Original subtitles

[cannon fires]

Man: "Today's arrivals in London

"for the coronation of their majesties

"King George V and Queen Mary

"include the regent of Carpathia,

"his serene highness the grand Duke Charles.

"He will be accompanied by the present king, his son Nicholas VIII,

"and by the Queen Dowager.

"They will be in residence at the Carpathian embassy,

belgrave square, S.W."

[Muttering]

But do you mean to say, Northbrook,

that you know nothing about Carpathia whatever?

Don't even know where the beastly place is, for a start.

How long have you been in the foreign office?

15 years, sir, but I'm in the far eastern department.

Now, that's no excuse.

What would you think if I said that I knew nothing about Siam?

Don't think I'd mind very much.

That sort of remark will get you nowhere, Northbrook.

Not even out of this job?

Certainly not.

Your predecessor has had a riding accident,

and you are now in his saddle,

attached to suite of the grand Duke Charles, regent of Carpathia,

and there's an end of it.

But I made so many jolly little plans for the coronation,

and I don't speak a word of Carpathian.

Oh, that's all right.

Fortunately, they're excessively proud of their English.

Now, look here, Northbrook.

Carpathia...

a mixed german/slav population of 11 1/2 millions,

the most efficient railway service in the Balkans,

and the fourth-largest army in Europe.

So delicately poised is the balance of power at this moment

that the secession of this from...

This...

To...

That would certainly make the aggressor

feel strong enough to start his war.

And I presume that even in the far eastern department

they have some idea of who that aggressor would likely to be.

Kaiser Wilhelm.

Precisely. Kaiser bill.

They should've left the station by now.

You'd better get along to their embassy.

Yes, by Jove, here they are.

There, Northbrook. There is your future charge.

Who's the boy?

The king, for heaven's sake. The regent's son.

Don't you know anything?

Unhappily, the boy's pro-German,

a cousin of the kaiser on his mother's side,

and in 18 months' time, when he comes to power,

we shall have to look out for trouble.

That's the queen dowager beside him...

the boy's grandmother, the regent's mother-in-law.

Quite a formidable old lady.

And there is the regent.

A character, Northbrook.

Definitely a character.

By the way, grand ducal highness, not serene.

And all for formalities...

backing out, all that sort of thing.

He's very touchy about those matters.

In fact, he's a very touchy proposition altogether,

but a very vital one.

He must not by one jot nor one tittle be offended.

And you are the instrument chosen by fate and by me

to see to that happy result.

Tonight, for instance, take him out, entertain him...

the opera, whatever he wishes.

The opera? I say.

I said, Northbrook, whatever he wishes.

Yes, who is it?

Miss Marina, hurry. You'll be late.

What?

All the principals to meet the royal party.

Miss Springfield's lining them up on the stage now.

Oh, gosh! My shoulder thing is busted.

Just keep still.

What party?

It'll be that Carpathian lot

in the royal box, I expect.

Oh, gosh!

You'll be all right, dear, only hurry.

Quickly. Quickly, everyone, into line. He's coming.

Quickly! Quiet, everyone. Into line. He's coming. Who's missing?

Elsie Marina.

She would be. Can't that girl ever make an entrance on time?

They said to tell her, miss Springfield.

Chorus, in 2 groups, and remember, you are to be seen and not heard.

And, principals, you are not to speak

unless you are directly addressed.

Should that happy privilege be yours,

the regent is to be addressed as your grand...

Ducal highness.

May I present miss Maisie Springfield?

But I know miss Springfield well. We are old friends.

Oh, your grand ducal highness.

What a charming character is this, uh, coconut girl.

Oh, I'm so happy to hear your grand ducal highness say so.

It is a character that goes a little deeper than most in musical comedy.

Ah, yes. Yes, indeed. Quite so.

I have been so anxious to find a role

which offered an... an emotional challenge.

Most charming it is.

I began to feel we had lost the gay person

that I knew in Paris.

How gracious of you, sir, to remember.

I look forward to... and this, I take it, is our hero.

I'm most honored to meet your... Grand ducal highness.

I trust lord Percy will manage to extricate himself

from his present impasse.

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed, sir, as you'll see, I hope.

How do you do? Good evening.

Mr. Tim Thorne Lestrange.

Gosh, what do I do?

Just take his hand and curtsy.

What is he, a king or something?

Regent.

What's that?

It's a sort of king's understudy, but he's on all the time.

Regent.

Regent: How do you do?

Man: Good evening, sir.

Miss Betty boot.

Most charming. Delightful.

Such pretty music. Did you think so?

Oh, I did. Yes, sir.

Yes. It, um...

Good play. It goes a little deeper, I think.

Oh, yes, sir. Rather, sir.

Charming disguises.

Mr. Dan Lupino.

Most amusing.

Miss Maggie Cooper.

Most agreeable. Such a strong and original story,

don't you think so?

Oh, yes, sir. We all love it.

It offers an emotional challenge, no?

Oh, yes, sir, like anything.

Miss Murgatroid.

[Speaking native language]

What do I say?

Just how do you do?

What if he says something to me?

You say something back. Come on, get into line.

Mr. Arthur Lucas.

Good evening. Miss Fanny Trehearne.

Ah, how do you do? Most delightful.

Miss Elsie Marina.

And the little American friend of our heroine, huh?

How do you do? Good evening.

How do you do, your regent... oops.

The damage, I trust, can be retrieved?

Oh, yes. I can fix it with a pin.

A pin. Has no one here a pin?

I should be most happy to assist you.

Oh, no, your regency.

Ha ha. Charming. Most delightful.

Well, good night.

Oh, perhaps better not tempt Providence again.

Ha ha ha ha.

Well, good night, ladies and, uh...

Good night.

I'm really... I'm very pleased,

really very pleased.

Oh. So many doors, like an audience with the Japanese emperor.

Yes, indeed.

I'm so sorry I must leave your theater,

but, alas, the foreign secretary awaits me.

Oh, yes, sir. What a shame you couldn't stay

and see our lovely wedding scene.

Dare we hope for another visit from your serene highness?

Himmel, he's not serene.

He has not been serene since he was regent.

All right, he's gone. Come on, get on with it.

[All talking excitedly]

Oh, miss Springfield, I'm terribly sorry for being so late.

That, miss Marina, I'm prepared to forget,

but what I cannot forgive is your disgracing us all

in front of my very dear friend the regent.

See? It could've happened to anyone.

It could happen to anyone.

That's what makes it so funny,

that it always seems to happen to you.

What did you think of him, by the way?

Don't you think he's rather a dream?

A dream, she says.

She knows better.

If those are your wishes, sir,

they will be carried out, of course.

If you please, Mr. Northbrook.

Come in.

Miss Marina, a letter.

What?

I say, by Jove, you look absolutely stunning.

Oh, go away, silly.

Good evening, milord.

Miss Marina.

Miss Marina.

Else.

Have I got too much Rouge on?

Where are you going? Romano's.

No, that's all right. Pink shades.

Aha. Private room?

Certainly not. The idea.

Come on, Betty. Who are they?

Oh, we don't know their names, dear.

Betty. Oh, don't be late, loves.

But they're all right. They're in the lifeguards.

Oh, come on.

Remember, we've got to be in our places tomorrow morning at 7:00.

7:00? Yes, 7:00.

But the procession doesn't start till half past 9:00.

That's what it says in the papers, dear. [Blows]

Whatever is that?

Prop man gave to me for tomorrow.

It's all right. I'll see she gets there on time. Come on, Betty.

Oh, I wouldn't miss the coronation

for the whole brigade of guards.

I say, by Jove, you look absolutely stunning.

Good night, Ivy, dear. Don't wait for us.

Oh, thanks, dear. Good night.

So long, else.

What's that, summons or something?

Hey, listen. Come here.

Listen.

"His grand ducal highness,

"the grand Duke Charles, prince regent of Carpathia,

"requests the pleasure of miss Elsie Marina's company

"at supper this evening, June the 21st, 1911,

"at 12 midnight at Carpathian embassy,

46 Belgrave square."

Let me see. Is it a joke?

"The honorable Peter Northbrook

"will present himself at the Avenue theater at 11:15

to escort miss Marina to the embassy."

You're in, dear.

Oh, gosh, I don't have a thing to wear.

Please, ladies, please.

Time is getting short.

Oh, this won't do.

I think this one's the best, Elsie, dear, honest.

Say, who else is coming to this party besides his majesty?

His majesty?

Yes, that... that... that grand Duke.

Oh, my dear, you've quite startled me.

Look, miss Marina,

I think perhaps before you meet the regent again,

you should learn the correct form of address.

Otherwise, who knows?

There may be a few petites moments d'embarras.

Oh, I just hate that.

Your host tonight is correctly addressed as your grand ducal highness

or sir. Although, as the prince of Hungary,

which he was before he married the late queen of Carpathia,

he is, I suppose, correctly entitled

to the formal appellation of imperial and royal.

Although, at that time, by his own request,

serene highness was continued until he became regent.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's most important that you should, miss Marina.

And I don't even know who you are, much less who he is.

I am his grand ducal highness' personal equerry.

And in my own right,

the deputy head of the far eastern department of the foreign office.

Deputy head of the far eastern department. Imagine.

Imagine.

I still don't know anything. I mean, why, uh...

Royal and imperial? Isn't one enough?

Well, it all goes back to the holy Roman empire.

The grand Duke is a nephew by marriage...

Bulging on the hip?

Of the emperor Franz Josef of Austria.

All right. No wisecracks about Austria, then.

I sincerely hope no wisecracks about anything, miss Trehearne.

In these troubled times, the lightest remark

can have most terrible repercussions.

I can see the history books now...

the war of Elsie's remark.

Say, is it all right over the you-know-what?

Wonderful over the you-know-what.

You can come out now.

Well?

Very nice.

Is that all you can say?

Very nice, indeed.

Oh, miss Marina,

there is one other small point...

in conversation with royalty,

only speak when you are directly addressed.

What did he say?

Wait for the cue before speaking the line, dear.

Good night, Mr. Northbrook.

Good night. I won't wait up.

Are you sure he hasn't gotten me mixed up with Maisie Springfield?

He's a very dear friend of hers,

she keeps telling us.

I'm quite sure of that.

But why me? I just have that little bit in the second act.

Perhaps that was just the little bit he liked.

But why me? I wonder why he wants me.

Hmm. Tough question that, all right.

Don't forget tomorrow morning, dear.

Must leave here sharp at 6:20,

so don't be too late. Good night.

Be good!

Gosh, this is the first time I've ever seen an embassy.

Surely not.

After all, there are 9 embassies in London at the present time.

Anyway, it's the first time I've ever been...

Inside of one.

Gosh.

This is really something, isn't it?

Something.

This hallway and everything.

Yes.

Personally, I find the decorations a little vulgar.

Well, all I can can say is give me vulgarity.

We needn't have hurried so much.

We're the first ones, aren't we?

This way, miss Marina.

Upstairs? What's the idea of having a supper party upstairs?

Well, it's quite an informal party.

But think of all the trouble of bringing the food

all the way up from the kitchen.

I fancy it'll be a cold supper, miss Marina.

Well, they still have to carry it up.

Is his wife going to be here?

No, miss Marina. Her late majesty passed over, as they say,

some 10 years ago.

Oh.

Now, if you should meet the queen dowager...

oh, gosh, another one?

She is addressed as "your majesty" or "ma'am."

Now, the young king, the regent's son...

oh, no.

Well, it's extremely unlikely that you will meet him,

but he is "your majesty" or "sir."

I'm shaking. This is worse than a first night.

Oh, we're still the first ones, aren't we?

Gee, this is all right, too, isn't it?

Is that the dining room in there?

No.

Well, is it in there?

No.

There, then.

No.

Well, where is it?

Hmm.

And incidentally, where is his regency?

His grand ducal highness.

Oh, well, all right. But where is he?

He was called away to an important meeting.

Hey!

Two places.

Pas devant.

What? Not in front of them.

I know, but two places. Shh!

[Doors close]

Please, miss Marina, I beg you, control yourself.

There's no need for panic.

Oh, isn't there? This is a plot, isn't it?

Supper for two. You knew all the time.

Well, I suppose I have to confess I did have an idea

when I received the grand Duke's instructions regarding yourself...

you know, there's a word for what you are,

and it's not deputy head of the far eastern department.

Miss Marina, I implore you not to leap to conclusions.

I don't have to do any leaping to this conclusion.

I just walked straight there, and I'm walking straight out!

But why this panic over a harmless little tete-à-tete supper?

Oh, I know all about these harmless little tete-à-tete suppers.

I've had to fight my way out of quite a few.

"Champagne, and I hope you like caviar

"and something cold to follow,

"because we really don't want the servants around, do we?

"It's so much more fun serving ourselves, don't you think?

"And then after supper, miss Marina, you must be very tired.

Why don't you put your feet up on this nice sofa?"

Oh, no. I know every move.

Aren't you confusing this embassy

with a private room at Romano's?

What's the difference? Except up there,

it's a longer run from the sofa to the door.

And there's no evidence that a Duke can't run

just as fast as the next man.

Oh, please, please, miss Marina.

Pas devant.

Now, don't give me pas devant stuff.

Make any excuse you like, uh...

My aunt's ill or something. Your aunt, miss Marina?

I'm awfully sorry. Really I am, but good-bye.

Oh, please, please, please, miss Marina.

You want to get me and the whole foreign office

in the most terrible trouble?

Since you asked, yes.

I'm sure you don't want to insult the grand Duke.

Why don't you have a little supper with him?

It'll be a very good one.

He's the most charming conversationalist.

After supper, all you have to say is,

"well, sir, it's been a most delightful evening, and I must go home."

Yes, as an exit line, that's swell, but can you guarantee the exit?

I don't think so. This is a Balkan grand Duke, for heaven's sake.

Educated in England.

That's just what I mean. No. Listen, please.

Miss Marina, please.

Look, supposing I do guarantee your exit, as you call it?

Supposing I give you time for supper, and then after supper,

I come in with a message from a hospital,

where your aunt has been taken after an accident?

Well, I don't know.

No, I don't think so at all.

Why, thank you.

How do you do? So good of you to come on such short notice.

Oh, that's all right, your regency.

Your grand ducal.

Oh, that's all right, your grand ducal.

Highness. Grand ducal highness.

Oh, the hell with it.

I must apologize for being late.

The crowds are already gathering in the streets,

and my motor was held up.

That's all right.

Northbrook, I expect you are looking forward to your night's rest.

We have a very full day before us.

We have indeed, sir.

The carriage leaves the embassy for Buckingham Palace

at 9:00. If you're here at 8:20...

Very good, sir. Good night.

Good night, your grand ducal highness.

Were you surprised to get my invitation?

I'll say I was. I was so surprised,

I couldn't hardly think you meant me.

Oh, but of course I meant you.

I had your name most carefully marked down on my program.

In matters of this kind, I assure you, I am most methodical.

Who did you think I meant if not you, huh?

Well, Maisie Springfield.

Oh, no, no, no. Maisie Springfield...

she's far too, what I would call, old hat.

Oh? And am I what you'd call new hat?

Ha ha ha! Excellent, miss, uh... Miss, uh...

You don't have your program handy.

Shh! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Capital. Most amusing.

Marina. Elsie Marina. That's my name.

Of course. How stupid of me.

It's just my stage name, Elsie Marina.

My dad was a marine, see?

My real name is Elsie Stolzenburg.

Indeed.

I decided to change it when I decided to stay in England.

You see, the company I came over with from the states,

um, they got stranded in New York.

In the strand? Really?

♪ let's all go down the strand, have a banana ♪

heh heh heh heh. Most amusing.

You like caviar, I hope.

Oh, yes.

I ordered a cold supper because then we can serve ourselves,

and that's so much more fun, don't you agree?

Oh, yes, much more fun.

That is a charming dress.

Well, it's very old, I'm afraid.

Shh!

You like vodka?

I've never tried it. I don't think I better.

But you must. This is very special.

Well, uh, cheerio.

Cheerio.

Oh, no, no, no. Not to sip like that.

You'll make yourself, as you say, uh, tiddly.

Like this, and then it has no dangerous effect.

No, no. No more, please.

Oh, one more will not hurt a fly.

Maybe, but you know what they say...

drunk as a fly?

Oh, but that is really quite excellent.

I can see you have a witty little tongue, miss Marina.

I have?

Hurt a fly. Drunk as a fly.

I must remember that.

I really shouldn't bother, your grand ducal.

Well, uh, cheerio.

Cheerio.

[Coughs]

What is the matter?

That time I burned my witty little tongue.

Heh heh heh. That is very sad.

I'm really quite delighted you're here, miss Marina. Quite delighted.

I hope you are, too.

Enraptured.

Ah, will you sit here?

[Pop]

Champagne?

Yes.

There. Now we are to ourselves.

Good. Well, now, you will forgive me

if I don't join you for the minute.

I have already had dinner

and have one or two matters of business to attend to.

Turned quite warm all of a sudden, hasn't it?

I wasn't addressed.

Give me the ambassador.

Very well, then wake him.

Ach, ambassador, you were asleep? How sad.

I wish to tell you of my interview with the foreign secretary.

It concerned, of course, my having ordered the arrest of Wolffstein.

Sir, what has disturbed them at the moment,

we have not been able to think up a charge,

which makes it rather awkward.

Yes, it was careless of me, I admit,

but I have been so busy all evening.

What? Yes, yes, my dear fellow, you can speak freely.

There's no one here.

Uncarpathian activities.

Heh heh heh. Yes, that would be most amusing.

But what has chiefly disturbed, sir,

at what is the fact that these stupid Americans have protested.

Some nonsense about political freedom and Democratic rights.

You know what children the Americans are

in matters of this kind.

Their diplomacy always makes me

think of the minotaur legend reversed, you know?

The bull chasing Theseus through the labyrinth. Heh heh heh.

A steam-traction engine in Hampton court maze.

Heh heh heh heh.

Eh? Eh? Ha ha ha ha!

Excellent. "Heh heh heh heh."

What? Oh, no. The British, of course, will be more sensible.

They'll wait until after the trial and then protest.

But, oh, Herr gock,

when will these crazy Americans grow up?

Yes, we will talk tomorrow. Good night.

Well, well, well. And how is everything?

Just dandy.

Ach. I see you have already served yourself.

How remiss of me.

Oh, not at all. I prefer it this way.

Splendid. Well, uh, cheerio.

Mud in your eye.

[Chokes] What a priceless expression.

Wherever did you learn it?

In America.

Oh, really. Have you been there?

I was born there. I am American.

Are you, indeed, miss, uh...

Yes, your grand ducal, that's just what I am.

Excuse me. I have thought of another telephone call I must make.

Oh, it's quite all right. I just adore my own company.

Connect me with the French ambassador.

Heh? Yes, he'll still be at the reception.

Well, I shall try later.

To president Taft.

I said, to president Taft.

[Whispering] President Taft.

So I wasn't addressed.

Who cares?

Bull in the labyrinth.

Who the heck's Theseus, anyway?

Protest. I should darn well think they would protest,

arresting people that way.

Disgraceful. Ah, miss Marina,

won't you have some champagne?

Oh, I don't know, your grand ducal.

You really think I ought?

Well, maybe just a sip.

Maybe just up to...

Whoa! Ha ha ha!

I beg your pardon. You said something?

Oh, no. Just playing a little game over here all by myself.

Good. Uh, cheerio.

Down the hatch.

Ha ha ha.

Why was I not informed of Wolffstein's arrest, father?

Why was I left to learn it

from the London evening standard?

There was no need to inform you.

No need to inform the king?!

Ah. May I present miss Elsie Marina?

Good evening. It's delightful to meet you.

Won't you sit down?

By whose orders was Wolffstein arrested?

By mine, of course.

He must be released immediately.

Yes. You may be a real king very soon, Nicky,

but for the moment, I'm still the ruler of Carpathia

and of yourself.

Go to your room.

Go to your room at once.

Good night, miss Marina.

It has been a great pleasure.

Good night, your highness... majesty.

Colonel Hoffman.

Hoffman.

Go to the king's bedroom,

see if he's there, and lock him in.

Also, most important,

put no telephone calls through to him, inward or outward,

until further notice.

Understood, your grand ducal highness.

Will you hold a moment, sir, please?

Queen dowager: We're just going up to say good night to the regent.

Her majesty has just come in, sir,

and is declaring her intention of saying good night

to your grand ducal highness.

I see. Very well.

The queen dowager has returned

from St. James palace earlier than expected

and is coming up in a moment.

Huh. The queen dowag... the queen dowager? That's your mother?

My mother-in-law.

Oh, that's worse.

You... you... you... you'll want me to hide, won't you?

[Chuckling]

Um, where? Uh, in there?

Do you have a closet or something?

My dear.

I can see you have a very strong sense of the dramatic.

No, no, no. Just sit there and calm yourself.

Now, before you meet my mother-in-law,

I must warn you, she is a little vague

and can be very deaf, on occasions.

My dear,

such boredom.

The decoration's hideous,

and the music... catastrophe.

Our friend, the ex-king of Moravia, drove me home.

He is now called the Duke of Strelitz.

He cannot, of course, go to the Abbey tomorrow,

but he is most anxious that you should invite him to the room

you have taken in the Ritz for Nicky.

Maud? Yes, ma'am?

Oh, there you are, my dear. I did not see you.

Give me a glass of that champagne that I see over there.

Might I present miss Elsie Marina?

Oh, yes, my dear. Of course.

I remember you well.

Oh, I'm quite sure you don't, your royal...

oh, I mean, your, uh... Imperial... your... Uh, serene majesty?

What does she say?

She says she is deeply flattered

and compliments you on your wonderful memory.

Thank you, my dear.

Sweetly pretty.

She should use more mascara.

When one is young, one should use a lot of mascara,

and when one is old,

one should use much more.

And what do you do, my dear?

I-I'm in the coconut girl at the Avenue.

Ja?

She says she's an actress.

An actress? That is very interesting.

Um, madame Sarah Bernhardt has acted for us, you know.

Personally, I do not find her so good in Magda as mademoiselle Duse.

You agree, no?

No?

You do not agree?

That is very interesting.

You know Lucien Quitry, too?

No, ma'am.

Only madame Bernhardt.

Well, you are quite right to be loyal to your friends, my dear.

Loyalty is a quality that we do not see enough nowadays.

Tres bien. Well, I must go to bed.

Which uniform are you wearing tomorrow?

The morning royal guards, my dear.

Ah, now let me see what color.

Oh, that's all right. We won't clash.

Good night, my dear.

Maud? Where is that idiot? Yes, ma'am?

Tell my aides I am ready to go to bed.

Maud, you look very pinched.

What is the matter with you?

I fear I have a slight cold, ma'am.

Oh, you poor thing. I am so very, very sorry.

I must make you one of my syrups.

So kind of you, ma'am.

Idiotic creature... always catching cold. I really can't think how.

As far as I know, her life is quite blameless.

Anyway, with a face like that...

good night, my dear. You are so delightful.

Good night, ma'am.

And just a touch more on the cheeks, too, I think.

Yes, ma'am.

And don't make mischief between me and madame Bernhardt now,

or I shall be cross.

Oh, a little vague?

Say, doesn't she mind about you and me?

Mind?

Well, isn't she your wife's mother?

No, my dear.

My wife and I were married because she needed to reinforce

her trade agreement with Hungary.

I accepted her because the emperor told me to.

For 10 years, we were utterly and completely devoted to each other

with never an unkind word on either side.

How could there be any question

of anyone minding anything in such circumstances?

Ooh, I find your life shocking.

Why?

Well, there's no... Love in it.

Nothing?

Oh, yes, Maisie Springfields by the dozens,

but I mean, oh, real love.

[Telephone rings]

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, no, not again.

Yes?

Riots? My dear fellow, there is no need to panic.

The new chief of police is a good man, and I trust him.

Heh? No!

Well, my dear...

Well?

My dear, wouldn't you be more comfortable on the sofa?

You could put your feet up there and rest.

Oh, no, thank you.

I think I'll stay right where I am.

Just as you please.

[Chuckling]

My dear, it was so good of you

to come and see me here tonight.

You said that before.

Did I?

That is a beautiful dress.

You said that before, too.

Heh heh heh. What does it matter?

What are words,

where deeds can say so much more?

[Laughing] That's just terrible, my...

what is terrible?

That performance of yours.

Dear, I do not altogether understand you, miss Marina.

Ohh. Now, don't pull "grand Duke" with me.

You made a pass, and I turned it down.

That's all that happened.

We can still be friendly.

Excuse me.

Say, listen, I could use a short one.

I need it for my heart. It's kind of beating down here.

I'm so sorry.

It's all right. It's not your fault.

In fact, if I'd known this was all that was going to happen,

I wouldn't even have been nervous.

Long life to your grand highness.

Cheerio.

Better luck next time, only not with me, of course.

Say, listen, there is something to this stuff.

Are you sure there's no effect

when you drink it that way?

After 3 of them, you might experience a certain euphoria.

I think you have had enough.

I think so, too.

I don't know why I was so nervous tonight.

I thought I was gonna have a real struggle with myself.

I thought...

Well, of course, I would have won it. I always do.

But I thought this time...

he's a Hungarian prince

and a grand ducal...

Well, with fire and passion and...

I thought if... Anybody knows about this love stuff,

this guy will.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Suppresses a laugh]

I even thought...

I even thought that you'd have...

Gypsy violins playing somewhere outside, and that...

The lights would be dimmed low and...

There'd be strange, seductive perfume everywhere in the air.

Well, put it all together, I thought,

"mmm, sister, you better watch your step.

You just better watch out."

Oh, well.

Do they all fall as easily as that,

those Maisie Springfields and all those others?

Before your insults grow too great to be borne, miss Marina,

I'm ringing for your motor.

Oh, no, don't do that.

I mean, I don't want you to get your car out again.

I live way out in Brixton.

I could just walk.

You will go in the motor!

Ok, if you insist.

I'll just get my wrap.

Ohh!

Sorry.

Pretty good, huh?

Why am I deserted?!

Why is there no one to answer the bell?!

Major Domo!

With respect,

your grand ducal highness yourself

gave orders that the attendants

were to be moved from the door...

see that a motor is here, and tell the a.D.C. On duty

he is to escort miss Marina to a place called Brixton.

As your grand ducal highness commands.

Major Domo!

Why was this room not perfumed?

Perfumed, your grand ducal highness?

And why were the lights not turned down

to give a romantic and mysterious effect?

With respect, your grand ducal highness gave no such command.

Himmel! Am I to think of everything?

Have I not enough on my mind?

What are you doing?

You would lock the stable door after the horse has bolted?

If it is your grand ducal highness' wish that the stable door be locked,

I will instantly instruct the head coachman...

dummkopf! Do you not know the English idiomatic phrase

that it is foolish to lock the stable door after the horse has...

Hey? But has it?

Give that to me.

Wait.

One of my personal servants plays the violin.

Which is that?

I think it is Franz, your grand ducal highness.

And does he play it well?

I am tone deaf, your grand ducal highness...

where is he now? In bed, sir.

Well, fetch him out of it, and tell him I may need him

to play his confounded fiddle outside this door.

But don't let him begin until I ring.

Wait!

[Humming]

Oh, hasn't the car gotten here yet?

Ah, the little bird...

So anxious to return to her nest.

Well, this is my exit, I guess.

Please, this is not quite yet good-bye.

Give me just one minute to tell you

how deeply distressed I feel at what has happened between us.

Listen, I'm the one who should be sorry.

Oh, please, please, let me try to explain a little about something

that is in my mind at the moment.

Won't you sit down just for a second, huh?

Well, I don't want to keep those drivers up.

Oh, that is all right. They're used to waiting.

It is simply this, my dear.

I have realized that all that you have said about my life is true.

It is quite without love.

I'm... I'm growing into middle age.

Oh, no.

Almost into middle age.

Hey, I didn't ask for that.

Yes. Here am I having reached the age of 40,

and I have never known what it is to love or be loved.

It is like the legend of the sleeping Princess,

only here it is the prince who sleeps

and awaits the kiss of the beautiful young maiden

that will bring him back to life.

You mean you want me to kiss you.

You are so literal.

It is love that I need,

the ennobling love of a pure young woman,

her bright faith in me as I am

and as I might yet be,

her glowing self-sacrifice to my little weaknesses and desires...

for love is sacrifice, is it not?

[Rings bell]

Yes. And where is the mystic kiss

which might bring this sleeping prince to life?

I got you.

Do you know what your hair reminds me of?

[Violin playing]

Summer corn, kissed by the wind

into enchantingly exciting furrow...

Your eyes...

Hey!

Hmm?

Where is that music coming from?

Music? Oh. One of my servants, a Hungarian,

always plays at this hour.

He's lamenting his lost love.

Ohh.

Poor boy.

Isn't life awful?

Go back to my eyes.

Twin pools of gladness and joy

in which any man would be happy to drown himself.

In both of them?

[Laughing] In either.

Oh, I like that. Twin pools.

Go on.

Ah, your chin...

Oh, you skipped my nose because you noticed the bump on the end.

Oh, no, no, no.

I left it out because there is nothing to say of perfection.

Oh, that's nice.

Back to my chin.

This is what I think of your chin.

My darling.

Oh, my darling.

[Violin continues playing]

Oh, that poor Hungarian!

I do hope he gets his love back.

Well, don't think of his love.

Think of ours, my darling, you know?

Think of our love and the beauty of our meeting here.

Ooh, you have pretty hair.

Ah, you think so, huh?

You like my hair?

You use the wrong stuff on it, though.

What do you use?

A little pomade, dear, but...

that's where you're wrong. You should use, um...

oh, what's the name of that stuff?

What's the name of it?

Oh, I know! Uh, pinaud's lilac.

Huh? Ah.

So remember what I was asking you, my darling...

to remember our love.

Oh, you have pretty eyebrows.

"Love"... what a universe of joy and pain

lies in that little word.

Your grand ducal highness!

This is intolerable!

My deepest respects, sir. My message is so important,

I had no choice but to intrude.

Revolution?! No, sir.

Miss Marina's aunt has been in a motor accident.

The hospital is calling for her most urgently.

What?

Oh, go away, you silly lad.

[Giggling]

But, miss Marina, your aunt.

Do you realize how serious her condition is?

Well, it's her own fault. She has no right out this time of night.

She's 93.

Miss Marina...

miss Marina asked you to go away,

and I command you to go away.

I am most horribly displeased

at this breach of etiquette, Mr. Northbrook,

and shall no doubt find opportunity

of expressing my displeasure in certain quarters.

Your grand ducal highness... go!

[Giggling]

My dear...

Ooh.

I got a solemn word of warning for you.

What is that, my beloved?

You know what's going to happen?

I'm gonna fall in love with you,

'cause I always, always do.

Always?

Hmm. Both times.

So, you better watch out.

You better watch out.

Oh! What pretty cherubs on the ceiling!

Good night, my darling.

Good night.

See you in the morning.

Major Domo!

[Violin continues playing]

Stop that infernal din!

How do you expect a man to get any sleep?

[Bell rings]

Good morning, sir.

[Whispering urgently]

Good gracious.

Ah, good morning, Mr. Northbrook.

Good morning, sir.

Uh, my father has sent for me. You think I should go in?

I think, sir, perhaps you'd better not.

I understand from the major Domo

that his valets are with him.

They're having a little trouble with his shaving.

Promising weather for the coronation, don't you think so, sir?

Pity you can't go into the Abbey,

but, of course, protocol forbids it.

I understand you're watching the procession from a window in the Ritz hotel.

You should have an exceptionally good view.

Who is accompanying your majesty?

The Duke of Strelitz... And, of course, my jailer.

Your jailer, sir?

Colonel Hoffman.

Charles: Is that you, Nicky?

Yes, father.

Good morning, Nicky.

I've been thinking things over, and it seems to me better

you do not have Strelitz with you this morning.

But, father, I do not want to be alone with Hoffman.

I know.

Strelitz is my cousin, and I have not seen him

since his... since his abdication.

Yeah, I know, dear boy, you are very fond of him, but I really think...

dummkopf! Am I to go to the coronation looking like a sliced tomato?!

[Knock on door]

Aye?

[Speaking Hungarian]

Nicky, when in England, we speak only English.

[Shouting in Hungarian]

In any case, Nicky, I believe you are merely sulking

because of Wolffstein's arrest.

That issue is far too important for me as sulking, father.

Will you please tell me

what has happened in my country since last night?

The riots are still continuing,

and that they appear to be well organized,

I have had no option but to order certain further arrests.

Further arrests?

Yes. I have the list here, I think.

Yes, here it is.

No friends of yours there, I hope.

I am not allowed to have politicians for friends, father.

You know that.

Thank you so much, Mr. Northbrook.

Oh, I wonder who it is I have left off this list.

There was some name he was looking for

and relieved to find not there.

Shh.

[Speaking Hungarian]

Northbrook!

Sir?

Do I see what I saw?

I fear so, sir. Yes.

But why has she not been got rid of, huh?

I understand, sir, her sleep was unduly heavy

and resistant to prodding and shaking...

she cannot be seen here at this hour of the morning.

She will make a scandal.

Suppose the queen is in that room

and she comes out again looking like that, huh?

I'm sure, sir, her sense of comme il faut...

she has as much sense of comme il faut as a rhinoceros.

Do I gather, sir,

that the evening was not an entirely happy one?

Northbrook, this British understatement of yours

I begin to find irritating.

The evening was an unqualified nightmare.

Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

I have only one evening in London,

one single evening

in which to arrange for myself a little relaxation,

and what happens?

Out of the whole of this vast, teeming city,

teeming with beautiful, intelligent women,

you find me what? A little American ninnycompoop.

With respect, sir, either "ninny" by itself or "nincompoop."

"Ninnycompoop" will serve.

She fully deserves a new word.

The mind of a backward child,

the muscles of a boxer,

and an approach to life

of such stomach-turning sentimentality

that I found myself, Northbrook,

I found myself last night uttering phrases

which had any single one of them been overheard

would have made me the laughingstock of Europe.

And to crown it all,

she is rendered insensible by an amount of vodka

which in Carpathia

you would add to the morning milk of a 4-year-old child

as a mild tonic!

And, gott, how maddening

to think how overjoyed Lucy sunningdale would have been

if I had asked her to have a little supper with me here last night.

I'd like to remind your grand ducal highness

I think I heard you remark

that you found lady Sunningdale... Old hat.

I have no doubt at all that I did.

Nevertheless, my dear Northbrook,

there is an old Russian saying...

"better an old hat than a bare head."

And telephone to lady Sunningdale

and ask her to join me here tonight for supper.

But, sir, the coronation ball...

I shall make a token appearance and leave in good time,

say about 12:30.

But, sir, tonight, coronation night,

she may well have an engagement.

She will break it.

Elsie: Good morning.

That's his room in there, isn't it?

Yes, but, miss Marina...

but I've just got to say good morning.

Charles: Who is that?

Guess who.

Oh, gott!

Good morning, my dear.

Oh, good morning.

How are you?

Oh, you poor darling, you've cut yourself.

It is nothing.

Oh, but you still look lovely to me.

What's the matter?

Uh, someone might come in.

Oh, this is Times Square.

I found that out last night.

But who cares?

But this is the morning.

It's different, you know?

What's different about it?

Unless maybe it's you.

No, I assure you, my dear,

I'm exactly the same person.

You're not acting exactly the same way.

But this is the morning.

You keep saying that.

I remember last night, the way you kept repeating yourself.

Tell me, my darling grand Duke,

is it only very late at night

that you're such a lonely person,

you feel the need to share your life with a pure young woman,

no, no, please. Whose bright face...

Ennobling love...

there are certain phrases

should never be quoted out of context.

I don't know what that means.

Oh, yes I do.

It means it's the morning.

Doesn't it?

Anyway, to me, it's still dream time.

This coronation day, 1911,

I woke up to find myself madly in love with you.

But madly.

So there.

My dear, I'm overwhelmed, of course, but, alas, I feel it my duty...

oh, don't make another long speech,

although some of them last night

made more sense than you know.

You know, you do need more love in your life.

I never met anyone who needed it more.

So now you've got it,

good luck to you.

Cheerio.

Is that all you're going to say?

Oh, my dear, of course I'm overwhelmed,

but, alas, we have so little time together.

I must leave tomorrow for Carpathia.

Tomorrow?

Mmm.

Oh, well. As soon as the show's over,

I'll rush right over.

That's a promise.

Splendid.

Anyway, we still have today, haven't we?

Well, now, you see, my dear miss Marina...

miss Marina?

But it was "beloved" last night.

Ah. Well, alas, beloved...

oh, don't go on saying alas in that phony way.

Oops. Here we go. Times Square.

We have precisely 7 minutes.

Oh, gott, I must get ready.

And so, alas...

I mean I'm afraid we must say our little adieus.

Ok, honey. You go get into your costume,

and don't forget, I'm going to be sitting right outside of the Avenue theater.

That's where you came last night.

That's just opposite the new admiralty arch,

so don't forget to wave to me, will you?

I will remember.

Oh, say, could you get me an old raincoat somewhere?

Raincoat?

Yes, I can't very well go down the street this way.

I see your point, miss Marina.

I'll try and find you an old mackintosh,

but such things are not so easy to come by in belgrave square.

[Music plays]

[Horn honks]

But she can't have stayed here all night.

Well, where did she stay, then?

I don't know.

Look! Isn't that her at the window?

Elsie! Elsie! Elsie!

Elsie! Elsie! Elsie!

[Women yelling]

She's gone!

Oh, she didn't see us.

Shall we wait, or what?

Oh, we must make her see us.

Oh, it's you.

Oh, I mean it's your, uh...

Let's see. What are... oh, your majesty.

Good morning, miss Marina.

That was a charming dance.

Oh, it's nothing. It's just a little routine I have to practice.

I'm an understudy, you know.

Oh, really? Most interesting.

I wonder, miss Marina...

If I might ask you to do a small favor for me, eh?

Will you ring up a certain telephone number... this one?

Oh, what could be easier?

Thank you so much.

Gerard 2-4-5, please.

Not so loud, please.

When you get the number, ask for the ambassador.

Hello. Um...

[Softer] Hello.

Is the ambassador there?

Oh, no. It's not for me.

It's for the king of Carpathia.

You shouldn't have said that.

There are spies everywhere!

Oh, there are?

Excellence...

[Speaking German]

[Bugle blows]

Elsie! Elsie! Elsie!

Elsie! Elsie! [Toot]

[Nicolas speaking German] [Women shouting]

Auf wiedersehen.

Thank you so much, miss Marina.

That was most kind.

Think nothing of it, your majesty.

You are going to the coronation?

Oh, I'll say.

You must come to mine.

Really? When is that?

16, 18 months.

Not sooner than that?

Sooner, miss Marina?

Yes.

I speak German.

I was born in Milwaukee.

You're going to turn your father out on August 15

and make yourself a real king.

The Bulgarian army's going down to help you.

It is most unfortunate that you should have heard that.

It might prove exceedingly dangerous for you.

Dangerous? Oh, don't give me that.

I'm an American citizen.

Nobody can do anything to me.

Besides, who cares about your old Balkan revolutions?

You have them all the time, anyway.

You... ahem...

You are going to tell father, of course.

Depends if I get the chance.

[Bugle blows] Miss Marina, I beg of you...

oh, excuse me.

[Women shouting]

Hello, Fanny! Hiya, girls!

You all right?

Of course I'm all right. What, are you worried about me?

Worried? I didn't sleep a wink last night,

so this morning I went to collect a rescue squad.

Oh, I don't need any rescuing.

I'm having a lovely time.

Elsie, you're a wicked girl.

Oh, no, I'm not. Not yet.

Well, come down at once.

We're terribly late as it is.

Ok, you run ahead.

I have to say my one last good-bye to my regent.

Fanny: What's he like, Elsie?

Elsie: He's the cutest grand Duke in the world.

Is he nice?

No, not really, just kind of cute.

Like the ones on the stage?

He's not like that at all.

He hasn't any sense of humor and not a bit of charm.

What? What? What?

Well, why do you find him so cute, then?

I don't know. I just do.

In fact, I love him so much, I could eat him,

just chew him up.

[Women giggle]

Don't let anybody get my seat. Run along, now.

Women: Bye, Elsie.

But I have a very good sense of humor!

Oh! Oh, of course you have,

but it's kind of a Balkan one,

just as good as ours, but different.

And, well, you shouldn't listen to private conversations.

Nicky, what are you doing standing about?

You should be on your way.

Yes, father.

Here.

What's this?

A small parting gift.

I was going to present it to you with a few appropriate words,

but now you have driven them clean out of my head.

Oh, it's beautiful.

With your crest and everything.

It is nothing.

I don't want to say anything,

but I'll bet there are quite a few of these things

being worn around Europe these days, huh?

Oh, not Maisie Springfield.

Oh, well, I can't complain.

After all, she really earned hers, didn't she?

Pin it on for me, please.

This is where I wake up, I guess, isn't it?

I fear so, my dear.

Yes, uh, ok, well...

Guess that's my cue.

Good-bye.

It has been wonderful knowing you.

If only it could have lasted longer.

[Giggling]

What's the matter? I've said something wrong?

No, you spoke your line beautifully.

It's your medals. They're tickling me.

Why do you always say such things?!

You seem to enjoy disconcerting me.

That is one thing I cannot bear, to be disconcerted.

See that her majesty is ready. We leave in 2 minutes.

Her majesty is ready.

And the motor to take the king to the Ritz?

He has already left.

Miss Marina... [Clicks heels]

[Door slams]

This is all I can find, I'm afraid.

Belongs to the housekeeper.

Oh, it'll do just fine, thanks.

Oh, dear.

Life is rather sad sometimes, isn't it?

Sometimes.

I'm so late now,

I'll never get there on time.

Oh, gosh!

Who was that? Mr. Northbrook, who was that creature?

Was it an anarchist?

No, ma'am.

Then who was it?

A young lady, ma'am, called miss Elsie Marina.

Ah.

Fetch her to me.

Miss Marina.

Her majesty wishes to speak to you.

Miss Marina.

Good morning, my dear.

So delightful to see you again.

Why are you dressed up as a revolutionary?

Is this a new game?

If it is, you should have let me know.

I love games.

Elsie: No, ma'am. It's not a game.

Well, take that thing off.

It looks most unbecoming.

Queen dowager: Come here, my dear.

I am going to have a cigarette.

So soothing before a long ordeal.

Will you join me?

No, thank you.

Well, please sit down.

Oh, ma'am is probably wondering

why I'm still dressed the way I was last night.

You see, I had a stupid accident with my latchkey.

What does she say?

Said she had an accident with her latchkey, ma'am.

And what is a latchkey? Well, ma'am, it's...

oh, it does not matter.

I'm sure it is something very dull.

Such irritating news, Mr. Northbrook, this morning.

Maud Wollenzu meisen-braun,

my chief lady-in-waiting,

claims she cannot leave her bed.

So I have no option but to take the baroness brunnheim to the Abbey.

It is not, of course, her fault,

but I feel we shall be very squashed in the carriage.

[Speaking French]

Excuse me, ma'am.

I didn't quite catch that.

I don't think miss Marina speaks French, ma'am.

Doesn't speak French? How ridiculous.

She lives with Sarah Bernhardt in Paris.

[Speaking French]

Oui.

You see?

[Speaking French]

Oui.

Bien.

[Speaking French]

Most intelligent. Reading la Roche-Foucauld.

Yes, indeed, ma'am.

I think perhaps I'd better warn the regent

that we shall be leaving soon if your majesty will excuse me.

Mmm. Is that that evening dress you were wearing?

Oh, yes, ma'am. You see, I was trying to explain...

ohh...

Lottie, my jewelry box.

Just turn around, my dear, will you?

And lower yourself.

Yes, that is very possible.

I think we need something else.

But, ma'am...

just turn around again, my dear, will you?

And lower yourself again.

Good.

Oh, what's happening?

Is this a game?

Did you say something, my dear?

Ask ma'am if this is a game!

She wants to know, is this a game, ma'am?

Uh, Lottie, my dear, put your cape on her, would you?

Oh, what's happening? Please tell me.

Better and better.

Lottie, my dear, would you be very disappointed...

ho ho. On the contrary, ma'am,

as you know, it is my little trouble.

I always have been a little nervous of long ceremonies.

Good. That is settled, then.

Lend her your gloves and arrange her veil on her.

Oh, what's happening? Please tell me.

I am appointing you my lady-in-waiting for the day, my dear,

and taking you to the Abbey.

Oh, ma'am, you can't.

I mean, what if someone would recognize me?

I'd be arrested.

Arrest my lady-in-waiting?

My dear child, such an absurdity.

But where will I sit, and what will I do?

You just do what is obvious

and sit where Mr. Northbrook tells you.

You still look rather bare.

I know. You need an order.

Lottie, go and fetch the ambassador, will you?

My dear...

Hello.

My dear, such fun, how you will laugh.

We are taking miss Marina to the Abbey.

Oh? Are we?

But I need an order for her, my dear.

Ah, dear ambassador,

fetch me that nice mauve order,

the one the regent gave

to the foreign secretary the other day.

My dear mother-in-law...

what is it you are wearing, Lottie?

The purple pillow...

no. The mauve one is much more fetching.

So slim and pretty,

we will now be most comfortable in the carriage.

Hand it to the regent.

You realize, I suppose,

that this order is only given

for a very special personal service

to the head of the state?

Such hairsplitting.

No doubt she will do you one one day.

Take your cape off.

Kneel down.

I hereby invest you with the royal Carpathian order

of perseverance.

Second-class.

Queen dowager: Come, my dears.

And I hereby return you this.

After all, we're not parting quite yet,

are we, my darling grand Duke?

[Crowd cheering]

[Band plays]

Oh, it's a shame.

She's gonna hate us. Oh, do be quiet.

Yes, fair Lily, we can't spoil a lovely day like this

worrying about that wretched girl.

I'm sure miss America has missed the boat.

Nyah, nyah, nyah.

Oh, shut up. Oh, cheer up, Fanny.

It's her own silly fault.

Well, it's a shame.

Oh, well. What could we do?

[Cheering]

Oh! Isn't this wonderful?

Most impressive.

And the soldiers facing the procession, too.

Such a change from the last coronation I attended, the bessarabias.

Revolver shots going off like kettle drums

and the sky black with infernal machines.

Happily, no fatalities,

except in the crowd,

but it all left a very bad impression.

[Gasp]

This must be his grand Duke who lives now.

This is your moment, Maisie, dear.

She won't get over this. It's a shame.

It's her. I promise you, it's her.

It's Elsie!

It's Elsie!

[Bugle blowing]

[Women screaming]

Ha ha ha ha!

Miss Springfield, miss Springfield,

it's Elsie Marina, miss Springfield,

with the regent of Carpathia. Mmm!

Such a thing could not happen.

[Horn blowing]

[Organ plays]

[Fanfare plays]

[Singing hymn]

[Female soloist sings]

[Choir sings]

[cannon fires]

[Bells peal]

Say, you haven't seen an old raincoat around, have you?

Ok, forget it.

Oh.

Gosh.

Another one.

Hi there!

Good afternoon, miss Marina.

Oh, don't look so anxious.

I don't tell tales.

Oh. Oh, that is good of you.

I'm so very grateful.

Still, that doesn't mean that I don't think

you're a very naughty boy.

Indeed?

To me and many of my countrymen,

it is my father who is the naughty boy.

Yes, but you're only 16,

whereas he's...

well, he says 40,

but I'd make a rough guess at, um...

45?

Shouldn't you wait till you're grown up?

Miss Marina...

I can see that you are very kind

and a good person,

but in matters of this nature...

Nicolas...

I wish to speak with you.

No, do not go, miss Marina.

This concerns you, too.

The telephone operator has reported to Hoffman

that you've talked with the German ambassador this morning.

That is true?

Yes.

After miss Marina had obtained you the number.

She did not know what the number was.

You passed a message, didn't you?

Your operator will tell you...

she doesn't speak German.

I know. I found that out.

Will you tell me the message, Nicky?

Isn't it nice that it was such a fine day for the coronation?

You'll go to your room.

Colonel Hoffman will visit you there later.

And, of course, there's no question

of your going to the ball tonight.

I prefer not to keep company with traitors.

Miss Marina...

I say this with sincerity.

It has been a real pleasure.

What am I to do with such a boy?

If you were asking me that question seriously,

oh, would I give you an answer, but since you're not...

but I am asking you, although, Herr Gott,

I know what the answer is going to be.

Something about his not having enough love in his life, I suppose.

Not such a bad guess.

[Speaking German]

Such sentimental idiocy.

Why do you always swear in German?

Because the Germans have the best oaths...

And the best machine guns.

Yes, I suppose...

Cross thunder weather yet again

wouldn't sound nearly so fierce, would it?

Oh, well.

I guess there's nothing left for me to do

but to take off all of my finery

and slip quietly out of your life forever.

What?

I said, I guess there's nothing left...

no, no, no. Before that.

You translated. Do you speak German?

Sure.

Then you heard his message.

Oh, yes, but I'm not going to tell you what it was,

so don't excite yourself too much.

Ooh, don't you look cute when you're fierce.

Miss Marina...

You are in possession of some very dangerous information, and I must...

now, don't put the screws on me, darling.

Oh, my dear, dear child, if only you could...

oh, you can't wheedle me either.

[Shouting in German]

Well done. That's the best yet.

[Giggling]

My darling, don't swear anymore.

You're gonna run out of oaths.

I'm not going to tell you, and that's that,

but I will tell you I think the treatment of your son just now

was plain bad policy.

Good policy, I suppose,

would be to kiss the little schweinhund on both cheeks

and say, let bygones be bygones.

Dear child, come to the ball.

The words right out of my mouth.

Now, who is Nicky more likely to tell his plot to,

that nasty old colonel Hoffman

giving him the dickens in his room

or his dream prince of a beautiful father

taking him to the ball?

Do not call me by these names.

It is grotesque.

Oh, darling,

I may call you by other names one day,

but for now, you'll have to forgive

the language of love.

I'm ready for my good-bye kiss.

Is that all I get?

The way I'm feeling at the moment,

it is considered a bit too much.

Tell the king to come and see me.

Hey, what about my parting present?

No. Pin it on, please.

Now...

Say to me what you said to me this morning.

If I do, you will only laugh at me again

and say my epaulets are scratching you or something,

and I shall be disconcerted again.

Take the risk.

It has been wonderful knowing you.

If only it could have lasted longer.

Thank you, my darling.

His majesty.

Nicky...

Sit down, Nicky.

This German embassy affair

has made me most unhappy.

I have always known that you and I

did not see eye-to-eye on policy,

but that my own son should conspire against me

has been a most bitter shock.

Ah, Nicky, Nicky, I wonder if you realize

how easy it is to break a father's heart.

If you mean your heart, father, I don't.

Perhaps that is because I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, Nicky.

Some people prefer to keep their feelings bottled up, you know,

and I... maybe I am at fault...

[plucks strings]

Anyway, Nicky, I don't want to say any more about it.

I have decided to let bygones be bygones,

and after all, in spite of everything,

you may come to the ball.

Thank you, father, but I don't think I want to.

I think I would rather go to bed.

Oh, but, sir, you must go to the ball.

It's going to be the most beautiful ball ever...

fabulous uniforms, beautiful decorations...

no. I would've liked to have gone,

but grandmother says she's not going because she's tired,

and I won't know anyone.

And I won't have anyone to dance with.

Invite someone to dance with.

Invite someone? Yes, of course.

I can easily arrange these things.

You mean anyone? Yes, anyone!

Miss Marina, will you accompany me

to the coronation ball tonight?

Oh, I shall be very happy to obey your majesty's command.

That is good!

Then I shall come in person

to collect you at your theater at 11:00?

Oh, that would be nice.

Say, uh, do you think your grandmother would mind if...

No, she won't mind. I'll bring them for you.

She'll just say, "such fun."

And I'll borrow one of her tiaras for you, too.

Well, if they can see me leave the theater in a tiara,

they can darn well see me arrive in an evening gown.

I think I shall find you another order.

The one you are wearing is not first-class.

Oh. No? Well, mind, I wasn't going to say anything,

but, um, if you really think...

See you at the ball.

[Orchestra playing lively dance music]

Dear Lucy.

You don't know how many engagements

I've broken for your sake tonight...

some that I wouldn't have broken

for any other man in the world.

So kind.

You will come, then, to the embassy at about 12:30?

I have arranged a little supper.

At your command, I would come to the end of the earth.

Belgrave square is fortunately not so far.

Ah, and here is your escort, my dear.

If your grand ducal highness will permit.

Not at all. I envy you, old boy.

Well? I'm afraid I can't find them.

Northbrook, you should not let them

out of your sight for a moment.

With such a girl like that, anything can happen.

Anything.

You search that way, I will search this way.

"...for the settled peace of the kingdom.

Signed, Nicolas viii."

Uh, just "Nicolas."

Ok, Nicky.

Well, it seems reasonable enough to me.

If only your father were a reasonable man.

Excuse me, please.

Oh, pardon me.

Really.

Anyway, I promise to do everything I can.

Anyway, it's gonna be wonderful to have a dance with him.

Ahem. Oh!

Hello there! We've been looking all over for you.

Indeed? And I have been looking for you.

Well, can you beat that?

Father, I feel sure that you should like

to have a dance with miss Marina.

I should be charmed.

[Playing intro to waltz]

Ah, Northbrook.

Would you care for a little refreshment?

Thank you so much.

What a sweet boy he is.

My son?

Far too grown up.

I guess that's just due to, uh...

due to his upbringing.

Say, wouldn't it be a good thing

if you and him made it up?

I mean, for your country and for European peace and all that.

These things are not done so easily.

Oh, I don't know. With a little give and take,

it wouldn't be so hard.

As a matter of fact,

I just happen to know what his conditions would be.

Conditions?

Yes. He wants a motorcycle,

and he wants to be allowed to ride it anywhere in Carpathia.

Well, it seems reasonable enough to me.

Let's see. What else did he want?

Oh, yes, I remember.

He wants a general election.

[Speaking German]

I knew you would say that.

Still, I don't know why you object.

General elections are a good thing. They're Democratic.

You are very pretty, my dear,

but you will be wise to think twice

before entering the political arena.

You may find the role of madame de pompadour

is a little beyond your range,

and your range is so charming as it is.

Do you reverse?

Just try me.

[Giggles]

It is time for Nicky to go home.

And it is time for me to say good-bye to you, my dear.

Oh, is it?

I fear so, my dear.

Oh... Alas.

Um, what about my brooch?

Uh, it will be sent on to you.

Oh, no. Don't bother.

I could stop by sometime and pick it up.

Yes, of course. By all means.

Northbrook? Yes, sir?

You will conduct his majesty back to the embassy

and take miss Marina to Brixton.

And now, my dear, it really is good-bye.

I thank you for your little services to us,

and I wish you much happiness and success.

Oh, your grand ducal,

it's been a great, great...

Well... Good-bye. Good-bye.

Good night, Nicky.

Northbrook, I will take my carriage in 10 minutes.

They went for a ride on a bus?

A public bus?

On number 57.

This may mean a scandal, Northbrook.

Yes, sir.

And you followed this bus in the carriage as far as Victoria station?

Yes, sir. I then followed them on foot

as they walked from there to the embassy.

They walked... you mean she's here in the building?

Yes, sir. She is with the king in the stewards' room.

What are they doing in the stewards' room?

She is teaching the king an American dance

called a fox trot.

Your valet Franz is playing for them.

With one or two others of the household. In ragtime.

[Speaking German]

Exactly, sir.

Lady Sunningdale is late.

Only a few minutes, sir.

Her unpunctuality used to be

one of her most irritating characteristics.

I had hoped she might have grown out of it by now.

She has had the, after all... Time.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, supper! How lovely.

How thoughtful of you, darling.

I'll just run down and say good night to Nicky.

I'll be right back in just a minute.

Come, come, sir.

All that is needed is a little firmness.

You should say straight out

that the supper is not for her

and that you are expecting another guest.

That is your considered suggestion

for surmounting this crisis, Northbrook?

Yes, sir, it is.

Then I can only say that I now fully understand

why the foreign office always makes such a mess

of its relations with the state department.

Northbrook, we are not here dealing with a civilized adult,

but with an unruly child.

Do you think I am anxious to have supper for 3?

I'm sorry, sir.

I had not, I agree, considered that aspect.

The best policy, then, would appear for me to...

Intercept lady Sunningdale on arrival

and escort her to the little music roomdownstairs.

There I can arrange to have another table made.

2 suppers I am to eat?

I'm afraid I see no alternative.

But how am I to leave this one?

That is the crux, Northbrook.

A few minutes after lady Sunningdale arrives,

I shall come up here and announce

that the ambassador urgently requires your presence

in the chancellery

and that your business will last for at least an hour.

You will then say good-bye to miss Marina

for positively the last time...

oh, I shall be here, sir.

No harm will come to you...

and leave miss Marina for me to escort back to Brixton.

At least an hour is hopeless.

You had better say all night.

Only so will your plan

have the faintest chance of success.

Well, here I am.

You may leave us, Northbrook.

Very well, sir.

Say, he doesn't do that half as bad as me, does he?

Vodka?

Thank you.

Oh, that's too much.

Oh, you can take that, surely.

Oh, too fast. I wanted to make you a toast.

Well, here, you'll have to have some more.

No... not so much, please.

You don't want to spoil my illusions of you, do you?

What are your illusions of me?

Well, your capacity for vodka's certainly one of them.

Here's to... More love in everybody's life.

Cheers.

Well, I have a little document here.

Shall I read it?

"Manifesto to my faithful subjects.

"I, Nicolas viii, king,

"do hereby renounce and reject thoroughly the overtures

"lately made to me by a certain person

"that I assume the powers of government before the appointed time,

"and I do hereby solemnly adjure all citizens of the realm

"to unite loyally and wholeheartedly

"under the regency of my father, the grand Duke Charles,

"for the settled peace of the kingdom.

Signed, Nicolas."

But it isn't signed "Nicolas" at all.

Of course not, darling.

You know, you have those little conditions to agree to first.

Give and take, darling. Give and take.

Ah, that's right.

That'll help you see it in the best possible light.

Do you not see, you pretty little dummkopf,

that a general election will put the kaiser's party in power

and there will be a war in Europe in 6 months?

Well, I don't see how you can be so sure.

I mean, well, what if your party wins?

That's a funny thing about general elections.

You never know who's going to win.

"The overtures lately made to me by a certain person..."

Of course, you do not realize

what it is you are making the boy sign.

Yes, darling. A manifesto.

A confession. An abject confession by my son

that the kaiser's party were plotting with him

to overthrow the constitution and destroy me.

Ausgezeichnet!

Another vodka.

Ah, no, thank you. I've had enough.

A little one.

Ah, hmm.

Something to eat?

Uh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.

Of course, the timing of events

will have to be most carefully considered.

I hold the initiative now. I must not lose it.

Well, I don't see, with your fine brain

and your wonderful grasp of the situation,

how you could ever lose anything so little

as an initiative.

Wouldn't you be more comfortable with your feet up?

No, thank you.

Vodka?

No, thank you.

Mein gott! I have it!

What?

I will give this manifesto

to the press of the entire world.

That will proclaim wolffstein's guilt

and explain why I've had to put him in jail.

Also, it will answer those stupid American protests...

I mean, it will satisfy Democratic opinion.

Well, that's wonderful.

But here lies the real key of the plan.

I will be most magnanimous.

Having established the guilt of Wolffstein to the entire world,

I will then release him.

So will I make him look the perfect bloody fool,

and I will look to my country and the rest of the world

as the true freedom-loving democrat,

and so will I win my election by a landslide!

Brilliant! Brilliant! Quite, quite brilliant.

[Rings bell]

Oh, I can see they don't call you

the fox of the Balkans for nothing, do they?

Am I called so?

Didn't you know it?

The fox of the Balkans?

[Chuckles]

[Violin plays]

Oh, you look so like a fox with those eyebrows...

Look like a fox?

Yes. Like a sleek, dangerous animal.

But such a lonely one.

Oh, my child, it is my lot to be lonely.

But must it always be so?

It must... It must.

Darling, if you could only under...

[violin playing]

Where's that music coming from?

Oh, never mind, darling.

It's just that Hungarian, I expect.

You told me he played every night.

The... the... oh, yes. Every Ni...

mmm. Never mind, my darling.

♪ I found a dream ♪

♪ laying in your arms ♪

♪ the whole night through ♪

♪ I'm yours ♪

♪ no matter what others may say or do ♪

♪ light of heart and fancy free ♪

♪ that's the way to start ♪

♪ there will be nothing to lose ♪

♪ till you lose your heart ♪

oh, my child, if only you knew

how I long for that kind of freedom.

Oh, my sweet.

Go on with what you were saying.

What does it matter? What are words?

What are words where deeds can say so much more?

Oh, not that again, darling.

Can't you think of something else to say?

[Speaking Hungarian]

I didn't quite catch that.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, gosh, your grand ducal highness,

how I love you!

[Shouting in German]

How dare you!

Your grand ducal highness,

the ambassador has arrived,

if you know what I mean.

Please do not argue.

Leave the room at once.

Think yourself lucky

I'm not telephoning the foreign secretary immediately!

Morgen, Herr Northbrook.

Guten morgen.

[Speaking German quietly]

[Speaking German]

Lady Sunningdale.

[Speaking German]

Mr. Northbrook.

Oh, good morning, sir.

Is my father quite well this morning?

I've heard nothing to the contrary, sir. Why?

He has just... Embraced me.

Well, sir, he's surely done that often before.

In public, of course,

but this was in private, Mr. Northbrook,

in his bedroom, with only his valets to see it.

And he called me... His darling boy.

How nice.

It is most suspicious.

He was asking, too, the most extraordinary...

not to say embarrassing... questions.

Was I not sometimes very lonely?

Had he not always been a good father to me?

Did I not sometimes feel the lack of love in my life?

Mr. Northbrook, my father asked me

if I did not feel the lack of love in my life.

Yes, sir. I heard.

You're not surprised?

You have heard something already perhaps?

Is there cause for concern?

Let me tell you, Mr. Northbrook, I strongly suspect

some foreign office hocus pocus in all this!

The foreign office, sir, never resorts to hocus pocus.

You are doubtless thinking of the wilhelmstrasse.

Come in.

Good morning, Northbrook!

Punctual as usual, I see. Splendid!

Herr Gott! How handsome you look

in that uniform of yours.

And yesterday, too. I meant to say something about it,

but somehow it slipped my mind.

And Nicky, my darling boy.

Yes, father?

Nothing. Just my darling... aah!

Careful, Franz.

You had better get ready. We leave in 5 minutes.

Yes, father.

Give me a kiss, Nicky.

Another kiss?

Why not, heh?

One can overdo such things.

Oh, nonsense. Fathers should kiss their sons.

When they are children, but not when...

Nicky, come and give me a kiss this instant!

[Chuckles]

Well, Northbrook...

[Chuckles]

Well, well, well.

Well, well, indeed, sir.

Wonderful morning, is it not?

Wonderful, sir.

I have a letter here for your grand ducal highness

of a somewhat private nature.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, dear.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

You know, Northbrook,

what I think is the trouble with lady Sunningdale?

She has not enough love in her life, sir?

Too much. One should keep her balance in these things.

Now, Northbrook, I have one or two commissions

for you to perform after we leave.

I shall be honored.

First, a special passport must be obtained

for a journey to Carpathia next Thursday,

made out in the name of miss Elsa Stolzenburg.

Miss who, sir?

Citizeness of the United States, profession, actress,

stage name, miss Elsie Marina.

Oh, sir, I was beginning to wonder.

Second, for the journey itself...

a special coach must be attached to the orient express,

and a French chef must board the train at ostend.

Flowers. Boughs of flowers in the salons and bedrooms, of course.

You will attend to these petty details yourself, will you not?

Gladly, sir.

Now, for the journey,

she may require a few dresses, furs, personal ornaments.

You will see to it that in that respect,

she is given carte Blanche.

Carte quite Blanche, sir?

As Blanche as she cares to make it.

Gott es willen, that was myself speaking?

It was, sir.

I suppose it cannot be... oh...

Dispose of this, please.

My father is still dressing?

Just finishing, sir.

Oh, thank goodness.

You will be seeing miss Marina some time you think?

It appears quite possible, sir.

When you see her, say good-bye to her for me

and give her this small parting gift.

Most certainly, sir.

Also this photograph.

Tell her I enjoyed myself last night

more than I've ever before in my life.

And thank her most gratefully.

I will, sir.

Yes.

Mr. Northbrook?

Sir?

Has he kissed you, too?

Not yet, sir.

I should not be too confident, Mr. Northbrook.

Playing with fire?

What? Oh, good morning, miss Marina.

Good morning.

Yes, I am.

That's a sport you should leave to me.

It was a lovely sunrise this morning, wasn't it?

I doubt if I paid it quite the same attention

as you obviously have.

I do hope you haven't taken cold.

Were you out there long?

Almost all night.

I didn't want to go back to Brixton.

I wanted to see them off.

You weren't thinking of going to the station, miss Marina.

No.

I see.

I have to present these to you

with the king's compliments

and his thanks for last night,

which he claims was the pleasantest evening

he has ever spent in his life.

Oh, how sweet. He signed it, too.

Aah! Ha ha!

The royal Carpathian arms.

Well, wouldn't you know it?

As I am plainly de trop,

I shall await your grand ducal highness in the hall.

I won't say good-bye, miss Marina.

I understand we shall be seeing a lot of each other

during the next few days,

what with special passports and other things.

Special passports?

Northbrook, that was intended to be a surprise.

I'm so sorry, your grand ducal highness.

I wouldn't have spoilt it for the world.

[Door closes]

Good morning.

Good morning.

[Chuckles]

My dear.

I have been making such a spectacle of myself today,

behaving like a schoolboy,

and what is so surprising, loving it, you know?

Oh, dear.

This morning it's up to me to be the grown-up one,

isn't it?

Oh, grown up, eh?

It's hard for you to remember, I suppose, sometimes.

You're really quite an important man, aren't you?

Oh...

I rule a small country which is not my own.

For which I have some loyalty, but no feeling.

I rule it as well as I can.

No better and no worse than any other man in my place.

Is that so important?

They say it is.

They? Why are they?

People.

Last night one man said,

"you know, you wouldn't think it to look at him,

but there goes the best political brain in Europe."

"Would not think it to look at..."

but, my darling, in 18 months' time,

I shall surrender my power to Nicky.

I shall then be a free citizen.

In 18 months' time, I'm free of my contract with George Edwards.

So there we are, aren't we?

18...

My dear child.

You do not realize what can happen in this world

in 18 months.

Yes, I think I do.

I really think I do.

This is good-bye, then.

Au revoir.

Au revoir, of course.

Could I have my parting present now, please?

But it is real, you know?

Of course it is, my darling.

I just want to remember which one it is.

Pin it on for me, please.

Poor darling, you feel terr...

terribly disconcerted?

Yes...

I do.

Childishness isn't all fun, is it?

No.

[Door opens]

Good morning, miss Marina.

How good of you to be here so early,

is it not, Charles? Yes, yes, indeed.

My dear, such a night. Not a wink of sleep.

Some dreadful drunkard fiddling in the corridor for hours and hours.

And the night before, too, only not so long.

I did not dare go out and stop him

in case it was an anarchist or a republican or something.

One never knows nowadays.

So disturbing.

My dear, why do you always wear white?

I suppose because I think it suits me, ma'am.

Yes. But not all the time, my dear.

You are imitating the divine Sarah Bernhardt, no doubt.

But even she, I am told,

changes her dress occasionally.

Mmm...

Maud.

Yes, ma'am, I have it here.

Here is a little brooch for you

with the Carpathian arms on it.

Thank you, ma'am. How kind of you.

And here is a photograph for you, too.

Let me see, now.

Yes, I have signed it.

Thank you, ma'am.

You may kiss me, my dear.

Hmm.

Mr. Northbrook, you will come to the station with us?

Of course, ma'am. The king has already left for the station

with the ambassador.

And there is a motor to take miss Marina where she wishes?

Of course, sir.

Yes. I do think just a little variety in the costume, my dear.

Nothing exaggerated, of course.

Simply from time to time,

an ordinary little day dress.

Such fun it has been. Good-bye.

Good-bye, ma'am.

Send me a photograph.

Address it to the theater.

Sign it.

Elsie: Au revoir.

Charles: Au revoir.