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1
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The man said when he picked up
Sarah Cucumber, this is a fine pickle.
2
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You got some calls while you were out.
3
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Eddie Charles, Eddie Charles, Eddie
Charles, Eddie Charles, Eddie Charles.
4
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Too bad we're not playing poker.
5
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Help yourself.
6
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I don't know, thanks.
7
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I hate pastrami.
8
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Oh, by the way, Eddie
Charles is on the line for you.
9
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Which one?
10
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Your friend, the TV guy.
11
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How many Eddie Charles's do you know?
12
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Which line, Toby?
13
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Which line?
14
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Oh, line two.
15
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Line two.
16
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And tell him to stop calling so much.
17
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I got better things to do
than answer your phone.
18
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Eddie, look, I got to call you later.
19
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I'm in a very, very important meeting.
20
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I really can't talk now.
21
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Liar.
22
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Look, if it's about the
reunion, just forget it, okay?
23
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I'm not going.
24
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Why?
25
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Is it the money?
26
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Because if it's the
money, I'll pay for the ticket.
27
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No, no, no, it is not the money, okay?
28
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It's just I'm -- Damn,
when it comes to failure.
29
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I'm just not interested.
30
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Come on.
31
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I can't think of one person
that I actually want to see.
32
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Oh, no.
33
00:02:42,001 --> 00:02:44,000
What about Jeannie Gill?
34
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,000
Hmm?
35
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:50,000
I dream of Jeannie
with the light brown hair.
36
00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:52,000
She probably wouldn't even remember me.
37
00:02:52,001 --> 00:02:56,000
Besides, she married some cop and moved
to one of those big rectangular states.
38
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,000
Well, so forget about her.
39
00:02:58,001 --> 00:02:59,000
What about me?
40
00:02:59,001 --> 00:03:01,000
You know, you're just going
to make me go by myself?
41
00:03:01,001 --> 00:03:03,000
Quit bugging me, will you?
42
00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:04,000
Just bring a date.
43
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,000
It's not the same thing.
44
00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:06,000
I mean, we're a team.
45
00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:08,000
You know, like Abbot and Costello.
46
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:10,000
Starsky and Hutch.
47
00:03:10,001 --> 00:03:11,000
Simon and Garfunkel.
48
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:13,000
Butch Cassidy on the Sundance team.
49
00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:14,000
Yeah, yeah, a team.
50
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,000
I know what a team is, Eddie.
51
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Come on, man.
52
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You're my best friend.
53
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I mean, every memory I have has you in it.
54
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And if I go to this reunion by
myself, it'll be like it never happened.
55
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I'll be darned if I'm going to weaken.
56
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So come on.
57
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Excuse me.
58
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:41,000
Hi.
59
00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:42,000
Hey, hey.
60
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:43,000
Martin Tupper.
61
00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:44,000
How are you?
62
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:45,000
Has Eddie Charles signed in yet?
63
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,000
No, he has.
64
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,000
You sure?
65
00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:48,000
Yeah, I know.
66
00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:49,000
Thank you.
67
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:50,000
Sure.
68
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:51,000
Martin!
69
00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:52,000
Martin Tupper!
70
00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:54,000
Remember me?
71
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,000
Mitch Starlinger!
72
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:59,000
I haven't seen you in years.
73
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:00,000
Yeah.
74
00:04:00,001 --> 00:04:02,000
It's that great looking wife of yours.
75
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:04,000
She's gone with the wind.
76
00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:05,000
Parking car.
77
00:04:05,001 --> 00:04:09,000
Yo, last I heard you were
writing a great American novel.
78
00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:10,000
What ever happened with that?
79
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:13,000
Well, actually, it's gone with the wind.
80
00:04:13,001 --> 00:04:14,000
Being made into a movie.
81
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:17,000
In fact, I should call my agent right now.
82
00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:20,000
Okay.
83
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:25,000
Eddie Charles.
84
00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:27,000
Hey, how you doing, bud?
85
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,000
You remember Tiffany.
86
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,000
Bud, of course.
87
00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:31,000
Great to see you.
88
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:32,000
Hello.
89
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,000
It's nice to meet you.
90
00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:35,000
Could you excuse us
for just a minute, please?
91
00:04:35,001 --> 00:04:36,000
Sure.
92
00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,000
You brought a date.
93
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:40,000
How could you bring a date?
94
00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:42,000
I thought we were deemed, you know?
95
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:43,000
Butch and Sundance, right?
96
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:45,000
Well, they constantly had dates.
97
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,000
Besides, she's working on my special.
98
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:48,000
What special?
99
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:49,874
Well, I thought I
taped the triumphant
100
00:04:49,886 --> 00:04:52,000
return to my high school
and aired on my show.
101
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,000
The Eddie Charles Home
Sweet Homecoming, huh?
102
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:56,000
Great.
103
00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:57,000
That's just great.
104
00:04:57,001 --> 00:04:58,000
And what am I supposed to do?
105
00:04:58,001 --> 00:04:59,000
Hey, we didn't forget about you, buddy.
106
00:04:59,001 --> 00:05:01,542
We're thinking about
doing like a 30-second spot
107
00:05:01,554 --> 00:05:04,000
where you talk about
what a great friend I am.
108
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:06,000
This is so fucking typical.
109
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:10,000
Then what are you getting so upset for?
110
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:11,000
You ready?
111
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:12,000
I'm starting.
112
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:14,000
Right on you.
113
00:05:23,001 --> 00:05:25,000
Mr. Topper.
114
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:28,000
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
115
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:40,000
I dream of --
Jeannie Gill.
116
00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:42,000
For Mr. Sub's class.
117
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:48,000
That was my Mr. Sub imitation.
118
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:50,000
I guess it needs work.
119
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,000
Oh, no.
120
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:53,000
No, no, no.
121
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:54,000
No, I'm sorry.
122
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,000
Hi.
123
00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:56,000
Hi.
124
00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:57,000
I'm sorry.
125
00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:59,000
I just didn't think you'd be here.
126
00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:01,000
There you are.
127
00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:02,000
Yeah.
128
00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:04,000
Well, I'm in town on business.
129
00:06:04,001 --> 00:06:07,000
And to finalize my divorce.
130
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:14,000
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
131
00:06:14,001 --> 00:06:17,000
You've obviously
never met my ex-husband.
132
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:19,000
I like the way that sounds.
133
00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:21,000
Ex-husband.
134
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:23,000
Anyway, look at you.
135
00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:24,000
God.
136
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:27,000
And I thought you were cute in high school.
137
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:32,000
Thanks.
138
00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:33,000
Thanks.
139
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,000
See, you're looking pretty cute yourself.
140
00:06:36,001 --> 00:06:38,000
You're not leaving, are you?
141
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,000
No, no, no, no, no.
142
00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:42,000
I just got here.
143
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:46,000
Well, I'm just -- Yeah.
144
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:58,989
And with 12 seconds
left, down by one, the
145
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:03,000
fans started chanting,
"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie."
146
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:04,000
So I answered the call.
147
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,000
I faked to the left.
148
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:08,000
Then I -- Oh, whoa.
149
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:10,000
Watch where you're going, asshole.
150
00:07:10,001 --> 00:07:14,000
Sorry, Aya.
151
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:17,000
Why don't we try that again?
152
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:24,000
This is kind of embarrassing, but I
had the hugest crush on you in high school.
153
00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:26,000
Wow.
154
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:27,000
Me?
155
00:07:27,001 --> 00:07:29,000
You had a crush on me?
156
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:32,000
I mean, why didn't you say something?
157
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:34,000
Well, I was too shy.
158
00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:39,000
Finally, senior year, I broke down,
and I asked Eddie if he liked me.
159
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:42,000
And, well, that's when I found out.
160
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,000
Found out what?
161
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:46,000
Well, you know.
162
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,000
Oh.
163
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:50,000
About you being gay.
164
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:52,000
Eddie told you I was gay.
165
00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:54,000
Well, he was just trying to protect you.
166
00:07:54,001 --> 00:07:57,000
He thought that my flirting
might make you uncomfortable.
167
00:07:57,001 --> 00:08:02,000
You know, you're really
lucky to have a friend like him.
168
00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:04,000
That makes me so mad.
169
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:07,000
I'm going to be just right back, okay?
170
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:09,000
Okay.
171
00:08:09,001 --> 00:08:13,000
So then I faked to the
left, and I drove gracefully up.
172
00:08:13,001 --> 00:08:16,000
You told Jeannie Gill I was gay?
173
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:17,000
No.
174
00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:18,000
Why would I?
175
00:08:18,001 --> 00:08:19,000
Oh, wait.
176
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:22,000
I might have mentioned
something to that effect.
177
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,000
I'm going to fucking kill you, Eddie.
178
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:25,000
Me?
179
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:26,000
You should kill her.
180
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:27,000
I swore her to secrecy.
181
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:28,000
You knew I was in love with her.
182
00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:29,000
How could you do that to me?
183
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:32,000
Because you told Marcy Stewart
that I cheated on her with Ellen Jacobs.
184
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:36,000
Yeah, because I was going out
with Ellen Jacobs when you slept with her.
185
00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:37,000
Oh, yeah.
186
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,000
That's right.
187
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:40,000
Why don't we turn off the cameras?
188
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,000
That's it.
189
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:43,000
You've been sitting on
me for 30 years, Eddie.
190
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:44,000
I'm sick of it.
191
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:46,000
Martin, you're making a scene.
192
00:08:46,001 --> 00:08:49,000
Here's your chance to pay anybody.
193
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:50,000
You've got to go get them.
194
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:51,000
You want a scene?
195
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:53,000
I'll give you a scene.
196
00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:54,000
Hi there.
197
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:58,000
I'm Martin Tupper, and I'm here
with Eddie Charles, the big... Oh!
198
00:08:58,001 --> 00:09:01,000
Sir, fuckface, who doesn't
care about anybody but himself?
199
00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:03,000
You son of a bitch.
200
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,000
Cut it out!
201
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,000
Come on, cut it out!
202
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:06,000
Come here.
203
00:09:06,001 --> 00:09:07,000
Oh, man.
204
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,456
I'm like my mother
made me be friends with
205
00:09:08,468 --> 00:09:10,000
him because she thought
he was under privilege.
206
00:09:10,001 --> 00:09:11,000
But, you know what?
207
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:13,408
My mother's dead now,
so from now on, I'm not
208
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,000
his friend anymore, and
you shouldn't be either.
209
00:09:16,001 --> 00:09:19,000
There's your stupid 30-second spot.
210
00:09:19,001 --> 00:09:25,000
Oh, yeah!
211
00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:26,000
Oh, yeah?
212
00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:27,000
Well, who needs you?
213
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,000
I'm loved by millions.
214
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,000
How many are you loved by?
215
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:31,000
Tens?
216
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:35,000
That camera is off, isn't it?
217
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:36,000
Oh, yeah.
218
00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:37,000
Absolutely.
219
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:51,000
She's gone forever?
220
00:09:51,001 --> 00:10:00,000
Is everything okay?
221
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:01,000
Fine.
222
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,000
I'm fine.
223
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:05,000
But look, I want you to know I'm not gay.
224
00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:07,000
Oh, Martin, it's okay.
225
00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:09,000
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
226
00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:13,000
I know it's nothing to be
ashamed of, but I'm really not gay.
227
00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:15,000
I like women, you know, a lot.
228
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:17,000
Wait, you're bi?
229
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:18,000
Bi enough.
230
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:20,000
No, no, no.
231
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:22,000
I'm not gay and I'm not bi.
232
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:24,000
Eddie made the whole thing up.
233
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:28,000
So you never gave Mr. Romano
a blowjob to get out of gym class?
234
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,000
Forget about girls.
235
00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:34,000
No, actually, I got an A in
gym based totally on athletic merit.
236
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,000
God, I can't believe it.
237
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:40,000
I wish I had known this back then.
238
00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:45,000
Well, I'm glad to know it now,
you know, for future reference.
239
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:48,000
Hmm.
240
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:51,000
You want to dance?
241
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:55,000
Actually, why don't we?
242
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:58,000
Get married, but I
have three kids, all at once.
243
00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:01,000
Take a walk, you know, get some air.
244
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:10,000
I'm talking with one of my closest
friends from grade school on Lowell Winger.
245
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,000
How you doing, buddy?
246
00:11:12,001 --> 00:11:14,000
I'm sorry, I'm drawing a blank.
247
00:11:14,001 --> 00:11:18,000
You're... Eddie Charles.
248
00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:20,000
TV star?
249
00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:22,000
Pride of white plains high.
250
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:24,000
I'm terrible with names.
251
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:26,000
What's all this for, anyway?
252
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:28,000
The Home Sweet Home Show.
253
00:11:28,001 --> 00:11:31,000
Monday through Friday, 9 A.M.
254
00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:33,000
I guess you don't watch a lot of TV.
255
00:11:33,001 --> 00:11:34,000
You're kidding?
256
00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:36,000
All day, I'm unemployed.
257
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,000
Know who I love?
258
00:11:37,001 --> 00:11:39,000
That Regis Philby.
259
00:11:39,001 --> 00:11:46,000
There it is.
260
00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:48,000
Here we are.
261
00:11:48,001 --> 00:11:49,000
Yeah.
262
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,000
Oh, boy.
263
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:55,000
It hasn't changed at all.
264
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,000
Oh, my God.
265
00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:01,000
My name is still scratched in the desk.
266
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:07,000
Let me see.
267
00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:08,000
No, no, it's nothing, really.
268
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,000
It's my mistake.
269
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:10,000
Why don't we sit over there?
270
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:12,000
It's a little less drafty.
271
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:16,000
Oh, God.
272
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:21,000
You knew the fantasies that ran
through my head during Mr. Sepp's class.
273
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,000
Fantasies?
274
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,000
Like what?
275
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:30,000
Well... One of my favorites
was... I would drop my pencil,
276
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:35,000
and it would roll under your desk,
and I would have to crawl over and get it.
277
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:39,000
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
278
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:41,000
No, no, no, no.
279
00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:42,000
Go on.
280
00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:45,000
I mean, I'm... Curious.
281
00:12:45,001 --> 00:12:50,000
Well... When
I was down there,
282
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:54,000
I would notice that your fly was open
on those faded jeans with the patches.
283
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:56,000
Oh, God, I loved doing those jeans.
284
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:59,000
Especially when you
wore that red flannel shirt.
285
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:02,000
So anyway, my fly was open.
286
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:04,000
Oh, right.
287
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:07,000
So I would reach up,
and I would zip it for you.
288
00:13:07,001 --> 00:13:09,000
You know, common courtesy.
289
00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:12,000
But you didn't have any underwear on.
290
00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:29,000
So... Out would pop your...
Your... Your... Your... Penis?
291
00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:32,000
Have you heard this fantasy before?
292
00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:34,000
Lucky guess.
293
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,000
So you were saying?
294
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:41,000
So... There would
be your... Penis.
295
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:42,000
Thank you.
296
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:45,000
In all its glory.
297
00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:50,000
And I would take off my shirt,
and I'd put it between my breasts.
298
00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:51,000
Your shirt?
299
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:52,000
Your penis.
300
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:55,000
Even better.
301
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:58,000
No, please.
302
00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:01,000
Eddie, look.
303
00:14:01,001 --> 00:14:04,000
Maybe you should just forget
about the old friend segment.
304
00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:06,000
Eddie Charles.
305
00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:08,000
Eddie Charles?
306
00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:10,000
I can't believe it!
307
00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:11,000
I can't believe it!
308
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:14,000
My old friend!
309
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:16,000
Boy, did we have some good times
310
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:19,000
that I'm sure all of America
would love to hear about.
311
00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:22,000
Oh, this guy used to slay me.
312
00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:25,000
Remember when you peed in the
football team's Gatorade in the night?
313
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:28,000
And then you blamed it
on... Oh, what was his name?
314
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,000
Uh, Martin Tupper.
315
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:31,000
Right.
316
00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:33,000
Man, they beat the shit out of him.
317
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:35,000
But wait, this is even better.
318
00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:36,000
Remember?
319
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:40,000
When you set the
Spanish gloves, tacos stand
320
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:43,000
on fire, and then they
suspended that guy.
321
00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:45,000
Oh, who was that?
322
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:46,000
Martin Tupper.
323
00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:47,000
Right.
324
00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:50,000
Man, you really fucked that guy over!
325
00:14:57,001 --> 00:15:00,000
You know, I do impressions.
326
00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:03,000
Isn't this weird?
327
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:08,000
I mean, here we are, 20 years later, in
exactly the same place, both of us single...
328
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:10,000
Neither of us gay.
329
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:13,000
You know, it's like there's part of me
330
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:19,000
that wants to hold on to this perfect
fantasy I have of you, this ideal.
331
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:23,000
And the other part wants to throw
you on that desk and fuck you silly.
332
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:27,000
Well, if it's a toss-up, I'm
leaning toward the desk thing.
333
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:45,000
Oops.
334
00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,000
You sure got the light, Mr. Martin.
335
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:02,000
Hey, bud, there you are.
336
00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:03,000
Get out of here.
337
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:04,000
This is the worst.
338
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:05,000
Listen, you were right.
339
00:16:05,001 --> 00:16:07,000
This reunion sucked.
340
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:08,000
What do you say we just go back to my place
341
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:11,000
and watch some TV and
just forget all about tonight?
342
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:12,000
Just go away, will you?
343
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:13,000
Come on.
344
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:16,000
Listen, I got a new laser disc.
345
00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:19,000
Sperminator 2 and Malcolm XXX.
346
00:16:19,001 --> 00:16:23,000
We can zoom in
on the -- Oh, hello.
347
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:25,000
I didn't know you had company.
348
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:26,000
Maybe I should go.
349
00:16:26,001 --> 00:16:28,000
No! No, no, no, no.
350
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,000
No, I said don't go.
351
00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:31,000
Don't go.
352
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:32,000
He's going.
353
00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:33,000
Yeah, wait, wait, wait.
354
00:16:33,001 --> 00:16:36,000
Listen, listen, Martin, if
you're upset about before,
355
00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:39,000
I'm sorry, man, but I will
make it up to you, all right?
356
00:16:39,001 --> 00:16:40,000
Yeah, well, talk is cheap, now beat it.
357
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:45,000
Ah!
358
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:46,000
What was that all about?
359
00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:47,000
Nothing.
360
00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:50,000
This is not important.
361
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:53,000
Maybe we should go somewhere else.
362
00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:56,000
I have my old smoke bill outside.
363
00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:58,000
Oh!
364
00:17:05,001 --> 00:17:09,000
That lovely little lady
you've been waiting to see.
365
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:11,000
She's correct.
366
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:12,000
She's correct.
367
00:17:12,001 --> 00:17:14,000
She's beautiful.
368
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:15,000
She's sensational.
369
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,000
Oh!
370
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:21,000
Oh!
371
00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:23,000
She's the sweetheart of the rodeo.
372
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:32,000
Oh!
373
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:35,000
Oh, my God, I want you inside of me.
374
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:36,000
Easy, sailor.
375
00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:38,000
Don't go blowing your topper.
376
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:42,000
Oh, maybe we should
just slow this down a little.
377
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:45,000
No, no, let's do it right
now before it changes my mind.
378
00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:55,000
Well, it's too early, way too early.
379
00:17:55,001 --> 00:17:56,000
Are you all ready?
380
00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:59,000
Here I come.
381
00:17:59,001 --> 00:18:02,000
Oh, God!
382
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:06,000
Oh, God, I want you now.
383
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,000
Well, what do you know?
384
00:18:07,001 --> 00:18:08,000
I'm out of gas.
385
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:17,000
It's sort of too late.
386
00:18:17,001 --> 00:18:21,000
I guess I shook her too much.
387
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:23,000
You didn't.
388
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:25,000
This has never happened before, really.
389
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:28,000
I'm actually pretty good at this.
390
00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:31,000
Get me a cat or a dog or a
horse or a lion and I'll show you.
391
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:32,000
Ask anyone.
392
00:18:32,001 --> 00:18:34,000
It's okay, Martin, really.
393
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:37,000
No, wait, wait, we can do other stuff.
394
00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:38,000
I'll be ready like that.
395
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:39,000
Ten minutes.
396
00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:40,000
This was probably a mistake.
397
00:18:40,001 --> 00:18:42,000
There are people coming.
398
00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:43,000
Five minutes, five to three.
399
00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:44,000
Three minutes.
400
00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:46,000
Watch, watch.
401
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,000
Come again, Martin.
402
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:53,000
Come again.
403
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,000
Hey, you got any jumper cables?
404
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,000
No, get out of here, will you?
405
00:18:57,001 --> 00:19:00,000
Martin, I think we should go inside.
406
00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:10,000
You go ahead.
407
00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:13,000
I'll be in in a minute.
408
00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:21,000
Out, damn it, fuck.
409
00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:23,000
Out, I see.
410
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:30,000
Hey, there you are.
411
00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:33,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Martin
Tupper, how are you doing?
412
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:35,000
I've been looking all over for you.
413
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:37,000
I sort of feel like being
alone right now, do you mind?
414
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:38,000
I know what you mean.
415
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:41,000
I usually like a little privacy
too after I fuck somebody's wife.
416
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:44,000
No, this can't happen to me.
417
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:45,000
What?
418
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:47,000
My wife, Jeannie.
419
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:52,000
I saw the way you've been looking at
her, staring at her tits, sizing them up.
420
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:56,000
All those who think he's guilty, say so.
421
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:57,000
Guilty!
422
00:19:57,001 --> 00:20:01,000
That's very, very funny, but I
really don't feel like joking right now.
423
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:07,000
So fuck off.
424
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:09,000
What, what do you think this is funny?
425
00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:10,000
Huh?
426
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,000
Huh?
427
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,000
How funny is this?
428
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:20,000
Is this funny?
429
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,000
Hey, is there a problem?
430
00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:25,000
Yeah, this asshole's
been fucking my wife.
431
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:27,000
Holy shit, that's a gun.
432
00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:28,000
He's got a gun.
433
00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:29,000
Don't get it.
434
00:20:29,001 --> 00:20:32,000
Hey, you're Lady Charles
from the Home Sweet Home Show.
435
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:33,000
That's right.
436
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:35,000
Would you like an autographed picture?
437
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,000
No, I hate that fucking show.
438
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:39,000
Get a wall and shut up.
439
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:40,000
Don't let me get away with this.
440
00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:42,000
There's a room full of people here.
441
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:43,000
Hell.
442
00:20:43,001 --> 00:20:45,000
It's police business,
ladies and gentlemen.
443
00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:46,000
Everything's under control.
444
00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:48,000
You were saved.
445
00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:51,000
Larry, what the hell are you doing here?
446
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,000
I've got a restraining order.
447
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,000
Shut up.
448
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,000
I didn't sleep with her.
449
00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:55,000
Don't believe me.
450
00:20:55,001 --> 00:20:58,000
She can back me up on this.
451
00:20:58,001 --> 00:20:59,000
Did you fuck this guy?
452
00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:01,000
That's really none of your business.
453
00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:03,000
Female Benedict Donald.
454
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:05,000
None of my business?
455
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:07,000
None of my business?
456
00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:09,000
This is Phoenix all over again.
457
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:14,000
Going somewhere?
458
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:19,000
You fucked my wife.
459
00:21:19,001 --> 00:21:20,000
So now I got to kill you.
460
00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:27,000
No, wait, wait, wait.
461
00:21:27,001 --> 00:21:31,000
There's no way that he could have
had sex with her because he's gay.
462
00:21:31,001 --> 00:21:32,000
What?
463
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:33,000
He's gay.
464
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:36,000
The sight of a naked woman repulses him.
465
00:21:36,001 --> 00:21:38,000
How the hell would you know?
466
00:21:38,001 --> 00:21:41,000
Because I'm his lover.
467
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:47,000
So clever that I am
filled with a narration.
468
00:21:47,001 --> 00:21:48,000
That's right, Eddie.
469
00:21:48,001 --> 00:21:51,000
We can't keep our love a secret any longer.
470
00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:52,000
Start rolling.
471
00:21:52,001 --> 00:21:54,000
We had a little fight.
472
00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:56,000
I took him for granted as usual.
473
00:21:56,001 --> 00:21:59,000
And he tried to make me
jealous by flirting with a girl.
474
00:21:59,001 --> 00:22:01,000
Yeah, but I've accepted his apology.
475
00:22:01,001 --> 00:22:05,000
So why don't we just forgive and forget?
476
00:22:05,001 --> 00:22:06,000
What do you take me for?
477
00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:08,000
An idiot.
478
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:12,000
Sorry, I won't be able
to tell you how it feels.
479
00:22:12,001 --> 00:22:14,000
Don't shoot!
480
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:19,000
If we weren't lovers, would we do this?
481
00:22:19,001 --> 00:22:21,000
Oh, my God.
482
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:25,000
Hey, maybe we hit on something.
483
00:22:25,001 --> 00:22:27,000
Well, that explains a lot.
484
00:22:27,001 --> 00:22:31,000
Isn't that the guy who blew
Mr. Romano to get out of gym class?
485
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:32,000
It's enough.
486
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:34,000
I'm not going to watch this.
487
00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:38,000
Yes, Eddie, that is enough.
488
00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:40,000
For now, come on.
489
00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:44,000
Let's continue this at home.
490
00:22:44,001 --> 00:22:45,000
Did he buy it?
491
00:22:45,001 --> 00:22:46,000
I don't know.
492
00:22:46,001 --> 00:22:50,000
Just keep walking and
put your head on my ass.
493
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:52,000
Oh, my God.
494
00:22:52,001 --> 00:22:53,905
Listen, man, that stuff
I said before I kissed
495
00:22:53,917 --> 00:22:56,000
you about taking you for
granted, I meant it, man.
496
00:22:56,001 --> 00:22:57,000
You deserve better.
497
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:58,000
You saved my life, Eddie.
498
00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:59,000
Not many people do what you did.
499
00:22:59,001 --> 00:23:00,000
Well, you're my best friend, man.
500
00:23:00,001 --> 00:23:02,000
And I love you.
501
00:23:02,001 --> 00:23:03,000
Yeah, well, I love you too.
502
00:23:03,001 --> 00:23:08,000
I love you too, Eddie.
503
00:23:08,001 --> 00:23:09,000
You got it, Martin?
504
00:23:09,001 --> 00:23:10,000
Yeah.
505
00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:14,000
You can take your hand off my ass now.
506
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:24,000
I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
507
00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:25,000
Hey, fuck!
508
00:23:25,001 --> 00:23:26,000
Come on!
33823
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