All language subtitles for All in the Family - S01E10 - Archie Is Worried About His Job

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city in Hollywood.

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ those were the days ♪

♪ and you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ girls were girls
and men were men ♪

♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

♪ gee, our old
lasalle ran great ♪

♪ those were the days ♪♪

Oh, Archie. It's
2:15 in the morning.

What are you doing up?

I'm playin' musical milk
bottles here, Edith.

How come you got three bottles
here, and between them all,

a man can't get one
full glass of milk?

I-I guess it's because we don't
finish one bottle all the way...

Before we open the next.

I guess that must be it, Edith.

You know, it's the little
things that torture a person.

You haven't been to sleep yet.

Even in bed, you didn't
sleep. How did you know that?

Because when you
sleep, you snore and kick,

and when it's very quiet
and I'm not gettin' hurt much,

I know you ain't asleep.

Is there something on your mind?

Edith, I just got a little
simple indigestion, that's all.

Did you eat something
that didn't agree with you?

Only your dinner, Edith.

I thought I heard voices
down here. What's going on?

"What's going on?"

Your mother-in-law and me
are runnin' away together.

What's bugging you? I just never
seen you up this late, that's all.

Well, it don't need
no big explanation.

And shut that yap, will you!

You just woke up, and you ain't
no breath of spring, you know.

What's going on? How
come everybody's up?

Now, look at this.
Will you answer me.

Can't youse two get a
second pair of pajamas?

Or would that destroy something
beautiful in your marriage?

I'm not even awake
yet, and he's picking.

Yeah, because it ain't
decent going to bed that way.

- Archie, they're married.
- So are we married.

And we go to bed fully dressed.

I told you to shut that yap.

Hey, what's buggin' him?
Somethin' bothering him?

Oh, I thought
so, but he said no,

but I still think so.

My sandwich!

Well, I don't want it now.

What's the matter, Archie?

There's gotta be
something on your mind.

Edith, there's nothin' on my
mind now, absolutely nothin'.

I'll get that. It'll get that.
I'll get that. Stay away.

Hello, feeney.

Huh? Now, wait a
minute. Who's this?

No, no, no, no. There
ain't no Valerie here.

No, Mac, there ain't
no Mary Lou neither.

No, you see, you got
the wrong number.

Yeah, yeah. What?

No, nobody in this house
wrote this number...

On the wall of the
toilet at the elks' club.

Dry yourself out, huh?

Archie, are you expecting
a call at this late hour?

Not necessarily.

But you said something about
feeney when you answered.

Did you mean Harry feeney?

What's with the
third degree, huh?

I told you, I ain't
expectin' no phone call.

I'll get that. Keep away
from there, meathead!

Feeney?

Oh, gee. No, buddy. This
ain't Mary Lou's brother.

Wait a minute. Listen
to me. You're drunk, see?

Your brain is soaked in booze, and
you don't know what you're doing.

Don't call this number
no more tonight, will ya.

Go back to the toilet wall and
get yourself another number.

Why are youse all staring at me,
huh? Why don't youse go to bed?

We can't go to bed when
you're troubled, daddy.

We want to help you. You wanna help
me with something that troubles me?

Would you put something on yourself
and make yourself respectable.

If that thing was any
shorter, it'd be a scarf.

Come on, Gloria, let's go. We get
enough of that talk during the day.

We don't have to listen to it
at night too. Good night, daddy.

Good night. Good night, mom.

Archie.

Would you get mad at me if
I was to ask you something?

Only if it was something
that makes me mad, Edith.

Are you worried about your job?

That makes me mad.

You are worried.

Tell me, what is it?
Edith, it's nothing.

It's just that, uh,

well, the company announced that they're
having a 20 percent cutback in personnel.

That's all. I think it's gonna
hit my department pretty hard.

Oh, Archie.

Hold it, hold it, Edith. I
ain't worried about it.

Take it easy. You know me.

I could get another job in
ten minutes, if it came to that.

It's just, uh, it's just some of the
other guys I work with, that's all.

I'm worried about them.

Like there's little
Emanuel. He's puerto rican.

One leg is shorter
than the other.

I mean, who wants a
spick with a bum leg?

And then you got elmo.

Fifty-six years of age,
black as the ace of spades.

I mean, there ain't many
places a guy like that can go.

Then you got stretch Cunningham.

Well, he's white, ain't he?

Yeah, but with an
I.Q. Of about one.

These guys have been working
under me for a lot of years, Edith.

It's them that i'm
worried about.

Well, what does Harry
feeney got to do with it?

Harry feeney's the
night watchman, see.

Day after tomorrow they're gonna
come out with a list of who gets the ax.

So tonight when feeney's makin'
his rounds, punching his clocks,

he's gonna poke around
in the executive offices...

And try and get the scoop first.

He's supposed to call
me here during the night.

And-and you're
staying up all night...

To find out about
little Emanuel and elmo?

Yes, Edith. Stretch
Cunningham too.

Ma? yeah?

Stifle yourself about
this to the kids. Oh, sure.

What are youse doing up
again? We couldn't sleep.

I-I think I'd better
make a pot of coffee.

I'll help you, ma.

Ma? Michael found this newspaper
clipping on the bathroom floor.

I-It must have fallen
out of daddy's bathrobe.

It's about his company
cutting back personnel.

That's why he can't
sleep tonight, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

But you ain't supposed
to know about this.

Oh, I hope Mike
don't say nothin'.

Ah, don't worry, ma. Michael
understands. He's very tactful.

What the hell is that all about?

Nothin'. I was just lookin'
at ya, I was thinkin' about ya.

I was thinkin' about
how good you look.

No, seriously. What
are you, 47, 48 years old?

You don't look a day over 40.

You know, you're lucky, Archie.

This is the prime of your life.

You are in the best
years of your life.

You... you're strong.
You've got your health.

You're in great shape.

- Edith, you told 'em!
- What?

You told 'em, and I asked
you not to! Oh, no, Archie.

Honest, nobody told
me anything. Edith. Edith.

I'd like to look as good as
you when I'm old... older, older.

I meant older. You see that?

You're out of my sight for one minute,
and the tongue is wagging the whole dog!

Daddy, it wasn't mom. It
was this newspaper clipping.

Give me that! Michael and I aren't
fools. We can see you're worried.

Let me tell you something
for your own information.

It ain't myself that I'm worried
about. Now, tell her, Edith.

Oh, no, no, he ain't
worried about himself.

He's just worried about poor
little Emanuel with the short leg...

And stretch Cunningham
and very black elmo.

That's right.

Even if I was to lose my job,

which there ain't no chance of that
because I'm in so solid with the bosses,

I could get another
one in about ten minutes.

So don't give me the
cow eyes, will ya?

Just save your concern for them
that needs it. Aw, come on, daddy.

No matter what's bothering you, why
can't you share it with your own family?

That's right, Archie.

Because a man don't bring
his problems home, that's why.

Oh, I never heard such
old-fashioned garbage.

Thank heavens that's not
the way it is with my marriage.

My husband's not afraid to
bring home his troubles to me,

to cry in my lap
if he feels like it,

to weep in my arms. Gloria.

Why, he's not ashamed
to show grief if he feels it.

Gloria. To kick his
feet and bang his hands.

Gloria, shut up.

Well, it's true.

Try telling her, "stifle."
She's heard that all her life.

It stops them
cold the first time.

I didn't mean to
say "shut up" to you,

but you wouldn't
let me get a word in.

I was goin' overboard?
Yes, I would say so.

I'm sorry, Michael. It's
all right. Don't worry.

It's okay. Archie.

Isn't that nice, the way they
come to an understanding?

We could take a
lesson from them.

You need your sleep, Edith.

I'll get that.

That's all right,
daddy. I'll get it.

Hello? Who do you want? Valerie?

She's busy right
now. This is Mary Lou.

Give me that!

Very funny.

Now I'm gonna have this drunk
on the phone the whole night long.

Now, listen, Mac.
Now, wait a minute.

No, I ain't gonna put Mary
Lou back on the phone.

There ain't no Mary Lou
here! Will you give up...

What the hell is going on here?

Doorbell's ringing in the middle of
the night, I got a dipso on my phone!

This is a nightmare.

Oh, hi, Dave. Hi, Mrs. Bunker.

I noticed all your lights
on. Everything okay?

- Yeah, I guess so.
- Is that Dave the cop there?

Come on in, Dave. I got
something here for you.

I got a dirty
caller on the line.

You take it. Edith,
come over here, will ya.

I don't like it at all
that feeney ain't called.

I'm kinda worried. Oh, Archie.

Could I get you some
toast and a cup of coffee?

No, nothin' like that.

How 'bout some poached eggs?

Edith, the answer to every
problem ain't somethin' to eat.

I couldn't hold nothin'
on my stomach anyhow.

Oh, Archie, don't worry.

Even if worse comes to worst,

remember our
mothers and fathers.

They lived through the big
depression, and they made it.

I'll never forget the
way it hit my old man.

There he was, a
breadwinner all them years,

and then... and
then just like that,

the paychecks,
they stopped coming.

Why? He was
always asking, "why?"

And nobody could
tell him. It was awful.

Oh, yeah, sure it was, Archie,

but look at you.

You came through it real good.

Edith, gee, I was only a kid.

My old man never got over it.

Took the heart right out of him.

And he wasn't all that
old neither, you know.

He was just about my age now.

You won't have to worry about
that drunk calling no more, Archie.

Thanks, Dave. He's coming over
here. I gave him your address.

Coming over here?

Sure, when he gets here,
I'll slap the cuffs on him.

Gonna be quite a
night, ain't it, huh?

- You like being a cop,
don't you, Dave?
- You want the truth?

I love it.

Call me the fuzz, call
me pig, I really love it.

I can tell you why in
two words: Job security.

Oh, jeez.

I better get the coffee.

You know, when I was a kid, my dad
wanted me to go into his business.

When he heard that I was gonna
become a cop, he hated my guts.

- How'd you know that?
- He told me, "Dave,
I hate your guts."

You know, I got four cousins,
all my age, guys with families,

all laid off in the last year.

Who knows when they'll work again? With the
economy the way it is, it could be never.

But we civil servants...

♪ We just keep rolling ♪

♪ we keep on rolling ♪♪

Dave, switch that off, huh?

You ain't exactly
"jan feerce," you know.

That's him, Dave. What do we do?

Let him in and get him
started talkin', then I'll nab him.

Go on. I'll hide back
here. Okay. Shush.

Mrs. Weidermeyer, what are
you doing up at 3:30 in the morning?

I'm a night person, Mr. Bunker.
I didn't know you were.

May I come in? Oh,
you're all night people.

Hello, Mrs. Weidermeyer.

Coffee's ready.

Oh, hello, Edith. I didn't know
you were a night person too.

Hi, Clara. What are you
doing up at this hour?

I just came back from a date.

A plumber who likes widows.

He took me to a house
party in the Bronx.

Twelve people. All
the men were plumbers.

Anyway, I invited him in to
my house for a cup of coffee,

but I'm all out of coffee.

Your lights were on, so I thought
maybe I could borrow some.

Oh, Clara, I'm sorry.

I just made a pot
and I used it all up.

Why don't you ask him
over here for a cup?

That'd be wonderful. Hold
it, hold it, Mrs. Weidermeyer.

I don't mind you being here
because you're a friend of my wife's,

but I don't want strangers running
around the house this time of night.

You understand? Oh, sure.

Clara, it's too bad you
can't have a cup yourself.

- Actually, I can.
- What about the plumber?

May I use your phone?
I'll call and tell him.

Uh, the fact is,
Mrs. Weidermeyer,

I'm expecting a telephone call
myself at almost any moment,

and I'd like to
keep that line free.

I know what you
mean. Hello, Harold?

Harold, this is Clara. Thank you for
answering the telephone in my house.

Listen, Harold, our
date is over now.

I'm gonna stay here with
the neighbors for a while,

so you go home.

I know you didn't
kiss me good night.

That's the way the
cookie crumples.

I don't like to slur a whole
race, but plumbers sure are pushy.

Sit down, Clara, and I'll
pour you some coffee.

Dave, there he is.

All set, arch.

Oh, Edith, there's a
cop in your living room!

Dummy up, will you! We're
trying to make a pinch.

Pizza king. Pizza king?

That's what I said.

I've got a mozzarella, and I
got a sausage... wait a minute, kid!

We didn't order no pizza
here. I ordered it, arch.

You ordered a pizza?
Do you hear that, Edith?

This guy orders pizza
at 4:00 in the morning.

You got no control over events in
this house. What is the matter with you?

Come over here. Listen.

Feeney ain't called yet, and i'm
scared that the news is gonna be bad.

Oh, Archie, they say
no news is good news.

There he is. Sit down there.

Now, don't say nothing,
Mrs. Weidermeyer.

Dave, we're ready. Dave?

Put down that pizza and
come on, will ya! All set, arch.

Get back up there
in your hiding place.

Hi, fella.

Come on in. We're
waitin' for you.

Valerie! Oh, Archie!

Mary Lou? He's talking
dirty. There it is, Dave!

Put them cuffs
on him. Hey, Dave.

I didn't see you standing there.

Why didn't you say hello? I didn't
want to butt in while you was talkin', sir.

- Dave, do you know this lush?
- He's my sergeant.

Your sergeant?

What's going on here?
Where's the party?

There's no party, sarge.
Just a regular family.

Oh, no. A real family?

Oh, I feel rotten about this.

It happens every time I go
out and I toast a friend or two.

But it's so self-destructive!

And I've made... I've made
such a spectacle of myself!

I don't believe this.

I'll go.

But I hope you people won't let this
change your feelings about the police.

Oh, no, won't change my
feelings about the police.

Good boy, son. Come on,
sergeant. We'll get some air.

Thanks a lot, Dave.

Okay, arch.

Ohh!

I think I'll go home now. I think
that would be a very good idea.

Good night, Clara.
Good night, Edith.

You know, I didn't understand...

One thing that went on here.

Feeney! I thought you was gonna
call me! What are you doing here?

Come on in, feeney.
Edith, here he is.

Say hello to Harry feeney.

We was waiting for you to call.

All right, tell us.
What do you know?

First of all, I couldn't
call any earlier.

You see, as I make my
rounds, I have to stick my key...

In all these different gizmos.

I have to get to them on time because
they register when I've been there.

What about the list,
feeney? Just a minute.

If I get to one of
the gizmos too late...

Most people don't know this...

An alarm goes off
in the police station.

It's as if the gizmo was saying, "Harry
feeney's late and something is wrong."

Feeney, what did you find out?

I'm trying to tell you.

Now, I only have a certain
amount of time between gizmos.

When I'm making the rounds of the executive
offices, I've got just 13 minutes.

Thirteen minutes isn't much time
to look through twenty offices...

For one piece of paper.

The first eight times
around, I never found it.

But the ninth time...
What about the ninth time?

I found it.

It was on vanderheusen's desk...

Under four unsigned letters
and a big, brass paperweight.

Feeney, spare me the
paperweight, huh? Heart-shaped.

All right, feeney.
Who got the ax?

Well, they're cuttin' back
20 percent down the line,

just like they said, Archie.

And they're knockin' off three
departments, including yours.

Including Archie's? Right.

But they're keeping the
three department heads.

They're keeping
the three foremen.

That's you, Archie!

I knew it was gonna be all right,
daddy! You had nothing to worry about.

Daddy, I'm so happy for
you. Congratulations!

Get out of here! What do
you mean, congratulations?

Youse don't have to congratulate me for
nothin'. There's nothin' happening to me.

You'd think I was Lazarus
rising from the bed.

What are you standing there for?

Go on upstairs.
Don't be bothering me.

What's the matter, Archie? I thought
you'd be happy to hear the news.

He's worried about
little Emanuel and elmo.

No, Edith, I ain't worried
about nothin' or nobody.

So a couple of guys get laid off.
They'll find something in a day or so.

I want to tell youse all something
about this good old U.S. of a.

No man starves in
this great country...

If he's willing to go
out there and work.

Them that works, eats,
and we're gonna eat now.

Pizza. Go on, get out of here!

Go on up to bed. Feeney,
sit down. Here's the pizza.

Don't stand there. Go on in the
kitchen and bring out some beers.

Dig in, feeney. Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Archie, here's your bicarb.

All right, Edith.
Leave it there, huh?

Why did you let that
son-in-law of yours bring pizza...

Into this house at
4:00 in the morning?

He was hungry, Archie.

And then on top of that,
you give me beer to drink.

You asked for it.

Oh, Edith, there's times I
question your judgment.

Archie, it's 6:00
in the morning.

You better take a
shower and get to work.

What do you mean? I can't take
this stomach to work with me, Edith.

You're gonna have to
call in for me. I ain't goin'.

Archie, you could lose your job.

Oh, Edith, as solid as I am with the
bosses? What are you talking about?

I better go to work, Edith.

All in the family was
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Before a live audience.