Original subtitles

P If wishes were horses, P

P beggars would ride. P

P If I were a beggar P

P with no sense of pride, P

P I would kneel at your feet, just to be by your side. P

P Ah, ah, ah, ah. P

P If wishes were horses, P

P I'd be a king. P

P Sages and princes, your praises would ring. P

P And for you, P

P all the angels would sing P

P Ah, ah, ah, ah. P

(ship engine chugging)

- Hey man, get a load of this one,

"Wanted, young swinging male for afternoon fun.

Must be totally uninhibited and very well hung.

Call Pat, 767-8576."

What do you guys think?

Sounds like she's looking for someone just like me.

- Sounds like a faggot to me, Frank.

- But it says Pat, like in Patricia.

- Yes, or like in Patrick.

- Forget it, Frank.

Find something we all can do.

Like a club or a strip joint, something like that.

- Okay, okay. How does this one sound?

"New in town?

Looking for that special someone?

Call us at Venus Escort Service, guaranteed to please.

Call Nick, 978-3546."

And next to this ad, is this picture of a girl with big tits.

- Come on, Frank. (ship's horn sounds)

That's not for me.

I want to do something real special tonight.

Maybe go to one of those live sex shows.

You know, the one downtown where they really fuck.

Then I'm going to go down to Chinatown and get me the nicest,

prettiest little Chinese girl I can.

You guys won't see me for three days.

Now that's the way to spend a three-day liberty.

- Let's see.

Chinese, Chinese, Chinese girls, okay.

Here's one that sounds interesting.

"The House of Chin, palace of Oriental pleasure,

jacuzzi, spa,

massage, beautiful Oriental girls, the best in town.

- Oh, Frank, come on.

I don't want to pay for a girl.

I want to meet one, a real one.

Fall in love.

It's about time I started settling down.

- Maybe get married,

have a couple kids,

get fat, drinking beer, watching the games on TV.

Oh, this Navy's been okay.

God, there's gotta be something more important than this.

Besides, my enlistment's coming up in three weeks,

and to tell you the truth, I'm getting pretty fucking sick

and tired of some fat asshole telling me what to do all the time.

About time I started being my own man, my own boss.

- Well Cal, maybe you're getting out soon, but I still have two years to go.

And tonight, I feel like a real live sex show.

- Are you sure they really fuck right up there on stage?

- That's what I've heard.

Of course, I never really been to one,

but I would like to see

if they really do do it.

- Here's a hot one.

"Join us for an evening of pleasure, your pleasure.

Where? The hot one, Fantasyworld,

where anything can and does happen.

Live sex shows,

audience participation, and much, much more.

Fantasyworld, if you dare.“

- That's the spot.

Where's it say it is?

- It's weird.

It doesn't, no phone number, no address, no anything.

- Well, we can find it.

It's probably over in North Beach.

Everything's in North Beach.

If we don't find it, we'll ask a cop.

They probably raid the place every night.

(chuckfing)

- So this is the place?

- Yeah, I'm with you, Frank.

What do you say, Cal?

- Yes, it sounds pretty good to me.

Besides, I want to find out what they mean by that audience participation.

- Maybe you can get right up there and feel them

or maybe even make love to some of them women.

I ain't afraid.

I love when people watch me make love.

Daughs) - Oh yeah, sure Frank.

What does your wife think of that?

- I'm my own boss.

I can do anything I want.

(laughter)

Yeah really, Frank.

I'll make you a bet.

$20 says that you won't be able to do it when we get there.

- Yes, and I'll add another point to that that says if you do get up there,

you can't get it up.

- You turkeys got yourself a bet.

This good old boy can get it up any time, like that time in Honolulu.

- Oh, come on, Frank.

We heard that story about thirty times.

It's going to feel damn good getting off this old tub.

Come on, let's get out of here.

(smooth music)

- Boy, that sure is one long drop.

I don't see how anybody could ever jump.

I'd be way too scared.

-That's not the point, Chrissy.

You can't worry about being scared, you just do it.

It is the final statement.

- Oh, Ellen, you think you know everything.

What could you possibly know about jumping off bridges?

- I read it in the National Enquirer.

Most people do it because of bad home situations

or because they can't handle their jobs.

- I bet it's love.

Love'll do it every time.

- Well, we've seen the Golden Gate Bridge.

What do you want to do next?

- I'm starved.

What do you say we go get something to eat?

- That's a goodidea.

What about French food?

I saw this really cute little French restaurant

right around the corner from the hotel.

- Actually, I was more in the mood for Mexican food myself.

We can't ever get good enchiladas back in Dayton.

- That's true. - I vote for Mexican food.

- Okay.

As long as it's not the garbage they've been serving us

on this tour, yech.

If I never see another Denny's, it'll be too soon.

- Right on, Chrissy.

Let's go wild tonight, no diets,

no curfews.

Let's find the best place in town and just stuff ourselves.

- And drink margaritas 'til our eyes float.

- Anything you want, Chrissy.

We'll indulge our every fantasy.

- Yeah, just because we're telephone operators

from Dayton,

doesn't mean we can't have a good time like everyone else.

- Really! daughs)

- Hey.

Oh, it's pretty wild. What do you think?

- Well, it's all right.

We can do better than that.

- It's got to be around here somewhere.

This is the right street.

- Let me see this, Frank.

- Look. - What did he say the address was?

- Look, it's right here on the paper.

6969 Broadway.

We just gotta look harder is all.

- Let's go down here. See if it's here.

- Showtime again, gentlemen. Gentlemen, are you a sex fan, sir?

(laughs) - Oh, yes.

- Wait until you see this show, it's a beautiful show to see people.

There are live strippers here tonight, and a male and female act of love.

For you, sir, how about it?

Gentlemen? - How much it cost?

- How much do you want for that?

- Come on, fellas. - How much for the night?

- You don't have to pay to peek, fellas.

Have a look, sir.

- How many girls are here? - Check it out.

See if you like it, gentlemen. Beautiful show.

- Do they look good?

- We got a whole contingent of strippers here tonight... (indistinct)

Come on, fellas.

- How much do you want? Come on.

How much do you want? - Come on, fellas. Have a look.

- Oh, fuck him.

Let's go. Come on, let's go to Fantasyworld.

- You guys oughta come with me.

- Come on, man. - Check out the beautiful girls.

- Come on. - Hey.

- You don't have to pay to peek, guys, beautiful strippers.

- You got to pay me.

- Come on, fellas. - You're crazy.

- Just $30 for you guys.

Wanna get a tip in here this evening,

sex fans right this way.

- To the left.

- Have an erotic show time again, the world famous off Broadway,

five professional strippers,

male, female, act of love, sir...

- Hey, look at that. (funky music plays)

- Yeah, it's gotta be around here somewhere.

- There's one way to find out.

Y'all come on.

(cap slaps)

- Evening, gents,

you're just in time for tonight's performance.

Step right in.

- Is this Fantasyworld?

- Yes, indeed, mate, the one and only,

the hottest spot in town.

Step right in.

- Yes, well, how come you have a big sign?

- Yes, and how come you don't put out the address

and phone number?

You answer me that.

- It's a good question, mate.

Our large and faithful clientele know exactly where we are,

and that's all that matters to us.

The rest are creeps and tourists, and who needs them,

so step right in, and pay the little lady on the inside.

That is, if you can take it.

- What do you mean by that wisecrack?

- Only that here at Fantasyworld,

we offer a very unique form of entertainment,

only the finest in the city.

We can give you everything that you could possibly imagine.

- You can imagine a hell of a lot being out at sea for eight months,

believe me. (laughing)

- Fantasyworld has it all and more.

In fact, we are the only showcase in town that offers a money-back guarantee.

If one of our customers is not fully satisfied,

we will gladly return their money, no hassles,

no questions.

As a matter of fact, not one of our customers

has ever left Fantasyworld unfulfilled, and that's a fact.

Step right in, and pay the little lady on the inside.

The next show starts

in exactly three minutes. What do you say, mates?

- Hey, looks pretty wild to me.

Come on, let's go for it.

(door squeaks)

-$25, you got to be kidding.

What the hell you got in here?

- Anything your little Visa card desires.

- Does that include you?

- I said anything, didn't I? (spacey music)

Please be seated.

A waitress will be with you shortly.

Enjoy yourselves.

- This had better be good.

- Oh, it will be, Frank.

I can feel it in my bones.

- Welcome, welcome, one and all.

Welcome to Fantasyworld.

My name is Nigel.

I shall be your guide, your master of ceremonies,

your inspiration on an adventure like none you have ever experienced,

so journey with us at Fantasyworld.

Leave the big, ugly reality of the world behind,

and dare to indulge your every whim and fancy.

It can happen

at Fantasyworld.

First, a story to entertain, a tale everyone here knows.

Tonight, we'll tell you the true story of Eve.

Ah, there she sleeps, alone and innocent.

Her Adam is away in another part of the garden,

gathering fruit for tonight's meal,

but danger lurks near.

She's so sweet, so innocent, so pure, but for how long?

(eerie music)

(moaning)

(sighing)

(moaning)

(percussive music)

(panting)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(music intensifying)

(slurping) (eerie music continues)

(groans)

- Well, I could go on with that story, but I'm sure you all know how it ends.

(footsteps tapping)

Uh-oh, I've just been notified that one of the snakes used

in the last performance is missing, so if you find him or her--

It's hard to tell with snakes sometimes--

Please return it to the stage.

And don't worry, they're quite harmless.

There's one thing they do like,

dark places, warm moist dark places.

(woman shrieks) (snake rattles)

- There you go.

Snake's been found,

thanks to this brave young lady.

Don't worry, love. Someone will be along to serve you soon.

We take care of everyone at Fantasyworld.

(uptempo music)

- Hey, think they're faking it up there?

- No way, man. That's the real thing.

- The real thing?

Sure.

(rhythmic music continues)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(grunting)

(moans) (rhythmic music continues)

(moans)

- I'm so stuffed.

One more tortilla chip and I'd probably explode.

- Just don't do it on me.

(laughing)

- I'm not only stuffed, I'm drunk.

Six margaritas will do me in any time.

I feel like doing something.

Do you guys wanna go dancing? - Yeah!

- Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun.

- Excuse me, sir.

Is there a place close by here?

- Oh yeah, I know a perfect place, Fantasyworld.

- Hmm. Uhuh.

I just got another urge.

(chuckfing)

We haven't been with a man since we started this tour,

and I'm horny as hell! (chuckfing)

- Nancy! I'm surprised at you.

I've never heard you say anything like that.

- I guess there's a few things you just don't know about me,

Chrissy. - Guess so.

(giggling)

(laughing) (uptempo music)

- Hey, wait a minute.

I don't know if this is such a good idea.

Yunno, this place looks pretty dangerous.

Anything might happen to us down here, and

nobody'd ever know about it, yunno?

- Let's go back to the hotel.

- Oh, poor Chrissy's afraid.

Daughs) - No, I'm not.

It's just that, well, we should be a little careful,

that's all.

- Maybe we can take you back to the hotel, and Nancy and I can go out

dancing by ourselves.

- No, that's okay.

- We'll be careful, Chrissy, I promise.

- Come on, we'll have a ball.

- Wow, check his guy out.

Hello there.

What are you all dressed up for?

- You going to a party?

- Hey, what is this place anyway?

Is it a hotel or something,

or one of those secret sex clubs?

- Maybe. - He can talk.

- So is it maybe hotel,

or is it maybe sex club?

(chuckles)

- Ah, sex club, eh?

You have anything in there three young ladies out

on the town might be interested in?

- Ellen, I thought we were gonna go dancing,

remember?

- That depends,

my dear young lady, on what you're interested in.

- Is that so?

Like what, for instance?

- Ellen, I'm getting cold.

Let's go, okay? - I don't think this is really the place

for girls like you.

You girls seem a little too straight for Fantasyworld.

- Too straight for what?

I can handle anything you can offer.

- You can, can you?

Then, step right through the door

and purchase a ticket.

A ticket that,

for a small fee,

will yield to you your wildest dreams come true.

- You girls aren't really planning on going in there,

are you?

- Don't worry, they'll chicken out.

- Oh, yeah?

I don't see what harm it could do.

- We can just go in and check it out.

You never know, it might be fun.

- If it gets too creepy, we can always leave.

- Right. We can leave, can't we?

- Of course, darling,

but once you're inside,

I promise you,

you won't want to leave.

- Come on, let's go in.

- Okay. -We'll protect you, Chrissy.

- I've never been in a place like this before.

- Just promise me you won't say hi to anybody in a raincoat.

- I've never even seen a porno movie.

I'm scared.

- Boy, if the girls back at the switchboard could see us now.

(giggling)

(spacey music)

- Welcome, ladies.

Now, for the next part of this evening's show,

I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience.

- I'm going to volunteer Chrissy.

- You better not, Ellen. - Oh, come on, Ellen, lay off.

- Now don't be frightened.

Ah, I've got it, maybe we need an incentive.

(snaps fingers) Voila.

- There now, that's more like it.

Meet Serena.

Say hi to the folks, Serena.

- Hi to the folks, Serena.

- Isn't she cute?

Now I really do need a victim--

Oh, slip of the tongue--

A volunteer, I should say.

Now, who'll be the first to have their fantasy fulfilled tonight?

- I'll see you guys later.

I can't turn down a dish like that.

- Here we go.

One of our brave fighting men from the US Navy.

Step right up, son,

and meet your dream date for tonight,

Serena.

Seaman Lewis,

what would your wife think if she saw you up here right now?

What do you think, Frank?

Would she care?

- Oh, I don't know,

but how did you know my name and that I'm married?

I've never met you before, have I?

- I read your mind, Frank.

I also know what your fantasy is,

the one that you're about to have with Serena.

What do you say, Frank?

It's all yours. Just imagine it'll happen,

and it will.

(snaps fingers)

- Audrey, Audrey, my love.

It's me, Frank.

It's been so long.

- We're together again, Frank.

Just you and I and Serena,

just like you always wanted it, Frank.

Come to me, Frank.

Make love to me, Frank.

- Wow, I must be dreaming.

It's got to be the only answer.

- Maybe you're dreaming, Frank.

Just lie back and relax,

Serena and I will take good care of you.

This is what you've really always wanted, isn't it?

(moaning)

(smooth music)

(smooth music continues)

(moaning)

(gentle music) (shore sounds)

(grunting)

(moaning) (panting)

(panting)

(moaning)

(gentle music)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(kissing) (shore sounds)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(grunting)

(rhythmic music)

(loud moans)

(rhythmic music intensifies)

(groans)

(groans) (music winds down)

- Next, are there any ladies in the audience?

I'm going to need a lady in the next act.

There, down in the first row.

You, in the middle with the blonde hair.

How's about you, darling?

- Nancy, I think he wants you.

- I know he does.

(eerie music)

- Come on up now, don't be frightened.

(footsteps tapping)

- That's a good girl.

Nancy, isn't it?

- Yes, that's right.

How did you know?

- I can see it in your eyes, Nancy.

I can see a lot of things about you,

dark secrets that your friends down there could never imagine belong to you.

I want you to meet a friend of mine.

This is Clark.

Does he frighten you?

- No.

No, not at all.

In fact,

I'd like to make love to him right now.

- Well, let her do what she wants, Ellen.

It's her choice.

- Nancy, you tell me you want to make love to Clark,

but something tells me you're not telling me the full truth.

Am I right?

- Yes, you are right.

I want three men.

Three men to make love to me.

I haven't been with a man in weeks.

That is what I really want, Nigel.

- Close your eyes and count to three.

Open them and turn to see, what it is you want of me.

(snaps fingers)

- One,

two,

three.

Ooh.

(suspenseful music)

(jazzy music)

(jazzy music continues)

(panting)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(slurping)

(moaning)

(moaning) (spacey music)

(uptempo music)

- Ellen, do you hear that music?

- No, I don't hear any fucking music.

Look, I don't think it was such a good idea for us to come

in here after all.

Come on, Chrissy, let's get out of here.

- But you must hear it,

it's the most beautiful song I've ever heard

in my life.

It's coming from right over there somewhere.

- Chrissy.

Chrissy, wait.

You can't go there!

(piano playing)

P If wishes were horses, P

P beggars would ride. P

P If I were a beggar P

P with no sense of pride, P

P I would kneel at your feet, just to be by your side. P

(vocalizing)

P If wishes were horses, P

P I'd be a king. P

P Sages and princes, your praises would ring. P

P And for you, P

P all the angels would sing P

(vocalizing)

(piano continues)

(vocalizing)

(gentle music)

(gentle music continues)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(slurping)

(gentle music continues)

(gasping)

(panting)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(soft music)

(groaning)

(moaning)

(moaning)

- Boy, they're fucking the hell out of her.

- Yeah, and she's loving every second of it.

You know that Frank, he must be doing okay for himself.

He has been gone for over an hour now.

- Hey, Cal, have you noticed how people keep disappearing around here?

Like right over there, that couple over there,

well, they're gone now, and I could have sworn

I didn't see them leave.

This place is really getting mysterious.

It's very weird, indeed.

(moaning)

(gong sounds)

(moaning)

(gong sounds)

(room divider scrapes)

(gong sounds)

- Your tea is ready, Cal.

- What is this?

Where am I?

Who are you?

-Jun, at your service.

- Lie down on stomach, I give you massage.

(gentle music plays)

(gentle music continues)

- Turn over on back.

(gentle music continues)

(gentle music continues)

(moaning)

(uptempo music plays)

(suckling)

(moaning)

- I'm coming. I'm gonna come.

(moaning)

(moaning) (uptempo music)

- Come on, baby.

(chair scrapes)

All our friends did it.

Whaddaya say?

(hand slaps) (chimes ring)

- You make me sick.

You know, if I weren't a lady, I'd slap this right across your face.

You dog, you'd like me to, wouldn't ya?

Huh?

Ooh,

Yunno, guys like you really make me puke.

You think that all you have to do is smile and we'll jump

in the sack with ya,

Oright? (Whlp smacks)

- Ow, you goddamn bitch!

That hurt. - Am I right?

(whip smacks)

(ominous music)

(ominous music continues)

(suckling) (panting)

(ominous music continues)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(panting)

(groaning)

(panting)

(moaning)

(moaning)

- People find strange happiness here.

I create nothing except for the mechanical devices.

The fantasies are the visions of the people themselves.

Some of our guests stay for a while, some maybe forever.

Who knows, maybe you'll be one of the lucky few to experience

the ultimate fantasy, Fantasyworld.

(uptempo music)

(moaning)

(moaning)

(uptempo music continues)

(uptempo music continues)