All language subtitles for The Family I Had [VO](2017)

This is Ella Lee.

And we bought this
movie camera so we can

take movies of her and Paris.

Here, Ella.

Santa Claus brought
you a bracelet.

It says "Ella."

Ella.

There we go.

Let's show Mama.

Look, it says "Ella."

Hey mom, you need to open
one.

Is that for me?
- Yeah.

OK.

Cool.

Open this one, Ella.

Paris, hold
your video game up.

It was February 4, 2007.

I had to work Saturday,
and then I had

to go back to work on Sunday.

It was Super Bowl Sunday.
I hate football.

Around midnight, the cops
were at the front door.

They went to the
manager's office.

They called my name.

They told me that my
daughter had been hurt.

And I was like, you need
to take me to Ella now.

And they were
like, you can't go.

And I'm like, what do
you mean I can't go?

You just told me
that she's hurt.

She needs her mother.

And then they said,
well, she's dead.

That made no sense
because I left her

at home with her brother
and a babysitter.

And so I said, is my son OK?

And they said, we have him.

Then where is he?

That's when everything
stopped making sense.

Abilene 911.

Hello?

Abilene 911.
Go ahead.

I I accidentally--

I accidentally killed somebody.

You
think you killed somebody?

No, I know I did.

My sister.

OK,
where's your sister now?

She's in the bed.

Is she breathing?

No.

I-- I feel so messed up.

OK, calm down, OK?

I want you to stay on
the phone with me, OK?

Mm-hmm.

Now
what your sister's name?

Her name
is Ella, Ella Bennett.

How old is Ella?

Four.

She's four years old?

Yes.

How old are you?

13.

Is
she bleeding anywhere?

Yes, she's
bleeding all over the bed

because I stabbed her.

What
did you stab her with?

A knife.

OK,
where'd you stab her?

Um, lots of places.

OK,
Paris, where's the knife?

It's
on the bed with her.

I didn't mean to.

I know, Paris.

OK, I want you to
stay calm for me, OK?

I was--

OK, listen to me.

Paris.

Paris?

Four-year-old Ella
Bennett was fatally stabbed.

Taken into custody was
her 13-year-old brother.

Paris
Bennett convinced

his babysitter to go home
early while their mom was gone.

He stabbed Ella 17 times.

There was
police everywhere,

news trucks, neighbors, the
entire street was lit up.

She was in a body
bag, of course.

It was zipped up to her chin.

She had blood coming
out of her mouth.

She had a very large
contusion on her forehead

where she see been punched.

I started screaming that I
was sorry that I wasn't there.

They took her away.

Everybody left.

Four hours later, I was
sitting in the defense

attorney's office,
trying to take care

of the only child I had left.

To be a good mom to Paris, I
felt like I was betraying Ella.

And to have said what
happened to Ella was wrong,

I would have had to have
been a bad mom to Paris.

Paris had positioned
himself in a chair

in the very back of the room.

He said, you used to
say that you would

never be able to kill
anybody unless they

hurt one of your kids.

I bet you didn't think it was
going to turn out like this.

So what are you going to do now?

I was 18.

It was totally not in the plan.

But from the minute I found
out that I was pregnant,

I immediately fell
in love with Paris.

I was a crazy teenager.

By the time I was 17 years old,
I was strung out on heroin,

had skipped the 10th
grade, and then graduated

high school with honors.

About a year after, I got
sober, and I met Paris' dad.

But I was miserable still.

Everybody had been
telling me that you

get sober, you get your life
together, it'll get better.

Well, it wasn't.

It was just hard
without anything

to take the edge off of it.

So I had made a deal
with myself that if I'm

not happy in a month,
I'm going to overdose.

But when I found out that
I was pregnant with Paris,

he saved my life.

It didn't matter anymore
how hard everything was.

I knew I had Paris
to look forward to.

And I used to tell them
that, one of these days,

you're going to have
to remind me to tell

you how you saved my life.

13 years later, of
course, he destroyed it.

We've got 50
acres between this

and then across over
there where the lake

and everything is, big lake.

Hey, girls.
How are my girls?

We have chickens, goats, and
the horses, dogs, and cats.

We have fresh eggs.

We have a wash bay
for our horses.

It's got hot and cold
running water so they

don't have to take cold baths.

I owned a trucking company.

I was a US mail contractor.

One of the largest
in the United States.

Charity's father
helped me get started,

and he was involved with it.

But because of
financial reasons,

everything was
always owned by me.

All the flowers we
planted for Ella.

She loved butterflies.

I was supposed to plant her a
butterfly garden that spring.

So every time we
see butterflies,

especially the big monarchs,
we always say, hey, Ella.

Kiss your sister.

Ella loves her big
brother and his toys.

Ella was Ella.

Whereas Paris would walk into
a room, and he would be polite,

Ella would announce her arrival.

She would say, I'm Ella,
y'all can have fun now.

She was bossy,
extremely opinionated.

But very, very loving.

She had it in her
mind that we had

to adopt half of her
pre-kindergarten class

because they would tell her
that they got into a fight

with their mom or something.

Ella fit a very
large personality

into a very small body.

Ella, she was a pistol.

She came to stay
with me one weekend,

and I guess Charity
talked at home about what

she didn't like about me.

So Ella comes out for
breakfast, and she

puts her hand on her hip,
and she says, well, Mama.

She said, I just wanna tell you.

She said, I love you.

I don't care if my mama
hates you, I love you.

And she always said what
was ever on her mind.

She just-- she brought
life into everybody.

I'm horrified about
what he did to Ella,

but I never stopped
loving Paris.

And I'll never stop
loving Charity.

She's still my daughter,
much to her chagrin.

I haven't talked
to my mom in years.

And contact before that
was sketchy at best.

My mom was an extremely
beautiful woman.

She's been married
7 times, 8 times.

I can't remember if she has
Liz Taylor beat yet or not.

Some of the things I did
weren't probably very motherly.

Um, you know, I started drinking
some, did some drugs.

I mean I didn't do them
in front of her.

I mean, she had nannies.

But um, you know,
I probably wasn't there.

I didn't give her all the
attention that she wanted.

She seemed to want quite a bit.

Nothing was ever
good enough for her.

I often remember thinking that
she just really didn't like me.

It wasn't that I
didn't approve of her.

It's just that she does,
she did things differently

than I would have done them.

You know, I chose to be a mother
and to have a life.

And um, later on in life--

she didn't seem to mind at the
time, but as she got older,

she seemed to resent the fact
that I actually had a life too,

besides just her.

Today, we're going to talk
about healthy boundaries.

I want everybody to stand up.

Crystal, tell me something
that you're upset or feeling

stressed over right now.

CPS.

CPS.

Valerie, comfort Crystal.

It'll be OK.

Was that comforting?

Yes.

Really?

The night
that Ella died, I made her

a promise that
something meaningful

would come out of her death.

I tell myself that
it's OK to enjoy life,

but there's always that
thought in the back of my mind,

well, Ella's not here
to enjoy it with me.

So I set up
the ELLA Foundation to prevent

violence by sharing our story.

--focus on the entire dynamic.

We are done.

Next week, we go back
to family systems.

The benefits of being single.

After Paris killed
his sister, I was

not trying to get Paris off.

I wanted to get
Paris help and try

to get my kid into a
mental institution,

especially as a minor.

I felt like I needed to figure
out what was wrong with him,

not just lock him up
and throw away the key.

I offered the DA that
I would pay the expense

for a mental institution.

If he needed to stay there
for the rest of his life,

then he'd stay there for
the rest of his life,

but I wanted him to have help.

His defense attorney
wanted not guilty.

What good would that
have done Paris?

He wouldn't have been
able to come to my home.

I was scared to death of him.

The prosecution wanted to
make sure that Paris was given

the maximum sentence possible.

He just gets locked up.

That's it.

I don't think Paris is
capable of curing himself.

There are
better ways of handling

even somebody like Paris.

Not forget about them.

Not force them to grow up
in these violent worlds

that the prisons are.

Somebody should be
giving a damn what's

going to happen with that kid.

We are at Paris' lip sync show.

Paris was a
ridiculously smart kid.

He has an IQ of 142.

He was always
artistic, creative.

He started to draw
when he was three.

He was a calm child.

I mean, he would tell lies
sometimes, yeah.

He would throw temper
tantrums sometimes, yeah.

And Paris was not happy when
I was pregnant with Ella.

And I was concerned.

But the day that Ella was
born, he fell in love.

Rawr.

Ella absolutely adored Paris.

Anything Paris did,
Ella had to do.

Paris would pick her
clothes out every day.

He was her fashion
consultant, she said.

Hello.

This is Paris Bennett,
reporting live.

This is Ella's Ball Pit.

Reporting live at
Ella's Ball Pit.

This is the suspect
of the dirty diaper,

creating dirty diaper,
Ella, Ella Lee Bennett.

I used to have parents come
up to me and tell me how lucky I

was that I had a
13-year-old that was

so good with his little sister.

But they quickly changed
their opinions about Paris.

You know, that was Abilene.

Abilene is interesting.

It's a world record in the
Guinness Book as the most

churches per capita.

There's almost more churches
than there are people.

Everyone knows everybody, and
everybody talks about everyone.

I remember people discussing
what kind of books

did Paris read, and what kind
of video games did he play.

But um, I believe Charity
got the brunt of that,

because even if it's a book
that he's reading, well,

who got him the book?

And even if it's a video game
that he's playing, well, who

allowed him to play the game?

Charity took a lot
of heat for her situation.

People were very cruel to her.

She'd be in a shop, oh,
you're the mother that--

oh, your son.

It's like that's-- there's
only one judge, and I'm not it.

What were some of the
questions I would get?

Did you know Paris
was different?

Were there any warning signs?

Was he abused?

I think people do have a
hard time getting their head

around the concept of Paris.

I remember being
angry all day long,

and thinking all day long.

I wanted to hurt somebody.

I'm going to snap.

And it wasn't-- initially, I
thought about the babysitter.

I thought about
going down the street

and seeing somebody I knew.

And I thought about
hurting a stranger.

I don't remember
exactly at what point

I decided it's going to be Ella.

For a few moments, for a few
minutes after it happened,

it almost seemed
like it was a dream,

like it hadn't just happened.

Because I had left the room
and everything, and I was just

hyperventilating.

And then I had walked
back in, and I had looked,

and I had seen Ella.

And when I did, it hit me
like a punch in the gut

that, no, I really
just did that.

And I called 911 because
I felt like I needed

to do something about this.

I need-- maybe they
can do something.

Maybe-- maybe it's not too late.

Paris could
have been avoided if all of us

had been willing to let go of
our own lives a little bit.

Go over
there with Ella.

Stand next to Ella.

You ready?

Paris came to live
with us for seven months,

and then he went to
live with Charity.

They just really
lived between homes.

They lived half the time with us
and half the time with Charity.

I think I used to be scared
of Paris without knowing

that I was truly scared of him.

I knew that I just didn't
want to talk to him.

We knew, all of
us knew, that there

was something wrong with Paris.

Charity knew, I knew.

From the time Paris was
born, he was different.

He was never real sociable.

He was never real affectionate.

Ella, talk to us, Ella.

Talk.

Come on, Ella.

And when Ella was born,
he wasn't the center

of the universe anymore.

It seemed like all of a sudden,
he couldn't do anything right.

And Ella couldn't
do anything wrong.

Yay!

Look at Ella walk.

And I think he
really resented that.

Woo!
- Hey.

Bad Ella, bad, bad.

Uh-uh.

Paris, what is your problem?

Mom, what's your
least favorite word?

My what?

Your least favorite word.

Butt crack.

Or sentence.

I don't know.

"Kill
Charity's children"?

Paris--

Paris would pound
his head against the wall

till it would bleed,
or he had thrown

glass all over the place.

I guess he was
screeching for help,

but we just didn't
pay any attention.

We were so caught up
in our own turmoil

that Paris just kinda got
left to the wayside.

But I always thought he
would take it out on Charity.

I never dreamed he would
take it out on Ella.

After Paris' sentencing,

his assessor told me,
you deserve to know

that your son is a sociopath.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

And I
remember saying, you are wrong.

There has to be a
better explanation.

But six months or so after
that phone call and things

his caseworkers told
me, I started wondering,

is his doctor right?

So I had a psychopath
checklist youth

version administered to Paris.

And then re-evaluated
by other assessors.

The last person that I
contacted was Dr. Park Dietz.

He gave me the number of
a risk management firm,

and he told me that I should
stop spending so much money

on my son, and I should
start spending my money

on changing my identity
and hiding for when

my son got out of prison.

But I really don't know if
I can walk away from Paris.

There are people who
would murder my child just

to make a name for themselves.

I killed the child killer.

Phoenix was born with a
very severe heart defect.

There we go.

He ended up having open heart
surgery at six days old.

But obviously, he made it
because he's still here.

He's on heart medication,
and then he had to have

this feeding tube put in.

You're OK.

Shh, love, breathe.

After six years of not
having Ella and having Paris

the way that I do,
Phoenix reminds me

what it feels like to be happy.

When I first told Paris that
Phoenix had a heart defect,

Paris started to
cry, like really cry.

And I've never heard Paris cry
like that, ever, not over Ella,

not over where he is.

I remember him saying
something to the effect of,

after everything I did to you,
it's really not fair that--

that you have to go
through this again.

Let's find your brother.

It's like playing Where's Waldo,
only not really as much fun.

Paris Lee Bennett.

Paris was just transferred
to an adult unit.

This is the Texas Department
of Criminal Justice web site.

You can look up any
inmate you want.

Hello,
how may I help you?

My son, Paris Lee, was moved.

How do I go about
finding where he is?

What is his number?

01804782.

Paris Bennett.

The
number is 936-348-3751.

OK, thank you, ma'am.

Oh, she hung up on me.

Imagine that.

It really irritates me when
they ask me for his number.

I always make sure
to say his name.

He has a name.

The number or code

you have dialed is incorrect.

Please check the number
or code and try again.

Three days, I haven't
known where he is.

You want to know
where your child is.

The longer I don't
get information,

the more I begin to wonder if
anything has happened to him.

Has he been hurt?

TDC, Clemens Unit.

This is Cheyenne.
How may I direct your call?

I just called
to find out where

my son was transferred to.

OK,
what's the TDC number?

01804782.

Paris Lee Bennett.

OK, he's
actually at the Ferguson Unit.

All right, thank you so much.

Ferguson.

20 miles northeast
of Huntsville.

So yay, if that's where
they leave him, he's closer.

"If anyone has a loved
one at the Ferguson Unit,

please be advised that your
loved one is in grave danger."

"My son got checked
by a bunch of guys,

and his eye is now messed up.

The guards don't allow him to
see the docs or the nurses.

He has to use toilet
water to wash his face."

Shh.

OK.

Shh.

Shh.

Whenever an offender
hits a new unit,

he needs to be able to walk
in with his head held high.

So I came into this unit
with my head held high

and my back straight.

And anybody I saw
in the hallway,

if they made eye
contact with me,

I would make eye contact back.

I would maintain it.

But it's delicate, because if
you maintain it for too long,

it becomes threatening.

And I just made sure
to present myself

as somebody who
wasn't a pushover,

because that's what
everybody's looking for.

On any unit.

It doesn't matter if it's
a good unit or a bad unit.

Everybody's sizing you up
the moment you hit the unit.

I was arrested for my crime
when I was 13 years old.

I will be 33 years old before
I'm eligible for parole.

It's like being raised
by Orwell's Big Brother

and Kesey's Nurse Ratched,
being raised by them

while living under a rock.

You're always being watched.

You're always being scrutinized.

And not only being
scrutinized, but expected

to perform in certain ways.

And there's punishment.

And then it's like
living under a rock

because you're not out
there experiencing things.

I didn't ever get a driver's
license or a first car.

I didn't go to prom or even
make it to high school.

I've never had a
steady girlfriend.

I've never been to parties.

I've never been
stupid and gotten

drunk for that first time.

Just a lot of I
guess what you would

call the snapshot moments.

I missed a lot of
snapshot moments.

So you really just
get passed by by life.

I miss my family.

I miss, I miss the--

I miss the family that
I had, that, that I tore apart.

So not only am I--
am I missing it, um, there's

guilt and remorse mixed in
with that because not only--

I didn't do something
stupid and get locked away,

and that's why I'm
missing my family.

I did something that
tore my family apart

and took me away from them.

And it's something
that I can't fix, ever,

and that's what I miss the most.

Because I wouldn't mind
being incarcerated,

knowing that my mom and Ella
were coming to visit me.

Do I have a dad?

Do you have a dad?

Yes, child, you have a father.

Everybody has a father.

Do you have a dad?

No, not everybody has a dad.

I didn't have a dad.

I turned out OK.

Do you not have a sugar
dad?

Yeah, that's a
whole different conversation.

We'll finish that tomorrow.

Can I borrow your bear?

Yeah.

Thank you.

My bear is a pillow.

For now.

Here, hold my owl.

I met Phoenix's father

when Ella died.

But he didn't try
to be a parent.

Gandalf, dwarves,
and Mr. Baggins.

And I wanted to be
a single parent.

And I don't like to
negotiate or compromise,

especially when it
comes to my kids.

I have been married twice,
for less than a year total.

Once to Ella's father, and
once to a guy named Brendan.

The only reason I
think I married him was

because he was an NCAA swimmer.

He looked really
nice not in clothes.

Boy, you could put a
drink on that man's butt.

That is one thing my mom
and I have in common,

we do not pick decent men.

Paris' father left not
long after I got pregnant.

And then when Paris was 17
months old, he showed up,

and it was fairly obvious
that something was not right.

His father was diagnosed
with paranoid schizophrenia,

with audio and visual
hallucinations.

That's me and Ella.

Say--

Ella's father

had problems with alcohol.

Look like your mother.

I got a
phone call one day, telling

me that he's in the hospital.

A state trooper pulled
him over and asked

him to get out of the car,
and he wouldn't do it.

And so the officer
reached into the car,

and Ella's father
popped the clutch

and drug the state trooper
75 feet up an exit ramp.

And so the officer shot
him through the leg.

When I heard that, I was done.

I'm not dragging my
children through this.

All right, hold on one second.

Oh, we're going to
have to remember to--

Paris Lee Bennett.

An
offender at Ferguson Unit.

To accept charges, press 1.

To refuse charges, press--

Thank you for using CenturyLink.

You may start the
conversation now.

Hey.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.
How are you?

Pretty good.

Looking forward to "Star Wars"
tomorrow, so pretty good.

Oh, y'all get to do it?

That's what I'm hearing.

There's a notice
posted on the board.

You're excited?

Yeah.

Phoenix, did you
like "Star Wars"?

I want
to watch it again.

He says he wants
to do it again.

I guess that's a yes.

Yes!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Hey, Phoenix.

He's listening.

How about this?

Hey, I will watch it tomorrow.

And tomorrow, you can watch it.

And then we'll
talk about it, OK?

It's getting loud.
What's going on?

Everyone
are watching Olympic tryouts

because it's women's
swimming, so I think

you can imagine the appeal.

Yeah, not as much
as I can imagine

the appeal of men's swimming.

So what else is up?

I am
writing a letter to Phoenix.

It's a really long letter.

Right now, it's
like 14 pages typed.

Mommy, I want them.

I want them.

Well,
I hear him doing the mommy chant

should I get off and let you--

You
have one minute left.

Well, it's
up again anyway.

Yeah.

It's all right.

Yeah, we gotta go.
We're in the driveway.

I love you.

Love you too.

Phoenix, say bye
to your brother.

Bye!

Good night, Phoenix.

The caller has hung up.

I try to keep everything
as benign as possible.

I don't want to do
anything that's going

to make Paris want to hurt him.

I really believe that part of
the motivation behind murdering

Ella was to have his
mother all to himself,

and he had that again
for eight straight years.

Wah!

So I don't sit and go,
oh, wow, this is so nice.

They're getting along so well.

I sit, and I listen
to what Paris says,

and I listen to his tone.

There's no warm fuzzies.

When I found out about
his heart condition,

I almost felt like it
was my fault, in a way.

And I regret that he's going
to grow up with me in here,

and knowing me like this.

And I hate that my actions
taint the relationship.

But at the same time,
I'm so happy to have him.

And I think that
he'll get to know me

much better through my letters.

I know that he's not
ready yet for some

of the content of the letters,
because a lot of times,

I'm writing about prison.

So I asked my mother to just put
those letters in a box for him

and gave them to him
when he is 12 or 13.

I'm letting the
person who killed

my child talk to my child.

And the only reason
I'm letting it happen

is because I have forgiven
him, and they are related.

But I'm never going to
be comfortable with it.

I will never be comfortable
with Paris and Phoenix.

Paris tried
to stab Charity at the house

one day, so we took him
to a psychiatric place up

in Wichita Falls.

Charity wouldn't let me go
with her to pick him up.

And I never even found this out
until after Ella was murdered,

and we were talking
with the police.

But the psychiatrist up
there had evaluated Paris,

and they had told Charity that
he had homicidal tendencies.

And she didn't leave
him in treatment there.

She chose to take him back.

I believe it was
November of 2006.

And then Ella died
February of 2007.

I feel like even if Paris
had stayed at that place,

it wouldn't have helped him.

I don't know.

I can't, I can't spend a
whole lot of time

anymore double
guessing the past.

And I don't have any
regrets except for the fact

that I had relapsed.

When Paris was 12, and
Ella was 3 and 1/2,

I relapsed on cocaine.

You want nectarines or plums?

Puh-lums.

Say that again.

I said blums.

P, P for plum.

For about three months,

Paris took up the slack.

I mean, he knew that something
was going on,

and he really started to
look after his little sister.

I felt betrayed.

I felt neglected.

And really, just a child's
selfish thought of,

am I not important enough?

But I don't think
that it was theone

reason why I murdered Ella.

My relationship
with my grandmother

is not tinged by as much emotion
as the one with my mother.

My grandmother's always been a
very cold and collected woman.

And I'm the same way.

When I was 29, my husband,
Charity's father, was murdered.

Charity was five.

I took her out to my parents
house as soon as it happened,

and I told her that
her dad had been shot.

The only thing she said was,
well, I'm glad it wasn't you,
Mama.

Get these people out of here.

About a month after the funeral,
the police talked to me.

And um, I was arrested and
charged with murder.

My husband was involved
with illegality.

His father was part
of the Georgia mafia.

And um, through another
attorney, they

convinced the DA to
take a warrant out

for me for conspiracy
to commit murder.

They came up with a black boy
that said that I had paid him,

or that he knew that
I had paid somebody

that paid him, to murder Bobby.

I spent six weeks
in jail, and then I

was on trial for six weeks.

Charity stayed with
my mother and father.

Lots of things came out in
that trial that just pretty

much threw me for a loop.

But I was acquitted.

I had to work to get my
company back on its feet.

I had to fight to keep my
contracts with the government.

And I had a child to raise.

And I didn't have
time to sit around

and brood over spilt milk.

Charity didn't really
know her dad that well.

He was always off, skiing
with this girlfriend

or down in Florida
with that girlfriend.

It wasn't like he
was a daily dad.

She might see him once
every three or four weeks.

Never took her to school.

Never gave her a bath.

Never dressed her.

I don't even know that he sat
down and had a meal with her.

So I don't think it
really affected her.

What affected her was kids
would come up and say,

oh, I hear your mommy
killed your daddy.

Or you'd be in a grocery
store, checking out,

and somebody would say,
oh, you're that woman,

did you kill him?

So at her age, I'm sure
that was very tough.

My father was
involved in auto theft.

And then I believe he had
started into drug trafficking.

So what I heard growing up was
it was these guys that did it.

It wasn't me.

I was framed.

I believed her.

It wasn't until after
Ella died that I really

began to take a second look.

So I went to Georgia and talked
to the DA that prosecuted her,

the detectives.

And I ran across the
report by the officer

who transported my mother
to the station that morning.

And he said, I saw
her in the mirror,

and it seemed at
times that she was

really pleased with herself.

They even had a napkin
where my mother had

drawn a map of the house and
marked on there that this door

would be unlocked.

I think he had started doing
drugs and getting sloppy.

And I think she felt like
her financial security was

threatened, so she
eliminated a problem.

And so of course,
there's the thought, OK,

so your mom might
have killed your dad,

and your son definitely
killed your daughter.

You know, where does all of
this come from?

Up until Charity
was 12 years old,

she was the most
wonderful, loving child

that anyone could wish for.

We were inseparable.

And then from 12 on, it's
been, it's like an alcoholic.

It's up and down, up
and down, up and down.

If she'd get mad at
me because I wouldn't

allow her to do
something, it was,

well, you murdered my daddy.

So she was a good manipulator.

But we all are.

Paris is.

Ella was.

I would be lying to you
if I said that I wasn't.

We all manipulate each other.

We're all spoiled rotten.

My other daughter
Khyman, I don't

think she's quite as good.

She didn't have as good
a teacher because I

don't do it so much anymore.

I don't have a
company to manipulate.

I don't have drivers
to manipulate.

And I don't have a
jury to manipulate.

So.

My mother was
sending Paris really

inappropriate material
for a boy in prison

for murdering his sister.

He wanted a
science fiction book,

and so I had it sent to him.

And they denied it
because inside the book,

there is a picture of a woman,
and her breasts are exposed.

But it's just a drawing.

So he says, take the book apart,
send me a chapter at a time,

and when you get to the
picture with the bare breasts,

he said, tell Khyman
just to draw a bra on it.

Let's see-- raping
women, murdering them,

bludgeoning people to death.

So I went to the
authorities, and I'm like,

listen, my mother can talk to
Paris, they can write letters,

she can come visit,
but no more books.

That's it.
No more books.

And that's when I got sued.

She and Paris sued me in 2009.

Paris wanted my parental
rights terminated.

And then my mother wanted
those same rights for herself.

She wanted to be
Paris' guardian.

Paris said that I
was not good for him.

He blamed everything on me.

I'd had it.

I pretty much said, you
can kiss my fucking ass.

Excuse my language.

What I tell Paris is
it's not up to you

to tell me when I
stop being your mom.

And if you try to
tell me, then you

don't get to decide if I ever
get to be your mom again.

I'm done.

She told Paris, if you
don't do what I want,

then I will never
speak to you again.

And Paris wasn't going to
risk not having his mother.

So he dropped his lawsuit.

Abilene 911.

Hello?

Abilene 911.
Go ahead.

I--

I accidentally-- I
accidentally killed somebody.

You
think you killed somebody?

No, I know I did.

I woke up, and I
was hallucinating.

You were hallucinating?

Yes, and I
thought my sister was a demon,

and I killed her.

I
want you to start CPR, OK?

What I want you to do is take
her off the bed and put her--

No, I know
for a fact that she's dead.

Do you
want to go ahead and try?

It might still help, OK?

No, I don't
think it'll help because--

Come
on, Paris, work with me.

I know I
stabbed her lots of times.

OK, Paris?

Yes?

Take
her off the bed and put her

on the floor.

OK, hold on.

Please don't hang up.

I'm
not hanging up on you.

I just
thought she was a demon.

OK.

OK,
she's on the floor,

but I can't save her because
she's all bloody and stuff.

No.

Paris, what I want you
to do is I want you

to put your hands on her chest.

Mm-hmm.

OK?

And I want you to push 30 times.

I want you to count.

OK.

All the way to 30,

and then blow two
breaths in her mouth, OK?

OK.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

Paris?

He put it down.

You know, I believed all that.

That he was
hallucinating in bed.

I mean, he had a story
worked out pretty damn quick,

didn't he?

Quite the actor.

That's not what Paris sounds
like when he really cries.

I mean, it's all a lie from
start to finish--

what happened, doing CPR,
none of it is the truth.

None of it.

She was face down on the floor.

There was no way he
could have done CPR.

It's very difficult
to love Paris.

It has
been in my mind for a while

that I have been able to forgive
Paris for the worst thing

imaginable.

And in order to have
my own sense of peace,

to have integrity, I need to
process through it with my
mom.

I would be a
hypocrite if I didn't.

When Paris murdered
Ella, I lost Charity too.

I lost them all.

I knew Charity was pregnant
again because of Facebook.

And I knew she had a child,
and I've seen the pictures

because of Facebook.

But I try to think about all the
good things that have changed

in my life because
of Ella's death,

and that way, I can
live with Ella's death.

I mean, Ella made me
a more caring person.

She made me realize that I can't
always have everything my way.

So if Charity has chosen to
blame me or be angry at me,

that's fine.

Whatever she wants to do.

If she ever needs
me, I'll be there.

All she has to do is
call me and ask me.

Your grandmother
says to save her at least one
cookie.

OK.

I decided to give my
mom the opportunity

to come back into our lives.

We're not the same people we
were when this first happened.

And I'm trying to focus on
how we're similar as opposed

to how different we are.

There she is.

Yay!

Did you save me a cookie?

Yes.

How you feel?

Good.

Yeah?

--give Grandma the cookie.

Let's give her a cookie.

Yeah.

Should I
share it with you?

Yeah.

Phoenix.

Last night, I was telling
him, you're part me,

and you're part your dad,
and you're part your grandma

too, because I'm
part of your grandma.

Without missing a beat, he
tells me the back of his feet

are the part of him that
he got from his grandma.

His Achilles heal, maybe?

So you're saying he
got his weakness from you?

I guess, but nobody
will ever know what it is.

Hey, Achilles got killed.

Unfortunately.

Mm-hmm, by Paris.

Mm-hmm.

OK, on your mark, get set, go.

You can barely
run and beat him.
He's pulling his pants up.

Paris knows somewhere inside
of him that he is dark.

He knows it's not acceptable,
but for him, It's not wrong.

OK, it's like when
I was shooting heroin.

I hated myself for what I was
doing, but I kept doing it,

right?

Because my need for the drug,
for that feeling, was like, OK,

I'm just going to bear
all of this nastiness

to get that drug, right?

The only time that
Paris felt fully himself

was when he was killing Ella.

At that moment, like when I got
high for the very first time,

he felt fucking awesome.

I chose to
do my crime, and I

accept full responsibility
for my crime.

And I wouldn't say that there
was a predisposition, what

had happened, I'm not
insane, and I don't

suffer from any mental illness.

I'm sure all crazy people
say the same thing.

But one thing I accept
is that I'm sane,

and that kind of
underlies everything.

Now did I have issues?

Yes, I did.

If I didn't have issues, I
wouldn't have killed my sister.

Was I well adjusted?

No.

I was a coward.
I was passive aggressive.

I lashed out at people who
were trying to support me.

And I've always been very
disconnected from my emotions.

I've always sat inside my
head instead of my heart.

I lied very much about what
I had done to absolve myself

from the responsibility for it.

And the lies were shed
like articles of clothing.

I didn't just simply stop
lying all of a sudden.

I would stop telling
one lie, then

I would stop telling another.

And after a while, I had
stripped myself bare.

In our family,

this is a trait that
all of us share.

Once a decision is made,
action will follow.

So I'm moving to
Georgia to my mom.

In spite of everything
that happened,

I know that what happened
to Ella hurt my mom too.

And I'm tired of the
history repeating itself.

It's time to try to
stop the pattern.

This is a box of Pooh Bear.

He's seen better days.

Paris used to pick
him and eat him.

The doctor told me that
I had to make Paris stop.

I told him that wasn't
going to happen.

And if he wanted him to
stop eating Pooh Bear,

he was more than welcome to
come try to put him to bed

every night without Pooh Bear.

But Paris always did that.

He'd get like a nervous habit,
like when he was little,

and he'd pick things off of
you, like little sweater pills.

The board he made me so
I would never get lonely.

Oh, what's this box?
Ella's clothes.

I wish they did
still smell like her.

When we first moved to Texas,
I built us a big house.

Ella and Paris both had
their own rooms, big rooms.

And Ella's room, I painted
pink, and her bathroom purple.

And when she saw it, she's like,
it should all have been purple.

So I just decided when
I did this house that it

was all going to be purple.

'Cause I had told her that
we would change the room,

and she died before
we painted it purple.

So I painted everything purple.

All right, Miss Ella.

I think Paris had the
deck stacked against him.

Charity had lots of problems
when she was younger.

And then there was mental
illness in the family.

I'm sure that if
somebody examined

my innermost thoughts,
to a lot of people,

I would not be normal.

I've certainly not
lived a normal life.

Huh?
Come right here, Mommy.

I'm coming.

Hey, why you bring that?

It's Ella.

That's your sister.

I don't think
he's a sociopath.

I don't think he'd ever hurt me.

I don't think he'd
ever hurt Khyman.

Should Charity be afraid of him?

Maybe.

I tell
people in my presentation,

if you don't believe that
my son was a sociopath,

the experience of having
grown up in prison

is going to force him
to become sociopathic

just so he can survive.

- I know. I like you too.

If Paris
hurts anybody else when he gets

out, he can blame me, but
it's on Texas, because Texas

has had him since
he's 13, and they've

done so little to help him.

And it's so obvious
that he needs help.

I'm the sort of person who
has done the sort of things

that people tend to
judge pretty quickly.

And I'm aware that I can't
change people's minds about me.

But just because I'm
incarcerated doesn't mean

that I'm worthless,
doesn't mean that I

don't deserve a second chance.

The things that I
did when I was 13

aren't indicative of
the man who I am now.

Just because I committed
a murder when I was 13

doesn't mean I'm going
to get out of here

and commit more murders.

In fact, I'm going to get out
of here and prove you all wrong.