Original subtitles

♪ Whoa whoa whoa oh oh-h-h ♪

Get me another one.

Hey, my man. Can't you see my glass is empty?

Get me another one!

Boy, Luke has got himself a snootful tonight.

Yeah, he's celebrating.

He just got this big promotion down at the warehouse.

Yeah, well, shouldn't somebody call him a cab?

No need for that.

Being socially aware and mindful of today's problems

I took it upon myself to set up

a designated driver program here at Charlaine's.

Each week, one of the regulars takes their turn.

Hm. Well, that's a very responsible idea, Wiz.

Are you freaking deaf?

Well, I think that designated driver better jump on the case.

Take this man home.

Yeah, I think you're right, Joey.

Attention, everyone!

Who's tonight's designated driver?

Hey, I am.

Who needs a ride?

- I'll call him a cab. - Hang in there, Luke.

♪ Them that's got shall have ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ So the Bible says ♪

♪ And it still is news ♪

♪ Mama may have ♪

♪ Papa may have ♪

♪ But God bless the child ♪

♪ That's got his own ♪

♪ That's got his own ♪ Them that's got shall get ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ Them that's got shall get ♪

♪ Them that's not shall lose ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh-h-h ♪

Hey, pop. Uh, you seen my "Sketches of Spain" album?

No. I haven't.

Damn! I don't know what I did with 'em.

- Hey. - 'Hey!'

'What you got there, son?'

Two brand-new pieces of luggage.

New, Roc? Those look like you found them on your route.

- I did. - Well, then...

How can they be new?

You ever seen these before, Joey?

- No. - Then they're new.

Oh, but, son, what you gonna do

with the suitcases you brought home last year?

I'm gonna throw them. I got them out of the trash anyway.

See, two brand-new usable pieces of luggage

with enough room for clothes, shoes and accessories.

Whoa! And a ventriloquist dummy.

Man, why don't you think you ought to...

- Take this back to the owner? - Why?

Well, because right now, there are probably a bunch of kids

at a party watching some man do this.

"Hello, boys and girls. I'm, uh, Mr. Hand."

Yeah, well, Joey, I couldn't take him back

even if I wanted to.

Well, good. Can I keep it?

- Oh, yeah, why not. - Roc. Honey, baby.

What'll you wear to the wedding?

You dark blue suit or your sports coat and slacks?

Sports coat.

But your suit's so much dressier.

I'll pack the suit.

Why does she ask?

Baby, where'd you get these?

- On my route. - Why do I ask?

Son, while you and Eleanor are in Washington

you plan on doing any sightseeing?

Yeah, we was thinkin' of taking a tour of the White House.

Uh, you only got two days.

Uh, you gotta get on the list way in advance for that.

Well, we'll go see the Washington Monument.

And climb all those stairs?

You're on vacation, you don't wanna work.

Well, we'll go visit the Lincoln Memorial.

Boring.

Okay, we'll just hang around the hotel.

Why? When there's so much to see.

Yeah.

Well, I still wish I could go with you two.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, pop. You can't.

I know you really must feel bad.

Anything I can do to make it up to you?

Well, you could bring me back one of those snow globes

with the, uh, Supreme Court in it. I collect snow globes.

Pop, is there anything that you don't collect?

Well, apparently, wedding invitations.

Well, I got everything laid out for the trip tomorrow.

- Oh, great, honey. - So, Eleanor.

Tell me about, uh, this cousin of yours who's getting married.

Well, she's my last single cousin.

Oh, ugly, huh?

- Joey! - 'Hey, hey, hey.'

- She's a lovely girl. - Hey, it wasn't me. Wasn't me.

Yeah, next she'll say be saying "She's got a nice personality."

- Joey. - Okay, alright. Okay. I can...

I can't help it. Now I know why they threw this thing out.

Oh, baby, this gonna be the first time

you really met any of my family except mama and baby sis.

Yeah, I know, I'm really looking forward to meeting them too.

- Really? - Well, yeah.

Anything to get away from my family.

Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual, trash man.

- Yeah, okay, Joey-- - Okay, alright, I'm stopping.

- I'm stoppin'. - Yeah, I know you are.

Ow! Ow! Oh...

Ow! Ow! Oh!

So... Roc...

May... maybe we better put the present out now.

You did remember to pick it up, didn't you?

Oh, about that china plate setting--

- Roc. - Oh, you know.

With all the talk about lead poisoning in dishes today

I thought we get them something much more practical. Cash.

Remember how could have used it when we got started.

- Still could. - I guess you got a point.

I even went out and got one of those envelopes

with the hole cutout to show off the President's face.

Oh!

Jackson looks a little lonely, doesn't he?

Roc, $20?

Uh-uh, Eleanor. $20 and 41 cents.

- 'Get it?' - Mm-mm.

2041, the year they'll celebrate their golden anniversary.

Oh, well, then, I guess that is romantic.

- Yeah, I know it is. - Yeah, and cheap.

Okay, Roc, last time, last time, last time.

Let me get that.

- Hello. - Hello, I'm Margaret Carter.

Mama!

- Mama! - Eleanor, honey!

Oh, give me some sugar. Muah!

Oh, baby, let me look at you.

So tell me, how are you?

Oh, I'm fine, mama.

Okay, you can tell me later.

No, mama, really.

Things are going just great.

But I didn't think we were gonna see you

till tomorrow at the weddin'.

Baby, I couldn't wait another day to see you.

Oh, mama, this is a wonderful surprise.

- Roc, isn't this wonderful? - Oh, I'm surprised, alright.

- Hello, Roc. - Hey, Margaret.

Okay, you too. Come on, give me some sugar.

Muah. Muah.

- Well, Andrew. - Don't ask me for no sugar.

I'm a diabetic.

You'll never change.

- And you must be Joey. - Ah, guilty.

- How you doing, Aunt Margaret? - Oh, I'm wonderful.

- How are you? - Fine, thank you.

You know, I've heard so many good things about you.

- Yeah? - Uh-huh.

Are you still unemployed?

Um... actually, I'm in between gigs right now.

No job. Roc's a garbage man.

'Andrew, you must be so proud.'

After a while you get used to it.

So, mama, are you gonna stay the night?

Well, I don't wanna be any trouble.

Too late for that.

Come on, mama. You know you can sleep with me.

Well, my suitcase is out on the porch, Joey.

Uh, I hope it's still there.

So, this is where you live.

- Uh, it's only temporary. - Uh-huh.

Well, as Grandma Carter says

"It doesn't matter where you hang your hat

as long as you call it home."

That's a good philosophy.

Of course, Grandma Carter was always

a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

Mama. Well, come on.

Let's all sit down, and you tell us

all about Cousin Francine's fiance, Lee.

Well, I just happen to have a picture of him.

Oh, let me see. Oh, he handsome.

He's an investment banker.

Hey, I got a couple of them on my route.

They throw out great stuff.

Like those bookends over there.

You mean, you actually bring home stuff people throw out?

You don't think he'd pay for all this crap, do you?

- I heard that. - Um, well...

I-I'm so looking forward to the wedding.

It's gonna be so nice to see Ruth.

Won't that be nice, Roc? You always liked my sister.

- Yeah. - Ruth and David can't make it.

David's trying a big case. He's about to make partner.

Oh, well, you know...

...Roc made district supervisor.

Oh, really? That's wonderful, Roc.

Yeah, but I quit 'cause I missed the fresh air.

Fresh air?

Don't you hang from the back of a garbage truck all day?

That's a misconception people have about this business.

If I had a nickel for every time somebody wanted to--

Okay, here we go.

Oh, and, uh, apparently, you forgot to pay

the cab driver so I took care of it for you.

Oh, thank you. How much do I owe you?

Uh, let's see, with the tip it was $65--

Joey.

Twenty two fifty.

Margaret, Eleanor and I have really looked forward

to this trip since we got our invitation.

Mine obviously got lost in the mail.

Andrew, you can be my escort if you like.

Nah, I'm busy right then.

Roc, I need to talk to you before the wedding tomorrow.

You know, you haven't met the rest of my family

and somebody might ask you what you do for a living.

Oh, look, Margaret, I know you're a little embarrassed

about what I do and I know your other son-in-law's a lawyer.

But I want you to know that what I do

is an honorable job and I make a decent living.

That's nice, Roc. I know you do your best.

Well, I understand you must find it difficult

telling people that your son-in-law is a garbage man.

Oh, no, I don't find that difficult at all.

- Oh, really? - No.

I've told everyone you're a doctor.

♪ Whoa whoa whoa oh oh-h-h ♪

Muah! Morning, baby.

Oh, did you sleep alright on that old couch?

No.

It's not like lying next to you.

This couch is lumpy in all the wrong places.

Eleanor, you're lumpy in all the right places.

Oh, thank you, babe.

I couldn't sleep thinking about that lie

your mother told everyone about me being a doctor.

Did you talk to her last night

It took me so long to calm you down

by the time I got upstairs, she was already asleep.

You don't think she really expects me

to go along with such a lie, do you?

Oh, Roc, you know my mother. She wasn't serious.

She was just having a little fun with you.

Oh, okay.

Good morning, Eleanor.

Morning, mama.

Doctor.

See, wasn't that fun?

- Eleanor, you have got-- - Okay, I'll go talk to her.

Mama.

Now, you've gotta get it through your head

that Roc is not a doctor.

Now, Eleanor, that's just the kind of attitude

we do not want to see at the wedding.

Mama! Do you really expect Roc to go along with this?

Of course, why shouldn't he?

Because, Roc is not ashamed of what he does, mama.

This is insane.

Well, I know it sounds that way

but after a while you get used to it.

Look, it sounded strange to me too the first time I said it.

But, if you say it enough, it's easy.

Dr. Emerson. Now you try it.

Mama, stop it.

Now Roc is a very proud man and you have hurt his feelings.

His feelings? What about my feelings?

You know I want the best for you.

Mama, I got the best.

Roc is the best husband I could have

and you have really hurt him.

Oh, my.

I didn't mean to hurt him.

You know I like Roc. You know I do, baby.

I know that, mama.

But whether you meant to hurt him or not, you have.

And I think you owe him an apology.

Okay.

Psst! Hey, what's up, doc? Ha ha ha!

Leave me alone this morning, Joey.

I'm serious, got no patience

for your smart aleck remarks or his.

You know something, Roc, I don't know why Eleanor's mother

went so far as to say you were a doctor, I mean

she could've said you were an operative for the CIA

and, uh, being a garbage man was just a cover.

I don't happen to think that's funny.

Oh, you're right, son.

What Margaret did was wrong.

After all, you're just like a lot of people in this country

who work long, hard hours at thankless jobs

for wages that will never make you rich, or even comfortable.

Now you got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

In fact, this reminds me of a story.

You got time to hear this, son?

No, but i-it ain't gonna stop you.

You're right.

It's about a man.

He was a porter.

And he wasn't proud of what he did for a living.

So, when he'd meet strangers he wanted to impress them.

He told them he was a college professor.

It wasn't until he was an old man

that he realized what he'd done was wrong.

Wow, and that, that old man was you, right?

Oh, that was some doofus named Herb.

Even if he had been a college professor

people still would have hated him.

So what's the point of the story, pop?

How do I know? I like telling stories.

Roc, we need to talk.

Well, I got a million things to do today. I gotta go.

- Me too. - Wait.

- Aren't you retired? - Uh-huh.

And don't you just sit around the house all day?

Yeah.

Well, we better get started.

Roc... I want to apologize.

I know that what I did was wrong.

'And I know that by lying to my relatives'

I've shown you disrespect.

I have offended you.

And I guess by doing that I have demeaned you

undercut your integrity

and robbed you of your self-esteem.

Well, Margaret, the truth is, you have.

Well, get over it.

Just my family, you never have to see these people again.

And I told them that after the wedding

you're taking your practice to London.

London? Practice?

Margaret, o you think it's easy for a man to walk into a room

full of strangers and pretend to be something he's not?

Well, I hope so or the whole thing's

gonna blow up in my face.

Look, lady, it's only because you're Eleanor's mother

I haven't thrown you out.

How dare you walk into my house

and tell me what I do isn't good enough

for you and your family. Well, let me tell you something.

I may not save lives or make a lotta money

but what I do honest work. And I'm good at it!

You know, Margaret, I can solve your problem.

Eleanor and I just won't go to that damn wedding.

- Oh, Roc, you can't do that. - Why not?

Uncle Louis had put off his gall bladder surgery.

He wants a second opinion from you.

Well, I can't believe you! You...

You want me to pull out somebody's gall bladder?

Oh, like I wouldn't have you pull out his gall bladder.

- You're a heart specialist. - A what?

Roc.

You got to do this one thing for me.

If I tell everybody that you're not a doctor

it's gonna make me look like a liar.

- You are a liar! - No, but I'll look like one.

Oh! Margaret, I'm sorry. What you're asking me is too much.

I'm proud of my life and you're asking me to say I'm not.

Now if I go along with this, I couldn't respect myself.

Oh, who needs respect from a garbage man?

Oh, obviously not you, Margaret.

And you're getting none from this garbage man.

Roc.

Roc, I deserve that.

I guess I'm just a foolish woman

who cares too much about what people think about...

...her and her family.

Roc...

I don't want you to get the impression

that I don't love you. Because I do.

You're a terrific guy.

And you have been wonderful for Eleanor.

I just need you to do this one thing for me.

Please.

Why should I?

Because, Roc...

...I've given you the best thing in your life.

Eleanor.

You said so yourself.

Roc...

I don't wanna say you owe me one.

But you owe me one.

Just think about it.

Okay? Hmm?

I'm sorry, Margaret, I can't.

No, Roc, you won't.

Eleanor, I'm sorry.

Roc, you don't have to apologize to me.

As far as I'm concerned, I should be apologizing to you

for mama's behavior.

Yeah, well, well, we're here, huh? So let's have a good time.

Introduce me to some of your relatives.

Oh, baby, I'd love to. There's my cousin, Lucille.

Eleanor, look who's here. Your Great-Aunt Mable.

Oh, Aunt Mable.

Roc, this is my Aunt Mable.

Well, how are you doing there, Aunt Mable?

She got out of her sick bed, flew all the way from Atlanta

even though her doctor advised her against it.

- To meet Roc. - Is that so?

And that's not counting the two-hour bus ride

from the convalescent home to the airport.

- Really? - 'Yes.'

She thought she'd miss the chance

to meet the first doctor in the family.

Well, you know, I...

She thought that the next family gathering would be her funeral.

But that's not what's important.

What's important is that I lied to her.

Aunt Mable...

...when I told you about Eleanor's husband, Roc

I didn't tell you the truth.

I told you that he was a heart doctor.

- The truth is... he's a-- - Heart surgeon.

Um, I'm a heart surgeon.

- Easy mistake to make. - Roc, what are you doing?

Eleanor, she got out of her sick bed

and flew from Atlanta just to see me.

Come on, Aunt Mable, we don't want to monopolize

all of Dr. Emerson's time, do we?

- Who was that man? - Oh, no one.

Here's your hearing aid.

Well, an aspirin a day cuts down

the risk of heart attack by sixty percent

in most men over the age of 40.

How do you know that, Roc?

It was in the Union Newsletter right next to

the tip about putting baking soda in your socks.

I thought you said you weren't going to do this.

I know what I said, Eleanor. I got caught up in the moment.

I'll tell you something. Being a doctor is fun.

What are you talking about?

They respect me, Eleanor. They want my opinion.

You think they'd ask the real Roc Emerson

what kinda trash bag to use? Feels good.

But, Roc, you are lying.

No, no, no, no, no. Your mother's lying.

See, she wrote the play. I'm just acting in it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

You should have that mole looked at.

And so, Francine and Lee, I can sum up

the secret to a successful marriage

and to a successful life in one word. Honesty.

- Right. - Amen.

Because without honesty between

people, there can be no trust.

'And without trust, there can be no love.'

Amen.

Um, it's a... little hot in here, huh, Eleanor?

If a man's not honest in this world

he will eventually end up unloved and untrusted.

Amen.

So, Francine and Lee...

Keeping this in mind, I hope you will enter

into this marriage openly

lovingly and most of all, honestly.

Amen.

'Now, if there's anyone present'

'who knows any just cause why these two people'

shouldn't be joined together in holy matrimony

let them speak now... or forever hold your peace.

Um...

I-I-I'm a garbage man.

Dr. Emerson, please.

No, no, don't-don't you understand. I'm...

I'm not a doctor. I-I-I collect trash.

With that said, do you, Lee, take this woman to be your wife?

- I do. - You do?

- Well, yeah. - Oh, boy, that's great.

Hey, you don't know how good it makes me feel

to tell y'all the truth.

You know, for the last two hours I've been living

a terrible, terrible lie

and, um, well, I-I, I-I hope you all will forgive me.

Yeah, sure.

Now can we get married?

Oh, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Right. Please, alright.

And do you, Francine, take this man to be your husband?

Roc.

Oh, look, Margaret, before you say anything

I just want you to know I'm sorry

I couldn't pull off this doctor thing.

And I guess I'm sorry

that what I do for a living embarrasses you.

Oh, Roc, that's not true.

In fact, I've never been so proud of you as I am today.

- Really? - Yes.

What I told you to do was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Can you ever forgive me?

Well, hey, hey, hey, we're family, huh?

Yes... we are.

Thank you, Roc.

Roc, we gotta catch that train, baby.

- Bye, mama. - Bye, baby.

- Mmm, I love you. - I love you too.

And I'll talk to you real soon.

We gotta go because, uh, my work is piling up at home.

- It's a joke. - Yeah.

Let's go.

Excuse me, everyone.

I have to apologize for my son-in-law's outburst

during the ceremony.

He's having a tough time.

'He recently lost a patient'

and since that time he's been questioning

whether he really even is a doctor at all.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪