All language subtitles for Watch 13 Nights of Elvira (2014) Full HD_7

( screaming and howling )

Y'all look out, 'cause
here comes Honey Boob-boob,

Elvira,
Mistress of the Dark.

You know, not a day goes by

when somebody don't ask me,
Elvira, are those real?

And I say,
of course they're real.

The only thing about me
that's fake

is my sincerity,
and I mean that sincerely.

Hey, did you ever, like,
walk into a room

and go, what the heck
did I come in here for?

That's how I feel every
single day when I wake up--

if I wake up--
'cause a whole lot of times,

I don't wanna wake up
and find myself

in some stranger's apartment
with a cat sleeping on my head.

If you forget it,
you'll never regret it.

That's what I always say.

So I try to keep my mind
as blank as possible,

because, you know, they say
that thinking causes wrinkles.

so I prefer to remain
brain dead and pretty.

Oh, no. Let's see. Wait.

What did I come in here for?

Oh, yeah. That's right.

I'm your hostess of horror,

your guide to the ghoulish,

and the emcee of evil.

I have a weird one for you.

It's a science friction movie
called "Trancers."

You know, I was a contestant
on Trancing With the Stars,

only I was disqualified
for sleeping with the judges,

which is how I got the show
in the first place.

Oh, God, I mean,
who do you not have to blow

to get a job in this town?

Anyway, this movie takes place
300 years in the future

and way back in 1985,

which was when I was just...

5.

I'll be busting in
every now and then

to keep you company,

and I'll be back to talk to you
after the movie.

So let's get back
to the future, shall we?

Yes, we shall.

Here's "Trancers."

Last January, I finally
singed Martin Whistler

out in
one of the rim planets.

Since then,
I've been hunting down

the last
of his murdering cult.

We call them trancers,

slaves to Whistler's
psychic power,

not really alive,
not dead enough.

It's July now and I'm tired.

Real tired.

Yeah, chop steak, medium.

Do you fry your pods?

Sure do, honey.

Then give me
a side of pods

and a large Coke.
No ice.

And what
will you have, mister?

Coffee.

The real stuff?

That's gonna cost you.

I deserve it.
Find me some milk.

I don't want
any of that soy crap.

Coming up.

Evening, citizen.

Jack Deth.
Angel City PD.

May I see your stats?

What did I do?

Under Section 7
of the penal code,

the Council
authorized me

to administer you
a trancer suspect
examination.

You can't give me a TSE
without a warrant.

I got your warrant
right here, pal.

Okay, okay, okay.

I don't want any trouble.

Hold out your left arm.

I got nothing to hide.

Negative.

Look out!

You can't shoot
that old lady.

She's a trancer,
God dammit! Help me!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

( growls )

Tonight's special
is blackened black people.

This restaurant got
an F- in food rating.

Where's Gordon Ramsey
when you need him?

Not so fast.

I'm not in the mood,
McNulty.

And I'm not in the mood
for troopers who dodge
their assignments.

Solo pad duty's for squids.
I ain't got the time.

Trancer checks
are out of bounds
and you know it.

The department's had
a belly full of your
one man crusade, Jack.

Whistler may be dead,
but someone's got
to mop up the strays.

I singed one just now.
The scorch is inside.

Jack?

Jack, it's straight
from the Captain.

You'll
take your assignments
or you'll take a hike.

He was a good cop

till a trancer
killed his wife.

Come on.
Let's hit the clouds.

Figured I'd find you
out here.

You see the guardsmen,

on your feet, trooper.

Ex-trooper.

I stand for no one,
McNulty.

What's this?

A summons from the Council.

Jack, you can't
ignore the summons.

It's the highest honor
there is.

You know, Lieutenant,
I think I found

the old Chinese Theater
out there.

I'm gonna go
back in the water

before the storm blows in.

Dammit, Jack,
the Council needs you.

Fuck 'em.

Jack.

Whistler's alive!

I'm not cleared
to go any further.

Behave yourself
in there.

Don't get pimpy
with me, McNulty.

You forget something,
smart guy?

Trooper Deth, welcome.

I'm Margaret Ashe.

The gentleman beside me
is Chairman Spencer.

Trooper.

I thought
there were three of you.

Van Zandt was murdered
four days ago

by Martin Whistler.

Then it's true.
Whistler's alive.

Very much so,

and he intends to kill
both of us.

How could he get to you?

This place is a fortress.

It might as well
be made of paper.

I don't follow.

Where's Whistler now?

In Los Angeles.

No problem. We get
the submarine fleet,

blow him out of the water.

Whistler is not
in the sunken ruins.

He's fled to the
thriving metropolis

as it existed nearly
300 years ago.

How could you be sure
Whistler's gone down the line?

( beeping )

Help me, Obi-wan.
You're my only hope.

As you may have gathered,

I have survived
the pathetic trap

set by Trooper Deth
on Mecon 7.

For 12 long years

you have hunted my disciples
like dogs.

Now my day of vengeance
is at hand.

I've synthesized
your entire world,

and in a moment
shall retreat

down the dark corridors
of history.

Know that it is I
who am solely responsible

for your demise.

One by one, your ancestors
shall be murdered,

and you, their progeny,
shall cease to exist.

Then shall I return,
join my legion,

and claim the seat of power
for my own.

Adieu.

Adieu.

I was with Van Zandt
when it happened.

The man
simply vaporized,

as did his poor children
and grandchildren.

How do you know
Whistler's location?

We monitored
a line disruption
in Los Angeles

December 1985.

Van Zandt, Ashe and I
all had ancestors
in the city then.

As did Whistler, and
yourself, of course.

Me?

Yes. Philip Deth,
a journalist.

You'll be transferred
to his body,

allowing you
to search for Whistler.

There were millions
of people in LA.

We've traced Whistler's
ancestral line.

He's using the body
of a man named Weisling.

There is a minor
complication.

Weisling is
a police detective.

You call that minor?

Trooper Deth, this is
Engineer Raines.

Engineer, huh? When
did you get promoted, Ruthy?

Ages ago.

Raines will administer
the transport serum.

You'll be in charge
of my bones when I'm gone?

Don't worry, Jack.
I don't hold a grudge.

We'll preserve your body
on a suspension table
like this one.

Whistler.

It's just a shell, really.

His consciousness
is in 1985.

Right, but how did you
get hold of the body?

Our security officers
found it hidden
in the desert.

We're keeping it
for the trial.

Trial? You don't want
Whistler singed?

No, no. You're to
capture Whistler

and inject him
with the serum antidote.

His mind will return
to Angel City

and he'll stand
before the high court.

If you think I'm bringing
that scum up the line,

you got the wrong Trooper.

Unless you stop Whistler,

everything the Council
has accomplished
in the last 40 years

will count for nothing.

We'll be plunged
into the same chaos

which followed
the great quake.

You're our only hope.

Then it's on my terms.

My God!
What have you done?

You haven't change a bit.

Don't worry.
Justice will be served.

You were wrong
to insist on a Trooper.

We have no choice.

Such conspicuous
displays of firearms

will not be tolerated.

Raines.

This is
a .38 police special,

a traditional firearm
of the era.

Yeah, I got one of these
in my collection,

but mine's
all rusted out.

Careful. That grip
has been modified.

Two injectors of antidote,

one for you,
one for Whistler.

I've got an old watch.

Not like this one.

If you depress this knob,

you'll gain a long second.

A what?

One second stretched to 10

for the person
holding the device.

Now, while you will have
complete freedom of movement,

the rest of the world
will appear to have stopped.

Could have used that
on our last date.

Let's give it a try.

No. It has a single use
generator.

When the long second
runs down,

the watch will dissolve,
so don't waste it.

Engineer,
prepare the injection.

This is my ancestor.

His name and location
are written on the back.

Protect him. Please.

How about your ancestor?

Hap Ashby. 1963.

Just what the hell
is this?

I'm afraid that's
the best I can do.

All I know is he was
in Los Angeles in 1985.

That's swell.

Excuse me.

You'll just feel
a little pressure.

Aah!

Phil, are you okay
in there?

Yeah.

Everything's fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Fine.

It's after 8:30.
I'm gonna be late for work.

We're gonna have to
hurry, don't you think?

Yeah, right.

( crash )

You're a real slob,
Phil.

What?

I said the closet's
really filled.

Did you mean
what you said last night?

Yeah, sure.

What did I say
last night?

Phil, come on. You said
that making love to me

was like the ethereal union
of two lost souls.

I bet it was.

What?

I mean, lost souls.
Yeah.

I can't wait
till Christmas is over

so I can dump
this stupid outfit.

This guy's a real shark.

We better hurry,
don't you think?

Hey, wait a minute.

Do you now where...
"Cahoonja" Boulevard is?

Ca-what?

C-a-h-u--

Cahuenga.

It's 10 minutes
from here.

Come on. Quit
screwing around.

You promised
you'd get me
to work on time.

Yeah.

Just let me get a coat.

You're wearing that?

Yeah.

I like it.

Phil, if I'm late for work,
I'm gonna lose my job.

( buzz )

What are you doing?

Dry hair's for squids.

Let's get out of here.

You seemed like kind of
an okay guy last night.

( tires screech )

Hey, they're driving
the macabre mobile

before I had it
customized.

- I love this car.
- I guess so.

- Thank you.
- Hey, wait a minute.

Am I going
to see you tonight?

What? Look,
I gotta get to work, okay?

What did I do wrong?

I don't know. Maybe
you're schizo or something.

What does that mean?

Last night you said
you grew up in LA.

Today, you couldn't find
Cahuenga Boulevard.

You put that shit
in your hair.

You can't even
remember my name.

Leena, come here.
The kids are waiting.

Your name is Leena.

Did I give you
my phone number?

No.

Oh, thank God.

Where have you been?

All these people
want pictures.

Santa will see you now,
young man.

Hi. Can I sit you up
a little bit higher?

How come you got
blue hair?

Because it's so cold
on the North Pole.

( laughs )

And what would you
like Santa to bring you

for Christmas this year?

Mr Potatohead,
Hungry Hungry Hippos,

John Doe the Mandroid--

Please, I need
to talk to you.

Not now, okay?

Listen, I'm not crazy.
I need your help.

A transformer decepticon,

and John Doe the Mandroid,
and a new slot car,

because my stupid sister
busted my old one.

Hey, Santa,
are you listening?

( growls )

What's wrong with Murray?

He's a trancer.

A what?

( shouting )

( screaming )

Look out! Santa's
got a candy cane!

Phil, my God,
what are you doing?

One of your friends?

Security, we got trouble
at the North Pole.

Okay, copy that.

( growling )

Hold it.
I said hold it!

Aah!

Don't shoot!

Hey, mom,
he shot Santa Claus.

And they made Rudolph
into reindeer jerky.

Welcome to the 20th century,
Jack Deth.

- Come on.
- No way!

Move!

Hey! Don't piss me off.

Medics?

Get this thing
out of here now.

Ma'am?
If you feel up to it,

I need to ask you
some questions.

I'm Detective Weisling.

Somewhere
in all this city

I have two ancestors
I've got to protect.

Okay, let's say
I believe this shit.

You're a cop from the future

and you're chasing
this guy Piper.

Whistler.

Why doesn't he just turn you
into one of these zombies?

- Or me?
- You're too tough.

Tough?

Trancing only works
on squids,

people with weak minds,
easily controlled.

Leena, I won't get
anywhere without a guide.

Are you crazy?
You killed Murray.

Has Murray
ever turned yellow

and gone after someone
like he went for me? Huh?

No, of course not.

I don't have the time.

At least get me
to Cahuenga Boulevard.

How about
if I get you a map?

A map isn't good enough.

I'm from another time,
another world.

I don't even know
what you people
eat for lunch.

Okay. Where on Cahuenga?

So you'll help me?

- Yes.
- That's swell.

I don't want to see
that gun of yours
in my face again.

Yeah, sure.
Anything you say.

That address
was 14-something.

Where the hell
is that photo?

Thank you, ma'am.
If we have
any further questions,

we'll call you
in the morning.

Merry Christmas.

- Excuse me, Lieutenant.
- Yeah?

I found this
lying over there.

It's got an address
on the back.

Is this it?

Yeah, just maybe.

Look, you're not
my prisoner.

You don't have
to stick around,

but I'd appreciate
you waiting for me.

Relax, Phil.

Jack. Phil stepped out.

You Chris Lavery?

Yeah, in person.

Nice tan.

It's very Christmassy.

Yeah, well, thanks.

So what'll it be,
the tube tan and 10

or the tropic tan
and 20?

Huh?

You look a little pale.
You better go for the 20.

Save the hard sell, pal.
I'm a cop.

Hey, look, if this
is about the guy last week,

hey, he screwed
with the thermo.

Anyway, it was just
first degree burns.

That's not why I'm here.
I gotta be blunt.

Someone's going to try
and kill you.

( laughs ) Come on.

And he'll succeed
if you don't fall
under my protection.

You're serious.

Yeah.

Come on.
We'll talk in my office.

( groans )

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

( gasps )

Today's special
is blackened white guy.

Jack?

Jack?

Oh, my God.

Don't be dead.

Jack?

- How's my tan?
- Are you okay?

I guess.

There was this dead
muscle guy up there, but--

Chris Lavery.
He was tranced.

Yeah, but this
red light came
and he disappeared.

Whistler knows we're here.

I gotta get
the hell out of here.

Police!

So we caught
the Santa Claus killer

and his accomplice.

Whistler.

None other.

Farewell, Jack Deth.

Fire.

( echoing ) Fire.

( speaking very slowly )
I'm very slow.

Hey, what--

Why aren't we dead?

How did he do that?

How do you think?

I don't think
anyone's after us.

Yeah, well,
they will be.

- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, sure.

When you used
that time freezer thing,

why didn't you get
Whistler right then?

I only had
a few seconds.

If I had singed him,
I couldn't have saved you.

Oh.

What is it?

Well, when you went
into that tanning place,
I took off.

I was scared.
Your story was so weird.

( laughs ) I wouldn't
have believed me.

But all that stuff you said
about Murray made sense,
so I came back.

You ever heard
of this guy?

'63 Angels? No.
I wasn't even born then.

Yeah, well,
we got to find him
before Whistler does.

Leena, we need a place
to hole up.

Oh, I know.

A friend mine went
out of town for Christmas.

No one will look for us
at her place.

- Which way?
- Head east. Chinatown.

Aah!

Aah!

He was absolutely
after her.

- No, ma'am.
- He was.

He stole my Lily.

Hey, what
are you watching?

Some cop show.

Ugh.

Well, it ain't bad.

What the hell kind
of name is Duke Dunn?

What kind of name
is Jack Deth?

Okay, I've got
fried rice, egg rolls,

and beef chow mein.

Beef? You mean
like from a cow?

Yeah.

Wow.

And I got the radio
you wanted and it's got
that police band

and all that other junk.

And it's got an earphone
so I don't listen to it.

I charged dinner.
I hope that's okay.

Yeah. Phil won't mind.
We'll call it my inheritance.

What are these?

Oh, they're
fortune cookies.

Little messages
inside.

I'll read yours.

Mine says you'll be
going to a pot club.

Oh, my God,
it's from Whistler.

Read it.

I'll kill you and your
bitchin' girlfriend.

Dammit.
How did he find out?

My bitchin' girlfriend?

I'm sorry.

So I guess you think
that's pretty funny, right?

( music plays )

What the hell is that?

It's music from the club
downstairs.

When does that cease?

About 2:00 or 3:00
in the morning.

- Oh, God.
- Let's go and have some fun.

No. I don't think so.

Come on.
You said you wanted
to get to know LA.

I have to monitor
the police band

and keep tabs
on Whistler, okay?

Take it with you.

Andy's got some seriously
ugly clothes in here.

Leena, you better
lose the blue streak.

You're too easy
to identify.

Forget it.

I gave up the T-Bird.

Okay, Mr. Detective.

( rock music plays )

* Jingle bells,
jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh, hey *

* Jingle bells,
jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

* Dashing through the snow

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

* O'er the fields we go

* Laughing all the way

* Bells on bob tail ring

I see why
they call them punks.

Come on, let's dance.

Are you kidding?
It's looks like
a room full of trancers.

Come on.

* Jingle bells,
jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh, hey *

* Jingle bells,
jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh, hey *

* Dashing through the snow

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

* O'er the fields we go

* Laughing all the way

* Bells on bob tail ring

So how am I doing?

Not bad for a squid.

* A sleighing song

* Jingle bells,
jingle bells *

* Jingle all the way

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

* Jingle bells,
jingle bells *

Leena.

How come you
don't call me anymore?

Jerry, I asked you
to leave me alone, okay?

Well, you still got
some of my tapes, man.

I'll drop 'em off
at your mom's.

Beat it, Hiawatha.
This is my dance.

( laughs )
Who's the old fuck?

Look at that.

He's even got a hearing aid.

Hey, why don't you
buy me a drink?

Shove off, pal,

or I'm going
to sweep the floor
with your head.

( spits )

Now I'm pissed.

* Jingle all the way

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

* Oh, what fun
it is to ride *

* In a one-horse
open sleigh *

Jack?

Leena.

Merry Christmas.

Today?

It's after midnight,
December 25th.

I didn't know.
It's July in Angel City.

Well, open it.

Ta-da. Do you like it?

Yeah.

Wait. Put it down.

( laughs )

What is this?

Future man.
Just like you.

Thank you. That's, uh...
that's real nice.

I don't know
what to say.

Don't say anything.

Jack?

Where's Phil?

His brain's on hold. Why?

Because I like you
a lot better.

( pounding on door )

Open up, Jack.
Quit stalling.

What is this?

It's me, McNulty.

McNulty?

And none of your lip.

This kid's
the only ancestor
I could find.

It's been hell.

I had to sneak
past the parents
and everything.

Say, who's the skirt?

Nice.

Tone it down,
will you, McNulty?

Listen, Jack,
you got to come back
to Angel City.

Spencer disappeared
like a floater trail

and Ashe
has gone to pieces.

She wants
to talk to you.

Tell her
I'm doing my job, okay?

I got my orders, Jack.

Listen to me, McNulty,
I'm real busy right now.

Hit the bricks. Move it.

Run along before
I give you a spanking.
Do you understand?

Put me down!
I'll bust you to zero,
Trooper.

Aah!

Jack: Scram.

Damn.

Your boss?

She thinks he is.

( chuckles )

Remember,
he's from the future,

so Helen's,
like, making out

with a 300-year-old guy.
Eew.

He's back.

Dammit, McNulty,
couldn't you have
given me an hour?

Maybe, if you hadn't
given me the bum's rush.

Shouldn't pick on little kids.

Listen, if you don't
like my style,

I dump this case
right now.

Why do you think
I brought you back?

I'm slagging your badge.

On whose authority?

Mine, Trooper Deth.

There are
two empty chairs
at the Council chamber.

There shall not
be three.

I've ordered you
a replacement.

Yeah, who?

One of the Green Squad,
Lars Juan.

Juan? He works
the hothouses.

He never singed
a trancer in his life.

Whistler's goons are
amassing near Angel City

waiting for the Council
to fall,

and you didn't protect
Spencer's ancestor.

You had your shot.

Don't pull me out now.
I'm close to finding Ashby.

The only thing
you were close to
was that cotton candy.

That cotton candy
is my lead, pal.

She's going to
take me right to Ashby.

Is it true?

Would I lie?

- Very well.
- It's a mistake.

Juan is the better man.

I've made my decision.

Now it's up to fate.

Good luck, Trooper Deth.

Say, Ruthy,
that long second gag
really worked out.

How about a refill?

We'll send one
down the line.

Hold it.

If I see you
in LA again,

I don't care if you're
a kid, an old lady
or a kitty cat,

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Get him out of here.

I hope
she's worth it, Jack.

( explosion )

Leena?

That was too much.

Too much what?

( laughs )

Hey, wait a minute.

Leena?

We should get some sleep,
don't you think?

Well, Phil, I hope you
enjoyed yourself again.

( turns on television )

If you have a favorite
Scripture that you think--

Come on, Peter Gunn.

( changes channel )

You too can properly display

the art treasures of
the world in your own home.

Imagine, your private gallery
of fine reproductions,

"Blue Boy," "Mona Lisa,"
"Last Supper"

and everyone's favorite,
"Whistler's Mother."

I didn't know
he had a mother.

With me is
Lieutenant Weisling,

who heads the new
Skid Row task force.

Lieutenant,
what's going to happen
to these men?

Well, Kim, we take them
downtown,

issue them
special ID cards.

With the crime rate
downtown,

this program will enable us

to keep track of the homeless
and protect the innocent.

As you know, I have
the complete backing

of the mayor
and the City Council.

And I know that
by the time I'm through,

the city will be safe
for everyone.

Get dressed.

What now?

We're going to Skid Row.

This hobo round up
means one thing:

Whistler knows Ashby's
on Skid Row.

What is this?

Reload.

That is so cool.
How do they do that?

How far is Skid Row
from here?

A couple of miles.

Then we'll have to get
a transit.

A what?

I think you people
call them taxis.

We're out of money.

Then we walk.

Can you pretend you're not
a cop just for a minute?

Where'd you learn
how to do this?

I used to hang with
some bikers when I was 15.

( motorcycle engine starts )

Get on.

* We three Kings
of Orient are *

* Trying to find
a wandering star *

These guys have had
too much Christmas spirit.

Jack, I can't talk to
any more of these guys.

They're too out of it.
It's useless.

Listen, Leena, that's what
a cop is all about,

whether it's here
or 300 years down the line.

Come on.

Evening, citizens.

What ho, knave?

Who brought
this glorious angel

that we three kings
may gaze upon?

This is the Christmas Angel.

- Jack, what do you--
- Work with me.

The angel
has a mission.

I seek knowledge.

Well, we're not called
three wise men for nothing.

( all laugh )

Do you know this guy?

Well, that's Highball.

Yeah? Do you know where
we could find them?

It depends.

On what?

Did the angel bring
any little gifties

for three
weary travelers?

I don't have any gold,

but I have
some frankincense
and some myrrh.

Check the old paper mill
on Alameda Street.

- Can you find that?
- Yeah, I think so.

- Thank you, Your Majesty.
- Thank you.

* Hark! The herald
angels sing *

* Little mores
are just the thing *

* Peace on Earth
and mercy rule *

* Two for you
and three for me *

Wait.

Whistler knows
about the paper mill.

They're going to sweep
through the factory.

We've got to find
Ashby first.

We ditch the bikes.
I going in by foot.

Alone?

Yeah. I don't want you
getting hurt.

I'm not afraid.

Well, I am.

That's it up ahead.

Now, you better
stay put, angel.

This room's clean.

Let's check
the next wing.

( scraping )

I hear something.

( footsteps )

Hey!

( coughs ) Watch
them lights, trooper.

Can't I get some sleep?
It's fucking Christmas.

Is your name Ashby?

I don't know.

You got some ID, buddy?

Yeah, somewhere.

Oh, God,
I'm gonna puke.

( vomits )

It's not him.
Let's go.

Wait a minute.
He called us troopers.

The Lieutenant said
Jack Deth was a trooper.

Empty. Damn!

Radio Weisling.
We need a pickup.

Hold it!

Get your ass up against
that wall nice and easy.

Open the coat.

Open it!

Toss the piece out
as far as you can.

Good.

Do the same thing with
that fancy wrist watch.

You're ain't going to
pull that trick again.

( laughs )

The Lieutenant has told us
all about you, Deth.

How you're trying
to twist our world

and make the future come out
the way you want it to.

You got it
all wrong, pal.

I'm a cop just like you.

No. No, you're lying.

You and your men have
been tranced by Whistler.

You're slaves to Whistler.
Look at your skin.

Fight it. Concentrate.

No!

The Lieutenant is
the finest man on the force.

( voice distorts )
I pledge my life to it.

My orders
are shoot to kill.

He was going to kill you.
I had to do it.

Yeah, you did.

Oh, God.

Don't take it so hard.

He was dead the moment
he gave himself
to Whistler. Look.

Cheer up.

You just singed
your first trancer.

Great.

Come on.

Okay, let's go.

( overlapping voices )

Let's go one more time.

Let's go. One more.
Let's go.

Okay. Come on.
Right down the pipe.

Okay, boy. Let's go.

Billy, you're playing
in the strike zone, man.

You're playing
in the strike zone.

Stop playing
in the strike zone, man.

( overlapping voices )

Would you stand up
in the batter's box?

You know better
than that.

( shouting and cheering )

Come on, Ashby.
You got to get
one more in there.

( overlapping voices )

Atta boy!

All right.
50 strikes in row.

You made it. ( laughs )

That bum
better show up fast.

God dammit. I lost
that long second watch
back there.

You mean this?

Would you kiss me?

You know, I don't
have time for this.

Well, make the time.

Hey, watch your step.

( crash )

Aah!

- You okay?
- Yeah.

I'm looking for a guy
named Highball.

Jack.

You're Hap Ashby.

I haven't seen one of these
in a long time.

Who are you?

There's men upstairs
that want to kill you,
Ashby.

Me? What the hell for?

Police! Nobody move!

I want Hap Ashby.

I'm tired of dealing
with worthless vermin.

Now step forward, Ashby,
or I'll kill the lot of you.

Dumb bums.

( gunshots )

This way, mister.

I want to ride
with the lady.

Over here, Ashby.

( gunshots )

Hit it!

Get the guards!

Can't you go any faster?

I can't do nothing
with him on board.

Listen, we better split up.
We don't stand a chance.

Divide and conquer.
That's what we should do.

Meet us in Chinatown.

You don't know your way.

Yeah, I do. I used
to swim through here.

You what?

( gunshots )

We're rounding the bag,
Hap. How you doing?

Okay, Coach, but it's
the bottom of the fifth.

Time for the long second.

- What are you doing?
- Damn.

Last call.

Jesus Christ!

Sure glad I kept
my cup, Coach.

( sirens )

This is the exciting part,
because the music tells me
how to feel.

Could you just get
the door for me, please?

The door? Oh.

Uh, Merry Christmas.

What the hell are we
doing in Chinatown?

You'll be safe.
You come upstairs
with me, Ashby.

What's the problem, man?

You got people shooting
at you and shit.

And where did you get
my baseball card?

Be quiet.

I don't even know
your name, man.

My name is Deth.
Jack Deth.

Death upstairs? Yeah,
I'll get right on that.

Ashby, you listen to me.
You got to trust me.

You got to trust me.
That's my name.

Your name's Jack Deth?

What the hell
kind of name is that?

( rock music plays )

( beep beep )

What the fuck?

Leena?

Stay here, Hap. Leena?

Leena.

Hi.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Look, I know this hurts.
It's just a nick.

These things usually
heal pretty fast.

What? What's the matter?

I had a wife in Angel City.

She volunteered
for trancer bait.

I figured, okay.

What could go wrong?
It's my hunt.

I lost her.

I don't want that
to happen again.

You love me.

Isn't that
what I just said?

Hey, Coach? You got
any mustard out here?

You got any mustard,
Coach?

Why don't you make yourself
at home, slugger?

Thanks, Coach.

What the hell is that?

( spits )

That's the only thing
I got left over
from pro ball.

Jack, do you smell
something?

Say, Hap, how about
a nice hot shower?

Nah, I don't think so.

Come on,
I'll give you a hand.

Hey, wait a minute.
I've got my rights.

Yeah, so do we, pal.

Hey, what the hell?

Well, I'll be.

All right, pal.

Here, you might as well
have this, too.

Sorry.

Listen, you scum.

Lifting that watch
could have got us killed,
hophead.

We're in the heat.
If you want to stay alive,

you have to play ball
with me.

You listening to me?

I'm just a bum, man.

You are now, Hap,

but I'm your fortuneteller.

You're going to dry out,
get a job,

meet a girl
and have a kid.

His descendant's
going to be

one of the greatest leaders
of the 23rd century.

It all starts
with you in a tub.

Now come on, Hap.

Let me finish my beer.

You need to be hosed down.

What about a sponge bath
with blondie, huh?

Here.

I don't think he understood
a word you said.

Sure he did.

Operator,
get me the police.

Parker Center.

One sec. I'll get you
some towels.

Who you calling?

Lieutenant Weisling,
please.

Tell him it's Deth.
He'll know.

Jack, what are you doing?

Quiet. Whistler?
I want to make a deal.

I'm tired of chasing you.
I'm tired of this whole
business.

I want out.

You can have Angel City
and everything else
down the line.

All I want is the girl.

- Jack, don't do this.
- Shut up.

Just give me
my life with her

and you could have
Hap Ashby.

Don't. Jack, please.
Come on.

Yeah. Chinatown.

You'll see me.

- Leena...
- Don't touch me.

You let
that poor man be murdered?

Relax. You played it
just right.

It was a trick?

Yeah, sure. I'm a cop.

I'm doing my job.

( gasps )

Call to him.

Now.

Jack?

Perfect.

Jack: Merry Christmas.

Beat those suckers.

That's six shots, Whistler.
The gun is empty.

No, five.

The girl is too strong.
She won't trance, Whistler.

No!

I'm the one you want,
not her.

You're the one
I shall have.

Oh, yes. Didn't you know?

Deth then marries the girl.
Or would have had she lived.

And now, Jack Deth,

prepare to witness
your own demise.

Aah!

Oh, Jack.

Oh!

Aah!

Get over here.

I'd like
to blow you to Frisco,

but I've made other plans.

You got no flesh in
Angel City. I singed it.

You're going up the line
with no stops.

Broken.

- Dammit!
- What?

I have two files
of antidote,

one for Whistler
and one for me.

You lose again, Jack.

Only one of us
can return now.

I'll see you in hell.

You wouldn't murder
an innocent man.

Weisling
has six children.

Okay. You're going to feel
a little pinch, Rick.

What the hell?

Where am I?

What happened?

Ashby?

Help Lieutenant Weisling.

Sure.

Who is that man?

Him?

He's a fortuneteller.

You can't get home now.

What are you going to do?

That's okay.

I kind of like it here.

That movie
was just entrancing.

Why, I could've tranced
all night.

Yeah. It's hard to believe

Helen Hunt went on to win
the Academy Award.

Gee, I wonder
what I would say

if I won the Oscar?

( gasps ) OMG.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

That was too much.

Aw, Helen, don't be
such a sore loser.

Thank you so much.
I'm speechless.

So let me get my speech out.

Where'd it go? Oh.

Okay. Well, first of all,

I'd like
to dedicate this award

to all of the children
I've adopted.

Loquisha, Davisha,
Cocaroo and KFC,

you're worth so much more
than 99 cents a month.

And to all
the homeless people,

thank you for keeping
our sidewalks warm at night.

I'd also like to thank
the disabled

for making me look
so able-bodied.

And all our returning vets,

thank you so much for
taking care of my pets.

Hey, wait, I'm not finished
being humble. God.

And finally,
I'd like to thank God

for not making me a loser
like the other nominees.

Oh, the only thing else
I can say is

I love you all
and unpleasant dreams.