All language subtitles for Fired Wife-VO

By virtue of the power vested in me by
the state of Virginia, I now pronounce

you man and wife.

Why, aren't you going to kiss her?

He'd better.

Oh.

You know, what just happened here isn't
a marriage.

What? Not a marriage?

Well, not a real one.

A real marriage doesn't happen in five
minutes. It happens over a period of a

lifetime.

I performed the ceremony, but it's up to
you to make it mean something.

I suppose you'll catch the first train
back to New York.

Not on your life. First thing tomorrow,
we're heading for a honeymoon in

Indiana.

There's an old family tradition.

All the male members of the Dunn clan
bring their brides back to the old

homestead. All the relatives get
together and make it an occasion.

Helps hold the family together.

A beautiful tradition.

Now, I want you two youngsters to go out
and be happy.

It isn't hard.

All you've got to do is to give and
forgive.

And just go on loving each other till
death do you part.

Thank you, sir.

We'll remember that.

And now, children, it's 8 a

.m., and time for the Kitty Crackles
Company to present the Sunshine Lady,

comes to you morning and evening with
your favorite story.

Good morning, all my dear little
children. I trust you're all having your

crackles for breakfast this morning.

Mmm, aren't they good?

And weren't Mummy and Daddy proud of you
when you ate every last teensy, weensy

little bit?

Now, remember in our Betty Bytime story
last night, the Woofle Bear and Dottie

Deer were planning to elope when
suddenly they heard a most terrible

It was me.

The naughty old dragon.

What was that, cried the wolfle bear?
What was that?

That was drool, that's what it was.

Sheer, unadulterated drool.

Am I mistaken, or were you actually
listening to that?

Sure I was listening to it.

Hank Dunn, don't tell me I married the
kind of man who gets up at eight in the

morning to listen to a lot of yammering
about dotty deers and wolfle bears.

Who is this saccharine moron?

She isn't a moron. Her name's Eve Starr,
and she's a good friend of mine.

I listen to her at night, too.

Oh?

She must be a very good friend.

She's as crazy about me as you are.

Just what is there between you and this
female Uncle Don? A wonderful contract.

I don't get it. Didn't I tell you I was
the junior partner in the advertising

firm of Tracy and Dunn? That you did.

Well, we handled a kitty -crackle
account.

That account and Eve Starr, the sunshine
lady, are going to pay for the clothes

on your beautiful back.

It's almost enough to make me give up
clothes.

But I'm not going to get up every
morning at 8 and eat kitty crackles with

You won't have to.

Now, hurry. Get dressed. Get packed.
We've got to catch a train. We're going

a honeymoon.

Yes, I'll hurry.

Oh, Hank, I hope your folks like me,
because I know I'm going to like them.

I'm going to be just crazy about them.

You think I ought to read up on Indiana
before we get there?

Let's see. Indiana.

Uh, Wabash, James Whitcomb Riley,
Tarkington, Kokomo.

And me.

And you.

But don't you think you'd better get
dressed? Or do you usually travel in

hat and a nightgown? Well, of course
I... Oh, you can be calm.

You know your folks, I don't.

I didn't know them very well myself
until I was five years old. But they'll

you. You'll love them.

Incidentally, I love you, too.

You're so wonderfully repetitive.

Did you hear anything?

Just a lovely ringing in my head.

I'm in conference.

Some people can't take no for an answer.

Well, what is it?

New York calling.

Hello? Who?

What's the matter with your ears? I'm a
busy man and this call's costing money.

Put Tig Callahan on the phone.

Wait a minute.

What are you doing in her room at 8 o
'clock in the morning? I'm kissing her.

Kissing her? You can't do that. I won't
let you get away with it.

Say, who are you anyway?

Hank. Hank Dunn.

Just repeat your name once more. I'll
promise to look you up and dust you off

the minute I get back to New York.

Yes, I've got it. McClellan.

Oh, my boss.

Of all the times.

Hello, Chris.

This is Tig.

Oh, he's just a nice young man.

Just a casual acquaintance.

Oh, he was not kissing me.

Well, get him out of there.

Listen, my dear girl.

If you get yourself involved in anything
remotely resembling a love affair, our

contract is off, washed up, finished.

If you even get yourself slightly
married, I can so... You didn't marry

-mannered dolt, did you?

No, and he isn't an ill -mannered dolt.

No, I'm a first family of Indiana dolt,
one you just met.

You're beautiful like a black rain
cloud.

Oh, what was that again?

Really?

Oh, Chris, I could love you for that.

Oh, fine. Ask him if he's got a friend
for me.

There's no time to lose. Meet Mario's
tonight at 8 o 'clock sharp.

Of course I will.

No, there's nothing to stop me.

All right, tonight at 8.

Oh, thanks, Chris. I'm all excited.

Bye.

I'm excited, too.

I'm all of dither.

Was that Chris McClellan, the producer?

Well, don't say producers if it were a
swear word. Chris is a genius. What's

that got to do with you? I'm his
assistant.

Oh, even geniuses have assistants these
days.

Hey, what's all the rush?

Right in the middle of rehearsals,
Chris's director had a nervous

Chris is going to let me direct his new
play.

But it'll keep, won't it?

With cash on salary and theater rents
piling up? Oh, you don't know Chris.

When he makes up his mind, things have
got to stop that very minute.

Something's already started.

Our honeymoon.

Oh, Hank.

I'm so in love with you it hurts, but
don't you understand? I understand we're

married. Marriage is very important to
me. Not the comedy relief, the three

play, you know. Well, it's serious to
me, too, but what does that have to do

with my job?

When you married me, you got a new job,
and it's full -time.

And I intend to work at it.

After the play.

And the honeymoon?

Well, all I want to do is see Chris long
enough to get a copy of the play.

I'll tell him I have to study it for a
week or so, and we'll leave New York

tomorrow morning.

But I still don't see why a play is so
important.

Listen, Hank.

Five years ago, I came to New York with
40 cents and a chip on my shoulder.

New York took one look at me and laughed
right out loud.

Then I got a chance with Chris
McClellan, and I started winning on

Now, if I direct this play and it's
good, I'll have New York right where I

it. Flat on its back, hollering uncle.

All right, Tig.

I'll stick with you through the last
round.

I knew you would. But not as a casual
acquaintance.

As your husband?

Of course as my husband.

But will it hurt to keep it a secret
from Chris and the others at the

It won't be for long.

Please, Hank. But why?

Well, Chris thinks he's had several
plays ruined because of married women.

a phobia when he simply won't have a
married woman around.

Me? I'm in love with a married woman.

You better get back. Come on, I'll help
you.

Well, I've got to make that conference
tonight at Mario's. Do you mind if I sit

in on it? Of course I mind, but I want
you to be as near as possible.

You wait for me in the lounge.

I'll get the script from Chris, we'll
spend the night in your apartment, and

tomorrow morning we're both to Indiana,
to the farm and your relatives.

Everything just the way you planned. But
not in that hat.

Hello? Uh -huh. I thought you were still
in that room. Now you get out of there

before I come down to Virginia and throw
you out.

The man with the dark brown voice.

It's ready, Mr. McClellan. Has she been
waiting long? Who is there?

Callahan, of course. Miss Callahan
hasn't arrived.

What?

Thank you.

Hello,

Chris. Sit down.

Hey, Callahan, you're the most
thoroughly selfish person I know.

What did I do now?

You kept me waiting a half hour.

Because that's all right. My time isn't
valuable. I'm sorry, Chris. The train

was late. Oh, don't apologize.

Here am I, trying to produce the
greatest show of my career. My leading

hardly speak English. You get involved
with a romantic rustic.

And now, out of sheer spite, they're
running the trains late. Oh, I don't

they did it on purpose.

Anyway, I'm here now, so let's talk
sharp, huh?

Oh, Betty.

In New York, safe you are.

I am relief.

You mean you're relieved.

Relief is something you're going to be
on unless you learn to speak English.

With the TIG to direct me, I shall speak
English like a native.

Of what country?

I thought Uncle Sam was shipping you
home. He's a trouble or something.

Don't worry about that. I've got five
lawyers digging up reasons why they

deport Oscar. I have missed you, little
TIG. I'm glad.

Look, TIG and I are having an intimate
conversation.

We're busy.

I didn't invite you here.

Does any of that bother you?

No. It is the TIG who bothers me.

Oh, thank you, Oscar.

Save your charm for the Wednesday
matinees.

So the minute you get out of my sight,
you start playing Ring Around the Rosie

with some apple knocker by the name of
Hank. He isn't an apple knocker. He

here. New York is full of apple
knockers, and all they think of is

With a marriage.

What is wrong? I was going to be married
three times, and three of my plays

flopped. Does that need clarification?

Yes. No, you've made your point
offensively clear. I wonder. There's a

your eyes I don't like.

Now, the rest of the cast are over at
the theater going through their line.

Are you listening to me or those drink
nurses at the bar?

Go ahead, Chris. I'm listening.

Hello, Jerry.

Lone Wolf here?

No, just waiting for somebody.

What's new?

You can always find out by reading my
column.

In case you can't read, I broadcast once
every week.

I'm all too hard of hearing.

I always know how to make the girls
laugh.

Oh, you must be new here. I never have a
check. Everybody knows me.

Well, look who's back in town.

Champagne stocks are booming again
thanks to the notorious playboy Willie

who has added a new charmer to his
collection of lovelies.

What's news about that? The charmer
happens to be one of your meal tickets.

Eve Starr, the sunshine lady.

Count me out of your party, Willie.

You're crazy. Eve's too smart to get
involved in a thing like that.

Guess who?

Tig.

Whenever you get through staring at the
tourists, just let me know.

Keep right on reading, Chris. I'm
hanging on every word.

Hanky, I've missed you. Now tell me how
much you've missed me. First, try and

explain this Willie Wilson business.

Maybe I can do it better myself.

Oh, Mr. Wilson, Mr. Dodd. Nice to have
met you. Good night.

Come along, E. She's not coming. You run
along.

Nobody speaks to Willie Wilson in that
tone of voice.

Sure, raise your voice. Take a punch at
each other. I'll get a wonderful story.

I apologize, Mr. Wilson.

I'll make your departure before I string
your teeth for a necklace.

I think he means it.

Eve, you'll be sorry.

Come on, kid.

Not that.

What can a girl do when she's mad about
her boss?

Jerry, do me a favor. Leave Eve out of
this story. Twelve million kids believe

in the Sunshine Lady. Twenty million
people read my column.

Now, wait a minute, Jerry.

I'll trade you story for story. You kill
this item, and I'll give you the tip

-off next week on my marriage.

Well, that sounds like something. It is.
All right. But the next time Eve starts

doing the rounds with Willie Wilson...
Don't worry.

There won't be any next time.

Now, why don't you be sensible and go
home? Let's do. We'll play hooky from

Waffle Bear and Dottie Deer. Not me.
Just you. Look, if you don't take me

I'll whistle up Willie Wilson again and
we'll crash every gossip column in town.

That's blackmail. Please, Hank.

Tomorrow I'll be all right. I'll read my
script and not even gag at Dottie Deer.

But you've got to see me through
tonight. You've got to stand by me or

something desperate.

I might even drown myself in kitty
crackle.

All right, Eve, I'll take you home.

Hanky, I don't know what I'd do without
you. You're the best friend a girl ever

loved.

Oh, we don't have to go now, do we? Oh,
yes, in a few minutes. You wait right

here and be alone when I get back.

It's going to be an important cast, but
the part of Damon I find... Mark Twain.

How's that for casting?

Perfect. It would be, only he's not
available.

Who?

Ulysses S. Grant.

Well, Tig, this is a surprise.

It is to me.

It isn't to me. Nothing surprises me.

Won't you sit down?

Mr. Blix, Mr. McClellan, this is Mr.
Dunn.

So you're Hank Dunn. So you're Chris
McClellan. So you're the honk who knocks

the apple.

Who's the low comic?

That's his version of the English
language.

You see, he's under the impression
you're a rustic. In other words, an

knocker. The Ecclesiastes say so.

Just snap judgment.

Would you be at all interested in my
snap judgment of you? Maybe later. Just

I'm busy. I'm trying to interest Miss
Callaghan in a script.

That's all right. I have to run along
anyway.

As a matter of fact, I was about to
phone a man to meet me at my apartment

instead of here.

Is that the man?

A business associate with nothing I
enjoy more than the gathering of old

friends. The sparkle of idle
conversation.

The crackle of superfluous wit.

Of course, I have a mild interest in a
play that's going to cost me $100 ,000.

But what's that to the scintillating
brilliance of personal fiddle -faddle?

Nothing is more... A keen

Clark apartment.

Who lives there? I do.

Oh, now I see everything.

This is all your fault, Tig. You had to
have a vacation.

So what happened?

You wind up in a whistle -stop tourist
trap, holding hands with this rustic

rabelais, and... And come keys to the
apartment.

Precisely. You give a man like that an
inch, and the next thing you know, he's

planted two feet right in the middle of
your career.

Before I punch you in the nose, you
might as well know that Tig and I are...

me tell him, Hank.

It's about time he was told.

Oh, you see, it's very simple, Chris.
You see, uh... My apartment's being

painted, and so Hank very kindly offered
to let me use his.

Hello.

Hanky, you kept me waiting.

Oh, uh, Miss Callahan, Mr. Blix, Mr.
McClellan, this is Eve Starr. Oh,

don't get up. Just stay slumped where
you are.

Will you sit down? Yes.

Oh, do please, Miss Starr.

There's something I'd like to ask you.
If I'm not intruding. Oh, no, you're not

intruding. The more, the merrier.

Tig, call up the 79th Infantry and see
what they're doing tonight. You know,

fascinate me. I don't remember when I've
met a man I disliked so much in such a

short time.

Madam, I pride myself on not having a
friend in the world.

I like you, Chris.

That's the most depressing thing I've
heard today.

Oh, uh, by the way, Miss Callahan, you
said you wanted to ask me a question.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, tell me, how did Dottie Deer and
Woofle Bear make out with Meenikin?

In true feminine fashion, they tore each
other to pieces.

Far be it from me to interfere in a cat
fight, but it seems to me, Dick

Callahan, you're giving a remarkable
performance of a jealous woman.

I? Jealous of what, friend?

Oh, not of what, dear. Of whom?

Hanky, for instance.

He appealed to me.

Oh, for heaven's sake. There's a time
and a place for everything.

Take it easy, Hanky.

Maybe he isn't good enough for Miss
Callahan, but he's been like a brother

me. Brother?

Madam, I don't care if he's been a
mother to you. All I want is a little

and peace.

Like there's a play to produce.

Look, don't try to weasel out of it. You
owe me an apology for Hanky. All right.

All right, I apologize.

Now, will you please go?

I've had a lovely evening, but this
wasn't it.

Give me a ring sometime, and I'll
arrange to have Hanky bust your face in

you. Come on, Hanky. I'm sleepy. Take me
home.

Incidentally, Chris, I'll start work
right away.

Tonight.

Run along, Hanky. Your sunshine lady is
going into a fog bag.

Don't tell me you're not involved with
that man.

He's so pretty, the Tig.

He's so innocent, the Tig.

He's a wolf, the Hulk.

Well, let's get back to business.

Now, who did you say was playing the
part of Ulysses S. Grant?

Mark Twain.

Oh, good.

Good.

You made a fine mess of things. I did my
best.

There's a lot about this you don't
understand.

I'll call you in the morning.

Hank, is she that important?

She's that important.

Oh.

Where to, lady?

Do you happen to know which way Willie
Wilson's party went?

Yes, ma 'am. The Samba. Right across the
street.

Where to? Right across the street.

One, two, three, one, three.

Come on, Chris. Let's go to the theater.

That was a lovely dinner. Thank you.

And thank you.

Waiter, your phone's ringing.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Dunn.

Hello? Hello, I'd like to speak to Mr.
Dunn.

Who's calling, please? Mr. Dunn. Just a
minute, Mr. Dunn.

Who did you say this was?

Mr. Dunn.

Which Mr.

Dunn? Mr. Henry Dunn.

Which Mr.

Henry Dunn?

There's only one Henry Dunn, and I want
to talk to Miss Callahan.

Just a minute.

sorry, but you must be mistaken.

You are not Mr.

Dunn. Mr.

Dunn is in the next booth and he's
telephone.

I haven't got time to argue with you. I
want to talk to Miss Callahan.

Who's calling?

Mr. Dunn. Mr.

Henry Dunn.

Just a minute.

Who's Mr. Dunn? There's a man on the
phone who says he's you. He is.

He is.

Excuse me.

Do you feel all right? I feel fine. Now,
will you get Miss Callaghan on the

telephone? Yes, sir.

Frank, you won't believe me.

Mr. Dunne is in there, and he wants to
talk to Miss Callaghan in there.

Miss Callaghan just left. She went to
the Madeleine Theatre.

I'm sorry, but Miss Callaghan just left.

Where did she go?

To McClellan Theatre. Thank you.

The tune.

Remember? I remember.

The Riviera.

You and me.

You and I.

You and him.

So long ago?

Only yesterday.

Let's dance to yesterday.

The guy outside, his name is Dunn. He
wants in.

Keep him off. He wants in awful bad. He
said something about breaking the door

down. He's got plans for you.

Tell him to beat it.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

Let him in.

Bring him here.

Ah, you're getting smart.

Why, hello, Mr. Dunn. Glad you could
drop in. How are you?

Why, to be sure. We love visitors.

Gives the theater a sort of neighborly
feeling.

Now, you just stand over here out of the
way and enjoy yourself.

Boy, see that guy over there? He's been
annoying Tig all evening. I can't

actually throw him out, but you know
what to do, don't you?

Go away.

Leave it to us, Governor.

Bill! Yeah?

You'll be out of the way.

Oh, thank you.

What about that anchor effect in the
second act? Going to work tonight? It

has before.

Don't worry, boss. We'll take care of
it. Hey, Bill!

Now look what you've done. You've
knocked him cold. Oh, Mr. McClellan, I'm

sorry.

Would you mind running through this
scene again? I'm not as familiar with

play as I'd like to be.

Dig.

Quiet, please. We're rehearsing.

Pick it up on your first beat, Jocelyn.

It's you and me.

Remember?

I remember.

The Riviera.

Long ago.

Only yesterday.

Wind, thunder, mule brain, rooster
croak.

It's strange.

We're a thousand miles in land and yet
that true...

Let's try it once more, please.

It's strange.

We're a thousand miles from land.

Never mind the gremlins. Try this one
again.

It's strange.

We're a thousand miles from land, and
yet that...

That was a low, mean, underhanded trick.
You know we're going to have a fight,

and you let her sneak punch before the
bell.

Well, what do we fight about first?

Oh, I'm so mad at you, I can't decide.

But I had to talk to you.

We'll take that up later.

Right now, I want to know about Eve
Starr.

I was merely trying to get her home
before she disillusioned 12 million kids

crashing the gossip problem. But don't
worry. I can handle her. Yes, I noticed

that. You had her right where she wanted
you.

Why, she acted as if she owned and
operated you. Well, that's because she

doesn't know I'm married.

Couldn't tell her, could I?

That was our agreement, wasn't it?

Oh, yes, but... Doesn't that settle
everything?

Leave me alone.

I'm trying not to think what I'm
thinking.

I'll show you what I think.

Now,

you can go out and tell Chris you won't
be available for a week. Our honeymoon

starts tomorrow.

But Hank, I... Did you hear what I said?

Yes, Hank.

Okay. Now I'm going to get out of this
fire trap. Meet me in my apartment.

You've got the key.

Yes, Hank.

Carry me back to old India.

Hey, wait a minute. You can't do this to
me.

You can't do this to me. I can't stay
here. My wife's waiting for me at home.

This is our honeymoon. Doesn't that mean
anything to you? No, I've been married

15 years.

Just get yourself some rest, buddy. The
judge gets in bright and early at 9 a

.m.

I read you.

Good

morning,

ma 'am.

I expect you to know Mrs. Dunn. Was
there an old one?

Yes, ma 'am. There was.

Yes, ma 'am. Mr. Henry's mother.

His family and mine have been together
for more years than I can tell.

And Mr. Henry's associate.

Associate? Yes, ma 'am. You see, he
makes the money, and Charles, that's me,

spends it as carefully as I can on
nourishing vittles.

How would you like to have a nice big
bowl full of crispy crackles for

breakfast? Well, we got a whole closet
full.

Charles, my first order in this
household is to throw out every crispy

to the last flake.

Yes, ma 'am. I don't like her either.

Oh,

Charles. Yes, ma 'am? I think we're
going to get along fine.

Yes, ma 'am.

Would you mind telling me where you've
been?

You should know.

I'll say I should.

Well, what's the first alibi I'm not
going to believe anyway? Maybe I was out

with Eve Starr.

Maybe you're kidding on the level. But
if you want to know the truth, I spent

the night in jail.

Jail? Yes, and it wasn't co -ed.

Your charming boss, Mr. McClellan, got
me a lovely room overlooking a row of

iron bars.

Chris threw you into jail?

Oh, my heaven.

Oh,

poor Hank.

I'll never forgive Chris for doing that
to you.

I'll take care of the Chris department
after our honeymoon.

By the way, did you tell him you're
taking a leave of absence?

Yes, and he said no, but we're going
anyway. I'm all packed.

We've just got time for breakfast, and
we're off to the banks of the Wabash.

Good. I'll grab myself a quick shave.

Incidentally, I'm starved.

Tell him I'd like breakfast with a
charming lady.

Well, almost, Linoffy.

His beautiful view.

Mmm, he's long way down.

Would be squash like mashed potato if I
fall on sidewalk, no?

Uh -uh.

Just wishful thinking.

Have a cigarette, Oscar.

A coffee, Mr. Derry.

I'll pull out the chair. You just bow
from the waist up.

Here.

Well, isn't this cozy?

Isn't it, though? I like it much.

I don't like to rush you, but isn't it
about time you went wherever you go to

whatever it is you do?

Oh, I go to the theater with the team.

Pass the toast.

Mr. McClellan is here.

Mr. McClellan? Well, Charles, phone the
police and have them pick up a body

that's about to fall off the terrace.

Stay where you are and drop that butter
knife.

What is this, the breakfast club? Don't
bother to make a dull answer. I've

something more important to talk about.

You, naturally.

Two eggs. Fry them in olive oil and
garnish them with anchovy paste. If we

haven't any, use the ant face.

Yes, sir.

Later on, I'm going to find out how you
got out of jail so soon. Later on,

you're going to find out it isn't
healthy to throw people in jail.

you'll allow... I've got a job for you.

What, another?

Yes, but this one is easy. You don't
mind if we ignore you for the moment. I

want you to marry Oscar.

The tea? She married me?

It's a good idea. Nobody asked your
opinion.

Well, if you want my opinion... Which I
decidedly do not.

All five of my lawyers agree that the
only way to save Oscar from being

is for him to get married here in this
country. That's good.

I'm greatly happy.

Well, if you're staying here, it depends
on Tiggs marrying you. You're already

halfway home, wherever it is.

When do we get married?

No hurry. Anytime within the next 60
days. Well, I'm not going to marry Oscar

within the next 60 days or the next 60
years.

But, Tiggs, it's a fine idea.

I love you.

Sorry, Oscar, but I don't love you.

What has love got to do with it? This is
business. You know as well as I do that

I need Oscar in the play. Take.

It's not in your heart to see me wind up
a bankrupt old man. Nothing would make

me happier than to throw dimes in your
tin cup. The answer is still no.

Tig Callahan, after all I've done for
you, I asked you to do one simple thing.

Marry Oscar. And you turned me down.
Why?

Well, you gave me the reason last night.

Emotional involvement.

How can you get emotionally involved
with Oscar? He's an actor. What I warned

you about was marrying somebody that you
were in love with. This little Mad

Hatter's convention has gone far enough.

Tig, haven't you got something to say to
this guy? Well, not now. I want to

think things over.

What do you mean, think things over?
It's all settled. You marry Oscar and...

But I can't. And I'll tell you why.

Because she's married to me.

That's funny. I thought I heard him say
that you two were married.

We are.

Tig, tell me he's a liar.

Tell me it's all a publicity gag.

Then it's true.

You've betrayed me.

You've sacrificed your whole career for
a cheap, sneaky, puerile fling at love.

Love and this, this jailbird.

Tig Callaghan, all women are fools, but
you've abused your prerogative.

You're through, Tig.

Fire. I'll never see you again.

I can't get out of your sight fast
enough.

I'll regret this to my dying day.

Tig, I am a great disappointment.

Well, how do you want to go but the
elevator is about

Well,

that's that

now I can enjoy my coffee yes, that is
that what's the matter You just threw

five years of my hard work out the door,
and you ask what's the matter? Oh,

never mind those five years. It's all
the five years to come that's important.

After all, he was abusing you. He was
not. He was just talking.

Well, I could have smoothed things over,
but you had to open your big mouth and

smash everything.

What'd I smash?

Your promise, for one thing.

I didn't pause to stand by and watch
some guy turn my wife into a bigamist.

No, but you didn't have to fix things so
I'd lose everything I worked for,

everything I spent all... Oh, take it so
seriously, Tig. After all, it's just a

job. Just a job?

I tried to tell you how important it was
to me, and I thought you understood.

Oh, come on, Tig. Let's stop all this
nonsense.

Nonsense? Yes, nonsense.

If you're going to let a moth -eaten
play and a stage full of ham actors come

between us, what else is it but
nonsense?

Nonsense? Can you pull my career right
out the door? Where's your good sense?

Hello? This is Mr. McClellan.

You tell Miss Callahan to come down and
clean out her desk, or I'll burn it to

the ground.

Just a minute. I'll put Mrs. Darnold for
you.

I still don't know what I did outside of
stand on my rights.

Hang on. If you don't get out of here,
I'm going to explode.

All right, all right. I'll go.

I can't stand the sound of exploding
women.

I'm going to the office, and I'll be
there till midnight.

At least. Well, I won't be here when you
come back. I didn't say I was coming

back. And I didn't ask if you were.

In case you get curious, however, you
can call me any time up till midnight.

If I don't hear from you by then, I'll
know all bets are off. As far as I'm

concerned, all bets are off. As of now.
And if there's any telephoning done,

you'll do it. Only I won't be here to
answer.

Until midnight.

It's for you, Mrs. Dunn.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Well, Charles, I guess you heard
everything.

Yes, ma 'am.

Should I bring you breakfast in here,
Mom?

I wouldn't eat a bite of his food if I
were starving, which I am.

Yes, Mrs. Dunn.

The nerve of that man after what he's
done to me expecting me to call him.

I can be just as stubborn as he can, or
more so.

Even if I could forgive him for what he
did, which I can't, I could never

forgive him for not understanding what
he did.

Just a job.

Oh, Mr. Dunn.

Welcome home. Hello, Grace.

Nice vacation?

Lovely, yes. Any phone calls?

Yes, the sunshine lady called.

Oh, what'd she want?

She wanted you to rescue her from some
waffle bears.

Okay, okay.

By the way, Mr. Tracy's very upset.

He's anxious to see you. Should I tell
him you're in?

No.

Warren Tracy, your partner, remember?

I own half of this business. What do you
mean by saying you didn't want to see

me? Who do you think you are?

I'm the guy who owns the other half of
this business, and I still don't want to

see you. I'm busy.

What's this all about? What makes you so
busy? I'm waiting for a phone call.

I'm glad you're back, Hank. We're in a
jam.

Oh, I got troubles enough of my own. I
got married on my vacation. All right,

all right, so I'll buy you a wedding
present. But right now, we've got to

about the sunshine lady. She's
disappeared.

How do you know? Well, first, she didn't
show up for a broadcast this morning.

We had to use a substitute woofer bear.

Second, she called me up and said, yeah,
yeah, yeah, guess where I am?

I've hired three detectives trying to
find her, and now I can't even find the

detectives. Well, I saw her at Mario's
last night with Willie Wilson. I sent

home. Willie Wilson? Yeah.

I'm going to hire three more detectives.
That guy would ruin a girl's reputation

even if he married her.

Hello, darling.

I'm sorry, Grace.

All right, put him on.

Only 7 o 'clock. I knew he'd get in
before I would.

Hank Dunn, I don't want to listen to a
word you have to say.

Splendid, splendid.

Only this isn't Hank, this is Chris.

And I'm glad you finally come to your
senses.

I know everything.

My attorney is here with me and we're
coming right over.

Oh, no, not right now, Chris, please.

No, I don't feel like eating dinner.

All right, come over after dinner.

Sure, I'm sure. She's been doing the
town with Willie Wilson.

Last time I heard of the pair, they were
on their way to Long Island.

What do you mean, I'll hear your motive?

I just happened to hear you were looking
for Eve Starr. I just happened to know

where she was.

Just happened, that's all.

Goodbye.

Thanks for the tip, Frank.

I'll be just in time to see the boys
trade a couple of lovely black eyes.

Thank you, sir.

Well, if I may locate her.

Who? Who do you think? The whoopleback
kid. She left the samba club ten minutes

ago to drive out with Willie Wilson to
his Long Island place.

That's nice.

Well,

don't sit there. We've got to go out and
get her.

Who? The sunshine lady, Eve Starr.

Where is she?

Driving out to Willie Wilson's place on
Long Island. I just told you.

Oh, oh, we'd better go get her. Better
go get her. What is it with you? Come

Grace, we're going out to Willie
Wilson's place on Long Island. I'm

important phone call from Mrs. Dunn.

There's a Mrs. Dunn?

There's a Mrs. Dunn. You'd better stay
here until it comes in. It should be

sometime before midnight. I'll check
with you later.

Yes, sir.

Oh,

it's you. I was tied up for a couple of
hours. This is Mr. Thompson, my

attorney. How do you do? Won't you sit
down? Thank you.

Mr. Thompson wants to ask you a few
questions. It won't take long. It's

practically painless.

What are you waiting for, Thompson?

Now, where were you married?

Virginia. Beautiful state.

Beautiful.

Is there another woman?

Oh, no.

He explained that. Too bad. Did he
strike you?

He struck me.

Of course he didn't strike me.

Too bad.

Was he sullen, morose, or domineering?

He was to me.

He was kind, thoughtful, cheerful,
thoroughly charming and lovable. And

is. The only thing wrong with Hank Dunn
is he's stubborn.

Madam, that's the most nonsensical
grounds for divorce I've ever heard.

Well, you don't say anything about
divorce.

I did. Now, don't be selfish, Tig.

How else are you going to marry Oscar
and save my play for me? It's your

question. You answer it. But think what
it means. You'll get your job back. I

promise. Funny thing, Chris.

This morning, that job was awfully
important.

Right now, it doesn't mean a thing.

Look, Tig.

I'm an old man.

I haven't got many years left.

This play will probably be my last.

With Oscar playing the lead.

It'll be a monument to my memory.

And I can crawl into my crypt a happy
man.

That always was a terrible second act,
Kirk and Chris.

All you have to do... Please go.

All right, Tig.

You go your way.

And I hope you'll be happy.

But if you ever get into trouble, if you
ever need any help, just come to me

wherever I am.

And I'll give you a nice swift kick in
the pants.

My, it must be getting very late.

I wonder if any of these clocks are
right around here. Charles, at two

past twelve, I'm going to make a phone
call.

Yes, ma 'am. But not a moment before.

That, Charles, is what is called a moral
victory.

Yes, ma 'am.

He loves me, he don't.

He'll have me, he won't. He would if he
could, but he can't, so he won't.

But he had a quarrel, so maybe he will.

Oh, please.

Where in the devil's that taxi I
ordered?

Uh -oh, midnight.

You're still worried about her after all
she's done to you.

Landfield 56009, please. Hank Dunn, do
you mean to say that after all the kitty

crackles I've sold for you, you don't
love me, even a little bit?

No, I don't love you, not even a little
bit.

Why, Mr. Dunn.

Oh, I'm sorry, Grace.

She didn't call.

Okay, close the board and go on home.

Grace.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Good night, Mr. Dunn.

Tracy and Dunn.

Hello, I'd like to speak to Mr. Dunn,
please.

This is Mrs. Dunn.

He isn't.

Well, do you know where he is?

Thank you.

Willie Wilson's home on Long Island.

Charles, what would Hank be doing there?

I wouldn't know that.

I would.

He's pouting.

I can see him.

Charles, get the car. We're going to
surprise Mr. Dunn. Yes, ma 'am.

Well, to your duty, boys.

You go ahead. I'll wait for the
reporters.

My what?

How can you cover a riot without a
photographer?

Riot? What are you talking about? The
police are just about to arrest them.

Arrest who for what?

Oh, didn't your city editor tell you
anything?

It's Eve Starr and that gun seller. They
came up here and behaved in a very

obstreperous manner.

Ran me off my own property. Got that?

Yes.

Don't worry, Eve. I'll get it
straightened out at the police station.

Hey! That's a lovely shade of lipstick,
your wife.

Tig, I just came up here to tell that
story to the judge. Take it along, all

right? Tig, you've got to listen to me.

Oh, hello.

I'm sorry you missed the riot.

Your mink, madam. Thank you.

You really should have been here. It was
magnificent.

Wait for me, Hanky.

Where are we going, ma 'am?

Reno.

Mrs. Dunn. Mrs. Torres.

I wonder what he wants.

Mrs. Watson.

Good luck, Tig, and stick to your guns.
We're waiting for you with open arms.

Signed, Chris and Oscar.

Ex or future husband.

Business associate.

Diane!

Diane!

Hi, girl.

What happened? Did it hurt my... What
did the judge say? Meet the ex -Mrs.

Thompson.

74.

Oh, you take it, will you? Okay. I'll
take the message.

It's from Reno.

Driving out to pick you up. Will arrive
almost as soon as this

message.

Have your bag packed or would you like a
punch in the nose?

Signed, Hank.

He sounds wonderful. Who is he? My
husband.

Is he always that subtle?

Yes, that's part of his charm.

What are you going to do about it?

When he gets here, tell him I've gone to
a left.

Oh, don't worry, honey. If he's good
-looking, we'll keep him for ourselves.

Come in. And I hope it's a man.

Sorry. Hi, Jake.

Say, give me a hand with these boots,
will you?

Sure, if you'll let me hide in your room
for a while.

Hide? For my husband. He's on his way
out here to try and patch things up.

don't hide too well, or he won't be able
to find you. He wants him to find me.

You do, and you know it.

I just wish my George would walk into
this room and look up at me with those

great big...

stupid eyes of his, and asked me to come
back. But I thought you wanted a

divorce. Ah, let's quit kidding
ourselves.

I'm here for the same reason the others
are, because I couldn't hold my husband.

That wonderful heel.

Peg! Oh, there he is now.

Well, go ahead.

Stop hiding behind that side of yours
and get down there. I should say not.

haven't any idea what he did to me.

Oh, just something to tell your
grandchildren about.

Hey, T.

Oh, that honking isn't going to change
my mind. Now you go away.

Well, that did it.

He's driving away.

He isn't. He can't. Hurry.

Hurry, darling.

Just as I thought.

Now pack a bag and get down there before
he changes his mind.

Why don't you get out of the car and
come on in.

coming out. She's crazy if she doesn't.

Come on.

Hey, here she is.

Oh, half of the time no ask a thing.

How funny do you kiss starved dames.

Where do we go from here? The road from
here leads to Indiana, but I've got to

take this car back to Reno first.

Go fast, Hank. I don't want to miss any
more trains.

Almost divorced.

Almost. Love me, Hank?

No. Oh, you're sweet.

I'm a liar, too. I hope so.

Weren't we silly to let a little
misunderstanding come between us?

What misunderstanding?

You know.

No, I don't.

Well, it wasn't a misunderstanding,
wasn't it? I mean that night at Willie

Wilson's. Now, let's don't go into that.

me to convict you on circumstantial
evidence.

Well, you could have cleared the whole
thing up if I'd only asked you, couldn't

you? Now, Tig.

Well, couldn't you?

Well, isn't my being here answer enough?

I'd like to give my conscience a mental
bath by confessing I made a fool of

myself that night.

Or did I?

Will you please forget all about Eve,
Star? Are you sure you have?

Please, Tig, let's talk about something
else.

Now, let's not lose our temper, Tig.

Tig. When you got into this car, I took
it for granted that everything was

forgotten and forgiven.

Then I have something to forgive you
for.

We're not going through life putting
everything on a scale, weighing

to the ounce, are we?

After all, what difference does the
whole affair make now?

It could mean the same difference there
is between New York and Reno.

All right, Tig, let's not have another
misunderstanding.

You may have missed the first part of my
program.

Up to now, our marriage has been a whole
series of misunderstandings and radio

programs. Shh, this is important
business.

I've come to tell you goodbye.

and it depends on a radio program and
something you think happened up at

Wilson's, I don't want any part of it.
Of what?

Of all this, of a future that's going to
be haunted by your suspicion in Maggie.

husband, Henry Dunn, advertising
executive, Tick Callahan, is back on the

stem, putting finishing touches to Chris
McClellan's new play, which will star

Oscar Blix, if he settles his
differences with immigration authority.

See what the Yankees did today.

Don't try to kid me, Hank.

About the Yankees? Yes, and you're
playing Pagliacci in the outfield.

Whatever gave you that silly idea?

Ever since Reno, you've been avoiding
me.

I've been busy.

Well, just as long as you put Tick out
of your mind.

Who said she's out of my mind?

Well, if she isn't, you are. Didn't I
just read you about her divorce?

All that.

When Tig promised to love and cherish
me, she meant it.

She still means it. She still gave you
the Reno cure.

And I'm still crazy about it.

Hang done. I've never hit a man in my
life, but right now I could beat your

brains out with a feather.

Take me out of here before I make a
scene.

Fig, you look swell. Miss Callaghan, are
you? And stop pawing her. You look

swell, too, Hank.

That's where life becomes you. Yes,
doesn't it?

You're looking poorly, Mr. McClellan.
I'm delighted.

I feel fine.

That's a pity.

Oh, by the way, I read about your
divorce.

Congratulations, darling.

You're so subtle, dear. I'm sorry we
can't stay and have a drink with you two

charming people, but have a cup of
hemlock and charge it to me.

Come along, Hanky. I want to run by my
apartment and change before the

broadcast.

Tig, if you're not too busy sometime,
I'd like to... Sorry, I'll spend my life

on a 24 -hour shift.

Goodbye, Hanky.

What's the matter, Tig? Cinder in your
eye?

No, must need glasses.

Seeing him with her upsets you.

Yeah. Besides that, I don't feel very
well.

Still in love with him. What do you
think? I think you're still in love with

him. And after all he's done to you.

Funny. I can only recall all I've ever
done to him.

The only thing that kept me from
throwing my arms around him just now was

Chris.

I guess that's the last advice I have.

Stop running yourself down.

He's a heel. I come from a long line of
heels and I know.

Say, what's the matter?

Water.

I am not.

How do you know? Are you a doctor?

Congratulations, you're going to be a
father.

am not.

Everybody around here seems to know more
than I do.

You're all run down.

Take these calcium tablets according to
direction.

And another thing, you'll have to quit
work.

She does not.

I say she does.

What are women coming to? My great
-grandmother used to fight Indians with

hand. I am not interested in your family
history.

No work, you understand?

Let him earn his own living.

to be a father. I knew I couldn't trust
him. But you, how you could do this to

me, Tig?

I've got to go see Hank.

Remember, Tig, I'm involved in this.
I've got a play at stake.

My last offense is crumpled.

What was left of my pride has turned up
its toes.

You know, Chris, I think I finally found
out how to be a good wife.

But I haven't got a husband to practice
on.

Well, there's always Oscar.

You could marry him.

I'm going to Hank and tell him how
things are.

I'm going to eat a big slice of humble
pie and hope you'll take me back.

All right, Tig.

Remember, if there's anything I can do,
just let me know.

And Tig?

Yes?

Mr. McClellan?

Why, of course I remember you. You're
the man with the obnoxious personality.

I have a T .L. for you, too, but there's
no time for social amenities.

I'm about to lose a director, and you're
about to lose a sweetheart.

I just found out that Tig Callahan is
going to have a baby.

How do you know?

How do I know? I just had a wire from
the store.

Look, she's on her way to Hank's
apartment right now. If you don't do

before she gets there, there are simps
to get married all over again.

Well, what can I do?

Do fight fire with fire. Do anything,
but do it fast.

I'll meet you at Hank's apartment in a
half hour.

What are you doing here?

Mario, he told me about the city.

How she is. She's not sick, but she's
crazy. And stop worrying about her,

about me.

You are not sick? No, but I will be when
they kick you back to your own country.

Ah, it's beautiful, my country.

It's friendly, my country.

All the people love me.

It's far away, my country.

Someday I go there to die.

It's good riddance. But later, after the
play.

You won't believe it, but you've just
given me a great idea.

Now you come along with me, and whatever
happens, you keep your mouth shut.

Why, it's a good idea.

He talks.

Hello, Charles.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Dunn.

I mean, Miss Callaghan.

Well, I've got a surprise for you,
Charles. It's going to be Mrs. Dunn

hope. Well, fancy meeting you here, Miss
Callaghan.

Well, I hope I'm intruding. When two
women meet who dislike each other, one

be intruding.

I thought you didn't like it here. It
wasn't the apartment I didn't like, Eve.

It was you. Oh, Ted, you're flattering
me.

Well, I was. Most of you, if that
pleases you. Oh, you'll never know how

But now I'm convinced I overrated your
part in my domestic difficulties.

Oh, I know you did your best.

But the one who really parted Hank and
me was me.

Oh, I had a bear trap set for Hank for
years. But I couldn't land him. That is,

until you came along and shoved him
right into my arms.

I don't think I shoved him that far.

Oh, yes, you did.

Oh, I admit I got Hank on the rebound.
He came to me because he couldn't have

you. But he's mine now, and he loves me.

We've made plans.

You've had your chance, Tig.

Don't spoil mine.

I've wanted to wear this for so long.

Don't take it away from me.

Maybe you could appeal to his sympathy
in some way, but it wouldn't be fair.

Please, Tig, for Hank's sake.

No, Eve.

I won't do anything to make Hank
unhappy.

Oh, Chris.

Chris, Hank and Eve are going to be...
Are going to be married, of course.

Everybody knows that. I just heard it on
the radio.

You're well rid of him, Tig.

But I did it, Chris.

I did it. Now stop feeling sorry for
yourself. You've merely lost Hank, but

Oscar's going to lose his life.

Oscar? Yes, they're going to be poor.

I know.

Well, don't be so confounded casual
about it. Oscar came to me this

with tears in his eyes. Chris, he said,
save me or I die.

Did he?

This is serious, Kate.

Oscar confessed to me. He's the most
hated man in his country.

Every month in his hometown, they
declare a holiday and hang him in

Little children, so hot, go around
singing nasty songs about him. His life

your hands.

My? Yeah.

It won't take long.

Oscar's waiting in the car.

I've made all the arrangements.

Steve, come on. We're giving a grand
performance in New Jersey.

Here, Charles.

Check this.

Hello?

I want to speak to Mr. Dunn.

It's important.

vitally important.

At the break for a trial, they'd pick up
a traffic cop.

Why don't you give him a ticket? He was
going a lot faster than I was.

Don't try to tell me my business.

But I think I will.

Don't look now, Mr. Dunn, but we have
just picked up an officer also.

Drive more carefully.

think you're going in such a hurry? To
adjust it for the P.

He'll be glad to see you. We're having
bank night in traffic court. And if

you're lucky, this ticket will get you a
30 -day dip in the can.

I could bawl you out, but I'm disgusted
with the human race.

I talk and talk till I'm blue in the
face and still people come cohooting

through here like they was chasing
Cormac.

What's your name?

Rafferty. Mine's O 'Leary.

Hers is Callahan and his is
McGillicuddy. Yeah?

Very lonely.

Are they now?

is chasing us with a gun that long.

Is he now?

He's a cruel man. He beats her.

Oh, he does, does he?

You wouldn't let it be said of a
rappatee that he stood in the way of a

happiness, would you?

That I will not.

Now, the law says any speed in case of
an emergency, and this is an emergency.

Follow me.

What's your alibi? I'm in an awful
hurry.

Yeah, I noticed that.

But you don't understand. I'm chasing my
wife.

How's that?

My wife, she's eloping with another man.

But that's illegal.

If she goes through with it, she'll be
setting up housekeeping in the municipal

clinic. She's not responsible.

She's out of her mind. She's been talked
into it. Now, please let me go before

it's too late.

Okay, Bob. I hope you're not lying.

They must have gone to Judge Allen's
place. It's the nearest. Follow me.

a lot.

Nice fellow, this policeman.

This is more like it, huh, Charles?

Can you hear me, Charles?

Yes, sir. I can hear you much better if
you just keep looking straight ahead,

Mr. Dunn.

Judge Allen's right inside.

Thank you.

You take him in, officer. I'll be along
in a second.

Back to man. Don't let him in. Remember,
he beats you. Why, you don't look old

enough to be her father.

Well, he's only her stepfather. Besides,
he's prematurely young. Oh,

no, you don't, Mr. Stepfather.

What? You're not going in there. Oh,
yes, I am. Let him alone. His wife's in

there. She's going to marry another guy.
Oh, it's his wife. It's a job. He's her

husband, and I can tell you don't. Oh,
yes, he does. No, he don't.

That's what you got.

Mind your manners, Rafferty.

Mind your jaw, Sullivan.

They never do, Rafferty. Ask your
father.

I don't have to ask my father. I know
what I'm talking about.

Now,

let me see. Mr. Blake?

Blake. Oh, you're Mr. Blake.

Mr. Blake, you're going to be the
bridegroom?

Yes.

Splendid, my boy. Congratulations.

Miss Callahan, you are going to be the
happy bride.

Am I?

I say, you are going to be the bride,
aren't you?

Right? Oh, no.

She means yes. She sounded like no. Now,
you keep out of this. You meant yes,

didn't you? Now, who's going to be
married here? Miss Callahan or you?

Sounded to me like you said no.

Yes. Well, may I ask why?

Because I love Hank.

Might I ask you who Hank happens to be?
He's my husband.

He is not. And he's going to marry me.

Will you please be quiet? This whole
thing is confusing enough as it is.

Now, young lady, if you think you're in
love with a man by the name of Hank,

why, why in thunderation do you
contemplate marriage with him?

Well, I never did.

He said something about coming up here
to save his life.

What is? Now, you keep out of this.

I am developing a monumental dislike for
you.

Did I understand you to say that this
person's life was in jeopardy? Yes. It

not so.

You lied to me. Now, quit cribbing.
Hurry up and marry Oscar.

I'm a busy man. No.

But, Teague, I love you. No.

I am desolate. You are desolate.

Well, what do you... What do you
think... What do you think I am?

Stop! Stop everything!

Rafferty! Sullivan!

Will you kindly desist from disjoining
that gentleman or whatever it is you're

trying to do?

Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you very much
for your consideration.

Now, who in thunderation are you?

He's my husband.

Yes.

Well, how do you do?

This young lady who says you're her
husband is about to marry him.

What are you here for?

To give the bride away?

I'm here to take her back.

Hank, are you really?

Oh, but you can't. Why can't he? Because
he's going to marry her.

I'm what?

That's right. That's right.

Now, young lady, it's your turn. What
have you to contribute to this general

confusion?

Nothing very important, except that I
lied to you, Tate. No. No lying.

But the wedding veil.

Just a little something for my
scrapbook.

Hank. Yes? Will you marry me right here
and now?

Will I?

Pete! You can't do that. I'm an old man.
I haven't many years left. This play

would probably have been my last.

Marrying Oscar would have made it
possible for me to crawl into my crypt a

man. I'll give you something to crawl
into.

Sullivan? Rafferty?

Clear the court of these three obnoxious
characters. I want to be alone with

this young couple.

A pleasure, sir. Yes, sir. I am going to
get to the bottom of this. This affair

that takes me the rest of my natural
life.

Don't let him out of your sight.

I am greatly unhappy.

I think I'll go back to my old country.
Oh, no, you don't. I've got a new idea.

Eve, how would you like to quit radio
and act in my new play? All you have to

is to marry Oscar.

Now, wait a minute. I warn you, Eve. I
come from a long line of heels and I'll

fuck you right back.

I don't think you will.

All right, young man.

Now you.

Are you positively sure that you want to
marry him?

This time for Keith.

I hope so.

Hank, before we get married, I've got a
surprise for you.

What, another one? We're going to have a
baby.