mornin'.

♪ Roc didn't get none Roc didn't get none ♪

- Hey. - What's up, J?

Hey, what's up? Roc, Troy's here.

- 'Hey, Troy.' - What's up? Yo, curly.

I sold that radio, and here's your 15 bucks.

Oh, you got 30 bucks for that radio?

That must've been one hell of a flea-market.

Well, actually, it was a fence

you see, see, they shell out more money.

I just hopehedoesn't find out that it wasn't stolen.

'Hey, uh..'

Hey, you know, Troy, Roc's a garbage man and he could

you know, he could get more stuff for you to fix up.

You know, you two could be like partners.

That's cool. I'm ready.

You do me a solid and I'll do you a solid.

- Alright, that's a deal. - Alright.

So, uh, don't I get cut in for comin' up with the idea?

Yeah, you get cut out!

Come on, slim, get a job.

Ah, uh, hey, uh, Troy?

Um, listen I got a little problem in my condo.

You know anything about the garbage disposals?

Well, I could fix anything for 20 bucks.

So, what's the problem?

Ah, I got a brassiere stuck in it.

- Oh, what size? - Why?

The right tool for the right job.

- Good morning. - Uh-huh.

Oh, come on, Eleanor, don't be mad.

I didn't have to come upstairs last night

and confess all that stuff but I wanted to be honest with you.

I appreciate it, Roc, it's not every day that a woman finds out

she was her husband's second choice.

Oh, now, come on, I never said that.

I said that I-I wasn't sure.

Well, when you figure it out, will you let me know?

Maybe then we can work this stuff out.

Oh, you two still at it?

Daddy, please, we're in the middle of somethin' now.

Yeah, I know, but you go on about it all wrong.

Oh, pop, since when are you expert, huh?

I learned from the best.

See, 30 years ago, when folks had marital problems

they went to their ministers for help.

I had a good reverend Austin to save my marriage.

What are you talking about?

You and mom had a great marriage.

Well, we had our share of fights.

You remember when I used to crawl into bed

with you and Joey?

Yeah, well, I thought it was because

you know, we were afraid of the dark.

No, I was afraid of your mother.

Well, thank heaven for Reverend Austin.

What did he do?

Let me show you.

What did you do on your first date?

- Roc took me out to dinner-- - Okay, come with me.

See, your trouble started seven years ago.

So you got to go back seven years.

What?

- Okay, sit down. - Now, pop, this is not--

Sit!

Okay.

It's 1985. It's your first date.

And Eleanor, you're looking beautiful.

Roc, you're... thinner.

Go.

Daddy, this is silly.

Go!

Okay, what we got to lose?

So, Roc, how do you like being a longshoreman?

Oh, pop, what is this gonna prove?

Oh, answer her question.

Yes, it pays well and the hours are good. Satisfied?

Tell her she looks nice.

I know what to do on a date, pop.

Well, that's a very nice dress.

Blue is a good color for you.

It was red.

But thanks anyway.

I really enjoyed the movie, it's a good choice.

I know, I watched it this afternoon

just to make sure you'd like it.

You don't even remember the name.

- "Beverly Hills Cop." - Oh, sure.

You can remember the movie

and can't remember what color my dress was?

'Hey, you two.'

Now, you can't say anything you didn't say on the first date.

Now, those are the rules.

Okay, pop, we got it, we got it.

Alright.

Well, I guess we should order, huh?

Uh, waiter?

Swordfish here is really very good.

Oh, I didn't realize you've been here before.

I was hoping to make this special for you.

You are, you are. This is one of my favorite places.

I used to come here all the time with...

...this guy I knew.

Oh, an ex-boyfriend, huh?

- Well, w-was it serious? - Well, sort of.

All my friends just thought we were just perfect together.

I just didn't love him in that way.

How about you?

Well, to be honest, um...

...about a month ago, I proposed to my girlfriend

and she turned me down.

That is not fair, Roc.

You did not say that to me on our date.

We've been going out for five years and she really hurt me.

Uh, Roc, you're breaking the rules.

I don't give a damn about rules, pop.

I messed this up the first time.

I'm not making the same mistake twice.

What I wanna say is that I may not be entirelyover her.

There.

Now, you know everything about me.

Alright, Roc, we'll play by your rules.

If this girl changes her mind

and decides she wants to marry you.

- Would you go back to her? - No, no, no, no, I-I want you.

Roc, remember, this is our first date, it's 1985.

And yeah, I guess I'd, uh... I'd go back to her.

Well, in that case, Roc, I don't think

we should be seein' each other anymore

I gotta know that you're datin' me

not 'cause your lonely for her.

You call me in six months.

But I don't wanna wait six months.

You may meet another guy.

Well, that's just a chance you gonna have to take.

Well, then what are you saying?

Just because I met you after Janet.

I gotta risk losin' you forever?

What's important is that we'll-we'll be happy together.

Now, I know it and you know it.

Oh, come on, Eleanor, let's don't...

...let's don't ruin our lives because of bad timing.

I just don't wanna be hurt.

So, if you still feel the way, this way six months from now

then you call me.

- Roc. - Huh?

It is six month's later.

Oh, alright.

Okay, um...

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

Hello?

- Eleanor? - Yes?

This is Roc Emerson.

Mm-hmm.

Now, I've done nothing for the last six months...

...but think about you.

I love you.

- Will, will you marry me? - Well, I don't know, Roc.

If you'd have asked me six months ago

I might have said yes.

But since then, I met this brain surgeon.

Oh, man!

You know, being a doctor's wife can be

very lonely.

Yeah, you're right.

Hell, I better marry you instead.

- Come here, boy. - Finally.

Well, my work here is done.

"Roc" will return live in a moment.

Hey, you know, baby...

...when I said I wasn't sure why I married you...

...I must have been crazy.

I would have been miserable

if I ended up with that other woman.

I'm glad to hear you say that baby.

- I love you, Roc. - I love you too, Janet.

No, no!

Roc!

♪ Keep on rockin' hard ♪