Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[ British accent ] ONCE UPON A TIME...

DURING THOSE INCREDIBLE YEARS AFTER WORLD WAR I,

WHEN RUTHLESS WARLORDS RULED THE PEOPLE OF CHINA --

YOU KNOW, MY GRANDCHILDREN NEVER SEEM TO WEARY

OF HEARING THAT MOST THRILLING TALE

OF HOW I GOT THE LEGENDARY LOTUS "X"

OUT OF CHINA ONCE AND FOR ALL.

MY REAL TROUBLES BEGAN IN A LITTLE, HILLSIDE TOWN

NEAR THE TIBETAN BORDER.

[ MAN SPEAKING CHINESE ]

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

[ CROWING ]

LET GO! GO AWAY!

GET OFF! OHH!

[ CRUNCHING ]

[ WATER GURGLES ]

THANKS FOR THE LIFT, OLD BOY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE ABOMINABLE AT ALL.

[ YETI GROWLS ]

[ British accent ] THANK YOU.

GOOD AFTERNOON, LORD SOUTHMERE.

WHATO, BUNKY. HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS COMING IN?

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HUSH-HUSH.

LOTUS "X" -- DID YOU GET IT?

I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT HERE.

OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND.

I SAY, OLD MAN, WHAT IS LOTUS "X"?

BETWEEN YOU AND ME, IT'S THE GREATEST THING

SINCE THE CHINESE INVENTED GUNPOWDER.

HOW ABOUT MARSHAL WU TSAI?

DOES HE KNOW YOU PINCHED HIS LOTUS "X"?

I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT.

HIS MEN SEARCHED ME THREE TIMES IN MANCHURIA.

THEN THEY TRIED TO DO ME IN IN A WASHROOM.

I EXPECT YOU'RE GLAD TO BE BACK IN LONDON --

GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO --

WELL, SPEAK UP, MAN. DON'T MUMBLE.

[ Chinese accent ] YOUR CAR, YOUR LORDSHIP.

AH, THANK YOU.

MR. HAINES HAS GONE TO LOOK FOR YOUR LORDSHIP'S LUGGAGE.

I HAVE TO COME BACK AND PICK HIM UP LATER.

[ HORN BLARES ]

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU BEFORE, HAVE I, DRIVER?

THAT'S RIGHT, SIR. NEW BOY.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

CAN YOU TELL ME WHY WE'RE TAKING THIS ROUTE?

KENSINGTON HIGH STREET ALL TORN UP --

PUTTING IN NEW GAS MAIN, I SHOULDN'T WONDER.

NOW, WOULD YOU JUST GO BACK TO KENSINGTON HIGH STREET,

IF YOU'LL BE SO KIND.

SIR? I WOULD GUESS, SIR,

THE UMBRELLA POINTING AT MY BACK

IS ACTUALLY A GUN.

FOR A NEW BOY, YOUR SURMISE IS REMARKABLY ACCURATE.

DON'T MAKE A FUSS, YOUR LORDSHIP.

IF YOU NOTICE,

WE ARE FOLLOWED VERY CLOSELY BY FRIENDS OF MINE.

PROFESSIONAL ASSASSINS?

YOU MIGHT SAY THAT, SIR.

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

COME ON! [ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

WELL, I NEVER DID!

STOP! LEAVE THAT ALONE!

DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY BABY!

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

STOP THAT DISTURBANCE!

[ ALARM RINGING ]

[ "ROCK-A-BYE, BABY" PLAYS ]

COME ON! GET OUT OF HERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

[ Chinese accent ] PLAN "D."

YES, MASTER.

OUTRAGEOUS! CAN'T THINK WHAT CAME OVER THE FELLOW.

WELL, HE WON'T GET FAR, I PROMISE YOU.

[ YELLING IN CHINESE ]

JUST A MOMENT, SIR.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS LOT?

INDEED I DO, MY GOOD MAN.

CHINESE CULTURAL MISSION -- JUST ARRIVED.

WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT, I SUPPOSE, YES.

I'M JUST DOING MY DUTY, SIR. SORRY.

[ SPECTATORS APPLAUD ]

[ MAN SPEAKING CHINESE ]

YES, MASTER.

YOU SEARCH OVER THERE.

LORD CASTLEBERRY, GO AND SEE WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR NANNY.

I'M SURE SHE'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK AFTER YOUR SISTER FOREVER.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

OHH!

Search it!

FAMOUS WESTERN FISHING STORY --

PROPHET JONAH SAVE LIFE BY HIDING IN BELLY OF WHALE.

INCORRECT -- WHALE SWALLOW JONAH FOR LUNCH.

NO TIME FOR GASTRONOMIC DISCUSSION.

SEARCH IT!

YOUNG MAN, WHY DID YOU TAKE MY PRAM?

OH, I'M SO SORRY. I'M AFRAID I --

NANNY?

MASTER EDWARD!

HOW MY LITTLE BOY HAS GROWN!

OF COURSE I'VE GROWN, NANNY.

I WAS ONLY 6 WHEN YOU LEFT.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MASTER EDWARD?

NO, NANNY... I HAD A BIT OF A...BUMP.

I'M AFRAID I...I...

OH, EMILY, GET A DOCTOR!

NO, NANNY. NOW, LISTEN CAREFULLY.

I'M ON A VITAL MISSION WITH NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE.

REPEAT THAT.

VITAL MISSION -- NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE.

I'M AFRAID YOUR MIND'S WANDERING.

IT'S LOTUS "X."

IT'S A VERY SMALL PIECE OF FILM.

I HID IT ON THE DINOSAUR.

YOU MUST FIND IT BEFORE THE OTHERS DO.

BEFORE THE OTHERS DO?

THE BIG DINOSAUR.

THE BIG DINOSAUR?

SHALL WE TAKE IT TO THE POLICE?

NO, NOT THE POLICE -- CERTAINLY NOT TO THE POLICE.

THE ARMY?

OR THE PRIME MINISTER?

NO, YOU MUST TAKE IT TO...

OH, DEAR, HE'S FAINTED AGAIN.

CAN WE BE OF ANY ASSISTANCE, LADIES?

LORD SOUTHMERE'S HAD AN ACCIDENT.

I AM WELL KNOWN AS A DOCTOR IN MY OWN COUNTRY.

THIS IS MY SECOND OPINION, DR. QUON.

WE WILL TAKE A LOOK AT HIM.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

OH, I DO HOPE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

THEY'RE FOREIGNERS, YOU KNOW.

STOP FUSSING, EMILY.

MASTER EDWARD HAS TOLD US WHAT TO DO,

AND WE'RE GOING TO DO IT.

MASTER EDWARD WAS ALWAYS SO DELICATE.

I NEVER DREAMT HE'D GROW UP TO BE A SECRET AGENT.

YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S WHAT HE IS?

ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION.

ON OUR SIDE, OF COURSE.

BUT WHEN WE FIND LOTUS "X,"

WHERE ARE WE GOING TO TAKE IT?

I SHALL TAKE IT TO THE KING.

I CONSIDER HIM EXTREMELY TRUSTWORTHY.

THERE YOU ARE, NANNY.

PETER'S NANNY IS GETTING FED UP TO THE TEETH

LOOKING AFTER JENNIFER.

AND I COULD DO WITH MY TEA.

THE NOTICE SAYS, "CLOSED FOR REDECORATION,"

SO HOP IT!

DON'T BE IMPERTINENT!

Quiet, Emily.

We'll come back some other time.

DON'T CALL US, WE CALL YOU.

[ British accent ] I ALSO DO PAPER TEARING,

DRAGON IMITATIONS, CHINESE CARD TRICKS,

THOUGHT READING, ORIENTAL CONTORTIONS,

AND I THROW MY VOICE.

NOTHING ELSE?

SOMETIMES I DOUBLE AS MAITRE D'...

VERY SUAVE.

START TONIGHT. WE SPLIT THE TIPS.

I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN WE HAD CURIO SHOP AS FRONT.

MUCH MORE DIGNITY THAN THIS CRUMMY NIGHTCLUB.

[ CHANTING ][ CHANTING ]

TELL ME, QUON, HOW IS ENGLISHMAN?

EITHER HE'S BEGINNING TO CRACK, OR I'M BEGINNING TO CRACK.

YOU THINK OUR CHINESE WATER TORTURE IS BAD?

EVER HAVE AN ENGLISHMAN EXPLAIN A GAME OF CRICKET TO YOU?

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

Southmere: HOW WELL YOU KNOW YOUR BUSINESS.

THIS DIABOLICAL CELL, THE SINISTER TAP OF WATER,

THE BLOODCURDLING SHRIEK OF THE PLUMBING

IS LIKE SOULS IN TORMENT.

HOW DARE YOU, SIR!

THIS IS THE STAR DRESSING ROOM.

WE HAVE NO INTENTION OF TORTURING YOU.

NO BAMBOO SPLINTERS UNDERNEATH THE FINGERNAILS?

YOU HAVE SEEN TOO MANY FILMS WITH ANNA MAY WONG.

I ALWAYS SAID YOU CHAPS WERE OUT OF DATE.

APART FROM THIS, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING,

IT'S POSITIVELY MEDIEVAL, IT SEEMS TO ME.

WE ARE PEOPLE OF VERY ANCIENT TRADITION, YOUR LORDSHIP.

YOU REALIZE I'M NOT A SPY.

HA HA HA HA!

I'M JUST A SIMPLE BUSINESSMAN.

THAT IS THE USUAL COVER, ISN'T IT, SIR?

WOULD YOU CARE TO SIT...DOWN?

AWFULLY NICE OF YOU.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

YOUR LORDSHIP...

PLEASE TELL US ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT LOTUS "X."

LOTUS "X"?

ISN'T THAT WHAT MR. QUON KEEPS HARPING ABOUT?

I WISH I COULD HELP YOU, OLD BOY.

WHY CAN YOU NOT HELP US?

THAT BASH I HAD ON MY OLD BEAN --

IT PUT MY MEMORY ON THE BLINK.

LOSS OF MEMORY -- VERY CONVENIENT.

I LIKE THE OLD DAYS

WITH THE BAMBOO SPLINTERS UNDER THE FINGERNAILS --

HELP RESTORE MEMORY.

QUON, I GOT MY OWN METHODS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

LORD SOUTHMERE --

YES? LISTENING, OLD BOY.

I'LL PUT MY CARDS ON THE TABLE. THIS IS WHAT I THINK.

IN ORDER TO BRING THE FORMULA INTO THE COUNTRY,

YOU TRANSFORMED IT ONTO A VERY SMALL PIECE OF FILM,

WHICH WAS VERY EASY TO HIDE.

HOW IS THAT FOR A DEDUCTION?

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

I DON'T LIKE TO TEACH YOU FELLOWS

YOUR -- HA HA -- BUSINESS.

MY QUESTION IS THE FOLLOWING --

WHERE IS THE FILM NOW?

AH, YES, I MEAN, WHERE INDEED?

WELL, I AND --

LORD SOUTHMERE, WHEN YOU CAME INTO THE COUNTRY,

YOU AND YOUR LUGGAGE WAS VERY CAREFULLY EXAMINED.

YOU WERE WATCHED DAY AND NIGHT,

AND THERE WAS NO OPPORTUNITY

FOR YOU TO PASS IT TO ANYONE ELSE.

THAT, I'M ABSOLUTELY CER-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

THE NANNY --

THE NANNY IN THE MUSEUM --

THE NANNY WHO WAS LOOKING AFTER YOU.

YES, NICE OLD GAL, ISN'T SHE?

EITHER SHE HAS THE FORMULA, OR SHE KNOWS WHERE YOU HID IT!

WHATEVER YOU SAY, MY DEAR FELLOW.

WHERE DOES SHE LIVE?

IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN HER FOR 25 YEARS.

25 YEARS?

WHAT IS HER NAME?

WELL, I MEAN --

"WILAMINE." [well, I mean]

NO, NANNY, OF COURSE.

MUST HAVE SOME OTHER NAME BESIDES NANNY!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS.

EVERYBODY JUST CALLS HER... NANNY.

RIDICULOUS... EVEN FOR ENGLISH!

[ CHUCKLES ][ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, LORD SOUTHMERE, IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO

TO MAKE YOU MORE COMFORTABLE,

DO NOT HESITATE TO SCREAM.

FIND THAT NANNY.

NOT EASY -- ALL ENGLISH LOOK ALIKE.

THOSE EYES -- YOU CAN NEVER TELL WHAT THEY ARE THINKING.

MOST TIME, THEY THINK OF NOTHING.

THAT'S OUR PROBLEM.

DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT NANNY.

COME ALONG, DEAR.

...A RELIEF NURSE ON MY AFTERNOONS OFF.

AND SHE SAID, "NEVERTHELESS, I HAVE DECIDED

TO LOOK AFTER THE CHILDREN MYSELF."

[ DUCKS QUACKING ] [ COUGHING ]

Woman: COME AND SIT DOWN, AMY.

YOU DO LOOK TIRED.

MASTER PETER KEPT ME UP WITH THE CROUP.

SOMETIMES I THINK HE DOES IT TO SPITE ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT CHILDREN ARE LIKE.

ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION. [ CRUNCH ]

EMILY, SO GLAD YOU CAME.

IS THERE ANY WORD OF LORD SOUTHMERE?

JUST A MOMENT, DEAR.

MASTER RICHARD, YOU NEED SOME EXERCISE.

GO FOR A BRISK WALK.

Richard: I'M READING.

LADY ALICE DOESN'T LIKE YOU TO READ SO MUCH.

ALWAYS SAID IT GAVE HIS FATHER BRAIN FEVER.

COME ON, RICHARD.

I WANT TO TAKE MY SNAKE FOR A CRAWL IN THE GRASS.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GO?

NO, THANK YOU.

NOT A WORD FROM MASTER EDWARD.

I'VE TELEPHONED HIS CLUB.

THEY HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM FOR MONTHS.

I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER IF THAT NICE FOREIGN GENTLEMAN

REALLY WAS A DOCTOR.

I DO WISH WE COULD GO TO THE POLICE.

OH, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

MASTER EDWARD EXPRESSLY FORBADE IT.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

I HAVE A PLAN.

IT'S RATHER INGENIOUS, THOUGH I SAY SO MYSELF.

WHAT WE DO IS THIS --

[ BABY CRYING ]

PERHAPS WE SHOULD TAKE YOU FOR A STROLL.

[ BEAR GROWLING ]

UGH!

THEN WE HAVE SUSAN CARMODY

WHO LOOKS AFTER MRS. HAVEN-SMIGHT'S TWINS.

TOO YOUNG TO BE A NANNY IN MY OPINION,

BUT QUITE SUITABLE FOR OUR OPERATION.

NOW, WHO ELSE HAVE WE? AH, TILLY DAY.

TILLY WOULD BE EXCELLENT.

JUST ABOUT TIME. THEY'LL BE WAITING FOR US.

I DO HOPE THESE YOUNG PERSONS WILL MEASURE UP.

I'M AFRAID NANNIES ARE NOT QUITE WHAT THEY WERE

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG.

STOP!

HAAA! AWAKE, BENIGHTED ONE!

WHERE IS THAT CONFOUNDED QUON?

THERE.

[ RATTLING ]

[ ICE CRACKING ]

WHAT DID YOU HEAR?

WHAT DID NANNY LADY SAY?!

[ AIR RUSHES ]

I CAN'T TELL YOU THE PURPOSE OF THE MISSION

FOR WHICH YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED.

IT IS A MATTER OF TREMENDOUS NATIONAL IMPORTANCE.

SO I KNOW YOU YOUNG PEOPLE WILL DO YOUR DUTY

FOR KING AND COUNTRY.

WE WILL MEET AT THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM

AT 10 MINUTES BEFORE CLOSING TIME.

[ SINGING IN CHINESE ]

[ BELL RINGING ]

CLOSING TIME. ALL VISITORS OUT, PLEASE.

CLOSING TIME. ALL VISITORS OUT.

THE MUSEUM IS CLOSING. ALL VISITORS OUT, IF YOU PLEASE.

We'll give them five more minutes.

Oh, this is so exciting!

I feel absolutely biblical,

hiding inside a whale's belly.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

Shh! Someone's coming.

Man: SO GLAD YOU LIKE OUR DINOSAURS, MR. SPENCE.

WE ARE RATHER PROUD OF THEM.

[ Southern accent ] THEY GOT SIZE, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT WE GO FOR BACK HOME IS SIZE.

I'M FROM TEXAS.

I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED.

LINDA SUE -- SHE WANTS TO BUY SOMETHIN' ANTIQUATED --

PREFERABLE SOMETHIN' BIG.

I HAD IT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND

TO BUY SOMETHIN' BIG.

DOGGONE, WE SURE WOULD MAKE THEIR EYES POP BACK HOME

WITH ONE OF THEM DINOSAUR THINGS.

WE COULD STICK IT IN THE HALL OR PUT IT IN THE POND.

NO. MY DEAR SIR, WE HAVE NO DINOSAURS FOR SALE

NOR ANY FUTURE PLANS FOR SELLING THEM.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, SIR.

IF YOU AIN'T AS SLY AS A ONE-EYED AMARILLO COYOTE

IN DALLAS CHICKEN COUNTRY.

HA HA HA HA!

YOU JUST BEEN LEADIN' ME ON.

YOU JUST KNOW THIS COUNTRY BOY'S

GOT TO HAVE THAT BIG OLD DINOSAUR, DON'T YA?

HA HA HA HA!

All right, ladies.

[ SYNCOPATED "ROCK-A-BYE, BABY" PLAYS ]

Maureen, you take the first three ribs on the left side.

Yes, Nanny.

Nora, you take the next three.

Yes, Nanny.

Daphne, you take the left fibia and tibia.

Daphne: What's that?

The hind leg, of course.

With all that weight,

suppose the beast fell on top of us.

Then we would be the first people in two million years

to be killed by a dinosaur.

Oh.

Woman: Tea's up.

Ohh! Ohh!

Oh-ho-ho! Ohh!

AAAAAAAH!

Quiet!

All right, ladies...

that's enough larking about.

Emily, what on earth are you doing?

I decided to help them upstairs.

All right, ladies.

Emily, are you all right?

A little dizzy, that's all.

Close your eyes and hold on!

I'll send someone to get you down.

And stay on the ground from now on.

Yes, Hettie.

Sorry we have to go,

but we do have children to look after.

Of course, you must.

I quite understand.

I didn't think this would take so long.

Thank you all for coming.

Don't make too much noise

when you climb through the window.

Do you mind if I stay?

My children are at the seaside with their grandmother.

Of course, but come down and have a cup of tea.

I've never had such a wonderful time in my whole life.

WHEE!

[ THUD ]

I hope you don't behave like that

in front of the children.

Oh, no, but I do sometimes slide down the banisters

when everybody's out.

When you've finished your tea,

I wish you'd have another look at the left femur.

I don't want to upset you,

but we've been over every inch of that beast again and again.

I think we should go home.

You heard what Master Edward said.

"A vital mission --

you must find it before the others do."

Whoever the others are.

OTHERS ALREADY HERE.

EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

YOU WILL COME WITH ME, PLEASE?

ATTENTION, LADIES, HIS RADIANT PRESENCE APPROACHES.

HUP! HUP!

HIS REVERED MASTER -- HNUP WAN.

HNUP WAN...OF COURSE!

I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING FAMILIAR ABOUT YOU

WHEN I SAW YOU AT THE MUSEUM.

BUT SO GROWN UP NOW, SO IMPORTANT!

YOU KNOW ME, LADY?

THE SON OF THE CHINESE AMBASSADOR.

WHO COULD EVER FORGET DARLING, LITTLE "PANDA NOSE,"

PET OF THE DIPLOMATIC SET?

PANDA NOSE?

CHARACTERISTIC OCCIDENTAL NONSENSE.

ENGLISH LIKE TO GIVE THEIR CHILDREN PET NAMES,

LIKE FISH, PUPPIES, KITTENS, FOWL, AND THE REST OF IT.

PANDA NOSE! HA HA HA!

QUON, QUON, THAT IS ENOUGH.

Hettie: THIS IS NICE.

AND YOUR NANNY SAID YOU WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

"A DIFFICULT CHILD," SHE SAID, "CLEVER IN SOME WAYS,

BUT RATHER BACKWARD WITH HIS TOILET TRAINING."

[ SNICKERING ]

MILK OR LEMON?

MILK, OF COURSE.

MIND YOU PUT IT IN BEFORE THE TEA.

LADY, I KNOW HOW TO SERVE TEA.

CHINESE HAVE BEEN POURING TEA FOR MANY THOUSANDS OF YEARS

BEFORE BRITISH EVEN KNEW ABOUT IT!

HOW PERFECTLY RIDICULOUS!

HISTORICAL FACT!

CHINESE WERE MAKING TEA WHILE THE ENGLISH WERE SWINGING

BY THEIR TAILS FROM THE TREES!

HOW DARE YOU, SIR! I DEMAND AN APOLOGY!

SIT DOWN, DEAR, PLEASE.

PERSONALLY, I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE CHINESE PEOPLE.

AFTER ALL, THEY DID DISCOVER TEA.

WHICH THE ENGLISH STOLE FROM US.

THEN ENGLISH BUILT MIGHTY EMPIRE

ON FORMULA STOLEN FROM CHINESE.

AM I UNDERSTOOD?

OF COURSE, IT IS A MATTER

OF MAKING THE TEA PROPERLY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

FIRST, YOU BRING THE WATER TO A RAPID BOIL, AND --

I DON'T NEED A LESSON IN HOW TO MAKE TEA!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH ALL THE SAME.

I WANT LOTUS "X",

WHICH YOUR LORD SOUTHMERE STOLE FROM US!

AND HIS EXCELLENCY, MARSHAL WU TSAI,

IS MOST INSISTENT IT BE RETURNED TO US.

[ CHANTING ]

PERHAPS ENGLISH LADIES KNOW WHAT LOTUS "X" IS.

WOULD HELP TO KNOW WHAT LOTUS "X" REALLY IS.

DO YOU WISH THESE FOREIGN WOMEN TO KNOW

THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT LOTUS "X" REALLY IS?!

[ GROANS ] HA HA!

YOU MUST FORGIVE FAILINGS OF MR. QUON.

WITH WATER TORTURE AND BAMBOO SPLINTERS,

HE IS BEST MAN IN BUSINESS, BUT HE IS YOUNG.

NOW THEN, WHERE IS LORD SOUTHMERE?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?

ACCORDING TO THE INFORMATION OF MR. QUON,

YOU WERE OBSERVED TO SPEND SEVERAL HOURS SEARCHING

FOR WHAT APPEARED TO BE A SMALL OBJECT

ON A DINOSAUR IN THE MUSEUM.

YOU DID NOT FIND THE SMALL OBJECT,

WHICH LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR SEARCH WAS INADEQUATE,

OR ELSE THAT LORD SOUTHMERE FAILED TO TELL YOU

WHERE HE HAD HIDDEN SAID SMALL OBJECT.

YOU MAY THINK WHAT YOU LIKE.

I DEMAND TO SEE LORD SOUTHMERE.

THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT I WISH YOU TO DO.

FAN CHOY!

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

SHOW THESE LADIES TO HIS LORDSHIP'S QUARTERS.

COME THIS WAY, LADIES.

MASTER HNUP...

MARK MY WORDS -- NANNY IS GOING TO BE VERY CROSS

IF SHE FINDS LORD SOUTHMERE IN ANYTHING LESS

THAN THE BEST OF HEALTH.

IS THAT CLEAR?

Yes, Nanny.

YOU LET ENGLISH WOMAN TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT --

YOU, WHO ARE ONE OF THE TIGERS OF CHINA?!

THEY ALSO CALL ME "THE MUSCLE OF MONGOLIA."

BUT WITH HER, YOU WERE TAME, LITTLE "PANDA NOSE."

AS YOU HEARD, I WAS BROUGHT UP BY AN ENGLISH NANNY.

THAT IS WHY I SPEAK ENGLISH BETTER THAN YOU DO.

ONCE ENGLISH NANNY HAS HAD YOU IN HER POWER,

YOU'RE NEVER QUITE THE SAME AGAIN.

EVERY TIME THAT WOMAN OPEN HER MOUTH,

I TREMBLE IN EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

MOVE ON, PLEASE.

OH, HELLO, NANNY.

HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

Did you manage to get the film?

OH, I'M SORRY, WE WERE INTERRUPTED BY THOSE PEOPLE.

IT WOULD HAVE ALL BEEN SO MUCH EASIER, LORD SOUTHMERE,

IF ONLY YOU HAD BOTHERED TO TELL NANNY

WHERE ON DINOSAUR YOU HAD HIDDEN IT.

I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER.

IT MIGHT BE THAT BANG ON THE HEAD.

IT PRODUCES A FORM OF AMNESIA SOMETIMES.

THIS ROOM IS UNHEALTHY -- NO AIR.

THEY CHAINED YOU TO THE WALL! HOW TERRIBLE FOR YOU!

BUT TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE,

AMNESIA VERY OFTEN DISAPPEAR

GIVEN GOOD CARE AND ATTENTION.

SO OUT OF COMPASSION, LORD SOUTHMERE,

I AM LEAVING YOU THREE NURSES

TO LOOK AFTER YOU TILL YOUR MEMORY RETURN.

[ LOCK CLICKS ]

YOU CAN'T LOCK US UP! WE HAVE CHILDREN TO LOOK AFTER!

FAN CHOY --

OH. TELEPHONE THESE LADIES' EMPLOYERS.

ASK THEM TO MAKE TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENTS.

MASTER HNUP!

YOU WOULDN'T BE AFRAID

OF A POOR, LITTLE OLD NANNY LIKE ME...

...WOULD YOU?

YES, NANNY.

HE ALWAYS WAS A RUDE LITTLE BOY.

THIS IS AWFULLY EXCITING.

IMAGINE MEETING A REAL SPY!

Southmere: I'M NOT A SPY.

WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT I'M A SPY?

YOU'RE NOT A SPY?

DON'T BE UPSET, CHILD. THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT.

HAVEN'T YOU READ BOOKS?

THIS IS SUSAN.

HOW DO YOU DO?

QUITE WELL, THANK YOU.

YOU REMEMBER EMILY...

FROM THE MUSEUM.

OH, YES!

YOUNG WOMAN...

ME?

TELEPHONE NUMBER.

[ MAN SCREAMING ]

THEY MUST BE VERY STRONG.

I'M JUST AS STRONG.

OH?

TWO TIMES AS STRONG!

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO CAN THROW UP A BRICK

AND BREAK IT WITH ONE HAND... LIKE THIS.

VERY EASY.

WATCH.

HAAA!

WONDERFUL!

DO IT AGAIN.

THOSE BRICKS ARE ALL CRUMBLY.

THIS IS JUST A MOLDY, OLD PARTITION WALL.

OKAY, WATCH WHAT I DO TO THAT WALL.

CAN YOU DO THAT?

HAAAA! HAAAA!

Hurry up, Hettie.

WELL...IT'S YOU, NANNY.

WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS CURIOUS BEHAVIOR?

NEVER YOU MIND.

MINE TO KNOW, YOURS TO FIND OUT.

GET BACK TO YOUR BEDS,

OR THERE'LL BE TROUBLE IN THE CAMP.

OH, ALL RIGHT, NANNY.

AND PUT THAT SNAKE BACK IN ITS BOX.

I DON'T WANT TO FIND IT IN YOUR BED AGAIN.

BROKEN WALL BEING REPAIRED --

NO ONE WILL ESCAPE FROM DRESSING ROOM IN FUTURE.

IN MEANTIME, IMPORTANT DISPATCH FROM HOME.

AHHHH.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN DECODED?!

IT HAS.

FIRST, ENGLISH TELEGRAM SYSTEM,

NEXT, WE PUT IT INTO SECRET CODE,

THEN, THROUGH FOREIGN-DEVIL OFFICE TYPEWRITER,

THEN, THROUGH OUR OWN CODING ROOM.

IT VERY SIMPLE.

IF SO SIMPLE, KINDLY READ.

"A SECRET COMMUNIQUé --

"CANNOT STRESS TOO STRONGLY IMPORTANCE OF LOTUS 'X.'

"FAILURE TO RECOVER WILL RESULT IN MANY HEADS ROLLING.

REPEAT -- MANY HEADS WILL ROLL."

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHILE READING, WHY SO CHEERFUL?

QUON, I HAVE BEEN AWARE FOR SOME TIME

THAT YOU SEEK TO REPLACE ME

AS CHIEF OF LONDON INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

ONE CANNOT BLAME YOUNG, CAPABLE WARRIOR

FOR WANTING TO BETTER HIMSELF.

IMPRUDENT OF YOUNG, CAPABLE WARRIOR

TO INDULGE IN FESTIVAL OF SELF-CONGRATULATION

WHILE STILL SO MUCH TO DO.

HOW SHALL WE BEGIN, MY MASTER?

MANY NANNIES SEARCH DINOSAUR BEAST

FOR MANY HOURS, FIND NOTHING.

UNWORTHY ONE, WHO SEEK MY PERSONAL JOB,

I WILL NOW SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENCE IN THINKING

WHICH SEPARATE THE LION FROM THE JACKAL,

COOLIE FROM LORD OF CREATION,

RICKSHAW BOY FROM [CHUCKLES] PASSENGER.

YES?

WE SHALL STEAL DINOSAUR.

STEAL...DINOSAUR?!

STEAL DINOSAUR.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I TREMBLE BEFORE MY RADIANT LORD AND MASTER!

HE IS THE RISING SUN!

HE IS THE MIGHTY YANGTZE RIVER IN SPRING FLOOD!

HE IS THE SNOWCAPPED HIMALAYAS!

HE IS THE ROLLING SEA!

HE IS THE FLOWERS OF SPRING.

I TREMBLE.

I AM PROSTRATE.

NOW YOU'RE GETTING THE IDEA.

Children: * "FIVE FARTHINGS,"

* SAY THE BELLS OF ST. MARTINS... *

What do we do now? Do you think those Chinese --

Shh! Shh!

MASTER RICHARD...

JOIN IN THE GAME WITH THE OTHERS.

I'M TOO OLD FOR THAT SORT OF THING, NANNY.

AT MY AGE, MOZART HAD ALREADY COMPOSED SIX CONCERTOS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THOSE FOREIGN BOYS GET UP TO.

GO AND JOIN IN THE GAME.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

I'm not climbing around on that dinosaur anymore.

You won't need to. I've made up my mind.

I'm going to wait for those Chinese

to make the first move.

But how will we know?

*...SAY THE BELLS OF ST. CLEMENTS...*

It's Susan's day off.

I've sent her down to Soho to keep an eye on them --

that Italian coffee place.

Opposite the nightclub?

We're going down there after the party.

FORBES, I'M GOING TO BE LATE TONIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO LOOK AFTER THE CHILDREN.

VERY GOOD, NANNY.

Emily, does that old, clattery motorbike

of yours still run?

Of course it does.

Bring it along. We may need it.

HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED?

I'VE HAD 12 CUPS OF COFFEE WITHOUT MILK,

BUT THAT'S ALL.

[ ENGINE BACKFIRES ]

[ ENGINE TURNS OFF ]

HOW'S IT RUNNING?

WE'RE IN LUCK. I JUST HAD IT TUNED.

LOOK!

"LIMEHOUSE HARMONY CLUB ANNUAL OUTING" --

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR A MOMENT.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

THEY'RE MAKING THEIR MOVE.

BUT WHAT MOVE IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW. EMILY, YOU MUST FOLLOW THEM.

I'M OFF.

TELEPHONE US IF YOU FIND OUT ANYTHING.

CAN I GO, TOO?

CERTAINLY NOT.

[ HORN BLARES ]

SPLENDID! ALL THOSE CHINESE OUT OF THE WAY AT LAST.

I'M GOING IN TO RESCUE MASTER EDWARD.

OH, I'M SO EXCITED. AREN'T I GOING, TOO?

YOU STAY HERE AND WAIT FOR EMILY TO TELEPHONE.

WE'LL FIND SOMETHING EXCITING FOR YOU TO DO LATER.

[ HORN HONKS ]

NANNY SEEMS TO BE LEADING A DOUBLE LIFE.

COME ON.

[ GASPS ]

THEY'RE JUST MASKS.

JOLLY LIFELIKE, DON'T YOU THINK?

I SHOULD SAY SO.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

IT'S STARTING TO SCARE MY SNAKE.

NONSENSE. WE HAVEN'T FOUND NANNY YET.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

Woman: Operator.

WILL YOU TRY SOHO-3124 AGAIN, PLEASE?

[ SPEAKING ITALIAN ]

I'm sorry, Soho-3124 is still engaged.

Peter: Here she comes.

AAAH!AAAH!

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING,

BUT YOU CAN'T FRIGHTEN ME.

I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ ENGINE BACKFIRES ]

[ ENGINE TURNS OFF ]

WHERE'S HETTIE?! THE CHINESE ARE GOING TO THE MUSEUM!

SHE WENT IN THERE.

SHE WANTED TO RESCUE LORD SOUTHMERE.

GO AND FETCH HER AS QUICK AS YOU CAN!

FOUND MY WAY TO YOU AT LAST, MASTER EDWARD.

WONDERFUL BECAUSE I'VE GOT FRIGHTFULLY GOOD NEWS.

AS NEAR AS MAKES NO DIFFERENCE, MY MEMORY'S COME BACK.

MASTER EDWARD, I'VE COME TO GET YOU OUT.

I CAN REMEMBER WHERE I HID THAT FILM

IN THAT BLASTED DINOSAUR.

I CAN SEE IT ALL NOW --

CLIMBING UP THE RIGHT-HAND FRONT LEG

AND THEN UP ONTO THE VERTEBRAE.

LISTEN TO THIS, NANNY -- I HID THE PIECE OF FILM

ON THE NAPE OF THE CREATURE'S NECK.

NAPE OF THE NECK?

EMILY'S BACK,

AND THE CHINESE ARE ON THEIR WAY TO THE MUSEUM.

YOU MUST GET OVER THERE AND PUT A SPOKE IN THEIR WHEEL.

[ ENGINE BACKFIRES ]

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

IT'S LORD SOUTHMERE, A FRIEND OF FATHER'S,

AND HE SEEMS TO BE IN A BIT OF A PICKLE.

OH, IT'S YOUNG CASTLEBERRY.

WHATEVER BRINGS YOU HERE?

DON'T WORRY, SIR. WE'LL CALL THE POLICE.

HAVE YOU OUT OF HERE JOLLY QUICK.

NO, NO, DON'T DO THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT.

YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO BE CHAINED TO A WALL?

FATHER ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE AN ODD BIT OF MUTTON.

OH, REALLY? YES.

THE SITUATION IS EXTREMELY SENSITIVE.

DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, SIR.

WOULDN'T WANT TO CAUSE EMBARRASSMENT IN HIGH PLACES.

WHAT HIGH PLACES, SIR?

CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT, SIR?

AT THE MOMENT, NO. MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

HE'S A SPY.

WHY DOES -- WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ON SAYING THAT?

I'M JUST AN ORDINARY BUSINESSMAN.

OH, DEAR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HENRIETTA'S GOT LOOSE.

WHO'S H-H-H-HENRIETTA?

OOH!

BAD, BAD SNAKE. GET IN THERE, HENRIETTA.

GOODBYE, SIR.

BYE, SIR.

ONE QUESTION, O BRILLIANT MASTER.

YES, O YOUTHFUL SEEKER OF KNOWLEDGE?

THE LARGE BOXES THAT WE TOOK FROM WAREHOUSE --

WHY ARE THEY ALL MARKED "SOY SAUCE"?

PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT SOY SAUCE IN THEM.

Ah.

WHAT WILL WE DO WITH SO MUCH SOY SAUCE?

IT IS IMPOLITE TO TAKE A DINOSAUR FROM A MUSEUM

WITHOUT LEAVING SOMETHING IN RETURN.

AH!

[ HORN BLARES, TIRES SCREECH ]

[ BELL RINGS ]

[ BELL RINGS ]

[ HORN HONKS ]OHH!

LOOK OUT!

SORRY!

WHOO!

SORRY!

YOU DRIVE! I'LL MAKE THE APOLOGIES!

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

[ ENGINES TURN OFF ]

GOOD EVENING, MY GOOD MAN.

GOOD EVENING, SIR.

COULD YOU KINDLY OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME?

THAT DOOR?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, SIR.

HANG ON A MOMENT, WILL YOU?

BIG DOOR.

MR. THUMLEY, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE STILL HERE.

IT'S THOSE ORIENTAL BLOKES. THEY'RE AT THE LOADING DOCK.

THEY WANT ME TO OPEN THE BIG DOOR.

WHAT ORIENTAL BLOKES?!

I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT THEY BROUGHT A LOT OF CRATES WITH THEM.

WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

I'M TRYING A SHORTCUT!

DON'T TRY TO BE CLEVER! TURN HERE!

[ TIRES SCREECH, ENGINE BACKFIRES ]

WAIT TILL I TELL MY MUM ABOUT THIS!

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

NOW, JUST A MOMENT!

WHAT ON EARTH'S GOING ON HERE?

YOU ARE CURATOR?

ACTUALLY, NO, THAT WOULD BE SIR GEOFFREY WILKINS.

CURATOR IS IN THERE?

NO, HE'S IN YUGOSLAVIA --

A MATTER OF ACQUIRING A BUTTERFLY COLLECTION.

SIR GEOFFREY MUST HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE HE LEFT

ABOUT THE FAMOUS HOAN LING COLLECTION --

A GENEROUS GIFT OF CHINESE GOVERNMENT

TO HIS MAJESTY'S MUSEUM.

HE CERTAINLY DIDN'T.

YOU MEAN HE HAS FORGOTTEN?

MY GOVERNMENT IS BOUND TO TAKE

THE MOST SERIOUS POSSIBLE VIEW OF THIS.

I'M AFRAID I SHALL HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE

BUT TO TELEGRAPH PEKING.

OH, NO. I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.

OH!

AND YOU BLAME THIS MISUNDERSTANDING ON CHINESE?

OHH! HOW TYPICAL!

OHH! HOW TYPICAL!!

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT AT ALL. I'M MOST DREADFULLY SORRY.

I'LL TELEPHONE YOUR AMBASSADOR MYSELF.

EXCUSE ME.

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

I'M GLAD TO SEE EVERYTHING'S GOING WELL.

WHAT DID AMBASSADOR SAY?

I'M AFRAID HE WAS OUT OF TOWN ON HOLIDAY.

SEEMS TO BE PICKING UP ENGLISH HABITS.

I ALSO PICK UP A THING OR TWO.

PLEASE DO GO AHEAD

WITH WHATEVER IT WAS YOU PLANNED TO DO.

SORRY I DIDN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND THE FIRST TIME, SIR.

READY FOR NEXT PART OF PLAN, RADIANT MASTER.

BRING OUT THE DINOSAUR,

BUT BE VERY CAREFUL NOT TO DAMAGE THE FLOOR.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE VERY BUSY?

I KNOW YOU THINK IT FOOLISH OF ME,

BUT IT SOUNDED PRECISELY AS THOUGH YOU SAID

YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE THE DINOSAUR.

THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT I DID SAY.

NOW, LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE

THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE THE SAME EVENING.

I'M AFRAID WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER MISUNDERSTANDING.

WOULD IT HELP IF I EXPLAIN IT IN VERY SIMPLE LANGUAGE?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WE WISH TO BORROW THE DINOSAUR

UNTIL WE HAVE FOUND WHAT WE WANT.

ONCE WE FIND WHAT WE WANT,

WE SHALL RETURN DINOSAUR TO MUSEUM.

SURELY SIR GEOFFREY HAS TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT.

CERTAINLY NOT. IT'S QUITE OUT OF THE QUESTION.

WE DON'T PERMIT PEOPLE TO BORROW FROM THE MUSEUM.

IT'S NOT A LENDING LIBRARY, YOU KNOW.

OH DEAR, OH DEAR, OH DEAR.

I FEAR WE ARE GOING TO HAVE AN UGLY QUARREL.

FAN CHOY...

AAAAAAAAAH!

THEY'RE GOING TO STEAL OUR DINOSAUR!

HEY!

YOU LEAVE THAT ALONE!

COME ON, LADS!

DINOSAUR...

...MOVE!

[ YELLING IN CHINESE ]

STOP THEM!

USE THE BONE!

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

AAAAAAAAAAH!

NICE GOINGS-ON. WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US, EH?

MY WIFE LIKES ME TO KEEP REGULAR HOURS, YOU KNOW.

YOU GO TO COUNTRYSIDE --

ONE DAY, MAYBE TWO --

THEN WE LET YOU GO.

MY WIFE WILL WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS!

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE ME AS WELL?

SIR GEOFFREY HAS TOLD YOU NOTHING AT ALL.

AAAAAAAH!

DINOSAUR READY!

AAH!

IT'S ALIVE!

Quon: MASTER, NANNY LADIES STEAL DINOSAUR!

QUON, WE FOLLOW IT!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ HORN BLARES ]

ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING?

IT'S JUST LIKE AN ORDINARY LORRY.

CAN YOU DRIVE A LORRY?

OF COURSE I CAN.

DURING THE WAR, I DROVE THE FARM LORRY SEVERAL TIMES.

THEY'RE AFTER US!

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL GET THOSE POOR CHINESE GENTLEMEN SO LOST

NO ONE WILL EVER SEE THEM AGAIN.

YOU REALIZE YOU ARE ALLOWING THOSE WOMEN TO GET AWAY?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUCH A GOOD DRIVER.

FASTER!

FASTER!

MIND THE FOG!

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

DEAR ME!

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

NOW YOU HAVE LOST 'EM!

DO NOT WORRY, MASTER.

I WILL FIND THEM AGAIN.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

WELL?

ALWAYS YOU ARE RIGHT, WORTHY MASTER.

I HAVE LOST THEM.

DRIVE ON, UNWORTHY PUPIL.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

AAH!AAH! AAH!

EVERYBODY BACK IN CAR.

NO, MASTER. EVERYBODY GO HOME.

ABSOLUTELY NO SIGN OF THE CHINESE.

I TOLD YOU I COULD GET RID OF THEM.

CAREFUL! WE'RE COMING TO A MAIN ROAD!

DON'T WORRY. I'LL HOOT THE HOOTER.

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

OH!

[ HORNS HONKING ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE GOING ANYWAY?!

DON'T RUSH ME, DEAR.

I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO MAKE UP MY MIND.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE NOW.

DARNATION!

OHH!

WHAT THE BLUE BLAZES DO YOU THINK --

I'M VERY SORRY, I'M SURE.

A COUPLE OF POCKETS PICKED, SIR,

AND ONE NICE SMASH-AND-GRAB, THAT'S ALL.

BANK HOLIDAY -- THE SHARP BOYS MUST HAVE TAKEN

THEIR WIVES AND KIDDIES TO THE SEASIDE.

EVERYTHING ELSE CALM?

WOULD I LIE TO YOU, SIR?

YOU'RE STRANGELY QUIET, MY LOVE.

THIS THING SEEMS TO BE LOSING ITS ZIP.

TRY POKING THE FIRE, EMILY.

NO GOOD.

IT'S ALMOST OUT OF COAL.

PUT SOME MORE ON.

ALL RIGHT.

[ HORSE NEIGHS ]

[ CRASH ]

WE'RE GOING BETTER NOW.

SHOULD BE. I'VE SHOVELED ENOUGH COAL.

DID YOU HAVE TO GET IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE, TOO?

I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO A THOROUGH JOB.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

[ GASPS ]

[ Scottish accent ] IT'S NESSIE!

[ Scottish accent ] WHY WOULD SHE LEAVE

THE CRYSTAL WATERS OF LOCH NESS

FOR A DIRTY, OLD, MUDDY LONDON RIVER?

IT'S A SAD END INDEED FOR THE LOYAL SCOTTISH MONSTER.

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

[ ANIMALS GROWLING ]

OUR CHAPS ARE A BIT RESTLESS TONIGHT.

WELL, IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR --

MATING SEASON, YOU KNOW.

POOR OLD HIGH POCKETS.

THEY HAVEN'T FOUND A MATE FOR HER YET.

[ SLOW, SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ]

MORE COAL, EMILY.

OH, VERY WELL.

CAN I HELP?

I CAN MANAGE PERFECTLY WELL MYSELF, THANK YOU!

[ CLANKING ]

WILL YOU STOP THAT INFERNAL --

GOOD GRACIOUS!

WONDERFUL LUCK, MY DEAR --

A CREATURE I'VE NEVER BAGGED BEFORE!

LOOK MAGNIFICENT OVER THE FIREPLACE!

[ GUN COCKS ]

[ CLICKS ]

BLAST THE THING! AAH!

COME BACK IN, DEAR.

THE NIGHT AIR IS BAD FOR YOUR BRONCHITIS.

BACK AS SOON AS I CAN, MY LOVE!

OH, LOOK -- THERE'S COLONEL MORTIMER

RIDING DOWN THE STREET ON A DINOSAUR.

HOW VERY ODD.

NOW HE'S FALLEN OFF.

YOU THERE!

PULL UP!

HE'S GOT AWAY! WE MUST GO AFTER HIM!

I NEED HIM FOR ME TROPHY ROOM! MOST EXTRAORDINARY CREATURE!

HAS IT GOT A LONG TAIL AND A LONG NECK?

YES, ENORMOUS!

DRIVE ON! THANK YOU.

WAIT FOR ME!

DRIVE ON, MAN! DRIVE ON!

[ HORN BLARES ]

DINOSAUR!

Colonel: FASTER, MAN! FASTER!

[ GUNSHOT ]

THEY'VE FOUND US AGAIN!

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ YELLING IN CHINESE ]

[ GUNSHOT ] STEADY! STEADY!

THAT'S IT!

[ GUNSHOT ]

HA HA HA HA!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

KEEP IT STRAIGHT, MAN!

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

[ HORN BLARING ]

[ GUNSHOTS ]

NO, NO! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

ISN'T THIS THRILLING?!

I'M NOT THRILLED! I'M DAMAGED!

AAH! I'M NOT THE DAMN LAUNDRY!

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS ROAD?!

IT ISN'T A ROAD, DEAR. IT'S GRASS.

WE'RE ON A RACECOURSE.

Man: PLACE YOUR BETS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

EVENS ON THE LONG-NECKED FILLY!

4 TO 1 ON THE GRAY! 7 TO 1 BAR!

HA HA HA HA!

MOVE FASTER.

[ HORN BLARES ]

STOP YOUR VEHICLE, MADAM.

I'LL THANK YOU NOT TO ORDER ME ABOUT, "PANDA NOSE."

IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY,

I SHALL BE FORCED TO RESORT TO THE GRAVEST MEASURES.

INDEED!

THE LONG-NECKED FILLY'S RUN OUT!

EVENS ON THE CHESTNUT!

I'M GIVING EVENS ON THE CHESTNUT!

WHERE DO WE GO NOW?!

LOOK OUT!

THERE'S THE OTHER ONE!

DO STOP FUSSING, EMILY.

FASTER!

[ YELLING IN CHINESE ]

[ METAL CLANGING ]

HEE-HEE! HA HA HA HA HA!

FAN CHOY, NEXT TIME, I DRIVE BOTH CARS.

[ GROANS ]

WAIT A MINUTE.

[ RATTLING ]

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

I DON'T WANT TO WORRY YOU,

BUT I THINK WE JUST GOT ON A TRAIN.

OH, DEAR. HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS THING GO BACKWARDS?

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

I WISH I KNEW WHERE WE WERE GOING.

OH, I DO HOPE IT'S SOMEWHERE EXCITING.

[ GASPS ] DINOSAUR!

DINOSAUR!

GOODBYE, "PANDA NOSE"!

WHERE AM I?

WHY, ENGLAND, SIR.

YOU A LOST, AREN'T YOU, SIR?

[ GROANS ]

NO, MRS. THUMLEY, WE HAVEN'T HEARD A THING.

I QUITE UNDERSTAND HOW WORRIED YOU MUST BE --

GOOD MORNING, MISS PRESCOTT.

THE CONQUERING HERO RETURNS.

I GOT THEM! I GOT THE LOT --

EVERY BUTTERFLY IN THE COLLECTION!

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I WANTED TO CALL THE POLICE, BUT --

YOU MUST CALL THE PRESS! CALL EVERYONE!

CALL YOUR FRIENDS, CALL YOUR MOTHER!

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY! WHERE'S THAT IDIOT THUMLEY?

HE MUST SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE ANYONE IS.

NO ONE HERE -- NO GUARDS, NO ONE,

PARTICULARLY NO MR. THUMLEY.

NO THUMLEY? HE'S ALWAYS ON TIME --

ALWAYS BEEN ON TIME TO THE POINT OF IDIOCY.

RING HIM UP.

I DID. MRS. THUMLEY DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEAK TO MRS. THUMLEY?

MAKE IT A RULE NEVER TO INTERFERE

IN A SUBORDINATE'S PERSONAL SITUATIONS.

SLY OLD DOG!

THE BUTTERFLIES, SIR GEOFFREY -- ARE THEY NICE?

ARE YOU PLEASED?

PLEASED?! PLEASED?! HARDLY THE WORD.

I'M DOTTY WITH JOY! THEY ARE MAGNIFICENT!

EXPLODE A BOMBSHELL NEVER TO BE FORGOTTEN

IN BRITISH LEPIDOPTERA CIRCLES.

I ALMOST FORGOT. THERE'S SOMEONE TO SEE YOU --

A MR. HAYCOCK FROM THE BRITISH NEWS ASSOCIATION.

I PUT HIM IN MR. THUMLEY'S OFFICE.

MUST HAVE GOT WIND OF MY BUTTERFLIES.

AMAZING HOW THE NEWS GETS AROUND.

AH! GOOD MORNING TO YOU, SIR.

HAYCOCK, SIR.

BRITISH NEWS ASSOCIATION -- NOTHING ESCAPES YOU.

NO WONDER YOU CHAPS

ARE THE ADMIRATION OF THE JOURNALISTIC WORLD.

I WONDER IF YOU COULD HELP ME, SIR.

AH, YES -- THE YUGOSLAVIAN BUTTERFLIES.

THE CASE OF ADVANCED SPECIMENS SHOULD BE HERE

FROM THE STATION SOMETIME THIS MORNING.

WHEN I ARRIVED IN DUBROVNIK --

IT'S NOT THE BUTTERFLIES.

WE'VE HEARD RUMORS ABOUT A DINOSAUR

MOVING AROUND LONDON.

WONDER IF YOU COULD THROW SOME LIGHT ON THE SITUATION.

DINOSAUR?

R-RIDICULOUS. THEY'VE BEEN EXTINCT

FOR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

I UNDERSTAND THAT.

COULD IT, PERHAPS, BE A DINOSAUR SKELETON?

COULD SOMEONE HAVE STOLEN IT?

PREPOSTEROUS! WHO WOULD STEAL A DINOSAUR SKELETON?

NO MARKET FOR IT.

HOW WOULD YOU PAWN A DINOSAUR SKELETON, EH?

YOU'RE NOT MAKING SENSE, YOUNG MAN.

IT COULDN'T BE ONE OF YOUR DINOSAURS, COULD IT?

CERTAINLY NOT.

NOT ONE OF MINE, I CAN ASSURE YOU.

NOT LIKELY ONE OF THEM WANDERING ABOUT LOOSE.

I RUN A TIGHT SHIP HERE.

COULD I SEE YOUR DINOSAUR?

IT WOULD GIVE ME THE BACKGROUND TO WRITE A PROPER STORY.

OF COURSE. OF COURSE.

AND AFTERWARDS, WE CAN HAVE A CHAT

ABOUT MY BUTTERFLIES, SHALL WE?

OUR BRONTOSAURUS

IS ONE OF THE FINEST SPECIMENS IN EUROPE --

60 FEET FROM THE TIP OF THE TAIL TO THE HEAD.

SPEAKING OF FINEST SPECIMENS, MY BUTTERFLIES --

I REALLY AM MORE INTERESTED IN THE DINOSAUR.

[ SPEAKING GERMAN ]

[ SPEAKING FRENCH ]

HOME SECRETARY HERE.

SIR GEOFFREY, THE CABINET HAS JUST BEEN DISCUSSING

THE DISASTROUS OCCURRENCE AT YOUR MUSEUM.

YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW DISTRESSED THE PRIME MINISTER WAS BY IT.

You know the foreign press --

making Britain a laughingstock.

THE FRENCH PRIME MINISTER

HAS ALREADY BEEN ON THE PHONE --

BAD JOKES IN EXTREMELY POOR TASTE.

Our problem is with the smaller countries.

HOW CAN THEY BELIEVE BRITAIN WILL PROTECT THEM

IF BRITAIN CAN'T PROTECT ITS OWN DINOSAUR?!

I VENTURE TO SAY THIS MAY BE THE MOMENT FOR SOME GOOD NEWS.

W-W-WHAT GOOD NEWS?

ABOUT THE COLLECTION OF YUGOSLAVIAN BUTTERFLIES

I've managed to bring to this country.

They'll make your head positively reel with delight!

GOOD DAY, SIR!

[ DISTRESSED BLEATING ]

HOW MUCH FURTHER ARE WE GOING?

I'VE TOLD YOU, DEAR --

WE HAVE TO FIND A SAFE PLACE TO HIDE THE DINOSAUR.

THEN YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP.

WE'VE ONLY FIVE PIECES OF COAL LEFT.

OH, DEAR.

I DO HOPE, SUPERINTENDENT,

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET IT BACK FOR US

WITHOUT TOO MUCH DELAY.

I'VE PULLED FELLOWS LIKE YOU OUT OF TROUBLE BEFORE.

ME AND MY BOYS, WE'RE ALL EXPERTS.

TAKE SERGEANT BROMLEY --

MOST EXTRAORDINARY NOSE IN THE BRITISH EMPIRE.

[ SNIFFS ] I SEE YOU'VE CHANGED YOUR HAIR OIL AGAIN.

SUITS YOU BETTER THAN THAT VIENNESE MUCK

YOU WERE USING LAST YEAR. [ CLEARS THROAT ]

AND THIS IS DR. FREEMO. HE ESTIMATES THINGS.

HOW DO YOU DO?

SIR GEOFFREY WILKINS... 54 YEARS OLD,

ALL ORIGINAL TEETH, WEIGHT -- 13 STONE, 1 POUND,

AN OUNCE AND A HALF... BLUE UNDERPANTS, PROBABLY.

PETS --

THAT'S ENOUGH, FREEMO. GET ON THE CASE NOW.

TIME FOR CONVERSATION...

ONE MINUTE, 32 SECONDS.

PURPOSE OF CONVERSATION -- SHOPTALK.

NO USE WHATSOEVER, REALLY.

SCIENTIFIC CRIMINOLOGY -- OH, YOU CAN'T BEAT IT.

PERFECT PLACE TO HIDE A DINOSAUR.

EXCEPT FOR THAT.

WELL, THERE WON'T BE ANYONE ABOUT TO SEE IT.

WHAT'S ALL THESE BITS OF PAPER FOR?

I THINK THAT MEANS A PAPER CHASE,

AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT'S COMING NOW!

OH!

QUICK!

QUICKLY!

QUICKLY, EMILY.

THAT'S THE WAY, BOYS! THAT'S THE WAY!

THAT'S THE WAY, BOYS! RIGHT AROUND THAT WAY!

RUN ALONG. YOU'RE DOING BEAUTIFULLY.

HURRY, HURRY.

OH! THOUGHT THEY HAD US THAT TIME.

GET UP, EMILY. WE HAVE WORK TO DO.

YES.

THE HOME SECRETARY TO SEE YOU, SIR.

GLAD YOU COULD DROP IN, SIR.

WE'RE HARD AT IT, AS YOU CAN SEE.

CARRY ON, GRUBBS, JUST AS THOUGH I WASN'T HERE.

CARRY ON, SERGEANT.

NEVER MIND ABOUT THE PAINT AND TURPENTINE SMELLS.

WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU FOUND?

IN SQUARE M-8,

I GET FOUR TYPES OF SOAP, RUNNING TO LAVENDER,

LILAC, AND HELIOTROPE -- CHARACTERISTIC OF OLDER WOMEN.

THEN THERE'S TALCUM POWDER,

FREQUENTLY USED IN NURSERIES.

MOVING ON TO M-9...

AS ALWAYS WITH A VACUUM PICKUP,

THERE'S ALWAYS PLENTY OF DUST -- CIGARETTE ASH,

TOBACCO -- CERTAINLY OF NORTH CHINA ORIGIN --

BISCUIT CRUMBS -- PETIT BUERRE VARIETY --

THREADS OF COTTON FIBER FROM LOW-COST STOCKINGS --

AND FOUR STRANDS OF WOMEN'S HAIR --

THREE BROWN, ONE BLEACHED.

TAKING IT ALL IN ALL

AND AS A RESULT OF ALL THE FOREGOING FACTS,

I HAVE REASON TO REACH THE FOLLOWING CONCLUSIONS --

A GROUP OF BRITISH NANNIES, NUMBERING MORE THAN SIX,

ACTING IN CONCERT WITH A GROUP OF ALIENS,

MORE THAN 15 OF ORIENTAL EXTRACTION,

HAVE CONSPIRED TO PILFER THE DINOSAUR.

ORIENTALS AND NANNIES?

WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY DO THAT?

THE MOTIVE, SIR --

THAT IS PRECISELY THE SUBJECT OF MY NEXT INQUIRY.

EXCELLENT.

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU, SUPERINTENDENT.

ORIENTALS AND NANNIES...

THE ROOTS ARE DEEP, GRUBBS. MARK MY WORDS.

THE ROOTS ARE DEEP.

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, WE ALWAYS HAVE OUR EYE ON YOU.

JOLLY DECENT OF YOU TO REMIND ME,

AND IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU TO TAKE THAT CHAIN OFF.

THAT FEELS A LOT BETTER.

I HAVE DECIDED TO CHANGE MY TACTICS WITH YOU.

LORD SOUTHMERE, YOU DO NOT RESPOND TO HARSH TREATMENT.

I MUST SAY I APPRECIATE THE CHANGE.

YOU KNOW, TIME OCCUR WHEN SPIRIT SHOULD RELAX --

WHEN ONE SHOULD PUT ASIDE ALL THE TRIBULATIONS

OF OUR VERY DANGEROUS PROFESSION.

NO, NO --

FORGET INVISIBLE INK, FORGET FINGERPRINTS,

ALL THE PERILS OF ESPIONAGE,

AND JUST SIT FACING ONE ANOTHER LIKE TWO FRIENDS.

NO, YOU SEE --

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

CHEERS.

THANK YOU.

I WISH YOU'D REMEMBER -- DO YOU SEE -- SORRY.

I'M NOT A SPY. I'M AN ORDINARY BUSINESSMAN.

ORDINARY BUSINESSMAN?

PRECISELY.

AND YET YOU STEAL LOTUS "X"?

GREAT CELESTIAL LEADER... NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

HE DON'T LIKE TO HAVE

HIS MILITARY SECRETS STOLEN FROM HIM.

HE NOT GOT SO VERY MANY.

IT MAKE HIM -- HOW SHALL I PUT IT -- PEEVISH.

PEEVISH. PEEVISH, YES.

I'M AFRAID I'M NOT VERY WELL UP

ON MILITARY SECRETS, ACTUALLY.

I WOULDN'T KNOW ONE END OF A CANNON FROM THE OTHER.

FROM OTHER? [ CHUCKLES ]

AND YET YOU CONCEAL LOTUS "X" ON DINOSAUR!

AND NOW YOUR NANNY HAVE STOLEN DINOSAUR.

HAS SHE REALLY? HOW VERY RESOURCEFUL.

SHE ALWAYS WAS AN ENTERPRISING OLD GIRL.

YOU KNOW YOUR NANNY. EVERY MAN KNOWS HIS NANNY.

WHERE DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT?

HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST IDEA.

CURIOUS CREATURES -- NANNIES.

ONE NEVER KNOWS WHAT THEY DO ON THEIR DAY OFF.

PUT ME DOWN! GET OFF! GET OFF!

FOUND YOUNG ENGLISHMEN WANDERING AROUND BUILDING.

OW!

IT'S YOU AGAIN, CASTLEBERRY.

I HARDLY THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP HANGING AROUND HERE.

WELL, SIR, NANNY'S DISAPPEARED AGAIN.

I THOUGHT SHE MIGHT HAVE TURNED UP HERE.

YOUR NANNY IS, AT THE PRESENT MOMENT,

LEGGING IT AROUND THE COUNTRYSIDE

WITH A GREAT, BIG DINOSAUR.

A DINOSAUR?! THAT'S JOLLY GOOD!

WAIT A MOMENT. WHICH BIG DINOSAUR?

WHICH DINOSAUR?

YOU MEAN THERE IS MORE THAN ONE?

THE MUSEUM'S GOT A BRONTOSAURUS AND A PRETTY GOOD DIPLODOCUS.

THEY'RE BOTH DINOSAURS, YOU KNOW.

THEY'RE BOTH DINOSAURS.

LORD SOUTHMERE,

UPON PRECISELY WHICH ONE OF BOTH DINOSAURS

DID YOU PLACE LOTUS "X"?

I CAN'T HELP YOU ON THAT ONE.

I'M NOT UP ON THE NAMES OF THE BEASTLY THINGS.

I MAY HAVE SPENT ALL NIGHT CHASING THE WRONG DINOSAUR?

IT'S NOT HERE.

IT MUST BE.

DIDN'T MASTER EDWARD TELL YOU THE NAPE OF THE NECK?

QUITE DISTINCTLY,

BUT THEN MASTER EDWARD MUST HAVE BEEN STILL MUDDLED.

I'M GOING BACK TO LONDON.

WE'D ALL LIKE TO DO THAT.

NO, YOU MUST STAY HERE AND GUARD THE DINOSAUR.

SUSAN, YOU COLLECT PLENTY OF WOOD TO FIRE UP THE BOILER.

I SHALL SPEAK TO MASTER EDWARD AGAIN.

I'M SURE THAT BY NOW...

HIS MEMORY MUST BE REALLY RECOVERED.

YOU CAN'T WALK IN AND OUT OF THAT CHINESE PLACE

AS THOUGH YOU OWNED IT.

THERE'S NO REASON

WHY I SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET IN AGAIN.

HOW WILL YOU GET TO LONDON?

I SHALL STAND BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND LOOK PATHETIC.

I'M SURE SOME KIND GENTLEMAN WILL GIVE ME A LIFT.

COME ON, BOY. [ LAUGHS ]

HOLD ON, SIR.

THIS HALL'S CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.

OH, DEAR. SO IT IS.

FIRST IT WAS THE PAINTERS,

THEN OUR BRONTOSAURUS GOT PINCHED.

YOU MAY HAVE READ ABOUT IT.

IN THE PAPER, I READ SOMETHING.

YOU'VE STILL GOT THE DIPLODOCUS

AS WELL AS THE PTERODACTYL.

OF COURSE, THE LATTER IS ACTUALLY A PREHISTORIC BIRD.

BRAINY LITTLE NIPPER, AIN'T HE?

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT --

WE'LL GO AND SEE THE SPIDERS.

CRIKEY, UNCLE, AREN'T WE GOING TO SEE THE DINOSAURS?

OH, POOR LITTLE FELLOW. MY HEART BLEEDS FOR THEM.

I, UH -- I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, SIR.

I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF NEPHEWS MYSELF.

UH, IT CAN'T HURT TO, UH --

I'LL LET THE LADS HAVE A PEEK, SIR.

THANK YOU, SIR. I-I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU.

YOU CAN'T SEE ME NOW.

BOYS, GO AND PLAY WITH THE PTERODACTYLS.

I WILL GO AND LOOK AT THE DIPLODOCUS.

DIPLODOCUS.

AHHHHHH!

Ahhhhhh!

[ CHUCKLING ]

THANK YOU, BOYS. I'M MOST OBLIGED TO YOU.

YOU LEARN TOO QUICKLY.

THANK YOU, UNCLE.

THANK YOU, UNCLE.

BUT WHERE ARE THE BOYS?

I HAVE NO IDEA, NANNY.

GAVE THEM THEIR LUNCHEON, AND THEY JUST HOPPED IT.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

I'LL ANSWER THAT.

HELLO?

Emily: Hettie...

OH, IT'S YOU, EMILY.

I'm cold.

YES, I KNOW IT MUST BE DAMP AND COLD.

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO WALK SO FAR TO THE TELEPHONE,

BUT, EMILY, I'M BEING AS QUICK AS I CAN.

I AM ABOUT TO TAKE A TAXI TO THEIR PLACE IN SOHO.

HELLO, NANNY. HELLO, NANNY.

RUN ALONG UP TO THE NURSERY.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL AFTERNOON?

YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE WAITING ON THE PHONE.

I'M AWARE OF THAT.

WE'VE BEEN TO THE MUSEUM WITH A CHINESE GENTLEMAN.

IT'S THE BOYS, EMILY. I'M WAITING FOR THEM TO --

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NOTHING, REALLY.

COME ALONG.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE, BOTH OF YOU!

Susan: How long do you want us to stay here?

BE QUIET, EMILY. OH, IT'S YOU, SUSAN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE TELEPHONE?

ONE OF YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING THE --

THE CREATURE.

WHAT CREATURE, NANNY -- AN ANIMAL OR SOMETHING?

OR DO YOU MEAN THE DINOSAUR FROM THE MUSEUM?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE DINOSAUR?!

ONLY THAT IT HAPPENS TO BE THE WRONG DINOSAUR.

YOU'VE BEEN CHASING ALL OVER LONDON

WITH THE WRONG DINOSAUR.

Emily: Hettie --

EMILY, DO BE QUIET. SOMETHING IMPORTANT IS GOING ON.

WE MIGHT HAVE SAVED YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE,

BUT, NOPE, YOU WOULDN'T TRUST US.

ALL THE TIME, IT HAD TO BE THIS SILLY NANNY BUSINESS --

"CLEAN YOUR TEETH, COMB YOUR HAIR,

ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE, WIPE YOUR FEET."

NANNY, IT'S VERY CLEAR TO ME

THAT YOU'VE BOTCHED EVERYTHING.

MASTER RICHARD, I WILL SPEAK TO YOU LATER ABOUT YOUR RUDENESS.

IN THE MEANTIME, WHAT IS THIS ABOUT GOING TO THE MUSEUM

WITH A CHINESE GENTLEMAN?

THE BUSINESS TO DO WITH THE TINY PIECE OF FILM --

HIS PROPERTY, HE SAID.

TRUSCOTT AND I WERE ABLE TO SHOW HIM

TO THE RIGHT DINOSAUR.

GOT HIS PROPERTY BACK WITHOUT ANY TROUBLE AT ALL.

YOU KNOW, NANNY, THERE IS AN EASY WAY TO DO EVERYTHING.

EMILY, I'VE MADE A DREADFUL, DREADFUL MISTAKE.

WE'VE STOLEN THE WRONG DINOSAUR,

AND NOW THE CHINESE HAVE THE FILM OF LOTUS "X."

THEN IT'S ALL OVER?

I'm afraid the difficult part has only just begun.

NOW THAT THEY HAVE THE FILM,

THEY WON'T NEED MASTER EDWARD ANYMORE,

AND THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT THEY MIGHT DO WITH HIM.

I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

BUT, HETTIE --

[ Click ]

I HAVE KNOWN THAT WOMAN FOR 30 YEARS,

AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET HER GET INTO TROUBLE WITHOUT ME.

[ WHISTLE BLOWING ]

I'M AFRAID MY WOOD WASN'T VERY DRY.

[ WHISTLE BLOWING ]

GREAT CELESTIAL LEADER, WE ARE ALONE,

YOU AND I.

I HAVE NOT BETRAYED YOUR TRUST.

LOTUS "X" IS FOUND.

AT LAST, I WILL SHARE YOUR WELL-KEPT SECRET.

[ SIGHS ]

ORDERS FROM CELESTIAL LEADER, WU TSAI.

NO ONE MAY SEE LOTUS "X,"

LEAST OF ALL YOU, UNWORTHY ONE.

UNWORTHY? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, QUON?

DOING MY JOB --

SENDING AND RECEIVING MESSAGES FROM PEKING.

YOU SEND MESSAGE TO PEKING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?

ALL THE TIME.

PEKING APPRECIATE ADDED INFORMATION.

SUCH AS?

I SENT TELEGRAM TO PEKING,

SAYING YOUR BRILLIANT IDEA FOR STEALING DINOSAUR

HAS UNFORTUNATELY ENDED IN COMPLETE DISASTER.

[ GASPS ] HOW WAS THE NEWS RECEIVED?

I AM...

SO SORRY.

IN A YAK'S EYE, YOU SORRY.

I AM ALSO NEW HEAD OF LONDON OFFICE.

EXPLANATION, PLEASE!

THANKS FOR EXPLANATION.

THE RELUCTANT DRAGON IN SOHO, PLEASE.

Man: CERTAINLY, MADAM.

THE RELUCTANT DRAGON IN SOHO, PLEASE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE GOING WITH YOU.

YOU'RE GOING UP TO BED, ELSE NANNY WILL BE VERY CROSS.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO CALL THE POLICE, WOULD YOU?

POLICE?

IT MIGHT CAUSE A RUMPUS.

IT MIGHT EVEN TURN UP IN A NEWSPAPER.

MASTER RICHARD, THAT'S BLACKMAIL!

IT IS, ISN'T IT? HEARD THE LATEST?

"LORD CASTLEBERRY'S NANNY

"PINCHED A DINOSAUR FROM THE MUSEUM,

GOT INVOLVED WITH FOREIGN SPIES -- FRIGHTFUL MESS."

YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

THE WHOLE THING MIGHT GIVE NANNIES A BAD NAME --

BRING THE WHOLE SYSTEM OF NANNIES

CRASHING DOWN ABOUT OUR EARS.

GET IN.

IT AIN'T MY FAULT THE PLACE IS EMPTY.

WHAT IT WAS WAS THIS HERE BANK HOLIDAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

THEY CELEBRATED YOUR BIRTHDAY

BY EVERYBODY STOPPIN' WORK AND LEAVIN' TOWN.

KIND OF A COMPLIMENT IN A WAY, YOU MIGHT SAY.

GOOD EVENING, LADIES.

TABLE FOR 12, PLEASE.

[ French accent ] OUI, MADAME. WE CAN SQUEEZE YOU IN.

THIS WAY, PLEASE.

[ Normal voice ] TABLE FOR 12 -- CHOP, CHOP.

LINDA SUE, SOME SORT OF PEOPLE HERE

IN FANCY CLOTHES TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY.

IS MR. HNUP ON THE PREMISES?

HE'S IN THE OFFICE WITH MR. QUON, I BELIEVE.

DO YOU WISH TO SEE HIM?

ALL IN GOOD TIME.

[ HUMMING ]

HA HA HA!

IT'S AMAZING THE CLUTTER ONE ACCUMULATES OVER THE YEARS.

LOOK -- MINIATURE JADE DRAGON FROM SUZHOU.

HURRY UP! I HAVE WORK TO DO!

THERE'S AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE OF MARSHAL WU'S MOTHER.

SHE LIKED ME.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU. READY FOR ANOTHER LITTLE CHAT?

Quon: MR. HNUP IS NOT CHATTING TO ANYONE.

HE IS LEAVING US UNDER A CLOUD,

AND PROBABLY FOR A DISTANT PART OF OUTER MONGOLIA.

[ GIGGLES ]

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

WE WERE JUST BEGINNING TO GET ON RATHER WELL.

OH, SPURS FROM MY OLD CAVALRY SCHOOL --

THE HORSES WEAR THEM.

CELESTIAL LEADER VERY ANGRY

ABOUT "OPERATION LOTUS 'X'" BUNGLE.

THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, ISN'T IT?

IF THIS STUPIDITY SHOULD BECOME KNOWN,

HE WILL LOSE CONSIDERABLE FACE.

THEREFORE, I HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED BY PEKING

THAT ANYONE WHO COULD TELL OF THIS

MUST BE IMMEDIATELY... ELIMINATED.

I THINK THAT'S A VERY SE--

D-DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I AM LOOKING AT YOU.

TAKE LORD SOUTHMERE DOWNSTAIRS.

I SHALL DEAL WITH THIS UNPLEASANT BUSINESS...

PERSONALLY.

I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THIS.

ACTUALLY...SO AM I.

COME ALONG, MASTER EDWARD. QUITE TIME YOU WENT HOME.

YOU DON'T LOOK WELL AT ALL.

AFTER HIM, YOU IDIOTS!

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

TWO MORE REPORTS, SIR.

THE DINOSAUR SEEMS TO BE HEADING

IN THE DIRECTION OF SOHO.

COME ALONG.

[ YELLING CONTINUES ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

I OUGHT TO GIVE MY NANNY A HAND.

SHE SEEMS TO BE DOING RATHER WELL ON HER OWN.

IN ANY CASE, NANNIES DON'T LIKE TO BE INTERFERED WITH.

HOW DO YOU MEAN?

"NANNY KNOWS BEST." RING A BELL?

SOUND THINKING, OLD BOY.

1 POINT TO ME.

HA HA!

UGH!

YOU LOSE 2 POINTS. YOU HIT A NANNY.

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

[ YELLING CONTINUES ]

YOUR FRIEND QUON SEEMS A TRIFLE PUT-OUT.

IT'S A BIT OF BAD LUCK, YOU KNOW.

FIRST DAY ON NEW JOB, AND EVERYTHING GO UP IN SMOKE.

THIS PLUM WINE COME FROM CHEFOO.

IT'S AN AMUSING LITTLE VINTAGE, DON'T YOU THINK SO?

NICE, YES.

AND YOU SAID THE ENGLISH DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN!

YOU GO GET HIM, MA'AM!

I REALLY OUGHT TO GIVE A HAND.

IF YOU COME IN ON YOUR SIDE,

I SHALL BE COMPELLED TO COME IN ON MINE.

TAKE THEM TO CELLAR! LOCK THEM UP!

I WISH THEY'D LOOK WHERE THEY'RE GOING.

GET UP! GET UP AND FIGHT!

COWARDS!

HE'S THE LEADER. THAT COUNTS 5.

OH, DEAR.

AAH!

DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME!

MISERABLE FEMALES!

WELL PLAYED, NANNY! JOLLY GOOD SHOT!

I NEVER KNEW SHE HAD IT IN HER!

Look out! [ COUGHS ]

[ CRASHING ]

A TOUCH OF LARYNGITIS.

MY VOICE GIVE OUT AT ODD...MOMENT.

[ BELLS RINGING ]

WHAT ARE THOSE BELLS?

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

Susan: IT'S THE POLICE!

CAN'T STOP NOW!

WHY NOT?!

I DIDN'T LIKE TO TELL YOU, BUT OUR BRAKES HAVE GONE!

OH, THAT'S REAL NICE OF 'EM.

OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LINDA SUE.

[ WAILING ]

THE HOME SECRETARY ON THE LINE, SIR.

SORRY TO RING YOU AT HOME,

BUT I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR THE NEWS.

YOU MIGHT GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP AT LAST.

YES, YES, I HAVE RECOVERED THE STOLEN OBJECT,

AND WE MAY NOW CONSIDER

THE CASE OF THE MISSING DINOSAUR CLOSED.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T THANK ME. JUST DOING MY DUTY.

BOTH IN THE SAME HAND, MASTER TRUSCOTT.

YOU PUT ON A JOLLY GOOD SHOW, NANNY.

ALMOST MADE ME SORRY I WAS SO BEASTLY TO YOU.

ME TOO.

WELL, IT CAME OUT ALL RIGHT IN THE END.

THINGS USUALLY DO, YOU KNOW.

AH, THERE YOU ARE, NANNY. NOW WE'RE ALL HERE.

WHERE'S THAT NICE MR. QUON?

RESTING COMFORTABLY, PERHAPS FOR THE LAST TIME.

OWING TO HIS INCALCULABLE STUPIDITY,

NONE OF US NOW HAS LOTUS "X."

IT IS IN HANDS OF LONDON POLICE.

THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE.

THEY WERE KIND ENOUGH TO HAND IT OVER TO ME --

ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER.

I WILL FINALLY SHOW YOU THE SECRET OF LOTUS "X."

OH!

"TAKE THREE MEASURES OF RIPE GREEN PEA PODS.

"ADD ONE CUP OF JUICE

"FROM MEDIUM-SIZED PRESSED DUCK.

THEN YOU --" THIS MUST STILL BE IN CODE.

IT READ LIKE RECIPE FOR WONTON SOUP.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.

I KEPT TELLING EVERYBODY I'M NOT A SPY.

I'M JUST AN ORDINARY BUSINESSMAN.

BUT NONE OF YOU CHAPS WOULD LISTEN TO ME.

ACTUALLY, I'M SOUTHMERE'S SOUPS AND SAVORIES.

VERY NUTRITIOUS, TOO.

OH, THANK YOU, NANNY.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN CHINA?

JUST DOING MY JOB --

TRYING TO TRACK DOWN NEW TASTE THRILLS

FOR THE FOOD-BUYING BRITISH PUBLIC.

I HEARD ABOUT THIS FABULOUS NEW SOUP.

I WANTED TO BUY IT.

THEN I RAN INTO A BRICK WALL -- OLD MARSHAL WU TSAI.

IT WAS HIS MOTHER'S RECIPE, YOU SEE.

HE WOULD NEVER, NEVER ALLOW THE SECRET TO LEAVE CHINA.

CELESTIAL MOTHER -- SHE LIKED ME.

BEEN A TREASURED FAMILY SECRET FOR GENERATIONS.

WHEN I PINCHED IT,

THEY WERE AFTER ME LIKE A SHOT.

SO THERE YOU ARE, THEN.

THAT'S THE STORY OF HOW THE WHOLE WORLD CAME TO KNOW

THE MAGIC OF WONTON SOUP.

A POPULAR SUCCESS RIGHT FROM THE START,

THANKS TO OUR MARKETING DIRECTOR --

A MAN WHO I HAD SOME LITTLE TROUBLE WITH,

BUT WHOM FINALLY FOUND HIS TRUE NICHE IN LIFE.

HI, YOU ALL.

TREAT YOURSELF TO THE BEST.

NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD SUPERMARKET,

DON'T FORGET TO ASK FOR YOUR FAVORITE AND MINE --

MADAME WU TSAI'S REAL CHOP-WATERING,

DOWN-HOME WONTON SOUP.

YEAH! MMMMM.