Original subtitles

Poor Rory. It's true.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, God.

Run, Mark, will we?

Aye.

Did you

forget

about Bruce?

He's a mess.

I'm sorry. He was the change that came off my bike.

Do your job. Come on, Jock.

Hamish, can I talk to you? Can you not wait till we get rid of Bruce?

I've had a warning.

Aye, aye. No, I'm serious.

A vision.

You're in it.

Me, I'm in it.

And I'm suffocating.

Browning.

I don't know, Hamish, it doesn't look good.

Well, funnily enough, John, I've had a vision. In my vision, Bruce arrives.

Bruce arrives, we're in a mess, and that doesn't look good.

There it is, Macbeth, the latest.

Can you not just feel that processing power?

Yes, sir.

Just waiting to be unleashed, eh? Oh, I'm putting one of these in every nick

my patch.

Neymar Mountain paperwork.

No, sir, those days are gone.

This is state -of -the -art technology.

It'll be a great help, sir, when the cases come flooding in.

You can also be online to Inverness 24 hours a day.

It's a very simple interface.

Because, you know, lads, you're not exactly up to scratch with your

you know.

I gather we're still getting reports from you from September 1993.

Oh, well, I did try and explain, sir, about the typewriter problem.

Loughborough Police Station.

Is your man John, is he up to it?

The administration?

Oh, yes, sir, John. Keeps me in order, sir.

Hamish.

I suppose they put an arm through and unlocked the door.

We tend to leave the key in the lock, I'm afraid.

Uh -huh.

Replaceable, of course.

But insured.

Yes, yes, there is that consolation.

Hamish, this gang that have been running amok all over the Highlands, if I

understand it... The mob?

Yes, yes.

Do you think it could have been them?

No.

No, no, you see, the mob... Well, they spotted thee for a start.

And most burglars tend to break in from the outside.

What do you mean?

Well, someone, I think it was you, broke the window from the inside.

See, most of the glass has fallen on the outside.

Plus, you'd need arms, I'd say, at least about four feet long to be able to

reach in from there.

Oh.

Financial difficulties, Major.

Mr. McKeever just phoned.

He said to see Bruce.

Is it?

He's on his way.

Right, you need to get rid of these for a start.

We've got a lot of work to do to avoid you being arrested.

I'll take that.

Thanks. This is Michael John.

OK.

Where do you put the silver?

Table block.

Good. Right.

We'll get it later. We want the inspector to find it, OK? I've already

telephoned the insurance, Hamish. What?

The cars are on their way.

Will they all be wanting teas?

Yeah.

Right, we're ready.

Let me do the talking. It's just that I like notice that there's to be a lot of

teas.

The ice cream. Ice cream? But I didn't do the ice cream. Come on.

Come on.

Spin, spin.

Is it best you're wrong? I don't think it matters in this instance, Mr. John.

I don't as I wrote you the best in the kitchen.

But since you're here, maybe. Eat.

You won't eat all that at once if I were you. You'll make yourself sick.

There. Now do you believe me?

That is the front door bell ringing and that thing says billiard room.

But people don't wear that.

We don't even have a billiard room.

Sorry, sir. I was just digesting evidence at the rear of the property.

To the left.

What does this say to you, Macbeth?

Italian, sir.

For God's sake. That sick man.

Do you not read your bulletins?

Oh, maybe I've missed one or two.

Exact in every detail.

Two tubs of ice cream, two spoons.

I think it's them.

When did this happen, Major?

I think the Major recalls here in a noise late last night, sir.

The culprits will be long gone, I'm afraid.

Major McLean, you have been the victim of the most wanted gang of thieves in

Scotland. The gang the gutter press call.

The Raspberry Ripple Mob.

I think Macbeth's wrong, sir.

Some of this ice cream's only just melted. I'd say they were in the

Excellent. This time we've got them.

Cronk, I want more men. I want roadblocks. I want the whole district

Hook, line and thinker.

What shall we have?

Oh, I love those crumpety things.

Then crumpety things it is.

Quiet this morning, Mr Campbell.

I'm quite happy with my own company, thank you.

Uh -huh.

Oh, well, that's an advantage.

So it seems.

I was just telling Esme how much I like your crumpets, Mr Campbell.

Can't get anything like them in London.

Well, I'm glad somebody appreciates what I have to offer.

How did it go, then?

Bruce is dying.

Sending for reinforcements, in fact.

Aye.

He thinks we've got the Raspberry Ripple mob in our midst.

Why would he think that?

Don't ask.

How are you getting on with the computer?

Well, it's not exactly my forte, Hamish.

No, mine neither.

Mr Bell's going to pop in, give a lesson, more of lunchtime.

Us?

I have heard your us before now.

Look, John, I know you're no keen, but I'm under heavy pressure here for Bruce

to get this admin cleared up. He wants everything logged into that computer.

Cross -checked. I don't know, what is it?

Interface. Look, I come in, I clean, I answer the phone.

What more do you want?

John, I need help with this administration and I can't afford to pay

people. Well, I can't do three jobs.

No, no, I know. I'm sorry, you're right.

John, look, is everything all right?

You're half my age, you know that.

Aye. And I clean your lavatory.

And I'm grateful for it.

And I feed your dog.

You don't even feed your own dog. I do.

Oh, John.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm going to zap you with my laser fever.

Not even the bed.

But I'm a fighter.

I came back to life.

Tell me about the oil tankers.

Not today, Danny.

I think we get a discount on fall.

I told you, I'm sorry.

Listen,

can I just tell you all, this is a sub -post office. I can't do your road tax

here. You have to go over to nothing for that.

And I can't do your car insurance or your MOTs.

Right.

But I believe the police will be checking TV licences while they're here.

Rory, which one is it? It's the blue one.

Completely kitted out mobile insurance room. Phone, fax, computer, satellite.

Do you think they'll get the adult channel?

I'm just away to take a full statement from Major McLenter.

Excellent, away you go. Every detail you can get to feed into the system.

So, we file our report and the insurers recompense you in accordance with your

policy. Of course, nothing can make up for the items that you lost.

No, no. In this family for generations, I feel... I feel somehow to blame.

No, you mustn't blame yourself, sir. This mob refuses to be caught.

There's a considerable reward on offer, and still we don't know a thing about

them. Aye.

Ah!

Constable Macbeth, this is Mr... Markwell. Markwell.

Abercrombie and Markwell. Loss adjusters.

Just been helping the Major with his insurance claim.

Hamish Macbeth, lockdown police.

Got here very quickly.

Happily, I was in the area.

Perhaps you could help me with a crime reference number?

In due course.

Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

Right, Major, I'll say goodbye then. Thank you.

Goodbye.

I don't believe this. What are you doing claiming your insurance? Well, I

couldn't tell him the truth, could I? I should have left you to get caught.

Wait a minute.

Is Alex in on this? No.

But she knows there's money problems.

You've stopped paying her that allowance.

Look, Major, you're going to have to tell her, at least about the debt. I

Hamish, I know.

We don't inherit the land from our parents.

We borrow it from our children.

I've let her down.

The estate, I... I can't tell her.

Could you tell her, Hamish?

Hamish. Hiya.

How's it going?

What?

I don't know. The writing.

The city. All that.

Good.

Good.

The new novel, then?

No. Speech.

Edmund asked me to give out the school prizes.

They're pretty expensive, aren't they?

Computers, quite.

Why?

Well... Well, what I mean is, with all the added expense of living in London...

Things are a little tight, but my allowance covers it.

What?

Do you think I stole the family silver in order to top up my income?

Aye.

Hamish, are you in debt?

Is that what it is?

Look, I can lend you some, or I'll speak to Dad. No, no, no, no, you don't

understand. What I mean is, you know, there might come a day when you want to

financially independent from your dad.

What, and come and be dependent on you?

Yes, I could come back and marry you.

We could have children.

Three, I think.

There's no need to worry about a courier.

I could come and clean the station for you. Come on, Alex, that's not what I

meant. Well, I wish you'd say what you do mean, Hamish.

Things might be a little easier between us.

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't.

We need to get rid of him before they tumble to us. Right. So, what's the

I don't know.

I don't... Well, I'll tell you. I think... We stage a bungled getaway,

Bruce finds the abandoned cabin with the loot still in it.

He assumes the thieves dumped it around the roadblock and away.

Right. Right.

I'll get you the silver.

Right.

That's the old way, Macbeth.

I just thought looking further afield, sir.

For a getaway, Colonel.

In the old days, aye, we'd be searching for the evidence.

But nowadays, it's all psychological profiling.

What do we know about these characters?

to get behind them.

No, their hopes, their fears, where they go, what they do. One thing we do know,

we know what they eat.

Cronk.

Yes, sir.

Send for ice cream.

A lot of ice cream.

Yes, sir.

Raspberry Ripple.

Aye. And inform the Lochte Hotel that we'll be asking for their cooperation.

Large dark rum and pep, Barney, please.

Aye.

What's that on your menu today?

Raspberry ripple ice cream.

That's lovely. I think we'll have a couple of dollops of that.

Right, you are laughing. I do.

Dad, I don't like ice cream.

Yes, you do, son.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

There you go, gents. Thank you, others.

John, can you do me a wee favour?

Aye, surely.

I see an old car outside your place.

Aye, it's a ladder.

A ladder, aye.

Can I borrow it for a couple of days?

Why?

Well, I need Bruce to think the mob used it as a getaway car.

Why? Who do you think they got away?

Then he goes away.

Absolutely. It was stolen yesterday, OK?

Why are you up too, Hamish?

Well, it's probably best if I don't involve you any more than I have to,

really.

Maybe I could give you a hand.

Well, if you could help me with the admin, that would be great.

Listen, Hamish, this meeting with Isabel... Oh, Isabel, listen, I cannae

here. Neither can I.

Then why not?

I've got other things on.

Other things on your ball? Like what?

Well, probably it's better if I don't involve you.

John!

Hi, Isabel.

All set for your lesson?

Well, there's a wee bit of a problem.

What?

Well, John cannae be here.

Well, just the two of us, then.

No, no, look, I'm sorry. I should have phoned you.

It's just not a good time.

Oh, OK.

Do you mind?

No. I'll come back later.

See you later, then.

That's me away, then.

Bye.

Hello.

I was a bit brusque with you yesterday.

Sorry.

Brought a peace offering.

Lunch?

You've had lunch?

No, no, I was going to... Well, can I not tempt you a soup?

A bread?

It's brilliant.

It's Italian.

Ciabatta bread.

Ciabatta?

Practically live off it in London.

I was wrong, wasn't I?

About London?

You know, I really thought you'd come running back.

Stupid.

You don't miss Lochtu at all, really, do you?

Only certain aspects.

And which aspects would they be?

Your dad really misses you, you know.

And I miss him.

I think he wants me to... It's clichéd, to have a life.

He always said he'd do anything to give me the chance to do the things he never

could.

I'm sure he would.

to him, don't I?

To make the best of him.

Although sometimes I really miss.

Sometimes I think, you know, like giving out the prizes at the school.

I think this is where I belong.

Then why don't you come back for him, you will?

Just make sure your dad's coping.

Oh, come on.

Hamish. What?

You're not very good at this, are you? Good at what?

Why can't you just say it?

Just say what you mean, instead of skirting around it.

You communicate directly enough with your body.

Well, you're the writer.

Yeah, you're not very good with words, are you?

Why can't you say you need me?

See?

This is why it never worked between us.

Because you think it's strong to say nothing.

A strong, silent type.

I'm sorry.

I can't be bothered with it.

I'm just saying I think your dad needs looking after.

Yes. If you're so concerned about my dad, then you look after him.

John. Oh, Hamish, come on in.

Hi.

Hi, is that the lad, eh?

No.

I think we should talk.

Mm -hm.

Do you know, tell me what the problem is.

You've a problem with me, Hamish. I've no problem with you. I thought we were

friends. We are.

So why don't you talk to me?

Look, um...

What I said before... I really do need some help with this administration.

I mean, it's not a lot.

Once the backlog's cleared with this computer, well, it shouldn't be too

I can't do it.

You're not giving me a lot of choice here, John.

And... And I know about the pay to cash. I know about the pay to cash. I cannot

believe you would do that to me.

Why? I mean, how come you couldn't even put on an IOU or something?

Right.

I don't think you should come back to the station.

I'll make up the money.

I'll repay it. I'll make it up.

I'll repay it, damn you!

A biscuit bag can feed me, Jock.

You still want the ladder?

No, it's probably best if I don't... Involve me?

Here's the keys for the station.

I've let you down.

Pow, pow, pow!

You two are dead.

Got to die this time.

Sorry, John.

You never die anymore, TV John.

Hello?

Yes.

What did you do when there was a tidal wave?

Oh, there were a few big waves, but never a tidal wave.

Did you watch TV? Is that why you're called TV, John?

Yes, I watch too much TV.

That's why I'm called TV, John.

Ah, but there wasn't TV on the oil tankers. Not in the old days.

Just weeks and weeks of sea.

And radio we had then.

And the other sailors, Danny, well, they read a lot of books.

But you didn't? No.

Because you're the captain.

No.

I didn't stay on the tankers long enough to become a captain.

Why not?

I would be captain.

Because sometimes you have to move on.

Or two.

Well, you and me, we live in caravans, don't we?

So we can move to different places if we want to, if things don't work out.

Well, now, some people, well, they can stay in one place, but others just have

to keep moving.

Why do they?

Well, it's like the shark.

The shark has to keep moving because if he stops, he can't breathe.

So he just has to keep on swimming.

Off you go home now, Danny.

Dinner joke.

Come on.

Hamish, I'm in trouble.

What? I had a telephone call. I picked up the phone and the voice said, I know

what you've done.

I know what you've done. Give me the goodies and I'll keep quiet.

Oh, God.

What am I going to do?

Why don't you get on this bus?

What, myself?

You don't understand. We're both going to go to jail here. Hamish, I'm sorry.

This is a mess.

Did you name a place?

Yeah, Glenraddock, 9 .30 in the morning.

Right.

Look, I suggest you leave before somebody sees you here.

Will you be there?

I'll be there.

I've just come to see you.

I've come to tell you that I won't humiliate myself.

I'm not proud.

Never let it be said that Rory Campbell is... Well, I am proud. And I won't

humiliate myself.

Unless you want me to.

Is that what you want, Esme?

What? To humiliate me.

You see, the thing is, I... I know he loves you.

John. TV John.

I've seen him coming here at night.

Why didn't you say?

You could have explained.

Too proud?

Yeah.

Our favorite.

Diaz, crunk to all units.

Diaz, crunk to all units.

Open wide, my pussycat.

You too, my pleasure, Panther.

Ha ha ha.

Morning, John.

Morning. Is me not in? No.

Oh, I wanted to try my speech out on her.

Giving out the pride of it with school.

Oh, well.

Pop back later.

Miss Alexandra?

Could you help me with a letter?

A letter?

Yes.

For Hamish.

What? No tea, a bath or bread?

Very funny.

You know what the sad thing is?

People really care about you and you just push them away.

So what is it?

Dear, who knows?

I'm so sorry about the money. I needed it.

pay Esme.

He was giving me lessons.

Reading lessons.

I never learned. I always managed before and if I thought I was going to be

found out, I moved on.

This time I wanted to stay.

But you needed help with your admin and the computer was coming so I started

seeing Esme.

I hoped I could learn in time.

But you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

So that's me.

That's why I didn't put in an IOU in the tin.

I'm sorry I let you down. I'll send the money when I can.

Godspeed till we meet again.

If not in this life, then in the next.

Your friend, TV John, wanted to sign it himself.

Why didn't he say anything?

Did he say where he was going?

Did he say which way he went?

I came straight to you.

Is it working now?

Yes, sir.

Interview resumed, 9 .07.

Mr Rory Campbell and Mrs Esme Murray remain present.

And me, sir.

What? And me. You should really say... Apparently you have an inordinate amount

of raspberry ripple ice cream in your freezer.

Would you like to explain that, Mr Campbell?

I've already explained.

He sells it in his shop.

Aye, but we've had a few technical difficulties. You think you could say it

again, please?

I sell it in my shop.

It's flavour of the month.

Wrong!

Excuse me, sir.

Interview terminated due to an interruption by P .P. Hamish Macbeth.

sir, but I'd like to recommend all possible haste in the apprehension of TV

McIver.

You're TV John?

Yes, sir.

He was seen leaving Lockdoe early this morning under suspicious circumstances.

He's pulling his trailer in a cream ladder.

He was spotted going into suspect Murray's house at night, apparently.

Suspect Murray's house?

Why didn't you say?

I... I thought... Leave this to me, Macbeth.

Contact the roadblocks.

Find out which way he went.

Right.

Music and lights, please.

Music and light.

Aye.

Do you think I mind being in your way?

I've been in the way all my life.

You can wait.

What's the matter with a man?

TV John?

Aye, that's good.

The police are always in a rush.

Aye, right in there. They'll never die in their beds.

Aye, you're right there.

Can we not cut him off?

This is the only road north.

Get out.

Sir? Get out, you can run quicker than this.

Oh, I don't think so.

What do we do now?

I don't know.

Thank you for coming, Major.

Constable, I'm armed and dangerous.

So please, don't get any ideas.

I've got evidence that would send the Major to prison for a very long time.

And we can't have that, can we?

So, just leave the goodies on the ground, please.

Then get back into your cars and drive away.

No choice.

What's the matter with the man? Can he no read?

We've got him now.

Kill the music, think you.

Hamish.

Know thine enemy, Major.

So you are going to stop him?

You don't get it, do you?

We're as guilty as he is. We can't touch him.

To Joshua never hear me. Right.

You idiot!

Look him, Cronk.

Wait,

wait, wait.

He's, uh... He's led it to her man.

I should have known. He was trying to tell me something, but I wouldn't have

listened. He was making off with his trailer.

Well, exactly.

The only way...

The only way to get us to follow him out of here.

Yeah?

There we are, sir.

This is just how Mr McKeever described it to me.

In his vision.

But I wouldn't have listened to him.

He was involved in it.

The Major.

Did the Major do the Craigside job?

The Achmore job?

No.

I don't think so.

Book him, Cronk.

I gather we owe you a debt of gratitude, Mr McIver.

Why didn't you tell me?

I've spent a lifetime trying to cover it up.

I'm illiterate.

It's the one word I can spell.

Illiterate.

That's spelt ignorant.

Unemployable.

Is that right?

Well, do you know what this spells?

This bill's... Please come back.

I'll do my own administration.

I'll get rid of the computer. John will even clean me in toilet.

Please.

Oh, there's just one thing.

What?

I cannae feed my own dog. I'll only take food for you.

I trained him well, didn't I?

It's a great honour for me to be invited by Mrs Murray to present the school

prizes today.

And it wasn't so long ago that I was sitting where you are with my friends in

class four, wondering what some stuffy old lady was talking about up here on

stage. And thinking, thinking, what on earth has that person got to do with me?

I'll never be a counsellor.

Or a magistrate.

Or a writer.

But here I am today doing something I thought I'd never do.

And although I'm not doing it terribly well, and I'll probably have to run home

to lock do with my tail between my legs, I am a writer.

So my message to you is this.

Whatever your interest, this school has a lot to offer you. Take it.

For me.

with the power of words.

Words are precious.

They're our most basic tool of communication.

If only people could say what they meant.

If they weren't so threatened by the truth.

It's those magic words.

I love you.

Now, Mrs Murray taught me and you and...

Many people here in Locke do how to read and write, and I'd like to take this

opportunity to thank... Now,

an essay prize.

This year goes to... Danny McClellan for his story, The Short...