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This programme contains
some strong language.
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00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:07,039
DOORBELL RINGS
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,740
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
4
00:00:09,741 --> 00:00:10,999
Ah, there he is!
5
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,079
How
are you doing, squire?
6
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,959
Hi, Colin.
Listen, I was going to ask,
7
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,319
what are you up to
at the weekend?
8
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,639
Er,
nothing, I don't think.
9
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:18,839
That's
what I thought.
10
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,439
It's Anne-Marie's birthday,
so I thought I'd throw her
11
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,079
a wee surprise party.
You and Beth OK to come?
12
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,479
Oh,
I don't see why not.
13
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,279
Beth?
What?
14
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,199
We're not doing anything
at the weekend, are we?
15
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,719
Er, no. Why?
16
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,279
It's
Anne-Marie's birthday.
17
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,039
Colin's
having a wee party.
18
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,959
GROANS:
Oh, God.
19
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,359
Er...he's
at the door right now.
20
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:43,079
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY:
Ha! Er...
21
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,239
What
time d'you want us?
22
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:45,879
Er,
one o'clock, Saturday.
23
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,959
Oh,
right, um, OK, no problem.
24
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,399
See you then.
25
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,639
Oh, that's great.
26
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,639
I tell you what,
she's gonna love this.
27
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,479
Aye?
Like surprises, does she?
28
00:00:54,480 --> 00:01:00,610
As long as she's got her
beta-blockers, she'll be fine.
29
00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:15,879
Right,
in you come, folks.
30
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,759
Aye, in here.
31
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,159
Oh,
you've been busy, Colin!
32
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,599
ERIC: So you have.
GORDON: Wow!
33
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,919
Love
your banner there, Colin.
34
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,759
Aye,
I went to the party shop
35
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,759
and I got
a few bits and pieces.
36
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,239
Oh, it's great in there.
Such a positive atmosphere.
37
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,439
Did
you see the balloon arches?
38
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,399
I did, aye.
They're amazing.
39
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,999
Aye,maybe
for a 40th or a 50th,
40
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,520
but not for today.
41
00:01:39,521 --> 00:01:42,079
Anything still to be done,
Colin? Can we give you a hand?
42
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,119
No, no. Listen,
I think we're all right.
43
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,319
Sit down.
44
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:48,519
Did you get a cake?
I did, aye.
45
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,719
Oh, there's so many
to choose from, isn't there?
46
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,239
Oh, yes.
So what did you go for?
47
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,799
It was �6.99.
48
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,119
Oh.
D'you want to see it?
49
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,239
Er, yes, OK.
OK.
50
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,679
God,he's
gone to a lot of effort.
51
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,719
He's raising the bar here, Dad, no
pressure.Ach,
52
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,839
me and your mum don't bother
about all this stuff now,
53
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:08,879
do we?
54
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,239
No.
Nah.
55
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,239
Just checking
the tethering on that helium,
56
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,279
but we're fine - he's gone
for the weighted ribbon.
57
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,799
Right, OK.
58
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,799
So.
..what do you think?
59
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,679
Yes, lovely.
60
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,959
I-Is it a sponge?
61
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,600
Possibly, aye.
62
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,599
DOORBELL RINGS
63
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,360
Excuse
me a wee second.
64
00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:35,879
Hi!How
are you doing? Hi, Alan.
65
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,839
Awright?
She's not here yet, is she?
66
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,319
No,
you're all right, not yet.
67
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,559
So
what have you said to her?
68
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,199
I just said it would be me
and herhaving lunch,
69
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,639
watching
a bit of telly.
70
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,239
Oh,she's
going to get some shock
71
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,719
when she comes in
and sees all of us!
72
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,079
I know!
She will, aye.
73
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,319
Are you still going to put
the telly on, though?
74
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,999
In you come.
75
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:53,999
DOOR CLOSES
76
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,599
MICHELLE: Hi!
77
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,519
ALL:
Hi!Hiya, Beth, how are you?
78
00:02:58,520 --> 00:02:59,759
You look lovely.
79
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,439
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
80
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,879
Aww.
All right, Ian?
81
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,519
Mm.
All right, Gordon?
82
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,279
Yous
been watching Drag Race?
83
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,679
Er...
84
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,679
Wow,
someone's been busy!
85
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:10,879
Yeah,
no, he's done well.
86
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,759
Well, I...I wanted to do
something a bit special for her.
87
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,159
What'd you get her
for a present?
88
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,959
A new
set of mats for the car.
89
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,519
Colin was saying
he got all this from the party shop.
90
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,439
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's good in there.
91
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,719
It's great, in't it?
They've got an app now too.
92
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:24,719
Oh, OK.
93
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,679
CHUCKLES
94
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,159
I
like your banner there.
95
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,679
Not
just make one, no?
96
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,919
Ah,
just easier to buy one.
97
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,559
You see, a lot of folkjust
spray-paint something onto abedsheet.
98
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,239
We saw one at the railings
at the high flats, didn't we?
99
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,199
Oh, right.
Saying, "Happy Birthday"?
100
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,399
No. Actually said,
101
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,119
"Paedo
scum GTF," on it, Eric.
102
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,279
See just before Anne-Marie
gets here, Colin,
103
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,879
we've brought
that stuff for Jackson.
104
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,359
Oh,
aye, there you go.
105
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,199
Aw, that's smashing!
106
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,079
Thanks very much for that.
What's this for?
107
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,999
Oh, Jackson's doing
an apprenticeship,
108
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,359
and Alan's sorted him out
with a few bits.
109
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,599
Aww.
Tell her
110
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,999
if there's a smell coming aff
them, it's not fae my feet.
111
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,799
It's because I wore them when
we were doon the slurry pits.
112
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:03,799
DOORBELL RINGS
113
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,039
NERVOUSLY:
Uh, is it her?
114
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,199
No, no, no.
It'll be Christine.
115
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,399
Beth, just shove that cake through
in the kitchen, will you?
116
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,200
Oh...
117
00:04:14,201 --> 00:04:16,159
Hello, Colin.
118
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,439
There she is!
How are you doing, Christine?
119
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,359
Sorry
to be slightly late,
120
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,719
but I was all set
to go out the door
121
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,519
and
then I needed the toilet.
122
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,359
It's
always the way, isn't it?
123
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,199
It is.
Anyway, two Buscopan
124
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,079
and
a fresh pair of pants,
125
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,360
and here I am.
126
00:04:34,281 --> 00:04:38,359
How
old are you, Eric?
127
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,599
67.
128
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,879
How many more
are you hoping for?
129
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,639
We should have gotparty
poppers, or even confetti.Gordon...
130
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:46,999
Or a glitter cannon.
131
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,999
Mind you, try getting that
out of permed hair.
132
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,519
Gordon, it's fine.
133
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,599
All we need to do is just
shout "happy birthday"
134
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,639
when she comes in.
135
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,040
OK, fine, fine.
136
00:04:56,041 --> 00:04:58,359
Just
"happy birthday"?
137
00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,879
Not
"surprise" as well?
138
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,999
Ah,
yous are aw here!
139
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,119
Ah!
Oh, hi, Christine!
140
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,519
Oh, you look nice.
Is that a new wee top?
141
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,799
It is, Michelle.
Asda.
142
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,039
I got this,
a pair of leather gloves
143
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,639
and
four gammon steaks for �12.
144
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,319
Are
we OK for time, Colin?
145
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,559
Aye, I mean, well,
that's us all here now.
146
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,279
I mean, I said half past to her
so, aye, we...we're fine.
147
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,599
So what's the plan
for when she comes in?
148
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,679
Do
you want us all to hide?
149
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,679
Well,
uh, no, not really.
150
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,759
Er,if
you're all tucked in there,
151
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,039
I'll just bring her in
here,and then...
152
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,039
..you could all do
the big surprise.
153
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,159
Do you want us
to actually shout "surprise"?
154
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,599
Well,
ah, shout something.
155
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,319
What age is she?
156
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,399
Ah, we'll just shout
"surprise", Alan.
157
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,199
See, this is where party
poppers would just add a layer.
158
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,079
It's quite exciting,
this,isn't it?
159
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,639
Remember we did
that wee surprise for Pat
160
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,199
when
she was up in the Royal?
161
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,759
I do, yes.
Did she like it?
162
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,639
Oh, she did.
163
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,919
Though it was just as well she
was on a rubber sheet.
164
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,239
Okey dokey,
are we all set, then?
165
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,999
Oh, before I forget,
there's a card.
166
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,119
Aww.
167
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,439
It's got a wee kitten sitting
in a gent's shoe on it.
168
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,079
RUSTLING:
Oh, and there's this.
169
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,999
Oh, what's this?
170
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,159
It's a candle for the top
of the birthday cake.
171
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,359
Oh, that's very thoughtful
of you, Christine.
172
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,959
Ah, well,
it was that or a badge,
173
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,679
and they were �1.50.
174
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,480
Ah.
175
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,920
Oh...
176
00:06:25,921 --> 00:06:28,159
So yous don't watch Drag
Race,then, naw?
177
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,599
Er, nah.
178
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,239
I tell you what, they're
so cheeky to each other.
179
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,959
Worse
than actual women.
180
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,600
DOORBELL RINGS
181
00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:36,599
Oh,
shit, that's the door!
182
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,799
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh,
my God. Where have we to be?
183
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,199
WHISPERS: Colin.
..Colin!
184
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,199
That'll be her, that'll be her.
She's a bit early.
185
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,519
Come on, Alan.
Where d'you wantus?
186
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,519
Er, tuck yourself in
over there, OK?
187
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,639
Right.
That's it.
188
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,079
MURMURING
189
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,679
Right.
.. Are you ready?
190
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,439
I'm ready, we're ready,
we're ready to do this.
191
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,119
On you go, Colin.
Right.
192
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:53,119
MICHELLE LAUGHS
193
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,119
I'll
go and let her in now!
194
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,340
CHUCKLING
195
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,960
SNIFFS
196
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,959
Can I smell bacon?
197
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,959
Oh,
that might be me,
198
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,719
Alan. The seal on thae gammon
steaks was away,
199
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,519
so
it could be a wee bit
200
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,119
of cross-contamination
in that bag.
201
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,359
Sh!
202
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,640
DOOR CLOSES
203
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,720
ALL: Surprise!
204
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,720
SCREAMS
205
00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:25,959
Jesus Christ!
206
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,679
What the f...?
Cathy?
207
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,519
Oh, my God,
I nearly shat myself.
208
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,839
What
are you doing here?
209
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,799
Oh,
nice to see you too, Eric.
210
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,840
What's...
211
00:07:35,841 --> 00:07:37,799
..what's going on?
212
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,320
We were just, erm...
213
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,399
What's.
..what's all this?
214
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,800
We were hiding.
215
00:07:46,801 --> 00:07:50,679
Colin,
maybe you should tell Cathy
216
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,320
why we're all here?
217
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,540
Erm...
218
00:07:57,541 --> 00:07:59,959
Well, so...
219
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:04,039
Well, basically
we were all just...well,
220
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,140
they, uh...
221
00:08:06,141 --> 00:08:08,839
You went away.
222
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,599
MICHELLE:
SIGHS: Maybe we should just go
223
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,759
and you guys can have
a wee chat in private.
224
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,359
No,
no, i-i-it's OK, we...
225
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,940
BREATHES QUICKLY
226
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,400
We'll
go through here.
227
00:08:32,271 --> 00:08:43,319
So shall we tuck back in
in case Anne-Marie comes?
228
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,679
When
did you get back?
229
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,319
About an hour ago.
230
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,679
And
you've come straight here?
231
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,079
Yeah. Well, I mean,
I got him to stop at the garage
232
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:55,599
for a can of Red Bull,
but...uh-huh.
233
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,239
And
how long are you back for?
234
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,940
Well, I don't know.
Um...
235
00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:03,199
A while, maybe?
236
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,060
But...
237
00:09:05,061 --> 00:09:07,799
You said
you weren't coming back.
238
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,999
Did I?
Yeah.
239
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,399
I don't...think I said that.
No, y-you did.
240
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,839
You
said, "I'm not coming back,
241
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,079
"it's over
and stop leaving messages."
242
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,319
We all say things when
we're on holiday measures, Col.
243
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,599
But
I-I don't understand.
244
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,039
Are
you saying you're back,
245
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,959
like
in, you're back back?
246
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,239
Yes, Colin.
247
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,580
I'm back back.
248
00:09:32,581 --> 00:09:36,719
Mum,do
you think we should just go?
249
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,879
I don't know.
What d'you think, Eric?
250
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,159
I don't
want to just leave him.
251
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,999
I feel so bad.
252
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,279
Like,
we shouldn't be here,
253
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,679
this is
like a really private thing.
254
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,239
No,
it is, Michelle, it is.
255
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,319
Shoosh, darling, till I see
if I can hear anything.
256
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,079
Well, obviously
I'm pleased to see you.
257
00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,799
I-It's just...there's
a few things going on today.
258
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,140
What things?
259
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,919
I'm having a.
..a kind of party.
260
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,279
Yeah,whose.
..whose birthday is it?
261
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,799
Not Eric's, surely -
nobody bothers with that.
262
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,279
No, no, no.
It's...it's someone else's.
263
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,200
Who?
264
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,559
Anne-Marie's.
265
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:26,060
SCOFFS:
Anne-Marie's.
266
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,000
Who's...Anne-Marie?
267
00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:34,799
Maybe one of us should go
and stand outside
268
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,919
in
case Anne-Marie comes.
269
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,639
Eric, you go.
270
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,679
And what am I gonna say to
herwhen she appears?
271
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,159
Just tell her you've been sent
outside to break wind.
272
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,439
She'll believe that.
273
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,420
GASPS
274
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,400
Colin,
what's going on?
275
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,639
She
says she's made a mistake
276
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,439
and she wants
to get back together.
277
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,239
Bloody hell.
I know, Eric.
278
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,919
She came straight here
in a taxi fae the airport now.
279
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,599
How
much did they take aff her?
280
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,399
Alan...And
how do you feel about it?
281
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,980
Well, I don't know.
282
00:11:07,981 --> 00:11:12,119
I mean,
I missed her so much, Beth.
283
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,439
Don't
just let her walk in here
284
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,799
and turn everything
upside down.
285
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,359
He's right. If Cathy's serious
and wants to come back,
286
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,959
you'll need to take your time
and talk it all through.
287
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,519
And you'll need to think
about Anne-Marie as well.
288
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,719
That's right. I mean, look at all
this that you've done for her today.
289
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,840
That's
got to mean something.
290
00:11:30,841 --> 00:11:33,999
Well, aye, you...
291
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,640
.
.you're right, Beth.
292
00:11:36,641 --> 00:11:38,559
VEHICLE PASSES
293
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,839
You're a-all right.
294
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,480
You're a-all right.
295
00:11:43,481 --> 00:11:46,679
See if the driver's
gota hankie.
296
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,319
I-Is it an Uber?
297
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,439
Because sometimes
they have the wee hankies
298
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,799
in
the back of the seat.
299
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,239
No, no, no, no.
300
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:58,079
No, no,
don't you worry about that.
301
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,199
I've
got black binbags here.
302
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,999
I'll get
all your stuff together.
303
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,860
OK?
304
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,479
A-All right.
305
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,239
Okey dokey.
306
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,799
Bye-bye.
307
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,440
And.
..happy birthday.
308
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,060
Bye-bye.
309
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,540
How did it go?
310
00:12:20,541 --> 00:12:22,079
It was tough.
311
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:26,280
SIGHS:
But I'm OK.
312
00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:29,359
OK, Col, all done?
313
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,480
Yeah.
Listen, come on through.
314
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,320
OK.
315
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,559
CATHY LAUGHS
316
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,359
So!
317
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,600
How.
..are...we...all...doing?
318
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,719
SIGHS: Ian, you OK?
319
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,119
Oh... Gordon!
320
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,599
All
right, honey, how are you?
321
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,119
Yeah.
..Yeah, I'm good.
322
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,999
Well, I'm all right.
323
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,679
CATHY: Mm.
324
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,239
GRUNTS
325
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:16,159
Michelle, nice to see you.
How are you doing?
326
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,399
Yeah,
Cathy, I'm fine.
327
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,620
Aw, th... Good.
328
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,360
There's Alan!
329
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,359
LAUGHS
330
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,079
All right, mate?
Have you lost a bit of weight?
331
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,239
Er, naw.
332
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,719
Oh,you've
only put a tiny bit on.
333
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,959
Christine,
how have you been?
334
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,839
Ah, you know me. Struggling on,
Cath, struggling on.
335
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,279
Oh, good.
336
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,119
Still waiting on a date
to get this toe looked at.
337
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:51,879
Well, I look forward to hearing
a lot more about that.
338
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,199
Eric.
339
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,039
How are you? How.
..er...?
340
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,479
How's.
..? How are your feet?
341
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,060
Um.
.. They're OK, aye.
342
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,800
Good to hear.
343
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:08,679
I've
missed you, Eric.
344
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,119
But not as much as I've missed
this little lady here.
345
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,400
Beth.
Beth, how are you?
346
00:14:15,541 --> 00:14:19,559
I've missed you.
347
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,679
Yes, well,
348
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,719
I've not heard from you, Cathy.
You just left.
349
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,879
I know,
but I'm back, back home...
350
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:32,110
..to that man there,
the man that I love.
351
00:14:32,111 --> 00:14:34,639
What happened
to the other one?
352
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,860
God, him?!
353
00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:39,639
That.
..is all finished.
354
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,839
That is something
we do not need to think about.
355
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,119
The important thing is,
we are back together,
356
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,079
back
where we belong.
357
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,399
It's good, in't it?
358
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,159
And she's nice and tanned,
isn't she, Gordon?
359
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,119
Yes. Very brown.
360
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,439
This is bullshit.
361
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:56,959
Sorry, Ian?
362
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,399
We
all make mistakes.
363
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,479
I remember
when you got a skin fade
364
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,300
to
try to look straight.
365
00:15:04,301 --> 00:15:07,279
I had no idea
when I went out there, Ian,
366
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,639
that
I'd meet anyone else.
367
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,479
All I was looking for
wasan apartment
368
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:15,679
with a south-facing balcony
and a 7% yield.
369
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,279
You know,
370
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,839
Colin was really upset
when you left, Cathy.
371
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,599
He
was in a hell of a state.
372
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,839
I mean, Beth was having
to cookfor him.
373
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,199
It was pretty basic stuff,
though, Cath,
374
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,679
almost on a par
with hospital food.
375
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,919
It
did take me a while
376
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,399
to.
..to find my feet, but...
377
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,919
..I got there.
You were better
378
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,159
when
you got on Tinder.
379
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,319
Aye.
The sex cheered him up.
380
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,319
Oooh!
381
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,799
Did it?
382
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,519
Well, I mean, er,
383
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,119
purely from a...
from a fitness point of view,
384
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,879
yeah, it did.
..did me good.
385
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,759
Mm! So, um,
386
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,919
who was she, then,
this...Anne-Marie?
387
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,439
She
was Clydebank-based, Cath.
388
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,879
Oh...
389
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,559
Clydebank.
390
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,039
She was actually very nice and made
a real effort to fit in.
391
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,799
Oh, did she, Beth?
Oh, that's nice.
392
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,159
You and her big buddies,
were you?
393
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,679
No, I'm just saying she was...
friendly with all of us.
394
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,959
Oh, you were all friendly
with her.
395
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,479
GASPS:
Oh, that's nice.
396
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,719
Gordon,
was she your friend?
397
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,599
Oh, Michelle, was she yours?
And what about you, Eric?
398
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,199
Did she let you speak
to hersometimes?
399
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,239
Listen, Cath,
life didnae go on hold
400
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,999
just
cos you weren't around.
401
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,399
Oh, no, I can see that!
You know, making friends,
402
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,079
birthday parties,
403
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,639
sex
with people from Clydebank.
404
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,319
Cathy,
color="#00ff00">it was you that left him.
405
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,799
Yes, Ian, but to be fair,
I've come back.
406
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,279
And all I want to find out is
some basic information
407
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,639
about what's been going on
since I've been away.
408
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,199
Is
that OK with you, is it?
409
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,879
Look, Cathy,
of course...we understand that.
410
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,040
Good. So...
411
00:16:55,321 --> 00:16:59,679
What
was she like in bed?
412
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,079
Oh, for God's sake.
MICHELLE: Oh, come on!
413
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,999
I don't think we need to go
into that, do we, Cathy?
414
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,959
I
think we do, Michelle.
415
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,519
If Alan had slept
with someone else,
416
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,559
you
would want to know.
417
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,399
Well,
if I'd split up with him,
418
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,479
it wouldn't be
any of my business.
419
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,759
If we split up, I'd probably
find somebody I knew,
420
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,879
just for the first few times.
Alan...
421
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,919
I have been very open
about things.
422
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,759
I think it's only fair I get
to ask a few simple questions!
423
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,159
Huh?
424
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,439
So...
425
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,840
SNAPS FINGERS
426
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,680
Oh...
427
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,460
How was it?
428
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,879
Well, I-I mean...
429
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,999
It did the job.
Oh...
430
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,220
Did you do...?
431
00:17:44,221 --> 00:17:49,039
Yeah, aye.
Er, Friday nights.
432
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,440
What about...?
433
00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:55,999
Well, I-I suggested it
but she's got sciatica
434
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,239
so, even with
a pillow underneath,
435
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,300
you
know, it's very awkward.
436
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,920
And did she...?
437
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,960
No.
438
00:18:10,961 --> 00:18:13,999
I've never let anyone do that
except you, Cath.
439
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,800
Oh...
440
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,880
Well...
441
00:18:18,881 --> 00:18:23,559
Looks like we've got a bit of
catching up to do, doesn't it?
442
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,440
Oh...
443
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,140
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
444
00:18:27,241 --> 00:18:32,359
There
you go Michelle, honey.
445
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,039
You enjoy.
446
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,239
Bon appetit.
447
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,759
And there's the Giant Wotsits
there, Christine.
448
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,799
Oh, really?
color="#00ff00">You never tried them?
449
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,519
No.
They're good.
450
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,839
Michelle,
color="#00ff00">she's no' tried Giant Wotsits.
451
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:47,999
All right.
452
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,860
Oh...!
453
00:18:49,861 --> 00:18:53,679
Oh, Colin, that's...
that's this bottle finished.
454
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,159
Er, all right, well, two ticks,
I'll go and get another one.
455
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,879
Actually, no.
I'll go.
456
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,559
Hmm?
Let me go.
457
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,319
Are you sure?
458
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,999
Course I am, honey.
I don't mind.
459
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,239
Anything I can do
to be of service.
460
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,719
Two
ticks, Beth, babes.
461
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,940
CRUNCHING
462
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:15,159
What's this like?
It's just like old times, eh?
463
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,639
It will be when she cracks
openthe vodka
464
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,879
and starts lighting fags
aff the cooker.
465
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,959
I actually think
she seems different.
466
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,559
Do you think so?
Yeah.
467
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,919
I think she's changed.
Aye.
468
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,839
She's no' said "fuck" once.
Alan.
469
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,319
I don't feel as frightened
as I normally do.
470
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,039
And there's that super
tanas well.
471
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,839
Oh, wow, well, there we go,
she's a new woman, eh?
472
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,359
I know it must seem
that I'm rushing into this,
473
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,479
but what you've got
to understand is, me and Cath,
474
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,039
we're soulmates.
475
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:48,759
We've got a very deep
and meaningful connection.
476
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,199
See what I mean?
477
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,720
WINE POURS
478
00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:52,719
There you go, Beth.
479
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,919
Oh!Anything
else I can get you?
480
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,679
Er, no.
I'm OK, thanks.
481
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,999
What was it like in Egypt,
then, Cath?
482
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:05,399
Very similar to Spain,
only you can't go topless.
483
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,479
Nice weather?
484
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,599
Oh, God, yeah.
485
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,959
I spent
so much time outdoors.
486
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,759
Yoga, sailing,
487
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,919
smoking.
And at night it's lovely.
488
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,319
Take a little walk
through the old town.
489
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,999
I mean, they had
that "call to prayer" thing,
490
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,999
but if you put your headphones
on, you could block it out.
491
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:25,999
Did
you go to the pyramids?
492
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,959
CRUNCHES
493
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,519
Unfortunately
not, Alan, but...
494
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:35,039
..I did buy a giant Toblerone
in duty-free.
495
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,119
Anyway,
how have you all been?
496
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,959
What's the news?
497
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,879
Not
much, really, Cathy.
498
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,479
We
got a new printer.
499
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,759
Oh, did you? Good!
500
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:49,040
So you
guys been printing away?
501
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,960
Good.
502
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:57,559
Alan,
you still got the van?
503
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,479
Aye.
504
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:00,919
She's got rid of the
Suzuki,though.
505
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,719
Oh, did you, Michelle?
What have you got now?
506
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,759
Yaris.
507
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,599
A Yaris, right.
Good for you.
508
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,199
I've been very busy
myself,Cath.
509
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,319
Have you, Christine?
Aye.
510
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,559
I've finally had that abscess at the
base of my back seen to.
511
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,439
Oh, that's.
..that's good.
512
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,559
It is.
513
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,399
No more sitting
with my waistband turned down.
514
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,159
And I've booked up
for Guernsey
515
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,999
in
November, haven't I, Beth?
516
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,039
Yes, we got there eventually,
yes.
517
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,839
Have you been there before,
Christine?
518
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:32,959
I have, Cathy.
519
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,439
But never
to the west of the island.
520
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:40,399
That is home
to some world-class dairies.
521
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:44,119
And what about you, Beth?
How's life been for you?
522
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,079
Er, yes.
523
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:50,199
Um, OK. Uh...
Mm-hm.
524
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,599
I'm back at keep-fit.
I can see that.
525
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,079
You're looking
a lot less hunched.
526
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,599
We've, uh, we've rejigged
the garden, haven't we?
527
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,599
Yes. And taken up
some of the old slabs.
528
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,039
Mm.
Good for you, honey.
529
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,079
You're
better than slabs.
530
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,279
And what about
your social life?
531
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,519
Has that been OK?
532
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,679
Well, yes.
533
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,479
Has it?
534
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:17,239
Er... I mean...
maybe a bit quieter.
535
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,759
Has it?
536
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,639
Any reason for that?
537
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,039
Erm...
538
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,119
What's happened?
539
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,879
What's happened that's made
your life so quiet and empty?
540
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,479
SIGHS:
Yes, Cathy,
541
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,719
OK,
we've missed you, but...
542
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,239
Oh, Beth.
.. Don't cry.
543
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,039
Come on. Sh, sh.
544
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,879
It's OK.
Gordon, Gordon,
545
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,559
you come in too.
No, Cathy, I...
546
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:44,839
Yeah,
so there's a man.
547
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,479
There we go. There.
548
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,399
That breaks it up a bit.
Sh, sh, sh.
549
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,679
It's OK. We're OK.
550
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,680
We're OK.
Cathy's come home.
551
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,060
That'll do us.
552
00:23:01,061 --> 00:23:04,599
Do
you know something? I...
553
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,439
I always knew
this day would come.
554
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,279
Oh, really?
Yeah, I did.
555
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,359
Even
in my darkest moments,
556
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:15,559
when I was sitting next door
with Eric and Beth,
557
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,479
I just...
I just knew there'd be a day
558
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,439
where
we'd end up together.
559
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,119
And do you know?
See now it's here, I...
560
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:28,879
..I think we're all
a bit overwhelmed, aren't we?
561
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,079
Listen, what d'you want to do
about this hard hat?
562
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,719
Eh?The hat
and the vestfor whatshisface.
563
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,239
Jackson.
Aye.
564
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,039
Jackson.
Who's Jackson?
565
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,239
Um...
Anne-Marie's son.
566
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,799
Oh, she's got a son!
567
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,559
Just
turned 20, Cath.
568
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:43,559
Circumcised.
569
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,599
CRUNCHES
570
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,159
He's
starting his first job
571
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,879
so Alan brought
a wee bag of stuff
572
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,639
to
give to Anne-Marie.
573
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,519
D'you want to say to her
to see if she's still wants it?
574
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,079
Aye, I-I'll, um.
..yeah, um,
575
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,239
I'll give her a phone,
see what she says.
576
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,519
Sorry?
577
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,999
GULPS:
Well, er...
578
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,959
It's just...
just to sort that out.
579
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,519
I mean, she's got
a few bits and pieces here
580
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,279
I said.
..I said I'd drop off.
581
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,719
I thought you said
you'd finished with her.
582
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,999
No, I have!
I have. It's just, you know,
583
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,520
a few things that...
584
00:24:15,521 --> 00:24:19,839
I mean,I.
..I suppose I could always...
585
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:24,039
Well, maybe...
Maybe Beth could...
586
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,559
...er...or...
587
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,600
maybe I...
588
00:24:27,601 --> 00:24:29,999
I don't need...
Maybe I don't need to bother.
589
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,399
In fact... In fact,
do you know what?
590
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,599
I'll just...
I'll just dump them.
591
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,399
Yeah. Mm-hm. Uh-huh.
592
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,079
And, er, Alan, if you could maybe
take that stuff back,
593
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,479
cos I'm sure Jackson
will be fine.
594
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,159
I'm sure he will.
595
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,759
If he can manage
without a foreskin,
596
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,719
he'll be fine
without a hard hat.
597
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,840
Well,
mm, that's what I'll do.
598
00:24:49,841 --> 00:24:52,119
Ah, well,
599
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:56,279
I might just pop upstairs
to freshen up.
600
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,359
I haven't had a minute
since I got off that plane.
601
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:03,519
Yes, er, we'll not hang
aroundmuch longer.
602
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,580
Is
that all you've brought?
603
00:25:06,581 --> 00:25:07,919
Sorry, Ian?
604
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,479
That wee bag - is that
all you brought back with you?
605
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:12,999
Excuse me?
606
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,679
Aye, right enough, Cath,
you've no' brought much stuff.
607
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,799
Well, this bag actually
holdsquite a lot.
608
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,079
It does, Ian.
609
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,159
It's the one she used to take
to Faro on the tobacco runs.
610
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,559
So you've been living out there
for all this time,
611
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,679
and you're saying
you decided to move back,
612
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,639
and that's all the stuff
you've brought?
613
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:34,319
They are very strict these days
with the baggage allowance.
614
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:35,399
Ah, right.
615
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,879
So what about the rest
of it,then?
616
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,119
Did you just leave it all there
with your ex, did you?
617
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:43,679
No! What...?
618
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,799
In
fact, who is this ex?
619
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,799
I mean, we don't know
anything about him, or...
620
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,680
..
why you broke up with him.
621
00:25:50,681 --> 00:25:53,479
Colin, this...this is
very distressing for me.
622
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,360
Do
you know what I think?
623
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,720
I
think you got dumped.
624
00:25:59,721 --> 00:26:02,319
You
got dumped by him,
625
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,799
so you threw some stuff
into a bag,
626
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,639
jumped on the first flight
you could get,
627
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,159
and then pitched up
on his doorstep
628
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:14,270
because you had
nowhere else to go.
629
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,360
He'd
be good in the DWP.
630
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,839
Colin.
.. That is not true! I...
631
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,359
I
wanted to come home.
632
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,439
I've missed you.
633
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,279
I-
I've missed all of you.
634
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,919
Really?
635
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,599
Yeah, well, not him.
He's a little fucking snake.
636
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,000
Honestly, Col.
637
00:26:40,421 --> 00:26:44,679
I'm
just glad you're back.
638
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,239
SIGHS WITH RELIEF
639
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:50,439
I think we are all are,
aren't we?
640
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,839
If
you're both happy...
641
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,519
Aye.
642
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,999
If you're happy,
then fair enough.
643
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,799
We are.
644
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,320
We're very happy.
645
00:27:03,321 --> 00:27:09,639
Right, listen,
I think we'll just go.
646
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,839
Yeah, I think
we should make a move, too.
647
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,519
Are we going? We've no'
even had a bit of birthday cake
648
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,239
nor nothing.
Ooh! Is there cake?
649
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:18,959
Do you want a bit?
Uh-huh.
650
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,199
Have the whole thing
if you want.
651
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,599
Oh, no, wait.
Let me get it. I'll get it.
652
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,480
I
am the lady of the house.
653
00:27:25,481 --> 00:27:30,479
Well, it was a surprise party,
right enough.
654
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,840
SCOFFS
655
00:27:32,841 --> 00:27:32,839
Well,
the set-up was there.
656
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,319
Poor Anne-Marie.
657
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:38,319
Well, at least I caught her
while she was still in the taxi.
658
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,039
I mean, imagine if I had to dump
herin front of everyone.
659
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,439
Oh, aye, that would've been
terrible for you.
660
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,599
TO THE TUNE OF HAPPY BIRTHDAY:
# Welcome home to me
661
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,719
#
Welcome home to me... #
662
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,439
WHISPERS:
Join in, join in.
663
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:57,599
# Welcome home to me
# Welcome home to...Cathy
664
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:03,070
# Welcome home to me
# Welcome home to you. #
665
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,120
Right!
666
00:28:06,121 --> 00:28:08,319
Let's get this bag
up the stairs.
667
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,439
Colin, do you want to give me
a little hand up the stairs?
668
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:16,199
Hmm?Could you give me a hand.
..up the stairs?
669
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,759
Er, yeah, y-yeah, yep.
Yeah, no,
670
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,999
yep, er, that...
that's not a problem.
671
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,759
Well, listen,
er, good to see you all
672
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,559
and thanks for coming.
As I say, it's...
673
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,279
..
it's certainly been a...
674
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,860
Actually, fuck it.
675
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,820
FOOTSTEPS
DASH UPSTAIRS
676
00:28:34,821 --> 00:28:37,399
DOOR CLOSES
677
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,089
Alan, away through
and get a knife.
678
00:28:40,090 --> 00:28:44,640
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