All language subtitles for All in the Family - S02E02 - Gloria Poses in the Nude

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ those
were the days ♪

♪ and you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ girls were
girls and men were men ♪

♪ mister,
we could use a man ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ didn't need
no welfare state ♪

♪ everybody
pulled his weight ♪

♪ gee, our
old lasalle ran great ♪

♪ those were the days ♪♪

Okay, "zoo."

That's a double word
score... 24 points. Ohh.

Oh! Oh, my.

What is it, ma?

It's just another one of those "most
unforgettable characters I ever met."

This man's writing about a
woman who lived in Vermont.

Seems to me they
all lived in Vermont.

What was so
unforgettable about her, ma?

Well, she lived in this house
for 40 years with a big porch,

and it was right where all
these roads came together.

Everybody stopped and
asked her for directions.

But why'd the man find
her so unforgettable?

Well, she was his grandmother.

Oh.

I'll get it.

On his father's side.

Hello?

Szabo! Mike, it's szabo!

Oh, yeah? What?

Oh, that's wonderful.

He's having a new showing
next month. Oh, great!

He wants to know if he
can come over for a drink.

Let me talk to him.

Hey, szabo! Hey! Where are you?

That's only a few minutes
from here. Come over.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah, okay. Bye.

Who's coming over?

Szabo daborba. Mike's
friend, the artist.

He's an old friend
of mine from Chicago.

He started painting a couple years ago,
and now he's the hottest painter around.

I'll show you. We've got one of his
old brochures here from his show.

Clean up. He's gonna be here any
second. You're gonna love this guy.

Look, ma. "The paintings
of szabo daborba."

Oh, isn't that nice?

Oh, hi, daddy.

Well, you're home.

You can tell that, huh, Edith?

You see me come in, throw down my
bowling ball, hang up my hat and coat...

And just like that
you know I'm home.

Plus, there's the
sound of your voice.

Yeah, there's that too.

How'd you bowl tonight, arch?

I bowled 31 perfect games,
a new world's record.

That's why I come
home feeling so good.

You got the heart of a murderer,
asking me a question like that.

What do you got there, Edith?

"The paintings of szabo daborba,"
Mike's old friend from Chicago.

We practically grew up together.

He's stopping by for a
drink in a few minutes.

Geez, I can hardly wait.

Aren't you gonna look
at szabo's paintings, ma?

Wait a minute. Give 'em to me.

Let me look at
szabo's paintings here.

What do we got here?

What the hell kind of
paintings are these?

They're nudes, daddy,
but they're very abstract.

Look, here's one we love.

It's called nude
in limbo. You see?

There's her head, and there's
the long line of her neck...

And over there are her
shoulders, and over there are...

I know what those are, buddy.

How come he give
her three of them?

That's the way
he saw her, daddy.

Geez, he must have been bombed
out of his skull when he done this.

The next time he thinks
he sees three of them,

tell him to take two
aspirin and go to bed.

Maybe it's a picture of two
girls and he left something out.

Take it away.

I got a good question for
you, daddy. Three what?

- Huh?
- You heard me.

You said, "there's three of
them," but you didn't say what.

- You know what I mean.
- No, I don't.

Tell me. Come on!

You can't say it, can you, arch?

A simple part of the anatomy,
and it sticks in your throat.

I got no anatomies
sticking in my throat.

I just happen to have some respect
for common decency, that's all.

Long before any of us was born,

they was calling certain
things "private parts."

Come on, daddy, that's
just a big cover-up.

It's a hang-up.
And you know it.

Now look here. What is that?

Leave me alone!

It's a breast, isn't it?

Edith, do you hear what she's
saying in front of her own father?

But that's what it is... a
breast. She said it again.

All she said was "breast."

Now he's saying it over there!

Well, let's hear
you say it just once.

I won't say it just once!

Can you believe that? He
can't even say the word.

He has said "breast of chicken."

Never! White meat! White meat!

Now stifle yourself, huh?

And once at rockaway beach he
showed me how to do the breast stroke.

Will you stifle yourself!

I wanna tell you something...
I got no respect for a guy...

That spends his whole
life getting cheap thrills...

Out of other
people's "nudidity."

With one sentence he puts away
all painters, sculptors, doctors...

Hold it, meathead. I didn't
say nothing about doctors.

That's a whole other thing.

The most beautiful woman can walk into a
doctor's office and get herself undressed,

it don't mean a thing.

He don't even take any
notice of the good parts.

Oh, I
bet that's szabo.

Hey! Szabo!

How are you?

Gloria! Szabo!

Oh, uh, szabo, this is my
mother and my father.

How do you do? Hello, Mrs.
bunker. Nice to see you, Mr. Bunker.

Hey, I got some
champagne. Oh, great.

I was out launching a
battleship, and I missed.

What do you say we break it
open here? I'll get the glasses.

I'll help you. I could
use something to eat too.

Wait a minute. Szabo, huh?

Szabo what? Daborba.

He's a gypsy.

He's a Hungarian. Same thing.

That guy was born in an empty
store, as sure as I'm standing here.

He's alone with your wife,

and I wouldn't trust
him from here to here.

Szabo's one of my oldest
friends. What's the kissing Gloria?

It's just two friends saying
hello. What's the big deal?

The most casual
acquaintances kiss today.

They do it all the time on TV.

Yeah, like...

Merv Griffin and Johnny Carson.

Merv Griffin and Johnny
Carson don't kiss each other.

That's right. They're
on different channels.

Stifle yourself!

It's Jerry Lewis that
kisses Johnny Carson.

Will you stifle yourself!

I don't know who
merv Griffin kisses.

I said stifle!

I got more important things on my
mind than merv Griffin and Johnny Carson.

I don't trust that
gypsy out there.

- Hungarian.
- Oh, Hungarian, Hungarian.

You know what I heard about
Hungarians there at my mother's knee?

A Hungarian is a guy that can
follow you into a revolving door...

And come out ahead of you.

You are in trouble,
meathead. Aw, come on.

- Here we are.
- Dummy up now.

Help
yourself. Oh, my!

Champagne!

And on a Monday night too.

Szabo, a toast.

To your new one-man show.
May you sell everything.

Thanks, Mike. Come on. Sit down.

Wait a minute, szabo. I
wanna ask you something.

I see by that brochure there
that you like painting people...

Without their clothes on...
In other words, in the nude.

No, not everybody.

For instance, I'd never
paint you in the nude.

I mean, you wouldn't be you without
your clothes on. Would he, Mrs. Bunker?

I don't know. I'll
have to think about it.

Now, your daughter,
on the other hand...

Your daughter is something else.

'Cause I see Gloria...

Free, uninhibited.

She... she's... hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Gloria, would you?
- Would I what?

I got just three weeks.
If we start tomorrow...

You mean you want to
do Gloria? For the show?

- Yeah!
- That's fantastic!

Mom, daddy, can you believe it?

Wait a minute. You're
gonna let this thing happen?

Gloria's spending three
weeks with this guy naked?

Why not?

Edith, do you hear
what's going on here?

Why not, Archie? I'm thrilled.
Szabo's my oldest friend.

So? Jim mcnab is
our oldest friend.

Suppose I put your mother-in-law up in
front of Jim mcnab without her clothes on?

Oh, Archie, no!

Relax. It ain't happened yet.

I don't know what
you're so uptight about.

The human body, the pure
form, it's art, it's part of life.

So is throwing up, but I
don't want to look at it.

I don't believe you, daddy.

One of the most talented
painters around today...

Flatters me by
offering to paint me,

and you make it sound so nasty.

Come on, szabo. I'll
make you that sandwich.

Well, what else is it, then?

She's right, Archie. Dirty is
in the eye of the beholder.

And stupid is in the
head of the Polack.

I wanna tell you something...

Don't start talking to me unless you
take that back. All right, I take it back.

Now sit down, you dumb
Polack, and let me talk to you.

Mike and me are gonna
have a little talk, man to man.

That's nice. Like
father and son.

Well, maybe there's something
that needs doing upstairs.

I'm sure there is.

Now listen... no, you listen.

If you're gonna start in again with
that paranoia about szabo, forget it,

because he is a
friend and I trust him.

Oh, famous last words.

That's what Abel was
sayin' when he got it

in the back from his
own brother with a cane.

Now, this gypsy out
here... Hungarian!

All right, whatever!

This guy is way better
looking than you, buddy,

which, by the way,
ain't so hard to be.

This could upset a girl. You don't
even trust your own daughter.

I didn't say that. Now, sit down
over here and let me talk to you.

Just sit down over here.

Now, let me tell you
something about men.

Men have got certain things...

Hormones, see.

Women have hormones too.
Theirs don't mean nothing.

Now, a man's hormones,
they put ideas in his head.

See? Ideas.

And he goes around
thinking of these ideas...

Until one day he has to
do something about them...

To clear his mind.

That's right!

And when that day comes
when he's gotta clear his mind,

he don't care who
he does it with.

Now, I know guys that go after
the wife of their best friend.

Come on! What are
you talking about?

Mike, you gotta listen to me.
Goulash got no conscience.

That was a great
sandwich. Dummy up.

Mike, your wife can cook
for me any time at all.

Gotta run now, buddy. See
you later. See you, Mr. Bunker.

Are you going now? Yes, I am.

Thanks a lot for
your hospitality,

and most of all, thank
you for my new model.

Look at her... she's a pixie...

With the face of a doll
and the body of a woman.

Ah!

See you
tomorrow. Bye!

Bye!

Well, I feel like Mrs. O'Leary's
cow, yelling "fire! Fire! Fire!"...

And nobody's paying
no attention to me.

Archie, Gloria and I don't
have that kind of marriage.

We trust each other.
My generation trusts.

My generation
trusts too, meathead...

In god, not Hungarians.

Edith, today, without fail...

- Yeah, Archie?
- Cut your toenails.

Huh? and I mean right
down to the bone.

You got a thing
you're doing now...

Your feet come over to my side, your
nails are runnin' up and down my leg.

It's like sleepin'
with a leopard.

Good morning, folks.

What the hell
was that all about?

That's Hungarian for "darling
mother" and "beloved papa."

Oh, I forgot my watch.
I'll be right back.

Ain't she turning into
a happy little bohunk?

Oh, yeah. She loves
posing for szabo.

He talks to her while he's painting,
and she loves listening to him.

He's been everywhere,

so he tells her about
Paris, Rome, Athens,

winnetka.

- Winnetka?
- That's where he was born.

I don't understand you.

Your only daughter,
the flesh of your blood,

going out every
day for three weeks...

To pose naked for this guy...

Who... a... ain't her husband,

and... b... makes her husband
look like a pile of inner tubes,

and you don't do
nothing about it.

I think I'll just have juice
and coffee this morning.

Getting a pretty early start
these mornings, huh, little girl?

We have to. Szabo
loses the light at 4:30.

What's he need light for?

He's gonna give you six belly
buttons, no matter what he sees.

Boy, did we ever jog. We
must've done over a mile.

Pretty close. Eighteen blocks.

You're jogging, huh?
When did you start that?

A couple weeks ago. Why?

You wouldn't be jogging away from any
personal problems, would you, Michael?

What do you mean by that?
Actually, it was my idea.

I've been thinking about
jogging for months.

But you don't have to drag him
along. You can do that by yourself.

Well, let me ask you
a question, Mr. Bunker.

If you were walking down the
street at 7:00 in the morning...

And you saw this black
guy all by himself...

Running through
this neighborhood,

what would you think?

I see what you mean, Lionel.

Yeah, I figured you would.

Bye, Lionel. I've gotta run too.

Wait a second. I just got back.

Edith, now, this might just
be a father's intermission,

but I smell a rat.

And you sit there and
you have no opinion at all.

Oh, I got an opinion,

but you never asked me for it.

Well, I'm asking you now, Edith.

Well, I'm not sure you should
butt in where angels fear to tread.

What does that mean?

Only fools rush
in where angels...

Edith, if I want a song
lyric I'll turn on the radio.

Come on, give me your opinion,
straight from the dingbat.

Well...

I think you should
mind your own business.

Who asked you?

I'll be at the library till it closes,
but then I'm coming right back home.

I'll be home waiting for you.

Szabo says we'll finish
before he loses the light.

Then we'll probably grab
a quick drink to celebrate,

and then I'll be home.

One thing, Gloria.

Remember yesterday
when I came into the studio...

And you were posing?

How come when you saw me you
jumped up and... and put my robe on?

Yeah. Why did you do
that? I don't know, Michael.

It's just that szabo was
there looking at me his way,

and then you came
in looking at me,

you know, your way,

and suddenly I felt naked.

Yeah?

You haven't been concerned about...
Well, about szabo and me, have you?

What? Are you kidding?

Gloria, how could you
even think a thing like that?

So your father's upset.
That doesn't mean that I am.

Oh, good.

I didn't think so, anyway, because I
can always tell when you're upset.

You get that funny little
twitch in your left eye.

I love you, Michael.
Bye. Have a good day.

Bye.

Anyway...

All I can tell you is, I'm surprised at
you dragging me to a picture like that.

It was absolutely disgusting.

Well, I'm sorry, Archie.
How was I to know?

I thought it was a
religious picture...

Cardinal knowledge.

It's not cardinal
knowledge, Edith.

Carnal. Carnal. It's
a whole other thing.

One of the dirtiest
pictures I ever seen.

Hormones were flying
all over the screen.

And you're gonna tell me there
are really people like that?

"Hello. How are you?"
Zap! Into the sack?

Gee, I had to watch the
whole picture like this.

Nobody was ever standing up.

I'm glad I went to sleep.

Look, Archie, I don't think
Gloria's come home yet.

I left some food on the stove, I set
the place, and it ain't been touched.

Well, the Hungarian said
the light failed him at 4:30.

Well, here it is 9:30
and she ain't home yet.

You got a song lyric for that?

Archie, you don't have
to worry about Gloria.

She's our daughter.

I ain't worried about Gloria. I'm
worried about that hunkie's hormones.

His what?

It's a subject I can't
get in with you...

Because its male and it's rough.

All I can tell you is, when
it comes to hormones...

I wouldn't trust any man in the
world as far as I could throw him.

Well, that would
include you, Archie.

No, not necessarily, Edith,

because I got my
hormones on a leash.

Oh, here he comes. Here he
comes. Mr. Happiness himself.

The meatheaded husband is
home, whistling a happy tune.

Hey, what's with him?

It used to be I had to
say something before

he went nuts. Now all
I gotta do is show up.

- Where were you till this hour?
- At the library
working on my paper.

Well, work on this. It's nearly
10:00 and your wife ain't home yet.

Oh, yeah?

Maybe they were
cleaning up the studio.

Well...

After three weeks it
could get pretty messy.

Well?

Oh, there it is, Edith.

There it is, as clear
as you'll ever see...

The two generations
side by side.

There's the modern
one over here.

His wife is out every day for three
weeks, posing naked for some guy,

and now she's five hours late
coming home from that guy...

And he sits over there
whistling as happy as any bird.

And you know why? Because
his generation trusts, Edith, see.

They trust all kinds of revolutionaries,
hippies, queers and what have you.

They trust anything
and anybody that ain't us.

I warned this boy three weeks ago...
"You gotta keep in line this Hungarian."

I said, "you can't put your
trust in any person but him."

But does he listen to me?
No, because he don't trust me.

How can he? You ain't god.

Okay, okay, Archie, so
Gloria's five hours late.

You think I'm not worried?
Of course I'm worried.

But I'm worried about Gloria's
welfare. A lot can happen in five hours.

You're telling me. No,
I don't think like that.

I'm gonna tell you for
the hundredth time...

We are talking about my
wife and my best friend.

And yes, I do trust them.

There's the difference in your
generations right there, Archie.

You've been spending
the last 30 years...

Checking under every
bed for a communist...

And thinking you're better than they
are with your stinking puritan ethic,

and what have you
got to show for it?

A wife who's home at 10:00,
buddy. Yeah, that's right.

Sure, and the fear and the
mistrust of the rest of the world.

Well, you can live with
that fear and mistrust.

I don't want to have any part
of it! You hear what I'm saying?

Szabo, what the hell are
you doing with my wife?

I wanna know what Gloria's
doing there at this late hour,

and don't tell me you're
painting her by starlight.

I have had this on my mind a long
time, and now that it's out in the open...

Gloria!

Gloria?

Bye there, szabo.

When did you get home?

Uh, when did you
get home? About 6:00.

I was so tired, I just went right
upstairs and flopped into bed.

Boy, am I glad you're home.

Home in bed since 6:00, and
you knew nothing about it.

How could I, Archie? I
was at the movies with you.

What difference does that make?

Ah, geez, look at this now.

Don't do that.

♪ It's the Japanese sandman ♪

♪ he'll be here soon ♪♪

Well, meathead, I hope you
learned something tonight.

You should've heard
yourself on that telephone.

What are you talking about?

She was home at 6:00.

Get outta here.

I wonder why the
sandman is Japanese.

He should have been an
arab. They got much more sand.

Here's the painting. Yeah.

Szabo said we could bring it
home tonight so you could see it.

Oh, ain't that exciting.

You ready? Yeah. ♪ ta-da ♪

Oh, my.

It's very nice. Isn't it great?

What do you think, arch?

I knew it.

There's one there,

two, three, four, five...

Six...

All in the family was
recorded on tape before a live audience.