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Aye, aye, Captain. (IMITATES LASERS)

-They are so great. -No. They're really not.

Okay, let's go live to Avenue 5.

-(ALARM BLARING) -(SCREAMING)

This is a safe space. Emotionally.

Physically, we're obviously in terrible danger.

-No man left behind. -Dead or alive.

No, alive or alive!

HERMAN JUDD: If for whatever reason it doesn't work out,

I'm gonna name a sports center

or artificial ski slope after you.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(Ricky Whitley w/Syn Twister playing "He's Hot")

Whitmer Thomas: That's my mom on keyboard.

That's Ricky Whitley on guitar.

He's the guy who posted this onto YouTube.

And then that's my Aunt Jude on guitar, too.

And this is the Flora-Bama,

you know, before Hurricane Ivan, so it's like...

it looks different now, but it's pretty much the same thing.

That's where I'm gonna be playing.

They just put a roof over it,

you know, still, it's special.

(grunts)

This is me, my big brother Johnny--

king of the town.

This is me, probably learning how to play

"Dammit" by Blink-182 on the guitar,

which is a crucial part of this story.

-This is you, when we were, like, 12. -Clay Tatum: Are you serious?

Let me see this.

Whitmer: And then this is the photo

that was supposed to be on the album

that was never released

because things got...

messy afterwards,

and they started playing

pretty much as the house band for-- at the Flora-Bama,

which is by no means like a bad thing, you know?

It's, like, a cool, iconic venue

that means so much to so many people.

But, you know, I think that my mom's expectations were very different.

And this...

is a tape my mom recorded in Birmingham.

Clay: Is there a lot of recordings?

No. I only... pretty much only have this one.

(clicking)

(reggae-style rock playing)

♪ Makin' it, makin' it, makin' it, makin' it ♪

♪ Makin' it, makin' it, makin' it ♪

♪ Sweet love ♪

♪ Makin' it, makin' it, makin' it, makin' it, makin' it, makin' it, makin' it ♪

♪ Sweet love ♪

-Yeah, all right, well... -(recorder clicks off)

Most of her songs were about fucking.

It's just impossible for me not to compare myself to her.

I think that's the reason that I want to go

do my show at the Flora-Bama,

because that venue means so much to my family and to my life.

It's... how my mom was able to support me and my brother,

and I want it to feel like

I'm doing my show inside of my mom's heart.

And this is a notebook that my mom sent me,

right when I moved to LA, and she...

wrote a letter in it,

which says...

"My Golden Son,

"reach for the stars, dream big,

"follow you heart,

"use caution.

"Know that you are loved.

"Stand up and be confident

"and remember to open the door for the ladies.

"Moving to LA,

"it's rough out there, but don't give up.

"Don't give in.

"Be careful and know that you're always on my mind

"and in my heart and soul.

"You're the best. Be happy!

I love you so."

Yeah.

Then I wrote a bunch of jokes

about jacking off in the notebook.

(mid-tempo rock song playing)

♪ It fucking, it fucking, it fucking, it fucking, it fucking, it fucking,♪

♪ It fucking hurts to be alive ♪

♪ All the disposable fragility of life! ♪

(echoing): ♪ Life! ♪

♪ And my identity is my mother died ♪

♪ Anything to distract from being straight and white ♪

♪ But I want to be the perfect mix ♪

♪ Of everything fucked up you want to fix ♪

♪ Even though my wokeness is a myth ♪

♪ I'm, oh, so desperate for your love! ♪

♪ Listing all the qualities ♪

♪ That make me seem a little more appealing ♪

♪ No, the future doesn't freak me out ♪

♪ My boundary issues are solved ♪

♪ And I'm seeing a therapist ♪

♪ And I'm considering quitting plastics ♪

♪ I've gone pescatarian, and I'm curious ♪

♪ And I'm into keeping my body fit ♪

♪ I'm sex positive ♪

♪ And mysterious! ♪

♪ But am I the perfect mix ♪

♪ Of everything fucked up you can't resist? ♪

♪ And, oh, my wokeness now so thick ♪

♪ I'm trudging through it for your love! ♪

♪ And I just want you to love me ♪

♪ I just want you to love me ♪

♪ And, oh, to think of me ♪

♪ And I just want you to love me ♪

♪ I just want you to love me ♪

♪ To control whatever you think of me ♪

♪ Think of me, think of me ♪

♪ And I just want you to love me ♪

♪ I just want you to love me ♪

♪ Oh, do you love me? ♪

(audience murmuring)

(audience cheering, applauding)

(cheering, whistling)

When I was a kid, I was very cool.

My dad, he'd always be like,

(Southern accent): "Dude, man, when you were a kid, man, you were so fuckin' cool.

(audience laughs)

"People just wanted to hang out with you.

-Fuck, you're the coolest." -(laughter)

This one time-- this is a true story--

when I was three years old, I was hanging out in the kitchen,

and a man, he broke into my kitchen,

and he ran and he grabbed me up out the kitchen,

and then he ran out of the house

and down the street with me in his arms.

Luckily, thank God,

my dad happened to be driving up that road,

and he saw that man, you know, running with me in his arms.

So my dad got out of his car and he went to the man, and he said something like,

"Excuse me, sir. That's my boy."

(laughter)

-"Give him here." -(laughter)

-And thank God, the man did. -(laughter)

Here's where it gets weird.

(laughter)

My dad called the cops,

and the cops followed the man to his house.

And this man lived in a creepy, True Detective -style backhouse.

And inside of that backhouse was a living room

with a bathtub in it.

And inside of that bathtub

was a bunch of gross, dirty water,

a bunch of my toys and clothes and things,

and a bunch of photos that the man had been taking of me

since the day I was brought home from the hospital.

(audience groaning)

Yeah, so that guy must've thought I was pretty cool.

(laughter)

He was like my first big fan.

(laughter)

-He died in jail and that's my fault. -(laughter)

I did that to him.

I was a pretty fuckable little kid.

(laughter)

My dad was my hero growing up,

you know, because he saved my life that one time.

But then when I got into fourth grade, he left.

And it was really awkward when my dad left

because at the time, he was the assistant baseball coach

for my fourth grade baseball team.

So, you know, it was awkward 'cause I'd get to baseball practice

and all the other kids would be like,

(Southern accent): "Hey, where's your dad?

He's supposed to be third base coach."

(laughter)

And I'd have to be like, "Yeah, he's also supposed to be my dad."

(laughter)

"Where is that guy?

"You know what? When I see him,

I'll tell him about this whole third base coach thing."

(laughter)

'Cause God forbid you get to third base

and you don't know where to go.

(laughter)

You go home.

If anything, my dad needs a third base coach.

(laughter)

(applause, cheers)

A lot of dad-hate out there tonight, I like that.

(cheering)

I feel like you can tell a lot about a kid's childhood

by what they call their grandparents.

Like, my childhood was pretty bleak,

and I call my grandparents...

Grandmother and Grandfather.

(laughter)

But my buddy's childhood is really solid,

and he calls his grandparents,

(Southern accent): Gimgam and Metma!

(laughter)

He's like, "I love my Metma!

She's making biscuits as we speak!"

And I'm like, "Oh, that's cool, man, because Grandfather

is gonna to get me to join the Confederacy again."

(laughter)

It is the truth. It's the truth.

A lot of other cultures give white folks a hard time

for putting their old folks away in old folks' homes,

but I'm like, "They're bad people."

(laughter)

What, do you want 'em runnin' around on the street?

(laughter)

I mean, can you separate the art from the artist?

-That's all I'm saying. -(laughter)

It's funny, like, I'm happy to be down here.

I've been down here for a while now, like a month or so.

It's good to be back, you know. I miss it down here.

-I really do. -(cheering)

-(applause) -I really do.

People down here, you know,

they got simple ways of describing things that I really miss.

That's not how things are in LA, you know?

Like, you go up to somebody down here and be like,

"Hey, man, what kind of dog is that?"

And they'll be like,

(Southern accent): "That dog right there?

-"That's a brown dog." -(laughter)

"That's like a medium-sized brown dog."

(laughter)

"Happy to be of service."

-I just wish I was like a stupid asshole. -(laughter)

That's the dream, especially right now.

-Oh my God, you know, 2019... -(soft, slow rock song begins)

...the happiest person in the world is a stupid asshole.

That's what I want to be-- I want to be a dumb asshole, idiot bitch.

♪ I don't want to be an anarchist ♪

♪ You know, I just want someone sweet to kiss ♪

♪ Oh, I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

(laughter)

♪ Who else can I donate to ♪

♪ I played 20 benefits for the ACLU ♪

♪ But I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

♪ I don't want to care about modern art ♪

♪ You know, I'm so fucking bored of acting smart ♪

♪ And I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

(cheering)

♪ Do I have to call my congressmen? ♪

♪ I don't even fucking know them ♪

♪ Oh yes, I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

-(audience cheers) -♪ Woo! ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

♪ Dumb! ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

♪ What protest is cool to go to? ♪

♪ What women's right will the president undo? ♪

♪ Uh-huh, I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

(cheering)

♪ And who is Wolf Blitzer and why is he old? ♪

♪ If there's global warming, then why am I cold? ♪

♪ Oh yes, I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

Here we go!

♪ And I want to fuck like I'm not registered to vote ♪

♪ I want to eat beef on a whale fishing boat ♪

♪ Oh yes, I just want to be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

♪ And I know my problems are really small ♪

♪ 2016 didn't affect me at all ♪

♪ Oh God, why can't I be ♪

♪ Dumb and in love? ♪

♪ Woo! ♪

♪ Dumb! ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

♪ Dumb! ♪

♪ Dumb and in love! ♪

♪ I just want to be ♪

♪ Wah-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Dumb and in love ♪

♪ Wah-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ A stupid asshole, idiot bitch ♪

(song ends)

(cheering, applauding)

It's so fucking cool to be back, man.

What a trip to be here.

I... truly can't believe it, man.

I grew up down here playing shows.

You know, I was in an emo band.

(laughter, cheers)

For those of y'all who aren't familiar with the genre emo,

it's the one that goes like this.

♪ I'm not scared! ♪

(laughter)

Anyway, so that's what I was doing all through high school in Alabama.

(laughter)

My favorite part of the whole emo genre

is typically after the second chorus,

there'll be a spoken word part.

(laughter)

And it's always delivered in kind of like a classic

Southern Californian mall Goth voice, you know?

Like a voice that goes,

(flatly): I hate my parents. Their love is a scam.

(laughter)

And the chorus is always something really poignant

and thought-provoking and poetic, you know?

Something like...

♪ And you could slit my throat ♪

♪ And I'd say thank you for touching me ♪

(laughter)

Something that really gets you thinking.

Wow, he must really love her.

And then they'd get into that spoken word part.

Man, I just loved it so much.

Be like...

♪ I'd saythank you for touching me! ♪

"And that was last winter I ever saw Amy."

(laughter)

"She walked out of autumn and left me in ashes," or whatever.

(laughter)

But like I said, I'm from here,

which means I used to have an accent.

It's faded quite a bit, but it used to be well and alive and thriving.

And I'd say it made my spoken word parts in my emo band

-a bit more cinematic. -(laughter)

Still had the same singing voice though.

♪ And you could slit my throat ♪

♪ And I'd say thank you for touching me! ♪

(in Southern accent): And that was last time I ever saw Amy.

(laughter)

She just up and left!

I was like, what the hell?

(flatly): That was the last time I ever saw Amy.

She walked out of my door.

-(in Southern accent): Down County Road A. -(laughter)

She was gone.

Maybe she went to Milo's to get some sweet tea.

(laughter)

You know what? I bet you she went to Milo's to get...

(in death metal growl): some sweet tea!

(laughter)

(applause)

It's funny, you know? I'm 30 years old.

It's weird. It's hard. It's hard.

-It's hard to be an aging emo kid... -(laughter)

...because emo kids, they sing about what they're feeling

more than any other singers, you know?

The guys in Fugazi, they're, like, in their 50s now.

So that means, they're 50-year-old emo kids.

(laughter)

And like they gotta be singing about shit

that they really feel, you know?

What's that like for a 50-year-old emo kid? Like...

♪ My daughter got into Brown and I don't know... ♪

(in death metal growl): ♪ Pay for it! ♪

(laughter)

Or... ♪ Oh no, every time I wipe ♪

♪ There's... (in death metal growl): blood! ♪

(laughter)

You just gotta really feel it.

That's the key.

My emo band would open up for my older brother's bands.

It was sick as hell 'cause they were really good.

We were all right. We had the outfits.

-They had the talent. -(laughter)

We'd run around opening for them all over the southeast.

It was killer.

My brother was like a star down here, you know?

He was the best surfer in town,

the best musician, everybody loved him.

-All right, what's your name? -Rowan.

-And where you from? -California.

Are you ready to disappear?

All right.

-Whitmer: Everybody count to three! -One, two...

-Whitmer: Say abracadabra. -...three!

Johnny: Abracadabra!

Johnny (gasps): He's gone!

Where the hell did he go?

(waves lapping)

Whitmer: Did you ever play with Mom?

-You definitely played with her. -Yeah.

-Like live. -She played with me at the high school talent show.

(laughs)

She played the flute, and I played guitar.

Whitmer: I always remember being a little kid and thinking, like,

she's, my mom is--

Well, that's cool that your mom does that,

-but my mom's actually famous, so... -(chuckles): Yeah.

Johnny: For me, like,

they practiced so much.

Like, I didn't even like music.

-Right. -It was so annoying to me

because I couldn't watch TV or be like a kid,

because there was always like loud rock and roll music in the back,

and, like, I didn't really like it.

-Does that make sense? -But you did, eventually.

Eventually, yeah, I loved it, but when I was little, it wasn't cool.

-I was like, "No band practice!" You know? -Whitmer: Right.

So, like, I didn't look at her as like a big star.

It was just like she... she's playing guitar again.

I think I was always so, like, fascinated with showbiz as a kid

-that I always thought it was cool. -Johnny: Yeah.

And then especially when...

Like, I remember you guys would play electric guitar,

and you would give me the old Guild guitar and not plug it in,

and then you would do a guitar solo behind me

and make me think that I was doing the guitar solo. (laughs)

I remember thinking like... that's the coolest feeling in the world.

My first day of high school, I, uh, I like--

we were at break or something,

I accidentally stepped on some dude's shoes,

and he pushed me into the dirt and he goes,

(in Southern accent): "You just stepped on my new K-Swisses."

(laughter)

And then, no joke,

two of his buddies come up from behind him and they go,

"Hey man, you don't want to be doing that.

That's Johnny's little brother."

(laughter)

And he picked me up out of the dirt and he goes,

"Dude, I'm so sorry, man.

I didn't know you were Johnny's little brother."

He started wiping me. "Sorry about that, pal."

And I went, "That's right! I am Johnny's little brother!"

(laughter)

"I'm Johnny's little brother!"

"And you can't push me because I'm a big boy in high school now!"

The biggest argument I'd ever get in, in my whole life,

was in elementary school, and the argument was

about how my big brother was bigger

than my friends' big brothers.

You know, I'd be like, "Oh, what size shoe does your brother wear?"

-(laughter) -"My older brother wears a size 13, so...

looks like I got the bigger brother in this scenario."

(fast rock song playing)

♪ I've got a brother who's bigger than yours ♪

♪ He's bigger than yours, he's bigger than yours ♪

♪ Your brother is the same age as mine ♪

♪ But does he wear a size 13 shoe? ♪

♪ My brother is six-foot-four ♪

♪ Your big brother is only six-two ♪

♪ I will walk freely, you best believe me ♪

♪ My brother can palm a basketball ♪

♪ This is a warning, don't pick on me ♪

♪ All I gotta do is give my big brother a call! ♪

♪ I got a brother that's bigger than yours ♪

♪ He's bigger than yours, he's bigger than yours ♪

♪ Bigger than yours! Bigger than yours! ♪

♪ He's bigger than yours! Bigger than yours! ♪

A lot of sexual assaults in the news.

(laughter)

All the time.

A lot of comedians being outed during the MeToo movement,

and, you know, may they rot in hell.

But in the meantime, I was thinking, with a little bit of retrospect,

maybe now it's okay we give Pee-wee Herman a break?

(laughter)

Of course the guy had to jack off in a movie theater--

his whole house talks!

(laughter)

I was in a relationship for a while, it didn't work out.

I'm not sure why.

Her two favorite things to do are dance and cocaine.

(laughter)

And my two favorite things to do are

feel left out and judge.

(laughter)

So, that didn't work out.

That, that didn't work out.

Alabama's romantic as hell.

-(cheers) -It's cool.

That took a lot of getting used to out in LA.

It's like... (in Southern accent): "But where do I dangle my feet?"

(laughter)

I think my main problem with dating has always been,

even since I was a little kid, was like, I'm not fun.

(laughter)

Just, like, overall not very fun.

Like even when I was like five years old, I remember my mom

would come pick me up or something from the playground

with all my best friends, and she'd be like,

"Hey, buddy! You ready to go or you want to stay?

I don't mind either way." And I'd be like...

-"I could go." -(laughter)

"I could go."

"You wanna--" "I could--" "You want--" "I could go."

(laughter)

That's probably why I'm not fun.

People say porn is about fantasy,

which is weird 'cause they still haven't made my-mom-coming-back-to-life porn.

(laughter)

♪ I can't drink ♪

♪ With you tonight ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ I understand ♪

♪ If you would like to leave ♪

♪ I don't ♪

♪ Have a drinking problem per se ♪

♪ You see, you see ♪

♪ I guess ♪

♪ My problems begin with ♪

♪ My mommy ♪

♪ You see, my mommy drank herself to death ♪

♪ And I know she tried her very best ♪

♪ But now I can't party 'cause ♪

♪ My mommy partied to death ♪

♪ To death, to death ♪

♪ What's that ♪

♪ You say? ♪

♪ Do I ♪

♪ Smoke weed? ♪

♪ Oh boy, I wish I could ♪

♪ But I can't, I can't ♪

♪ I can't ♪

♪ You know I've tried a few times before ♪

♪ But the high is no good, so no more ♪

♪ I'm supposed to be chilling ♪

♪ But I'm just thinking about, you guessed it ♪

-♪ My mommy ♪ -(laughter)

♪ Mommy also had a drug problem ♪

♪ That contributed to her alcoholism ♪

♪ Which eventually led to her death ♪

♪ And I know she tried her very best ♪

♪ But now I can't party ♪

♪ 'Cause my mommy partied to death ♪

Feel less alone.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Wonder ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I wonder, Whit ♪

♪ What would ♪

♪ Your mommy say? ♪

-(music stops) -(laughter)

-♪ She'd say ♪ -(music resumes)

♪ This fuckin' life, it fuckin' sucks ♪

♪ So, have a fuckin' drink ♪

♪ Go out and fuck ♪

Sing it with me! ♪ This fuckin' life ♪

♪ It fuckin' sucks ♪

♪ So have a fuckin' drink ♪

♪ Go out and fuck ♪ Let's try!

♪ Now I can't party 'cause my mommy ♪

♪ Partied to death ♪

♪ To death, to death ♪ Okay!

Audience: ♪ Now I can't party 'cause my mommy ♪

♪ Partied to death ♪

All right, I'm ready.

-(gunshot echoes) -(cheering)

Johnny: Pull.

-(gunshot echoes) -Wilks: Yeah! My man.

-Now take it off-- -Ready, Clay?

-Wilks: Just underneath it. -(gunshot echoes)

-Whitmer: Still? -(gunshot echoes)

Whitmer: I'm bad at this.

I don't know what's going on. You know what I mean?

-When you're here? -No, when I'm away.

I haven't known what's going on really with...

Aunt Jude, your mom, for...

-10 years. -Yeah.

-And then-- -I guess I don't either. (chuckles)

-Really? -I mean, I don't want to confirm it or not confirm it,

but maybe hit and miss here and there.

-You know, off and on the roller coaster. -Whitmer: Mm-hmm.

Drinking and not drinking or whatever, so...

I hate having my heart broke by her...

drinking again,

so I guess I try to put a big eggshell around it.

That's-- I've been feeling tremors of that feeling again,

which I would feel with my mom all the time, like...

(sighs) Like, every time she'd call me, I'd look at the phone, uh,

like I don't know if the tone of her voice is...

-One way, I have to call my brother and tell him to go... -Wilks: Slurred? Yeah.

-...check on her. -Wilks: Yeah.

Or if it's the other way, then we have this great conversation.

If she talks to me about coming to visit me

or playing music with me or whatever it is.

-Yeah. -If my mom would talk to me about playing music with me,

-it would mean that she was sober. -Right.

And so, as soon as she died...

I haven't had to feel that anymore.

-Like-- -Wilks: You had it rough.

(laughs)

I feel like we all did.

Yeah, but I feel like it was...

more on you, you being younger.

You know? I don't...

I don't know, man. Your mom went quick.

Mm-hmm.

(Wilks sniffles)

It was like six months,

-your mom went from being good to gone. -Yeah.

Yeah, cherish your mom 'cause they're dropping like flies.

(laughter)

It's funny down here talking to anybody--

talking to anybody on this island.

"Hey, man, how'd you meet your girlfriend?"

"Oh, she actually used to date one of my closest friends."

(laughter)

"So, I guess that's how I met her."

I think I have a hard time like dating and meeting new people, too,

and like being in relationships because I know what it's like to truly be wanted.

I was kidnapped when I was three years old.

(laughter)

I know what it's like. That guy loved me.

(laughter)

Ultimate attraction.

"Oh? Oh, you like me?

-But would you kidnap me?" -(laughter)

I think I've always had, like, boundary issues,

even when I was a kid.

My best friend when I was a kid, from like one to seven,

I'd stay the night at his house every single weekend,

and he had this big bed, we'd sleep in the same bed together,

and he, you know... he wore--

He'd have to wear a diaper to bed until we were seven years old.

And I remember laying in bed with the guy,

you know, every night, his mom would come in,

and she'd lay him back and lift his legs up and...

wrap him up.

I felt so bad for the guy. He'd just be looking at me like...

(mouthing)

(laughter)

"This sucks, dude. Yeah."

"I'm sorry, pal. This is between me and you.

For now."

(laughter)

I was like, you know, I...

I hit about five, I developed some empathy.

So, every weekend that I would stay the night with this kid,

I'd watch his mom, you know, I'd be laying in bed with him,

and he'd be like, "Ugh." mom wrapping him up...

in a diaper.

She'd finish up with him, and then,

right when she'd get into the doorway to leave, I'd say, "Excuse me, miss!

Why don't you come back and wrap me up, too?"

(laughter)

And then she'd come on back and put a diaper on me, too,

and then me and my best buddy would spend all night

pissing and shitting in bed together.

(laughter)

(applause)

And that's when I realized,

I'm a co-dependent enabler.

(laughter)

Yeah, so I'm in therapy now.

(cheering)

My therapist calls sex "fucking,"

and it's shocking every time.

(laughter)

On that note,

a lot of guys are weird about having sex

with girls on their period.

And I just think that's so lame, you know?

'Cause I look at it from my perspective,

which is that you stick anything

three and a quarter inches deep into my body,

there's gonna be blood.

(laughter)

(applause)

(cheering)

You really learned a lot about me with that one.

(laughter)

I do struggle, you know, like every time I meet somebody.

I get nervous, like a new person, you know.

Going out with them, if we go back to--

If she's like, "Come back to my place," it's like, ugh...

It's not gonna work. It's just not gonna work tonight,

'cause I struggle with performance anxiety.

(scattered laughter)

-It's not funny! -(laughter)

It's not funny.

(slow rock music playing)

Um... no, I do.

I can't freakin' get it up if I'm afraid.

What if I like you too much?

Y'all know that, right, fellas?

(scattered laughter)

Fellas?

(scattered cheering)

♪ Making out in your room ♪

♪ You take off my clothes, you take off your clothes too ♪

♪ You put a record on ♪

♪ And you lock your door ♪

♪ I am certain ♪

♪ I won't be able to perform ♪

(laughter)

♪ Your fingers running through my hair ♪

♪ I nervously whisper into your ear ♪

♪ Can I eat you out? ♪

(cheering)

♪ Oh, let me eat you out ♪

♪ 'Cause right now I'm as soft as a puddle made of felt ♪

(echoing): ♪ Felt, felt, felt, felt... ♪

♪ So, lay back ♪

♪ Lay back ♪

♪ And let me eat you out ♪

♪ I'll go downtown ♪

♪ I'll dip my fingertips ♪

♪ Please don't look at my dick ♪

♪ I'm on my knees ♪

♪ I'm here to please ♪

♪ It's all I know to do ♪

♪ I'm too scared to fuck you ♪

♪ But I like you a lot ♪

♪ And I think you're so hot ♪

♪ And I swear that I'm the one ♪

♪ Wish I could say that I was drunk ♪

♪ But I'm stone-cold sober ♪

♪ Tonight's not over ♪

♪ You are all I breathe ♪

♪ If you let me ♪

♪ Eat you out ♪

♪ Let me eat you out ♪

♪ Eat you out! ♪

(cheering)

(applause)

It's funny... It's funny that my mom died...

-Uh... -(scattered laughter)

The number one reason why it's funny is because

she's got an identical twin.

(audience murmurs, laughs)

Yeah, so it's weird. It's like, Pet Sematary vibes.

(laughter)

What's even weirder is that

whenever my mom died, my aunt, her identical twin sister,

moved into her house,

and then I would come back home,

run into an acquaintance of mine or something like that

at Walmart, and they'd come up to me and be like,

(in Southern accent): "Hey, man! Saw your mom watering the plants the other day.

She looks good."

(laughter)

And I'd always be like...

"My mom died 11 years ago."

And then I'd just sort of walk away like this.

-♪ Ooh-woo-ooh! ♪ -(laughter)

And they'd go, "All right, I'm gonna kick your ass now.

Your big brother ain't around, is he?"

(laughter)

It's funny. It's weird.

Me and my aunt, um...

we had not talked really

since my mom died.

We had a falling out, and we haven't talked.

That's another odd thing.

My aunt called me one year on my mother's death day,

which is a weird day to call somebody on--

their death day.

I feel like we're kind of taught to remember things

that way though, you know, the hard way.

I feel like we've always been taught that,

since way back, you know.

Like, I feel like when Jesus comes back,

when...

(laughter)

...I feel like when Jesus comes back, he'll be like,

"Okay! First order of business,

"how's about we remove all the memorabilia

from the worst day of my life?"

(laughter)

Whit (on phone): Hello?

Woman (on phone): Hello?

Whitmer: Hey, Aunt Jude.

Jude: Yes!

I don't know what-- My phone is acting up today.

I don't know what it is, but, um...

-Yeah. -Well, what have you been up to?

Jude: Um, living the retirement life. (chuckles)

Well, you know, I'm 63,

and... (laughs)... I don't know if I'm too old

to be out there rocking and rolling or not, but...

What's up with you?

Whitmer: Found this video

of Syn Twister playing down there.

Jude: Yeah.

Whitmer: Did you see it?

Jude: Yeah! Oh yeah.

You know, that video just kinda sent me on a journey

trying to put some things in my life

together or back into place,

and I think you're a large part of that,

so I kinda wanted to...

to talk to you and hang out with you

and maybe play with you, if you're into it.

Jude: Really? At the Flora-Bama?

-Yeah, you know-- -Jude: Or just sit around and jam at home?

Both, or whatever you want.

And, you know, and in the meantime, I feel like

it's pretty stupid that we don't talk to each other,

so I feel like you and I gotta...

we gotta figure out a way to--

Jude: Get our rapport back.

-I'd love to. -Yeah.

I miss you so much, Whit.

Um...

You know, of course, I really miss my sister.

I quit playing for a while because

I couldn't even listen to a CD or anything without

just boo-hooing, you know?

(chuckles)

Whitmer: My mom and my aunt were in a band.

Called Syn Twister.

(scattered cheers, claps)

They're identical twin sisters.

-Syn Twister. -Audience: Aha!

Clever, cool. They were great.

They didn't make it in the way that

they wanted to or should have.

You know, they didn't become stars.

They didn't get a big record deal.

But they did have a song that I am positive

would've been a hit single

if the right person would've heard it, you know?

It was called "He's Hot."

And it went like this...

♪ He's hot, he is the one ♪

♪ He's got me burning, burning under the sun ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

The best part is, ♪ Ain't no fever like-- ♪

Jude: ♪ Like he is to me ♪

♪ I'm burning, burning ♪

♪ 105 degrees ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

Is that what you remember?

-Mm-hmm. -Okay.

Whitmer: When I was a kid, I'd watch them play that,

and I'd think,

"That's gotta be about me."

(laughter)

As a man, I realized, it's just about

some guy they want to fuck.

(laughter)

I would watch them play that song here.

(cheering)

They'd be playing here all the time.

It's crazy. It's weird that I'm here.

Woman: Woo! Yeah!

(cheering)

We would come here, they would play a show,

and I would sit here, all of my time was spent here.

I remember sitting out on the beach,

watching them play, and I was too young

to have sunglasses that fit my head,

and I couldn't keep my eyes open to watch them play

'cause the... sun reflecting off of the white sand,

and just sort of struggling,

just figuring out, how do I keep shade?

I'm stupid. I'm four years old.

I need to watch my mom sing her horny songs with her sister.

(laughter)

It's bizarre.

What a strange, strange thing.

(laughs)

My mom was...

determined to make it

until the day she died.

That's all she ever did, played music, wrote songs.

She never did,

she never made it in the way that she wanted to.

It's a weird thing to wrestle with.

Now me, trying to do the same thing

'cause I have an example of...

what it looks like to fail, you know?

My dad came back.

(applause, cheering)

It's exciting. Dads don't typically come back,

but mine came back.

When it was convenient for him, he decided to show back up.

(laughter)

All right. Honors.

All right, you see where you're going, right?

-Yeah, the red flag. -(chuckling): You can probably--

I don't know if you can get there with this shot, but...

-So, have you heard from Aunt Jude? She get back to you? -Yeah.

What'd she say?

She's...

being nice.

-Good. -I mean like, I haven't talked to her since...

pretty much since my mom died, and then...

where we left off was that she was trying to sue me

-and Johnny. -(laughs) Right.

-Fond memories. -(laughs)

-All right, I'm gonna hit this. -All right. You remember how?

Yeah, back of the ball. Here we go.

I'm gonna hit it perfect right now. Here we go.

Here we go.

So close.

(rain pattering)

Dad: I knew at some point, I was crossing the line

and I just didn't care, you know.

You're damaged in some way,

and emotionally deformed, I don't know.

But, you know...

Uh... it's, uh...

I felt real guilty

about all of the things that happened and...

You know, what a poor father I was, and...

you guys were completely innocent

and had to suffer the whole brunt of abandonment

and me leaving, and,

you know, for that, I can...

never really, um...

make up for that,

but, um, I hope you know that...

(rain pattering loudly)

...I am-- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I did that to you and Johnny.

-Yeah, I think we know. -Good.

Because now, all I can do is, um,

try to be a better father.

We'd be downstairs watching television or something,

and you would pop in

dressed in your full Batman outfit,

and it wasn't that you would just walk in,

but that you would

-jump out from behind the door... -(laughs)

...with your cape spread, you know like, voilà!

And like, it would break me up

'cause you were so committed

to the whole persona,

you know what I mean? You were like,

-I am Batman, damn it. -(laughing)

Whitmer: But you gotta remember how the Batman costume...

saga ended.

Which was that...

-Oh, what? -I put on the costume...

(laughing): Oh yeah.

(laughing): You put on...

-You put on a few pounds. -You went, "Ho!

Looks like the Batman costume is a little tight there, pal."

-(laughing) -I remember being--

-Had your stomach popping out. -I was so heartbroken.

-Oh really? -It was the first time I ever was self-aware.

It was the first time I was ever aware of my body.

(thunder rumbling)

Yeah, that was the day the innocence died.

Some might say it was the day that you left...

-(laughing) -...that you ran off,

but for me, it was the day that my...

-...Batman costume... -It was way before that.

...was too small, that's when everything went to shit.

So he showed back up, which is cool. Right?

That's pretty rare. The dad shows back up.

And I was telling him recently, I was like, dude,

I don't know what the fuck to do. Like,

I'm lost.

I don't want to come home.

I don't have a goddamn clue

if this is ever gonna work out.

And my dad said, "Dude,

"I got sober. I got my job. I did all this shit.

"And in order for all those things to happen,

"I had to really think about it and figure out

what I wanted to happen, what I wanted from the universe."

He said he wrote down all of his hopes

and his dreams.

He put a pen to paper and he wrote them down,

-and they all came true. -(cheers)

And he said,

"You should do that, man.

"Write down your hopes and your dreams

and what you want from the universe."

I remember I said

I wanted y'all to do that,

and encouraged you to do that--

-Well, you want me to do it... -(chuckles): Yeah!

...but the difference between me and you is...

you're making this giant comeback,

whereas I never started.

So, my whole-- my hopes and dreams

are just so much different than yours 'cause it's not like

I gotta get my kids back in my life.

It's more like, I gotta...

-...get my, uh-- -Get your Batman costume to fit?

(laughter)

Sorry. That was--

-That was not necessary. -No, that was good.

♪ I want to get sober ♪

♪ I want to get clean ♪

♪ I want my sons back ♪

♪ I want custody ♪

♪ I want a job ♪

♪ I'll do anything ♪

♪ I want love and hurt ♪

♪ And all in-between ♪

♪ I want to be alive ♪

♪ And I want to live ♪

♪ Oh, his hopes and dreams ♪

♪ They all came true ♪

♪ Willed from the universe ♪

♪ Not out of the blue ♪

♪ I was an angry skateboarder ♪

♪ With thick bangs and Osiris D3s ♪

♪ But that all changed when my father returned to save me ♪

♪ So, here I am now ♪

♪ I must write my hopes and dreams ♪

♪ Daddy's reassurance ♪

♪ Man, it gave me peace ♪

♪ Be specific, he said ♪

♪ So the universe may hear ♪

♪ And don't be afraid, my child ♪

♪ Be honest, be clear ♪

♪ So I wrote! ♪

♪ My hopes and dreams just like he did ♪

♪ I actually wrote this down ♪

♪ I want to get ♪

♪ My iPhone screen fixed ♪

♪ And I want to get a leg up ♪

♪ On my teen years memoir ♪

♪ I want to self-produce ♪

♪ A web series ♪

♪ And most of all ♪

♪ I want to be a big movie star ♪

♪ Woo! ♪

(applause, cheering)

♪ 'Cause it's all about me ♪

♪ And what I want, yeah, babe ♪

♪ Wow! ♪

♪ Some might dream ♪

♪ Of a family to raise ♪

♪ And some might hope ♪

♪ For a good meal to eat ♪

♪ Not me, I'm pre-cum Jim Carrey ♪

♪ And I want to be rich ♪

♪ I hope my father knows ♪

♪ He raised a little bitch ♪

♪ One more time, I want ♪

♪ To get my iPhone screen fixed ♪

♪ And I want ♪

♪ To get a leg up ♪

♪ On my teen years memoir ♪

♪ I want to self-produce ♪

♪ A web series ♪

♪ And most of all ♪

♪ I want to be ♪

♪ A big movie star, woo! ♪

-(song ends) -(cheering)

-We're doing pretty cool. -(laughter)

(piano playing)

-Wow. Oh man. -Yeah. Do they make tapes like that anymore?

I don't know if they still make them--

I mean, recordings?

-Maybe I-- -Here's a list, at least, of the songs.

Wow. "Warm Love."

-Mm. -"China."

-Oh gosh, you remember that? -Uh-uh.

♪ You don't have to go China ♪

Referring to Jim.

-Is that where he went? -China.

No, he went... heroin.

-To jail. Oh, he did China. -Heroin.

-He was doing heroin. Gotcha. -Yeah.

What do you think stopped y'all

from getting like a proper release?

-A record deal? -Yeah.

Actually, we were offered a record deal

when we were in Jamaica with Virgin Records,

and, um, and they had just signed Madonna.

And, um...

our manager at the time did not want...

didn't think they gave us a good enough deal,

so he turned it down. (chuckles)

-Hmm. -Horrible.

(piano playing)

Wow.

Oh look!

Jude: (chuckles) This is the one we sang with him on this album.

They didn't ask us to do the bikini shot.

-Remember that studio? Yeah. -"Casey's Song."

-This is the big one. -Mm-hmm.

How did this one-- How long ago

after Casey died did my mom write this?

(sighs)

Pretty soon.

-The song is-- -It was within a month or so.

-A month. Wow. -Mm-hmm.

-He was four months old. -Whitmer: Four months old.

And the story with that is...

They had been to a party

at Ralph Lauren's, uh, store in Palm Beach,

and they were drinking White Russians

and Jim always scared me

with his driving,

and he ran into a palm tree in...

John Lennon and Yoko Ono's driveway,

-and that's when Casey was killed. -Hmm.

-That-- -That memory is something

that, you know...

She was suffering from

post-traumatic stress disorder I'm sure.

-Forever. Yeah, I remember... -Yeah.

once a month,

I'd like walk into her room and she'd be banging on the piano,

-playing that song. -Yeah.

-Never got over it. -No.

When-- when did you-- Why did you really stop playing?

We played right up until

-Jenny died. -Whitmer: Yeah.

Jude: And then after that, I couldn't...

Like I said, I couldn't play a CD without crying

or even pick up my guitar

without crying, and, um...

I've just recently gotten over that.

I dream of her almost every night.

It's like we're really together and doing stuff,

and I wake up, and I feel a little more satisfied.

-You do? All the time. -Do you dream of her?

-Okay. -Yeah.

But all I want to say is that

I think I'm very lucky,

because most people, when a relative,

family member, mom,

most people, when their mom dies,

they don't get to look at them anymore.

But when you look at me, do you see her?

And I don't...

I don't really get why we don't talk or nothing like that.

(sighs)

Well, that needs to stop.

-All right, what is she saying? This is what I'm thinking. -(music playing)

(indistinct singing)

"Sweet caresses and tenderness

"is what most girls desire

"But they can keep their Mr. Cool

'cause my man's so hot."

(laughter)

I remember when my mom died,

the hospice nurses called us,

and they said we had to go to her, me and my brother.

So, we went over to her house, and she was there in a bed,

and she was sort of in and out of a coma.

And hospice nurses say,

you know, "You gotta go in there

"and tell her that you're gonna be okay,

"and tell her that she can let go

and everything's gonna be all right."

So, I went in there with my big brother,

and we look down at my mom,

and I said to my mom, I was like,

"Hey. It's me. I love you.

"I just want to let you know that I'm okay.

"And you can let go,

and I'll be fine. And you don't gotta worry about me."

And in that moment, my mom opened her eyes

and she looked up at me, and she said,

"Baby, you're the golden one."

Which was awkward 'cause my brother was standing right next to me.

(laughter)

And then she looked over at him and she said, "And he's huge!"

(laughter)

She didn't say that. She died.

(laughter)

"You're the golden one."

That was the last thing my mom ever said to me.

It's really...

a lot of pressure.

I was declared the golden one,

and here I am flailing in my adulthood.

And...

trying to connect the dots.

It's strange.

I left, I went back to LA,

and...

you know, I thought, well, that was hell.

Life is a joke.

(crowd cheering)

♪ I'm 30 right now, but when I wrote this riff ♪

♪ I was 22, it don't feel different ♪

♪ I'm no more articulate ♪

♪ Than I was then ♪

♪ So, fuck writing these words, man ♪

♪ What's the point? ♪

♪ These business guys will just case the joint ♪

♪ And scoop me back up into my ♪

♪ Miserable dreams ♪

♪ My naivety, man, it never fails ♪

♪ Tosses me an interaction and watches me flail ♪

♪ Against the winds, how can this end ♪

♪ Without me seeming unlikable ♪

♪ And I'm the captain of so many sinking ships ♪

♪ My favorite songs have started to skip ♪

♪ And when I sing ♪

♪ Feels more like talking now ♪

♪ Was this ever a comedy? ♪

♪ I want to be irreverent and silly ♪

♪ So I, I wipe away the steam ♪

♪ And look at me ♪

♪ I'm just no fun ♪

♪ My mother's son ♪

(cheering)

♪ It's like a golden star for every piece of my heart ♪

♪ That flounders on the ground waiting for a respark ♪

♪ I'll overcome with a new girlfriend ♪

♪ Or some new stupid fucking joke ♪

♪ I can't keep the plants alive, man, in my place ♪

♪ My '99 Camry's held together with tape ♪

♪ But that's okay, it still runs great ♪

♪ Truly does ♪

♪ And I hate getting real, man, but I want to cry ♪

♪ Every time I see a mom who's still alive ♪

♪ Or a dad who smiles ♪

♪ At his baby boy ♪

(cheering)

♪ I'm too proud to admit that I'm full of shit ♪

♪ When I talk about politics or music ♪

♪ That isn't some ♪

♪ Blink-182 record ♪

(cheering)

♪ So, I guess I'm a philistine, man, I had to look that up ♪

♪ So I could write it down just right fucking now ♪

♪ I did not go to college ♪

♪ I've never been to Europe ♪

♪ And my favorite film's The Dark Knight ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Holy little beams ♪

♪ They all shot out of her seams ♪

♪ I felt alive with my dreams ♪

♪ And so dead to the fiends ♪

♪ I am the son ♪

♪ My mother's son ♪

(cheering)

♪ I watched the life leave my mother's face ♪

♪ Decided right then to leave that place ♪

♪ I never turned back ♪

♪ Because... fuck it all ♪

♪ And oh, Mother, what can I do? ♪

♪ You've given me no choice but to be better than you ♪

♪ Just wish you were here to ask questions to ♪

♪ Like why do I feel the need to always cut a fucking rug? ♪

♪ And why do I fucking melt when someone gives me a fucking hug ♪

♪ And do they want me here? ♪

♪ Do they want me here? ♪

(cheering)

♪ So, what can I offer ♪

♪ But a little less space ♪

♪ In a room on the east side of Los Angeles ♪

♪ How bleak can I be? ♪

♪ How bleak can I be? ♪

♪ Well, I can dance and I can sing ♪

♪ And I can tell jokes ♪

♪ Don't get me telling stories about my parents doing dope ♪

♪ I'm no good at barely being ♪

♪ Barely being anywhere! ♪

♪ All right, I said ♪

♪ Youth feels incomplete ♪

♪ I still got grass stains on my jeans ♪

♪ And I feel fucked, or so it seems ♪

♪ Yes, I've been deemed ♪

♪ The Golden One ♪

(cheering)

♪ My mother's son ♪

(cheering)

My big brother, Johnny, everyone!

(cheering)

(tempo slows)

(cheering, whistling)

(inaudible singing)

-(song ends) -(cheering)

♪ His heart ♪

♪ He is the one ♪

♪ He's got me burning, burning, burning ♪

♪ Under the sun ♪

♪ Sweet caresses and tenderness ♪

♪ What most girls desire ♪

♪ They can keep their Mr. Cool ♪

♪ While my man stokes my fire ♪

♪ He's hot ♪

♪ He is the one ♪

♪ He's got me burning, burning, burning ♪

♪ Under the sun ♪

♪ He's so hot ♪

Yeah, Johnny! Give it up for Johnny!

♪ He is the one ♪

♪ He's got me burning, burning, burning ♪

♪ Under the sun ♪

Together, let's do it.

♪ Ain't no fever like ♪

♪ He gives to me ♪

♪ Burning, burning, burning ♪

♪ 105 degrees ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

That's right. Everybody!

♪ Whoa! ♪

♪ He's so hot ♪

♪ He is the one ♪

♪ He's got me burning, burning ♪

♪ Burning under the sun ♪

♪ He's so hot ♪

(audience cheering, applauding)

Whitmer: Aunt Jude, Ricky Whitley.